0:00

["B U S

0:06

U S U

0:12

S S S

0:18

S S S

0:24

S You

0:26

know what dude, I'm this close at ending it. Dude,

0:29

what if they never left? Dude, his face

0:31

today? Which one? Which one? Gareth. You don't

0:33

like his face? Well, you know how Jake

0:36

Johnson looks like a man? Oh my god, that's the most

0:38

masculine dude I've seen in my life. I saw the mummy

0:40

recently. Yeah. And I go, there's

0:42

a man. More man than

0:45

Tom Cruise, I'll tell you that right now. Ooh.

0:47

Right? He was very good in that movie,

0:49

but then I look at Gareth's face, it's like

0:51

glowy like. He uses, you know. Korean

0:54

skincare. Oh. Like,

0:56

they go to the same website and they

0:58

get the baby penis. Cored blood? Yeah. Cored

1:00

blood, yeah. Yeah, he's a part of the

1:02

whole cabal now. Look

1:04

at what he's doing. But damn. Anyway, so

1:06

welcome to another episode of Tiger Belly. You

1:09

know, guys, I'm so blessed

1:11

to be here. I really am. I'm in

1:13

a whimsical mood. Love it. And I

1:15

am enjoying my life immensely, you know,

1:17

and I'm really just taking it all in. I

1:19

feel very

1:22

grateful. Let's be honest. And

1:24

also angry. Oh. I don't

1:27

know where that's coming from, but there's a little rage mixed in there,

1:29

but you know. Wolf, we can ask the guys. Wolf,

1:32

wolf, wolf. Wolf, wolf, wolf. We can ask the guys.

1:34

Wolf, wolf, wolf. Also, by the way, I just want

1:36

to say, I've stood in that porta potty for 10

1:38

seconds and it's an oven in there. Okay, let's get

1:40

it. Okay, so anyway, we've got two people coming. Gareth has

1:42

done our podcast before. Yeah. Jake

1:45

Johnson has not, but I'm well aware

1:47

of his, well aware of his work.

1:50

His accolades. His accolades and his IMDB.

1:52

So give them a round of applause,

1:54

Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds, everybody. However

2:01

you want to do it, however you want to do it, however you

2:03

want to do it, you

2:05

know, we're not, you know, we're not

2:07

a Christian podcast, we do what

2:09

we do. We're a Muslim podcast.

2:12

So Jake, please put, you want to put

2:14

the headphones on or no? No, I'd rather not. But then

2:16

don't. Do your attitude, we gotta

2:18

talk about your attitude in a second. Wait,

2:20

wait, wait, your skin really is so good.

2:23

It's so good. Thank you. Your

2:25

skin is so good right now. Or gay. But

2:28

the glow, good, good. But

2:30

also, even if I said gay, that is still a

2:32

compliment. I do not see that as a negative. I

2:34

don't either. I'd love

2:36

to get real high. Hold on, hold on,

2:38

Jake. You started so nice outside, Jake. Oh,

2:41

it's charming. Outside we saw Bobby,

2:43

he goes, your skin looks great. He saw mine

2:45

and he goes, not yours. And

2:48

so, buddy, you're not wrong. And then inside

2:50

he goes, Jake looks like a man, Gareth

2:52

looks terrible. And there I go,

2:54

you always get it, huh? He goes, always. No,

2:57

definitely. It's fun to poke

3:00

and prod him. I kind of agree. But

3:02

it was the driveway Bobby was different. The

3:05

driveway Bobby was completely different. That's who I essentially

3:07

am. Yeah, right. Right. On

3:09

air. He's the same thing. He calls me on

3:11

air. You're always just

3:13

mean to me. Right. And

3:16

off air, it's a different thing. No, no, no.

3:18

It's pretty much the same. Look at his skin.

3:21

Look at his skin. Shut up, Moe. Why

3:24

the skin, though? Because I never thought

3:26

to myself, you know that Gareth Reynolds, really

3:28

dry skin. He should do something about it. Yeah,

3:31

no. Well, you know, I'm old. You

3:33

know, you look good for your age. So you

3:36

know, you get old. That's interesting.

3:38

But I thought that it would be,

3:40

you know, I didn't think I would not be a man,

3:42

which was basically what you said when I was standing in

3:44

your court of mind. I wasn't saying that. That's ridiculous. I

3:46

mean, I think if we ran it back, we would do

3:48

it pretty clearly. It is shocking that

3:51

you become a cream guy and that your

3:53

skin does look so good. Cream. Yeah,

3:56

he knows what he's talking about. Cream.

3:58

Yeah. Okay. Don't

4:00

call him a dickhead dude. Stop stop

4:02

stop stop for a second. Fuck you dude. What

4:06

are you talking about? This guy right here

4:08

dude, he's a good guy. Thank you. Have you

4:10

seen his work? I've read a lot about it. You

4:13

did a wedding thing. You did

4:16

that wedding show, that reality show, right? And he has a

4:18

real night. And he beat me for that job because that

4:20

was a hard job. In retrospect, a bad career move. I

4:23

was there with you in Vegas, remember? I

4:25

remember, yeah. Anyway, yeah. But I

4:27

don't know if you remember this Jake. Jake,

4:31

I met you once recently when I met

4:33

you. The recent time I met you. Where's

4:35

Santino? Exactly. But did we

4:37

ever meet? I do know, but did we

4:40

ever meet before that? Yes. Where?

4:42

New Girl audition. You remember that? Yeah.

4:46

Oh thank God. I thought you had forgotten. That

4:48

was a very big big heartbreak for him. Yeah.

4:52

Tell me. If you test

4:55

for a show and you don't get it. Jake,

4:58

just listen to what I'm saying. Okay. Well,

5:00

he's a... I don't know who's your

5:02

guy. We're both gonna get

5:04

it. We're both... I'm not gonna do any of it.

5:06

I'm just... This is why you're the

5:09

one rose. Will you tell me what you're reading about

5:11

it? Well, I'm gonna tell you what it was. What

5:13

it was. Okay. So

5:15

the reason why I was heartbroken was because I

5:17

thought, you know what I mean? You know how

5:19

sometimes you read a role and you go, this

5:21

is me. Yeah. I got this in the

5:23

bag, right? And I think I did until that

5:25

guy showed up. Who were you reading for? I

5:28

don't remember. Okay. Coach, this was

5:30

Damon... Oh, okay. Yes. So

5:33

I remember going to... I was nervous.

5:35

Super... It was. You

5:38

already got in the part. Was

5:41

I officially cast? Yes. Okay. So

5:44

Max and I were reading with you and... You didn't read with me. The

5:46

lady did. Zoe. Whatever. Wait, you

5:48

didn't read with us? Because I have a much... That's

5:50

not a heartbreak. So when did we see each other?

5:53

You were out in the... Oh, yeah. Okay. Because

5:56

I remember talking to you about it. And you

5:58

both were leaning against... of those

6:00

something and you guys were really nice to

6:02

me. I would have been excited if

6:04

you got the part. I think we all would have been. It's

6:07

not over yet. The

6:09

show's done. Long

6:11

time. Long time. It's not over. You're not going to get

6:14

it. But see,

6:16

Damon Waynes Jr., who got the

6:18

show, he had an all- he went

6:20

right, you know how sometimes you go right into testing? Yes.

6:22

Right? So he wasn't, no one knew he was, I didn't

6:25

know he was going to be there. As

6:27

soon as he walked in, I went- because

6:29

it's Fox. Yes. Fox has

6:32

a fucking- not that he's great, but

6:34

Fox has a relationship with a living

6:36

color and his dad. There's all this

6:38

nostalgia and nepotism. And

6:42

as soon as he walked in, I

6:44

almost said out loud, should I

6:47

leave? Should I leave?

6:50

Like that. No. If you said that, that would have

6:52

been great. And you would have gotten the part. Should

6:55

I leave? This is where we're going. That's our

6:57

fucking guy. That's the guy. And

6:59

I didn't get it. And it was- Who'd

7:02

you test against? Damon Waynes

7:04

Jr. Just the two of you? No, it was always a third.

7:06

It was a third. I don't remember the third. The third didn't

7:08

have a chance. Some guys doing a

7:10

podcast somewhere going like- I hope you don't. It

7:12

was mine. Then I see fucking Bobby Lee. Should

7:15

I leave? Yeah, but- Yeah, yeah.

7:20

But it's like, because you both know, you

7:22

guys both tested probably a bunch of times. Have

7:25

you gotten everything you've tested for? No. No. All

7:28

right. What's that feeling like? The next

7:30

day? Oh, gut it. Or the day off. Well, what's

7:32

awful about testing for a pilot and the meanest thing

7:34

that they do is they put the contract in front

7:36

of you. And it goes get it first. And you

7:38

see the money. And so it's your name, the money

7:41

you will get if you do it, and you sign.

7:43

And if they say yes, that money is yours. And

7:45

if you don't get it, you get nothing. You get

7:47

nothing. Why do they dangle that carrot, do

7:49

you think? Probably Old World meanness. Well, they-

7:51

Well, they- Yeah. Well, like the studios. It's a

7:53

lot of Old World mean stuff. Yeah, yeah. Well,

7:56

they want to hit the ground running too, right?

7:58

They don't want to like spend time. before

8:00

shooting. But also, I think part of

8:02

it is they also like that in

8:04

the walls you can hear other people

8:06

auditioning. I think it's just

8:08

to psychologically fuck them. It works. But

8:11

it is. The truth is this. The truth of

8:13

it is they don't want you to get the

8:15

part and then negotiate. Yeah. So you

8:18

don't have an upper hand. So you don't have an upper hand, right? So

8:20

that's why they do it. But the other way which could be good is

8:22

let's say we had, let's say I was casting it, we didn't do that.

8:25

You got Bobby, you got Damon, you got some third guy.

8:27

You can go, I like you all for it. What would you

8:30

be willing to do it for? And Bobby would

8:32

have gone like this. Oh my God. Unless, and then

8:34

Damon would go, I mean, I'll do it for that.

8:36

And you could negotiate the other way and go, how

8:38

about we do this? Let's do the pilot as a

8:40

guest star. Would you do it? But

8:42

if it works, there's another mean way to do it.

8:44

It'll go there. You do it like

8:47

the movie Dark Knight when remember they dragged

8:49

in Joker's body in the Italian's dad. Yeah. But

8:51

then he was actually, and then he breaks the spool stick. And he

8:53

goes, you guys fight for it? Yeah. Pool

8:55

stick fight. Way better. Yeah. I

8:59

think that's way better. Yeah. What's funny

9:01

about hearing this story Bobby is I remember

9:03

at the time thing, because I've known you, I

9:05

mean, as a fan forever since mad TV stand

9:07

up, I didn't think when you were

9:10

there it was something you would want to do. So

9:12

mind you, nobody's there. It's not like this was,

9:14

I'm not talking about the uppers. I didn't have

9:16

any conversation with anybody. Is

9:19

your face okay? Yeah, he's fine. I'm going

9:21

through a stroke. What do you

9:23

mean? Dude, I was in the fucking, did

9:26

I know you were dating that? That me

9:28

right after. Right after. Yeah. Bro,

9:30

listen to me. I had nothing.

9:34

It was that was, it was, it was almost as if

9:36

it was bad. It was bad for me. Because

9:39

I would go on the road and I would

9:41

not make any money. Yeah. Damn.

