0:01

Everyone. It's David Duchovny. Devil.

0:03

Feel like a failure. Just. Me.

0:06

I get it now. I've spent

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my whole life almost feeling like

0:10

a failure. It's appropriate, though. Because.

0:13

On fail better my new podcast with

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of failure, how it holds his back

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proposals forward. And. Ultimately shapes

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our lives is the whole point.

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Each week I'll chat with artists,

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athletes, actors, and experts about how

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are perceived failures have actually been

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our biggest catalysts for growth, revelation,

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and even healing. Through these conversations,

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I hope we can learn how

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and fail better together. Feel

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Better is out on May seventh wherever you

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new you, right? But I guess

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gun, everyone's always you, mine on

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was to my podcast I'm Samantha

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Choice words from Lemme Not A

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don't miss an episode. Now that is

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a good choice. For. Oh.

1:46

Wow. What Is that? I don't

1:48

know. I never you never. An

1:50

interesting I ruined wasn't is Rita

1:52

I'm spooky. That certainly was something

1:54

spooky. Shared well into a very special

1:56

Halloween episode. But yes, there are few

1:58

months early May have. In seeing

2:00

we do this every year, everyone

2:03

loves it. As soon as the

2:05

weather turns warm put off as

2:07

your thoughts are with Cloaks on

2:09

Club yes, foot shit on your

2:11

favorite son, Close and close sucess

2:13

affected schools although it out. I

2:17

wanna know who the oldest and youngest listeners of

2:19

three to Mars? Has

2:21

Florida as a survey. Is it time

2:23

for a thirty dollar? There that? Are

2:25

you an old? Let us know. I

2:27

wonder to be someone who is in their

2:30

nineties who listens to three them Mademoiselle. Do

2:32

for dust pretty far instead

2:34

synthesis a heck of a

2:37

set. Of

2:39

use a lesser more. Drugs that

2:41

was inappropriate. Or

2:43

deny that that was gross. Can

2:46

I say something happened before we

2:48

started rolling? That. I.

2:51

Do not care for. I'm sorry on

2:53

my go at times It just

2:55

before he pushed record. He.

2:57

Said: do we have any topics Now the

3:00

success of known as we review ever known

3:02

as you do don't we don't ever have

3:04

tall? No. But we're talking. we don't have

3:06

topic. I know there's never a top but

3:09

for you know we turn this into a

3:11

topic. So does is how I doubt. I

3:15

do have a topic I have. you

3:17

saw a sometimes we'd come with something

3:19

we want a couple topics actually never

3:21

let us that no one another two

3:23

hundred. always regretted. Sorry I've ever brought.

3:25

It was inappropriate Raise money to the

3:27

job. Offer moral.effort.

3:30

Get. Out as always does so been

3:33

a say it's time for Lawrence

3:35

Topics. Yeah. Okay,

3:37

Dunces habits. I was reading from her

3:39

saw during. Rothys down to have

3:41

explicit sort through says. And things

3:43

have x l a two or three to

3:45

the family I say instagram page where scott

3:48

mean an announcement. Disease or Jazz? Yeah, right.

3:50

Order on. He had your city of

3:52

years. What are you talking about? A

3:54

guy that I had a southern. accent

3:56

three hundred doesn't follow or use instagram

3:58

i just wanna swim it is. It's a hot

4:00

pink. For Dionne Warwick. She's on Twitter.

4:02

She's probably on Instagram. She's on Instagram. She wanted

4:05

to talk to somebody, the person who owns Instagram

4:07

because she had a question. I have one question.

4:09

Do you know how hard it is to get in

4:11

touch with Instagram? Oh my God. Well,

4:13

okay. Scott put a hot pink

4:15

background and he wrote, just to get everyone's

4:17

attention, and he wrote, I just wanted to

4:19

say thanks for following us. It means so

4:21

much to me. I love you all so

4:25

much. Love, Scott, period. I

4:27

thought that was so nice. I thought it

4:29

was so nice when I saw it and I was

4:31

like, this is so kind and sweet because we

4:33

do love you all so much, but I liked that it was just

4:35

from Scott and it

4:37

wasn't in April full of joke. It was a couple days

4:39

before. He was letting the mask down a little

4:42

bit and you know, because Scott is a,

4:44

there's a softie in there. So

4:46

there's some comments I just wanted to kind of like share

4:48

with you. I love it. A lot

4:51

of people knew it was one of you guys and

4:53

then there are people who genuinely were touched by this.

4:57

So I just wanted to read some of the nice comments. I love

4:59

the people that were like detectives like, hmm, it sounds

5:01

like Lauren, but it could be Paul. I

5:03

like the people who were like, I don't know if

5:05

Scott wrote this. Have

5:09

you heard the show? Okay,

5:12

so some people just, I just

5:14

wanted to share some of the nice comments we got. Great.

5:16

Jordan Bailey says, we love you too, Scott. Now

5:20

it makes me wish I did write it.

5:22

Small Joshman. So wait a minute. Joshman.

5:26

Molly, is that our Josh? Blink

5:28

twice if you're being held hostage. Look

5:31

at my plants. I'm not here for

5:33

you, Scott. Wow. That's mean. But

5:36

it's a kidding or am I? Looking

5:38

at those plants regardless. Peter Papowski said,

5:40

Scott, we love you. It

5:43

makes it. So wait a minute. If I'm nice,

5:45

then people are nice back. Yeah. Bro,

5:48

we love you too. This is a revelation.

5:51

I grow up. We love you too. Little Miss

5:53

Birdie wrote. We love you too, Scottie Ox. Little

5:56

Miss Birdie. It

6:00

was you Lauren. My

6:03

life wrote I love you too Lauren pretending me

6:05

Scott. Thank you. I

6:08

honestly I wrote that and then I just

6:10

laughed in my bed for like 10 minutes.

6:12

She said it to me and then I laughed

6:14

in my bed for 10 minutes. I laughed too.

6:16

I was just like crying. I don't

6:19

even know why I did it and I just couldn't

6:21

stop laughing. I don't even think I

6:23

caught up to it for a few days or something. I was hoping

6:25

you wouldn't see it. Did I say cool up

6:27

like that? I

6:31

thought that was really fun. That

6:34

was a good laugh. That

6:39

was a good laugh. I enjoyed it. And

6:41

then the comments were like crying at the

6:43

comments because some of them were just sincere

6:46

and some were funny and then I even thought the

6:48

genuine ones were being funny because I'm sure they got

6:50

it. That was going to be laugh. It was a

6:53

nice mixed bed. I just

6:55

loved it. I loved the whole experience. Well,

6:57

I do love them. That

7:00

was love. Love

7:04

is an emotion. You

7:06

know, I would call my dad every

7:08

year on Father's Day and on his

7:10

birthday and we would have

7:12

those should be combined into one. For

7:14

sure. If you're

7:16

a father, Father's Day is now your birthday. That

7:19

seems a lot easier. Well, yeah, my dad's

7:21

birthday is pretty soon after Father's Day. He's

7:23

such a bummer. It's hard to give

7:25

a gift to a dad. I

7:28

think gifts should be abolished as well. No,

7:30

no, no, no. I'm not a bum. I'm a race

7:33

car bottle. My dad, I mean, I feel like

7:35

I just get him like, I mean, I'm getting a

7:37

little more creative now, but it feels like when

7:39

I was growing up, I was like, what do you

7:41

get your dad? It's like sex toy. Oh my gosh.

7:44

Here's why I would call him. Here's why I would

7:46

call him. I never got him a gift. Well, when

7:48

I was a little kid, probably I did. Yeah, yeah.

7:51

I would call him to have an awkward conversation with

7:53

this weird man. What

7:56

was your dad's personality? Uh,

7:58

zero. Damn

8:00

a farm like. Hi Paul It was just

8:02

I was awkward. Are you? It's just awkward.

8:04

It was like to learn. You.

8:06

Can we saw a new area? And.

8:09

The it all led up to me saying i

8:11

love you at the end and then wondering what

8:13

he was go see best to and what were

8:15

some options. Like does nothing ah I sank you.

8:18

Know I appreciate that.

8:20

Ah Small, I'm reasons

8:22

I love you. I'm.

8:25

Going to say probably as he did say at

8:27

one time thought I was totally unprepared for because

8:29

I had friends in Aus and it was father's

8:31

as like oh shit I got a call my

8:33

dad and I call them and had the organization

8:35

that I said i love you dad and he

8:37

said why I love you too and I was

8:40

like oh now I'm going awry Us centers in

8:42

people here ah. Wow, that's definitely

8:44

him. That definitely is what he does

8:46

he do. That is why at the of

8:48

there was one year where he loves said

8:50

he couldn't he was from a different tune

8:53

Israel. And different when the didn't say

8:55

the central. Thing and was it. Was

8:57

it truly like what's the cut off

8:59

for people who would never slight L

9:01

H? Cut off of the generation who

9:03

fathers were not would never say i

9:05

love you. The. That is a thing,

9:08

isn't it? Again, I think

9:10

it's I think it. I think it depends

9:12

on. I don't think it depends

9:14

on your generation and the it depends on how

9:16

you were raised. Yeah, maybe I think

9:18

it was proper it's I do think

9:20

that was probably more com and my

9:22

dad was great as ya yes and

9:24

was probably more how. I also think

9:26

that there's a gender thing where he

9:28

could probably save more easily. To my

9:31

sister's though, you are my brothers eyes

9:33

yeah I'm but it's weird to think

9:35

that there's still people out there now.

9:37

like people like our age that are

9:39

that can't do that. Yeah we can

9:41

say I like your side. Go gelatin.

9:43

That's interesting. yeah my father were or

9:45

how they were there. Definitely are tons of

9:47

people like that, yes, but I mean, I do

9:49

feel like we are, and I want to hear

9:51

guess I should I do feel like. Know you

9:53

don't neutral. Live in a. in

9:56

a community of people who are

9:58

more open about feeling As

10:00

the Joker said, we live in a society.

10:03

He said it in the Snyder Cut trailer but

10:05

not in the movie. That's true. There was just

10:07

too much good stuff to put in the movie so they had to

10:10

put some in the trailer. It's like he's

10:12

trolling people by putting that in a trailer when he has

10:14

no intention to put a unit. Yeah,

10:16

I don't know. I did think it

10:18

was funny that instantly people started sharing

10:20

George Costanza gifts. I

10:23

was just gonna say that I think

10:25

I've noticed especially on the

10:28

day of trans... Is it... Where

10:30

trans visibility? Yeah, visibility day. That

10:33

a lot of my comedian, like improviser friends

10:35

who are men who are older than

10:37

me were posting about it and I thought

10:40

this is so cool because this is like...

