0:04

Oh, it's so close.

0:07

The Night Vale live touring

0:09

show will be introducing its

0:11

first brand new script since 2020.

0:14

Yes, it took that long to tour the last one everywhere.

0:17

This new show is called The Attic.

0:21

Cecil finds a door in his house that he has never

0:23

seen before, leading to an attic he

0:25

has never seen before. And in that attic

0:28

is an old slide projector, full

0:30

of pictures from a childhood family road trip

0:32

to the Grand Canyon, a road trip he

0:34

had completely forgotten until

0:37

this evening. And he invites

0:39

us to view the slideshow with him. Oh

0:41

yes, there are actual slides

0:44

in this one, designed by resident Night

0:47

Vale artist Jessica Hayworth. Match

0:49

that with live Cecil, live

0:52

Disparition soundtrack, live weather,

0:54

and special guest stars including Symphony

0:56

Sanders as Tameka Flynn, and you are not going

0:59

to want to miss this one. The first tour

1:01

starts at the end of September

1:03

in New York

1:04

and Philly, and then goes on from there

1:06

in November, January, and April. See

1:09

the full schedule and buy tickets by going

1:11

to welcometonightvale.com and clicking on Live

1:13

Shows. And sign up for our mailing

1:16

list to be the first one to hear when we add more

1:18

shows to our schedule, which we hope to do later

1:20

in 2024. That's welcometonightvale.com

1:24

and click on Live Shows.

1:27

Hey, a quick favor. We are conducting

1:29

an audience survey. These surveys are

1:31

really helpful for finding sponsors for the show,

1:33

which is how the show remains possible and

1:36

free and how we pay everyone who works on it. So,

1:38

we'd be really grateful if you could take just

1:40

a few minutes and answer our survey.

1:43

Please visit survey.prx.org

1:46

slash nightvale to take the survey

1:48

today. That's survey.prx.org

1:51

slash nightvale.

1:53

Thank you. Welcome

1:55

to Night Vale is brought to you by Progressive, where customers

1:58

who save by switching their home and car save

2:00

nearly $800 on average. Quote

2:03

at progressive.com, Progressive

2:05

Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, national

2:08

average 12-month savings of $793 by

2:11

new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive

2:13

between June 2021 and May 2022. Potential

2:17

savings will vary. If

2:20

you wished upon a star, you would

2:22

vaporize

2:22

instantly due to the intense

2:25

heat on its surface. Welcome

2:28

to Night Vale. A

3:00

team of scientists split between

3:02

the University of what it is, Night Vale

3:04

campus, and his lab in the strip

3:06

mall next to Big Rico's Pizza and

3:08

the Pinkberry, have been working

3:10

hard on studying the desert otherworld.

3:14

Carlos has never had these kinds of resources

3:16

at his disposal, and so he has been

3:19

getting a lot done. The team's

3:21

current concentration is on creating

3:23

a stable observation portal to

3:25

that world. The issue, Carlos

3:28

explained to me over dinner, as we attempted

3:30

to get our son Esteban to just try

3:33

the chicken, is that the difference between

3:35

the speed of our time and the otherworld's

3:38

time creates a kind of temporal

3:40

turbulence. It gets really

3:42

bumpy in chronology terms

3:45

when the worlds connect. I suspect

3:47

that's why it was so difficult for anyone who

3:49

went there to return. Please,

3:52

you love chicken. We know you love

3:54

chicken. Can you just have some

3:57

of the chicken? The important scientist.

4:01

While the new resources have been helpful

4:03

to Carlos, obviously, there is also

4:05

a lot of responsibility to being the Dean

4:08

of a large research facility. He

4:10

has been having to organize the HR department,

4:13

figure out payment processing for paychecks, start

4:15

to look into how tenure could work, and

4:18

decide when and how the university

4:20

might start accepting students. It's

4:23

a lot to think about, even for someone

4:25

who thinks a lot. I worry

4:27

that Carlos's

4:28

beautiful hair might start to go gray.

4:31

But of course,

4:32

beauty is fleeting and our looks will dissolve

4:34

in time like clay into a river and the foundation

4:37

of love must be built on deeper, stronger stuff.

4:40

On the other hand, I sure do love that

4:42

hair.

