0:26

Did you just get back from the safari? There

0:29

it is. Hey, Stingray!

0:31

Stingray! Be careful! Steve

0:34

Irwin... Steve Irwin joked it. Whose voice

0:36

is that, by the way? Are

0:39

you here early because of the autism thing? Is that what

0:41

it... like Rayman was always early at the casinos, right? Yeah,

0:43

he always goes to casinos early. Because

0:45

he has autism. Yeah. That

0:48

joke didn't hit. Oh. Fine.

0:51

It hit earlier. It hit earlier. It hit early. He

0:53

was testing out some jokes. Yeah, I got it. Oh,

0:55

you tried that before I got here, just in case

0:57

I got here early? Yeah. He actually

0:59

did cry. I got a laugh in the room, but... I

1:02

kind of fell there, but fine. Very confident in

1:04

you've been lately. You

1:07

went to clubs, and now you're getting spots. It's

1:10

very exciting. Is

1:13

that funny? No? No. Are

1:15

you talking about your Rayman joke? No. I'm

1:17

talking about... I'm talking about... I'm

1:21

talking about the joy in

1:23

your success. I'm talking about... I'm

1:25

proud of you. I'm talking

1:27

about you did it, kid. Thank you. I

1:30

also... I'm talking about lower it. Bring

1:32

it down a little. Yeah. Is this too much? What's

1:35

wrong with you today? Dude, I

1:37

came in here... I came in

1:40

here with a plan. And that

1:42

plan was just to just be calm. You

1:46

know? And I walked in, and you're like, Look at this... kid

1:48

who's here early. I never said that. Well,

1:50

you know, you edited it out, but that's what you said.

1:56

Never said that. No bleeps, nothing. Oh,

1:58

So you came in with an agenda. Like this

2:00

time I'm going to com relax I came to

2:02

same way last time and I just could do

2:05

it last summer slicer I came in and you

2:07

said the same thing I'm are you like oh

2:09

you're so confident and I walked in and you

2:11

like to come in again and then I came

2:13

in and then just i stopped reading comments actually

2:16

after be on this podcast the third time or

2:18

history comments lot because it was always very not

2:20

They're always very nice yeah and then your audience

2:22

met me in the that came over to my

2:25

show and just like you know a lot of

2:27

words and oh my god or I was your

2:29

other roads like. Don't read comments on like why

2:31

these are great You know people that good time

2:33

seems of clips people who say nice things and

2:35

then. It's it's gonna claim

2:38

on here. This.

2:40

Morning I woke up their assault.

2:42

I are opposed to be a

2:44

Barbie Altaf. It was

2:46

on her think bought. One.

2:48

Of the posts had like thirty five

2:51

thousand comments. Is. Oh

2:53

my god I was was them but there's no

2:55

way. We. Mean. I. I

2:57

will was running around thirteen thousand com and for like

2:59

one of them your of a but I just know

3:02

that one would ruin my day. That

3:04

one would ruin my days. I didn't even do it

3:06

right as healthy, right? See. Had

3:08

your friends. Friends

3:10

princess of his. Yes,

3:14

good, good Dear people care about Odom.

3:16

The mouth noises of you eating into

3:18

the microphone represents a request we we

3:20

haven't started. When it does come out.

3:22

You're. Welcome. Let's start last next

3:25

week. Possibly possibly. Will

3:27

have a the Bray Improv January twenty fourth.

3:30

Really? Want to come? He their

3:32

the recasting. And we as a week after. I'll

3:35

come. Out About this. I

3:38

will come. Looking. At.

3:40

You know what? You're having sex with a woman and a like. I

3:44

will come. By

3:46

going to come, you'll come. With a woman

3:48

that you don't like. Also, come. Knock.

3:50

Income. Have your.com before

3:52

Welcome The week before I don't up whatever

3:54

bit of with a girl and I come

3:56

before. As. Any business.

4:00

Those silly what you're doing a social

4:02

I don't recall any. You wow that.

4:04

see I did. it's me. From

4:07

those are the odds me would

4:09

assume. The went right A lot

4:11

of exam a will list the sound a

4:14

positive the right You know how to the

4:16

puzzle. Sorry. To say.

4:19

Oh. Positive.

4:22

What I want to do is I wouldn't give you. Came

4:25

in here as the I was a little I attacked. And.

4:27

Either want to be like that anymore, How

4:29

are you going to do that? It's the

4:32

it's a new year and operate yes so

4:34

I'm allow might. Allow.

4:37

Lots. Of allow allow we do an

4:39

Australian. Are you doing so far? Are you

4:41

know that Milan? Our lord Oscar Pistorius put

4:44

up a simplistic get the other cities such

4:46

on our says re on the it's I'm

4:48

letting I think that have Yeah, the legless

4:50

Riva, the legless killer I asked for story

4:53

talking from Lord of the Rings. yeah. Like.

4:56

I was. Young who killed

4:58

their don't hugs. A

5:00

little less. Know. I have

5:02

a deliberate guy. Oscar

5:05

Pistorius. You remember him. South

5:07

African Anointed Thousand people? Okay. It's

5:13

sides. You know what? it's like. Want.

5:16

To different planets. And

5:18

we were on Earth Where you had

5:20

aura? Good. Or

5:22

half either one. Ah, You.

5:25

Know how you know half? And

5:27

I'll examine other planets, I suspect. This

5:31

but I'll add about but you know hostile it

5:33

was a what world is hop and ah or

5:35

of. We are you know right

5:37

and what world. I'd let a little a

5:39

judo as to be denied track grade you

5:41

know not us are track. One.

5:45

Hosts the other ones are worse.

5:47

Yes, who lives who's from half

5:49

And servers on another planet would?

5:51

that's where Armor? What's funny little

5:53

story. forgot. I'd buy. Know

5:55

sometimes. I was that were at. I.

5:58

Got the ago either be so bad. On

6:00

the outside rider to I was

6:02

picturing government outlines the I'll use

6:05

last year remember that as a

6:07

kid So what happens is Little

6:09

Luke New Com Little. Little.

6:11

Lucas froze. He. Freezing. almost

6:13

almost. I goes inside of the whatever

6:16

the rise of the taunt that's a

6:18

potent on. yeah and so he of

6:20

empires I expect. Are you

6:22

so good? You're clever. And. You're on it. They.

6:24

Appreciate it. And Ah, Bobby strikes back. S.

6:28

S. Three

6:31

cut to commercial done and I would not yet. Not

6:33

yet. That yes, diet

6:35

And so he says. allied Iranian.

6:37

I thought they get a bad

6:39

know I not? yeah, yeah gimme.

6:41

But I loathe yeah. Okay good.

6:43

so touchdowns or that. but he

6:45

is it. You know that creature?

6:48

We. Were the key gets hung upside down Luke.

6:51

On. House You remember that I picked

6:53

Sasquatch? You wait for the what are

6:55

the as you know whether added that

6:57

scene. Because. He gets fucked up in

6:59

that scene. Because. He glided some to a

7:01

car accident. We're. Like Mark Hamill.

7:04

Was. Is a motorcycle accident that he got

7:06

a scar. So. They put that

7:08

seated to justify that has faced

7:11

change. You know that actually happened.

7:13

I'm. In The Lion King as well.

7:15

Like. The for the fairly recent thing and

7:18

of oh it is what's the bad guy's

7:20

name and and diehard three with tired with

7:22

a vengeance we just look at with that

7:24

up real quick. Zealand. That.

7:26

Sensory. Yeah the Aca army iron zinc

7:28

you Jeremy Irons as the place and

7:30

yet Sky and during rehearsals. Ah he

7:33

I don't remember if as a motorcycle

7:35

accident or something but he fell and

7:37

he also he he got a huge

7:39

scar who and a affected the way

7:41

his voice was. so they are it's

7:43

rather ended up putting that into the

7:45

movie Lancaster I Syrian? yes look it

7:47

up know. I was wired at

7:50

what I would. other one is okay.

