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Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to

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episodes of the socially distant sports

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bar early and ad free. Join

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Wondery Plus in the Wondery app

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or on Apple Podcasts. Hello,

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welcome to Pint Size Distant Pod. Every

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Sunday we're going to be bringing you

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something from the Distant Pod Archives. We've

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gone back through all of the episodes

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of the socially distant sports bar so

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far and we've found what we think

0:33

are some of the funniest bits. So

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if you like what you listen to over

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the next few minutes then have a look

0:41

on the episode description because there'll be the

0:44

episode number that this comes from in there

0:46

which means it makes your journey easier. You

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can then go off and listen to the

0:50

whole episode either again or

0:53

for the first time if you're a

0:55

new listener this is quite a good

0:57

way of getting into our archives. If

0:59

you have been with us from episode

1:01

one it's a nice way of getting

1:03

yourselves back into some of the old

1:05

episodes as well. Sit back, relax and

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enjoy this little snippet

1:09

from the socially distant sports

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bar, our Distant Pod

1:13

pint size episodes. You know you

1:16

said imagine coming back to

1:18

that and it's Trafalgar Square in

1:20

central London, you know hundreds of thousand

1:22

people after England have

1:24

got to the semi-final of Italian 90. Do you know who

1:26

thinks that they shouldn't have come back to that? Who? P

1:28

is Morgan. What a

1:31

surprise. Who is like it? Because

1:33

when Wales had a parade after

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Euro 2016 he said, he said,

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oh great, a parade for bloody

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losers. He didn't even

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probably win the thing, a parade for losers

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and then a lot of people pointed out

1:47

that England had a parade after Italian 90

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and he went, yeah they should have had

1:51

that either because it's bloody celebrating and endorsing

1:53

being a loser. What a prick. I thought

1:55

imagine having that joyless approach to life. Yeah,

1:58

yeah. But,

2:00

yeah, yeah. Yes. Sounded

2:03

like we were discussing... Pro-Piers over there.

2:07

Sounded like we were discussing Piers

2:09

Morgan in the House of Lords.

2:11

Yeah! Order! Do

2:14

a Betty Boothroyd. I can do a good Betty Boothroyd.

2:16

Do a Betty Boothroyd, go on. Oh, dear! Oh, dear!

2:18

That's very good. That's not bad, is it? That's all

2:20

right, now. I can do three

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impressions. Betty Boothroyd. Yes. Ray

2:24

French. That was verging on Ray French, I would say.

2:27

What? Is your big leathers

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crew? She'll check, she'll be stopping. Do

2:31

Booth... Do Boothroyd again. Do Boothroyd again.

2:34

Oh, dear! Good

2:37

to see you. Yeah, yeah. It's different, isn't it? You're...

2:40

And what's the other one you could do? Well, just do

2:42

Ray French twice. Just Ray French twice. I

2:44

go, Joel, 18, watch it, right? Look

2:47

at that, easy. It's good. I mean, if

2:50

only there had been a slot for an

2:52

impressionist on British television in 1992, you'd have

2:54

been straight in there. If League... The reason

2:56

I've got a pro-Ruby League agenda is

2:59

I'm trying to get a gig on Spitted Image, I think, in the

3:01

past. That's

3:05

a lorry, that I love a rugby league. But the one

3:08

with the clip there, because you'll gather it. I mean, I

3:10

absolutely love Cass. So obviously he's got... He's had his demons,

3:12

we've talked about it. But imagine, just

3:14

to be that... Not

3:17

famous, because that can be a pain in

3:19

the ass sometimes, but to be that loved.

3:21

Yeah, and he's still hugely loved. Yeah.

3:23

But in 1919-1991, he was by a distance Britain's most

3:25

famous person. Oh,

3:29

yeah. He must have been. And most loved celebrity. He must have been.

3:32

Yeah. He was just... I mean, after Italian 1990,

3:34

and before his injury, really, in the FA Cup

3:36

final in 1991, he

3:39

was such a good player. No, he's unbelievable. I mean,

3:41

he was unbelievably

3:43

talented. But he

3:46

just said yes to everything, and I don't think he was

3:48

looked after very well. And what I love

3:50

about that is... Do

3:52

you think it looks very one

3:54

take, doesn't it? It looks

3:56

like they've ordered the green screen for that

3:59

afternoon. Yeah, yeah. They've got to nail it.

4:01

But even the background shots, they've gone, right,

4:03

he's a footballer, he's from Newcastle, what we'll

4:05

do is while he's dancing, we'll put

4:07

up some football goals. Yeah. They don't have to

4:09

be if Gazzo, that's fine, just stick... He'll be

4:12

in front of his... Or Newcastle. And

4:14

we'll just do some background... There's an old man drinking a

4:16

pint in one of the shots. Yeah. And

4:18

then some lady dancing. Yeah. And

4:21

I love the fact he's dancing with

4:23

a shell suit on, but no

4:25

top underneath. I know. That's how you wear one.