10:42

I just thought like, yeah, you should. But I

10:44

also was going, I bet you there's so many

10:47

men of that age who would not post something

10:49

like this. Yeah. I'm really

10:51

grateful to be in a community of people who are

10:53

like cool and aware and

10:55

like it's

10:59

not even progressive. Don't say woke. Don't say

11:01

woke. I certainly wouldn't say that. I

11:04

don't use that word but I

11:06

just... You use the

11:08

great awakening, don't you? Woke has

11:11

been ruined in any context forever. Yes. Yeah,

11:13

and I also... By everyone. I

11:15

also think about the... The whole thing is fake anything.

11:17

The word was appropriated. Take anything. Fake news,

11:19

woke, whatever. You're going to do an insult and then it just

11:22

ruins it forever. You know, I was very... And Lauren, I want

11:24

to hear what you have to say. I

11:27

was very embarrassed recently because the

11:29

phrase lives rent free in my

11:31

head has been co-opted

11:34

by bad people to

11:36

mean the absolute opposite of what it's

11:39

supposed to mean. So what is it? What

11:41

is it? It's supposed to be positive. It's

11:43

like something that you love thinking about that

11:45

lives right there in my head. Wow. It

11:48

started as positive? I've never heard of this positive.

11:50

From the African American community. Yeah, because white people

11:52

ruin everything. White Republicans took it to mean like,

11:55

you think about Trump all the time. He lives

11:57

rent free in your head. Oh,

11:59

interesting. Too bad. yeah, I

12:01

hate us. I'd like. To. Pay rent

12:03

to things like this Exactly

12:06

as. Well anywhere you're

12:08

just saying that there's by men your age who

12:10

are like afraid to say i love you but

12:12

I feel I am. I was just thinking like

12:14

looking at our community it's pretty cool and I

12:17

feel like I also wonder if that's an improviser

12:19

trait like I was. I was looking at these

12:21

posts that I was saying and I was thinking

12:23

like wow these people are like. Awesome!

12:26

And like his business you know I'm going with as

12:29

a. I don't I was. it was us. When

12:31

you're in comedy and everything is like. So.

12:34

Other one so afraid to be earn

12:36

as you have a suing me I

12:38

was doing bids back to be having

12:40

like real conversations yeah I do think

12:42

though that probably over the last year

12:44

I was after I know a lot

12:46

over the now my. My

12:48

load of as. I

12:52

do think that especially over the last

12:54

year, people are more probably more comfortable

12:57

with being sincere make on that, Syria

12:59

nodes. Just like we got a lot

13:01

of time to look inward. Yeah, and

13:03

and. Also, realize what's important than you

13:05

know? Maybe that's come into sharper focus

13:07

for a lot of us. Your.

13:09

Dad was in the greatest generation.is the definition of

13:11

that? The people went to World Word Yeah our

13:14

area. Your dad was in World War Two, Yes,

13:16

he was was on the Pacific in the Navy.

13:18

My grandpa was to. Use

13:21

of everybody's grandpa. Oh my

13:23

God. I'm so. Glad

13:26

because I was. You know, one of my one

13:28

of the youngest in Moray? Yes, that's where my

13:30

parents were. Always so much older than everybody else

13:32

and bracingly people thought my parents from a gram.

13:35

Wow, that's gonna happen to me. Since.

13:39

I'm resigned to as as my

13:41

dad was in the Vietnam War.

13:43

Doom Doom Doom. First, A

13:48

successor. Always

13:50

comes on the happy

13:52

pills that A T.

13:56

T sold me I asked him like

13:58

stories about the war. A

14:01

couple years ago and we are on a really one road trip.

14:04

A lot like a. Lot

14:06

like Eric Andre like earlier. If you're like five hours

14:09

in, humans are at home with her eyes as. He

14:14

several people you killed my audit of

14:16

them are now maybe foreign assets, you

14:19

crazy about war and that memory here

14:21

you helicopters out of the Korean parted

14:23

are more. I mean it's like a

14:25

horrifying you see wasn't he wasn't on

14:28

them on the gun turret. He was

14:30

like flying. Yeah, I think. He.

14:32

Probably didn't but he did say

14:35

that he came face to face

14:37

with people with like. A.

14:39

Machine gun or something pointed right at

14:41

in my god and they fired and

14:43

it's like jammed or something and then

14:45

he was able to like a sore

14:47

a muslim lying is why. My.

14:50

God. So. He was

14:52

like that's the closest letting aeroplan,

14:54

but I really think that. We

14:57

should have which is so of wars

14:59

but. They. For the hell yeah

15:02

they should be fun entirely by robots

15:04

yeah no deny in a in a

15:06

designated area boxing robots and make your

15:08

son likes if they can shoot each

15:10

other beutler up was by no no

15:12

they're allowed single of fly off their

15:14

like missiles they are disconnected from the

15:16

risks. As a singer. Will matter how

15:18

much I think about. War. I

15:20

still have the mentality of like my. Five year old

15:22

south from Just like Why? Are we doing

15:24

were. Was do Fear is the

15:27

libor Zubaydah. observe mean nothing much

15:29

that the Culture Club song that

15:31

was a Lad. Said

15:35

like whatever. Whatever is the world wars

15:37

two hundred this is how the war

15:40

songs and it's to see so they're

15:42

worth yard. so bad some dumb and

15:44

I'm like nothing and in some strange

15:46

reason or something ago. says.

15:49

Is so where? it's only the fight over

15:51

territory or what, but you literally are going

15:54

to die. It evolves robot wars right? So

15:56

I like having robot then it when it

15:58

was settled by the robot. Yes, Then it

16:00

would be and and wanted to abide by it

16:02

would be like over be like sports the will

16:04

be like fun for the world where you're like

16:06

well you are so we get this land right

16:08

arm for like as this amount of time or

16:10

whatever but isn't war about oppressed and. And

16:14

well and no not necessarily land well but

16:16

but the but it in by when the

16:18

robot did was i thought about know that

16:20

part of it but yeah you press you

16:22

you gather the land of us the people

16:24

I'm honest I don't know that luck on

16:26

not saying wars grades I'm just saying another

16:28

to you on a lot or biology and.

16:31

Yeah, just think robots could really do it

16:33

well. As a group us with this is

16:35

their chance to shine but hear about it

16:37

mildly each other? not us. What if

16:39

the giant robots and I'm assuming their

16:41

joint so I was his or her but

16:44

they're fine dungeons. What if suddenly a

16:46

day when immersion right what is a titan

16:48

emerges from the water like ago because

16:50

I be a guide? You can they fight

16:52

in the war? I mean they're just

16:54

as big as the robots. Can we

16:56

men and listen divided Worth it or they'll

16:58

and suicide. I'm trying to talk real

17:00

self in your living in a fantasy land.

17:03

As a watching that Zola

17:06

versus calm and. Cons: You

17:08

feel absolutely. Majesty

17:11

I. Was enjoying myself. The only thing

17:13

was I so I called more real than

17:15

that Zola. I know and

17:18

buying it more and knowing that early in

17:20

the water on one hand on about that

17:22

for does because think I was just a

17:24

bigger version of a thing that actually exists

17:26

is at odds. Ill as like a may

17:28

up saying he's a made up thing. But

17:30

he also does have always loved practical effects

17:32

split I see like. Yeah. If it

17:34

was just like. To. Serve

17:36

less amazing sort of Godzilla,

17:39

but he was real. Looking

17:41

at it just sucks. sinister.

17:43

least floating to the water i desert

17:45

ahead with as a mouse said can't

17:47

do he's been yeah i mean the

17:49

and not to bring up a sore

17:51

subject because you know the franchise anymore

17:53

but also in the franchise isolated smile

17:56

and article resumes but you're a writer

17:58

who was not declared characters alive

18:00

and come back at any time. I'm just putting it out

18:02

there. Sure. Yeah. Um, but in

18:04

Jurassic Park, that's why they made a bunch

18:07

of the dinosaurs. They made the giant dinosaur app and then

18:09

they mixed it with CGI footage so that it would trick

18:11

you all the time. It's a great blend. That's why it's

18:13

good. But when you're watching Godzilla and Kong, it's just like,

18:15

all right, I'm watching a cartoon, whatever. I know.

18:17

And it's, well, I, and I still think it's fun,

18:19

but I... It's fun that it

18:21

doesn't have the impact. I just go, oh, I'm not scared

18:24

in the way that I want to be. Like, I would

18:26

be more scared if I... That's how I feel about the

18:28

Marvel movies, is that, you know, the big... I could

18:32

be wrong, but I feel like the big

18:34

draw of those things is the crazy action.

18:36

And knowing that it's all just

18:38

CGI, I don't care. It

18:40

doesn't do anything for me. Sometimes I think for

18:42

the Marvel movies, the draw isn't the action, it's

18:44

the stuff around the action. But I know what

18:46

you mean, because if you're just looking at Iron

18:48

Man flying around and it is a cartoon, battling

18:51

Spider-Man, that's why they consciously go

18:53

inside Iron Man's suit to

18:56

see Robert Downey Jr.'s head. And they

18:58

always have Spider-Man taking off his mask,

19:00

because the human factor of it is

19:02

the stuff that engages audiences, not the

19:05

cartoon. But, you know, if something's just purely a

19:07

cartoon, like The Incredibles, it's great. I love

19:09

it. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Did you

19:11

watch the Tina Turner documentary? Yes. So

19:14

good. Can I watch it?

19:16

I want to see Tina Turner versus Godzilla versus

19:19

Kong. The documentary is so good. Versus

19:22

Alien versus Pharaoh. It's amazing. Can

19:25

you imagine being at one of those shows, like, in

19:27

the 60s? Oh my God. I was

19:29

like, she is just a rock star. I

19:31

really was like, I wanted to, you

19:34

know, hear her story because she's such a fascinating person.

19:36

But there was part of me who was like, can

19:38

we just watch this concert? Oh my God. I know.

19:40

Every concert, like, performance they

19:42

showed was amazing. Unbelievable. I don't think I would have

19:44

liked to have been there, because now I'd be old

19:46

as shit. So if you had been

19:49

there, you could have been there in the

19:51

80s and be your same age. Oh, that's true. No,

19:54

I wasn't allowed to concerts then. Oh, why? Oh,

19:56

because they're simple. They had a picture of you

19:58

on the wall and said. I'm not

20:00

mad. Do not admit.

20:04

No, I wasn't in 1985 when I was 15. That

20:08

was the first concert I was ever allowed to go

20:10

to. What did you go to? Oingo Boingo at the

20:12

Irvine Meadows Amphitheatre. You can watch it on YouTube. I

20:14

was there. And so we can

20:16

see you? Are you there? Can we see you?

20:19

No, you can't see me. It's just like... No,

20:21

I'm not going to watch it then. No, it's a fun

20:23

show. I'm going to watch the whole concert of Oingo Boingo.

20:25

Why were you forbidden to go to the concert, drugs? Drugs.

20:28

And unsafe environments.

20:31

Moshpits. Well, 15

20:33

is young to go by yourself. Music

20:35

is sinful. Devil's music. Devil's music.

