Episode Transcript
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0:00
Today's episode is supported by Desert
0:02
Skies, a quirky, comedic and heartfelt
0:05
sci-fi podcast about life between this
0:07
world and the next. Desert
0:10
Skies is set on a lonely highway
0:12
at a gas station in the afterlife
0:14
called Desert Skies Astral Plane Fuel and
0:16
Service Station. Here the staff
0:19
help new arrivals in the afterlife get ready
0:21
to embark on their journey through the celestial
0:23
spheres. What begins as a slice of life
0:25
story following new arrivals at the station quickly
0:28
grows into an epic tale where the stakes
0:30
are life, or in this case afterlife and
0:32
death. I've been listening to Desert Skies for
0:34
a while now and honestly I think this
0:36
is just an awesome show. There are some
0:39
fascinating themes going on about mortality and love
0:41
and loss and it's delivered in a very
0:43
sweet and sentimental way that also has no
0:45
shortage of laughs. The characters are memorable and
0:47
start to feel like friends in no time.
0:49
I found myself getting invested in their stories
0:52
right away and couldn't wait to hear what
0:54
happened next. Fans of Future Armor, Adventure
0:56
Time and Rick and Morty will love this show
0:58
and the good news is that you can binge
1:00
the entire first season right now. Even better
1:02
the second season is just kicking off as
1:04
well so this is a great time to
1:06
jump into the story. You can find and
1:08
listen to Desert Skies anywhere you listen to
1:10
podcasts or by clicking the link in the
1:12
episode notes below. Stay tuned right now to
1:14
hear the first episode. Our thanks to Desert
1:16
Skies for their support. For
1:19
the best listening experience headphones
1:21
are recommended. Thanks
1:56
for watching.
2:11
Hello there. If
2:14
you don't mind waiting just a moment
2:17
while we get ready, we're
2:20
actually trying something new. We're
2:24
formalizing our process. So
2:27
this is an exciting time to be
2:29
here. I've actually written something
2:31
up, so I think I'm pretty
2:33
proud of it. It's cool. Please
2:36
hold all of your questions
2:38
until the presentation is complete.
2:41
Everything will be answered in time. Okay,
2:45
I think I'm ready. You
2:47
may approach the counter. Welcome
2:57
to Desert Skies. Traveler, your
3:00
journey through the physical plane has
3:03
come to an end. But
3:06
we are so glad you're
3:09
here. And I
3:11
know what you're thinking. Where is
3:13
here exactly? I'll
3:16
do my best to explain. Desert
3:19
Skies Astral Plane fuel and
3:21
service station exist on the
3:24
lowest sphere of existence between
3:26
life and death. Or
3:29
as we like to say around
3:31
here, between life and the next
3:33
life. You
3:36
have no more reason to
3:38
be afraid. No
3:40
more reason to fret, nor worry.
3:43
Whatever your needs, we are here
3:45
to help. My
3:48
colleague here is the mechanic, or
3:50
Mac for short. It
3:54
is his job to service your vehicle in
3:57
preparation for the journey across
3:59
the- celestial spheres. I
4:03
am the attendant. Or Tindy, for sure. I
4:05
told you not to call me that in
4:07
front of the Traveler's will. I think it
4:10
puts them at E. I'm trying to create
4:12
an error of mystique. Yeah,
4:14
well that's stupid. Yeah, well nobody
4:16
asked you. Um, what, what, what's
4:19
going on? Like, like
4:21
I said, I am the attendant. It
4:23
is my job to ensure you
4:26
have adequate provisions and are well
4:28
instructed in navigating the journey through
4:30
the celestial spheres. Now,
4:35
let me tell you about a selection of
4:37
products available and
4:39
any associated promotions. Wait
4:43
a second here. We
4:51
have all of your road trip favorites.
4:54
Chips, sodas, sunflower seeds,
4:57
pickled pig's feet that induce a
5:00
devastating degree of sadness.
