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1:01

Let's create. Well,

1:27

well, well. Hi. Oh boy. I just feel, I

1:29

said this to you before the podcast. I feel

1:43

like the last month has just

1:45

been wild. There

1:48

has been so much in my life that's happened.

1:50

There's been so much in your life. And you

1:52

told me a story after your weekend in New

1:54

Orleans this weekend that I was like, don't tell

1:56

me anymore. Save it for the

1:59

listeners. This is. I did not know

2:01

this existed and we will get

2:03

to that. I can't lead with

2:05

yours because it is, it's the

2:07

big blow. She didn't believe me when I first saw her.

2:09

No, I thought you were joking. She was like, you're kidding, right? I

2:12

was like, no. I literally wrote no. And

2:15

I wrote, I shit you not. Or stop, I wrote stop

2:17

and you said I shit you not. Yeah.

2:20

So we're going to get to Chip's update. Mine is

2:22

a little more serious of nature and I

2:24

just, I really wanted to speak about this.

2:26

I said this to you before the podcast

2:28

because I've had a couple instances the last

2:31

three weeks that have really put into

2:34

perspective once again, that

2:37

health and your health, like health is your greatest wealth.

2:39

You know, they say that quote or whatever, but I

2:42

threw my back out. I have a slipped disc and then

2:45

I started having muscle spasms. I was in bed for a

2:47

week. It was terrible. I think I've told you guys about

2:49

that because I was on muscle relaxers and I couldn't function.

2:52

And I just, it was wild. I've never

2:54

had that experience. Anyone who's experienced muscle spasms,

2:57

I think knows these were very bad. They

2:59

were really, really bad. Yeah. She

3:02

was laid up. I was laid up for sure. While

3:05

I was laid up, well, I

3:07

will say this first, I got better and I

3:09

was able to move although very slowly and then

3:11

I got strep throat. So

3:14

then I got laid up again. I didn't even know that. When did

3:16

you get that? Yes. Um, you

3:18

guys were all out of town. So it kind

3:20

of worked out because I didn't, I wasn't missing

3:22

much. I know that's always my thing with FOMO,

3:25

but I, I don't even know how I got

3:27

it because I really didn't go that many places

3:29

because of my back, but I had

3:31

gotten back into normal life. I

3:33

went, I did have a couple of work things and so I'm assuming I

3:35

just picked it up somewhere along the line. Um,

3:38

but who can, I was like, who, who at 41

3:40

gets strep throat anymore? It's just wild. I just didn't

3:42

even think that that happened. It's

3:44

Nashville. I feel like there's a lot of nasty

3:46

things getting spread around here. Well, I was

3:48

worried I had COVID. It was literally in

3:50

the middle of the night I woke up

3:53

and just felt that swallowing thing of like,

3:55

I have nail, I have knives going down

3:57

my throat, you know? So I immediately went

3:59

to the doctor because I had a bunch of work

4:01

stuff and I got on antibiotics and knocked

4:04

it out. But back to when

4:06

I was laying on my back because my

4:08

back was out, I found a lump in

4:10

my boob. So I mean,

4:12

my body was literally like falling apart. And

4:16

I didn't tell anyone, including you, I was like

4:18

very, I think I told you right before I

4:20

went to the appointment, but it was so incredibly

4:22

stressful that I, it was one of those things

4:25

where I just felt like I couldn't even talk

4:27

about it with people because it was going to

4:29

make me more stressed out. Does

4:31

that make sense? Have you ever been like that? Yeah.

4:34

Well, yeah. I mean,

4:36

because then you're dealing with the questions and not

4:38

having the answers and that can be really stressful.

