0:09

Welcome. Fellow to have a backup.

0:14

I blurted: you have chosen to play this

0:16

game of Dungeons Dumps wishes to kick a

0:18

commitment and. You

0:21

come. From a mystic land and have been set up

0:23

on a journey. To achieve manhood

0:25

by your father's/got. So

0:28

that's the setting for what we're

0:31

playing the role playing game at.

0:33

You have been given a magic

0:35

bow and will adventure with your

0:37

trusted companion boost you have just

0:39

met Yes to fight the evil

0:41

oh Crone which is pronounced a

0:43

million different that that time your

0:45

dog faced Herman minions who your

0:48

powers are soft focus and lack

0:50

of. This isn't that the. whilst

0:52

your opponent's uses sex magic.

0:54

Against you snake sex

0:57

magic. You're being attacked

0:59

by dog. Been in Bdsm. Mers rule

1:01

for initiative. Okay. But.

1:05

It's really going to get to roll out for a second

1:07

I was like oh my god do I roll for

1:09

like that they go or do I have to add on

1:11

higher elo. To hit Ask: Class:

1:13

Zero Hour Class Zero What

1:15

Is happening? I cannot thank

1:17

you enough for being my

1:20

friend. A yeah your own

1:22

are doing. I. Could

1:24

Katie I would like to do some

1:26

absolute bullshit nonsense and you're like okay

1:28

yeah I'd say how be a be

1:31

back next week by what's comedy is

1:33

the Maestro the master of his craft.

1:35

What Is his craft? That

1:38

he will not your fault You movie. There you

1:40

go, I agree one hundred percent. You.

1:44

Could you like to hear the old

1:46

man's joke that I wrote for the

1:48

beginning of this? yeah I have him

1:50

in the six the his support of

1:52

vaseline since by call and ask if

1:54

my god how and why is the

1:56

lens constantly covered in vaseline for the

1:58

entirety of this movie. The points in

2:00

which things get stuck in the vaseline on

2:02

the lens and they're just sitting there. It's

2:04

like little bits of debris. It's

2:07

stocks. And

2:10

is a chronic see student. Okay,

2:12

I love the fact that this

2:14

man had a half assed career.

2:16

Easy. It's like citizen. Is

2:18

easy to someone putting forth the effort to get his

2:20

in apply himself. I. Think. I.

2:23

Mean, I owe our boys to by. I think he's

2:25

setting out to make a great movie. I

2:27

think lose forty of one hundred percent believe. In

2:29

what he's doing, I'm he's. Not it's not

2:32

tongue in cheek. This is the most

2:34

sincere thing you've ever seen, but he's

2:36

also like a very his piece of

2:38

is an Ed wood he inserts or

2:40

on some level okay where he just

2:42

lacks the ability to follow like when

2:44

there's potholes lusciously. Suck.

2:46

It may I couldn't give a shit

2:49

now as fill in the plot holes

2:51

near or those who keepers of with

2:53

of yeah this movie starts off as

2:55

all good sword and sandal movie should

2:57

with the bestowing of gifts. At the

2:59

i got sick a very clingy Instagram wedding.

3:03

Or go on for office you're just served

3:05

ribs loose pts. Him out my got

3:07

there are poisonous oh you literally can't see

3:09

at i just hurting loves brightness on my

3:12

laptop up until it was at the top.

3:14

there was I. seconds. And isn't a we

3:16

do we go litter forces conquest of a

3:18

specific group of. It. Doesn't matter, I'm.

3:23

Katie. A male and

3:25

a girl says little the ambulance movie was

3:27

a bit of them say that I've I've

3:30

been teetering that line for some time. To

3:33

disguise soon early to. Instagram

3:36

brides come up to whom is

3:38

still him with a leather jerk

3:41

in that just have risen like

3:43

shoulders and nips is the as

3:45

rule. Naked from our citizenry not as

3:47

easy to some other characters who. Are

3:49

full blown nature of leadership

3:51

of a rubber swift Gods

3:53

It's and scenario term get.

3:55

to that a full the man who was

3:57

talking who is is that god Is

4:00

it his dad or his god? Yes. Okay. It's

4:02

his dad. It's supposed to be his father, but it

4:04

looks like if you're like, hey kid, draw me a

4:07

picture of God. The

4:09

echo effect on his speech

4:12

is so bad. I had to put subtitles

4:14

on. I was like, I have no fucking idea. I

4:16

don't know my dude. You

4:19

can't worry about what they're saying to each other. No,

4:21

I gave up on that after. I actually just turned the

4:23

subtitles off and was like, I'll just wing it. Because

4:26

his name is Elias.

