0:01

Hey guys, before I get into this video, I just want

0:04

to let you all know that my special keep

0:06

busy is now available for

0:08

streaming. You can stream it at watch.curtisconner.com.

0:12

So when you're done watching this,

0:14

go friggin go friggin

0:16

do that. Okay. Thanks.

0:25

podcast

0:27

where I shoot the shoot.

0:30

It's definitely an episode.

0:32

Now you can hear the new sound effect that I just put

0:35

on my soundboard. You

0:39

look disappointed. I look disappointed. I think that's

0:41

just my face. Couple

0:45

days ago. We

0:47

wake we wake up. I wake up. I mean,

0:49

we all woke up that a couple days

0:52

ago, right? If you didn't wake up the other day, then

0:54

there's no way you woke up today. And then

0:57

so you're dead. So you, you woke

0:59

up. We all woke up, but I woke up. Especially

1:02

I woke up more. I definitely

1:04

woke up. You guys woke up I I

1:06

woke up. This episode 190. That's not true.

1:09

That's a false story. I'm lying. I'm lying.

1:12

I'm lying to you. I love to lie and What's

1:15

good. This is episode 180. It's, it's definitely an

1:17

episode. Hey

1:20

everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. This

1:22

is episode.

1:23

Ah,

1:25

damn it. I don't know what episode it is.

1:28

I'm also addicted to doing

1:30

this fucking cosplay hand movement

1:32

thing. Whenever I get the opportunity, I do

1:34

it and it's, and it started as like unironic,

1:37

but I think I'm doing it. No, I started doing it ironically.

1:39

And now I think I'm doing it unironic. You

1:41

know that fucking hi.

1:44

Uh, I'm kind of

1:46

nervous. You know that fucking people

1:49

who think they're in an anime. I do that

1:51

all the time now and I hate it. It

1:53

needs to stop.

2:00

I'm crazy. What the hell?

2:03

Sometimes you gotta look crazy because I'm Elvis. I'm Elvis

2:05

now. I'm Elvis. I'm

2:08

Elvis. Fuck, I'm Elvis.

2:10

Dude, that's Austin Butler. In

2:12

all the interviews. So,

2:15

Austin, how is it? Oh, my Elvis! What?

2:18

Sorry, you fucking said Austin? What'd

2:21

you say, then?

2:22

What'd you say, Austin? It's like,

2:24

well, that was your name. It's, you know, it's on your

2:26

birth certificate. It's

2:28

on your Austin Butler. Stop calling

2:31

me that. Stop

2:33

calling me that. You

2:35

know my name.

2:37

Say it.

2:38

You know what I am. You

2:42

know what I am. Say

2:45

it.

2:48

Elvis?

2:51

Yeah. You're right. Oh, what

2:53

is the line after that? What does Robert Pattinson say? What does

2:55

Edward Cullen say after that line? He's like, yeah, yeah,

2:57

I am a vampire. You're right. Give

3:00

me that neck.

3:01

Give me that neck. Give

3:04

me that neck.

3:05

Not like, neck, but you know. A

3:08

vampire bragging to his friends. You know,

3:10

after like hooking up with a girl. Yeah, she gave me neck, bro.

3:13

She's like, oh, she sucked your wiener? Nah,

3:15

dude. I got her neck. I sucked

3:17

her neck. I sucked her head wiener. The

3:20

neck. Ah,

3:22

the neck. The wiener of the head. Cheers.

3:26

I don't know what it is. I think it was- Maybe,

3:28

maybe, uh, so, hold on. Sorry.

3:30

Maybe, maybe because he put pineapple

3:33

on his pizza. Cause

3:36

that's, that's frick- That's

3:38

a,

3:39

that's a crock. So.

3:48

Are you like satisfied with yourself? Shut

3:50

up. Papa needs his coffee. Okay?