7:52

The gonna play any. Right

7:55

from Trust Tuesday. brad that not

7:57

that big of a name any i'm in

7:59

the region play had black hair but

8:02

bernard at peter's was in a fire it

8:05

turned her head

8:07

red that's great you

8:10

know I got another one I

8:13

know you do it rule to give it another one

8:15

do it next week okay we'll

8:17

do it next week welcome rick lassman give him

8:21

a row with a beautiful man in

8:24

a beautiful future and I

8:26

really i'm just so fond of you every time

8:28

i see you i just get really excited texted

8:30

you a few times you didn't write me back

8:33

yeah I'll tell you why rick because

8:35

you want me to do ridiculous things and I don't want to

8:37

do ridiculous things I don't want to do any of your prank

8:39

shows I don't want you to want to prank show oh you

8:41

know just to say well will sassle and I're doing this thing

8:44

I want you to call in and do and this

8:46

and this and I wasn't a prank show we had a

8:48

legitimate beef I know but I just you guys have beef

8:50

on your podcast all the time I happen to have a

8:52

little beef with Will sassle and I just wanted you to

8:55

come in and help neutralize it wasn't a prank I'm sorry

8:57

my bad then I should have done it and

8:59

I thought you smell bad on the inside we'll

9:03

be right back and I'm very very happy with

9:05

that yeah and we're back um

9:08

so how things going to house to house to do it

9:11

out there two thousand twenty four going for you right now

9:13

that's a that's just another way of saying

9:15

how you doing right no it's not specific

9:18

to the last two weeks thank

9:21

you you know what you and I showed you good

9:24

shows shows have been real good live stand-up

9:26

yeah great they've

9:29

been feeling really good about

9:31

that yeah watch job

9:33

and watching Reacher was a good movie I

9:36

watched the movies a while ago oh did

9:38

you know is it good yeah okay good

9:41

um Jack Reacher yeah but it's just called

9:43

Reacher I just want to get

9:45

the context of the full name of that I knew it

9:47

I get I try not to talk about people with their

9:49

first names but also if you were

9:51

talking about mission applause what you say hunt yes if

9:54

I said Ethan you'd be mad one

9:56

or the other okay I would say Bernadette for

9:58

example, all right, but I wouldn't put. The whole thing

10:00

together. I get it. Either says ah yeah,

10:02

Good Good Good Good Good Good good. How are

10:04

you are? you? Are You Go. You

10:08

actually well as I. Now

10:10

I don't have really good and I did yesterday. Actually

10:12

I got up so I. Play.

10:15

A Magic The Gathering and I used to

10:17

play a lot but now the format that

10:19

I play and isn't popular anymore people play

10:21

this form. It is called Commander Who. I.

10:24

Never. Played commander Ah I have this

10:26

group of players last friends a bit of

10:28

my podcast of what are known very well.

10:30

I like em. Cassius Marsh was on years

10:32

once the Mrs. Obama Cassis yeah. What?

10:35

A hookup? All right. I cooked you. have we know about

10:37

the book? You might argue cuckoo cuckoo. Yeah.

10:40

Gregg. I tell you about I'm. Recording

10:43

and girl. And into that. Oh

10:46

tiger's our yard said celebs on

10:48

buying Pokemon cards for a child.

10:52

Could you'd say Pokey man but like singing

10:54

the song and could you give a like

10:56

an animator of melody to something and it

10:58

like still it it does whatever and then

11:00

you go Pokemon trio's here's a list. Of.

11:03

Others: An actual song I've never heard of. I got

11:05

a here to solve this Will love to hear your

11:07

version of. It. From. The from

11:09

the poo poo poo I want

11:12

to improve. The very best is

11:14

no like well as well I.

11:17

Can get set in the immediate

11:20

death hoopla. Have a poop. The

11:22

trailers is my cause. I got

11:24

an Er blitt would have audible

11:26

travel book across the land emerging

11:28

far and wide. Both bespoke Ema

11:31

full time one hundred and. Poop

11:33

Poop. A powerful that

11:35

inside to fulfil. Full,

11:38

full, Full. Full.

11:42

I looked at my desk.

11:46

Hockey my anger. My best friend

11:48

said than done well. We model

11:50

demand sense that that they don't

11:53

go at. Food. In the

11:55

night in the night is young Both

11:57

young boop boop out and do it.

12:00

They're got it. We got. To

12:02

sit every close idol yeah don't know how

12:04

goes. either issue is a close you know

12:07

I will find out on you tube laggard

12:09

a period as imagine. That

12:12

rate is what do we learn so far?

12:14

Hos. We learn about

12:16

that. We learned about Testimony Ashes

12:19

only way to those October caches

12:21

Com caches. Is. A football player.

12:24

And. When you meet them is the using that like

12:26

in all his friends are in cells or whatever but my

12:28

you know also. Asks

12:30

saw we put of above a picture of

12:32

cells and dbc him so people know what

12:35

he's talking about here. But when I met

12:37

Cassius I was like oh dude this is

12:39

a real man. But. Inside.

12:42

The. Haven't been in so. It's

12:44

tough to step in sell the busy inside.

12:47

But. of a lotus young I was a

12:49

joke he just a great guy of that

12:51

attaches as as as. Up

12:55

my new Body or something like

12:57

Jones's my favorites and are we

13:00

play Commander all night and. You're

13:02

not into commander. Why learn how to play at last

13:04

night? And sure, I just don't have a commander deck. I have

13:06

a. Good at legacies. a

13:08

legacy Deck Now in fact I was here

13:10

are be the last summer to time to

13:13

go. We were talking up birds of Paradise

13:15

and I talked about an artist Mark Fool

13:17

who makes magic cards Put it up. I'd

13:19

reach out to Mark pool before because I

13:21

do to collectible trading cards and his daughter

13:23

saw this episode and connected me with my

13:26

pool and Mark texted me today and I've

13:28

artwork of a new car that he is

13:30

drawing. The Library of Alexandra as Marshall Carpet.

13:33

And. I'm going have a Magic The Gathering cards. And.

13:35

I met him through this protest that's incredible.

13:37

What! What a beautiful, beautiful song! About.

13:42

The one of the be as it's one of most famous

13:44

pieces of art. magic. The. Library of Alexandria.

13:46

I know. Is. To not the area

13:48

with a me my me with the car does. Have

13:51

many things. Here. Then what element you

13:53

would open? An element? We. Have no

13:55

direct fire North subpoena. Know. So

13:57

it's a land, Exactly. Earth? And

14:00

What'd I do? What? Does played

14:02

on the you Know Library Alexander does. What

14:05

I did his yeah, This. That's

14:08

what I'm saying is that none on earth. The

14:12

I mean yeah I that's are in

14:14

space. Emits ground right on

14:16

right so I appear that some of

14:19

the right. In a lot I'd been

14:21

there so up let's get into a let's get

14:23

started. How. Am

14:26

I being judgmental when I feel like like is

14:28

a we just being really boring? Know I love

14:31

it now cause you'll like this. Yeah it's cool.

14:33

like if we were getting coffee or as. Adults

14:36

would say is that you know it's

14:39

always like this. Know I'm I'm, I'm

14:41

I'm not taking any bait. I'm

14:43

just sitting here. I don't know, I'm not going

14:46

new kind of young people's an agenda is under

14:48

the same when it came in with last time

14:50

we always aware of as well which is just

14:52

to let him or attack and do his thing

14:55

and and not get riled up. Not I got

14:57

it as I get faggot pickers cause your audience

14:59

to see you know who wants to defend him

15:01

so much and they don't understand all the subtext

15:04

in the context in the Us and the years

15:06

of just. To. See you know, beating

15:08

bt, beating and then every known them be like

15:10

oh okay you like an anomaly because you booked

15:12

a couple of shows are you really great and

15:14

then to speeding and beating and feeding, Feeding, feeding

15:16

and feeding. oh you're making a joke. Secure nerd

15:19

shit to your fucking nurture. Even now even doing

15:21

the impression of getting riled up around her, I.

15:24

I love as not gonna happen it's gonna

15:26

it's gonna happen for deciding how really happening

15:28

it's half it's has happened, it happened. You're

15:30

right Bobby. Oh.

15:32

Boo boo boo. A loop with balloon? you do

15:34

that or harrys over. There

15:37

are no de de de de.

15:44

De de de. Ah Bobby, I'm

15:47

so glad you're feeling better. You are sick For

15:49

a while I was so secularize a so many

15:51

elements within myself yet a lump in your bad

15:53

lumber my eyes the have So what? How did

15:55

you find a doctor Because were banging on doors

15:58

and I was. I ordered up without. It

16:00

didn't then either mean. By the I

16:02

was praying. And. A spiritual my spiritual

16:04

advisor came down from the heavens and

16:06

told me. Dude. Why don't you

16:08

dissolve. And I go. Oh okay,

16:10

what is it? As he says, Zoc Doc

16:13

is a free app and website where you

16:15

can search and compare highly rated in network.

