0:12

Oh, what's up,

0:14

bozos? Welcome to We Know It's

0:17

Parenting. Peter mcderney, what's

0:19

up, nuts, Um,

0:22

No, don't go come back. Wait wait, wait, wait,

0:25

We'll try again. We'll be better. It's

0:28

so great to have you with

0:30

us. If you're returning or if you're new to

0:32

the pod, Welcome, Welcome

0:34

a podcast about this

0:38

is the podcast bozos. This is the podcast bozos.

0:40

Um not about being parents, about

0:43

us being parents and uh,

0:45

how we're doing, what we think, what

0:48

we don't know about being parents.

0:51

You you didn't think for

0:53

one second about what you were going to say when

0:56

you started life. Did

1:01

you say that like it's a thing I've ever done?

1:04

You're just like it's just occurring

1:06

to you on the air, like that this is a

1:08

podcast and that you need

1:10

to have sort of like

1:12

a sense of give

1:14

a sense to the audience of what this podcast

1:17

is. I did have that thought. I was like, it's

1:19

been months since we've explained what

1:21

this is. Um,

1:24

this is a parenting podcast where we

1:26

catch up on our lives and our children and

1:29

we don't

1:33

know what we're doing. And that's kind

1:35

of the point. We know podcast, Um,

1:39

yeah, we don't know. Clearly, this week

1:41

we don't know. Oh my god, can we talk

1:43

about this week? Um?

1:46

Okay, yeah, I think it was

1:48

a great week. It was a great week, and I

1:51

was sick all week. But you

1:54

keep talking about this week like we

1:57

got away from our kids for a little bit and the entire

2:00

a week, and but

2:06

I was sick the entire time, and

2:10

you kept being like it

2:12

was the best week ever. I'm

2:15

not speaking for you, um,

2:18

but it's your just statement. Just feel slightly

2:20

detached from the reality that I was experiencing.

2:24

It could have been worse and you could have been sick with

2:26

kids. But

2:28

again, I'm not I'm not trying to say Beth

2:31

had the best week of her life. I

2:33

don't even have the best week of my life. And I didn't. You know what

2:35

I did. I caught up on work, I

2:38

slept in, and I went out

2:40

for drinks one night with adults. Yeah,

2:43

we did go out for drinks. That was pretty crazy. Nuts.

2:47

Can you hear my voice? I had to screamed because the music

2:50

was too loud. That's what a

2:52

fun time I had. Your

2:54

voice is rough

2:56

from two days ago. Yeah,

2:58

I had to scream to force

3:01

my opinions on people. Tell

3:04

you what I was kind of sore this weekend because

3:06

I was dancing as a dancing queen.

3:11

I went crazy. I was like, I'm out, I'm

3:14

out. And

3:18

that was the end of the week where you weren't as thick and

3:20

you're like, I'm free, baby.

3:23

Well. I also I went to see a

3:25

movie with my friends that night and

3:27

then we went to and then we sat by this party.

3:30

So I was like, I'm just going to go to this party for like

3:32

one hour and just go hard.

3:35

Um. And because I was like I can

3:37

just have like one drink and meat anyway,

3:41

I was ready to do it. And I did, and

3:43

you did and we didn't. We didn't

3:45

drink too much. We didn't go that hard. I also,

3:48

my friends and I got kind of yelled at

3:50

in the movie theater for talking drink

3:54

what do you do? I was just like commenting

3:57

an incredible bad, incredibly bad movie

3:59

that we uh and I

4:05

feel bad saying what it was. But it was

4:08

the photograph. I

4:10

never heard of this movie. It's like a romance.

4:13

It was just very dramatic, which is

4:15

not my style of movie. And

4:19

um, I just was not

4:21

like there was so much dialogue

4:23

where they were just trying to set up exposition

4:26

very quickly, and it was just hard to

4:28

stay engaged in the movie because I was laughing so

4:31

much at like the pacing of

4:33

the dialogue. Like they like

4:36

they'd be like two seconds into these characters

4:38

meeting and he would be like,

4:40

do you have a boyfriend? And she's

4:43

like, no, I dump my boyfriend.

4:45

When he proposed to me. I was just

4:47

like, that is so such a shocking

4:49

thing to say to someone when you immediately

4:52

we got to get the exposition anyway,

4:55

but you were with your girlfriends, and I

4:57

did enjoy it. I did laugh a lot. It's

5:00

like maybe at bedtime tonight she

5:03

got a big laugh. I don't know what she

5:06

said, but Brin gave her a big old laugh

5:08

and she goes and basically

5:10

was like, I need to repeat that thing

5:13

over and over. It brings

5:15

that laughing, so I'll say it louder. And

5:17

then she just laughed at everything for

5:19

the sake of laughing. They have been having

5:21

these moments where they turned to each other, like while

5:24

they're watching a Disney movie and they're like,

5:26

did you see that, and like they're

5:28

so excited to turn to each other and

5:30

be like that's insane. Um,

5:35

we're listening to music

5:38

before bedtime. We're just on the couch listening

5:41

to the music, which is which is nice. And

5:43

they were like talking about the instruments

5:45

and what they could hear. And there's a line

5:48

in the song that's it's

5:51

a Mason jenny song where he says he talked

5:53

to a shrink and

5:55

Briton turns to me and goes, Daddy, this

5:57

is a fiction story. I go what.

6:00

He goes, this song, this song is fiction.

6:03

I'm like, actually, I think this is a nonfiction

6:06

song. It's about Mason

6:08

Jettings alcoholism. So I was

6:10

like, I think there's I think this might be nonfiction. He

6:12

goes, but Daddy, that's impossible,

6:16

Like, why go you you can't talk

6:18

to a shrimp. I

6:22

lost the threat of It's

6:25

like, I will wait as long as it thanks for you to laugh.

