0:00

Aloha Mahalo Mahalo Aloha Mahalo.

0:03

We are gonna be Tiger Barely Live April

0:05

26th. Guys, we're at

0:07

the Hawaii Theater, Honolulu, Hawaii. It's

0:10

gonna be our live game

0:13

show night. And we're gonna

0:15

have so many surprise guests. And

0:18

I just, you got, I mean, we're gonna sell

0:20

out. Yeah. You know

0:22

what I mean? So you gotta get tickets now. Don't sleep on it. Don't

0:25

sleep on it, or we'll sleep on your face. We'll sleep

0:27

on your face. Blood

0:29

farts. Ew. Wait

0:32

a second. Don't they also have the

0:35

option for VIP tickets to? You

0:37

have the option of VIP tickets to do what? I

0:39

think our VIP experience is so cool. You

0:43

get to sit around in a circle with

0:45

us and ask us anything at all. It's

0:48

great. Please come. Go to tigerbellylive.com

0:50

for your tickets. Enjoy the show.

0:53

["I'm Not Gonna Give You

0:55

Up"] What

1:19

was the required reading in when you went to

1:21

high school? I

1:24

was actually in dyslexia.

1:26

I'm dyslexia. You have

1:28

dyslexia? I'm dyslexia. Oh, I think Bobby

1:30

does, too. So you read the In-N-Out menu backwards. I can't

1:33

read. Oh. You

1:35

can't read? I haven't passed. Still, you can't read.

1:37

I can read. I don't know what

1:39

your hat says. I know, but if I gave

1:41

you a paragraph in a book, Yeah,

1:43

I can read it. We had to read the Kyle

1:46

the Kilk, the Monkey Bird. What?

1:50

Kill a monkey bird. You read the Kill

1:52

the Monkey Bird? No, the Monkey Bird. I

1:55

think you said the Kill the Kilk. Yeah, Kill the Monkey Bird.

1:58

Kill the Monkey Bird. Oh, really? you thought what's

2:00

that about I

2:03

forgot it was me you know that I was you know

2:05

the set what's the setting of it because I know that

2:08

how to kill birds no no it's a

2:10

it's a hearing definitely not about how to

2:12

kill birds trial I don't know

2:15

it's a trial right get a

2:17

list of books that you're gonna ask

2:19

bill if you will read them Scott

2:21

pilgrim oh was that

2:23

a book that was just a movie no books

2:26

oh wow I didn't know that that's really cool eight

2:28

books and

2:30

you read them yeah no he didn't

2:33

yes I did the comic books

2:35

oh they are yeah that counts

2:37

that absolutely counts I'm

2:39

not on that I did I can feel it that's

2:41

okay where'd you just come from last

2:44

night I went to coladas house but

2:46

then um yeah I was in Austin

2:49

hmm Texas and then um we had

2:51

our weekly heart-to-heart last night we had

2:53

a weekly heart-to-heart and

2:56

then um well I mean because of betrayal but

2:58

we're not gonna talk about that we can talk

3:00

about it a little just not to the extent

3:02

that you want to talk about light details so

3:04

I'll tell you this I'll tell you this

3:07

betrayal this fucking Game of

3:09

Thrones betrayal then I'm

3:12

lonely I'm in Austin and as one

3:14

does when they're lonely you're in Austin

3:16

okay you're right you're right yeah yeah

3:18

yeah yeah and I was

3:21

in I was back home Dallas but uh

3:23

you were in Austin no but uh then

3:25

what you just said yes well cuz you're

3:27

lonely I was offered Pornhub but okay okay

3:30

and I have

3:33

Pornhub but you can't watch

3:35

in Texas no more Jaime has some news

3:37

why it's banned Pornhub is

3:39

banned in Texas land of the free wow

3:42

I woke up very good to check my

3:45

account yeah and it's blocked it's blocked how

3:47

did you feel sad but there's

3:49

other sites I went to other side I want to pay

3:51

for that well that's the

3:53

problem yeah yeah it's Pornhub like supreme

3:55

so we talk about the betrayal of

3:59

the Congress and Pornhub? Yeah,

4:02

let's talk about Congress. Yeah,

4:04

that's what I meant. That really is

4:06

the bigger part. The hypocrisy

4:08

of Congress and Pornhub. The hypocrisy.

4:13

Anyway, in this podcast, don't talk too much.

4:16

I'm now afraid that you're going to

4:18

burn the bridges here. Yeah,

4:21

with Bill. How

4:23

about you put something on the table when he has a question

4:25

he's allowed to say? How about I do

4:27

something where I tell him to shut the fuck up without saying shut

4:29

the fuck up. See

4:31

this hat? Alright. I'm

4:34

going to put it on my head. So

4:36

discreet. Alright, I'm going

4:38

to go like this and like this. No,

4:40

that's not good. Can you game like

4:42

a bell? Do you

4:44

think that's more discreet? A

4:46

gong? GONG! So

4:50

that Bill doesn't know. What's

4:52

the code word? Howler. Pie.

4:58

Oh, you have to use pie. Howler

5:00

pie. Howler pie.

5:04

He's not going to remember that. I'm

5:06

not going to remember that. You think

5:08

that is discreet. Yeah, I'm going to do

5:10

that. Why don't you just massage

5:12

your temples or something? No. I'm

5:16

not doing this again. No,

5:18

I'll do howler. Howler.

5:22

He's going to get confused. No, that's

5:24

on brand. Okay,

5:26

go ahead. I don't even

5:28

know what the fuck I'm talking about. The betrayal. This

5:32

is so silly. What

5:34

the betrayal? Alright, so

5:36

I was scrolling alone in the fucking hotel

5:38

room. And I come

5:41

across a family member. You

5:43

have to understand, for the 10 years

5:45

I was dating Kalila, I was embedded

5:47

into the family. All

5:50

the holidays, the whole family,

5:52

together. You're talking about 30 people in

5:54

a photo. Games,

5:57

fellowship, love. whole

6:00

thing. I'm looking to

6:03

our friends, Jay, I'll just say Jay,

6:06

and I go, oh, and it looked like

6:08

a photo that we had

6:10

taken before, maybe for Christmas or something. I

6:13

zoom in and I see behind

6:15

Kalayla, first of all, she's holding a baby. Who

6:18

the food baby is that? Gardo's daughter.

6:20

Oh yeah, they're beautiful. You're

6:23

right, you're right, too angry. Very, yeah. And

6:26

then behind her

6:28

is a brown, gigantic

6:30

head. I mean,

6:33

just a brown, I thought it was a fucking ghost.

6:35

No. Brown? The brown?

6:38

You've seen brown ghosts

6:40

before? Yeah. Yeah,

6:43

okay, let's look at Mexican ghosts. I

6:45

think Mexican ghosts are brown. No

6:48

offense. That's fine. Hey,

6:50

um, no! It

6:55

works. It doesn't work. It

6:58

does work. Okay. Alright. Even

7:00

okay's. Nothing. When I say

7:03

owls for like three minutes. Okay.

7:06

So, um, this check, I thought it was like a

7:09

blur, almost, like a smudge. And

7:11

I zoom even more, and it's the

7:13

guy she's seeing. And

7:16

he's smiling. And you know what the

7:18

smile says? I'm

7:20

the new shit in town. I'm

7:24

replacing. You know what

7:26

I mean? I'm the rookie. And

7:28

I'm me? I'm the old guy on

7:30

the team. I'm getting out. The contract's

7:32

not re-signed. Right, this is my

7:34

last season. And I'm out. This

7:37

guy's just like in. And now

7:40

I'm gonna, and I called a couple of people

7:42

from your family going, I'm still

7:44

on the team, I'm

7:46

gonna work my way back in. No. Whoa,

7:49

that analogy. You were never ousted. Yes, I'm out.

7:51

You were invited to this thing. Last season, dude.

7:53

Last season of team. Wait, oh here, can I?

7:55

I'm the old guy. Can I just say

7:57

that not only was he invited to this thing, but

7:59

he Refuse us to meet my new guy

8:01

and Like and

8:04

why about him you didn't you

8:07

didn't you patted him on the back in the dark and

8:09

then ran away This is how I

8:11

met this guy. Look at how great this the way

8:13

I met this new guy. I Invite

8:17

him to why didn't buy you invite him to

8:19

we were in Hawaii and

8:22

I did a show with Segura 8,000

8:24

seats. Mm-hmm. Right? I go bring him to this I

8:28

Go up Crushed

8:30

he thought you were incredible. I know

8:32

I snuck out Right.

8:34

I went into the stadium Yeah,

8:38

and I sat right behind him in a

8:40

stadium after I crushed I Pat

8:43

him in the right the shoulder. He looks

8:45

up to me and I went Like

8:48

that Which what

8:51

does that mean when I do that? I don't

8:53

even know. Yeah. Yeah, look then I pass I go. Oh I

8:56

see you. No, that's good But

8:59

that's good. That's good. Very good. But

9:01

it's even more there's more meaning. Yeah,

9:03

that's what kept up I'll

9:06

let you talk now. What do you think that means?

9:08

Tap that that is that's you looking at him or yeah

9:10

Yeah, I'm looking at you Just

9:12

practice. I would have practice story man. I'm

9:14

sorry. Hi Tim So

9:18

he was behind like what are you talking about?

9:20

Hi, man? Track track story

9:22

dude. I am a book You

9:27

know how to tell stories but you're a book so

9:30

um, yeah, so I'm tapping him

9:32

man And you're

9:34

smiling at him. Yeah, man.

9:36

Okay, you think I kept him he smiled

9:39

forward I

9:42

have to do it Do

9:46

you know what we're talking about man her new

9:48

guy? Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. All right, so I

9:50

tap What did that mean? What

9:52

does that mean? You're dead. Oh Correct

9:58

you're right. That's a little that

10:00

part of it too. He'll eventually die.

10:02

We're all human beings. Yeah. Alex,

10:05

am I alright? Mm-hmm. Kahlilah,

10:07

how did you read, how would you interpret Bobby's

10:09

eyes as knowing him the most out of all

10:11

of us? Honestly, it wasn't

10:13

even a tap. He is so exaggerating.

10:15

He, like, went in there terrified. He

10:17

went, like, in and out six times. He's like, I don't

10:19

want to do it. I'm scared. I don't want to do

10:22

it. I'm terrified. Oh my god. Let her fit

10:24

in. Oh my god. You're so mad. Kahlilah, continue.