4:40

Then you're talking about it more and it makes

4:42

it feel more real. That's kind of

4:44

what I think I was worried about because I

4:46

actually have the most caring, loving friends who I

4:48

knew would be checking up on me too. And

4:51

I was thinking I can't, I'm not

4:54

going to be able to handle having the how are

4:56

you? Is it because it's just going to make me

4:58

more stressed out and what I was trying to do

5:00

because I kept having these physical things happen was

5:02

lower my stress level to the low. Like I was

5:05

just like, I have to shut her down. My body

5:07

is speaking to me and now I really do listen

5:09

when that happens. And so

5:11

I kind of did, but I was laying

5:13

on my back. I found the breast,

5:17

the lump and I went to my gyno

5:19

as soon as I could move again with

5:21

all these different things. I forgot that you

5:23

were like bedridden. Yeah. So I go

5:25

to my gyno. I was like, we definitely need to get

5:27

this checked out. Then I go home and I get strep

5:29

throat and I had to miss my appointment. They immediately got

5:31

me in. It was one of those that like, you don't

5:34

want to have to wait for your mammogram,

5:36

but sometimes they take a minute and they got me

5:38

in right away, which made me even more alarmed if

5:40

that makes sense. But

5:43

I couldn't go because I had strep throat. And so

5:45

I called them and I'm like, I just got on

5:47

the antibiotic yesterday. And they were like, no, you can't

5:49

come. So then I'm like, God, I have to live

5:51

with it another week. You know, it's, I

5:54

don't know. I just, I'm saying all of this

5:56

to say for any women out there who have

5:58

been through this, like, oh my God, props to

6:00

you. because it's so stressful and it's

6:03

isolating and scary. And literally it's

6:05

funny because we've talked about the

6:07

fact that I've thought about getting

6:09

a boob job before. And I

6:11

literally was thinking to myself, Oh

6:14

my God, the first thought I had was, Oh my

6:16

God, I love my boobs. I hope nothing's wrong with

6:18

my boobs. And so I've now, I will never do

6:20

that. Like it's just one of those things that now

6:22

that I know what I know, it's not going to

6:24

happen. But all that to

6:26

say, I finally got to go in. And

6:28

the reason I also wanted to talk about

6:31

this is because it's just like, I

6:33

want to prepare anyone who ever has to go through

6:35

this because it's just stressful. So

6:38

I go, go to

6:40

the appointment. I had a friend come with me, but they have

6:42

to stay in the lobby. So they call you back and

6:44

she's like, we're going to do your, now I was

6:47

due for my normal mammogram anyway. So we did that.

6:49

And she's like, we're going to do extra scams on

6:51

your left boob because that's where

6:53

the lump was. And so I'm like, all right.

6:55

So then they go, okay, well we did that.

6:58

First of all, mammograms, I don't know, Chip, if

7:00

you know, it'd basically be like you putting your

7:02

dick in a machine and I'm squeezing it. It's

7:04

terrible. I thought that's what it was. It's not

7:07

fun. It's definitely not comfortable, but you know, you

7:09

get through it and then she's

7:12

like, okay, well now we have one of

7:15

your 30 minutes in the radiologist to look over

7:17

this. And then if we need more scans, we'll

7:19

let you know. And I was like, okay, first

7:21

of all, this lady, I think they're taught to

7:24

like talk to you when they're

7:26

doing this, maybe to distract you as the goal.

7:28

But for me, she like finally

7:30

figures out what I do for a living after

7:32

a certain amount of questions. And then she starts

7:34

asking me for makeup tips while I'm getting a

7:37

mammogram. And I was like, it's just a way

7:39

to make it feel normal. You know, I didn't

7:41

want it to feel normal though. That was the

7:43

thing is I was thinking to myself, I know

7:45

this isn't your fault because I really do feel

7:47

like this is their training. Cause my gyno does

7:49

it when she's giving me pap smears, which are

7:52

also uncomfortable. But I really

7:55

cannot tell you what foundation you should

7:57

be using right now. Like that isn't,

7:59

I don't know. You literally need to

8:01

be focused on my body and it's

8:03

painful and it's stressful. And I

8:05

just want to be in this moment and try to

8:07

like breathe through it. But I don't want to be

8:09

talking to you about things that feel really fucking stupid

8:11

to me right now. Like when I'm

8:13

okay, I'm happy to give you all the

8:16

advice ever, but like not

8:18

right now. So anyway, that's a, that was a

8:20

really hard one. Again, I know it comes from

8:22

a good place and I'm sure they're trying to

8:24

help, but I actually don't think it's helpful. I

8:26

don't think it's helpful. I know does it during

8:29

a pap smear either. So I may start to

8:31

speak up about that, but I go into this

8:33

other lobby and you know, you're sitting in there

8:35

with women who you know have cancer. So it's

8:37

already really startling. And I was just looking around

8:39

at these women thinking, oh my God, like just

8:42

feel for everybody, you know, like wanting

8:44

to go give everyone a hug. It's

8:46

very stressful. It's hard. It's overwhelming.

8:49

And you're back there. You can't take people

8:51

back with you. So you're in this other

8:53

lobby and I'm sitting in there

8:55

just like, you know, thinking you're just like

8:58

with your thoughts. Finally, another nurse

9:00

comes out and she's like, uh,

9:02

Mrs. Henderson, can we, we need

9:06

to do more scans. Can you come back with me? And

9:08

so I'm like, okay. So it's a whole new nurse. I

9:10

have to walk into a whole new wing and do another

9:12

mammogram on just my left boob. And so I was like,

9:14

this does not feel good. Like the fact that they need

9:16

a more scanned that had already convinced myself, like this

9:19

is not good at all. So she does all

9:21

these things. I'm getting more and more progressively stressed

9:24

and like my heart was kind

9:26

of racing and you're just like focusing on doing

9:28

all the right moves. They can get all the scans

9:30

they need. We do them and she's like, okay,

9:32

another 20 or 30 minutes, uh,

9:34

and go back into the lobby. So I'm like,

9:37

okay. Meanwhile, my friend is out in the other

9:39

lobby. Like just felt so terrible, which thankfully she

9:41

brought her computer to work. But,

9:43

um, so anyway, I'm just sitting

9:45

there and I'm thinking the fact that they need

9:47

more scans can't be good. Like they

9:50

definitely saw something and they're just trying to figure out what

9:52

it is. You know, all of that stuff. I'm

9:54

just sitting there for another 20 minutes and

9:57

then this other nurse comes out and just

9:59

goes, Ms. Henderson. come with me. Oh

10:02

no. I was like, this

10:04

cannot be good. Like this is

10:06

not good at all. So I

10:08

am walking. I said

10:10

to my friend, I felt like I was like dead

10:12

man walking because you feel like all of a sudden

10:14

everyone is, you're passing all the nurses stations and you

10:16

feel like they're all looking at you like with this

10:18

knowing of like, ooh, you

10:21

know, like this is bad or whatever. And so I'm

10:24

kind of getting panicked. We go back to this other

10:26

wing and I'm in the back room and she's like,

10:28

okay, they want to do an ultrasound on two spots

10:30

they saw in your left boob. So

10:32

I was like two, because I had only felt the one

10:34

lump and that was even more concerning to me. So I

10:37

was like, great. So I definitely have

10:39

cancer and they're trying to figure out how bad

10:41

it is, is what it felt like to me. So

10:44

I let, they do

10:47

the ultrasound or whatever. And she's like, okay, this one's

10:49

only gonna take like 10 minutes for

10:51

the radiologist to look over. I'll be right back. So she

10:53

goes in and I start crying immediately when she left, cause

10:55

I was like convinced. I'm just like, this is not good.

