0:04

You wake in a strange room. Your

0:08

clothes are foreign and the walls are covered

0:10

in objects from a different world. You

0:13

don't know where or when you are, or

0:16

if you're still dreaming. There

0:19

are footsteps in the hall. Jumping

0:21

up, you race out of the room and into the streets.

0:24

You have just entered the

0:27

Twilight Histories.

0:33

You have entered the Twilight

0:35

Histories, an audio adventure

0:37

that casts you as the hero. Today

0:41

you will hear part two

0:43

of Broham the Barbarian by

0:46

Aaron Lund. In the

0:48

last episode, you entered a Bronze

0:50

Age world as a content

0:52

influencer creating hyper-realistic

0:55

experiences for a gaming

0:57

company.

0:58

You tamed a massive bird

1:00

and won the hearts of an ancient city to

1:03

become their king.

1:04

In part two, you will leave

1:07

your city in search of an even greater

1:09

adventure.

1:11

I mean, content.

1:13

Once you've finished listening to Broham

1:15

the Barbarian part two, head

1:17

on over to Patreon where you will

1:19

find a massive one-hour

1:22

bonus track to Broham.

1:24

And now, Broham the Barbarian

1:27

part two

1:28

by Aaron Lund.

1:48

fight.

2:01

It's a textbook third-person adventure

2:03

quest, but in first-person, in

2:05

real life. It's all you've ever

2:07

wanted. You

2:09

worked hard not to get your hopes up about this

2:12

adventure. You've been burned by claims

2:14

of giants, monsters, and

2:16

disembodied demons from the bowels of the underworld

2:18

before.

2:21

As you drag the uncooperative bulk of

2:23

the sentry whose neck you just broke into

2:25

a corner, beyond the reach of

2:27

the light from the braziers, you gotta

2:29

admit the questgiver hadn't been exaggerating

2:32

this time. You scoot the

2:34

corpse into the corner, formed by

2:36

the crenellations atop the wall you're on. You

2:38

turn around to face the interior of the complex

2:41

and take a seat on the body, its latent

2:43

warmth feeling rather welcome against the

2:46

chilly night breezes. Still

2:48

tucked away in the shadows, you figure you've

2:51

got a few minutes to decide your approach. The

2:54

broad, brick-paved walkway stretches

2:56

off to your left and right. Thanks

2:59

to your enhanced night vision, you can see

3:01

a few other sentries pacing back and forth along

3:03

the wall, looking bored.

3:06

You aren't worried about yourself being seen. You

3:08

chose a moonless night for this very reason. As

3:11

long as you stay out of the light, you'll see them

3:13

before they see you.

3:15

Judging by the size of the dude you're sitting on, that's

3:18

not a bad thing.

3:20

She'd said they were large, and she hadn't been kidding.

3:23

Shamhat,

3:24

eye-precist of the temple of Utu and

3:26

keeper of the eye, had

3:28

blown into Warka with a small, mildly

3:30

bedraggled entourage of eunuchs seeking

3:33

audience with the king. As luck

3:35

would have it you were in that day, having

3:37

been king of Warka ever since you pushed the last

3:39

guy into a fire pit meant for your

3:41

terror bird, spite.

3:44

Not that you do much kingly admin of the city

3:46

yourself. Although you enjoy

3:48

a nice city builder, that kind of content

3:50

doesn't really play to your demographic.

3:53

At the recommendation of your corporate liaison,

3:56

Moo,

3:57

you appointed a viceroy to handle the day-to-day.

4:00

You spend your time building your reputation

4:02

playing the hero.

4:03

Just you and spite, your trusty

4:06

steed, and moo, of course, often

4:08

tagging along, gathering her data. Apparently

4:11

it was working, too, because it was to your

4:13

throne room Shamhat scrambled when she found

4:15

herself booted out of her own temple.

4:18

Heavy of brow and mean of aspect,

4:21

she'd call them eroders, whatever that meant.

4:24

Hulking and brutish, she'd claimed, with

4:26

squat, hairy bodies thick with ropey

4:28

muscle. They were hunched and

4:30

ape-like, yet the smallest among them stood

4:32

ahead above the tallest man at the temple

4:34

complex.

4:36

The marauders knew their business as well.

4:39

It had taken no time at all to scatter the villagers

4:41

who made their homes outside the temple grounds,

4:44

secure the servants and temple prostitutes as

4:46

hostages, and of course, seize

4:48

the treasures left in the temple's care, including

4:51

the eye of Utu.

4:53

Shamhat herself only managed to get out

4:55

with a handful of eunuch attendants and

4:57

the clothes on her back. The secret

4:59

tunnel they'd used, known only to the high

5:01

priestess herself, was crudely dug

5:04

and suffered a collapse as they made their passage.

5:07

That makes it useless for your purposes, but

5:09

hey, you wouldn't want it to be too

5:11

easy.

5:12

Once Shamhat was settled into accommodations

5:15

befitting her station,

5:17

you got the rest of the story. She'd

5:19

been hearing rumors of strange nomads people

5:21

were calling the Enkidu. They

5:23

were coming into the fertile corridor out of the western

5:26

desert, raiding, pillaging, and

5:28

making a general mess of things. However,

5:31

bandits and marauders had never risked angering

5:34

the gods by desecrating a temple before,

5:36

so she made ready to receive the freshly injured

5:39

and newly homeless,

5:40

but beyond that paid little mind.

5:43

It wasn't until they were at the gates and

5:45

in her temple, and she was fleeing for her

5:47

life that Shamhat realized her mistake.

5:50

Turns out these Enkidu out of the western desert

5:53

weren't like other bandits and marauders the high

5:55

priestess had encountered before. They

5:57

were a different kind of people, with a different

5:59

kind of

5:59

outlook that allowed for the pillaging

6:02

of temples as rather plumbed targets. Barbarians

6:05

with gods that didn't seem to think the desecration

6:08

of other gods' temples was any of their

6:10

business. Shamhat wasn't

6:12

having it, though. She wanted help getting her

6:14

stuff back, as the long and short of it. As

6:17

well as the people she'd left behind, of course, if

6:19

something could be done for them.

6:21

The high priestess being rather fond of—many

6:24

of them, it seems.

6:27

Worshipers at the temples swap news and

6:29

gossip,

6:30

and a lot of that, lately, had been

6:32

about you.

6:33

So she came to you, and now here you are.

6:37

You must be doing your job.

6:41

You inch closer to the edge of the walkway, which

6:43

lacks even so much as a guardrail for comfort,

6:46

and peer into a courtyard several meters below—one

6:49

of a whole series of courtyards that ring the inside

6:52

of the curtain wall. They're

6:53

lousy with statuary and ornamental

6:55

shrubbery, so plenty of cover.

6:58

Which is good, now that you're rethinking your

7:00

usual head-on approach.

7:02

These fellas are real big. At

7:05

the center of the complex, a ziggurat

7:07

tapers upward like a smushed pyramid—the

7:10

temple of U-2 itself.

7:12

Sandwich between the ring of courtyard and

7:15

the temple is a buffer zone of packed

7:17

earth and brick-paved walkways. This

7:20

area is brightly lit, with large braziers

7:23

at regular intervals. You'll be

7:25

at a disadvantage there.

7:27

The Enkidu are spread about—the

7:29

ones you can see, anyway.

7:31

Some few wander the courtyards or chat

7:33

in the light of the braziers.

7:35

You can make out at least two, mucking about the

7:37

ziggurat's terraces, but most are

7:39

in a single clump at the base of the temple's

7:41

main stairway. The smell

7:43

of their greasy cook fire mingled with the

7:46

sour musk of the body behind you makes

7:48

for a heady bouquet. Alright

7:50

then, what's the plan? Ideally,

7:53

you'd like to be in the temple before these Yehus

7:55

even know you're here. But there's

7:57

just too many.

7:59

You can sneak around,

7:59

doing stealth takedowns and it'd be dawned

8:02

before you cleared a path.

8:03

Plus, while you might think of them as NPCs,

8:07

they aren't AI. They'll notice when

8:09

their buddies turn up dead. Be real upset

8:11

about it, too.

8:12

No, your best bet is to draw them to one

8:14

side of the complex and sneak in on the

8:16

other,

8:17

quietly knocking heads as needed.

8:20

After you're in, you can find their leader, most

8:22

likely the biggest guy with the fanciest swag.

8:25

Once you've taken out the head honcho, the rest of the

8:27

enkadoo will fall into line.

8:29

Thankfully.

8:30

Can't know for sure, but hey,

8:32

it worked last time.

8:34

You slink back to the corner and step over the

8:36

body of the sentry to retrieve the rest of your

8:38

kit. There's a copper helmet that,

8:41

after a moment's consideration, you decide

8:43

against.

8:44

It's too shiny and throws off your hearing, anyway.

8:47

Besides,

8:48

if one of these brutes manages to club you in

8:50

the head or whatever, you don't think a few millimeters

8:52

of hammered copper is going to be much help. Alright,

8:55

that clinches it, then. You'll go minimalist.

8:59

You leave the bow and arrows, along with your sickle-shaped

9:02

sword. You want more stopping power

9:04

for these goliaths.

9:06

You opt instead for a bag of round stones

9:08

to go with your sling, the unwieldy

9:11

lump of copper at the end of a stick you call a mace.