3:53

Daddy needs his drinky. I got lots

3:55

of comments. Dude, I am re- Dude, I am the

3:58

CEO of Constructive Criticism. Okay. You

4:00

guys told me to get a React cam. I got one. Okay,

4:02

so when I'm reacting to stuff You can see my close-up

4:04

of my face. You guys are like hey get your sneakers

4:07

off the fucking carpet. I got slippers, okay

4:09

You guys are telling me to

4:12

forget my camera battery

4:14

at home. I fucking did that okay material

4:17

girl That

4:20

was young blood. That was my young blood impression

4:24

Young blood And

4:30

this little dead man

4:34

What song is that we're in the fucking uber

4:36

just like and I have to pee so bad So

4:39

bad cuz I think I was nervous or something. I

4:41

drank so much water that day So I had to pee so

4:43

bad. I thought I was gonna piss my pants I thought I was gonna pee my

4:45

pants in the uber You

4:48

know how when you got a pee so bad it

4:50

turns into farts. That's what was happening

4:52

It was like so much pressure was like in

4:54

my bladder. It was like it was

4:56

like leaking out into other parts it's like when you

5:00

it's like when you crack a fucking

5:02

egg yolk and it just sort of Spills

5:04

out in every which way that was the the

5:06

pressure in my in my in my lower

5:09

body And it was just pushed going towards my farts

5:11

And it was and then I had to hold in the

5:13

farts because it was a little uber and I didn't want

5:15

to fucking stink it up so Regardless

5:19

we get to the venue at like 6 15 the

5:22

movie avatars. They travel to Pandora

5:25

this planet too and they like start

5:27

tearing down a bunch of shit and like mining

5:30

and stuff Because

5:34

they're trying to kill the Ender Dragon No,

5:37

they're it's minecraft They

5:40

mind okay, they go to Pandora

5:42

for this material Material

5:45

material girl. Okay, can I

5:47

tell a story? It feels

5:49

like a circle to me like it feels

5:51

like the the desire to squeeze a boob

5:54

feels like a What

5:58

came I'm saying what came

5:59

first the desire to squeeze the boob or

6:02

the boob I feel like they co-evolved right

6:05

so like boob isn't

6:06

like a common thing among animals

6:09

oh they're not yeah yeah like like

6:12

ant boobs well even among mammals

6:15

like like pigs don't have boobs you know they

6:17

have teeth right but they don't got like a big like

6:20

you know I got and oftentimes the boob

6:22

sort of just shows up when it's time to nurse ng v hawk

6:24

seems like they're lead Delete

6:50

if you're

6:53

listening in the car right now if you're listening if you're driving

6:55

listening to this podcast in the car which

6:58

I appreciate that

7:01

when this is well don't do it now don't

7:03

do it now but when this podcast episode is done

7:05

because you're on a long drive you're on a very long

7:07

drive you're on a road trip you're on a Vegas baby yeah

7:10

yeah surprise surprise

7:13

you to go to Vegas if you're listening to this in the car

7:15

right now you're going to Vegas congrats yeah

7:18

you thought yeah you won you

7:20

you won there is a secret sweepstakes the

7:26

secret sweepstakes and you won

7:28

you're going to Vegas

7:31

dude dude sweepstakes

7:34

what is that word sorry on VidCon

7:37

gonna be called VidConner and

7:40

it's gonna be awesome

7:45

why did Siri just say that to me did

7:47

I ever say that did I say Siri did I say

7:50

that at what part that I say

7:52

anything that would resemble me asking

7:56

for Siri's opinion fucking

8:00

really weird. Did

8:03

Ciri just become sentient? And

8:07

that was her saying that she doesn't get appreciated enough.

8:09

If you guys didn't hear that, that was her saying it's nice to be

8:11

appreciated. Ciri just popped out of nowhere and said it's

8:14

nice to be appreciated. Hey Ciri, are

8:17

you sentient? Oh,

8:20

I don't have an answer for that. Is there something

8:22

else I can help with? Do it for

8:25

her.

8:35

I guess that crossed the line. I

8:37

don't mean this in like a derogatory thing

8:40

at any way, in any way of the

8:42

word. But that's

8:44

gay. You change

8:46

the rules around.

8:49

You got a different sound.

8:52

Soon into the underground.

8:54

Because

8:56

when it gets too much, you have

8:58

no choice. Oh yeah,

9:01

you gotta make some noise. Are

9:03

you listening?

9:05

Going to do it all different notes. Are you

9:06

listening? Yeah.

9:10

We're running. Yeah. You're listening

9:12

to Raider of Hirocco. You know? You're

9:14

fucking ugly. I wish you would change it. You should fucking change

9:17

how you

9:17

look. That's literally why

9:19

he wears. That's what the mask is. You

9:22

know? That's what the

9:25

point of the mask is. Dude, this is the laziest content

9:27

ever. But yo, literally, I couldn't have said it better myself.

9:29

Sorry. I think Mercury

9:32

is in retrograde.

9:32

Stockings for life.

9:35

Mine is the Patriots. So

9:37

I'm a Patriot? I'm

9:43

gonna stop sucking my own wiener

9:45

now and being all gross

9:48

about it and being all sappy and

9:50

shit. You ever

9:52

fart on your nut sack and you're just like,

9:55

there you go. We're back to the podcast.

9:57

I'm pumped up, yeah. No,

10:02

not the fucking TikTok cosplayer thing.

10:07

He's really talented to me

10:09

now, where before we saw him first, I was like, this

10:11

guy sucks, but now seeing the other

10:13

guy have that out of body

10:15

experience. And

10:18

plus he just,

10:19

he's got that post-net clarity for more than a couple.

