0:04

Hey, it's Jeffrey Craner. We are hitting

0:06

the road again on September 26 with our

0:08

new Night Vale live show, The Attic. Seasoul

0:11

discovers slides from an old family road trip,

0:13

which at first seemed fun and joyful, but began

0:15

to change into something strange and dangerous.

0:18

The show tells a tale of childhood memories

0:21

warping through the lens of a cursed slide

0:23

projector, a shape-shifting creepy doll,

0:25

and of course, the normal dispatches from

0:27

Night Vale's community radio station. It

0:30

stars Seasoul Baldwin featuring Symphony Sanders,

0:32

myself, and original live score

0:34

by Disparition. Also, the

0:36

inimitable Jessica Hayworth, who designs

0:39

all of our live show posters and original artwork

0:41

for each Night Vale episode, created some

0:43

gorgeous slides for this show. Our

0:46

first tour leg is in Woodstock, New York on September 26

0:48

and 27, and Philly on the 28th,

0:51

Brooklyn on the 29th and 30th, will

0:53

be in Boston October 1, Chicago on

0:55

the 3rd, Madison on the 5th, on the 6th,

0:58

St. Paul, Omaha on the 7th, Iowa

1:00

City on October 8, Lawrence, Kansas

1:02

on the 10th, Fayetteville, Arkansas

1:04

on the 11th, Oklahoma City

1:06

October 12, Dallas the 13th, San

1:09

Antonio on October 14th, where

1:11

we will all try to stop the moon from blocking

1:13

our view of the sun. Finally, we'll

1:15

be in Santa Fe October 17th

1:17

and Boulder, Colorado on the 18th. We

1:20

have even more dates of future shows

1:22

for November, January, and April listed

1:24

on our website. Just go to welcometonightvale.com

1:27

slash live to buy tickets. That's

1:30

welcometonightvale.com slash

1:32

live. We cannot wait

1:34

to see y'all again. And hey, thanks.

1:37

Hey, a quick

1:39

favor. We are conducting an audience

1:41

survey. These surveys are really helpful

1:43

for finding sponsors for the show, which is how

1:46

the show remains possible and free and how we

1:48

pay everyone who works on it. So we'd be

1:50

really grateful if you could take just a few minutes

1:52

and answer our survey. Please

1:54

visit survey.prx.org

1:57

slash night veil to take the survey

1:59

today.

1:59

that's survey.prx.org

2:03

slash Night Vale. Thank

2:05

you. We'll

2:07

always be here for you. Right

2:09

here, next to you. Only

2:12

inches away from your face. Always.

2:17

Welcome to Night Vale.

2:20

Happens

2:22

tomorrow Right?

2:27

This Place from

2:30

pe Jenny It's

2:43

like a Be quiet

2:44

and out of Duo This Place Al

2:46

Basquou lives at 831 Lombardy Street in

2:49

a dilapidated Victorian mansion

2:51

at the top of the hill. You know

2:53

the one.

2:54

It's right next to the old Greek Orthodox

2:56

Church, which was converted into an H&M

2:59

back in 2003. No

3:02

one knows when Luca arrived in

3:04

Night Vale. He has lived here longer

3:06

than anyone. He

3:09

does not say much, but he is not a hermit.

3:12

Luca enjoys seeing plays and

3:14

movies. He recently attended

3:16

a Night Vale Community Theatre production of

3:18

Godspell. He lip synced along

3:21

to all the big musical numbers like

3:23

One Day More, Surry with the Fringe

3:26

on Top, and Mr. Brightside. From

3:29

the stage, the cast could see Luca wearing

3:31

his large, dark sunglasses and

3:34

curling his fragile

3:35

body

3:36

underneath his black overcoat. The

3:39

coat is too big for Luca, though

3:41

at one time it was not.

