0:17

Katie! Alan! What's the

0:19

weirdest pet you've ever had? Ooooh.

0:22

Mmm. A

0:25

cockatiel? Really? Yeah. You don't

0:28

strike me as a bird person. It was

0:30

my mother's bird, really, but it learned how

0:32

to, this was in the time of landlines,

0:35

it learned how to imitate the phone ringing so

0:37

successfully that you would like literally pick up

0:40

the phone and say hello and you'd hear

0:42

a dial tone and be like, you motherfucker,

0:44

you got me again. Well

0:47

you put me in a cage, I can fly, so

0:49

I'm gonna fuck with your life. I'm gonna fuck

0:51

with your life, yeah. It also only

0:53

learned, my mother tried to teach it the

0:55

Andy Griffith Show theme song. That's

0:58

as far as I got, that high note. So just

1:00

do that on a loop for

1:02

about six hours. I can't,

1:07

I can't, I break my brain. Break your brain.

1:09

Also, apparently I can do that note once. One

1:11

time, you nailed it the first time. Yeah, I'm

1:13

a 50 year old man. Built

1:16

for whistling. What was the weirdest pet you ever had? I

1:19

don't know. We

1:22

had turtles, fish. Oh, like

1:24

turtles. Rabbits. Inside

1:27

the house rabbits. Did they just poop on

1:29

the floor? No, no, no, they were in

1:31

cages in the house. Oh, okay. That was the first

1:33

time I ever experienced death. Aww. I was

1:35

coming home from school and finding my rabbit, Ted. Aww.

1:38

You never believed what I named that

1:40

rabbit. Just go, what's your

1:42

wildest guess what a kindergarten

1:44

child would name a rabbit? It

1:46

was funny. Just bugs, just bugs.

1:51

Well, it was the 70s. We have

1:56

three birds. Guess what I named those birds? What?

1:58

Bird one, two, and three. see that?

2:00

Just dehumanizing. They're not human. I

2:03

mean, I was a C student

2:05

in life. You're a creative guy

2:07

though. Yeah, it's true. I feel

2:10

like it hadn't kicked in at that point.

2:12

Yeah. The C stands for creative. We

2:17

also had a lot of fish that like would commit

2:19

suicide. What? How do fish commit suicide? They jump

2:21

out of the tank? No, they don't. No, they

2:24

don't. Multiple fish would jump out of the tank

2:26

and we'd fall out of the floor. I have

2:28

bad news for you. Yeah. Someone in your family

2:30

was a fish murderer and

2:33

hasn't told you yet. You might want

2:35

to take this up with your dad. What

2:41

movie are we doing this week? We are doing a

2:43

film chosen by the Petrones. It was

2:46

the Runner Up in Voting because

2:48

the winner is going to be recorded

2:51

in about two weeks time, I think.

2:53

I think so. I think so. Uh,

2:55

Slotherhouse. Slotherhouse. What uh, what

2:58

uh, what do you think of Slotherhouse? Should

3:01

we go right to the ratings please? It's

3:03

a PG-13 film. Sure. Yeah.

3:06

Yeah. Which is a bit of a

3:08

bummer. You want to see that sloth

3:10

dick? No, I just want to see more

3:12

violence, more gore. I would have loved this movie

3:14

if it had been gore-ier.

3:17

Yeah, and

3:19

more of a, what do you call a movie?

3:21

Did you not like Slotherhouse? Am

3:23

I getting the vibe that you didn't enjoy Slotherhouse? Because

3:25

I have to say, I was planning to save this

3:27

for the end, but I enjoyed Slotherhouse. Oh,

3:30

you like it? Yeah. You

3:32

tell me, this was my final thought on Slotherhouse

3:34

and you tell me whether or not I enjoyed

3:36

Slotherhouse. Yeah. Maybe we were a little hard on

3:39

Zombi-vers. Maybe we were a little

3:41

hard on Zombi-vers. In retrospect, yeah, I feel bad.

3:43

We did a bad. Yeah. But that was

3:45

back before I was on antidepressants. Same.

3:48

Okay, so that's what you, listen,

3:51

don't listen to anything before, I

3:53

don't know, like 2017. We

3:55

should have, we'll call it the

3:57

Zoloft Cut-Off before then. Yes

4:01

Because I appreciate that this movie knew

4:03

what it was Sure And maybe

4:05

we should give zombie verse another chance as

4:07

we gave return of the living dead

4:09

another chance and it's still the perfect

4:11

movie I

4:16

Think if this had been a Segment

4:18

in a all animal based horror

4:21

anthology movie. I would have learned

4:23

it because there is like Compact

4:26

parts of the film that I really

4:28

enjoyed. Okay, so let's get into it.

4:31

Okay, this opens on

4:33

a Rainforest

4:37

in Panama My

4:39

first note just says oh that slop had a lot of blood

4:41

in it. So I'm not sure what

4:43

that refers to That

4:46

would refer to the sloth reaching out

4:48

on a branch over the water, right

4:50

or water water if you're wrong like

4:53

water ice I'm

4:56

so sorry. You're really trying to work me out today.

4:58

This is how many minutes are we into this? I've

5:02

already sucked my teeth twice. I'm

5:04

sorry Italian water Think

5:10

about Lucy joke all the time So

5:17

The the sloth has reached out onto a gone

5:19

on to a branch to grab a leaf and

5:22

Then it is grabbed by a crocogator,

5:24

right? Right and I don't know what

5:26

they have in Panama. I'm

5:29

not sure I don't know what the difference between an alligator

5:31

and a crocodile is, you know Once a snub nose once

5:33

a club nose I've definitely googled it at

5:35

least six times in my life and I'm still

5:37

just like Hmm and then they want to throw a

5:39

caiman in the mix I'm like, I don't know what to do

5:41

with this thing in my opinion caimans walk on their

5:43

back legs But I don't think that's true

5:47

I feel like they should look the Jesus lizard.

5:49

Yeah So We

5:52

see the the sloth gets snatched and

5:55

then we see the blood in the water, which is

5:57

what you were referencing Yes, and then what do we

5:59

see Katie? the musical, we hear

6:01

a musical swell on this animatronic

6:03

sloth coming up out of the

6:05

water, which is just, mwah.

6:08

And we see the Crocogator roll

6:10

over and its tummy has been

6:12

slashed open. Yes, we see some poachers

6:15

too, like Kirkland Signature Robert De Niro.

6:20

And then Slothar House. Slothar

6:22

House. My next

6:25

note is kids and their phones,

6:27

am I right? Yeah, social media

6:29

profiles and girls hugging, I don't...

6:32

The first half of this movie is just every

6:34

time you meet a new character, you get their...

6:37

how many followers they have on social media? They

6:39

happen really fast though, so I feel like I didn't

6:41

absorb any of them. Like some of

6:43

them are like, 37k, and then other

6:47

people are like 12. And I'm

6:50

like, man, I'm into 12. I

6:52

don't even have a social media. I

6:55

have zero followers. Zero

6:57

followers, not on werewolf ambulance, social

6:59

media. You are follower

7:01

rich. Rich with followers. We

7:05

have a save the dog moment where

7:07

our main character Emily M saves

7:09

a dog. Yeah,

7:12

like an airport or something. They're in the

7:14

mall. Like who hasn't let that dog run around in the

7:16

mall? You can't let a dog run around in the mall, right?

7:18

I don't go to malls, but I don't think you can do

7:20

that. I

7:23

don't know. Okay. I mean, although malls are kind

7:25

of like lawless places now, right? Like no one

7:27

goes anymore, so fuck it. I think that's just

7:29

the Monroeville mall. Site

7:31

of the Romero film. Dawn of the Dead.

7:35

And there's nothing left from it in there.

7:37

No, nothing. I think someone got the koi

7:39

pond out of it. Yeah. So yeah, so

7:41

he meets this like exotic pet pusher, or

7:43

she meets this exotic pet pusher who like

7:45

gets it on her selfie. He's

7:47

so gross. It's

7:49

like the necklace and the hat

7:52

and the unbuttoned shirt. He

7:54

just, ugh. The

7:56

greasy but unpony tailed pulled back

7:58

hair. He's a skeev

8:01

so bad. Well I think that's what they were

8:03

going for. They wanted him to be a yucky man. But

8:05

why would this then attractive college girl be like,

8:07

hey let's get a picture together? Because

8:10

he shows her the cutest animal she's ever

8:12

seen. A floth puppet. Yeah,

8:14

he offers to sell her a sloth for

8:16

her social media to make their social numbers

8:18

up is why people buy exotic pets is

8:20

what he says. That's true. Yeah.

8:24

That's why I got you this lemur. You

8:27

ever seen a lemur in real life? Wild.

8:30

You ever seen an aye-aye? I don't

8:32

even know what an aye-aye is. It's a type of lemur. What?