16:17

Doctors near you said easily put appointments with

16:19

them online. Do that. I would like this

16:22

but if you find A.e Pi takes a

16:24

long time to book on. right now this

16:26

is quicker quicker Greg's Once you find the

16:28

does he wants you could book them immediately.

16:30

Do immediately and. No more out for those

16:33

who actually take your insurance And all of

16:35

them have verified reviews from actual Real Peace

16:37

and. Yep it is probably only like a couple

16:39

of like maybe twenty or thirty doctor know your

16:41

your daughter your is that what I'm saying right?

16:43

Website is as as this tens of thousands of

16:45

top rated west is that's insane. Okay it's to

16:48

the side of thousand a doctor and you don't

16:50

all have special up but if you find somebody

16:52

you probably have to wait what a week or

16:54

two before that gets you don't have it or

16:56

you could feel just as if we ones who

16:58

take your insurance or located near U S basically

17:00

any conditions are searching for and. Read and

17:02

Read typically only twenty four to seventy

17:04

two hours before. You wonder? Three days? There's

17:07

a lot of times or I call my

17:09

doctor that are. You Get back to me

17:11

for one to three years and score theme.

17:13

They appointment Oh yeah dude. good as I

17:15

saw.coms last belly. Download the Zoc Doc app

17:17

for free than fine and book a top

17:20

rated doctor today that the O C D

17:22

O sea that times last. Belly Zoc doc.com/belly

17:24

Abobo Bob Bob Bob Bob. Bob.

17:27

Bob Bob more of an

17:29

online or store will be

17:31

daughter you saw are far

17:34

more. When I started podcasting

17:36

on. What? as

17:39

much as it an online so was

17:41

the furthest thing from my mind was

17:43

it is so complicated to build every

17:45

how to coach. I understand this. And.

17:47

now but a detective sisters out

17:49

rec now i'm selling all these

17:52

teasers and whatnot and it's so

17:54

easy all because i use shopify

17:56

also appear that's work that literally

17:58

that's my my web I

18:00

you sure it's so easy. Yeah, I was able to

18:02

use all these different templates I could create my online

18:04

store and as all the analytics of where people are

18:06

from and what they're buying I could even look into

18:08

the carts when people bought stuff, but they didn't close

18:11

out if I want to say hey You still have

18:13

items in your cart. Why don't you buy them? Yeah?

18:15

I don't fight is the best

18:17

global commerce and correct me if I'm wrong

18:19

It doesn't matter if you're gay straight if you're black

18:21

you're white if you're Asian If you're

18:23

if you're all of them if you're all those things

18:25

Shopify will let you build a website with them It

18:28

doesn't matter if you're selling soap Outdoor

18:31

outfits yeah bikinis as long as it's one

18:33

of those three right one of those three Yeah,

18:36

and Shopify helps you sell everywhere from

18:38

they're all in one e-commerce platform to

18:41

their in-person POS system Wherever whatever you're

18:43

selling Shopify has got you covered and

18:45

I'm gonna say this Rick. I'll double

18:47

down on you dude We've been using

18:49

this before they even sponsored

18:51

the podcast it looks so good. That's

18:53

why because it's Shopify I

18:56

don't know if you but I don't want you to

18:58

lie to people. I'm not I say it wasn't a

19:00

cussed like It was just from their templates. I'm telling

19:02

you it's the beginning of this podcast. It's an incredible

19:05

website That's how I found out about you guys. That's

19:07

where I got these clothes. I know to Shopify

19:09

dude tell them more Gil sign up

19:11

for a one dollar per month trial

19:14

period at Shopify comm slash Tiger belly

19:16

all lowercase Go to Shopify comm slash

19:18

Tiger belly now to grow your business

19:20

no matter what stage you're in

19:22

Shopify comm slash Tiger belly I

19:31

Haven't been dating for a long time I'm

19:41

sorry. I don't talk about my I'm sorry what happened Well,

19:44

I need to check your text messages. All

19:47

right. Oh you told me I said hey buddy

19:49

a couple years ago I'm going through a really hard time and

19:51

I could use a friend who's known me for a while Do

19:53

you mind talking please Bobby? Please?

19:55

I need help Bobby. Please please please Bobby.

19:58

Could you please help me Bobby? Hello? Maybe

20:00

this isn't your number anymore. Bobby. Hello. Hello.

20:02

Please don't do this Whatever

20:04

you do right now. Don't okay, but i'm so

20:06

good to see you. How do you rate Bobby on a

20:08

scale of one to ten? as a friend That

20:13

I I we need more parameters where we

20:15

define for you and where has he really

20:17

fallen short? Okay You

20:20

know, bobby and I bobby Bobby

20:22

and I have an interesting relationship

20:24

where our friendship was never defined

20:26

as a traditional from my view

20:28

friendship. So like

20:34

It's okay, it's not

20:36

your fault. Yeah, and

20:38

have you one of your ticks again You

20:42

little mind ticks, you know, I think about this stuff

20:44

all the time not what particular about you but like

20:46

friendships and uh, and

20:48

when expectations are fair to have and when their

20:50

projections and like what you want out of somebody

20:52

and If two people offer value to one another

20:55

then that could be enough But it doesn't mean

20:57

that these people are going to be people that

20:59

are able to come through on certain things And

21:01

you just have to better kind of accept and

21:04

understand what these relationships are and in what level

21:06

is it an acquaintance? to a friendship to a

21:08

good friendship to like a family thing and There's

21:11

there's a lot of moments like you came

21:13

on my podcast very early on in my

21:15

podcast and and guess what you're

21:18

welcome And you haven't thank you. Yeah, and it

21:20

was that was a i'm saying a nice

21:22

thing Like that was you really helped me out

21:24

with that And I know that

21:26

at the comedy store you you've tried to talk

21:28

to people before but like hey rick's really funny

21:31

You should like you you've done really nice things

21:34

that uh at least

21:36

at the time in People weren't doing

21:38

for me. Um but

21:41

also You don't write

21:43

me back You didn't know that I broke

21:45

up with this girl a couple years ago

21:47

and we've talked about it literally on the

21:49

podcast and in person Um

21:51

multiple times So I

21:53

would say that we're friends But

21:56

uh, I wouldn't you know, I wouldn't ask you to

21:58

take me to the airport Acquaintance

22:00

casual friend, close friend. Who are?

22:02

let's see if way to see that is

22:04

no no ways that he at minimum casual

22:07

friend. Let's see what casual for as have

22:09

common interests, know activities and concerns. Ah I

22:11

guess we have come and concerns being in

22:13

the same room with each other far meet

22:16

more frequently than acquaintances, know praise and encourage

22:18

each other and achievements. Yeah you're not serious

22:20

about each other emotionally. Yeah. Maybe

22:22

we're casual. Know what? Are you a close

22:24

friend? The I think that. As. It

22:26

was a boob getting close and casual. Close friends.

22:29

Are you gonna take a good at the outcome?

22:31

May I say something? May.

22:33

Eyes. Yeah. Thank.

22:35

You. I love you. So

22:38

much. I. Really? Do.

22:41

I care about you. In fact,

22:43

if you're little legally anybody bodies I heard. Of

22:46

that like you get him as you. There's a

22:48

tragedy to sort out what I'm talking or idealist

22:51

would he say owner? but you run over by

22:53

steams know you got run over racing for I

22:55

will. We both were. If you have

22:57

ah Nevermore and it was as my foot and was your whole

22:59

leg. Or your your foot in

23:01

my life of compromise That's how much I love you.

23:03

Okay where it is it's of as i am truck

23:05

was a couple of run over my leg all your

23:07

for a couple shows. Like a couple

23:10

dogs, right? You can still walk. Yeah,

23:12

but. I would and I'm flat. Be

23:16

like I'm flattered the know by now out

23:18

like like Guy? Yeah yeah are you talking

23:20

about like other acts like a bad guy

23:22

and naked gun J Yeah so I'm flat

23:24

right with what I would still be could

23:26

have been roller bad guy Naked guy was

23:28

still be more concerned for your toes. oh

23:30

that's nice and I'm dead then I to

23:32

a whole while Gaijin or an instrument friend

23:34

that I know what are they end up

23:36

but even so. Close friends as me

23:39

till interesting life goals and worth

23:41

mutually towards reaching that goal so

23:43

they must ensure similar values ideals.