3:44

He's grown smaller with age, as

3:46

do we all. We grow and grow

3:48

and grow until

3:51

we do not. And then we

3:53

slowly shrink, like

3:55

leftover balloons from a long ago

3:58

celebration. never

4:00

wished to purchase a new coat. He

4:02

likes this coat. It has a cozy

4:05

lining that cools his skin. The

4:07

lapels have the perfect shape,

4:10

sharp but subtle angles. Plus,

4:14

the pockets. The pockets

4:15

are small, which counterintuitively

4:18

is a good thing. We think

4:20

we want many large pockets, but

4:22

this allows us too much freedom to carry too

4:24

much material. The pockets eventually

4:27

stretch and sag under

4:29

the strain. And our coats begin

4:31

to look sad and

4:32

frumpy. Luca's coat

4:35

is crisp and neat, though

4:37

it does appear too big. Luca

4:39

does not

4:40

remember how long he's had the coat, but

4:42

he remembers he bought it in Prussia sometime

4:45

before he met Henri. Henri

4:47

with his long neck and short

4:49

temper. Henri with his thin

4:52

cigarillos and thick hair. Henri

4:55

who changed Luca's life.

4:57

For the better, for the worse.

5:00

Who can say? Luca

5:02

can, though he never has. Not

5:05

allowed anyway.

5:08

Luca does not attend church. Even

5:12

when the church next door, Saint

5:14

Demetrios still held services,

5:16

Luca did not go. He wished

5:18

the congregation well in

5:21

the way we wish, say, dock workers

5:23

in Italy or bank tellers in

5:25

Mozambique well. We know

5:27

nothing of them, nor of their business, yet

5:29

we hope all humans achieve enough happiness

5:32

to be able to share it with others. He

5:34

was not sad when the church left his neighborhood

5:37

for a new home on West Jackson Avenue.

5:40

He was not sad when the Swedish clothing

5:42

giant moved into the basilica near his

5:44

house, though he doesn't shop there. Somewhere

5:47

between indifference and good for them

5:49

is how Luca feels about it all.

5:53

It didn't matter because Luca's closets

5:55

are brimming with clothes, some

5:58

he has acquired over a lifetime. Some

6:00

he has made himself.

6:02

Luca has Nehru suits, riding

6:05

boots, silk shirts, and cotton

6:07

cravats. He owns several

6:09

cloaks, but they have been out of style for decades.

6:13

Perhaps centuries. Sometimes if you

6:15

call a cloak a cape, no one will say

6:17

anything, but they know the difference. We

6:19

can all tell. So

6:21

he doesn't wear his cloaks, though he wishes

6:24

they'd become fashionable again. He

6:26

loves the weight of them on his shoulders.

6:29

He loves the way they catch the air as he

6:31

walks. He loves the security

6:33

they bring, lightly cocooning his body

6:35

as he moves through crowds. He

6:38

wears his overcoat instead. It

6:41

is the closest thing he has to a cloak without

6:43

drawing attention to himself. Yet

6:46

Luca always draws attention

6:48

to himself despite his best efforts

6:51

to be a shadow.

6:53

He's very old, with a few thin

6:55

strands of jet black hair pulled

6:58

back tight across his wide

7:00

scalp. His eyes are sunken,

7:03

the skin around them

7:04

dark. His teeth have

7:06

grown long, as have his jowls.

7:10

No one judges Luca for his aged

7:13

appearance. We are all aware of what

7:15

age will do to our bodies, though the future

7:17

is an abstract concept.

7:20

Will we become ugly? Will

7:22

we become ill?

7:24

Will we become infirmed of body

7:26

and or mind?

7:28

Yes. Yes. And

7:31

yes.

7:32

Or at least, hopefully, we tell ourselves.

7:35

For the alternative is to truncate existence.

7:38

Some might say a short healthy life is better

7:40

than a long spiral downward, though that

7:43

is an existential argument for another

7:46

time. We can all

7:48

hope to be as active as Luca in

7:50

our elder years. He rides his bike

7:53

every morning at Sundown around

7:55

Grove Park. He spends many

7:58

Friday nights at Antarctica.

7:59

the most popular nightclub in Night

8:02

Vale, in the heart of the dance

8:03

district. Luca does not dance,

8:06

not anymore. He does not have

8:08

the energy, but he loves being

8:11

around people. He loves the

8:13

electric atmosphere of youthful

8:15

physicality, of the limitless

8:18

imagination of the human body.

8:21

It's the same reason he loves watching baseball and

8:23

circus performers and traffic cops.

8:26

At Antarctica, Luca orders

8:29

a dry Manhattan with a lemon

8:31

peel. He drinks it slowly.

8:34

And when he is done, he listens to the DJ

8:37

with his eyes closed for about 15 minutes.

