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Tim: This is Tim Staton with Tim stating the obvious.

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What is this podcast about? It's simple.

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You are entitled to great leadership everywhere you go, whether it's a church, whether it's

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to work, whether it's at your house, you are entitled to great leadership.

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And so in this podcast, we take leadership principles and theories and turn them into everyday relatable and usable advice.

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Narrator: And a quick disclaimer, This show, processed or serviced by trademark, trademark manufacturer,

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otherwise, does not necessarily constitute or implied endorsement of anyone that I employed

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by or favors in the representation. The views are expressed here in my show are

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Tim: Hey, and welcome back to another episode.

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I just wanted to say a special thank you to all the dads out there as we approach this Father's Day weekend.

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In this episode, we're gonna be talking about our fathers and what it means to be a dad.

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And more specifically, today, we're gonna be diving into the timeless topic of men's leadership

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in the home guided by biblical principles.

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You know, being a dad is a sacred responsibility.

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And in this episode, we're gonna explore how we, as men, can lead our families with wisdom, love, and integrity.

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All of which I believe are lacking in many of today's home.

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Not all of them, but many of them.

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If you disagree, let me know why.

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I'd love to hear your side of the story.

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I have to start this off by saying that I was a stepdad before I became a dad of my own kids.

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So whether you're a stepdad or a biological dad, this episode is for you.

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But before we get started, I want to outline the significance of being a dad in the role that

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men have in the home as leaders.

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I also wanna highlight the critical difference between being a stepfather and a father of your own biological children.

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Because there is a difference, but it's not the difference you might think.

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It's important to understand the significance of being a dad because in fatherhood, is a it's

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a reflection of God's character.

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Whether you believe it or not, men are a reflection of God's character, and we should embody that.

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And what I mean by embody, God's character is by showing love, patience, and being just.

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We, as fathers, we need to embody these qualities when it comes to our children.

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Additionally, it's the men who are charged with the spiritual leadership of their families.

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And the fathers are tasked with the spiritual upbringing of our own children to teach them about

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God's love and his commandments and how to live a life that is pleasing to him and how to live

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a life in accordance with Jesus' principles.

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Now if you don't believe this, I want you to take a look at the old test.

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The old testament and how it is written in general, big picture ideas is the Israelites, you

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know, they come to God, then they turn away from God and repent and then come back to God again.

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And anyone with children, as you have a growing stage with them, they will seek to you for guidance

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and wisdom and love and nurturing in the beginning.

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Then they'll eventually turn away and have their own ideas and say, nope.

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I think the way that I'm going to do this is better.

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My ideas are far more superior than yours, and they're going to go away from what you have taught them.

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Not in every case, but in many cases. And it the severity of that depends on, various, you know, scenarios and relationships.

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But generally, it's going to happen. Then they're gonna come to the realization that, wow.

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My parents weren't all that stupid. Maybe I should go back and ask them for some help.

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And then they're gonna come back and say, hey, You know, though I tried it out my way, it's not really working out.

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Can I get some guidance on this? And that's where we are able to embody and emulate God's love and patience as men.

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Because we're not gonna say, well, I told you so.

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I told you that this wasn't gonna work out. No. You can say, okay.

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Well, let's hear it out. So when I look at being a dad, I look at it in this kind of perspective.

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That I've been charged with raising and upbringing children, and I need to turn boys into men,

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and I need to help my wife turn girls into women.

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And it's my responsibility to ensure that it happened.

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It's also my to ensure their spiritual upbringing and instill in them the ways that are correct

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to navigate this world, the difference between good and evil.

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And they will also know how to treat other people with compassion, empathy, love, and kindness,

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and embody those fruits as well. Now at the beginning, I talked about being a stepdad.

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And while the Bible doesn't necessarily directly address the role of stepfathers in, like, really explicit terms.

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It does provide a framework that can work well with families in in building that relationship

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with a stepson or stepdaughter. I always took the approach that I was the guy that just married your mom, and it was my responsibility

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to foster that relationship with with my stepson.

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And I and it's weird to say stepson. I just call him my son.

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But it it was my responsibility to do that.

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Just as God reached out and developed that relationship with me, it was my responsibility to

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reach out and develop my, you know, relationship with him.

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And I've been blessed enough that he actually calls me dad because we have developed that relationship

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between him and I because it's what I thought was important.

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And so if you're looking at this and you're thinking, well, I'm not quite sure how to do that,

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or it's not my responsibility. It's his responsibility.

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Well, here's let me tell you as a parent, in general, whose responsibility it is?

