0:07

I got buckets.

0:14

It's we knows parenting. I'm Peter McNerney

0:17

and I'm that Newell. We came

0:19

back. We've

0:22

been back. Can you believe it? We

0:24

didn't really leave. I

0:26

mean we did leave. We went to Thanksgiving,

0:31

to the Thanksgiving. We went to the

0:33

famous, the world famous Thanksgiving. This

0:37

version was in outside

0:39

of Boston, Massachusetts, where your parents

0:41

live. Had a delightful time. Can

0:44

I say, unrelated to the trip, that

0:46

a lot of people this year are getting

0:49

more on board with actually

0:52

listening to native people about

0:55

cultural issues. And

0:57

people are starting to talk about how Thanksgiving is

1:00

credibly problematic and

1:02

like as as a holiday,

1:04

and I think, you

1:06

know, it's one of those things. It feels

1:08

like we just need to rebrand

1:11

it a little bit and keep doing

1:13

the big family meal and just yes,

1:16

the messaging of it

1:18

is is right, arm like it's But

1:20

the funny thing is all of our all of our

1:23

holidays are actually just appropriated

1:25

pagan holidays that we that Christianity

1:27

like tried to rebrand into different various

1:30

lives and things. Well, I think

1:32

that's that's not not just Christianity

1:35

is thin right right right,

1:37

But um our

1:39

country has done this with Thanksgiving where

1:41

what used to be sort of like giving

1:43

thanks holiday in the fall where you would

1:46

like reap the last harvest and then celebrate

1:48

all the food and like you know, prepare

1:51

for the winter and

1:54

like enjoy a meal with your loved

1:56

ones. It then became this holiday where we're like

1:59

and that's when Native Americans forgave

2:01

us for everything, and they actually were like, we

2:03

want you here on our land and

2:06

we want you to take all of relay. Well, yeah,

2:08

that is the that's the origin of

2:11

Thanksgiving. I mean, obviously the revisionist history

2:13

of the perfect we

2:16

invited the the Native Americans

2:18

to this supper, which I just

2:21

read a great article, but like

2:24

things that are you

2:26

believe about Thanksgivings that aren't true, And the

2:28

only one I remember is we

2:30

didn't. We the white

2:33

people, the Pilgrims, did

2:35

not invite the Native Americans

2:39

when you were across the brook having their own

2:41

festival. And they emerge

2:43

when you actually look at American

2:45

history and a lot of these things, or just world

2:48

history, it's like we're

2:50

talking about events that were like genocide

2:53

on some level, like you know, like rape

2:55

and murder of people, removing

2:58

children from their parents. It's like these

3:01

are like but like if you if

3:03

you read the history in our history books,

3:05

it's like, um,

3:08

so we just kept expanding

3:10

west into this beautiful land that was just sitting

3:12

there waiting for it. Or the victors

3:15

write the history books. I mean, the

3:17

pilgrims had a had a

3:20

you know, where they were living. They had fields

3:23

that were prepared and tilled because

3:26

all they were prepared by Native

3:28

Americans who were all dead because of

3:30

the small box. Yeah,

3:33

anyway, fun start. Well,

3:35

I think what is relevant about that to the podcast,

3:38

not aside from the education point, is

3:40

that, Um,

3:42

one thing I think people have been more sensitive

3:44

to this year, among other things

3:47

culturally, is that kids

3:50

are being given these sort

3:52

of like reenacting

3:54

things like plays

3:57

or activities or head

3:59

dress is like they're giving these activities

4:01

in schools that are just like I

4:03

know, in a lot of places, I feel like this

4:06

is just like some old

4:09

white teacher who's been doing this thing for years

4:11

and like they didn't get the memo, like you know what I mean,

4:13

Like they're still making Native

4:15

American head dresses out of Yeah.

4:19

In a lot of cases, it's like a very

4:21

well meaning white person who

4:23

really needs to like

4:26

read an article, Um, but

4:28

it's just anyway.

4:30

Um well,

4:32

I speaking of that, I went to pick up britain Is after

4:34

school. Um program

4:37

had a Thanksgiving party and

4:39

I forgot that it was happening. So I showed up and

4:41

he was just getting food and

4:44

so I was like, oh, you know what, I'm gonna go outside

4:46

that you know, makes some phone calls so

4:49

that he can enjoy his food. And he didn't haven't seen me yet.

4:51

And as I walked out, I really

4:54

I thought like, was he wearing

4:56

a construction paper uh

5:00

Native American head dress? Oh? Yeah?

5:02

And I was like, oh, that's not cool

5:05

anymore, right, But then I went back an

5:07

hour later and saw that it was turkey

5:11

turkey hat but it had turkey feathers on

5:13

a hat in a way that was like very reminiscent

5:15

of you can tell whoever learned that learned

5:18

it one way and then they go, let's make it a turkey

5:20

and it was an appropriate shift. Yeah,

5:23

but someone someone got very attached

5:25

to the idea of putting like

5:27

headbands on kids around fall

5:30

like, yeah, it's it's

5:32

moved in the right direction. But yeah, I mean, I

5:34

mean Thanksgiving the core

5:37

of it is the time to be thankful, and I think

5:39

I'm behind that time to get together

5:41

with family, Like we celebrate Christmas

5:44

personally. I don't do it for Jesus anymore.

5:47

I just it's about family. I

5:49

just do it for the likes. I just do it for

5:51

the tradition and the rules. Um,

5:55

I'm so excited for Christmas this year. Brand

5:58

he's he's he's

6:00

ready for the big Christmas.

6:03

Can we talk about the Advent calendar?