4:28

Elias. Elias. I

4:31

mean, it's also pronounced like 15 different ways throughout

4:33

the movie. Sure. So

4:36

his dad god is like, yeah, so

4:39

you gotta go and be a

4:41

man and the only way to be a man is to go

4:43

and fight evil. Okay, must have

4:45

missed all that. Yeah. Because

4:47

for most of the movie I was like, well,

4:49

what is your quest? Is it just to teach

4:52

me how to love and accept love from others?

4:55

And to destroy the evil that's

4:58

burdening the slam. It doesn't seem to be.

5:00

He goes to another world in which to

5:02

do this, right? Yeah, another part of the world.

5:05

Another part of the world, yeah.

5:07

Okay, stay out of their neighborhood. You don't go

5:09

in there and police them. When

5:13

God dad puts his hand up and the bow's coming to

5:15

him and it's just obviously on a string going wub wub

5:17

wub wub wub wub wub wub. So

5:19

good. So good. The effects in this

5:21

movie are mwah.

5:24

The arrows later, I shit my

5:26

pants. I could not take it.

5:30

Anyway, this is a movie. Yes,

5:32

hard yes. Directed

5:34

by Lucia Fulci, but written by Giovanni di

5:37

Clementi. Mm-hmm, yes. Who's got his fingers all

5:39

over this. Produce this fucker. Music by

5:41

Claudio Simonetti. Yeah, of Goblin

5:43

fame. Goblin fame. And there's a point in which there's

5:45

a song playing that I was like, I've heard. I've

5:47

never seen a movie. Only 100% recycled music. I have heard

5:50

this song and I've never seen this movie before.

5:53

There's like some toot toot, the lute toots that

5:55

weren't in other things, but then there's just like,

5:57

yeah, I use this in Suspiria, but shh. Definitely

6:00

like the last big score. Yeah.

6:02

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

6:04

It also kind of feels like Foltzies Zombie Which but

6:06

that was Fabio Fritzi who did that. Oh I

6:13

can do that cuz I'm an Italian-American. This

6:15

is an Italian Spanish-Mexican co-production As

6:17

you do as you do films in

6:19

Mexico. Okay in Spain and Rome. Oh

6:21

They hit them all. Good. This

6:27

is like Luccio Foltz are you imagining cave

6:29

people and it's like close enough

6:34

I have a note that just says oh shit Sabrina

6:36

Sellers cuz it made me laugh cuz I don't know

6:38

who the fuck that is But they're like also starring

6:41

Sabrina Sellers. Who the fuck is that? That's the

6:43

titty lady It's a titty lady

6:45

and apparently she was mostly a titty lady Oh

6:47

in her career her very short career

6:49

as a titty lady as a

6:51

holdover from the 70s I can't reach that down to

6:53

the bell. You put your hat on top of your

6:55

hat. There you go. Muffled by the hat.

6:57

Yeah I

7:00

do appreciate that There's

7:02

like that 70s holdover in this film where

7:05

they're just like all titties are

7:07

beautiful, baby Yes, I have a note here to

7:09

ask you if her titties count as 70s titties, even

7:11

though it's 1983. Yes, of course They

7:14

have a 70s titties vibe because they're just

7:16

like natural. Yeah, they're small

7:18

they're uneven Yeah, they're great. Great. She

7:21

did it knocked it out of the park. But

7:23

yes, you're right. There are creatures and

7:25

I also wrote BDSM Warriors, why are

7:27

they so gimpy? Just

7:30

all right You could wear a full

7:32

face mask some furry shoulders and pants

7:34

and tiny tiny pants He is to

7:36

pants and the creatures come running

7:38

up and then they speak English which really took me

7:40

by surprise They

7:44

speak some with the subtitles just kept saying

7:47

speaking foreign language. Yeah Grunting

7:50

to which I thought was racist Just

7:54

call it a foreign language. We see a Bunch

7:56

of scared stone age people

7:59

huddle. In a field

8:01

staring up at something and

8:03

then materialize. He says the

8:05

briefest sellers and all her

8:07

glory and her Bdsm wolf

8:09

man pack for hanging out

8:11

See as. Two separate minions as

8:14

have a breeze of measures yes he

8:16

has regular ass man who are wearing

8:18

get now. And then. Like

8:21

would seek been in.