23:45

And. World I don't know any guide our i don't

23:47

live ah ha as aggro I could share some of

23:49

mine and it will. Let's see weekend. My. Values

23:51

are Guys this it's it's. kind of define

23:53

a friendship as closer. Now says what this

23:56

episode is basically guess. as

23:58

an omen outside

24:02

of work amigo amigo that's

24:05

friend and friend or is he just your playmate and you just

24:07

he is a playmate I don't know if it's just but he

24:09

is a playmate

24:11

yeah yeah so

24:13

here's here's a dude like when I asked for stuff that's not

24:15

podcast stuff like lunch or kicking it or like like we see

24:18

each other the comedy story I go you want to go out

24:20

in the parking lot and do bits it's

24:22

never said that you've

24:24

never done that never

24:28

done bits or you're doing a question

24:30

of me by doing this no I'm

24:32

not doing here's how you do an

24:35

impression of a white person yeah no

24:38

I never did that I

24:40

body I asked you on the parking lot and

24:42

do bits all the time I seem to remember

24:44

us me inviting you to a late-night

24:47

dinner after with a bunch of guys eating go

24:49

maybe I don't remember when but maybe you said

24:53

no my dad is always there when

24:55

did you invite me to dinner and how many times have you

24:57

done it but also that's okay okay okay my

25:00

values dude someone

25:05

value let's be real that's

25:07

not fuck around here I'm real the whole time okay my

25:10

van I'm unbuttoned I'm like yeah my acoustic

25:13

I think all life matters now

25:15

that's a weird way to say it all I've

25:17

had do matter but I'm just say I'm sorry

25:19

you so you're are you ain't a is really

25:21

yeah you're right you're right here's

25:25

what it is I have empathy toward

25:27

things like animals and people in need

25:29

good that's a value yeah

25:33

yeah um do you have the same yeah

25:36

I don't know if that down put that down ring

25:38

love dog I don't know that's a value you just

25:40

have some empathy and that's great but

25:43

like I mean yeah okay I guess

25:45

it's a value but like are you I can't imagine you

25:47

associating with anybody who's just like shooting dogs

25:49

I take that back I guess your hometown

25:53

okay that's just a nutrition joke that's

25:55

a nutrition joke no but you know I know

25:58

okay I know for comments that go I

26:00

don't like animals right or like

26:02

cats. I don't like I know I know a couple

26:04

I want to name names But I know a couple of

26:06

those like no fuck animal. I hate them. You know what

26:09

name names and not later name them Right meow name them.

26:11

No, no, no, no. No, I was doing them. Yeah, we

26:13

don't talk about it. Okay. Okay. Anyway

26:15

I want to know who doesn't like animal. I made it up.

26:18

You know what you just you just did the

26:20

first value Yeah, what accountability I kind of it

26:22

away. Thank you So

26:26

accountability we do we Right.

26:29

Yeah, I would achieve those f's are

26:31

big ones Fun

26:33

friendship family. Both are the probably the

26:35

big three freedom is who? Yeah,

26:38

you know We're great. We're lucky

26:40

enough. You do love freedom Yeah,

26:43

yeah Shut that down Right,

26:46

but most people how about this learning you love to learn?

26:48

I like to learn. I

26:51

like to Okay, same value

26:53

right would you say that you're open-minded

26:55

a fairy open would you say that you're caring?

26:57

Oh, yeah Yeah,

27:00

I feel like we hit all these mark. Would you say that

27:02

your power? This

27:05

is a weird Core

27:07

values power. I don't believe in power Really

27:11

because almost every podcast starts off with you telling everybody

27:13

to shut up until you're done talking That's

27:15

a big power Stop

27:19

yes. Yeah control her control I

27:24

Know your power. I'm not good. You

27:26

know what? What's that? You're gonna be open-minded right

27:28

now? No,

27:31

that's when I think now you're getting

27:33

me riled up. I Think

27:36

right now you want a war. I don't

27:38

want a war. All right. I want a

27:40

collaboration Oh, I like that too. You want

27:42

to collaborate? Sure. Okay, take that down Yeah,

27:45

control him too. Yeah, that's not controlling.

27:47

Take it down, please Horse

27:56

Take it down, please Take

28:02

it down please. Hey, let's move on from, you know

28:04

what, fuck it. Let's move on. Well,

28:06

we'll say we're between casual and

28:08

close friends. Oh, wow. Good.

28:11

And then we have to kind of get to

28:13

better understand each other's values. And you know what

28:15

else, which makes the friendship more important is showing

28:19

up for one another. There's

28:21

bringing value to the table, which you know,

28:23

if like I'm friends with people specifically

28:26

because they're funny and

28:28

that's not enough for a close friendship, but I enjoy

28:30

their company. They enjoy mine. I consider them friends because

28:32

we've known each other for a while. That's

28:35

fun. So offering value to one another and

28:37

being able to offer value in

28:40

return is important. But then like

28:42

showing up and whatever that

28:45

might look like, whatever your, how are your, for example, if your eyes

28:47

were open when I was talking to you would be a decent version

28:49

of that. Showing back,

28:51

you know, showing

28:54

up. I don't

28:57

know if you're the best shower upper. Yeah,

29:00

you're probably right. Bring

29:02

up that accountability again, a little ding. But

29:06

out of all my friends who show up the least,

29:08

I'm probably closest with you. You

29:13

know, well, that feels good. Yeah,

29:15

because because I've accepted that, you

29:18

know, when I see you at the club or

29:20

something, you'll leave, you won't want to do bits,

29:22

you don't message back. But like, I don't expect

29:24

that. I'm not a big guy whenever you ask

29:27

me to come on your podcast. Well, yeah, I

29:29

don't do the funny, you know, little antennas and

29:31

you know, I mean, you're running around doing a

29:33

character in the parking lot. The

29:36

bits I do in the parking lot. I know. But

29:38

I'm just saying, you know, I mean, I want

29:41

you to typically they're fame. Yeah, okay. I'm

29:43

not a big guy. All right. I don't think you're

29:45

a big guy. I'm

29:49

actually flattered. Yeah, yeah. It's like when people

29:52

don't know I'm Jewish. It's like,

29:54

what am I passing as? Are

29:57

you? I'm

30:00

as Jewish as I am a bit guy. Yeah. Wait, hold

30:02

on. I can't hear you. I want to thank you for

30:04

also hooking me up with Bobby Altav. That was nice. Did

30:07

you have anything to do with that or no? Kind

30:12

of, but no. So

30:14

she actually reached out to me because

30:20

I'm just trying to, I'm wondering if this is something to censor,

30:22

but something bad. She

30:25

said, because she was asking you about coming

30:27

on and thought that you were

30:30

maybe a little mean

30:33

and aggressive toward her. Before

30:36

I did it. Before you did it. And then she

30:38

didn't want to, she's like, I'm not even going to

30:40

ask again. And then

30:43

she asked me and I said, well, you read it to me

30:45

and I'm like, oh, that's how he texts. That's how he talks.

30:47

He's a very, very nice guy. Why don't you do punctuation? I

30:49

think that's a problem. She has a punctuation. And as you put

30:51

more emojis or maybe. Yeah, you put

30:53

it all in caps and you called her the N-word.

30:55

No, that's not much. I'm just telling you. I did

30:58

not do that. I did not do that. Why do

31:00

you do that? That's a bit because he's doing a

31:02

bit because he's a big guy or he's completely clueless

31:04

and he just was pretending

31:06

to salute the fear. Can I just say something right?

31:08

My elbow is limiting cartilage. I

31:12

can't. I always wave like this. Okay.

31:16

I have a weird carpal tunnel syndrome. Why

31:18

do you have to have your fingers locked open? Because

31:20

I have arthritis as well. He does have arthritis.

31:22

Yeah. So this is how I

31:25

wave to everybody. Not just to the Jews. But

31:31

I'm like I did. But she may have anyway. She may have.

31:35

She was a little. It was a little like. Well, it was

31:37

a pleasant time. And thank you so much for your help. I

31:40

didn't really help. I just I

31:42

just stood up for my friend. I

31:46

like to highly recommend a movie that. Closer casual.