8:35

That are like the ugliest cutest

8:37

animal you've ever seen. How do you spell

8:39

aye-aye? Like you were saying it

8:41

to a captain. Okay. A-Y-E,

8:44

A-Y-E. Oh look at that little

8:46

thing. Oh god. It's

8:48

like half lemur, half bat. Yeah. They

8:51

have on their like very human like hand.

8:53

Oh fuck. Their middle finger is super long.

8:55

Look at that fucking finger! And

8:58

they use it to like tap on wood to find termites.

9:00

They find the hollow spot in wood and then go in

9:02

and gnaw them. Listen,

9:04

unless you're driving right now, I want

9:06

you to Google image search aye-aye and

9:10

just feel the way I feel

9:12

right now. Take it all in. It's hands. That

9:16

one long little finger. If that motherfucker's

9:18

mad at you though, you know it. If

9:20

they're flipping you off. Yeah. You

9:23

know it from a mile away. So they're from Madagascar. At

9:25

least we're keeping them on an island. Yeah,

9:27

I think that's where all lemurs are from. I think all lemurs

9:29

are made into them. I think we should leave them all there.

9:31

Yeah. Because they got off of

9:33

the main continent and then evolved separately. Gotcha. Gotcha.

9:37

Gotcha. And that's your lesson in zoology, which may

9:39

or may not be true. Half

9:41

remembered lemur fact. So

9:48

we cut

9:50

to its move-in day at the sorority

9:52

house. Right. You never rushed, right?

9:54

Oh god, no. I'm

9:56

not a big joiner. I love bringing

9:59

this up every time. get a little chipped too.

10:02

Can you imagine me in a sorority?

10:06

I can imagine someone being like, hey,

10:08

we should do this together as buddies. And you being like,

10:10

you know what? I'm going to do this for my friend.

10:12

And then day one, you're like, you know what? Fuck this.

10:14

I'm burning this entire house down. No. I've

10:16

never been so selfless. We

10:21

meet Brianna, who is running

10:23

for house president. Yes. I

10:25

don't know how these Greek things work. I

10:28

like this character. I feel like this would be

10:30

a very fun character to play. I

10:32

also feel like maybe this actor shouldn't get a monologue.

10:36

And that is not the last time I feel

10:38

that way in this movie. Yeah, she's

10:40

not the strongest of the actors. No.

10:43

Actually, outside of maybe Emily, there's

10:45

not a lot of strong actors

10:47

in this movie. Yeah. But

10:51

that's OK. No, it's not. It's not.

10:53

I don't know why I would defend that. It's terrible.

10:56

Learn to act. Take a class. I

10:58

like when Brianna grabs the house

11:00

marm. Who is this woman? Yeah, it's the

11:02

house mother. Grabs

11:04

her drink and takes a sip and goes, oh,

11:07

dirty martini. Who drinks these

11:09

anymore, grandma? I like a

11:11

dirty martini. I've never had a martini. In your

11:13

life? In my life. I

11:16

don't like hard alcohol. I

11:18

think it doesn't like you. Yeah, it's true.

11:20

Yeah. We're not good together. See,

11:22

I'm fine with it. I just throw open the streets.

11:27

That's fine, right? Just like the

11:29

acting in this film. It's fine. We

11:34

see that M. Covett, the presidential

11:36

suite. Yes. What

11:39

is this house that they are living in?

11:41

I don't know. It's seemingly like no other

11:43

sorority slash frat house I've ever been to

11:45

in a movie. It has a parking lot

11:47

out front. It has a parking lot out

11:49

front. So I think this movie may have

11:51

been made in Croatia, based

11:54

on the names of everyone who worked

11:56

on the production. Everyone's name ends with

11:58

itch. with

12:00

Croatia. There's very

12:02

little information about this movie on Wikipedia and

12:04

I can't really go to any other websites.

12:06

That's pretty much the one that I

12:09

am. You're telling me there's not a

12:11

ton of information about Slothar. I

12:13

can't believe people have heard of this movie. So

12:19

she's coveting this presidential suite

12:21

and like longingly

12:23

looking at it. Just like, oh,

12:26

presidential suite. Meanwhile, she lives

12:28

in the nicest room I've ever seen. Every

12:30

fucking kid in this,

12:32

every college kid in this movie lives in

12:34

a dorm room that looks vaguely like an

12:37

office. Yes.

12:40

It also gives the like, there

12:42

may have been a casting

12:44

couch porn site that filmed in

12:47

this place at some point five.

12:49

Absolutely. All that wallpaper. Yeah. So

12:52

he's going to clean. But her room is

12:54

like just as nice as

12:56

any other room is as the presidential

13:02

suite. It's bigger than any bedroom I've ever

13:04

had in my entire life. It's the size

13:06

of this floor of my house. Yeah. Yeah.

13:08

Yeah. It's about the size of this attic. Yeah.

13:10

It's insane. Yeah. Stupid. Did

13:14

you like when her boyfriend snuck in to say hi to her? And

13:16

he gets hit in the balls? Yeah. Nice shot. I do love a

13:18

man getting hit in the balls. It's always funny.

13:22

Have you ever seen a guy get kicked in

13:24

the dick and been like, oh man, I feel

13:26

so bad for them. No, you thought, yeah, that's

13:28

it. That's really it. We

13:31

see her walk through the museum wing

13:33

of the sorority house where there's a

13:35

tiara in tradition

13:37

and history and yada, yada, yada. Her

13:40

mother was the queen of the sorority at some point.

13:42

Yes. Her mother was also

13:44

a delta, delta, delta. It

13:48

was like sigma theta lambda. It's

13:50

delta, delta, delta. Yeah.

13:52

Which is very hard to say fast. Delta, delta,

13:54

delta. Yeah. Also,

13:58

her last name is... is O'Donnell and

14:00

I just feel like she doesn't look like an O'Donnell

14:02

to me, but that's just me. She's not giving O'Donnell

14:04

vibes. She's not giving the O'Donnell vibes. So

14:11

it's implied, we meet the sorority mother who's

14:13

an alcoholic and a very

14:15

tragic figure. Miserably

14:19

so. Miserably so. I

14:22

felt so bad for this woman. It's

14:25

implied that she was the sorority

14:28

mother while Emily's mother was

14:30

there? Or was she just a sorority sister?

14:32

I think she was just a member,

14:34

yeah. And she tells

14:36

her all about the things that Emily's

14:39

mother had them doing, like

14:41

hugging homeless people as

14:43

an outreach thing. Yeah.

14:47

That's bleak. And

14:50

we learned that the house mom wants Emily

14:52

to run for president and just be like

14:54

her mother. Right, because Brianna's so mean. She's

14:57

so mean. So mean. So mean. Called

15:00

her a grandma for journey martinis. And she's got all these little

15:02

toadies, I guess. As

15:04

a Brianna would. A Brianna would, yeah. Man,

15:07

I wish I had toadies. Don't

15:10

you though? Will they do stuff

15:12

for me? I don't know. I mean, I don't want

15:14

you to be my toady. You're doing

15:16

it to... I need to manipulate

15:19

you into it. You're just happy to be part of

15:21

the conversation. I'm

15:23

included! No, no. I

15:27

want a castle for Christmas you and make you wait on

15:30

me like you do with your friends. We

15:33

cut to the exotic animals dealer and now we see

15:35

that he has a widow's peak and a

15:37

website that he's just staring at, like it's going

15:39

to do something? Pay

15:42

an angel fire all this money, I want to see what happens

15:44

on this thing. He

15:47

looks at the sloth and says, what would happen if I don't

15:49

give you these pills? What

15:51

are the pills? Okay, explain to me what's

15:53

wrong with the sloth. So the

15:56

sloth... What this movie presupposes

15:58

is that the sloth is the ape? Pecks

16:00

predator of the jungle. Right, and

16:02

it's just pretending to be slow and cute.

16:05

Yeah, exactly. So these pills are keeping

16:07

it tame. Okay, it's just

16:09

like sedating it. Okay, okay, all right, all

16:11

right. I wanna

16:13

say one thing about the sloth. I wanna say a lot

16:15

of things about the sloth. It looks great. It does look

16:17

fun. It's so much better than Annabelle. Oh,

16:20

100%. Like it looks great. Yeah,

16:23

it's an animatronic. It doesn't look like it's

16:25

been in a garbage can full of like

16:28

pencil shavings. It looks great. It

16:31

does move a little rickety. I like

16:33

that though. I like its rickety movement.

16:36

Oh, I'm always like the practical effect is

16:38

always gonna like win me over. Yeah. Except

16:43

if it's Annabelle. There

16:45

was no effect. It was just a doll

16:47

that sometimes got held up by Rick, the

16:49

cousin of dark mall from Ephidias. She's a

16:52

little gray doll. So

16:56

Emily calls the exotic pet pusher and

16:58

she's like, I'm in, I'm

17:00

all in on the sloth. I want that sloth.