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And I'm gonna harp on this for a little bit.

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Because the foundation of what it means to be a dad is critical.

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And if you're a stepdad or you're a dad, it's specifically critical because, you know, Ephesians

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525 tells us that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church.

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And because there's unconditional love of how God loves the church, then that's how we should

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love our spouses and our wives. That's how men should love their wives and everything that comes along with it.

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So if your wife comes with a child, that's not baggage.

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That's an additional human being and an additional responsibility that you know from the get

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go, you're signing on to take care of that, which is far more different than if you meet somebody

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who doesn't have a kid and you decide to have you know, get married and then have a kid because

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that didn't come with that initially. The implied task later on down the road that it was eventually gonna happen, but it wasn't necessarily there at the beginning.

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If you're becoming a stepdad, you know at the beginning, as much as you love your wife, then

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you should then also take care of that child and treat that child with the love and compassion that that child deserves.

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Just like God loves the church.

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And by doing this, we're modeling that behavior.

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We're modeling how God has emulating his love.

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And the same thing is true for when it comes to the spiritual development of the house.

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So if it is in your house, it is your responsibility of a man to take care.

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And this next piece is probably going to ruffle some feathers and that's okay.

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And it's about respect and support. So if you're a stepdad and you're a dad, there needs to be a bond that the parent needs to take

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and have the burden to develop and support the child and the biological parents involved.

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And we need to make sure that we're not antagonizing an argument. We're not instigating arguments.

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And we come from a place of seeking understanding in all things that we do because we're not

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always going to agree on the upbringing of a child.

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And that is hard enough as it is between 2 married people.

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And in blended families, it can get harder because there's other people who have different opinions,

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and they don't always line up. But the one who is stuck in the middle is a child.

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So as a dad and as a stepdad, you need to take a look at Colossians 3/21 that says that you

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should not embittered that men should not embitter their children, ensuring that their actions

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and decisions are considered and supportive of other children and will also not often find themselves in resentment.

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So, basically, what Colossians 3/21 is saying is that we should not, as men and dads, instigate with our children.

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We should not rise them to anger. We should not drive them to bitterness.

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We should not seek them and poke and prod them just to get a rile out of them because, let's

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face it, we can do that. We know who they are and we know that we can rile them to anger.

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The goal is to be patient and to instill mercy when it needs to be instilled.

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But still and still the discipline that you need to. Don't get me wrong.

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But you shouldn't be instigating in any situation whatsoever and seeking understanding.

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Because at the end of the day, there are hurt people involved in certain situations, and everybody is growing and developing.

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And you, as the husband, as the man, as the dad, you have the burden and the privilege of ensuring

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that you're not riling your children to anger.

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That you're bringing peace, and you're bringing love, and you're bringing support to where it

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needs to be emotionally and physically.

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And it's your job to emulate patience, love, and understanding.

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And as the role model in your house, you are supposed to set a positive example.

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Demonstrating your values and showing everybody who is in your house, what those values look

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like in action, not just in words. And that's incredibly hard.

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It's incredibly hard to show patience all the time.

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It's incredibly hard to show kindness at all times.

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It's incredibly hard to show humility at all TIm.

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And even as hard as it is, it's impossible to do all the time.

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However, if we make a concerted effort to continuously think my actions must match my words

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and my words must match my actions, you're going to be a better role model.

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You're going to be a better model for what a positive man should be, what a positive father should be.

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Now, the other thing that I'm gonna bring up is Timothy 5:8, and this stresses the importance

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of providing for your household.

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So you, as the man, have the responsibility to provide for everyone in your house as an example

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of how god provides and takes care of everything and everyone else in this world.

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If it is in your roof and in your charge, in your span of control, it is your responsibility to provide for them.

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So it's not only when it's convenient for you.

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So if the other biological parent of that child is not paying child support, it's not for you, not gonna pick up that slack because it's not my responsibility.

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I argue it is your responsibility because you married that person.

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You know what came with it. And it's your responsibility to take that on and have the privilege of setting that example

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and providing all the needs for everybody in your house with materialistic things and emotional support.

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Sometimes you just need to be there. Sometimes you don't even have to say anything at all.

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Sometimes you just need to sit there and watch and play a video game.

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Sometimes you just need to sit there and watch TV with them.

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Just Staton sit there and watch TV with them.

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Sometimes, you just need to sit in the car when they wanna go for a drive.

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All about meeting the need. And this goes for biological parents too.

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This isn't just like a stepdad thing. I'm just bringing this up. Right?