8:40

Sometimes others think he is asleep and

8:42

sometimes they are right. But mostly,

8:45

he is

8:46

feeling the beat move through his

8:48

bones. He

8:49

is savoring the final flavor of

8:51

the rye and aromatic bitters on

8:53

the back of his tongue. He is committing

8:56

his emotions to memory through the smell

8:59

of sweat,

9:00

booze, and pheromones. And

9:03

when he opens his eyes, he orders

9:05

a highball with a mint sprig garnish.

9:09

It is always these two drinks.

9:12

He never finishes the highball before standing,

9:15

tipping the bartender generously, and

9:17

walking back to his bike, the only

9:19

bike parked out front of the club.

9:22

He does not lock his bike because people are

9:25

inherently good, even if they sometimes

9:27

do bad things. No one

9:29

has ever stolen his bicycle, though some

9:31

people have done worse. Still,

9:35

Luca believes the world is better for

9:37

having humanity. Sometimes

9:41

children in the neighborhood ring Luca's doorbell.

9:43

He doesn't answer it anymore because he knows they're

9:46

daring each other to ring it. His

9:48

is a haunted house, of course.

9:51

At least according to childhood lore. He

9:53

used to answer it many years ago. It

9:56

was so long ago. 30 years?

10:00

80 even.

10:02

Whenever it was, it was then that

10:04

he learned that the children feared him, that it

10:06

was all a game

10:07

of dare. Once

10:09

he stopped child and asked him why he was

10:11

scared. The child was too frightened

10:13

to answer and so Luca told him,

10:16

I'm not a monster. I'm

10:18

not a ghost. I'm simply an

10:20

old man. My house is old

10:23

too. It creaks and groans

10:25

like my own body. Its hollows

10:27

are dark with shadow and wear like mine,

10:29

but its soul is light. Its

10:32

structure is sound. Its spirit

10:35

is free. And that too

10:37

is me.

10:39

He said all of this to the child and the child

10:41

began to cry. Luca frowned,

10:44

fearing he had further frightened the child. But

10:46

I can tell you dear listeners that this child

10:48

cried because he was confused.

10:51

He did not understand how something so terrible

10:53

to see could be so gentle to hear.

10:57

Horror resides in the inscrutable. And

11:00

the child was not frightened of Luca. I know

11:02

this because I was

11:04

that child. The child was

11:06

frightened

11:07

of the unknown.

11:09

Learning is scary. The

11:12

shifting tectonic plates of conventional

11:14

wisdom can unnerve even the

11:17

most grounded among us.

11:20

The child ran away. He would

11:22

learn from this experience, but not directly

11:24

and not immediately. He

11:26

would have many more misunderstandings,

11:29

many more selfish exchanges

11:32

with gentle people who only appeared

11:34

monstrous.

11:35

The child is still learning.

11:37

As are we all, I hope.

11:41

It's too simplistic to say Luca

11:44

is a good man. That he is not

11:46

a monster. He is

11:48

a monster. Not only metaphorically,

11:51

but Henri?

11:53

Henri with his black beard

11:55

and white teeth. Henri with

11:57

his slow walk and fast.

11:59

talk, Henri was

12:02

literally a

12:03

monster. They

12:05

met in Brussels. Luca doesn't remember

12:07

the year, though it was well before the war. Henri

12:11

approached Luca at intermission of Miss

12:13

Julie, August Strinberg's

12:15

expressionist masterpiece about a young

12:17

woman who must save her kingdom from perpetual

12:20

winter by confronting the Snow Queen.

12:23

Henri with his common speech and

12:26

elitist shoes, Henri

12:28

with his fat wallet and thin temper,

12:31

Henri bought Luca drinks

12:33

and they talked late into the night about the great

12:36

artists of the day, Matisse,

12:39

Ibsen, Springsteen, and

12:41

so on. They began to meet regularly

12:44

at the theater and soon became close

12:46

friends. Luca loved

12:48

and admired Henri. Henri

12:50

with his fake gold and sincere

12:53

apologies, Henri with his

12:55

loud laugh and quiet

12:58

gait. But Luca

12:59

also knew that Henri

13:02

wasn't a man, nor a woman,

13:05

nor a person at all. It

13:07

was not apparent in looks, but in action.

