0:00

Few. Years back my friend Justin Warner for Food

0:02

Network moved out to South Dakota. He opened a

0:04

ramen joint and he has always posting pictures of

0:06

all the great food. is only cooking but eating

0:08

all over South Dakota. He's always told me to

0:10

come visit and you know one of the best

0:12

ways to experience a new place is to eat

0:14

your way through it. but it's equally important to

0:16

live your way through it to and when you

0:19

summer in South Dakota you can fill up on

0:21

all the lake days, hikes, rides and small town

0:23

stroll to leave you with a regain sense of

0:25

wonder and a hunger to do it all over

0:27

again. See why there's so much South Dakota? So

0:29

little time I travel South Dakota. Dot Com.

0:34

Hey. It's down here with another reheat for

0:36

you know this when first aired in Twenty

0:38

Seventeen is part of a larger series called Your

0:40

Mom's Food so it feels appropriate. Had of

0:42

Mother's Day. The. Overall series was about the

0:44

complications that come up and we try to pass

0:46

our food culture on from one generation to the

0:49

next. The. Episode Russia Today was part

0:51

one in the series and focuses on

0:53

adoption or toppled parents who adopted kids

0:55

from other countries, About how they use

0:57

food to connect their children to their

0:59

culture of origin. And will explore

1:01

what happens when those kids grow up and feel

1:03

like maybe it wasn't enough. Hope. You

1:06

find a meaningful view of an episode you like

1:08

us to pull out of the deep freezer of

1:10

the sport. for archives, please send me a message

1:12

at hello at work for.com. Thanks. And

1:14

enjoy this week's reheat. So.

1:21

I made i'd the door about which is the

1:24

check and still I and then I made. I'm

1:26

not have to look at the names because I

1:28

just use their English names. This

1:30

is Mary Heffernan Render Kitchen and suburban

1:32

lie island where Mary's cooking up Ethiopian

1:34

food. Now this isn't the food she

1:36

grew up eating. She cooks it because

1:38

she is to adopted daughters who are

1:40

born in Ethiopia. And then last,

1:43

I'm going to try to make an injury or

1:45

bread which I've tried a couple times in really

1:47

haven't been that successful. So I've done a little

1:49

more research. Married does this a couple

1:51

times a year. Her. Daughters are eleven

1:53

and thirteen now. I'm

1:56

getting Nash M T. Damn.

1:58

And you are. Sisters. What's

2:02

going on for they weren't. What is this? events?

2:04

tell me about it. slow. Like once

2:06

a month or so we have some

2:08

other African friends come over and will

2:11

just like a time for our parents

2:13

and us to get together since like

2:15

we've gone through the same things. Like

2:18

What? Like we've all been

2:20

adopted and all of our parents

2:22

like single women. And

2:25

sells his. What? Would

2:27

you look forward to? Our

2:31

decision. This

2:49

is bespoke south. Her food is eaten.

2:51

I'm damn passing a freeze on are

2:53

so we obsess about food. For more

2:55

about people. On

2:58

the day I visited Marry Heffernan

3:00

house on the island, there were

3:02

four families getting together, all single

3:04

moms all his adopted from Ethiopia.

3:06

Earlier this year, Ethiopia actually suspended

3:08

international adoption because of widespread issues

3:10

with fraud, but for awhile, Ethiopia

3:12

was the only country that would

3:14

allow single parents to adopt. And

3:17

Mary's house. There were six kids ranging in

3:19

age from five to thirty. So

3:22

what is this? The recipe for what he does make were announced

3:24

that. Neither one Missoula

3:26

with her I feel be in red lentil.

3:28

Okay father was not as well as. Was

3:33

also on the menu and Zero Zero

3:35

is an Ethiopian flatbreads thin and soft

3:37

and sponge eats the flavor sort of

3:39

whole wheat, sour an is really hard

3:42

to make it well. the ratios and

3:44

technique have to be just right. Rear

3:51

the for moms there were white including

3:53

marry one who you meet later is

3:56

Porta Rican. Mary adopted her daughter's eight

3:58

years ago when teach them was three

4:00

and dignesh was four and a half

4:02

married Robin. A big family in Queens.

4:04

Four brothers, four sisters. That's why she

4:06

wanted who.siblings. I quickly learned my

4:08

sister's sister always call me all my son is the

4:11

smartest and he won this game and I used to

4:13

think that they have their kids will like the best

4:15

kids in the world the else and then of course

4:17

very shortly I might isn't the sort of Us citizens.

4:21

Are like I did. My as are the smart as funny as

4:23

stuff. A recent thing says he. Says and

4:25

a kind of food you globe eating.

4:28

Ah, Not necessary to thought about that.