4:28

But if he was a modern football, he doesn't

4:30

look as in shape as he is. But if

4:32

you look at that again, and I watch that

4:34

video a few times now... Have you? Yeah. You

4:37

knew the melody well, that'll be honest. If

4:39

he was shaved... Sorry?

4:42

Sorry. No, I'm just saying, you see like... His chest

4:44

was shaved. No, I'm not going to shave his bollocks,

4:46

I'm just saying, if Cristiano

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Ronaldo, you know, if he had that sort of

4:50

shaved tan look on that body, you would look

4:52

fantastic, don't say it. Yes. But he's

4:54

just a hairy, you know, hairy, pasty

4:56

British man. In

4:58

Great Nick. Yeah. You know? Whose

5:01

best mate is Jimmy Fivebellies? Yeah. Is

5:04

Fivebellies still alive? Pfft! I'm

5:09

assuming so. I'm going to go, yes. You

5:12

just never know, like, when you see like famous...

5:14

Not that he was a double act, but when

5:16

you see like famous people and one's fat, you

5:18

know, really fat, you know... You go, go Jimmy

5:20

Fivebellies, Harry. Make sure he's alive. Yeah.

5:23

He's here tonight! Oh, I

5:25

fucking wish he was. Shut

5:27

up, you liar. LAUGHTER That

5:30

would have gone off then, wouldn't it? We kept him

5:32

clean off, wouldn't it, eh? And I tell

5:34

you what, for the benefit of the pot, the 11 people

5:36

here would have fucking loved it. He's

5:39

what? The first 11, as we're referring to... Was

5:42

he dead? Oh. Oh. That's

5:44

got a damn near on it. Jimmy Fivebellies is passed away.

5:46

I hope you're proud of yourself. Yeah.

5:48

I hope you found that funny. Yeah. Less

5:51

year with his own, I hope you found that funny. Awful. Awful,

5:53

man. He's here in spirit. The

5:55

time theatre's halted by the ghost of Jimmy

5:57

Fivebellies. Never mind Lawrence

6:00

and Lily. He's been waiting. Oh,

6:02

what? I

6:04

can't imagine. I'm fucking trapped in

6:06

the netherworld between

6:09

fucking real... I

6:12

carry, I carry the astral plane like, you know

6:14

what I mean? I'm

6:18

stuck on this bloody astral plane, man. Man,

6:22

I didn't sweat much for a ghost. I'm

6:26

fucking condemned for this theatre. I'm not living

6:29

nor dead. I

6:32

defy, believe you know what I mean?

6:34

Like at a fight convention, like, you know, all that. I

6:36

just fucking... I

6:39

didn't know what I'm talking about like half the time. I mean,

6:41

whoo! What

6:45

I'm hoping is that before long

6:47

a very loosely themed sports podcast

6:50

will do a live show. And

6:54

my tormented soul and that can finally be given

6:56

fucking free pasta heaven and all. I've been walking

6:58

magic that long. I

7:01

can't wait for the ghost of Gaza to join us, you know what I

7:03

mean? I'll be desert, by

7:05

the way. No, but like you

7:07

look at Lauren and Hardie, you know the Hardie

7:09

died first, simple. Tormented soul and that, my bad.

7:14

I'm a tormented soul and all that, like, you know what I

7:16

mean? Get

7:19

him in, Gazerman. Ooh.

7:24

These chains are heavy as fuck. I'm not sure I

7:26

could be bothered to rattle these chains, actually. I'll just

7:29

have a nice sit down in the green room. And

7:32

I'll hold the microwave for a bit, I think.

7:34

I have a lovely ghostly pint of Nuki Brown,

7:36

man. Yeah, can I? Can I

7:38

hold onto the gun because I'm made of a fucking ghost,

7:40

like... I'm

7:45

made of a ghost. I'm made of a ghost.

7:47

I don't know what that means. I don't

7:49

know either, but it's not actually untrue. Yeah.

7:53

I'm made of a ghost, man. Hope

7:58

you enjoyed that little... extract

8:00

from our archives of the

8:02

socially distant sports bar. We

8:05

will have another one of these

8:07

pint-sized distant pods for you next

8:09

Sunday. What you can do

8:11

now is scroll through the episode description,

8:13

find the episode that that was from

8:16

and disappear off into our archives.

8:19

Get yourself off on a journey

8:21

around the socially distant sports bar. you