5:02
It's a trip. Um,
5:05
that's Max's favorite, actually. It's
5:07
just nice to feel something. Before
5:10
hitting the road, how about one last
5:12
trip south of the border? We
5:14
have an impressive selection of over 34 varieties of
5:18
microwavable burritos. Everything
5:21
from breakfast, brunch, lunch,
5:24
dinner, dessert, and
5:26
various other
5:28
flavors. Right, right now if
5:30
you grab three, uh, you'll
5:33
receive a portable microwave to take with
5:35
you on your journey. It
5:37
has a little cigarette lighter adapter. Hell
5:39
of a deal if you ask me.
5:43
Are you dealing with
5:46
the regret of never having
5:48
accomplished anything significant in your
5:50
life? Punish yourself appropriately
5:52
with some Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Enough,
5:54
enough, turn off the music. What's
5:57
wrong? No,
6:00
we're eating too fast? That's fine.
6:02
I can start over. Where's
6:04
the rewind? No, no, don't do it
6:07
again. Look,
6:10
I need some answers. Five
6:12
minutes ago, I'm sitting at home eating
6:14
a plate of toaster waffles. Next thing
6:16
I know, I'm driving down a deserted
6:18
highway, then pulling into a gas station,
6:20
in the middle of God knows where,
6:23
and you start reading off some brain melting
6:25
specials of the day with Gimli here. I
6:28
just want to know what's really going on. Give
6:31
it to me straight. Am I
6:33
high right now? Possibly, but that's
6:35
irrelevant. You're here because
6:37
you're dead. This
6:40
is your last stop on your way to
6:43
the great beyond. It's our
6:45
job to make sure you're prepared for the ride. Uh-huh.
6:48
And what if I don't believe you? What
6:51
if this is all just some kind of sick dream,
6:53
huh? Some elaborate prank? Look,
6:57
I understand this experience can
6:59
be jarring. Especially
7:02
if your death was sudden
7:05
or unexpected. I
7:08
can't remember, but I probably went through the
7:10
same emotions you're experiencing right now. For
7:12
the sake of argument, let's say you're telling
7:14
me the truth. What's to
7:16
keep me from driving back the direction I
7:19
came from, huh? High-tailing it back
7:21
to my living room. No
7:23
pun intended. There's
7:26
nothing keeping you from that. I
7:28
mean, we can't stop you, but
7:31
I don't recommend it. Yeah, and why's that? Microwaveable
7:34
burritos. What
7:37
is that supposed to mean? I'll show you.
7:40
Come on, follow me. Our
7:45
microwavable burrito selection. Currently,
7:47
there are 34 varieties.
7:51
If you drive back the way you came, there's going to
7:53
be 35. Here,
7:55
take a look at this package. What
7:57
do you see? It says,
7:59
Gutbuster Burrito. in microwavable burritos. And
8:03
there's a face lady with red
8:05
hair. Alice's chicken
8:07
aller king style. Read
8:10
the back. Okay.
8:14
This delicious microwavable snack
8:17
is dedicated to Alice McDougall
8:19
who attempted to return to the
8:21
physical realm and retrieve her beloved
8:23
cat Wallace. We honor
8:26
her brave effort. What
8:28
the hell is this? Just keep
8:30
reading. In accordance
8:32
with the governing rules of the
8:34
Astral Plane, the full essence of
8:37
this individual's existence, desires, purpose, and
8:39
romantic history has been meticulously crafted
8:42
into this artisan style
8:44
burrito. Taste the flavor of
8:47
life. So
8:49
there's ground up lady in
8:51
here? Uh, no. God
8:54
no. That's, that's disgusting.
8:57
Um, this isn't her physically. It's
8:59
the flavor and texture of her
9:01
existence, which
9:03
apparently tastes like diced chicken in
9:06
a cream sauce. It's actually
9:08
pretty good. Congratulations, friend.
9:11
I've heard some crazy shit in my life, but
9:13
I've never heard anything like that. But
9:18
you know, at
9:21
that I'd be chicken. Some kind
9:23
of chicken burrito. Why
9:25
do you say that? Thought on one
9:27
of those placemats at a Chinese restaurant. I was born
9:29
in the year of the chicken. I
9:32
think you mean rooster. Really? I
9:35
always thought it was chicken. I
9:38
think I'd rather be a chicken than a cook, you
9:41
know? Oh, God.