8:25

The suit puppy, the pointy ears. There's

8:27

a point where mace slips one of

8:29

the wolfman monster and the guy hits

8:32

the ground and his head like the

8:34

his prosthetic had to fully support the

8:36

thought of that didn't coveted by look

8:38

close enough secured of of Wolf Man.

8:43

I feel like everyone in this movie war a

8:46

full face mask so as to not be associated

8:48

with a. Suffer

8:51

mace makes in a in

8:53

a since the other differ

8:55

fifty cs. We can even like a

8:57

with a them a son because are. Not even

8:59

guidance. Never were milk minute

9:01

mumble are the speed up

9:04

May sucks He sucks. And.

9:08

So. So what posterity f are sore

9:10

like awesome foot sister cities and for

9:12

all of his obe a phobia about

9:14

puff Daddy been doing right now is

9:17

is a hard trolling puff daddy but

9:19

they're all like city gate jokes. Oh

9:21

come on, as much as forty four

9:23

was heathens twenty so I guess there's

9:26

other ships come out that dude fool.

9:28

Doesn't. Really bad thing this of

9:30

allegedly allegedly. I'm not try to go down for

9:32

this. As I

9:34

get sued by Puff Daddy or

9:37

whatever his name is six Mr.

9:39

Dudley has bigger fish that are

9:41

literally fried him right for the

9:43

back of their a cigarette out.

9:45

About the design of our

9:47

crimes. Oh crimes. Or.

9:50

Whole lot Yeah! Go for love

9:52

it Sees. Wearing nothing but

9:54

in. A codpiece.

9:57

yeah and A

10:00

full... Full head goldhead. Full head

10:02

goldhead. She speaks inside

10:05

it. Uh-huh. Obviously her lips don't

10:07

move. No, why would they? They're inside the

10:09

mask. They're inside the mask? Yeah. Her

10:11

face does not move. No, it's inside the mask. It's a

10:13

very odd choice to have a bad

10:16

guy who can't emote

10:19

in any way. It's all for the reveal

10:21

at the end. Wait, what's the reveal at the

10:23

end? When he shoots her helmet off. Oh, that's

10:25

right. She looks like Jason from the end of

10:27

Friday the 13th. Yeah,

10:30

all right. So

10:32

they're on the side of this mountain so that

10:34

she can bring the sun up in the morning

10:36

because she threatens not to bring this up and

10:39

the Stone Age people are like, no, bring the

10:41

sun. Oh, right, don't take away the

10:43

sun. Don't be a dick. That's dick, yeah. Yeah, there's

10:45

a lot of stuff in here about sun gods, but

10:47

they keep having different names too and I just

10:49

should not follow along. And then the Stone

10:51

Age folks join in the chanting. Yeah. They

10:55

make one woman fall right on her bare tits,

10:57

which is so cruel. The way she falls had

10:59

to have been so painful. Yeah.

11:02

It's just when the... After they joined in the chanting and

11:04

the wolf men are like, no, we're going to beat you

11:06

up anyway. Yeah, they're like, you're not part of us. And

11:09

I had this terrifying moment. Yeah.

11:12

When they grabbed the one woman and they're dragging her

11:14

by her legs and I was like, did I forget

11:16

a very bad thing? Yeah, they start

11:18

pulling her legs apart and I was like, come

11:20

the fuck on. That is okay because they're actually

11:22

just ripping her in half, which

11:24

I'm here for. That's

11:27

not a problem at all. That doesn't

11:29

happen to one in three women. One

11:33

in three women are not torn asunder. It's

11:35

true. It's true. This is the man

11:37

who like in the

11:39

movie that we will never do... Fuck,

11:42

what is it called? Something Manhattan.

11:45

Made in Manhattan with Jennifer Lopez.

11:49

Is that a movie? It should be. I think it

11:51

is. It's a movie for sure. Did I dream this?

11:56

Is this the other scarecrow movie? Oh

11:59

my God. What if that's the one I've been thinking of all

12:02

along? Folgy. Oh,

12:06

I was looking at Made in Manhattan. Oh yeah, no, we're on

12:08

different journeys. It's Jennifer

12:10

Lopez. Yeah, I know. I

12:12

have seen that movie, I think. Really?

