0:00

Hey, Jeffrey Cranor here. We'll be back

0:02

on August 1st with more new regular

0:04

episodes of Night Vale, but in the meantime We

0:08

have a live show for you to listen

0:10

to right now The Haunting of Night

0:12

Vale, which we toured to over 60 cities

0:15

and 15 different countries That

0:17

show is no longer touring, but the

0:19

recording is available to you at

0:21

this very moment You just go to our bandcamp

0:24

page. It's nightvale.bandcamp.com

0:26

You can get the whole show So if you

0:28

saw it and loved it and want to hear it again, awesome If

0:31

you did not get a chance to see The Haunting of Night Vale,

0:33

it's so creepy, so funny, so much

0:35

fun You can listen to the whole thing right

0:38

now over at nightvale.bandcamp.com And

0:41

if you're excited for our live shows, we hit

0:43

the road again in late September Just go to

0:45

welcometonightvale.com and click live shows

0:47

It'll be a brand new script and

0:49

it will as always star Cecil

0:51

Baldwin featuring Symphony Sanders with original

0:54

music by Disparition. We'll have

0:56

more details on this new live show soon But

0:58

you can get your tickets right now at welcometonightvale.com

1:01

and clicking on live shows But

1:03

for now, here's a bonus track from

1:06

our last live show, The Haunting of Night

1:07

Vale This one features Cecil

1:10

and Sheriff Sam played by the inimitable

1:12

Emma Franklin. We hope you enjoy it We

1:15

hope you get the whole album over at nightvale.bandcamp.com

1:19

It is available soon as well at Apple

1:21

and Amazon Music stores.

1:23

Oh and hey Thanks I'm

1:26

doing my best To understand

1:28

what is going on here. I mean, I actually did

1:30

some cleansing rituals because I thought that might

1:32

help, you know I burned some sage I Electrocuted

1:36

some rosemary. I even

1:38

tried punching the cumin but

1:41

nothing, I Was so frustrated

1:44

that I almost called the police But that

1:46

would have involved Sheriff Sam and then I

1:48

feel like I don't know that was just too much

1:51

for whatever is going on in my house

1:52

Oh

1:56

Cecil, it's Cecil. Too

1:58

much is never I

2:00

know. Listeners, please welcome Sheriff

2:02

Sam. Sheriff,

2:09

why are you actually here? Yes,

2:11

well, you needed the police to deal with

2:13

some ghosts, didn't you? Well, I mean,

2:15

I talked about it with my husband, but we never actually

2:18

called the police. No, you don't have

2:20

to call the police for the police to hear you. We

2:23

don't even have a phone number anymore. We

2:25

just have microphones hidden in every single

2:27

house, park, car, tree,

2:30

bird, you name it. You don't

2:32

use 911 anymore? We don't need it. If

2:34

you're in trouble, we already hear you screaming

2:36

for help. Yeah, that sounds

2:39

just a little bit invasive. Prometheans,

2:42

yes, I know it does. In fact,

2:44

just this morning, Jackie Fierro,

2:47

the owner of the Night Vale Porn Shop, stubbed

2:49

her toe on the corner of a glass-topped

2:52

lacquer coffee table. She screamed

2:55

in pain, possibly fracturing a phalanges

2:57

or two, and our microphones

3:00

picked up her shouts along with many creative

3:02

swear words, and my team of secret

3:05

police were at her shop in minutes. Wait,

3:07

all of that for a stubbed toe?

3:10

Yes, we don't have cameras, just microphones.

3:14

I don't know if you know this, but an audio-only

3:17

medium really needs detailed descriptions

3:19

about what's physically happening. I've

3:22

heard. You're probably unaware of that fact, but in

3:25

actual fact, if I can ask for a moment all

3:27

Night Vale citizens in future

3:30

to clearly and carefully

3:32

narrate every action that you're creating,

3:35

as well as any action that is happening to

3:37

you, that would help us so much. For

3:39

example,

3:40

I am speaking aloud whilst gesticulating

3:45

and then brushing my hair from my face

3:47

in a slow, sort of seductive

3:49

sweep. That sounds like

3:51

a lot to ask of the citizens of Night Vale.

3:54

That's beside the point. Now,

3:57

you contacted the police because of

3:59

a...

3:59

haunting? Yes I did. Well I mean

4:02

okay okay okay so Carlos and I are

4:04

building this new house out on a robber's

4:06

road. Oh yes I've already been there. What? He

4:09

investigated the whole place inside and out. Wait

4:11

you need a warrant to do that.

4:14

And the sheriff not a vampire. I can

4:18

enter a home without permission thank you.

4:20

Now what I found there was

4:22

very strange indeed Cecil. Okay

4:25

so it's the one it's Cecil but okay did you

4:27

see or hear any evidence of ghosts?

4:29

No but I

4:32

found a video camera on the back lawn

4:34

and watching the footage I saw a man

4:37

in a wool cap. He was talking

4:39

directly into the camera zoomed so close

4:42

you could only see his eyes and nose. He

4:44

was crying and constantly looking over his shoulder

4:46

saying I just want to apologize to my

4:49

brother and my producer and to HGTV.

4:51

I'm so so sorry it's

4:54

my fault. I insisted on

4:56

the picture windows. I insisted

4:58

on the popcorn ceiling.

4:59

I insisted the wood backsplash

5:02

was fine and it's all because of

5:04

me that we're here now hungry and

5:06

cold and hunted. I'm

5:09

so sorry. What's that?

5:11

I'm scared to close the polyurethane

5:14

tubs and I'm scared to open them. I'm gonna

5:16

die out here. Okay.

5:27

Okay one wood

5:29

backsplashes not fine. Two

5:32

that sounds like one of the property brothers. Did

5:35

you ever find him or? No we

5:37

searched all through the house and we saw no one

5:39

until we entered the basement.

5:42

It was dark except for a single

5:44

flashlight. The basement appeared

5:46

empty until suddenly there was a man,

5:49

a property brother as you say, standing

5:52

silently facing the corner of the dark

5:54

damp room. What happened?

5:57

Well I don't know. What? Well it creamed the

5:59

room. We left. Wait! What?

6:03

You're the police? You like

6:06

law and order and you're supposed to be protecting

6:08

our citizens? Yes, we

6:10

didn't become police to protect the citizens.

6:14

No, you're on your own, Cecil. Cecil. Cecil.

6:17

Cecil.

6:18

Cecil. Cecil. But

6:20

if you should need us for a pickpocket or a jaywalker,

6:22

just talk clearly into the dining

6:24

room ceiling fixture. Okay, ta-ta. All

6:27

right, thank you very much. Now everyone...