9:14

You eyeball the spear, trying to make your mind

9:16

up about it. Finally,

9:18

you grab it, figuring, why not?

9:20

Be a pain to lug around, but it'll make a good

9:22

one-shot.

9:24

You swing your mace over your shoulder and strap it

9:26

onto your specially made leather harness. Trying

9:29

to describe a shoulder holster but for knives,

9:32

to the artisans of Warca, had been an adventure

9:35

in itself, but the results are pleasing. The

9:38

leather is well-fitted and pliable, ostrich

9:40

or something like it. Seems like everything

9:43

is birds around here.

9:44

A lot of stuff is made from them, including your

9:46

kilt.

9:47

Another of your own ideas, your tactical

9:50

kilt, is knee-length and belted around your

9:52

waist instead of cinched up to your armpits,

9:55

you know,

9:55

like clothes that make sense.

9:58

Taken altogether your heroing style.

9:59

suit has become quite the hot look

10:02

among the swaggering peacocks of Warka.

10:04

You make it work for you, though.

10:07

You hoist the sack of rocks, loosen

10:09

the twin blades in your harness, grab

10:12

your spear and pad your way along the wall,

10:14

heaping to the shadows.

10:17

After a few minutes you near another century,

10:19

leaning at the waist over crenellations that

10:21

come up to your shoulders.

10:23

He's up to the job, alert, searching

10:26

out for any disturbance in the flickering light

10:28

of the small brazier behind him.

10:30

But not in your direction, and so much the

10:32

worse for him.

10:34

You put on a burst of speed, which alerts the

10:36

sentry but not in time. You swing

10:38

the bag of rocks at an upward angle into the side

10:40

of his head. The connection is solid,

10:43

and it's hard to hear the difference between the stones

10:45

clacking and the bones cracking. Either

10:47

way, the force of the blow sends him cartwheeling

10:49

over the crenellations to the ground. One

10:52

sizable sandal flies off an equally sizable

10:55

foot and smacks into the brazier, sending

10:57

it over the interior edge to smash upon

10:59

the paved walkway beneath you. Bonus!

11:03

The commotion draws the attention of some

11:05

of the enkidu down below. You

11:08

see some thoroughly craned necks as they try to

11:10

see past the light of the braziers. Good

11:12

luck.

11:14

You're about to get to work when you hear heavy footsteps

11:16

coming at you from further along the wall. Another

11:19

sentry, running blind but doing it quickly.

11:22

Luckily, you have just a thing. You overhand

11:25

your spear halfway down the remainder of the wall

11:27

into the oncoming enkidu's eye. Noice.

11:30

You haven't even had to practice that much. Now,

11:33

back to the task at hand. You

11:35

dump the stones out of the sack, load one

11:38

into your sling, and begin launching a steady

11:40

barrage of missiles both into the braziers,

11:42

further pressing your low-light advantage, and

11:45

into the clump of enkidu, scattering them every

11:47

which way. You send stone

11:49

after stone into cranium, kneecap, and

11:51

groin. Always a classic. When

11:53

you're down to your last half dozen, you scoop

11:56

them up and continue along the wall, letting

11:58

fly as you go.

11:59

When you're out of ammo, you've reached the body of that

12:02

latest sentry—the

12:03

point of your spear sticking a good half-meter

12:05

out of the back of his head.

12:07

You grab the spear and wrestle it free, taking

12:10

a good chunk of what's left of his noggin along

12:12

with it. Man,

12:14

brains is leaky. Anyway,

12:16

all this ruckus ought to keep this lot busy for

12:18

a minute.

12:19

You flick the remaining blood and brains off the end

12:21

of the spear, hop down from the wall,

12:23

and silently make your way through the courtyards

12:25

toward the rear of the temple.

12:30

You round the temple having encountered only two

12:32

more inkidu. The first you

12:34

garroted, using your sling, which

12:37

was way more of a hassle than you'd thought it'd be,

12:39

and broke your sling besides. The

12:42

second you cuddled with your mace, altogether

12:44

a much better option—fast

12:46

and relatively quiet—as

12:48

long as it can be done with one blow.

12:50

Live and learn.

12:52

Unlike the broad, grand stairway leading

12:54

to an equally grand entrance at the front of the temple,

12:57

the rear has only a ground-level doorway

13:00

in a little alcove—or servants, perhaps.

13:03

The door is thick and barred besides,

13:05

but not particularly well-constructed. You're

13:07

able to pry a plank loose with the point of

13:09

your spear. Good thing you brought it after

13:12

all, even if it did get a bit bent.

13:15

Once inside, you pick your way through a maze

13:17

of torchless door rooms before coming at last

13:19

to a heavily mosaic landing with

13:21

stairs going up one side and down the

13:24

other—decisions, decisions.

13:27

From what Shamhath said, living corridors

13:29

are in the upper part of the temple, a likely

13:31

place for the hostages, while the temple's

13:34

more material treasures are secured down below.

13:37

But which way leads to the boss? Down,

13:39

you decide, for not much more reason

13:41

than a vague correlation with common trope.

13:45

The stairs descend into an antechamber wide

13:47

enough for three people side by side, or two

13:50

enkidu. At the opposite end

13:52

is a set of heavy doors that won't give you any trouble

13:55

because they're wide open. You

13:57

guess the room beyond is the treasury, or

13:59

was.

13:59

The marauders have picked it entirely clean,

14:02

save for torchlight, and alone in Geddu

14:05

standing with his arms folded and a smug look

14:07

of expectation. Oh,

14:09

of course, a set-up. So,

14:13

you're the boss man, you say?

14:16

I am one good of in Geddu,

14:18

he says. Uh, okay,

14:21

is that like a name or a title? You

14:23

know what? Never mind.

14:25

That whole thing was sham-hot.

14:27

That was your idea, you say? More

14:29

of a statement than a question.

14:31

The high priestess belongs to me, yes.

14:35

I take it tales of Broam, Hero of

14:37

Warka are on the lips of people far and

14:39

wide, and you conjured up this elaborate

14:42

scheme to get me here face to face

14:44

to see if the truth measures up to the legend.

14:47

Just so. Well,

14:50

alright then, you say, stepping through

14:52

the doorway to meet one good in the empty treasury.

14:56

But you could have just asked, man.

15:02

You're within a few meters of the final boss,

15:04

psyching yourself for a pre-fight stare-down

15:06

when you hear the heavy double doors clang shut behind

15:09

you. O.M.F.ing.G.

15:14

Of course there are more Enkidu standing

15:16

behind the doors. The whole set-up couldn't

15:18

be more obvious, and you just traipsed

15:20

into it like a noob. Well,

15:24

no time to cringe about it. Scrapping

15:26

with one of these dudes in this limited space will

15:29

be interesting enough. Two or more doesn't

15:31

have a good outlook. You pivot while

15:33

raising your spear, block two Enkidu

15:35

even larger than the boss man, and hurl the

15:37

spear at the furthest one before you even finish

15:40

turning. The bent and blunted end

15:42

of the spear caroms off the Enkidu's copper

15:44

breastplate. It doesn't go through, but

15:46

the force knocks him off his feet. Good

15:48

enough for now. You let your

15:50

momentum spin you completely around while you're

15:53

swinging your mace in a windmill arc. The

15:55

mace head spluts into the second marauder's face,

15:58

caving it in and halting his oncoming

15:59

in charge to good effect.

16:02

Ironically, if he hadn't been so tall

16:04

the mace would've whiffed right over his head.

16:06

It just goes to show. Well, you're

16:08

not sure what it shows, but it's something.

16:10

You spare a glance at one good, verifying

16:13

your guess that he's just watching this all play out.

16:15

It's fun to be right. The

16:18

first Enkidu is up on his feet again, looking

16:20

displeased. You pull one of the copper

16:22

blades from its sheath on your harness, catch

16:25

it up by the tip, and send it flying hilt

16:27

deep into his eye. You already had

16:29

one eye shot tonight, and it's nice to have

16:31

this set. You know, for symmetry.

16:35

You turn to face one good once again. Give

16:38

your mace a couple quick swings to flick off the

16:40

viscera and say, does that do

16:42

it for ya? One

16:44

good lashes out, a whiplash undulation

16:47

from waist to fingertip. You quick step

16:49

to the side as something, either a short handled

16:51

spear or a long handled sword, rockets

16:54

past your head to lodge deep in the door behind

16:56

you. Not the answer you anticipated,

16:59

you were expecting something more glib. But

17:01

what Enkidu lacks in eloquence, he makes

17:04

up in direct action. He plows

17:06

bodily into you, nearly knocking you into

17:08

the wall. You plant your feet and absorb

17:10

the blow, but lose hold of your mace, which

17:12

clatters to the floor halfway across the

17:14

room. Enkidu doesn't give

17:16

you time to recover. He throws

17:18

hands like bark and bricks and you dodge and deflect.

17:21

You wouldn't say he's flailing wildly, exactly.

17:24

It's more directed than that. His

17:26

attacks are explosive and unpredictable, but

17:29

intentional. He's not just hoping brute

17:31

strength and ferocity will carry the day. He's

17:33

got you two stepping, just out of reach,

17:36

trying to buy a little time. Bit

17:38

of a pickle, really. He's got too much

17:40

reach on you. You could get close,

17:43

inside his guard where you'd have

17:44

the upper hand in a fistfight, but no,

17:46

can't risk it. You can't let him grab you.