4:30

Never difference, that's a sign other is

4:32

Iris N I C had a tough

4:34

life subgroup an orphanage sulks really never

4:36

learned to any kind housekeeping staff or

4:38

cooking so we really didn't learn it

4:40

when we grew up. Why?

4:42

Was it important to you to

4:44

incorporate Ethiopian food into your home?

4:47

Well I feel like even are not just the

4:49

food but all the things to do with their

4:51

culture is very important arm I know like in

4:53

my family in St. Patrick's Day the corn beef

4:55

and cabbage is a big thing and growing up

4:57

we had well the traditional. Type of Irish foods.

5:00

Ah, so I felt that that would really

5:02

bring them together. They just did a culture.

5:04

Day when played Ethiopian honey bread.

5:09

It. Wasn't really nervous about bringing. Them bread

5:11

so much but like my mom had printed out

5:13

pictures. Of like African culture and like pictures of

5:15

what it's like going on. Says like i don't

5:17

ring as and I didn't it's I don't want

5:19

her to make it at all but he still

5:21

made it. Why don't you are your mom to

5:24

bring in those pictures? Aren't know? I.

5:26

Just. Wanted

5:29

to like they like stats out their lives

5:31

would like piercings and softly thaw and I

5:33

personally would never do that to discuss. not

5:35

too much but like I don't know how

5:37

the other kids would react to it and

5:39

I that one like. Sees.

5:43

Any negative reactions.

5:46

Of how does how is the Ethiopian honey

5:48

bread received. On oh I have

5:50

friends and Katie and she's his legacy. Bring

5:52

in your honey redness like I don't make

5:55

and she's like why it was. So good!

5:57

How do they make you feel mm me

5:59

feel. Be. Do. You think you're

6:01

felt that way if it was any food you would cook

6:03

that they liked or do you think it was special because

6:06

it was Ethiopian food? I think

6:08

as possible because. It. Was like more like. My.

6:11

Personal to those where they bring in early

6:13

and be like ill yeah like what is

6:15

is what time bread is Is that like

6:17

just getting that reaction. Gave.

6:19

Me like joy and happiness that. Somebody

6:22

have liked my shoes and

6:24

also my culture sued. Or

6:27

are there any other. Ethiopian. Kids

6:30

I just school now. Are

6:32

there any other black kids

6:34

are one or tails like

6:37

next ten? I

6:40

said to the girls in L one day you're

6:42

probably gonna yell at me because we don't live

6:44

in a very mixed neighborhood And I said, as

6:46

you grow older, you may think I didn't do

6:48

enough you know to help you. Sometimes I feel

6:50

like I'm neglectful in that part more than just

6:52

the Ethiopian point. I noticed that like

6:55

even a nurse and the common areas

6:57

of your home you have like up

6:59

a poster for an Ethiopian com coffee

7:01

company you have other of I don't

7:03

know preserve their Ethiopian I have paying

7:05

these pictures that have black people I'm

7:07

right. I. Suspect that was a conscious

7:09

choice. Yes, Yeah yeah my I've done a

7:11

lot of the pets as my and send

7:13

out of a calendar sit down and old

7:15

Ethiopian Telenor and she said it all together

7:17

for namely put it up a yeah I

7:19

try to make a conscious choice twenty one

7:21

the girls first time I felt almost funny

7:23

having pitches with likelihood of Pakistan steak about

7:25

down and that I godless of that's kind

7:27

of silly I just as you know both

7:29

up the little bit of everything. Would.

7:32

Marry started the adoption process see assumed

7:34

the kids to be adapting would be

7:36

innocence but as you get closer to

7:38

finalize and things she got a big

7:40

surprise. Dig this antique. Dems birth mother

7:42

was alive. And Mary met her

7:44

when she went to Ethiopia for the adoption. when

7:47

i spoke to them other i felt guilty

7:49

that i was taking some of these children

7:51

i think that the biggest promise to send

7:53

the letters and that the pitchers but i

7:55

also felt in our city me such a

7:57

big guess that it was important for me

7:59

too you know, return that to

8:01

her and to make sure that these girls really

8:04

felt, you know, knew where they came from and

8:06

appreciated it. It makes

8:08

me very emotional. It was probably the most

8:10

emotional thing I ever did was speaking to the

8:12

birth mother because she was so, it was

8:16

so traumatic for her. I

8:20

felt like it was kind of a promise to her

8:22

to make sure that I incorporated all this into their

8:24

lives. So

8:52

can you kids tell me a bit about what we're doing here? Um,

8:55

hard on the

8:59

batter, on to the

9:02

pan so you can kind

9:05

of heat the batter up and it

9:07

would make a type of... What's the

9:09

matter? What are you making? Um,

9:11

Jera bread. Yeah. Have

9:13

you guys done this before? Um, I haven't.