10:58

This is now the third set of scans that I

11:00

have to do. And they're really trying

11:02

to get a better look at it. So it

11:04

just, yeah, like they see it. They just need

11:06

to figure out how much it's spread, how much

11:09

it's moved, whatever. And then

11:11

10 minutes goes by and sure enough, she walks in

11:13

and she goes, okay, you're good. And

11:16

I was like, I go, literally, I'm not exaggerating.

11:18

I go, wait, what? That was my response. And

11:21

she goes, yeah, she goes, yeah, you have a

11:23

couple cysts in your boob, but it's

11:25

very common. She was like, how old are you? I said 41,

11:27

almost 42. And she

11:29

goes, yeah, it's probably hormonal changes, but it's

11:31

very common at this age. And we'll just

11:34

monitor them. If you feel anything change or

11:36

if it grows too big and it gets

11:38

painful, we have a procedure we can do,

11:40

but otherwise, yeah, you're fine. And

11:42

I was like, I can go home,

11:44

I'm fine. There's nothing like I don't

11:46

have cancer, whatever. I literally, Chip,

11:49

when I tell you, I don't know if I

11:51

had breathed that freely in three weeks. Like it

11:53

was like I let out the biggest sigh of

11:55

relief and my body relaxed for the first time

11:57

since I had found the lump. And

12:00

I just, go ahead. Well,

12:03

I was just gonna say like, obviously I haven't

12:05

experienced it. Yeah. But I have,

12:07

my mother is a breast cancer survivor. Oh really,

12:09

I didn't know that. Yeah,

12:12

I don't even know how long it's been. I feel

12:15

like she's been in remission for over 10 years. But

12:17

the moment that she told me that she had

12:20

it, it was like I

12:22

was punched in the gut. Like, I

12:24

couldn't breathe because it's, you're

12:26

helpless. There's nothing that

12:28

I can do to ensure that she's gonna

12:31

live or make her feel better

12:33

about it. Or any, there are just no

12:35

words. No. So I

12:37

can't imagine being, cause

12:39

I don't even think my mother, there was never

12:41

like a, I think I have breast cancer. Like

12:43

they just discovered it one day. And so

12:46

she didn't have that like waiting period. She just

12:48

got like the bad news. So

12:50

I can imagine that the feeling that you

12:52

had was a little similar yet scarier

12:55

than the way that I

12:58

felt when my mother told me. Oh,

13:00

you're saying anticipation. Yeah, because you were

13:02

like at that point, so incredibly helpless

13:05

and imagining all the bad possibilities.

13:08

Well, you try not to, but my dad made such

13:10

a good point. He was like, of course you try

13:12

to keep the best perspective. And you know, in my

13:14

family, we really try to focus

13:16

on one day at a time and one

13:18

moment at a time when it's a hard

13:20

time and just not making things into a

13:22

situation until you know it's a situation. So

13:25

this was a situation where I thought, okay,

13:29

I'm not gonna get myself worked up because

13:31

I don't know yet. Like when they tell

13:33

me I have cancer, then I'll grieve

13:35

like I have cancer. But what I was

13:37

trying to tell myself was

13:39

you don't know yet. But my dad made such

13:41

a good point cause he was just like, it's

13:44

just virtually almost impossible as a

13:46

human being to know that

13:48

there's something and to live in

13:50

that waiting space and not

13:52

go doomsday a little bit in your head. Like

13:56

I would pull myself back out of it. Like you don't

13:58

know yet, try to stay calm. I

14:00

would again, that's why I didn't want to tell you

14:03

guys because I really was trying to like regulate

14:07

how much stress I took on about it and

14:09

how much worry I was putting into it until

14:11

I knew what it was. But

14:14

it was definitely impossible because there would be moments

14:17

where either I would feel the lump. I would

14:19

kept like checking to make sure it was still

14:21

there, you know? And it was inevitable.

14:23

And you think it's getting bigger because you're not

14:25

really sure. Well it didn't ever change,

14:27

which made me, and of course you

14:29

Google and I'm like, it sounds exactly

14:31

like all the cancerous lumps,

14:34

the way that mine is. And yeah,

14:37

it's virtually impossible to never

14:39

have those moments. I do think I did

14:41

pretty well with trying to stay

14:43

as normal as I could. But

14:46

I just wanted to say to

14:48

all the women who have ever experienced that,

14:50

like I am just sending

14:52

you so much love and you are so

14:54

fucking strong. That shit is hard. It is

14:56

really, really hard. And your mom, I

14:59

didn't even know your mom had been through that. I

15:01

mean, how many years ago was that?

