0:00

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's

0:03

all I know how to do. Great. Good

0:05

to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with... Stories!

0:09

Hit her in the face with a surfboard. And

0:11

then the duck fell out of his bag! Hahaha!

0:15

Surfed up! And she

0:17

didn't even flush. Knock, knock. Who's there?

0:19

Mark, Norman and Joe List. Yeah! This is Tuesdays with

0:22

Stories everybody. Nah, that's terrible. This is supposed to be

0:24

cheesy. My radio is spitting at man. And I can't

0:26

choose what I wanna say. Hahaha! Here

0:29

we are! Put that in! Keep that

0:31

in! Ohhh! Here we

0:33

go! It's early! It's morning time! Hey!

0:36

There you go! We got a pilgrim here! It's

0:38

kind of a chef's hat! It's not bad! Oh I forgot about

0:40

this thing. Someone sent us this... Oh I'm not allowed to do

0:42

that. Oh man, it's a chef's hat! I'm not allowed to do

0:44

that! I'm not allowed to do that! Oh yeah! Oh

0:47

yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh

0:50

yeah! Oh yeah! Oh

0:53

yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

0:55

We've covered this. We'll hang it at some point. One

0:57

day we'll get it up there. We're getting out of this...

0:59

...shithole. Yeah! We're

1:01

getting out of this relationship. We got a new desk

1:03

lady. She seems nice. We gotta tell them by the end of this

1:05

month. Oh okay, great. I'll tell them by the end of June. We'll

1:07

just say it right now. Hey, whores, we're out. That's

1:10

getting framed. There you go. We're gonna frame this clock.

1:12

Nice big wooden frame over this place. We're gonna frame

1:14

this house. We're gonna frame this house. We're gonna frame

1:16

this house. We're gonna frame this house. Well

1:49

that season sucks, but... Very good show! What

1:52

are you gonna do? It's a big day. June

1:54

24th. Boy, we're in February over here. like

2:00

banked episodes this is the one for

2:02

you if you hate em. Chase bank,

2:05

chase Utley, chase

2:10

black people down the

2:12

street that's police that's what

2:14

you do. You ever read

2:16

Mark Wahlberg's Wikipedia? Oh I

2:18

wrote on it. That's

2:20

a spicy meatball. Well let's go I don't

2:22

want to get anybody in trouble what's going

2:24

on with a BP? BP?

2:27

Oil? That in practice? Oh Brad Pitt. Oh

2:29

I don't know about Brad Pitt. You seein

2:31

this? It's bubblin. Don't tell me about Brad

2:33

Pitt because I love Brad Pitt. He's my

2:35

guy. This won't hurt your feelings. But is

2:37

he going to be cancelled? I

2:39

don't think they got him anything but all of

2:42

his kids has changed their name from Pitt to

2:44

Joe Lee. The wife hates him. Apparently

2:46

he beat the shit out of her on a private jet.

2:49

Well how long ago? Five

2:51

years? Four years? Does it feel like they're trying to get

2:53

the heat off P Diddy here? P Diddy's

2:56

right around the towel and all of a sudden

2:58

they go hey Brad Pitt did this. I

3:01

don't I stand by Brad believe all Brad

3:03

Pitts. I like BP as well and

3:05

I don't like P D but

3:08

I think there's heat. I'm

3:10

sure there's heat. I just love Brad Pitt. I love him.

3:12

Me too. By the way you call the P D when

3:15

P D is doing the thing. There

3:17

you go. So they call Pedro Martinez.

3:19

But anyways I love Brad Pitt so

3:21

he beat up Angelina Jolie. Big whoop.

3:24

She could use a smack and a

3:26

half. She made Tomb Raider 4. Yeah

3:28

didn't she make

3:30

out with her brother or something? Hopefully.

3:32

I think. That's hot. But hopefully he's

3:35

innocent. I don't know but I think

3:37

he went to I think he rehabilitated

3:39

and everything. There you go. Yeah he's

3:42

no Ray Rice. But I love Brad Pitt.

3:44

He's the guy. What was I going to

3:46

ask though? You think he ever

3:48

drove around with Angelina when I'm just driving

3:50

around with John Boyd's daughter. Oh

3:53

that's John Boyd's daughter. Which is great

3:55

because he's not a pretty man. No.

3:57

But she's a I know you're not

3:59

into her. but man is she, she's in my

4:01

top five. Top five? Oh yeah, I got a weird

4:03

five. You're not gonna like my five. Hit me with

4:06

the five. Well I got a... Late

4:08

planner. Yes, with

4:10

a bullet. In her head.

4:12

No, I like Amal Clooney. I

4:15

don't know Amal Clooney. That's my

4:17

number Uno, I'd say. Amal Clooney?

4:19

Clooney's wife. I don't

4:21

know Amal. Oh. I thought he was married to

4:23

Catherine Zeta Jones. Oh, Amal of

4:26

America. Amal.

4:29

Don't know Amal. Okay, give her a good... I don't

4:31

even know any of them. Amal and...

4:35

Amals are closing. It's

4:37

all online, but I like that Natalie

4:39

Port. Love Natalie Port, I met

4:41

her in the village. Whoa, short. Not the

4:43

village, by Arlene's grocery. She was teeny, you

4:46

could break her in half. Ooh, I'll do

4:48

it right over the counter like a popsicle.

4:50

Just a little, she looked like a popsicle

4:52

stick. She was teensy weensy peensy. Break me

4:54

off a piece of that Portman bar. J

4:58

bars. Yes, and

5:00

syndication, coming out soon. Coming

5:02

soon. Please, get on

5:05

that Mars or Milky Way or M&M.

5:08

Milky Gay. Hey. A Milky

5:10

Gay. That's how you come all

5:12

over his face, a Milky Gay. Well, yay, yay.

5:16

Put in my Uranus. So...

5:19

Who else do you got? Okay, I like

5:21

that Emrata. I don't know any

5:23

of these people. Emily Radikowski? She's

5:25

a model. I don't know models.

5:27

All right, plus size. She's in Gone Girl.

5:29

She's Ben Affleck's student that he's cheating on

5:32

his wife with. Oh,

5:34

okay. It's been a minute since I saw

5:36

that one. I don't know. I

5:39

got nothing else. Who you got? I love... Oprah?

5:42

Emma Stone. Big Emma Stone

5:44

guy. I'm not into it.

5:46

Emma Stone, one. One? Uno.

5:49

Well, this is not in order. Oh,

5:51

I'm not trying to name five. Emma

5:53

Stone. Portman might

5:55

be up. This is all time. I

5:58

guess. Because I love like Grace Kelly. and

6:00

Sybil Shepard. I'm like I'm into that. Both

6:02

very attractive. Very hot. I love a block

6:04

and I'm not everyone's gonna be like what

6:06

I'm not taking sitcom Sybil Shepard. I'm

6:09

talking the last picture show. Taxi driver

6:11

Sybil Shepard. I think she's the hottest.

6:13

69. Wow. Ever. Yeah.

6:16

She's ridiculous. No 69. She was

6:18

like 13. You're gonna go like 75. 61. So Sybil Shepard.

6:25

Brett Butler. Oh. I'm

6:27

eating here. What do you. Race under anal.

6:30

Anal under fire. I

6:32

like Beverly D'Angelo. I'm trying to think

6:34

because I like I like a D.

6:36

Familiar with kind of person you know.