9:15

I don't know. I think I forgot. This

9:19

is the first time for both of you guys making a

9:21

Jera. Yeah. While

9:24

some of the kids worked in the kitchen with their

9:26

parents, I talked to Joseph. He's eight. If

9:28

I were to say to you, Joseph, what's your

9:30

food? Describe Joseph's

9:32

food to me. What kind of

9:34

food would you say it is? Of any food in the world? I

9:38

would say easy open food and rice and

9:40

beans with pot sauce. How do

9:42

you feel about your foods? They taste great to me.

9:45

They taste great to me too. Joseph

9:48

lives in Queens with his mother, Margarita Gonzalez.

9:51

She brought him to the U.S. when he was about two. And

9:53

at first, eating was a big struggle for him.

9:55

He wasn't used to the density and texture of

9:57

a lot of typical American foods. Here's

10:00

my during that. Whole the his

10:02

home for about four to six weeks

10:04

and and giving him a meals and

10:06

things isn't trying to increase slowly. This

10:09

the same intensity of the soon that

10:11

so you can I'm better deal was

10:13

set and my friend puts a. Post.

10:16

On Facebook that says her daughters were

10:18

so happy she just got back from

10:20

state the have been restaurant in Colorado

10:22

law. Laughs and I saw it.

10:25

Coming on, what is wrong with

10:27

me? Why didn't I pick up

10:30

Ethiopian food for him? That and

10:32

so I drive into the city

10:34

up sample platters, bring it back

10:36

home and I open up the

10:38

box and his face lights up

10:41

and he jumped on me and

10:43

he gave me a huge hug

10:45

and then he goes into the

10:47

food and I. I

10:50

really dropped the ball. I really

10:52

felt horrible with the way he

10:54

just. Hugged. Me: the smell

10:57

as soon as I open up the box

10:59

see doesn't recognize that last hit it. Hidden.

11:02

And he had a favorite and

11:04

he went to it and I

11:06

would say v to sit three

11:08

weeks. And would. Stock op

11:10

and by several dishes and leave them

11:12

in the house and whatnot. And so

11:14

he had his favorite, this very spicy.

11:17

I would go to the restaurants and they would

11:19

warn me and of like none of Missouri very

11:21

hot like I know the. Like don't let the

11:23

be and I'm like no it's for the

11:25

be The assistant since last semester I can't

11:27

mess with that that I wore a out

11:29

of nylon best us. Either

11:32

see see any. so our hot. Sauce:

11:34

Really? what's your favorite on Ah

11:36

Sos? I would say Tabasco Sauce.

11:39

Okay this is Joseph again. Fiance

11:43

made us saw that hot sauce

11:45

and about. Vs. On

11:47

those others before that. I

11:51

my mom's artists. Have

11:53

no badly for that. Was the

11:55

yakuza before be off they made a cool you

11:57

in your mom knew about hot sauce was. Use

12:01

his mom Margarita doesn't cook Ethiopian food

12:03

at home. they go out for that

12:05

traditionally Ethiopian food served with in Zara.

12:07

That's the spongy flatbreads her the kids

12:09

making earlier. you pinch off a piece

12:11

of in gera and used to grab

12:13

the lentils are sick in or whatever

12:15

it is with your hands. The new

12:17

property, your mouth. Other words civil war

12:19

as not usually involved. So when Joseph

12:21

went to an Ethiopian restaurant that had

12:23

spoons on the table he noticed. Like

12:27

once, Russia and the Uses

12:29

loses, I. Feel

12:32

been so useless? Unless

12:35

you see deals in. That

12:39

to the like us I have. With

12:43

us Or you're thinking that some of.

12:47

Them are three the he was able to.

12:49

Identify. In

12:53

a true Ethiopian food and that

12:55

he had such a sense of

12:57

pride like they were dyke he

12:59

really was really upset and refused

13:01

to eat anything that because they

13:03

were for it's there. And the

13:06

food was a susan and he was

13:08

like nope not having it. This is

13:10

not what it's supposed to look like.

13:12

taste like small. Like a mouth. Cena

13:15

your your porter weekend and and I know

13:17

that Joseph has a strong affinity for rice

13:19

and beans. A bit sad as he told

13:21

me he but I wonder if you went

13:23

to wherever puerto Rican food and if there

13:25

was something and up in a restaurant that

13:28

was equally in authentic and. We

13:30

did. he. Take so much and

13:32

birds know. Anything

13:35

human. But. I think that

13:37

he does. Defend

13:39

Porto Rico or he would

13:42

have pride in that identity.

13:44

but it is. Secondary. I

13:47

asked Margarito I was important to

13:49

her to keep Joseph so connected

13:51

to Ethiopian culture that. Sums.

13:54

From asking as many

13:56

adult adoptees especially international

13:59

adoptees, the right to.