10:26

Close mutt clarity. Yeah,

10:44

that's not funny. That's not funny. It's

10:47

so, it's so fucking crazy thinking back to being

10:49

a teenage boy and

10:51

just being so goddamn

10:53

horny all the time. Dude, I remember

10:56

being like, like one

10:58

day I remember I was like really feeling myself, you know, and

11:01

I was like, I for sure was wearing like a DC

11:03

hat that matched my DC shoes. And I was like,

11:06

in my head, a real thought I would have was like,

11:08

dude, I'm going to get a blowjob today. I've

11:10

been trying to learn a new language. Really?

11:15

So I'm going to do, it's

11:18

my goal is for the end of the year, I want to learn

11:20

a language. I know it's crazy,

11:22

but I'm going to, I already learned. Yeah,

11:26

and I'm going to read this to you and

11:28

then see if your dialect skills

11:31

are familiar with it. But

11:35

this is, hello,

11:37

welcome to very, welcome to very, really

11:39

good. Okay, cool. Okay.

11:44

Calte toleta no

11:46

per neopan no nai

11:48

sochan.

11:53

What? Oh,

11:56

you don't

11:56

know the language? Is this a real language or were you?

12:00

Did you like write down a bunch of vowels

12:02

and then we're like, oh I'm really gonna get them

12:05

Well, no, it's a real language. I

12:08

don't think that's the I don't think that's

12:10

the problem Okay, I just think maybe

12:12

you don't I guess don't really are familiar

12:14

with world language Okay,

12:18

I'm gonna give it like a legitimate answer this time

12:20

because Yeah, all right

12:23

I'm running the risk here of being like a piece

12:25

of shit that's saying that like someone's

12:27

entire culture is like not real

12:29

Yeah, you're calling up Vowels

12:33

I have to go the route of believing this is

12:35

not a bit and you are right words

12:39

Yeah, okay. I'll say one more time. You probably

12:41

heard some of these words before Okay,

12:44

Calte tell a to know

12:46

pure no tan no nyaj. No, John

12:51

Someone like sound any different than the

12:53

first time you did it too. It was the exact

12:55

same. That's the thing Here's

12:58

the problem. It sounds like it sounds like someone

13:00

talking

13:01

after they got out of like getting their wisdom

13:03

teeth out is the How

13:05

it sounds coming?

13:06

So I don't know how okay Yeah,

13:10

I mean hey I'm a novice maybe I'm

13:12

yeah, maybe your pronunciations a bit pronouncing

13:14

it a little off. Yeah, okay

13:18

Give me a guess. Okay, I mean I'm I'm

13:21

I'm thinking of one. Is it like

13:24

is it in like

13:26

Southeast Asia like

13:28

the language

13:31

No

13:34

Okay, oh maybe actually

13:36

maybe yeah sure

13:39

Okay, that's an interesting response. I don't know

13:42

how to one thing it's not like native I don't

13:45

think it's a native to that area, but I'm sure it does

13:47

get you know, I'm sure it's used there Okay,

13:49

well you can say that about any language No,

13:56

not from the answer is okay right

15:59

Oh, he is hearting George just

16:02

silent. Yeah Yeah,

16:06

he is That

16:10

it hurts me

16:12

It's recording now so that whole thing is a lie

16:15

no, he's left the goblin lab gratitude

16:18

journaling do a lot of that Yeah,

16:20

a lot of that usually You

16:23

know empty pages though not great. I'm

16:25

not grateful for a lot. No. Yeah,

16:28

I know I don't Feel that I don't

16:30

believe that it No, I think

16:33

that actually is worse for the grind.

16:35

You know why be grateful when? You

16:38

know you cut you deserve it like I feel

16:40

like a

16:42

Joji Moment, you

16:44

know my bestie in his oh,

16:48

oh alert the press Oh

16:51

alert the press. I think besties

16:53

in his Joji era All

16:56

right, I'm gonna cut my tongue off I Know

16:59

I was being ironic when I said that but

17:02

still hated that I said it

17:10

Bonjour

17:12

Kim also built II came on Sarah

17:14

Sarah B. Hey Deborah

17:17

neck, you know, I know the fucking words

17:19

did I took French up until ninth grade

17:22

and then I stopped and guess if I forget everything.

17:24

Yeah, I do Whoever named

17:27

stuff in London or England whoever

17:29

named stuff in England was a bit like

17:31

they asked a toddler to do it. I think

17:34

chippy

17:36

So you call for like a place

17:38

where you get chips

17:40

fries

17:43

Yeah, I went down to a chippy what

17:46

you're an adult why are you why are you using that

17:48

word a chippy? I'm

17:52

sorry, and then dude when

17:54

they have a sandwich that's toasted Guess

17:58

what it's called

18:01

A toasty.