6:38

Sure. See him. They're a mom I

6:41

guess. The maternal thing is big. I

6:43

do like a big fat mommy. Well

6:45

you know who I love. The one

6:47

I always talk about. Joe

6:49

Pesci. I got fucked on the

6:51

on on bonfire that

6:53

one time. You know

6:55

who I love. The independent actress.

6:58

She's in all the stuff. Oh

7:00

oh oh I know her. She's

7:02

on. Oh. Hold on. I'll think

7:04

of it. I'm all Ronan Faro.

7:06

What's her. No. She's Parker Posey

7:08

Parker Posey. Yes. She's my brother.

7:10

I'm her. Which I told you

7:12

this story before. I'm on bonfire.

7:14

We're all picking our hottest woman.

7:17

Then as we're all arguing I'm doing a bit which

7:19

no I feel like no one ever knows what I'm

7:22

doing a bit on podcasts. I'm like

7:24

Parker Parker Posey is the hottest

7:26

woman of all time. I'm doing this whole thing

7:28

and then all of a sudden goes everyone put

7:30

in 100 bucks. We'll have the audience vote. And

7:33

I'm like wait what. I got to lose 100 bucks

7:35

now. No one's going to vote for Parker Posey. No

7:37

that's a subjective. You duped me. Wait a minute. So

7:39

is that a bit or is it not a bit.

7:42

Wow. She's very hot. I don't think she's the

7:44

number one hottest of all time. Sure. Okay. I

7:47

wouldn't actually be like we're betting money if we

7:49

voted. America is going to vote Parker Posey number

7:51

one. No not going to happen. But I love

7:53

Posey. I love him a stone. Lark

7:56

Voorhees. Oh I just want

7:58

to diversify. You got a big piece of. Oh

8:00

yeah. But, uh, Beyonce.

8:05

Good thing about Texas. I would

8:07

just listen to that. Whoo. Gotta

8:10

get down. That song kicks ass. Who's the

8:12

lady who went to jail in WNBA? Oh,

8:16

um, my brain is

8:18

shot. Yeah. Mine too. Brie Larson.

8:20

What's her name? Rebecca Lobo. Brie

8:22

L... Yeah, Brie something. Brie. Brie's

8:25

company. Brittany Griner. Brittany Griner.

8:28

Yeah, Grinder. Yeah, yes. Yes. I'll grind

8:30

her into a paste. I think she

8:32

might be a big old Liz. She's

8:35

taking it to the hole. I'll

8:37

tell you what, Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Oh.

8:39

Primo. I like it. Forget about

8:41

it. Oh, yeah.

8:44

He took it

8:46

out. Jennifer Aniston season one, season two

8:49

friends was crazy. Not knocking it. But

8:51

she was like a little bit thick

8:53

and had the short hair. Yes, the

8:55

bob and Louise. That was really something.

8:57

She's a Greek. Is

8:59

that right? Half Greek, Aniston. Wait, is that accurate?

9:01

That clock? There's no way. We haven't been going

9:03

for 20 minutes. Oh my God. I

9:05

almost shit my tits. I was like, we got to get going here. Wait,

9:08

I was going to say something a half an hour ago when

9:10

you brought up Brad Pitt because I thought it was going to

9:12

be a good taking off point. A beat

9:15

up, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. But it

9:17

was before that. Did you hear about Pitt? I

9:19

started to say... Oh, I cut you off with

9:21

that, didn't I? Sorry. Pete Diddy had a towel

9:23

on. Pete Diddy. No, wait. Pete

9:25

Diddy. Oh, wait. It was about Chase. Oh,

9:27

it was about Mark Wahlberg's Wikipedia. Sorry. Beat

9:30

up the Asian. Beat up the

9:32

Asian. But he also was known for

9:34

playing a game called

9:37

Kill the N-word. And

9:39

he just played it. That was like the thing. Or

9:41

it was kill or get. Pull up his Wikipedia. It

9:43

was something in there.

9:45

Hopefully it's get. Maybe

9:47

it was get, but they would run around chasing him.

9:49

And he has got several other cases other than just

9:52

blinding the Asian guy. Did we talk about this already

9:54

in the podcast? I think we've come up with Asian

9:56

beating. I think he blinded the guy. Blinded the guy.

9:58

So you think that all that. That's crazy, everyone

10:00

makes a mistake, but he also was playing beat up

10:02

the n-word. Yeah, well I feel like if you're gonna

10:05

hit a blind in Asia, it's the easiest to blind.

10:07

I mean, they're halfway there. Oh, okay.

10:09

Oh, right. I cut that.

10:12

But get the n-word, holy

10:14

hell, this is appalling. But

10:17

also, I'm like Donnie Wahlberg, you never hear

10:19

about Donnie, but he's his older brother. There's

10:21

no way Donnie was sitting at church, you

10:23

know. That's true, he's teaching

10:26

him everything he knows. Doing volunteer work, so. Oh

10:28

yes, yes, he ain't no saint. No.

10:31

He's the, marks the apprentice. But he wakes up at

10:33

3am and prays up or whatever. Are you sure we

10:36

didn't talk about this? I feel like maybe I've said

10:38

all of this on a podcast before. Well

10:40

now, what's worse, get

10:43

the n-word or wild hogs? Is

10:46

he in wild hogs? I don't know, he's in

10:48

Heaven Can Wait, he's in something where he's a

10:50

priest that rides a motorcycle, which for some reason

10:52

entices people. That seems fun, that's a good getaway.

10:55

Well, it did crazy numbers. Big

10:58

box office out there. Wahlberg is a big

11:00

box. Huge box. How's

11:02

my wife? It is kill. It

11:04

is kill, yeah. Oh. It wasn't like

11:06

a sanctioned game, he just would scream it and

11:08

chase. Oh, that's not at the Olympics? Yeah, it's

11:11

not like a board game, they didn't buy it

11:13

at Mattel or whatever. Parker Brothers? Parker Brothers, Parker

11:15

Posey Brothers. But

11:18

yeah, he would scream it and chase kids around

11:20

and beat him up. But you know, he's probably

11:22

a victim of his... Time.

11:26

Time and place. It's not

11:28

like he was born and then all of a sudden

11:30

was like, oh, you know what, I'll just pick this

11:33

word and beat up these kids. Southie. Somebody taught that

11:35

to him. I think Dorchester. Oh, sorry. I

11:37

could be wrong though. Which I think is even worse.

11:40

Yeah, well it doesn't have the movies, but

11:43

Dorchester's got some hair on it. Well, we

11:45

had smear the queer. Oh,

11:47

what does that mean? That sounds nice. You smear them

11:49

and then fuck them or... Well, it ain't a bagel.

11:52

But I think we actually didn't have that,

11:54

but I've heard of people doing it where

11:56

I think you pick up poop and you

11:58

smear it. Oh, gee whiz. Good give smear

12:00

the queer a good he's gonna be on

12:02

a fucking letter somewhere. What do you call

12:04

that a list Joe? Yes,

12:08

what do you got on smear the queer and that was Greg

12:10

Giorotto had a bit about it That's the only reason I've heard

12:12

of it smear the queer I

12:15

mean I I've also heard that it feels more

12:17

like one of those things I think was a

12:20

Northeast thing I was gonna say I never heard

12:22

it But when you're out doing the New England,

12:24

that's impressive I think I think that that's more

12:26

like you're just calling your friend that though. It's

12:28

not actually Yeah, reputation. You're not

12:30

going after gay people as in Mark Wahlberg's

12:33

game. They're actually going after black people Yeah,

12:35

kill is bad. Like it was bad chase

12:37

them and beat them up. That's no good

12:39

Yeah, this is like basically it's kind of

12:41

like it's almost like Red Rover But

12:44

you all kind of smash him. I

12:46

don't know. It's like it's more just you're calling your

12:48

friend that It's like Red Rover if Red Rover was

12:50

a hate crime. There you go Bend

12:53

over Red Rover good time. Yeah. Well we

12:55

we had there was n-word knocking. Oh,

12:58

we didn't have that either I didn't either and

13:00

then we there was also shit on the porch

13:03

with the flaming That's something but

13:05

that wasn't that wasn't specifically racially.

