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three to

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nine

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warning the , library is

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a horror fiction podcast read

2:14

it for a mature audience audience

2:16

stories contains graphic descriptions of

2:18

pain murder violence

2:21

blood betrayal and

2:23

betrayal monsters when

2:26

inhumanity die hope ,

2:28

often shattered there is also

2:30

beauty parts there

2:33

and raw emotion fear

2:36

may be deeply personal we

2:38

all share if at any

2:40

time a story takes you to a place to

2:42

dark turn on the lights press

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pause or press stop and

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, remember remember unlike

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in the real world these nightmares

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and your participation mm are

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under your control

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hello

3:10

everybody and welcome to the wicked library

3:13

season eleven episode number

3:15

fourteen hope , enjoyed

3:18

the season so far we've had some amazing

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guest hosts and more to

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come on that front thank you most

3:24

sincerely to those of you who are supporting our

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show on patriot patriot truly

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make the show possible it is because of

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your support that i can continue to pay the

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and composer simply it's

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for as little as three dollars a month you can help make

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rewards a lot of hard work in the money goes

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on your support to make sure i can pay the contributors

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in addition to knowing your part of making the show

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possible you also get fund rewards

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in , if you're a supporter or become

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dark tales coming this month

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you can support us at patriot on dot com forward

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slash wicked library that's

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patriot dot com forward slash

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wicked library

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now for a story was written force by