12:15

Jennifer Lopez and Ralph, excuse

12:17

me, Ralph Fiennes. It's

12:19

Ralph. Fuck you, Ray. I

12:22

know. The Tuch is in it. The Tuch.

12:25

Sorry, you were telling me about something relevant. No,

12:28

the grossness of Lucio Folgi. He had a

12:30

movie called Manhattan Baby. That's what I thought it was called, but

12:33

I was like, there's no way that's what it's called. No,

12:35

that's absolutely what it's called. Is that the one

12:37

I'm thinking of? No, that's a different one. Anyway,

12:39

there's a Folgi movie that is like his grimiest

12:41

movie, and there is not one

12:44

but two sexual assaults with a

12:46

bottle in it. Oh no, that's

12:48

awful. Lucio. It's

12:51

not Manhattan Baby. That's the one about

12:53

Egypt and something. You know, Manhattan Baby.

12:56

What? It's Manhattan comma Egypt.

13:00

Anyway, that's neither here nor there. So they

13:03

rip the woman in half. Because Aucron likes

13:05

young flesh, and I thought, my God, I'm

13:07

so glad to be old flesh. No, old

13:09

flesh. Just young flesh. She doesn't eat the

13:12

flesh. No, we never

13:14

see her. No, we never see her.

13:16

But I did find out from this movie that if you

13:18

rip someone in half, or they biforkate their

13:20

body, their head just pops off and you could take their

13:22

head away. I feel like there's some pressure that would build up.

13:25

Yeah. It's like a

13:27

dandelion one. Pop it right off. Yeah, yeah.

13:30

Yeah, a little dandelion. She's so cute. She's got

13:32

a snake. She has a snake familiar, and also like

13:35

an Akita. And

13:40

snake familiar. What about there's just like

13:42

four snakes on her dog? What are you doing with your life? What

13:44

is this? Her little dog

13:46

is great. He's

13:49

so fluffy. I

13:51

don't know if that's what an Akita is. Wait.

13:57

We'll get to the dogs later. Hey, love.

14:00

There's a dog on my block that looks just like that

14:02

dog and his name is Nigel and he's great. Aww,

14:05

we're making time for Nigel. Woo.

14:09

It's a song by XTC. It's fine. It's

14:12

an old man thing. I'm just going to keep going. We're just

14:14

going to keep on moving. Okay. I'm going to

14:16

keep this train a-cruisin. I

14:19

mean, my next note literally just says, what is this

14:21

madness? So. So she hits

14:24

the young flesh's head. Yeah.

14:27

She takes a stone knife.

14:30

Shovel. It looks like a trowel. Yeah,

14:32

yeah, yeah. A trowel. Trowel,

14:34

great. Yeah. Stone trowel hacks

14:36

into the head and doesn't scoop out the brains. No. She

14:40

has a golden mask on

14:42

which just has a slip. She's

14:47

just shoving brains into the hole and slurping

14:49

them up. I mean, I guess it's a diet

14:51

plan to keep

14:53

you slim. Looks great. Yeah. And

14:56

then she eats the brains and then lays on the floor

14:58

and snakes her babies. Well, they all pass around a little

15:00

bit of blow, I think, on a stick. What is that?

15:03

They're like blowing it into each other's noses. Like

15:05

they're doing like when you're running low on

15:07

weed and you do the fuck what's it

15:09

called when you blow it through a tube

15:11

into the person next to you. A

15:13

mistake. Yeah. I

15:17

never knew that had a name. Well, it does.

15:21

I just looked longingly out the window. I

15:24

don't know why. Imagining

15:26

myself with like very little weed being like, we're going

15:28

to make this laugh. Come here. I

15:30

got contact high too. Does

15:32

that work? I don't know. We thought

15:35

it did. Yeah. I mean, if you're

15:37

in a room with people who are smoking weed. I'm sure. But

15:39

I didn't know if like blowing it through a straw into each

15:42

other's mouths would do it. I think

15:44

it's a little bonus. Yeah. A little bonus

15:46

weed. You don't want to let that go to waste. Yes. She's

15:49

jerking it with a snake. It's very uncomfortable.

15:51

And hilarious. Is it funny? I think it's

15:53

very funny. I did not laugh at this.

15:55

Man. Also, we've seen

15:58

like at least two scalping. happen

16:00

for no fucking reason. Yes,

16:02

Italians love to see a scalp put off.