6:08

Yeah? Sure, I mean the

6:11

thing is I have another Advent thing

6:13

coming? Or is that what it's

6:15

called. No, it's not called it's

6:17

just what are you talking about? What

6:20

are you talking about? What? I was talking about the Advent calendar?

6:22

But you said that you have another Advent thing

6:24

coming, another

6:26

Advent calendar sort

6:28

of. It's like, Um,

6:31

this is so mysterious. What are you talking

6:33

about. It's like this wooden Advent

6:35

calendar where you like put it's

6:38

like a Christmas tree with all these little circle holes.

6:40

And then yeah,

6:43

I was trying to find something like when

6:45

I was a kid, I had this thing that I loved that I don't

6:48

think anyone really makes something like

6:50

it right now. Maybe they do, But it was like

6:52

it hung on the wall. It was made of cloth,

6:55

and there was all these little pockets for each

6:57

day of the month with a number on it, and

6:59

then that you would move this little

7:01

mouse from pocket to pocket. I've

7:04

seen that too. I loved

7:06

that. I love all of these. These

7:08

are the kind of holiday activities that are

7:10

great. Like I think if you remember

7:14

that so much of the joy of Christmas is

7:16

like the lead up to Christmas, then I feel

7:18

like you can kind of like tone

7:21

down the consumerism and stress

7:23

of like gift by

7:26

I love the build up is everything.

7:29

Yeah, that's why I love Christmas Morning and

7:31

we have a lot of traditions and things because

7:33

it's all about just extending

7:36

that moment of excitement. Um.

7:39

But bring up we got written at You got brittan

7:41

advant calendar, a simple one,

7:44

and you think that would be really into it because

7:46

he loves the calendar and crossing off the days

7:48

of the month. He really didn't

7:51

get it, and well he does love it, but he

7:53

immediately opened all of the

7:55

doors and then lied about it. It was too

7:57

tempting. You know. It's funny because

7:59

they have ones like that that have candy

8:01

in them. But I used to get some of those.

8:03

I know. I could never trust him

8:06

with something like that. Well, that's the type

8:08

of thing though that he couldn't possibly

8:11

lie about. He'd

8:16

he'd be surprised. So

8:20

let's talk about We took them to Thanksgiving. It

8:23

was nice and easy. Um

8:25

the drive there. The drive back was not.

8:29

We had a lot of traffic. Actually, I thought the drive back

8:31

was more peaceful in a weird way, even

8:33

though it was eternal. Here's

8:36

something I'm really proud of. It

8:38

was eternal. It was six and a half hours

8:41

instead of three. Um,

8:46

so Brent head a major league melt down

8:48

in the parking lot when you guys went into that restaurant.

8:52

And I've been really

8:54

trying to just

8:58

ride the wave instead of trying

9:00

to block the wave, you

9:02

know, because I've you

9:05

know, I pride myself on putting my foot down, and

9:07

when I put my foot down, I don't back off. But

9:10

I've been hitting the gas, hitting the brake too

9:13

hard, too quick, m and

9:15

so I've just been

9:17

trying to find that balance of if

9:20

I say a thing, I mean it, but

9:23

I'm toning down this

9:26

sternness. And

9:29

in that parking lot when he was having a major

9:31

league freak out, Um,

9:35

oh my god. So this was in reaction

9:38

to target okay, we

9:40

gotta go back. On the way there, we had to go to

9:42

Target to buy him a jacket because he lost

9:44

his jacket. So it's

9:46

been a great trip. We go into the Target

9:51

and we get there and we

9:53

get to find the jacket section and there's

9:55

one coat that's for four to five years

9:58

old, and so I go, oh, look

10:00

at this, and I put it on him and it fits

10:02

perfectly, and then I

10:04

go great. And then I look in the

10:06

next size up, which is six

10:08

seven, and I go, let's try this

10:10

on just in case, because it was a nice jacket and it

10:13

might last. So he puts one arm

10:15

in the new jacket and his fingers don't

10:17

go to the end, so in my mind like, oh, this

10:19

is probably too big. And then he takes it

10:21

off and he goes, this is the one. I want this one,

10:24

And I go, well, try

10:26

it on so that I can see how big it is,

10:28

because I'm not gonna buy this. It might be too big.

10:31

And he then he refused, uh,

10:34

and I was like, oh, okay, well just

10:37

try it on. And then suddenly he got

10:39

really progressive quickly, and he was

10:41

really embarrassed, and I didn't notice

10:43

it, so suddenly I was pushing against

10:45

somebody that was freaking out, and I didn't notice

10:48

yet, and so then I was like, okay,

10:50

all right, let's get the other one. And

10:53

then I tried. I tried to get the other

10:55

one, and he started freaking

10:57

out that we weren't buying the big

10:59

one. So then I said, okay,

11:01

we can get the big one if

11:04

you try it on. Then he wouldn't try

11:06

it on and the biggest public

11:08

melton I've ever been a part of. And so I

11:10

tried to just back away, and I go, okay, I riled

11:13

him up. I didn't realize that, and

11:15

I stayed calm, and I just sat there and I waited

11:17

and I let him be alone. I let him calm down,

11:19

I changed the subject. We just talked

11:21

and all that, and then finally we had to go. So

11:24

I was like, all right, and then I called and I was

11:26

like, I started like threatening him.

11:29

We got donuts. If you don't do this, you're gonna get a donut.

