0:16

Alan. Katie. Happy

0:18

birthday again. 40 forever

0:21

baby. So

0:24

I would like to read from a prepared

0:27

statement. Please. And

0:29

this is in response to several messages that

0:31

I received this weekend last. And I would

0:33

like to state unequivocally

0:36

that in

0:39

regards to the peanut butter solution, I

0:42

am not sorry at all.

0:45

And no one can make me

0:47

be. You

0:49

were not responsible for that film. No.

0:52

And also it's it's

0:54

great. It's fine. Stop

0:57

complaining. Also, you people

0:59

have made me watch a lot of shit. And

1:02

I just want to say that I can bite back. I just want

1:04

you to know. Katie

1:07

Allen. Before we get

1:09

into this episode, yeah, I would

1:11

like to play a three minute long voicemail at the beginning

1:13

of this episode that will be followed up by a minute

1:15

and a half voicemail at the end of the episode. And

1:18

I think everyone will be rewarded for this happening.

1:22

Hi. Hi, Alan and Katie.

1:24

I am Danny. She

1:26

her pronouns and I am calling for three reasons. I'll

1:28

try to make this quick and I will fail. Reason

1:31

one, you guys are awesome. I'm

1:34

really bad at giving compliments. They

1:36

always feel super fake to me.

1:38

So I've over engineered a compliment

1:40

for you, which is thank you

1:42

guys so much for weaponizing your

1:44

friendship into a force for snarky

1:46

inclusion. I am here for it

1:48

every goddamn day. All right. Reason

1:51

two, I have a story about

1:53

the first time that I watched when evil

1:55

lurks. It's a little bit spoilery, but

1:58

no more than I think Alan already gave a way

2:00

on the podcast. So in the weird

2:02

instance that Katie is the first one

2:04

to listen to this, I

2:06

think we're still safe. All right, so

2:09

in When Evil Lurks, demons are the big

2:11

bad, and when it

2:13

is revealed that when they

2:16

are near, pets and other

2:18

animals start to act weird. And

2:20

that at a certain point in the movie, dog

2:24

is introduced to the plot. And

2:26

you know from the very

2:28

first fucking moment that

2:30

that dog is on screen sniffing,

2:33

discarded demon stained clothing, that

2:35

something bad is going to happen. But

2:38

the movie is very good. It doesn't pop

2:40

off right away. It's building the tension. While

2:44

it is building tension, I

2:46

hear my cat in the corner, and I

2:48

look over, and he is sitting facing

2:51

away from me, staring into the

2:53

blank corner, just talking to himself. He's

2:55

only weird because he's usually a very

2:57

quiet cat. I look

2:59

back to the screen, on screen,

3:02

the dog is being hugged by a tiny

3:04

child. Surely this can't go

3:07

wrong. I'm now extra anxious. I

3:10

hear a weird noise back off screen.

3:12

My cat is no longer in the

3:14

corner. He is staling my floor length

3:17

curtains. I think what

3:19

the fuck you're ruining my curtains. He

3:22

gets to the top. Now, this

3:24

is the first time that I've

3:26

actually thought demons might be

3:28

real, because I am an atheist and do

3:30

not believe in such things. But

3:32

my cat gets to the top of the curtains, and

3:35

his head flops bonelessly all

3:38

the way back so that

3:40

he is staring me dead in my

3:42

eyes. And as on

3:45

screen, a horrific dog mauling

3:47

starts to happen. He

3:49

starts howling. And

3:51

I mean, demon

3:58

noise Howling. And.

4:00

I like a same person.

4:03

Screen. What leaf? Green.

4:07

And he drops off the curtain and

4:09

the wants his himself across the living

4:11

room at me. Pulling.

4:14

Himself over my shoulder and

4:16

down the hallway. Team coming

4:18

off the walls along. To stick

4:20

around to see what happens to the conclusion of the.

4:24

I can't wait to find out! To

4:27

the peanut butter solution. All. right?

4:30

Or. Is also my legs are so

4:32

is he alive he says he's a

4:34

few has out of gets. I mean

4:36

it's a silver. And movies

4:39

assess assess. The only

4:41

thing I swear to Christ this

4:43

movie was about getting pubic hair.

4:45

That's all I remember about this.

4:47

I needed a realism as traffic

4:49

m as soon as many I

4:52

okay. so. I

4:54

have this movie tapes on V h

4:56

S and in one of series you

4:58

that I had so I watched this

5:00

movie probably like. Two dozen times

5:02

in my tie. last I knew this

5:04

movie. inside and out and now watching

5:07

at as an adult unless let me

5:09

actually saw. Without. At

5:11

So what did my sweet baby friend Lucy think

5:13

of this movie when you show to do with.

5:16

The specific as. An assistant has

5:18

it's whether. My second one assists.

5:21

It the most I think this idea of us are.

5:23

As it's still please, ever covered. That

5:26

is hereditary. I

5:28

don't understand how the Us did not

5:30

declare war on Canada after this team

5:33

prefer. Something is

5:35

very very wrong. This is what you

5:37

do to children can do. This is

5:39

what you did and. The message is

5:41

my God. The messages that is his eg.

5:44

I don't I don't get. It so

5:46

as our resident expert on the

5:48

peanut butter solutions. Yeah, I have

5:50

a query for you as I. Do.

5:52

You think there's any way in

5:54

pardon my language? Fucking hell, this

5:56

movie was written ahead of time.

6:00

Oh no. Accessory is absolutely a

6:02

last minute ad on his to

6:04

be if it goes. It is

6:06

such a hard turn from an

6:08

already very. Bizarre promise. The one after

6:10

I have seen and other things as

6:13

in this movie for is the dad

6:15

who's in Battlestar Galactica yeah I swear

6:17

to Christ he just showed up on

6:19

the set high out of his mind.

6:22

I was like i don't know, I guess I'm a painter

6:24

than they really gifts on European. that's one or. Have. A

6:26

yeah his clothes were just I'll say and and they were like. Ah,

6:29

sauce. okay well I guess or painter and

6:32

he was like i don't know, i'm so

6:34

blackout drunk. With

6:36

this is. Why did

6:38

you hire Be Assist Assist? This

6:40

is. Had to be a low Points

6:43

are ham Cns. Idol or this

6:45

was like I'm in a movie

6:47

mom, dad, that's rape. I'm forty

6:49

five years old, but I'm in.

6:51

A move is to fill a

6:53

seizure length sell on. If.

6:56

You wanna So of full disclosure we're

6:58

recording remotely as you can tell because

7:00

I still have fucking cove it because

7:02

as long. As you love having cove

7:05

ed. I. Wish I didn't

7:07

take this is some sort of personal

7:09

failings unprepared for. I totally agree. That

7:13

the earth's since I like and I'm i'm

7:15

not really symptomatic anymore, have suffered like a

7:17

little bit of brain fog and watching this

7:19

movie I was like I don't know if

7:22

I'm actually watching a movie or not. When

7:24

I am I making this up. As.

7:27

He was. I'm going insane right

7:29

now. So this. Movie was it's

7:31

has a film series. I pods

7:33

health for all and Canada. Yeah

7:35

and I'm I'd like to play

7:37

a little game with you. Oh

7:40

I would love that. Which of these

7:42

is not. One. Of

7:44

these hails for all film. The.

7:48

Dogs Who Stops the war? My.

7:51

Dad the long haul trucker. Bath.

7:55

And broccoli. Or.

7:58

Tommy Trekker and the. The Up

8:00

Traveler. The

8:05

one about my dad being a long haul trucker.

8:08

It is it is. But they also have

8:10

such titles as The Case of The Which

8:12

Who Wasn't. Know which which

8:14

is which is why specific a

8:16

citizen of the is a man

8:19

that they all sounded seen. Flick.

8:23

I know that this is this assumed

8:25

in Quebec. Yeah, Tebow croissant allies.

8:27

a weird day animal I thank.