13:07

Oh Motivated it was just we

13:09

hate this guy. He's the douche on the block, but

13:11

we never did that I just saw it in the

13:13

films and whatnot We did like ring and run ding-dong

13:15

ditch Which was the same thing you ring the door

13:18

button and then run which I never really got Yeah,

13:20

it's the door and you're like, oh no one's here.

13:23

Right? Right. We do. What about TP? TP

13:26

with the toilet paper. Oh, I didn't tell petty.

13:28

Yeah. I mean I never did much of that

13:30

They're the only like the thing that was like

13:33

crazy. We did was when a house was for

13:35

sale We all broke into the house hung out

13:37

in the house. That was pretty wild and that

13:39

was fun Yeah, that's a good time

13:41

and you drink and I didn't drink that I was like

13:44

12 But everyone would go in there with piss in the

13:46

house, which is funny thing to think about when you're buying

13:48

a house It's possible local teens have taken dumps and pisses

13:50

in there and be fucked jerked off Absolutely,

13:53

and the previous family also pissed and shit in

13:55

there, but probably in the toilet and flushed it.

13:57

Yeah. Yeah We did a we egged a house

14:00

Mm hmm. Um and I... I

14:05

remember running back to my buddy's house and he

14:07

was so nervous that he ran

14:09

in, opened the door, I ran in behind

14:11

him and he slammed the door on me.

14:14

Oh. Because he was trying to, you know,

14:16

go quick and I remember the door really...

14:18

DIE! Damn. So now I'm like,

14:20

ahhhhh, on the living room floor and then the

14:22

guy, ding dong. Yeah, I saw everything. Ahh.

14:25

So it was pretty bad. We had to apologize

14:27

and my dad yelled at me, we had to

14:29

write a letter. This one doesn't

14:31

make any sense but we, a couple times

14:33

we would order a ton of pizza to

14:36

my house. Ahh. And then turn

14:38

the lights off, it would all hide behind the door,

14:41

it would give you like a fucking woo hoo.

14:43

What a thrill. And they're banging on the door and

14:45

then the phone's ringing and then

14:47

later they finally left and

14:50

then they were like, left a voicemail being like,

14:52

well yeah we're eating your pizza here pal. But

14:54

we didn't pay for it. How'd you, did we

14:56

just leave it? No, he

14:58

left with the pizza. They were like fuck you.

15:00

So they brought it back to pizza place and

15:02

they left us a voicemail like jokes on you,

15:04

we're eating your pizza. I see, I see. And

15:06

I guess, you know, we're 13 years old, we

15:08

just thought it would be fun to have them

15:10

make a bunch of pizza. I guess so. And

15:12

then bring it over and then knock on the

15:14

door. But we were like hiding right behind the

15:16

door and when you're 13 that's quite an exciting

15:18

time. That's true. And they're getting mad so they're

15:20

just pounding on the door and you're like, eeee!

15:22

Eee, they're pissed off! And uh, but looking back

15:24

you're like, what the hell kind of prank is

15:26

that? Yeah, you want that pie? Yeah, we're idiots.

15:28

Yeah. I don't even

15:30

know who we, I guess we just pranked the

15:33

chef and the driver. Right. Yeah,

15:36

I was a pizza guy so I'd take Umbridge with that. Uh huh. Not

15:40

really. But I ate a lot of breadsticks. Out of

15:42

the bag? Oh man,

15:45

I was eating bread, I was, I

15:47

would just get a little pizza sauce

15:50

right off that pie. Why not? Yeah.

15:52

Yeah, it was alright. I got a

15:54

car full of food, I'm poor and

15:56

this is primo Italiano. Of course. Now

15:58

did you ever... You

16:00

ever have a dame with brown panties come

16:02

to the door? I had one hot

16:04

mom and I looked in the back and there's

16:06

eight kids playing around and you know blocks

16:09

and whatnot and she was like, oh, let

16:12

me get my purse there cutie. And I was like, oh,

16:14

and then you jerk off in the car

16:17

after thinking about her. Absolutely. You

16:19

come on those breadsticks. Now I must have told this story

16:21

at some point. Garlic sauce. But years

16:23

ago, my cousin's bachelor party was at Uncle

16:25

Dale's house over in Brockton,

16:27

Massachusetts, city of champions. Got

16:30

it. Got it. Home of

16:32

Rocky Marciano and marvelous Marvin Hagler. Oh, is

16:34

that right? That's right. And Rocky.

16:36

The rock. Yeah. So

16:39

we had the big batch of parties at the house.

16:41

We just said he had an in-ground pool. It was

16:43

one of those ones where you're like, let's just have

16:45

the party at the house. Fuck going out, whatever. We'll

16:47

have strippers come to us. We'll hang in the pool.

16:50

We'll drink beers. We'll make steaks, whatever. Mistakes. Sure. So

16:53

we wanted a bunch of pie to be delivered.

16:55

Now Dale works for the

16:57

city. He's a fireman. Civil

16:59

service. Exactly. So he

17:02

just moved in. You know, he's a, he wears a

17:04

uniform, the whole thing. Now Tom Dustin

17:06

and I, we thought this would be classic. We

17:09

both get fully butt ass naked and each

17:11

of us get on one side of the

17:13

living room. So while the delivery guy's given

17:15

the pizza, Dale's paying, I

17:17

go, Hey, I didn't know you were here.

17:20

And he's like, you're here. What are you

17:22

doing here? And we walked over to each

17:24

other like, Hey, great to see you both

17:26

naked behind. Oh, fun. So now it looks

17:28

like we have an assortment of naked people.

17:31

We didn't even realize it looks like a

17:33

big gang bang. Oh, big gay gang. Big

17:35

gay gang. Plus it's like 50 cars and

17:37

music. And so

17:40

we made it look like, you know, Lieutenant

17:42

Campbell's just having a big naked fuck

17:44

party. And he was not that

17:47

thrilled. He thinks it's funny now. Sure.

17:50

But at the time it was like, what are you doing?

17:52

Well, he's going to get shit on the force.

17:54

He's going to get smeared the queer. Yes, exactly. I

17:56

got a job. I work down the town, down

17:58

the street. Yeah, he's a fireman. Every time he

18:00

gets on that pole and run the pole again,

18:03

you know, the gay jokes galore. But it's pretty

18:05

fun to have while you're paying for pizza, this

18:07

delivery guy is probably still telling this story somewhere.

18:09

He's like, well, one time I went to

18:12

this hot fireman with the big

18:14

dicks. Sure. And these two

18:16

men with little dicks walked behind and hugged.

18:18

Yeah, that's a good time. I mean, that's

18:20

a story for the ages and that'll make

18:23

the circuit. By the way, maybe I shouldn't

18:26

be telling this because it's like sexual harassment and assault

18:28

now. But we're in the

18:30

house. What's the policy there? We're in the house

18:32

and it's dudes. And we can always plead ignorant.