9:44

Give me like a guarantee. Yeah. Right.

9:47

And then it's like some shows I would be like, like on a Saturday

9:49

night second show. 40 people. Yeah. Like

9:52

it's just sadness. You hear them being like,

9:54

let's cut five servers and maybe let's get

9:57

in the zone. Yeah,

10:01

people don't know, it's great now, but

10:03

there was a decade or so where it

10:05

was like touch and go, like every year

10:07

was a different number I got, and

10:10

it was less and less every year, it was

10:12

really hard. So at the time, it was

10:15

everything. Life's a favor financially, yeah. It would've been,

10:17

oh, not only that, being relevant again. You know,

10:19

interesting. Right, so it's like when I didn't get

10:21

it, and I remember your face, not

10:23

that you were very positive at night. Yeah, it was in a bad

10:26

way, oh, go ahead. No, but you know, because the whole thing was

10:28

a bad experience for me, it's already he's negative.

10:30

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then once I saw him with

10:32

Andrew, it became positive again, and that's... Well, I can tell

10:34

you what, we saw... I was quite a bit of a

10:36

negative. Well, I was out with Santino, I had his weird

10:38

tongue, and you came up, and I had that memory, I

10:40

was like, oh, yeah, probably. And he walked up and he

10:42

was like, day. I was like, I gotta get

10:44

this guy, I'm quite cool. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

10:46

no, no, no, no, no. Was I like that? Yes. Really?

10:49

Yeah, you were like this. I was trying to be cool, no,

10:51

I was trying to be cool. Oh, you were? It

10:53

was nice to be trying to be the Korean Fonz. Yeah.

10:55

Which is a lot of people refer to you

10:57

as. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Every, every... Wait, how

10:59

low would you have gone to get on the show? Like,

11:02

what's the price you would have settled? You swear

11:05

to... This is a good question. I swear to

11:07

God. And I'm not, I'm

11:10

not doing this as a joke. Yes. Half

11:14

the pay. Yeah. So at

11:16

that time... At that time, say. So at

11:18

the time, I think my weekly... I can say it,

11:20

maybe, was that weird to say it? Yeah, I can

11:22

say it. I'll probably suck somebody's dick. Would you suck

11:24

a dick at the same time? I'm not kidding you.

11:26

That's rude. I feel like I was so desperate that

11:28

it's like, you know, somebody goes, hey, just... I believe

11:31

in me. You do? Would you have gone down on

11:33

a woman? Oh yeah. Okay, on a

11:35

brief. If you said no, no show. It's in the contract.

11:38

It's a strictly dick, strictly dick. So

11:41

that's a real thing. You would have sucked a dick for a part

11:43

of that. Yeah, I mean, it depends on who. It

11:45

was Gary. Harvey Weinstein. Gary Reynolds.

11:48

At post moisturizer. No, no, no. I moisturize my

11:50

cock. I know you, there's no way. A lot

11:53

of... I don't have to be a stranger. I know you, I

11:55

don't know, there's no way. What if it was a cock just

11:57

coming through a glory hole and you didn't know it was on

11:59

the other side? Interesting question Wait,

12:05

can you age a penis properly? Can you look

12:07

at someone? Oh, I had a cross the mane like

12:10

a tree their age. Yeah That's

12:13

a 62 year old car Yeah, would

12:16

you know the difference between Larry

12:18

King RIP? Yeah, yeah, or now you

12:20

would yeah, yeah I

12:24

think dicks wrinkle believe your act you could tell the

12:26

difference actually I don't know. I don't think so So

12:29

dick don't age is vagina zone either Well,

12:31

they have a giant a pretty good

12:33

if I took you if I showed you a photo

12:35

of a nine-year-old woman's vagina Please do you wouldn't know?

12:37

Yeah, you wouldn't know I don't think I bet you

12:39

would I don't think you would I think I would

12:44

90 all right 70 I'm off leaving it

12:50

Yeah, yeah, who's dick so I'm somebody you

12:52

knew that we might all know would

12:54

you have Who's

12:58

somebody that you're like, honestly, I'm getting passed

13:01

on for this Yeah

13:03

full rate. Yeah, you're struggling doing stand-up. Yeah,

13:05

really wanted it You gotta say somebody that

13:07

everyone goes yeah, and you would go I

13:10

will just suck his dick Okay, I mean

13:12

any leading man at the time Jake no

13:16

Because hard no it was a hard

13:18

no because at that point I had never seen him in

13:20

a yeah Yeah, in fact, I didn't really even know really

13:22

who he was Yeah, you could have been a producer. I

13:24

don't know right and I couldn't have helped you get on

13:26

the show There's no way you could have and it doesn't

13:28

get hard. Yeah. Yeah Which

13:32

is which would be a yes Overcooked

13:35

noodle Right,

13:38

so now Jake but um, but any like

13:40

any of the like leading men right at

13:42

the time like I

13:45

need a little bit small Someone

13:51

like a high exact like decrepit

13:53

or TV. What about like a Fred Savage? What

13:56

about? That's a good one

13:58

because he's not now wonder you're He was

14:00

doing shows on Fox. He was directing them. He's

14:02

directing as well as he's still asking Yeah, if

14:04

you suck this dick could I've had a bad

14:07

experience in auditioning with them. What happened? I just

14:09

like this dick No It

14:12

was just a bad audition. I didn't like his notes. So

14:14

no. Oh, so you want to like

14:16

the personality You're

14:18

not dating him Bobby I didn't like his

14:20

vibe and he's not a guy. I'm gonna

14:23

fall in love with It's

14:25

weird that you're being so Discriminate about who

14:27

you blow but because if you're not that

14:30

desperate for the role then cuz you should

14:32

blindly Fuck whoever's

14:34

dick. That's the at the winning If

14:38

I'm a coach You Garen

14:52

Fred savages dick right and then he looks

14:55

he straightened the eye and he's like Bobby

14:57

you don't have the role You

14:59

can't hold on That

15:02

cannot be Decision

15:07

not like the voice Apart

15:10

yours Adam

15:14

Levine turns around a tire. Oh Right

15:20

after you right after he finishes he's like you

15:22

don't get the part and then his inner monologue

15:24

is like I probably shouldn't have done that It

15:29

was right at that time I realized I was

15:32

abusing my power That's

15:37

a really good reference Let

15:40

me ask you guys be honest truthful

15:47

Helix Dang

15:54

dude, let me say something. I'm

15:56

gonna say anyway, I'm talking but

15:58

like there's rooms in my head house with there's

16:00

um we have I bet in every one

16:02

of my rooms because I'm special in that way and I only

16:05

use helix sleep You know why cuz I have guests over you

16:07

mean like, you know at Tom Waits. Let's

16:10

suppose. Yeah, you mean or Glory,

16:13

Ella bond, you know, I mean I would go I want

16:16

them to sleep on the best mattress right

16:19

on the market Mm-hmm, and it's so

16:21

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16:27

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honest, truthful. At

18:45

this point, the businesses change. Yeah. So it

18:47

doesn't mean as much getting something. Do you

18:49

believe that, for instance? Yes. Yeah. That era

18:51

was very different.

18:54

It's so different. What's the most desperate act

18:56

you've ever done to get

18:58

something and then felt really bad about after?

19:01

I shouldn't

19:03

have done that moment. I think I

19:05

won't. Cringe or cringe moment. Like where you're like,

19:07

fuck, like I did that and. Give me

19:10

an example. Like Bobby almost sucking dick.

19:12

It was just a hypothetical. It never really happened. Yeah,

19:14

but you put it on the

19:18

table. So it's something you would have. One time I sucked Bobby's

19:20

dick to be on Tiger. One

19:24

time I pretended to be Bobby.

19:27

So I'll be honest. I'll

19:29

tell you what, where I

19:31

was, I'm

19:37

where I walked away with it from it. I

19:39

went, people lie a lot, right? They'll be up

19:41

shit. Why did I do that? So one time

19:43

I auditioned for a show and

19:46

the producers were sitting in the room and my

19:48

wasn't that great. It didn't

19:50

buy it and bomb it all. But then I went,

19:52

you know, I did a speech afterwards

19:54

where I went, you know, I really appreciate you guys calling

19:57

me in. It's like, thank you so much. You know what

19:59

I mean? I. I really love the rule, you know what

20:01

I mean? And I tried to sell it that way

20:03

and it didn't work. They were like,

20:05

please, we have 50

20:08

guys on the line, bye bye, you know what I mean? Was that

20:10

kind of vibe? So it was like, and then when you walk away

20:12

where you're like, what the fuck did you do? Why did I do

20:14

that? You know what I mean? When

20:16

I was first started, I went

20:18

out all the time and

20:21

I don't like going out. I'm a homebody. I like,

20:23

you know, the same routine. But

20:25

if anybody texted who was further

20:27

along, I never said no. So

20:30

that was just a grimy feeling where I would know

20:32

if I was home with my now wife

20:34

and we're watching TV and she would never come. And

20:37

I would get a text being like, hey, we're all

20:39

at a bar. I wouldn't wanna

20:41

go, but I would like make a pot

20:43

of coffee to be at the bar, to

20:45

do bits. Cause I don't know who in

20:48

this group is gonna pop. And if somebody

20:50

pops, I know who. But like,

20:52

that's crazy. But I feel like that's a necessary thing

20:54

you have. Yes, but it was for

20:57

years. It would

20:59

just be, hey, we're going here. And I'd go like, all

21:02

right. And as soon as I started working, I was finally

21:04

able to go like, I like everybody. I just don't wanna

21:06

go out on a Tuesday night. Maybe

21:08

two Saturdays from now, but for

21:10

years it was. You wanna

21:12

jump up and do this improv show? And I'd be like,

21:14

no, I don't wanna go to the fucking improv Olympics, but

21:17

I will. Yeah, yeah.

21:20

That's really similar to him because I

21:22

would have to drag him out. Like

21:25

he just wouldn't wanna leave his little pod and

21:27

video game set up. Yeah,

21:29

yeah. And sometimes we

21:31

would have to lie as manager and I'd

21:33

be like, oh, so-and-so is gonna be there. He can

21:35

be like, oh, oh, oh, I guess I will. I

21:38

guess we're going, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's dreadful that

21:40

we have to do it. I don't do it now.

21:42

Yeah, it's different. But we used to call it bar

21:44

booking. Cause you could book in the bar.

21:46

I know. Or people could do it in party bookers.

21:49

Yeah, party bookers. Where you're like, he's so fucked. But

21:51

I don't have the skill set to

21:53

do. Do you have the skill set? No, he does. Yes,

21:55

you do. I used to. Once

21:57

you have it, you have it. Jake always was very

21:59

like- I was that's what I was

22:01

gonna say Jake always would be out socializing.

22:04

Yeah, even when you got new girl Like

22:06

you'd worked with Liz prior to that. Yes,

22:08

you were always very good at playing that

22:10

yes gone out Yes, are

22:13

you good at it? No horrible? Yeah, me too horrible. Yeah,

22:15

I think I'm bad at it I

22:18

think if you look at the way my career played out It's

22:21

very much Just

22:23

stay home and maybe try a podcast Said

22:26

this before but Patrice O'Neill I

22:28

was in I was in New York and we did a radio

22:30

show together after work because I was complaining about how Ken

22:33

Jung is getting everything I

22:38

mean they offered to him first, you know, I was like I

22:40

was devastated, you know There was a year where I was completely

22:42

like I didn't know It's

22:45

like just give him everything. I

22:47

mean like I'll change my race But

22:50

my point is I couldn't and

22:52

then he could let me talk to you. He pulls me

22:54

outside He goes you're not him. I

22:56

know I get it. No, he goes you don't get it.

