0:01

Joy is the first

0:03

glimpse of blue sky peeking through

0:05

the overcast of a late winter

0:07

day. Joy is the

0:09

first brave tulip of the season, the

0:12

first harvest of fresh blueberries, all the little

0:14

pops of color to remind you that spring

0:16

is on its way. New Yorkers

0:18

know this better than anyone. It's

0:20

time to bring the spring back into your wardrobe, and

0:23

nothing says New York Spring like

0:25

Kate Spade New York. Your

0:27

new spring collection is perfect for all your

0:30

adventures, day or night. Discover

0:32

and shop the spring collection at Kate Spade

0:34

New York. Support

0:39

for this podcast comes from Smartwater. Want

0:42

to get a little more from every sip? Smartwater

0:44

Alkaline doesn't just taste crisp and pure, it's

0:46

loaded with everything you need to perform at

0:48

your best, whether you're running marathons or bordering

0:50

meetings. Elevate how you hydrate and

0:53

pick up a Smartwater Alkaline today. To

0:55

learn more, visit www.drinksmartwater.com. This

1:02

episode contains references to suicide and

1:05

language that might not be suitable for everyone.

1:08

Please use discretion. How

1:13

did the two of you meet? On

1:18

the internet, OKCupid. He

1:21

was under laser eyes. I was

1:23

under hog book. Maria

1:26

Bamford is a comedian. Stephen

1:28

Colbert says she's his favorite comedian

1:31

on Earth, and Judd

1:33

Apatow has called her the funniest woman in

1:35

the world. But

1:37

performing isn't that comfortable for her,

1:40

and she's had to figure out ways to keep

1:42

doing the thing that she loves. We

1:45

wanted to talk to her about that, and all

1:47

kinds of things. But we started

1:49

with the story of how she met her husband, the

1:52

artist Scott Marvel Cassidy. He

2:00

was less than five miles from

2:02

where I lived. It turns out his roommate

2:04

I'd gone on two dates with and,

2:07

well, the wonderful thing about Scott

2:09

Marlwell Cassidy, amongst the

2:11

thousands of wonderful things about him, is

2:14

that we

2:17

had both had a very similar experience of

2:19

like not being able

2:21

to make long-term relationships functional.

2:25

And so I think both of us

2:27

looked at each other in the eyeballs

2:29

and said, let's do this. We

2:32

went to therapy three months in. We have

2:35

continued to get tons of

2:37

help from wherever we can get

2:39

it. Because I

2:42

know, I don't know where, where are

2:44

you? What is it like where you live? You're

2:46

in North Carolina, right? Yeah. Well,

2:49

Los Angeles has this thing. It's a little

2:51

different. Los Angeles is a little different than

2:54

North Carolina. Well, in terms

2:56

of romance sometimes

2:58

and relationships with general

3:00

friendships too, like they'll say, I

3:03

mean, if someone's toxic, I just

3:06

let them go out of my life. Goodbye.

3:09

And as I've gotten older, in 2004, I

3:13

declared it the No Friend Left Behind

3:15

Act. That means I don't

3:17

care what you do. I'm staying with you.

3:20

Like we're going to work it out. Because

3:23

everybody's toxic. I mean, everybody's a nightmare.

3:26

So that kind of

3:28

thing, like with romantic relationships,

3:32

you know, I'd always kind of go, oh, there's

3:34

a red flag. And then, but

3:36

then when describing myself to anybody, I

3:39

am obviously a red flag factory,

3:42

only manufacturing giant red flags.

3:45

So yeah, Scott, when I

3:47

told him, and he knew that I had experienced

3:49

mental health stuff, and he said, listen, if you

3:52

go into the psych ward, I'll come in and

3:54

shave your beard, which is one

3:56

of the most romantic things I've ever heard. And

4:00

vice versa. You know, he had had

4:02

experiences in childhood

4:05

that gave him some PTSD

4:07

and he has

4:10

some suicide attempts and stuff like

4:12

that. And I was like, okay, this

4:14

is it. Like, I'm the

4:18

woman for you. I'm the

4:20

woman for you. What if we're each

4:22

other's best best? Maria

4:26

Bamford and Scott Marvel Cassidy got married

4:28

in 2015. I'm

4:31

so grateful to have him

4:33

as my partner and my beloved in my

4:36

life. And we also have really

4:41

had to change

4:44

and fight to

4:47

make things work, you

4:49

know, to know how to

4:51

de-escalate conflict. Like I had to

4:53

learn how to do that. My

4:55

modus operandi is to fall

4:58

into tears and then run

5:01

away, preferably miles away. He

5:04

shuts down, sometimes says something he regrets.