17:49

He's got size and weight on you, and

17:51

despite your enhancements, sheer strength

17:53

too. If it came to grappling,

17:55

he'd toss you around like a ragdoll. Still,

17:59

can't hit back from way

17:59

out here, out of reach. Not

18:02

without your mace or whatever to make up the difference.

18:05

Nope, you gotta lean into the only real edge

18:07

you've got against him. You won't get

18:09

tired. Just gotta keep from

18:11

being murdered till he tuckers out. You

18:14

lead him on a merry chase. Juke to the left,

18:17

right, and left again. You can take a

18:19

swipe here and there, at his hands and arms

18:21

as they're coming at you at least.

18:23

Not sure what a punch to the forearm will accomplish,

18:25

but eh. Oh

18:27

wait, you've got another knife! Yeah, just

18:29

slide that out and stick, stick, stick! Oh!

18:33

Well, it's stuck alright. Up near the

18:35

elbow. Yanked right out of your hand. Does

18:38

he even notice it? Why didn't you throw

18:40

it? Stupid, stupid! Oh

18:42

well, fun while it lasted. And

18:45

anyway, he's starting to slow down. No

18:47

one really lasts more than a few minutes pushing this

18:49

hard. He's been going at it nearly ten. Kind

18:53

of a shame, you're having fun, but

18:55

this is looking like a wrap. As

18:58

if in agreement with your inner monologue, one

19:00

could abruptly halts his attack and

19:02

hops back out of reach. After

19:04

squinting at you in what looks like appraisal for

19:07

a few beats, he lets out a sharp laugh,

19:10

then doubles over, loudly trying to

19:12

catch his breath.

19:14

Unexpected.

19:16

You've been tricked once or twice tonight already,

19:18

and you don't intend to fall for whatever this is.

19:22

As you sidle over to where your mace lies,

19:24

one could lift one hand to a stitch in his side,

19:27

and through labored panting says, Take

19:30

it up, if you like. There

19:33

is no more fight in me tonight.

19:36

You reach the mace and bend down to pick it up,

19:39

keeping the marauder in sight.

19:41

You wipe the remaining blood and dirt off the mace

19:43

head while watching one could

19:45

get his breathing under control,

19:47

trying to figure his angle. They

19:50

said you were tireless,

19:53

says the N.K.D.U., sounding much better.

19:56

The stories,

19:57

some speak of great strength, some

19:59

of-

19:59

of unbelievable speed.

20:02

There are strange claims about birds

20:04

that I don't quite grasp, but

20:06

all of the tales say that you do not

20:08

tire. And you run

20:10

toward that kind of thing, you say,

20:13

giving your mace a practice swing. One

20:15

could laugh.

20:17

We are a nomadic people, and

20:19

every new place brings a new strong

20:22

man. When people see the hero's

20:24

head at the end of a spear,

20:26

the fight goes out of them. Ah,

20:29

so that's what this is, you say, testing

20:31

the backswing this time. What happens

20:33

when they aren't helpful enough to die?

20:36

It has never happened before.

20:38

You chuckle. Haha. Alright

20:40

then, what do you want to do? I

20:42

don't really need to kill you guys. I'm

20:45

sure we could work something out.

20:47

He bristles a bit at your comment about killing

20:49

them, but it passes quickly.

20:52

What do you suggest?

20:54

He asks.

20:56

Well, you'll have to

20:58

clear out of here for sure. Otherwise,

21:00

what's the point?

21:02

And leave all the bodies, too, you say, gesturing

21:05

at his dead henchmen. People like to see

21:07

that kind of thing. I'm sure you understand.

21:09

What with your heads on sticks and all.

21:12

Of course. Then

21:14

I don't really care what you do. Just

21:17

steer clear of Warka, I suppose.

21:19

Oh, and I'll need the eye of Utoo.

21:22

Can't go back empty-handed, you know.

21:25

Not that you're really going to hand it back to Shamhat.

21:27

You promised your top-tier subscribers new

21:30

old stock antiquities.

21:33

One could, having regained his composure,

21:36

appraises you for a moment, tugging a tuft

21:38

of hair on his chin to a point.

21:41

It's odd.

21:42

You'd think the amount of body hair on the Enkidu

21:44

would translate to a thick beard on the face.

21:47

Not so much.

21:49

Finally, he says, I

21:50

have a different notion.

21:53

Join us.

21:54

You would make an excellent Enkidu.

21:57

Better than excellent, I'd say, is what comes out.

22:00

of your mouth. You've got to be

22:02

the glib you want to see in the world, it seems.

22:05

Sounds to me, though, like a great way

22:07

for you to put me in a bad spot. Of

22:10

course it does. But how many have

22:12

you killed here? Do you

22:14

not trust in your strength? Well,

22:18

most of those dudes never saw you coming, but you

22:20

see his point. You say, so what?

22:23

We just rob and

22:25

pillage?

22:26

Would you prefer to sit behind your

22:28

city walls?

22:30

He's got you there. You just wanted to

22:32

chill in Warca, you'd be there now. Actually,

22:35

it's kinda sounding like a fun idea. Although,

22:38

why would your people accept me, you say? Just

22:41

on your word? Partly,

22:43

yes, he says.

22:46

Also gathering like-minded people along

22:48

the way is common.

22:50

The main reason, however, is that

22:52

you are small. Huh.

22:55

Well, that's... you don't know what

22:57

to think about that.

22:59

What you say is, I'll have you

23:01

know that I am slightly

23:04

above average height where I come from.

23:07

One could chuckle. Hahaha.

23:10

Not gonna lie, I'm intrigued. Interested

23:13

even. Couple things first, though. One,

23:16

I'm not looking to lead. I've already found

23:18

myself in charge of one bunch of unnamed characters

23:21

and I'm not looking to expand.

23:23

One could look at you like the thought had never crossed

23:25

his mind. And B, you

23:27

continue, I'm not following either.

23:29

I'm not taking orders. I will do,

23:32

or not do, my own thing

23:34

as I see fit. Who

23:36

among us could make you do otherwise,

23:39

he says. Well,

23:41

he's a flatterer, but it's working. You're

23:43

actually kind of excited. This could be a lot of fun.

23:46

And it might be the best way to keep them out of

23:48

Warka. You don't want them anywhere near your

23:50

stash of relics.

23:52

Alright then, let's get to it. Just

23:54

let me get my ride, you say. And

23:56

seriously though,

23:57

I want that eye.

24:01

Back home, before you'd ever

24:03

heard of Twilight histories, you

24:06

hadn't really thought of nighttime as dark so

24:08

much as light of a different flavor. With

24:11

city lights bright enough to pass for high noon

24:14

when bleeding around the edges of your blackout

24:16

curtains, the idea of

24:18

a starlit sky seemed as fantastical

24:20

as the realms of fairy or tales of jinn

24:23

and magic lamps. Here

24:25

there are no city lights to blanch the heavens. The

24:28

stars are so many it's hard to say if they seem

24:30

more like a gajillion individual pin

24:32

bricks and velvet blackness, or

24:34

a milky haze sketching out the landscape

24:36

and silhouette. It never

24:38

gets old. Soon

24:41

enough though another silhouette takes form. The

24:44

round crust of a low hill traced by

24:46

the ruddy glow of a bonfire behind it. That'll

24:49

be the Enkidew camp then. If

24:51

you're gonna change your mind and hightail it back

24:53

to Warka now would be the time to do it. In

24:56

the end the marauders at the temple hadn't left

24:59

their dead behind and you're strolling into

25:01

a strange camp along with half a dozen

25:03

corpses of their friends and loved ones who you

25:06

killed. Probably not the

25:08

brainiest thing you've ever done but it'll

25:11

be fine. You lean forward

25:13

in your saddle and scratch behind your terror bird's

25:16

ear you think? Whatever,

25:19

she seems to like it anyway. As

25:21

long as you've got your bestest girl spite you've

25:23

got nothing to worry about. How

25:26

is this bird bound to your will? One

25:29

good asks, walking alongside you on

25:31

your mount giving spite the side

25:33

eye. I notice you

25:36

do not give it commands yet

25:38

the beast seems to know what you desire

25:40

of it. Is this the work

25:42

of the sorceress I'm told of? A

25:46

sorceress huh? You say? Yeah,

25:48

I guess Moo could be called that. Well

25:52

the way she tells it all spite here doesn't

25:54

really know what I want or even

25:56

do what I want per se. experiences

26:00

what I want her to do as her own idea.

26:03

As far as spite knows, she's doing

26:05

her own thing. Hell, she might

26:08

even think I'm doing what she wants." That

26:11

is both impressive and unnerving,

26:13

he says. I wonder, does

26:16

it cause you to consider what or

26:18

who might be doing your sorceress's

26:21

will while thinking it was their

26:23

own? Well, I am

26:25

now, you say, but nah,

26:28

I'm pretty sure it only works on birds, at

26:30

least so far. And anyway, she

26:32

only has so much of the potion

26:35

that makes it work. She

26:37

cannot make more? Yeah,

26:40

but now without going back to the faraway land

26:42

we came from, this place doesn't have the

26:44

right eye of new terror, whatever. I

26:47

see, he says, but

26:49

what of you? I have never before

26:52

seen one of your kind with your prowess.