31:50

If I were talking about Bobby to

31:52

somebody, I wouldn't say casual friend. I

31:55

would say my friend. If they said, are you guys close? I

31:58

wouldn't want to lie, but I wouldn't negate. So

32:00

I would try it with me like how well

32:02

do you know? I'm are you guys super close? I'm known

32:04

for a really long time. I really like Bobby. Would

32:06

you be able to? Send a

32:08

text out on my behalf Yeah,

32:11

oh, yeah, I was just talking about the close thing. But

32:14

yeah, I'll send texts all the time People

32:16

ask for tech stuff, but you know what I don't do.

32:18

I don't give people people's info. That's right

32:20

either I actually always wait and I ask permission

32:24

even when the two close friends of mine When

32:26

the two close friends of mine and I don't know

32:29

what their relationship is I'll send I send

32:31

a message to the other person that said such-and-such once you number is

32:33

a cool if I give it to Him a

32:36

hundred percent like I think I don't know

32:38

who taught me that when I was young but a hundred percent

32:40

I'm with you on that. In fact, I'm

32:42

a little annoyed when people get a hold of me and

32:44

I'm like who gave you That's why I do it. Well,

32:46

I don't remember. Yeah So

32:48

I would forward it. I would forward a text or a forward

32:50

email. Hey, I want to ask Bobby something Will

32:52

you ask for me? I I don't

32:55

know if I would necessarily put in a

32:57

recommendation I wouldn't lie and say I would

32:59

I'll say I'll forward an email But

33:01

like I'm not gonna necessarily put in a recommendation unless I

33:03

really meant it My last text to you was

33:05

permission asking you permission to oh, I

33:08

forgot to write you back about that Yeah, give you some and

33:11

be unit because you didn't I never gave I have

33:13

to look into that I don't know who it is. But thank you.

33:15

Yeah Well, unfortunately for

33:17

me Fortunately

33:20

theme Fortune

33:23

Feenster, I love her good friend.

33:26

Not really Great

33:28

I Love her

33:30

though I've had this

33:32

that was the number I have is my first

33:34

number. Oh, right. So it's like

33:37

and this is 20 plus You know, whatever how long

33:39

I've had it right? So it's like I

33:41

get texts from people from 18 years ago I give the

33:44

number to yeah I mean if you look at my text

33:46

are from 18 years ago, you haven't even responded I know

33:48

if I look at right now, you know, I don't know

33:50

my phone is but It's

33:52

upstairs but my point is is we're talking

33:54

about dude. I respond to you all the time

33:56

I called you the other day. I did What

34:00

was it about? Oh, he wanted to borrow

34:02

you wanted to borrow my underpants. Yeah,

34:04

that's right For

34:07

what? He put in his pair of underpants. I did.

34:09

Do you still only have one pair of underpants? Yeah,

34:11

that's crazy. If people know about that probably

34:13

he literally has one pair of underpants. Yeah, he washes

34:15

Yeah, yeah, but I have a model me

34:18

andies. I had two hours of sleep

34:20

last night And then

34:22

you came in with the same energy as I am

34:24

now Right, so we're both

34:26

meeting us each other on a level of

34:28

like this I

34:32

thought you were gonna say something else. Very good. Let's

34:35

pivot. I would highly

34:37

recommend friends I'm over friends. A movie

34:39

I discovered it's called Godzilla minus one.

34:41

Did you see it? You discovered? Yeah

34:44

Can I tell you something right? I already know by based

34:46

on the way what just happened. I know what happened You

34:48

recommend it to him. He didn't want to watch it. It's

34:50

a while went by he ended up watching it He's forgetting

34:52

that you recommended it and now you're feeling a little bit

34:54

No, no, no, not only you brought that you brought it

34:56

up He made me edit out the part

34:58

of the podcast where I recommended

35:01

it to him because he Was

35:04

making fun of me for even recommending it at all.

35:06

Would you say Bobby is a close friend or a

35:09

casual friend? unfortunately beyond intimate

35:12

But beyond intimate does that mean once

35:14

you get beyond intimate it starts back over again. It's just

35:16

go straight. I don't know I it's

35:18

just beyond It's

35:21

too close I would say so Godzilla minus

35:23

one. Yeah He texted

35:25

George Gilbert and then me and said you have

35:27

to take the part out where you recommended it

35:29

to me and I should On the I did

35:31

not do that. How dare you why because he ended up liking

35:33

the movie So but if you didn't like

35:35

the movie you would have been okay shooting on it. Okay. Okay,

35:37

you want the truth then? Yeah,

35:40

you can handle the truth by the way, I'm

35:42

glad you said that thank you a

35:44

few good men. I Love that

35:46

movie hated it. What I had never seen

35:49

a few in a good one going on with your fingers I've

35:52

never seen a few good men and I

35:55

and I rew I saw it I'm

35:57

like, I've never seen this movie and I know that um Aaron

36:00

Sorkin wrote it. Yeah,

36:02

and I watched it and the performances

36:04

are great at that time Cruz was excellent Jack

36:07

Reacher Jack. I see

36:10

you rewatched it. I never saw before Yeah,

36:12

yeah, and so I watched it and

36:15

then cuz I know that the Jack Nicholson, you

36:17

know, you can't handle this room Yeah, you

36:19

know me. These are iconic, you know many things And

36:23

I thought that at the end when fucking

36:25

Jack Nicholson was doing this when

36:27

he finally he he Falls

36:29

into Tom Cruise's trap too

36:32

easy spoiler alert It's

36:34

been out since 1982 man. I don't think I'm

36:36

doing anything. You just saw it That's

36:44

true few good men minus one Yeah,

36:49

I just felt like the turn His

36:51

turn was I didn't believe it.

36:53

I was like why would he just admit

36:56

that it was a dude? It happens on

36:58

all the procedurals to my parents love watching

37:00

them. They're they're interrogating somebody. Yeah Yeah,

37:05

I did it I did it because she never

37:07

even looked me in the eye it's like what

37:09

are you doing? I know what are you doing?

37:11

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing? Because

37:14

she did look them in the eye. Yeah, I'll tell you

37:16

we have a few good men But even less good writers

37:18

on those shows they're not all of them not all of

37:20

them But yeah, yeah, it's it's it's you know, it's the

37:22

it's the tone but it's but if you watch if you're

37:24

watching a procedural show I would

37:27

buy it. I'd be like, okay. I'm watching like right

37:29

cargo man or whatever. I mean that one

37:31

Yeah, but it was cops you maybe do Chicago PD.

37:33

I Wasn't I'm

37:35

not being a smart ass. I should haggle everything. Yeah,

37:37

but she got everything Fire.

37:40

Yeah, Chicago Baker had law. They have a

37:42

PD too. Oh, yeah, that's the big one

37:44

Chicago PD. Oh That's

37:46

the big one Eddie who? Any

37:48

who when you're watching a show like that you

37:50

go, okay Well, I mean I know you have

37:52

to turn these out in a week, right? But it

37:54

hurts or can you know me you think I

37:57

just found it to be but it

37:59

was still great Performances I guess Aaron Sorkin.

38:01

What a guy, you know him. No,

38:04

I wouldn't say we're close friends, but I've

38:07

seen his stuff Yeah,

38:10

me too. I will actually just edit out Sorkin just

38:12

say Aaron I

38:16

love his stuff Anyway, um Godzilla plus one

38:18

minus one no is in between the any doesn't fighting

38:20

out Oh, you said I'm glad you said that when

38:22

I said can't handle the truth. Oh cuz you wanted

38:25

to talk about that Well, I'm getting my nails in

38:27

tomorrow. Yeah, what are you gonna do to him? I'm

38:29

gonna get just a different color Cool cool cool. Yeah,

38:31

you know with the red we talked about no,

38:34

it's too big It's too big.

38:36

It's too loud again, but we

38:39

start again, but let me be like and also

38:41

know that I am I'm

38:43

just such a nice guy and

38:45

I'm gonna come in here and I'm gonna be such a nice guy

38:47

I don't want you to treat me like a nice guy. That's right.