9:44
I need a cigarette. You got
9:46
those, huh? A brand that
9:48
doesn't taste like devastating sadness or contain
9:50
the essence of someone's great grandma? You
9:53
have one of mine. Thank
9:55
God. Something I can
9:57
actually use. I know
9:59
these things. are awful for you. I'm
10:01
not sure you gotta worry about that anymore.
10:03
Heh heh heh. Come on
10:05
buddy, let's take a look at that car of yours.
10:08
That's the other thing, I don't even own a car. Then
10:11
boom, I'm suddenly cruising down the highway
10:13
in a Buick Skylark. That's one hell
10:15
of a car. Sure, I'm not complaining.
10:18
But that's not my automobile. And
10:20
this isn't my beard's natural color. Yeah,
10:22
here we are. Come on,
10:25
let's get you road ready. Hey,
10:27
Nintendo. Or whatever your
10:29
name is. You really telling me
10:31
I'm dead? It's attendant. And
10:35
yeah, you are. Sorry
10:38
friend. Well ain't that just a kick in the
10:40
pants. One more question.
10:44
This place, at the end of the
10:46
road, what's
10:49
it like? Is it nice?
10:51
Yeah, it's real
10:53
nice. Huh, that's
10:56
good to know I guess. Look,
10:59
come back and see me before taking off, okay?
11:02
Whatever you want, Lord of the Underworld. Hey,
11:12
Cast Register. Hello, attendant. How
11:16
can I be a servant? I always
11:18
tell people that what lies at the end of
11:20
the road is a nice
11:23
place. You excel at putting
11:25
our travelers at ease, attendant. Um,
11:28
yeah, sure, but what
11:30
if it's a lie? I don't know
11:32
if it's nice or not. For
11:34
all I know, it could be a plane
11:37
of non-existent. I
11:39
would have said that even a
11:41
state of non-existent is better than
11:43
having your essence converted into a
11:45
microwaveable burrito. Yeah, maybe, I
11:48
don't know. A lot of
11:50
people like burritos. Attendant, as
11:52
you know, I'm
11:54
incapable of lying. So
11:56
you've told me. But You're Not.
12:03
Even the ability to provide comfort. To
12:05
frighten family able to travel
12:07
that one direction I would
12:09
allow myself to expect congress,
12:12
the burrow headed towards a
12:14
nice place. Regardless of my
12:16
uncertainty, you really think that's
12:18
okay? attended? I am
12:20
for for coffee. Personally considered have
12:23
legacy. Alerted me to do
12:25
this in. The
12:28
mood for the dedicated to
12:30
the capital. Of
12:32
Cavaliers embarking on a game where
12:34
it looks to. Me that level and
12:36
has no care. Would you know? That
12:39
certain amount of good will on
12:41
the part of my superiors. Our
12:43
superiors. I don't even know who
12:46
they are. You cash, I'm sorry
12:48
attendance, Rather apologies for. Hundred and
12:50
seventy three times I am unable
12:52
to detect objects. Are unable or not
12:55
allowed? Is there anything else I can
12:57
assist you with? the kids? Play
13:00
some music, you guys little.
13:04
Let's to contemplate us.
13:52
Wales is all set for the yeah
13:54
dude. you're sitting in his car with
13:57
his head resting on the steering wheel.
13:59
out as the years, but. It
14:01
ain't like I never seen it before. I told them
14:03
to come back in here. What's his story? anyway? See.
14:06
I haven't even ran the report
14:09
Cash register. How
14:11
can I help? You can request a
14:13
traveler bio for. Of
14:16
that I didn't even ask his name I
14:18
got that from I'm at least. Name's.
14:21
Large cobb. things
14:23
happen about the fee for like her.
14:29
Or a let's take a look here.