26:55

Is this more of this Moo's work?

26:59

You laugh. Yep, you got me. Without

27:02

Moo's magic, I'm just another puny human.

27:04

And before you ask, no, she can't sorceur-

27:08

sorceurize- what's the word I'm looking

27:10

for here? Insour-su. Right,

27:13

thanks. She can't ensour-su-you

27:16

with the same power up she gave me. Not

27:18

without going back to that faraway land I was talking

27:20

about, and well, good luck

27:22

with that. One could grins.

27:25

It's subtle, but enough that you're sure

27:27

you've guessed his interest. You decide

27:30

to change the subject. So

27:32

you're gonna clue me in as to why walking

27:35

me into this camp, alongside a heap

27:37

of dead bodies I created, is a good

27:39

idea and not a death trap? One

27:42

could walk a few beats and then answers. For

27:45

one thing, you won't be the first

27:47

warrior to join our ranks after killing

27:49

some of our number. Many

27:51

will not be happy, but neither will

27:54

they be surprised. I

27:56

guess that makes some sense, you say, but

27:59

you mentioned something about- being small?"

28:02

"'Yes, I was coming to that.'

28:05

He gazes into the middle distance a few more

28:07

beats, then picks up the threat again. "'You

28:11

may have noticed I am somewhat smaller

28:13

than the rest of my men here.' "'Well,

28:16

sure, but so what?' "'In

28:19

most cases I would agree,' he says.

28:22

"'So what? "'But for me in particular,

28:25

and now for you, there is an important

28:27

tradition involved.' "'It

28:29

sounds like you're going to give me a lot of exposition,'

28:32

you say. "'Maybe just the highlights.'

28:36

"'Very well. "'Hundreds of

28:38

generations ago, the ancestors

28:40

of my people lived far to the west. "'There

28:43

were many kinds of people, always warring

28:45

with one another. "'Legend

28:48

has it that the smallest of them rose up,

28:50

a rat among giants. "'Small

28:53

though he was, this warrior king bound

28:55

the different peoples into an empire, "'mirrelding

28:58

a new era of peace and prosperity

29:00

for all. "'So, while

29:03

he is known by many names and titles,

29:06

my people call him the herald.' "'Some

29:09

of this rings a bell for you, but you don't interrupt.'

29:13

"'Over the centuries, the kingdom

29:15

became corrupt and unjust. "'Once

29:18

again a day came when a small one

29:20

such as yourself rose up, "'this

29:23

time not a warrior king, but a prophet

29:25

of letters, "'to bring the

29:27

dark and fallen empire back into

29:30

the light of justice.' "'Now

29:32

it's really starting to sound familiar. "'Moo

29:35

told you much of Twilight history's prior

29:37

involvement in this world early on. "'Not

29:40

that you remember a lot of it.' "'How

29:42

did that turn out?' you ask. "'As

29:45

you might guess,' he says, "'generations

29:48

of bloodshed. "'The empire

29:50

fractured, came together and fractured

29:53

again. "'Many peoples fled

29:55

the endless violence, including our own

29:58

ancestors. They were not

30:00

the largest or smallest, the weakest

30:02

or most powerful, just

30:05

a group among many others who had had

30:07

enough. Our stories

30:09

tell us they moved north through a great desert

30:12

until the desert became fertile. There

30:15

they settled and lived for generations until

30:17

the desert began to reclaim itself, and

30:20

they were forced to move again. We've

30:22

been wanderers ever since, but... And

30:25

this is what I'm coming to. The

30:27

herald and the prophet have been with us

30:29

always. You

30:32

find yourself actually intrigued, say, All

30:35

right, hit me with it. I'm invested now. One

30:38

could smile. Among

30:40

the Enkidu, kingship is earned. One

30:43

who can show themselves worthy of being

30:46

followed, through wisdom and prowess

30:48

in battle, will gain support and

30:50

be hailed as king. However,

30:53

in deference to the herald and prophet, when

30:55

a new king is named, one of our

30:57

number who was smaller and weaker than

30:59

the rest is chosen to be a kind

31:01

of joint ruler. This is the

31:04

short king. His title

31:06

a laugh. You are the short

31:08

king? Is there something

31:10

humorous about that? Actually,

31:14

no, you say, reigning it in. You know what? Nope.

31:17

I'm here for it. Please, go on. Very

31:20

well, he says. The

31:22

short king may have some say in affairs,

31:25

but the role is usually a ceremonial one.

31:28

If though one has the wits and the will,

31:31

the role of the short king can be parlayed

31:33

into a position of real power,

31:36

just as the herald and prophet once did. Ah,

31:40

that's you I take it. You're the real short king?

31:43

Indeed. What happened

31:45

to a tall king, you

31:48

ask? You put

31:50

a blade in his eye in Shamhat's treasury.

31:53

Now let us not dwell on that. My

31:56

position is secure enough that I shall

31:58

soon be tall king. King, as

32:00

you say. You, my friend, shall

32:02

be short, King, in the purely ceremonial

32:05

fashion, of course. Of course,

32:07

you say. And then what? Then,

32:10

Broom, of the faraway land, hero

32:13

of Warka. You shall taste

32:15

the life of the barbarian.

32:20

On a dusty hillside, I

32:23

above the dewy valleys of the fertile corridor,

32:25

a band of marauders, too among them, steer

32:28

a flock of glossy black emu-sized

32:30

birds out of their pen to be driven back

32:33

to the Enkidu encampment. The

32:36

smell of smoke is heavy on the air, and

32:38

you turn to see a grouping of small huts blazing

32:41

away, the clay

32:43

bricks of their walls cracking and blackening

32:45

as the roofs collapse inward, sending

32:48

ash and embers swirling through the updrafts.

32:51

With the task well in hand, you give your terror

32:53

bird a mental nudge, spurring her towards

32:55

the carnage, looking for one could. You

32:59

spy him stalking away from the flames, burning

33:01

branch in hand, bleeding from the front

33:03

as ever. He

33:06

comes to an outbuilding, much like the huts

33:08

were, only larger, and tosses

33:10

the torch almost casually onto the roof.

33:13

The barn, you guess it's a barn, erupts

33:16

with cries of rage and anguish. A

33:18

dozen or more people, humans by the look

33:21

of them, flood out of the building and

33:23

swarm one could, attacking from all

33:25

sides with farm implements and any other

33:27

kind of improvised weapons they could manage.

33:30

He has the strength, but they have the numbers.

33:33

Perhaps he was leading a little too far out

33:35

in front. The other

33:37

marauders hear the commotion and abandon their

33:39

emu wrestling to help, but you'll get

33:41

there first. At

33:44

the speed of thought, Spite is bolting across the

33:46

pasture, with you standing in the

33:48

stirrups, bellowing a war cry. In

33:50

no time you're among them, body checking them

33:52

into the dirt. Spite lashes out

33:54

with beak and claw, opening throats and

33:57

bellies with great gouts of blood. Zoom

33:59

the herder in.

33:59

are either dead or have fled, and Spites

34:02

rampage Peter's to a stop. You

34:05

plaster the biggest, gooniest grin on your face

34:07

manageable and wait for one good to uncover

34:09

his head.

34:10

Soon he does, and you're rewarded with

34:13

a terse nod of appreciation.

34:18

You gotta hand it to the warrior priests

34:21

of Tiamat. Small

34:23

and wiry they may be, but they are

34:25

tenacious and bloody organized.

34:29

Given their temple is carved into the living stone

34:31

at the apex of a high solitary rock

34:33

spire, that probably shouldn't have been

34:36

a surprise. Effort

34:38

like that requires some level of organization,

34:41

now that you think of it. Not that it helps

34:43

at the moment. It

34:45

had made sense. The

34:47

switchbacks up the spire being narrow and

34:50

treacherous. You being the smallest

34:52

and most nimble, the conclusion was obvious.

34:56

It should also have been obvious that the priests had

34:58

planned for just such a thing. Probably

35:00

would have been, too, had you bothered to consider

35:03

it even a smidgen. Instead,

35:06

you lashed together a few thick wooden

35:08

slabs for cover and started scrambling

35:10

up flight after flight of three-quarter-scale

35:12

stairways as the vanguard. Directly

35:15

into a hail of stones and projectiles so

35:17

heavy and sustained

35:18

that your shield has easily doubled in weight

35:21

with the number of toy-like spears and arrows

35:23

sticking out of it. They hit surprisingly

35:26

hard, too, probably hurling those spears

35:28

with adelattles. Seems like overkill.

35:32

Now you're in a tight spot. It's a

35:34

matter of angles. If

35:36

you stay right where you're at, on a landing

35:39

just narrow enough to be uncomfortable, they

35:41

can only get at you from above. If

35:43

you try to push forward, though, or even retreat,

35:46

you're gonna start taking fire from at least one

35:48

more direction than would be strictly healthy. You

35:52

consider hopping down, but you're just high

35:54

enough to mix that as a really viable option.

35:58

You think maybe you could the rest of

36:00

the way, full blast. Normally

36:02

that's exactly the kind of thing you'd do, but

36:05

the weird, child-sized scale of everything

36:07

makes it more than likely you'd miss a step and

36:09

tumble off anyways. There were

36:11

a few close calls when you were moving up the spire

36:14

carefully as it is. Well,

36:17

there's nothing for it. You're ready yourself

36:20

for a berserker charge, hoping for the best.