17:02

Give me that sloth. Because she, we have

17:04

learned is also obsessed with being popular and

17:06

well liked. And her best

17:08

friend is a cool

17:10

girl who doesn't care

17:12

about being liked. Madison? Yeah, what

17:15

the fuck is she doing in the sorority? Why would

17:17

she rush? She

17:20

was like Madison and then the wacky

17:22

clown friend, Zenny or whatever her name

17:24

is. That's okay. I

17:28

don't understand Zenny's character at all because what are,

17:30

one, what are they do? Why

17:33

would they want to be a member of the sorority? And

17:35

two, why do they seem like a grown

17:38

ass person pretending to be a young person?

17:41

The vibe they were giving

17:43

me was like a movie

17:46

from the 80s where some dude has dressed up as a

17:49

woman to

17:52

sneak into the sorority to try and fuck

17:54

off the sorority please. Yes, very much so.

17:56

And I was like, well, this is fun

17:58

if like her character is like the

18:01

lesbian who's joined the sorority and the

18:03

fucking all the sorority sisters. Yeah. Because

18:06

like there's like they're gonna play the shower game and

18:08

she's a hundred percent on board and I'm like good

18:10

for you you're gonna go see some titties, have a great

18:12

night. No one spoilers. And that's not what

18:14

it is. No titties in the shower game. How

18:17

do you have a shower game with no titties?

18:19

And she's like but her whole thing is just

18:21

like she kind of talks like she has

18:23

a milk bubble in the back of her throat. It

18:25

feels very much like the

18:28

writer of this movie Saw and Seen O'Mian

18:30

and was like we need a poly shor.

18:33

We need a poly shor and we need them now. Listen,

18:35

we're already gonna have a sloth. We need a

18:37

poly shor. We

18:39

need a poly shor. Like if

18:41

Zenny had said no wheezing

18:43

the juice, I would not have been

18:46

stunned. They would have had to

18:48

say like no goosing the goose. I'd be like what

18:50

does that mean? I don't know what the kids are

18:53

talking about these days. I

18:55

totally understand what wheezing is. Oh

18:57

yeah. Of course. Of course.

19:00

He turned into a right wing nut job yet? Poly

19:02

shor? I don't think so. I'll look it

19:04

up. Don't text me so hard,

19:06

Cruster. Your

19:11

love of poly shor is so strange to me. It's

19:14

strange to me too. I gotta say. I don't

19:17

think so. Okay. That's good. I

19:19

think he's just poly shor. Sure. So

19:22

he makes an appointment to meet with the pet pusher

19:24

on the next morning? Yes. So

19:27

she goes over there bright and

19:29

early. But something has happened first. Also

19:32

is she driving like a Lamborghini or something?

19:34

She's like so jealous of Brianna and

19:36

I'm like you have a car and it's a

19:38

cool one. Before

19:42

we see her drive up though,

19:45

there's this big musical swell on

19:47

a fire after the sloth slashes

19:49

the pet dealer. He knocks cages

19:51

everywhere and this exotic animal dealer

19:53

dies on the floor. So weird. It's

19:56

so good. I think the use

19:58

of the score is really good. I want

20:00

to talk to you about the score. Talk to me

20:02

about the score. The score was giving me big Charles

20:04

Band vibes. Yeah, maybe that's why I liked it.

20:07

Buh buh bam, buh buh bam, buh bam,

20:09

bam, bam, bam, bam, about everything no matter

20:11

what was happening. It's exciting.

20:14

I guess that would be a Richard Band score. Richard Band,

20:16

yeah. But a Charles Band production. There's an

20:19

Albert Band too, yeah. You got into the

20:21

score? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

20:23

But there's like just a big musical sting on just

20:25

a sloth, a real cute little sloth. Which

20:29

is funny because it's a slow moving animal. Yeah. It's

20:32

a murder animal. And they are pretty cute, except

20:34

for those claws. Yeah, the claws are ridiculous. Think

20:36

about giant sloths and then think about how uncomfortable

20:38

that would be. How big is a giant sloth? Well,

20:40

they don't exist anymore. But they were

20:43

part of like the megafauna of North

20:47

and South America, I think. But they're fucking huge

20:49

and they had giant claws. I really appreciate

20:52

all the zoology lessons you're giving me today. And

20:54

anteaters, have you ever seen the claws on an

20:56

anteater where they can like take down an entire

20:58

termite house? Giant sloths

21:00

were 10 feet long and 12 feet tall.

21:03

Uh-uh, I want that. Yeah.

21:06

No, come on. Do you like that

21:08

they died 11,000 years ago and I'm like,

21:11

where can you, where, where have you seen these?

21:14

I don't know shit about animals. You

21:18

know about the giant ones. The what? The

21:20

giant ones? Not really. Elephants?

21:23

Yeah. Giraffes? I

21:25

guess I've seen, I know I could identify them. Is that a

21:28

bison? Or is it a buffalo? Or

21:31

is it a beefalo? Oh,

21:33

or is it a Mark Ruffalo? Or is it

21:35

Mark Ruffalo? You know the giant animal that freaks

21:37

me out? Moose. Yeah,

21:39

I would never want to come face to face with a... Have you

21:41

ever seen how fucking big this thing is? Oh, and

21:44

I've seen a photo. I've never been somewhere that there

21:46

are meece. Moose? Moose's?

21:48

Moose? Meese's? Yeah,

21:51

and meece's. No, I'm not going... This sounds like

21:53

a fucking northern exposure. You're

21:56

Maine? I Haven't been to Maine. The.

22:01

Main To the fuck outta here.

22:03

Get out here Moose since you

22:06

began Else. But this is this. is

22:08

Isabel. Like Emily runs into the building he

22:10

goes into this man's house he goes into.

22:12

This means else, sees the flaws and she

22:14

picks it up here. I would never have

22:16

the balls to. Pick up a wild animal,

22:18

but it does. Timberlake Mom arms. That.

22:21

Would answers for I don't care Yeah,

22:23

I just I do not have the balls. It's

22:26

like reaching for her with Freddie Krueger

22:28

clause. Yeah, this is the systems. It's

22:30

acute phase. The sees

22:32

a seal that year and. He runs

22:34

out of there because there's a tiger

22:37

roaming around rise When a tiger had

22:39

come back. Yeah. To

22:41

pick up the emulator. I wish that it's the

22:43

tiger. Come back and just eaten everyone. Has arrived

22:45

at this with their voice d It

22:48

has a successor at as well. As

22:52

they would receive everyone. A lot of every

22:54

person a lot of have uploaded eaten by

22:56

want to appear. Iran.

22:59

Has survived the slop attacks. Ago shortly after

23:01

suffer. From. This.

23:04

Is worth of a new book. The Slope of the

23:06

Cottonwoods like Ben Franklin. Is.

23:10

Tires Synthesis The great guy.

23:12

The guy like I. Told.

23:15

The guy was you could

23:17

figure dust bath or whatever

23:19

the fuck you choose the

23:21

backyard native birther friend Franklin

23:24

you weirdo specifically Usa Usa

23:26

assists. Of Emily is carrying this law into

23:28

the house. And a box. Yeah, And.

23:30

Pre honor his grabbing out in.

23:32

The bus with the the buffer to the. Movies.

23:34

You do this to someone. Pretty good

23:36

seeking of hook for her the throat

23:39

of the steps the Us is her

23:41

at like over the railing and. Little.

23:44

Animatronic crawled crawl the full claws

23:47

out his head. Of. The sisters feel

23:49

about it so killed over yet.

23:51

fantastic no one is asking any questions

23:53

you know and it's because she's like

23:56

i thought this could be our house

23:58

mascot ah and it runs like, okay,

24:00

no one's like, where did you get a sloth?

24:02

Can a sloth live in here? What are

24:05

we gonna feed a sloth? Where does sloths shit?

24:08

These are the questions I have on a roommate brings so

24:10

many animals. The

24:12

fact there is only one character and

24:15

like, it's Madison who seems to

24:17

be a pain in the ass for bringing this

24:19

stuff up. Yeah. But she's

24:21

like, yeah, they're not pets. You have to take

24:23

that animal somewhere and give it somebody could take

24:25

care of it. She's like, no, it's my best

24:27

friend. Yeah, she deserves a better friend than Emily.

24:30

She does. Yeah. Yes. This is

24:32

where we meet Zenny. Mm-hmm. And

24:34

Emily announces her candidacy for

24:36

president. Here's where

24:38

I wrote myself a note that says Google

24:40

what clipped means. Clipped. Clipped. Clipped.

24:43

Flying. As in... If...

24:46

Ugh. Hm. Nope.

24:49

Nope. I don't know. What's

24:52

the reference? Brianna keeps saying you're clipped. You're

24:55

so clipped. I think she's saying clipped. Oh. I

24:57

don't know. I don't know. And

24:59

I Googled it and it didn't... Google didn't

25:02

help. Kids? Right in. Also,

25:04

tell me what Riz is. I still don't know what that

25:06

means. I understand Riz. Oh. Okay,

25:09

Riz is just charisma. So you're gonna like

25:11

talk your way in and out of things

25:13

like, or you know, I'm gonna... I'm gonna Riz my way

25:15

into this. No. Yeah.