11:31

And I called you and I was like, are

11:33

you gonna eat Britain's doughnut? And this is when I

11:35

blew it, And then finally wasn't

11:38

already. I finally finally

11:41

just said we have to go, and so I grabbed the one that

11:43

I knew that fit. I said, let's

11:45

go, and I started walking away, and he exploded

11:48

with rage and started running in front

11:50

of me, and he threw himself down in

11:53

front of me on the ground, and I just

11:55

like stepped over him, and everyone

11:57

was looking. And then we got into the

11:59

cell off checkoutline and he started hitting

12:02

me, and it was so crowded and

12:04

I was so embarrassed, and

12:06

I was trying to make jokes, so the people around me and

12:08

I as I was checking out, he was grabbing

12:10

the coat and pulling it away and

12:12

screaming goes, I don't want it, I

12:15

don't want it, and I just put

12:17

my head down and walked out of the store. And

12:19

as soon as he got into the parking lot, I

12:22

lost it. And we put him in the car,

12:25

and he wouldn't put a seatbelt on, so I slammed

12:27

the door and then I get in the car and I drive to go

12:29

pick you guys up at Dunk of Donuts and

12:32

he starts kicking the back of my seat as

12:34

hard as he can, and he dumps out an

12:37

entire box of animal

12:39

crackers and I'm going

12:41

five miles in the parking lot and I hit

12:43

the brakes really hard and he sort of stumbles

12:46

and I scream,

12:48

Oh my God, and I

12:50

was so enraged and I lost my

12:52

mind. Okay, can I talk. This is the longest

12:54

story in the world. UM.

12:58

I feel like we have this conversation

13:01

every single time we have a car

13:03

trip where I

13:05

beg you not to

13:07

lay down the discipline at the beginning

13:10

of a three hour car

13:14

The thing is, I didn't no

13:17

becauld use you. From the very beginning.

13:19

You were like, I need you to put this

13:21

code on, Like, here's how

13:24

this would have played out for me. How

13:26

it started. He said,

13:28

I need you to try it on anyway,

13:31

and then you continue to lay down ultimatum

13:33

after ultimatum, a drawing

13:36

lines in the sand for him to get upset

13:38

about. Can I say how I would

13:40

have done this interaction? I'm

13:42

upset at how much you keep trying to describe

13:44

a thing that you weren't there for it. But go ahead, you just

13:47

described it in great detail for five

13:49

minutes straight. I think I have a pretty good

13:51

gist of what went down. Well,

13:54

the point of that setup was to talk about how I've

13:56

reacted him since then, which

13:58

I appreciate that it has been at

14:02

the start of every single trip we take.

14:06

Um, here's how this would have played

14:08

up for me. I'm

14:11

a mom, I'm planning

14:13

a trip, I'm packing, I'm trying to get things

14:15

to car, snacks, all these things, trying

14:17

to keep everyone in my family happy and calm.

14:19

Because I have three miserable hours

14:21

stuck with them in a car. I

14:24

realize we need a coat. I go into

14:26

target. My son starts

14:28

being difficult. I say, I

14:31

distract. I say, hey,

14:34

do you think if we're good, we could maybe get a

14:36

pack of gum on the way out of here? You

14:38

are so condescending. And then I

14:41

leave to target. Oh,

14:43

oh yeah, you just bail

14:45

on the jacket. You know what should I

14:47

would buy the jacket, but I would just distract

14:50

him from his stubbornness. Ah,

14:54

well, you might have done it.

14:56

You might have nailed it. We'll never know. As

15:00

a result, he had a freak out on the way

15:03

back. And boy, I handled it great. You

15:05

know what tonight? I am was

15:08

incredibly overwhelmed today with a bunch

15:10

of things, and I shut

15:12

down at a certain point, and

15:14

you very dramatically shut down.

15:17

Yes, it was

15:19

really bad, and I literally just had to

15:21

go lay down. Can I say

15:23

what happened? I came home, I came

15:26

early from work because it's like stormy outside,

15:28

and I walk in the front

15:31

door. The kids are directly in front of

15:33

the door, blankets spread out. There's like toys

15:35

ulster and all over the place, and like a lot of like weird

15:39

messes, like where they got into things

15:41

that are not for kids. And they're like just

15:44

I'm like what were they doing? Why is this thing

15:46

here? And like where is my

15:48

husband? And then I go and

15:50

you're laying down in the dark in

15:52

the bedroom, clearly overwhelmed

15:55

by something. Uh,

15:58

And so I closed

16:00

you in there and and you cleaned

16:03

up the night. You don't know how much

16:05

I appreciate it, because it was me

16:07

trying to start unloading the dishwasher

16:10

after making dinner that caused

16:13

me to snap, and

16:15

I said, I'm way down. But

16:18

I'll tell you what. I was so defeated

16:20

by the day that I had no energy

16:23

to be confrontational with my

16:25

kids, and I just let them

16:27

sort of pass through me. See that's

16:29

me a lot of the time. I'm just

16:31

like I'm so tired, and like

16:34

I need this Sunday to involve

16:37

rest and just eat

16:39

lunch meat, whatever you want. The

16:41

thing that was great is

16:43

that I had no I had no frustrations

16:46

with them, I had no anger towards them.

16:48

I had just was going through a personal crisis

16:52

and anything they were doing, I

16:54

just remained completely calm.

16:56

And there was almost zero fighting all

16:59

night in bedtime. You

17:01

know, you saw them freaking out of bedtime. I

17:04

had to lay down the law and do ultimatums, but I

17:06

did it with zero attitude

17:09

and zero aggression and it was

17:11

easy. And I didn't and

17:14

I was like, I need to remember what this feels like, minus

17:16

the defeated, exhausted apart and

17:20

just be be liquid not

17:23

a wall. Does that make sense? Yeah,

17:32

I'm drinking vodka cranchon. What

17:37

am I? Nineteen? That

17:41

was? That was a

17:43

very specific college thing

17:45

I got drunk on once that it's real gross

17:48

to me. Now, what's yours? You

17:51

made? You made a drink that you now think

17:53

it's gross. Um, it's

17:56

something I drank excessively

17:58

one night before I knew what that meant.