13:10

Henri was something else entirely.

13:14

Henri came out only at night.

13:16

He did not drink water nor eat food,

13:19

not that Luca ever saw.

13:22

Luca knew that Henri also did

13:24

not go to a church. But unlike

13:26

Luca, who simply did not choose to go

13:29

to church and did not care any which way about

13:31

religion, Henri aboard

13:34

the notion of it. He grunted

13:36

and spasmed at the mention, sometimes

13:38

even at the sight of, a cathedral

13:41

or temple or mosque.

13:43

Vampire, Luca said one night.

13:45

You're a vampire,

13:48

he repeated, unafraid of the word, as

13:51

silly as it sounded to say so openly.

13:54

Vampire.

13:56

And Henri nodded without

13:59

saying a word. When Gris held out his palm,

14:01

Luca placed his hand upon Henri's

14:04

oré, lifted it to his own

14:06

mouth, and kissed it. It

14:09

was an agreement. A pact.

14:12

Luca would live in Henri's home.

14:14

He would run errands, invite guests,

14:17

and clean

14:19

what needed to be cleaned. There

14:21

was a lot to clean. Well

14:23

more than what a human employer would require.

14:27

Everything Henri asked of Luca was

14:29

more than a human would require. Luca

14:33

had the stomach for it, though it took

14:35

years to achieve that level of fortitude,

14:37

to be able to abide by Henri's

14:40

deeds. Many mornings,

14:42

alone in the sunlit mansion while

14:45

Henri slept, or whatever

14:47

state he was in, Luca would

14:49

vomit. He was not ill,

14:52

physically. The vomit was a kind

14:54

of exorcism, a removal

14:56

of his own humanity. The

14:58

release of angels, of conscience.

15:02

Morality was exciting his

15:04

body. His soul needed room

15:08

for a monster.

15:10

Luca never killed a person, but

15:12

he knowingly led many to be

15:14

killed. He justified

15:16

this by imagining cows led to slaughter.

15:19

Their deaths are painless. Their

15:22

deaths are useful. Their

15:24

deaths are the order of nature.

15:27

We could all be so lucky to have served a purpose

15:30

as glorious as the circle of life,

15:32

and to receive the reward of leaving our bodies

15:35

without disease, rot, discomfort,

15:38

or ruin. Rationalization

15:41

is one of man's most clever and

15:43

most dangerous inventions.

15:47

And Luca knew it, but not

15:49

right away.

15:50

He would not fully comprehend what he was doing

15:52

for

15:53

years. Luca

15:56

served Henri

15:58

well. Henri. with

16:00

his girlish face and childish

16:03

humor. Henri with his steady

16:05

hunger and erratic taste.

16:08

Henri had to move

16:11

for the people of Brussels grew wise to a monster

16:14

among them. So the pair moved

16:16

to London and to Lisbon

16:19

and to Marrakech and to Baja,

16:21

California and eventually to

16:24

Night Vale. They grew

16:26

to love the dry open plain

16:29

of deserts. Henri and

16:31

Luca, both from crowded European

16:33

streets that grew cold and

16:36

rainy in the winters, sweltering

16:38

and malodorous in the summers. The

16:41

desert is a place where people

16:43

can hide. The

16:45

desert is a place where one can see trillions

16:48

of miles into the universe, yet

16:50

still live

16:52

invisibly. And above

16:54

all, the desert has cool,

16:56

cloudless evenings. It's

16:59

the perfect weather. I've

17:26

got some questions to see burning in me, just

17:29

dying to be answered. And

17:32

as you can see, we've got all

17:35

eternity. It's not like you've got some place

17:37

to go. I just want to know,

17:39

just so badly, I want to know. Please,

17:58

I need to know. How

20:00

tomorrow will be for

20:03

the more it will be To

20:05

how that singular power

20:07

if you wanted an hour

20:11

There won't be any

20:13

event at all Tomorrow

20:17

to fall

20:21

I don't want to hear

20:24

it But I'll just let you serve me Lord,

20:27

oh my God, oh my God To

20:29

be so real, so

20:32

here, so now so

20:34

small, so small

20:38

Just want to end it End

20:42

it all And

21:10

so, Luca and Henri

21:12

lived in Night Vale, inside

21:14

their brand new Victorian mansion

21:17

on a small hill miles

21:20

from the village.