4:45

Let's get to our top story. My top

4:48

story, anyway. This morning

4:50

we found a boy. The

4:52

boy was playing in Grove Park. No

4:55

one knew the boy. He was bright-eyed

4:57

with tousled hair and a high-spirited

5:00

voice. He ran to and

5:02

fro the boy through the park, pretending

5:04

to be an airplane and then a motorboat

5:07

and then a hawk chasing a mouse. We

5:09

asked the boy his name and he didn't know.

5:13

But he also didn't care. Identity

5:16

was not of interest to him, since he was so busy

5:18

being every possible thing except himself.

5:21

The boy shouted with joy and laughter a

5:23

quite high-spirited boy. Soon

5:26

there was a concerned crowd because you

5:28

can't have a boy with no parents. It's not right,

5:30

a boy with no parents. There were

5:33

murmurings of what shall be done and

5:35

who will help him. And

5:37

so I stepped forward to this. Communication

5:40

is what I am after all that.

5:42

Hi, boy.

5:43

Are you alone here?

5:46

I asked. Well, I guess so,

5:48

said the boy. I don't remember

5:50

a moment before this moment. As

5:52

far as I know, this is the first conversation

5:55

I've ever had. It seems to be going well.

5:57

Is it going well? I'm

6:00

not sure, I said. Would

6:03

you like us to help you? I've

6:06

never had anyone help me, said the boy,

6:08

so I don't know if I would like it or not. But

6:11

I'm always happy to give it a shot. Then

6:13

he knayed like a horse and did a gallop around the

6:15

field on his imaginary steed. What

6:19

a curious boy. More

6:21

on this soon. And

6:24

now a word from our sponsors. Today's

6:27

sponsor is Spoons. Can't

6:30

get soup without them. What are you gonna

6:33

do? Drink soup? Just pick the bowl up

6:35

and drink it? Well,

6:36

now that I'm saying it out loud, that actually would

6:39

work fine.

6:40

I think there's a number of cultures where that's how

6:42

they do soup. Still, how are

6:44

you going to eat yogurt without a

6:46

spoon? Ever thought of that? What are you gonna do?

6:49

Put it in some kind of pouch that you

6:51

can carry around? No, no, I think

6:53

they've done that too.

6:56

Really?

6:57

Okay, fine. So there are fewer

6:59

exclusive use cases than

7:01

we thought, but still. Spoons

7:04

are useful. Try spoons

7:06

once and buddy, I think you're gonna be back

7:09

to try more. Our great culture

7:11

rests on the back of the humble spoon. And

7:14

don't you ever forget it. Spoons,

7:17

like a fort, but for wet. This

7:20

message has been brought to you by Kroger. And

7:24

now for traffic. The roads are

7:26

looking good. Good

7:29

roads. Good infrastructure. Good

7:32

civilization. Wow, nice

7:34

organization of a species you got

7:36

there. Would be a shame if anything

7:38

happened to it. Beautiful signs,

7:41

the ones that say exit and yield

7:43

and such. A lot of consideration put

7:45

into design. Someone really thought

7:48

about it. I like the shade of corn

7:50

yellow used on the lines painted on the

7:52

road too. And the snowdrop

7:55

white of the other lines, someone

7:57

had a real eye for color. I

8:00

hope they are proud of themselves, whoever

8:02

they are. And even the texture, you

8:04

have to appreciate the texture of

8:07

the roads that blacktop

8:09

grit. Exactly enough

8:12

grip to get you going. The

8:14

smell of tar and earth, there

8:16

is an aesthetic beauty to these

8:18

man-made scars we lace

8:21

the earth with. Yes, those

8:23

roads are looking good.

8:27

And that's probably why they're so full

8:29

of cars. It's slow

8:31

and go out there, folks. And

8:33

this has been the traffic. This

8:37

morning we found a boy. Carlos

8:40

and I took him home so he could get some food.

8:43

We asked him if he was hungry. Ravenous,

8:46

he said. And then he said, wow, I

8:48

didn't know I knew that word.

8:51

What a great word. We

8:53

asked him what kind of food he likes, and he

8:55

told us that he doesn't know that

8:58

he has no memory of ever having

9:00

eaten before. I was

9:02

born into the sunlight already running.

9:05

The boy told us as he wolfed down a turkey

9:07

sandwich. My first breath was minutes

9:09

ago, but this sandwich is

9:12

perfect. Thank you. We

9:14

offered him soda, but he was more interested

9:17

in water. I'm told

9:19

it is the essence of life. He

9:21

said, I'd love to try

9:23

it. So we offered him a big glass of water

9:25

and he gulped it down. More, more.