4:29

t w r alum author might pilgrim

4:32

it's told by graham row it and accompanied

4:34

by a custom score buying me covetous i

4:36

have we talk of dreams this

4:39

, story the story

4:41

is a dark when dark and it's

4:43

worthy of a second warning which

4:46

we don't do we off so

4:49

this fictional tail deals with deep loss

4:52

and comes with the following trigger warnings

4:54

eating disorders death warnings eating child

4:57

body horror body modification

5:00

pregnancy animal cruelty death

5:03

of the pats

5:05

hold on tight buckle

5:08

up for this dark ride called personal

5:10

play any ,

5:12

the story becomes too much for you remember

5:14

that you are in control control

5:17

pause press stop work take

5:19

a break and come back later this

5:22

nightmare proceeds at your discretion

6:08

it was some time after wanna yeah i'm on

6:10

christmas eve when the house

6:12

had gone up in flames i'd fallen

6:14

asleep in my workshop at the bottom of the garden

6:17

after admittedly having far more to drink

6:19

that i told kate i was going to house

6:22

the neighbors must have called the fire department because

6:25

i could hear it's closing in in the distance like

6:27

a sonic boomerang they're

6:30

footed i crested the snow cake lawn

6:32

and saw the blaze gorging itself

6:34

on the rafters of our home the

6:37

shattering of roof tiles only just

6:39

audible over the thundering flames

6:41

i knew it was too late

6:43

one as logic ever had a place in

6:45

such a situation

6:48

the brush arthur

6:49

grab the door handle enforce the back door

6:52

open leaving the skin that used to be

6:54

my palm sizzling like bacon

6:56

on the metal

6:58

the kitchen was the sixth circle of hell

7:00

richard smoke stabbed his fingers

7:02

into my eyes

7:04

i screamed for kate robbie

7:07

nothing last ornaments

7:09

exploded dinner plates transforming

7:12

into grenades holding

7:14

my breath as best i could i dash

7:16

through the black cloud my

7:18

lungs smoldered water cooled

7:21

in the corners of my eyes i

7:23

forged ahead a little molly's room

7:25

i shut the door open revealing a

7:27

whole scape of molten toys

7:30

i snatched molly from the kid holder

7:33

to my trust and ran everything

7:36

was shrinking

7:37

my head scrubbed my

7:39

arms a because i clung to her he

7:41

was so warm

7:43

the warm

7:44

what i held onto her no matter what weeping

7:47

and shuddering was fifths of coughing

7:50

i pushed ahead it was only

7:52

when i made it into free air that i realized

7:55

i was on fire my

7:57

polyester sure had transformed into a

7:59

molten

7:59

the spider which clung to my slender

8:02

just chewing through skyn

8:04

then sat on it's way to devour

8:06

my rib cage

8:08

a firefighter lunged at me with a blanket

8:10

and snuffed out the flames they'll

8:13

in my arms my little molly

8:15

was a brittle charcoal has

8:18

we're at the hospital before the paramedics managed

8:21

to separate my body from hers i

8:23

thought every step of

8:25

the way

8:28

learn wards have smells

8:31

their tastes greece year than a politician

8:34

the scorched pork joints

8:37

the tang of intense copper tangled

8:39

with a sweet splash of medical grade

8:41

bleach

8:42

you want to have disinfectant to flush

8:44

the stink of your own birds skin

8:46

and hair out of your senses but

8:49

you know it won't ever work

8:51

rick will never really leave

8:53

you

8:55

most people don't know that you can die

8:58

from shock that's what kills

9:00

most burn victims the pain

9:02

from the injury hits you in waves that

9:05

you don't always noticed them instead

9:07

you're focused on the way of feels like your body's

9:09

hemorrhaging heat from the inside

9:12

being hollowed out

9:14

the all the technologies us human creatures

9:16

have contrived

9:17

the best we've got for shock is lie

9:20

down and tough it out

9:22

they cut the remains of my clothes free

9:24

and it was a could given the state

9:26

of me

9:27

my face was an irate hemorrhoids

9:30

right torso a black and lava

9:33

trust it was clear

9:35

i wasn't going to die on them and my insurance

9:37

it checked out one of the nurses gave

9:39

me an injection of tehran nanobots

9:42

far cheaper than the morphine she said

9:45

as she jab the needle into my crispy

9:47

bacon armor hi

9:49

ron isn't that the creepy

9:52

guy of hers the dead into the underworld

9:55

the morbid name

9:57

no

9:58

iran like a centaur who was

9:59

the good at madison

10:01

he withdrew the needle the

10:03

one you're thinking of his her on i'd

10:06

heard about these nanos

10:08

i'm a programmer how could i not

10:10

have

10:11

it can be remotely program to block pain

10:13

receptors during surgery there

10:15

are adapted speedily closing wounds

10:17

and saving lives the results

10:20

are seldom pretty the sturdier

10:22

nano so the atlas strain

10:24

can lunch together to create a support care

10:27

of [unk] paste around a precarious oregon or

10:29

replace muscle function sometimes

10:31

even the entire inner workings of a fully

10:33

articulated limb the

10:36

dollar g truly is a mr gove

10:39

terrifying beast

10:41

before you discharged will deactivate

10:43

the nanobots your body will pass them

10:45

in your store with about twelve hours

10:49

later a police officer dropped by

10:51

to tell me that an electrical short had

10:53

started the fire the fire

10:55

alarms had failed the cajun

10:57

abigail had died of a succession well

10:59

before the flames that even got to them molly

11:03

however hadn't been so lucky

11:07

my three year old baby girl had birth to

11:09

death so very sorry

11:11

mister baldwin

11:12

there was nothing you could have done to savor

11:15

as he spoke that's it i could

11:17

feel that tiny robots crawling through

11:19

my bloodstream that being there

11:21

microscopic talons into my heart

11:27

about three weeks into recovery i got

11:29

a visit from the insurance company the

11:32

guy they said was a nameless scarecrow

11:34

and a navy suit i ,

11:36

him long before he spotted me me

11:38

was stern faced stoic right

11:41

up until the nurse brought him over to my bed

11:44

one look at me and his face dream

11:46

to the same shade is the same pressed

11:48

shirt i pointed out to

11:50

him that i wasn't even nearly the worst in the ward

11:53

intact around these parts i was considered

11:55

the looker mr insurance

11:58

policy didn't last i figured

12:00

he must be allergic to humor after

12:02

all he wasn't the one who just seen his

12:04

whole family birth to death related

12:08

documents for me to sign everything

12:10

became and possibly real in

12:14

the girls weren't just gone they

12:16

were dead the king

12:18

in the earth the bloated

12:20

number on the page was the only tangible

12:22

thing that remained of them against

12:25

all reasonable advice to the contrary

12:28

i decided to use the insurance money to

12:30

rebuild the house that

12:32

really was the only right decision

12:35

it wouldn't be finished before i was well enough to leave

12:37

the hospital so i decided to expand

12:40

the workshop with the bedroom a

12:42

proper bathroom and kitchen i've

12:45

been living there until the new houses ready so

12:47

why not make it comfortable after

12:51

mr insurance left i ordered

12:53

the nanobots and as you other supplies

12:55

on a public medical website

12:58

then i got to work coding

13:00

it didn't help dull the pain or

13:02

keep my mind from grieving

13:05

they did keep me busy

13:08

the afternoon i walked out of the hospital

13:10

and to free air i was ravenous

13:13

there was a small diner across the road that conform

13:16

to every stereotype imaginable

13:19

giant bay windows look down on

13:21

boost seats voted in sleek red

13:23

vinyl tables with goofy

13:25

ketchup and mustard bottles and an

13:27

exhausted middle aged career waitress

13:29

who syndrome and with all expectations

13:32

was called betty that

13:35

he bought for a moment at my still raw

13:37

face glanced at my scarred

13:39

pink forearms smiled

13:42