10:27

And you're like, no, no, no. Like, I feel jealous. And

10:29

you went in and out, like, five times. And I was

10:31

like, Bobby, just go in there and, like, say hi. And

10:33

you're like, okay, I'm going to do it. I'm going to

10:36

do it. Okay. Until

10:38

he finally did it. Yeah. And

10:41

that's not the read that I got. I just thought

10:43

that you weren't ready. And

10:45

that's fine. I'm always ready, baby. Is

10:48

that- Anyway, let me just say, let's- You texted me

10:50

at 4.30 in the morning with a

10:52

zoomed in screenshot of the family photo

10:55

with a message underneath that said,

10:57

I see everything. Which is true. I

11:00

see it all. I haven't been keeping this a secret

11:03

from you. Yeah. You're in

11:05

Austin zooming in for something other than boobs on

11:07

Instagram. Come on, man. At 4.30 in the morning.

11:10

Damn, Bobby. Hermate, you don't even know

11:12

what he just said. Yeah. Okay.

11:15

After our heart to heart last night, I think

11:17

that we're making progress. Yeah, it's very good. And

11:22

I think you'll come around. I don't think so. I

11:25

believe in you. Maybe. We'll

11:28

see. We'll see. Here's- What

11:30

is your resistance? Resistance? What

11:33

do you mean? You're like seeing me happy. Oh my God. Is

11:35

he here? Yes. Hey!

11:38

We're going. We're going. All right. Hey!

11:41

What is that? Huh?

11:43

Re-coffee? What the fuck's

11:46

wrong with you? It's

11:53

a go-coffee. I'm sorry. My

11:56

bad. I don't like- I

11:58

don't like Greek coffee, man. Oh,

12:01

I didn't know that you don't keep drinking it. I Did

12:05

a gig in Athens. Oh, yeah, I didn't know

12:07

that you keep you keep your going Yeah, I

12:09

kept going and I was like chewing the coffee

12:11

gone man These people are hardcore like dude, you

12:14

don't you don't drink all of that. Some people

12:16

say it's Turkish coffee This

12:18

is a big big debate over there.

12:20

Oh Yeah, I've

12:22

had Turkish coffee over there not

12:24

in Greece but in that area of the land Amy

12:27

you don't get into the deep It's

12:30

a sick. It's a big potent coffee. Go. Is

12:33

this your son? I Didn't

12:35

know it just my buddy's like a guy that does

12:37

it sometimes with us. Oh, yeah, he's like gonna

12:40

talk about I Was thinking early in

12:42

your career waitress Yeah,

12:45

yeah. No, he's uh, his name is Jaime. You don't

12:47

have to meet him. But anyway, I'm gonna say to

12:49

you Talk what's up, man? Nice to meet you. Can

12:51

I talk? Yeah Yeah

12:56

Oh Back

13:03

up a little bit and then let me introduce and then

13:06

we'll get into it. Okay Number

13:09

one, this is the third time he's been

13:11

on our podcast very proud I

13:13

love him so much, you know, we

13:16

did well Let's the recent encounters were

13:18

arm. We did a panel for a

13:20

movie that we did and then

13:23

June That's

13:26

what you say. It's a great movie wearing

13:28

a drugstore June. Yes. Yeah, I'm helping you with

13:30

the Just realize

13:32

your bare feet touched my Back

13:37

back back. I forgot. I was not so right. No Eurasian you

13:39

guys But

13:43

anyway, um, did I

13:45

insult you by wearing sneakers in

13:47

here did I lose face my

13:49

garage You

13:52

didn't bow that's the problem Yeah, I

13:54

like that's okay. I didn't think I had to

13:56

cuz the table was white guy height. Oh the

14:00

lower ones that you're in here you know in

14:02

your have been to Asia yes okay

14:04

let's move on fucking talk to me like I went

14:06

there and didn't learn anything that's

14:09

how you just said that no I have

14:11

you been to Asia what part what

14:15

part of Asia do you go to I'm sorry

14:17

that right there yeah yeah for something in

14:20

my life yeah

14:23

what part what yeah I mean I was my

14:25

friend I mean you went to like you know

14:27

me Cambodia it's different than

14:30

you know Laos it's different than is it very good

14:34

question when you travel a

14:36

country's different I went to

14:38

Singapore okay I went to Hong

14:40

Kong and I went to Mumbai India it's the only time

14:42

I went to that part of the world and I had

14:44

a great time great but you know you want to back

14:46

a lot of people reminded me of you other than that

14:48

and I went where Tokyo

14:55

I haven't been there yet okay that's unbelievable

14:57

to me it's actually insane

15:00

what did they get a funny bone there

15:02

is there okay but um no I can't believe

15:07

it and then you never the

15:10

soul okay am I correct I

15:12

told you where I'm okay oh

15:14

my god dude anyway you're gonna

15:17

name all the countries Beijing never

15:19

been there I mean if you're

15:21

gonna go to Beijing Mongolia is right up there I

15:23

mean you know the whole purpose of the wall sorry

15:25

dude I was just you know trying

15:27

to you know get the always think I don't

15:29

like you and then I'm kind oh my god

15:32

I fucking love you so much I know talking

15:34

about I never think I never even behave that

15:36

way Bobby this is our love language

15:38

this is the way I talk normally all

15:41

right anyway so we were at the

15:44

panel for the drugstore June and you

15:47

know people out and then

15:50

you were very combative during it I

15:52

just called me oh you didn't say that but you were

15:55

saying oh you you

15:57

sound small though no

15:59

I did What happened was everybody else started

16:01

making fun of you for not knowing your lines on

16:04

the movie Those those

16:06

panel things are inherently dry. Yeah, so

16:08

I just jumped on I jumped on

16:10

yeah, and you went with it You

16:12

were the perfect like heal you love

16:14

the attention and now you're gonna play

16:16

the victim I got to that's

16:18

what I do. Yeah, I don't you what you

16:20

had a great time It was a lot of

16:22

thought about it and the movie's doing fantastic then

16:24

and you and you killed okay Thank you so

16:26

much. Let's clap for that So

16:31

anyway bilber everyone he don't needs no introduction

16:33

So Kim another round of applause everybody is

16:35

our guests for the third time what a

16:37

beautiful beautiful thing, right? And I

16:39

just want to also say this okay, because

16:44

Just feels like a caveat What

16:46

a great guy Robin

16:58

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no, you watch what I'm about to say, and it's going to

19:58

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20:01

going to be like, oh, that was nice. So

20:03

are you ready? Or you kind

20:06

of ruined the ending. Oh,

20:08

that was a big

20:11

job. I

20:14

was impressive. Yeah. So,

20:16

um, may I, what

20:19

I was going to say is that, um, um,

20:22

so last year, you know,

20:24

I have to be honest, I was going through a very hard

20:26

time in my life. And,

20:29

um, I got a call

20:31

from this man, Billy

20:33

Bill Burr, and he goes,

20:36

I'm doing a short and

20:38

I want you in it. And you

20:40

know, I go really? And

20:43

he goes, really? So I went and,

20:45

um, I'm going to say, I

20:47

like, I've worked with a lot of directors in

20:49

my lifetime and I just thought that you were,

20:51

I told everyone after the show, I was like, dude,

20:53

that guy's a great director. You're a great, your notes are

20:55

so precise. You're fun to work with.

20:57

You're a great director with a good time. And

21:01

what's it called against the people who look at it

21:03

on YouTube? It's called soda soda. And uh, it's a

21:05

movie trailer for the upcoming club.

21:07

So is it

21:10

going to happen in the

21:12

old days? You know, we'll see, we'll see what happens.

21:14

I was something that, uh, you know,

21:17

I used to, with my tour manager, we would

21:19

joke joke around and I would do like this

21:21

gum shoe narrative of him coming to town. There

21:23

it is. Um, yeah. So we

21:25

shot this whole thing about like, like it's

21:27

sort of like an 80 style Clint

21:30

Eastwood cop, but that's in

21:32

now, but he doesn't recognize anything. So you

21:34

came in and you would like the perfect

21:36

guy. He plays Bobby

21:39

Ree. That's the name of

21:41

the character. And that's his real

21:43

name, but all the white people don't know if

21:45

his name is Lee and he's

21:48

trying to say it, but he's saying Ree. So

21:51

they don't know what to do. Everybody's

21:53

like, Lee, is it Ree? What's funny

21:56

is your vanity plate says be Ree

21:58

on it. But you know, we

22:00

don't pay attention to clues, right? We do, right?

22:03

Yes, we just sort of just... But

22:05

this guy just absolutely

22:10

just killed it. Dude,

22:12

the gun scene that night, it

22:15

was like... I've never been in a shoot like that where I'm

22:17

like, oh, I'm in a fucking Michael Mann movie. Like,

22:19

it was that cool. I'm so glad you said that, because that... It's

22:22

Michael Mann, it's the fake movie trailer,

22:24

so that's the Tarantino Grindhouse thing. Yeah.

22:27

He's original in this, and

22:30

he's like the whole guy unexamined. He

22:33

just lives in his own world. Kenny's

22:35

backstory is that he moved out to

22:37

Hollywood in the 70s or the 80s to

22:39

meet and marry

22:41

Annette Fonicello. He had an obsession

22:44

with her. She was in the

22:46

Mickey Mouse Club, and he never met her, nor

22:48

did he. That's

22:50

why he's singing Beach Blanket Bingo and all of that.

22:53

So here's where Bobby comes in. We don't need to go through those. But

22:56

Kenny, though, is somebody that I met. I

22:59

mean, come on, look at that. So

23:02

what's great is he's a bad guy,

23:04

and his front, where he washes his

23:06

money, is VCR repair, which

23:08

nobody has that. And he's got all this

23:10

drip, as the kids say. But Kenny's such

23:12

an old guy, he actually has a VCR

23:15

that needs to be repaired. You

23:17

get a customer for the first time ever, and

23:19

you come walking in. And

23:22

that's when he gets on the scent, and he's just

23:24

a good cop, so

23:26

he won't get off the scent, despite the fact

23:28

that you're getting hoars for the mayor. I mean,

23:30

it's one of the oldest stories in Hollywood.

23:33

It really is. And he's trying to prevent

23:35

a super gonorrhea pandemic because the Olympics are

23:37

coming. I mean, paid

23:40

by numbers. Yeah. Paid by

23:42

numbers. I mean, it's a fucking fantastic idea for

23:44

a movie. And we're going to make it.