5:07

And you know, it's like two dysfunctional

5:09

ways that are not going to

5:12

work over the long term. We've

5:14

done the Gottman's, I've done the Gottman's,

5:16

they're a relationship guru. We

5:20

got to do a 12 step program

5:22

for two different ones, one recovering couples, one

5:24

of us, and then the

5:26

one called chapter nine, both free,

5:29

both weird. And we've

5:31

done all the things, all

5:33

the things. Yeah,

5:35

I was like, I'm always grateful when somebody

5:37

goes, I just never had an

5:39

experience where we're in a relationship where

5:42

something's been like, and then it was

5:44

just meant to be. It's just like,

5:47

I just felt like, yeah, this is

5:49

right. Like I just never, never

5:52

had that. I've always felt terrified

5:55

at a

5:57

certain point during Any sort of

5:59

remote. It relationship much m I

6:02

n friendship friendship that. Fell

6:04

terrified Celts. Funny

6:06

when when someone says. You

6:08

know I've It seems like you're You're putting lot

6:11

of work into it. And

6:14

it seems like and working to make

6:16

this work I don't know. And and

6:18

Syrian us you know is that somebody

6:20

is experience. They go Oh yeah yeah

6:22

yeah that's just that's not me. I

6:25

like things, it's it's easier than it's

6:27

meant to be. Would think that's great

6:29

if that worked out for you. I

6:31

was like forty years were forty years

6:33

in and I haven't had anything ever

6:36

been easy. is. It

6:39

Let's say let's just

6:41

relax into. It and just

6:43

com o case also. I

6:46

never want to do anything work does

6:48

not come easily to me. like I'm

6:50

not somebody who likes to get up

6:52

in the morning. Year or so the

6:54

idea that I'm than as suddenly find

6:57

one human being that makes me want

6:59

mississippi. Yeah,

7:01

embrace slice seems to be a

7:03

lot. A lot

7:05

of Maria Bamford comedy directly

7:07

addresses. Her experiences with

7:10

Depression, obsessive Compulsive Disorder,

7:12

and Bipolar to Disorder.

7:15

A diagnosis she's duped has become

7:17

so popular. It's the new

7:19

Gladiator sandals. Do. You.

7:22

Do you find that you.

7:25

You're. Being open about your own

7:27

personal struggles, Your mental health

7:30

struggles. It's. Has made

7:32

you. More connected to

7:34

some of your sans. Yeah,

7:37

old and yeah that

7:39

it's more meaningful for

7:41

sure her like I've

7:43

always appreciated when. They're.

7:45

Artists have any type. Of

7:48

who. Have. Been made

7:50

me feel more welcome

7:53

and. Yet

7:55

reflect experiences I've

7:57

had. i'm I

8:00

get it more out of reading mental

8:02

health memoirs like K.

8:04

Redfield Jameson or Mari

8:06

Hornbacher or the Center

8:09

Cannot Hold, Ellen Sachs. Just

8:11

knowing that that person exists,

8:13

it just makes me feel

8:15

very comforted. So I

8:18

hope that I can be a comfort

8:20

to anybody. Yeah,

8:22

so I'm really grateful for that. It

8:24

makes me feel useful and

8:26

connected. No, so it's

8:28

a very selfish reason to be talking

8:30

about these things as well. Because

8:32

I go, if people laugh, that means they have

8:35

some experience with it. And so I'm

8:38

not by myself. I'm

8:42

Phoebe Judge, and this is Love.