and , a true professional brought me a

13:44

triple decker double bacon cheeseburger

13:47

three chocolate shakes with extra whipped

13:49

cream and waffles afterward

13:52

she called a cab that took me to a nearby

13:54

motels i

13:57

didn't sleep much that first night the

13:59

dirty his room reeked of strangers

14:02

so bloated every burp

14:04

brought up rancid echoes of syrup

14:07

soaked pancakes melted cheese

14:09

and greece drowned sausages my

14:12

digestive system judges under the strain

14:15

struggling to find homes for the seemingly

14:17

infinite number of surplus calories

14:20

i lay on my side and the anonymous bed

14:23

wondering if there was a more efficient way to

14:25

speed up the process i

14:27

fancy that my gut was already starting to

14:29

drooped independently of my frame

14:31

under the seat that i knew it was still

14:34

too early for that i

14:36

fully expected the tears to find me

14:38

when i was finally alone they

14:40

did they came on

14:42

like a tsunami

14:44

that night

14:46

the drained

14:49

i woke at six am most

14:51

assault crossed off my face changed

14:54

into the giant sweatpants i'd bought for comfort

14:57

a , shuttled me around the corner two buddies

14:59

diner and i got to work eating

15:04

two weeks later my childhood friends charlotte

15:06

flew in from out of state to help me settle

15:08

in the my new living situation in the back

15:10

of the newly expanded workshop in

15:13

her life she's a psychiatrist

15:15

but sometimes she likes the summit with me

15:17

and reminisce about how things might have been different

15:20

if she hadn't dropped her performing arts major

15:23

the rented a car from the airport and drove me across

15:25

town

15:27

coming up the driveway i balked

15:29

at the halo of get grass surrounding

15:31

the building site it used to be our home

15:34

i pulled a candy bar out of my pocket and eight it

15:37

here's adding a new dimension to the

15:39

chocolate i noticed

15:41

charlotte's eyes watering to as she

15:43

stop the car just outside the workshop

15:47

the bags out of the trunk helped

15:50

where i could

15:51

that mostly i was useless

15:54

inside was almost as i left

15:56

it that night five months ago the

15:59

boxes i'd ordered

15:59

the carefully stack as i requested

16:02

rigel tape covering every inch of

16:04

them

16:05

your had learned years ago that if she asked

16:07

me a question she didn't wanna hear the answer to

16:10

she was probably gonna get an answer she wouldn't want

16:12

to hear though instead she

16:14

raised an eyebrow at the boxes and

16:16

asked if i'd also like a glass of wine

16:19

the practicing psychiatrist she

16:21

knows what it is that people really need

16:25

that managed to keep the mating plan so far

16:27

that packed on around thirty eight pounds and

16:30

the last two weeks eating

16:32

ten thousand calories a day to a lot

16:34

more effort than i'd imagined it would the

16:36

expectation and reality very seldom

16:39

live in the same zip code even

16:41

if i faltered though i'd comfortably reach

16:43

my target birthing wage and the next sixty

16:46

days gotta work the plan

16:49

you sure about staying here or

16:51

the mean

16:52

standing here i can't i

16:55

can't even

16:57

i miss

16:59

the squeezed me a hug

17:01

my still raw flesh eight dunder the

17:03

well intentioned pressure my

17:06

entire frame test i

17:08

became a humanoid chunk of cold steel

17:11

charlotte hold back

17:13

oh shit i'm so sorry

17:15

they didn't even think

17:16

okay

17:18

i won't always be like this

17:20

some day i'll be dead to

17:22

they look me up and down and asked if i was

17:25

putting on weight

17:27

charlotte stayed for tonight's

17:30

the crashed on the couch even though there was

17:32

a spare room

17:33

was just like when we were in college it

17:35

got pretty fucking smashed

17:37

there was a lot of laughter there

17:39

was far more crying that's

17:42

marvelous as the destruction of her company was

17:45

i couldn't wait for her to leave so i could get started

17:47

on the stuff i couldn't do from my hospital

17:49

bed the climbed

17:51

into the rental

17:53

i'll be back in town and a month

17:54

the only have time to meet for lunch

17:56

the meantime

17:57

i try to look after yourself

17:59

what me three bottles of antidepressants

18:02

before driving away

18:06

unpacking assembling and filling

18:09

the tanks took far more effort than i

18:11

would have liked i'm actually

18:13

programmer but i'll always be a shitty

18:15

engineer also

18:17

i was the most out of shape by ever been

18:20

which was kind of the point i

18:22

added extra calories to lunch so the

18:24

physical effort wouldn't run me into deficit

18:27

three trees peters with extra ham

18:29

and pepperoni top with mac and

18:31

cheese a tub of chocolate fudge

18:33

ice cream and a two liter bottle of cola

18:36

after food i dropped the cube of atlas

18:38

nanobots into the first glowing blue

18:41

tank

18:42

frank slowly

18:43

though some was it hit the bottom nothing

18:46

happened that was good there's

18:49

nothing was supposed to happen the

18:51

cube stayed put i

18:53

routed the wireless system from the main terminal

18:56

to connect and

18:57

go

18:59

the green light on the bottom left to the g you

19:01

i flicked on

19:04

i uploaded the first line of code a

19:07

, confirmed the atlas nanobots had

19:09

received it i loaded up the balance

19:11

and hit send

19:13

the

19:15

the nanos broke formation the

19:17

cube disintegrated in seconds transforming

19:20

into an ink cloud of tiny robots

19:22

which expanded through the blue liquid towards

19:25

the anchor node at the end of the time i

19:28

watched my insides pickling

19:31

has a metallic lump formed on the

19:33

node which in turn sprouted wire

19:35

restrains that split into spindly

19:37

threads sparse outline

19:40

of ahead formed expanding

19:42

outwards from the anchor point

19:44

the neck

19:45

childers torso

19:47

this rudimentary nervous system would double

19:50

as the frame of her body and endo

19:52

skeleton endo skeleton i would hang traits

19:54

consciousness

19:56

it was beautiful

19:58

i pressed my hand to the loo

19:59

warm glass

20:02

see you my life

20:03

you're right there

20:05

and i miss you

20:08

i said the program to run diagnostics

20:10

and waddled to the other terminal to focus

20:12

on the second part i needed

20:14

to get the car on nanos prepped and into

20:16

my fat deposit as soon as possible

20:19

i like the other terminal to the bottle of nanos

20:22

and install the database of memories i'd

20:24

managed to salvage from my remote package

20:27

photos letters videos

20:29

have birthday parties our wedding day

20:31

in the forest

20:32

the birth of our two beautiful children

20:35

but trying to machines would learn fast becoming

20:38

fully self aware and a few days

20:40

which wasn't a hard thing to achieve what

20:43

i needed to do though was teach them how to

20:45

feel the understand human

20:47

connection in case favorite

20:50

book the velvety rabbit by

20:52

marjorie williams bianco a

20:54

ragged old rocking horse said the

20:56

real is and how you were made the

20:59

thing that happens to you when

21:01

a child loves you for a long long

21:03

time not just to play with

21:05

but really loves you

21:07

then you become real i

21:11

hoped i have enough time to make a real

21:14

i'd have to talk to the nanos constantly

21:16

count memories

21:18

it would be difficult we lose

21:20

stories day by day they

21:23

become part of us and we become them

21:26

if reality is a painting that we have no

21:28

sway over the stories are

21:30

our point of view they are

21:32

how we cope with the things we cannot change

21:36

i loaded up a hypodermic needles and

21:39

injected them into my belly fat during

21:42

the nine months i'd watched case carry

21:44

abigail to term i felt

21:47

helpless anything , did

21:49

however well intentioned was wrong

21:52

wrong was ever keep snapping anthony rather

21:55

it was her dealing with this incredible weight

