At work and in life, we are constantly playing the social game. And how good you play the game matters!

In this episode of Think Leadership, learn the basics of social interaction from psychology and sociology.

Here are the highlights:

You have to wake up every single day and be with other people. People are social; everything we do is together. If you want power, friends, and purpose, you have to wake up every day and be part of a community.

Other people determine your fate. Other people promote us, fire us, friend us, or gossip behind our backs. Other people are either very helpful or dangerous. Wouldn't it be nice to know something about people?

Social interaction comes with an agenda and roles. Ervin Goffman's book shows us that it's hard to interact with people without an agenda and roles. Roles come with serious expectations. There is a right way to be a good friend, presenter, mother, father, sibling, doctor, leader, and so on.

Adapt yourself to the situation. Social life is about adapting yourself to the context to get along and get ahead at work. Successful people bring their "frontstage" self to work and minimize their counterproductive "backstage" self.

Don't always be yourself. We need to express our authentic selves, but be careful about "just being yourself." If you want to get promoted, it's more important that you play the social game than express your deepest desires at every turn.

Leaders make up the agenda and roles. From C-suite executives to a kindergarten class, leaders create the agenda and roles for everyone else. "This is what we're going to do" and "this is how we're going to do it. You do x, and I'll do y."

Executive leadership is a high-stakes social game. The higher you climb in an organization, the more critical it becomes to limit your unadulterated self. As Ervin Goffman noted, the higher you rise in an organization, the more your day-to-day work becomes filled with high-stakes meetings. As such, people in executive leadership tend to be better at the social game than those that don't make it to the top.

The goal is leadership flexibility. We work in a global environment and on multi-cultural teams, where each person has a different expectation of leadership. In Brazil, followers expect you to be consensus-driven; in the United States, you get labeled unassertive and cautious if you pause to seek consensus. Can you read the situation and adjust to follower expectations?

How can you do this? First, evaluate your reputation with colleagues with personality assessments and a 360-degree survey. Reputation matters more than what you think about yourself. Second, create a robust development plan. Write specific, relevant, measurable, and time-bound goals. Dedicate a solid two-hours to self-reflection to get off on the right foot; otherwise, you're probably short-changing yourself.