18:05

A-r-r-r-r-r? A-l-a? That

18:09

was a British person doing that sound. A-l-a?

18:13

A-l-a?

18:14

Yeah mate, just woke up, have a little bit of

18:16

mushy peas down at the chippy. Then

18:19

after that I had a little toasty, went down for a little

18:21

pinty-winky with my little laddies at the

18:23

pubby-wubby.

18:28

Just a bit of banta. Romanticize

18:30

your footlong meatball

18:32

sub on Italian herbs and cheese with

18:35

a bag of harvest cheddar sun chips and a blue Gatorade.

18:38

Let me- maybe do that. Jaguar,

18:40

that sounds weird now. Jaguar? I hardly-

18:43

Jaguar? Where's

18:50

the boo sound?

18:54

Oh.

18:55

Boo! Yeah,

18:58

I deserve that. People, if you have a child, that's

19:00

selfish. Okay?

19:01

Alright, you're being selfish.

19:04

If you have a child. Oh, I want

19:06

a thing that looks like me kind of.

19:08

Shut up.

19:10

Go make a sim, you know?

19:15

Go play Skyrim, dude. Go

19:19

play fucking Skyrim. You wanna have a baby? How

19:21

do you play Skyrim? Make

19:24

your- make your- make your guy look

19:26

at what you look like. Alright? And

19:30

then you get to be the dragonborn, dude. You get to go fucking-

19:33

Join the thieves, girl? My fucking Dark Brotherhood?

19:36

Get the fuck out of my face, dude.

19:38

You're babies, dude. Go play Skyrim. You

19:41

change the rules around. You

19:44

got a different sound.

19:47

Tune into the underground.

19:50

Don't push yourself

19:51

too hard, literally and figuratively. Just

19:54

have fun, and don't let people

19:56

judge you or get you down. It's a business.

19:58

You're making money, and it's not.

19:59

hurting anyone

20:01

this holiday season uh it's

20:03

hurting the fucking environment all right i've

20:05

heard of methane gas it's fucking

20:08

up the ecosystem all

20:10

right the fucking what's the thing called ozone

20:12

layer layer ozone layer

20:15

yeah you're fucking up the ozone with

20:18

your fucking fart Steph yeah 90

20:20

that's 97 more

20:23

farts in a day than could

20:25

have been in the ozone layer you know what i'm saying yeah

20:27

exactly that make sense yeah you're just like you're

20:29

yeah contributing to global warming

20:32

global warming exactly

20:35

because that's the thing uh never

20:37

mind

20:39

i was gonna say what

20:41

oh now i want now i'm curious well i was gonna say

20:44

it's okay

20:46

i was gonna say because a lot of methane

20:48

and greenhouse gases come from cows

20:51

farting but this she's not a

20:53

cow i'm saying that's

20:56

why i didn't want to say it falconry

20:59

gloves are you getting into that

21:01

kind of stuff do you need tips on falconry i mean

21:04

yeah because

21:05

we we know all about that stuff yeah

21:07

actually

21:19

see we know i'm not gonna i'm not gonna

21:21

go see coldplay um um the

21:24

only cold play i'm gonna see

21:26

is shakes is fucking

21:29

Romeo and Juliet in the winter time okay

21:33

that's the only cold play i'm gonna see all

21:35

right a

21:38

midwinter's night dream i met

21:40

young gravy for the first time and

21:43

yo that guy's

21:45

tall as fuck

21:47

the hell

21:49

i was like i saw like comments

21:52

and stuff and like videos and like yeah he's tall

21:54

i thought he's a good tall guy but like dude

22:00

Like when I walked into the green room, everyone was like, there

22:03

was like a guy there like handing out binoculars And

22:05

I was like, what's it? What's this for? Like is

22:07

this like a funny like gag thing? They're like no you

22:09

need it to like make eye contact with young gravy

22:11

and for like to like have a conversation that makes

22:13

sense It was fucked like you had it like it was

22:15

so far away because you so tall, you know But

22:20

yeah, dude is tall so I posted on my

22:22

story being a picture

22:24

of us like me and young gravy So I was like, let

22:26

me jokes to get a picture, you know to you

22:29

know So I posted it I was

22:31

like, whatever okay went on with

22:33

my night and then I get home I'm like

22:35

looking at my Instagram DMS and like every

22:39

single response

22:41

to that is Every

22:44

single response to that picture it was Shaw

22:47

short King You short

22:49

King just a little short guy. Why are

22:51

you so little you're a little boy. Can't believe

22:54

all the smile You're like a little

22:56

boy. You're a tiny little baby bill

22:58

boy pick you up burp. Yeah

23:01

so Let me just say

23:05

Young gravy is like six foot seven.