23:46

And dude, you fucking crushed.

23:48

Oh, thank you. And I remember afterwards, you're like,

23:50

don't replace me. You named like all the other

23:52

Asian guys. It's like, I'm not. Well, I've been

23:54

in this town before, and that's what happens. You

23:57

do a little short for somebody. Rankin. rank

24:00

your biggest fear of who would replace you.

24:02

Well, knowing, I, I, I, I don't, okay,

24:04

can I just say this? Kim Jong-il. That

24:06

Kim Jong-il, man. He's a happy human.

24:08

He loves movies. I

24:10

know, he's dead. Oon

24:12

is alive. Oh, Kim Jong-un. Oon, right.

24:15

Oon, right. Oon, Oon, Oon. Oon, Oon, Oon, Oon, Oon.

24:17

Oon, Oon, Oon, Oon, Oon, Oon, Oon. Oon, Oon, Oon,

24:19

Oon, Oon, Oon, Oon. Oon, Oon, Oon, Oon, Oon, Oon,

24:21

Oon. You guys just add a little two-letter thing. Yeah,

24:23

yeah, yeah, yeah. So, um. That's true,

24:25

I never thought that. Yeah, Louis the 13th, Louis

24:27

the 14th, you order Kim Jong-il, ah. I'd be

24:29

John. Kim Jong-by, I don't know why, but I

24:31

just feel like I would be that. Well, you

24:33

know why. Why, could I go both ways? Yeah.

24:36

I don't. And don't ever spread that on the internet again. I

24:38

don't, you do. Anybody in this room. Anyway, like, can we go

24:41

back to Kenny, okay? I was about to say something. Shut

24:43

the fuck up. So, um, Kenny, I

24:45

met a guy that was so shady, he had

24:48

to move to Key West. I

24:50

do. Yeah,

24:54

you go like, hey man, where you from? You're like, hey, no, I

24:56

lived in a lot of places. Right

24:58

now I do, because of my energy. No,

25:00

the whole outro. Oh, yeah, sorry. Let's

25:03

get on the bump. Like, if I was doing something like underhanded,

25:05

I'd be like, you know, this is a guy, I bet this

25:07

guy knows some people. You look the same

25:10

through three years. You

25:13

don't change your style, it's the same fucking thing,

25:15

you know? Same fucking what? I mean, I don't

25:17

really care. I can't really do anything about it.

25:19

Besides, like Ron Howard, don't lie. Oh,

25:22

yeah, anybody can do so. Why don't you do that look every once

25:24

in a while? I do, I've done it in

25:26

movies. If you follow up my career in your career. I have,

25:28

you heard? Yeah, yeah.

25:31

Oh, look at that head of hair. Oh, wow. Look

25:33

at those oversized shirts from the 90s. I mean,

25:35

that's like big for me now. Anyway,

25:39

we go, oh, anyway, can

25:41

we go? Can

25:43

we go back to Kenny? So, I met Kenny. I'm gonna go back

25:45

to that shirt. That

25:47

was my, I am on TV. And I know.

25:50

Were you nervous there or no? Yeah,

25:53

no, I'm not once I got out there. It was

25:55

just beforehand. But do you remember how,

25:57

I used to get so nervous before TV. I

26:00

need to watch it. God damn it, I look like, you know

26:02

what's funny? I look like I'm 18 years old there. I was like fucking

26:04

33. Yeah,

26:06

well. Yeah, gingers don't have an adult

26:08

face until like our fifties. Yeah, Korean

26:10

shoe. Huh? Well, there you go.

26:12

Maybe that's why we get along. We get along so good. But

26:15

is it like a Korean? When he gets in his sixties, his

26:17

mustache connects with that shit on his chin. Wait,

26:20

but does it, like, you know how Asians, it just

26:22

happens overnight and you like wake up and you're

26:25

like, oh shit. It's not a gradual aging. It's

26:27

like an overnight aging. Is that why you guys

26:29

broke up? I

26:32

woke up one day. I know that's what he told me

26:34

last week. He's like, you're still really pretty, but like

26:36

really old. I thought, oh. Why

26:39

would you say, no, you're gorgeous. Thank you,

26:41

though. Yeah, why would you do that? I

26:43

don't know. And you have, you

26:46

have non-traditional good looks. Everything

26:49

that? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that

26:51

seems not good. That's what they always- That's what

26:53

they're gonna attack. That's what they say. That

26:56

basically means if you weren't famous,

26:59

you'd be ugly. I

27:01

don't say that- I know. But like, that's what

27:04

I've gotten. If you were non-traditional good look, this

27:07

is not something you would normally consider

27:09

to be attractive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But

27:12

do you believe that if you weren't a comic, you still get laid,

27:14

you think? Yeah. Okay,

27:16

I don't think I would have. Like

27:19

if I wasn't a comic- What do you keep doing your act off

27:21

stage? You think I

27:23

would do a bunch to deal with titties?

27:25

All right, I'm on second base. Go

27:27

back to Kenny. Let's go back to Kenny, all right? I don't like

27:29

the era we're going into, okay? So I

27:31

met Kenny years ago because he did- Listen,

27:33

stop acting like you're this guy that doesn't go

27:36

out and get something, okay? We all know

27:38

that you do. Yeah. Yeah. No, you were saying

27:40

because I'm a comic and because I am

27:43

who I am, I get it. But if

27:45

I wasn't a stand-up and I was working at

27:47

fucking Home Depot carrying boxes, I don't think, not

27:49

no offense, if that's your job,

27:51

that's a great job. Yeah, but there would be a

27:53

woman in your department that's doing the same job and

27:55

she'd think you were soulmates and she'd think you could

27:57

actually build a future with you before she

27:59

got- to know you. In

28:02

the meantime, you'd be laying the

28:04

lumber. You'd give

28:06

me the old two by four there Bobby. Yeah.

28:09

Can we have it Kenny? Kenny

28:12

used to do, he's been around

28:14

because back when I played the

28:16

Bellagio, when I opened for Dice

28:18

in 2000, 2000 1999 or whatever, I met

28:23

Kenny then. Oh, okay. And then

28:25

you hired me for this thing. I

28:27

didn't see him since then. Oh, really?

28:29

Yeah. So it was like a reunion.

28:31

It was a little Bobby. Yeah. And

28:33

I go, Oh my, and I, when

28:35

you said Kenny, I didn't even put

28:37

two and two together until I was

28:40

on set. Yeah. We shot this

28:42

thing during the strike and I

28:44

don't know. I put up my own money for it.

28:47

I just went like, I just went all out like,

28:49

well, I'm never going to have like this amount of

28:51

downtime. Let's just go ahead and

28:53

make this thing. And I was psyched when you showed up,

28:55

you were like, I thought this was just be some bullshit.

28:57

This is like a real set. We like wet down the

28:59

streets, had a fog machine, the whole thing. I think you

29:01

were offended by that. Cause I told that Michael, I wasn't

29:03

offended. I just said, I know, but no, but no, but

29:05

no, but no, but no, can

29:08

I tell you why though? Because at the night, I have

29:10

an option. The

29:13

night you, right? You turn, you turn to me

29:15

and you go, well, you thought this was going

29:17

to be a rinky dink operation. It's just me

29:19

fucking with, Oh, that's right. Okay. So anyway, it

29:22

was like a fucking, what

29:24

are you guys talking about? Do what I'm talking? No,

29:26

Zins. I love them. No, I don't want

29:28

any. Um, but, um,

29:30

it was like doing a

29:33

real, like a hot, it

29:36

was like a movie production, but in my mind early, you said you

29:38

felt like you're in a Michael Mann movie. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's

29:40

what I thought. Right. So we were going for it. In my mind,

29:42

I was like, Oh, for some reason, when

29:44

people say short, I think

29:47

three dudes, iPhone, no

29:49

matter who it is. You know what I mean? And to

29:52

show up on set, right? And

29:55

to see the production, right?

29:57

It was incredible. It was incredible.

29:59

Anyway. Go check it out on YouTube.

30:01

So um and then also check

30:03

out drugstore. Judith's out now if downloading Yeah,

30:06

yeah, and I got old dad's on

30:09

Netflix That's a movie.

30:11

I watched it. Did you really loved

30:13

it? Yeah. Yeah, and then uh, yeah Natasha's in there

30:15

as well Yes, you

30:18

know dad's yes. Okay Craig's in there.

30:20

I got a lot of comedians. Yeah.

30:22

Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry I

30:24

think you it's fine. You got me in the short.

30:26

No, I don't listen Look every every once in a

30:28

while every once in a while you want to do

30:30

an Asian free project So

30:35

who do I believe that he he would hire

30:37

if he when he does the Kenny soda Movie,

30:40

yeah, the one person that would hurt you

30:42

the most I honestly believe and

30:44

I truly believe this from the deepest portions

30:46

of my heart that he wouldn't He's

30:49

the only guy that wouldn't I don't think he

30:51

would crumble if a network or a studio went

30:53

You know what? I think we should have so-and-so

30:55

in this instead of Bobby I think you would

30:58

Bobby I would replace you in a heartbeat Meant

31:02

the project was gonna go away and move forward. Oh,

31:05

yeah, that was on the line kidding. No, no,

31:07

I wouldn't Yeah, yeah, no look at the shit that

31:09

I do is so low budget.

31:11

Nobody gives a fuck But

31:13

just like I don't know who that is. He must be cheap Yeah

31:17

cast away. Yeah, but you would if it was a

31:19

real high-end movie too, I think that you would stick

31:21

to your guns Steven young

31:23

no, no, oh, yes. He would that I would even

31:25

push him Okay, no, I'll

31:27

go bill. I think she's Steven young

31:30

Benedict long. Yes Benedict. Yes. Yes. Yeah,

31:32

but give me some number names Ronnie

31:35

Chang I'd have an argument Interesting

31:38

Jimmy. Oh yang Argue

31:40

me to have an argument. Do you mean you

31:42

would argue if you told me Benedict Wong got

31:44

your got your part I'd be like, oh, that's

31:46

a given. I guess I would

31:48

already assume that I Would be

31:50

okay with it Steven you and I'll be okay with

31:52

but then when you once you've been in that stand-ups

31:55

Oh, I would then go call go. Well, dude,

31:57

that's fucked up. Is that you guys like Irish

31:59

people? people off. Yeah, they are. On

32:02

to it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. I hang

32:05

it on to shit for years. Like,

32:07

for instance, and how we Mendel

32:09

yelled at me, how we Mendel yelled at

32:11

me, for instance, right? Picture her picture names and you're

32:13

not even looking at her. You go. Oh,

32:16

that would be a problem because

32:20

I don't you know, so, you know,

32:22

Montreal Comedy Festival in for

32:24

20 years never invited me. And

32:27

so then after 20 years of not being invited

32:29

the Montreal Comedy Festival, I just went, Oh, you

32:32

know what? I'm never going now. Fuck

32:35

them, right? And so they would ask

32:37

me, you know, they started asking me,

32:39

I was like, I can send now every year. And

32:41

then one day how we had something to do.