8:30

As and like the whole time zones I

8:32

need to go to Quebec, I've never been

8:34

the comeback. It's so close inflict the most

8:36

European city in North America. or Montreal is

8:38

I should say months. our. My.

8:41

Brother when he go see it I will

8:43

drink their their find Belgian ale said you

8:45

to burrow makes food on. Youtube. Roof

8:48

oh. Yeah like that

8:50

the lives in do mom, ah

8:52

more deeds and. Assess you have said

8:54

via by a single bottle. Yeah that's

8:56

not I see like that

8:58

or ssssss a slow be.

9:01

Lovely to visit Montreal though. Once

9:03

you have us up there for would have your

9:05

comedy festival spell notary all of us. I don't

9:07

think they were right for. The I don't have all right

9:09

for the Us her help her out. Of the. Are

9:13

going to have a Godspeed You Black Emperor tattoo if

9:15

you like. I'm just I'm I'm all in on back.

9:18

I'll say. This with

9:20

this movie is bad. It

9:23

sure is. This movie opens on that

9:25

seems song that when I heard it

9:28

started giving me some like real child

9:30

had stress. okay and then the title

9:32

card of the movie goes into a

9:34

blender. Spirit. Sigh.

9:37

Old wearing an adult to Zama

9:39

as is trying to blend fruit

9:41

and forced her brother's it eat,

9:43

it's. All an egg. Roll eggs

9:45

into the blender. Either side night it

9:47

gets his side of poured onto a

9:49

plate and a has like immediately. I'm

9:51

repulsed. She's also basically the

9:54

mom in this movie Like

9:56

to. Dad treats her like

9:58

the mall. He's.

10:00

Like almost criminally. Neglect forces

10:02

shelter and he didn't he

10:05

say this is a band

10:07

is apparent poster child for

10:09

like Arrested Development and Desist.

10:12

Oh my god is the

10:14

worse. I mean those are sent them

10:16

and all of this movie is Michael's mother

10:18

for believing that her husband could handle that

10:20

as like. Her leaving the country. I

10:23

guarantee you there was no father in

10:25

Australia. Professor.

10:27

Get this is he was working on that had as

10:29

painting and she was like. Oh God, I

10:32

can't even parts and at any

10:34

been present a like at the

10:36

foot dismayed at least twice as

10:38

good as this your time on

10:40

Earth. Specific.

10:45

When we. Don't find out until like.

10:48

Axe. To that see didn't says leave

10:50

the family the she's in Australia because

10:52

her dad died like I thought see

10:55

this last like left him. I

10:57

looked at least fifty minutes in there like

10:59

woman hot did you? Ever

11:02

want to prove that Mom was this of until

11:04

this point I assume is a. Dead. Until that

11:06

point and then i see him see had just

11:08

like up and the hot to trot it off

11:10

the an hour. But.

11:13

Now for season Australia

11:15

know for like months.

11:18

Ago. She. Drove. To some

11:20

backwater such as kidnap or

11:23

alternately. The. Dad doesn't hell, both

11:25

of which are equally and same. Or.

11:28

Also really really seem to care that

11:30

much. Specific a specific dad does not

11:32

give a dick says that this kid

11:34

has been kidnapped. Not a whit and

11:36

then he sought a ride or other

11:39

by says like this one resources fucking

11:41

miss sayings. This movie

11:43

is the third act of this movie.

11:45

Anything you are expecting. It's not. it's

11:47

that the opposite of everything you

11:49

could ever have imagined. That Umps

11:51

movie for children about hair loss.

11:55

so i don't think i've heard the term why

11:57

know this much since i was like real

11:59

into one watching film noir from the 50s. I

12:02

was surprised at Wino and I was

12:04

also surprised at the phrase, Rubby Dubby. What

12:08

was Rubby Dubby? Michael

12:10

says it to the, I'm just finger quoting

12:12

here, to the Wino. He's like, how did

12:15

you become a Rubby Dubby? I've

12:17

heard of Rubby before. I

12:21

don't know. Close

12:24

captioning told me he said Rubby Dubby. I'm

12:26

sure. I am overjoyed

12:29

by that. When dad gets home

12:31

at one point he goes, jiggety jig. I

12:34

was just like, what is happening right now?

12:36

He's the lightheartedness for the

12:38

children. Oh, okay. We

12:44

got to get through this. We have to get through

12:46

this. I love it. No, I actually do too. My

12:51

first note is so Quebec. Yeah.

12:55

Yeah. I mean, half of the credits are in French.

13:02

So we meet Michael and his

13:04

sister Susie, whose mother has left

13:06

two parts unknown at this point.

13:09

And his wicked wig. And

13:11

their dad is a painter and he

13:14

is, I would say, not good. No.

13:17

That's true. And the thing is that his

13:19

paintings are all over the house. They're

13:23

so bad. It's

13:25

such a joy to look at the background and be like,

13:27

they have another one of these. Who painted all of

13:30

these for this movie? How could

13:32

they not have more of these paintings? Who would

13:34

buy them? $6,000, we're told.

13:39

It would have to be some wild ass

13:41

outsider art for that to happen. You'd

13:43

have to find out that dad was a real

13:46

Henry Darjor type. And he is not.

13:48

So we also meet Connie,

13:50

who is Michael's best friend

13:53

and is annoying, which

13:55

the father has no problem letting him know,

13:57

even though he's the smallest child. Dude,

14:01

little boys are a lot. Little

14:04

children are a lot. They're all a

14:06

lot. But little boys are like

14:08

a special brand

14:11

of a lot. Yeah. As

14:13

a former one, we're a lot. You can adapt.

14:15

You can adapt. Yeah, yeah,

14:17

yeah. So they're talking about the fire at

14:19

the old spooky house down by the school

14:21

that the wino has been sleeping in. We're

14:25

told it burns to the ground. When

14:27

we arrive, it's fairly well intact. But who are you

14:29

going to do? And

14:36

Michael's just like, I got to get in there.

14:38

I got to see what this is all about.

14:40

Why though? Little

14:42

boys, man. They got to get in there. I guess so.

14:45

Got to get in there. And he had just given

14:48

the wino money, which we see in

14:50

the scene like Michael's not going to be able to feed

14:52

his family if he gives this money to the wino. It's

14:54

like... Like he's the fucking

14:56

good Samaritan. Yeah. Chill

14:58

your beans. Fucking film. Before

15:05

they go into the house, we get this

15:07

scene in art class where we meet the

15:09

seigneur. I love the seigneur. He's

15:11

such a creep. When

15:15

later on, he gets called into

15:18

Miss Plume's office, who is the

15:20

I'm assuming principal. She

15:23

is dead. I did the most dead-eyed woman I've ever

15:25

seen in my life. She's fantastic. She's

15:28

like, uh, Aunt Plume,

15:30

would you mind being in my film?

15:32

Well, I've never acted before. Um,

15:35

I'm sorry. Uh, what is this guy's

15:37

name? Michael Rocco, my nephew. I've never

15:39

acted before. But you have

15:42

written and directed a film, so I'd love to be

15:44

in it. Oh, this movie has like five

15:46

writing credits. A lot of people have their

15:48

sticky fingers in this movie. So

15:52

yes, we meet the seigneur in art class,

15:54

and this is an incredibly intense elementary school

15:56

art class. What the fuck? Can

15:59

you imagine? Why is his

16:01

dog in the art class every day? That

16:03

dog goes everywhere with him. It's his familiar.

16:05

It's wild. Jean, I do love

16:07

that the dog's name is Jim. I

16:09

think that's a great name for that dog. What's

16:13

Mr. Seigneur's accent? The

16:17

actor is French Canadian. But

16:20

I think he's trying to be Italian

16:22

because of Seigneur. I

16:24

thought he was trying to be Austrian.