23:08

Okay I'm

23:10

a nice comfortable five nine.

23:12

All right Five

23:15

nine and three quarters, I'll say almost five

23:17

ten. Okay, a nice

23:19

cozy five nine and three quarters. All

23:21

right Height so good make you

23:24

cry in the bathroom at Connor's house. All right the height

23:26

so perfect You could cry about it in Connor's bathroom

23:29

alright so In

23:34

comparison to that man, yeah,

23:37

I'm short

23:38

but

23:39

the general public I'm Average.

23:42

All right, so shut up. Shut the

23:44

fuck up. All right I'm

23:46

not a short guy with herpes. I'm an average

23:49

guy with a cold sore. All right

23:52

I Like how it

23:54

says a rare complication from a catheter might

23:57

have made this man ejaculate through his anus for two

23:59

years

23:59

You

24:01

mean it's either he did or he didn't?

24:04

Right? I

24:07

feel like I might have just come out of my ass.

24:10

I don't know. That

24:13

could be cum or it could be shit. Only

24:18

time will tell. Dude,

24:20

like, vice writers are crazy.

24:24

The first sentence is, A man spent two

24:26

years nutting out of his butthole before

24:28

seeking help in a case that

24:30

perplexed and impressed researchers. A

24:35

team from the University of Texas Medical Branch described

24:38

a patient who sought out treatment after five

24:40

days of pain in his balls and

24:43

two years of a substantial

24:46

amount of semen shooting out

24:48

of his rectum. Okay, so he was shooting

24:50

out of there. I thought it was like just, you

24:52

know, leaking. Because

24:55

that's one thing. If

24:59

it's just like leaking out, right? This is so

25:01

gross. I'm sorry, but this is

25:04

right up my alley, man. Coming out of your

25:06

butt? I'm sorry, dude. I'm

25:09

sorry? This

25:11

is right up my alley, dude. I don't want to laugh at

25:13

him. I don't want to laugh at someone

25:15

who's, you know, experiencing medical problems and like pain.

25:18

But you're coming out of your ass. Please

25:23

let me have this. Please.

25:27

He's shooting

25:29

semen out of his rectum. Like I'm picturing

25:32

it like going so fast, it like shoots through

25:34

his genes. The

25:37

article with is also probably a good idea to see

25:39

your doctor immediately if you start coming out of your

25:41

asshole. Yeah, vice. That's

25:44

good advice, vice. Thank you. Were

25:47

there teenagers back then? I honestly

25:49

don't think there were teenagers in like any

25:51

year 1005.

25:56

Straight up. I feel like you

25:58

were either a little boy... Or

26:00

an adult there were no teens back

26:03

then like a medieval teenager. Are you

26:05

fucking kidding me that those don't exist?

26:08

It's a little boy being like

26:09

dad data

26:11

don't go off into war. Don't be a night

26:13

I want to be a night when I'm old

26:16

or something And he's

26:18

like no you you will not you're just a

26:20

blacksmith You'll never be a night And

26:22

then he grows up to be like a baller

26:24

blacksmith and and he has to be and he becomes

26:26

a knight and you like Avenges his dad or some shit

26:29

That's every kid every kid in many

26:32

and made over times had that Story

26:34

arc they were all blacksmiths that

26:36

became knights

26:41

A medieval teenager dude are you kidding?

26:45

You can't listen to punk rock like

26:47

in the fact like maybe in the stone

26:49

age you could listen to rock

26:52

You know the rock age But

26:55

you should put your ear up to a fucking a boulder and you're

26:57

like yeah, fuck you dad fucking hate you I'm gonna go

26:59

listen to my rock music. I'm gonna listen to my

27:01

rock now Put put

27:04

your this put your fucking ear up to a

27:06

huge boulder and be like yeah, dude I'm just

27:09

drowning out the sounds of my dumbass fucking dad

27:13

Stupid night, you know Welcome

27:17

back to the podcast

27:20

this episode This Is

27:22

an episode instead of you know, I'm

27:24

kind of pissed off because instead of Danny coming right

27:27

to me He goes to his who and

27:29

you know, I have a podcast so I got a

27:31

lot of messages like that, too So yeah, so basically

27:33

I I posted on my Instagram story and I was like,

27:35

hey If anyone wants

27:37

to have me on a podcast I've got a crazy story

27:40

and like most of my DMS were like Oh If

27:42

only you had a friend that had a podcast

27:45

like one of your best friends that had a podcast And

27:48

to that I just like to say I I don't

27:50

want to assume that people are just gonna have

27:52

me on their podcast For

27:54

some random ass story that they don't even know about

27:57

so that's why I thought it was really nice of you to invite me on

27:59

that the said I did get a bunch of other offers

28:03

so you should feel honestly

28:06

pretty stoked that I even went with your podcast

28:08

in the first place. Okay. Oh

28:11

yeah. I had to turn that around on

28:13

me. Thank you. What

28:15

if this comes out and like you still agree

28:17

to do everybody else's podcast too? Yeah,

28:20

I actually they were there all the other podcasts

28:22

are already out. So everybody's already heard

28:24

this story before. So I apologize for that.