20:38

They did allow me to buy records,

20:40

but when they heard that I was

20:42

buying Princess Purple Rain, they shut it

20:44

down. That is Princess too

20:46

much. When they searched my room and they found

20:48

Frankie Goes to Hollywood's Welcome to

20:51

the Pleasure Dome, which has all these pictures of dicks

20:53

in it in the artwork. Is that

20:55

what the Pleasure Dome is? I think it is. A place where

20:57

like... I'm really exhausted

20:59

thinking about your parents trying to like keep

21:01

you from all the fun. Yeah. Like

21:04

I'm like, just... It just makes you more fascinated

21:06

with it. That was the benefit of being part

21:08

of a big family and lower... Oh

21:11

yeah, absolutely. Like I had no curfew

21:13

or anything. What was your first concert?

21:16

I'm sure we talked about that. My

21:18

first concert I believe was the band

21:20

Squeeze. Nice. Which

21:23

year? Which year? College.

21:25

I was about to say this was right before

21:27

our... That

21:30

Hourglass? Yeah. Hourglass

21:32

and... That's Cozy Fan Tutti Free.

21:34

No, no, no, no. That's Sweets from a

21:37

Stranger. Sweets from a Stranger. I

21:39

think my first concert was really not cool.

21:42

I think it's back up to the shore.

21:44

I'm pretty sure my first one was Dispatch. Do you remember

21:46

that band? They were in the vein

21:49

of OAR. I'm trying to

21:51

do the taxi. I can't remember it.

21:53

I can't remember it. Other

22:00

not as bad at all. he we

22:02

brought him back when we bought our.

22:08

Ally really was as he John Mayer, but I

22:10

didn't. On

22:12

mare been told you about your body

22:14

wonder why awhile them that album cover

22:16

Honestly that was like all my friends

22:18

were like this is the most romantic

22:20

person. Liquid of your was like somebody

22:22

of the wonderland except your posts a

22:24

I won't go. Around I was

22:27

like I looked. Around

22:29

us and our wedding we had

22:31

a we had a Dj hours

22:33

remember one. Day

22:36

and he played that song

22:38

we Made of Bub several

22:40

playlist for the different. Oh

22:43

mono of a song for the medium

22:45

it as I. As

22:47

I ran. What's gonna happen

22:50

when they get there are

22:52

certain. Elements. Iran's

22:54

sirens was gonna happen

22:57

when they got their.

22:59

The. Said think they have been so we

23:02

we had all these playlist others easier

23:04

to do is press play and step

23:06

a. Will Sprout played some Santa one

23:08

point of course like right after the

23:10

ceremony have to do photos and that

23:12

always takes longer than you think so

23:14

on and to do far passengers and.

23:18

New really been trained to say that are

23:20

consciously was and ran out. And.

23:22

So he started playing his own. you sell

23:24

goods and no no Jessica Sharpen our friends

23:26

as a good shepherd who I think is

23:28

so great at yeah I actually was this

23:31

ability thing to art and also I once

23:33

I won't run or to be real. I

23:35

feel like rather is used. Sierra Real.

23:39

To but I'm like I love listen to run

23:41

a so much like this is a real person.

23:44

Yes and so this real person two months

23:46

is Jamie ssssss He says the Dj have

23:48

started playing your body is a wonder how

23:50

know I just you and you can I'm

23:52

sure you can picture her during this are

23:54

excused She goes up to Jamie and says.

23:58

Did you honestly this assessment? Oh

24:00

my god, I love that. Did

24:02

you desire him to play this? Was

24:04

this part of your plan? I love it. And then they

24:06

turned it off? Yes,

24:09

I think... Like, record scratch right in the

24:11

middle. Honestly, I don't remember. I think we were like,

24:13

who cares? And how we do it. No,

24:16

that was how we felt. I told you about the

24:19

R.D.J. playing celebration. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

24:22

And we just...it was such a bone of contention

24:24

for me that I expressly said to the D.J.'s

24:26

never play Cool in the Gang celebration. That when

24:28

he started playing it, we... At

24:30

that point, so much had gone wrong. And yet

24:33

we had pulled off a good wedding that we

24:35

just started laughing. You just have two. You have

24:37

two. That's just funny. That's just a herald at that

24:39

point. Sure. And

24:42

Kumar. Don't leave him out. When

24:44

I...when I married the first time,

24:46

my rule was they could not play

24:48

Brown-Eyed Girl. I really hate that song. I

24:51

had that too. Really? And Janie was

24:53

not upset, but she was disappointed. Well,

24:56

she has Brown-Eyes too. She has Brown-Eyes. I don't have

24:58

Brown-Eyes, but it's not why I don't want to hear

25:00

it. I think I just hate

25:02

that song. It's played out. It doesn't explain me.

25:04

You know what? I think it probably was played

25:06

out, but I got into a Van Morrison kick

25:09

just in time for him to be a weirdo.

25:11

Oh my God, I know. And I got all

25:13

of his records, and I plopped that one on.

25:16

I hadn't heard it in years since, like, my 20s when

25:18

I thought it was all played out. It sounds good. No,

25:21

his music is fantastic. That stuff is great.

25:23

I'm saying Brown-Eyed Girl specifically. You know, he's

25:26

been a... Yeah, it does. Absolutely. But

25:28

I feel like I would be fine never hearing

25:30

it again. Sure, but that's how I felt. But

25:33

I'm saying, like, take 20 years off. I'm saying

25:35

I can't live your life. This is the real...

25:37

You guys, you guys. You guys, wrestling's a little...

25:39

Back up to the shore. I

25:42

want you to wrestle in the pool is

25:44

what I said. Van Morrison's been... With hot oil.

25:47

Get in the pool. Pour hot oil in

25:49

there too. It just will lay

25:51

on the top of the water. Then

25:54

put salt and pepper in there. And boil it up! Van

25:58

Morrison's been a weirdo for a very long time. long time and

26:01

I have what did he recently do

26:03

he was reported outside back I

26:06

locked down with Eric Clapton. Did

26:08

Eric Clapton claim that he didn't know what it

26:11

was about? I think you and I were talking

26:13

about this and I that's hilarious what it's like it's

26:15

like a poem that he didn't understand I think that

26:17

I said that's a possibility to give like like

26:20

Eric Clapton a backdoor but I'm thinking more

26:22

and more that Eric Clapton like it like

26:24

I can see Van Morrison going hey man

26:27

you want to play my song and him

26:29

going yes I do Mr. Van Morrison then

26:31

recording a solo I'm sure I've said this

26:33

before but I always think Eric Clapton's American and

26:37

I'm always surprised when he's not yeah

26:39

every time you always say that every time I'm sure

26:41

I do Too Face you've

26:43

said it I will say it too I

26:45

have somewhere this this album that Van Morrison

26:47

recorded to break a contract he had to

26:50

do this record label it's like

26:52

it is just made up

26:54

nonsense Wait so he wanted them

26:56

to fire him? He he owed this yeah you

26:58

owed an album to this label and so he

27:01

just recorded a lot like what we've been doing

27:03

on the last 20 episodes So

27:06

we're just trying to fill the time. Oh the first 50 are great I'll

27:13

dig that up. What do you make a song of just

27:15

like boo boo boo boo boo? I wonder if it no

27:18

it can't be in here if you can find one send

27:20

me the link and I'll play it but uh I mean

27:22

I told you I saw him on Letterman he was

27:24

just like blah blah blah bling blah blah

27:26

blah just filling the time doing

27:29

what I have to do do do um

27:32

now you're both on your phones and have left it up to

27:34

me to yeah that's going bad

27:37

um so what else is up I

27:40

thought you said topics we're still in the middle

27:42

of turner was one of them the instagram was

27:45

one of them uh what else could I tell you

27:47

about what else have I been up to um

27:50

well oh well

27:52

actually just about speaking of pilots and it

27:54

is a bit of reality recap oh

27:57

wait a minute we have a remix oh

27:59

great We have a remix

28:01

someone sent us. Let's see. This

28:03

is Tom Hearney, I

28:06

don't have my glasses so I can't see but

28:08

this is a I believe that's

28:10

who it is This is a reality

28:12

recap remix. And so here

28:14

we go. This is This

28:18

is it and I see All

28:25

right, here we go Oh

28:30

my god Shut

28:34

down everything that was so weird. I

28:36

love that. All right, um, so I

28:39

was watching married at first sight which oh What

28:42

do you what's up? Don't worry van more continue with

28:44

the story Complain

28:47

about married at first sight is that It's

28:50

an eight week Process of the

28:52

show but it goes on for like a million episodes. Like

28:54

it's just it's really too long Okay, but

28:56

it's also they're not really married at

28:58

first sight because they do see each

29:01

other before they're pronounced married. So You

29:07

are you are now bride and groom

29:09

and as they're turning around That

29:13

would be really fucked or put a big

29:15

piece of cardboard between them Well one

29:17

guy did have the girl come out he put blindfolds on

29:19

both of them and then she walked in the out without

29:21

Seeing him which I was like, and you know us

29:25

He is a horse and blinders

29:27

not blindfold anyway, there's one guy

29:29

he's a pilot he's a pilot and he fight

29:31

flies small planes People

29:38

in there and he took the

29:40

girl up in the flight and in cargo, can you bring

29:42

an overnight? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know

29:45

what laptop I don't know how many different types of

29:47

planes he flies but in this episode he took her

29:49

for a flight Okay And I was just wondering what

29:51

you guys thought of this because she she was giggling

29:53

and having a time of her life And then she's

29:55

like, can you do that zero gravity thing? I mean

29:57

and everything was floating around them, which I didn't know was

29:59

like a thing but I didn't like it and I

30:01

would not want to go in a plane like that.

30:03

I don't want to go in a plane like that.

30:05

You don't want to go into vomit comet. I really

30:08

don't and I feel like there's enough scary

30:10

stories about helicopters and small planes and I'm

30:13

like get me the fuck away from that.

30:15

I mean there's a whole song about helicopters. Well

30:17

I know that one. But have

30:19

you been in a plane with that that's why the

30:21

smallest I've been in is like six people and I

30:23

really hated it. I had to get off

30:25

of an island. I've been in a two-seater.

30:28

My grandfather and father were pilots, helicopter pilots,

30:30

so they both took me up in them.

30:32

I didn't like it because I had a

30:34

very queasy six stomach

30:38

you know where things like that would

30:40

make me motion sickness would vomit. So

30:42

I was always scared to death. I probably

30:44

would tell that up too. My dad

30:46

was telling me a story about either

30:49

my mom or someone else that he was dating

30:51

or something when he went from

30:53

Florida to Jamaica and he flew them

30:55

from Florida to... I was

30:58

going to go from Florida to

31:00

Jamaica to... to

31:03

Babuda. He

31:06

said everything was fine when they

31:09

left. They took off because you could turn

31:11

around and see Florida like oh wow Florida

31:13

is getting smaller. Until suddenly

31:16

you can't see anything other

31:18

than water everywhere. And then the woman

31:20

started to freak out. I think I

31:22

would panic. And they'd

31:24

be like no no it's like how

31:26

do you know where you're going? Like if

31:28

you're not aiming at something. And my

31:30

dad was trying to say well it's these instruments right here

31:33

they tell you where you're going. Well

31:35

then the woman said she goes is there like an autopilot thing

31:37

and he's like nope just me and she's like so if you

31:39

pass out we're screwed. And he was like actually

31:42

that's the scariest realization you could possibly have. Yeah

31:45

so why is he like doing zero gravity? Well

31:48

from zero gravity bullshit. I don't know.