9:29

In all, he drank about three

9:31

gallons of water. Now, I don't know how much water

9:33

you're supposed to give a boy, but that seems like a

9:35

lot of water. Incredible.

9:38

Whispered Carlos, and he texted some

9:41

of his new science friends.

9:42

You must have been thirsty,

9:44

I said. Yes, agreed

9:47

the boy. It's possible I have never

9:49

drunk anything before.

9:51

The boy seems to be in perfect health. His fingers

9:54

are long, but clean. His teeth look

9:56

meticulously cared for. All

9:59

in all, I would say that... that this boy must have

10:01

had a guardian, but he has

10:03

no knowledge of who this guardian

10:05

would be and no memory of having

10:08

one. What a curious

10:10

boy. And

10:13

now for a segment I've dubbed Radio

10:15

Theater. It's an original title

10:18

I just invented. I think it's pretty catchy.

10:21

Now I may be mostly a news

10:23

presenter and a voice of community events

10:25

and concerns, but I've

10:27

always been interested in performing

10:29

theater, but for the

10:31

radio. Imagine

10:34

saying words into a mic that aren't

10:36

true. What a freedom there

10:38

must be in that. Unfortunately

10:40

I can't find anyone else that shares my

10:43

interest, so what I've done is I've looked up

10:45

a script from what was, I'm told, the

10:47

most popular radio drama of the

10:49

1920s, The Diamonds

10:51

of Esmeralda. The Diamonds

10:54

of Esmeralda was a weekly melodrama

10:56

about a young woman named Esmeralda who

10:58

inherits a great fortune, but then

11:01

an evil businessman named Norton Grenardier

11:04

steals it all from her. And

11:06

after this she's forcibly around the world, having

11:08

adventures, plotting to recover her

11:10

fortune and escaping Milton's henchmen

11:12

who pursue her wherever she goes. Ooh,

11:15

it sounds so fun. But

11:17

since I don't have anyone else to act with,

11:20

I'm going to play all the parts. I

11:23

think I will be able to so expertly

11:26

embody the characters that it will be easy and

11:28

enjoyable to listen along. Here

11:31

goes.

11:33

Well here I am in Camp Mendeorda, such that there is only

11:35

men who can help me recover my fortune. Hey lady,

11:38

do you need any ideas? But I have no money to pay if that is fine. Come with

11:40

me. Say lady, are you being followed? Quite possibly. you're

11:44

related? I know this city better than anyone. You are safely,

11:46

quickly run. Oh, ah, this way. Ah, oh, get back

11:48

here. I've got her boss. I've lost her boss.

11:50

You must climb up this wall into this window. I can't do it, but you must, but I can't.

11:59

the side window. Is that it for Porez Marilda?

12:02

Tune in next week and remember to use Dr. Baumgarten's

12:04

Hytenic Soap, the only soap that definitely won't cause

12:06

your skin to boil. Wow!

12:10

That was so fun.

12:12

I was really in the zone. You know,

12:15

maybe I missed my calling. I should have

12:17

been an actor. Or an heiress on

12:19

the run. Either sounds exciting.

12:24

And now for corrections. In

12:26

an earlier broadcast, I knocked over

12:28

the microphone and howled, There

12:31

is no way that trees grow from seeds.

12:33

That's obvious. Look at the size of

12:35

trees and look at the size of seeds.

12:38

This is ludicrous. You can't expect me to believe

12:40

what is obviously false. I

12:43

am not a patsy. I will not simply roll

12:45

over and let you speak riddles to me. Believe

12:47

whatever you want to believe. I am not your Sunday

12:49

school teacher. But trees do

12:51

not grow from seeds and that's the

12:53

last word on the matter. Then

12:56

I kicked over the expensive studio

12:58

speakers through the rest of my notes in

13:00

the trash and stormed out of the station building,

13:02

not returning for several days. Well,

13:07

Carla took me on a little field trip to a

13:09

nursery where I got to see

13:11

the stages of growth of a tree.