18:34

If that went to trial, we'd get off. Oh,

18:36

yeah. Weinstein got off. No,

18:39

I think he's in jail. I believe he's out. Is

18:41

he? I think he was proved

18:43

innocent. I don't know. I know if Spacey

18:45

got off as well. I haven't watched that

18:47

doc. You watched that doc? That's a doc?

18:49

New doc. Damn, they're pumping them out quick.

18:52

I know and they're all cookie cutter horseshit.

18:54

A lot of B roll. Mm-hmm. Ladies

18:57

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Chew for sponsoring the show. But

20:25

anyways. It's

20:28

weird. This is kind of a weird

20:30

article. Harvey Weinstein staying in NYC jail

20:33

after case overturned. Oh,

20:35

OK. I saw a

20:37

big headline and everybody was furious. Doesn't

20:39

it feel like it's really hard to get into

20:41

jail? Because everything's like appeals and all the thing.

20:43

And then Trump, they're like, he's not going to

20:45

jail. But you're like, I didn't

20:47

follow any of this stuff. It's like 34 counts

20:49

of guilty. But they're like, white collar, they don't

20:51

do that. Plus the appeals. Plus this. And I'm

20:53

like, well, who goes to jail? Well, it ain't

20:56

the kooks in my neighborhood because you have to

20:58

have a gun charge to stay in jail. They

21:00

go to jail. They come out the next day.

21:02

Right. Bail reform. Thank you. So I don't know

21:04

who's going to jail. Hunter Biden's doing blow off

21:07

my sister's ass. Yeah. So it's a lot of,

21:09

I think, appeals and everything.

21:11

I never understand that in

21:14

a court. They'll go like

21:16

guilty. I always get annoyed

21:18

by in the movie Philadelphia.

21:20

Yay. They find the guys

21:22

guilty of discrimination. And

21:24

then Mary Steinberg goes, we'll see you at the appeal. And

21:26

I always got bummed about that because you're like, wait, what?

21:28

We're at the end of the movie. What happened with the

21:30

appeal? I know. Did they not get in trouble? It's like

21:32

a weird ending to the movie. I don't know. I

21:35

don't know. Yes, not appealing, but an appeal.

21:37

I don't know anybody appeals. And all

21:39

I know is Instagram. Hey, you got flagged.

21:43

I appeal it. And then maybe I get back on.

21:45

But then with jail, it's like I'm used

21:47

to the movie. You are guilty. Cling, cling,

21:49

cling, cling. Yes. Boom, you're in jail behind

21:52

bars. That's it. There's jail. There's bail. There's

21:54

all this other stuff. And I've definitely said

21:56

this before. I read the OJ book, Run

21:58

of His Life by Jeffrey Toobin. a

24:00

good run thereafter. Which people will take this serious

24:02

too. I used a clip when I was talking

24:04

about OJ about how the bill still had his

24:06

number retired. I'm like, that's pretty

24:08

fun that they're like most everyone's so PC.

24:11

We got to take down the statute, change

24:13

the name. But they're like, no, no, is

24:15

number 30. No one's wearing this number again. He rushed for 2000 yards. Fuck

24:18

you. That was the bid. And then I had

24:20

the thumbnail was RIP OJ and

24:22

someone was like, RIP OJ. Are you kidding

24:25

me? He's a disgust. This is disgusting. I'm

24:27

like, well, it's a bid. Yeah,

24:29

I'm a comedian. I don't want him to rest in

24:31

peace. First of all, he's dead. I don't believe in

24:33

resting. I feel dead. It's fascinating how little people understand

24:35

God. They don't get the jokes. I'll do a thing

24:38

where I lift my notes out. I go, don't worry.

24:40

I'm not. These are just swastikas. And a lady will

24:42

be like, what? Why? Because

24:45

it's humorous. That's what makes it such a funny

24:47

situation. Yeah, there's writing on there. You see, there's

24:49

no swastikas. That's why it's funny to say. Yeah,

24:52

you get it. Now, what do you think of

24:54

this? Please. The other day, I'm in Kingwood, Texas,

24:56

which by the way, I was at the bagel

24:58

shop. And this guy walks up and he was like,

25:03

what the fuck? Joe List?

25:05

Wow. What are you doing in Kingwood? Which is

25:07

it's one of these towns. It's a very affluent,

25:10

red, you know, Christian place.

25:14

And so I think they're like, well, it's

25:17

like a suburb, you know, it's like way out and

25:19

wherever. So I think to be seeing

25:21

like New York comedians, this guy was like, what the

25:23

hell is this? I get it. Yeah, it's jarring. Right.

25:25

He's like, this is crazy. And I was like, my

25:27

wife's from here. And he was just kind of like,

25:29

you got to be kidding me. Yeah, this is not

25:31

like he was he was shocked. It was like he

25:34

saw Brad Pitt at, you know, an Exxon Mobil in

25:36

Tennessee. Beat the shit out of Sarah. I'm

25:38

trying. Yeah, beat it up. But

25:42

but anyways, I was out in Kingwood and I saw this.

25:44

What do you make of this? What do you make of

25:46

your feelings? Give me your two cents or a quarter if

25:48

you want. Oh, I just thought sorry. You

25:50

want to do it because I can remember mine. I got it written down.

25:52

Wait, what say what? Whatever you want to

25:54

say. Oh, I was just going to say first

25:57

rule of Fight Club. Don't talk about Fight Club with Brad

25:59

Pitt. Hey Angelina, sorry just hit

26:01

me. Tweet that. It's very funny because people

26:03

will see the tweet and then this will

26:05

come out nine weeks later. That's

26:08

true. That's gonna be funny. Alright, hit

26:10

me. That's good. That's something there.

26:12

That's big. I'm sure someone's tweeted it.

26:15

Yeah, maybe. Yeah, jeez. But are they as

26:17

famous as you? Ah, who

26:19

the hell knows? You know, if someone famous tweeted

26:21

it, you know, you gotta be like, oh jeez,

26:23

Michael Ian Black got it. Right. But

26:25

if it's fucking at Suck

26:27

My Dick 41. Ah, he's good.

26:30

You didn't take it from him. No, don't take it. He's

26:32

got it right here on the spot. We got proof. Just

26:34

thought of it. Anyways. So yeah,

26:37

you're beating your wife at a bagel shop. Oh,

26:39

Kingwood, we're driving and this girl, teenager, has a

26:41

car and on the back it says, or I

26:43

guess she's not a teenager, it says, just turn

26:45

21. Okay. Buy me

26:47

a drink. Alright. Venmo Kashap

26:49

with her handle. Jesus Christ. What do you

26:52

think of that? I don't care. I'll buy

26:54

you a drink in person. You drink it

26:56

in front of me. You put something in

26:58

it, but there's sending you money because

27:00

you're 21. I don't care for. I

27:02

got a big beef with this. This is a peeve.

27:04

Doesn't this feel like the time we're

27:06

living? This is sum everything up. Look at me. You

27:09

don't know me. Everyone turns 21. Entitled.

27:12

I'm 21. Send me

27:14

money. Have you seen

27:16

the new Quinn? I haven't watched

27:18

it yet. I'm a terrible friend. I'm a

27:21

bad comedy consumer. There's a lot of things out

27:23

there. You're a... I got a child. It's

27:25

a month old. You're fine. It's

27:28

a little bit. It's funny how much we changed. In the

27:30

60s, we were like, ask not what your country can do for you, what

27:32

you can do for the country. Now the president's going

27:35

to come out and go, if you can't handle me at

27:37

my worst, you don't deserve me at my... It's a great

27:39

bit, but it's true. It's entitled.