25:18

Wait, we're now abbreviating words by lopping off the

25:21

front end of it. I

25:23

don't know. I'm surprised I use a word like charisma,

25:25

frankly. But they don't. They use Riz.

25:27

Yeah, but they know what it means. Yeah.

25:30

I mean... I

25:33

feel like there might be young people listening to this

25:35

right now who are like, she's totally wrong. This

25:37

40 year old bitch. It's

25:41

actually Rizberry flavored. I

25:45

mean, look, here's the thing.

25:47

Much like recently I found

25:49

myself getting annoyed by people's footwear

25:51

choices in inclement weather. What?

25:54

Tell me more. It's Saturday. We get in that

25:56

snow. Yeah. So that was common doubt. Yeah.

25:59

Good Snow. Yeah. pick up a little

26:01

lunch Snows really coming up. regular lunch.

26:03

Ah Allegro hearts and their sandwiches. Fuck

26:05

at Dulles? yes also they're all of

26:07

was not predicting the dirt so get

26:10

knocked my dick in that area Might

26:12

it here. I love an awful Us

26:14

Soviet delicious sites. The. Sept said

26:16

body by a lake Or how foolish or

26:18

thin with grown up are you in the

26:20

mood for vision Bakery civil have I go

26:22

on and there for costs is fucking unreal.

26:24

We're gonna How they make the for Gossett

26:26

Soviet Problems that eggs and at. Reagan.

26:32

Was a specific ago on. so to

26:34

go over there it's like two inches

26:36

of snow on the ground in the

26:39

So com and down the rain mix

26:41

in there to stop fucking foggy and

26:43

there to see walking around and crocs.

26:45

One woman had on flip flops, slob

26:48

woman had on like ah house slippers

26:50

that she could just live with. What

26:52

are we doing here? Put on a fucking hard shoe.

26:54

It's okay to have. A

26:57

disease. And use a Sicily. Evolves,

27:00

Eve ascended to said hard.

27:02

Syria or this is a subset

27:04

see right that kids are safe

27:06

and ssssss assistance but it's that's

27:09

that's exactly where I should be.

27:11

I should not know what really

27:13

means. So. The Sloss scratches

27:16

Madison scrushy. Randomly got him for

27:18

the next face. I know, know. And.

27:21

Masses a contaminant Cs. And

27:23

she's at her friend's Sullivan cast. Members within,

27:26

your stupid, their. Second,

27:28

Run that loss. Brianna

27:30

declares war on employs like it's on would

27:32

do and I wanted her to get in

27:35

more exotic animal. His

27:37

comeback was like a Boa constrictor

27:39

come back with states from leave

27:42

movements and as a set of.emails

27:44

the isn't top the essence of.

27:47

His ass.

27:50

And would have the name it would have any

27:52

in the software, the name it and Delta Alpha

27:54

for all Family Here at Delta Delta Delta. So

27:58

we're just. getting all of

28:00

these scenes of people telling her how cool

28:02

she is for having this loss. Like Zenny,

28:04

who's like, you're going to be an influencer.

28:07

But like, why would Zenny doesn't seem like

28:09

the kind of person who would care about

28:11

being an influencer? Is anything she seems like

28:13

the type of person who would hate influencers? Yeah, it's

28:15

weird. I don't think the whole character is just

28:18

blessed. Yeah. They

28:20

don't deliver a single line in a normal way.

28:25

It's like they're auditioning for like the

28:27

road company of Beetlejuice. Can

28:30

I tell you a thing

28:32

that I loved? Yeah. A

28:37

sloth moving a mouse, a computer mouse. Holy

28:40

shit. Whole, whole

28:43

Lee shit. What?

28:47

This sloth can use a computer. Yes.

28:49

Well, can read, can read,

28:51

can read English, can read English. And

28:56

as we learned later, no set up for

28:58

a camera phone. And just

29:01

like, I don't know, there's something very

29:04

great about the sloth facial features where

29:06

it does like a surprise reaction when

29:08

it sees that the man has been

29:10

killed and then slams the laptop lid

29:12

and then its eyebrows sort of like

29:14

furrow down. So it's

29:17

going through Emily's social media

29:20

and sees the picture of Emily with

29:22

the pet pusher. Yes. So

29:25

is he now associating or sorry, is

29:27

she Alpha now associating Emily

29:29

with the pet pusher? So she has to kill

29:31

her. I guess so, but she lets Emily live

29:34

a long time. She does. Yeah. She

29:36

wants to see all of her friends. Yeah. We

29:41

have the candidate mixer. Yes. Where previously

29:43

there was only one candidate. I think

29:46

we can cancel the mixer. Well,

29:48

now she's got the sloth. Everybody wants to come

29:50

down to be a candidate. Yeah.

29:52

One girl says that she's

29:54

heart horny for the

29:56

sloth. That was the woman that

29:58

I'm like, fuck your life. 45 years old.

30:01

Yeah, that was the one whose eyes are really close together.

30:03

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And

30:05

also there's this weird thing happening where Brianna

30:07

is dressed like it's about 2013. And

30:11

I don't know why. She's like wearing a

30:13

feather boa and like a jean skirt and

30:15

a little strappy tank top. I

30:17

don't know what's happening there. That could be 2002 for all I know. Earlier

30:20

she was wearing like super baggy jean

30:22

shorts too. And I'm like this just

30:24

seems very... I don't get her.

30:26

Out of place. And maybe that's all they had in

30:28

Croatia for her to wear. Maybe. Oh

30:31

my god. I'm

30:33

like heart horny. And the girl who's

30:35

saying that she's heart horny is one of

30:38

Brianna's toadies. Yeah, toadies.

30:40

Yeah, who has been told to get rid of

30:42

the sloth. Yeah. So

30:44

she does. Where she put that

30:47

sloth. Outside by a tree. Inside

30:50

of the party. In a thunderstorm.

30:52

Yes. It has legs. Yes,

30:54

they're slow, but it has legs. It could

30:57

make its way back. Or just into the

30:59

driveway where someone will see it. Yeah.

31:02

Terrible. Just terrible. Kill them all

31:04

sloth. So the sloth

31:07

almost gets hit by a pizza guy. Yeah.

31:10

And then goes back inside and

31:12

puts its sedatives into this woman's

31:14

drink. It sure does. It

31:17

does. The sloth dose is a woman.

31:19

So it can use the internet. Take

31:21

pictures of itself without thumbs. Operate

31:25

a mouse. And

31:27

knows that sedatives will knock somebody out.

31:30

Well, it's been forced to take sedatives all this time.

31:32

It's true. Now, so this is a

31:34

movie about being who you truly are. And when the

31:36

sloth is off its sedatives, that is who it truly

31:38

is. Oh. I'm sorry

31:40

you didn't catch that motif. The

31:46

scene of the lightning flashing and

31:48

the sloth on the loft bed

31:50

like disappearing and reappearing. Very

31:52

funny. Spectacular. Because

31:54

it goes like it happens like six times. And

31:56

I was like, all right. Third time. Not

31:59

funny anymore. Fifth time, funny again.

32:01

Fucking funny again. Because

32:05

the woman who put it outside has found

32:07

a dude that she's walking

32:09

through this fucking palatial

32:12

mansion to be like,

32:14

we're going to go fucking this room. It's in the

32:16

ninth, the hundredth wing of this house. We have to

32:18

walk forever to get there. And

32:20

then she has to run back to her room for something. And that's when

32:22

she sees the floor. Oh yeah, she just walks by this guy

32:24

and says, you. Yeah. That

32:27

was easy. Oh, have you met men? You're

32:30

familiar with men, right? I have seen this happen

32:32

one time and one time only. And it was a man.

32:34

It was future Hall of

32:36

Famer Larry Fitzgerald, University of

32:38

Pittsburgh alum. The

32:41

least fuckable name I've ever heard. Larry Fitzgerald.

32:43

He's a good looking guy. Great football player.

32:45

Yeah. So the guy I was buying

32:47

drugs from at the time was roommates with

32:50

one of the athletic trainers for the football

32:52

team. So Larry Fitzgerald came to a party

32:54

at their house. Oh wow. Shook

32:56

his giant hand. And he just kind of stood there

32:58

for a minute and he like pointed out to him and he

33:00

was like, you, why don't you come upstairs? And they just went

33:02

upstairs and I was like, wow, Larry Fitzgerald. Fuck. Future

33:07

Hall of Famer. Did

33:09

he make it in? Oh,

33:12

can't you get, ah yeah.

33:15

I'm not sure that he's been out long enough to

33:17

qualify. Okay. But he will be a

33:19

first ballot Hall of Famer. I'm sure. Okay. Yeah.