8:54

Maria Bamford performs live a

8:57

lot. It was hard

8:59

to schedule time to sit down and talk because

9:01

she's almost constantly on the road performing

9:04

here and internationally. If

9:07

you can't afford a ticket, she's got

9:09

her email address in her Twitter bio. And

9:12

if you email her, she'll try to put you on the

9:14

guest list so you can come to her show anyway. And

9:18

if you follow Maria Bamford on Twitter, you'll

9:21

also notice that from time to time, going

9:23

back years, she'll post asking

9:25

if anyone is available to sit down with

9:27

her one-on-one while

9:29

she rehearses her material. It

9:32

is surprising how many people, especially when I'm

9:34

in Los Angeles in the LA area, who

9:36

are available. I've

9:38

also been to over Zoom, which

9:41

is also good. And

9:44

then I will also pay dear

9:46

friends to listen to my act who

9:49

are professionals and so therefore need

9:51

to get paid. But otherwise, if

9:53

I do my act for you,

9:55

I will usually either buy you

9:58

a snack. you

10:00

know, lunch, whatever, sky's the limit on the

10:02

menu, or send you

10:04

a t-shirt. And anyways, I haven't been

10:06

killed yet. And they know what you

10:08

look like. Right! So

10:10

it's not, you don't have to hold up a sign

10:12

saying, Marie, I mean, they're the one,

10:15

because you don't know what they look

10:17

like. Yeah, it's always been very positive,

10:19

sometimes a little odd, for reasons of

10:21

me being not

10:25

the greatest socializer, but

10:27

yeah, I do it as

10:30

much as I need to, which

10:32

usually, like, I

10:35

did a spot last night, it was about 10 minutes,

10:38

and I wish I had run it by somebody,

10:40

but I didn't. What

10:43

happened? And, oh no,

10:45

just feeling wobbly. It's

10:47

a feeling of wobbliness. I

10:51

haven't, I'm no performer,

10:53

but we take this little show on the

10:55

road sometimes, and do this show,

10:58

you know, live. And my biggest fear,

11:01

I can't even talk about it, my biggest

11:03

fear is that I would almost not wanna

11:05

have an intermission, because my biggest fear would

11:07

be that after intermission, I'd walk back on

11:09

stage, and two thirds of the

11:12

crowd would have left. Yes,

11:14

I have walked the room many times,

11:17

where, that can be a

11:19

point of honor, where you've really

11:22

weeded the wheat from the chaff,

11:25

and, you know,

11:27

who are really the

11:29

fans? That's right. And,

11:31

let them go home. I've

11:35

seen that happen at plays, where,

11:38

you know, a beautifully produced play

11:41

that, you know, has probably won a

11:43

Pulitzer Prize or something, and then,

11:45

because there's traffic or people

11:48

are just tired, they just go, oh, I think we've

11:50

seen enough of that

11:53

Shakespeare. We kinda know how

11:55

it's gonna end. And

11:57

then, yeah, people leave, so I totally

11:59

really. that it's okay. Sometimes

12:02

I think that's when heckling starts in comedy

12:04

is when people feel trapped as

12:06

if it's a hostage situation and

12:08

they were forced to stay there. A hostage

12:11

situation and a theater experience for me and

12:13

any type of is when

12:15

the Q&A starts. That's

12:17

when I feel as an audience member that

12:19

it is a bit of a hostage situation because

12:23

if you stand up to leave you're

12:26

not only insulting the performers but maybe

12:28

you're insulting the person who's asked the

12:30

question. That the question wasn't good enough

12:32

and so there's two people that you're

12:34

now disappointing but you just don't

12:36

know when it's gonna stop too. So Q&A is a

12:39

hard thing for me. I've

12:41

got to tell you now have

12:43

you heard of Beyonce? I

12:47

went to go see her in a

12:50

stadium environment

12:54

while she was singing her

12:56

very hard out. Now

12:58

at the time she was pregnant so fully

13:00

pregnant beautiful sequined

13:02

dress wailing

13:05

and when I say

13:07

wailing I mean a professionally operatically

13:09

singing I believe make

13:11

love to me. That

13:13

was one of the phrases of the song. People

13:17

were getting up and going to

13:19

the bathroom or

13:22

you know getting a snack what?

13:25

People will walk out on anything so

13:28

it's okay you know people will

13:30

walk out on miracles

13:33

on historic moments I'm

13:35

sure. That must be someone

13:37

who has a pretty good life you know if you're just

13:39

saying you know what Beyonce I've got it I'm just gonna

13:41

I need to I need to get some

13:44

more popcorn. You probably have a pretty rich life if

13:46

you can just you've seen a lot

13:48

if if you can just get

13:50

up at that moment or acknowledge

13:52

that it any moment

13:54

in life once you've been there for

13:57

a while can become tiresome. your

14:00

children's eyeballs. Do you ever stop looking

14:03

into them? You ever go, ah, they

14:06

still here? I think

14:08

over time anything

14:10

can be boring.

14:14

Are you asking these strangers that

14:16

show up to hear the first

14:19

rehearsal? Are you asking them for feedback?

14:24

No! That's not, I mean do you

14:26

give them that, I mean do you say, thank you so

14:28

much for showing up, I'm gonna do my act. Please

14:31

don't tell me how you feel about

14:33

it. No, uh, well, they

14:35

could say whatever they wish, of course, but

14:38

it is me and

14:41

they've said they were a fan, so I assume

14:45

they want to hear the

14:47

material and those also are

14:49

usually people who are like

14:52

me, which are introverted,

14:56

overly polite to the

14:58

point of dishonesty

15:03

people. I mean

15:05

it kind of feels like because you've

15:07

got this direct, rapt attention of one

15:09

person when you're doing, when

15:11

you're doing this rehearsal, is it more

15:13

intimidating than doing it

15:16

in front of a crowd where faces kind

15:18

of blend together and the spotlight maybe blinds

15:20

you a bit? Yeah,

15:22

I like the face-to-face. Now

15:25

if someone, if there's the most

15:27

intimidating ones are when someone keeps doing

15:29

chores while they, we're

15:32

on a Zoom, like if they're doing

15:35

stuff around the house and the

15:37

camera's moving, so I don't, they're

15:39

busy and I see their cat

15:42

and like that I feel a

15:44

little bit anxious about. Like

15:46

I go, oh shit, I'm not, you know, I

15:48

need to work on that because if

15:51

laundry is, you know,

15:53

a much bigger laugh

15:56

than I am, yeah, it's always

15:58

surprising to see the person that's What's really fun

16:00

is you see their internet

16:04

persona, and sometimes it

16:06

can seem very different. Usually

16:08

it'll be a lot quieter, like

16:10

the people have a more aggressive Twitter

16:13

handle, and then when you see the

16:15

person they're like, yes,

16:18

you know, I'm fuck chop 86, but I, you know,

16:23

like I have collectibles

16:25

in the background. We'll

16:29

be right back. Support

16:43

for this is love comes from Quince. Cultivating

16:46

a wardrobe where you would actually wear

16:48

everything you own is a bit harder than it

16:50

seems. I found that I

16:53

prefer clothes that are well cut, well made, and functional.