18:01

And so now that vodka

18:03

is ruined for me. The thing that

18:06

I think is a gross that I would drink

18:08

when I was like underage, like or

18:11

people around me. I would drink is like,

18:13

um, oh my

18:15

god, what's it called in the

18:17

Big Lebowski with the kohlua and milk?

18:20

Right Russian? White Russian? Um,

18:24

we would drink those for some reason. It's

18:26

like you and I went through a white

18:28

white Russian kick in two thousand.

18:31

It's like it just makes you feel gross

18:33

after a while, Like you're like, why am I drinking all this like

18:36

sugar and milk? Like you

18:38

know, it's not you're it's like a milkshake,

18:41

Like why it's so delicious?

18:43

I mean I do stuff like

18:45

that. I think it's fine if you're at like a holiday

18:47

party or something and you have like one drink, but like

18:50

you just it's not like something

18:52

you should This

18:56

is my tenth white Russian, so

18:59

gross, but one is yummy? Yeah?

19:03

Should we get back into white Russian? What

19:06

if that's where this goes? Next

19:08

week? You guys, when you hear this clinkety

19:11

clanketty, it's gonna be a white Russian

19:26

And now it's time for

19:28

do you know what they're saying? This is where

19:31

we talked about shit.

19:34

I was gonna say, ships our kids say, so

19:37

we're talking about our kids saying we used

19:39

to have on that was like, we

19:44

knows why they're saying the darndest thing.

19:46

Do you remember um because

19:50

intro it's a different title. Yeah, we can't remember

19:52

anything. Um. So tonight

19:55

I was pulling out Brent's

19:58

school photos because I was going to cut some up for

20:00

to give out to people, and um,

20:04

the class photo was

20:07

out and Brian saw it and he was like,

20:09

I mean, first of all, he got mad at me because he was like, he

20:12

was like, I was talking about how we're going to give some of the photos

20:15

to his grandparents, and he was

20:17

like, we can't give them this one

20:19

because it's like all of his friends. And he's

20:21

like and I'm like, no, it's okay,

20:23

We're not going to give him that one. And then he was

20:25

like holding the photo over

20:28

by himself and looking at the kids,

20:30

and he was looking at this girl,

20:33

Reagan, and he was like whispering

20:35

to himself and he goes, don't

20:37

forget about me, Reagan. I

20:44

don't know, I

20:46

don't know if he saw that on like

20:48

an X Men cartoon or something

20:51

like don't forget about it. Just feels

20:53

like he saw someone like wistfully staring

20:55

at like a photo, Like, where did he come up

20:57

with that? Because he left the room. He was like,

21:00

I was like, what are you saying? And he's like, what nothing?

21:02

And then he left the room and as he was walking away, he did it

21:04

again. He was like, don't forget about me, right,

21:07

listen, I don't want to project anything onto

21:09

Mike into my children.

21:12

Um, but he had

21:17

inklings if he talks about how cool she is,

21:20

Yeah, I mean he he likes

21:22

a lot of kids in his class. Yeah. So

21:24

it's it's hard to tell because he was talking about

21:26

having girlfriends. But then it became clear

21:29

that he just thought girls, you're friends. What are called

21:31

girlfriends? Um?

21:33

So he doesn't idiot. He

21:36

does love like romantic

21:38

love stuff though. Oh

21:41

so we watched Home Alone. Yeah,

21:44

I'm doing Thanksgiving break And

21:47

it's the first time I think he would transition this

21:49

into we knows what they're watching? We

21:51

already did, okay, And I

21:54

think it's the first time you sat through an entire live

21:56

action movie. Maybe that

21:59

might not be true. It feels like the first

22:01

time our kids have watched like a

22:04

classic live action kids movie.

22:06

Like, I'm sure they've seen other

22:08

things, but it's a pretty rare that they

22:11

sit still and like like

22:13

watching the whole movie. They watched the whole thing. They

22:16

loved it. I love he

22:18

keeps going. Remember when Kevin put the soap

22:21

on his face and said, trying

22:24

to keep explaining what after shave is that it's

22:27

pointless. But they

22:29

love it. They love the violence.

22:32

This sort of actually the Maven sometimes

22:34

she the um robbers

22:36

will come on, she goes, I don't like the

22:38

bad guys. She got scared. She

22:41

got a little scared during parts of it, and she

22:43

left the room during Home aloan too, but

22:46

Come Alone one, which is an

22:48

excellent movie. There's

22:51

some rough language in there for five year old.