15:03

It was, I think over 10. I

15:05

feel like she's already celebrated her 10

15:07

year anniversary. That's amazing. Remission, yeah. So.

15:10

It's just like, it puts everything, when you

15:12

are sick, I had three back to backs

15:15

of the back, the strep throat, and then

15:17

that, obviously the cancer

15:19

scare was the biggest one of

15:21

all because that feels the most monumental. I knew the

15:23

back would get better. I knew I would get over

15:25

strep throat. And that one felt like, okay, this is

15:27

about to change my entire life. But

15:32

anytime I think my health gets in

15:34

that position, not it really

15:36

does put things in perspective, right? I

15:38

wish we could kind of remember this

15:40

all the time of how much our

15:43

bodies do and how to respect them

15:45

and appreciate them because the things

15:47

I typically look in the mirror and do is like

15:49

critique my body or I don't sleep enough or

15:52

we've talked about drinking too much, not eating

15:55

the right things. It's just like we kind of

15:57

abuse our bodies and ultimately

15:59

like it's. really fucking amazing what our bodies

16:01

do every day. And I've had the reminder

16:03

lately of that because it wasn't functioning in

16:05

the right way. Right, right. So

16:08

anyway, it's just been a wild couple

16:10

of weeks because amongst all that, there

16:12

was all this other stress. I don't

16:14

know what is happening, but the planets

16:16

are planeting, the energy is energying. Like

16:19

the astrology is astrology-ing big

16:21

time because it's been a crazy time.

16:23

But yeah, came out of it and

16:26

I'm healthy. Well, that makes

16:28

me happy. I'm so thankful, yeah. I mean, I don't

16:30

know if this is something you want to discuss, but

16:32

what do you do? Like do they

16:35

just stay there? Though she said,

16:37

yeah. She was like, you can just exist with

16:39

them. If they get, she said, is it painful?

16:41

Mine actually isn't. It feels like a tiny little

16:44

pellet almost, like

16:49

a hard pellet, like a- It's

16:52

like an internal pimple. Uh,

16:54

no, because it's like an oval shape. It's

16:56

like what I would imagine like a BB

16:59

gun bullet feels like, but it's shaped in

17:01

an oval, like a pill,

17:03

but smaller. That's

17:05

the one I know about. I guess there's more

17:07

than one, but yeah, she said, unless she's like,

17:09

sometimes they grow really big. And I was like,

17:12

uh, so I'm going to have one really big boob. One

17:15

knot? Like, what is that going to look

17:17

like? But she said no, but a lot of times

17:19

they just stay and you kind of live with them.

17:21

They ebb and they flow. And I've had cysts on

17:23

my ovaries and that's kind of how it goes. Most

17:27

of the time they end up just healing themselves. And so

17:29

she was like, in this case, it could be that, or

17:31

it could be something you just live with for the rest

17:33

of your life, but just kind of keep tabs

17:36

on it. And if you feel any more, we

17:38

obviously want to monitor you or

17:41

if it changes, you know, big time, whatever. We

17:43

just want to monitor you, but yeah,

17:46

it's just there. And mine's not painful

17:48

and it hasn't grown as of now.

17:50

So I'm just going to keep on

17:52

trucking. Might be, pay attention, yeah. The

17:54

procedure sounds really painful to me. I

17:57

don't know if it is or not, but she said basically they go in and they

17:59

pop it. with like a needle, I guess.

18:02

Yeah. So if

18:05

I can avoid that, I will. Yeah, I would

18:07

too. That scares me. Anyway,

18:09

speaking of bodies. Well, speaking of

18:11

bodies. Okay, how

18:13

are we gonna really transition this? Cause I

18:15

just really wanted to acknowledge anyone, any breast

18:18

cancer survivors or anyone going through this currently,

18:20

because I just have so much, even

18:22

more respect. I've always had respect for people

18:24

who are going through cancer, but until you

18:27

get the scare, I don't think it fully

18:29

registers just how scary and like you said,

18:31

how out of control you can feel and

18:33

out of body and helpless. So

18:35

I just wanna send props to anyone who's ever

18:37

been through that, the families who have been through

18:40

that, like, yeah, something you guys love. My

18:45

summer times are booked with back to back

18:47

birthdays of friends and family. So this

18:49

year I am making my life easy with

18:51

one stop shopping and stocking up all

18:53

of my loved ones with a pair of

18:55

cozy earth pajamas. Y'all, I swear

18:58

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20:54

on that note. Well,

20:57

I guess to transition it, we could

20:59

say that we paired these conversations because

21:01

both of them started with sort of

21:03

a shocking sort of disclosure, you know,

21:05

you dropped it on me. I

21:07

was like, what? You're like, not kidding. And so

21:09

I dropped this on you. But also

21:12

full disclosure here. Kelly doesn't really know

21:14

this story yet. She just made him save it

21:16

because I wanted to hear it in real time with you.

21:20

I just can't believe it. I'm shook. Well,

21:23

okay. So while I'm

21:25

getting... Was that this week? That was this week.