16:27

Austrian. Is it... Oh, I

16:29

don't know. It's spelled... The way it was spelled

16:32

just made me think it was Italian. Oh, for sure. For

16:34

sure. And he's sort of doing

16:36

a like... You're like, eh, you're French Canadian

16:38

though. Maybe

16:41

it's just the combination of the two who got me to

16:43

Austria. Maybe. I mean, I

16:45

actually don't know anything about him. He could be from anywhere. I

16:47

love the idea of

16:50

slamming kids, like metaphorically

16:52

and literally for using their

16:55

imagination. Fantastic. He

16:57

hates imagination. That's

16:59

why he's the bad guy in this movie, right? Because he

17:01

hates imagination. That's the worst thing he'll do, right? Is

17:04

like hate imagination from this children's

17:06

movie. What about some light kidnapping? Will that be

17:08

a problem? What about setting up a

17:10

child slavery camp? Would that

17:12

be okay?

17:14

Just a sweatshop-ish area where I

17:17

dress children up like they're in

17:19

a cult. Where did he get

17:21

those robes? Why did he make

17:23

them wear them? Where

17:26

are the robes, Alan? Who

17:29

can say? Who can say? That's

17:31

nothing pig. That's a dog. Start again.

17:33

He's so crazy. What

17:36

are these squiggly lines around

17:39

the dog? I'm

17:41

an Austrian Italian. They're not

17:43

that far apart. It's

17:46

true. I told you

17:48

a thousand times, no imagination. No

17:51

imagination. What a villain. What

17:53

a villain. At this point in the

17:55

movie, they're like going to go in a particular direction.

17:58

Michael's imagination is going to give him in trouble but that

18:01

it's going to save him at the end and or

18:03

something. Exactly. And

18:05

or something. And or something. Here's

18:12

where we see all the dad's terrible

18:14

paintings such as Relaxing Bird and Well-Dressed

18:16

Bird. And then I thought,

18:18

is this supposed to be funny? I mean,

18:20

like, is this supposed to be a comedy

18:22

beat? Katie. Yeah.

18:25

Can I reveal something to you? Yeah.

18:28

I would hang Well-Dressed Bird in my house. One

18:30

hundo but I had shit-ass taste and I

18:32

wouldn't pay six grand for it. Well-Dressed

18:36

Bird was definitely the cream of the crop.

18:39

I mean, there's, yes, absolutely.

18:41

There's portraits in their living room that

18:43

make them all look like they've like had their gums

18:46

pulled back away from their lips pulled

18:48

up and away from their teeth. Awful.

18:51

Awful. A rictus grin, if you

18:53

will. Exactly that.

18:56

Why is his art dealer named Bunny?

18:59

The Rabbit. I don't know. The

19:01

Rabbit. That's what it is. They never explain why

19:04

he's called The Rabbit. I know. I

19:06

assume it's because he fucks. I can't wait

19:08

to get to the reveal about him later

19:10

in the movie. Can

19:13

I just say it now? There are four adult

19:15

males in this movie and it turns out all

19:17

but one of them are brothers. Five, five,

19:19

all but one of them are brothers. What

19:23

the actual shit is this movie? When

19:26

it gets to the scene where all the brothers meet,

19:28

I was like, I remember

19:31

being flabbergasted by this as a child and

19:33

now it's an adult. It's

19:35

not any clearer. Not

19:38

since the great Empire

19:40

Strikes Back reveal of who Luke

19:42

Skywalker's father is. Has

19:44

there been such a familial the

19:47

fuck happening in a movie? All

19:50

of them had different accents. All

19:53

of them were completely

19:56

not from the same DNA set. Not

19:58

even remotely. So

20:02

Michael and Connie go to the

20:04

spooky house and Michael climbs up

20:06

and goes in. There's no caution

20:08

tape. There's no fire department. There's

20:10

nothing. They've let it be.

20:12

It's over. Okay. It's

20:14

done. Now it's just going to be like this. Oh,

20:20

I remember we'd like before

20:23

the area I grew up and got built up, there was like

20:25

a bunch of abandoned houses and shit that we used to go

20:27

and climb around in. And I remember one

20:29

that the second floor was rotting through. So you

20:31

had to like be really careful where you walked

20:34

or you would fall through. Great. Cool

20:36

shit, kids. Yeah. And

20:39

this house that burned last

20:41

night has like a wooden chute going out the

20:44

back of it. What

20:46

was that? It's for construction stuff. So that's why there was all

20:48

the stuff. You put one of those

20:50

chutes up when you're like knocking on the walls of the room and

20:52

you could just throw all the trash down the chute and then pick

20:54

it up on the ground. But why would they do

20:56

that? It was just on fire. I

20:59

assume it was a house that was being

21:02

rehabbed and someone had stopped rehabbing. Like a

21:04

slumlord had stopped fixing it up. And then

21:06

that's when our neighborhood winos came

21:08

in. The

21:11

unhoused population of this area. They

21:14

are wild. These two are wild. They're

21:18

inexplicably wild.

21:20

So Connie gets mad at him

21:22

and is like, no, no, don't go in, even though he just told

21:24

him to go in and said he was going to go in. And

21:28

then Michael screams and falls

21:30

back out the window. His hair is standing

21:32

completely upright, which I liked quite a bit.

21:36

And it cuts to Susie being like

21:38

a tiny little accountant. She has like

21:40

an adding machine. She has a full

21:43

calculator and like a desktop computer.

21:46

So this is the point of the movie

21:48

where I called children's services

21:50

on the family because she was doing the

21:53

accounts for the family. She's paying the bills

21:55

while the father is fucked off in the

21:57

attic, huffing pain. movie

22:00

that Michael is always going at her

22:02

like nothing something's always wrong the dishes

22:04

the money I was like why are

22:07

you both involved in the money what

22:10

is your what how long has your

22:12

mom been gone so she hears

22:14

a knock at the

22:18

door that interrupts or no the

22:21

friend Connie comes to the window it gets her

22:23

attention and he's like I'm in the middle of

22:25

tax season so she

22:30

has to come to the front door and

22:32

see that Michael is in a grocery cart

22:36

that's out unconscious the

22:39

dad is so deeply

22:42

unconcerned by this like

22:44

Susie hangs up the phone and she says I

22:47

found the hospital doctors don't make house calls

22:51

like maybe take the kid to the hospital or just like

22:53

dad has so many DUIs he

23:00

can't drive in there we

23:02

never see him leave that house practically

23:05

but not until the very like

23:07

it's in the third act when he's driving around

23:09

in the Ford Fair Lane Mobile what

23:13

is this problem I do have to tell

23:15

you something that

23:19

we get the scenes where the cat

23:21

keeps wrapping itself around Michael's head while

23:23

he's unconscious the cat Pablo

23:26

as the but

23:28

at one point mom Susie comes

23:31

in and says mom daughter Susie

23:33

mom daughter sister Susie very upsetting

23:36

comes in and says naughty

23:38

Pablo I make a solemn

23:41

promise to you that I will one day have

23:43

a cat named naughty Pablo do

23:45

you promise I do how

23:48

good of a name for a cat is naughty

23:50

Pablo I mean you're

23:52

tight casting it a bit but I'm sure oh naughty

23:55

Pablo and it also has a bit of a PD Pablo

24:00

vibe to it for me. There

24:02

you go. The cast could

24:04

have a good rap career. He's gonna raise up. I'm

24:08

not gonna hear the whole comment. Don't care what

24:10

I know. What's

24:15

Connie's favorite fruit if you had to guess?

24:17

Grapes. Why is there such a wise... Okay,

24:20

I think Connie is meant to be the

24:22

comic relief even though he's also the action

24:24

hero. It's

24:26

hard to be both as a

24:28

child of nine. You

24:30

were around in 1985. I was,

24:33

yeah. As

24:36

an 11 year old, I don't remember the great grapes

24:39

shortage that would make dad such a piss

24:42

face about this kid eating grapes in his

24:44

house. I mean, it's just

24:46

costing him so much money to have his

24:48

wife in Australia. But

24:50

if she's selling your dad's house, isn't she just like

24:53

staying there? Like what... I

24:55

don't know. I'm hoping

24:58

one of the other films in this series is

25:00

Mom's Story. I hope so. How

25:03

fucking pissed would you be when you

25:05

got out of that taxi? Okay, wait, we

25:08

have to get there. Anyway,

25:10

Michael wakes up the next morning. He's full on balls. They

25:13

shave this kid's fucking skull. Perhaps he

25:15

needed medical attention after all. But

25:19

dad blames the cat and says that damn

25:21

cat and runs out of the room. It's

25:24

amazing. And then

25:27

there's this incredibly awful scene of

25:29

poor Michael just sobbing.