14:01

Get My hands on. Of. The

14:03

big thing that I heard over

14:05

and over again was them complaining

14:07

about having their childhoods whitewashed and

14:09

mit think this would be banned

14:11

was straight for the spasms. And

14:13

that's not fair. You know? my

14:16

son. Has a different culture.

14:18

He has a dozen homeland see.

14:20

How to length before he met me? I

14:23

just thought it would be a huge disservice to just be

14:25

like last name is Gonzalez now. Keep.

14:27

A move in randomness of as an end the worry

14:30

bout a your blender. I got cousins as look just

14:32

like you. Are

14:44

it has has a fee so it. Doesn't

14:49

have the Lazarus and he doesn't have

14:51

the everyday but there is something that

14:53

he still has from where his. Answer

14:59

America Everybody was actually

15:02

eating so we're working.

15:04

So I saw that are. Present. Success.

15:14

We have contact. with the

15:16

birth family and that's one of the things. That he's

15:19

in the translator. What's my dad's

15:21

favorite? This: Does he like this?

15:23

I see. I.

15:38

Can't give him. In

15:41

gets Ethiopian close women

15:43

ages. And

15:45

so schools what little anchoring that

15:47

I can give him his what

15:50

I try to do, but I

15:52

am very, very well aware of

15:54

the fact that it. So

16:04

what happens when adopted kids who been

16:07

raised with this kind of connection to

16:09

the heritage grow up and decide they

16:11

want more coming up would hear the

16:14

stories of to adults Korean Adoptees Allen

16:16

Family In this. Country where I

16:18

was born and everyone around me it

16:20

looks like me and there's all this

16:22

amazing. Soon to be had and it looks

16:25

beautiful on I can't figure out how. To

16:28

be succeeding. Stick

16:31

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of the sport full. I'm damn passman and

20:19

hey, wanna watch me walking my dog while

20:21

ranting about some food. Late addition to sell

20:23

my mind. Wanna see where I'm cooking? One

20:25

of the where I'm eating. The best way

20:27

to do that to follow me on Instagram.

20:29

My kids make Kazem appearances. There's a lot

20:31

of fun to be had to please follow

20:33

me on Instagram out these poor thought than

20:35

that at least four four cents Now that

20:37

sweet sweet. As

20:40

Margarita said, the connection person Yosef

20:42

has to Ethiopian culture is very

20:44

positive, but it's also superficial. Now.

20:47

We're going to hear the stories of to

20:49

adult Korean adoptees who had a similar feeling

20:51

about their childhoods and when they got older.

20:53

The desire to connect with their roots more

20:55

deeply led them to move back to Korea

20:57

and even to try to find their birth

20:59

parents. But before we get

21:01

to those stories, we a little context corinne

21:04

adoption in the U S really started taking

21:06

off in the fifties after the Korean War.

21:08

Back then it was mostly mixed race kids

21:10

whose fathers were American soldiers. As South Korea

21:13

recover from the war in industrialized more adoption

21:15

agency sprung up here and there. In

21:17

the sixties and seventies, the children were fully

21:20

Korean, and it was big business by an

21:22

eighty eighty five, There were an average of

21:24

twenty four children leaving South Korea every day.

21:27

Over the course of sixty years, it was

21:29

the largest adoption exodus from one country in

21:32

history. Skyler, Swenson was part

21:34

of that diaspora who's born in South Korea

21:36

and eighty seven. adopted as a baby by

21:38

white family in the Us. grew up in

21:40

a pretty wide area of Denver. Most.

21:42

Of her exposure to Korean food and culture

21:44

came once a year. There were

21:47

these culture camps they are called

21:49

and they were in the mountains

21:51

a week long and they were

21:53

specifically for Us families with kids

21:55

who adopted from Korea. And

21:57

they were away to kind

22:00

introduce adapt his family's to

22:02

Korean culture and so myself

22:04

My brothers also adopted from

22:07

Korea. And our parents

22:09

would go with camp and then

22:11

there be different workshops and different

22:14

kinds of activities. That's really where

22:16

the foundation of our knowledge of

22:18

Korean culture mean a ranged from

22:21

building like Korean kites as a

22:23

kid like toys to eating kimchi

22:25

probably for the first time. So

22:28

when you have those first experiences

22:30

eating Korean food, Powder.

22:33

To make you feel. I just

22:35

remember like in a styrofoam plates

22:37

with Jay and Kimchi and Boko

22:39

the and in a very like

22:42

Sweet and Canada's Oil East foods.