36:23

You're about to kick off when... wham!

36:25

Something solid and heavy, likely a chunk of

36:28

stone dislodged from the cliff face, slams

36:30

into your shield before bouncing off and dropping to

36:32

the ground below. The wood splits

36:34

and knocks you in the head. Your foot slips

36:37

off the edge of the landing. You overcorrect,

36:39

leaning sideways away from the edge, only

36:41

to knock your head again, this time into the

36:43

face of the rock spire itself. Head

36:46

pounding, leg flailing, you struggle

36:48

to recover your balance, but before you

36:50

can... wham! There's time

36:52

there's no hope for it. You're going over. You

36:55

fling the shield away from you, curse this

36:57

world for its lack of guardrails, and slip

37:00

out into the open air. This

37:02

is gonna suck. You close your eyes

37:04

and wait for the impact. Instead,

37:07

you feel a vice-like grip clamp around

37:09

your lower leg, bringing your fall to

37:11

a jarring halt.

37:12

You open your eyes to see one could, clinging

37:15

to the side of the spire like a fond uncle on

37:17

a kid's jungle gym. You must have clambered

37:19

halfway to your position while the warrior priests

37:22

were preoccupied. The smile

37:24

on his face tells you you're never gonna live this

37:26

down.

37:27

You return it with a flippant salute.

37:33

It's likely closer to dawn than midnight, and

37:36

the bonfire has burned down to mostly just

37:38

embers. The

37:40

night of boasting and boozing has run its course,

37:43

and all but a few marauders have gone in search

37:45

of other pursuits.

37:47

You held your own on both accounts. In

37:50

no small part, thanks to your heightened metabolism,

37:53

you can't drink enough, fast enough, to

37:56

get anything more than a light buzz. Not

37:58

for lack of trying, though. Ah well, probably

38:01

for the best. A

38:03

couple more Enkidu, not standing on

38:06

ceremony, get up and disappear

38:08

into the darkness without a word. Now

38:10

it's just one good, polishing off what,

38:13

in your hands, would look like a comically oversized

38:15

turkey leg, and you, poking

38:18

at the glowing coals with a fire blackened stick.

38:21

Soon there's a commotion, screaming and wailing,

38:24

not for the first time tonight. The

38:26

reasonably departed Enkidu have found their

38:28

way to the Corral,

38:29

where the human women taken captive earlier

38:32

today are being kept. You're

38:35

so busy trying to decide how you ought to be

38:37

feeling about it, that you're a bit startled

38:39

than one could say. What

38:41

of you? They are women of your own

38:44

kind, after all. Do you not

38:46

wish to enjoy them? You

38:48

shoot back, and oddly defensive, you're

38:50

sitting here too. One

38:52

could laugh. True,

38:55

but I don't much care for women of your

38:57

kind. And besides, I

38:59

prefer my partners to be more... willing.

39:04

Yeah, well, same here, maybe,

39:06

you say, tossing away your stick and crossing

39:09

your arms as casually as you can manage. You

39:13

vex me so, Broom, says one

39:15

could, throwing away the remnants of his late

39:17

night snack to sizzle in the embers. Why

39:21

do you join us in our pillaging if

39:23

not to avail yourself of the spoils?

39:27

I take my share of loot, you say, thinking

39:29

of the stone figurine, hammered copper

39:31

brooch, and intricately woven feather

39:33

shawl you've collected in as many days. Bubbles

39:37

and trinkets, he says. More

39:40

is your due if only you would take it.

39:44

You think for a minute and say, yeah,

39:46

maybe, but it's like, there

39:49

are kind of these rules I gotta follow. Rules,

39:52

one could says, like he's never heard the word before.

39:55

Yeah, remember that

39:58

faraway land I come from?

39:59

Well, I can't be the kind of person there

40:02

that I am here. No pillaging

40:04

or anything, except in games, you know, like

40:07

pretend. But

40:09

so, I wanted to know what it was like for

40:11

real, though. What it would be like to make

40:14

unscripted choices for myself and

40:16

carry them out with my own hands, you know? With

40:19

your own hands and magical strength

40:22

given to you by a sorceress, he

40:24

says. Yeah,

40:26

well, can't blame a guy for wanting an edge,

40:29

right?

40:29

Anyway, that's what I'm getting at. It's

40:32

like, I can't get here

40:34

from there without help, right? And

40:37

Mu and her co-sorcerers

40:40

want to test out their new magic.

40:43

And so, we make a deal. I'm

40:45

their guinea pig and they get me here.

40:49

Where they let you pillage for fun. Right!

40:53

Well, not like that. They don't let

40:56

me, but yeah, you say. It's

40:58

like, I've done things here I

41:00

couldn't do in that faraway land. Things

41:02

I wouldn't do. But there are

41:04

still certain transgressive

41:07

behaviors that Mu and the other sorcerers

41:10

don't want to be associated with. They'll

41:12

like, violate the user agreement.

41:16

I see. That all seems

41:18

very reasonable, one could

41:20

say. However, I ask you this. Would

41:23

you partake in these transgressive behaviors,

41:26

if not for Mu and this user

41:29

agreement?

41:30

That is an

41:32

uncomfortable question. I

41:35

want to say no, but let

41:37

your response trail off and punctuate

41:39

it with a shrug.

41:41

You've drawn a number of lines in the sand since

41:43

you got here, and crossed just as many. Seems

41:46

you can always move a little further down the beach. What

41:51

happens if you violate the agreement?

41:54

Can they take their magic back? Asks

41:57

one could. I'm not entirely

41:59

sure. Sure," we say, now without returning

42:02

to the faraway land, anyways. In

42:05

fact, the plan has always been to reverse

42:07

the procedure when you get back home, but he

42:09

doesn't need to know that. One

42:12

could nod thoroughly for a moment and says,

42:14

Broom, if you are happy with

42:16

your arrangement, then I am not one

42:19

to dispute it. I

42:21

would point out, though, that you yourself

42:23

have said that you came here to act of

42:25

your own will, but have already

42:27

submitted your will to others.

42:29

Well, I don't know about that,

42:32

you mumble, not very sure of yourself. How

42:35

not so, he says, with a bit more

42:37

oomph. Can you not see that

42:39

they have given you a sword and told

42:41

you to chop wood with it? They

42:44

have given you power, but have kept

42:46

the will for themselves. You

42:48

purse your lips, thinking. He

42:51

continues. Your bird, Spite,

42:53

has great strength and speed, but

42:56

must use it as you bid, yes? As

42:59

long as she must act on your

43:01

will, her power belongs to you. But

43:04

let me ask you this. What

43:06

would you do if Spite refused your

43:09

commands? I can't.

43:12

I don't know. But you would

43:14

have to do something. You

43:16

would have to respond to her in some way,

43:19

and that gives her the will. Broom,

43:22

my friend, take the sword that they have

43:24

given you and use it to cut the bonds

43:26

that tether you to their will. There

43:28

are times we must spit

43:29

in the faces of our gods, if

43:32

only to show them that we can. Only

43:35

then can you truly stand on your own

43:37

feet, fight for fortune and glory,

43:39

and take the spoils you deserve.

43:44

Yeah, you say, quietly.

43:47

Maybe. You sit in silence

43:49

for a long moment, listening to the cries

43:52

of rage and despair wafting through the camp,

43:54

and you think to yourself, maybe

43:56

not.

44:01

The sunlight reflecting off the cracked and

44:03

worn clay pavers of Warka's main drag

44:06

isn't doing any favors for your mood.

44:09

It's

44:09

been about three lonely weeks since you and

44:12

Spite began to mosey back to Warka from

44:14

wherever the Enkidu had last made camp. Who

44:18

knows how long you'd have been wandering the wilds if

44:20

left to navigate on your own. Luckily,

44:22

Spite has a homing function thanks to the Cordy

44:24

stuff. You only had to

44:27

impart the vague imperative of home to

44:29

your terror bird and bing-bang-boom. You

44:31

were at the city gates in no time. Not

44:34

that anyone else was.

44:36

You were looking forward to the usual hero's

44:39

welcome you're used to getting upon your triumphant

44:41

returns.

44:43

Usually they get a party going as soon as

44:45

they spot your head popping up over the horizon.

44:49

This time you had to cajole the gatekeepers into

44:51

getting off their butts to let you in. Things

44:54

have gotten lax around here since you went to hang

44:56

with Wan'kud. What, six months

44:58

ago? Man, time flies. Maybe

45:01

those gatekeepers are new. Buzz

45:04

kills is what they are.

45:07

You gotta admit though, you've been in a sour

45:09

mood since that campfire bro sesh with

45:11

Wan'kud. Maybe

45:13

you needed to hear it, but it kinda harsh the good

45:16

time vibe you had going. You

45:18

packed up and set out on Spite maybe

45:20

half a month later. Need to come home

45:22

to Warka and sort things out with Moo. Not

45:25

that you're sure what you mean by that.

45:28

You make your way through a crowd which seems

45:31

more and more to actively want nothing

45:33

to do with you. Did that old

45:35

granny just give you the stink eye? Whatever.