33:23

Larry Fitzgerald. Fuck. Larry Fitzgerald.

33:25

At a party at my drug

33:27

dealer's house. I'm Larry Fitzgerald. I

33:29

fuck. Yeah. Hall of

33:31

Fame fucker. I hope I don't get sued

33:33

for this. Allegedly. Allegedly

33:36

fucked. Who's going to be mad

33:38

that you hear nothing that they

33:40

are good at getting sex? Yeah,

33:43

that's true. So

33:49

then we have the house dodgeball game. Let's

33:52

talk about dodgeball for a minute. Yeah. I

33:55

think we should talk about dodgeball. Right. Okay, so I

33:57

was watching this movie with Rob and our friend

33:59

Pie. And I was like, God,

34:01

fucking dodgeball. Nobody likes dodgeball. And they

34:03

were both like, oh, hey, whoa. I

34:06

didn't know why I was friends with so many

34:08

dodgeball lovers. All

34:12

of like, all of my ideas

34:14

of Rob being a nerd are just being thrown away

34:16

right now. I know. It's

34:18

disgusting. Oh,

34:21

you were president of the Magic the Gathering Club, but

34:23

you liked dodgeball? No, one of these things is not

34:25

like the other. Dodgeball,

34:29

oh, man. No, I hate it. I'll play wallball

34:31

all day long. I don't know what wallball is.

34:33

Where you throw the wall up against the wall

34:35

and whoever misses when you're supposed to hit it

34:38

back. No. So like racquetball?

34:40

They have to run for the wall and then

34:42

they get hit with the ball. That's terrible. Yeah,

34:44

but it's like more egalitarian than dodgeball. See,

34:46

I'll play kickball all day because it's

34:48

just baseball with your feet. Sure, sure.

34:50

Also, dodgeball, if you are six

34:53

foot two in ninth grade, you

34:56

are just a fucking, just six foot two fat kid

34:58

in ninth grade, you were a fucking target. Who's

35:00

like... You're not gonna catch it.

35:02

I'm not gonna catch it and I'm just like, I just

35:04

wanna get knocked out so I can run off somewhere and

35:06

smoke. Whatever we could do right now to make that happen.

35:09

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would like to be

35:11

sitting on the sidelines, please. So

35:15

yes, there's a little protracted dodgeball scene. Well,

35:17

why? So the floss can catch and pop

35:19

the ball. And at

35:21

this point I realized, wait, did they not find

35:23

that girl's body? The one that he murdered? Well,

35:26

then we find out that Sarah's missing and no one

35:28

knows where Sarah is. But only vaguely, because

35:30

a lot of people are murdered and

35:33

go missing in this movie and like,

35:35

nobody cares. He's hiding the

35:37

bodies, right? Where? I don't know.

35:39

Fantastic. By the way, the internet,

35:41

there's a sleepover happening post

35:44

dodgeball game. Um,

35:46

I don't know. I just have a note that says sleepover

35:48

with more sisters missing. I guess so. Yeah.

35:51

Oh wait, I think this is where we get the, is

35:55

this where we get the montage of them all getting

35:57

murdered? Montage of creative kills, yes. gives

36:00

a Chelsea smile too which I thought was a

36:02

little bit rough. A

36:05

little bit rough. One of them is

36:08

a Columbia nectar I feel like. Oh

36:12

my god. And then

36:14

there's like another dodgeball game. Well

36:17

I think maybe it goes back to the

36:19

dodgeball game. I don't know but Zenny is just. What is it

36:21

a cricket match? They stop at the end of the day and

36:23

start it back up. I don't know. Is

36:26

this where Zenny is drinking beer with a sloth?

36:28

Where the sloth opens the bottle, drinks it and

36:30

burps. Did you like that or no? Of course

36:32

I did. I liked it too. Did you

36:34

like when Brianna fell in sloth poop? She

36:36

has a great scream when she hits that poop. Who's

36:40

not putting a dife on that sloth? Ah.

36:43

You diped that thing up. You diped that thing up.

36:45

As a man with a tattoo of a monkey on

36:47

his arm and that monkey has a diaper on. You

36:50

put a diaper on that guy. Put a diaper on that.

36:52

You're an expert. You're a zoologist and a man with a

36:54

tattoo of a monkey wearing a diaper. Holding

36:56

a straight razor taking a peach off a tree. It's

36:59

Inga from... Inga, right. From...

37:02

Phenomena? Creepers, Phenomena. Yes. And

37:06

the monkey takes the peach

37:09

is the ninja move where you rip the testicles

37:11

off of your opponent. Very good.

37:13

Yeah. I saw it in the movie when

37:15

I was a kid and I thought it was the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen. And then

37:17

as an adult you were like, I shall immortalize this upon my flesh.

37:20

It's my don't fuck with my friends tattoo. Yeah, right. I'll

37:23

rip your balls off. I'll rip your balls off. You

37:26

and lady balls. It's not gender

37:28

specific. You just rip some titties off. Rip

37:31

your tits off. It's so

37:34

pretty more aggressive somehow. It's terrible. I

37:36

don't like it. So,

37:39

Madsen tries to take this sloth to

37:41

a shelter. Yeah, the sensible thing. What

37:44

shelter? You're in Kentucky. There's nowhere to

37:46

take a sloth. We

37:48

take cats, birds, dogs,

37:50

sloths. Enough about

37:52

it. I feel like I would think the same thing.

37:55

All the SPCA, they're going to know where you

37:57

take an exotic animal. I guess. I

38:00

think I'll just call the nearest zoo and be like

38:02

conservation effort You deal

38:04

with this take the murder sloth take the

38:06

murder sloth, but the sloth takes

38:09

her phone. He throws her damn phone

38:14

Did that shock you I Loved

38:17

it. I loved it. It was

38:19

read missing of the bus scene from Final

38:21

Destination Yes, yeah and the

38:23

end of Mean Girls. Oh,

38:25

yeah Yeah There's

38:29

a musical version of I just saw that there's

38:31

a new thing yeah, but I don't I can't

38:33

keep up with the new things obviously

38:39

Alpha comes to Dakota's room. I don't remember

38:41

who Dakota is at this point I don't

38:43

know Emily goes to the hospital with Madison

38:46

Yeah, he's been hit by a truck and

38:48

she's like they're like she's gonna be okay But

38:51

there's like no way because she got annihilated by

38:53

that truck. No, she's fine While

38:56

she's in there She's

38:59

giving this like speech about knowing

39:01

who you are set to sweeping

39:03

music like it's fucking Moana Seems

39:07

like we should make this moment about her

39:09

half-dead friend and not about her. Yeah But

39:13

but but but that's and pulls

39:15

off her oxygen mask and croaks

39:19

Go To be

39:21

elected sorority president. Oh my

39:23

god should never speak to this girl

39:25

again. What is the election ceremony like

39:27

I I don't

39:31

is this democracy is this what that would happen

39:33

if the liberals got their way Ocracy,

39:36

I think yeah, I would wear one of

39:38

those cool robes though very a cult. Yeah.

39:41

Yeah I think that's like the

39:43

Greek thing, you know, or I mean, I don't

39:45

know for sure but yeah Where

39:48

I went to college there were druids that would

39:50

once there were the secret society No

39:53

one knew anything about them. No one knew who

39:55

was in them and like once during finals week

39:57

They would like march through campus

40:01

usually. That's it. I saw him on my

40:03

window once. Were you like, oh no. No

40:05

I just yelled at him. Hey Druids! What

40:08

are you doing? Did you

40:10

give them a pressed ham or anything? Nah,

40:13

just yelled at him. They

40:16

didn't even turn their heads. They

40:18

can't. You would have seen their faces. They're

40:20

very disciplined, the Druids.

40:22

Yeah, I mean historically we know

40:24

that, right? Stonehenge? Couldn't have done that without some

40:26

discipline. Yeah. The trip takes 15

40:29

feet tall. What

40:35

is, what is, what does this note

40:37

know? What, what, what? Oh

40:42

god, I can't wait to hear it. Somebody chained

40:48

the door to the house. Yes, it's such

40:50

a fucking fire hazard. The

40:52

note that confused me was... The house mother. The house mother

40:54

changed the door. That's all I wanted to say. The

40:57

door is chained shut, Puff Daddy

40:59

style. And then I remembered that

41:02

Puff Daddy caused the death of people at a

41:04

show. Because he chained

41:07

the door so no one could get in and there was like a fire.

41:10

And people died in a crush. Of course!

41:12

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Oh, so dangerous.

41:17

Just on its own,

41:19

doors chained shut, Puff Daddy style. Was

41:21

it a shiny jacket? What happened? Was it mumbling?

41:23

Was it dancing weird with Mace?