6:29

In the song, Mason Jenning says he's going to talk

6:31

to a shrimp, okay, and Britt

6:33

it was a long time until I was like, you can't

6:36

talk to a shrimp? Though I did see Britt

6:38

made what looks like a set list of

6:41

Mason Jennings songs and he started making

6:43

a list and it's like three Mason Jenning

6:45

songs and then at the end, it just says baby

6:47

Beluga. Um

6:50

Maven requested a different playlist

6:52

after three songs. She's

6:55

big into RAFFI right now, Why

6:57

don't at least baby Beluga is like her

7:00

jam Where did did

7:02

she hear this with daycare? UM?

7:04

I think I played it for some reason. We were

7:06

talking about sea creatures one day, but

7:09

she recognized it. I think she heard it from daycare.

7:11

So now she request He has like started

7:13

recognizing songs in a way that I find really

7:16

funny, because she'll hear a song and

7:18

she's like, Mommy, you have

7:20

this song or like,

7:22

and she said it about the

7:25

music from A Star Is Born came on

7:27

on like some show the other day and someone was like

7:30

karaoke singing on the show. One

7:33

of the song they're

7:35

singing shallow, and Maybone was like,

7:38

that's your song, Mommy,

7:40

You're I

7:42

am off the deepot watch

7:44

as I dive in UM.

7:52

So you know what I mean, only the best

7:54

taste in music for um. Three

7:56

songs we're talking about

7:58

instruments. Mayben gets it and she's

8:01

focused. Brain was just

8:03

trying to boss this round. He was, you play the bass,

8:05

I'll be the guitar, and she

8:08

is going she is going to be a

8:11

rock star because she was born in the parking

8:13

lot of the School of Rocks, and

8:19

I just well, I posted this video

8:21

on Instagram last week. I don't think we talked about

8:23

this where Maven is playing

8:25

harmonica while you're playing guitar, and

8:29

I swear to god, I watched this video like

8:31

what. I filmed this as she was

8:33

playing, and it was like she was

8:35

playing the most beautiful sad

8:38

song I've ever heard,

8:40

and I was just like and she was like on

8:43

beat with the guitar and

8:45

it was just like so heartbreaking

8:48

to watch her. Um. And

8:50

I feel like other people who saw it on my Instagram were

8:52

like, whoa, um,

8:54

it's just like she's like I just

8:56

feel like she has like a connection. And

9:00

I'll say that's yes, absolutely, Um.

9:03

I was impressed with her rhythm, like

9:06

she was playing melodies along with it. That

9:08

being said harmonica,

9:11

the way the notes are stacks, no, I guess, so

9:13

I was playing chords to make all of the notes

9:16

be correct so she couldn't play a wrong note.

9:19

But yes, it's still like

9:21

her rhythm. I understand it's the harmonica,

9:24

so it's like a little yeah

9:26

yeah. But she was

9:29

listening and playing with me,

9:32

and that combined with she couldn't play a wrong

9:34

note, created a very impressive

9:38

a little three year old. She

9:40

played a song that I would like sincerely

9:43

listen to as like if I was

9:45

like putting on background music, you know what

9:47

I mean, Like it's just like this is

9:49

haunting. Um

9:52

it was, Oh god, Anyway,

9:54

we've talked about this before that

9:57

the like you're

10:00

most impressed with me when it comes to

10:02

music, Yeah, because I'm so bad

10:04

at music. Well, because I really

10:07

I love creative things and I'm

10:09

like reasonably good.

10:12

I like, I'm good at drawing. I'm

10:15

like reasonably good at a lot of things. Like I can

10:17

kind of sing, but when it comes

10:19

to playing, I

10:21

shouldn't say I should. I can kind of sing, but I

10:23

can. I can like kind of. I no

10:26

notes, and I think, but

10:29

neither one of us have incredible tone.

10:31

No no, no, I don't have I don't

10:33

have a beautiful thing anyways, but I think,

10:38

but I cannot. My brain

10:40

does not do instruments. Like my brain doesn't

10:42

like numbers. I get, I just like I don't

10:44

want to think about it. Um,

10:47

it's just not how my brain works.

10:49

Well, your kids, got it? Did

10:52

Britain. Britain is musical.

10:54

I don't know he's I don't think he's into math, but

10:57

yeah, I haven't seen him do that musical while he

10:59

is formative, like he likes to sing,

11:02

and so I think the idea, yeah, he's a good

11:04

singer. The storytelling aspect

11:06

of it he really connects with. But Maven does

11:09

have better rhythm.

11:11

Um. So anyway, we sat

11:13

together and if

11:16

your kid is into this, this Maven

11:18

was for three full songs. She

11:21

was a little testy at

11:23

one point, so I like gave her a hug and she sat

11:25

on my lap and we sat on the couch in the semi

11:28

dark here playing Mason Jennings

11:30

songs and I just grabbed She's sitting in

11:32

my lap, and I grabbed both her hands

11:35

and I just played the high

11:37

hat and the snare drum with her hands.

11:39

I was just going and

11:44

she not only like

11:46

indulged me, but she was focused on

11:48

this for three full songs.

11:50

And when I try to like change the talk to Britain,

11:52

she grabbed my hands and bring

11:55

them back. And then later

11:57

I heard her going do to do

11:59

to, and I was like, yes see,

12:02

that'll be your little musician daughter. Little

12:04

Drummer Girl. Hey yeah, little

12:06

drummer girl, you with me?

12:09

It's a whole world Mason Jennings.