32:43

That's how this business works. What? They

32:46

literally, they sense it. The second you're

32:48

like, you know what? Fuck that. I don't need

32:50

that shit. Like, you know what? We've always loved

32:52

you. I know. Right? Why is that? I've been

32:54

asking you to love me for 20 years. And

32:57

now like I now the second I walk away,

32:59

you're going to do this. Yeah. And so how

33:01

we, I think, bought into Montreal. I don't know

33:03

what yet. He was a partner or something. And

33:06

I said, I'm not going. And he pulled

33:08

me and said, you never make decisions in

33:10

this business based on resentment. And

33:13

then I said, OK, I'll do it. Bill, do you

33:15

hang on to things? That's some good advice. I

33:18

used to. I don't anymore. But

33:21

I still work at it. I definitely work at

33:23

like, you

33:25

know, just stupid bullshit like, you know, I

33:27

definitely do all the hacky stuff. I just

33:29

anybody that I had beef with, I just

33:31

root for him. I get him

33:33

out of my life and then I just root for him. How

33:36

do you get to that point of rooting for them,

33:38

though? Like genuinely? You just say

33:40

I'm because it's life flies by. And

33:43

I just don't have I don't have I

33:45

just don't have time to fucking resent

33:47

somebody. It's

33:50

just it's a time suck. It

33:52

just really, you know, and

33:55

you know, whatever. And if they're still talking about you,

33:57

then it's just that you feel bad for him. Like,

34:00

oh, that's, you know, I

34:03

hope they get past that. Stupid. So,

34:05

and then most of this shit is just, it

34:07

is just business stuff

34:09

at this point. Because if

34:11

it's an actual, if it's a friendship or

34:14

if it's, you know, family stuff, I

34:16

work that out. But if

34:19

it's just like business things, you

34:21

know, it's always like somebody eventually

34:24

seems to end up feeling a certain

34:26

way. But like, I always,

34:29

you know, I'm pretty good about that stuff. It's like business stuff

34:31

goes in a different direction. I always try, I try my best

34:33

to be like, hey, when I see it at the club or,

34:35

you know, if it's an industry person, I don't want this to

34:37

be awkward, man. This is just like, but

34:40

I don't know. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. Yeah,

34:42

I hold on to it. Yeah,

34:45

I can't, I don't know why. I don't know why, I just do.

34:47

That's something you do in your 20s. And

34:49

then in your 30s, you start to realize like

34:51

how bad it is, but you don't know how

34:53

to get out of it. And hopefully you figure

34:55

out your 40s. Yeah, but what happened to me?

34:58

My thing isn't like if I'm at a party and

35:01

I see that person that I have a beat

35:03

or like inside he's hurt me, I'm still nice.

35:06

You know what I mean? It's just something that's in my heart. But

35:08

do you like that tension, that awkwardness? But they have no idea.

35:12

I hugged them. I go, oh man, I'm so proud of you. That

35:15

thing you did was so good. I never saw it. But you

35:17

know what I mean? But my point is, yeah, but you go

35:19

into that hacky accent. Oh yeah, yeah,

35:21

yeah. I get nervous. I probably get a little

35:24

hit so far. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah,

35:26

yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're right. I

35:28

go into the accent. Well, I feel proud

35:30

of you, man. I feel good. Start doing

35:32

that. I'll do that maybe. I'm going to

35:34

start doing that just to fuck with you.

35:36

What? Insoda, you are great. Oh,

35:39

no. I think it's more Scottish. I don't know.

35:41

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. Oh,

35:45

but yeah, I should let it go because

35:47

I think it just, you know, it

35:50

does fuck with my life. I just

35:52

lay there in bed and start thinking about people. I

35:54

hate it. They

35:56

don't think about it. It's just wasted energy

35:59

and time. I think I'm getting

36:01

better at do you think I'm getting better at it?

36:03

Yeah, I think I'm getting better at it Yeah, I'm

36:05

I'm 52 am I older or younger than you

36:07

younger. I'm 55 Yeah,

36:11

my god wrapping it up over here Are

36:15

you are you gonna do more directing now or no? Yeah,

36:18

I'm just all I do is just shit That's fun

36:21

if it's fun Then I'm having a good time

36:23

and then it kind of comes across like that

36:25

soda thing was just a fun thing I'm gonna

36:27

do that and But you

36:29

took it old dad's too, right? Yes Yeah I did not

36:31

because I wanted to was just that we

36:33

were coming out of the pandemic and all the directors

36:36

were tied up Mmm

36:38

with stuff that they should have shot and then they always

36:40

have I guess they have their next project So there was

36:42

nobody available. So they hit me with

36:44

that, you know, if you don't direct it It's gonna

36:46

go away and I of course

36:49

said yes because I didn't want to go

36:51

away having no idea What

36:53

that job entailed which still I

36:55

mean I you know Do you

36:58

storyboard it? I

37:00

don't remember. I don't remember that whole fucking

37:03

year. I'm a 2022. I don't

37:05

remember that year. I just remember we just

37:08

I Have little like

37:11

sketch like like scenes In

37:14

your life we're in the office where there's a casting

37:16

board. We're trying to put pictures next to it now

37:19

We're shooting Wow Somebody

37:21

tested positive for kovat can they direct

37:23

this or do whatever they're doing from

37:25

their car? We wrapped I'm

37:27

in an edit room. I'm in an edit room I'm

37:29

in that that was a thing this groundhog day for

37:31

the rest of the year and then we finished it

37:34

in December and I probably

37:36

said like 40,000 times that year

37:38

that I'm never doing I

37:40

enjoyed doing it with you because I wasn't in it.

37:42

Yeah, I didn't feel like two seconds But like then

37:45

it was I was having a I

37:47

had a blast doing the one that we

37:49

did it's also only a four-day shoot, but

37:51

like I have a

37:53

good time like You know

37:56

directing if the editing taps into my

37:58

ADD and shit But

38:00

fortunately through old dad's I got

38:02

my editor who understands

38:06

You know and is like He's

38:09

hilarious and he has great ideas like a lot of

38:11

those editor guys They're like, you know, they're in here

38:13

and introverted and that type of stuff He's but a

38:15

lot of those guys make the movie though I mean

38:17

a lot of times movies don't work and they can

38:20

fix it make patrick don vito. That's my guy Wow,

38:22

that's my guy and he's fucking hilarious And

38:25

he has great ideas and there was a lot

38:27

of solves In old

38:29

dad's that he came up with because we

38:31

only shot you know for 20

38:34

something days 20. Oh my god, we

38:36

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So there was a few things that you'd get in the

40:06

edit room, which I knew was going

40:08

to happen on the first one and you don't have what you

40:10

need. And then you got to come up with something.

40:13

And sometimes it's the music, sometimes it's slow motion, sometimes

40:15

whatever he and he was just a master at that.

40:17

But was there any times we were like, we

40:20

didn't get that shot. I

40:23

didn't get it to that point.

40:25

Okay, I didn't go falsetto. I'd

40:27

be like, this stupid ass

40:29

fucking business, there's not enough money, there's not

40:31

enough time, do it. That's what they, that's

40:33

what they get. I feel like they get

40:35

off on that. And

40:38

I learned that through watching the Food Network

40:40

where they don't give them enough time or

40:42

ingredients and then they just sit there judging

40:44

them. My wife

40:46

and kids, they do that to kids. They have

40:48

like a kids cooking show. And they just put

40:50

these kids on this fight. Cooking

40:53

a meal for somebody is one of the nicest, most

40:55

loving things you can do. And then

40:57

they just see like, and then capitalism comes in. Let's

41:00

turn it into a show. There

41:02

needs to be somehow some sort of tension

41:04

and suffering to make people continue to watch

41:06

it. I fucking hate that

41:08

show. Why do you watch it then? Because

41:11

my family watches it. So I'm just sitting there and

41:13

they taste it and be like, you know, you

41:16

did a good job, but I

41:18

felt like the strawberries kind of overpowered the

41:20

parfait and you just see some eight-year old

41:22

bottom lip start quip. Like,

41:25

why would you, how could you continue

41:27

with this? It's great. But

41:29

I feel like that's a lot of times with

41:31

like American reality TV, they

41:33

need that tension versus a lot of Asian

41:35

reality shows where they try to kill people.

41:39

There's this one

41:41

called Terrace House and nothing happens.

41:43

Like it's sort of like the

41:46

real world, but in Japan and

41:48

it, nothing happens, but it's very

41:50

addicting. I don't think that tension

41:52

necessarily makes for great television. I

41:54

think if people just were allowed

41:56

to be, that's enough. Yeah,

42:00

but yeah, but I wouldn't I wouldn't absolve

42:03

all of Asia. I've seen enough clips from

42:05

that is true Oh, right. Some

42:07

of the newer dating shows are definitely a lot.

42:09

There's a lot Every

42:11

country there's something going on under

42:14

the surface Regardless of

42:16

like, oh how clean the streets are

42:18

and everybody's polite. Yeah. Yeah say that

42:20

in Canada, right? And then yeah, what

42:22

happens physical 100 is pretty intense.

42:24

Have you seen that show? physical

42:27

100 of either you know, it's

42:29

basically a bunch of Asian like

42:31

women and men like athletes like

42:35

Herculean like Zeus types and they just go

42:37

at it They wrestle and they do all

42:40

of these like competitions and physical competitions and

42:42

it's pretty it's pretty crazy. I've never seen

42:44

it on like But

42:46

bill were you offended that she used white

42:48

gods? Who's

42:52

the Asian Zeus who is Asian Zeus?