21:27

It was on Monday. It was. It

21:30

was over the weekend. Actually, it happened on Sunday. Yeah. It

21:33

happened on Sunday. I flew to New Orleans for

21:35

a photo shoot with a band and

21:39

we were actually staying in Hammond, Louisiana, which is

21:41

about an hour north of the city on the

21:43

other side of the way. No one else probably

21:45

knows where that is. I literally go Hammond? What are

21:47

you doing in Hammond? Obviously from Louisiana. I know exactly

21:49

where that is. So I

21:52

had agreed... I had

21:55

a rental car and I had agreed to stay

21:57

back because I needed to pick up a rental

21:59

guitar. for the artist that was just gonna be a prop

22:01

in the shoot. And I

22:05

was excited about doing that because there

22:07

is a massage place that I, like

22:09

I love massage and I love like

22:11

Chinese foot reflexology places, which

22:13

a lot of people- Sure, he doesn't. I

22:16

know, but I think a lot of people are scared

22:18

to go into them because they often look really sketchy.

22:20

Yeah, that's true. But

22:23

my experience has been that they're always,

22:25

it's usually pretty great and it's so

22:27

much more affordable than going to like

22:29

a spa where you're really paying for

22:31

the amenities more than the

22:33

actual massage. And I don't care, it doesn't need to

22:35

be a fancy place for me. I just want to give a massage.

22:38

So then

22:41

I've realized once I got there that Guitar

22:43

Center wasn't actually in New Orleans, it was

22:45

actually really close to the airport. So I

22:48

went over there, they didn't have

22:50

what we needed. And

22:53

so we were trying to figure out another solution. And

22:56

while I was trying to figure out the solution, I

22:59

was like, I still want a massage. So I quickly Googled

23:01

to see if there were massage places nearby. There

23:05

was a massage envy in the

23:07

same complex. It was

23:09

a big shopping center with multiple

23:11

buildings near Guitar

23:14

Center, but a storm had

23:16

rolled through and half of the shopping

23:18

center did not have power. The other

23:21

half did. Massage envy was closed. So

23:24

I looked further and there was a reflexology

23:26

place around the corner. So I was like,

23:28

great. I called, they had

23:30

power, I went. And

23:33

I went in

23:35

this lovely middle aged woman greets me.

23:40

Normally I like to get 30 minutes

23:42

of foot massage, 30 minutes of in

23:44

the chair or just back

23:47

massage or something. And they didn't

23:49

offer any combo like that. So it was either

23:51

chair, I think they maxed out the chair at

23:53

20 minutes, foot you could do, or you

23:55

could get full body. So I got a full body massage, which

23:58

I do sometimes here in Nashville too. at

24:00

those places. And well, anyway,

24:05

I always never fully disrobe

24:07

in those places. I only do

24:09

that at like nice spas. So

24:13

I left my underwear on, I start on the table

24:15

face down. And

24:18

I'm gonna say this too, the place was

24:20

probably the nicest reflex outlet, like

24:22

the actual building was probably the nicest one I've

24:24

ever been in. Wait, why don't you take your

24:27

underwear off just out of curiosity? Cause I do

24:29

in places like that. And I know I'm like,

24:31

wait, should I not? Well, I'll

24:33

get there. Okay, okay, okay. So,

24:36

you know, it was a really nice facility.

24:38

It felt really, it was a lot cleaner

24:40

than a lot of those are. It was

24:42

like a lot of thought had been put

24:44

into the decor. The rooms actually had

24:46

like, a lot of them that have like just curtains

24:48

and no doors and like it had real doors, all

24:50

the things, it was nice. So

24:53

I start face down, she like is doing

24:55

my shoulders and my back and all that.

24:57

And my legs and then often

25:00

what they do if you wear

25:02

underwear, they'll like take the sheet that

25:05

covers you, cause they cover you and

25:07

they'll tuck it into your underwear so they

25:09

don't get like oil on it.

25:12

Well, she took my underwear and

25:14

pulled it down so it was

25:16

like under my butt cheeks. So my butt was completely

25:18

exposed and then she put some oil on my butt

25:20

and like massage my butt. I will say in those

25:23

kinds of places, they really get in on your glutes.

25:25

I love that because I'm so tight there

25:27

usually, but a lot of people might feel

25:30

it. They're the biggest muscle in your body.

25:32

I mean, they truly are. So it's still,

25:34

that wasn't weird. And so she finishes my

25:37

back and says, okay, now flip over. And she was

25:40

like, you know what, take these off. And she like

25:42

motions to my underwear. So I like sort of arch

25:44

my body and she like slides them off of me.

25:46

I'm still laying on my stomach. And

25:48

then she like holds

25:51

the sheet so that I can turn

25:53

over privately and she covers me up.

25:55

And then she starts like, you know,

25:57

she's doing my chest and

25:59

my arm. And then

26:01

she just goes tap, tap, tap on my

26:04

dick. And she

26:06

was like, do you want? And I was like, no,

26:09

I'm good. Do you want? Is what she

26:11

said? Yes, do you want? And I was

26:13

like, no, I'm good. It's okay. I just

26:16

need the massage. And then

26:18

she like taps it again. Are

26:20

you sure? Oh my God. I

26:22

was like, yeah, I'm good. It's all good.