12:11

If anyone hasn't heard my

12:14

favorite Minnesota's finger song writer, I

12:19

recommend Birds Flying Away the

12:21

album I really

12:24

like. Um, what's

12:26

it called? Minnesota the album?

12:28

What? What's the one where he's like piano

12:32

a lot of piano, But that's one I like. Well,

12:34

there's nothing better than Birds Flying Away and his

12:37

debut Mason Jennet album. But Minnesota's

12:40

might be anyway in my next my next

12:42

one. This is the Music Podcast. Welcome

12:44

back to our music podcast, music

12:46

Heads, Music Music,

12:48

McNerney and Newell Music Heads. You've

12:52

got a heads, what have you started? Like

12:55

ni music? We're real music heads.

13:00

Um yeah,

13:03

um, so

13:05

our children are back. Our children

13:07

are back. Huge

13:10

shout out to your parents who

13:13

had our children. The whole week camp

13:15

Nana and Granddad was a smashing success,

13:17

and I know they. I think they all had a lot

13:19

of fun. They all did. I think I'm sure

13:22

my parents parents got tired of them. They

13:24

must have been exhausted. My

13:27

parents would periodically send us photos

13:29

of them just like whatever they were doing, and it was

13:31

always like sort of just destroying

13:33

the house, like rolling around in a yoga

13:36

mat or like you know, just

13:38

like uh invented

13:40

fun just being weird.

13:43

Um, and they were having a ball,

13:46

having a ball. We should just, um,

13:49

we should have them live there. I know. It

13:51

really makes you just never want to have them

13:54

Like it was just it was so strange

13:57

to be in our own home without

13:59

the Yeah, and like we went out to dinner

14:02

just the two of us a couple of times, and then

14:04

we also ignored each other a whole lot,

14:06

and both those things were great. Yeah,

14:11

the dinner would have been more fun if I was like I

14:13

could eat food comfortably with

14:15

mylness, but I it

14:18

was nice to Yeah.

14:20

Also, the woman to whom

14:23

we paid money

14:26

for an Airbnb, um,

14:29

oh yeah, we canceled their Airbnb because I was like,

14:31

we can't sell her baby that you

14:33

know, like the day of so cancelation

14:36

policy. So would even try to get money back.

14:38

But she called us two days later and was like,

14:40

we feel so bad that your wife was sick. Um,

14:44

please come stay anytime. You've already paid

14:46

for it. And I was like that's very sweet,

14:48

thank you. And then

14:50

I got an email from Airbnb asking

14:52

us to review the place, and I was like, oh, she

14:54

got the same email either

14:57

way, I gave her a five star review for

15:00

a place that I've never been. That's

15:02

where Airbnb the service

15:04

becomes way better with like regular

15:06

people and not companies,

15:10

you know what I mean, Like they're more dependent upon

15:12

you liking what they're doing.

15:14

Oh yeah, um, it's depending

15:17

on each other. Um.

15:20

Our last Airbnb was a little weird when

15:22

we left and that woman called me was like,

15:25

I can't get my cable back. I

15:27

was like, I don't, I didn't catch a cable.

15:30

I was like on the phone troubleshooting how

15:32

to find her cable channels. Anyway,

15:35

Yeah, but

15:37

I missed our kids. I did.

15:39

It was nice to miss them and they

15:42

seem like again, like

15:45

ten years older. Yeah,

15:47

they're huge. Um.

15:49

So I had to do late pick up today

15:52

for I had late audition, so

15:55

I had to pay for Maybe to stay late, and

15:57

so I got hit. I got back sooner

15:59

than I thought, but I know Maybe was already

16:01

getting dinner. So I picked up Brandon Brenn and I

16:03

had a solo dinner and

16:06

he just decided to ask. He's like one

16:08

on one daddy time. That's when I asked questions.

16:12

He goes, what language is it when you say

16:15

Retty? And I was

16:17

like, well, that's English,

16:19

but you mean an accent. He goes, yes, Retty,

16:22

Like I think you're doing an English accent because

16:24

it's not Irish. What language

16:27

is it? And then

16:29

um, and then he started talking

16:31

about something a topic I have been avoiding, which

16:35

is the topic of presidents, which

16:37

I'm like, I don't wanna. I

16:39

don't want to talk about dal Trump with I'm

16:42

so scared about talking about it with

16:44

anyone. Yeah,

16:47

but Brin brought it up. He's like, you

16:49

know George Washington And I was like,

16:52

yeah, do you He's like, yeah,

16:54

try corner hat. I

16:56

go yeah. He goes, I know another

16:58

president with the hat cylinder

17:01

flat top. He

17:03

goes, he said, like, Sabraham

17:06

Lincoln. It was it was

17:08

something was a little off. I

17:10

was like, Abraham Lincoln. He goes, yeah, that's what I

17:13

said, Abraham Lincoln. He's

17:15

like, I know for different presidents, George

17:18

Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Bibbity

17:21

Boverty. You just

17:23

started laughing as there he

17:26

goes, just kidding, I only know three. And

17:28

then I listed every

17:31

single president in order because

17:33

I can do that, and I'm proud of it. Do

17:36

you think in the future it feels

17:38

like they do only teach kids like two presidents.

17:41

They're like, these are the highlights. I feel like in the

17:43

future it'll be it'll

17:45

be like George Washington

17:47

Lincoln Obama. Like

17:49

there's

17:52

a a lot of people in this country

17:54

who would probably not agree with you. Um,

17:57

but I know why they teach those two because it was president

18:00

to Day weekend and President's Day weekend involves

18:02

Washington's birthday and Lincoln's birthday. I think,

18:06

yeah, right, um

18:09

yeah, don't they have like the same birthday or something. I don't

18:11

know. They're They're like there a few days

18:13

apart. It's more like President's

18:15

week. Um,

18:18

it's it's so oh yeah, then that's when Lincoln

18:20

said, four score

18:22

and seven years ago, send your kids off

18:24

to your your their in laws and

18:27

have a break. Because that's what it means to

18:29

me. Now, pretend it made

18:31

sense what I just said. God

18:36

just so

18:39

disrespectful to the history.