27:41

It's like, hey, I'm 21 now. I didn't

27:43

do anything. I didn't accomplish anything, but

27:45

I need your money. It's just so crazy. But

27:48

I guess, take a swing. Maybe somebody

27:50

does it. It doesn't hurt, but... I

27:52

guess you could get her number that way too. Like, hey, I

27:54

got your Venmo. If there was

27:57

a dollar, call me. Well, she wasn't the...

28:00

desirable. Ah, they never,

28:02

uh, yeah, she's a fat, dumpy

28:04

loser. But, um, yeah,

28:07

I guess shoot your shot as

28:09

the kids say these days, but shouldn't there

28:11

be an exchange of service for money? Well,

28:13

not anymore. Now it's gimme, gimme. But we,

28:16

I mean, we have a Patreon, which you

28:18

should sign a gay father's. Oh,

28:21

game changer. And they got another new

28:24

one coming and we're doing Q and

28:26

anal every week and that's been really

28:28

fun. Yeah. Looser, loosier, gooseier pair of

28:30

buddies over here. And you're getting in,

28:33

uh, the real deal. It's not as

28:35

a performative. It's like, Hey, welcome to

28:37

the club, mofo. Yeah. We take our

28:39

tie off. We let you in. There's

28:42

like one of those, you look at

28:44

your eyeballs, you close that you welcome

28:46

in and we're letting the explicit fly.

28:48

What's the password? Queef. Come

28:51

on in and see the real deal.

28:53

Colin queef. So come on in, get

28:55

on that Patreon and that gay father's.

28:57

We made it all good fellas. And

28:59

it's really well done. We got another

29:01

one of being, uh, you know,

29:03

soda. Yeah. So it was in there. We got a

29:05

lot of soda. Yeah. He's got a big head and

29:07

a lot of jokes. Yeah. So get in there, get

29:09

on the ground floor, ground floor. It's been over 10

29:12

years, but anyways, this lady just wanted us to send

29:14

money and I thought of it only

29:16

later. I should have Venmo requested her like a thousand bucks.

29:18

Oh, that's not bad. What's good for the goose? It's good

29:20

for the gander. Yeah. I'm 41. What's the

29:23

difference? You didn't do anything. I got

29:26

a real problem with this. These comments are going on stage and

29:28

they go, so I just turned 38. Nothing,

29:32

nothing on that. You

29:34

didn't do anything. Now. And 38

29:36

is like a bullshit age anyway.

29:38

Hey, I just, uh, just

29:41

bought a dog. Nothing on the

29:43

dog. You guys hate dogs. We don't hate

29:45

dogs. I'm waiting for a punch slide. You

29:47

come guzzler. Give me something. You huge. Yes.

29:49

Yes. I agree. There was, I told you,

29:51

there was a guy at comic years ago

29:53

that had a set list and in the

29:55

set list it said, how about it for

29:57

the troops? There

30:00

was no joke. He just wrote that down. Let me

30:02

just say give it up for the troops in the

30:04

middle of this And then he's getting away. He's like

30:06

man. I'm killing yeah Oh, yeah, I've got an applause

30:08

break. I got that applause breaks I said give it

30:10

up for the the red Sox give it up the

30:13

troops and give it up for my asshole my birthday

30:15

I got married 38

30:17

yeah, it's all gold yeah, and by the

30:19

way, I don't want people to clap

30:21

I go I gotta I said a baby people clap like

30:23

that. I get out of the way I gotta I got

30:25

a bit to tell yeah, I'm gonna kill it doesn't matter

30:28

Exactly the more they clap the more they're like well, you're

30:30

gonna be appalled when I start exactly Exactly.

30:33

So yeah, yeah enough with the waiting

30:35

for the applause just do the bit

30:37

entertain With it, they don't

30:39

do that in singing, you know Deontay's

30:42

not like You

30:47

just listen to it just belt it out I

30:49

also hate This goes back to

30:52

I'm still bitter about when Sarah and I roasted each other

30:55

These people this is hard to roast a

30:57

woman because it's like women's time or whatever.

30:59

I'm like Sarah used to be a stripper

31:04

Fucked oh you're done the punchline is what a

31:06

dirty filthy whore this bit. Yeah, and all the

31:08

women are like this I'm

31:11

like girl. Well, I guess Yeah,

31:14

never mind then she's like he used to be a cop. Oh

31:17

I saved lives I'm

31:20

with you on that like

31:22

I I heard a girl going

31:24

before me and she was like so I'm doing only fans

31:26

and Everybody's like oh good for you

31:28

That's empowering and you're taking the power bat whatever

31:30

the fuck and I went up and I was

31:32

like Greta Thunberger I'm excited to see her on

31:34

only fans eventually. Oh I'm

31:37

like wait, I thought it was empowering right which one

31:40

isn't I thought I was a she's a hero for

31:42

a show under clam, right? I Have

31:45

a point. Yeah. Well, I think The

31:48

issue running into is Greta Thunberg's retarded

31:50

and underage. She's 21. Oh

31:53

is she yeah, I googled it I apologize. I

31:55

thought she was 11, but she's been around a

31:57

while But she has retarded

31:59

right I don't believe

32:01

but also retarded people should have the same rights

32:03

as every other person autism I think Everyone

32:09

does Chuck for sure look at that shirt and

32:11

hair And

32:16

but but yeah So I'm just

32:18

saying which one is you can't have it both anal right?

32:20

It's she 21 years old Nine

32:22

years old isn't that her whole thing? No, she's

32:25

on a steamship and hang glider

32:27

and she's 21 How long

32:29

has she been around? She's just been around a long

32:31

time. Oh, yeah at one point. She was 12 I

32:34

mean, I know she was wasn't she famous

32:36

and nine I think and I followed that

32:38

whole ride Baby, oh that

32:41

whole gasoline powered what she's

32:43

21. Yeah, okay January

32:45

of 2003 oh She's

32:49

over the hill but still you see my

32:51

point absolutely hey, okay, that's all like it's

32:53

all I needed now How about this? Here's

32:55

another of course. Yeah, I always see your

32:57

points. I like your points points

33:00

points that a point Magoo Pleasant,

33:04

you know that story that Henry Phillips story

33:06

point Magoo He had a

33:08

there's a you know, there's a town called

33:11

point Magoo I didn't know that in

33:13

like Northern, California. It's like a military

33:15

base And he

33:17

was doing a joke and he says Goobies

33:19

he was on stage out there and he goes.

33:22

Yeah, I love point Magoo whenever I Whenever

33:24

I have sex with my wife, I pull out and

33:27

point Magoo and it's a laugh and

33:29

then her friend was like, oh That's

33:32

such a funny joke and she tried to tell

33:34

it to her friend Oh, my friend Henry is

33:36

so funny, but she couldn't remember point Magoo. So

33:39

she's like, oh, there's this town out

33:41

there called a Majiz She

33:44

goes so whenever I fuck he says this is what

33:46

my friend Henry says whenever I fuck my girlfriend I

33:49

always pull out and aim my jizz and

33:51

then the guy she's telling the story. There's like there's

33:53

no time called a Majiz Like

33:56

what are you talking about? I'm a precious

33:58

guy. Well that out of her ass though.