13:14

And it turns out I was slightly

13:16

off base on this one. Some of my facts

13:18

weren't quite in order, so

13:21

to speak. Let me be the first

13:23

to say, no hard feelings,

13:25

obviously. We have all said things

13:28

that we regret. We were all a little

13:30

wrong. I think we just call this one

13:32

a draw. Some of us did damage

13:34

to the studio. Some of us didn't show

13:36

up to work. Some of us didn't understand

13:38

how trees grow. I

13:40

don't think it's productive to get into the who did what.

13:44

Lessons learned and we'll move

13:47

on from here. This

13:49

has been corrections. This

13:53

morning we found a boy. Tamika

13:56

Flynn of the City Council has come

13:58

to us concerned about the boy.

14:00

I'm concerned about the boy, Tamika

14:03

said, and she furrowed her brow to demonstrate

14:06

concern. A lost boy

14:08

is a serious matter, and for his own sake

14:10

we must make a plan for how to best help

14:12

him. Carlos and I agreed, of

14:15

course, and we made suggestions. We

14:17

must write a play about the

14:20

boy, I cried. A grand

14:22

play that will turn the hearts of the

14:24

community toward his aid. Okay,

14:30

said Tamika. No

14:32

bad ideas, but the way she

14:35

said it, it almost made

14:37

it sound like my idea was bad, which

14:39

it wasn't, it was artistic and thrilling.

14:43

We could do DNA testing on the boy, suggested

14:46

Carlos. Maybe his parents were on

14:48

some sort of registry, like those

14:50

ones where you send in a saliva sample and they send

14:52

you a report back letting you know

14:55

what astrological sign you are? Better,

14:59

said Tamika, but you are both

15:01

thinking of the boy as an event rather

15:03

than a person. I think our first

15:06

step should be to take the boy to a child

15:08

therapist who might be able to talk

15:11

to him about where he's from

15:13

and how best we can help him. Okay,

15:17

I said, no bad ideas,

15:20

and I said this in a way that made it sound like her idea

15:22

was bad, but this was undercut

15:25

by Carlos enthusiastically agreeing

15:27

with it. Yes, said Carlos,

15:30

I know just the person. There was an expert

15:32

childhood therapist on my staff. And

15:35

so it was decided. We

15:38

all decided that this is what

15:40

would be best for the boy. And the

15:43

boy said, sure, more

15:46

boy soon, but first the

15:49

weather.

15:54

We

16:00

need to be

16:06

in the shop.

16:11

Bring somebody plain to me. Look

16:16

at me. Oh,

16:22

my God. Oh,

16:28

my God. Oh,

16:40

my God. Oh,

16:44

my God. Oh,

16:50

my God. Oh,

16:57

my God. Oh,

17:03

my God. Oh,

17:10

my God. Oh,

17:26

my God. Oh,

17:32

my God. Oh,

17:38

my God. Oh,

17:46

my God. I

18:00

don't always think

18:03

you should

18:06

turn back. I

18:11

don't always think

18:13

you should turn back.

18:17

I don't always think you

18:19

should turn back.

18:22

I don't always think

18:24

you should turn back.

18:28

Whoever you want to be.

18:33

This morning we found a boy. The

18:36

boy sat with the child therapist,

18:39

a kind woman with sad eyes. What

18:43

do you remember? Nothing.

18:47

A boy said.

18:49

The therapist nodded, was

18:51

silent for a long time.

18:54

Well, the boy said, the

18:57

therapist was silent. Well,

19:00

the boy said, there is

19:03

this,

19:04

the boy said. I

19:06

remember a darkness,

19:10

darker than dark.

19:12

I remember a warmth

19:16

that did not comfort me. I

19:18

remember joy that wrenched

19:21

the soul. I remember

19:24

three words, to,

19:26

do, harm.

19:31

I remember a sky so full of

19:33

stars that it looked like a blank

19:36

sheet of paper. I

19:38

remember the true name of God. I

19:41

remember the value of pie to

19:43

eighty digits. I

19:45

remember the grit of sand in my

19:48

mouth. I remember

19:50

a darkness, darker than

19:52

dark.

19:53

I remember a melody that I do

19:56

not care to sing.

19:58

Although

20:01

I do not know to what. I

20:08

remember sadness and warmth

20:11

of the heart. I remember

20:13

a darkness darker than dark. And? I

20:16

remember my mother. But other than that, the boy said,

20:18

I remember

20:20

nothing. The

20:23

therapist nodded again, took

20:25

us in the water with careful slowness.

20:29

Tell me about your mother. No.