22:58

No, you're just as talented In

23:01

fact to me you're funnier like you're so

23:03

funny, right? But you don't have

23:05

what I have what you don't have what

23:08

I don't have which is that skill set

23:10

Yeah to go to a party or anything

23:13

and pretend because I see it

23:15

in my the people see it in my face I don't

23:17

want to be there. Yeah, you know me just you know,

23:19

I just don't know how to do it Yeah, not even

23:21

that Ken would be pretending there are some

23:23

people would genuinely enjoy being in that in

23:25

yeah I'm not saying that he would There's

23:28

a nice guy and he's so good at it naturally

23:31

extroverted and they get energized by other people. Yeah. Yeah,

23:33

we're just not like that Yeah, I'm not like that.

23:35

Yeah. Yeah at all. But you know, um, yeah, I

23:37

wish I had it but you know what? It's

23:40

fine. I mean look up play

23:42

it out. Well, I mean you wouldn't have if

23:44

you booked new girl You would not

23:46

have this show or if he did imagine the audience It's

23:51

funny because with so Before

24:00

I went to rehab, I remember I booked

24:02

a movie with Zoe. Which one? It was

24:04

purple crayon something. I don't know what it

24:06

was called. It's not out yet. But

24:09

what? Not what. Anyway, I went to rehab. When

24:13

I was in rehab, they go, they're in

24:15

production. They're starting now. And

24:17

I lost it. I don't think in Destiny.

24:20

I'm never going to. But I will say

24:22

that if you had gotten

24:24

New Girl and then you simultaneously started a

24:26

podcast, it wouldn't have been the podcast you

24:28

wanted to put out because you would have

24:31

really censored yourself because you were on network. You also

24:33

would have had to. Yeah. That's

24:35

right. You could

24:37

not have done these podcasts. It

24:41

would not have happened. That

24:44

world, which it's now different. I bet people on

24:46

those shows it's a whole new galaxy. But we

24:48

had people who I didn't want to

24:50

get on social media. There was no choices. Really?

24:53

It was you're going to get on social

24:55

media. You're going to tweet with classmates during

24:57

the show. It was, this

24:59

is now the business and

25:01

you're going to help push the business. You

25:04

just went like great. And

25:06

when they wanted you to go somewhere for press, it

25:08

was years of doing it before I would say like,

25:10

can I say no to this? But

25:13

for the first five years, I wouldn't even

25:15

think to say no. You're like, if you

25:17

started a podcast and you said one thing

25:19

that was off, you would have a sit down and they'd

25:21

be like, are you out of your fucking mind? Oh,

25:23

why? Right. It just

25:25

it would not you would not have this. Yeah, it

25:28

would have been opposite. The worst

25:30

is this. When you do those media runs, the

25:32

worst is when they do. All right. So

25:34

you have a block between five in the morning

25:37

and noon and you're doing

25:39

like a thousand radio and you're just sitting

25:41

there on the phone and then

25:43

like you just after two hours, you want

25:46

to fucking kill yourself. Yeah. It's

25:48

you've done those. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

25:51

So why did you make it that phase? Because I'm entertained by you. I

25:54

love you. What I mean, what? I was

25:56

just listening. What was my honestly, could it

25:58

be honest with you? Let me just. Straight up

26:00

next time I see you. Yeah, don't

26:02

do this. What's the moisture? It's distracting

26:04

what wait hold on this real I

26:06

mean real what's my outside Bobby? Because

26:09

outside Bobby was about to say to me

26:11

Jake your face looks bad enough It's gonna

26:13

go outside about was doing this. Yeah, very

26:15

interesting. You're doing this. Okay, and

26:17

you know, I really like you a lot When

26:21

I was out there it was almost as if

26:23

I didn't know if there was some other head

26:25

sweated or not Right. So I was just trying

26:27

to find a way in to go to

26:30

address my face just now That

26:33

upset you it wasn't upsetting. Okay, I

26:35

think it was the glow of your face, right?

26:37

I think Because

26:39

there's two things going on now. I

26:42

gotta see through the glow now It's

26:45

like, you know when you worry out by a leg and there's a fog

26:47

Yeah, is that a tree but I

26:49

gotta go through the fog to see the tree right? You

26:51

know I mean When I'm looking

26:53

at you that's what I'm sensing Okay, right.

26:55

There's a glow for us and then I look at

26:58

your ass face-face and you're you look

27:00

confused for a second Oh, buddy And what

27:02

I'm saying to you is that you can

27:04

do any kind of skin regime you want any fine You know,

27:06

even if I saw you with the glory face, that's your new

27:08

thing. Thank you. I'm fine with it Okay, but just you know

27:11

deep down inside. It's gonna bother me a little bit.

27:13

Okay, can I defend? Yeah, go ahead Jake Someone has

27:15

to I will Something

27:17

I didn't quite realize about

27:19

Gareth Gareth is unbelievably funny

27:21

great writer What I

27:23

didn't know is how much the ladies love Gareth So

27:27

that's why I'm okay with the

27:29

moisturizer Yeah, thank you because I

27:32

always viewed Garth as like a great writer arrested

27:34

development big shows. He's on him Great

27:38

Santa really funny guy in doing

27:40

a podcast with him. I was like all

27:42

the ladies love the Garth man I

27:44

think you give off a very like Safe

27:47

and warm feeling interesting.

27:49

Yeah, like there is something about

27:51

you. That's like inherently like oh like

27:54

He's he's he's a good guy. We can

27:56

put on our nightly serums

27:59

together. Yeah And he's not gonna think.

28:02

Hold on. Hold on. I

28:04

appreciate that. The body part is not getting help. Yeah,

28:06

but no, this is a really sweet set. You're like,

28:08

it's really safe. We can put our teams in and

28:10

talk about the guys who want to party. I

28:14

don't know. You have weird energy. We

28:16

felt like we were going together to

28:18

kind of have it. That's not where

28:20

you were going? No, no.

28:23

I think the ladies like them like they want to have sex with them. Not

28:26

gab with them about them. I love sex

28:28

instead of a cigarette. But I'm like, I'm

28:30

retinol. I love that

28:32

you know about retinol and retinol. It's important.

28:35

I'm into it. Thank you. I

28:37

mean, listen guys, it's like you do have

28:39

to take care of your skin. Bobby, you're

28:41

Korean. You should know this. The

28:44

liver spots should not be there. Bobby

28:46

doesn't... Bobby's into it. I

28:48

can tell. Gilbert gets

28:51

it. He has really good skin care because his

28:53

wife makes him do it. I'm 52 years old.

28:56

Amazing. I'm

28:58

old. I'm doing old man's skin. No,

29:00

you don't have old man's skin. I'm not

29:02

conceiving the folks. That's a shot across

29:04

the bow. That's exactly what I'm

29:06

saying. It's not a cross between

29:09

the bow. I don't know what

29:11

you said, but it's not that. You mean a

29:13

pirate intern? It's not a cross between the

29:15

bow. What I'm saying to you right now... Sorry,

29:17

what is it? A shot across the bow. A

29:20

shot across the bow. A

29:22

shot across the bow. What

29:24

I'm saying to you is I don't even know why I'm mad right

29:26

now. I don't either. What

29:29

was I mad about for a second? You

29:31

mad at my face and then you said something and I said I

29:33

love you. You said I don't. I

29:35

think you got mad because of this guy's

29:38

skin. The comp. Then

29:40

you got to 52 and then you took it out on... Right,

29:42

right, right. What I love you

29:44

so... Take it out on. I'm

29:46

not taking it out of this. I love you

29:48

so much for taking it out on me. You

29:51

can handle the rage. I

29:53

would have sex with him right now. Me

29:55

too. It's fucking crazy. It's orgy

29:57

time. that

30:00

you don't get. That's

30:02

a tough player. I really like

30:05

how the audience carries

30:08

springers. You get

30:11

a certain type. Wow.

30:13

Don't do that. You

30:21

don't get danger girls. I

30:23

get danger girls. What does that

30:25

mean to you? Just like women who scare you?

30:28

No, just women that live on the edge. Danger

30:31

girls, are you kidding me? The last three

30:33

have been single moms from rural areas. You

30:39

are not the

30:42

father. You

30:59

are not the dad.

31:02

And then the poor kid is always sitting

31:05

there and it's like a two year old

31:07

looking at you. It's Maury, it's

31:09

been two years. That kid thought that man

31:11

was her dad. Hold on, let it finish

31:13

moonwalking. We'll get into the trauma. Also with

31:15

that, it's like, you know, well you're probably,

31:17

you're not the dad, but then I

31:19

would still be the father of a figure.

31:21

You would? I'd be out. No, wait. Wait,

31:23

wait, wait, wait. He's safe anymore. Not so

31:25

safe anymore. Well,

31:31

listen, what I'm saying is that, you know, some

31:33

of it's like, you know, I've been raising this

31:36

kid for three years. Yeah. Right. And now I'm

31:38

not the father. I'm out. Like, how is that

31:40

fucking? That wasn't always the scenario. Sometimes it was

31:42

like, I definitely am not the father. If it

31:44

was that I would wean the kid off, I'd

31:46

go from like five days a week to like

31:48

four days and I'd slowly

31:50

in the night walk out. Yeah,

31:53

exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But

31:55

he goes all out when he with a single

31:58

moms and their kids, he goes all out. the

32:00

kids what does that mean he's like like he takes them to

32:02

like $8,000 VIP Disneyland

32:04

like tour lightsabers lightsaber experience

32:07

very sweet cool because something

32:09

that I do oh

32:11

you like you like to do it anyhow see you're like let's

32:14

go if I'm gonna go to Disneyland by myself I would do

32:16

the lightsaber tour yeah and I

32:18

would go lightsaber tour it here's what I'm glad

32:20

you asked thank you yeah

32:30

so with the lightsaber I didn't even work you

32:32

have to make an appointment

32:35

Wow right and you're at you go

32:38

to like I guess you

32:40

know the rebellion the rebels sure so there's

32:42

like a little compound where this master comes

32:44

out and there's only like eight of you

32:47

and you're on it like an actual like a

32:51

workshop a workbench okay but it's very like

32:54

Star Wars II okay right and

32:56

there's like a light show she comes in

32:58

and she tells us you know what you

33:01

guys are the new padawans you guys you

33:03

mean have to fight whatever the fucking speeches

33:05

I don't memorize it okay so anyway and

33:07

then they give you these real components to

33:10

make the kind of lightsaber that you would like to make

33:12

and it's super expensive it's

33:14

super expensive to me what's a number like a

33:17

it was like 300 bucks but it's like what

33:19

do you do so you then make it so it's

33:21

just got a light I'd imagine the

33:24

lightsaber what the fuck man never mind what

33:27

like but Jake lightsabers are real so they're

33:29

like no it's an actual plastic

33:34

stick that comes but then what do you do

33:36

with a bunch of it on it's like a

33:38

flashlight that'll be $4,000 the actual

33:41

experience so let's say there's 10 people and you all

33:43

get the money you spend the money you do it

33:45

then it's done you just go like this then yeah

33:47

so whenever you swing you turn it on it's very

33:49

heavy too like that's something you would get at a

33:51

gift store right it's very heavy it

33:53

would see if it would feel like a real

33:55

lightsaber I think it's great but after you make it

33:58

you do they like put you on a stage I

34:00

put on one ear. That makes you reenact the whole

34:02

thing. I'm getting there. Oh, okay. Sorry. Sorry.

