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Hey listeners, you don't often hear us talk

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about our personal lives, but know that even

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fabulous podcasters like ourselves have

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been on our fair share of bad dates. That's

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why we're so excited to tell you about a new podcast

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that celebrates them. It's called Bad

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Dates with Jamila Jamil. This hilarious

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new comedy podcast comes from the team behind

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the hit podcast Smart List, so you know it'll

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make you laugh a lot, cry a little,

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and cringe just enough. Because

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as we all know, the worst dates make the

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best stories. So true. week,

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Jamila's favorite and

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funny friends share t dating

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nightmares and mis of

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the guy who could only a

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pile of stuffed Garfield beauty

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queen with food po date

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through a kitchen wi a

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bad date that involved guests

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include Conan O'Bri take

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natero and many more hear

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from listeners who s disasters.

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We're about to play a clip from Bad

1:00

Dates with comedians Nikki Glaser and

1:02

Esther Pavitsky. While you're listening, follow

1:04

Bad Dates on Amazon Music or wherever

1:06

you get your podcasts. Download the

1:08

Amazon Music app today.

1:14

I'm going to start with Nikki. Nikki,

1:16

you have an intriguing title to your story. I have

1:19

never heard it before. It's called Leave It

1:21

in Las Vegas.

1:22

Okay, so this

1:25

kind of goes back to a guy

1:27

that we met and

1:30

we kind of met under a circumstance where our

1:33

romance was kind of secretive and like people

1:35

didn't know but we were, it was like under the radar.

1:37

It was all very sexy and... Was

1:39

there a reason for this? Was he married or...

1:41

No, no, it was just

1:44

work related, you know, like a showman's kind

1:46

of thing. And so

1:48

I, he pursued me really hard out of the gate. He was not

1:50

someone that I would have ever been attracted to, but

1:53

it was, he liked me so much and

1:55

seemed to pursue me so much, it worked. And it

1:57

was the first time I had actually given into that been like,

1:59

this guy.

2:00

actually seems to think I'm pretty great

2:02

and

2:03

you know what I'm gonna trust him and actually go

2:05

for this guy that likes me a lot so as

2:08

soon as I was like in and I

2:10

kind of shut down other things that were going on so

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I could focus on him soon as I shut those down

2:14

he lost interest and he had been begging

2:16

me to kind of

2:18

shut those down and so

2:20

I was abandoned in this situation

2:22

but then you know

2:24

he would come back around and we lived

2:26

in separate cities after after we we kind

2:28

of had this little romance, it fell apart,

2:32

and then the job ended, and then we're

2:34

both on separate coasts, and we

2:36

would stay in touch on FaceTime, and this

2:38

was a weird thing that had happened to me before. How in touch?

2:40

Were you just talking or were you wanking on

2:43

FaceTime? Well,

2:43

this is it. Okay. So we had

2:45

not had sex at all, but we had hooked

2:48

up when we had been in person in the same city, right?

2:50

Right. And then on FaceTime,

2:53

there was

2:54

never any mention of the

2:56

romantic vibe we had. There was never,

2:58

it was like we were buddies, but it

3:00

was, we would still like talk about

3:02

meeting up to do those things. So it was

3:05

this weird thing of this guy would never compliment

3:08

me about my looks, anything sexual. There'd

3:10

be no flirtation. And it was really

3:13

driving me crazy because I know, I

3:16

had just seen him, you know, I'd been in the

3:18

same city. We had hooked up, we had had this whole thing.

3:21

And then I flew home and we're FaceTiming

3:23

every day. And it's just like buddy,

3:24

buddy talk. And it's getting to the point where he- And you wait,

3:26

this is the guy, I feel like I've spoken to you

3:28

about this person before, where this is the

3:30

guy who you would even

3:33

compliment to see, right? If he compliments

3:35

you back? That guy, that prick.

3:37

I would

3:38

answer the phone

3:40

with, I would put my chest

3:43

in the freezer before

3:44

we talked and wear a white

3:47

shirt. I remember sticking my chest

3:49

in the freezer so when he FaceTimed, I could just be

3:51

a low angle with just a perfect

3:53

silhouette of my nipple. So

3:56

he'd say something and he never said anything.

3:59

I was.

4:00

So thirsty. And it was so,

4:02

have you ever been with someone like that? That is like, can't

4:04

give you compliments? Like cannot

4:07

tell you you're pretty, can't tell, even though he's

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getting hard and like you're being

4:11

able to get him to ejaculate. So

4:14

clearly there's something that's horny

4:16

about you for him, but he can't say it?