31:50

He conks his head. Just thinks it looks cool.

31:52

On a wrench. The official

31:54

report doesn't have the zero gravity bullshit.

31:58

But I probably mentioned this to you before I saw Evan. following

32:00

this Mormon mommy blogger for like the

32:02

last 20 years. Actually I've been following

32:04

for 15 maybe no at least 10

32:07

years okay it's getting shorter and shorter

32:09

but the kids have

32:11

grown up. It's shocking but

32:13

they were this perfect

32:16

family this like sort of

32:18

her blog was popular because every family is

32:20

perfect Lauren. But the blog was because they took

32:23

like pretty pictures of their pretty family and

32:25

then they had they went on a

32:27

small plane and they got the crash

32:29

was just the parent and the pilot

32:32

and the pilot died and the they

32:35

were burned heavily and the

32:37

man was burned like 20% of his body and the

32:39

woman was full house right. The

32:41

woman was burned over 80% of her body

32:44

and she spent the last 10 years like

32:46

recovering and like adapting to this new life

32:49

and it is so so

32:51

shocking to me to read about it

32:53

was a horrible she was in a coma for a long time

32:55

and they there was just what oh

32:59

it's a squirrel that happened my friend

33:02

KB they were in a plane car

33:04

or no no yeah plane

33:06

crash oh my god it's scary yeah

33:08

KB was are you joking is gonna

33:10

be something stupid god damn it good

33:14

for KB like what is it oh no

33:16

you're horrible I don't get it there's no

33:18

no nothing anyway but yeah Brian that's not

33:20

what you call KB I don't know what

33:22

you saw

33:33

is why I just thought you had a

33:35

giraffe you could have a friend but I

33:38

should have known you

33:40

were kidding but I I

33:42

just that story too like that has scared me

33:44

away from ever getting in the helicopter I

33:46

just my dad swears it's safe if you will

33:49

that that's what they say about JFK jr. is

33:51

that he who I'm

33:53

sorry the are

33:55

you frying and that's another crazy story

33:57

our future president that's very scary Well,

34:00

no, they go missing. No, no, see he got

34:02

caught up in a storm and in a storm

34:05

you're supposed to do what my dad was saying,

34:07

which is just literally fly by checking the instruments.

34:09

Because they tell you everything you need to know.

34:11

You don't need to see anything, right? Okay. So

34:13

they rolled the window down. Yeah. And

34:16

they set their head out. And they were like, yeah, in

34:18

the test directions of a passing 747.

34:21

Hey! No,

34:24

that's what happens. They get disoriented.

34:27

They don't check the instruments. They

34:29

think they can do it all by sight

34:31

and then they end up upside down. Oh, no. Yeah.

34:35

That's so scary. Yeah. Yeah. Remember we were

34:37

going to go, so much for going to go in a helicopter in

34:39

Hawaii. I wasn't going to go. I wasn't going to go. I was

34:41

too scared anyways. But then they

34:43

got canceled because it was... They got canceled.

34:45

Who was remaining? Was it the three of us in Kula? No,

34:48

I think it was going to be Jess and Tim that we're going

34:50

to go. No, no. Who remained back? Everybody

34:53

but Jess, Tim and Jen. Oh, okay.

34:55

Who was the core four? The

34:58

core four is you, me, Paul and

35:00

Kula. Because everyone else went swimming with

35:02

manorays. Which I did not want to do either. None

35:06

of us wanted to do it, but I thought it was funny labeling

35:08

us as the core four. Yeah, it happened really fast

35:10

too. You're having a dinner. The second they all went

35:12

off to do something, I was like, oh, the core

35:14

four is there. I

35:17

was like saying that we were the most important. We

35:19

were the real... Yes, it's like everyone else is sort

35:21

of extraneous. We're

35:24

the real crew. Meanwhile, they're going off

35:26

having an actual adventure in Hawaii. We're

35:29

going to have dinner. They're communing

35:31

with wild sea creatures. And

35:33

having an amazing experience where they're like luminescent

35:35

fish or whatever the fuck. I

35:38

did not want to do that. I don't like that. That's

35:41

a final frontier for me. I can't

35:43

handle that. Sea life is very... It

35:45

kind of gives me a very scared

35:47

feeling. I used

35:49

to like to do it. I

35:51

would scuba dive. When

35:54

I went to Hawaii for my brother's wedding, I would

35:57

scuba dive. I loved it. It was like you'd find all

35:59

these places. where there'd be so many fish

36:01

and it was and it didn't feel unsafe

36:04

or although I will say at

36:06

my brother's wedding the last day it was really

36:08

rocky and I went out scuba diving and it

36:10

got a little dangerous but um

36:13

but then I took cool up I was like scuba

36:15

diving so fun cool up let's go scuba diving when

36:17

you have a tank on and you're like no sorry

36:19

not snorkeling snorkeling I

36:22

didn't mean self-contained underwater breathing apparatus it's so

36:24

different because I'm really really for scuba diving

36:26

I would try snorkeling I did train to

36:28

scuba dive but um okay now your story

36:30

changes we had to do that in my

36:32

pool at school that's where I did it

36:34

oh my god really yeah that's where I

36:36

took scuba diving I found it terrifying I

36:39

don't like that I when I would get I

36:41

have ear problems so when I got too deep

36:44

it put my ass to sleep and it also

36:46

um like fucked with my

36:48

ears so I was like oh I didn't I

36:50

never got certified because I didn't like going down twelve

36:53

gabris recently got certified oh great a couple years

36:55

ago maybe so you can teach you yeah but

36:57

I took cool up out snorkeling I was like

36:59

snorkeling so fun let's do we went to Catalina

37:01

on our one year anniversary and I don't like

37:04

Catalina by the way the that's a complaint about

37:06

everything I think I'm saying no to everything but

37:08

I Catalina is not exciting not fun yeah but

37:10

I was like let's make this fun let's go out

37:12

snorkeling yeah and we took a boat and we went

37:15

out in the middle of the and the the water

37:17

is dirty there is no fish

37:19

it's a nasty there's and the guy in

37:21

the boat was like well there's a lot

37:23

of interesting kelp you can can look at

37:26

no no seaweed fuck that and then cool

37:28

up can't really swim anyway and I was

37:30

saying like no it's fun that's horrible because

37:32

I was always doing Hawaii where it was

37:35

like a disaster where it was like maybe

37:37

six feet deep yeah it's like you

37:39

see beautiful underwater creatures and it's

37:41

bright blue water and and instead it

37:43

was dark dirty water with kelp and it

37:45

was like 50 feet or whatever

37:47

and no I would hate that yeah yeah it

37:50

was terrible I was in I was performing in

37:52

Houston one time most miserable week of my life

37:54

did not have a problem you were doing stand-up

37:57

yes I was And I went

37:59

with. My friend Lisa delirious,

38:01

hilarious comedian said when I see a

38:03

squirrel his wedding I agree to know

38:05

that there's one like right above Bolland.

38:07

it's coming down towards his. Guys.

38:12

I've are you know I try? Have been

38:14

making friends with the squirrels in my neighborhood

38:16

and I hosted. Some the that in any get but I

38:19

want to understand. I found it funny when I didn't get i

38:21

want. To. Understand the lamb. It was

38:23

a picture a squirrel and it said. Something

38:25

that will hurt him. Yeah, What's that? Silvers.

38:28

Or hazelnuts a sense of that's what

38:30

I see them or I am. I

38:32

like when the when the whatever the

38:34

headliners I did notice sober was but

38:36

I found the word funny enough that

38:38

I cannot believe I capture this but

38:40

I I can. I have a little

38:42

nature camera put out there is motion

38:44

activated and that it's the videos from

38:46

one of the video started with the

38:48

squirrel with his eyes close to have

38:50

never seen before. he's holding him but

38:52

he loves it so much she's holding

38:54

up easily able that as he looks

38:56

like is ecstatic like man a. Lot

38:58

that all right arm, aggressive. Than

39:01

misuse this way. us soil as easy

39:04

to use an aquarium and they had

39:06

a little times. Where. You could

39:08

put your hand and you could pet this.

39:10

Are you a little re? Oh yeah and

39:13

and I couldn't make myself do it. Who

39:15

needs and of what I say I want?

39:17

I was Or. Like it's for children. I should be

39:19

able to my hand. And yes, And I was

39:21

so disappointed with myself that I think

39:24

my dog bites you. Can. Be

39:26

kind of hawthorne even know if that's what I was

39:28

a for you they even by one of you didn't

39:30

like it's. Texture. You

39:33

know this is what I was just talking to

39:35

him for. Not you a highly sexed are you

39:37

like I love her to exercise. Their vows

39:39

since ssssss dad larger.

39:42

Not saying are you heat of of

39:44

three and hold a successful you hate

39:46

when the other Israel trip to phobia?

39:48

yes. My friend has this and as a grilli.

39:51

I'm a tier one or zero three holes.

39:53

I just never really both. I've never heard

39:55

of this as the old was his territory.

39:57

I've talked about this on a different show.

40:00

The money cause I read disorder and

40:02

Selena Yeah, no, it's just something like

40:04

the are you know how they're There

40:06

were certain phones that they moussa hurry

40:08

Differing I have it. I have a

40:10

fee and. Slipped out about this because it

40:12

was like. Activated my turn to for

40:15

so. It's a It's basically like

40:17

people feel weirded out by. The

40:20

city and have three holes in the ground.

40:22

Boy new other light see. Also says it's

40:24

site. certain textures will make her feel

40:26

like crazy like as a cigar. Bumpy

40:28

lizard are like you know I'm getting

40:31

the that she's a Celtic. What does

40:33

it feel? You're scared and that know

40:35

I dislike really I feel really grossed.

40:37

Out like I really here as well. Anyway, some

40:39

we feel I thought about nails on the chalk

40:41

board so it's not bad to rage. Is

40:43

is interesting a look at something and

40:45

be have a service oriented. Right now

40:48

most rob I bought. A.

40:52

Little heard of. Episodes

40:54

as I wasn't clear ssssss some bring

40:56

I disagree. Intersex I never knew anyone

40:59

to how. They're not going over about

41:01

at of and actually the Mormon my blog

41:03

I fall has it was just as bad.

41:05

I know she i the government over her

41:08

life is pretty old what awaits you wasn't

41:10

in the. Blame gross see why them

41:12

of lingers what he's nato great life.