34:06

What is it? No. No,

34:08

they don't. They both have this? So,

34:10

were you getting there? No, they kind of pushed you away

34:12

because we have a four o'clock appointment. But so all you're

34:14

doing is making one of these and holding it for a

34:16

second? Right. You hold it and then you got to you got

34:18

to you pull it up, pull it up. You turn it

34:21

on and they make some sort of speech. What

34:23

a motherfucker. Yeah, but the kids love that. Yeah,

34:25

yeah. I mean this with all due respect. What

34:27

is the mean average of this room? Like age

34:29

wise helmet? I would say probably

34:31

very mixed. You're getting a lot of older, a

34:33

lot of younger. That's it. That's

34:35

exactly what it is. See? Look

34:38

at it. Yeah, that's it. There's no kids

34:40

there. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

34:42

yeah, I was one of those guys. So it's like a workshop. Wow.

34:45

Yeah. And yeah, that's exactly it. It's

34:47

pretty fun as a kid because you go in there as a

34:50

kid, you're like, yeah, right. Oh, this is real. Yeah,

34:52

it is pretty cool though. I got to hold it. The

34:54

lights say, oh, this thing's legit. It's legit.

34:57

Yeah. You're making it. You make

34:59

it. So they give you like different components. You get

35:01

to choose. Like I want mine to be

35:03

more sis like. Yeah. I mean,

35:05

or I might more like Gareth Reynolds. Yeah.

35:08

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So

35:11

it's a pretty good experience. What's the, what's the time you got to

35:13

Disneyland? Oh, a long

35:16

time. I mean, I don't have any kids. Jake,

35:18

you have kids. Yeah. What's the

35:20

last time you went? I think for their fourth birthday. I have twins.

35:23

You have twins. Yeah. And

35:25

how old are they now? I don't

35:27

love Disneyland. I know, but it's not for you. It's for

35:29

the kids. They didn't love it either. Oh, they didn't.

35:32

It was a high up crying. That was hyped up. Well,

35:34

I didn't have a great attitude. I was going to deny it and

35:37

say it was all them. But

35:39

that was a lie. Yeah.

35:43

There was a lot of people just

35:45

fucking eating churros, sitting on curbs. There's

35:47

all these adults sitting on curbs. They

35:51

pretend once you go past this little arch, it's

35:53

the happiest place on earth. Don't look

35:55

like it. Yeah. It doesn't feel

35:57

like it. You're looking at all these families sitting around buying

35:59

shit they can. can't afford and you're like there's 900

36:02

pounds of people and there's only three of

36:04

you and you're eating churros that were 30

36:06

bucks that are this big yeah this doesn't

36:08

look like the happiest place on planet earth

36:10

looks like a sad place that's just taking

36:12

all your money and then Bobby walks out

36:14

with a light there like but let me

36:16

did you do the chaperone

36:20

no that's that's where that's because

36:22

there's no giving the kid the chaperone

36:24

experience as well when you don't know

36:27

because it's like even if

36:29

I went by myself yeah right yeah right

36:31

yeah but do you find yourself attracted to

36:33

women with kids I'll

36:35

tell you this and this is a very

36:37

interesting question I'm happy to be answer it right

36:40

I feel like I'm dating request and

36:42

it's gonna be I said

36:45

three from world that's a

36:47

type oh I want to

36:49

say that I and I could be wrong but

36:52

I feel like I can only get these

36:54

girls if they have kids what

36:57

that's not true for about all

37:01

I think you

37:05

understand what I'm saying yeah yeah no but it's

37:07

untrue because you can have whoever you want

37:09

I don't think that's true that's not true at all I

37:11

think that if you don't believe it so it doesn't happen for

37:14

you no I believe it it still doesn't

37:16

happen I have a different theory oh god you know

37:18

and it's not a theory I just

37:24

came up with you've literally like told me this

37:27

he doesn't want a girl like me

37:40

who is well traveled if he takes to a

37:43

good restaurant a girl who's like I've already been

37:45

here I've eaten here that's why you're saying rural was

37:47

the big word he wants someone who's gonna

37:49

be like wow no boo what's a

37:52

no boo and he likes to

37:54

be the hero and the Messiah in that

37:56

moment and it's like he wants to be

37:59

the kid's biggest memory who is that

38:01

Korean man who took us on the you

38:03

know the lightsaber experience he wants to be

38:05

a core memory for someone but he doesn't

38:07

want somebody who's already experienced that right

38:09

he I'm boring to him like

38:11

someone who's like this is great this is

38:14

a great content we did this yeah Jesus like

38:16

let's go to the I'll go hey I'm funny

38:18

about this no I've been there that restaurant four

38:20

times already because it's all I do

38:22

with eat yeah but I don't want to hear I don't want to

38:24

hear like you know about this you know about that you know I

38:27

wouldn't you'll have a chance to review Bobby you are not the

38:39

boyfriend if you

38:41

start dancing we gotta go I want to be

38:44

the teacher I know that no I

38:52

totally are one so what about me not just

38:54

for once because I now realize that like men really

38:57

want to feel like they're leading and I don't

38:59

think I've allowed you to lead and that was

39:01

a mistake you know too much about

39:03

film and stuff I hate it yeah you

39:06

in that brain

39:11

you in that brain yeah yeah

39:13

were you the teacher in this

39:15

dynamic I mean like when we first

39:18

met I remember him saying like I gotta

39:20

take you to the best Korean spot and

39:22

he took me to the spot that was

39:24

like so just like subpar

39:26

I was like Bobby you you don't

39:28

know K-town so then I would introduce

39:30

him to all of the Korean

39:32

spots that's an oh for sure

39:39

but I remember I remember little

39:41

things like this yeah because

39:45

there's a couple of things there's some music I can't

39:47

even listen because of you oh like what because I

39:49

would go I like this and

39:51

you go that sucks and

39:53

then now I swear to God I'll tell

39:55

you the two albums two out bands because

39:58

I can't even listen to them okay boob is saying Robin Hitchcock

40:00

oh you know him no right I

40:02

tried there's a song there's an album called I

40:04

I think whatever yeah I loved it growing up

40:06

you know I mean she ruined it she goes

40:08

that's stuck to the lyrics it's stuck you like

40:10

way these white boy bands sad white boys yeah

40:12

yeah yeah once you said that oh

40:17

elbow right you're like I

40:19

mean the name stupid name for a band

40:21

of white boy

40:30

bands it was like bite mind

40:32

you context to this guy the

40:34

context is because I had just been

40:36

offended because he said who is Mary

40:38

J bleeg I don't

40:41

like I don't like R&B I'm

40:43

sorry and so he was like yeah I

40:45

don't care I listen to cool things like elbow like

40:47

what the fuck is that yeah yeah

40:49

yeah yeah so you ruined some

40:53

things for me I'm so sorry I'm so sorry yeah

40:57

it looks like the Adams family and a black guy it

40:59

was at that moment I realized

41:05

I was in the wrong band I

41:07

wanted to ask I wanted your advice

41:09

on something

41:22

that's been sort of nagging me listen to

41:24

elbow oh so

41:27

we've been broken up for over two years

41:29

but we have seven animals between us the

41:32

cats live with him the dogs live with me I

41:35

I've met some of the girls

41:37

that he stated been pretty chill

41:39

about that but my jealousy peaks

41:42

when he describes that one of

41:44

my cats or that Mike

41:47

animals are mingling with the new

41:49

woman in you tell her that you

41:51

do you say that to get a little

41:53

nasty no you're just actually relating out I

41:56

truth truth I know so like

41:58

it's not a problem It's more like

42:00

it's a me problem like how do I get

42:02

over that jealousy? being

42:05

like Okay,

42:08

Bobby take the light is there

42:10

hold on is there a guy who plays

42:12

with your dog So there's a guy okay,

42:15

I found out from Name

42:17

them Right

42:20

elbow disciplined my dog Julio

42:24

And when I heard that I went a what

42:26

did the dog do to get disappoint No,

42:29

he's a fighter. He's a psychopath.

42:31

He doesn't like anyone new. He

42:33

doesn't know he no. Oh the dogs a dick

42:36

bite. Yeah Wait

42:41

the dog I

42:44

have a behaviorally Fucked

42:46

up dog named Julio. I don't think he is I think

42:48

he's perfect Wow, who doesn't like

42:50

anyone I think he loves who he loves yeah

42:52

you and me and that's it bingo Like these

42:54

guys can't even be around what kind of

42:57

dog is it? He's maybe like a 20 pound

42:59

little but okay Yeah, wait, but a guy can't

43:01

yeah, I'm in and discipline your animals. No, no, he

43:03

didn't did grab them by the neck I heard I

43:05

got that story. What are you talking about? Can we

43:08

hear the story from your point of view? right no,

43:10

so Julio went to bite him and

43:13

in the dick I'll try to write

43:15

in the dick and What

43:18

he did was instead there was no

43:20

other thing to do but to kind

43:22

of Pin him in

43:24

that moment and then remove himself Hmm

43:27

and then after that or leave or never come back

43:29

But then after that Julio like loved

43:32

him and was like, oh, I like you

43:34

dominated Julio's ass. I know

43:36

I mean look Great

43:44

for Bobby I'd say to have a dickbiter

43:46

in the other camp That's

43:48

a great way to yeah I mean,

43:51

that's I'm not I can't have just strangers

43:53

come in the house or any men for no

43:55

matter. Yeah Yeah, well one quick thing

43:57

that's an out-of-body experience for me is

44:01

so i watch your guys's podcast it

44:03

started i think with the brendan schwab or schwab

44:05

or whatever his name is the

44:07

mma guy because i know mma but

44:09

all that he was conducting an investigation but that

44:12

all that popped up on my youtube and i

44:14

knew you so i started kind of watching that

44:16

and that was fascinating yes that was that was

44:18

some of the that was the beginning where he

44:20

was trying to get me to do podcasts i

44:23

wasn't into it and i was like this shit's

44:25

interesting i was like i'm

44:27

ready to chompy on the show i was like can he

44:29

do something with me where he gets mad at me and

44:31

talk about like you wanted to suck his dick by

44:33

his truck because all this shit i

44:36

was like whatever this is this

44:38

is good TV and i'm watching

44:40

this shit on my tv so

44:42

i know about your guys's story

44:45

that's why it's so fun hearing about the

44:48

thing i'm like i'm watching the show but

44:50

in terms of the dog

44:52

yeah so you

44:54

bobbie you cannot tell her

44:57

when another woman is cuddling with these

44:59

cats man you have to keep that

45:01

quiet why because it's killing her

45:04

okay because yeah they're my children

45:06

right and she can't have all of

45:08

them and maybe she also

45:10

wants you too so now

45:12

she doesn't get the pets she doesn't get

45:15

you now some new bitches in there and

45:18

she's got you and the cats this

45:21

is too much to take and

45:24

all Julio's doing i think you're getting through

45:26

to bobby i could tell i'm

45:31

learning so much i

45:33

guess i will stop the behavior

45:35

that bothers her what else jake

45:38

so i would say you gotta

45:40

just stop telling her okay what

45:42

else okay the podcast is weird

45:44

out and and yeah

45:48

i think no man can

45:50

touch bobby's dog if

45:53

Julio's getting weird and this god doesn't like it

45:56

i can go to his place if

45:58

i had a dog and Actually,

46:00

I don't really care about my dogs, but if

46:02

my wife Do you have

46:04

a dog? I have two dogs Yeah, you don't care

46:06

about them I do but like if I split with

46:08

my wife and she took the dogs which she would

46:11

and some guy wasn't great to Them while I wasn't

46:13

around I'm

46:15

sure they got it figured out So

46:24

I'll look at her now and go I will

46:26

not tell you right How

46:28

my cats what my cats are doing with other

46:31

people especially people I'm seeing in the house,

46:33

okay, that's pretty Go

46:36

ahead and yet. Oh, here we go. You

46:38

know mean none of your boys Except

46:41

the guy he don't

46:43

touch my dogs in a violent way again. It wasn't

46:46

violent How about here? They don't touch the dog

46:48

period? I think there's something going on you do

46:50

it So I can't have anyone like over

46:52

ever just let the guys know they need to let

46:54

their dick get bit Right,

46:56

that's the price answer. Okay. Yeah, because what

46:59

will end up happening is if he's It

47:02

looks like this guy's gonna be sticking around for a long

47:04

time Wow Is

47:06

that true? Is this guy a winner?