21:21

Over the years, the house and

21:24

Luca grew old, as

21:26

new homes and young businesses sprouted

21:28

up all around them.

21:30

Yet Henri did not appear to

21:32

age. Henri with his angelic

21:35

body and demonic soul,

21:37

Henri with his bottomless

21:39

appetite and shallow personality.

21:42

Henri needed human

21:45

blood,

21:46

and Luca would get it for him.

21:50

Luca would bring theatre patrons,

21:53

restaurant diners, mail

21:55

delivery persons, even tourists

21:58

back to their home his way.

21:59

home and introduced them to Henri.

22:03

Luca would serve vintage wine, prepare,

22:06

roast quail, play classical

22:08

music. Luca would amuse the

22:10

guests with pleasant stories.

22:14

Henri used to help with the preparation

22:16

and the entertainment, but as the years

22:18

went by, Henri arrived

22:20

later and later for dinners,

22:23

and eventually he only came

22:25

just as the conversation was getting

22:27

good.

22:29

And Henri

22:32

with his eager needs and indifferent

22:34

presence, Henri with his fastidious

22:37

dreams and careless manners,

22:39

Henri would appear as if from nowhere

22:42

behind the guest

22:43

and bite down.

22:45

The guest would struggle and moan,

22:49

only to eventually fall limp into

22:51

Henri's arms like a sleepy

22:53

child. Henri would

22:56

gulp and glug, he

22:58

would slurp and suck,

23:01

he would belch and burp,

23:04

and then he would return

23:06

to his lair, to his pit,

23:08

to his tomb.

23:11

It was difficult to let go of this

23:14

partnership. From the outside

23:16

looking in, it is easy to say,

23:18

get out of there, Luca, or you

23:21

can do better, but

23:22

relationships are never so easy.

23:26

He had a rapport with Henri. Luca

23:28

had spent nearly his whole life in service

23:30

to a vampire. It was almost

23:33

as if Luca himself

23:35

were a vampire.

23:37

Though deep down he knew he was not. But

23:40

he couldn't say it. He

23:42

was afraid to say the word human.

23:46

It sounded so silly. And

23:48

what would he do by himself? Alone.

23:53

He was getting old. Would he marry?

23:56

Have kids. Get a job? How

23:59

do you explain this?

23:59

And that gap in your resume, no,

24:02

no, no, this was easier. Luca

24:05

and Henri had a way, and

24:08

it afforded him comfort, health,

24:10

fine things, and the comfy

24:13

illusion of freedom.

24:17

One night a young woman

24:20

named Rochelle came home with

24:22

Luca. They had met while dancing.

24:25

I say young, but she was in her mid-40s. Luca

24:28

was older by at least five years. Perhaps 25,

24:31

it's unclear. But

24:34

it was a natural connection they had.

24:37

Luca poured her some wine, and they ate

24:39

cheese and talked while Duke

24:42

Ellington played on the Victrola. Rochelle

24:46

loved Luca's humor and his

24:47

casual confidence. She

24:50

liked his full head of jet black

24:52

hair with its many curls

24:55

and tufts.

24:56

She liked the way he looked at her. She

24:59

only felt a sting for a moment.

25:03

Then ecstasy. Then

25:07

nothing.

25:08

Luca did not understand what was happening at first,

25:10

for it was dark in the house. Only

25:12

a single candle shook its soft

25:15

light across their faces. But

25:17

then he saw a pale white hand

25:20

and a thin red streak on

25:22

her neck. Without thinking, he struck

25:24

Henri. Henri looked confused

25:27

then, hurt then angry.

25:30

Very very angry. But

25:33

Luca did not stop to process this. He

25:35

held his handkerchief over the candle and

25:37

then waved

25:38

the flames in Henri's face.

25:41

He backed Henri down the stairs,

25:43

back into his den. Luca

25:46

did not cry when he buried Rochelle.

25:49

He seethed. Eight!

25:52

And he knew he had to be free,

25:55

which would be the most painful choice of all. He

25:58

removed a single.

25:59

Ballaster from the central staircase,

26:02

he carved it down to a point

26:06

and descended. If

26:09

anyone on Lombardy Street was awake

26:11

and listening carefully that night, they

26:14

would have heard a high-pitched scream.