41:15

Yeah. Also to Travis Barker. Ah,

41:18

Month. While. He was using

41:20

a terrible on Debunk. When it is

41:22

you got the I was recently no

41:24

no, but it was bad. Heirloom and

41:26

I was actually wildly injured. was killed

41:28

in that prostrate know. look it up

41:30

his old. Are you doing all the

41:32

headlines around or know? I know you

41:34

rather have a we have to database.

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46:18

we're back and guess what? Threedoms, what's that? I

46:20

have a surprise for us. Oh, well

46:22

that's a surprise for me. What

46:24

if you were shocked by what you said? Oh my god! What

46:27

did I just do? I wanted to be a surprise for all of

46:30

us. I went to hypnotherapist. What

46:33

is it? I have a new drinker. Oh

46:35

my god, what is that? Oh yeah. This

46:37

is orange vanilla cream. Oh, I really wanted

46:39

to try this one. Someone's been pending to

46:41

it. I know it's gonna be sick. Because

46:43

this was a flavor that I loved as

46:45

a kid. I love a creamsicle.

46:47

Cream, orange. I

46:49

don't know. It doesn't look like it. It's

46:52

white chocolate. Oh, I don't know. They're white

46:54

chocolate. Yeah. So I'm gonna pass mine. Okay.

46:56

You'll have your little hand. Okay. Careful

46:59

with your headphones. Oh yeah. Yeah. Paul

47:03

was still tethered to his headphones

47:05

and didn't realize that he was...

47:07

That's what my mask is. He

47:11

is now going to pour some M&Ms into my open palm. Okay,

47:16

so you either get orange or you get white. There's no other

47:18

colors. There are no other colors. They are about the size

47:20

of a peanut butter M&M. They're

47:23

maybe even a little bigger. They look a little

47:25

dusty. They feel like something that

47:27

would be in your grandma's candy bucket.

47:31

All right. Are we gonna eat them? Oh,

47:33

don't eat them. What? That's

47:38

good. I don't know what this tastes like lipstick.

47:42

No, that's... I think it's good. I think it's good.

47:46

I think it delivers on what it says it is. I need

47:48

to erase the idea that an M&M is coming. Yeah.

47:51

It's not an M&M. No, it doesn't have like... It's

47:53

not an M&M. No, no, no, no. No,

47:55

no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. I don't think

47:57

I can eat more than two. I'm gonna go for my

47:59

second. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

48:02

These are good. I like it. These

48:04

are maybe one of my favorites

48:06

of the off-brand non-peanut

48:08

butter taste. Bite it in half and see what it looks like.

48:12

Okay. Why you? This

48:14

is why I talk like that. Oh, the whole thing is

48:16

white. Yeah. It's orange. It's

48:19

orange on the outside. Ah. Fun.

48:23

They found a way to make it fun. These are

48:25

just, these is good. Thank you, M&M's. Thanks,

48:27

Paul. We can't say it enough. Thank

48:29

you, M&M's. When will M&M's and Crocs

48:31

fucking sponsor us? M&M's and Crocs, they

48:33

go together. Crocs and M&M's, they're like

48:35

peas and... They're like hot oil

48:38

and vinegar and salt and pepper in the pool. You

48:40

literally could put M&M's in your Croc holes. You

48:43

literally could. You could. And they

48:45

should. Too many. You should go fuck

48:47

yourself and put M&M's in your Croc holes. M&M's might

48:49

not sponsor us, first of all, because of that. Secondly,

48:52

we did review several other products and

48:55

call them disgusting. Yeah, but that's

48:57

fair. They know that. Same to Crocs. They

48:59

know what they're doing. They know they're disgusting. Wait, some

49:01

of the, this flavor is really making me think of something,

49:03

but I don't know what. Maybe like

49:05

a creamsicle or orange and vanilla. I mean,

49:07

I know what it is. So orange,

49:09

soda? It's like the texture is reminding

49:12

me of an old candy. Oh,

49:14

yeah. It's a little chewy. Isn't

49:16

it? It has an interesting, it's not, it has nothing to

49:18

do with M&M. Like taffy. Nothing

49:21

to do with it. This is where I'm just, it's a fruit candy. Like

49:24

laffy taffy. In a shell. I

49:28

don't know. I don't know. Anyway, we'll never know.

49:30

But those is good. Well, I thought that was interesting. And

49:33

I have seen people tag us in

49:35

some other weird ass flavors like key lime

49:38

pie. Like ass flavors. Ass

49:41

pie. We understand that everyone's eating ass

49:43

these days. We've come out with an

49:45

M&M's ass for it. These millennials love

49:47

to eat ass. I don't think you

49:49

know what eating ass actually is. Enjoy

49:53

ass M&M's. Alright,

49:58

good stuff. I'm

50:00

pondering the M. Which.

50:03

M. Mars or Murray. Murray.

50:06

Yesterday there was no. I didn't

50:08

realize that. Eminem

50:11

Mars. Mars

50:13

their to to run companies I believe.

50:16

We can look this up by Rob

50:18

and are no Adam, Myrna Mars and

50:20

Murray's I believe is the what the

50:22

abbreviations. To. Play some of

50:24

the songs it'll send us. Your mouth

50:26

know or a your ear

50:29

is someone sent us a

50:31

drum remix of Our Freedom

50:34

Seem this is a guy

50:36

named Anthrax. And.

50:39

Here. He goes way off roofs

50:42

what I like to call the

50:44

Who assisted worthy of Dick Clark's

50:46

American bands and he's taking off

50:48

now We are a number One

50:50

is a sweet a marine it

50:52

as you know that Patrick and

50:54

here he goes. A Sikhism wouldn't

50:56

say I want your sex. Means

50:59

that when him out and will

51:01

against with ssssss with hotel. As

51:04

it's as it's an exit. I mean, successive.

51:08

Series Usa. He would that he would agree that

51:10

Will ah George Michael was isn't your number two

51:12

or something like that. He would never say the

51:15

title he was. Also on say by the bell and

51:17

and is a yet another sign of how. Fucking weird

51:19

it was that the basis of a sudden

51:21

taken such. As well

51:23

say the gaze. Of feals. I go here

51:25

to do the tamp them down on the radio.

51:28

plays. And all that we're all these I aldrin

51:30

are excited city other there are in their fifties.

51:32

Diner Excited that he was there are ah

51:34

some I just see the writers' Room. For

51:37

a fight is this is literally they never

51:40

does anything cool. Had so sorry your ego.

51:42

This is Patrick Patrick Cross in. Oh

52:00

my God, yesterday, this thing, see what, yesterday.

52:03

Oh, sorry. Yesterday, there's,

52:06

I don't know, there's some guy in

52:08

my neighborhood, the sound is carrying so

52:10

well, he was practicing his band. Was

52:13

it the Red Hot Chili Peppers? It was certainly,

52:16

it certainly was not. And he was practicing

52:18

his song. And then Mike

52:20

started like making fun of him and I was like, what if

52:22

he could hear you? And he's like, he can't hear us. We're

52:25

hearing him singing his whole song. Like if he could

52:28

hear us, but then how do we hear him? Like

52:30

I don't understand. I don't understand how the noise is

52:32

carrying, but he was, he sounded like he was auditioning

52:34

to be in guster. In guster.

52:36

It was just really. It's

52:38

usually the way it works is like something

52:40

that's louder than another thing is more audible. Okay.

52:45

But I still felt like, I still

52:47

felt like I could hear him so clearly

52:49

that if we were also yelling back, making

52:51

fun of him, he could hear us.

52:53

Yeah, probably. Unless he was making, currently

52:55

making noise. Well, I thought it had just stopped and

52:58

then he actually was in

53:00

fact continuing. But I was like, the

53:02

balls you have to have your windows

53:04

open practicing this song. And then

53:06

he goes, one, two, three, four.

53:09

Oh no, boo. Yeah. And then

53:11

I was like, oh no, you're alone. You don't need to count. That

53:14

was me. I

53:17

think about my neighbors, what they must hear from me

53:19

all the time because I am

53:22

a big cursor

53:24

when I'm frustrated by something. Wow. I

53:27

would love to look next to her. I was in a hotel room next

53:29

to you once when you were cursing a lot. There you go. And I

53:31

was the one next to you once when you were saying something else.

53:33

Oh shit, your brain really loud. You

53:36

were like, oh my lord Jesus Christ. I'm

53:41

a silent prayer. No, please save the poor.

53:43

And so you're like, fuck. I would be

53:45

like, god. And then later I'll think, they

53:47

probably heard that. Oh

53:53

my god, what kind of thing is making you do that? Like,

53:57

are the stakes really low? Like

54:00

you're like I drop my cup. No,

54:02

no a little athletic supporter

54:07

And someone need you in the ball And

54:11

then I won ten thousand dollars on

54:13

television, of course, it's always like trying

54:15

to put something together it's trying to

54:18

do Something

54:20

involving my laptop converting

54:22

something whatever dropping something

54:25

and then does your does drop You know

54:27

my reaction when I drop something is always

54:30

Trained myself to do this. I

54:32

say good Good,

54:35

I didn't want that and then when you're

54:37

like really frustrated like I'll say you're putting something together

54:39

and you're really frustrated What does

54:41

Janey do she try to like help you because I feel like

54:43

we I had this recently with Mike where he was putting together

54:45

She's usually cooking right? Yeah,

54:48

she's cooking or taking your shoes off But he was getting

54:50

frustrated and I was going getting pregnant. What if we try

54:52

this? What if we try that? He's like, can you just leave

54:54

like I yeah, but I'm like, can

54:56

you just leave me? It

55:00

depends on what it is she will if it

55:02

involves Let's say

55:05

it involves like being locked out of

55:07

some fucking seldom used website or something

55:11

She loves getting your that you're trying to

55:13

access your cryptocurrency. Yes. I'm like

55:15

I need my own coin She

55:23

loves she loves doing that kind of stuff But

55:25

if it's like if it's building a thing

55:27

or if it's something like I'm doing on

55:29

my own in my office She

55:33

knows now not to not to

55:35

try to help or not to ever say

55:37

like you okay, honey Yes, exactly cuz you're

55:39

fine. You're just like If I

55:41

if I am she's like cuz it used to be she's

55:43

like I thought you were hurt or something I was like,

55:45

I will make an entirely different noise if I'm hurt Like

55:49

a little baby, you know if I'm hurt I was like Why

55:52

don't we just do this later, you know,

55:54

like because he's like tired. I'm like, let's do

55:56

this later It doesn't matter and he's like I

55:59

want to fuck You know, it's like he wants to

56:01

finish it. And it was like, it's just like

56:03

this annoying little thing. And I'm being more annoying

56:06

when I think I'm really de-escalating. Like I'm like,

56:08

yeah. Sometimes de-escalating is escalating. Yeah,

56:10

I'm learning that. Funny, like in the

56:12

Vietnam War, that your father probably knew

56:14

her. Of course. One

56:16

pail makes you

56:18

coopie. One makes

56:20

you hungry for M's. M's.