16:56

Quince is a brand that offers a variety

16:58

of timeless, well made luxury essentials that could

17:00

fit in almost anyone's wardrobe. From

17:02

gold jewelry and organic cotton sweaters to

17:05

real cashmere and washable soap, Quince has

17:07

plenty of high quality items all sold

17:09

at a reasonable price. Quince's

17:12

items are priced 50 to 80% less

17:14

than similar brands. Recently,

17:16

I got the linen quilt set for my

17:18

mother. The quilt is incredibly comfortable

17:20

and easy to wash. Curves is

17:23

like gray, but there are a number of good

17:25

colors to choose from. Indulge

17:27

in affordable luxury. Go to

17:29

quince.com/this is love for free shipping on your

17:31

order and 365 day returns. That's

17:34

Q U I N C e.com/this is love

17:37

to get free shipping and 365 day returns.

17:41

quince.com/this is love. Support

17:46

for this podcast comes from smart water. Life

17:49

moves pretty fast. Are you drinking water that can keep

17:51

up? Smart water outline has everything

17:53

you need to stay hydrated no matter where your day

17:55

takes you. Whether you're pitching a tent or your

17:57

next big idea, smart water outline can have a great help

18:00

you perform your best. It delivers a

18:02

pure, crisp taste that makes it the perfect chaser

18:04

after a big workout. Elevate how

18:06

you hydrate and pick up a Smartwater alkaline

18:08

today. To learn more, visit

18:11

www.drinksmartwater.com. Let's

18:16

just start if we can with you introducing yourself.

18:18

I'm Jim Sherwin. I

18:21

live in Portland, Oregon. How would

18:23

you describe Maria Bamford's comedy? Oh

18:26

gosh, absurd, manic. And

18:31

you replied to one of her requests on

18:33

Twitter for someone to rehearse with. I

18:35

did, yeah. Were you nervous? Were

18:39

you nervous? Terrified, of

18:41

course. What

18:44

made you think I could be the right guy for

18:46

this? I

18:48

have followed her work, and so I'm

18:50

familiar with her, and I'm

18:53

a huge fan of course. I

18:55

was terrified of being an audience

18:58

of one that

19:00

I felt like I would have to perform

19:02

as well for her. Could she

19:04

just be staring directly, directly in

19:06

your eyes? Which

19:08

is exactly what happened. And

19:11

that was hard. Did you

19:13

meet in Zoom? We did, yeah. Did

19:16

she prepare you at all for what was about to happen?

19:19

No. No. I

19:21

opened my screen, and then I saw that she

19:23

was in a hotel room, so I knew that

19:25

she must have been on tour, which makes sense

19:27

because I think I saw on her Twitter that

19:30

she had been

19:32

posting if I'm in Dallas, I'm in

19:34

Charlotte. So I guess it reminded me like,

19:36

oh yeah, she's touring. And

19:39

then she sort

19:42

of asked me where I was from, and what

19:44

I did, I don't think there was a lot

19:46

of banter. I think she just sort of launched

19:48

into the set. I think I

19:50

would have felt a remarkable amount of

19:52

pressure to just be constantly smiling. Oh,

19:56

of course. My cheeks hurt, I think, by

19:58

the end. But

20:00

also I was delighted. But

20:03

I also didn't feel pressure to

20:05

laugh at one. The first part

20:07

of her sad. Was. Familiar.

20:09

I recognize that. And she

20:11

had changed our a bunch of things and

20:13

added some jokes here and there and I

20:16

which I found. A. Larry As

20:18

and I guffawed many times, authentically

20:20

and then she got into some

20:22

new material and she announced that

20:24

she said, okay, I nominate transition

20:26

to some new material. And.

20:30

I think at that point I remember

20:32

being engaged and feeling I was responsible

20:34

for giving her feedback. Like good or

20:36

bad, she has been on new material.

20:39

I want to let her know how

20:41

it resonates with me and so I

20:43

was and constantly laughing. I was constantly

20:45

smiling, I was making eye contact the

20:47

entire time as much as one can

20:49

through a computer screen. and yeah, it's

20:52

it's own really raw of her to

20:54

do that. I.