25:31

Like so much of this horror

25:33

of this movie is Michael's like

25:37

humiliation, right? Yeah. Like and

25:39

he is just sobbing. This little boy

25:41

is just sobbing. It's so fucking

25:43

hard to watch. But

25:47

then they come in and everyone cheers him up

25:49

and dad's like, oh, look at you, you little

25:52

fudge face. And the sister

25:54

mom daughter is like, hey, I'll

25:57

make you some food or something. And then Connie's like,

26:00

We could my dead pet and. And

26:02

everybody's like ah ha ha

26:04

ha ha ha was a

26:06

spy agencies. As fast as I said.

26:09

Wow Systems lead. The

26:11

i was pulled wings or flies are really hurt

26:13

him in this effort is. The dad

26:16

says as he doesn't have hair

26:18

tomorrow. We'll go to the doctor. Within those

26:20

is associated the vaccine that seems. Yeah, They're

26:24

all wearing the same clothes. What's. The

26:26

doctor's diagnosis getting had a

26:28

data. This is. What

26:31

is his accent? Where is Rob?

26:35

Austria. Okay, Sir

26:39

and scare. Of his name of yours

26:41

or I sign epstein. Of.

26:46

There's no way this movie was removed the

26:48

same as soon. As. I said ah

26:50

tis is that the dad is the only

26:53

want to call that I feel like he

26:55

does drunkenly verbal that a helpless like a

26:57

sister. They was. A good as a doctor

26:59

As sad as. That

27:03

of the brightness me to answer

27:05

to Spook to the doctor goes

27:07

in and explains how the hair

27:10

got off his head. Had

27:12

any tells gas bills the child

27:14

that he has to scare him

27:17

as he's holding onto the desk.

27:20

Yeah. And it's Hicks. A few tries

27:22

with Michael get thirty six, the Doctor the

27:24

Doctor school ago and is utter let school

27:26

of the desk. Just. Like

27:28

muggles here did. Yeah, I

27:32

really. Liked the seed because he falls

27:34

michael of them though to get him

27:36

for sauce enough to scream and michael

27:39

sometimes. In

27:41

his face and the doctor goes. And really south

27:43

as. Well

27:46

as. Assists Oh

27:49

Oh Michael Rocco. Should I call

27:51

him a hussy? who? Are

27:54

a bit of course go with

27:56

bimbo sense that something is yes

27:58

that he explains. his fingers he

28:01

wiggles his fingers and there's like a

28:03

clackety clackety noise clackety the only time there's

28:05

a sound effect in this movie except for when he

28:07

makes his fingers go away from each other as if

28:09

the hair was falling off his head and there's like

28:11

a blubububing magical noise I

28:14

love this movie I don't care what anyone

28:16

says so

28:21

we get back to the house and dad sees the

28:23

opportunity to make a buck on some

28:25

paintings here so he starts like doing

28:27

bald paintings which I think is really

28:29

exploitative of this thing his child is

28:32

going through I was

28:34

100% sure that I

28:36

traveled through time and space and something else

28:38

was happening while this I was like this

28:40

can't be this man's reaction to his son

28:43

going bald this man is awful so

28:48

Michael dreams about what he saw in the house

28:51

he doesn't get all the way there he doesn't get to

28:53

where he needs to be to

28:57

see what he needs to see I guess I

28:59

remember those nightmare scenes like really scaring me

29:02

when I was a little kid how'd

29:04

they hold up as a 40 year old one? uh...

29:09

nostalgic sure

29:12

cute, scute they're

29:14

doing I mean for a kids movie that's

29:16

supposed to be a little bit scary these

29:19

are fine oh sure 100% all

29:23

of this should be under the rubric of

29:25

this is a children's film 100% until

29:27

act 3 when everything goes to f- oh

29:29

fuck dude that's what kids

29:32

films were in the 80s I

29:34

don't I cannot this is insane I

29:39

mean I can't think of another movie that I

29:41

saw that went this insane yeah

29:44

the only ones were like full-blown horror movies like the

29:46

gate or something like that that was like yeah

29:50

really really spookalicious baby

29:53

steven dwarf you know that's still one of my

29:55

favorite movies to this day that we've done on the

29:57

show is the gate so good so good

30:00

So good, yeah. Also

30:02

Canadian. Right. They

30:05

really know what they're doing up there. So

30:07

the scene then drastically cuts to the

30:09

Señor being called into Miss Plume's office.

30:12

Yes, like how was he employed there

30:15

in the first place? Like what did he have

30:17

on Miss Plume? You know I've

30:19

been doing a little looking into your background and I see that

30:21

you're not at all qualified to be a teacher. I'm

30:24

sorry ma'am. Did you hire him initially? She

30:27

is saying all of this like

30:29

the calmest woman in the world.

30:31

She's like you've changed your name

30:33

and appearance four times and you're

30:35

like what? What the

30:38

fuck lady? Get cops in here to

30:40

get him out. He's insane. Oh

30:46

my God. He does this great speech

30:48

about what a great artist and

30:50

a great teacher he is and

30:52

she doesn't know the terrible battle

30:54

he fights every day against imagination.

31:01

Who hurt Michael Rocco? I don't know.

31:05

I did like when he called the woman a sausage

31:07

and she goes I think you mean a savage. I

31:11

loved that. Anyway.

31:17

Sausage just feels like a very British thing

31:19

to call somebody. Like

31:22

a pillock or a knob end. So.

31:28

Oh. Re-watching it so good.

31:33

So good. Where are you in line of duty part

31:35

two? I'm in

31:38

season two episode three. Okay.

31:40

Yeah this is the Keely

31:42

Haws season. I love the Keely

31:45

Haws season. She has just

31:47

done the like oh you're gonna arrest me. Well

31:50

look at the shit that I got on you dog. It's so good. Steve

31:55

Arnett definitely fucked her though right? I

31:57

don't know. He definitely fucked that other witness.

32:00

Wait, wasn't Achilles? Yeah,

32:02

but there's the nurse that he goes on with too.

32:04

Oh yeah, he fucked that nurse too. He's

32:07

arnett cannot stop fucking. Well,

32:09

the problem is that no one in England can resist

32:11

him. Guys, if you want us to

32:14

do a re-watch of Line of Duty and do

32:16

a podcast about it, write in. Because

32:18

if we get enough support behind that, I'll probably do it.

32:22

You're gonna have to go back and start it again. I've

32:25

already done it twice in a week. I

32:28

would do it again. Because

32:31

I re-watched it, I was like, Miss, you have to re-watch it and

32:33

I'm gonna watch it with you. So

32:37

we see Yorgas sacked.

32:40

We cut back to the house and

32:43

we see that the

32:45

brother and sister are having a piano and

32:47

drum off in the house. Susie is a

32:49

fucking piano prodigy. She's

32:52

amazing and no one cares. No one cares.

32:54

I don't think she goes to school. Because

32:58

she's never at school with them. She's always

33:00

home when they leave and always home when

33:02

they get back. Yeah, she's

33:04

raising a child and

33:07

supporting her dad husband. It's

33:11

so upsetting. But

33:13

not as upsetting as what happens in this scene,

33:15

which is that they hold him down, physically

33:18

hold him down and force a wig onto

33:20

his head. Rather than being

33:22

like, hey, it'll

33:24

be okay. This isn't that big of a deal. Anyone

33:27

can shave their head. It's fine. Shave

33:32

your head in solidarity with him. All

33:34

sorts of things you could do. No, they hold

33:36

him down and force a wig on

33:38

him. Everyone hates

33:41

Michael. Everyone hates Michael. It

33:44

makes him the happiest boy that's ever existed though.