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So if you are a dad and it is in your house, it is your responsibility to provide for these children.

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Everyone is in your charge and your care, and that is an awesome responsibility that I love.

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I love being a dad. Being a dad is the best thing that I can think of.

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You know, I, like, I I just don't know other don't know how to explain it.

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And when you do become a dad one day, it'll hit you.

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But the other thing that I think that escapes people is the amount of awesome responsibility that comes with it.

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With all the good things and the happy things that we all think about as we approach Father's Day.

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And as we approach Father's Day and people start to think about, oh, well, let me get my dad

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a, you know, tool or a lawnmower or something else, something else manly. Right?

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Or if he they like to do technical stuff.

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Oh, let me get TIm something technical. In all actuality, all your dad really wants or needs is to see their children healthy and happy and thriving. That's it.

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And to spend some good quality time together.

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That is really all any man ever wants to see from their family.

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So So if you're looking for the best Father's Day gift or you're looking for how do we approach

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Father's Day, as you think about the example that is set, think about how you benefited from that.

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I know, I've benefited from it greatly.

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Because as we talk about this foundation of what it means to be a dad, and that's just on a very basic rudimentary level.

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And we didn't get anything to anything super crazy. You know?

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We just talked about taking care of people that aren't in your charge because that's what's responsible for you.

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We talked about setting the example. And it's easy for me to do that because I was lucky enough and blessed enough to actually have

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a dad to emulate those things for me. So if you if I listed some things and you find yourself going, man, you know, I really messed this up.

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Or, you know, I'm not really living up, you know, to some of those principles, but I'm trying.

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And it's hard to do them. You know? We're all human beings.

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And even though you may think you are Superman and you can do it all, you can.

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And if you're still trying to do it all, you're eventually gonna fail if you haven't failed yet.

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And you're gonna be okay, and everything else is gonna be okay.

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It felt like I needed to say that. But like I said, you know, it's hard to do those things all the time.

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It's hard to emulate these principles all the time.

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And what's even harder for us is because as men, we go out into the world, into the business life.

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Women do this too, but predominantly men have the leaders at the home.

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And we're leaders in the world and and the businesses at 2.

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And people are watching us in our business life as leaders, as we're leading people, just like

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our children are watching us. And they're watching us, and we constantly have to be aware and attune of our actions and our

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behavior, and do our actions match our work.

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And if you're not a dad and you're listening to this, and you're like, wow, that's really really hard, it is. But it's okay.

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You get through it day by day and through the grace of God. Okay?

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But if you have a good example to go off of, it makes it easier.

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And that's why men's life in the home is so critically important.

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Because you set that foundational role model for your children by being in the home, by being

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present when you need to be present, and by emulating those role models.

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So how can we set the stage for practical application of everything that we just talked about?

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Because this is the foundational stages.

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It's not anything extraordinary again, like like I said.

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You know, this is the basics. And I've been a dad for 10 to 12 years now.

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And if you're saying, well, 10 to 12 years isn't that bad.

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Well, my oldest is in college. He's getting ready to graduate.

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And I've got preteens, so I got, you you know, introduced to him when he was a preteen, you

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know, even a little bit before that. Late elementary school, preteen, teenage years, college years.

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And now with my own 2, I got the toddler years and elementary school years.

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So I've got a wide breadth of knowledge within that 10 to 12 years.

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I've been blessed with that. And I just wanna share that with you because that's what I've learned through my own shortcomings,

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through my own fallacies, through my own not living up to my own expectations because because

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I do have high expectations. But I'm not saying that to self deprecate.

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I'm saying that is because I'm a human being and you're a human being, and it's really hard to do that.

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So the practical application of this is we can make sure that we're feeding our mind and our soul daily.

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We need to make sure that we're taking care of our mind and our soul to make sure that we're

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feeding positive, good things into our mind to generate our our our rejuvenation of our soul,

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so we can pour out into everybody else.

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Along with that, we need to take care of our bodies.

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Because if our bodies are not good, and there's a lot of dad bods out there, which is fine because

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we're all working hard, but we need to take care of ourselves too.

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Because there's too many times that I know when I don't take care of myself physically, it affects

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my mental state, which then affects my spiritual life as well.

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So I have to make sure that I take care of myself physically, mentally, and spiritually.

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That's the first thing that we can do to help set the good foundation.

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So if you're a man, you're not dead yet, set that good mind, body, soul foundation.

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The second thing we can do is we can make sure that we're demonstrating our actions as much as possible.

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I like to say, I don't care what you say.