16:04

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Them

16:07

soft meats right underneath the skin. Yeah, that's where you keep

16:09

your prosciutto. So

16:12

we see O'Kron having

16:15

a vision, which

16:17

is really hard to see because there's so much fucking Vaseline

16:19

on the camera. So much Vaseline

16:22

and so much fog. So much

16:24

fog. I'm

16:27

not sure what the

16:29

intent was. Yeah. Okay.

16:31

It is. Dreamlike quality. I'm going to go with. I

16:33

mean, this does feel like a fever dream.

16:35

Yeah. Or a D&D adventure. You got

16:37

way too drunk during, and then when you look

16:39

back at your notes, they're just like sketches of

16:41

Jillian Anderson. She

16:45

sees our guy, Elias,

16:48

but it's not our guy, Elias, because

16:50

he has no face. And when

16:52

I say he has no face, I

16:55

mean that they've put, how

16:58

do we describe this? A

17:00

pan lid over his actual face. Okay.

17:02

Yeah. Yeah. I was going to go with a

17:04

giant egg. A giant egg is better. Because it

17:06

is so rounded in his chin. Yeah. Like from

17:08

the side he looks like a horse. Yes. But

17:10

like a faceless horse,

17:15

which is just a nightmare. Oh

17:17

my God. Look at my arm. Do you see this?

17:20

Nightmare. Those are goosebumps.

17:22

Because I started thinking about a faceless horse. Oh

17:24

God. And

17:28

she sees him run

17:30

at her and shoot a bright laser arrow

17:32

into her chest that makes meat explode on

17:34

her tum tum. This is very funny because

17:37

we see him draw back the bow, but there's

17:39

no arrow in it. And you're like, no arrow,

17:41

my dude. Magic arrows, man. No, it's a

17:43

laser. It's a laser. It's a laser because

17:45

it's 1983. For some reason now,

17:48

if you watch something on Prime, Amazon's like, well, you've

17:50

got to watch 10 minutes of commercials. Yes. This went

17:52

right into a little Caesar's ad for me. Her getting

17:54

shot in the stomach was a little Caesar's ad. And I

17:57

was like, wow, little

17:59

Caesar's still there. That might be

18:01

racist. Might be racist. And

18:04

also it's not doing anything for Little Caesars

18:06

in their, you know, rich reputation of giving

18:08

you diarrhea. God, I haven't

18:11

added Little Caesars in soul. Like since

18:13

I could afford to eat that wasn't just getting

18:15

two pizzas for five dollars. Oh, the hot and

18:17

ready? Oh man, it was the best. I'm looking

18:19

up to see if there's a Little Caesars nearby.

18:21

And the red sticks that was just pizza

18:25

dough that they then sliced into sticks. They

18:27

put like powder on. Where

18:30

is Greensburg Avenue? Greensburg?