33:47

So much so that you think this is his heel

33:49

turn and it's when he becomes the Joker. I'm

33:53

so happy. I do

33:56

like that they did not trust the actor

33:58

enough to portray happy. turns around

34:00

and says, I'm so happy. And

34:03

like runs off screen. I know bud, I

34:05

see that. So

34:09

they glue it to his fucking dome. Yeah,

34:11

she says the sister wife mom says that

34:13

it will last 30 days

34:15

guaranteed. 30 days,

34:17

so he's got a soccer match. He's got a little play, a little

34:19

footy. They're

34:22

really trying hard to convince us that he's

34:24

great at soccer. Oh, I have

34:26

the note that says Mike is the Pele. Mm.

34:30

There's also no nets on the soccer field. They

34:32

just have to kick it through like a what

34:35

the fuck Canada. And only

34:37

one side to the soccer field. There

34:40

was nothing on the other side. No, no lines,

34:42

no nothing. No. And also

34:44

he's playing against a giant. This child

34:46

is a giant. It's like

34:49

me. So

34:52

he gets he gets fouled by this kid and then he,

34:54

you know, he kind of he kind of gets up and

34:56

they have a little tussle. They have a little fight, little

34:58

push fight. He gets up swinging, which is not what

35:00

you do when you get fouled. Grow up, Michael.

35:02

Michael's a hothead. No, what you do

35:05

is you lay there and you grab some part of your

35:07

body, whether or not it was actually touched by anyone and

35:09

you go, ah, ah, no

35:11

one's paying attention. I'll get up now. And

35:15

the guy he gets into a fight

35:17

with his opening salvo is ripping the

35:19

wig off. Oh, it's awful. It's

35:22

awful. Oh, my God. It's

35:24

the yes, it stretches so far off

35:26

his head, which was very reminiscent of

35:28

Conan, the destroyer, when they

35:30

cut off the Andre the giant monster's head

35:33

and all this shit was so stringy and

35:35

it's all just so upsetting. It

35:37

like goes into slow motion and this like

35:39

deep score kicks in and

35:42

you're just like, oh, my

35:44

God. He kind of

35:46

looks like Corey Feldman from the end of that one

35:48

Friday, the 13th. Yes, yes. Oh,

35:52

no, it's

35:55

awful. Michael's

35:58

take away from all of this is that he's mad about

36:00

it. about the glue. You said the glue would work. Well,

36:02

I would be upset too if I ran

36:05

all the way home and all of the

36:07

school kids followed me, singing a song that

36:09

they had seemingly just written to perfection. What?

36:13

I thought I wrote down the lyrics to the song.

36:16

There was something about a hard-boiled egg

36:18

and something about Baldy.

36:20

Baldy. It

36:23

was really good. Little stupid Baldy without his

36:25

stupid wig. It's one of the things they

36:28

said too. Awful. Awful. I

36:31

love these kids. So he tries to call

36:33

his mom and can't figure it out. And

36:36

his dad won't help him because he's like, don't fucking

36:38

bother her with your petty shit. Listen,

36:40

she's 15, 20 minutes

36:42

away from leaving me and I really can't have you

36:45

wrote into this because I got a good thing here kid.

36:47

Seriously, I bet she's a doctor. That house was huge.

36:50

Huge. So

36:52

he sees somebody else in the house. He

36:54

has a shadow moving in his house at night.

36:57

Yes, and who is it, Katie? It's

36:59

the Wino who's just-

37:01

Maybe. It's their last name. Maybe.

37:05

I don't like to say Wino, but that's

37:08

the only, they only name the characters given.

37:11

Yeah. Well, there's two

37:13

of them. There's the male and female Wino that are in

37:15

the house. Yes, and when I heard her talking, I

37:17

was like, this woman has

37:19

to be from Western Pennsylvania without

37:21

accent. And I Googled it and

37:24

she's an American Canadian actress who

37:26

grew up in Johnstown, Pennsylvania. Wow.

37:29

Yes! She's so- She's

37:32

Yinzy. She is Yinzy. That's

37:36

amazing. Yeah, I was really happy. So

37:39

yes, he and the

37:41

Wino and his lady friend are like

37:43

spitting in the kitchen and stealing boxes

37:45

of cereal or something. What

37:48

was the spitting? Like spitting in this

37:50

food on the stove. I don't know.

37:53

I don't know because they're being friendly, but

37:55

they're also just taking

37:57

boxes of cereal? Only?

38:01

You can only hear us because

38:03

you can see us. Right. Is

38:05

something the Winoman says to him and then he

38:07

closes his eyes and the

38:10

Winoman is closed and slamming cabinets.

38:13

Which doesn't really work because he

38:15

doesn't know they're slamming cabinets. He has no idea.

38:18

And then he opens his eyes and says,

38:20

you're right, I didn't hear any of

38:22

that. You're a fucking idiot, Michael. You

38:24

have no critical thinking skills. I have

38:26

so many notices this kid is an

38:28

idiot. He's so stupid. Like he's

38:30

such a sympathetically weird character.

38:34

But also, come on, Michael.

38:37

Every choice he makes at every turn is wrong. So

38:43

he gets the ingredients

38:45

from the Wino lady,

38:48

Mrs. Wino, to

38:50

make the peanut butter solution for his hair to grow

38:52

back. And she's very specific to not put

38:54

too much peanut butter in it. Very

38:57

specific. What are

38:59

the ingredients for

39:01

the peanut butter solution? I don't know. Do you know? One

39:04

really ripe banana. Okay. Put

39:07

it on my head. Put it on your head.

39:09

Put it on my head. Put them

39:11

on your head. We're really padding this

39:13

movie now. Five

39:15

dead flies, one rotten egg, three

39:18

licorice leaves, a

39:20

fistful of kitty litter, three

39:23

connie crisps, three

39:26

Crosby crackers. What

39:28

are these things? Nine spoons of

39:30

soil, a glass

39:32

of Pepper's Fizz, and

39:35

a spoonful of peanut butter. Pepper's

39:37

Fizz is also defined as mouth water,

39:39

the biggest mouth water in the world.

39:43

Is this something we don't

39:45

know because we're not French Canadian? Is

39:48

this something I don't know because I'm

39:50

having some sort of brain

39:52

issue because of COVID? I

39:54

know. It is absolutely just

39:57

the reality of this film. mouth

40:00

water the biggest mouth water in the

40:02

world and Michael's like yeah got it

40:07

I'm gonna go on a limb and say the only mouth water

40:09

in the world what is mouth water

40:11

spit oh

40:16

is that what he's talking about

40:18

because why he's spitting is that

40:20

why he's spitting pepper is that

40:22

his so Michael collects all the ingredients to

40:28

go sleep with like boxes and boxes

40:30

of cereal and or like potato flakes

40:33

who knows what they're cooking say they

40:36

Susie and dad look out the window and see

40:39

Michael and Susie goes

40:41

dad he's digging up earth he's not gonna eat

40:43

it is he and he's like

40:45

the dad's like beats me soothe but like

40:47

I'm not gonna stop him so

40:51

Michael collects all the stuff puts it in the blender the

40:55

real eav-stick style and

40:57

goes and is gonna it's gonna use the solution

40:59

but then Susie steals it

41:04

or dad steals it hands it off to Susie

41:06

they flush it down the turtlet yeah

41:09

so he's got to go through it all again speaking

41:13

of padding out the film yes because they

41:15

have him do this thing and then they have

41:18

him have a dream where the ghosts come back

41:21

and he's like I forgot can you tell me again and

41:23

she's like no and he's like tell me and she's like

41:25

no and he's like tell me

41:27

and she's like okay here's the whole thing

41:29

again and he's like okay I'll do the

41:31

whole thing again should they have to get

41:33

to him at 90 minute runtime or something

41:36

yeah I assume maybe

41:38

it was so they had enough time to

41:41

put in the song that's coming up in

41:43

this movie that blew my fucking mind you

41:45

talking about our girl our girl my girl

41:47

and yours yeah I am I am

41:52

talking about the first time she recorded a song

41:55

in English is in this movie look at

41:57

the magic man But

42:02

he remakes the solution.