45:38

Moo will be able to tell you just what exactly

45:41

is going on around here. You

45:44

stop at the stable, purpose built to

45:46

house precisely one animal, only

45:48

to find it full of clutter and cobwebs. With

45:51

the stablekeeper nowhere in sight, you tend

45:53

to spite yourself, unsettling and

45:56

feeding and grumbling all the while.

45:59

up ahead of steam, you search out Moo in

46:02

her apartments. You reach her door,

46:04

give the heavy wood a couple hard knocks, and

46:06

call out, Moo! You in there?

46:09

It's Broom, we need to talk.

46:13

The door swings inward to reveal a

46:15

younger woman, well, younger than

46:17

Moo, older than you, probably.

46:19

Moo's maid, or assistant, or whatever.

46:22

What's her name? Can't remember. It

46:25

doesn't matter. Anyway,

46:27

she's just staring at you like, what? Not

46:30

gaping open mouthed in awe of your presence,

46:33

and it's like the last straw it really

46:35

is. You're about to

46:37

brush her aside and storm into the room

46:39

when you hear, let him in, Shala.

46:42

He is the prodigal son, after all.

46:46

Shala, that's her name. She

46:48

steps aside and goes back to doing… whatever,

46:51

you don't care. You stride

46:53

manfully into the apartment, gearing

46:55

up to just really get into it, when you

46:57

notice how very empty it is.

47:01

Instead of the usual ordered chaos

47:03

of Moo's mixed-use work living space,

47:06

there's only an assortment of neatly packed

47:08

reed baskets and wooden crates.

47:11

All of your best-rehearsed lines

47:13

go out the window as you watch Moo and Shala

47:16

stuff the last few odds and ends into some leather

47:18

satchels.

47:20

What's going on, you say, kind

47:22

of out loud, kind of to the room at large.

47:25

When it seems neither woman has taken any

47:27

notice, it all seems to hit it once. The

47:30

stuff Wan Kud was saying, the complete

47:32

non-reception of the Warken people, nobody

47:35

explaining anything to you. It

47:37

all builds up until you explode with, what

47:39

the hell is going on?

47:43

Both

47:43

women stop what they're doing and appraise

47:45

you for a long moment. Finally,

47:47

Moo holds out her satchel and says, Shala,

47:50

dear, would you be so kind?

47:53

Shala takes the proffered satchel, gives

47:55

you a look which can only be described as intentional

47:57

indifference, and returns to her work.

48:01

What's on your mind, Broom, says

48:03

Moo. Well first, what

48:05

is this? Why are you packing, you ask?

48:09

Because we're leaving, obviously, she says.

48:12

What? Why, you say? And who's leaving?

48:15

You and Shala? You

48:17

and I are leaving Warka, she says.

48:20

Shala has roots here, so it's rather a big

48:23

ask for her to tag along. Though

48:25

she's welcome, of course.

48:28

You can't

48:28

believe it. Leave Warka?

48:31

You're king here. She can't just make

48:33

these decisions without asking you. This

48:35

is exactly what one good was talking about.

48:39

I'm king here, you say, sounding

48:41

more petulant than anything. You lower

48:43

your voice, trying to sound more commanding. You

48:46

can't make these decisions without asking

48:48

me. Moo knits the fingers

48:51

of both hands together, tapping them against

48:53

her pursed lips with a look of practiced

48:55

patience.

48:57

First of all, you were king here,

49:00

half a year ago, she says. You

49:02

skipped town to terrorize the countryside

49:04

with your marauding buddies. You're

49:06

not their hero anymore, you're a barbarian.

49:10

Not in the pulp comic sense of the word, either. To

49:12

them, it's a bad thing. You've

49:14

lost their trust, and they've moved on.

49:17

Warka is Shamhat's city now. Shamhat?

49:21

You say, puzzled. But

49:23

she works for one good, the Enkidu

49:25

king. He sent her here to bait me

49:27

into a trap. Yeah,

49:30

and it wasn't hard to figure out, either. I

49:32

could have told you that myself if you'd waited ten

49:35

minutes for me to talk to her before you ran off

49:37

to the rescue. It doesn't matter

49:39

now, she's in, you're out. Which

49:42

brings me to my second point, which is

49:44

that you are not, in fact, a king.

49:46

You are a moderately successful content

49:49

creator from Grand Rapids. Now can we

49:51

get on with it? There are any number

49:53

of cities, much like this one, for us

49:55

to start fresh in. Your belongings are already

49:57

packed, let's go.

50:00

Somehow, the basic facts of your actual

50:02

life strike you as an insult. You

50:05

were a king. You are a king.

50:08

No! This is just like one could

50:10

have said. You keep making rules for

50:12

my power. I can take Warka

50:14

back from Shamhat. I'll do her like

50:17

I did Billgames.

50:18

But you keep taking all the will." Rulam,

50:22

I sincerely have no idea what in

50:24

the world you're talking about," says

50:26

Moo, rubbing circles into her temples.

50:29

Man, how come real arguments

50:31

never go how they do in your head? You're

50:33

not explaining yourself any good at all. Why

50:36

can't you say it like how one could did? It

50:39

all had made so much sense. But

50:42

wait a minute, what did she say?

50:43

Your stuff is already packed?

50:46

Wait,

50:47

how are you already packed up, you say?

50:49

I just got back a few hours ago.

50:52

Birds, she says, avian drones,

50:55

I've had eyes on you the whole time. You've

50:57

been spying on me? I've

51:00

been looking after my investment, she says.

51:03

Rulam, you've used the technology yourself.

51:06

How could you be surprised that you're trying to control

51:08

me? You blurt out, suddenly

51:10

furious. It's

51:12

clear now that one could was right about everything,

51:15

the power and will and all that. The

51:18

last thing you can do now is run after

51:20

Moo with your tail tucked between your legs. Gotta

51:23

make a stand. You turn

51:25

and bolt back through the door, slamming it shut behind

51:27

you. You yell, no, we're

51:30

not going

51:30

anywhere. I'm taking my throne

51:32

back. I can make the people of this city

51:34

bow down to me again, believe me, and

51:37

you're staying right here. There's

51:40

a rectangular stone pedestal to the

51:42

side of the door, holding some kind of statuary.

51:45

You tip it over in front of the door to keep it from

51:47

opening. After the

51:49

dust settles, you hear the creaking of hinges and

51:51

the door opens into the room, revealing

51:54

the baffled expressions of the women inside.

51:57

Feeling like an idiot, you turn to another pedestal.

51:59

Knock the statue off it with a surly grunt,

52:02

and start dragging it over to stack on top

52:04

of the first one. Broom,

52:07

stop. This is physical coercion, says

52:09

Moo. You're about to violate the user

52:11

agreement. I'm not even

52:14

gonna touch you, you squeak out

52:16

between heaves. You

52:18

don't have to, she sighs. Did

52:20

you even read the agreement? Much

52:23

of it, you say. No. Oh,

52:26

good lord. Look, I'm informing

52:29

you now.

52:29

If you block my exit from this room, it

52:32

will constitute physical coercion as stipulated

52:35

in the user agreement. I'll be forced to

52:37

find you in violation of said agreement.

52:40

Do what you gotta do, you say, slamming

52:42

the heavy stone pedestal down atop the other.

52:45

Just do it from in there. Very

52:48

well, says Moo. And then,

52:51

nothing.

52:53

You

52:53

wait a little while, unsure what for

52:55

exactly, and say, Okay

52:58

then, I'm gonna go, uh, be

53:00

king again.

53:03

Try if

53:04

you like, comes Moo's voice, muffled

53:06

by the stone. You

53:07

might be able to stage a coup in the next

53:10

oh, six to ten hours. You

53:12

don't like the sound of that. What

53:15

do you mean, you ask, maybe starting

53:17

to regret the fit you've been throwing. Per

53:21

the terms of the user agreement, having

53:23

been found to be in violation of SAME,

53:26

your license to make use of proprietary polycobio-technology

53:29

has been revoked.

53:31

System shutdown has been initiated.

53:34

Your enhanced abilities will diminish over the

53:36

next 24 to 36 hours, then

53:38

you'll be back to normal. Like I said

53:40

though, functionally, you have six to

53:42

ten. By then you'll be more

53:45

or less incapacitated by

53:47

symptoms of organ rejection. I'm

53:49

told it's like the worst flu you've ever had. All

53:53

of your self-righteous rage spills right out

53:55

and you buckle immediately. Wait! No!

53:58

Look, I'm sorry, I- I got carried

54:00

away." With manic energy, you

54:02

push the topmost pedestal away from the door to

54:04

go skidding across the floor. There,

54:07

easy peasy, you say, voice

54:09

more shrill than ever. I was a jerk.

54:11

Please don't turn them off.

54:14

On some level, you're incredibly disturbed

54:17

by how afraid you are of losing your abilities.

54:20

You've gotten so used to them that that's how

54:22

you think of them, as yours. These

54:25

notions feel fuzzy and unimportant

54:27

compared to the all-out panic surging through

54:30

you at the thought of going back to normal.

54:33

The process is irreversible, I'm afraid,

54:36

she says, a little too matter-of-factly

54:38

for your liking. The

54:41

designer cordyceps, along with the biosynthetic

54:43

glandular system and everything else, were

54:46

rendered invisible to your immune system

54:48

by a series of enzymes. Shutdown

54:51

of production of those enzymes was

54:53

designed as a failsafe. It's a one-way

54:56

thing.