18:32

No, it's seven miles away from here. Oh, I

18:35

don't know. I don't know either. I

18:37

just want to go to Little Caesars after this. It's

18:41

a 24 minute drive. What the fuck? Where

18:43

is this? You

18:45

have to go through a time hole. I don't know,

18:47

but on my Google Maps it shows me going past

18:49

a Taco Bell and it felt the need to point that out

18:51

to me because it... Hey, hey, you sound like you're high. Do

18:53

you want to just stop at the Taco Bell? Yeah,

18:56

it also told me that it might be affected by the flash

18:58

flood warning because I braved a great flood of 24 to get

19:00

over here. I

19:03

was trying to... I was like, ah, it's pretty flat over here. She'll

19:05

probably be fine. Nah, it's fine. It's

19:07

in Turtle Creek. You want to go up

19:09

to Turtle Creek? Yeah, let's go up to

19:11

the Turtle Creek. Yeah, okay, sorry about that. So

19:13

she masturbates a vision. I'm

19:17

so glad I don't see Faceless Men when I jerk

19:20

it with a snake. Oh my God. Like,

19:23

the sound she's making are jerking it

19:25

sounds. Oh yeah, she's... yeah. But

19:28

it's so upsetting. And she's basically

19:31

just lightly rubbing the snakes on

19:33

her nip nip? Yeah. I

19:36

like nip nips. So

19:39

we see this lady with bangs. She's

19:42

covered in mud because she's a mud person. And

19:44

she is... how do I describe this? A

19:46

fucking moron. I mean, I don't believe

19:48

that you grow to adulthood in the goddamn

19:50

wilds of wherever she is without noticing the

19:52

kind of shit that's about to happen. And

19:55

also without nip... well, no one can notice these 30

19:57

men standing in the reeds. Mase

20:00

doesn't see them either. No, you're right. She's

20:03

too busy mumbling. She

20:05

is filling

20:09

some sort of container by using like

20:11

half a coconut, like dipping water into

20:13

that, and then using that to

20:15

pour into a container that she's going to take back

20:17

and pour into a jug. And

20:20

I'm like, well that jug can just be put

20:22

in the water, and the water will go into

20:24

the jug. But she's a woman, so she's very, very weak

20:26

and could not carry a jug full of water. She has to

20:28

carry little bits of water. Listen, she

20:30

is prepping herself for when she

20:32

covers herself in sheep

20:34

fat, and then she's eating

20:37

that meat, and

20:39

she's just like wiped off all the white

20:41

mud on her face, and the guys looking

20:43

at her like, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to

20:45

fuck that greasy mouth. It's

20:48

horrible, just horrible. So

20:51

yeah, so she's getting some

20:54

water, and there's a snake, and some people

20:56

are lurking. The snake is about to

20:58

attack her, which she does not notice until

21:02

Illyas shoots it with his magic

21:05

bow and arrow. Well, this is just a regular arrow. Are you

21:07

sure? He's got him shoved in his boot. Oh,

21:10

that's right, because I wrote here arrows in his boot, but I'm

21:12

pretty sure they invented quivers at the

21:14

same time they invented bows. And then I wrote myself a

21:16

little note that says, I'm not an expert or anything. Where

21:18

was Rob to give you the military

21:20

history? I know, if he had been there, I would have asked him. But

21:25

we're not going to invent bows, and be like, I don't know

21:27

how to carry the arrow. Yeah, you put them right in your boot.

21:29

No, I don't think so. That doesn't make anything. Could be like

21:31

quack, quack, could be quack, could be quack, could be quack. Scratching

21:33

your ankles and stuff, I feel like it's dangerous. You

21:36

think, why don't I put this in a backpack? We've

21:38

invented backpack. So

21:41

they full on kill a fucking snake. Yeah,

21:44

they do kill that snake. And I was

21:46

just like, man, that's a bummer. I don't feel bad about it. I know,

21:48

you know. I don't care about snakes. I

21:50

only care about cute animals. What's that, a keto?

21:53

What's an a keto? No, Doug

21:55

is not an a keto. Well,

21:58

a keto's a weird looking. Yeah. What's wrong

22:00

with their tails? They're like

22:02

super curly, right? They carry it on their mid-back. Yeah.

22:07

So he shoots the snake and says,

22:09

that won't be bothering you anymore. Fluffy

22:11

motherfuckers, though. Oh yeah, you're right, sorry. You're

22:14

talking about a movie. And

22:17

she's like, I gotta go and runs away. To

22:19

which he says something like, nice way to

22:21

show your gratitude. Like obviously

22:23

you owe me? Our

22:26

hero. So

22:28

he gets attacked by the dudes who

22:30

are lurking in the reeds. Yes. There's so

22:33

much reed lurking in this movie. They were

22:35

reeds, it's hard to tell. I'm glad that you

22:37

were able to tell. He

22:40

shoots the first guy who runs out of the

22:42

reeds, square in the dick, and it's so fucking

22:44

funny. Yes, it is. We

22:48

gotta shoot this guy right in the dick, huh? Nah,

22:50

right in the dick. He gets

22:52

hard at the dick. But

22:55

here comes another guy. Here's

22:58

another guy. He's got one weird trick with

23:00

a rope and a stick and BDSM warriors

23:02

hate it. Yes. This

23:06

is Mace. And then he's got what

23:09

I just assume are furry nunchucks. I

23:11

have no idea. They might just be

23:13

stones, I can't tell, but all he

23:15

does with them is waggle them in

23:17

front of themselves. He does

23:19

a lot of hypnotizing of creatures. But

23:22

these aren't creatures, these are

23:24

men. The men that work with

23:26

the monsters, I mean, it seems like only the

23:28

buffest men of the tribe can work with the

23:30

monsters. Sure, yes. So

23:32

maybe they're easily distracted? I don't know. I

23:35

don't know what the message is here. I

23:37

don't know, but there's a great spear cam shot.