18:53

This next segment is is

18:56

what, Beth? What is it? You pointed

18:58

at me as I started talking, so it sounded

19:01

like you were not rolling until

19:04

midway through me talking, So I paused

19:06

so you could reset It's okay,

19:08

I don't remember doing it. You're probably right,

19:10

but I'm not going to go back. I love

19:12

you. Try again, you're so

19:15

distracting. Um. This

19:18

next segment is called would you Knows? That's

19:20

where we present each other with parenting.

19:24

That's what you told me it was, I said,

19:26

did you notice I

19:29

did? I'm keeping this in too well.

19:32

I wasn't interrupted during

19:34

my original I'm genuinely

19:36

apolog could have just reset I

19:39

could? I know, I know, but it's

19:42

too far. Now we must torture

19:44

our listeners with this. Okay,

19:49

go ahead. Intro. This is

19:51

called that's time for did

19:53

you knows? This is where we talked

19:55

about something we've learned or read

19:58

and I read UM. Interesting

20:00

article from the New York Times is written by Kate

20:02

Murphy very recently. You might have read

20:05

it if if you read it. Um, I'm just gonna

20:07

read the beginning of this because I've found

20:09

it very relatable. You're

20:12

not listening. Here's why.

20:15

Uh, you're not listening. Let me

20:17

finish. That's not what I said after

20:20

I love you. These are among the most common

20:22

refrains in close relationships during my

20:24

two year research two years researching a book

20:26

on listening, I learned something incredibly ironic

20:29

about interpersonal communication. The

20:31

closer we feel towards somebody, the

20:33

less likely we are to listen carefully

20:36

to them. It's called the closeness

20:38

communication bias, and over time

20:40

it constrain and even end relationships.

20:43

Once you know people well enough to feel close, as

20:45

an unconscious tendency to tune them

20:47

out because you think you already know

20:49

what they're going to say. It's kind

20:51

of like when you're you've traveled a certain

20:54

route several times and no longer notice signposts

20:56

and scenery. But people are always changing.

20:59

The some of daily interactions and activities

21:02

continually shapes us. No,

21:04

no, no, so none of us are

21:06

the same as we were last months, last

21:08

week, or even yesterday. The closest communication

21:10

biases that work with romantic partners,

21:13

when romantic partners feel they don't

21:15

know each other anymore, and when parents discover

21:17

their children are up to things they never imagined.

21:20

It can even occur when two people spent all their

21:22

time together and have many of the same

21:24

experiences. It's so much larger article.

21:26

Did you get the idea? Um

21:29

that is fascinating? I

21:32

really relate to this. I think

21:34

I do too, and well,

21:36

especially in the sense that like weeks

21:40

like this one, when if I'm not feeling

21:42

well, my instinct

21:45

is just to try to like rest and

21:47

not like I don't want to like monologue

21:49

about how I'm feeling, and

21:52

then you'll like, you'll say things to

21:54

me about how it's like the best week ever, and I'm like,

21:56

did you notice that? I

21:59

was like ill,

22:01

like um

22:05

right now, It's

22:08

I just I have this experience frequently. I feel

22:11

like because I'm not like I

22:13

don't like sometimes I'll speak up about something

22:15

once, but I don't like constantly bring

22:17

it up, and then I just

22:20

I'm like, oh, this, people are not aware

22:23

of the things I said, like well,

22:26

and this this is one of those instances

22:28

where again like in

22:33

a good way and a bad way, I'm not thinking

22:35

about you. When I say that, I mean none

22:37

of us are thinking about each other. It

22:40

is the thing we really are, like

22:42

all of us are just in our own world.

22:46

Well. I think about

22:48

this specific thing a lot as

22:51

an improv teacher, where I'm trying to get

22:53

people who don't know each other that well because

22:55

they're in a class to try

22:57

to create the illusion of intimacy,

23:00

the illusion of familiarity, like to play

23:03

characters that know each other with improvisers

23:05

that don't know each other that well, you

23:07

have to click into this. You have to trick

23:09

yourself into being so comfortable

23:11

with somebody that you don't listen

23:13

to everything they say.

23:16

And so when you come into an impressing

23:18

and you're nervous, people are listening so hard

23:21

that it's you know, it's artificial,

23:24

and so it's that weird thing of like tricking your

23:26

brain into acting like it already knows.

23:29

And so yeah, with I think all the time

23:33

we've talked about this where especially

23:35

when things are tense between us and there's

23:38

like hard times and I'm

23:40

angry, it feels like um,

23:42

and I know you probably feel the same aou that like I'm

23:45

I'm doing work, I'm trying,

23:47

and you're not trying at all. And then you like

23:51

sometimes years later I realized,

23:53

oh, you're very different. And

23:56

I think this is part of it, which is like, I

23:58

don't know, it's hard to notice the other

24:00

person making an effort because your brain

24:03

is is not looking for it, it's blind

24:05

to it. And you're like, I know you, I know what you

24:08

do. And that's why. Also sometimes you'll

24:11

say a thing or I'll say a thing and the other

24:13

person will immediately extrapolate

24:15

upon this and give it

24:18

the credit of every bad thing you've ever done

24:21

instead of actually dealing with the one. It's hard

24:23

not to when something fits a pattern

24:26

you've experienced. It's hard not to

24:28

see the pattern when you're

24:30

like, oh, it's happening again, Like

24:32

yeah, yeah, sure, I mean that's obviously it's not a

24:34

black and white thing. It's incredibly

24:37

complicated. But

24:39

I've never thought about it this way.