38:49

That's right. That's right I intro me

38:51

don't like intro like I'm a

38:53

nice guy Well, don't go

38:56

out. Don't go all the way out though. We'll just go by the

38:58

door as if you're coming in Alright

39:02

Yeah, all right Are

39:06

you excited to see Rick? I just can't

39:08

believe do we get a new publicist because how

39:10

the hell did we get Rick Glassman? Well, he's

39:12

our friend a close friend. I think well,

39:14

what are the nicest guys and you know, I'm so glad

39:16

that he spent so much time He's so

39:19

busy. I mean he's found time to

39:21

do our podcast today. I think he's actually

39:24

here George. Oh really? That's unbelievable. How about what a

39:26

film throw up? Really?

39:28

Oh my god. Hey, buddy Come

39:31

on in sit down. What's up? Rick

39:34

Glassman everybody. How are you dude? Giving

39:39

soup out to black people and I spilt a

39:41

little Yeah, yeah Well,

39:45

I mean you don't even have to add that in because I just know that

39:47

that you do that every day I I do

39:49

like to give soup to black. Yeah. Yeah, I know you do Start

39:53

over what what's the get out start over you

39:55

can't do that. That's not nice It

39:58

is your baby assumptions that black people like soup or

40:00

something. I think

40:02

that's not a thing. Go

40:05

ahead. Wrong stereotype. Yeah, it's

40:07

not a thing. Go back. I

40:09

can't believe who we got today on the podcast.

40:11

I know. I'm so excited. Sir Rick Glassman. Wow.

40:13

One of the nicest guys in the world. Oh

40:15

my God, there is Rick. What's up, dude? One

40:18

of the nicest guys in the world. It takes

40:20

for us to find the time to do our

40:22

podcast. I'm glad. Sorry I was a little

40:24

late. I was helping black people move. But

40:26

it's a pleasure to be here. I love your podcast. Yeah.

40:30

I love your podcast. Yeah, thank you

40:32

so much. Well, welcome back. Yeah, welcome

40:35

black is what I said to these

40:37

men who. Welcome Black Carter. Yeah. Hey,

40:41

teach. Hey,

40:43

they teach. That's what those guys were saying to

40:46

me. Yeah, yeah. Because I was teaching. Hey,

40:48

teach. Oh. So how do season

40:50

a pan? Well, I think

40:52

you're moving black people. Yeah, but I got them. I got

40:54

them these cast iron pans and you need to. Oh, that's

40:56

good. You need season cast irons correctly.

40:59

Thank you so much. You're so nice. Thanks for

41:01

being here. Yeah. What's been

41:03

going on? Let's see between helping

41:05

black people move and giving them soup. I've

41:07

just been, I've had

41:10

no free time. Wow. Dude.

41:16

Dude. What

41:19

did I say? Wow. You

41:24

okay, man? I'm not okay. I'm

41:27

so tired. What was that? Oh

41:29

my God. I think I'm

41:31

so mad. I want

41:33

to growl at them. But

41:36

then wow came out. So it was a

41:38

combination. I'm so sorry. I

41:41

don't want to do this anymore. Yeah, I don't

41:43

want to do this nice guy, Rick. It's so stupid. All

41:46

right, cool. I'll be mean, mean Rick. No, just be yourself.

41:48

I think, you know, I don't know. Always myself.

41:50

I know you are. But what am I? Myself.

41:53

I know. Keep it in. Can you

41:56

explain to me what that means? I keep hearing

41:58

that. I know. what

42:00

you are but what am I? It's an old joke

42:02

structure to keep things in loop. I know you are

42:04

but what am I? And then you were to say

42:06

a jerk, oh I know you are but what am

42:08

I? You're an asshole. Oh

42:10

I know you are but what am I? Oh okay I get

42:13

it, I get it, I get it. It's like whatever bounces off

42:15

me sticks to glue better than me other than you. But you

42:17

know what drives me crazy more than that? Britney.

42:21

Is what people say, that's what she says. Yeah

42:24

it's a little, yeah. It drives me crazy. It's

42:26

so cringe at this point. Yeah, but that's what

42:29

she says. I pump the

42:31

air with tire. Yeah. What?

42:34

I'm sorry. Play it out, play

42:36

it out. Wait, no, no, no, no, no, no. Pump

42:38

the air with tire. That's what she

42:40

said. Yeah that's like one

42:42

of the very few examples of where that wasn't worth.

42:45

She never said that. I know that. She never said.

42:47

I know that's what I'm saying. Yeah people will say

42:49

things, right? It

42:52

doesn't make any sense and it drives me crazy. Pump

42:55

the air with tire. Yeah,

42:57

that's what she says. Anyway,

43:00

I just don't like it. Stop doing it, everybody. Well,

43:03

I mean at this point it kind of belongs

43:05

to Michael Scott, you know? Like he didn't create

43:07

that joke, but it

43:09

is what he said. Yeah. In

43:11

fact, a lot of hacky things, the comics, have

43:14

you heard this yet? I

43:16

mean, because you've even been comedy for how long now? March

43:18

of 2007. Right. So

43:21

when could I? Yeah. Like

43:23

if you saw a comic do something

43:25

hacky like, hey

43:27

don't heckle me when I'm working. I don't go to

43:29

the McDonald's. And slap the dick out of your mouth.

43:32

Yeah, yeah, stuff like that. Love it. I think it's

43:34

so funny. Honestly, I am so in tune

43:37

to why people do that. And

43:43

when they don't realize that other people aren't

43:45

in tune to that, I just

43:47

think it's so funny. I

43:49

really, really do. Yeah. I think

43:51

I'm watching a great actor

43:53

play a character of a hacky person, and

43:56

I enjoy it. Well, you don't

43:58

even come up with something on your own. That's ridiculous. No,

44:00

that person can't. At least not yet. But

44:04

then do they still get the

44:06

occasional big laugh? Yes. And

44:09

I think it's hysterical. Yeah, yeah. Or

44:11

they'll say something gross. Or

44:14

a joke that's gross. I'm available for children's

44:16

parties? Oh my god. Or when

44:18

they come back to their seat, like, where were

44:20

you? You're just taking a big fat stinking shit? At

44:23

a big fat... I still do that. Or like, if you show

44:25

your pubes because you don't know how to get them back. I

44:30

like how this is going today. But it's

44:32

weird. It's

44:34

a weird one, right? But I don't know... Instead

44:37

of judging it, right? I think

44:39

it's still gonna play really well. It's just not like,

44:42

you know, bam, bing, bing, bing, bing, you know what I mean? What

44:45

does that mean in Korean? In

44:47

Korean it means,

44:50

you know what I mean? Bam, bam, bam, bam. My

44:53

point though being is that, you know,

44:55

a lot of times we'll do a podcast

44:57

and then I'll be like, hmm, that

44:59

was weird. And then people love it. I've

45:02

had podcasts the same. This wasn't about

45:04

the product. This was about, I'm not

45:06

able to be here. I felt unable.

45:09

It wasn't just like, like, thoughts with

45:11

any narrative. Like, there was... I used

45:13

to see these shapes. And

45:15

these shapes would fall. And it

45:18

happened mostly like when I was trying to sleep.

45:20

Like triangles? Triangles and a lot of lines. I

45:22

love triangles. Well, it's, you know, it's the best

45:25

angle for effort. And

45:27

I, you know,

45:30

for a guy who doesn't do bits, you sure do them at the wrong time.

45:36

I get embarrassed a lot with like fan

45:38

interactions a lot. I

45:41

walk out of the situation always being like,

45:43

ooh, like I botched that one or I

45:45

bungled that one. Or like I seemed really

45:47

this way or that way. I kind of,

45:49

I can relate to that. And

45:51

they're like, you know, it's weird because it's like, like you

45:53

said, like you've done a lot of work to like, you

45:56

know, do better in social interactions. And

45:58

I crumble a lot. Still for

46:01

someone that's in front of a camera constantly

46:03

like I'm really terrible in real life I

46:06

think because of like specifically we with

46:08

fan interaction. I Don't

46:11

want to be perceived like I'm a dick.

46:13

So I That must be

46:15

a challenge. What that must be a challenge.