23:40

Yeah. When one of the monsters is charging him with the spear,

23:42

but the camera's just on the head of the spear going, no,

23:44

it's gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna, gonna. It's funny.

23:46

It's very, very funny. Also very hard to see.

23:50

And then I just have a series of notes. There's

23:52

spear cam. Jumps! Toss! My

23:54

enemies call me Mace and I don't have any friends. But

23:58

he's like, if you show me how to use that button. Wow, Be your

24:01

friend. And. Then he does. And.

24:05

Was certain River is the the symbol

24:07

on me says forehead is that the

24:09

book of a Bond symbol from the

24:11

the beyond, the Me on the one

24:13

of his place and all and the

24:15

ah the guy in the wall and

24:17

they add now I don't know. I

24:19

have no idea. Where. The look of

24:21

the book of a boner? Awkward. A.

24:23

Bomb Calling. Sorry

24:26

I'm sorry for sees have wait

24:28

to I'm too many must at

24:31

least for oh yeah we've done

24:33

see the living dead as the

24:35

beyond samba long be cemetery be

24:37

the cemetery one ah house for

24:39

the cemetery. Where are all. The

24:41

fucking same And somehow also. Different? What

24:44

Are you talking about? That.

24:52

He's the a special man. Who

24:55

the special for thesis or and

24:57

just kept getting money to do

24:59

them somehow knew that they were

25:01

to. Yes,

25:04

it is pretty much the same symbol. Wonder

25:06

what that means to are friendly? Cheerful same and

25:08

are no. So

25:10

he has the symbol in the movies foreheads.

25:12

never talked about. We don't bring enough. Mentions

25:15

S has something like this symbol

25:17

means. Of that oh I was

25:19

like and allows us a mega

25:21

be roms I'm no expert at

25:23

first so as these two best

25:26

is they become so close. I'm

25:28

he is the first friend May says ever had.

25:31

Truly other than birds His friends of

25:33

birds. Oh my and miss my Moose

25:35

My friends called Reginald he. Is

25:39

he finds a bloody birth to some. A

25:41

third street is through fig four of the

25:44

socket burniss for bird. Is so

25:46

sad Us. With Unicef is has.

25:49

This issue Bird friends? Yeah yeah

25:51

but you're flipping around and the

25:53

atmosphere is are up There were

25:55

the birds are. So

25:58

of least we just a bird. The on

26:00

a rubber bands of I'm sure it didn't. Like

26:02

a cat toy like you get do to get your

26:05

cat active. As you're worried that innings in which way, it. Is

26:09

is so fucking for This

26:11

is. Insane. Three: He was

26:14

the bird. Yeah, like cook something

26:16

up and rubs it. On the birth.

26:18

yeah for reasons. Yes yeah and then

26:20

he release of the bird didn't have it.

26:22

comes with flabby get so flaky. And

26:24

then he sits a stranger for no. Reason

26:26

to the was dismayed this

26:28

as quickly out here. Is

26:31

what I'll kill an animal that I will tell this

26:33

man and seal the animal he killed. Someone. And

26:38

then we super to the fucking drug den

26:40

where they're all hang around during their weeds.

26:43

Yeah, they're just I mean the back as I haven't

26:45

and I say we learn one. Of the roof

26:47

man's name is for go oh

26:49

yes for google could to sort

26:51

of bell. He speaks perfect English.

26:55

Who's you? The Minnesota existence As soon.

26:58

As this is where Mace when

27:00

Mace kills. The guy, yeah to.

27:02

Get. Seals Meet. He says when a man needs

27:04

a man you never know which one will

27:07

die. But when an animal meets a man,

27:09

it's always the animal the die As you

27:11

know that we have literally watched creatures murder

27:13

women and a snake almost you the same.

27:15

In. This movie is. Was

27:18

a days Think about it.

27:20

Physicists associated with. Most men

27:22

tore a woman limb from limb here, but.

27:24

There was wolf, man. Ah good

27:27

call. Yeah man. I

27:30

wrote here like don't Tell me Fargo isn't

27:32

an animal or. Whatever.

27:37

So these dumb ships go sleep with a

27:39

key. To me, sleep like a starfish. a

27:42

cipher. See a success. Limbs.