24:42

Um, And of course I thought about it selfishly

24:44

first when I'm like, yeah, Beth does

24:46

this to me, and then I was like, okay, well,

24:49

definitely do this to her too. I do think

24:51

like when when people are discussing

24:54

like sensitive issues, like when

24:57

you're carefully wording something, there's

25:00

always like two interpretations

25:02

to what you're saying, Like when you're trying

25:04

to be diplomatic, you're kind of like

25:07

weighing both sides out loud, like people

25:10

hear what they want to hear if

25:12

they're assuming you're coming from a

25:14

malicious place. Yeah, you

25:16

know. I think this is we get on

25:18

each other's cases sometimes about tone,

25:21

um, and where I think

25:24

the more both of us try

25:26

really hard to be diplomatic.

25:29

That's usually when the other person is like, you're

25:31

talking to me so condescending, because

25:34

for you it starts to take on this slow

25:37

lecture tone that does

25:39

it does appear so

25:41

condescending. You're like, well,

25:46

the same way when you do it. And it's

25:48

totally ironic because I have learned

25:51

that like, oh, this is

25:53

this is you putting in an effort and

25:56

I have to turn this part of my brain

25:58

off, that that part of my brain that's

26:00

going, oh, I know what you're doing, and

26:03

I know you because I know you, there's nothing you can tell

26:05

me because I know you. Yeah,

26:10

it's hard, m

26:13

it is like, it's an incredible

26:17

The thing that you're brain

26:21

does is that there's just like endless

26:23

amounts of sensory information coming in all

26:25

the time, and so it automatically

26:29

has all of these processes to filter

26:31

out irrelevant information and just give

26:34

you the things that pay attention to. And the

26:36

more you get to know a person, they get filtered

26:38

up. I just want to finish that though. One

26:41

important point for women, I think

26:44

to take away from this is to get

26:46

more comfortable repeating ourselves. Just

26:50

spoon feed it over and over again.

26:54

These are the demands. This

26:56

is what I need. We're not women

26:59

are not told to be persistent.

27:03

Were It's like, okay you yeah,

27:06

I mean, I mean I would say

27:08

everyone's different, but you

27:11

you hate repeating yourself. I do.

27:13

It just feels laborious. I'm like, what,

27:16

we already had this conversation and

27:20

I was raised to hear

27:23

things the fifth time, and I say things

27:25

twelve times, and it's

27:27

there's no weight to it for me. And

27:30

it has taken me a long time to We've

27:34

covered this on the podcast Low context

27:37

versus High context. When you

27:39

repeat yourself, I

27:42

appreciate it, and I can tell that

27:44

it's an effort and I can tell you're trying not to

27:46

be upset about it. Um,

27:49

yeah, well I'm realizing I

27:52

need to do that with more people. Yeah,

27:55

I think you do. And

27:57

it's hard. I mean, it's it's I know, I know that

27:59

it's hard for you, and I understand why,

28:02

well, because it's like it

28:04

feels I know this is not

28:06

the case, but in the moment, it feels malicious

28:09

because it's like you

28:11

forget egotistically that

28:13

people just forget things,

28:15

like people forget things all the time.

28:17

They forget like most of what you're telling them

28:19

all the time, but sometimes when you're

28:21

like thinking back on when you were telling

28:23

them it, and it was like a very

28:26

important momentous like

28:28

think like you're like overcoming

28:31

a lot to get the words out in a moment that felt

28:33

very weighted. And then that that person

28:36

just like completely forgets. It's

28:38

like it's hard to in

28:40

the moment when they're You're like your

28:42

your brain is like did they forget

28:45

or do they just not

28:47

care? Like it's just

28:49

it's hard to get to the bottom of it. Well,

28:52

I think you really absorb and consider

28:55

everything you hear, but you also you

28:59

put pressure on yourself to

29:02

be thoughtful and so it is you

29:06

you put more effort into it and

29:09

and other people don't. And I think that's

29:11

like it's like a shitty deal. Yeah,

29:14

well that's why I need to learn how to be

29:16

less thoughtful with people.

29:19

Yeah, I mean, yes, I mean just like

29:22

but I think you are, I mean in terms

29:24

of like giving it less weight. Yeah.

29:28

Um, it's a bravo. Thank

29:30

you. This really did

29:32

make me think about that. Like again,

29:39

Ah, I just

29:41

I appreciate you a lot right now.

29:44

Um. And it's a lot of little things

29:46

like this where I'm just like, oh,

29:49

I'm trying hard to notice um,

29:52

things that I think have fallen

29:54

into this filter that

29:56

this article talks about. We should

29:58

just be like, well, I know about you in that set and

30:01

to try to like keep looking at moments

30:03

and times with fresh eyes. That goes, well,

30:06

what's happening now? What's happening now? And I'm

30:09

evolving at a rapid pace and

30:11

you can't be on last months. I

30:13

don't want to. It's like our kids. I don't want

30:15

to miss it, you know, so

30:18

fast wives ah

30:23

um. Anyway, great article,

30:25

read the rest of it. Thank you for sharing.

30:28

This has been Did you notice this

30:35

segment is called would you knows? This

30:38

is the segment where where you present each other with parenting

30:41

hypotheticals. This is

30:43

it, It's happening alright.