21:57

that incredible could never hope to understand

22:00

but a little under two months into my own pregnancy

22:03

my cheek resting on the frigid toilet

22:05

both i stared at the remnants of

22:07

the previous night's meal crawling down

22:10

the sides of the bowls

22:12

i'm pretty sure i gotta i

22:15

wondered what she would really make me

22:17

this bloated blob of a thing grunting

22:19

and swearing as it failed

22:21

and sailed and sale to pick

22:23

itself up off the tiles the

22:26

jani i told you i wasn't exaggerating

22:30

stop being a was single hydrate i

22:33

lie in bed most days it's

22:36

the most effective way to conserve calories

22:39

i quickly realized that the easiest way to succeed

22:41

would be to become completely sedentary

22:44

couches don't move that's

22:47

what i did i channeled my inner

22:49

couch it takes more effort than

22:51

anyone might believe eating

22:53

to this level of access takes true

22:55

discipline i

22:58

watched nothing but tate's favorite movies

23:01

i , her favorite books allowed i

23:03

talked constantly to my growing belly

23:06

reliving all my memories so she

23:08

knows who she is when she gets here

23:10

a recount the story of how we met by chance

23:13

on by message board there was an argument

23:15

about banana bread of all things

23:18

i hated banana bread at the time but

23:20

as are heated discussion bloomed and some molten

23:23

arguments it turns of phrase

23:25

intrigued me more and more somehow

23:28

i convince you to meet me at large chain

23:30

coffee shop the brought a friend

23:33

who thankfully kept her distance

23:35

and a slice of banana bread that you'd make

23:38

yourself

23:39

inexplicably during that first

23:41

hours you convince me to try

23:45

that first bite changed my life

23:48

after the second i knew that i couldn't

23:50

live without you i told

23:52

you right then that i've been wrong about everything

23:55

the replied with

23:57

i know

23:59

we met at that

23:59

pay for lunch the next day

24:02

the day after that cackling

24:04

like lunatics we upset the other patrons

24:07

until at last the manager came over and told

24:09

us he settle our bills if we promised

24:12

to leave and never come back for

24:15

a fifth anniversary we rented the whole

24:17

class a out so just the two of us could

24:19

drink coffee eat cake

24:21

and last

24:24

i blog

24:26

and it had been eight years

24:28

we were married and i was holding

24:30

abigail in my arms while you snort

24:32

on my shoulder

24:34

that was person

24:36

you are so personal

24:38

we had to life we'd always talked about we've

24:41

learnt how to live simply how to save

24:43

money everything we needed

24:46

it made some smart investments and stashed

24:48

a surplus for the inevitable hard times

24:51

my work is taken off in that one

24:53

in a million way some industries occasionally

24:55

do at first first

24:57

web sites freighted logos

25:00

scrambled for work like everyone does

25:02

then one morning during my daily needs

25:04

time i decided that it would be a good idea

25:07

to learn how to code i

25:09

, that night a

25:11

year later through sheer pig headedness

25:13

pig paid off our first house two

25:16

years after that i told my business

25:18

would use the money to knock the house down and

25:20

rebuild it from scratch exactly

25:23

the way we wanted you

25:25

had your studio in the attic of i had

25:27

my workshop in the garden mostly

25:29

, tinkering you painted landscapes

25:32

for fun although i could never

25:34

understand how landscapes were fun

25:36

every now and then know you'd pick up a commission

25:39

just remind yourself why you didn't do

25:41

commissions it's

25:44

questions were distant whispers in the back

25:46

of my mind at first that her

25:48

voice grew louder as the days went by

25:51

at all hours she'd ask about her favorite

25:54

food watermelon about

25:56

her parents both long dead

25:59

if you

25:59

the ridden a horse

26:01

no but she had gotten pretty close

26:03

when we were on holiday in greece the chickened

26:06

out at the last moment she

26:08

asked about our babies

26:10

there were tears streaming down my face

26:13

i told the story

26:16

abby had grown like a weed a

26:19

beautiful resilient weed he

26:21

was are beautiful daughter before either of

26:23

us truly realize that and once

26:25

you pointed it out it was so blatantly

26:28

obvious that we felt stupid for not seeing

26:30

it first mommy sorry

26:34

i , you to know that i am not a boy boy

26:36

body doesn't sit me it's all it's

26:39

i know that i'm a girl she

26:41

stated that matter of factly as if

26:44

she were explaining gravity to gravity pair of

26:46

idiots it wasn't a debate

26:49

abby must have been beyond distraught but

26:51

, didn't flinch she looked

26:53

me in the eye and stood her ground knowing

26:56

that are only two ways the discussion

26:58

to go the most likely of which

27:00

being us telling her to leave and never come

27:02

back i don't know if

27:04

i've ever been that brave and my entire

27:06

life i had my new

27:09

daughter tightly feeling the tension

27:11

and her entire body dissolved the

27:14

only going to ask you this wants to take

27:17

a mom to think it over before you answer okay

27:20

abby nodded smearing tears

27:22

into my chest

27:24

are you sure this is what you are

27:27

that moment stretched out almost to the point

27:29

of staffing

27:31

the tiny voice vibrated through the fabric

27:33

of my shirts

27:35

yeah daddy

27:36

sure

27:38

i rang charlotte she ,

27:41

living and practicing in pittsburgh is a time

27:44

time hour later she pulled into the driveway

27:46

with a bouquet of sunflowers the

27:48

initial three months of hormone blockers

27:50

and a card that read warmest

27:52

congratulations on the birth of your sweet

27:55

baby girl abigail had

27:57

done nothing but make us proud every

27:59

sing

27:59

day sense

28:03

i looked up at the nervous system floating in the

28:05

tank above my desk and rub the

28:07

scarred remains of my flame eaten

28:09

ear it wasn't a comforting

28:11

sensation but , rubbery chunk

28:14

of scarred flesh always brought me back

28:16

to what was important thing

28:18

here now focusing

28:20

on the work's getting it done piece

28:22

by piece trunk by chunk

28:26

tell you we know of and after all one

28:28

bite at a times that

28:30

, at only fifty six days

28:32

out of a hospital and wing three hundred

28:34

fifty seven pounds pounds

28:36

was close to done my

28:39

watch buzzed to remind me it was lunchtime

28:42

and my body flinched of the prospect of yet

28:44

more food that had been

28:47

two hours already i

28:49

could still feel the imprints of the last snack

28:51

in my gullet the phone

28:53

rang i , the name on the front

28:56

front i realized what day it was charlotte

29:00

so fucking sorry fucking completely forgot

29:03

i'll be there and twenty i heard

29:05

cakes voice in my head thrill

29:07

excited you couldn't wait to meet

29:10

charlotte the had so many questions

29:13

maybe next time love you have little

29:15

nap and i'll wait you wanna get back

29:18

i pressed the button on the remote in my pocket

29:20

and she went to sleep

29:22

hi mr already

29:26

the far side of the all too snug

29:28

cafe table charlotte made

29:30

a magician's flourish gesture

29:32

to indicate me all

29:34

of me

29:35

rumors back

29:37

that's what this is

29:39

huma what

29:41

commerzbank it's german it

29:44

literally translates to greece bacon

29:47

such was going on here i'm

29:49

not judging i'm as guilty of that shit is

29:51

anyone the to punctuate

29:53

or point she removed the straw from her

29:55

glass gulped down the last third

29:57

of her banana milkshake and belts

30:01

i waited

30:02

that might have dropped out of drama school to pursue

30:04

a doctorate in psychiatry but

30:06

see it or was hardwired into her personality

30:09

i knew better than to interrupt her when she was monologue

30:13

basically

30:14

she wiped your mouse on the remains of a paper

30:16