42:06

And it's a little too watery. So

42:08

what does he do? He

42:10

puts a whole bunch of peanut butter in it

42:12

in a very well-placed Skippy ad. Apparently

42:15

Skippy paid a lot of money to have that. Really?

42:19

If you put Skippy on your dick,

42:21

you'll grow pubes. That's what

42:23

Skippy is saying by endorsing this message

42:25

of this film. So

42:28

I hope they sold a Brazilian Charz.

42:31

I mean, who doesn't want to dip their dick in a

42:33

jar full of peanut butter? If that's

42:35

the thing men want, it's a thing I never knew

42:37

about until right now. What

42:40

a man wants, what a man needs.

42:44

Ah, another great Western Pennsylvania, Cristina

42:46

Aguilera. Smells

42:49

like hot dogs. He

42:53

smears this disgusting foul shit all

42:55

over his goddamn bald penis. He

42:58

does, he puts it in a jar and just like tucks

43:00

it amongst the shit in the bathroom. Like, what

43:03

is happening in this world? Someone's

43:05

gonna come in and go, oh

43:07

God, Michael is capturing his diarrhea.

43:09

Yes, it's disgusting. It looks like diarrhea

43:11

in a jar. So

43:15

he goes and he showers it all off with

43:17

the most insane shower head I've ever seen in

43:19

my adult fucking life. I didn't even notice it. There

43:21

were so many things I didn't even notice it. Describe it to

43:23

me. The shower

43:25

head was a star of

43:27

like 10 pipes that were then

43:29

dripping down on him. And there

43:31

was like a whole system of piping inside

43:34

of the shower as well. It

43:36

was wild. That's inefficient it seems.

43:39

Yeah, it was like a rain shower but

43:41

like one you made at

43:43

home. I

43:46

get it from my water barrel. Do

43:48

you? Is that okay? I think it's a gray water

43:50

system. Is that all right? So

43:53

he has hair. He

43:55

has hair now. Yeah, if

43:58

sister yells, what's that on your head? Yeah,

44:01

but I actually liked how it sort

44:03

of grew over the next couple of

44:05

shots like He started

44:07

out with just like teeny tiny bristles and then it gets a

44:09

little bit longer in the next scene in the next In the

44:11

next I really liked that Can can

44:13

I admit something to you right now? Yeah, I'm

44:16

a fucking idiot. What do you mean? I? Was

44:19

just gonna say yeah How long would it have taken him

44:21

to grow out his hair and they had to keep coming

44:23

back in and filming these scenes? Hey

44:26

dumb dumb they filmed it in reverse had cut

44:28

his hair down Stupid

44:30

stupid yeah, they just Went

44:33

down a number So

44:36

Connie comes over and Michael

44:39

shows him how he grew his hair, which

44:42

is this very dangerous solution. What does Connie

44:44

do with it Alan? Well

44:47

as all 11 year old boys would do with

44:49

it. He puts it on his dick. He puts it on his

44:51

dick Yeah, well around his dick. You don't

44:54

grow poops out of your dick I

45:00

don't know why that phrase took me by such

45:02

surprise, but it sure did Imagine

45:09

a dick covered in hair just

45:11

like wearing just a fur

45:13

dick a real

45:15

yeti cock That's

45:22

quite a sash cock if you will Good

45:25

that right that one down So

45:28

they're all celebrating Michael's new hair he comes home

45:30

from school Susie's made Toronto noodle

45:32

soup whatever the fuck that means and

45:35

they're really refusing to help him with

45:37

it It's in his face. It's it's

45:39

like down past his bath It's

45:42

seemingly attacking him. It's a

45:44

seemingly attacking him, and he's like can you cut it and

45:46

Susie's like no I Would

45:49

kill for that hair such a little

45:51

bitch Susie I'm

45:53

not a lot on your plate right now. What with all of your

45:56

shit going on, but Yeah

46:00

dad is just ignoring all of this because

46:02

it's the motherfucking 1980s. Yeah.

46:06

But my favorite part in the movie

46:08

happens now. Yeah. When he

46:14

runs out of the house and

46:17

screams I want to be educated. Yes.

46:19

Because his family won't let him go

46:21

to school because school doesn't want him.

46:23

He also does a speech about that end

46:25

of the class because Connie

46:28

keeps having to cut his hair into a paper

46:30

bag in the middle of the classroom. And he

46:33

does this speech like, please let me stay.

46:36

I want to be educated. Maybe that's

46:38

what it was. All the kids clap? No.

46:41

I mean we're like barely through

46:43

this movie.

46:47

We got to speed this up. So

46:51

they get sent to Miss Plume's office

46:53

and she's giving them a talking to

46:55

you about his hair and then eyes

46:57

Connie up and down and says I

46:59

think you've got a problem too because

47:02

his pubes are growing out of the

47:04

bottom of his pants. It's disgusting. It's

47:09

awful. We also see

47:12

him yell stop at his growing pubes

47:14

and they stop. And they stop.

47:17

This is never mentioned again. Nope. No.

47:20

No that's it. So yeah

47:23

Michael has this nightmare of the señor and the

47:25

dogs chasing him which really fucked me up as

47:27

a kid and I have a lot to talk

47:29

about in therapy tomorrow because I feel like this

47:31

made me realize a lot of things about

47:34

myself. The peanut

47:36

butter solution awakening? Yes. The

47:39

dog dragging him by his hair on the ground

47:41

is very upsetting. So

47:44

fucking wild. I think

47:47

the whole time I'm watching I'm like how did they get

47:49

the dog to do that? Yeah that's a pretty good track.

47:54

So yes his hair is dragging on the ground.

47:56

He's banned from school. He goes anyway. And this

47:58

is when he falls asleep. under someone's porch

48:01

because it's too windy? He

48:03

can't move around because his hair keeps getting caught on

48:05

things in the wind. What

48:08

a stupid movie. And

48:10

who shows up while he's sleeping under

48:12

a neighbor's porch? Who can say, oh

48:15

it's the Seigneur. The Seigneur. Then

48:18

we flash cut to the dad

48:20

just like breaking shit and then

48:23

newspaper headlines in both English and French

48:25

and I know the English ones say

48:27

that Michael is missing. I don't know

48:29

what the French ones say. The

48:32

headlines say 10 children are missing and then

48:34

immediately we get a scene where I think

48:36

Susie is talking, she's like 20 children are

48:39

missing. Someone says I thought it was

48:41

just 10 and she's like nah it's 20. Oh

48:45

right, it's that scene where she's talking to

48:47

Connie and they're correcting each other and he's like yeah

48:49

one of them's my little sister, my Ling, and I

48:51

was like why aren't you more upset? He

48:56

doesn't give a shit about that child. And

48:58

they leave at the end, he leaves with

49:00

Michael's family, he leaves my Ling to just

49:02

be on her own. You just

49:04

figure it out, you're sick. So

49:08

they're going to cheer, they go to the art

49:10

store to buy something to cheer dad off because

49:13

he's been so great up until this

49:15

point. You really want to make sure he's happy.

49:18

Yeah, Connie says like why doesn't

49:20

your dad do something about this and she's like I don't know

49:22

because he's useless. He absolutely is. So

49:27

the guy at the art store is like hey why don't you

49:29

buy him this brush made out of human hair? We're

49:33

holding a bit of Michael in our

49:35

hands because Michael currently is lying in

49:37

a bed in a warehouse with his

49:39

hair growing down and he's being kept

49:41

in a yogurt coma by the Seigneur.

49:43

I wish I wasn't saying these things

49:45

out loud. The yogurt,

49:47

the yogurt makes him fall asleep. He's on

49:50

a yogurt diet. He's being force

49:52

fed yogurt. He's very fucking upset.