41:27

Who's also mumbling? Speak up,

41:29

Mace. Fuck. Remember when

41:31

Mace came back and everyone was like, and? You can

41:33

go away. You can go away. Now you're just

41:35

sober. Oh my

41:39

god. I do like Welcome Back though. Only because of

41:41

that sample. I know you do. I

41:44

had to edit it out of the

41:46

podcast at one point. Yeah. My name's

41:48

Levita. Without the loca. Shut up, Mace.

41:52

Sloth is on the phone getting directions and now

41:54

is going to drive to the hospital. I thought

41:56

he was ordering an Uber and was wondering how

41:58

he was going to drive. to pull that off,

42:00

but no, he just gets in Emily's cart who we

42:03

have seen as a stick shift. This is a

42:05

sloth drive stick. Yeah. Well, it came

42:07

out from Panama. Right. They're going to

42:09

be mostly stick. Right. Yeah. You're

42:12

right. Most of the rest of the world drives stick.

42:14

So that's, I mean, that's canon. That's canonical.

42:16

Okay. You're right. I'm

42:18

sorry. I guess I shouldn't have questioned. Emily becomes

42:21

president. Oh my God. She's so amazing.

42:23

She's accomplished so much. We're just like also proud of

42:25

her. Here's

42:28

something. Yeah. She's like,

42:30

oh, this is traffic laws. Yeah. The

42:32

sloths face when it gets pulled over is fantastic.

42:36

Not this again. Yes. Like,

42:38

ah, son of a bitch. This is going to ruin

42:40

my night. Meanwhile, we

42:42

cut back to the ceremony and

42:44

Zenny turns to Emily and says,

42:47

ah, how's Maddie doing? It's

42:49

like, I forgot to ask you until

42:51

just now, hours later, how is our

42:53

nearly dead best friend? Good

42:56

Lord. But that's okay. Cause

42:58

the sloth is there to finish the job. Yeah. It's

43:01

got a smothering intent. She's still wearing a full smoky eye.

43:04

It takes a selfie with her before

43:07

it kills her. Well she looks afraid

43:09

and an oxygen mask. Oh,

43:11

cause it has its own Instagram

43:13

account now. I assume it's Instagram killed

43:16

something like that. Whatever the kids use.

43:19

Its username is killer sloth. And

43:22

it says, what should I do

43:24

next? Hashtag animal attack.

43:26

Hashtag animal attack. Did you laugh at

43:28

that? I really did. I really, really

43:31

did. Yeah. Yeah.

43:33

Oh my God. So now

43:36

Brianna is finally finding dead people

43:38

cause he left, or she left

43:41

a, uh, alpha left a body in a

43:43

shower. Right. The one that had killed with a shower poop.

43:45

Yes. That must've been Dakota. Okay.

43:48

Um, and, uh, it's not, it's not, it's

43:50

not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not,

43:52

it's not, it's not. And then Emily finds Brianna being attacked

43:55

by the shower, by alpha. In a

43:57

not very efficient way. No. Yeah.

44:00

trust showers going on so no one can

44:02

hear them being attacked. Right. And

44:05

Emily, without even second

44:07

guessing it, hits the sloth with a heavy object

44:10

to like get it off of Brianna.

44:12

Yeah, because they're sisters. Because they're sisters.

44:14

First of all, fuck Brianna. Second

44:16

of all, now that sloth's gonna come after you. Can

44:20

you explain a trust shower to me?

44:22

You went to college. I went to college.

44:24

Yeah, trust shower. I never took a trust

44:26

shower. Okay. It's when you have

44:28

all your clothes on and you walk into the shower, they're gonna

44:31

put hot or cold water on you? Well, first of all,

44:33

I don't think the most sorority houses,

44:35

particularly ones that seem to have rooms of

44:37

this caliber, would just have an open room

44:39

of showers like a boy's locker room.

44:41

They don't have prison showers. No, I

44:43

don't think it's Oz in there. But

44:46

yes, it's a line of shower heads. And

44:50

the people, the pledges?

44:55

Yeah, sisters. Sisters? I

44:57

feel like once you're in the sorority, you shouldn't have to do this again.

44:59

No, but trust showers is something everybody loves. You see how

45:01

Zenny was so excited about trust showers. She loves it. I

45:03

don't understand why because you don't see any titties. I

45:07

was just thinking, tour this in 80s

45:09

movie? Yeah. Oh my God. It would

45:11

be a slimeball. Yeah.

45:13

Slimeball ball aroma. A woman

45:15

just washing her ass crack for like 25

45:17

minutes. It's not erotic

45:20

anymore. It's really, it's clean enough. It

45:23

never was erotic. No. It's your ass crack. It's

45:25

your ass crack. Some people like

45:27

ass cracks, Alan. Just

45:29

a soapy, soapy ass crack. I think a

45:32

lot of people like a soapy ass crack. If you like

45:34

a soapy ass crack, do your thing, chicken

45:36

wing. I'm not gonna bring anybody down. Things

45:38

to like, I feel like a soapy ass

45:40

crack is pretty tame. As far as kinks

45:42

go. I'm

45:47

gonna soapy out there, Dr. Bronner's. Oh my God. I'm

45:49

gonna read the weird little thing that they write on

45:51

each one. Why is that

45:53

thing insane? Crazy people.

45:55

Crazy people. I

46:02

just didn't know this is like a cute Chucky. Did

46:04

someone say that or did I say that? Yes,

46:07

Brianna says it's like a cute Chucky. Okay. They're

46:09

looking for a gun. Yeah, they're like, oh

46:11

Dakota definitely has one. Her dad's in

46:13

the IRA. Right! But what? She meant

46:15

NRA. Oh, I thought she meant

46:18

like the Irish Republic. I

46:21

was like Dakota? Oh, Donald? What

46:23

is the Irish sentiment in the film? I

46:26

was looking for a deeper meaning. Holy

46:28

shit. This movie is

46:31

an allegory about the troubles. Yes,

46:33

I think so. Because nobody really

46:35

understands the troubles anyway. What were

46:37

they fighting about? Listen, the

46:39

sloth represents the monarchists. Okay,

46:41

yep, yep. That's

46:43

all I've got. The

46:45

sorority girls would then be the... The

46:50

Protestant? No, Catholics. Because

46:52

the monarchists are Protestant because they left the church. Right, right,

46:55

right, right, right. See, nobody

46:57

understands the truth. Because the two of

46:59

us dipshits don't

47:01

understand it. They don't either.

47:04

Nobody knows. Nobody understands. Don't

47:06

tell me about it. So

47:11

when they get to the room where the sloth,

47:13

they've left the sloth, it spins around in a

47:15

desk chair. I lost

47:17

it. I cackled. Like a

47:20

Bond villain. Yes, it spins around

47:22

and Brianna's just like, nope, and leaves.

47:24

She's like, I'm sorry. It takes

47:26

off. Oh,

47:29

and then the sloth, of course, burned somebody

47:31

in the shower because why wouldn't it? Well,

47:33

first Emily hits the sloth with a toilet lid

47:36

through a window and it does the like,

47:38

she's dead thing. The Michael Myers thing. Yeah, I

47:40

like that a lot. But

47:43

yes, the sloth cranks up the

47:45

heat. And I'm just on this, I'm on the

47:47

sloth side. Aren't you? Kill these

47:49

sorority people. Kill these sorority people.

47:52

Did you like it when the sloth

47:54

then threw electricity into the mix? Sloths

47:58

also understand. Conductivity

48:00

yeah, huh and

48:02

also swings down on the wire to which I

48:04

like a lot a whole whole lot ridiculous

48:09

Pandemonium they're running they're screaming the sloth takes

48:11

out a woman who's running away and then

48:14

drags another woman away And you're just like

48:16

I don't know I'm here for it Drunk

48:18

house mom spills a bunch of alcohol on the

48:21

fishbowl that has all their phones in it. Oh,

48:23

right Why did all their phones have to go into a

48:25

fishbowl so they can't take pictures during trush shower? What

48:28

if a titty fall? Okay,

48:31

I think it was for the ceremony Still

48:34

yeah, I know I'm clear. No, it's

48:37

fine. Are they gonna like stuff the ballot

48:39

box with colored flowers using their cell phones?