26:24

Just the massage. And I'm like

26:26

laying there being like, I cannot believe that this

26:28

is happening. Meanwhile, it is

26:30

the first time it's ever happened to

26:32

me. And I'm

26:35

like, I kind of felt embarrassed for her because

26:37

I didn't say yes. But I'm

26:39

also like, and part of me was like, I

26:41

should have just gone for it. This is an

26:43

experience. But then my, you know, practical mind's like,

26:47

what if this is a sting operation? And I

26:49

end up invested. Everyone's in Hammond and

26:51

they don't know where I am. Like,

26:53

I'm like, this is so crazy. And then I'm

26:55

like, I can't wait to tell everybody. Oh my

26:58

God. Like I wasn't embarrassed

27:00

by it. I thought it was really funny. And

27:03

well, so then I text Kelly when she's like,

27:06

we need to come up with a topic. I'm

27:08

like, what have we ever talked about happy endings?

27:10

And she was like, what? I literally go, where's

27:13

that coming from? What is the reference

27:15

here? And then I was like,

27:17

I'll tell you about it. And she's like, stop.

27:19

So, you know, it's funny cause

27:22

I had a friend in New York, a

27:24

girlfriend who she one day went to get

27:26

a massage like on her lunch break and

27:28

went to a really nice salon in New

27:31

York. And she said, her masseuse

27:35

was this super hot dude. And it was

27:37

like, she didn't know what she was signing

27:39

up for. Super hot dude. He massaged her

27:41

breasts a little bit, which she said was

27:43

out of the ordinary, but it didn't feel

27:45

like hypersexual. So,

27:48

you know, she paid and tipped him

27:51

a hundred dollars and booked another appointment.

27:53

Okay. And when she went back, he

27:55

fingered her. And

27:58

she told all of us, of the girls that

28:00

she worked with about it, they all started booking

28:02

appointments with him and he was fingering all of

28:04

them. And- I wish you guys

28:06

could see my face right now. I know, she's like- My

28:09

jaw keeps dropping. And then one

28:11

day he was not there anymore. So, you know, he

28:13

must've done it to the wrong person. And,

28:17

you know, so it's like this, what

28:20

got me thinking is, I don't know sort

28:22

of the etiquette, the signs, like, I know

28:24

that this is pervasive and it happens and

28:27

you read about it. And I've been told

28:29

by several of my male friends that they've

28:31

gotten it done. And so, you know, it

28:33

was just like a shock to me that

28:36

it happened. And part

28:38

of me really wishes I just like let her do

28:40

it just to have the experience, but

28:43

I also don't wanna go to jail. Right,

28:46

because it is illegal, right? It

28:48

is illegal everywhere in the United

28:50

States except for in brothels in

28:52

Nevada. Okay, so

28:55

it's definitely illegal in Louisiana.

28:57

It is 100% illegal in Louisiana. And

29:00

it's, you know, because it's solicitation and

29:02

prostitution because you are paying for a

29:04

sex act. Even if you don't

29:06

pay more than you were going to pay,

29:08

it's still an exchange of money. I

29:12

just cannot process what that moment must've

29:14

been like because the first time you

29:16

said, she's like tap, tap, tap, and

29:18

you're like, no. That's also

29:20

weird. It wasn't sexy at all. She literally

29:22

like tapped the head of my dick, like,

29:24

boop, boop, boop. All that

29:27

was there between her finger and

29:29

my penis was this thin cheap

29:31

sheet. Well, right. So immediately already

29:33

she's kind of gone there. Yeah,

29:36

I mean, it was funny because I was going through

29:38

my receipts in the car and the artist was in

29:40

there and I was like, gasoline,

29:42

I need to keep that. This was for food.

29:44

Oh, here's my sexual assault receipt. Right.

29:48

I mean, she could've gotten herself fired. I

29:50

mean, maybe not fired, but because they may

29:52

condone that kind of thing at that place,

29:55

but. Or arrested, she could've.

29:57

What if you were a cop? Like if it was to the wrong

29:59

person. She doesn't know. And

32:00

it's a website for professional

32:02

massage therapists to

32:04

learn about kind

32:07

of all sides of the business. And so this was like, this

32:11

is just one part of the

32:13

website that talks about this because I mean,

32:16

clearly if they're putting this up on the

32:18

website, it's pretty pervasive. So apparently

32:21

there's some code language. What

32:24

do you mean code language though? Well,

32:26

you know, if you were a must, and

32:28

one of the things is there's

32:31

codes on both sides, you know, cause there are

32:33

people that are advertising that they'll do

32:35

it. There are people that are advertising that they

32:37

are looking to have it done to them. So

32:40

if you were a parlor, this

32:43

website recommends

32:45

that you not put the word

32:47

rose or roses in the name

32:50

of your spa or parlor because

32:52

that's a common sign that you

32:54

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35:19

So just the actual, the rose, it's

35:21

like the pineapple being the thing for swingers.

35:24

If you leave a pineapple outside you guys, just

35:26

by the way, or if you have a pineapple

35:28

in your kitchen, like decoration, it's supposed

35:30

to be a communication that you, and

35:33

possibly your significant other, are swingers. Be

35:36

careful with the pineapple. Right. Also,

35:40

if a

35:43

customer, if you call and you say like,

35:45

hey, if I get a full-body massage, if

35:47

I'm, you know, sign up for this, how

35:50

relaxed will I be? And if they tell

35:52

you completely relaxed, that means that they're probably

35:54

willing to jack you off. And

35:58

this is like any erotic- It's an assu-

36:01

Yeah, so you're assuming it's always that women are doing it

36:03

to men, but it sounds like you had a friend experience.