20:57

Sing she looked she said at the top

20:59

of the our. I'm. Gonna take

21:01

forty five minutes of your time. And

21:04

then she looked at the clock and she said arctic

21:06

and fifteen minutes of your Time. And. I

21:08

said that's fine. As great as have been such a

21:10

joy Think so much. And. I remember

21:12

like wanting to say. Something

21:15

knowing like break a leg tonight just to

21:18

boot sale I care about you're going on

21:20

tonight and even though you're a seasoned very

21:22

successful comedian he probably could still use the

21:24

encouragement of but like me or fan and

21:26

I didn't say it or my to said

21:29

this was so great. Thanks so much for

21:31

including me and the mean. Have

21:34

you seen her in person before? I.

21:36

Haven't now I think. One.

21:39

Of the reasons. The

21:41

idea of the show shouted doom

21:44

with Maria was so appealing. As.

21:46

Because. I. Have.

21:50

Some. Anxiety. The. Going.

21:53

To Big Bang Years with a

21:55

lot of people and. And.

21:58

So the sound like it was perfectly

22:00

designed for me? Remedy Hero maybe has a

22:02

little bit of social anxiety. But.

22:04

You still really enjoy live comedy.

22:06

A prize at so yeah,

22:09

Private Sheriff's. Office

22:13

juicers get this idea to do

22:15

this one on one. Sloths.

22:20

I. Just. Thought

22:22

I'd. Just wanna meet one

22:24

person. have a nice time. Be

22:26

in my zip code so I

22:28

don't have to go anywhere. Else

22:31

gets me and me. it's i'm outta Town gets me

22:33

out of my hotel room just. To see a

22:36

different part of the city. It's slots

22:38

plus longing for connection with city but

22:40

he. He doesn't the

22:42

to. Sloss and ah,

22:45

Closeness. Does it also

22:47

help you wait before you gonna go

22:50

on for the performance. The Stage Fright

22:52

in the yard run it with someone.

22:54

they they thought it was okay and

22:56

gonna be okay cs and even if

22:59

they don't think it's a kid that's

23:01

really. Cool.

23:03

I'm some. I mean most times

23:05

people won't say. Like

23:09

I'm worried for you but.

23:13

They. Do. I like I've had people say

23:15

after death and I've done this is our

23:17

the past three years size of the this

23:19

our to some these little face and they'll

23:21

say. So

23:24

the just started working on. I'd say

23:26

is if pretty. I

23:28

mean this. It seems like it's it's

23:30

coming together. Maybe is some like. Jerry.

23:34

States is a slight sixty minutes.

23:38

Other anything it there, are there any other things that you

23:40

do to help with that list? A. Tray besides is

23:42

one on one. Ah, think

23:44

setting. I like to talk

23:47

with the comics beforehand. like

23:49

setting goals, like saying okay,

23:51

I wanna talk to Three.

23:53

Spill the audience tonight or

23:55

I wanna. and

23:57

i'm ch or i wanna

24:00

try this new tag, this new

24:02

joke, to sort of have

24:05

something to celebrate after the show with

24:07

other comics that we've all done

24:09

something different in our acts and and

24:12

that book ending process of I'll

24:15

call somebody beforehand I'll call somebody after

24:17

saying how the shows went so it

24:19

doesn't feel so lonely. I

24:21

mean it could be for anything

24:24

in life where I feel

24:27

terrified and then suddenly I you don't

24:31

realize oh it's a safe place and I'm

24:33

alright. Maria

24:35

Bamford grew up in Duluth Minnesota

24:38

and she often impersonates her mother

24:40

and father in her act. My

24:42

parents sent me to a therapist or the

24:44

one therapist there was in town in Duluth

24:47

which was I think I was around

24:49

nine or ten and you know it

24:53

wasn't perfect but

24:55

it was an effort where I

24:57

felt cared for as a child. I wasn't

24:59

able to I didn't sleep at night because

25:02

I had this OCD intrusive

25:04

thoughts OCD where I was afraid that I

25:06

was going to harm others and so I

25:08

would try to stay up all night to

25:11

make sure that I wasn't gonna kill my

25:13

family and it turns

25:16

out that's just a very common type

25:18

of OCD but I did

25:20

not learn that till I was 35 but in

25:22

the meantime when I was 10 got

25:24

to go to a therapist and I don't

25:27

think there wasn't a

25:29

lot of understanding of what was

25:31

happening but but I think the love

25:33

was there which I feel very

25:36

grateful and lucky to have

25:38

experienced. So your parents they

25:40

weren't intimidated by thoughts you were

25:42

having they they took

25:44

it in stride you know trying to

25:46

help of course but they didn't panic.