56:23

I think I say, I probably say,

56:26

God damn it. Or

56:31

Jesus, no, I probably say Jesus fucking Christ. Like

56:33

I say that a lot, probably. What

56:35

does Cool Up do? Because Cool Up is very expressive.

56:39

When she's upset, do you try to help her

56:41

with things? With these types

56:43

of situations we're discussing? If

56:47

she's ever yelling, she probably does need help.

56:50

She's not a real. Yeah. I'm

56:54

like, I'm a real, like, ahh. Type

56:57

of person when things are. I felt so proud of myself the other

56:59

day. It's a worthless dream. I stub

57:01

my toes so hard. Like I

57:03

open the door on my toe. It hurts so bad. Fuck.

57:05

But Mike was asleep. Like right where I opened the door.

57:08

And then I went like, I just went

57:11

like, I just have like a silent like

57:13

reaction. And

57:15

then later I was like, just so you know, I really

57:17

could have screamed. And I didn't. You

57:19

woke him up though. You're going to pay for it. I

57:21

really hurt myself. Hey, hey. I

57:24

used to stub my toes when I was a kid all the

57:26

time. I still do it all the time. I still do it

57:28

all the time. Bad where I would like shred skin. Ow. Oh.

57:32

I feel like I'm a big, tall, awkward

57:34

weirdo walking around in your nailed it

57:36

spaces. That's true. That's

57:38

the end. I just wanted to say that. But

57:41

you still stub your toes a lot? I'm

57:43

all, well. Stubbing a toe,

57:45

by the way, has a very specific connotation to

57:48

me, which is it involves blood. Like it's not

57:50

just like I hit my toe on something. Oh,

57:52

no. My thing is I will walk into

57:54

the bed corner and it hurts so much. Or I just

57:56

don't have my I don't have a sense of how wide

57:58

my body is. hit my shoulder in a

58:00

door frame like a lot. I

58:03

feel like I'm not fitting into the space a lot

58:05

so I'm always hitting my knees on

58:07

stuff and hitting my toes and yeah.

58:09

So, I have a desk now that

58:12

is a little compact desk. It's a

58:14

tiny desk. It's called a captain's desk.

58:17

Oh, wasn't that just perfect? Yeah.

58:19

And but. Is that the rank

58:21

that you wish you had in life? Like if they gave out ranks.

58:23

I'd be happy with captain. If they gave out ranks for just what

58:25

type of person you were. Yeah. Captain

58:27

is good. Oh my God. I

58:30

don't know. No, don't need it. Okay.

58:32

Great. What would I be?

58:35

Left-handed? You'd be a left-handed. Maybe a

58:37

Commodore. Deck swabber. Oh, she got you.

58:39

Damn. Damn. She

58:41

nautically got you. Or what would you be? I don't know

58:44

what all the things are. Ensign. What's

58:46

that? I don't know. What's like

58:49

someone who's hanging out? Ensign. Swabby.

58:51

I mean. Wesley Crusher was

58:54

an Ensign. He was an Ensign. It was weird to

58:56

me in Star Trek when they started making the movies

58:58

and then because they you know the

59:00

show was started in the 60s so then after a

59:02

while they're like this guy would get promoted. Yeah, at

59:04

some point. So he made Admiral Kirk. So he's Admiral

59:06

Kirk and it always just sounded weird and then I

59:08

think he went back to captain. We

59:10

got knocked down, right? Yeah. They

59:13

ripped off some of his stars off of his

59:15

uniform. Yeah, and they threw them into space. Mm-hmm.

59:17

They're still floating out there. That must be humility.

59:19

It's the North Star. Oh.

59:22

And that's how we got Jesus. Yes.

59:25

Because it's all takes place in the past actually. Yeah.

59:28

Lauren. Stay with us. Come on.

59:31

You don't care. We

59:33

know. I know. I just started thinking about

59:35

something. What? What did you start thinking

59:37

about? A text I have to respond to. Which one? Can

59:40

we respond to it? Will you just give us your phone? We'll

59:42

respond to it. I just

59:44

was thinking how am I going to respond to that? Can

59:47

you respond to it right now with whatever we

59:49

say and then follow it up with oh

59:51

that was Scott and Paul? You know that

59:53

just wouldn't really do it for me. Come

59:56

on. That's a

59:58

no from me though. Another

1:00:01

and. Ah, what about any

1:00:03

other tax? We just let us tax

1:00:06

anyone randomly from your oh my god

1:00:08

oh boy people. In your phone? Would you

1:00:10

actually want to send a text to right now?

1:00:12

I would say probably twenty. Percent know

1:00:14

on booking comedy show related.

1:00:17

Yeah no, that wasn't bombs,

1:00:19

Not you. And maybe you

1:00:21

know why. But

1:00:24

I mean like if I did your phone and just like

1:00:26

scrawled and hit some tag would be odd that be someone

1:00:28

you wouldn't. Want me to tell that we you

1:00:30

know I've had now and I phone for

1:00:32

let's see our government gave an I phone

1:00:34

for know that's embarrassing I thought you were

1:00:36

ribs and I think they they assisted him

1:00:38

out with I phones in two thousand and

1:00:40

seven I remember getting one well as yeah

1:00:42

that myself I had one in Canada when

1:00:44

co op and I got engaged in two

1:00:46

thousand and seven and around encountered was like

1:00:48

what is that to they didn't have them

1:00:50

up there. Yeah yeah I'm so I've had

1:00:52

that. I've had it since. Two thousand and

1:00:54

seven is just collected. Every person new emails

1:00:56

me your number down When I was ah.

1:00:58

I I hardly ever go back and like prove

1:01:01

themselves to go through and get rid of people.

1:01:03

yeah I go to my for hims me as

1:01:05

I do it on your mom loves it is

1:01:07

I feel I am I so. Are. Mine and

1:01:09

I had to just go like. Haven't

1:01:11

tried this person. Five. Years younger

1:01:14

than dentist they reach out to me

1:01:16

that arose number of elders as and

1:01:18

got him. As

1:01:20

a butcher of large mobs. Of

1:01:23

my. Dentist I recommend some people and they would

1:01:26

at as he would send these. I dollars

1:01:28

to Starbucks every time A recommends a

1:01:30

manly stop doing ah I are dentist

1:01:32

that we use a house yeah. Was.

1:01:34

Also recommended to me by Ah,

1:01:36

a friend of ours named Bob

1:01:38

Assistance Ah not out and girl

1:01:40

or guy you want to Civil

1:01:43

rights but what was funny was

1:01:45

because it was a recommendation. I

1:01:47

think this dentist new was like

1:01:49

had something in the computer system

1:01:51

of who knew who or whatever.

1:01:54

At and Sandhu Zooming who's of course yeah I

1:01:56

know why the need to know that a sound

1:01:58

friendly he was like so how. Robert because

1:02:02

that was his legal name or whatever and

1:02:04

I was like okay you don't actually know

1:02:06

him. That is so weird. My

1:02:08

dentist's daughter works with him. She's also

1:02:10

a dentist. O.D. Yes.

1:02:13

Yeah, daughter's dentist doctor's decision. Anyway

1:02:16

he wasn't available last time I went and she was

1:02:18

my dentist and she's like my age and it was

1:02:21

so fun. I was like this is awesome. Having a

1:02:23

dentist. Having your mouth worked on by someone your

1:02:25

age? Having a dentist who's like my age. We had

1:02:27

like a funny conversation. I had a

1:02:29

great time and I also like. Reality recap?

1:02:31

We could have done that. We could have

1:02:34

done that and then I also liked that

1:02:36

she made a joke making fun of how many people

1:02:38

I've referred and how like I might as well work there and

1:02:40

then I just was like this is so cool that you're a

1:02:42

dentist. It came to my mind. I'm like. You

1:02:45

think of death like your father.

1:02:47

I do. Reality

1:02:50

recap. Yeah. Oh

1:02:53

my God. It's cool to be like a person with

1:02:55

a job I guess is what I'm saying. I was

1:02:58

like so cool to be a dentist. You know

1:03:00

everything about that. Do you have a

1:03:02

fantasy of going back to work? I mean I know

1:03:04

you were only a babysitter and a movie star but

1:03:07

I sometimes. I also,

1:03:10

wait Paul, let me say something about

1:03:12

the dentist. Oh well our current dentist

1:03:14

we love and there's

1:03:16

this one guy that Janie always gets

1:03:18

and I never get to get. Janie

1:03:20

always gets. And

1:03:23

he would always confuse

1:03:25

me for a friend

1:03:27

of ours who goes to the same

1:03:29

dentist. That's crazy. Yeah. Paul

1:03:32

G. Tompkins. Like I don't think we look

1:03:34

anything alike. Paul G. Amati. But I think he had

1:03:36

a mustache maybe for like a week or something. Oh.

1:03:39

And so in this guy's mind, in Jose's

1:03:41

mind it's like they're the same dude. Yeah. So

1:03:44

he'll ask me about my friend's wife. How

1:03:46

are Lisa doing? I used to go to

1:03:48

this. What if you really knew? I

1:03:50

used to go to this place to get my. To get my

1:03:52

hair cut. And I, one

1:03:55

thing I hate, like I love the person who

1:03:57

cuts my hair right now. But. Whether.

1:04:01

This yeah I sorry but no I

1:04:03

used to go to just a random

1:04:06

barbershops near Mountaineer my house. and one

1:04:08

thing I can't stand as when they

1:04:10

they talk a lot. And. And

1:04:12

like rest till n and put down the

1:04:14

scissors to talk I think we have discovery

1:04:17

Has I gotta say I am very real

1:04:19

to me and my mind yeah but I

1:04:21

agree. With you I don't like when when I also

1:04:23

don't like when a dentist really once said. Fucking.

1:04:25

Into this at my disability and I

1:04:28

just last time as he makes you

1:04:30

think was told me about her fucking

1:04:32

period. While I mean know

1:04:34

about it later like it's only

1:04:36

nine, our. Whoop! Assessing about I

1:04:38

was honest. it is going like. The

1:04:42

as you are certainly don't get numb. And.

1:04:44

She was like was he pleaded your sleep with a sample.

1:04:47

Yeah, that really hurt because it ripped

1:04:49

my teeth the parts she was talking

1:04:51

about her getting her period and and

1:04:53

like. How. Her in her period have

1:04:56

stuff for all those bets. Get

1:04:58

you your friends. I guess I could see as having

1:05:00

the. Summer. Says us us idea that the

1:05:02

owners and so. What does your of and

1:05:04

I have no response and I also

1:05:06

to simply don't want. Know when we

1:05:09

were ah, grew up in I were

1:05:11

on the phone with our. Ah

1:05:14

idea of doctor. Recently.

1:05:17

Ah and when I do appear as misuse

1:05:19

international videos that are funny side of course

1:05:21

we want ten thousand and authors whose amid

1:05:24

all the so get paid in dollars for

1:05:26

see how well but I'm to be the

1:05:28

cause This could be the cause And then

1:05:30

she said. You. Know.