47:09

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So

47:11

so Why don't

47:13

you have it happen naturally? He'll eventually

47:15

get used to him Yeah,

47:18

and then you know, he will have a

47:20

relationship with the dogs and then

47:22

he can just pet them and do what normal dog

47:24

owners Are you okay with him like

47:26

loving the dogs and having a

47:29

relationship? I'm okay with that I just

47:31

I'm not okay with any kind of violent.

47:33

No, of course not of course not which

47:35

is what he fucking knew He did it.

47:37

He did it and that's it. It was

47:39

a slip-up self-defense moment and it was it's

47:42

fine now Okay, and I don't

47:44

know what that guy's name. I'll look at me. I'm looking right now dude

47:46

through the camera All right, I'm okay

47:48

with it bud, but don't touch my dogs

47:50

in a violent way or I'll fucking kill you Wow,

47:53

you'll bite his Dick

47:57

I don't look at TV show maybe Anyway,

48:00

oh Back

48:03

to that let's go back to that watching these two

48:06

just ping pong yeah I

48:09

will say that was a shocking ending. I didn't expect

48:17

But I wasn't I will say it was intense it was pretty intense

48:19

all right. I don't even know the guy Yeah,

48:27

he seems like a really nice move on Beyonds

48:31

with guys um I've never done this

48:33

before yeah, and it's been Can

48:36

I tell you how nice of a guy this guy? Oh

48:38

my new guy? Oh wait stop stop stop

48:40

stop stop stop I know what you're gonna

48:42

say are you guys extracting all this? Yes,

48:45

okay, all right. Well. You're not gonna say it. I

48:47

am I think it was like a nice Yeah,

48:52

no let me say it Okay,

48:54

go ahead May I say to you yeah, okay,

48:57

we're dying more advice. We need more. We're just

48:59

getting information right You're getting we're here to help

49:01

wherever you get podcasts if you like this kind

49:03

of stuff our show is not like this Bobby

49:07

keep going Okay,

49:09

so um all right. Thanks for being here boys

49:11

of course very I was looking forward to this

49:13

I'm it's been very good. Thank you so much.

49:16

He made no eye contact with me during that So

49:20

on This

49:23

young man that she's seeing new boyfriend yeah

49:26

Yes, yeah lives in Hawaii okay,

49:28

okay cool. So she's always in Hawaii and

49:32

so um At one

49:34

time I was in Hawaii with his

49:37

single mom from rural America

49:40

Okay, it was that the first time she'd ever

49:42

been on an island she flew first class for sure.

49:44

Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, you do okay, so she's having

49:46

the trip of her life Bobby put his lightsaber in

49:48

the overhead You

49:53

bring her and the kid to Hawaii okay,

49:55

just her you in the world yes,

49:59

so I'm there Hawaii So I don't

50:01

know about, you know, I'm a comedian. I

50:03

have a different lifestyle, right? So it's like,

50:05

you know, I don't wake up at six in the

50:07

morning and go hiking. Right. It

50:10

just ended by nature, okay? So, you

50:12

know, I could tell that she wanted to

50:14

do daytime activities. I knew Kalayla

50:16

and these guys there, right? And I know they

50:19

know the island well. So I

50:21

called Kalayla and I go, hey, can you

50:23

pick this person up in the morning?

50:25

Is this your guys' dynamic with X's? Is this

50:27

normal stuff? We've never done this before. This

50:30

was you trying to have been new. Apparently this was a

50:32

lack of boundaries on my part, but go ahead,

50:34

Bobby. It's a lack of boundaries when you go to therapist at that? I

50:38

think it made me happy to do it

50:40

because I saw how happy she was to

50:42

see the island because I don't think you

50:44

were gonna do that for her. Wait, you

50:46

called Kalayla to see if she could take the woman

50:48

that you'd brought there out for a little bit, right? Yeah,

50:51

yeah, yeah. But he knew this is your ex. Yeah,

50:53

okay. But then I don't have a

50:55

car there. Okay. So I'm like, geez,

50:57

like poor girl, she hasn't even seen

50:59

the beach and they're in Hawaii and all

51:01

he's taken her to is like. Nice

51:03

restaurant. The best Korean on

51:05

the island. Yeah, dude. And

51:08

I could hear her in the background being

51:11

like, I wanna see stuff. And

51:13

I'm like, oh, okay. So then I ask my

51:16

boyfriend. I was like, hey, this

51:18

is a really weird request, but like, can

51:21

we take this girl out like around the island

51:23

for the day? And he was like, ahh! Yeah.

51:28

I mean, the fucking mother is fucking gonna

51:30

eat my shit. You're not fighting, you're

51:32

not fighting. And I feel

51:34

bad now, but I lied. And I was like, yeah,

51:36

and Bobby's sick. You

51:39

were, but you kind of weren't that sick. I

51:41

was sick. Okay. Yeah, I had the

51:43

vis. And he

51:46

was like, yeah, okay, like

51:48

sure. So they pick her up and she has

51:50

the day of her life. Weird. Why

51:53

didn't we move her to the toilet store? So when she got

51:55

back, then what happened? What do you mean? Well,

51:57

she comes back to your place. She's like, I had the day of my

51:59

life. Right six when

52:01

the water right for everyone Because

52:03

had an amazing the yes I've

52:05

never. Really been out in Utah to every

52:08

that. Bobby's a

52:10

good teacher that yours as. Far.

52:14

As I said, there wasn't a beach in

52:16

who. Asks.

52:20

How says a lot of of? By

52:22

the way, Like I really like first

52:24

year as a suicide. Said as he was

52:27

such a great girl and it was so funny because

52:29

all. The in a said no he drops

52:31

are often we never. Know

52:34

I won't be as it's a while at

52:36

the want of about her boardroom of denies

52:39

the only surface as as is the only

52:41

circumstance a lot of roses. Month

52:43

two: Months ago, they. Have before we get into

52:45

that yet. Now I want to know your

52:47

advice. Like should I be setting up. Stronger.

52:50

Boundaries for myself so quickly about

52:52

our show. The types of advice

52:54

we do is like I've I've

52:57

aged children in a bar. Like

53:01

that's a great we're all gonna go. Do

53:03

you go Digital? Go to Be So we

53:05

do the dump itself. a holiday. Yes I

53:07

have a salt shaker ready for access the

53:09

site of it but already know but yeah

53:12

but you guys are bright guys wanted so

53:14

just whatever Europe is it as an upper?

53:16

Okay, well what I mean your question is

53:18

essentially do you think. We think there

53:20

need to be harder boundaries in. I

53:23

think north, well in a normal break the ice. is

53:25

it normal? I know of any normal break up a

53:27

where did you know your own separate ways for a

53:29

while? It was right, you guys. It's easy to do

53:31

a podcast because. It's the. It's awesome to

53:33

watch. People

53:35

Have is very compelling so.

53:39

But. Normally you admire my.

53:42

Opinion would be you probably stop

53:44

updating. each other in person, Or A in

53:46

terms of having a shared. Sing.

53:49

Together which is this. My. Room as

53:51

I says oh you when he's a Hawaii

53:53

where the new single mom take her for.

53:58

A new guy considered that. This guy beats

54:00

the fuck out of Bobby's octave. And

54:03

Bobby, look at Cameron, thread them.

54:06

We're looking for views here, kids. Remember

54:08

old New Girl Business? He's a fucking

54:10

money guy. But this episode is sponsored

54:12

by Rocket Money. Hey, I didn't even

54:14

think you were allowed to do that.

54:16

But yeah, Rocket Money. Bill's

54:19

you don't want to pay for it. So the

54:21

one time I met her boyfriend, and

54:23

this is the only circumstance I would do it, so I was

54:25

doing a show with Tom Segura. Yeah, right.

54:28

What was the place called? Oh,

54:30

you mean the Blaisdell Arena? Yeah, yeah. Big

54:33

Arena. Sure. Probably 8,000.

54:35

Yeah, it's massive. Right. I killed

54:37

first. I

54:39

went out. Oh yeah. He invited. Oh,

54:41

you guys went and saw him. Yeah, so he invited

54:44

me, my friends, and

54:46

the guy that I'm meeting. And what does this new guy do? Is

54:49

he a standup? No, no, he is. Oh,

54:51

for very good. He's a normie. He's a normie.

54:53

So for him, he's like great. Yeah, great. And

54:55

he saw Bobby come out, and he was laughing

54:58

his heart out. Oh,

55:00

don't say that. He was. He was like, oh

55:02

my God. Everyone was laughing. He had a great

55:04

set. I

55:07

shouldn't laugh so hard. The doctor said I'm

55:09

not allowed to belly laugh for a little

55:11

while. He ripped my dick from Julio's hair

55:13

all by himself. Once the reattachments finished. After

55:15

my set, while Tom was on stage, I

55:18

went into the crowd. And

55:22

then I snuck up behind him, sat

55:25

in the row behind her, and I kind of

55:27

tapped his shoulder, I think. And I put my hand down, and we

55:29

kind of did a handshake. You and him? Yeah. You

55:32

have warmness towards this guy. I've never, I don't

55:34

know his name. That was it. That

55:36

was the only interaction I ever had. He didn't want to know

55:38

anything. You don't want to know. No, I'm getting better at it.

55:41

So not in my mind. So we're doing a show in Hawaii

55:43

in two weeks. Buy tickets. I

55:45

didn't invite him because I wasn't sure. You know what?

55:48

Bobby, have him on stage. No. Oh

55:50

my God. Let him go, Dave. All

55:52

right. Have him on stage. Do this

55:54

on stage in Hawaii. 15 minutes. 10

55:57

minutes of jokes. And. Are

56:00

you doing this show in Hawaii? Yeah.

56:02

It's a game show. It's a game show. We do

56:04

a Tiger belly game show. Get his fucking ass up

56:06

there so you guys can talk about it. It's fake.