26:18

They would have heard the soul of a monster

26:20

being dissipated

26:22

and burned.

26:23

They would have assumed it was nothing more than

26:26

hungry coyote howling for a hunt.

26:29

Rationalization, after all, is

26:31

one of man's most clever inventions.

26:36

Luca lives alone and

26:39

has for decades. It has

26:41

taken all of that time to feel

26:43

truly free. Though

26:45

he is finally happy, despite his

26:48

stiff back and sore teeth,

26:50

despite his shallow breath and

26:53

crooked posture,

26:53

he loves

26:56

to ride his bike, to watch

26:58

people dance, to drink

27:00

his drinks, and to see his shows.

27:04

He never married, never got a job,

27:07

nor had kids, but he's found

27:09

a life that is his own. When

27:14

he eats, he thinks he

27:17

is replenishing his soul, returning

27:20

it to what once was banished.

27:23

And perhaps he is. Luca

27:26

Albescu, after all,

27:28

is the only one who can keep himself

27:30

human.

27:33

Stay tuned next for an actual

27:36

coyote howling for a hunt.

27:39

Good night, night veil. Good

27:43

night.

27:50

Hey, it's Jeffrey Craner. I watch a lot of

27:52

movies and a while back I signed up for a free trial

27:54

on a streaming service so that I could watch one of

27:56

their films. I watched it, I loved it,

27:59

and then I forgot about it. it. The streaming service, not

28:01

the movie. Did you know over 80% of

28:03

people have subscriptions they've forgotten about and Rocket

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Money helped me discover I'm one of those 80%? They

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notified me of all my subscriptions and I was

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able to choose the ones I wanted to opt out

28:13

of. And there were a lot more than just that one.

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Eek. Rocket Money is a

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personal finance app that finds and cancels your

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unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending,

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and helps you lower your bills all in one place. With

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Rocket Money you can easily cancel the ones you don't

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want with just the press of a button like I did. No

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way by going to rocketmoney.com

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slash nightvail. That's rocketmoney.com

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slash nightvail.

28:45

Rocketmoney.com slash nightvail.

28:56

Welcome to Nightvale is a production of Nightvale

28:58

Presents. It is written by Joseph Fink

29:00

and Jeffrey Cranor and produced by Disparition.

29:04

The voice of Nightvale is Cecil Baldwin.

29:07

Original music by Disparition. All

29:09

of it can be found at disparition.bandcamp.com.

29:13

This episode's weather was exit stage

29:15

left by Bears with Eagle

29:18

Arms. Find out more at bearswitheaglearms.com.

29:22

Comments, questions, email us at

29:25

info

29:25

at welcometonightvale.com or

29:28

follow us on Twitter if you're still there at

29:30

nightvale radio and Instagram at

29:32

nightvaleofficial. We now have a tiktok

29:34

at nightvaleofficial as well if you're

29:37

a tiktok teen like me. Most

29:39

importantly check out welcometonightvale.com

29:41

where we have a twice monthly mailing list that

29:44

is the best way to keep up to date without

29:46

it being owned by a weird

29:47

awful billionaire. You can learn

29:49

about things like our brand new live show

29:52

The Attic starting on tour later

29:54

this month. Today's proverb,

29:56

ask your doctor about their

29:58

health. It's only is you, you, you.

30:01

Conversation is a two-way street, bud.

30:25

Hi, I'm Jeffrey Craner, and I wanted to tell you

30:27

about one of my other podcasts, Random Number

30:30

Generator Horror Podcast Number 9. So

30:32

the thing is, my friend Cecil Baldwin, the

30:35

voice of Night Vale loves horror

30:37

movies, and he's helping make the genre more

30:39

approachable for me and hopefully for you too,

30:42

one film at a time in a random order.

30:44

Are you squeamish about horror movies? Look, I get

30:46

it, and no worries. Just listen in and we'll

30:48

tell you everything that happens. But do you love

30:51

horror movies? Well, that's great too. Watch along

30:53

with us each week. We've got nearly 200 episodes

30:56

covering everything from The Shining

30:58

to Leprechaun 4 in space. I'm

31:01

serious, we go in a random order. So

31:03

check out Random Horror 9 wherever you

31:05

get podcasts.