46:17

You know that you're being rude What are you

46:20

talking about? I'm sorry. You're

46:22

right In

46:24

the comedy store hallway sometimes I Don't

46:27

set boundaries with people you don't oh my god,

46:29

right? So it's like I let people interrupt me

46:31

at meal No, no, not just one

46:34

person like we recently had dinner and I'm

46:36

not kidding you maybe 15

46:39

people and this isn't a span of like

46:41

a 45-minute meal and Bobby just at mid-choo

46:43

would just get up and say Okay, take

46:45

a picture take and it was just no

46:47

I were so many people coming up to me Did they see you

46:49

on my podcast or something? Holy

46:54

shit, you're good. Thank you. No, do you

46:57

feel? Absolutely

47:03

not go ahead Do

47:06

I feel what how do you feel in those

47:08

moments when you're like mid-choo and well for

47:10

me? It's like I There's

47:12

only a couple of instances one in an AA

47:14

meeting I went to La Jolla

47:17

and I went to a meeting and they

47:19

had like a rehab take a bus To

47:21

the meeting. So those are these young people at

47:23

this You know their

47:25

rehab and one kid went ape

47:27

shit in the meeting. I was sitting with my old

47:29

friend spike She was like spike

47:31

by the way. Yeah, shout out spike So I'm gonna

47:34

in the 80s this guy I knew in AA back

47:36

then So I was sitting in the meeting

47:38

and this kid comes up and he wanted a photo and I

47:40

and I I almost did it But I went I Do

47:44

I would love to but not in the setting like

47:46

I don't do it here That's how I felt when

47:48

I met Arnold Schwarzenegger when we were

47:50

both getting an MRI at the same place

47:53

I can't do this here, but I've since had him

47:55

on my pod two days ago comes out soon Maybe

47:57

it'll be out in February. Oh my god Oh,

48:00

so I got your house. Mm-hmm. Wow.

48:03

That's great. Congratulations

48:06

Will Smith was a while ago and I haven't put it out this

48:09

Why not the Will Smith because we did a first part

48:11

and we're supposed to do a second part and because the

48:13

first part is In a full podcast and now

48:15

he's just not getting back and I'm

48:17

like, maybe I put it out on something I thought about put it

48:19

on patreon at least how long is the first one? I

48:22

mean if I show everything it's under 40 minutes, but what

48:24

I have is 20 some minutes like like It's

48:27

we're gonna we're supposed to be part two. No, I would just

48:29

put that out He's not coming back. You have now you

48:31

have a pre slap and post slap Yeah,

48:34

I don't want to get into any of the the

48:37

bullshit stuff because it's like I

48:40

wouldn't say that he's a close friend Will Smith, but

48:42

the Arnold one comes out second week of February.

48:45

Well, congratulations. Very excited. It's amazing. Was

48:48

he nice? Yeah, he's a fucking he's

48:50

a he knows what he's doing. Yeah. Yeah. He's a pro.

48:52

He's a pro Do you smoke a cigar or anything? He

48:54

brought a cigar. I wouldn't let him smoke it Why

48:56

he had it the whole time. He literally had a cigar the whole time I'm

48:58

not gonna want to smoke the cigar in my place. It's all too

49:00

slow. So they go. Yeah, you do You

49:03

know, I played magic last night with

49:05

Joe Maganello I love him who I

49:08

found out also because we were talking about Arnold their

49:10

friends and Arnold wrote a forward in his book So

49:12

like I'm like part I'm like I'm in this big

49:14

strong guy world now and I'm thinking about just

49:17

being getting into strong guy stuff For

49:19

real what's strong guy stuff just

49:22

getting jacked getting Jack? What are you gonna

49:24

go? Go natty or are you gonna take the stuff? I

49:26

don't drink Get your chest

49:28

is inverted No,

49:31

Rick is lean no, it's inverted lean I just

49:33

did a cleanse well, I could show you

49:35

some pictures of me pretty big Do

49:38

we do I send them to you put them up or

49:40

do you guys want to see him? Wait,

49:42

what's the roadmap for getting Jack?

49:45

Well getting my shoulder and elbow fix which is I've

49:47

been working on for years and

49:49

then just lots

49:51

of lots of protein and fat and

49:53

lots of I'm gonna get

49:56

I'm gonna get into creatine That's

49:58

it. My testosterone is already real high I thought

50:01

you said your estrogen was too high. I

50:04

test out your own and estrogen, both high. My

50:06

estrogen has been calming down. After

50:08

this I don't know. But

50:11

I want to create some pictures of you pretty big. Hey,

50:14

look at me. Oh,

50:17

thanks for doing that. I realize that I date

50:19

a lot of guys with really wide

50:21

and fat tongues. That's good.

50:23

Good for you. Take a trait. Would

50:27

you say that that is a value that you two share? Yeah, it

50:29

is. Dating

50:32

guys with fat tongues? You think my fat tongue is

50:34

flat? Fat? Yeah, it's

50:36

really wide and flat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And

50:39

like really thick. There's nothing I can do about it. No,

50:42

there is. I don't want you to do anything about it. What could you

50:44

do about it? You know what I've been doing

50:46

lately is I've been watching Planet Earth and

50:48

these types of BBC. And I fast-

50:50

Big Black Cocks? Because

50:53

I just gave some soup to one of them recently.

50:58

And let's just say he helped me move. I'll move now.

51:01

Because he fucked me in the ass with that joke. Yeah, I

51:03

like that. You get it. Can

51:06

I put it on the point where it's over? Yeah.

51:10

And I've noticed I fast-forward during

51:12

any of the scenes where the antelope is

51:14

being chased by the cougar or whatever or

51:16

whatever. And I don't want them. It

51:19

causes me panic. Sometimes

51:24

when a lizard

51:27

is born and then they have to run

51:29

to an area but there's snakes chasing the

51:31

little baby lizards. And so

51:33

I have to fast-forward because I can't see. And

51:36

then sometimes they catch the thing. But

51:38

it breaks my heart. You've grown then.

51:41

You've changed. Why? Because

51:43

you used to be all about tragedy porn. Yeah, I can't do it.

51:46

It really just- I fast-forward forever. You

51:48

used to be the guy who was like, watch this beheading. Remember?

51:52

Yeah, sorry. Buff

51:55

bitches, go ahead. I had

51:57

some better ones with veins. I can't find them. Jesus

52:01

Christ help me Lord. Holy

52:05

shit that is you. Looks good right?

52:07

Yeah dude. Here's

52:11

a newer one. This one's kind of, you can't quite see but you can

52:13

see some abs and a good arm. Oh yeah you

52:15

got laps, good laps. Let me see, let me see. Lats are

52:17

good. Oh yeah you're good.

52:19

Yeah I want to get into that stuff and then

52:21

I want to go onstage like what uh, you

52:24

know my shirt off and maybe put a mohawk on or something. Oh

52:27

yeah do a, change your thing. I

52:29

want to maybe a big gold chain, a mohawk.

52:31

Jamar? Yeah what about him? Be like

52:33

a Jewish Jamar neighbors. What

52:37

is that, what about Jamar? He has a mohawk and he's

52:39

buff too. It's been done, in

52:41

there done that. Fuck I'm still gonna do

52:43

it. I'm gonna go

52:45

onstage and maybe I'll do a backflip or as

52:48

I used to call it a black ****. That's

52:51

great. May I ask you something about your face? Maybe bleep

52:53

that. Maybe ask a ****. Maybe ask you something

52:55

about your face. No

52:57

but the eyebrow, do you shave that or is

52:59

it always been that large gap there? I

53:02

have a scar, are you talking about the scar? No but do

53:04

you have a unibrow or is that, do you shave it? I

53:06

don't shave it. Oh I like the gap, it's pretty cool. Do

53:08

you have a scar on your chin? I do, what gap? Are

53:11

you talking about right here? Yeah. That's a scar.

53:13

Oh it is? Yeah from uh, Jeremy Irons. Oh

53:17

Jeremy Irons did that? Wow. Yeah

53:19

I can show you a picture of that too. What's the chin one

53:21

from? Um, a

53:23

buddy of mine now, I don't know if, I'll

53:25

just say his first name David. In

53:29

third grade, he tripped me in the gym. Oh

53:32

wow, sorry. David

53:34

Koch kicked me in the nutsack. How

53:37

do you know David Koch? Oh that's

53:39

why they used to call him David Kick him in the crotch. Yeah

53:42

yeah. I stumbled over that one huh? I was playing

53:44

softball. How old were you? Elementary school and I remember

53:46

I was running from first base to second

53:48

base and he just kicked me in the crotch. Does it

53:50

already hurt at that age? Oh my god, it's

53:52

painful. Yeah? No? Yeah it does, painful.

53:55

You gotta still hurt right? It's a new kind

53:57

of pain. What did you do

53:59

to retaliate? I fell on the ground and started crying. Nice

54:02

for Johnny. That's

54:04

how I got him back. Right back at

54:06

you in your face, Davis. Anyone

54:10

intervene? No. What the fuck?