22:53

They were very violent. They used the word

22:55

ass more than once. In

22:58

Homeland who they They literally show

23:00

a clip from a black and white film where a woman

23:03

is shot to death on screen,

23:05

like it's they do that in one, but it's like

23:08

I know both times it's very

23:10

violent. Keep the change of fealthy

23:12

animal. I love one. There's

23:15

all the so I wish they could

23:17

replace those scenes like they should

23:19

do an edit. It's just like no, no,

23:22

don't touch the thing. So

23:24

that house so violent. There's

23:27

also one scene where I was tempted

23:29

to cover Maven's eyes, which is like, because

23:31

I hate watching people get hurt. You

23:34

arrived when he steps on the nail, when he says something

23:36

nails so gross. Me didn't disturb

23:38

me until I was older. Yeah,

23:41

probably, but me, I

23:43

think maybe, and I are sensitive to watching people

23:45

get hurt. Well, she seemed

23:47

like overall she loved it. People

23:50

falling down here. I think when the falls are

23:52

really comical and it's like slipping

23:54

like that's funny, Like that's funny

23:56

for most people. It's when it looks

23:59

like like when you're seeing an iron

24:01

get dropped on someone's face and like

24:03

they're burned skin. That's when

24:06

I'm like that favorite

24:08

part. She described it

24:10

in a weird way if she didn't know what it was, but

24:12

she thought it was really well there. Yeah, there's parts of it where

24:14

they don't understand what's happening, But as

24:16

you get older, it's disturbing. What

24:20

is it? What does buzz say? I wouldn't I

24:23

wouldn't let you sleep in my room if

24:25

you were growing on my ass.

24:27

The tension between Kevin

24:29

and his family is so

24:32

well done. When she

24:34

takes when Katherine

24:36

Harritt takes upstairs,

24:39

he goes up to the attic, you really

24:42

feel her like making

24:45

some not necessarily empathetic choices,

24:48

but you feel her exhaustion as

24:50

a mom who's trying to pack like a

24:52

bajillion kids for a trip. Well,

24:56

when he says, I hope I'd never see

24:58

any of you ever her again, and

25:01

she goes, I hope you don't mean that.

25:04

I do, Like I teared

25:06

up. Yeah, when

25:08

you become a parent, suddenly

25:11

you have to rewatch every movie you've ever

25:13

watched, and now there's a whole new layer

25:15

where you're like, oh, now

25:17

I get it. I got teary

25:20

during that fight scene in him saying that

25:23

he wished they had all disappeared. You'd

25:26

be pretty sad if you woke up to morrow morning and

25:28

you had no family. No, I wouldn't. Oh,

25:32

this is another funny and at the end, but at

25:34

the end when she comes

25:36

home, it's very emotional.

25:39

And Brand cried when he

25:41

hugged his mom and she was back, and

25:43

I wanted to hug him and cry toive.

25:46

I do think it's like a really primal thing

25:49

to make kids movies about

25:51

like not having a mom around, Like

25:54

it's so like kids are like that's

25:56

the worst. Um, I just started

25:58

reading reading James the Giant Peach tonight,

26:01

and the first two chapters are harsh,

26:05

like Aunt's aunts Spiker

26:08

and on Sponge are terrible and

26:10

they just make him cry. And the end of the second

26:13

chapter he runs off and just sobs into

26:15

his hands. So

26:17

Bryn had another do

26:19

you know we know's what they're saying moment after

26:22

the movie where I was like,

26:24

so, Bryan, what was your favorite part? And he

26:26

was like, remember when they left

26:28

him alone. It's

26:31

like he's just so casual

26:33

about it. He's like, do you remember the part where they left

26:35

him alone? His favorite part was the full

26:37

premise of the movie thing when

26:41

he was home alone. He has a good point that like

26:43

that's sort of the crux, Like that's

26:46

really what's driving the movie. So

26:50

I grew up in the same town

26:53

as to where that movie was filmed.

26:56

I know, well, it's it feels like a very

26:58

weird set up for going there

27:00

for Christmas, because I was like, there's multiple

27:03

airport scenes in O'Hare

27:06

and I was like, we're gonna be there,

27:09

Yeah, We're gonna be at this airport and they go their

27:11

house, We're gonna be four blocks from that

27:13

house. I just

27:15

gave you a hint tist to where you can find us.

27:17

Um, the poor people

27:20

that own that house now they had to put up a big

27:22

fence because now that the Internet has

27:24

happened, there's fucking

27:27

weirdo idiots like sneaking

27:30

into their backyard. They have all these signs up.

27:32

That's like no trespassing because clearly people

27:34

go around the back of their house and

27:37

take pictures and ship It's

27:39

like, don't don't do that.

27:42

Don't do that. People don't

27:44

go into other people's yards. Never

27:48

although has there ever been a movie

27:50

where a house was a more central

27:53

character, Like I know every room in that

27:55

house, the story telling Satanic

27:58

room. I don't remember what handeck

28:00

room, have it? On the hill? I don't

28:02

remember the physical space

28:04

cabin on the hill, pork

28:08

drop Bay, what's the

28:10

one inferno? Towering

28:13

inferno? I mean

28:15

you're naming movies where buildings

28:19

are locations,

28:22

But what movies have

28:25

buildings in which you could describe

28:28

the relationship of all the rooms or

28:30

you can visually picture how everything

28:32

connects. I don't think you can visually

28:34

picture how everything connects in the home

28:37

alone.

28:40

I could draw you a picture. No, you

28:42

couldn't I'm if

28:44

it wasn't so late, I would I

28:47

would demand that we pause, and I would

28:49

draw a picture, and then we'd google it and compare.

28:52

Well, because you lived in a town where this house

28:54

was, you've seen it from all angles. Well,

28:56

I've not been inside it. There

28:59

are plenty of movies where people are

29:02

iconically familiar with this set

29:04

at location. I'm not saying

29:06

there aren't other movies. Downtain Abbey.

29:09

I couldn't tell you how that thing's put

29:11

together because he didn't watch the

29:13

show closely, not as closely as you've

29:15

watched Home Alone. It's true. I've

29:17

seen Home Alone times

29:22

best Christmas movie. Just

29:25

think about movies before you make grants sweeping

29:27

statement. I'm thinking about all the other

29:29

ones, all the other

29:31

one. You're thinking all the other ones,

29:33

the Millennium Falcon, I

29:36

don't even know that as well. Nope,

29:44

Hogwarts, I

29:47

don't know how it's connected. Well,

29:49

that's partly because they changed those

29:51

locations between movies.