napkin

30:18

you been eating your feelings all

30:20

your feelings

30:21

i shrugged and took a deep hole from my neapolitan

30:24

shake i'll go now funded what you're

30:26

doing after my cousin took a dive under

30:28

a train

30:30

nelson went into it hard my dad

30:32

was certain that it was is quiet attempt to remove

30:34

themselves from circulation

30:36

i slipped up for chocolate briggs

30:38

at the bottom of the glass charlotte

30:41

didn't even miss a beat one

30:43

day though he woke up looked at

30:45

is lysander hyper focused

30:47

raids took him the shower

30:49

and shave that fucking hideous neck

30:51

beard

30:52

what on some clean clothes and what out and got

30:54

a dog

30:56

the rescue

30:57

the renamed it chubby

30:59

the walk that damn dog twice a day

31:01

everyday a month later

31:03

they were running eight months after

31:05

that both he and the dog were built like tanks

31:08

the what's your point exactly the

31:11

point not really sometimes

31:13

you just gotta do what you gotta do until you're ready

31:15

to move on i don't need twelve

31:18

years studied in know that that

31:20

said i question to you my

31:22

dearly bloated friend is this that

31:25

you split another waffle with me you

31:27

know our should i am when it comes to peer pressure

31:30

i said the only thing i could say the

31:33

i look like a quitter to you my

31:37

liposuction appointment came around fast

31:39

the lady on the front desk got more than a better

31:42

fried when i made my wheezing way through

31:44

the double doors it was only

31:46

the second time in three months that i'd

31:48

left the workshop on account of my

31:50

size four days earlier

31:53

numerous places on my billie had split

31:55

open and zoo bleeding yellow mouths

31:58

the inelastic scarred

31:59

you at buckled

32:01

the able to take the strain of the extra weight

32:04

i don't when i could with bandages and painkillers

32:07

i was in a lot of pain

32:10

great couldn't wait to be birth

32:13

the taste food to feel the wind

32:15

on her face

32:16

the move independent of me

32:19

it wasn't sure how taste would work or

32:21

sensation

32:23

that we cross those bridges on regatta them

32:26

i use a remote to put to sleep before

32:28

they put me under it was hard

32:30

enough without subjecting yourself to avoidable

32:32

trauma when

32:35

i woke after the procedure i was

32:37

alone in the bed

32:39

it was strange don't feel kate's wait

32:41

on top of me

32:42

the not hear her voice in my head telling me

32:44

how much she loved me the

32:47

doctor explained everything had gone according

32:49

to plan and that my package

32:51

was killed and waiting when i was

32:53

ready people say

32:55

that money can't solve all your problems

32:58

but i say to those people's is you have

33:00

a problem that money can six

33:02

and the money to fix it then

33:04

you don't really have a problem hopped

33:07

up on painkillers and wobbling like

33:09

a penguin that had taken a steel toed kept

33:11

boot to the groin i was home

33:13

by late afternoon despite

33:16

the agony it was nice to have proper

33:18

mobility again i did what i

33:20

could to ignore the wet leather flapping sensation

33:23

of the loose skin under my arms

33:25

and on the backs of my legs all

33:27

my joints ache from the trauma of

33:30

the last few months that it was pure

33:32

joy to sit in my desk chair again

33:34

and not spill out over both sides

33:37

the nervous system floated at a neutral

33:40

buoyancy in the tank above spider

33:43

web of nodes all woven together

33:45

to pass knowledge

33:46

the framework to support flesh

33:49

it was unconscious in the cooler or

33:51

mind still dormant in the large i

33:54

made a few final adjustments tested

33:56

then corrected the ph of the amniotic

33:59

tank

33:59

and added nutrients

34:01

then with still wobbly legs

34:04

i hold the first cooler up the stairs

34:06

and pop the lid

34:08

the time my love

34:11

i tipped a bag of sulfur yellow fact

34:13

into the liquid and as they passed the surface

34:16

the blue light hated them to emerald

34:18

blobs a section

34:20

of the nervous system reached out and touched

34:23

a few songs calling them to have

34:25

like a star coaxing the makings

34:27

of a planet into it's orbit the

34:30

precise movements the spider legs

34:32

sculpted and reshaped the tiny

34:34

bits that used to be me the

34:36

beginnings of fingers and a forearm

34:39

i tip then more fast a

34:42

cloud of nanobots broke free of the nervous

34:44

system and and gulf the whole chunk

34:46

in a protective metallic thera pace

34:49

it drifted toward the anchor node coming

34:51

to rest were a brain would be

34:55

i kept another helping of myself into the

34:57

liquid nanos forged a throbbing

34:59

yellow heart was in the torso the

35:02

elders formed limbs filled

35:04

out

35:05

the tide curve of her hips expanded

35:08

the body floating in the tank had no skins

35:11

know eyes it was complete

35:14

i checked the terminals asked the system

35:16

howard was coping green

35:19

bars one hundred percent

35:23

shut down heavily really my

35:25

heart swell as i watched kate's just

35:28

expanding and contracting though

35:30

she had no functioning lungs i

35:33

was desperate to wager folder in

35:35

my arms

35:36

there was still work to do

35:38

i took one last look at my toes who

35:41

were distant strangers to me now the

35:43

raptor jumbo sized chocolate bar

35:48

when i roused her later that evening it

35:50

was irrepressible it

35:52

felt strange to have are in the bed with me the

35:55

soft mass that i'd carried for months

35:57

now carrying itself

35:59

she reached downwards

36:01

the cascade of loose skin to

36:03

one side and found me stiffer

36:06

than a boy scout in a strip club

36:09

i love you arthur

36:11

i've missed you so much

36:13

i wept often that her touch but

36:15

never dared senate we

36:17

talked into the wee hours i

36:19

lay back and she said me toffees

36:22

like i was some misshapen

36:24

grecian deity she

36:26

brought me burgers pizza lasagna

36:29

double fudged milkshakes let

36:32

me to tears you art

36:34

you're reading for to now

36:36

the war the brunette wig i bought her

36:39

and we made love in the dark i

36:41

felt complete for the first time

36:43

since the accident i

36:46

knew i couldn't last though it

36:48

was too good to last nothing

36:51

is forever the

36:53

girls was a difficult pregnancy

36:56

both times when kate

36:58

header we were first time parents

37:00

i'm prepared sure but not

37:03

stupid we did our best

37:05

the lead and that been rough submit

37:07

a few scares hate saying

37:10

constantly to the baby in her belly

37:12

selling our stories about frogs and

37:14

princes and fuzzy sparrows

37:16

who learns the error of their ways from

37:19

golden statues of deadened princes

37:22

by way of applause abby would kick

37:24

like a mule in heat this

37:27

time was completely different though i

37:30

had abbey's voice in my head from day

37:32

one yeah about everything

37:35

she was president and vocal in our bed

37:37

which put something of a damper on things

37:40

the almost quiet mornings segregated

37:43

from the outside world cayton

37:45

i would lie in our grease stains bed

37:48

if you'd prefer moist air old to my stretch

37:50

marked got and whisper to her daughter

37:53

the said our desperately she was looking forward

37:56

to holding her to seeing her grow

37:58

into the beautiful woman she was all

37:59

this meant to be

38:01

without the extra programming to worry about

38:04

this time around i was able to fully

38:06

arrest and focus on putting on the

38:08

weight the

38:10

food that kate prepare for me everything

38:13

at extra cheese and extra oil

38:16

i drink a two liter bottle of soda with every

38:18

meal the headaches were bad

38:20

but compared to the endless agony of the burn

38:22

ward it was at worst an inconvenience

38:25

from from over which

38:27

abbey's constant questions echoed

38:30

that europe next gets sore

38:32