1:05:33

You probably just want to wait until her

1:05:35

Menzies. I

1:05:38

burst out lot uses series in areas

1:05:40

that are he I burst out laughing

1:05:43

a grew up in like what are

1:05:45

you laughing I'm like Cisco immensely. see

1:05:47

that messes embattled with has feel like

1:05:50

you don't really have a debate. I

1:05:52

mean it's very technical. I live, I

1:05:54

live at ease. will you

1:05:56

know there's one of those things when you're talking to a doctor and

1:05:58

i'm like should i say Or should

1:06:01

I say my bowel movements are XYZ?

1:06:04

Like I was like yeah, my poop is

1:06:06

thinking I that that happened I have a problem

1:06:09

with my pee pee or like my tits hurt

1:06:12

No that happened to me, and I think I said

1:06:14

I think I said something it alarmed the nurse

1:06:16

And then she rephrased it as crotch

1:06:20

When she like told the doctor exactly what it

1:06:23

was he's got a problem in his junk His

1:06:25

old fella I

1:06:28

didn't say any crude word I just said like

1:06:30

I was trying to describe exactly what was happening

1:06:33

My ding dong is bench In a good way

1:06:37

My slong I'm durable like I'm just bragging

1:06:40

I'm just my slong aches With

1:06:43

desire for you baby Alright

1:06:47

we need to take a break Oh my god Shopify

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1:08:18

From BBC Radio 4, Britain's

1:08:20

biggest paranormal podcast is

1:08:22

going on a road trip. I

1:08:25

thought in that moment, oh

1:08:27

my God. We've summoned something from this bull.

1:08:32

This is Uncanny USA.

1:08:35

He says somebody's in the house and

1:08:37

I speak. Listen

1:08:41

to Uncanny USA wherever you get your

1:08:44

BBC podcast. If

1:08:46

you dare. All

1:08:52

right, we're back. It

1:08:56

is time for a three-chair. I'll say

1:08:58

it is Scott. This is called Cafe

1:09:00

and this is submitted by. I thought

1:09:02

it was Kafe. No,

1:09:05

no, no, no. They didn't put

1:09:07

the accent mark above the. There's no

1:09:09

accent. Kafe. This

1:09:11

is called K-Fay-B. K-B. K-B.

1:09:15

This was my good friend K-Fay-B. This

1:09:19

is submitted by Tanya Chen and

1:09:22

here's how it goes. Players A and B

1:09:24

are celebrities on a date. Player

1:09:26

C is the waiter. A and

1:09:28

C know who celebrity B

1:09:30

is and B and C

1:09:32

know who celebrity A is and it's

1:09:34

up for everyone to give clues to

1:09:36

who they are on a date with.

1:09:38

When it seems like the celebrities know

1:09:40

who they are, they sign their names

1:09:42

on their checks. So basically, we'll play

1:09:44

it the first time where Paul and

1:09:46

I are on a date. Lauren is

1:09:48

the waiter. I will

1:09:51

text Lauren

1:09:54

who Paul is and then Lauren,

1:09:57

you can text Paul who I

1:09:59

am. Does that sound about right?

1:10:01

And it should be like a famous person? Yeah,

1:10:04

right. Otherwise, why are we playing? Okay.

1:10:06

So I... Could

1:10:09

it be a famous person or someone you went to

1:10:11

school with that we don't know? Can we have to

1:10:14

get... Can it be a fictional character or...? No, it

1:10:16

could be a fictional character, yes. But they're famous. I

1:10:18

consider them to be famous. But it

1:10:20

doesn't have to be a person. It doesn't have

1:10:22

to be humanoid. Can I say though that if

1:10:25

we expand it too much, it might take

1:10:27

too long? Okay, so it should be a

1:10:29

real... So it's just a celebrity. A living celebrity. A real living

1:10:31

keyword. Let's try it that way first. And it's got to be

1:10:33

living. It's got to be living, yeah. It's got to be living. So

1:10:37

now I'm thinking of people who are only dead. Okay,

1:10:40

thank you. Well, don't do that. Okay,

1:10:43

I just texted Paul

1:10:45

with who Scott is.

1:10:48

Okay, I'm texting you, Lauren, who

1:10:50

Paul is. Do

1:10:53

you have it? Got it. And

1:10:55

so we all know

1:10:58

certain things and we will start

1:11:01

right about now. What

1:11:05

a wonderful dinner this has been. It

1:11:07

really has been amazing and our

1:11:09

waiter Ding Dong is so... What's

1:11:11

up, players? Ding Dong. Ding

1:11:13

Dong. Hey, I want to ask you, Ding Dong. Yeah. I

1:11:16

don't know anything about you. Well,

1:11:19

there's not much to know about me. Oh my God.

1:11:21

Sorry. Wow. That

1:11:24

was chaotic. Wow. Well, there's not

1:11:26

much to know about me. You know, I'm

1:11:28

just a little street rat who got

1:11:30

a job. Now, could I help you guys get a

1:11:32

drink? What would you like? Well,

1:11:35

I think you probably... I

1:11:37

know... You

1:11:41

want something fiery, you know, maybe

1:11:43

something with cranberry

1:11:45

juice. So fiery. I

1:11:48

know that you want a big glass of wine with

1:11:50

ice in it, red wine with ice in it. Oh,

1:11:52

yes, please. Red wine with ice in it. Love

1:11:55

it. Yeah. That is exactly what

1:11:57

you want. Are you... Can they turn up the air conditioning?

1:12:00

I think you must be warm. Well,

1:12:02

sure, but how you're dressed. Sure.

1:12:06

I definitely have too many clothes on for this

1:12:08

date, certainly, if you know what it is. Well,

1:12:10

I mean, it's, you know, I wouldn't

1:12:12

ask you to change a thing. I just want to make

1:12:14

sure you're comfortable. I'm comfortable. I'm

1:12:16

comfortable usually wearing this amount of clothes. Okay.

1:12:19

All right. Although it looks seasonally inappropriate. Is

1:12:21

that what you think? You're

1:12:24

just covered up, but congratulations to you and your new

1:12:26

baby. Thank you. I

1:12:29

love having a baby and I love that it's new. I

1:12:31

love being on a date with someone who just had a baby. It's

1:12:36

my first night getting away. Well, it is interesting

1:12:38

for both of you to be on this date

1:12:40

just considering the age difference. Well, sure.

1:12:42

Well, of course, a lot of people are going to

1:12:44

look at us and say there's an age difference. I

1:12:46

appear to be an older gentleman who likes to wear

1:12:48

a lot of clothes and drink red wine. Well, sometimes

1:12:50

I feel you appear to be an older gentleman. I

1:12:52

could see why people would think that way. Oh, I'm

1:12:54

an older woman, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm

1:12:56

an older woman, it seems to me, who has

1:12:59

a lot of clothes and likes to drink red wine with

1:13:01

ice cubes to cool myself

1:13:03

down. And look, I'm young and

1:13:05

I just had a baby, meaning I am

1:13:08

a proud mommy. But

1:13:11

you are also a proud mommy. You have your kids,

1:13:13

I mean, they're adopted and you, I'm sure they're out

1:13:15

of the house, but sure. Yeah.

1:13:17

You can bond on that.

1:13:21

Interesting. Well,

1:13:23

I just never brought it up on this

1:13:25

date, I guess, our first date. No, because

1:13:27

a lot of the tabloid stuff gets misreported.

1:13:31

Are you under the impression that I had

1:13:33

the baby or that I adopted a baby?

1:13:35

You had a baby with your partner who

1:13:38

I don't know. Is that a picture, I hope? Yeah.

1:13:41

No, no, he's in the picture. Well, we're on a date, so I hope that's a

1:13:43

picture. Oh, well, they got married. So I do think that they

1:13:45

must have it open to people. We have an open

1:13:47

situation, of course. Yeah. Once the

1:13:49

baby came, we're like... By the way, your car is

1:13:51

so... That

1:13:54

sports car you drove up in, it's

1:13:56

like the color of it, it matches

1:13:58

your... Your hair

1:14:00

it's so it's so interesting say interest. What

1:14:03

do you mean by interesting? Well, it's just

1:14:05

you know I don't know whether you color

1:14:07

coordinated it or just you have a very

1:14:09

sporty sports car that happens to be the

1:14:11

color I have a sports car natural. I Mean

1:14:15

but be honest does

1:14:17

it look natural it does yeah, then yes

1:14:19

it is Wonderful, I think

1:14:21

wonderful, you know I should be getting your drinks. I'll

1:14:23

go get those and get right back Yeah, something fiery

1:14:26

the color of her hair Mm-hmm,

1:14:28

and I'll take that wine with ice cubes, which

1:14:30

is not helping me at all Well

1:14:33

you drink that on Ellen so

1:14:35

shut up Okay,

1:14:38

everyone you have your own wine line.

1:14:40

This is why you know you have course

1:14:42

I do and I put ice cubes in it Like

1:14:44

a weirdo. Yeah, some weirdos do that. I've

1:14:46

seen it happen. Oh sure no I with

1:14:49

white wine certainly I mean I've seen it

1:14:51

with red. Okay. Here's your wine And

1:14:57

I just wanted to say cranberry juice the color

1:14:59

of my hair I hope at some point you'll

1:15:01

be willing to denounce that person that you worked with

1:15:04

look Woody Allen is a

1:15:07

terrible Person you

1:15:09

are doing it I'm

1:15:11

doing what you're announcing him. I'm

1:15:13

denouncing him. He's a terrible person. Finally. Oh,

1:15:15

yeah. Look, is it good and bad? Yes,

1:15:17

of course. Look at him, but

1:15:20

does that excuse him? Uh-huh.

1:15:23

Oh wait a minute. I

1:15:25

can I didn't know that. Oh, well, you know

1:15:27

that it oh Yeah,

1:15:30

but my husband you don't some level you

1:15:32

knew it my husband Colin. I mean Colin

1:15:34

you don't have a husband I don't have

1:15:36

a husband what I meant to say is

1:15:40

That you adopted your children by yourself and when

1:15:42

you were 50 Yeah,

1:15:44

wait, I'm I thought I was I

1:15:46

am who I was no Well,

1:15:49

who do you think you are? Me and Pharaoh? No

1:15:54

I don't know. Thank Eden. Yes. Well, of

1:15:56

course she slept with it. Of course. I

1:15:58

slept with Woody Allen. Okay I

1:16:00

don't know I have I don't remember

1:16:02

that I haven't slept booty out, but

1:16:04

no Yeah, you were

1:16:07

yes. I love Working with

1:16:09

him. Yeah, I know

1:16:11

the stories yeah, and so do you

1:16:13

know who you are? I

1:16:15

mean you have a real Flintstones name about you Do

1:16:18

I really really do you know

1:16:21

all those names that would sound good if you were a

1:16:23

character on the Flintstones? Or if you were not a character

1:16:25

on the Flintstones you have a real Flintstones type name anyway

1:16:28

Well, yeah, it's pretty much exactly what

1:16:30

it sounds like yeah It

1:16:32

is what it is as you know do you

1:16:34

think people like funny you for your voice? That

1:16:38

was beautiful in that one movie where

1:16:40

you sang it was gorgeous. Thank you.