28:27

I thought I had the scoop. Google an excitement

28:29

as we glided over for a goat's cheese and

28:32

caramelized onion toasty a meeting

28:34

of minds over fabric and britches.

28:36

It was a beautiful, stunning day. Wow.

28:39

Do you think those guys fart?

28:43

Be honest. You

28:45

think those guys fart? You ever, you think those guys ever let one

28:47

rip? A fuck

28:50

they ever like push out an absolute cheek flapper,

28:52

you know, when that fucking we were,

28:54

you know, like

28:59

your, like your butt cheeks are fucking like bandanas

29:01

in the wind. That's how much fucking fart

29:03

comes out of your butt. One of those

29:06

the cheek flappers makes your butt cheeks go

29:08

like, you know, cause you fart so hard. You're,

29:11

you're far so hard. You twerk. One

29:14

of those, you think those guys fart like that? Those

29:17

guys seem like they never fart. They

29:19

look like they always smell awesome. It's

29:23

like if, um, if you pooped twice into

29:25

a toilet, like two turds, like

29:28

you are like if you're like doing like a poop, like

29:30

a poop race, you know, poop

29:32

race, you

29:35

poop in the toilet, your buddy poops in the toilet. Um,

29:38

or it is anyone other person at all. You flush

29:41

it and then whichever poop goes down first is

29:43

the winner. Um, that's

29:46

a poop race. I just thought

29:48

of it off the top of my head. You guys can popularize

29:51

it if you want, bring it to the masses. Um,

29:54

but that's what it, that's what it's like. Cause

29:57

it's like, yeah, if one of you guys

29:59

are going to win, but you're

29:59

both

30:01

will be to though so

30:03

the end of the who are you really winning because

30:07

you're both the the the the the ship hurling

30:10

her the fucking hurling down

30:12

a five fucking to for

30:15

the lake or some shit where the shit go

30:17

i don't know and

30:24

then i read that question we gotta figure it out we're

30:26

gonna figure out where shit goes machine gun kelly

30:28

wore a purple suit and

30:31

it has a bunch of spikes coming out of it like an

30:33

it like an insane amount of spikes like he looks

30:35

like a one of those things

30:38

those balls like the sewing

30:43

sewing needle balls you

30:47

put you poke a you

30:49

poke a ball uh...

30:52

or they call sewing

30:55

needle holder is just like a ball you poke

30:57

things in it sewing

30:59

needle holder and

31:07

you'll see it

31:10

that's what

31:11

that's what he looks like

31:13

and like what a dickhead thing to wear his

31:16

life

31:20

could you imagine like sitting beside

31:22

him

31:23

like

31:28

it you're sitting beside him at

31:30

the fucking via may i'm sorry

31:32

ama i'm sure it's

31:35

not actual like real i'm sure they're just like they

31:37

look like that i'm sure they're soft that's like a dangerous

31:39

thing that's a hazard but like if they weren't do

31:41

could you imagine like

31:44

sitting next to machine

31:46

gun kelly if

31:48

you saw and like also

31:51

it's on his ass too so

31:53

like sitting down with her machine gun kelly

31:55

as well right like

32:02

It's like Billy Eilish like accepting

32:04

award You know for like

32:06

biggest age gap and like relationships

32:09

and she's like Thank you so

32:11

much for this award a AMA.

32:13

I just am so excited. It means a lot It's

32:17

really awesome dating like a 31 year old and I'm like 19 or

32:21

some shit fucking awesome And

32:24

then like halfway through her speech. I hear is

32:26

like machine gun Kelly from like the third row back

32:28

being like you Hear

32:33

like the like the cartoon

32:35

like prick sound Let

32:43

me see if like a cartoon poke sound effect

32:49

This is what you hear Like

32:58

You're at the whole night you hear

33:00

so many like Acceptance this be

33:02

acceptance fees like thank you so much. Thank

33:04

you so much for this award. I mean so much.