29:55

Gimmy started. But could

29:58

you could you say where the

30:00

shire is in location in

30:03

relation to um

30:06

bag End? A bag End is in the

30:08

shire? Yeah, come on, I meant the town

30:11

of Bree. It's the next stop the

30:15

riven Dad, I don't even got those forest elves.

30:17

And then we got to go down that river, that

30:20

waterfall and Florian

30:23

Gondorum.

30:27

This is movie crush. Chuck Bryant,

30:32

Um, Chuck Bryant. We

30:35

need to plug at least once every

30:37

podcast. It's

30:39

true. Oh yeah, so Check texted me because

30:42

um, we mentioned

30:45

him, but he also wanted to say that I

30:47

said something that I didn't realize I said,

30:50

which is I meant to And even as he

30:52

was texting me, as I didn't understand what he

30:54

was talking about why it was so funny, But

30:57

I meant to say, um,

31:00

all presses, any press is good press.

31:03

All press is good press. But

31:05

I said all news is good news and

31:11

that doesn't make sense. Yeah, well, we get

31:13

tired when we're recording this podcast,

31:16

but you know, all news is good news in

31:18

my book.

31:22

Oh boy, this is empty. How's

31:26

that white Russian? It's

31:30

hey man, the dude

31:32

abides And

31:46

now it's time for Did

31:48

you notice this is where we share some stuff

31:50

that we read or learned recently. Beth,

31:53

you got one, take it away? Okay,

31:55

So there's an article from the New York

31:57

Times by Jessica Gross. It's called

32:01

Early motherhood has always been miserable.

32:04

Um. And then they quote this

32:06

thing says, I declare, if I thought

32:08

I was to be thus occupied for the rest

32:10

of my life, one new mom wrote in eight

32:13

I would lie down and die. Um.

32:17

And so the article sort of like goes

32:19

on to explain that like traditionally middle

32:21

ages and earlier people people

32:24

considered babies to be

32:26

basically hell beasts, and

32:29

they acknowledged how

32:31

exhausting they are. Um.

32:34

And then around

32:36

the Victorian age and and afterwards

32:40

they started creating sort of

32:42

this idealized version

32:44

of motherhood to sort of like keep

32:47

these as. As society

32:49

industrialized in middle class white women

32:51

were no longer being put to work all

32:53

the time, they had to shift their focus

32:56

to exclusively child

32:58

rearing and um,

33:01

so they created this sort of like fiction

33:03

of how mothers are

33:06

so constantly loving being

33:09

around their children, their precious,

33:11

beautiful children, and it's so easy

33:14

and it's it just comes so naturally to

33:16

us, and we love it. I like this article set

33:18

it up. Set it up that in juxtaposition

33:21

of non juxtaposition, in mirroring

33:24

today's sort of the

33:28

idealized Instagram

33:31

version of motherhood. Look at my perfect

33:33

family, I lay my baby

33:35

out and see the here's

33:37

the three month picture, and

33:39

they've got an elaborate you know, all that stuff.

33:42

If you do that, that's fine, that's great. But and

33:44

then also the you

33:47

know, the comedians and writers of the Parenting

33:50

as Hell, down in the down in the

33:52

muck um and this article

33:54

is a really interesting job of painting a picture

33:57

of around this time. You're

33:59

describing as that's always been true,

34:01

just in a different media format. Yeah.

34:04

Well, and it's interesting because I think when it's

34:07

one of those weird paradoxes where

34:10

when women were sort

34:13

of doing

34:16

more like exclusively child

34:19

rearing and like maintain the household and

34:21

stuff, they almost feels

34:23

like in some ways they got more respect

34:26

for it. And then as we've started like

34:29

making up like

34:32

these various um standards

34:34

for women to live up to, where we sort

34:37

of just like devalue them

34:39

all and like, uh, don't

34:41

give credit for the effort that goes into them.

34:45

That's interesting. I don't know, it's just

34:49

very how do you feel let's

34:51

talk about how

34:53

do you feel about ah,

34:58

how how do you

35:00

how do you present yourself as a mother

35:03

to the world. Well,

35:06

I mean, obviously today I'm doing this podcast,

35:08

and I wrote a book about pregnancy called There's

35:10

No Manual. You can pre order now out

35:12

February fourth, um. But

35:15

I when I first became pregnant,

35:18

I feel like in

35:21

the I think this is a general

35:23

thing, but especially like in New York thing,

35:25

I kind of felt like everyone was like, Wow, what a

35:28

lame choice you've made. Why would you want to

35:30

have children? I guess you're someone who just loves

35:32

children and is boring and bad.

35:35

Like that's sort of the vibe I got from people that I

35:37

feel like men don't get

35:39

that reaction. Like I had

35:41

moments where I would like be getting drink, like drinks

35:44

like in sort of like a networking type of

35:46

comedy setting, and like some

35:49

guy would be like talking to me, like

35:51

very interested, and then like I

35:54

would say something about being pregnant when I guess

35:56

I was not like visibly pregnant, and

35:58

like their reactions on people faces

36:01

and like how they're regard

36:04

for me just fell so swiftly

36:08

and like it was just but it's

36:10

like such a weird thing because it's like I thought you were

36:12

a sex object and now you're a mom.