36:05

No, men, I think it's, yeah, it goes

36:07

both ways, I think. Wow. Also,

36:09

if someone calls himself a masseuse versus

36:11

a massage therapist, that might be a

36:13

sign that they're willing to

36:16

do sex acts. Oh, really?

36:18

On the client side, if they ask,

36:21

you know, if you're a legit massage

36:23

therapist and your client is asking about

36:25

like getting glute work done, that

36:28

could be a telltale

36:30

sign. People are like, I would have

36:33

done that not knowing because I actually really,

36:35

my glutes are typically where I hold so

36:37

much stress for one, but then from the

36:39

workouts that I do, it's the

36:41

place that gets the tightest on me and it

36:43

throws my back out. Look at that, like it's

36:45

when my glutes get too tight, I have a

36:48

freaking slipped disc and can't get out of bed

36:50

for a week. So that is what I would

36:52

have wanted to work out. Like I literally thought

36:54

to myself, I should have gotten a massage the

36:56

week that I finally got really bad.

36:58

And so what if I had said, can

37:00

you do glute work? What would have happened

37:02

to me? Well, I think you just

37:04

need to, if you ever have to ask that,

37:07

you should just clarify. But I mean, actually,

37:09

glute work. I need legit glute work, like

37:11

this is not some code. If

37:15

a client is asking about draping,

37:17

like how covered up

37:19

do I need to be? Like, do I need to put

37:21

this sheet on? Then they were probably trying

37:24

to expose themselves as a hint to

37:26

entice you into doing some sex

37:28

work on them. And

37:30

then if they use words like

37:32

full service, full body, release, those

37:35

are other words. Release seems like a

37:37

big indicator. Right, right. But

37:40

it's funny because I found this,

37:42

I found a website, it's

37:45

called fusia.com. So I have no idea

37:47

what this website is. This

37:50

is just a regular, it looks like it's like anyone

37:52

can sort of post information

37:55

on here, but it

37:58

basically says, that

38:01

erotic massage has been around for centuries, but the

38:03

term happy ending is relatively new. It says it

38:05

was first used in 1999 in

38:07

an Australian newspaper, and

38:10

it was used in a way to explain a massage

38:12

that involves a sex act. I mean, I've

38:14

heard it called like a rub and tug and those

38:16

sorts of things, but. I said to you,

38:18

I was like, the reason they finally coined it in 1999 is

38:21

because we thought the world was ending in 2000 at YTK. And

38:24

so they were like, let's all go out with a bang,

38:26

like literally. A bang, a bang. But

38:29

this is interesting. Since happy ending massage is

38:31

another form of massage, they offer the most

38:33

benefits of a typical London

38:35

erotic massage. Here are some of the things

38:38

that you can gain from a happy ending.

38:40

It can improve your mental, physical, and emotional health.

38:43

It can boost your blood circulation. It can

38:45

help get rid of stress. It

38:47

can help deal with a wide range of

38:49

sexual problems, such as premature ejaculation and erectile

38:52

dysfunction. It can deal with

38:54

anxiety and other mental health related issues.

38:56

It can encourage mental relaxation through its ability

38:58

to put you into a trance. And

39:01

it can assist you to learn more

39:03

about some unusual body parts that

39:06

can turn you on during foreplay. Yeah,

39:08

I mean, none of that is surprising to me.

39:10

It's more about the fact that it's just not

39:12

legal. And so if you're going and requesting it,

39:14

or it's being offered to you with a tap,

39:16

tap, tap, it's a little

39:19

alarming because it's against the law. Yeah,

39:21

it's so wild to me. Everything

39:24

you just described is exactly why we all

39:26

have sex, right? Like it's. Right. That's the

39:28

whole point. But yeah, maybe

39:30

keep it to you and your

39:32

partner or you and whoever you're having sex with.

39:34

I don't know. I just

39:36

have no idea. I would be so curious for

39:38

anyone, if anyone's experienced it

39:40

and actually said, yeah, let's

39:42

do this, I

39:45

would love for them to call in and tell us the

39:47

story. Leave us an anonymous voicemail. We will

39:49

not reveal any. And yeah, we won't say

39:51

anyone's names, but I'm also curious

39:54

what people think. Should I just let her do it? You

39:56

know, like this is what I have. I

40:00

have a question. So I always wonder about

40:02

guys getting boners during massages cause I just

40:04

assume that would probably, like I wonder if,

40:07

Yeah, I was wondering if that's why you wear your underwear

40:09

cause you're trying to like, No, I do it

40:11

because I'm trying not to suggest that I want a

40:13

hand job from these women. You're that worried

40:15

about it. It's crazy. Yeah, because

40:17

I mean, that's why

40:20

I differentiate between the like sketchy parlors

40:22

and like, out of my spot, at

40:25

a nice spot, like full nude, yeah. So

40:27

I guess I just, my question to you would be, keep

40:29

saying you wish you would have done it, but like as

40:31

a dude, can you just get turned

40:34

on by any, like would you just what, close

40:36

your eyes and fantasize about something else? This

40:38

is a little TMI, but like I, after

40:41

she tapped it the second time, like there

40:43

was, You got hard. I

40:45

didn't get hard, but it was, it like

40:47

blood started going there. Yes. I

40:50

was just like, I had to start thinking about like dead

40:52

puppies, you know, because it's, I mean,

40:54

it's a touch, you know, like. Right.