14:31
Lawrence Cobb Age: I'm
14:34
forty two. Looks
14:36
like it was the toaster ruffles that
14:38
didn't. Choke. To death
14:40
watching television when I die. That's.
14:43
How I want to go.
14:45
Yeah well I'm you are
14:47
dead. So there's that and
14:49
what did you? You want
14:52
to die? I choking on
14:54
frozen breakfast foods, watching Tv
14:56
geared judging you know that
14:58
Any way. Hum Born and
15:01
raised in New York, Manage
15:03
the electronics counter at a
15:05
department store. Fascinating.
15:08
Stuff. But you know what I want? Yeah.
15:11
I know. There you go. He's
15:13
sick little man. Embarrassing childhood
15:15
memories. Gotta love these.
15:18
Look. In fourth grade. choked on an
15:21
ice cube and loans and threw up all over
15:23
the table. At
15:25
It. You even do that. says.
15:30
His wife died. Her. Name
15:33
sounds so familiar. Deborah.
15:36
Hub. Deborah.
15:39
Cobb. Didn't.
15:41
But rock. Ah.
15:44
Cast: You have a record of a debit
15:46
card who is married to a Lawrence Cop.
15:48
In. Be. what with hop.
15:51
Age thirty six. Saddened.
15:54
That. bring on you with
15:56
him jesus said so young we have
15:58
so many people come through here, Tendi.
16:01
What makes you think you'd remember some random
16:03
woman? We must have had 20,000 Debra's
16:07
at Desert Skies in my time and at
16:09
least a handful of Debra cobs. I
16:11
don't know. Some people just stick
16:14
with you, Mac. Yeah, I
16:16
guess that's true. There is that
16:18
one guy who crapped his pants dancing to you. You're
16:20
the one that I want during a school play. I
16:23
still got the report pinned up in my shack. You
16:26
can't make this stuff up. No, you can't.
16:30
I think I'm going to check on our traveler. Mr.
16:44
Cobb? Go away,
16:46
Nintendo. I
16:48
just want to talk real quick. Give
16:51
me 30 seconds. Please,
16:55
Mr. Cobb. Stop
16:59
calling me Mr. Cobb. My name is Lawrence.
17:02
Hey, Lawrence. Buddy, you've
17:05
been out here a while and we're
17:08
getting kind of worried about you. Worried about me?
17:11
What's there to worry about? I'm already
17:13
dead. Dead is
17:16
such a weighty word.
17:19
You left a physical plane. So what? It's
17:23
just one plane of existence. This
17:25
is another. And down
17:28
that road is another. And
17:31
that's your destination. That's
17:33
the next life. Yeah, well, if it's so great,
17:35
why haven't you driven down that road, huh? If
17:39
it's so wonderful, what are you doing out
17:41
here in the plane of God knows what,
17:43
hawking burritos with people in them? I
17:45
don't know. What do you mean you don't know?
17:48
You're dead too, right? You
17:50
must have pulled in here just like me. But
17:53
you stayed. You're right. I
17:55
mean, I assume
17:57
that's what happened, but I... I
18:00
don't remember a time when I wasn't working here. When
18:03
I wasn't the attendant. I
18:06
don't remember my life on the physical plane
18:09
or my real name. I
18:12
have no idea who I am or
18:15
even how I died. Jesus that's
18:17
messed up guy. So
18:21
what's to keep you from going now? Get
18:23
in the car. Come on we'll go together. I
18:26
know I'd feel better if someone was with me you know. I'm
18:29
sorry Lawrence I can't. Why
18:32
not? Because I like what I do.
18:35
It may not seem like much to you but
18:38
to me it's everything.
18:42
It's all I've ever known. Do
18:45
you know how many Lawrence Cobbs I've had come
18:47
through here? People like you
18:49
who get behind that wheel and can't seem to turn
18:51
the key? And
18:54
99.9% of the time I get
18:57
them down that road. I
18:59
save them from the burrito plane of
19:01
existence. I
19:04
help them move on. It might
19:06
not be so bad being a burrito you know. A
19:10
lot of people like burritos. This
19:12
is true. You
19:14
know I had a wife who died three
19:17
years ago. I
19:20
couldn't do anything without her. Ever
19:23
since she's been gone my life's just been
19:25
one pointless day after another. She
19:29
might be up there too huh? Down that road?