54:13

No one ever does. Oh

54:16

wait. This

54:19

might be from John Candy rap. I

54:22

can't, I don't want to talk over it. We

54:25

made this for a song about John Candy

54:27

with Lisa Gilroy. I

54:30

love her. She is so funny. Dude, I

54:34

left a comment or something on her and I go,

54:36

I just think she's so... Did she get mad at you? No. Oh

54:39

you mean her social. Her social. I think you're just

54:41

so talented. Like I rarely do that

54:43

but like she did a video, and I know she's married and stuff

54:45

like that but I... What?

54:47

What does that have to do with that? If you just think it's...

54:50

I don't want people to think that I was hitting on

54:52

her or anything. I see, but

54:54

yeah, okay. I see your angle now. But

54:56

you were just telling her she was talented. Is that the arthritis?

55:01

Dinosaur hands. No, what I'm saying is that... No, I don't want people

55:03

to think that I was like... I think she's talented, but she's married.

55:05

She's married. No, that's... No,

55:07

but it's because sometimes like it can

55:10

be construed that way, you know, if I'm like...

55:12

Because she's attractive too, you know what I mean?

55:15

But I just think she's super talented. Yeah. And

55:17

I rarely do this but I comment and I go... And

55:20

then she commented back, whatever. Thank you. Hopefully

55:23

I'll meet you one day but... But unfortunately I'm married. I'm

55:27

not working out today. Yeah,

55:32

I mean there's a crop of girl... People,

55:34

sorry, I don't want to... Dude, you're on

55:37

tilt right now, huh? The crop... It's

55:40

like, what am I, Taron Killam

55:43

and you're me? Remember? Yeah,

55:45

I know. This

55:47

is a crop of young people that are so... You

55:50

know, I just hosted an award show. I know, I saw that

55:52

on... And I had two and

55:54

a half days notice because people... I don't know how

55:56

many people backed out. Wait, can

55:59

you help me? Help me understand why everyone was on

56:01

either 10 day, 5 day, 2

56:03

day notice for the awards season.

56:06

I know Joe Coyle was 10 days. Yeah. And

56:08

then me. Who had backed out? I

56:10

do know one of the people that backed out, but I

56:12

just don't want to say no. He's

56:15

one of your people though. And

56:19

yeah, Ronnie. But

56:22

when he backed out, by the way, he backed

56:24

out right

56:26

around Christmas. So I don't know why

56:28

I didn't find out. Maybe they were like trying to ask

56:30

other people and nobody would do it. And then like, we

56:32

got two and a half days left because the guy that

56:34

asked me to do it said that he asked the people

56:36

they wanted me to do it. But they're

56:38

like, we don't know who he is. So

56:40

then when there's two and a half days, if he's like, I'm telling you, let's have

56:42

him. They go, okay. But

56:45

I loved it so much. And

56:48

it feels so different from stand up, even

56:50

though you're on stage performing. And

56:53

I got me into like, I want to do

56:55

that kind of stuff. Like I, I'd be great

56:57

at hosting stuff like that. Yeah. And

57:00

I don't mean hosting a comedy show. No, like

57:02

you could be a great fun game show. Even

57:05

late night. Yeah. Late night

57:07

would be fun too. That, that, that is, I think I would

57:09

be great. I would love to do that. That

57:12

is this, this a little bit more like this

57:14

skillset. What we're doing here translates into that. It's

57:16

shorter form. But

57:18

hosting an event like where you're

57:21

still performing and you're doing monologues

57:23

and jokes and bits and stuff, but it's not to

57:25

people who are there to laugh. It's people that are

57:27

there with a completely different agenda, which you get to

57:29

play in that situation. I'm like, I never

57:32

thought about hosting the globes or the Emmys

57:34

or the Oscars, not only because why

57:36

would they ever ask me to do that? But like, that wasn't

57:38

the thing that I was like, Oh,

57:41

that I would want to do that. And after doing

57:43

this, I'm like, I'm, I'm, I love it. I

57:46

love it. Hosting stuff. That doesn't

57:48

surprise me at all. There was no stress involved.

57:51

Yeah. I used to, I did two

57:53

Asian excellence awards back in the day, but

57:56

when I did it, you know, Tarantino did a Dan and

57:58

Davida. I mean, I had star. Opening

58:00

Monologue. I have allowed over wife

58:03

and I remember it being so.

58:05

Stressful. While you're doing it or

58:07

the preparation, All. Of it. He.

58:10

Was at at the will turn right your

58:12

made and it was I god I did

58:14

twice. And. It was just like I

58:16

just remember being so stressed out like. I.

58:19

Don't want to do this again. But

58:21

a bit by bit. Maybe because you have. Just

58:24

a different kind of. Skillset.

58:26

Maybe. When they told you it's in

58:28

two days where you like but I

58:30

can't do that a real like Yes

58:32

immediately. Ah, We

58:35

have the whole war zones. Phenomena

58:38

That Kelly home yeah I wasn't nominated

58:40

for and. Telling.

58:44

Some of the same dynamic. I

58:48

can't they represent. Be

58:51

seated. Of

58:57

I don't watch as right now I get a

58:59

question because this was before crazy rotations came out

59:01

and changed. Everything is crazy rich. Asians, your Obama.

59:06

Suggested? I guess. Yeah yeah yeah I

59:09

was only won by like I would

59:11

settle our Brock Obama. yeah yeah arms

59:13

so I've ah I did did some.

59:16

I didn't know what to do and I wanted

59:18

to come up with a bit. obviously like just

59:20

to come up with certain jokes with a two

59:22

days maybe, but I found a game. Where are

59:24

I had? I'm. Howie Mandel make

59:27

a video and he's wearing a

59:29

tuxedo. And.

59:31

He. I be a habit, I don't have

59:33

a by for the way connected to you. Or.

59:35

Isn't. well

59:47

anyway they are they brought up home and alf

59:49

and then how he didn't show often than that

59:51

that the the stage managers i am sorry we

59:53

can get started yet but moolah and and i

59:55

was in the audience and like what what are

59:58

we going to what it what is this And

1:00:00

then oh this is how the show started yeah, and then David

1:00:02

Sullivan and Brett Moore and we're there too at different tables all

1:00:04

around and then Dave's like yeah,

1:00:06

what's going on? I'm like we need a host and

1:00:10

Prince like holy shit. I've been you know and blah blah

1:00:12

blah blah like well you hosted it It is a you

1:00:14

know a lot of stick lot of stick and like you

1:00:16

should host it. I'm like I'm a drama actor Because

1:00:19

I want to draw my reward. Yeah, I'm like I'm not

1:00:21

gonna do it I'm not gonna do it who's now who's

1:00:23

in the audience right at this point? Notable

1:00:26

name willa Willem Dafoe Greta Gerwig.

1:00:29

I mean Yeah,

1:00:31

that's there's just you know there's people there

1:00:33

and um and They're

1:00:38

like then he's like why don't you do it like I'm

1:00:40

not gonna do it And then everyone's like yeah, I do

1:00:42

it you do it do it then I go stop stop

1:00:44

and I look at a camera I go I'll do it I

1:00:48

just felt like like

1:00:51

what I love about stand-up is like creating creating

1:00:54

Just kind of situations to play in

1:00:56

that's like not what the expectations are yeah, but

1:00:58

because people are expecting stand-up here It's already built

1:01:00

in this is an award show so the idea

1:01:02

that like hosting something That's not a stand-up so

1:01:04

you get to play in the structure of this

1:01:06

thing that is unique upon itself

1:01:08

by design Yeah, so you get to live in that

1:01:11

thing, and it was just so much fun Wow

1:01:14

Paul Giamatti wasn't there to accept his award

1:01:16

so I went up and accepted it Oh,

1:01:18

that's so funny, and I got the whole

1:01:20

room to chant Paul Giamatti All

1:01:23

that so grand the clip I just posted this

1:01:25

clip is awesome And it's like and this Greta

1:01:27

Gerwig is right there, and she's laughing chanting Paul

1:01:29

Giamatti Yeah, and I'm trying to get him on

1:01:31

podcast. It's not gonna happen. Yeah, but you know

1:01:33

I got Arnold Yeah, go that no

1:01:35

okay, but anyway you