56:09

It's a little too much. Let me just say what's

56:11

up. I'll back off. I'll back off. He's like, back,

56:13

back, back. I'm getting excited. I'm getting excited. I'm like

56:15

hanging out with the algorithm. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's

56:17

too much. OK. At first, I was like, I don't

56:19

want him there. Right. All right. Now I'm open to

56:21

the idea to have for him being there. I think

56:24

he should be there. He lives there. He loves you.

56:27

And then that's sweet. Yeah, that is

56:29

sweet. I think I could have him

56:31

around and not really have a hug

56:34

fast. Are you bringing a woman? No. No.

56:37

And I'm going to just talk. The first time

56:39

that I did meet a rural

56:42

mom was at a Tiger belly

56:45

show in the green room

56:47

right before we were about to go up. Yes. And

56:49

I was like, honestly, she's

56:51

gorgeous. And she was so

56:54

great and vibrant. I

56:56

was like, oh, fuck. She's amazing. And

56:59

it did hurt me a

57:01

little bit to see how great she was. And you know

57:03

what? I think I want to do it. Do

57:05

what? I want to have him backstage. No,

57:08

no, no. That's too far. I think that we're

57:10

both not at the same level of acceptance. Let

57:13

Bob be on a date with him. But what does that mean? So

57:16

you're more accepting than Bob. Yeah.

57:18

So how it works now is that

57:21

he's able to tell me everything. And

57:23

I somehow can handle it. And he

57:25

doesn't want to. I'm not allowed to

57:27

say anything. Bob, I'm sorry. Thank you, Jake. Thank

57:30

you, sir, Jake. I'm so glad you

57:32

guys are here for this. We've not really squashed this.

57:34

We've never squashed any of them. Really? Yeah, yeah. I don't know

57:37

how you guys are doing this. It's our podcast. We were

57:39

used to talk about it. All right. So here's the thing.

57:41

OK. My

57:43

problem is this. Is I'm not

57:45

in a committed thing with anybody. Right.

57:48

They're not my girlfriend. They're completely different. Very different. Yeah,

57:50

I mean, kind of related to that. Because she's in

57:52

love with something. Yeah. That's the thing. Yeah, my thing

57:54

was just I'm just playing around right now. And if

57:57

I, you know, if the, like,

57:59

if the rule mother who

58:01

lived in LA right who

58:03

knows maybe but anyway um oh

58:08

bad timing no oh but

58:10

this is Maury man we just do one thing

58:12

she's in an intimate

58:16

like you know committed

58:18

right she's fundamentally different

58:21

no but see he always knew me as

58:23

not someone who would ever just like you

58:25

know fucking catch dicks

58:27

left and right like you're not a dickbiter

58:29

like the don't I'm not so

58:32

you're saying it didn't matter because

58:34

you weren't doing it anyhow so

58:36

the jealousy the jealousy is that

58:38

she found a person yeah right and I have

58:40

nobody that's that's

58:43

that is that's what a pain is

58:45

interesting I have nothing and that that

58:47

is difficult that is a harder position to

58:49

be in that I understand why you would

58:51

feel yeah like a level of the floor

58:54

is you and I also don't I also

58:56

haven't really even come close to

58:58

it like so it's like so you're looking do

59:00

you want do you want down you want you

59:02

do is it something I feel like maybe it's

59:05

you've been pretty choiceful about that you've wanted

59:08

to play around for a while I mean

59:10

that's what you said yeah but you

59:12

gotta do after a long-term relation yeah like

59:15

who jump right away our maniacs yeah I

59:17

agree no I you know I'm you know

59:19

I'm much more pickier there's

59:21

a lot more check box

59:25

check check check check let's take it thank you thank you

59:27

Jake's there's more of a check

59:29

checklist you know me and so um yeah

59:31

I can't afford to go into

59:33

a whole thing with somebody that I don't

59:35

know that well I'm not feeling it you know I mean I have

59:38

a public life it's

59:40

a complex life it's different than other people's lives

59:42

and I had they have that I have to

59:44

have this checklist and how would you feel if

59:48

the Bobster fell in love with somebody I

59:50

would be so protective of her

59:52

because I protective of

59:54

him know of her because it

59:57

is so you don't know this I

1:00:00

know. We don't know her. I know her.

1:00:02

Just as like a female code. Yeah, like

1:00:04

as girl code just be like, hey,

1:00:06

like this is gonna be like tough.

1:00:08

Like let me give you some pointers.

1:00:11

Advice for you? Advice for you? When

1:00:13

you meet a lady. Church is safe.

1:00:15

Oh, right. What she's gonna be saying,

1:00:17

she just told you, she's gonna go,

1:00:19

oh my god, this woman's gonna go,

1:00:21

I love Bobby. She's gonna go, so

1:00:23

did I. Can I drive you? Oh,

1:00:25

you're right. You're absolutely correct. Oh,

1:00:28

jeez. And then she's gonna

1:00:30

look at you. Then your cute little

1:00:32

things. She's gonna start going like this. I'm

1:00:34

out of here. I'm out of here. I

1:00:37

know she's like, I can't see you. Yeah. And

1:00:39

you're gonna go wild. I'm flying out with Kaleil on

1:00:41

her voice. I'm friends with his ex, the

1:00:44

girl that he dated before me. And

1:00:46

it felt so nice for someone to

1:00:49

be like, girl, I get it. You

1:00:51

can't do that on day one. Bitch, why

1:00:53

bitch? Gary! Gary!

1:00:57

Gary! Gary! Oh, I'm

1:00:59

Steve. I'm wearing the black shirt. I just don't

1:01:02

have big muscles. That's

1:01:12

why I was so in love,

1:01:15

but also so devastated. Devastated to

1:01:17

what? Oh my god. No,

1:01:21

it's just like, Bobby is so beautiful

1:01:23

and it's like he's so like, everybody's

1:01:25

magnetized to him. And he's just like,

1:01:27

like just his own little prototype of

1:01:29

someone you'll never meet again

1:01:32

because it's like he's him and him

1:01:34

only. And yeah,

1:01:36

I fell deeply in love with a very

1:01:38

chaotic person. And I think that in itself, you

1:01:41

know, you don't come out of that unscathed. And

1:01:44

so she gets it. Like I'm Morbius or

1:01:46

something. You know what I mean? Like

1:01:49

no, but she got it. She was like, look,

1:01:51

like I fell in love with the same thing.

1:01:53

And it's like... What would you say?

1:01:56

Can we do on our shows, we do a lot of

1:01:58

reenactments? You, Gareth,

1:02:01

you're welcome. I know you, is

1:02:03

Bobby's new girlfriend. I love the art. Bobby

1:02:06

and I just went out to have a smoke. You're

1:02:09

alone with his new girlfriend. Are we

1:02:11

playing ourselves? Yeah. We're not

1:02:13

in the scene very much. We'll do your scene

1:02:15

after. Yeah, we'll do the other side of the

1:02:18

conversation. So, he's your new girlfriend. And

1:02:20

then you're her boyfriend then?

1:02:22

I'm her boyfriend. Yeah. Okay, cool. You

1:02:25

pulled your dick a lot. But maybe. Good, that's great. You

1:02:27

confided me about something simple. Okay,

1:02:30

sure. Yeah. All right. What's, what,

1:02:32

you guys are not here. No, we're not here. We're not

1:02:35

here. We're not here. I gotta go,

1:02:37

I gotta do the scene right. Gareth, tell me. We

1:02:39

have to walk away. So, I'm gonna call you Jimmy. Okay.

1:02:41

Tell me that marriage

1:02:43

is really important for you. I know we're not here

1:02:45

yet. I know, I know. Jimmy, you thought we'd have a cigarette.

1:02:48

I'm just giving him some tips. Okay, yeah. Tell him marriage is

1:02:50

really important. We're not here yet. Great, great. Marriage is really important

1:02:52

for you. And that you'd love to have

1:02:54

that happen in the next year and a

1:02:56

half. Okay, great. No, no, we're

1:02:58

all hanging out or whatever. I don't know. Background, real quick.

1:03:00

Let's start with a laugh like somebody told a joke. We

1:03:03

just finished watching your show. Wait, wait, wait,

1:03:05

wait. Too much.

1:03:07

Oh, you look gross. Yeah. Oh. Oh.

1:03:12

Oh. Hey, man. Hold

1:03:15

on. So dead on. That's dead on. That's

1:03:17

so good. Hey, brother, that was a great show. Oh.

1:03:20

Jimmy, thanks man. Hey,

1:03:23

you wanna go have some of my cigarettes? What? Let's

1:03:26

start from the top because your laugh isn't too much right now. My

1:03:30

laugh's kind of all things right now. All right, so

1:03:32

I'm gonna say three, two, one. Can I laugh or what?

1:03:34

We'll all laugh at the same time. So now I

1:03:36

guess he's the new Mo, huh? Maybe

1:03:40

it is. Maybe it's you, you son

1:03:42

of a bitch. You're just hoping. Oh.

1:03:45

All right, so we're gonna all laugh. And

1:03:48

then you and I will have conversations. So

1:03:50

three, two, one. Two, one. Oh my

1:03:52

God. That's

1:03:57

unbelievable. laugh

1:04:00

yeah yeah I'm a cigarette jimmy okay

1:04:02

man great show great show much respect

1:04:09

man hello hello really limping sorry man

1:04:11

all right get out of here all

1:04:17

right man all right hello and goodbye

1:04:19

it means hello and goodbye we know

1:04:25

oh man shocker bro man I love hitting wind five

1:04:28

hour drive but let's go I need

1:04:38

a pokey ball I'm so hard I don't get a cycle

1:04:40

what are you like I thought you're

1:04:43

a good teacher man huh right they wouldn't

1:04:46

leave that was really crazy I mean

1:04:52

the amount of food they started talking to me

1:04:54

seems great but he's obsessed with being from Hawaii

1:04:56

hey man I just came back to get her

1:04:58

lighter anyway oh boy I didn't forget anything else

1:05:01

really difficult to do fight

1:05:16

yeah but it's so great

1:05:18

to finally meet you Bobby I was obviously a

1:05:21

big fan of the show before I started dating

1:05:23

Bobby oh yeah yeah so yeah so do you know a

1:05:27

lot about our like inner

1:05:29

workings of our relationship I mean just a

1:05:31

little bit but I really want it I don't want

1:05:34

to seem like a threat or anything like that like

1:05:36

I'm just really glad to meet you know like you

1:05:38

know we've been broken up for too much I know

1:05:40

I'm happy to see him like move on with

1:05:42

someone really well I know I'm very I'm

1:05:44

loving every minute of it obviously like hey

1:05:46

babe we gotta get in the cab anything

1:05:48

you want to say hey I'll be outside

1:05:51

leave it in two minutes we already had

1:05:53

six cigarettes a lot of high high below

1:05:55

me hello and goodbye let's

1:05:57

go I give these things like all I

1:06:00

gotta go. Jimmy's awful. Come on Jimmy, get Jimmy coming.

1:06:03

Hey, yeah. Um, no, it's just, you know, I'm,

1:06:05

I'm... I meant for her to talk! I,

1:06:07

I, there's a goddamn thing I have to say!

1:06:09

Come on, Jimmy! Christ.

1:06:12

Mahalo. Um, I really, uh, I

1:06:15

want to get married. Jesus. There you go. Happy

1:06:17

Jimmy? Oh, have you guys talked about

1:06:19

it? Does he know this? I brought it up,

1:06:21

but he doesn't really seem like he's into talking

1:06:24

about it too much. And how important

1:06:26

is marriage for you? Very important.