22:44

I like that. I think I

22:46

enjoyed it but I'm. Didn't

22:49

make you feel more Korean to eat

22:51

it. I think I always

22:53

sense that like and this the

22:55

suit at that countless dumbed down

22:57

for like oh and American Pilots

22:59

for. More are my

23:01

parents. Then for us after camp I

23:03

didn't go home and sank like oh mom,

23:05

we gotta eat or kogi now like that

23:08

was the one space and our allies that

23:10

we kind of compartmentalize would go to this

23:12

camp in the mountains and that was where

23:14

we were Koreans for a little bit and

23:16

I was where we had exposure to Korean

23:18

food and a month we left to those

23:20

tears. It. And. Obese

23:22

happy memories. It

23:25

was important for us then to see

23:27

other families that look like our family

23:29

and so I value that experience and

23:31

I think the we did have fun

23:33

but then by the time I was

23:35

may be in middle school my parents

23:37

would ask us if we wanted to

23:39

go back and me tennis said you

23:41

know we'd rather go to soccer camp.

23:43

I think we resisted wanting to. Associate

23:46

ourselves with in of this particular

23:48

camp because it made us feel

23:50

different or other. I think we

23:52

prefer to just do what are

23:54

other white kid friends or deal

23:56

and. I really

23:58

enjoyed going to concerts and. Amy

24:00

Me handguns there are many ways restore

24:02

a similar to scholars Born in Korea

24:04

in the eighties, adopted by white family

24:06

in the U S, raised in a

24:08

mostly white town, summer trips to Korean

24:10

culture camp. But. Her feelings about

24:12

camp or different. It was

24:14

a place for me to spend time with

24:17

friends and as I got older it was

24:19

all I can see the trend. The only

24:21

during this time it was as the feeling

24:23

of reunion with people and I think get

24:26

a young age. I I had a sense

24:28

that hanging out with this had this community

24:30

meant less lessons would be asked and I

24:32

wouldn't have to go through this whole his

24:35

arm adopted and this is what Korea is.

24:37

There was this immediate understanding, our collective understanding

24:39

and that was really nice. Amy's

24:42

quick to add she understood the version of

24:44

Korean closer she was getting was superficial for

24:46

parents didn't corporate Korean culture in other ways

24:48

which was in kindergarten she was getting a

24:51

lot of questions about her background and kids

24:53

are picking on her. So I'm almost of

24:55

the principal and said we like to have

24:57

an afternoon and Amy's class where we talk

24:59

about Korea and adoption and cookson Korean food.

25:02

Amy and her mom brought in the ingredients

25:04

from On Do Korean dumplings, We would

25:06

have like Korean candy is that we would

25:09

get at the one isn't food store that

25:11

was in upstate New York at that time.

25:13

It's and other kids would learn like how

25:15

to use chopsticks. Had my smell as and

25:17

then we would make mondeo and they would

25:19

oddity eat some of it. said they were

25:21

getting exposed to that. Remember being

25:23

nervous that what if all the kids

25:26

said your food was gross? I

25:28

don't have any memory is as having that

25:30

cr I think I loved Korean food cel

25:32

mai it's and I enjoyed these things. Maybe

25:34

if I hadn't done a culture camp and

25:36

I already knew there was this community of

25:38

people who liked all the stuff. Already.

25:42

Kids. About Aids can be pretty picky,

25:44

but I definitely think that some kids

25:46

really enjoyed it, and I think there's

25:48

something. Really? Powerful about that feeling

25:51

accepted when there's this thing that

25:53

you can share with them and

25:55

they don't reject. It.

25:57

became an annual thing every year. Amy's

25:59

Mobile. The middle class and together they do

26:01

a presentation or korea and serve Korean food.

26:04

Name he says overtime. It helped.

26:07

I. Have memories as someone who hadn't

26:09

been in my class asking me

26:11

something and having other kids be

26:13

like oh you know in his

26:15

adopted from Korea likes you know

26:17

for and a so it really

26:19

did build up this knowledge across

26:21

my exactly. So

26:27

Amy has some exposure to Korean food

26:29

and culture. So proud of it. But

26:31

as she got older, she still had

26:34

more questions than answers. Skyler,

26:36

Did too. I remember going

26:38

to college and thinking oh say this

26:40

is a time for me to really

26:42

understand who I am and figure out

26:44

my Korean this clean identity. This

26:46

is gather again so I remember going.

26:49

To clean students association gathering and walking

26:51

in and be and like well everybody

26:53

looks like me and then immediately. People

26:56

started speaking France and as like

26:58

wow I am not This is

27:00

not that First initial college experience

27:03

also drove me. This question like

27:05

okay well I'm not way and

27:07

not korean. American and some kind

27:09

of like hybrid. In the middle. Was

27:13

gonna graduated college she made a big

27:15

decision. She bought a one way ticket

27:17

to soul. To didn't know how

27:19

long she'd stay with. She knew she had to go.