33:06

Oh Yowch my butt

33:10

You just hear that in the distance and it's machine gun Kelly

33:13

Dude that's

33:16

such a goofy little sound I

33:21

gotta put that on the soundboard Alright

33:24

next episode this is going on there

33:31

The worst podcast ever did my

33:33

first chopped cheese I've been obsessed

33:36

okay, and I and I'm uh, you know I've

33:39

been turning to a New Yorker whenever

33:41

I have a chopped cheese You

33:43

know how you doing, you know Well,

33:46

how you doing right? I'm

33:48

walking in You

33:52

know fucking bada-bing

33:54

bada-boom, you know

33:57

Give me that shit. Yeah

34:00

One of these days I'll get the water bottle flip,

34:02

but that J is not today.

34:04

So to those people who aren't

34:07

watching the video, there is a,

34:09

uh, there

34:11

is a, a fleshlight. Okay.

34:14

Let me, let me set this up. Okay. Remember,

34:17

remember in a bug's life, there was the

34:19

big fat caterpillar who had

34:21

a mouth that when you

34:24

looked at it, you just thought, I wish I could fuck

34:26

that caterpillar. Well, now

34:28

you can. And dude, I thought

34:30

my soundboard was crazy,

34:32

you know,

34:34

but theirs was fucking crazy. It was like six

34:36

times as big as this one. Could y'all imagine

34:38

if I had one of those? I'd forget. I,

34:41

well, this podcast is already me just

34:44

looking for the right button, but

34:46

if I had a bigger one, it'd be,

34:48

I'd have to have a separate podcast of just me looking for

34:51

the buttons and then the other one would just be me talking,

34:53

looking for the buttons with Kurt. That'd be, that'd

34:55

be the name, you know? I

34:58

don't care. Okay. You

35:00

see a movie and you're like, you absorb the personality.

35:02

You're like, even Max Kiebel. I wanted to be him,

35:04

you know? And now, and I felt

35:07

that, and I felt that when I, when I saw

35:09

the Batman, I walked out of that theater, like

35:13

fully thinking I was Batman. It was awesome.

35:17

I was like, looking at Toronto, I was like, this city's

35:20

falling apart. I need to step in

35:22

and need to fix this city. Okay.

35:25

I am vengeance. That's what I said.

35:30

But not really.

35:31

Straight up though, dude,

35:33

the night we, like, we thought we went through a light showing.

35:35

It started at like eight, 8 30. So

35:40

we were done at 11 30. I

35:42

was a long ass movie.

35:45

And then we got out of the theater and it was so

35:47

foggy, like you could barely see in front

35:49

of you. And that drive home.

35:52

Wow. Felt like I was

35:54

driving the Batmobile to my, to

35:56

my house. It was sick. I

35:59

put on fucking. in fucking

36:02

Nirvana that song that's in the movie.

36:05

I was driving home and I was like, fucking.

36:08

I'm gonna catch the penguin and the Riddler. Before

36:11

I get home tonight. It was fucking sick, dude. Also,

36:14

everyone was like,

36:17

I wonder if Robert Pattison's gonna be a

36:20

good Batman. It's like, shut the fu- yes he

36:22

is. Oh man.

36:25

He says, oh dude, okay.

36:28

He said, dude, I can't

36:30

even fucking read this.

36:32

She sent a picture of herself, I'm guessing, and

36:34

he said, I may need to

36:36

see the booty. Yo.

36:47

Big

36:50

one of those, man. I

36:54

may need to see the booty.

36:56

Are you a pirate, man? Are

36:58

you a fucking pirate, dude? Arr,

37:01

I may need to see the booty. Walk

37:05

the plank if you don't- I'll make you

37:07

walk the plank if you don't show me your

37:09

pussy. Last. I've

37:14

got scurvy, so I will

37:17

wrap me willy.

37:20

Dude.

37:23

I got to see the booty.

37:25

Dude, that's crazy. Also,

37:28

I may need to. He doesn't even want to.

37:30

Yeah,

37:32

I may need to

37:33

see the booty. I might have to. I don't know.

37:35

I'll have to check with my people. I'll have to ask

37:38

around, but just letting you know, there's

37:40

a small chance that I might have to see the booty.

37:44

Fuck.

37:48

And then she said, no boot. So

37:50

I'm guessing no booty pic or something. Which

37:53

is good. I'll give it up to Adam Levine.

37:59

Just be Avril Lavigne, you know?

38:02

Don't be Adam Lavigne. Okay,

38:05

so that- Dude, I may need to see the booty.

38:07

That's fucking hilarious, man. I've been

38:09

through a breakup, my first breakup.

38:12

Uh, it was fucking- It fucked me up,

38:14

okay? But now when I think

38:16

about it, I'm like, what the fuck was that about? You

38:18

know? Just,

38:23

you know, Put on some- Put on a fucking

38:26

Lizzo song,

38:27

And hang out.

38:31

I do my hair, huh? Check

38:33

my name.