30:46

Great. So we

30:48

got an email from one

30:50

of our one of our favored listeners,

30:53

Sarah, who's written in a couple of times,

30:55

along with her daughter Elizabeth, who's

30:57

written us some would you know? Elizabeth?

31:01

Sarah's daughter has written us another one. Are

31:03

you ready for this? Hi, Ben, Peter,

31:06

Elizabeth and I are still out here listening,

31:08

but we got behind over the summer and

31:10

fall with vacations and my work travel schedule.

31:13

So we're getting all caught up episode by episode

31:15

during our commute to school. Elizabeth

31:18

has wanted to write a parenting hypothetical

31:20

for a while now. I've

31:23

been delaying trying to get

31:25

more caught up on episodes. She decided

31:28

about a week ago to write you about bay

31:30

blades. I don't know if I'm saying that right,

31:33

um, but I think bay blades

31:35

are like an anime style,

31:38

like tops, like

31:41

spinning tops that you like, like battle

31:44

with other ones. Um.

31:46

So here I am reading you on Sunday night. Disclaimer

31:49

The situation below was dedicated dictated

31:52

entirely by her. So good luck.

31:56

Um. One night, you go to bed thinking

31:58

that the next day will be right because you will

32:00

have a special dinner to yourself without

32:03

your kids. You know us, Elizabeth.

32:07

When you wake up, you have shrunk into

32:09

a bay blade and

32:11

your house looks totally different to cut.

32:14

Two kids come into the room that you are in. They

32:16

pick you up and put you the and

32:18

put these giant things on you, and

32:20

then you go flying out of nowhere into

32:22

a big arena. Then the kids start yelling

32:25

you go get that bay blade, and

32:28

they say go get them.

32:30

You guys don't know what to do and keep bumping

32:32

into each other, and then one of

32:34

you splits into three pieces. You

32:37

are now trapped in a world where you and your kids

32:39

are bay Blades and you have

32:41

to find your way out in ten days,

32:44

because in this world, ten days

32:46

is one day in your world, so you can

32:48

go to your special dinner. What

32:50

do you do? Have a great eating stare at Elizabeth

32:53

Fans in Georgia. What was

32:55

the last part? I totally space that

32:57

you're the worst listener, just

33:00

trailed off right at the important part.

33:02

Okay, so we have ten days

33:05

in bay blade world, which is one day

33:07

in the real world. We need to get out otherwise

33:10

we're going to miss our big date that

33:12

we get to have without our kids. And

33:15

one of us is broken into three cases and

33:18

we're bay blades. Um.

33:21

I don't know how one propels

33:23

oneself on one is a baye Blades. I

33:26

don't know how you would get out of this

33:28

world. I don't know why it has a

33:30

different frame of time than you

33:32

have here in the real world. I

33:34

gotta say, I don't know the answer.

33:37

Nothing about in my mind,

33:40

this is the POGs of t Um.

33:45

I don't know if it's as as big

33:48

as big or maybe much

33:50

bigger than POGs. Nothing's as big as

33:52

POGs was for

33:55

me. Um, you were

33:57

the prime age for POGs,

34:00

weren't you. Yeah. I mean POGs are also

34:02

just there were

34:04

so cheap. It was like ten cents a pog,

34:07

and that was the only form

34:09

of consumer culture that I was able

34:12

to participate in on any level.

34:15

Like there were other stuff. It was like you

34:17

were like, well, maybe I'll get a toy once

34:20

a year on Christmas. That will be some random

34:22

thing I didn't ask for. But like

34:25

like I didn't have like other kids had,

34:27

like on demand like

34:30

toys like action figures and stuff, and

34:32

I just never had

34:34

that. So POGs was like I was like, I'm

34:36

giving money to a person and getting a

34:38

thing that is a cool thing

34:41

for kids to have. Um,

34:43

you know, did you have a My

34:46

little brother Sam had a giant

34:48

tub of POGs. Did you actually

34:50

play POGs? Not really, there

34:53

was more just about looking at them. I

34:55

also I had a terrible

34:57

collection of pos It was just like

35:00

the it was like the remnant bin I'm

35:02

sure, third drink

35:05

character from Earthworm Gym.

35:07

Yeah. I just had like one slammer.

35:10

At the end of the day, I

35:13

I have had a slammer with O.

35:16

J. Simpson behind bars on

35:18

it. If that's not the most

35:21

early nineties object

35:24

on Earth that I don't know what it is.

35:26

I don't really remember what was on my pods because

35:28

I feel like, again it was like off brand

35:30

characters, like it was nothing could

35:33

anything. Yeah, there was no

35:35

laundy to It's just little

35:37

circle cardboards pieces

35:40

with pictures on them. Culture

35:42

was just starting back for any

35:45

of you that were not born within

35:47

the very specific three years

35:50

required to be into POGs. Bogs

35:53

are just like crappy Marbles

35:55

where you get a bunch of circles cardboard

35:58

discs, you stack them up slammer

36:02

and you you throw the slammer down on it,

36:04

and all of the pods that flip over you get

36:06

to keep or something like that. Not

36:08

a good game. I'm sure it was not a

36:10

playable game. It was more just about

36:13

like collecting. It's like little piece of

36:15

cardboard, the same as Marble's. Uh

36:19

maybe the same as bay Blades. Okay,

36:21

so but Beth, what I want

36:23

to know if we're baye Blades, are

36:25

we able to move? Are we sentient? Bay

36:28

blades. Do we have muscles? Because I

36:30

know nothing about this world. I feel

36:32

like I'm at the mercy of a child to spin

36:35

me like a top. That's how what I'm picturing.