if i were ice cream what flavor would i be

38:35

what was the best day of your life daddy

38:37

the be much longer until i can hook money

38:41

i told her there and the back of my thoughts

38:44

even when i drifted into slumber it

38:47

was it can't hurt

38:48

feeling this closeness with my baby girl

38:51

it always envied kate's experience

38:54

feeling life germinate within you

38:56

knowing that you're an important cog on the

38:58

wheel of the universe the furnace

39:00

of flesh forging a tiny

39:02

life that will stretch into the tomorrow's

39:05

you will not be around to see

39:09

except for the twenty four minutes kate had to spend

39:11

recuperating and or own tank every

39:13

eighteen hours she was by my side

39:15

every moment the fed me

39:18

when i was too exhausted to lift a fork the

39:20

help to wash me when i was too big to white

39:22

myself properly excursions

39:25

to the bathroom became longer and longer

39:28

my bowels were constantly in overdrive

39:31

grinding down foreign ships master

39:33

catering pizza piles of chocolate

39:36

my body soaking all the sugar in

39:38

before sending the balance out the exhausted

39:40

waste by it

39:43

was harder than the first time but

39:45

even in my weakest moment i didn't

39:47

dare tell kate that i

39:49

needed to get the job done and soon because

39:52

my body wouldn't cope with another pregnancy

39:54

and the time we had i

39:57

pushed the liposuction appointment back a few

39:59

weeks in a november

39:59

and focused on doubling my efforts

40:02

if kate was a little deflated about

40:04

having to wait longer abby was

40:06

fuming he withdrew inside

40:09

me and refuse to engage for full

40:11

week i told her raging

40:13

and the back of my mind of the soviets

40:16

of screaming with no tangible

40:18

mouse

40:20

i didn't have to get as big as before it

40:23

would have to be close i

40:25

slept as much as i could

40:27

i watch tv from bed when i couldn't

40:29

sleep even with all the cleaning

40:31

and wet wipes the atmosphere around

40:33

me became accurate it was aerosolized

40:36

damp rotting wash cloths

40:39

forgotten vinaigrette i

40:41

was thankful that take didn't have any working smell

40:43

receptors because i could barely

40:45

stand to be near me the spaces

40:48

of flesh in between the scar tissue

40:50

this tended to accommodate the new girl

40:53

the only thing i hated more than the see pap

40:55

machine was the terror of waking up

40:57

suffocating in the dark stop

41:00

being such a baby

41:02

it said

41:03

women have been doing this forever drop

41:05

out a pair of ovaries and dig deep big boy

41:08

does in two weeks you'll be able to hug

41:10

your daughter

41:13

i managed to arrange a home appointment for the

41:15

liposuction

41:17

edit it was because they were being nice

41:20

in all honesty putting a few extra

41:22

zeros on a check tends to lubricate

41:24

people's goodwill response more than

41:26

anything else

41:28

abby still wasn't speaking to me so

41:30

well kate was fixing dinner i use the

41:32

remote to deactivate or

41:35

when she woke up again should be here

41:37

in the real world wearing flush

41:40

still needed a way to abby over

41:42

dinner i made up some replies

41:45

that mostly i managed to convince her that her daughter

41:47

was having a teenage moment kate

41:50

went for her maintenance now i switched

41:52

her off to looking

41:55

up at her floating in the tank i

41:57

whispered that i loved her i

41:59

told her

41:59

sorry i was

42:01

i didn't have the capacity to explain her

42:03

to anyone outside

42:07

the technician arrived early the next day

42:09

this race wrinkle that the obvious tang

42:11

of on wash as he opened the outer

42:13

sliding door and stepped into the bedroom

42:16

but like a professional essentially didn't

42:18

mention the state of the room

42:21

i don't want i could to clean the place up a little

42:23

but after the fourth time bending over to pick

42:25

up a zoc i got lightheaded

42:27

and had to go for a lie down

42:30

where are you argument to set up mister godwin

42:33

he gestured to the heavy duty plastic flight

42:35

cases he held

42:36

in here i'll be fine

42:39

i will kate a few hours later

42:42

he was furious but when she saw

42:44

the loose skin hanging from my forearms

42:46

and dripping from my neck she wrapped

42:49

me and an enormous wet hug the

42:51

yellow spongy bits that made up her arms

42:54

squished around me i

42:56

was sore but too tired to protest

42:59

besides i'd already paid

43:01

the price for that moment of closeness

43:04

the pain was worth it

43:06

are you ready to be a mother

43:08

i whispered into the place where her year should

43:10

be they squeezed me

43:12

tighter

43:14

then i do it

43:15

i mean

43:16

can i help

43:18

of course my life

43:20

that over slowly hand with more

43:22

effort than i was happy to admit

43:24

the lid open on the cooler i've

43:27

already divided it all out this

43:29

whole cooler should do it i

43:32

handed her a bag which swirled with

43:34

sulfur yellow globs of me cut

43:36

with strands of read kate's

43:38

eyeless face wrinkle their she held up

43:41

the bag examining this fraction

43:43

of our daughter that already

43:45

prepared to tank was are nervous system

43:48

the very gentle with days though she's still

43:50

asleep inside

43:52

eight not it what's the other

43:54

cooler for that

43:56

my love

43:57

there's a surprise

43:59

or yellow toothless mouse twisted

44:02

up been a grin

44:03

the pack me on the cheek leaving a greasy

44:06

smudge then cradling the

44:08

bio bag and her arms like a newborn

44:11

she skipped to the ladder the

44:13

tuba was an illuminated sapphire

44:15

inside which the spindly tendrils

44:17

of abigail nervous system twitched

44:20

as if in a dream you're

44:22

stupid slowly the corner love the

44:24

other nanos will do all the rest

44:27

they did

44:28

the blood residue darken the water with

44:30

black clouds while the blue light

44:32

read colored the policy fat cells green

44:36

eight peered over the lip and into the tank

44:39

art nothing's happening

44:41

i want old across the floor and headed another bag

44:44

up to her going to put the rest

44:46

of her in the tank before i activate them eight

44:49

hundred the seal and tipped off the contents

44:52

she was down the stairs and back up again with

44:54

the last two bags before i get even gesture

44:56

that i'd help

44:58

the last to them

44:59

this rate

45:01

okay there goes

45:04

i tried to password selected

45:06

the and ah skeletons and started the build

45:08

programs

45:10

the tank was instantly a galaxy

45:12

of flickering stars quickly

45:15

the nano bots collected a bowl the stray him

45:17

at it's compacting them together into

45:19

a brown ball that they discarded on

45:21

the floor of the tank then

45:24

they got to work small

45:26

chunks of fat danced upwards through the

45:28

amniotic fluid like plastic bags

45:30

carried on a breeze the shape

45:33

of the body rapidly came into view

45:35

lumps arranging themselves filling

45:37

out the interior of the mechanical nervous

45:40

system toes cavs

45:43

thighs stomach

45:45

just arms

45:47

and finally the eyeless head

45:50

kate stood frozen in place like

45:52

some obscene perversion of venus

45:55

we're seeing receptors taking in the second

45:57

birth of her first daughter

46:00

art why isn't she moving

46:02

stop worrying so much and come over here

46:05

she did

46:07

press this button she

46:09

job the button smearing it was cold

46:11

fat there is a moment of

46:13

quiet fact by the muffled

46:15

rumble of the tank oxygenating

46:19

these head twitched then

46:21

her adipose toes i

46:23

slipped my on steady hand indicates

46:26

and squeeze the squeeze

46:28

right back i checked the terminals

46:31

green bars

46:34

you're sleeping

46:35

i whispered

46:37

you wanna go wake her up

46:39

it was up the stairs before i'd even finish

46:41

the sentence

46:43

the slipped into the tank and under the surface

46:45

blue town instantly shading her

46:47