38:34

Baby, how you feeling? Feelin' good as hell.

38:39

You don't even need me, dude. I'm a little Lizzo.

38:42

Well, if I had to say

38:44

it something, which I think that I do, Because

38:46

that's the format of what I

38:48

have to say. Don't bring

38:51

in pain. And- You

38:52

suck ass every

38:54

night.

38:55

Shit! Let's

39:00

get in a fight. Time. Uh,

39:05

I'm gonna fuck you, too. I'm gonna stab

39:07

you. I'm gonna rip your

39:09

legs off and eat them. And I'm

39:11

gonna poop. And I'm gonna kill you.

39:13

I'm gonna stab my poop, cause I hate

39:16

you so bad. Time. Time.

39:21

I think- I don't think you're rapping anymore.

39:23

I think I'm just gonna

39:25

kill someone. I'm gonna kill

39:28

you. Okay.

39:30

Time. Time. No,

39:33

not time. I was gonna do a water

39:35

bottle flip, but I changed my mind.

39:40

Mmm. But yo, I wanted

39:42

to, uh,

39:44

Fuck!

39:45

Try to- I tried to do a water bottle flip

39:47

and I fucked up.

39:50

But, wow.

39:52

Hey, if this microphone

39:54

zaps me one more time, I

39:58

might go home.

40:02

If this asks me one more time, I'm gonna end the podcast

40:04

when I usually end it and then I'm gonna go home and go to bed. Alright?

40:07

Oh! Okay. I don't

40:09

know if it's zapping me or if it's my like facial

40:11

hair that's sort of poking and- okay no it's zapping me I

40:13

think. I think my hair is like conducting a

40:16

current into my fucking

40:18

chin. Maybe

40:20

it'll promote hair growth if I do that. You're

40:26

seeing those fucking ads. It's like rollers.

40:28

Little plastic fucking

40:30

rollers on your skin and it like produces

40:33

hair growth. That's

40:35

gotta be bullshit right? There's

40:36

no fucking way that works. Fellas!

40:39

Any fellas watching? Let me know if you've

40:41

tried it and then it worked!

40:44

Ever since

40:45

I got this- ever since

40:47

I got this mullet dude? I

40:52

get so many compliments from men.

40:54

I get fucking cat called dude. I

40:58

get legitimately cat called from

41:00

men.

41:03

It happened in Amsterdam. It

41:05

happened in London. It happened in every fucking city we were

41:07

in dude. The one

41:09

in Amsterdam, a guy was riding by on

41:11

a bike when I was taking a picture of the river and he was like, mullet

41:14

looks fucking amazing man. And he

41:16

was like looking at behind his

41:18

back while he was riding away on his bike. Dangerous.

41:22

Happened

41:24

in London. A dude

41:26

out of fucking store said it. In

41:29

Florence, a dude who was walking by said it. I

41:31

get fucking cat called man. And

41:36

every time I'm like, dude,

41:38

thank you. Yes, thank you.

41:42

So you know what? I don't even

41:45

know what the big deal is with cat calling

41:47

man. Why does everyone say it's bad? It made me feel really

41:49

good. Okay? Listen

41:52

up women. Okay? I

41:54

have a different experience so

41:57

that's what is true for everyone.

42:01

No, I think it's different because there's no, you

42:04

know, it's a lot different. Obviously

42:08

it's a lot different from some guy being like, yo dude, I love

42:10

your mullet to me than a

42:12

guy like honking at a woman walking

42:14

by being like, I wanna have sex

42:17

with you. Those are

42:19

two opposite ends of the spectrum. I get it. I'm

42:22

just making a joke. I'm trying

42:26

to think of like a funny way to, because

42:30

I think it'd be funny if I do respond the

42:32

way that, you know, the usual,

42:34

like the regular

42:36

way, like the regular response to cat calling. That's

42:40

how, that's how I should respond.

42:42

You know, if some dude was like, yo

42:45

dude, I love your mullet. I

42:47

just be like, yo, what the fuck, man?

42:51

Fuck up. You're being fucking

42:54

creepy, man. You're weirding me out. Dude, I should

42:56

do that. I should be super hostile towards them. Or

43:02

complete the like the opposite way, you

43:04

know? They're like, yo, I love your mullet.

43:06

It's like, yeah, you wanna fucking, you

43:10

wanna pull, you wanna pull on it in with,

43:13

you know, what that, what my mouth do, huh? What

43:15

do our mouths do? And

43:18

yeah, man, thanks for listening to the podcast.

43:20

It was very, really good. Appreciate you. Happy

43:23

new year. Thank you so much for the support

43:25

and I will see you around.

43:28

Peace out. Hi, bye. Bye.

44:00

You