25:49

Yeah no they were I think

25:52

they were just confused

25:55

by it and hoped that I would get it

25:57

together. I did manage to

26:00

keep things high

26:02

and tight in terms of I was able

26:04

to finish high school. I

26:06

did get into college despite

26:09

I think I developed an eating disorder

26:11

in order to manage some of my

26:14

mood swings and stuff and then went

26:17

to a 12 step group when I was about 19 and got help

26:19

for that

26:22

which 12 step groups are not

26:25

perfect and I love

26:28

them. I love them so much. But

26:30

there's culties,

26:32

pseudo-spiritual, paternalistic language

26:36

aren't always welcoming in terms

26:38

of sexual orientation

26:40

or race. There are certain issues

26:43

that come up I

26:45

don't think in a conscious way but

26:47

I think subconsciously aren't always dealt with

26:49

in those groups. But

26:52

it was free I must tell you. It was

26:54

free. But my

26:56

parents were very down with

26:59

my dad went to ACA which adult

27:02

children of alcoholics and brought

27:04

me to one of those meetings. So they were always

27:06

into self-help that kind of thing. She's

27:09

written about her experiences with 12 step

27:11

groups in a memoir called Sure

27:14

I'll Join Your Cult. What

27:17

did your parents think

27:21

of your comedy? So

27:23

I think they were just delighted

27:25

for me that anything was going

27:28

well. The fact

27:30

that I

27:33

may be paid for something and

27:35

I think I got I

27:38

did a one-person show and got

27:40

some reviews for

27:42

doing stand-up that were positive and I think

27:44

they were like oh my god thank god

27:46

you're doing something. I think that's

27:50

what they were they could

27:53

have cared less just as long as I was earning

27:55

some money and able to take care of myself.

27:59

Her Mother died from cancer. Cancer in Two

28:01

Thousand Twenty and her father died from covered

28:03

in March of Two Thousand and Twenty Three.

28:06

I love them so much and

28:09

so. I

28:11

think. I still in my

28:14

current our deal and persistence. My

28:16

mom and so I sell can

28:18

a self conscious like a movie

28:20

that's. Creepy or

28:22

or sad. Hill

28:24

above me. As a personal that I am. Still,

28:27

Doing and Presley's the My Mom but it

28:30

break it does stringy. A lot of

28:32

comfort to sink even in an

28:34

impersonation of heard that I can

28:37

can as still. Has

28:39

her around in. I'm not

28:42

someone who. I

28:45

don't always I'd at I don't have that.

28:48

Oh we saw his in at the

28:50

afterlife for a god or something like

28:52

that. Like as I know my mom

28:54

didn't wanna die my dad does not

28:57

want to die A and. I

29:00

don't think it's teens toys fill

29:02

the hole like it or. My

29:04

mom gave me something about. This

29:07

of reading about gas and something about

29:09

how does is nothing at all act

29:12

if I just walked in the other

29:14

room and laugh at the jokes is

29:16

always laughed at you know ah I

29:18

think the at I would. I

29:21

would like to do that to

29:23

keep my my mom live. My

29:25

dream would be to play my

29:27

my husband is is it a

29:29

tv show or something to soar.

29:31

I could just be her, all

29:33

of the toughest kisses, his good

29:35

lady and endlessly I to put

29:37

in my own edits. completely controlling

29:39

my mother's like a puppet would

29:41

you ever and. Be.

29:44

Your Mother To your mother. It.

29:46

Is switching air carriers? It's your zoo.

29:48

annoying years the mood to switch into

29:50

her and giveaway back. Ah,

29:54

hopefully not in them

29:56

mean the way but

29:58

definitely ah Well,

30:00

and my mom would sometimes try to pitch me

30:03

jokes. Like I could

30:05

tell when she was looking for the comedic

30:07

angle of something. Yeah.

30:09

Like, well, I mean, I just,

30:12

I went to the

30:14

mall, Miller Hill Mall,

30:17

and I went to the Liz Clayboard. Mom,

30:20

you're selling it too hard.

30:23

Get to the story. Where's the punch?

30:26

My mom was such a

30:29

great person. And

30:31

I think that if anything, it's made

30:35

there less urgency for me in the

30:37

world to realize like how, I mean,

30:41

these are things other people have

30:44

realized long before I, you

30:46

know, that how ephemeral things

30:48

are. And yeah,

30:53

to just now is all

30:55

I have. And so,

30:57

you know,

31:00

I didn't want my parents to die in

31:02

order to learn that. So

31:05

there's been no educational value in my parents'

31:07

death. Let me be clear on that. I

31:10

always, I hate those stories where it's like, and

31:13

then the real gift

31:15

to be, I just, my

31:19

parents died and had full lives. And

31:21

so it wasn't totally tragic. It was

31:23

just, it was tragic to me. And

31:26

that's all. Yeah. I

31:31

mean, do you feel some way, you know, that

31:34

you're keeping your

31:37

mother and your father

31:39

will be kept close to you

31:41

and with you by sharing them

31:43

with your audience, by keeping them

31:46

in your jokes? Yeah.

31:48

Yeah. Sure. And

31:50

just to, yeah, that

31:52

I can still have

31:54

their parenting and I

31:57

don't have children and. Whole

32:01

thing as my parents legacy like I

32:04

do. Love the idea of keeping their

32:06

memories allies because I just think they

32:08

were amazing people. but I don't know

32:10

how to do that Beyond to see

32:13

cause metics it hosts absolutely some other

32:15

way to do. it's a very involves

32:17

and grieving something. On a building.