36:14

Like it's just like this weird, Like or

36:18

do you also feel like maybe you've got some of the like, oh

36:20

maybe now you're fragile, and I don't

36:22

know, it's a lot of things, but

36:24

it's just like I don't think

36:27

people. We live in

36:29

the society that devalues women. Therefore,

36:31

women doing some of the most valuable

36:33

and intrinsically female behavior

36:36

of procreating, are

36:38

are essentially devalued the most

36:40

because if we've valued what

36:43

is being done by women in terms of bearing

36:46

and raising children, we would

36:48

have to acknowledge that all of society

36:50

needs to be restructured around

36:53

this like incredibly hard,

36:56

crazy thing that people are doing. Like

36:58

it's just like it's

37:01

um, I don't know, it's very

37:03

it's like just so weird. Do

37:05

you live in a world where when you look around

37:07

at your mom friends and you're like, wow,

37:09

these people are raising kids

37:12

or holding down jobs there

37:14

helping their husband with his

37:16

various health issues. They're like they're

37:18

just like the like, it's some of the most

37:21

capable people I know, and it's not

37:24

just at home, but like in their jobs

37:26

and there whatever. And then to know that

37:29

they're being treated like they're lesser than when

37:31

in situations when they're actually

37:33

more capable is very

37:36

frustrating because it's like we devalue

37:39

any kind of emotional labor, anything that

37:41

requires intuition, anything that requires

37:44

like sensitivity, where like, oh,

37:46

that's just dumb, bad work, like

37:50

you know, Like, yeah, I

37:52

also feel I think you're

37:54

right you you mentioned this, but you

37:57

know, in our social

38:00

article at the time, do we

38:02

really have any close friends with babies

38:04

and so on? On top of that are very

38:07

specific scenarios people like I

38:09

don't I don't know, it's

38:11

not a real thing until we

38:14

did it, and they especially

38:17

didn't know how to. I also

38:19

think when you live in a world that operates

38:21

all around all of these different structures

38:24

and schools and daycares and whatever,

38:26

like, it's I

38:28

think it's very hard for a lot of people to not

38:31

like when you experience a life change like this, like

38:33

you get married or something like suddenly

38:35

you're part of like the marriage industrial

38:38

complex. If you're not thoughtful or

38:41

like, or if you're you

38:43

like, don't even notice necessarily that you're aware

38:45

of all these pressures on you to behave

38:48

a certain way as you're experiencing

38:51

this thing that like are

38:53

not necessary, like

38:57

and you know what, I'm just gonna as usual

38:59

just sort of swing this into an endorsement for Elizabeth

39:02

Warren. But what I love about her candidacy

39:05

so much is that she

39:07

really understands the struggles

39:09

real people are facing, real women, real

39:12

moms, women trying to have jobs

39:15

so they can both support their children and

39:17

be there for their children. Like I

39:19

just I like when she she

39:21

had this really beautiful moment on the campaign

39:24

trail this week where this young girl who was nearly

39:26

in tears was asking her what

39:28

she's done when someone she loved

39:30

didn't like respect

39:33

her thought decision or thoughts about

39:35

something. I don't remember the question exactly, but it

39:37

was like, have you ever been in a position where somebody

39:40

really cared about, like, did

39:42

not support you? And Elizabeth

39:46

Warren starts like also kind of like tearing

39:48

up and talking about her mom.

39:50

Her mom had raised her to believe that she needed

39:52

to marry well and that that was the goal.

39:55

And I'm sure that was not an uncommon thing

39:57

for a mother of Elizabeth Warren's

39:59

mother generation to try to steer

40:02

their daughter towards because logistically, she

40:04

wants her daughter to have a good life, and

40:06

she comes from a generation where women

40:08

didn't work. And Elizabeth

40:10

Warren when she was divorcing her first husband

40:13

in the marriage wasn't working out. Her mom was really disappointed

40:15

in her to not make it work, and she's

40:17

like, I just couldn't make it work, and like that's

40:20

what I love about her

40:22

candidacy is she understands like real life,

40:25

Like she will weave stories

40:27

like this and stories about her dad having a heart attack

40:29

and her mom having to go to work for the first time

40:31

like shell. She understands

40:34

the things that real people are going through

40:37

and the ways that the structures

40:39

that we have set up in our society

40:41

are not allowing people

40:43

to live healthy, happy lives. There

40:49

was some

40:51

some stories this weekend of those those

40:54

same generational expectations

40:58

that seems so crazy

41:01

to hear now that you mean, like

41:03

from my mom whose father wanted her to get

41:06

married and not he was like, he'll just get

41:08

a man to take care of you. You don't need to go to nursing

41:10

school. And it's and

41:13

it's that was not that long ago, where

41:15

well it's funny because it's not just

41:17

like offensive and like you

41:21

know, limiting, but it's also

41:23

just bad life advice. Like

41:26

my my mom is always like in

41:28

retrospect, if I hadn't had a job, I don't

41:30

know how we would have survived, Like she needed

41:33

a job. Like it's

41:35

just it's but

41:38

like he didn't have any other reference.

41:41

I'm sure I can't relate

41:43

to um

41:45

growing up in a

41:48

place in time where like, yeah, that there,

41:51

you didn't see other options, and so it's like,

41:53

oh, yeah, that's that's how people do it, right,

41:55

But it's detached from reality, and it's detached

41:58

from women's reality, and it's detached from

42:00

like the like observing

42:02

the women around you and what they're experiencing.