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I look at your action. And I apply the same standard standard to myself.

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My actions, if my actions are not matching my words, then my words are meaningless. Narrator: And for me, it all starts Tim: with my actions. So if I'm not modeling kindness, if I'm not modeling kindness, if I'm not modeling kindness, if I'm not modeling kindness, if I'm not modeling all starts with my actions.

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So if I'm not modeling kindness, and if I'm not modeling humility, then how can I expect my

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own kids to demonstrate that with other people?

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I can't because they don't know what it looks like.

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So that's why it's critically important to make sure that the dads in the home assume this leadership

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role and set the example by being the example, not just by saying the example.

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And the the, you know, the old adage of do as I say, not as I do, that doesn't fly anymore.

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I don't think it ever flew. But we need to make sure that our actions match our words.

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And the third thing we can do is we can seek out mentorship.

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We can seek out mentorship in 2 ways. 1, we need to find someone to be a mentor to us and a

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kind of like dad mentor role. Right?

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We all know people who have been dads before.

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They don't have to be your dad if you don't have one.

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My dad is a great mentor of mine. I ask him questions all the time.

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And you need to seek out to mentor other people, to pour into other people the things that you

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have learned, to help other people for making the same pitfalls that you have made.

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So when I talk about we need to make sure that we do mentorship, we need to make sure we do

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mentorship in 2 different ways. Seek mentorship, get mentorship, give mentorship.

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And if we do that, we're gonna be surrounding ourselves with a community of like minded men

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with the same morals and values that we have that are gonna make us stronger, that are gonna build us up.

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Women do a great job at this.

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If a if if if a if a woman has a problem or a lady has a problem, guess what?

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They're gonna go to another person and they're gonna talk all about that problem, and they're

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gonna talk about how they feel about that problem, and they're gonna share it, and they're gonna

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share it with other friends, and then they're gonna get a community friends, and they're all

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gonna brainstorm on how to solve that problem together, and they're gonna come up with a great supportive ideas.

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Men, when we have a problem, usually, we keep it to ourself because we don't want to appear weak.

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We don't want to appear like, oh, we don't have it all together.

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Oh, somebody might think something negatively of me if I have this problem.

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Or if I go ask this question, what is that gonna bring up?

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Or what's gonna be expected of me that I might not be able to give in return?

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There's a million reasons why I ask as men. We don't do that.

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And also, we have trust issues. Men don't trust other men just like we don't trust other people. That's just a fact.

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How do we get over it? We have to start trusting people.

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We have to build that connection and that relationships with other men around us to make sure

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that we are all mutually supportive. And in doing that, we take care of our mind, body, and soul.

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We're making sure that our actions match up.

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We have a mentor who comes in and helps us out and points out our weaknesses where we need to

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improve on them, and then we mentor other people to give back on the things that we have learned ourselves.

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And that sets a good Staton foundation for being a dad.

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So it's a good strong foundation in these principles that you as men can lead your families

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with love, wisdom, and and integrity, fostering a positive environment in your home that nurtures

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the growth and development of everybody in it.

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Like I said, I'm a strong proponent of it.

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If if it if it's within my 4 walls or under my roof, it's my responsibility to take care of it.

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So as we approach the Father's Day weekend, I just wanna say thank you to all the dads out there

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in whatever form or fashion that you appear.

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Whether you're a dad or a stepdad, thank you for stepping up to that role and being the role

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model that you need to be for your family.

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And if you're not living up to these principles, I'm not saying this to beat you down.

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I'm not saying this to say, oh, you're you're lacking.

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I'm saying this so that way we can recognize and go, oh, I can do something about it and take action.

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So I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for recognizing it and thank you for taking action.

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And thank you for joining us today and listening to this all the way to the end, you know, because

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we've got some amazing dads and stepdads out there.

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So as always, thank you for, stopping by and listening to this episode, and I hope that you

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enjoyed it and got some value out of it. Before we go, I'd like to ask a favor of you if I could.

20:24

If you could please share this episode with 1 or 2 people who might like this topic.

20:27

And if you haven't followed or subscribed on the platform that you're listening to this on,

20:31

please hit the bell icon and the follow icon and the subscribe icon and all the bells and whistles,

20:36

so you know when we post another episode. I don't want you to miss when we're posting another one.

20:40

If you got some value out of this episode, please leave a review or a comment so other people

20:45

who haven't found the show can find it through your comment and might be interested in the topics,

20:50

and they can learn about and join in this discussion as well.

20:52

Again, thanks for stopping by. I'm Tim Staton, stating the obvious.