19:33
How could I not realize that? Tell
19:36
me did a Deborah Cobb ever come through this place?
19:40
She did. Well
19:43
well okay. I'm
19:45
gonna get to see her again. Come
19:47
inside Lawrence. Let's get you what
19:49
you need. Hey you got any of those corn chips
19:51
shaped like a dunce cap? Indeed we do. And
19:54
you didn't do nothing weird to it. No
19:57
need. Those things are weird.
20:00
enough on their own. So
20:07
go ahead and take a look around the store, Lawrence, and
20:09
meet me at the counter when you're done. Thanks,
20:11
but I can't buy none of this stuff. I don't
20:14
even have my wallet. Then
20:16
how in the hell are you planning to
20:18
pay for all that astral grade fuel I
20:20
just pumped into your Buick? We
20:23
don't take kindly to thieves around here. Hey
20:25
now, wait just a minute. You
20:28
didn't say nothing about no payment. I
20:30
mean, what would you guys even do with money?
20:33
Nothing at all. Mac is
20:35
just being an asshat. Yeah, I'm just messing
20:37
with you buddy. Nobody's
20:39
got money this side of the physical realm. You
20:42
know what they say, you can't take
20:44
it with you. When you go, yeah. Like
20:47
I said, just grab whatever you like and
20:50
I'll be waiting for you right here.
20:54
Oh, and don't forget to
20:56
grab a map. They're
20:59
on that rack over there by the burrito freezer. There's
21:02
only one main road that you'll need to stay on,
21:04
but there's some interesting sites along the way you might
21:06
want to check out. Oh, also, it gets
21:09
cold once you get past the Martian sphere, so
21:11
it would help to grab a- No,
21:13
no, no, no. What's wrong? My
21:17
Dabbie. What about her? I
21:19
told you. She's been through
21:21
here, Lawrence. She didn't go
21:23
down that road. She
21:26
tried to go back. What are you talking
21:28
about? Come see for
21:30
yourself. See what?
21:33
That's her face. Right there. Dabbie's
21:36
waffle stuffed burrito. Let
21:38
me see. It
21:41
says this delicious microwavable snack
21:44
is dedicated to Deborah Cobb,
21:47
who attempted to return to the
21:49
physical plane for her dear husband,
21:51
Lawrence. We honor the
21:53
sacrifice she made in the name of love.
22:00
Damn it. I knew
22:02
I remembered that name. My wife. The
22:04
only reason I ever had for living is
22:07
a burrito. A lot
22:10
of people like burritos. Okay,
22:12
I should shut up. No. You're
22:15
right. A
22:18
lot of people like burritos. But
22:21
I loved this one. And
22:23
she's gone. For
22:25
a second there, I thought there really was a chance
22:27
we could be together again. I'm
22:31
so sorry, Lawrence. Que
22:34
sera sera. Could
22:37
I have a moment alone, fellas? Of
22:40
course. Mack? Coming.
22:47
Poor guy. I can't imagine
22:49
what he's feeling. The
22:51
thoughts that have to be going through his head right now. And
22:54
to think that if his wife could have
22:56
just waited, they'd be together
22:58
now. I
23:00
wonder what it feels like, Mack. To
23:04
miss the physical plane. The
23:07
people you left behind. I
23:12
remember things about the
23:14
physical plane. Real general things. Telephones,
23:17
TVs, wars, placemats
23:20
at Chinese restaurants. But
23:23
I don't remember me. The
23:26
only me I remember is the
23:29
me at Desert Skies. I've
23:33
asked Cass to request a bio so many
23:35
times I've lost count. And
23:37
every time she says the same thing, I'm
23:40
unable to submit bio request
23:42
for current staff. I
23:45
know I've asked you before, Mack, but you don't
23:47
remember anything else about me when I got here?