1:06:28

And do you have a time frame in mind? About a year and a

1:06:30

half. Oh, whoa, okay. Well, I can say this from

1:06:32

my own experience, and I don't know if you want to

1:06:34

hear this, if this is helpful at all. I mean, it

1:06:36

is helpful. I know Jimmy's kind of rushing you, which

1:06:38

seems like a terrible character trait, but go ahead. Um,

1:06:41

you know what I mean? He's very demanding. Go ahead.

1:06:43

He might be on the, a little bit of the...

1:06:45

Oh, the Devil's Dandruff? I'm so excited tonight.

1:06:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It seems... MOMMY! Goodness,

1:06:51

I'm so sad! Fuck!

1:06:54

Fuck! Why did the doors

1:06:56

fill up? I think him and

1:06:58

I did a lot of things wrong, and I don't

1:07:00

think he's going to make those same mistakes with you.

1:07:03

Um, I, although I will say that after

1:07:05

a decade of being with him and after

1:07:08

talking about marriage and thinking he was going

1:07:10

to propose, he never did. I don't think

1:07:12

that's in his wheelhouse. So I, if that's

1:07:14

something that's really important for you, I would

1:07:16

almost take the lead and

1:07:19

just have that direct conversation and

1:07:21

pick a ring and just tell him to buy

1:07:23

it and just sort of like handhold him through

1:07:25

the experience or else he's never going to organically

1:07:28

do it. Force him. Force him

1:07:30

into marriage. Yeah, sorry. Oh, Bobby, welcome back!

1:07:32

Hi! You're the red. Yeah. Jimmy, are you

1:07:34

okay? You seem like a different person. Oh,

1:07:36

man. That

1:07:39

shit got crazy that day, man. We should go. I don't want to be

1:07:41

around that guy, man. That's

1:07:43

a fucked up cat, man. All right, man. Good show. Let's go,

1:07:46

man. Aloha, Mr. Bye Forever. As

1:07:49

time goes on, he returns to more Hawaiian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or,

1:07:52

or, or, or Tolo. I mean Tolo.

1:07:54

There's a... I went to international school.

1:07:56

No, no. Bi-action from all over the

1:07:58

place. Oh, no. Like

1:08:01

Anthony Keaton? So

1:08:04

that's the thing. You would say in the end if Marriage

1:08:08

is important. You got it cuz do you think

1:08:10

if you would have done that things would have ended

1:08:13

differently I love how you're still I'm

1:08:16

an afterman. I don't even know

1:08:18

myself. I am this guy. I

1:08:20

think that's something that he wants. It's

1:08:22

just that he's such an ADD kid like

1:08:25

he needs Someone to just

1:08:27

do that like take the lead if someone wants it that

1:08:29

bad and I wanted it to happen organically I was being

1:08:32

corny about it. But no if you want it. Oh, yeah

1:08:38

Do you think if you would have been aggressive

1:08:40

and got a ring you guys would have got

1:08:42

married Yeah, because I think it was

1:08:44

right before he left for Hawaii oddly enough He was

1:08:47

packing his bags and he was like hey on his

1:08:49

way out He was like plan a wedding hmm, and

1:08:51

I was like, oh, I don't think that's how this

1:08:53

works Proposal yeah,

1:08:56

and so I was like, oh I was

1:08:58

like until I reached out to a jeweler Eventually,

1:09:01

so I was like, oh maybe this is something that we

1:09:03

could just do backwards Because it's

1:09:05

just not in his wheelhouse to like get down on one

1:09:07

knee. I don't think he wants to do that So

1:09:10

if the next girl just make that shit

1:09:12

happen Don't do what I did and just

1:09:14

fucking wish for something to happen make it

1:09:16

happen Yeah, I don't know if the next

1:09:18

I would say that you got to let

1:09:20

her come to that realization Bobby

1:09:23

thoughts Yeah,

1:09:25

I don't know man that's a lot it's a lot that's a

1:09:27

lot I don't know, you know, I know you're

1:09:29

probably right You know Yeah,

1:09:33

are you tired? No

1:09:38

No, no, no, it's serious.

1:09:41

No, it's uh Yeah,

1:09:43

you could you question why I'm like

1:09:46

that. I am like that That

1:09:48

but then so it's like I'm going in within

1:09:50

myself and go it's looking at my character and

1:09:52

why I behave in certain What to what you

1:09:54

said before I do think a lot it like

1:09:56

you said you have a unique position

1:09:59

a unique Like it obviously a

1:10:01

lots of different existence

1:10:04

and one that you probably really enjoy. Yeah

1:10:06

Yeah, which I understand why you would not

1:10:08

want to fuck that up. Yeah, but

1:10:10

I also um, I Don't

1:10:12

know. I mean I look at certain guys and I

1:10:16

want to name names But we know some guys are

1:10:18

comics and actors who are forever bachelors

1:10:20

Yeah, you mean and I you know, I

1:10:22

talked to them as well and

1:10:25

I don't think I'm that. Yeah, I get

1:10:27

that That's right. Yeah, is there a part of

1:10:29

it though? That's like appealing for you Like what were you

1:10:31

like? Oh, I think I could do that for a while

1:10:33

I was I was at somebody's

1:10:35

house once a pretty big guy and Forever

1:10:39

single and he had sort

1:10:41

of like a get-together with a bunch of guys watching

1:10:43

a fight as we do Yeah,

1:10:46

and I was I was leaving

1:10:48

and I was the last guy out of the house And

1:10:50

as I was walking up the driveway or whatever I

1:10:52

look back and there's a giant window Into

1:10:55

his living room and he was just sitting

1:10:57

there just not even looking at

1:10:59

the TV kind of slouched over Right

1:11:03

and I went You

1:11:06

know, it's like the windows opened it exactly I can

1:11:08

hear you yeah Yeah,

1:11:10

and it was and I

1:11:12

thought to myself I don't know if I

1:11:14

want that. Yeah Yeah, you know, I don't know you

1:11:16

also want to like, you know, it's like anything I'm

1:11:19

just like if it's a gamble you want to prolong

1:11:21

the good part as long as possible but then also

1:11:23

walk away when you're up and you kind of

1:11:25

are like That is like it's very

1:11:27

easy with stand-up to be like you

1:11:29

keep that party go But like you're so here's

1:11:31

how old are you 44, right? So you're getting

1:11:34

up there. Well, not with the money I

1:11:38

mean, um, I know you're seeing

1:11:40

somebody right now, but um, you're kind of

1:11:43

in this position that I'm in in a

1:11:45

weird way Yeah, right. Do you see yourself

1:11:47

because I know Jake you you're married have

1:11:49

kids, right? But do you see yourself with

1:11:51

kids and and finding that one? I don't

1:11:54

know about kids I the kids thing I

1:11:56

don't does not appeal to me the idea

1:11:58

of not Not being

1:12:00

single and finding someone you love is

1:12:02

appealing. But it wasn't five

1:12:04

years ago. Right. You

1:12:06

know, ten years ago it wasn't. What was it ten

1:12:08

years ago? Just to be single forever. Right. To be

1:12:10

that guy, but then you do see the other side

1:12:12

of that and you go, oh yeah. Like when you're

1:12:14

on the road and you're in these fucking hotel rooms

1:12:17

alone and you are really just like, this is kind

1:12:19

of weird. It does get kind of fucking

1:12:21

weird and the older you get, the weirder it gets. Yeah.

1:12:24

And the more that when you feel support, even if it's

1:12:26

not from someone directly beside you, it's

1:12:28

really helpful to kind of keep yourself in

1:12:30

an emotionally stable position. Yeah. It's

1:12:33

just back to what you and I want to

1:12:35

ask both of you this. OK. This

1:12:39

is going to sound strange when I want to ask. Have

1:12:41

you heard the last hour and a half? I

1:12:43

know. We're in a good zone. I

1:12:45

don't want to go anywhere. This sounds strange.

1:12:49

It's

1:12:53

so sometimes when I'm in a comic club, I

1:12:56

don't walk around and think about

1:12:58

what I do for a living or who

1:13:00

I supposedly am or whatever that means.

1:13:03

I feel pretty normal. But

1:13:05

then sometimes when I'm at a club

1:13:07

especially or a show

1:13:10

that me and Andrew are doing and all

1:13:12

our fans are in one area. And

1:13:16

what I'm going to ask you is this, is that I

1:13:19

don't feel like

1:13:22

people think that I should be like

1:13:25

a star or you know

1:13:27

what I mean? Yeah. Well,

1:13:29

you are a very normal. What do you feel?

1:13:31

Jake, do you know that you're an actor and

1:13:34

that you and people know who you are and

1:13:36

you have all these things or are you just

1:13:38

Jake and just walking around in life? I

1:13:41

think there are two separate things. So at

1:13:44

home, absolutely. I'm

1:13:46

not a big star in my house. I've

1:13:48

been with my wife since before I started acting.

1:13:51

It's a different thing. I worked with her

1:13:53

when she was a bartender at Cat in the Fiddle and

1:13:55

I worked at the Hollywood Park Casino as a third party

1:13:57

player. We've been together for, you know, so in our. Reality,

1:14:01

she was with me when I was doing commercials

1:14:03

and grinding up, right? I had a big turn

1:14:05

when new girl started where I was in we

1:14:07

went back to Chicago for that first Thanksgiving after

1:14:09

it started Aaron I'm gonna just some museum.

1:14:11

She's an artist I don't even remember the name because I

1:14:13

was just so bored Yeah And there

1:14:16

was three teenage girls walking around and

1:14:18

everywhere I would go they would go

1:14:20

and I didn't realize yet that they'd recognized

1:14:22

me I might have been a little stone, but

1:14:24

I just got really paranoid And it

1:14:26

was the beginning of me realizing like oh My

1:14:29

old world is gone if I

1:14:31

go into a restaurant. I'm

1:14:34

not George Clooney. The place isn't gonna shut

1:14:36

down Yeah, most people are familiar with me.

1:14:38

Yeah, so I'll get a lot of like

1:14:40

the the waitress will just be a little

1:14:43

bit warmer Yeah, I'm very aware that I

1:14:45

can never go back. I think that's what

1:14:47

I'm talking Yeah, that

1:14:49

thing is now you cannot put it back in the box

1:14:51

Like it or not like there are days when you're not

1:14:54

in the mood. You just want to go get some place

1:14:56

You're still the same person and that is a deal

1:14:59

you made so that's the deal with the devil in

1:15:01

my opinion Right but home is not that okay How

1:15:03

about you well mine is different because mine is

1:15:05

like if I'm at the club I feel that

1:15:08

heightened version of it That's what I'm saying. That's

1:15:10

where you feel it the most. Yeah, but I

1:15:12

know like you go. Yeah And

1:15:15

you do you get like people will give you

1:15:17

like their best You know you get like a

1:15:20

lot of meaningful conversations happen in a

1:15:22

consolidated amount of time But no

1:15:24

I think for the most part like that

1:15:27

that connection to people through what you do

1:15:29

is So vastly different from basically

1:15:31

what Jake is saying your home or the people

1:15:33

who are in your direct world none of that

1:15:35

really changes You know so tonight.