40:57

So would it be

40:59

my choice of person to get a hand job from?

41:01

No, but a hand job. It's not even your

41:03

gender choice. Right, right. But you're

41:05

not doing anything to them. So that's where you're

41:07

like a hands a hand. Right, yeah. But if

41:09

somebody said a hole's a hole at one point,

41:12

like you're so fucked up. I

41:14

don't know who it was, Diplo probably or something.

41:16

You have somebody. Yeah, like

41:18

there are all those things. I'm just

41:20

curious, like as a

41:22

dude, you don't necessarily have to be attracted

41:24

to the person to get turned on. No.

41:28

Okay. No. Interesting. I mean,

41:30

it certainly helps, but. Of course. But

41:32

there's also something like exciting about that

41:34

situation. Like I was like, oh, this

41:37

is an exciting situation. So that plays

41:39

into it too. Yeah, cause

41:41

it's a little taboo. Well, not a little, it's

41:43

a lot taboo. It's a lot taboo.

41:45

It's so taboo, it's illegal. Yeah,

41:47

that's the most taboo you can actually get. Yeah.

41:51

But yeah, I can see that you're

41:54

like, oh, it's exciting. It's like secret.

41:56

It's all the things that I think we

41:58

would all quote unquote fantasize about. or if

42:00

you were gonna make up a scenario that's

42:03

happening, except maybe it would have been like

42:05

a hot dude doing it versus this woman.

42:08

But yeah, that's, I

42:10

see why it would have been kind of

42:12

enticing if, okay, let's talk about this.

42:15

What if it was a hot dude and

42:17

he did it? What would you have done? I

42:20

don't know. I mean, I really honestly can't answer that

42:22

because there's a part of me that I

42:25

know that I did the right thing by like not

42:27

going through with it, but I'm also like, it

42:31

is a story. Yeah, like it's a story

42:33

and it's like, it

42:37

might've been fun. So

42:40

if it were a hot dude, then

42:42

maybe I would have been more inclined to say, fuck it

42:44

and just go with it. But

42:48

I really can't answer it because I'm not

42:50

in that situation. So there's

42:52

a place at the end of my street,

42:54

there is a place that I go to

42:56

sometimes and it's a foot massage, same kind

42:58

of place you're talking about. I do table

43:01

massages because those people work you. So like

43:03

it is not the most relaxing spa-like experience,

43:05

but those women definitely know all the reflex

43:07

points. They help my back out all the

43:09

time, my neck, everything. But I

43:12

have noticed the walls are very thin

43:14

there. And so I've heard, specifically

43:17

the last time I went, there was a man

43:19

in the room next to me and he was

43:21

making a lot of noises. And I did think

43:23

to myself, this sounds sexual,

43:25

but surely he is not being

43:27

this loud that she's actually doing

43:29

something. And then I thought to

43:31

myself also, surely that doesn't really

43:33

happen. That, you know, whatever. And

43:35

then you come back with this story and I'm like,

43:37

oh my God, was that guy getting a hand job?

43:39

Well, I was just getting my neck worked on. That

43:42

would make me feel very weird to get this

43:45

to a random, get a hand job. I

43:48

don't think I like that idea. God,

43:50

this is fascinating that this even

43:52

exists. I know. The

43:55

dark web. The dark web. That was what it

43:57

felt like when I was Googling. And I was

43:59

like, there. a whole world of

44:01

happy endings that exist on the

44:03

internet that I encode words and

44:05

places that you can go and

44:09

all the things that I just don't even know

44:11

happens. Makes you wonder what else is

44:13

going on out there. I don't think I want to know.

44:16

Wow. Well, these are very

44:19

different body experiences for us. But

44:22

I think the whole podcast

44:25

is about bodies today. Yeah, it's about

44:27

bodies. Body, body, body, body, body,

44:29

body, body, body, body, body, body, body.

44:32

Yeah. Well, I kind of wish you would have

44:34

done it too, just so we could talk about

44:36

it. But what's the

44:38

other question is, how would you, would you

44:40

just be quiet? Would you just be like

44:42

moaning to yourself? I mean,

44:44

I don't know. What about what would have happened

44:47

when you were good? She is. I bet

44:49

she was good. Seems like she knows what

44:51

she's doing. Yeah, she knows her way around it.

44:53

All right. If you guys have had

44:55

a happy ending or know someone who has, please,

44:57

please, I'm begging you and tell us this story.

44:59

I need to know. I did not know this

45:02

was so common. You can always leave us a

45:04

voicemail. They are completely anonymous. We can't actually even

45:06

see who left it. So if you're worried about

45:08

that, don't worry about it. Just

45:10

don't say your name. We won't obviously post that. Even

45:13

if you do say your name, I never post those

45:15

anyway. So leave us a

45:17

voicemail. The link to the voicemail

45:19

system is in the link of my bio of

45:21

Instagram. It's at velvet said it's also in the

45:23

bio of chips Instagram, which is at chip

45:26

doors. It's C H I P D

45:28

R S C H. You can also

45:31

email us at the edge at velvet said show common.

45:33

I will put all of this in the description of

45:35

this podcast, but as you guys go into this,

45:39

and if you're living on the edge, like chip

45:41

apparently is, I hope

45:43

you always remember to casual.

45:46

All right. Bye.

45:52

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