yellow figure green sliding

46:50

through the viscous liquid like a serpent

46:52

hunting pray

46:53

she's with her arms around her daughter

46:56

enter touch was instantly met with

46:58

an embrace

47:01

the moments are beyond words

47:06

i waited at the bottom of the steel stairs

47:08

a fresh towels tucked under my arm

47:11

they left towards me wrapping

47:13

me and her newly forged arms

47:15

i love you daddy for love you so much

47:19

eight followed suit

47:20

increasing as both than a hug

47:23

seismic sobs wrecked every

47:25

inch of my distorted body being

47:27

the only one of us with tear ducts i

47:30

put my back into with and ugly

47:32

cried for three

47:35

that night i eat a salad fresh

47:38

tomatoes chopped cucumber some

47:40

diced onion

47:42

my taste buds were shot from six months

47:44

of artificial flavorings but the texture

47:46

was something magical

47:48

i didn't burp greece that night

47:50

in bed

47:51

eight and abby mattered on

47:54

and on and on

47:55

it was glorious

47:57

they discussed boys and clothes

47:59

that his main topic was puppies

48:02

she wanted know she

48:04

needed a puppy it

48:06

was vital to her development as development as

48:08

member of society

48:10

the with your condition i don't think a puppy such

48:12

a good idea he didn't

48:15

know what i meant by conditions they

48:18

want to ruin evenings so i did

48:20

what dad's do i said maybe

48:23

but only if you're good i

48:26

went to bed early and left the girls chatting

48:28

in the kitchen

48:29

the shooting white noise of their conversation

48:31

and the adjacent rooms folks to me

48:34

into serene rest

48:37

the next morning after a kale and strawberries

48:40

movies i took the sepa machine

48:42

out into the snowy garden and beat

48:44

it to death with a baseball bat i

48:47

tackled like a maniac until it was nothing

48:49

more than circuit board can city and

48:51

plastic chunks scattered across the

48:53

snow then feeling

48:55

my bladder flush with the abundance of fresh

48:58

water i pissed on the remains

49:01

it was a good day to be alive

49:04

i said i do the girls were trying on

49:06

all the new clothes created ordered specially

49:09

every outfit they'd tried on was dappled

49:12

and dark response

49:13

that neither seem to notice they

49:16

didn't elaborate twirl for me in a blue

49:18

sundress she pointed out that the vital

49:20

accessory her outfits was missing

49:22

was a puppy you

49:24

never know i said christmas

49:27

is right around the corner

49:29

i didn't get abbott

49:32

the other cooler of that was where i'd left

49:34

it in the workshop there was still a little

49:36

of abbey's mind dormant inside

49:38

the adipose tissue

49:40

that nothing that she would miss the

49:43

make all this work well

49:45

you know

49:46

lack of isis

49:48

iran a remote program and format of

49:50

the remaining nanobots

49:52

then uploaded molly's data photos

49:55

of me holding her the day she was born

49:58

the favorite toy stuff

49:59

frog

50:01

video of all three of her birthdays

50:03

the clown face cake catered spent

50:05

fourteen hours getting exactly right

50:09

for miniscule nervous system took no time

50:11

to assemble i transferred

50:13

the raw tissue to the tank

50:14

it took immediately it

50:17

would be a few hours before should be ready

50:19

though i covered the tank in a blanket and

50:21

left her to dream about past lives

50:25

that afternoon the contractors called

50:28

the house was almost complete it

50:30

will be fully furnished in the next few days and

50:33

ready for us to move in the

50:35

article at any other requests

50:37

anything they could do to make it special

50:39

i saw for a moment

50:41

my face twist up into a grin the

50:44

told the nice lady i'd send a realist immediately

50:47

the reply was a swift as it was brief

50:49

everything will be ready by five pm tomorrow

50:52

believe the key under the mat

50:53

wishing you the happiest of holidays

50:58

molly's second verse was far less

51:00

dramatic that her first her

51:02

mother's water hadn't broken in a chain

51:04

store sitting room she hadn't been delivered

51:06

of a mall parking lot in the back of an ambulance

51:09

while her father got for speeding tickets

51:11

in his desperation to get to the hospital

51:15

this time on the twentieth of

51:17

december

51:18

i was there

51:19

i scooped little molly godwin out

51:21

of the amniotic tank and swaddled her

51:23

in a towel the held

51:25

her close to my heart and looked down at

51:27

her pulled the yellow body while she breathlessly

51:30

wailed for her mommy

51:34

once we had all calm down little

51:36

i told them the bundle up warm and come outside

51:40

the frosted grass crunched under our toes

51:42

as requested the hill

51:44

the house was a festive beacon

51:46

glowing in the dark all the

51:49

eaves delicately hung with strings

51:51

of flickering rainbow lights the

51:53

giant front window i saw a roaring

51:55

fireplace with a bottle of champagne

51:58

on the mantle electric

51:59

heller candles wrapped in festive

52:02

read bows clustered on every surface

52:05

that a real for tree decorated

52:07

with red and gold bottles

52:10

there was a giant reese on the front door at

52:12

a card tucked into it that read

52:15

welcome home arthur

52:18

gabi shrieked in delight when she saw the mountain

52:21

of gifts under the tree can

52:23

we open presents

52:24

please add a slave

52:27

course you can't beauties i'm not a complete

52:29

monster that , condition

52:32

condition furrowed her i was yellow face

52:34

of me trying to disentangle

52:36

the game i was playing tonight

52:39

isn't open one present each molly

52:41

up under mousehole to interrupt but

52:43

interrupt shudder down with a look

52:45

that i get to pick which or

52:48

maybe little faces at at all i'd

52:51

, the mecca of parenting i

52:53

played this exactly right hate

52:56

perched yourself on the edge of the cream so for

52:59

the get a better view a dark greece

53:01

smear on the couch expanding beneath

53:03

her backside as he shifted her weight

53:06

i shuffled around under the tree and retrieved

53:08

and small silver package with package red bow

53:11

molly's that to for me she battled

53:14

with the paper

53:15

sir

53:16

her tiny fingers were too slippery

53:19

abby watched the cogs of her mind

53:21

worrying at full speed she

53:23

knew i was up to something

53:25

the was a smart kid

53:27

that you hadn't put together like yes

53:30

eventually though frustrated was waiting

53:32

abby helped her sister with the paper molly

53:35

, the rectangular gift box and produced

53:37

of rubber banana banana

53:40

don't like bananas daddy i

53:42

told her told give it a squeeze and she

53:44

did the high pitched

53:46

wheezing squeak echoed through the cozy

53:49

living room molly squealed

53:51

and delight she , it again

53:53

and again etti in

53:55

the manner of teenagers pretended

53:57

incredibly hard that she was not amused

54:00

that she was

54:02

a muffled bark silenced all

54:04

the giggling

54:06

the girls scared of the tree trying

54:08

to put one and one together

54:10

i grinned at case like a circus

54:12

clown on methamphetamine

54:15

he silently mouth

54:17

you in

54:18

when track

54:20

you beamed

54:21

abby snatched the squeaky toy from her sister

54:24

and was using it like a radar to locate the

54:26

source of the buzzing

54:28

the

54:29

the whole

54:30

he

54:32

oh

54:33

the lower yourself to her hands and knees on

54:35

the wooden floor raining or head

54:38

to one side to try to zero in

54:40

on the sounds moly ,

54:42

quite so quick on the uptake she

54:44

wanted her squeaked nor nor back back

54:46

listen abby hissed she's

54:49

quick the toy three times in succession

54:52

the response was immediate abby

54:54

pulled a large box towards her careful

54:57

to not jostled too much or she did

55:00

it was covered in the same silver wrapping

55:02

paper but there were assholes the

55:04

size of bottle caps punched around

55:06

the room

55:07