48:43

Wait for Brianna pink

48:46

for whatever her face is And

48:48

she counted at each one of them. Why don't you just keep

48:51

her running cow? It's gonna take off fucking

48:53

night But

48:58

oh, I forgot that the house when there's name

49:00

is Mayflower for

49:02

reasons Well,

49:05

this is an allegory about the coming of the

49:08

The English to America film

49:11

about religious persecution. It may be

49:13

just like No, I

49:15

don't think it is We

49:18

learn that Zenny is still alive they were not electrocuted

49:20

yeah Fine, I guess

49:23

you can live to be happy or heart-horny

49:25

another day I just honestly felt a little bit

49:27

relieved when I thought Zenny was dead because I was like

49:29

at least I don't have to Listen to that dialogue

49:31

anymore. At least you don't have to attempt to

49:33

be a fleshed out character It

49:36

genuinely felt like me trying to pretend to be

49:39

a young person It's

49:41

very Steve Buscemi. How do you do for kids? You

49:43

know what I mean? It

49:46

was just so unnatural hundred percent. Yeah, you're

49:48

so on point with that. Thank you Dipshit

49:53

boyfriend shows up. This loft does the

49:55

come get it. Yeah, I Kept

49:58

waiting for it to do like the Rub

50:00

its fingers off its nose Bruce Lee

50:02

thing. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh God

50:06

and the now the slop has a

50:09

samurai sword is this before

50:11

or after this house mother dies I think

50:13

it's after the house mother dies. Okay, she does

50:15

this whole she's like tells Emily to stop interrupting her

50:17

She's like I got a thing here and does

50:20

a monologue about sorority life and not wasting

50:22

your life No, she has stuck

50:24

around the house in the hopes that one

50:26

day they'll all elect her president Yes, and

50:28

I thought it was very funny. Emily went.

50:31

Oh, that's so sad And

50:33

then she was like some random 60 something year

50:35

old woman and I was like, I can't wait

50:37

for this kid to die She is awful

50:42

Mayflower goes I'm 40. Yeah But

50:47

you remember being a kid and anyone over 25

50:50

looks like they were 107 I'm so cool I'm

50:54

having a real existential crisis. Oh Oh

50:58

40 is a rough one for accidental

51:01

crisis crisis crisis

51:03

crisis is and apparently

51:13

Yes, their boyfriend shows up the sort

51:15

of the sloth has a sword his

51:17

earring is ostentatious I Don't

51:20

notice his earring. Yeah, it's terrible. Was

51:22

it dangly? I know no, it's a big

51:25

old stud Okay, and

51:27

then then he comes back and says Zenny don't die

51:29

yo Which I

51:31

thought what how dare you I?

51:35

Must have been tapping out because I remember

51:37

any of that any don't die yo They're

51:43

wearing like this different Samurai

51:45

look sort of with holsters

51:48

for weapons. Yeah, I don't know I Just

51:51

figured out the vibe that Zenny was giving

51:53

me with that screech from Saved by the

51:55

Bell. Oh Just

51:59

like the So like the, we're

52:02

going to grow out of this relationship, but

52:04

for some reason you're in here now. I

52:06

guess so, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

52:09

So right, Zenny has the swords and stuff that

52:11

eventually the sloth gets. There's

52:14

like a kung fu scene, like the sloth

52:16

does a split to avoid the katana. Of

52:18

course. I love that. She

52:21

gets the sloth, the sloth gets her. Yeah.

52:25

Yeah. Cute's the sloth. Um.

52:28

Because Madison comes in from the hospital. Right.

52:31

This is, no, but this is, uh, this

52:35

is where Tyler says, you

52:37

can't go back in. It's a

52:39

sloth or house. I absolutely

52:42

loved that. You know how I feel

52:44

about titles of movies being in the

52:46

movie? I do. This is a

52:48

very, I know who killed me moment. It was very

52:50

funny and I love that I think it was Madison

52:52

turned to him and goes, no,

52:54

man, people die. People

52:57

are dead, Tyler. They

52:59

let Emily do this whole monologue

53:01

about how that bitch is my

53:03

sister and I have to go save her while their friend

53:05

is bleeding to death. Uh-huh. Yep. Yep.

53:09

And then Alpha is riding Brianna like Ratatouille. Yes. On

53:11

her shoulders wearing the tiara. So

53:14

good. She

53:19

had that gun inside her crop top.

53:22

How did she fit that gun anyway? What?

53:25

Crop tops always have a little holster. I don't think

53:27

that's true. It's not your crop tops. I

53:30

will and they don't. But

53:34

that's not how she gets the sloth. How did she get

53:36

the sloth? She brains it with a tiara. She yeah, she

53:38

mashes the apparently very sharp tiara

53:41

into its head. Shouldn't be

53:43

that sharp. Shouldn't be that sharp. What if someone puts a

53:45

pat you on your head? They're going to get impaled. And

53:48

then the sloth points to a picture of the thing

53:50

in the wall of a

53:52

rainforest in Panama. Yeah.

53:55

Yeah. It says hum. Oh

53:59

my gosh. Why did they just have

54:01

that picture? I mean, this is your first time in a

54:03

sorority house? Yeah. Always

54:06

have a picture of Panama. Got it. They're

54:08

Panamaniacs. Panamaniacs. They

54:11

love that song by Van Halen. Yeah.

54:15

Oh, God, I do too. Maybe

54:18

you'd like to get sorority sister. I

54:21

don't think sororities listen to Van Halen very much.

54:23

Yeah. Got

54:26

that long breakdown in the middle of the song?

54:28

Yeah. Yeah. Where

54:31

he's talking about a motorcycle, but he's really talking

54:33

about his diaq. Yeah. Anyway,

54:35

it was all worth it for Emily to find out who she

54:37

was and make Brianna a decent person or whatever. I

54:40

don't know. One year later,

54:42

we find out that they

54:44

now have a group that's encouraging people not

54:46

to get exotic animals. Is

54:48

that that much of a problem? Yeah. Oh,

54:51

yeah. I feel like we have bigger problems. I

54:53

feel like we just have bigger problems. It's a

54:55

big problem, though. Don't you remember that thing

54:57

in Ohio where that guy died

55:00

or something and all of his exotic animals got

55:02

out? Yes, I do remember that.

55:05

Yeah, there's a big problem with people having tigers and

55:07

shit in their houses. I feel

55:09

like they get what they have coming to them. Not

55:11

the tigers, though. No, it's true.

55:14

Tigers don't deserve that shit. This is where I had the

55:16

note, maybe we were a little too hard on some papers.

55:19

Okay, all right. Maybe we'll give it another go. I

55:22

don't want to watch that again. No, I'm not doing

55:24

it. When I say maybe, that usually means no. I

55:27

am after all, Mom. Did

55:30

you stick around for the cut scene at the end?

55:33

I did. I thought it had nothing to do

55:35

with... Do you think it's just a tour

55:37

group from Panama, a crocogator, some scary music,

55:39

and that's in? Yeah, I don't know what

55:41

that was meant to... I was like, oh, there's going to be a sequel, and it has nothing to

55:43

do with it. Come on. They

55:45

milked this fucking cow for as much as they're

55:47

going to get out of it. Mark my words.

55:51

There will be a sequel. Alan.

55:54

Katie. What do you think of Slothar House?

55:58

I loved it. I

56:00

did not see that coming. It's because

56:02

that's not true. Yeah. It was

56:04

fine. It's not for me. Yeah. I

56:07

would give it a strong three to

56:09

a light four. Heavy

56:12

three, light four. How

56:14

about you? I genuinely

56:17

enjoyed it. It's short. It's snappy.

56:19

It knows what it is. Gets

56:21

in, gets out. Gets in, gets out. Thief of the

56:23

night. A lot of

56:25

confusing aspects. Zeni, trust

56:27

showers. How no one found

56:29

any bodies ever or really reported these

56:32

people missing. But I thought it

56:34

was a kind of, the animatronic kind of made up for

56:36

all of it for me. The puppets. I'm

56:39

going to give it a strong seven. Don't.

56:44

I just upped my symbolic dosage. That's

56:46

all. Everything is awesome. This

56:49

seven brought to you by symbolic. I

56:55

love it. I'm so glad. Try an SSNRI.

57:00

I want to give it, I'm going to give it a solid four

57:02

then. I'm going to boost it for symbolic. Thank

57:04

you. Feel the glow of

57:06

my hair. Sloth or house.

57:08

Katie. Allen. You

57:11

know what's better than Sloth or house? What? Mailbag.

57:13

Mailbag. Oh, it's been a while. It has

57:16

been a while. It's been a while. It has.

57:18

I forgot that we had that segment. This

57:20

is from Nick R. Hi, Nick R. Nick

57:23

R says. Tell

57:25

me to stroke my own ego for a minute. Sure. I've

57:28

been meaning to send this email forever now,

57:30

says Nick R. I

57:32

started listening to Marvel's, Marveling on Marvel's Marvels

57:34

last year and binged it all in no

57:36

time. I'm sorry, what is that? But

57:39

this ain't about them. I was supposed

57:41

to send them an email too, but instead they

57:43

got a series of Facebook messages which started when

57:45

I was drunk and they never saw. Nick

57:49

R. Say off Facebook when you're

57:51

drunk, Nick R. Just say off Facebook. Yeah, actually.

57:54

You can't say off the internet when you're drunk. I

57:57

fell in love with Alan and needed some

57:59

more. which brought me here. I

58:01

mean, how could you not? How could you not? How

58:03

could you not? I am, if nothing else, pretty

58:06

cool. Pretty cool, a delight of a human. Almost

58:08

50. So

58:11

close. Initially

58:14

I held off because I was overwhelmed

58:16

by the 400 plus episodes. What, that's

58:18

not, that's just a pool for you to swim in. But let's

58:20

be real, it's a gift. Oh. I

58:23

adore the relationship, commentary, insights,

58:26

humor, and general fuckery you

58:28

both produced. Excellent, excellent description.