36:37

That's what Elizabeth is doing to us. She's

36:39

spinning us like baye blades, and we're

36:42

helpless to do. What do you think about

36:44

it? And one of us got split into three

36:46

pieces? Yeah, I don't. I don't feel

36:48

hopeful about the situation at

36:50

all. I've just been

36:52

plunged into it. I don't know the rules

36:55

of the world. My husband is in three pieces.

36:58

It's I'm assuming because

37:00

the question is being framed at me as though I have some

37:02

sort of choice in what's happening going

37:04

forward, and you're in an

37:07

arena, yeah,

37:09

just whirling. I assume here's

37:11

what I would do, Elizabeth. I would use the

37:14

sheer force of will two

37:17

crunt. I'll scrunch up my face and

37:20

will myself to come back together.

37:22

But not as a spinning bay

37:24

blade. I don't even know if I'm saying this right by baby

37:27

blade, babe blade, um,

37:30

but I would come back together so that the three pieces

37:32

is basically one peg leg and two

37:34

little arms, and then I jump

37:36

up and I smack those kids

37:39

that are spent at the face, and then I'd say, hey,

37:41

we'll put us back to wherever we where we

37:43

came from. All Right,

37:46

you're like the lamest Toy Story

37:48

character ever. Hey

37:52

we put us back, Peter,

37:55

you're ruining the whole point of the world

37:57

that we don't talk to that.

38:00

They did it in Toy Story one. That was the

38:02

end of the That's a climax of the movie.

38:05

They never did it again. Snap

38:08

out of it, Pinch me. We're asleep. Then

38:10

we wake up and we have our

38:12

date. Did it nailed

38:15

it? Well?

38:17

I think we all learned our lesson. We call in our

38:19

friends the POGs. Um,

38:24

Well, fantastic. Did we do it? Did

38:26

we answer it? I think so nice?

38:29

Wow. This

38:43

next sement, it's called listeners. Want to know where

38:45

we take questions and comments from you guys.

38:48

Oh, we gotta follow up email from

38:50

our friend Ivan Um

38:56

who wrote to us about his very

38:58

big Baby's got a very big baby and

39:00

the baby continues to be very big. Did

39:04

you see there was a You probably didn't

39:06

see this, someone tweeted out

39:09

a excerpt from an Amy Adams

39:11

interview where she referred to her co

39:13

star as a big boy. What

39:19

what the context

39:21

is that she was getting distracted on

39:23

set because her co star is a very attractive

39:26

six five man and

39:29

this was like some old movie she did

39:31

this Pedigrew or whatever. But

39:34

she was talking about how she's getting really distracted, and the

39:36

director came over and had to like

39:38

ask this actor to leave this set. But

39:41

I just loved that she described as

39:43

a big boy. And

39:47

I didn't know that could mean

39:49

a lot of things until you described that person.

39:52

Now it's very endearing. It's

39:54

great anyway, your big boy.

39:57

Um, sure you're

40:00

like above average

40:02

boy, you're

40:05

like seventy percentile. I

40:07

guess very slightly above average

40:10

boy. Um

40:13

great, Um,

40:16

almost gonna a little here, But even did send

40:18

us a chart of baby's

40:21

weight. And I can assure you that

40:24

this is a big baby, but that's

40:26

not what this emails about. Hey,

40:29

I haven't just for the women

40:31

out here. Next time, send pictures.

40:33

Okay, this is a picture. You

40:35

said a chart, A picture of a chart. No,

40:38

I mean send pictures of this big boy

40:40

baby. Beth wants

40:43

to see this, this big

40:45

old baby. I'm for a future

40:47

reference. If you're going to email me about your large

40:49

baby, send a picture of

40:52

this baby. UM,

40:56

I'm sorry, those are the rules. I'm just

40:59

I was gonna ask on this part, but I

41:01

haven't talked about Um

41:04

a woman would never send a chart and

41:06

not a picture of the baby. I'm sorry

41:11

anyway, Ivan says, I just wanted

41:13

to share some of my parenting winds.

41:15

Also, as of two weeks ago,

41:17

I found out I could put my son to sleep within

41:20

fifteen minutes, okay,

41:23

bragging, no bottles needed.

41:25

It would it would comprise of a small routine.

41:30

One I put on a white noise machine

41:32

made mainly hair dryer sound, and

41:34

hugged him while caressing his eyebrows.

41:38

Five minutes of going from awake

41:40

to sleepy. Five minutes of crying because

41:42

he is sleepy. Five minutes of making sure

41:44

he is out and making a Ninja

41:47

move so he doesn't wake up. Because

41:49

of this, uh, me and

41:51

my wife were able to get two hours

41:53

back every evening,

41:55

just the two of us. Now as of yesterday,

41:59

when I don't want and I don't know why, but

42:01

he doesn't cry anymore. I know twice

42:03

is not yet a pattern, but still I dare

42:06

to be helpful. Another win is

42:08

basically that I found out also yesterday that

42:10

if he sleeps on his side instead of his back, he

42:12

wakes up half as often incredibly

42:15

happy about it, considering tomorrow is my birthday,

42:17

Happy birthday. I'm taking both

42:19

of this these winds as a fantastic

42:22

gift, and the odd chance you

42:24

read this out loud to please

42:26

give a shout out to my loving wife

42:28

Laura into my big baby

42:31

Thin. Thank you, Laura,

42:34

Hi baby Fin. Shout out big

42:37

big baby Fin, and for being

42:39

so funny and inspiring. Lots of love, Van,

42:44

great job. I haven't that's again,

42:47

I think I said the last time. Um,

42:49

I didn't know if it was Ivan or von Um,

42:52

who does live in Germany but from Brazil,

42:55

and he mentioned that that's not a typical

42:58

name for Brazil, thinking if

43:00

it's Portuguese, would you say Van, No,

43:04

We'll need a thirty email to find out if

43:07

if he wanted it to us to pronounce

43:09

it other than Ivan, he should have mentioned

43:12

in the email. I got a lot of crime,

43:14

even a lot of criticians, and here about they need a picture

43:17

and a phonetic spelling

43:20

of I just think this

43:23

is this is I'm saying this with love

43:26

in the year of our Lord.