54:57

The defiance that had so recently guttered

55:00

out begins to rekindle within you as

55:02

this information sinks in. Why

55:05

wouldn't you tell me that, you say,

55:07

trying to keep your voice steady? I

55:09

wouldn't have... none of this would

55:12

have happened if you had just told me that.

55:15

All of this was spelled out in the user

55:18

agreement which you chose not to read. Look,

55:21

there's still a good three months of in-world

55:23

time before our scheduled extraction.

55:26

Plenty of good data can be gleaned in that

55:28

time. I'm heading to another city,

55:31

you're welcome to join, in fact, I

55:33

recommend it. You've

55:36

used up any and all goodwill you

55:38

once had here. When the

55:40

people discover they no longer have cause to

55:42

fear you, well, like I said,

55:45

you'd do better to come with.

55:48

You find the very idea absolutely

55:50

revolting. You

55:53

think that after all this, I'm gonna

55:55

follow you around like some scolded puppy?

55:58

You say, with the tone just dripping.

55:59

with incredulity. Whether

56:02

I read the stupid agreement or not, you

56:05

still could have told me. But no, you

56:07

just gotta be petty. And

56:10

now you expect me to just tag along

56:12

and what, hold your stupid beakers

56:15

or whatever? No, I'm

56:17

going back where they want me there as a friend,

56:20

a brother, not just some trained

56:23

lab monkey. Moo

56:25

stands there listening to all this, eyes

56:27

scrunched tight, pinching the bridge of her nose

56:29

with her fingers. Finally

56:32

she inhales deeply, opens her

56:34

eyes, and through lips pursed in exasperation

56:37

she says, okay then, bye bye.

56:57

You feel like

57:00

crap. The

57:02

worst flu you've ever had is what

57:06

Moo said about it, and she

57:08

hadn't been kidding.

57:10

Where you're from, you'd be hard pressed

57:13

to find a vehicle that wasn't self

57:15

driving. You take it completely

57:18

for granted. Tonight though,

57:21

you've never been more grateful to be

57:23

able to make some kind of forward progress

57:25

under someone else's esteem. Just

57:28

being able to puke on the go without

57:30

having to crumble into a heap on the ground

57:33

every 20 minutes or so is a real

57:35

time saver. Spite

57:37

doesn't have much cause to be thrilled about

57:40

it, but she doesn't

57:40

complain. Not even when the watery

57:43

bowels kicked in. She's a real

57:45

champ.

57:47

Seriously though, it's becoming

57:49

a challenge to keep a positive outlook here.

57:52

You're beginning to think you might have messed

57:55

up.

57:56

Judging by the 6-10 hour estimate

57:59

you were given for the

57:59

the onset of symptoms, you

58:02

must have high-tailed it out of Warka like 20

58:04

hours ago. Feels

58:06

like it anyway. You wish

58:08

you would have at least asked how long they'd

58:10

last. You wish you would have

58:13

done a few things differently, actually. But

58:15

there's nothing you can do about any of it now.

58:20

You pull your head up from the crook of

58:22

your terror bird's neck where you were resting,

58:25

and lean over to heave. Nothing

58:28

comes up, of course. You got

58:30

nothing left. You've

58:32

never been so thirsty, but you

58:34

didn't bring any water, or food,

58:36

or anything, really. You

58:39

were so angry and focused on getting

58:41

the hell out of Dodge, you didn't even

58:43

saddle your mount. You just hopped

58:46

on spite and rode right out of town, with

58:48

just the clothes on your back and a pocket

58:50

full of simmering resentments. On

58:54

top of all that, it didn't take long for

58:56

it to dawn on you that you didn't have any idea

58:59

where you were going, actually. The

59:01

best you could do was impel spite

59:03

to go back to the Enkidu

59:06

camp in some ill-defined sense

59:08

and hope for the best. And that was…

59:11

who knows how long ago

59:13

that was. You just

59:15

know it's dark, you're sick, and

59:17

tired, and shivering cold and

59:19

straight up not having a good time.

59:23

You wipe your mouth on your forearm, nestle

59:25

back into the crook of spite's neck where

59:27

you feel slightly less like you want to die,

59:30

and pray for relief to whichever God might

59:32

feel inclined to answer.

59:39

You awaken on the ground, curled

59:41

up, teeth chattering. A

59:43

wave of warmth hits you. No,

59:46

not hit. It's softer. The

59:49

warmth laps against you like ripples

59:51

on a pond. It brushes against

59:54

your face and arms like butterfly wings.

59:57

Breathing new life into clammy skin

59:59

and tortured muscles. The

1:00:02

relief is almost unendurable. You

1:00:05

sit up and open your eyes to see a flickering

1:00:08

orange glow, blurry through tears

1:00:10

of gratitude. You rub

1:00:12

your eyes with the heels of your palms, clearing

1:00:15

your vision enough to reveal a small fire.

1:00:18

And nothing else. It isn't burning

1:00:21

anything like wood or whatever. Nor

1:00:24

is there any smoke like you'd expect. Just

1:00:27

a waist-high splash of fire, a

1:00:29

droplet

1:00:29

of fire, burning merrily

1:00:32

a hand span above the ground, bathing

1:00:35

you in delicious, life-giving heat.

1:00:38

You've never been so happy to see anything

1:00:40

in your entire stinking life.

1:00:42

You hear

1:00:45

a strange whining or keening, faint

1:00:47

at first but growing louder. It

1:00:50

almost sounds like the whinny of a horse, though

1:00:53

it must be a bird. Everything's

1:00:55

birds around

1:00:55

here. A

1:00:57

darkness begins to take shape within

1:00:59

the fire. Not a cast shadow,

1:01:02

but rather a dark emanation, an anti-light,

1:01:05

growing and pulsating like the flapping

1:01:07

of wings. Rays

1:01:10

of darkness are cast out of the strange fire

1:01:12

in all directions, deluminating

1:01:14

everything they touch. Where

1:01:16

the rays pass across your body, you feel

1:01:19

obscured, diminished. Your

1:01:21

pain and your relief from pain are

1:01:23

less there, less demanding,

1:01:26

and that

1:01:27

in itself is a comfort.

1:01:30

More and more, the dark rays focus upon

1:01:33

you, offering a sweet oblivion.

1:01:36

And somehow, an unspoken

1:01:39

question. You're being asked

1:01:41

something you could never put into words. There

1:01:44

are no words, just a kind of

1:01:47

knowing. Just as you know,

1:01:49

the only possible answers are Ascent

1:01:52

or the other one. Heavy

1:01:56

jostling.

1:01:59

pulls you away from what

1:02:01

must have been a dream. Even

1:02:03

now it recedes from memory, leaving

1:02:06

only impressions of warmth and beauty and

1:02:08

something like the whinny of a horse echoing

1:02:10

in your ears. You

1:02:13

open bleary eyes and blink at the hazy

1:02:15

shapes, waiting for your vision

1:02:17

to adjust, only to realize this

1:02:20

might be as good as it gets. Not

1:02:23

a mood lightener. A

1:02:26

voice in the dark says, ah, bro,

1:02:29

you are still with us. You had us

1:02:31

worried. It's one good

1:02:34

voice. Thank the gods. You've

1:02:36

no idea what you would have done, what you even

1:02:38

could have done if it had been literally

1:02:41

anyone else. I

1:02:44

hope I can see from one brother

1:02:46

to another. You look like

1:02:48

death. You

1:02:50

try to laugh, but it comes out more of a tooth-chattering

1:02:53

rasp. One

1:02:57

could gesture to some of the others and you soon

1:02:59

find

1:02:59

yourself wrapped in a chorus blanket, and

1:03:02

propped up against a tree while waiting

1:03:04

for their cook fire to get going already. For

1:03:08

a while they go about their business, roasting

1:03:11

meat on spits and rehashing the goings

1:03:13

on of the day. You pay little

1:03:15

attention. You just soak up

1:03:17

the heat until the shivers run their course. There's

1:03:21

no way to know how long you slept, but

1:03:23

it seems to have brought you through the worst of the nausea.

1:03:26

Small favors. You

1:03:29

sit up

1:03:29

a bit and try to take in the scene through dead

1:03:32

incenses. Man, it feels

1:03:34

like you're half blind and deaf. It's

1:03:36

going to be a long adjustment. When

1:03:39

did you guys find me? You ask. How

1:03:42

long was I out? Do you know? We

1:03:45

found your bird, actually. A

1:03:47

scouting party spotted her pacing

1:03:50

around in circles. When

1:03:52

they got closer, they saw you curled up here

1:03:54

under this tree. Oh

1:03:56

man, spite! Do you know where she

1:03:58

went?

1:03:59

What if the courty stuff wore off?

1:04:02

What if she's gone? You can't bear

1:04:04

to think about it. She

1:04:06

is around here somewhere, he

1:04:09

says. She seems

1:04:12

apprehensive. Yeah,

1:04:15

her and me both, you say, searching

1:04:17

the edge of the firelight with infuriatingly

1:04:21

ineffective eyeballs. You

1:04:24

turn to search behind you and get a look at the

1:04:26

tree you've been leaning against. It's lumpy

1:04:28

and gnarled

1:04:29

and looks almost singed. Huh.