58:30

General fuckery should be our

58:32

next band after General Scospital

58:34

folds. We stick with

58:37

the military theme. Yeah, we're gonna still use

58:39

the general until they sue us, right? Yeah,

58:41

yeah. I don't

58:43

listen to any other podcast, but you're

58:45

perfect and my favorite imagine, but

58:48

you're perfect and my

58:50

favorite imaginary friends. Oh.

58:53

And voices in my head. Oh boy. It's

58:56

been an episode or two or three a day

58:58

and I'm up to 195. Oh

59:01

my God. So

59:03

those are the pre-antidepressant years though. Oh boy,

59:05

it's only gonna get sunnier. It's only gonna

59:08

get sunnier. I've

59:10

always loved horror movies when I was young, but

59:12

just sort of stopped watching them and

59:14

never knew where to go to find them. I'm in

59:16

New Zealand. Oh. I got

59:19

real excited when y'all done Brain Dead.

59:22

Oh yeah. Yeah. From your boy. Your

59:25

boy and mine. Mostly Nick Arzo. Oh

59:29

yes, yes, his neighbor. Y'all rigged

59:31

up in my passion. I subscribed to Shutter, got

59:33

a VPN. Oh my God. And

59:35

then signed up to be letterboxed. Made

59:38

it a whole hobby. Nick, just send

59:40

me a message. I'll give you Alan's Shutter password and then

59:42

you can cancel yours. I'll

59:45

cut this, but he does offer us his Shutter

59:47

password. Oh. You

59:49

don't have to cut that. I

59:53

just finished the Orca episode today. Orca.

59:56

Orca. Oh damn. The

1:00:00

more you dragged it, the more I wanted to

1:00:02

watch it, because it sounds batshit dumb, 100%. I

1:00:07

wouldn't sway you from watching it. I would watch

1:00:09

Orca again, if someone asked me if I wanted

1:00:11

to watch Orca, I'd watch Orca. It's batshit dumb.

1:00:14

I have to tell you that someone texted me, a friend texted

1:00:16

me about a movie they were watching recently and I

1:00:18

was like, this sounds so familiar. And

1:00:21

then I googled it and I was

1:00:23

like, oh, it's the same director's lothamosqualo.

1:00:25

And then I thought, God, I need to

1:00:27

watch lothamosqualo again. It's

1:00:30

the end of Fucking Tastic Sound. Just,

1:00:33

what if the shark couldn't close its mouth? And

1:00:37

also America, by the

1:00:39

Italians. Nick

1:00:42

says, we're not that our episodes jump on Spotify.

1:00:44

It's because we couldn't edit the music out of

1:00:46

them. So if you go to our

1:00:48

Libsyn account, they're there. It's also breaking

1:00:50

the Libsyn terms of service. Just don't tell Libsyn.

1:00:52

Just don't tell Libsyn. If you tell Libsyn. You

1:00:54

are fucked. That's a fucked up thing to do.

1:00:57

So you could find them all there and listen to them there. It's

1:00:59

a delight. You'll be so happy to have that.

1:01:01

And all the other pod catchers have them. All

1:01:03

other aggregators have them, just not Spotify. Yeah, just

1:01:05

not Spotify. Cause they're real hard asses about that

1:01:08

shit. So

1:01:11

then he gives us some requested movies that

1:01:13

he wants us to do. Anything

1:01:15

good? Razorback, which is an

1:01:17

Australian movie about a giant hog.

1:01:20

Oh, I think I love the sound of that. Amsterdam, which

1:01:22

I believe we watched the trailer for at some

1:01:24

point. Yeah. Dead

1:01:27

and Buried and Yummy and

1:01:29

Soul Survivor are all the movies that he's seen. Okay,

1:01:31

all right. Put them on the list. Put them on

1:01:33

a list. Put them on a list somewhere. That's enough

1:01:35

ramble. Keep doing what you're doing and thanks to you

1:01:37

both. Regards, Nick. Best wishes, Katie.

1:01:42

Yours truly, Alan. Thank

1:01:44

you, Nick. Thank you so much for writing in. And

1:01:46

I just so appreciate all the

1:01:48

kind words. Still

1:01:51

boggles my mind 10 years into this that someone

1:01:53

in New Zealand is listening to these. Ding

1:01:56

dongs from Pittsburgh. They're in the future. They're in

1:01:58

the future. They're a little later. the future

1:02:00

yeah permanent future so weird I

1:02:03

do it did made me realize that like we

1:02:06

got a lot of comments about Annabelle that people were saying

1:02:08

like I've never seen this move but you to talk about

1:02:10

it maybe want to see it no no

1:02:13

that's not why it's only

1:02:16

fun if the two of us are there with no we're opposite

1:02:20

that we're opposite doing that same

1:02:23

thing with Orca it's good yeah it's a

1:02:25

wild movie anything about

1:02:27

work as I'm being honest with you Harris is

1:02:29

a fucking nut job the yeah and

1:02:31

Richard Harris fighting on iceberg on floating

1:02:33

ice on glaciers yeah yeah yeah yeah

1:02:35

I'm there for that that's a different

1:02:40

movie I know but I just keep thinking of it

1:02:44

multiple squalow look the most

1:02:47

waddle so thank you thank

1:02:49

you Nick are and thank you all for all

1:02:51

of your sweet messages and being the sweetest let's wrap this

1:02:55

shit up we're so lucky to have you

1:02:57

all that you're all great go by

1:02:59

a throw rug or

1:03:07

whatever you can get from tea

1:03:09

public yeah patreon.com

1:03:11

back social ambulance that you would

1:03:13

have gotten to vote on this sorry

1:03:17

that the poll was fucked up but

1:03:19

I'll do better next time who fucking cares

1:03:22

Katie what are we doing next week

1:03:24

for your birthday movie my birthday movie and

1:03:26

I wanted to do Young Frankenstein but it's not

1:03:28

streaming anywhere and even though Alan and I both

1:03:30

own the DVD I want other people to be able

1:03:33

to watch it with us so we're gonna table that

1:03:35

for now so instead I picked something to be a

1:03:37

birthday gift to me and my

1:03:39

friend Alan we're gonna do the Argento

1:03:41

film Inferno it's

1:03:44

been a while since I screamed

1:03:46

about Italian it's

1:03:49

the second in his mother's

1:03:51

trilogy oh fuck the

1:03:53

first thing Suspiria yeah so just know you're

1:03:55

in for a colorful palette of a film

1:03:57

okay great and some dream logic ah Yeah,

1:04:00

I know how you love Dreamlogic. It makes so much

1:04:02

sense to me. Yeah. Yeah. It's supposed to. I

1:04:05

really wanted to do what? The

1:04:07

Mario Bava movie which is- You try Googling

1:04:09

that. W-H-A-T apostrophe.

1:04:12

No. It is

1:04:14

W-H-A-T exclamation point. What? I

1:04:17

can only assume that's what Edgar Wright

1:04:19

was referencing for the Don't movie in

1:04:22

the trailers for Grindel. Maybe. Don't go

1:04:24

in the house. Yeah, maybe. Don't watch

1:04:26

this movie. See, there you go. What?

1:04:29

So come back for Inferno. Yeah.

1:04:32

And have a great week. Yeah. And happy

1:04:34

birthday to me next week. Oh my

1:04:37

god, I'm gonna be 40. So excited. I've

1:04:39

been saying I'm 40 for the last year to ease into

1:04:41

it, but now I'm really gonna be 40. This

1:04:43

is gonna be the rare overlap where

1:04:45

we're both in the same age bracket.

1:04:47

I'll be 40, you'll be 49. Yeah. What's

1:04:50

the party? And then we

1:04:52

really dropped the ball on how to enjoy the party I think

1:04:54

at this point. Yeah, well, we can

1:04:56

put something together for like closer to your birthday. It's

1:04:59

true. Yeah, it's true. We'll work

1:05:01

it out. Maybe beginning of March. Yeah,

1:05:03

see, what could happen? Okay, I'll

1:05:06

talk to Tom. It's just rough because it's the cold

1:05:08

times of year. Fuck it, that's what our

1:05:10

birthdays are. I know. Okay. I

1:05:13

wonder if parents plan better. Both of my parent children were born in

1:05:15

January. I don't know what the fuck

1:05:17

they were doing. Thank

1:05:21

you so much for listening to another episode of Werewolf

1:05:23

Ambulance. Bye. We

1:05:25

love you. Good night. Good

1:05:27

night. So long and thanks for all the fish.

1:05:29

Good night. So long and thanks for all the fish. Bye.

1:06:30

You