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M K.

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Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast,

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a weekly conversation about mental

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health, personal development, and

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all the small decisions we can make to

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become the best possible versions of ourselves.

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I'm your host, Dr Joy hard

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and Bradford, a licensed psychologist

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in Atlanta, Georgia. For more

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information or to find a therapist

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in your area, visit our website

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at Therapy for Black Girls dot com.

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While I hope you love listening to and

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learning from the podcast, it is

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not meant to be a substitute for relationship

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with a licensed mental health professional.

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Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining

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me for session one nineteen of the Therapy

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for Black Girl's podcast, and

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a huge shout out to y'all for listening

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and sharing because we just hit five

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million downloads of the podcast. Y'all

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are amazing and I appreciate you

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and your support infinitely. So

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picture this. You met

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someone six months ago while out with

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some friends. You exchange

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numbers, really hit it off, You

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see each other several times a week, you

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text NonStop, and you genuinely

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enjoy each other's company, and

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then all of a sudden, you just

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don't hear from them for a week. You

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reach out by phone, email, text,

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You do a drive by to see if their cars in the

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driveway, and maybe even try

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to get ahold of their best friend to see if everything's

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okay. It's very

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likely they're fine, but it

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sounds like you, my friend have been

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ghosted. In our

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common lexicon, ghosting

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occurs when you've been spending a significant

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amount of time with someone and by

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all accounts, everything is going great, and

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then all of a sudden, you don't hear

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from them anymore, and they don't return

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any of your attempts to contact. It's

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just as cruel as it sounds, and

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sadly, I'm hearing that it's happening quite

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a bit these days. So I wanted

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to spend some time digging into what might drive

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someone to ghost and how you can

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take care of yourself if you've been ghosted.

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So most often, I think the reason

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that people disappear without any kind of explanation

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is that they are not comfortable having a direct

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conversation. For whatever

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reason, they may have changed their mind

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about how they feel, or may be confused

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about how they feel, and instead

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of actually acknowledging their feelings, they

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just disappear. I think many

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people have difficulty engaging in conversations

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where they know someone's feelings will be hurt or

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that someone will be disappointed, So

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instead of subjecting themselves to a situation

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where they may be uncomfortable, they

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just disappear. I mean, how

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many times have you heard someone say,

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I just don't want to hurt our feelings. And

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while of course it stings to learn that

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a relationship that you thought was promising

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may not be so promising, it

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hurts a whole lot worse for

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someone to just disappear from your life.

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So how can you take care of yourself if you've

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been ghosted? So first,

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I think it's important to acknowledge that the pain

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in the situation like this is

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very, very real. Sometimes

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I think others can attempt to minimize the

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pain of our relationship ending, especially

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if it wasn't one that lasted a particularly

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long time or it didn't seem

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really serious from the outside. But

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research has actually found that the social

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rejection that we feel after something like being

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ghosted activates the very

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same parts of our brain that are activated

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when we experience physical pain. So

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the first step is acknowledging for yourself

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that this pain that you're experiencing is

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very you. Next,

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I think it's important to be kind and gentle

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with yourself and try your hardest

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not to beat yourself up. Being

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ghosted brings up lots of questions

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like why didn't I see this coming? And

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how did I fall for this? And

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it's important to remember that at any

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given time, we're all just making

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the best decisions we can based

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on the information we have. It's

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very likely that there's nothing you could have done

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differently that would have resulted

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in a different outcome. Third,

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try not to pick yourself apart looking

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for answers to questions that they've

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left you with. I

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think the cruelest thing about being

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ghosted is the ridiculous

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amounts of questions and anxiety

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it can create in your life. In

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the absence of something definitive, it's

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only natural for us to create our own stories

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about what happened and why something

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happened. So when you been ghosted,

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it's very easy to fall into thinking that

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you weren't enough somehow, or

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that you didn't do enough to prevent this from

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happening, and that is just absolutely

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not the truth. Someone

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else's poor decision making is not

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at all a reflection of you it

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says much more about them than

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it does about you. And

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finally, make sure

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that you get some support to sit with you and

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your feelings and to help you process

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the situation. Like

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I mentioned earlier, it's not uncommon

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for an experience like being ghosted to

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result in increased anxiety, a

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depressed mood, and possibly

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impairments to functioning in other areas

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of your life. Talking with a

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therapist or process this experience

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and receive some support maybe a really good

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idea, especially if you're feeling

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like your friends and family are getting tired of hearing

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you discuss it. You deserve

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the space you need to heal from this. So

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I know that me of you have had the unfortunate

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experience of being ghosted, and

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I'd love for you to share with us what

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kinds of things have helped you to take care of yourself

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in the weak of this experience. Make

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sure to share your thoughts with us on social media

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using the hashtag tv G and

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session so that others that may need

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some suggestions can hopefully find them.

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And if you have a girlfriend that you know is struggling

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with being ghosted, please share this

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episode with her. If

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you're searching for a therapist in your area.

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Be sure to check out our therapist directory

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at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash

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directory. And if

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you want to continue digging into this topic

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and meet some other sisters in your area,

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come on over and join us in the Yellow Couch Collective

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where we take a deeper dive into the topics

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from the podcast and just about everything

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else. You can join us at Therapy

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for Black Girls dot com slash y c

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C. And don't forget to check

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out our online store where you can grab a

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copy of our guided affirmation track,

7:00

break up Journal, or your favorite

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Therapy for Black Girls T shirt or mug.

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Go ahead and grab your goodies at Therapy

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for Black Girls dot com slash shop. Thank

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y'all so much for joining me again this week.

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I look forward to continue in this conversation

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with you all real soon. Take

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it care