42:56

All in it was Buddha. That's it. Are

42:59

there Asian Asian? Fuck

43:03

this show. I don't this is not for me Yeah,

43:07

it's not for me I turn it off turn it

43:09

off but the women but the women compete against Yeah,

43:13

yeah, that's so that's not fucking hate it man. We just

43:15

completely turn it off. Thank you so much Why

43:17

don't you like fit Asians? I don't like it. But

43:20

why don't you like patience? But

43:24

back to Bill's point when I was in

43:26

Thailand, I'm like, oh, this is a perfect society But

43:28

then I went and watched The Avengers and the movie

43:30

and there was a there was a montage of the

43:32

King Before the movie and

43:34

I just sat there and the guy my

43:37

friend goes you gotta stand up I go

43:39

why because they keep they're allowed to kill you

43:42

if you disrespect the King In

43:44

Thailand, so I stood up, you know man. Yeah, and

43:46

then like there's a at a park I

43:49

heard music being played and everyone freezes at 5 p.m

43:52

Right, and then like you have to freeze because that's

43:54

what's amazing being in a country with like a dictator

43:56

It's not as bad as you think it's gonna be

44:00

Wow, it's like dude you better stand up or they're gonna

44:02

fucking light you on fire No

44:06

difference Yeah, then here like I've been to a

44:08

few of these countries which I want to go

44:10

back So I got to watch what I say

44:12

because I don't know if this applies to their

44:14

laws Yeah, it's just

44:16

like yeah, this is fucking the same as

44:19

America and then there's these one little thing. Oh,

44:21

okay Yeah, whoa, that's intense and they should tell

44:23

you that when you enter the country, they have

44:25

nobody top told me that well I thought that

44:27

like if you're under a dictatorship that you just

44:30

walk around miserable all the time and you're not

44:32

allowed to do anything It's it's like no no

44:34

like you know what you're allowed to do and

44:36

that's what you do and you can't do this

44:39

other stuff There you know, and there is something

44:41

about a dictatorship that is really efficient, you

44:43

know You just hope you get the right guy if you

44:46

get the wrong guy, you know things go sideways Yeah,

44:49

but you know, they were determined from the

44:51

Philippines that guy, right? Yeah a wild

44:55

guy is wild wild If

44:57

you know no form of government works

44:59

because humans are inherently

45:01

flawed So eventually no matter

45:03

what it is Like I feel like you

45:06

know, there's good. There's a rebellion coming in this

45:08

country from workers like they're taking too much like

45:11

people they just look at these these Daylight

45:14

robberies is these standalone things like just getting

45:17

crazy. Thank you Joe Biden or this just

45:19

cuz you Trump or whatever It's like no

45:21

dude. This is the guys behind them. They're

45:23

taking too much and there's an

45:25

imbalance you can see I think I feel that

45:27

too Yeah, I think going on unions are gonna

45:29

come back because right now they're they're doing this

45:31

fucking thing that they're basically gonna be You guys

45:34

are all gonna work and we're not gonna pay

45:36

you and there's only gonna be three options and

45:39

it's gonna be whatever We you you know, you know

45:41

a lot of the same shit that's going on in

45:43

our business is going on in all of these businesses

45:45

and people only Can take so

45:47

much they only take so much before that there'll

45:50

be some sort of thing But the genius though

45:52

is the CNN Fox News, which I am really

45:54

starting to believe are yeah owned by the same

45:56

person I think so too and their job is

45:59

just I

46:01

agree, I fully agree. Yeah, there's

46:04

a family or somebody behind it working

46:06

at all. I know what family it

46:08

is, or a group of people. But

46:10

you know what? It's

46:13

perfect. We can't talk

46:15

about stuff without yelling

46:17

at each other, so then nothing's going

46:19

to get done, and it's just, whatever.

46:21

That's depressing. Let's talk about something else.

46:24

Jaime is a guy that he's from the great

46:26

state of Texas. He was a little

46:28

nervous because you were coming in. And he was really

46:31

upset because, as of last week, Pornhub

46:33

is now banned in Texas. That's

46:37

a good thing. To who? To

46:41

you, and your fucking hands. And

46:45

your life. You're going to have to get out there, you're

46:47

going to have to talk to somebody. No, I don't want

46:49

to do that. Why? What happened? It's boring outside. What?

46:53

Yeah. Tell

46:55

me about the excitement of being inside. TV,

46:58

my Xbox, Pornhub.

47:01

Do you think the Xbox is like the

47:03

trees of your generation, like

47:05

going out into nature? Yes. Like

47:08

Joshua Tree to you is going into Best Buy and...

47:10

Getting the Xbox. Getting the Xbox. Yeah,

47:14

I think so. Do you ever take mushrooms and

47:16

go to Best Buy and have a trip and learn

47:18

about yourself? No. Yeah. I

47:21

think you have some questions prepared. Yeah.

47:25

Go ahead. Yeah. Let

47:27

me just stand up now. I'm just standing up in

47:29

Texas. Yeah, I didn't pick up on the awkwardness. How

47:34

do I step it up? I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah,

47:37

Bill Byrne, we have Bill Byrne in the building.

47:40

Ask the question, not the intro. Any questions? Don't

47:44

listen to these. Do

47:47

you still make pies or...? Yes, yeah. I do. What's

47:50

a pie thing? He makes pies. Yeah. Have

47:53

we talked about that? No. Like what

47:55

kind of pies? Like apple pies? Whatever

47:57

kind you want, they're fucking disgruntled. You

48:01

make pies? I bake.

48:03

I bake, I cook. And

48:06

that's why he wants to grill. I like that shit. That's

48:08

what I used to watch the Food Network and they taught

48:10

you how to... You know, he's like David Beckham. They taught

48:12

you how to cook. And now

48:14

they're just yelling at people that they don't

48:16

have enough ingredients at times. Do

48:19

you watch The Great British Breakoff? That's my favorite show.

48:21

That's my favorite show. My show was Molto

48:23

Mario. And then it got cancelled.

48:25

Molto Mario was the shit. I

48:27

mean, I don't know what he was doing off screen,

48:29

right? But I'm not going to get involved in this

48:32

ginger-on-ginger shit. No, he used

48:34

to just like... He would make... He

48:36

was like he came over his house. He would make you

48:38

this great Italian meal. He would talk

48:40

about what part of Italy it came from. And you

48:42

really saw why Italians are the greatest cooks in the

48:44

world. Because there

48:46

was always like a section,

48:48

a town, or whatever province right next to it that

48:51

would be upset being like, that's not how you

48:53

make a pizza. That's not how you do it. And

48:55

they all had their own recipes in it. And they

48:57

would be arguing about like, you know, who makes

48:59

the best one. And like the times I go to

49:01

Italy, it's just... That's why I want to go

49:03

to Japan. Because I feel like

49:06

Japan are the

49:08

Italians of... As

49:11

far as cuisine goes. They're the

49:13

white people of Europe. I mean of

49:15

Asia. They definitely think that they're

49:17

the best. You know, as I

49:19

do, as I look down at you. Well,

49:24

yeah, I mean... Japanese food

49:26

is incredible. I think it's incredible, yeah. Because

49:28

Korean food is pretty basic. It's

49:30

not. It's just... Yeah, but it's

49:33

like... You just have to know where to go. Yeah,

49:35

yeah. But it's a lot of meat in Korea for

49:37

some reason. It's a lot of galbi,

49:39

bulgogi, you know what I mean? Grilling. That's because

49:41

that's all you eat. You don't go to

49:43

the spots that Gilbert and I go to with

49:46

like... Oh, fuck it. What are you talking about? What

49:48

like, chosan? Is that the spot? What

49:51

spot do you go to that's like deep cut? I don't know.

49:54

Where I'm like, ooh la la, this is something I've never had

49:56

before. You didn't mention soups. A lot of deep soups. Yeah, a

49:58

lot of soups. A lot of deep soups, yeah. I'm

50:01

just trying to back up Bill's point that Japan's great.

50:03

I know, but you're shitting me. I'm not saying they're

50:05

great. I'm just saying that they have great coffee, I

50:07

heard, and I'm going to get over to there. Why

50:10

pies, Bill? What was, when did

50:12

you decide? That was a big thing in my

50:15

house growing up. Once I moved away,

50:17

the holidays would come and go, and I didn't get

50:19

them, so my mother wrote out all the recipes because

50:21

she's a saint. I

50:24

was like, I'm going to learn how to make these, and

50:26

I'll make them for my family someday because I didn't have

50:28

a family. I have a family, and they're all like, you

50:30

know, just have a little

50:32

three-year-old boy go, I want women poppy seeds.

50:35

I want women, you make women

50:37

poppy seeds. You're fucking goddamn right. Wow.

50:41

How do you say more of them? Your kiddos love

50:43

your pies, then? No, they like, oh,

50:45

that's sugar. They love all that stuff, but

50:48

I also, I make them breakfast every morning,

50:50

and then they have their favorites. But if

50:52

I was at a taste testing event, and

50:55

they had all the baker, and I tasted yours, would

50:57

I be able to go, they're all

50:59

the same, or would I go, oh, Bill made this?

51:01

No, you would know that mine is. That's one of

51:03

my things I don't understand is restaurants. You

51:05

can't mass produce pies. Cakes, they're not that bad

51:07

with, but like, there's something about a pie. They

51:10

just suck. Same thing with like, shepherd's pie and

51:12

all of that stuff from all of those ones,

51:14

all those meat pies that you get over there

51:16

in Great Britain, Ireland, and all of that. If

51:19

you go to the mainstream ones, they always, they

51:21

just have a crust on top. Right. And

51:23

it's just shit and a thing, and they just, there's

51:25

no, they don't care. It's just classic corporate shit where

51:27

it's just like, what if we didn't have

51:29

it on the bottom like the amount of flour that

51:32

we would say? Wow. You know,

51:34

like, it just, I fucking

51:36

hate people that live their life that

51:38

way. That just count every goddamn fucking

51:40

nickel, rather than just knowing if you

51:42

treat people great, they're going to come

51:44

back tenfold. They just, they just never look

51:46

at it that way. They're always like, wait,

51:48

wait, wait, I feel like

51:50

a younger generation doesn't understand meat pies.