34:00

Hey a jizz is hilarious. Pretty good. But

34:02

it's funny. The guy's like your friend sucks

34:04

at comedy. Right. Made up a town called

34:06

a my jizz. Anyone could do that. Why

34:08

don't I just say, oh, there's a town

34:10

called come inside my asshole. Right. Exactly. And

34:13

so she's inadvertently making Henry look like a

34:15

fucking idiot. But

34:17

a my jizz is hilarious. So

34:19

I'm doing two nights at a

34:21

eat my spunk. I

34:24

got to come by two shows.

34:26

It's going to be sticky. Boy,

34:29

my goo. A my jizz. By the

34:31

way, hang out with Henry. That's

34:33

one of a thousand stories of

34:35

equal or greater. All bangers,

34:38

all bangers. He's a beast and

34:40

a great. You want to buy a fire.

34:43

You want a fireside chat with that guitar

34:45

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34:47

watch this film. Some in one of them

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37:23

right, here's another one from Kingwood, Texas.

37:25

OK. Getting a lot of content

37:27

out of Kingwood. Well, I was down there

37:29

in KW, and it's a different world down

37:31

there. Oh, yeah. It's like I went for

37:33

a run, and I run by these stables.

37:36

It's just horses. It's weird when you're just

37:38

running from my wife's mother's house

37:40

and there's horses. It's a different planet.

37:42

It's crazy. And then there was like 15 giant

37:46

pickup trucks in a row, and all the

37:48

dads are in the trucks with the AC

37:51

running, just kind of sitting like this, waiting

37:53

for their daughters to come out of horse

37:56

class or whatever. It's oil town. And they're

37:58

just sitting there, and you're running. It's just

38:00

like 15 of the biggest trucks

38:03

you've ever been and you're like eating the

38:05

exhaust like dying. Yes Yes eat my goo

38:07

and they all look exactly the same and

38:09

then I run by then I see all

38:11

the girls with the moms and The moms

38:13

have the big hair. Oh, everyone's got a

38:15

dress with the cowboy boots and too much

38:18

makeup And they're all like talking about Horse

38:21

life and they hate AOC and they're all the

38:23

same people. Oh, yeah, it's just a gun horse

38:26

life and They're

38:28

just fascinating. That's that's all that no That

38:30

is fast cuz you you step into that

38:32

world and you dip a toe and you

38:34

go this is wacko it's like another life

38:37

and then you come back to New York

38:39

and you get shit on and a bird

38:41

fucks your mom and You

38:43

yelled at if you see a horse as a

38:45

cop on it. Good. Good point or it's pulling

38:47

some tourists. Yeah Outside

38:52

of Central Park, there's all those activists out there.

38:54

Oh, right. Yeah, what you want to go and

38:56

look it is horrible They make

38:58

them wait there on Fifth Avenue for six

39:00

hours and then a you know Xcon goes

39:02

come on you fucking hits the horse

39:05

with a whip throws a

39:07

note at it, but As

39:09

far as horses go it throughout

39:12

the annals Pretty good.

39:15

Yeah, they're not getting a jousting stick to

39:17

the eye or riding into war, right? Or

39:19

you know pulling a wagon full of

39:21

Come Thank

39:24

you back on the wagon eat

39:26

my goo So I'm

39:28

just saying like it sucks but horses

39:31

used to get fucked and I think

39:33

they're meant to work or something sure

39:36

Like the Iditarod. Yes, that's

39:39

a fun word. I did a rod But

39:44

I've used this as an example the horses in Central

39:46

Park I use I can't

39:49

speak anymore. I use this as

39:51

an example of like how

39:53

I'm so susceptible to debate I read

39:55

a whole thing one time about like

39:58

we need to get rid of the horse

40:00

horses in Central Park. It's abuse. They're kept

40:02

in horrible conditions. And I read it and

40:04

I was like, I'm donating. That's right. Get

40:07

rid of these horses. I agree. And then

40:09

I read a counterpoint that was like, this

40:12

is a, all these immigrants use this as their job.

40:14

They came here from the Czech Republic. They're gonna, what

40:16

are they going to do? The clip clop

40:18

is part of the city. The nature of our fabric. This

40:21

has been around for 5,000 years.

40:23

Interesting. It's the number one spot to get engaged.

40:25

People want to see the city. And I read

40:27

that and I was like, we got

40:29

to keep these horses. Yeah. And then it's one of

40:31

those ones you're like, all right, that's all the brain

40:33

power I have. You guys decide what horses. You guys

40:36

figure it out. Rusty. That's most

40:38

things in life. You're like, yeah, that's, you

40:40

guys figure that shit out. Well, that's why

40:42

debate is important, but also things are nuanced.

40:44

There's two sides to every dick.

40:46

And so you got to, you took both in.

40:49

Most people just go, I read the one thing

40:51

and I'm moving on. I'm going with my thing.

40:53

It's the concrete is dried. I'm moving on. Right.

40:55

You took both in and you realized this is

40:57

above my pages and you moved on. I tried

40:59

to take both sides in, which I was thinking

41:01

that when I'm in Kingwood, I could talk to

41:03

these people and go, I know

41:05

the fucking, the left is crazy. It makes me

41:07

nuts and this and that. And the other thing,

41:09

all the things we're always talking about. And I

41:11

come back to New York and I'm like, these

41:14

people are crazy. They think, you know, whatever abortion

41:16

and the thing is evil. They all look

41:18

the same. They all dress the same. They

41:20

all have the same views. They're all, they

41:22

all think God is real. So there's ebbs

41:25

and flows. I can dip a toe everywhere you

41:27

want to go, but good to

41:29

dip a toe. That's healthy. I love a

41:31

dipped toe. So toe jam. What

41:34

the fuck was I going to say? And Earl. Oh,

41:37

but then we go to

41:39

Aldi, Aldi, the grocery store.

41:41

Oh no. That's Aldo. I know

41:44

Ald David. Oh yeah.

41:46

Big Al. Yeah. Al-Qaeda. Big Al. Al-Qaeda.

41:48

Yeah. That sounds like a guy. You

41:50

don't know how kind of.

41:53

Kinda. All right. What

41:55

were you saying there

41:58

about Aldi? That's a good story. How about

42:00

all these groups in a row? There

42:02

was like Al-Qaeda, ISIS, ISIL,

42:04

ISIL, ISIS. Oh yeah, I forgot about

42:06

ISIL. Then there's Hamas, and then there's

42:09

also Taliban. And

42:12

Hezbollah. Hezbollah,

42:14

yeah, that's another one. They're extra spicy.

42:17

How about this for a sitcom? The

42:20

Mossad couple. Hey,

42:23

now we're talking. It's the two Jews

42:25

who disagree about everything. That's nice. Okay,

42:28

we have some. I love it. But

42:30

any farts, so why can't

42:32

I remember what this fucking stupid story is like? Aldi. Oh,

42:35

is that Aldi? Yes. I remember

42:37

one of these guys, maybe you were like me, people

42:39

talk about specific grocery stores.

42:42

Yes. Oh, you got to go to fucking HEB.

42:44

Trader Joe's. You got

42:46

to hit up Aldi. Yes. I

42:48

don't know, it's groceries. If

42:50

you're getting hung up on a grocery, it

42:52

ain't baseball cards. You go, you get your brick

42:55

hole, check, charcoal briquette, you

42:58

get the fuck out. I just don't get it. Whoa,

43:00

have you ever been to a fucking

43:02

Bob's? Blah, blah, blah? Oh, you got

43:04

to go to Vaughn's or Ralph's. They

43:06

got the best deal on cheese. Okay,

43:09

give me air conditioning and

43:12

wide aisles. Yes. I'm

43:14

fine. Aldi or HEB or... Emerald Isle.