43:30

If you don't understand engagement,

43:33

and you know, put

43:35

a picture for the algorithm

43:38

of my brain, for

43:40

the algorithm of Beth. The

43:44

Beth algorithm likes a big, chunky

43:46

baby. And I don't just

43:48

want to hear about it. And if I was just going

43:50

to hear about it, describe the chunky

43:52

nous. You want to know you wanna

43:54

know how many pain picture for my

43:57

ears? Yes, I do want to know how many folds

43:59

there are? Let me, Matt, you want to you want

44:01

to sniff that baby that's sleepy

44:04

chunky baby.

44:06

Anyway, I relate to this,

44:09

this feeling of

44:12

especially when putting kids

44:14

in bed, when you like, figure

44:16

something out and it

44:19

might be helpful somebody. This might work

44:21

for somebody, but a lot a lot of times it

44:23

doesn't. It works for you and your

44:25

child. But it doesn't mean it's not a

44:28

wonderful victory. It's that feeling.

44:30

And it's like men love to have

44:33

hacks. They're parenting. All

44:35

has to be hacks, baby hacks,

44:37

baby charts. We want tangible

44:40

progress. My baby is an

44:43

eight seven.

44:50

My baby's an eight. I

44:52

thought you're just ranking the baby.

44:55

I'm really proud of my baby. He's like an eight. I

44:58

mean, isn't that way you guys are doing. Yeah,

45:00

we get together and we go to the

45:02

playground. Were like, check out that baby's

45:05

four? That baby

45:09

anyway? I

45:12

do you remember how you're

45:15

prop your routine for putting either

45:17

of our children to sleep before

45:20

they did it themselves. Uh,

45:24

I remember. I remember doing a lot of rocking, um,

45:28

some futile singing. I

45:34

the singing was more for me. Yeah,

45:36

the singing was for me to pass the time

45:39

because I was just like, I know this assholes

45:42

not closing his eyes for five

45:44

minutes or more. UM

45:47

with a big ball. A lot of bouncing on that ball.

45:51

I bounced on the ball and I would

45:53

twist my torso left and right. I

45:55

really getting the back and forth in the up and

45:57

down. I really don't miss all

45:59

of u. Um. So

46:02

whatever way you can hack through

46:04

it and feel like you're making progress is great.

46:07

All right, if you want to hack your baby, it's

46:11

great. I do think hacks

46:13

are good, like a good way of men

46:15

learning how to engage with their baby. Like

46:18

the truth is the baby is

46:20

just bonding with you, and

46:22

they're getting comfort out of their

46:24

parents bonding. So

46:26

it's good. It's great, But

46:30

I think it's funny. It's

46:33

not yeah, I wouldn't. I

46:36

don't know. Um, I've

46:38

done I'm I'm sure I've done all sorts

46:41

of crazy things when I was tired

46:43

and wanted a baby to go to sleep. Yeah,

46:45

But like the rare times a

46:48

thing would change and

46:50

you'd be like, I don't have to do

46:52

this anymore. It's

46:54

I have to give it credit to some

46:57

new thing that's like I figured it

46:59

out. Here is how you do this.

47:03

And doing this podcast has really helped me also too,

47:06

to resist that urged me to bend tell

47:10

everybody this is the way. This is how

47:12

babies work, work,

47:15

just the way this one worked for five minutes

47:17

just now. Um, because

47:19

this I would tell a friends this

47:21

is how it works. And then two weeks later

47:23

they come back. But I've been trying that thing and I was like,

47:26

oh yeah, no, that stopped working for me too. That

47:28

worked for few days. Also, then you have a second

47:30

kid and realized that they're completely

47:32

different. Yeah, they're a different person and don't

47:35

give a crap the three months

47:37

you spent months and out the ball

47:39

with some other kid. Um.

47:44

But I also, yeah, again, I really relate

47:46

to that, Like it's five minutes of this, then

47:49

it's five minutes of this. It's five minutes of that. I

47:51

did it. Oh, you go to sleep. And

47:55

on that note, we're

47:57

gonna go to sleep. This has been another episode

47:59

we was parenting. We would

48:01

like to hear your parents success stories,

48:04

your parents struggles question.

48:07

I liked hearing that success story. I felt

48:10

I felt happy for Ivan. You

48:12

know what, let's just do some bragging

48:15

this week. Parents brag

48:17

to us about what you figured

48:19

out that works for your child.

48:22

Um, we want to hear it. You

48:24

can email us at we knows pott a gmail dot

48:26

com yes,

48:29

or a voicemail. We haven't had a voicemail in a while.

48:32

You say that the one week I don't have

48:34

the voicemail. Okay, here

48:36

we go. I saw you looking down. I thought that's what you're

48:39

doing. I was looking for. Okay. You can leave

48:41

us a voicemail at three four seven three

48:43

eight four seven three nine six.

48:46

Follow us on Instagram if you would, we know potted

48:48

gmail dot com or our individual

48:50

accounts. You wants funny content of those

48:53

children to the Facebook,

48:55

Twitter, those things rate and

48:58

review on the podcast. Wherever you was the

49:00

podcast, Please buy my book.

49:02

There's no manual honest and gory Wisdom

49:05

about having a baby. On sale

49:07

now and we'll see you next time. May

49:09

Bye.