4:19

I date English people only. So we're

4:21

all too embarrassed to tell each other anything

4:24

to say anything. So maybe this is- We don't give or receive

4:26

compliments. So no, I don't understand

4:28

what you're saying, but. I've also been

4:31

mid-sex and say to a guy,

4:33

you're so hot while he's fucking

4:36

me. And then he did not

4:38

respond. What? It's like,

4:40

it's hot thing. That killed me. I'm like, you're so hot. And

4:42

then it's just dead

4:43

silence. Like he does not give the compliment

4:45

back and also read your freezer

4:47

nipple trick, which I love and I'm gonna

4:49

use that on- Sure. Everyone I know.

4:52

But I have done a similar

4:54

thing where I put peppermint oil on

4:56

my lips before a FaceTime

4:58

call to like make my lips look,

5:00

yeah, to make them look puffy. And see if they

5:02

notice, to like try to get a lip

5:04

compliment. It went on like this

5:06

for a while. And then

5:09

eventually one day he was like kind

5:11

of feeling sick and he couldn't get to

5:13

sleep. So he took Ambien and then he called me and I knew

5:15

he was on Ambien, but I didn't know like what the deal

5:18

was with Ambien.

5:19

Like how it affected you. And- It

5:22

makes you very racist. Like, go on. The

5:26

one time I took it, I did like delete

5:29

Twitter from my phone just in case that

5:31

was a side effect. I was like, I

5:33

don't know what this thing does. I've heard

5:35

stories. I don't feel that's in my heart,

5:38

but I got to get, I took

5:40

the white sheets out of my apartment. I

5:42

go, I don't know what I'm going to do with these. I

5:45

take too much. So.

5:46

Sorry. Okay. So

5:50

you had Ambien. Dude, he's

5:52

no he's on ambient and I'm talking to him and then now suddenly

5:54

he's getting a little bit sexy Like he's starting to like

5:56

kind of get a little horny And

5:58

then it leads to us having.

6:00

phone sex, first time phone sex, and also

6:02

making plans about seeing each other going away

6:04

together. And I'm like, finally

6:06

this guy, I knew he had, I thought

6:08

it was like maybe like one drink, you know, like

6:10

it impaired him that much. I knew that things were coming

6:12

out because he was impaired, but I didn't realize what

6:15

was going on. So the next day I went into

6:17

work and I was like, my friends all knew I was

6:19

doing a radio show at the time. My friends all knew I

6:21

was like so into this guy and not getting what I wanted. And finally I'm like,

6:24

last night it happened. We told each other everything.

6:26

We're into each other. I feel like he's

6:28

my boyfriend. This is gonna take like one time to see

6:30

him. And then this is like on, and this is like could be

6:32

real. And I was in the best, it

6:35

was like the best day I've ever had. I was like skipping

6:37

around New York city. And then later that night we got- It's like

6:39

that scene for 500 days of summer, right? Where

6:41

suddenly you're in a musical, okay. Things are turning

6:43

into cartoons. Like I was so happy.

6:47

I just, I remember how on top of the world I was

6:49

cause I had conquered this guy that seemed so

6:52

disinterested in me, but I knew it was there

6:54

because of the boners and the common number thing.

6:56

And I knew that was like, I knew if you could hook up

6:58

with me in person, it's there somewhere. So

7:01

then I go home that night to FaceTime him

7:04

again and it's back to kind

7:06

of like buddy, buddy.

7:07

And I kind of made some slight joke about

7:10

what we had talked about the night before, like kind of sexy.

7:12

And he was like, what are you,

7:13

what is that? And I go, oh, you know, it's the, you

7:16

know, we were doing last night. And he was like,

7:18

I don't remember anything from last night. And

7:20

I was like, what are you, nothing?

7:23

And he was like, literally nothing. I was on ambient.

7:25

is blacked out and I go, well,

7:28

you said a lot of things

7:31

that really affected me

7:34

and he goes, he

7:36

was like, sorry, oh God, that, yeah,

7:39

Ambien, it

7:41

really is bad for me, I react to it wrong, I

7:43

just, and there was no sense of

7:46

guilt or embarrassment. So he becomes kind

7:48

and emotionally, so that's the side effect for him, he

7:51

becomes kind, sexual and emotionally

7:53

available is his side effect from Ambien. And

7:55

then not being on it, he becomes cold. And

7:59

I go.

8:00

do you want me to tell you what you said? So

8:02

you can,

8:03

you know, because I wanted him to know what,

8:06

and he goes, no, I don't even want to know.

8:08

I don't, I'm embarrassed. And

8:11

I was like, I was so hurt. And

8:14

I would love to say that I was like, I'm done

8:16

with him. But instead I kept talking to him. And

8:18

then months later he came to

8:20

town and was like, I would love to have lunch with you. And

8:22

I'm like back on ready to forgive

8:25

him. Oh, Nikki. All underwater.

8:27

Smart. Bless. Me.

8:39

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Bad Dates

8:41

wherever you get your podcasts or early and

8:44

ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the

8:46

Amazon Music app today.