20:34

The boy said, in a new

20:35

voice full of broken glass

20:38

and thunderclouds,

20:40

I will not talk about

20:42

her. His

20:44

voice returned to normal. I'm

20:47

sorry I can't be more help, ma'am. After

20:50

the session, the therapist sat down with

20:52

me and Carlos and Tamika. He

20:56

is holding a lot of pain, the

20:58

therapist said. But he is too young

21:00

to know how to put it down or even

21:03

where something like that could be

21:05

unburdened. Only time

21:08

and life can do that for him. He

21:11

needs a safe place to stay while he

21:13

figures that out. Carlos

21:15

and I, of course, volunteered our house. We

21:18

are always happy to help. But Tamika

21:20

said, no, he can come

21:23

stay with me. I think we

21:25

are kindred souls. Maybe

21:27

I can show him other ways to cope with the

21:29

world. Maybe he can show me that

21:31

too. Maybe we can help

21:33

each other in some small

21:35

way. The

21:37

boy agreed that living with Tamika

21:40

for a little while, just until we

21:42

could learn where he belonged, sounded

21:44

like a good idea. And the two

21:47

walked off, arm in arm

21:49

into a future that might be a little better

21:52

than the past. Who knows? Good

21:56

could happen. Stay

21:58

tuned next for a dramatic episode. the neck reenactment

22:01

of your grisly death.

22:05

Good night, and I fail?

22:07

Good night.

22:15

I'm

22:30

so glad to have a therapist to talk to, to

22:32

help me work through the thoughts racing around my

22:35

head at all hours, and it helps. It helps a

22:37

lot. BetterHelp can help you too.

22:39

Find the right someone. BetterHelp is customized

22:42

online therapy that offers video, phone and even

22:44

live chat sessions with your therapist, so

22:46

you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to.

22:49

Get a break from your thoughts with BetterHelp. Visit

22:51

betterhelp.com slash Night Vale today

22:54

to get 10% off your first month. That's

22:56

betterhelp, h-e-l-p dot

22:58

com slash Night Vale.

23:05

Welcome to Night Vale as the production of

23:07

Night Vale Presents. It is written by Joseph

23:10

Cink and Jeffrey Craner and produced

23:12

by Disparition.

23:13

The voice of Night Vale is Cecil

23:15

Baldwin. Original music by Disparition.

23:18

All of it can be found at Disparition.mancamp.com.

23:23

This episode's weather was Runner

23:25

Up by Al Olander. Find

23:28

out more at AlOlander.com

23:31

and see her on tour with us as the

23:33

live

23:33

weather in just a couple of weeks.

23:35

Comments, questions, email us at

23:37

info at welcometonightvale.com.

23:39

Or follow us on Twitter if

23:41

you're still there, at Night Vale Radio and

23:43

on Instagram at Night Vale Official. We

23:46

now have a TikTok at Night Vale Official

23:48

as well for Tik's

23:49

and Tok's. Most importantly,

23:51

check out welcometonightvale.com where

23:53

we have a twice monthly mailing

23:55

list that is the best way to keep up

23:57

to date directly from us to you.

24:00

can learn about things like our upcoming brand

24:02

new live show, The Attic, starting

24:04

on tour in just a couple of weeks. Today's

24:07

proverb, forget old sayings, they're

24:10

old. Give me new sayings, the

24:12

latest sentences, phrases no one has

24:14

ever heard before, language that makes

24:16

no kind of sense yet

24:17

at all.

24:33

From the creators of Welcome to Night

24:35

Vale, Alice Isn't Dead, and Within the

24:37

Wires comes a new Audible original,

24:40

Unlicensed. In the outskirts of Los Angeles,

24:43

where the cul-de-sacs and strip malls sprawl

24:45

into the desert, two unlicensed private

24:47

investigators scrape by on whatever small

24:49

cases come their way. But when

24:52

a teenage girl pleads for them to take the strangest

24:54

case of their career, this unlikely pair,

24:57

with no resources and no backup, will

24:59

follow a trail of seemingly unconnected

25:01

cases, which will lead them to a ransom,

25:03

a murder, a mysterious

25:05

wellness center, and a conspiracy that might

25:07

go all the way to the governor. Important

25:10

to catch small fires early. They

25:12

don't stay small for long. Unlicensed,

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available now at audible.com

25:18

slash unlicensed.

25:23

From PRX.

25:25

Produced by the U.S. Department of State.