1:15:37

Yeah. Yeah, go ahead Well, could I

1:15:39

recently I went on a date with one girl and she kept

1:15:41

saying well, you're probably at least you don't you don't Know what

1:15:44

it's like. Yeah, I mean what I'm going through. I'm

1:15:46

like And you've struck

1:15:48

like you like you're saying you've grind it like I forget

1:15:50

how much you're right Oh a life getting where

1:15:53

you are, but it is different And I

1:15:55

will say this and I remember when I first

1:15:57

moved out at one of my first buddies who

1:15:59

was working was Mike Sarah and

1:16:01

thank you. Not

1:16:04

a fan. Really? Yeah, the

1:16:06

best. Yeah. It's amazing. So,

1:16:09

Val, we're just kind of not the fan. I just wanted

1:16:11

to say. You could have been anybody. I

1:16:14

remember when it was super bad

1:16:16

era, the way people treated

1:16:18

him was very different than the

1:16:20

way people treated me. And

1:16:22

I know I was like, everywhere you go, the light's

1:16:24

a little brighter. And I do realize,

1:16:26

no, I am living in a

1:16:28

little bit of that galaxy. Oh, right. If

1:16:30

I go to a place, the waitress, it's a little nicer.

1:16:35

But here's why, because I was

1:16:37

on Mad TV for eight years. A little bit of

1:16:39

a light. But

1:16:42

then it dims. Yeah.

1:16:45

It almost goes out. And

1:16:47

I lived through that as well. So now

1:16:50

that it's bright again, I'm not in

1:16:52

that light. Because I

1:16:54

know that that thing will just fucking die.

1:16:56

You realize it's not everything. Yeah, it's not

1:16:58

everything. One of the cutest memories I

1:17:00

have was when we went out on a

1:17:02

first date and he

1:17:04

insisted on we went to

1:17:06

one coffee shop and I don't think

1:17:08

anyone recognized him there. So he was like, well, let's

1:17:10

try another coffee shop. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

1:17:12

It's tough. You think I moved

1:17:15

pot. Oh, you did. Absolutely. And then this out

1:17:17

there. This is fucking crazy. There's another coffee bean

1:17:19

four miles away. Not even I would I say,

1:17:21

oh, I'm not getting recognized as this

1:17:23

coffee bean. Bobby. I

1:17:27

think of it like in a very endearing warm. Well,

1:17:29

let's give it a try. Right now. It's

1:17:31

dark. Maybe it'll stay in, but it might

1:17:33

get cut. And then

1:17:35

you kind of like you gave it away

1:17:38

too, because we finally go into he spots

1:17:40

a skate shop and he was like, I

1:17:42

think that works in there that knows

1:17:44

Mad TV. And

1:17:48

so we go into skate shop and some kid comes

1:17:50

over sure enough and he was like, hey, dude, are

1:17:53

you Bobby Lee? Leave me alone. I don't. I'm

1:17:56

a skater. I say I'm just a regular

1:17:58

man. So going back in terms

1:18:01

of the advice, you gotta keep her away from

1:18:03

you, newly. And

1:18:05

I don't have a dog in this fight. I think

1:18:07

you gotta keep the pepper. She's

1:18:10

gonna kill you, mommy. Yeah,

1:18:13

she's gonna kill me. She's a destroyer. And

1:18:16

so he takes a picture, and then what you said

1:18:18

was really cute afterwards, which was you were like, oh my

1:18:20

god, thank God. I only get validated from

1:18:23

this, I'll never fall in love and I'll never love a

1:18:25

woman. Something like that, I'm paraphrasing. Hey,

1:18:27

hey, kill him, let that hold on. That feels a

1:18:29

dark pit for another person. An endearing, it's a piece

1:18:31

of shit. No, but you outed yourself right after you

1:18:33

were like, I really need that. No, no, no, no,

1:18:35

I don't gotta go. I needed that. What is it,

1:18:37

pop it off? Is it pop it off? I'll stab

1:18:39

it off. Is it pop it

1:18:41

off? That wasn't endearing. I think you. It sounds

1:18:43

like a shithead. I'm probably

1:18:45

page-sits, mommy, leave that in. No, fuck you, Gary. Leave that in. No,

1:18:48

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, fuck it. You cut that

1:18:50

out or we're done. I will shut this

1:18:52

fucking... Mommy, leave it in. No, no, we're not

1:18:54

leaving here. I'll be late. Give me a real

1:18:56

endearing. That wasn't scary. God damn

1:18:59

it. Another thing he did. Okay, go.

1:19:02

Signed an autograph to himself. Is

1:19:10

that endearing? No, that is. He

1:19:13

wanted to kind of come off

1:19:15

as this very eccentric artist. Oh

1:19:17

my God. It's a bad start, it's a bad... Go

1:19:20

ahead. So what he would do is

1:19:22

we would be driving and he would like, he

1:19:24

would like, kind of like he had ticks and

1:19:26

would like talk to himself. And

1:19:28

he, and I know, now I

1:19:30

know like, this wasn't normal for him at all. Cause he

1:19:33

doesn't, as soon as they know, like over the years, I

1:19:35

was like, I've never seen those ticks or what would happen

1:19:37

to him. And then he

1:19:40

just wanted to, I think he like

1:19:42

romanticized the idea of being this like,

1:19:45

just really weird artist. He wanted you to

1:19:47

fall in love with him. Yeah, which I

1:19:49

fell for. I was like, oh, this guy is

1:19:51

so weird. I promise you about it. It

1:19:54

worked, it worked. Ticks work all the time. Now what

1:19:56

is something that was

1:19:58

really endearing about her when you first... started um

1:20:03

She gave to endearing things. What'd you thought? I'll

1:20:05

tell you I'm not I'm gonna tell you the

1:20:07

most endearing thing that first coffee

1:20:09

shop Okay Cuz

1:20:12

I've been on dates before but I

1:20:14

would hope so Maybe

1:20:16

was his first one I

1:20:19

would say they've been together about ten years. He said 52

1:20:23

I mean, I'm no I'm fine, but I could do some math That's

1:20:26

a jig that came into this room. Yeah,

1:20:28

it's changed. I Really

1:20:30

you're more confident and you're more like I'm

1:20:32

invested Now

1:20:35

I really like I didn't know you go back to the Calling

1:20:44

into your show every week But so you started dating

1:20:46

you know, so with the first date so um, you sat We

1:20:54

were on this couch You

1:20:56

sat super close to me. It's nice and

1:20:58

you didn't you looked at me Like you

1:21:00

weren't distracted by whatever was going on You

1:21:03

were really engaged in what I was saying and

1:21:05

who I was and all that stuff and I

1:21:07

had never late met somebody like that You know,

1:21:09

I mean there was it was like

1:21:11

pure interest. I was interested. Yeah. Yeah was

1:21:14

yeah Yeah, let's not talk about the past

1:21:16

about and I think I took out a little

1:21:18

eyeburger. Yeah. Yeah, you put your okay So that's

1:21:20

kind of a nice. All right, nice So

1:21:23

what people see where do people check out

1:21:25

your podcast? We're here to help

1:21:27

anywhere you can get Yeah,

1:21:31

I go to coffee shops I'm trying to get the

1:21:33

profile up a little bit so I'll be there yeah

1:21:36

Yeah, and yeah, you can listen to weird. It's been

1:21:38

a lot of fun We call an advice show and

1:21:40

as you can see it's it's great And

1:21:43

you guys are you guys seem like a great

1:21:45

duo I get along we've been friends

1:21:47

for a long time Oh, really? Yeah, okay We started

1:21:49

with we were doing improv together when we both kind

1:21:51

of came up at around the same time Oh, well,

1:21:53

we were friends with a lot of the same people

1:21:55

Then he got really in he does the doll up

1:21:58

and got really into podcasts and has been talking I've

1:22:00

been talking about him for a while and saying we

1:22:02

should do one together. Well just because as you can

1:22:04

see I was like you will murder. He's so good

1:22:06

at it. He was like you murdered us. You're so

1:22:08

good at it. You guys are. I know. We know.

1:22:11

Look at the numbers. But anyway. But

1:22:15

I honestly I'm just

1:22:17

excited for you guys. A lot of fun. Today

1:22:19

I'll be honest with you. The

1:22:21

most fun I've had in a very long time I think. Now

1:22:23

I've had fun in all of them and

1:22:25

I appreciate all the guests that's come through.

1:22:28

I listened to two episodes of you

1:22:31

guys' podcast. One you answered a

1:22:33

question about how you helped a

1:22:35

woman gain more nerd clout. Yes. Which

1:22:38

I thought was super cute. The second

1:22:40

one was about a man named

1:22:42

Santos who a kid. So you

1:22:44

started at the beginning. Beginning. I

1:22:47

recommend anybody who's listening who starts at the

1:22:49

most recent. Why? Because

1:22:52

we were just figuring it out. The

1:22:55

show, what I love about podcasts without executives and

1:22:57

without a network is it can keep changing and

1:22:59

growing. You can kind of figure out what it

1:23:02

is. So I feel like the early

1:23:04

shows were a lot of fun but we didn't. We're

1:23:06

just starting to find what the thing is. Those

1:23:09

calls I really like. The callers were really great.

1:23:11

But I am starting to feel and Garfunkel will

1:23:13

talk about it. We're like oh now we're finding

1:23:15

what the fucking show is. And what's fun is

1:23:18

you're like oh these podcasts can keep changing and

1:23:20

evolving and growing and becoming something all new organically.

1:23:24

And I didn't know that about that. Things that work, throw out,

1:23:26

try new stuff. We would

1:23:28

have guests on it first and we thought at the beginning we don't

1:23:30

want to do interviews. I was like I don't want to do 30 minutes

1:23:33

of how'd you become an actor. There's enough

1:23:35

of those I don't want to do them. And then we

1:23:37

would, while people were there you're like oh fun, you're here

1:23:39

with us. We want to ask you

1:23:41

but we were doing them during the calls. Then

1:23:44

we realized that. The caller would be like anyway

1:23:46

so I crashed the

1:23:48

car and I can't tell him. And he'd be like

1:23:50

okay so you were on the office. And

1:23:53

then so we started doing like oh we're going to

1:23:55

interview at the end. But that was only like two

1:23:57

episodes ago. And once you change

1:24:00

something. We're both like oh that felt better. Yeah,

1:24:02

so there could be a world where maybe I

1:24:04

could do it We would yeah, we've invited both

1:24:06

you guys. No you haven't yes. We have have

1:24:08

that really Yeah, I

1:24:10

don't know who you called not me whoever was

1:24:12

emailed with us. Yeah. Yeah, I texted you about

1:24:14

it once No, no don't it will be there.

1:24:17

I don't think we'll be there 100% it won't

1:24:19

be there. It will be there Yeah,

1:24:21

we'd love to be on I have so much

1:24:23

more Garret this

1:24:25

relationship there. It is your friend.

1:24:27

Oh, yeah, yeah, he was good

1:24:29

to see you last night man with oh, yeah Yeah,

1:24:38

anyway anyway great gig

1:24:40

yeah great gig Did

1:24:42

you get your and Bobby's assistant? I'll

1:24:45

be your assistant. Can you get me some coffee? No, I'm working I

1:24:52

Anyway guys what a pleasure. What a

1:24:54

pleasure. I'd love to do it and

1:24:56

call Melanie and We

1:24:59

can get in touch. Yeah, and I honestly that

1:25:01

was so much fun. Oh, dude. We left I

1:25:03

left so hard Oh