51:53

Right, Bobby? What do you mean? Like, you know,

51:55

I understand it. I know you do. It's your favorite thing on

51:57

earth. i

52:00

love the me prime over the pandemic our whole

52:02

freezer which is meat pie i still have them

52:04

i would read that pandering i've

52:07

been ordering them online i mean on the on gold belly

52:09

and they've been delivered a lot of them

52:12

i mean it's basically on a rainy day shepherd's

52:14

pie is just it's incredible or she can pop

52:16

or any of the most in my mind any

52:19

of the other bull yeah uh... what's that that

52:21

that asian soup everybody goes to get but the

52:23

lines are too long to get a pocket ramen

52:26

ramen ramen ramen

52:30

ramen i love it but yeah you

52:32

gotta go there in a hundred degree

52:34

day on a good Tuesday yeah to

52:36

actually get it within fucking ten minutes

52:39

but all in a rainy day have

52:41

you ever had sukamon ramen i have

52:43

not okay sukamon ramen sukamon sorry sukamon

52:46

ramen is um... the

52:49

same ramen noodles but it's

52:51

not in a soup base just

52:56

funny i

53:03

don't know why okay ronnie noodles

53:05

what it and ramen i'm so self-conscious

53:07

now let me start that over again

53:09

right have

53:11

yet to come in ramen the

53:13

whole thing that's what over again have

53:16

your head just realize you're just like

53:18

tom cellick that's

53:23

what you do it is it's

53:26

very very unnerving may

53:28

start over why it's there's nothing malicious i know i

53:30

know that there's always a joy when i see you

53:32

with a okay anyway on

53:35

it really is because it's like she's

53:37

you know i

53:40

don't wanna start a fight with them but um... i

53:42

just just say it i won't say

53:44

it all right so you get a pat there's

53:47

some people are intimate some people are intimidated by

53:49

you because of the way you are

53:51

on stage you know i mean you're like the

53:54

way you talk east coasty you know i mean you

53:56

complain a lot why is this

53:58

man happening and all that stuff I

54:00

don't like this. I don't like this. Why is

54:02

this happening? Oh my god, he's so intimidating. He's

54:04

a sightie, you know what I mean? And all

54:07

that stuff. And I'm always like, and

54:09

I'm always like, yeah, that's not what he's like. But

54:11

yeah, I wouldn't want to be around him because he's

54:13

going to be like, oh, you don't know what you're

54:15

talking about about, you know, these rules that why do

54:17

we even we should break them? Well, I don't know

54:19

what it is. But my point is that I go,

54:21

that's not what he's like. So when I see you,

54:23

what's the matter? So

54:26

when I but I tell people and I go when go

54:28

ahead, oh, Jaime has been working on

54:30

his bilbar impression too. So I will get to

54:32

that in a second. Okay. All right. We'll get

54:34

there. My point is, is that but when you

54:37

actually know Bill, he's the opposite. He's just a

54:39

sweet guy. soft, softy. And also another

54:41

thing, the other day, I also I saw we were

54:43

at a party or something, I don't want to say

54:45

whose name, but you're with your family.

54:47

And I looked, I kind of peeked around in

54:49

the in the room, because you're with your

54:52

kids and stuff and your wife. And just what a great

54:54

dad you are. Oh, thank you.

54:56

Yeah, yeah. testing my short term

54:58

memory. Where was I with my family? Don't tell

55:00

me. Yeah. All right. I'll

55:02

think about that later. Where would I see

55:04

you with your family? It was that I

55:06

noodles. No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

55:08

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

55:11

no, no, no, no, no, oh, but there's

55:13

Sukhman Sukhman. Yeah. Anyway, so Sukhman Ramen is

55:15

regular Ramen, right? But it's not

55:17

in a broth. The broth is off to

55:19

the side. And the side broth is

55:22

kind of thicker and more flavorful. And

55:24

you take the noodle and you dunk

55:26

it in the sauce. And

55:28

it is far better than Ramen. It's

55:31

fucking amazing. Have you ever had Sukhman anybody in the

55:33

room? No, but you have. Yeah, you have. Yeah. It's

55:35

the best. And then when I go to a Ramen

55:37

place, no,

55:41

I just like that. Yes, of course. It was a little self serving.

55:44

Yes, of course. I

55:46

live. I am in the. But

55:49

then when I go to a place, a Ramen

55:51

place, and I go, do you have Sukhman? And

55:53

they go, no, I go, this can't be

55:56

a good place. No, but just some

55:58

places like even the same. restaurant

56:00

have their own Sukemen branch?

56:04

Right? Like Sujita. Yeah. Sujita say for

56:06

instance not all of their locations have

56:08

the Sukemen but if you know better

56:10

you know which one. Which one? You're right. I think

56:13

you're right. Yeah. Like 7-Eleven. Not every one of them

56:15

has the slurpee machine. All of them

56:17

do. They do? Yes. Every

56:20

single 7-Eleven has a slurpee machine. That's insane that

56:22

you would even say something like that. Alright

56:24

Ken, is it too late to take it back? We

56:27

may cut that part out. I

56:30

don't know. Bobby Lee's most controversial

56:32

podcast yet. Yeah.

56:34

So Jaime do the impression?

56:37

Do you mind? No I don't mind.

56:42

I minded that. That's

56:44

what I minded. Do I mind? And is

56:46

it wait is it a Hispanic

56:49

version of it or no? No

56:51

it's just his impression. Okay go

56:53

ahead. Hey it's me fucking Bill

56:56

Bird. Fucking kids fucking wives.

56:59

Let me see that's it. These

57:01

fucking cell phones and shit. He's

57:04

got the cadence. I didn't say it

57:06

was the best one. Can

57:09

you see me blushing? I'm so sorry

57:11

Bill. I never saw it before. I

57:13

got a hint of it Jaime. Yeah. Close

57:15

your eyes. Do you know who's talking? Yeah.

57:18

Actually I do. And

57:21

the father's big. Go

57:23

ahead. Do it again.

57:25

Go fuck yourself. Unbelievable.

57:28

I have to ask you Bill also because I haven't talked

57:30

to you about it. When you played

57:32

Fenway. That was a really

57:39

good thing. Is that Fenway? I love

57:41

how you held that. When

57:43

you play Fenway. Because it's

57:45

your hometown. Because me and

57:48

Andrew played not Fenway but we played

57:51

a theater attached to it or whatever. And

57:53

then when they go well Bill played this whole thing right?

57:56

And I looked we were actually on the in the bleachers

57:58

during the day we saw the whole thing. beautiful

58:00

fucking grounds. And then in my

58:02

mind I was just like, oh fuck, you sold out the

58:04

whole thing. And it's your hometown, do

58:07

you get nervous? Um,

58:11

yeah, that

58:14

was something, yeah, that was an incredible achievement. I

58:16

just blocked it out and

58:18

just pretended like it wasn't happening. Yeah.

58:22

And then I just kind of went

58:24

up and did it. And it took

58:26

about 15 minutes before I realized that

58:28

like the technology

58:30

that they have now with the screens and the sound,

58:32

it just turned it into like, that was like a

58:34

comedy club. Oh, I will tell you

58:36

what I was thinking of was Led

58:38

Zeppelin has

58:41

a song called The Ocean. And what

58:43

they were referring to was when they would play in

58:46

front of these giant crowds,

58:49

the applause would sound like an ocean after

58:51

a while. And like that's

58:54

what that felt like. That

58:56

was insane. It was, yeah, it was insane.

58:58

And it went all the way up to

59:00

the top. And I was, I

59:03

just kept looking at that sign above home plate

59:05

where it said Fenway Park. There

59:07

was so many like nerve wracking things

59:09

leading up to that, like throwing out

59:12

the first pitch, just doing stuff like

59:14

that. And like, I just feel like, hey, I'm

59:16

a comedian. Like if I miss, it's funny. It's

59:18

on brand who cares. But uh, no, it

59:20

was an amazing thing. What was cool was like the week

59:22

leading up to it. You know, I always walk around

59:24

when I'm a boss and just visiting

59:27

old places. And I love

59:29

walking down the street, you know, and down around Emerson

59:31

College and shit where I used to go to school.

59:34

And I ran to a bunch of people

59:36

and say, Hey man, good luck. Good luck this weekend. Bob,

59:38

I felt like they were rooting for me and everything. And

59:42

yeah, it was, uh, yeah,

59:44

it was, it was, yeah, it was one of those

59:46

things where like, this is too fucking big. This is

59:48

too big. And then you do it. Great. And,

59:52

uh, yeah, I remember

59:54

Tony V opened up for me and in

59:56

the end we were smoking cigars. Watching

1:00:00

everybody walking out and everybody was waving and

1:00:02

it was like You

1:00:04

know, I felt it going dude, you know, we should just

1:00:06

retire right now, right? You just like you can't I don't think

1:00:09

I mean How can you top that? Yeah,

1:00:12

well, I was joking with him recently how I

1:00:14

talked it was a year later I worked

1:00:17

with Tony V and and I'm not gonna

1:00:19

say where but it was a tent in the

1:00:21

middle of the field and we announced Wrestling at

1:00:23

a cigar smoking event. I was like, I think

1:00:25

we did it The

1:00:29

crowd was hilarious. Yeah, we were making all these

1:00:31

short jokes and then people would yell out That's

1:00:34

not even the half of it Some

1:00:36

things I was just like that's a good joke like

1:00:39

like I think me and Tony enjoyed

1:00:41

the crowd's jokes as much as hopefully

1:00:43

as they enjoyed ours and uh You

1:00:46

know there was like wrestlers like acting like they

1:00:48

were getting mad at us and shit like there's

1:00:50

one point, you know The

1:00:52

heftier one I was going like I think this guy might

1:00:54

be legit mad but like, you know in the end they

1:00:56

were all like yeah But

1:00:58

you know what you do when they come at you is you

1:01:00

just you let them Yeah, you yeah,

1:01:02

okay Just you let them and once they lean that

1:01:05

big head down You hop back and

1:01:07

they go they go down like Don Zimmer. Oh,

1:01:09

okay I would think

1:01:11

muy tai kicks. Please tell me you have

1:01:13

one baseball fan that got that fucking What

1:01:16

was his soul Don's? Yeah. Yeah That's

1:01:19

the only sport you watch do you watch soccer Yeah,

1:01:22

I watch I watch it In

1:01:25

countries that give a fuck. Yeah, you just get kind

1:01:27

of swept up in it like the premier league It's

1:01:30

interesting to watch here. But when you're in like

1:01:33

when you're over there right England or whatever

1:01:35

it's It's like what everybody's doing.