49:55

His hair is going through one of those things

49:57

that they shove your Christmas tree forward through it.

50:00

Christmas tree farm to put the

50:02

net around it? So the kids

50:04

do a stakeout to follow the

50:06

señor. They had this elaborate plan

50:08

where a five pound bag of

50:10

sugar is gonna last for miles

50:12

as you're dumping it through a

50:14

hose out of the back of

50:16

a truck. Why is she following

50:18

them instead of just going with

50:20

him? Or calling

50:22

the police? Anything. Yeah,

50:25

anything's an option. Because

50:27

when the señor opens the door of the truck and Connie's

50:29

in the back he's like, hey.

50:31

What did you expect

50:34

to do? Because

50:36

you left your sugar hose hanging out I could tell you

50:38

were in here. When Connie

50:41

gets into the truck a

50:43

song starts playing and

50:45

the fucking closed

50:48

captioning gave me the greatest jolt

50:50

of my life. What was it?

50:53

Celine Dion singing this wild ass

50:55

song. Yes, Canada's treasure

50:57

Celine Dion. Singing

51:00

Listen to the Magic Man. What does that

51:02

mean in the context of this movie? It's

51:06

so like low rent like

51:08

fucking local theater sounding song.

51:10

Like it's bad. Can we

51:13

agree that this

51:15

is the best movie that Celine Dion has

51:17

done the main title theme for? Oh 100%. Absolutely.

51:22

Oh wait I can't think of any. Oh

51:24

no that one with those two people fucking

51:26

a car. Oh car fucking car fucking car

51:29

and boat fucking. You know that one where

51:31

that old lady throws her necklace into the

51:33

ocean at the end of a movie. You

51:35

know that one we devoted like three and a

51:37

half hours to in 2020 because we had nothing

51:39

else to do. We

51:41

lost our goddamn mind. We did but I think

51:43

those are probably very funny to listen to. I just don't

51:45

think I can. One

51:49

of the lines in this Celine

51:51

Dion song is, and oops your

51:53

mind goes clang clang. You're like

51:56

what? It's just like diggity

51:58

dang dang. Like

52:00

she's going in the kid rock table. She's

52:03

going to baw at the baw. This

52:05

is her first English language song, right?

52:08

Yeah, that's what I read on the internet, so it must be true.

52:12

Fantastic. So Susie's riding

52:14

her bike behind the sugar truck. Yeah,

52:17

until... Well, first of all,

52:19

there's a bunch of white-nosed cheering for

52:21

her. Like it's a

52:24

marathon. But

52:26

then street cleaning is sweeping up her sugar. Damn

52:30

socialism. I always knew street cleaning was

52:32

a scam. I

52:37

love that Connie is immediately

52:40

caught. What? What

52:42

did he think was going to happen? He

52:44

didn't even try to hide. No. Also,

52:48

in this scene, when Connie is caught and he's

52:50

taken into the...see where all the other children are,

52:53

the signor is wearing a jacket made out of a

52:55

coarse Michael's hair. Oh, it's so good. His

52:57

hair coat is so good. It's so gross.

53:00

I'm sorry, I'm upset. It's so itchy. I

53:03

just blind it. With

53:06

other hair. There's a quick

53:08

cut of you see Jim,

53:10

the dog, also wearing

53:12

a hair coat, but it

53:14

never happens again. He made one for Jim.

53:19

That's really good.

53:23

In this scene, the signor also

53:26

accuses Connie of being a spy for

53:28

Ms. Prune, but why would she do

53:30

that? Because she fired him? Who

53:32

can say? Who can say? Who can say? So

53:35

he takes him back into his warehouse,

53:38

which is like this hallway of cotton

53:40

and cargo nets. And

53:42

then kids in cages. Because

53:46

he's running a child slavery ring. Yeah.

53:49

Yeah. Yeah. I

53:53

mean, one man operation, he's doing a pretty great job at it. I

53:55

mean, this movie's themes are wild. It's

53:57

like imagination is actually good and confronting

53:59

your fear. is actually good and sometimes

54:01

the bad things really are just in

54:03

your imagination. Also exploitation

54:06

of children and labor

54:09

and kidnapping? Jesus

54:11

Christ. What the fuck happened here at the

54:13

end of this movie? I feel like the

54:15

writers, one of the writers, wives left

54:18

them and they were like, well, this is what I'm doing

54:20

now. Take that, Cindy. So

54:24

we get this whole fucking

54:27

like acid trip

54:29

of a family lineage where we discover

54:31

that the doctor that introduced

54:34

the idea of harem scarum into

54:36

our lives is related to

54:38

the señor. Yes. That

54:40

there's a twin brother of the

54:43

señor fraternal, not identical, who is

54:45

the rabbit. Right. And the

54:47

whino was also their brother. I

54:50

somehow miss that entirely. Because he

54:52

did. Because Michael says something to him like, were

54:55

you a kid once like me? And he's like, yeah, I

54:57

had lots of brothers and then the bottle. Shit.

54:59

Yes. And in this scene where

55:02

they're all the brothers are all together, they

55:04

say to the rabbit, where's your brother? And he's like, he

55:06

died, I think. Good

55:08

lord. The whino. Good

55:10

lord. Literally all there

55:12

are five adult men in this

55:14

movie, the dad and those four.

55:17

And they're all brothers. They're

55:19

brothers. We see this

55:21

great scene of where action hero

55:23

Connie has to sneak around and he

55:26

invents this great tripwire detection

55:28

thing, which is just a rag on a

55:30

stick. And

55:32

the señor has all these tripwires hooked up

55:34

to a ring that's on his middle finger.

55:37

Very silly. How

55:39

could you ever roll over? Just

55:44

if you got an itch on your nose, like you're

55:46

just all of a sudden pulling all this shit off

55:48

the wall. And I want to

55:50

be very clear about these investigation scenes

55:52

too, where Susie and

55:54

the dad, because they're not actually

55:57

doing anything. Nothing. They don't

55:59

go to the police. police, they know that

56:01

the señor has kidnapped him. Why

56:05

don't they go to the police? I don't

56:07

know. Why? Because my

56:09

dad is way smarter than the police. That

56:11

eye-susie baby, he is not. Did

56:16

you see that tennis racket

56:18

size that he was holding? No one

56:21

holds a tennis. And that's so small.

56:24

No one could play tennis with that. How

56:28

does Connie trick the señor?

56:34

He tells the señor that his

56:36

dad died in a plane crash and

56:40

he wants the señor to be his new dad. Yeah.

56:44

Yeah. That's, I wish I was joking. I wish that was a

56:46

joke. The señor's reaction is, of course I'll be

56:48

your father. Yeah,

56:51

he's like,

56:53

because you're such a good artist and a teacher. And

56:56

the señor's like, I will

56:58

consider this my son. And

57:01

Connie has learned from the other children that

57:03

you can walk into the señor's paintings because

57:05

they're so realistic that they're magical. Right,

57:07

because they're made with Michael's hair. But how did he know

57:10

that Michael's hair was magical? How did he know that to

57:12

kidnap him? Yes. Got

57:14

it. Because his brother made the solution that made

57:16

his, I don't know. Oh,

57:18

I don't know.

57:24

His sweater is going to fall right the fuck apart

57:26

if we start pulling on any strings. No strings to

57:28

pull. The señor is now being

57:30

so playful because Connie has said like, oh,

57:32

why don't you paint the old burned out

57:34

building? Yeah. Yeah.

57:37

He's so playful. He just needed a child

57:39

of his own, I guess, and a fedora because Connie,

57:41

by the way, has been wearing a fedora for the entire

57:43

movie. And

57:46

I was like, is this supposed to make him look like,

57:50

was it Data from Goonies? The

57:53

kid who played... Oh, the sickest

57:55

kid who played Short Round. Yes. Yeah,

57:58

yeah, yeah. Wow, this is also a very Temple of... doom

58:00

kind of thing here with these children all

58:02

working. Oh yeah. It's true. It's

58:05

weird. Yeah. And

58:07

yes, I think 100%. Okay.