1:16:42

Thank you. I like singing I have

1:16:46

red hair all

1:16:49

the time oh ever

1:16:51

since I've Seen you as

1:16:53

a young actress. I'm famous for it sure

1:16:55

I mean, I wouldn't say you're I mean you're

1:16:57

more famous for your acting your Academy Award your

1:17:01

Because of hair about the town we're in I don't

1:17:04

know I think Lucille Ball got famous just

1:17:06

because of her hair look even though You

1:17:08

know what's the hair. Yep. Well. I don't

1:17:10

like that because she's a big inspiration to

1:17:12

me Emma Stone. Yeah I

1:17:16

thought that we might be the same person for That's

1:17:18

funny That's

1:17:22

a good trick that would be a good trick

1:17:24

the greatest trick the devil ever played my

1:17:27

turn to be on the date Yes,

1:17:29

and what do you want me to be waiter? Yeah,

1:17:31

we'll just Okay, rotate

1:17:33

that way and who do I text you

1:17:36

text Lauren, and I'll text you So

1:17:39

wait, what's he telling me who oh

1:17:42

no no you text me I Text

1:17:45

you who Lauren is yeah, yeah, and then Lauren

1:17:47

you text me who oh No,

1:17:51

no, no, no, sorry you text me

1:17:55

Paula's I text you who

1:17:57

Lauren is okay, okay, so Paul. I'm

1:17:59

texting you who I don't text anyone. So I'm

1:18:01

saying Paul is so. Yes,

1:18:05

exactly. You don't text anyone, Paul, you just relax,

1:18:07

take a breather. I can't wait to read this

1:18:09

text. Oh, man, it's going to be

1:18:11

so fucking crazy when I text. It's going to

1:18:13

be like text. One thing I have to say

1:18:15

is I thought these people were supposed to be

1:18:17

alive. Oh, you're right. OK. All right. She

1:18:20

gave me a real daddy. Who

1:18:22

was oh, just now. Yeah, I forgot that

1:18:24

rule. Um. OK,

1:18:28

so but I cannot think of

1:18:30

a single person who's alive. Who

1:18:36

is alive these days? There

1:18:40

aren't a lot of people who are alive. I got

1:18:42

you one. OK. Here

1:18:46

we go. OK. I

1:18:50

got it. And

1:18:52

this is who Lauren is. That's who Lauren is. OK.

1:18:54

And I know who you are. And who am I

1:18:56

the winner? No, I'm the winner. I know. But yeah,

1:18:58

I'm the rapper. All

1:19:01

right. Here we go. And scene. Thank

1:19:04

you so much for this lovely dinner.

1:19:06

I'm so happy. Oh, hi. Oh, hi.

1:19:08

Get you any an

1:19:11

amuse-bouche or an appertie. I would like.

1:19:13

Do you like appetizers? I

1:19:16

bet I bet you'd like something. I

1:19:19

don't know, something a little off.

1:19:23

Maybe like a for

1:19:25

a drink, maybe a seltzer. Am

1:19:28

I sober? You might like a seltzer. You might like it

1:19:31

in a bottle sprayed in your face. Yeah,

1:19:33

I mean, knowing your background. Jerry Lewis.

1:19:36

No, no. Why did you say Jerry Lewis?

1:19:38

He's dead, too. I don't know. I

1:19:41

forgot he was dead. But can I get you something?

1:19:44

It's so interesting that you guys are out together. I

1:19:46

don't know. We're on a date. We're on a date.

1:19:48

You both have such a you have an interest in

1:19:51

comedy, so it's great. So one that's what brought you.

1:19:53

You certainly have an interest. And you

1:19:55

I would say I would dare say you have an interest.

1:19:58

You I think you probably would want to drink. know

1:20:00

something like a whiskey or a

1:20:02

beer. I don't know. You're just one of the

1:20:04

guys. I would imagine maybe just a beer. I'm just

1:20:06

one of the guys. I love beer. And that's okay.

1:20:08

I want to sell to you a cell to my

1:20:10

face. I'll

1:20:13

be right back. I thought

1:20:15

you would understand that was a joke because such

1:20:17

a big. No, I did get, but I want to

1:20:19

answer. And you. Thank you. Good.

1:20:25

So I'm a little hungry. Yeah.

1:20:27

What's the, what's the recommended? Well,

1:20:29

what like, what do you

1:20:31

usually like to eat as a snack? Like

1:20:33

say when you were in the writer's room,

1:20:35

what would you. Oh, well, we love bagels

1:20:37

and locks. What am I? Larry David? No.

1:20:40

What? Why are you saying these weird things? I don't

1:20:42

get that joke. I don't either. We would

1:20:45

have bagels and locks. I mean, he's obviously very influenced

1:20:48

by you. He's

1:20:50

very influenced by me. Yeah,

1:20:52

I think so. Okay. And

1:20:55

I'm alive. I'm just laying it forward. Yeah,

1:20:57

definitely. But anyway. You're

1:21:00

alive. I can't believe it's, you've

1:21:02

lived such an amazing life. An

1:21:04

amazing life. But what. I have.

1:21:06

Can I get you anything to eat, sir? Yeah,

1:21:09

I'm a man. And I like, I'm just one

1:21:11

of the boys. Yeah. I like. Don't tell me

1:21:13

you don't know what you want to eat. What

1:21:15

are you, clueless? All

1:21:19

right. Let me get, let me surprise you guys. All

1:21:21

right. Bye. So I'm a man as well. Yes,

1:21:24

we're both men. And that's obvious to us.

1:21:27

And I'm, I'm clueless. There's

1:21:30

a movie named that. I

1:21:32

love that film. Me

1:21:34

too. Hi, guys. Hi. I

1:21:37

brought you basically, I said

1:21:39

I would surprise you. And

1:21:42

all I could think of is stacking graham

1:21:44

crackers in a pile. I'm

1:21:46

sorry. For

1:21:49

both of you. I'm sorry. That's

1:21:51

all you could think of. I was like, oh,

1:21:53

let me surprise you guys. So cook the chef.

1:21:55

I went back into the kitchen. That's all that

1:21:57

was there. And I was like, I feel so.

1:22:00

I feel like this isn't a clue. No,

1:22:02

it's not. It's not a clue. Okay. That's

1:22:04

what I okay specific thing that he felt

1:22:07

like I'm sorry. Why don't you give me

1:22:09

a clue about me? Well,

1:22:13

I mean what there's so much to be said

1:22:15

about white hair and I'm balding of course you

1:22:17

are of course Yeah, and I said by the

1:22:19

way, I'm sorry about the yeah blank

1:22:24

no He's very

1:22:26

dead. I'm so sorry about the recent

1:22:29

With your best friend, you know,

1:22:31

you guys would get lunch here every day. Yeah.

1:22:34

Now you're stuck with this guy over here It's

1:22:36

not good. I'm one of the boys Yeah,

1:22:40

what is my last name why don't you have

1:22:43

a think on it? I mean it's hard to

1:22:45

remember things sometimes Yeah, I don't know who you

1:22:47

are. I don't know. I'm still young so I'm

1:22:49

figuring it out. Yeah Can

1:22:51

I by the way can I spray

1:22:53

these graham crackers with a little bit

1:22:56

of cologne? I'm

1:22:58

just kidding. Well, I get that of course.

1:23:00

Yeah, of course you do. Well, you know

1:23:03

what little panther No, you think you'll do

1:23:05

like this is 50 or something I

1:23:10

think that well, I think they should actually go

1:23:12

younger and it should be the next generations Paul Rudd

1:23:17

One of the boys What

1:23:21

is my last name? I

1:23:24

mean nuts. Well, can I say

1:23:26

that you know suits from those brothers

1:23:28

looks amazing and you're just babbling just

1:23:30

babbling Just those brothers those brothers who

1:23:33

make the suits your

1:23:35

suit looks amazing. Yes, stop babbling.

1:23:37

Yeah And I'm playing

1:23:39

your last name. Yeah Babbling

1:23:49

River oh, oh so close Oh

1:24:00

boy. Whoa. What

1:24:02

a nightmare. That was great. Well,

1:24:04

do we call it? Was it a Graham Crackers thing?

1:24:07

That was not a clue. Oh, I just can't know

1:24:09

how unhelpful that was. What? I knew

1:24:11

it immediately. Like, that's not a clue. He's

1:24:14

just doing him. I think we should call it. All right. Call

1:24:17

it? We shouldn't do one more round? No, let's

1:24:19

call it. It's been a long episode. It's

1:24:21

an extra long episode. So

1:24:24

we're going to say goodbye to you. Twist

1:24:27

and shake, baby. Twist

1:24:32

and shake, baby. Twist and shake. Shake. Twist.

1:24:37

Twist shake. Do the shake. Do

1:24:40

the twist. Good. Thanks

1:24:46

for listening, everybody. Thanks for listening. We love you. Remember

1:24:49

to do the twist and shake. Freedom USA

1:24:51

on Instagram and Twitter. We'll be back

1:24:53

next week. Bye.

1:24:58

And I do love you. Can

1:25:25

you do the shake? Can you

1:25:27

do the shake? Can you

1:25:29

do the shake? Can you do the shake? Can

1:25:32

you do the shake? Can

1:25:34

you do the shake? Did

1:25:44

you ever get hit with a cringy memory of

1:25:46

your 13-year-old self out of nowhere? And suddenly your

1:25:48

panic's sweating, you're laughing, and maybe a little bit

1:25:50

of tears are coming all at once. Don't worry.

1:25:53

We all do. That's because being an adolescent

1:25:55

is one of the most visceral shared experiences we have as people.

1:25:58

And we... We

1:26:00

want to talk about it to join me, Penn

1:26:02

Badgley, and my two friends, Nava and Sophie, on

1:26:05

Podcrushed as we interview celebrity guests

1:26:07

about the joys and horrors of

1:26:10

being a teenager and how those moments made them

1:26:12

who they are today. New episodes

1:26:14

of Podcrushed are out now. You can listen

1:26:16

ad-free on Amazon Music or wherever you get your

1:26:18

podcasts. Feeling decision fatigue

1:26:20

about what to make for dinner? We

1:26:22

get it. I'm Jane Black. And I'm

1:26:24

Liz Dunn. We're veteran food journalists and as

1:26:26

parents ourselves, we know how hard it can

1:26:28

be to feed your family. That's why we

1:26:31

created Pressure Cooker, a podcast that

1:26:33

offers practical strategies for navigating the

1:26:35

marketing madness and cultural expectations around mealtime.

1:26:37

Each week we'll check in with the

1:26:39

experts. From social media diet trends to

1:26:42

baby-led weaning and AI meal planning, we

1:26:44

have all your food-related questions covered.

1:26:47

Pressure Cooker, wherever you get your podcasts.