32:19

Fum. I'll get back to you.

32:40

Support for the show comes from Art

32:42

Beat in there's a new documentary from

32:44

Box Creative along with Jack Daniels Tennyson

32:46

Honey Incorporated directed by Bill Horse or

32:48

Peace and Lyrics showcases how humble art

32:51

show has grown into a cultural phenomena.

32:53

The film unveiled the origin stories of

32:55

the events founder to Bar Graham and

32:57

it's curated Wayne's of You Right exploring

32:59

how Atlanta has she been. Individual pass

33:01

lop off a revealing the distinct rosewood

33:04

in art. Eat. Documentary

33:06

follows the bard's of you in several

33:08

disuse feature artist as they. Gear up

33:10

for a Biennale twentieth Anniversary tour captivating

33:13

thousands of fans at each and every

33:15

so stream. Art, beat and lyrics. Now

33:17

onto the please drink responsibly with this

33:19

message And thirty five percent alcohol by

33:22

volume said Daniel. Disillusioned and for Tennessee

33:24

Said Daniels In Tennessee Honey are registered

33:26

trademarks. Twenty Twenty Four Jack Daniels all

33:28

rights reserved. List:

33:34

Then I'm twenty four in

33:36

a solar that way Fisher

33:38

said. Last

33:45

fall, the National Association of Realtors

33:48

released data selling that housing affordability

33:50

had fallen to it's lowest point

33:52

since the Nineteen eighties. for reasons

33:55

of economy karma American. there just

33:57

aren't a lot of home sales.

34:00

The Nine, And there's really kind of

34:02

a standoff right now between buyers and

34:04

sellers that stand off. Leads to another

34:06

kind of sand off with always find

34:09

me and forty for many old and

34:11

haven't really to finance and i know

34:13

almost. Sir. I

34:15

don't know your life, but until he

34:17

explained a two part series or so,

34:19

it might not be here for our

34:21

housing. Reality Bites and The American Dream

34:23

is in your Childhood Bedroom series sponsored

34:26

by Mint Mobile Today explained. In your

34:28

seed Every Weekday Entertainment. And

34:32

on like three months old she's

34:34

like knocking on doors. Oh and

34:36

everything okay Their their moms in

34:39

a school dog. Overeating.

34:44

Did. The ones

34:46

who when you really struggling with your mental

34:48

health you in the hospital and. You

34:51

were asking you doctors as you'd be well

34:53

enough to do. Comedy again.

34:56

We. Ever worried that at

34:58

some point. You.

35:01

Wouldn't be able to do that again. Yeah,

35:03

no I I totally I may have for

35:05

about a year. And

35:08

I think like any illness it

35:10

can be severe enough that can

35:12

really take you, take you out

35:14

you know? And I was unable

35:17

to get any. Comforts

35:19

that it was gonna get

35:21

better president be okay or

35:23

her that. I. Still

35:26

was able to do my job

35:28

like doubtless. Really? not. Available.

35:31

To me and I was doing

35:33

everything x yeah I went to

35:35

an outpatient treatment program lead full

35:37

coverage through I've Made Union the

35:39

Screen Actors Guild. I had all

35:41

the things, all the many many

35:43

many things and anything that is

35:45

really scary thing about any health.

35:47

Issue is like oh is this

35:49

gonna come back? is this m

35:51

I changed by this for the

35:53

rest of my life in a

35:56

way that is depressing to me

35:58

awake at. My meds that

36:00

keep me really see boss often

36:02

make me very sleepy. And

36:05

have my hands tremor a lot

36:07

and. When I was still

36:09

feeling. Wobbly. Those two factors

36:11

were a real bummer to me.

36:13

Like I was like oh my

36:16

God it and. It is

36:18

also under to try different medication. Or

36:21

you can go fuck off.

36:23

Assistant professor sent thank you

36:25

for that idea. Ah yeah

36:27

when you sound a medication

36:30

that works in any way,

36:32

it is so rare and

36:34

delayed false. but yeah, I

36:36

think that's the scary thing.

36:39

Is that not knowing and I

36:41

definitely didn't know? And. I.

36:44

Came back to doing stand up

36:46

and did not feel at all.

36:49

Comfortable. Or ready or

36:51

qualified or any of the things

36:53

and your for me it worked

36:56

out but I also don't wanna

36:58

speak for others to go. Oh

37:00

yeah, it's always that's always easy

37:02

scissor or it always of cell

37:05

cancer. That's just. It. Is

37:07

some people have met the

37:10

I'm much more. Severe experiences

37:12

and sell on their knee.

37:14

Nice to be more support.

37:16

And that everyone has

37:18

health insurance, etc. You

37:22

phoned away for comedy to work.