58:09

All right. All right. So

58:12

the Señor paints, Connie

58:14

convinces him to paint the building where the

58:17

fire happened so that they

58:19

can see Michael's fright. The whole thing is to

58:21

see Michael's fright. Which

58:25

we learn at this moment in the movie.

58:29

So the Señor does

58:31

the painting. He goes in. He

58:33

goes to see the fright. He falls back down, but

58:36

he doesn't see the fright because he...

58:39

Oh no, he does see the fright. No, he sees the fright because his

58:42

hair all falls out. That's right.

58:44

That's right. And Michael's hair stops growing.

58:46

And somehow Connie knew that the fright needed to

58:48

be passed on like the ring. What

58:51

the actual fuck is happening? I don't

58:53

know. I don't know. Someone

58:56

says the hair stopped growing. And he says,

58:58

of course, the fright passed to someone else.

59:00

What? A doi. A

59:03

doi? Exquisite? So

59:07

the kids are just running pell-mell all over

59:09

the place. The Señor is chasing them. He's

59:12

bald. Oh my

59:14

God. He recaptures some of them. My

59:17

link sets a trap for him. Ah.

59:20

You know. Oh,

59:24

and Susie, in the meantime, has been just riding her

59:26

bike around by herself, even though her brother and two

59:29

dozen other kids have been kidnapped, finds

59:31

the sugar again and follows it to the

59:33

warehouse. So they... Why

59:36

is the sugar back? I guess the

59:38

street sweeper did a shit job. I

59:40

guess. Great. These

59:43

are your tax dollars at work, Montreal.

59:50

So they get his keys and they're gonna sneak

59:52

out of the place because there's a bunch of

59:54

padlocks on everything. And

59:57

as they're sneaking out, Dad

59:59

and the... cops bust in? No,

1:00:02

the cops allow the dad and all of the

1:00:04

brothers to come in first. And

1:00:10

my Ling is there and she's like, I'll show

1:00:12

you where the other children are so we can

1:00:14

free them together. And Connie's like, I'm

1:00:16

going with these shitheads.

1:00:19

Unbelievable. They're

1:00:21

grape rich. I'm going with

1:00:24

them. The biggest part of

1:00:26

the fright was in your imagination and

1:00:28

that's the moral. Oh,

1:00:31

moral is strong. Oh my God,

1:00:33

I hate it so much. So

1:00:36

after pulling into the driveway, who pulls up in

1:00:38

a taxi? Oh, mom. Mom,

1:00:40

she didn't tell them that she was coming

1:00:42

back. She didn't come back when the child

1:00:45

was missing. Her husband didn't tell her. She

1:00:47

didn't speak to the child for weeks while

1:00:49

he was missing. Weeks. Yeah.

1:00:51

Yeah. Oh, you

1:00:54

sing it Celine. You sing me that song.

1:00:59

Katie. Alan. I need

1:01:01

a very special birthday rating for this

1:01:03

movie for you. It's a 40. It's

1:01:07

awful. It's awful and I love it.

1:01:11

And all of you would send me messages

1:01:13

about it this week. I

1:01:19

will say that it was a joy to watch when I was 11

1:01:21

years old. I thought this movie was

1:01:23

great. It was also like the

1:01:27

whole time it was like, she can never give

1:01:29

me shit for the dream logic of a

1:01:31

Dario Argento movie. Dario Argento wishes he

1:01:34

could come up with this shit because this, if

1:01:36

you step back and look at it as a

1:01:39

horror movie, a fired,

1:01:41

disgraced art teacher kidnapping a

1:01:43

child with magic hair to

1:01:45

create paintbrushes that create portals

1:01:48

to other worlds. It's fucking

1:01:50

terrifying. Dario Argento could never,

1:01:52

he's like, I don't know,

1:01:55

witches again. If you just

1:01:57

put a very. vibrant

1:02:00

color palette over this film and it's just

1:02:02

a spirit of three. What

1:02:08

do you give it Alan? I

1:02:12

will give this movie Tabernac

1:02:17

which is apparently like the most offensive

1:02:19

thing you could say in French-Canadian. What

1:02:21

does it mean? I don't know there's

1:02:23

like no English translation of it. It's

1:02:26

beyond motherfucker. So like somebody

1:02:28

listening in Quebec right now is

1:02:30

like oh my god. And

1:02:34

also he butchered the

1:02:36

pronunciation of that. Oh

1:02:38

I'm sure. What a joy. Thank you

1:02:40

for this. I refuse to

1:02:43

apologize it was fantastic. Being

1:02:45

in a werewolf ambulance means

1:02:47

never something to say I'm

1:02:49

sorry. Being in a werewolf

1:02:51

ambulance is never being able

1:02:53

to get that mad. Hold

1:02:56

on I'm gonna play the rest of that voicemail now.

1:02:58

Hi again Alan. So just heard that

1:03:00

my message got cut off. I wish

1:03:02

I could say that I was building

1:03:04

tension but this

1:03:06

is gonna make it so

1:03:08

fucking anticlimactic. So my cat

1:03:11

leaps off of the curtain at me

1:03:14

across the room and just throws

1:03:16

himself bodily over my

1:03:18

shoulder and ping pongs off down

1:03:20

the hallway. Apparently on his normal

1:03:23

evening cat zoomies and

1:03:25

so thankfully that means that this story

1:03:28

is not how I got murdered by

1:03:30

my demon cat but how I had

1:03:32

the most immersive horror movie watching experience

1:03:34

since William Castle was alive. But

1:03:37

but I did say however that

1:03:39

I had three reasons and the

1:03:42

third reason I do want to fit in

1:03:44

here that you guys should come to St. Louis sometime.

1:03:46

I know I cannot say

1:03:48

sell it on my sparkling personality or

1:03:50

the size of my board game collection

1:03:52

because we're not actually friends and we

1:03:54

wouldn't hang out but we

1:03:57

have two horrors.

1:04:00

themed restaurant here.

1:04:02

The first one, Terror Taco,

1:04:04

is very good and it's vegan.

1:04:06

And the second one, The Headless

1:04:08

Bat, has amazing cocktails, more importantly,

1:04:11

strong vegetarian options on their pizzas.

1:04:13

And I think you guys would

1:04:15

love it. So I'm out of

1:04:17

reason. I'm late for work. I'm

1:04:19

hanging up. Goodbye. What a

1:04:21

conclusion to that story, Katie. I have to say I

1:04:23

didn't see it coming. No, who could

1:04:25

have? Should

1:04:27

we view that movie next week? Yeah,

1:04:30

let's do When Evil Lurks. When

1:04:32

Evil Lurks. I'm excited. You've been

1:04:34

talking about this one for a little while. It's

1:04:36

really good. It's really good.

1:04:38

It's got some upsetting stuff in it, as

1:04:40

you just heard in the aforementioned voicemail. But

1:04:43

it is very, very good. I just

1:04:46

watched a small Canadian child be kidnapped and

1:04:48

fed yogurt to keep him in a coma

1:04:51

for capitalism. So like, I don't know

1:04:53

how bad can this be? I

1:04:55

don't know. One of the plot points is kids'

1:04:57

pubes. Yeah.

1:04:59

Everything's dark, I guess is what I'm saying. That

1:05:03

is the moral of this film in

1:05:05

our lives. Yeah. Katie.

1:05:08

Alan, I hope you're feeling better soon. Thank you.

1:05:10

I hope to be in the same room with you again soon. Yeah,

1:05:12

me too. And

1:05:15

we will see you all next week

1:05:17

here for another episode of Werewolf Ambulance.

1:05:21

Thanks for listening to another episode of Werewolf Ambulance.

1:05:24

Thanks to Werewolf Ambulance. Go

1:05:27

to werewolfambulance.com for more

1:05:29

information. Don't

1:05:31

get COVID. No. Just try not to. Alright.

1:05:36

Goodnight, y'all. Thanks

1:05:50

for watching.

1:06:31

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