1:01:37

Everybody's into it. You just you just get caught up in

1:01:40

it I'm an arsenal fc fan. Do

1:01:42

you know that arsenal one nil arsenal? That's their song.

1:01:44

I went to a game I went to a

1:01:46

game over there. They played ever and they were up

1:01:48

one to nothing And as they

1:01:50

were singing one nil arsenal with like two minutes

1:01:52

of time left everton scored

1:01:56

Fucking hilarious in the in like the end zone. What

1:01:58

did they call it? Yeah, yeah bit of

1:02:00

blue smoke went off. The whole

1:02:02

stadium had to stop singing and I

1:02:04

was like, even though I don't know

1:02:06

shit about either club, I understood that

1:02:08

sports moment. So you're just like, dude,

1:02:11

it's in the bag. There's a shot

1:02:13

to right field. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. I'm

1:02:15

a huge, I've never been there, but

1:02:17

I'm a diehard Emirates fan. I mean,

1:02:19

Arsenal fan. You know, it was cool.

1:02:21

It was just cool to be around

1:02:23

like sports fans, like listening to like

1:02:25

the legit real deal. I

1:02:27

remember somebody asked

1:02:29

this guy if you get him something to drink in. What

1:02:32

was the guy from Newcastle? He

1:02:34

was like, I could murder a

1:02:36

cup of tea. That's why I'm here. I just want

1:02:38

to hear that. Yeah. However you

1:02:40

guys talk like the first time I heard somebody say when

1:02:42

I was in England, me and my wife looked at each

1:02:45

other like giddy, like you just saw Mickey Mouse. Yeah.

1:02:49

I was in Austin this weekend and there was

1:02:51

a guy with a Tottenham shirt in a store.

1:02:54

And you know, I'm an Arsenal fan. So I walk

1:02:56

in the store and I go three zero full of

1:02:58

them, huh? He goes, fuck you,

1:03:01

man. I go, fuck you, man. And we

1:03:03

kind of got a friendly fight

1:03:05

that no one in the store understood. You know what

1:03:07

I mean? Cause I go, I'm an, I go, I'm

1:03:09

an Arsenal fan. And then we would go store to

1:03:11

store and I would run into them and we'd continue

1:03:13

the fight. It was so much fun, but I just

1:03:15

love the, I never understood

1:03:18

sports before the premier league. Like

1:03:20

when I used to watch, let's

1:03:22

make this as intimate as possible. I'm just gonna, may I touch

1:03:24

you here for a second? Am I supposed to be uncomfortable? No,

1:03:26

no, no, no. I'll just do this. But when I'm saying that

1:03:29

back in the day, when I grew up with your wispy facial

1:03:31

hair, but

1:03:34

back in the day when I was growing up,

1:03:36

right, you look like you transitioned. All

1:03:43

right. Forget it. Forget

1:03:46

it, man. Forget it.

1:03:50

Sorry. Boy in a suit looks like he's in

1:03:52

a Glenn fry video from

1:03:54

the eighties. Like that's how, that's how like

1:03:57

the power brokers used to dress in 85

1:03:59

smugglers blues. Maybe stand next to a

1:04:01

squirt of lambos. Yeah All

1:04:04

right. Sorry. Go ahead. No, I'm done with that. All right

1:04:06

point my point is is that

1:04:08

I just never understood sports until You

1:04:11

root for it when you really fall in love

1:04:13

with the team and then you kind of understand

1:04:15

the mentality and why it's it's It's exciting and

1:04:17

then why one is devastated when they

1:04:20

lose I get devastated when Arsenal lose I mean

1:04:22

we're not how big are those wins and losses

1:04:24

like how many games are in how many matches?

1:04:27

Well out on the pitch are there in a

1:04:29

season? I know it ends in July. Okay. Yeah

1:04:31

going now Does it get going now? Well aside

1:04:34

from the regular Premier League would be 40 times

1:04:36

because there's 20 people in the league And so it's they

1:04:38

play twice Home and away.

1:04:41

So that's 40, but then you have your 40 games But

1:04:44

then you have Champions League Which is

1:04:46

all during the week you would play if you're

1:04:48

in the top four and then you also have

1:04:50

the FA Cup Which is all of the league.

1:04:52

Well, I've never since so what is the champ

1:04:55

champion league is the top four guys of the

1:04:57

Premier League playing each other of now Europe the

1:04:59

other European So you have bundle is Bundesliga, which

1:05:01

is in Germany, right? And then you have all

1:05:03

these other countries with their leagues So

1:05:06

in the and everyone has their Premier League, which

1:05:08

is like the main league with the

1:05:10

top 20 Right and then there are

1:05:12

leagues below that my point is that the first four

1:05:15

At the end of the season then next year

1:05:17

if they take the top four They're all thrown

1:05:19

into one tournament called the Champions League. So you

1:05:22

have four from Spain four from Germany

1:05:24

four from England easy easy there And

1:05:27

then they do and then they do their own tournament the

1:05:29

next year. So it's pretty it's like and if you win

1:05:31

that You're the best in your

1:05:33

so what's what's bigger winning the Premier League

1:05:36

or winning the the champions champions league? Well,

1:05:38

yeah, but when man you did the trifecta

1:05:41

Which did they won the Premier League and

1:05:43

the Champions League and the FA Cup

1:05:46

classes? 92 maybe 92

1:05:48

did it. Yeah. Yeah. What's the FA Cup

1:05:50

again? The FA Cup now is in England

1:05:52

There's one level below World Cup No,

1:05:55

no, no, that doesn't do with the World Cup. So

1:05:57

I'm not saying is that the biggest championship you You

1:06:00

can win other than the World Cup, the FA?

1:06:02

No. There's another one. The

1:06:04

FA is kind of the coolest. The coolest. I

1:06:07

want to explain the FA with this book maybe. Oh,

1:06:09

I need pictures. No, there's no pictures. Oh, no. Yeah,

1:06:12

yeah. I don't think the book's going to help. So I'm going

1:06:14

to try to explain it with my words, okay? So

1:06:17

in England, there's what, six, seven

1:06:20

leagues. So the first 20 is

1:06:23

the Premier League. Then you have the Championship

1:06:26

League, which is the league below. Another 20

1:06:28

teams. What did it get relegated to? So

1:06:31

at the end of a season, if you're in the Premier

1:06:33

League and you're in the last three, you go back to

1:06:35

the bottom league. And then you can

1:06:37

go lower and lower as the years go on. So

1:06:40

essentially, theoretically, you and I could buy

1:06:42

a shitty small team and

1:06:44

then move up through time. I

1:06:46

know somebody did that recently. Yeah, Rob

1:06:49

from... McElhenney. Yeah, McElhenney. And

1:06:51

Ryan Reynolds. They're doing it. But

1:06:54

the FA Cup is literally all the

1:06:56

teams during

1:06:58

that year they play through

1:07:01

a raffle system. So if you

1:07:03

could be a third tier team

1:07:05

and still won the FA Cup and

1:07:07

beat like Chelsea or Manu in the

1:07:09

final and become... So that's

1:07:11

a huge thing if you're a

1:07:13

small team. Because they all have day jobs, those

1:07:15

guys. They have

1:07:17

construction. Anyway, I don't want to talk about that anymore. My

1:07:20

whole point was that I love soccer and I understand why

1:07:22

people like sports. So we got

1:07:24

this. Any other last questions? Do

1:07:26

you have anything? Go ahead. Do

1:07:28

you have any questions? Bill? He immediately

1:07:30

starts fucking... I know. I don't know. I

1:07:33

thought career Mexico was the best. Have you ever been to Mexico?

1:07:35

Who's your team? No, don't even. Don't

1:07:38

even. He's not wrong. It's pretty amazing. But it's

1:07:40

so random. I don't even like him.

1:07:42

Right. So we have Bill

1:07:44

here and that's that's fucking it. I'm not even. I'm

1:07:47

not even. He's not wrong. It's pretty amazing. But

1:07:49

it's so random. I don't even like him.

1:07:51

Right. Bill here and that's that's fucking it. No,

1:07:53

but what? I mean,

1:07:56

it always seems like the people that win the

1:07:58

World Cup. You know. It's

1:08:03

out to this country. Yeah. Anyway,

1:08:06

I have one last question for Bill. Do you

1:08:08

think AI is going to take over podcasting and

1:08:10

stand up eventually? No. Do

1:08:12

you think we got a job? Well,

1:08:15

I mean, has AutoTune

1:08:17

taken over like actually hearing a really

1:08:19

good singer? Wow. No,

1:08:21

it hasn't. It's also like people like to

1:08:23

this day, people would still, you know, you

1:08:26

can go to like Taco Bell or you

1:08:28

can go to a legit place. You can

1:08:30

always do that. You can always like if

1:08:32

you don't give a fuck, there's

1:08:34

going to be people that don't give a shit.

1:08:37

So they'll do that. But the thing about

1:08:39

AI is at this point, it can't innovate

1:08:42

and it can't like create. All

1:08:44

it can do is imitate, you

1:08:46

know, and sort of do some mashups or whatever. But

1:08:50

like when I see a Beatles song, right? Like

1:08:52

if that's an AI, I can tell it's AI.

1:08:55

It doesn't have the same vibe,

1:08:57

I guess. But it's like, it's

1:09:00

not a good song. It's never a song like I'm going

1:09:02

to buy that fucking single or whatever. I can tell you

1:09:04

this. I went to a concert recently and

1:09:07

the opener was a DJ and

1:09:10

I have never been so fucking bored in my

1:09:12

life. It's

1:09:14

like, what am I doing? I'm watching a guy

1:09:16

playing records. And

1:09:18

then just every once in a while he kind of

1:09:20

do this and I'm supposed to be like, he's enjoying

1:09:25

his stereo. Yeah. I

1:09:27

get why you have to be completely fucking

1:09:30

whacked out on drugs. I

1:09:34

don't get it. You go up there and you

1:09:36

got like, I just, I don't, I'm, look, I'm

1:09:38

really obviously ignorant on the topic. I

1:09:40

understand the genius of,

1:09:42

you know, the little that I've seen Jay Dillon,

1:09:44

guys like that. But I have to

1:09:47

tell you live, just sitting there watching that shit

1:09:49

was like, I just felt like I was watching

1:09:51

a reality show. Like there was, okay, now he's

1:09:54

in his living room. Is he ever going to

1:09:56

go to the kitchen and make a sandwich? Like

1:09:58

this didn't seem like this is not performing. Were

1:10:00

they so t-shirts in the audience? It's like go

1:10:02

beyond the thing and do something. Yeah, he by

1:10:04

okay We'll grab it start throwing stuff. I Hope

1:10:08

like that. Hey, I'm sorry. Yeah, like

1:10:10

it's okay. There wasn't a band. Yeah.