1:04:35

You know, I think I recognize

1:04:37

this tree. You reach out

1:04:39

and draw your fingers down the trunk. They

1:04:41

come back smeared with something like greasy

1:04:44

black soot. Yeah,

1:04:47

this is it, you say, strangely nostalgic.

1:04:50

This is where Spike made her last stand

1:04:52

after I ran her down. All

1:04:55

of our adventures began here. Crazy,

1:04:58

you think. Is this where Spike came

1:05:00

when she got the command, go back?

1:05:03

To the place where she was first imprinted? It's

1:05:06

as good a theory as any. Yeah,

1:05:08

and Mu herself had wanged good old Buzzy

1:05:11

right into the terror bird's head. Where

1:05:13

was that rule-breaking energy when you last

1:05:15

saw her in Warka? Very

1:05:18

fitting, says one good. Beginnings

1:05:20

and ends. Yeah, you

1:05:23

don't know the half of it. How

1:05:25

so? She did

1:05:28

it, man. She unsourseled

1:05:30

me. I did like you said. I

1:05:32

spit in her face. Not literally

1:05:35

hear anything, but I like defied

1:05:37

her and she undid it. She took my power.

1:05:40

Well, says one good. And

1:05:43

that's it. That well

1:05:46

just kind of hangs in the air for long,

1:05:48

drawn-out moments. Finally,

1:05:51

you're about to abandon hope of any follow-up

1:05:53

when he continues. It seems

1:05:56

things have turned out better for us than

1:05:58

I anticipated.

1:05:59

And it is time for you and I to have

1:06:02

a difficult conversation. For

1:06:05

some reason you recall the moment in Shamhat's

1:06:07

temple when you stepped forward to meet One-good,

1:06:10

only to have the treasury doors slam

1:06:12

shut behind you, trap sprung.

1:06:16

What do you mean? This

1:06:19

is what I wanted, of course. To

1:06:21

be sure, the undoing of the powerful

1:06:24

enchantments worked upon you was more

1:06:26

than I dared hope for. It

1:06:28

was my desire to drive

1:06:29

a wedge between you and your sorceress.

1:06:33

But why the hell did I do? This

1:06:37

is where you make your mistake. You

1:06:39

think that you are the focus of my

1:06:41

efforts. In truth, you are,

1:06:44

or were, merely an obstacle

1:06:46

to them. I want Varka,

1:06:48

the city. I don't need its

1:06:51

king, whoever it may be.

1:06:54

Closing strife among city leaders makes

1:06:57

my task much easier.

1:06:59

It occurs to you only now

1:07:02

that where you sit at the foot of this tree

1:07:05

is little more than a day's ride from

1:07:07

the city. They followed

1:07:10

you, probably a day or two behind,

1:07:13

from the time you left the encampment. Then

1:07:16

another bombshell. Shamhat

1:07:18

took your throne. Shamhat

1:07:21

came to Varka and one could say so

1:07:23

in the first place. How did you

1:07:25

not see it the moment Mu told you about

1:07:28

Shamhat's takeover?

1:07:29

So was Shamhat weaseling

1:07:32

her way onto my throne while

1:07:34

I was out fighting for your people, all

1:07:36

part of your brilliant plan as well? Shamhat

1:07:40

rules Varka? Asked one

1:07:42

could, astonished. So much

1:07:45

the better. The takeover will

1:07:47

go more smoothly this way. Well,

1:07:50

this is frustrating. You

1:07:53

say, I don't get it. If

1:07:55

taking Varka was the goal and

1:07:57

I was an obstacle to your plan, Why

1:08:00

not just take me out at the camp? Is

1:08:03

it somehow all part of your mastermind

1:08:05

crap? Don't

1:08:07

be foolish, bro. There are

1:08:09

no masterminds. What good

1:08:11

are plans in the world not bound to go

1:08:14

along with them? I do not

1:08:16

have plans, but rather, intentions.

1:08:20

What in the name of Marduk himself

1:08:22

is he going on about? Plans,

1:08:25

intentions, what's the difference? What

1:08:27

I see is someone who betrayed me and

1:08:29

now wants to sit here and mince words

1:08:32

with me about it. Not at all.

1:08:34

I didn't plan on

1:08:36

you killing so many of our number at

1:08:38

the temple. I didn't plan

1:08:41

on being unable to overcome you myself.

1:08:45

I didn't plan on

1:08:47

enjoying your company so much. You

1:08:50

wish to know why I did not kill you as

1:08:52

you slipped. Because

1:08:55

I like you. You are a companionable

1:08:57

man. So you see

1:09:00

plans crumble, but by intentions

1:09:02

never wavered. Great.

1:09:05

Cool story. You like me too much

1:09:07

to kill me, but not enough to keep

1:09:10

you from stringing me along, feeding me

1:09:12

a line about power and will, and

1:09:14

watching me head off to completely tank

1:09:16

my life. Oh, you

1:09:18

don't make plans. Whatever. You're

1:09:21

not an agent of chaos, bro. You're

1:09:23

just a punk.

1:09:26

Indeed, I lied to

1:09:28

you. You are angry. This is

1:09:30

fair. I did so with

1:09:32

the intention of capturing work and

1:09:35

it seems I am to be successful.

1:09:38

I won't apologize, but I

1:09:40

will tell you why I kept you in the

1:09:42

dark and caused you so much

1:09:44

hurt. Awesome. And

1:09:46

why is that? Because

1:09:49

I do like you, bro. But

1:09:52

I don't trust you. I

1:09:54

don't mean that I find you not to be

1:09:56

a man of your word. If

1:09:59

you say you'll do I believe

1:10:01

you will. I just don't

1:10:03

know why you're doing anything.

1:10:07

I can't fathom your motives. I've

1:10:10

told you my intentions for Warka,

1:10:12

but they're bigger than that. I

1:10:15

want to end my people's ceaseless

1:10:17

wanderings. And if I

1:10:19

have to carve our new homeland from

1:10:21

the bloody carcass of the kingdom that

1:10:23

came before, then so be

1:10:26

it. This makes me

1:10:28

barbarous, conniving, and power-hungry,

1:10:31

to be sure, but understandable.

1:10:35

The current occupiers may not like

1:10:37

that I am taking it from them, but

1:10:40

it is no mystery that a king might

1:10:42

want a secure and bountiful land for

1:10:44

his people, their children, and

1:10:46

their children's children. But

1:10:49

you, in all our time

1:10:51

together, I have never been able

1:10:53

to clean your intentions. You

1:10:56

seem to have left a life free of

1:10:58

want and privation

1:10:59

to reap a harvest of death and

1:11:02

suffering throughout these lands. And

1:11:04

for what? Not for plunder.

1:11:07

You barely take anything. Not

1:11:09

for sexual conquest. You don't

1:11:11

even bother. I could understand

1:11:14

a desire to test yourself, but

1:11:16

you weren't doing that. If anything,

1:11:19

you were testing the power granted you by

1:11:21

a sorceress. I

1:11:23

am violent and brutal and even

1:11:26

cruel, but I carry

1:11:28

the weight of my actions with

1:11:29

me. I can only bear it because

1:11:32

I know it is done so my people

1:11:34

might thrive. You, Broom,

1:11:37

I can only describe you as indifferent.

1:11:42

You commit atrocities for seemingly

1:11:44

no reason, and the suffering that

1:11:47

comes as a result doesn't

1:11:49

touch you. Even the beasts

1:11:51

of land, sea, and sky have

1:11:54

more cause for their savagery.

1:11:57

While he just said,

1:12:00

at a whole lot of stuff. You just

1:12:02

sit there for a while, taking it all

1:12:04

in. Broom,

1:12:07

he says, breaking the silence. Do

1:12:10

you know what you intend

1:12:12

with all this? It's

1:12:15

a question you never thought to ask yourself, so

1:12:17

the answer must be no. You

1:12:20

aren't going to give him the satisfaction, though,

1:12:23

so you muster all the irreverence you can

1:12:25

to say, but...

1:12:29

Quite,

1:12:29

he says, looking a little disappointed.

1:12:33

Well, this time I shall

1:12:35

make my intentions perfectly clear.

1:12:37

I am going to claim

1:12:40

Warka and leaving you here.

1:12:43

Do not follow. If you

1:12:45

are found within the walls of the city,

1:12:48

you will be put to death. As

1:12:50

much as I enjoyed our time together,

1:12:53

I cannot risk your presence. I

1:12:56

intend to build an enduring

1:12:58

kingdom, and

1:12:59

the only agent of chaos,

1:13:02

as you so aptly put it, is

1:13:05

you.

1:13:12

That was Broham the Barbarian,

1:13:15

Part 2 by Aaron Lund.

1:13:17

If you enjoyed this episode and you want to hear

1:13:20

more, head on over to Patreon where

1:13:22

you'll find a massive one-hour

1:13:24

bonus track that will ratchet

1:13:26

up the danger.

1:13:27

How will you survive without your powers?

1:13:30

Find out in the dramatic

1:13:32

conclusion to Broham the

1:13:34

Barbarian, only available

1:13:36

to patrons. You can find

1:13:39

that show by either going to Patreon

1:13:41

and running a search for the Twilight Histories, or

1:13:44

by going to the website and clicking on our

1:13:46

Patreon link.

1:13:47

I'm Jordan Harper. Thanks for listening

1:13:49

to the Twilight Histories. Until next

1:13:51

time, take care.