42:05

Because like my grandfather said that to my mom. His

42:08

his dad died of tuberculosis when he was

42:10

like a baby, Like he didn't

42:12

like his mom obviously

42:15

was supporting him. He grew up poor, he had jobs,

42:17

like after school jobs from a very

42:19

young age to like support the family,

42:22

Like he it shouldn't be a mystery

42:24

to him that like work is

42:26

not a thing to like deny yourself,

42:29

Like I'm sure his mom was working. Um,

42:32

it's just we

42:35

uphold these ideas of like, especially

42:38

with white women, this like form of white womanhood

42:41

that is like the purest best

42:44

way of being and it's like it's

42:48

narrow and limiting but also too

42:50

many boxes to check at the same time,

42:52

like it's it's an impossible standard.

42:57

Well, I think we can all agree that

43:00

we're glad your mom went to nursing school.

43:03

We're very glad um And

43:06

uh, would I have would I

43:08

know you if she hadn't? Um?

43:12

I don't know. Maybe who does I mean?

43:17

So thank you best mom for not

43:19

listening to that advice. And

43:21

thanks for the heart surgery

43:24

that my mom had at a very young age that had inspired

43:26

her to be a nurse. Yeah, thank

43:28

you. Your mom's the best mom.

43:30

We had one of the, as I understand,

43:33

one of the very early

43:35

first open heart surgeries before

43:38

it was a common thing. It was like,

43:40

yeah, it was very one of they were

43:43

it was very new for them to be doing open heart surgeries,

43:45

specifically on children I believe, but

43:47

probably everyone, and they

43:50

it was one of those things where they're like, we don't know if it's gonna

43:52

work. So then when it did work, they would like parade

43:54

her around like hey, look at that. They

43:56

would literally throw parades like

43:59

they'd have like a miss Art fun thing and

44:01

like have these like little girls

44:03

who had hearts are like

44:05

March March girls

44:08

stands around and proved to people that healthcare

44:10

is a worthy thing. Um.

44:14

Yeah, well, I'm glad that worked

44:16

out. I'm glad she's alive and that I

44:18

was able to be an alive person. I'm

44:21

glad that you were able to be an alive person,

44:23

because this podcast would be real awkward

44:25

if you weren't one. Welcome

44:28

back to Peter and uh make Believe

44:31

Corpse, an awkward show

44:33

that nobody likes and makes everyone uncomfortable

44:36

because I'm gonna stop

44:38

it explaining this. Um

44:41

anyway, babies are actually

44:43

terrible. Get their records straight for

44:46

the rest to live with the baby

44:48

they are. My favorite quote in this article is

44:51

in the Middle Ages, they referred to them as, as you

44:53

said, hell beasts. I'm

44:55

like, yeah, you know, sometimes our kids are a little

44:57

hell beasts, you know, argurt.

45:01

Well, I think also back then they were like, well,

45:03

that woman probably have like ten babies. We don't need to

45:05

value this one specifically. We'll start valuing

45:08

it when it lives past two. I mean,

45:10

half of these aren't going to make it. Yeah,

45:12

they were like, let's not invest too

45:14

much in the

45:18

agricultural revolution. When everyone

45:20

sat down and started farming, they produced

45:23

so much food that you could have a bunch of babies, but

45:25

way more of them die because we're all unhealthy.

45:28

Can I tell you one of the funniest things one

45:30

of my midwife said to me after

45:33

I think while I was pregnant or afterwards,

45:35

after the baby. I can't remember. One

45:37

of the midwives who is this really no

45:39

nonsense woman who I

45:41

kind of love, but she's like, can be very

45:44

curt um. She

45:46

was talking to me about breast feeding and talking

45:48

about like trying to get like a not painful

45:50

latch, because you know,

45:53

no one wants a painful latch. You got to force these

45:55

kids to learn how to do it or it's not killing

45:57

you. But she was saying she would

46:00

should be like if you were like

46:03

living in like cave times or something, and this baby

46:05

is like gnawing you're nipple off, you

46:07

just leave him under a bush. Like

46:10

she was just like, you wouldn't put

46:12

up with that. Like she's like, and it's really

46:14

funny to hear that because you're just like, oh,

46:17

yeah, like if this is if

46:19

I was just going on primal instincts

46:21

and I was like, this thing came out of

46:23

me. It's sucking the life out of me. And it's incredibly

46:26

painful and I'm tired and sore and i just

46:28

want to like not like you

46:30

can see how in certain

46:32

situations of like desperation, like

46:36

it makes sense why like women

46:39

literally experienced psychosis

46:41

and maybe under bush. But that's

46:43

why that cry, that

46:45

cry gets you back. You're

46:47

you're run out of the cave and you're like, I'm through

46:49

with that. Then you hear but you're

46:52

like, oh, no, other emotions,

46:54

but you have to bond with the baby first, and that doesn't

46:56

always happen. There's a lot of conflicting

46:59

rewards system was in your brain. And

47:03

that's why if you're a postpartum

47:05

woman in the modern world, if you're experiencing

47:08

difficulties, you should seek help

47:11

from a mental health professional because

47:13

it's very common to feel horrible

47:16

for help. Okay,

47:20

have you talked enough about the hell beasts? Yeah,

47:22

dude, this has been another

47:24

episode of We Know his parenting. We

47:27

love you, um. But also, if you

47:29

want to reach out, ask a question, send

47:31

us some advice, share some cool

47:34

send us an email We Knows pod at gmail

47:37

dot com, or call our voicemail

47:39

number at

47:43

three four seven three eight four seven

47:45

three. Right, it's a review.

47:49

Leave us a rating wherever you get your podcast.

47:52

Subscribe, subscribe and

47:55

my baby's we'll see you

47:57

next time. A

48:01

fish