1:10:12

Yeah the headliner came out There wasn't

1:10:15

a band there was the

1:10:17

sound of a bit. So it's like Bill. I put

1:10:19

it up I believe the piano, you know that right?

1:10:21

I didn't know that yeah, I believe

1:10:23

piano. Let's start play like that Wu Tang

1:10:25

shit No, no, no, I know but I

1:10:27

can I play keyboards. I know how to

1:10:29

do it. Let's try to Let's

1:10:32

create a band with other comic jam first and

1:10:34

if the vibe is no, no, no, no We

1:10:36

force it like the clash they put people together.

1:10:38

You know, I mean, I was like a boy

1:10:40

But yeah the class were like they weren't

1:10:42

a gig band a record company But they're

1:10:45

a boy band essentially a boy,

1:10:47

but they it work cuz you know

1:10:49

made they're actually put they know how to play

1:10:51

instruments And don't Bobby that's see that see that's

1:10:53

me in college playing in a band Nice.

1:10:56

I didn't know that. Yeah, I was in it. I

1:10:58

was a bunch of bands growing up That

1:11:01

was a psychedelic band. I was in look at that. Oh

1:11:03

my god That's insane dude.

1:11:05

I Tried

1:11:07

that before stand-up and then they kicked me

1:11:09

out of the band and I go you got further than I

1:11:11

did I never got out of my parents basement playing drums. Oh,

1:11:14

you never played it live in a

1:11:16

bit I not until I I Maybe

1:11:19

did like the goddamn comedy. I know I sat

1:11:21

in with I've sat in with a few bands before

1:11:23

then. Yeah What's

1:11:26

weird now stop playing that yeah, I know

1:11:29

cool man. Yeah. Yeah, why did they fire

1:11:31

you? Well go

1:11:33

back to the video then I'll show you Bobby

1:11:36

Lee behind the music Yeah,

1:11:39

if you anyway, don't don't if you ever you

1:11:41

can go on you that band go on to

1:11:43

become the spin doctor They

1:11:46

date breathily they went away after a year it

1:11:48

was we were called lax and superb Land

1:11:53

of happiness, yeah, we were a hippie man Yeah,

1:11:56

anyway, um, if you watch the lack of support,

1:11:59

there's an old man there with wearing like

1:12:01

glasses that's in there. So they are, because we're

1:12:03

kids and they're like well these two

1:12:05

hippies we met in fucking Escondido, they want to be in

1:12:07

the band and they were in their 30s. That

1:12:10

guy to the right? Yeah. Right? So I'm like I

1:12:12

don't want old men on the fucking band

1:12:14

and then you know I stopped going

1:12:16

to fucking rehearsals and then she gets

1:12:18

thicker looking at his bald spot. Yeah

1:12:20

yeah I couldn't fuck dude I was

1:12:22

like what 19 there? You should have

1:12:25

for you written the set list on

1:12:27

the back. Yeah exactly. Yeah. Anyway,

1:12:30

you want to plug anything? I

1:12:32

will be at the Arizona Financial

1:12:35

Theater. Nothing says arts

1:12:38

like Arizona Financial.

1:12:40

Yeah. Proudly evicting Snowbird.

1:12:42

It's April 28th. 26, 27, 28. I got the

1:12:44

Hollywood Bowls coming up there's a few

1:12:46

tickets Wow.

1:12:52

And yeah and then my end of my theaters. Let

1:12:55

me ask you if I was in Arizona because my

1:12:57

mom sometimes out there and I was there that weekend

1:12:59

I don't want to go off but is there any

1:13:01

way I can come and hang out or no? Well

1:13:03

if you're out there I'll throw you on the show.

1:13:05

I don't want to be on the show I would

1:13:07

just go okay yeah I'm gonna hang out. With your

1:13:09

uh shiitake mushroom? No

1:13:12

what is what is the ramen

1:13:14

that you eat? Cinnamon? Sukemen.

1:13:17

Yeah Sukemen. Sukemen. Yeah

1:13:19

yeah yeah in fact um I would like to... Do I

1:13:21

bow when I say Sukemen? No.

1:13:24

No I don't know but um I would like to have

1:13:27

Sukemen with you as well and I'd like also

1:13:29

to make me a pie. Okay

1:13:31

okay okay um give

1:13:34

what kind of pie do you like? Do

1:13:36

you make savory and fruit or do you know

1:13:39

whatever you want? Really. The filling's

1:13:41

easy it's getting the uh the crust that's

1:13:43

the hard part. The filling especially if it's

1:13:45

savory. There you go this is me way

1:13:47

back in the day making

1:13:50

a pie just teaching people how to

1:13:52

make a pie crust. Wow but um

1:13:54

so you know I would I would

1:13:56

judge you based on a good chicken

1:13:58

pot Sukemen could good chicken pot pie? Yeah.

1:14:01

And you know how to make the filling? Yes.

1:14:04

Oh, okay, okay. No, I mean sometimes you can get

1:14:06

that set at the store, no? But

1:14:08

he's right, like the crust is...

1:14:10

The most important. The most important part.

1:14:13

Maybe I've never had a good crust. I don't

1:14:16

know how to do the flaky thing. I still don't

1:14:18

get quite how to do that. It's fine. Make me

1:14:20

a pie. And oh, can I have one? That was

1:14:22

another question. And it probably is not a personal thing.

1:14:24

If I want to ask you

1:14:26

something, I'll be... Can we... Can I ask

1:14:28

you a kind of uncomfortable question? Just fucking

1:14:31

do it. I don't want to.

1:14:33

I like the tension. The build up. I like the build up

1:14:35

of it. Well, if I don't like the question, I won't answer

1:14:37

it. All right, here we go. So, can I do

1:14:39

this again? You do whatever you want. Okay,

1:14:41

so when you first moved to

1:14:43

LA, okay, you invited me

1:14:45

to your... A Christmas party. And

1:14:48

it was... Remember what I gave you? Oh,

1:14:53

why did you get me? Did you get me something

1:14:55

for my dog? No, it was a DVD. Oh,

1:14:57

was it Old Boy? Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

1:15:00

So I gave you Old Boy, right? Yes. And

1:15:02

then since then, I've never been invited

1:15:04

to your house again. Is there something

1:15:06

that I did? You know what I mean?

1:15:09

Across the line of some sort. I've

1:15:11

always felt like in my back of my head, that

1:15:13

I did something at the party. And then that's why

1:15:15

I haven't... Or have you not had parties? Yeah, we

1:15:17

haven't really had parties. Okay, that's it. Let's move on.

1:15:20

It was a great movie. I know, I know. It

1:15:22

was a great party. And I could, because you showed me

1:15:24

that you play drums. It was like, I was like, oh

1:15:26

my God, I'm in. In what?

1:15:29

Phil Burthaus! Yeah, hanging out

1:15:31

with the guy, you know what I mean? And then all of a

1:15:33

sudden, years after that, I was like, oh, no

1:15:36

more invite, huh? It's how my mind works.

1:15:38

You know what happened was I got married

1:15:40

and had kids. And then it's just like,

1:15:42

there's nothing worse than bringing comedians over or

1:15:44

just people over that don't have kids. Because

1:15:46

it's a weird environment. And then they just

1:15:49

kind of, you know, they just look at

1:15:51

a kid like, yeah, there it is. All

1:15:53

right. Fucking great. I get that. I get

1:15:55

that. It's just like, I came over here

1:15:58

to get fucked up. And now there's a... kid

1:16:00

here to just the vibes change that's it I

1:16:02

was I could move on with it now okay

1:16:04

cool you know I have so many of those

1:16:06

little things in my head did

1:16:08

this happen because of this but it's all in your head it

1:16:11

always is in your head it's not a real

1:16:13

thing you're talking to yourself don't start lecturing everybody

1:16:15

else it's all in your head

1:16:17

no it's in your head no

1:16:20

what I'm saying is nobody else no no what I'm thinking

1:16:22

no no no no people do that no I hate what

1:16:24

you're doing right now I hate what you're doing right now

1:16:26

I'm trying to make a point and

1:16:28

my point is sometimes people imagine

1:16:30

things that aren't real and that's what the point I'm

1:16:33

trying to make I need you to have more confidence

1:16:35

in your words okay you don't seem

1:16:37

to be able to make

1:16:39

a point without acting out English like

1:16:42

what is all of this it's just like I can

1:16:44

you I can make a fake if I was looking

1:16:47

through a window and I couldn't hear sound

1:16:49

I'm like when is this guy gonna stop talking about

1:16:51

his laundry I can

1:16:53

do without movement if that's what you want okay let's

1:16:55

try okay let's try so

1:16:57

a lot of times energy brighten into

1:17:00

the carpet not good energy

1:17:02

down I need energy up yeah hands

1:17:05

not moving this is your close-up oh

1:17:07

so you want to do it a TED talk yeah listen we got that

1:17:09

other one with the hands let's do this oh

1:17:11

yeah it was great okay great just so I have

1:17:13

options this is

1:17:15

great this is great right all right so

1:17:17

okay you know you know the term

1:17:20

fear false evidence

1:17:22

appearing real I tend

1:17:24

to use that in my mind I mean

1:17:27

my fuck I fucked up there's so much

1:17:29

more powerful I believe you I believe you

1:17:31

give me a little you

1:17:34

should take on life give me a little there's a lot

1:17:36

of things and I just kind of like this guy is

1:17:38

like I don't even know they're showing give me another shot

1:17:40

all right all right and we're losing light I don't

1:17:43

know go ahead we're gonna be in overtime after the scene I

1:17:49

got it I got it and

1:17:51

action rolling action you know

1:17:53

Jasmine you

1:17:56

know that term fear false evidence

1:17:59

appearing real That's

1:18:02

been the basis of my life throughout the history

1:18:04

of my own life. Why'd

1:18:07

you say history? We got the hands thing. We'll just use them.

1:18:13

Oh fuck. That's

1:18:15

what it's like something. And a give Bill Burr a round

1:18:17

of applause everybody.