43:17

Whatever it is. But anyways,

43:19

we go to Aldi, and we're shopping around. We got the

43:21

baby and Sarah, whatever. Then there's this woman,

43:23

I think a grandma. She must have been in her 60s.

43:26

She had like an eight year old and a seven year

43:28

old. They come in, the door's open, she walks in, it's

43:30

like this. You're the one hung up on it.

43:32

You keep bringing out the same fucking thing. If you bring it out

43:34

one more time, I'm going to take you outside and beat the fuck

43:36

out of you. Jesus. I swear to God.

43:38

This is a grown old lady

43:42

bitch piece of garbage. You're shouting at

43:44

like an eight year old kid. The kid's like, oh. Oh my Lord.

43:48

She goes, you're the one that's hung up on it. I'm

43:50

like, you're... She's a child. It's

43:53

a crazy way to talk to a youngster. Of course

43:55

they're hung up on it. They're a kid. Right. And

43:57

you're hung up on it. You're screaming in public, threatening

43:59

violence. on this child. Good

44:01

point. But anyways, what do you do there? Because

44:03

I want to fight this one. I brought it

44:06

up, but she probably has a gun and maybe

44:08

she's got a gun. Whatever. These kids

44:10

are going to be abused and then they're going

44:12

to do their kid and they're going to do

44:14

it to their kid. And the story goes. No,

44:16

these people are going to cause crimes and, and,

44:18

and, uh, what do you call it? Um, great

44:20

film. Uh, they're going to cause violence.

44:23

Yes. They're going to revolt and, uh, what

44:25

a, just a bag of shit. I just

44:27

think screaming fuck in a grocery store. Cuckoo

44:30

is insane. I agree. We let the explicitives

44:32

fly here and we're in an office building.

44:34

We're living in a society, but I always

44:36

yell at certain, I won't name names, but

44:38

certain friends I'm like, what are you crazy?

44:40

Yeah. I've seen you do it. This fucking

44:42

thing is, I'm like, what are you doing?

44:45

We're at a pizza shop. We're at a

44:47

restaurant. Yeah, yeah, right. A pizzeria. I'm

44:49

with you. And, uh, just threatening kid, you fucking

44:51

piece of shit. I'll beat the fuck out

44:53

of you. Famously at that great point we were

44:56

hanging out with a comedian, a, uh,

44:59

afro Americana and it

45:01

was, uh, and we're this and we're that. And you're like,

45:03

it's still a curse word. It'd be

45:05

like going cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, this cunt over

45:07

here and that fucking cunt, cunt, please. You know,

45:09

that was concrete. I'm like, what are we doing?

45:11

There's like children around. Yeah. It's like the N

45:13

word. I know exactly. It's like a

45:16

boy right there. And he's like, but I'm black. And

45:18

you're like, but it's still a curse. You're still saying

45:20

F word F word. Even

45:22

if you're gay, it's still a

45:24

problem. Yes. Say the, I don't care. Say the N

45:27

word, but like with this, a waiter sitting here. Yes.

45:29

Agreed. Anyways, but yeah, so that was, I guess

45:31

that's not much of a story, but an old

45:33

lady threatening her children and I'll beat the fuck

45:35

out of you and fuck you this. And I

45:38

had to leave. I was like, I'm going to

45:40

go out to the other, uh, to the car.

45:42

Well, tell me if this is autism. Uh,

45:45

we, is that wrong? That clock. Okay.

45:47

Oh, okay.

45:50

Gotcha. This is all, is

45:52

this autism? Two videos I've been watching. First of all,

45:54

I watched a documentary on Aldi,

45:57

but not a doc, but a YouTube

45:59

20 minute. think about Aldi. Literally

46:02

in the grocery store I'm talking about? Yes. Wow.

46:04

Like because grocery stores are are having

46:06

a moment and I'm not

46:09

an Aldi stan, I'm not like an Aldi

46:11

head or a Trader Joe head you know

46:14

but I'm just saying they're all very different

46:16

and a lot of them collapse

46:18

after a while. I see. And the

46:20

reason certain stay is because they make

46:22

certain choices like Trader Joe's is cheap

46:25

as shit and they sell their own

46:27

stuff. Oh okay. Whereas another one

46:29

the Whole Foods is all hey what do

46:31

you got from the farm we'll jack it

46:33

up a pair is $38. Right healthy. Yeah

46:36

so Aldi has a

46:38

few limited items and if they're always

46:40

smaller and then they do a couple

46:42

things they have less air conditioning and

46:44

they don't they don't pay the the

46:47

Mexicans or something there's some reason they

46:49

have a but they're they're working and

46:51

they're blowing up everywhere. Interesting. Yeah Aldi's

46:53

different. No kidding. Well that's like the

46:55

the bars here in New York off

46:58

the wagon down the hatch 13th step. They

47:01

have all these happy hours. They have all these

47:03

specials. Yes. They do all these different cantor work

47:05

for them for years. And they're doing great. There's

47:08

like 30 of them now. But one of the

47:10

things he mentioned that they did they got rid

47:12

of oranges. They crunched the numbers. That's what I'm

47:14

talking about. They did the number thing and oranges

47:17

are fucking expensive. They go bad whatever and

47:19

so we would be there and I used to hang

47:21

out there all the time and cantor would work there

47:23

and people would be like can I get a what's

47:25

the blue moon and like I didn't get an orange.

47:27

Yeah we don't have oranges. Yeah. And what happens is

47:29

everyone goes no orange and they go no and they

47:32

move on. They go on. All

47:34

right. And I just drinks this thing like

47:36

nobody's like I will never come to this

47:38

bar again. And you're like we're saving whatever

47:40

seven thousand dollars a year on oranges. That

47:43

adds up. Nobody is going I won't go

47:45

back to that bar. I need my orange.

47:47

Exactly. We don't do oranges. Well what's the

47:49

famous one. I think American Airlines took one

47:51

black olive out of each salad and they

47:54

saved 10 million a year. Give

47:57

that a goog. I think I made that up.

47:59

No Chuck. yes and he said yeah

48:02

sure yeah but yeah that goes

48:05

a lot so Aldi figured out all these weird

48:07

little savings but that's also what fucks you these

48:09

these airlines they go will take two more inches

48:11

and put another seat in if you take two

48:13

inches from every row and now we're all sit

48:15

with our knees up arrest and then you stop

48:17

going you know it's when you start nickel and

48:19

dime too much uh... the other ought to

48:21

be got one yes is thirty years

48:24

ago american airlines hit a cost saving

48:26

idea through analysis they establish removing one

48:28

olive from every passenger salad would save

48:30

forty thousand dollars a year had to

48:32

be a blackout factoring inflation this is

48:34

a yearly saving of around a hundred

48:36

thousand dollars today while well that's like

48:39

uh... i lost it already was

48:41

i gonna say you gotta have more similes

48:45

something what was i gonna say

48:47

my brain is bush out yet

48:49

had thoroughly it's mushy it's early

48:51

the baby woke up at four

48:53

o'clock go

48:56

back to sleep so you try to arrest but you

48:58

like i'm all pipes

49:00

can i just say this is a friend

49:02

that i commend you all thanks

49:04

on your uh... ability to

49:07

have a bunch of bad shit happen

49:10

and just keep gone keep it on

49:12

got a role with the assholes my

49:15

lady has one toe steps

49:18

on a lego i mean it's world

49:20

war three she blows up the iron

49:22

dome it's uh... it's it's

49:24

under dole but it's been a holocaust

49:26

well you know what to tell and

49:28

dick stories for a living here it's

49:31

not roofing so it's not sure

49:33

but i'm saying she steps on a

49:35

on a thumbtack and uh... so kill

49:37

a village i

49:39

mean i hear you but i appreciate it i'm doing

49:42

my best i gotta go from here to the regs

49:44

and uh... i'm worried i said all this before uh...