inside something with tiny

55:09

clause scramble from one side to the

55:12

other and back again

55:14

abby looked up at me

55:16

sweetheart

55:18

i heard

55:19

the gift wrap was silver shreds on

55:21

the floor in seconds

55:23

the moment within became psychotic abby

55:26

lifted the lid and sri that are frequency

55:28

high enough to make a bet when

55:31

the bungie hands caressed the

55:33

tiny black puppy

55:34

lifted it to her face it wasn't

55:37

sure what to make of her but that didn't

55:39

self a little tales from watching it

55:41

last that her face nibble on

55:43

her nose

55:44

that abby didn't find

55:46

thank you daddy thank you so much

55:49

she's absolutely perfect

55:51

as you smothered the puppy inside

55:53

he kisses said managed to bite off a

55:55

small chunk of her teeth and gulp it down

55:59

the didn't seem to know or rather

56:01

if she did she was too caught up

56:03

in the moment to care

56:07

these last few days have been a magical

56:10

blur

56:11

the be built a blanket fort in the lounge

56:13

with her sister they stole the fairy lights

56:15

off the tree and suspended i'm from broomsticks

56:18

cable tied to the legs of chairs when

56:21

the night comes down the drooping arcs

56:23

of flickering yellow bulbs become strings

56:25

of fireflies they

56:28

named her puppy raven because she's the

56:30

same color as the birds raven

56:32

hasn't left her side she follows

56:35

tiny pause pub pause pub

56:37

over the reclaimed wood floor and

56:40

snapping hungrily at her ankles

56:42

the or she makes abigail happy

56:45

that really is all that matters

56:49

on christmas day we all sat late

56:52

woke me was insistent kisses on

56:54

the back of my neck like quickly escalated

56:56

into other insistent things

56:59

after we were spent we got

57:01

dressed and slipped downstairs to find

57:03

the girls wearing santa hats and waiting

57:05

patiently in the front room this

57:07

bulged out from beneath the tree like

57:09

cankles under a momo raven

57:12

yeah excitedly as i lifted molly

57:14

into my arms she wanted to know

57:16

what was in all the pretty boxes you

57:19

like to find out the

57:21

chaos was perfection i

57:23

took photos of everything they complained

57:26

but that's what does are supposed to do during the holidays

57:28

right after a feast of

57:31

turkey roast potatoes brussels

57:33

sprouts and davies we slipped

57:35

out into the snow sudden backyard and

57:37

built a family of snowman molly

57:39

made up silly names reach of them and

57:42

to her credit abby didn't make fun of

57:44

her sister

57:45

afterwards we went into warm up

57:47

they'd made hot chocolate to distract the

57:49

girls and then she and i snuck upstairs

57:52

and lock the bedroom door behind us when

57:55

we came back for more relaxed

57:57

the girls were sitting together on the couch

58:00

the dog was asleep on abbey's laugh

58:02

there were playing monopoly

58:04

molly was having a hard time getting to grips

58:07

with the overall concept so

58:09

naturally her sister was milking it for

58:11

all it was worth outside

58:14

the on the bay window the snow

58:16

seem to be falling in slow motion

58:19

just what we watch a movie

58:21

them and com something black and

58:23

white

58:24

what i mean

58:26

they made popcorn we all curled

58:28

up on the couch gabi sat

58:30

on my left wearing a santa hat

58:32

she refused to take off molly

58:35

was asleep in my arms before the opening

58:37

credits had finished

58:39

it rested or head on my shoulder

58:41

making her brunette wig focus i

58:45

told them that i love them

58:47

edited in the best christmas ever

58:50

i wish the movie could go on forever

58:53

that i knew better

58:55

everything ends

58:56

everything to case

58:59

beauty is waiting

59:01

that's what makes life precious i

59:03

slipped a hand in my pocket and

59:05

felt for the remote the click

59:07

of the first button under the power of myself

59:11

the structure within kate's body the

59:13

part that holds her up right went limp

59:16

or face mashed into my shoulder i

59:19

heard the panic in her voice as yeah

59:21

so what was going on

59:23

they didn't explain

59:27

abby fell back into the couch a

59:30

, mannequin and er festive hat

59:33

hat began to began i

59:35

clicked the final button or

59:37

tony form wilted my

59:40

eyes preclude with memories i

59:43

, the screaming coming at me from both

59:45

sides and cradled the saying in

59:47

my arms the facsimile of

59:49

my dead donor donor

59:52

barked raven barked

59:54

knew animals are

59:56

smart like that the insignificant

59:59

luck

59:59

relieved offered me from her masters

1:00:02

lap needle teeth bared

1:00:04

i snatched the dog up and twisted or heard

1:00:06

a full one hundred eighty degrees brittle

1:00:09

bones shuttered

1:00:11

punching through soft help raven

1:00:13

sense to moment

1:00:15

then went soft philo

1:00:17

pulp preacher in the santa hat

1:00:20

the obscene mockery of my beautiful daughter

1:00:22

abby was shrieking it

1:00:24

, week or for all the noises

1:00:27

it was making it might as well of them

1:00:29

hate tried to comfort her wailing

1:00:31

children with platitudes she

1:00:33

, to comfort yourself but

1:00:36

you know in the depths of her lard heart but

1:00:38

nothing she could say would stop us the

1:00:41

screaming had tarnished done otherwise perfect

1:00:44

day

1:00:45

but only a little

1:00:47

i pressed another button and all

1:00:49

oral systems went offline

1:00:53

the room asylum

1:00:55

nothing but my heaving broth and a crackling

1:00:57

fireplace i

1:01:00

lifted molly up and carefully

1:01:02

balanced her on her mother's lap i

1:01:04

could feel her eyes on me as i shuffled around

1:01:07

the room

1:01:08

a little lighter fluid a match

1:01:11

there's a matter of seconds the tree was as

1:01:13

brilliant as it would ever be

1:01:16

i sat back on the couch snuggled

1:01:19

between my wife and older daughter from

1:01:22

, arms around them both both

1:01:25

my head i kissed case forehead

1:01:27

one last one i thanked

1:01:29

her for giving me this chance to go

1:01:31

the way i should have gone a year ago i

1:01:34

knew she could hear me

1:01:36

i knew that she could feel the ravenous heat

1:01:38

creeping towards us just as i

1:01:40

could

1:01:42

together as a family

1:01:45

we admired the flames slithering

1:01:47

up the tree like intangible snakes

1:01:50

the , devoured tinsel and bubbles

1:01:52

all black smoke rose

1:01:55

transforming the ceiling and to assert corporate

1:01:59

the my wife

1:02:01

my daughter's

1:02:02

they'll of them

1:02:04

they didn't say back

1:02:06

they don't need

1:02:08

love is of herb

1:02:09

the doing of it uses you

1:02:12

it consumes you like flame

1:02:14

until there's nothing left of view

1:02:16

the blackened

1:02:17

smoking

1:02:31

everyone is howling about pause if you're

1:02:34

the , for how many of the some assigned i

1:02:36

am your father father , samuel

1:02:40

l jackson some very far

1:02:44

as far few teachers tomorrow for pg

1:02:56

thank you for listening to episode eleven fourteen

1:02:58

of the wicked library but my pleasure me

1:03:00

back hosting an episode of the wicked library again

1:03:02

side when you're hosting of we thank you could find

1:03:04

me at de foix echo on twitter

1:03:07

that is author was my pilgrim but his

1:03:09

story personal growth rate

1:03:11

, was told by graham roads are

1:03:14

season eleven lead editor and executive producer

1:03:16

is scarlett are algae resident

1:03:19

composer and executive producer is nick of it

1:03:21

as a we talk dreams artwork

1:03:23

for today's episode was created by jeanette

1:03:26

andromeda art director and executive

1:03:28

producer a , is meg

1:03:30

williams williams show runner in

1:03:33

producer used wojciech

1:03:36

to find out more about today's contributors and our

1:03:38

team please visit the wicked library dot

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com and check out their bio patients

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