27:22

When she got there she was

27:24

hungry off the plane. I just

27:26

had like a backpack with me and immediately

27:28

I was like gray and gonna like get

27:31

some simple go get some jobs are you

27:33

know I like My mind went immediately back

27:35

to culture camp experiences with something quick and

27:37

easy I can get and they went into

27:39

the department store than in the basement day

27:42

in all departments or as Muslim and Korea

27:44

they're like Nasa's require. Native

27:46

one o'clock in the hands of people waiting

27:49

in lines. With trays. beautiful elegant

27:51

department store stalls. List keeps

27:53

his food that I had

27:55

never seen before. There was.

27:57

Like assists market and I meet.

28:00

Sooner than the a candy and

28:02

is everyone's rushing by me. I

28:04

don't see Syria. And

28:08

it and no one seems to be responding.

28:10

To there is like that weird number system

28:13

like had to pick a ticket or something

28:15

and I configure as too shy to is

28:17

to ask an English how to get in

28:19

line and traffic is a good metaphor but

28:21

it was like. Been. Ah,

28:25

I. Know there's like a classic as cliche like.

28:27

it sounds like it's kind of like being in

28:29

a foreign country. Yeah, exactly the

28:31

success of this probably probably just like

28:34

that. So I think I panicked and

28:36

I last and I went to a

28:38

seven eleven. And

28:41

I just got like a sand in I've

28:43

sandwich wrapped in plastic has that is the

28:45

easiest thing to. To. To. Just you

28:47

know. And and I think I also got a

28:49

i can. Have Pringles. And

28:52

as you eight that sandwich and those Pringles

28:55

were you thinking? I

28:57

definitely felt the seated but also this

28:59

kind of like existential crisis of like

29:01

oh I'm family in this country where

29:03

I was born and everyone around me

29:06

looks like me and there's all this

29:08

amazing soon to be had and it

29:10

looks beautiful and I can't eat any

29:12

as it and I can't figure out

29:15

how. I. I.

29:17

Tend to just do the most basic thing

29:19

a cd myself and I definitely. Knew right

29:21

then said my time in Korea

29:23

was into the struggle. Is

29:36

cause enough for Korea? She didn't know for

29:38

sure where this is how to contact her

29:41

birth parents, but after six months there, she

29:43

decided to give it a shot. Her adoptive

29:45

parents' exposure to do it so Do It

29:47

Works is Skyla requests a meeting through the

29:49

adoption agency and then writes a letter to

29:51

her birth mother. The agency delivers the letter

29:53

and then it's up to the mother to

29:56

decide she wants to meet. Skyler. waited a

29:58

month to your back. Finally

30:00

she got the answer. Her birth

30:02

mother said yes that she had

30:04

wait another four days for the

30:07

meeting I got. An email that

30:09

was like we saw your family

30:11

john m me them on side

30:13

and this is like a Monday

30:15

and I agreed and then just

30:18

was the emotional mass from Monday's

30:20

till Friday like ah it was.

30:22

It was something you just can't

30:24

fully prepared for. And it's ah.

30:27

this is pretty intense. They

30:29

first met at the adoption agency with

30:32

a translator. Scholars birth father and older

30:34

sister also came at the meetings scholar

30:36

found out she had a younger brother

30:38

to so her birth parents had another

30:41

kid after her that they kept. Us

30:44

are talking for a while. they went out to restaurants.

30:47

Their adoption agency was like a

30:49

thing by instinct skill be a

30:52

family and kind of released s

30:54

into the world and and my.

30:57

Parents. And older sister took me to a restaurant.

31:00

It was a Korean barbecue place around the corner. Do

31:02

they speak any English? Know my older sister

31:04

spoke a little bit, but very

31:06

very basic as probably more. She

31:09

knew more English than I knew Korean

31:11

but it wasn't like we could have

31:13

profound conversation. it was like what kind

31:15

is three and so do like probably

31:18

was like the first thing and we

31:20

had Korean barbecue and sat next to

31:22

my my mother and she did the

31:24

queen mother saying as preparing a little

31:26

bite of food for me and kind

31:29

of like cd me a new that

31:31

was kind like a thing that happening

31:33

korean culture but it seems like way

31:35

too intimate pretty comfortable with at that

31:37

moment it was like. Hey, like I

31:40

know, technically or my mother but

31:42

like we just night so are.

31:44

You even lit literally put the food in your

31:46

mouth. Yeah, yeah, with her and some who. Is

31:49

common for Korean mother to hand see her

31:51

child, and in some families it is done

31:53

into adulthood, at least in the sort of

31:55

symbolic way and certain settings. So

31:58

Skyler says, despite some awkwardness, that first

32:00

meeting went pretty well. She. Started

32:02

spending more time with her family but the

32:04

language barrier made it tough to really connect.