49:46

so we did a whole all the two years ago

49:49

no not just get now here's the

49:51

other on to the wallberg thing possibly

49:53

you're saying no i

49:56

think telling dick stories is hilarious uh...

49:59

i think i would their

52:01

talent tabulations maybe this is a male thing well

52:04

I love a number but also I'd like to

52:06

go on and look at everyone's rotten tomato filmmakers

52:08

rotten tomatoes same you're like some guys their movies

52:10

are like 84% 89% 91% 78% by the way

52:12

I heard

52:16

the new link later movies amazing 97% wow that's tough now cuz I

52:18

feel like I

52:21

like rotten but it got muddied well

52:23

it's not an overly reliable but

52:25

it's fascinating to know what that is

52:27

rotten tomatoes is it's that the critics

52:30

are sure sure so it's just

52:32

an owl but he word

52:34

else he a mouth

52:37

aggravator aggregate aggregate reviews

52:39

I don't know aggregate okay

52:42

yeah you know aggregate aggregator

52:44

aggregator aggregates I gotta start

52:46

shit the amount of percentage

52:49

of good reviews to negative reviews

52:52

where it's fucked up though is like accumulation

52:54

some reviews I consider some reviews might be

52:56

like yeah I like the movie

52:58

it was okay and that goes into the good

53:00

review pile well you know it gives

53:02

me a hope is somebody had the

53:04

bet the great bit I might have been Tosh about

53:08

you know you read your comments everybody hates you you

53:10

suck you're not funny Beethoven

53:13

Symphony first YouTube comment gay

53:17

true story that's a real I looked it

53:19

up and so that gives you hope like

53:21

alright you could write this fucking beautiful piece

53:24

of classical music that you know

53:26

lasted throughout history and then first

53:29

guy hates it no it's important and so

53:31

to say this years ago he said about

53:33

reddit which I don't go near reddit but

53:35

if he goes if you look at you

53:37

your YouTube comments look at everybody else's YouTube

53:39

comments also good point it's like oh

53:42

you look at other people you're like

53:44

oh Jesus yeah they fucking hate this

53:46

guy hey and then we know those

53:48

people yeah absolutely so I thought

53:51

it was gonna say earlier when you mentioned the

53:53

olive thing it reminds me of

53:55

the Todd Barry joke when you said Tosh joke

53:57

maybe Todd Barry joke about Fugazi Oh,

54:00

I love that joke. They decided all the costs are

54:02

$5. He's like, you think the bass player would be

54:04

like, what about $6? I'm doing

54:06

some math. I figure $1 per person times 300 shows

54:08

a year times 10 years equals

54:10

I don't have a roommate when I'm 50. Oh,

54:13

that's a great joke. Great joke. Now, what

54:15

can you Google? Because Fugazi is Italian for,

54:17

I think, retarded or

54:19

stupid. He's

54:21

got a little Fugazi. Fugazi. Yeah, I think

54:24

it means like he's a little off, or

54:26

that's a bad idea. What does that mean?

54:28

Donnie Brosco, they say Fugazi is like a

54:30

fake. It's Fugazi. Oh. Oh. It's fucked. Yeah.

54:33

Yeah, it's two definitions. One of them is

54:35

not genuine, fake. And one of them is

54:37

damage beyond repair. Oh, that

54:39

seems that's a more punk thing, I

54:41

think, damage beyond repair. How

54:43

great is Fubar? Fucked

54:45

up beyond all recognition. Yes. What

54:48

about Scuba? Scuba,

54:50

social climbing underwater baby

54:52

asshole. Oh, that

54:54

was pretty good. Self-contained

54:58

underwater breathing apparatus.

55:01

Aggregate. Then there's snafu. Oh,

55:06

give me that one. Situation normal

55:08

all fucked up. Wow. Now, give

55:10

this a goog there, Chuck

55:13

E Cheese. There's

55:15

a guy in World War I or II where

55:18

he's like alone, everybody died. The

55:21

Red Baron? Not

55:23

pizza. So he's all,

55:25

everyone's dead. He's just out there

55:27

in the place alone. He killed

55:29

everybody. He's getting the coming

55:31

form. And the guy from the pillbox,

55:34

the bunker, goes, if

55:37

you drop your weapon, we'll let you

55:39

live. And he's

55:41

millions of miles away. So there are binoculars. And he

55:43

picks up a sign. And he just writes,

55:46

nuts. Meaning like, I

55:49

think that was a saying in the

55:51

40s, like, ah, nuts. Fuck

55:53

you. Oh, wow. I don't know nuts. And so

55:55

then they blew him up. But pretty cool that

55:57

he's like, ah, nuts. You know,

56:00

that's how he went out. Wow. It's really

56:02

good. Comes from. Wait, what do you got?

56:05

Says in mid December 1944, Allied forces were surprised by

56:08

a massive German offensive to the whatever forest,

56:10

blah, blah, blah. Caught in

56:12

what would become known as the Battle of the Bulge.

56:15

Ah, bulging nuts. Dan Bulger.

56:17

Oh, yeah. The

56:19

101st Airborne Division was holed up,

56:23

outnumbered, outgunned and running out of food,

56:25

ammunition and medical supplies. The embattled assistant

56:27

division commander, Brigadier General

56:29

Anthony McCollough, the

56:31

Coliff, if he faced

56:33

bleak prospects, all of cancer. On December 22nd,

56:35

the American troops were sent an ultimatum from

56:38

German forces demanding the honorable surrender of the

56:40

town within two hours. So they let this

56:42

guy's all alone. They want him to

56:44

surrender. And he said he sent a

56:46

reply back and it was brief. And it said to

56:49

the German commander, nuts with

56:51

exclamation point. The American commander. What a bad

56:53

ass. What does nuts mean? I don't get

56:55

it. I think it means to go fuck

56:57

yourself. Yeah. And that's nuts to you. That's

56:59

to you is a saying. I think it

57:01

was just an old fashioned saying like, that

57:03

ain't it. It would be the new nuts,

57:06

you know. Hey, nuts and nuts. Now,

57:08

how about World War One? The the Christmas they took a

57:10

Christmas break and they went and met and chatted. Oh,

57:13

yeah, that's a crazy one. They

57:15

went and sat there and exchanged food and

57:17

touched dicks and blew each other. That is

57:20

that shows you how stupid war is right

57:22

there in a nutshell. Real silly nuts. But

57:25

what are you going to do? Nutmeg. I think I might

57:27

have one more thing here. Hit me fatty. Oh,

57:30

this was depressing. This was sad. I got a photo.

57:33

I don't know. I can't post because it's like children.

57:35

But Sarah and I were in

57:37

Kingwood again last night. There we go.

57:39

This restaurant. Chachi's love. Chachi. Oh, yeah.

57:41

She loves Joni. It's yeah, it's a

57:43

nice. They got the queso and the

57:45

salsa. Forget about it for Gazi. So

57:48

we go there and it's baseball

57:50

night. They all finished their game, these

57:52

young boys. And again, the dads all

57:54

have the big cross drop

57:56

cut baseball hat sunglasses on there.

57:58

They all look identical.