23:51
Just the same stuff I told you before, Tindy. You
23:54
showed up, got out of the car,
23:57
walked past me like I wasn't even there,
23:59
dead silent. You went inside.
24:01
I started prepping your vehicle for
24:03
the journey and when I went to tell you it
24:05
was ready, you were already standing
24:07
behind the counter. The
24:10
old attendant had slipped out the back and took the car
24:12
meant for you. I guess
24:14
he was finally ready to hit the road. Funny
24:18
thing is, I never
24:20
got back. Come here. Look
24:23
at this. What's he doing? He's chewing.
24:26
What's that in his hand? That,
24:29
my friend, is
24:31
Deborah Cobb. The
24:33
full essence of her existence,
24:36
desires, purpose, and
24:38
romantic history meticulously crafted
24:40
into an artisan-style burrito.
24:44
Well, I'll be
24:46
damned. I've never seen a man
24:48
sob and eat a burrito at the same time.
24:52
I have. You said
24:55
you'd never mention that again. Hey,
24:58
fellas. Hey,
25:00
Lawrence. You all right? Yeah.
25:03
You know what? I am. I think
25:06
I'm ready to go. But you
25:08
don't have anything. Don't need anything. You
25:11
don't have to, but you sure you don't want
25:13
to grab some snacks for the road? At
25:16
least let me grab you a map. No need. I
25:19
ain't stopping. Well,
25:22
okay then. Sounds like
25:24
you're ready. As I'll ever be. Thanks,
25:27
fellas. For everything. And
25:37
that was
25:44
the last time that we ever saw Lawrence
25:47
Cobb. And that was the last time that
25:49
we ever saw Lawrence Cobb. As
25:53
his tail lights faded into the distance, we
25:56
were reminded of the power of love and
25:59
its ability. to cause wandering
26:01
souls to find resolve. Perhaps.
26:04
Each one of them. Give it a rest, Mac. Look.
26:09
He's turning around. Maybe
26:13
he's coming back for something. I
26:16
don't think so. He's not slowing
26:18
down. And
26:27
there he goes. Nothing
26:29
you could have done, Tindy. I
26:32
really thought he was going to make it. Who's
26:34
to say he didn't? Seems
26:37
to me like he made it exactly where he
26:39
wanted to go. The freezer, Al.
26:42
Come on, Tindy. We got a 35th variety
26:44
now. Let's
26:46
see what it is. We're going to need
26:48
a bigger freezer. You go ahead. I'm
26:52
going to submit my traveler report. Hey,
26:56
Cash. Hello,
26:58
attendant. I'd like
27:00
to submit my traveler report for
27:03
Lawrence Cobb. I am
27:05
ready to copy your report. Another
27:08
traveler is coming on. Lawrence
27:12
Cobb never departed for his trip
27:14
across the celestial spheres. It
27:18
seems that he found a reason to
27:20
head the other direction. It's
27:23
different this time, though. He
27:26
wasn't trying to return to the physical plane, at
27:28
least as far as I can tell. He
27:32
knew what the outcome of driving that direction
27:34
would be, and that seemed
27:36
to be his intention. To
27:39
follow the path that his dearly departed
27:41
Deborah had taken just three
27:43
years before. I hope he
27:45
found what he was looking for. That's
27:48
the end of my report, Cash. Pensive
27:50
and distinct, attendant. Were
27:52
you removing anything else? Yeah. It's
27:55
probably time we requested a second freezer. Thirty-four
27:58
varieties of microwavable... Burritos is
28:00
just about all we have room for.
28:02
Looks like you're not up to 35
28:04
varieties just yet bud. What do you mean?
28:07
Here you go. Look for yourself Lawrence
28:10
and Debbie's Chicken and Waffle Stuffed
28:13
Burrito? Uh-huh. And read the
28:15
back. This delicious microwavable
28:17
snack is dedicated to
28:20
Lawrence and Deborah whose
28:24
love for one another transcends the
28:26
boundaries of the known claims May
28:29
their essences enjoy an eternity of
28:31
artisanal bliss together. Taste
28:34
the flavor of love You
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