32:07

Sharing. Food was another few activities they could

32:09

do together. Amy meanwhile followed

32:12

a similar pasts. After college, he moved to

32:14

Korea and connected with her birth mother, who

32:16

by then had split up with her birth

32:18

father. After their first meeting, Amy visitors

32:21

her family in the more rural area where they

32:23

live. They would get me Mcdonalds take

32:25

out for lines and I don't elect Donald

32:27

in the same success. Success I said. Except

32:31

that because I didn't want, I reject the

32:33

as something at that. said I wasn't

32:35

super close at them yet and didn't

32:37

know how to negotiate. that's I just

32:39

eat it. But it was so we are

32:42

because unlike in the middle of like

32:44

a much more rural part of Korea,

32:46

eating Mcdonalds for lines and. Had as it

32:48

makes you feel that s with they brought. Under

32:51

stead freely best intentions and

32:53

that they were bending over

32:55

backwards to make me feel

32:57

as comfortable as possible. At

33:00

one point early on, Amy's birth mother

33:02

also said her by hands. For a

33:04

me, it was awkward as you might

33:07

expect, but it was also meaningful. This.

33:09

Is what we can do. Now you know we

33:11

can't make up. All of those years,

33:14

there's no way right and so we can

33:16

focus on what we can do now. And.

33:18

What that is is allowing her

33:21

to feed me and and her

33:23

feeling that about that and feeling

33:25

like there's some element of of

33:27

care and for means you accept

33:29

that care. Amy began

33:31

calling her birth mother Oma Korean for

33:33

mom. Meant. To be a huge

33:35

loss of Oman cooking. I think the

33:37

biggest thing was my own eyes

33:39

To say this is just. The.

33:42

Best. Sub. Say is blast

33:44

noodles me from sweet potatoes their

33:47

stir fried with soy sauce, sesame

33:49

oil, sugar, spices, vegetables and sometimes

33:51

meet back and culture camp to

33:54

was Amy's favorite. But. Her Oma

33:56

sub say was on another level

33:58

a religious, really fresh. Like I

34:00

feel like the tub to I hadn't

34:03

Culture camp was made in massive quantity

34:05

is you know there's these these glass

34:07

noodles right and so if they are

34:09

refrigerated or if they are out a

34:12

bit they start getting cloudy and like

34:14

rubbery and so yeah it was is

34:16

really good and not mass. Mood.

34:19

For like. Forty Pampers that

34:21

a closer camp suits and is

34:23

this food that you had Had

34:25

a version of. In the

34:27

U S grown up the was when your

34:30

favorite Korean foods. then you end up in

34:32

Korea as an adult. Eating.

34:35

A way better version of that estimate of

34:37

the same dish. Yeah, Me:

34:39

By your omar. In that moment,

34:41

eating their food in Korea. So.

34:44

Loony Bin, Look back on these recipes in

34:46

their food and culture camp. How did it

34:48

make you feel about that experience? I

34:53

am. I think there's a lot

34:55

to reflect upon his I am

34:57

A. It may have felt like.

35:00

It. Ahead legitimized my experience

35:02

and culture camp. So. This

35:04

is like a saying. That. They did

35:07

that. I thought that Koreans dead because I

35:09

had a growing up at like this is

35:11

happening is really happening in real life. Isn't

35:13

that a real effort? Zero yeah professes. I

35:15

think it was exciting to eat at that

35:17

I already lights and knew what it was

35:20

that my oh my makes and. Makes

35:22

really while. Skyler,

35:24

Connected with her birth mothers home cooking

35:27

to smacking culture camp. The Kim see

35:29

was syrupy and sweet. But. And

35:31

her mom says. Is. A spicy.

35:33

it was like intense. It was

35:35

kind of that like real Korean,

35:38

not watered down kimchi that's I

35:40

would hope for. I hate the

35:42

word authentic but I think that

35:44

there was something Ten is greedy

35:47

and country about it that I

35:49

feel really legs. and it wasn't

35:51

like. Oh, wow I'm wrapped

35:53

in the arms of my son had to

35:56

go mother eating her Kimchi, it wasn't like

35:58

this totally chance and experience. It

36:00

is salty and spicy and

36:02

can fishy kind of the

36:04

raw end. I appreciated that.

36:07

allied. Both. Skyler

36:09

and Amy came back from Korea with

36:11

a much stronger connection to their roots.

36:13

but figuring out their relationship to those

36:16

roots. That's. An ongoing process.

36:18

there are some Korean adoptees have

36:20

gone back there and stays. Others

36:22

like scholars adopted brother say they have no

36:25

interest in going back at all. Scholars.

36:27

Going to group of friends in Brooklyn who

36:29

are all Korean adoptees, the get together every

36:31

so often and cookery indices in some ways

36:34

as an adult version of the Ethiopian kids

36:36

making his era. We.