37:25

For. You in using it and

37:28

being able to take part

37:30

of it. And yeah, and

37:32

it's a theory privileged. Position

37:34

meets medians The arts. It's

37:37

already okay to be banana

37:39

pants like. It my

37:41

job. At. Most is

37:44

four hours a night. You

37:46

know I go to a

37:48

club due to sets and

37:50

I'm I'm also applauded the

37:52

whole time. like. So

37:55

many times it's asked of entertainers

37:57

or famous people you don't like.

37:59

Oh how you handle mental illness.

38:01

Sykes I'm doing fine. This is

38:04

a hoax. Our the people who

38:06

would have no time have no

38:08

money, hasn't too many responsibilities. Those

38:10

it's the people have a how

38:12

are they do it like I

38:14

just don't know. Does.

38:17

The work that you do. The privileged. Work

38:19

as you say that that you get

38:21

to do by being the comedians. Doesn't

38:25

make you happy even when you get to

38:27

do. Those one on one where her

38:29

cells with a stranger who reached

38:31

out a mean does to the

38:33

act. Of telling the joke. Make

38:36

you Happy was three hundred

38:38

people us all. And love, Yes,

38:40

I do. I love and actually

38:42

I do something. prefer a one

38:45

on one so discuss it's really

38:47

connecting with somebody. And eight. Can.

38:50

Ask. Them questions about themselves and.

38:53

I get to hear what's going on

38:55

in their lives or or hear their

38:58

act, some any other comedians and so

39:00

it's. That. I think

39:02

it is really may say that I do. I do

39:04

like. When. I won, but it.

39:06

To eat it can make a

39:08

listen to what pokemon assess assess.

39:11

As a Dunkin Donuts or can

39:13

you. Use.

39:18

Ago Maria Bamford bought a park

39:20

bench and put it in front

39:22

of her hopes and Los Angeles.

39:25

She said it's like a bird feeder

39:27

for humans. I read

39:29

it in a community said he library

39:31

done in Denmark as they all are

39:33

and they said if you give people

39:35

a place to sit down they will

39:37

come. And. That is true. If

39:40

you sit them they will come. To

39:43

still has been. Yes, there are less people

39:45

sitting on it. we used to be more

39:47

central to the city. And men on the

39:49

guess the Bench. It was just

39:51

you'd never knew what was going to be on

39:53

the bench. It to. Be. A baby and

39:55

her mother. Or it could be

39:57

somebody meeting for a first kiss.

40:00

You just never now let him

40:02

there smoking or there was needle

40:04

needle sometimes run bench intravenous drugs

40:06

his are on the bench. It's

40:08

the for the full of full

40:10

health or of light. Yes you're

40:13

seeing it all well and now

40:15

eleven all to denote of a

40:17

smaller mountain area so there is

40:19

not what the some action sometimes

40:21

we've had hot Cheetos near the

40:23

bench because I read I think

40:25

of some high school students sometimes

40:27

hang out next door. We sell

40:29

one condom. Wrapper once and and

40:31

we have a little library

40:33

so you know case a

40:35

little, get some stoppers, some

40:37

stoppers by. I got to

40:39

tell you it is. Ever

40:41

thought about making yourself a

40:43

little library Sometimes you get

40:45

Dan Brown and Eve and

40:48

said i accept that that

40:50

That's. Just some people

40:52

won't take out there on track

40:54

and I'm did. You read the

40:57

Vinci code now and. I'm

40:59

sure he's a craftsman of

41:01

course years, but I have

41:03

meticulously created. A

41:05

mental health memoir. Know. And

41:09

men. You know

41:11

it just to be sat

41:13

upon by. Below

41:16

Riley's and Robin Cook

41:19

San. Jose. Maria

41:32

Bamford and Scott Marvel Cassidy have

41:34

written a graphic novel about how

41:36

they met. It's called

41:39

book and Leisurely. And

41:41

he comes to. This

41:45

is created by Born Spore

41:47

and me Needy Wilson's or senior

41:50

Producer Cheated. This is our

41:52

supervising producer. Or producers

41:54

or says end of ah person is

41:56

Jackie such eco really clerk Lena Solas

41:58

and making me. And Gabriel

42:01

Day. Or so is

42:03

Nixon engineer at Veronica Seminary. This

42:05

episode was mixed by Emma Monger.

42:09

Learn more about the show on our

42:11

website this is the podcast.com and sign

42:14

up for our newsletter at This is

42:16

Love podcast.com. Slash newsletter. You

42:19

can listen to everything we make without the

42:21

ads by becoming a member. These

42:23

a member of Criminal Plus is a

42:26

really great way to support our work

42:28

and you get bonus episodes and virtual

42:30

the sense to learn more. Go To!

42:32

This is criminal.com Fast. Were

42:35

on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram had to

42:37

suffer so. This is left

42:39

is part of the Vox Media. Podcast

42:41

Network Discover more great

42:44

shows said Podcast.vox media.com.

42:47

I'm C B Judge and this

42:49

Islam.