36:38

Had celebrated the Lunar New

36:40

Year together and Cuts Monday

36:42

Dumplings another event leave we

36:45

made kimchi together. We. Like

36:47

rolled out a big light seat

36:49

on the floor and like all

36:51

to pursue sauce and spot in

36:53

the giant napa cabbage heads and

36:55

immersed them in these buckets of

36:58

water and salt and he did

37:00

all the steps is making as

37:02

authentic as we can the whole

37:04

while it was seen it this

37:06

you Tube series by this woman

37:08

Muncie I think are funny how

37:11

everybody today we're going to learn

37:13

how to make Korean additional. Services

37:15

Inc. was a woman's name is actually

37:17

Muncie and are you to cooking videos?

37:20

Kids millions of views. Status

37:22

so many homes as a

37:24

different kinds of was insensitive

37:26

point. he is this like

37:28

super cute glam up Korean

37:30

lady is fabulous and see

37:32

kind of walked us through

37:34

how to make kimchi at

37:36

home and so it was

37:38

less kind of very millennial

37:40

American. Moment. Watching a

37:42

youtube video about. Our ancient culture of

37:45

our incident of like how to make

37:47

us embassy so on and at had

37:49

as use as feel about those barriers.

37:52

As beautiful I mean it was

37:54

so fun to to be making

37:56

ritual together that is. He a

37:58

unique Korean American medical. Activity

38:01

and teach ourselves like bring ourselves

38:03

up in America as Korean Americans

38:05

with because or or why Parents.

38:07

May be, aren't' Able to do that

38:09

for us. We. Fought for

38:11

that. We like Todd ourselves. how to

38:13

have an understanding is. That.

38:15

Part of our identity that was last. Do

38:18

you think you're adoptive parents? understand

38:20

that feeling? I

38:23

think they do. I think

38:25

as parents you know they

38:28

are protect his. they want

38:30

what's best for their kids

38:32

and Austin there is this

38:34

kind is fairytale narrative of

38:36

adoption. That's it's. this beautiful

38:38

saying. Our family transcends cultural

38:40

racial boundaries and you know

38:42

we are a happy family.

38:45

And that's absolutely true. And

38:47

I believe that. and my

38:49

parents believes that. What's

38:52

often left out of the

38:54

conversation is that adoption is

38:56

also inextricably connected to trauma

38:58

and loss. It's both things,

39:00

and it's not until reaching

39:02

adulthood and reconnecting with my

39:04

biological family they was conscious

39:07

of that other half. I

39:10

asked Amy what advice he give to parents

39:12

have adopted kids from other cultures. At

39:15

the end of the day, for

39:17

a parent to be engaging with

39:19

food from that place that their

39:21

kid is than adopted from is

39:23

definitely better than not. But regardless

39:25

of what they do, there is

39:27

still some last that they cannot

39:29

even. Fully heal for that person loves the journey

39:31

that they have to take. I

39:33

think what's the most helpful for

39:36

adoptees is when parents acknowledge that

39:38

they can. Only do so. I'm

40:14

if he described it as soon. Podcasts

40:16

different for every elicit. That way you'll

40:18

never miss an episode and it helps

40:20

other people's discover ourselves. So please have

40:22

subscribed right now or maybe in your

40:24

app as favorite Were like this please

40:26

And that. My

40:29

thanks to Marry Heffernan, Margarita Gonzales, Lauren

40:32

Mcnally and everyone Marries House for their

40:34

hospitality and delicious Ethiopian food. And thanks

40:36

for Korean adoptee guests! Amy Me against

40:38

their Teachers Theater at the University of

40:41

California Santa Cruz for one woman show

40:43

but it's for her Identity has called

40:45

home folks. It debuts in September of

40:48

the San Francisco Friends Festival and Skyler

40:50

Swenson as a producer on the Radio

40:52

show Studio Three Six. The

40:55

shows produced by and Sandy and Me Dance

40:57

Halls is or editor additional editing. Helpful. Better

41:00

Carol in the Cold Song and Peter

41:02

Clowning Visit Help from Black Label Music

41:04

is worthless. A production A sticker or

41:06

Executive producer Chris Van and as any

41:08

rattling until next time I'm damn past.

41:10

this is Paul for Mescaline a California.

41:12

Ninety Three hand from Richmond, Virginia. And

41:15

I'm really routers from Austin, Texas

41:17

reminding you to eat more. He

41:19

better eat more data. The

41:28

team that produces this for full today

41:30

include me along with managing producer and

41:32

Morgenstern and senior producer on Race O'hara

41:34

or engineer is Jared O'connell The Sport

41:36

production of Teacher Studios are executive producers

41:38

are Nora, Richie and Call and Anderson's

41:41

Until Next Time I'm Dan. Passionate.