27:45

Everywhere to the method is never

27:47

said to consider any what else

27:50

is some for never had offence

27:52

specific. So the Wolfman Loyce be

27:54

like this brush wildfire for them.

27:56

They're pushing towards of on earth

27:59

science. They're

28:01

so fucking subtle. And

28:05

our heroes wake up and fall down a hole. They

28:07

do. They're just so stupid. So

28:09

stupid. There's a snake and

28:12

Mae says he's harmless if he doesn't bite you, but

28:14

like yeah the bite is actually very harmful.

28:17

So I don't know. There's

28:20

a snake in the hole. So what

28:23

do they do? I don't know.

28:25

They go to sleep. They go to sleep. They

28:27

go back to sleep, right? And

28:30

then they're like oh shit that snake knows the way out. Then

28:33

he starts hammering on a wall. And

28:37

while he's hammering in between the blows,

28:39

Illius is just sticking his hand where

28:41

he's hitting and I'm like what are

28:44

you doing? Roll your fucking

28:46

hand. So why

28:48

does he get this bow and why is

28:50

he on this journey? Because he is

28:52

quite stupid. Oh he's a fucking moron.

28:54

He's great. Like Randall Pink Floyd

28:57

from Days of Confused. He

28:59

does. I

29:03

think he's on this mission because they're like you're

29:05

the handsome guy from the village. You gotta go

29:07

out and do this stuff. Yeah, yeah right. So

29:11

they go outside and then do a hilarious

29:13

prank by stealing some guy's sheep carcass. And

29:15

they do like a, there's like this gleeful

29:17

whimsical music as they're frolicking about with a

29:20

dead sheep. And

29:22

then they take it to some other people who live in

29:25

caves. To some women, folk, and children. Yeah and he's like

29:27

that's the one that I bang. You can bang her too

29:29

though. Whatever dog. And he's like I'll take the other one.

29:31

Oh yeah, bang her sister. I don't give

29:33

a shit. No, this lady's contouring needs work. She's just

29:35

got the worst, worst contouring.

29:38

Mine just looks like she just rubbed a

29:40

lipstick off the side of her face. Why

29:42

would she have done that? Oh you

29:44

know. Okay. And at

29:46

this point it is so dark in this cave.

29:49

It genuinely looks like we're watching the movie

29:51

through a campfire and having micro dose on

29:53

mushrooms all day. All day long. Just

29:56

that moment where you're like I really can't even see

29:58

anymore. See,

30:01

he's trying to put you into the zone. What

30:04

zone? You just described it, the

30:06

shroomy zone. Oh. Well.

30:10

Success. They're eating. And

30:12

it looks like their version of, the women have

30:14

never eaten before, this is their first time, so

30:16

they're, one woman is just like rubbing it on

30:18

her mouth. Yeah, she doesn't know that you need

30:20

to open your mouth and then use your teeth. And

30:23

the other one is like shoving

30:25

it in so forcefully that she's wiped off all

30:27

the mud around her mouth. Why is she a

30:29

mud person? Yeah. At

30:31

first I thought she had painted her body

30:33

with like white paint, but no, she's a

30:35

mud person. Yeah, they're covered in mud. Like

30:38

stone age people were. I mean, they, no. All

30:41

the time, just mud people. The children

30:43

are muddied, everyone is mud. Mud

30:46

mud mud mud. Their name is mud. I

30:49

love this. I know. I love

30:51

that song. I like Primus. Okay, I like Primus, okay?

30:53

All right. Okay. I

30:56

love it. I love it. I love it. I

30:59

love Primus. Okay. You

31:01

saw him live? Yeah. Oh,

31:03

that's fun. Where do you see them? Oh, Alleluza. Really?

31:08

I bet. Yeah. Yeah.

31:11

Them Arrested Development

31:13

and Fishbone were

31:15

all great. Fishbone. Tool

31:18

were real boring, turns out. Yeah. That's

31:21

the whole thing. Ready to get the machine didn't play except for

31:23

the bass player playing with his penis and getting smacked by Zach

31:25

De La Rocha every time he touched it. Why did he

31:27

not, why did they not play? They came

31:29

out on stage naked with PMRC written across their

31:31

chest. Oh, that's right. That's right.

31:33

That's right. And the bass player kept

31:35

like tugging on his wiener because I guess he wanted to get like

31:37

a half chub while he was standing on stage naked. I mean, you

31:40

don't want to look in small to that many people. Zach De La

31:42

Rocha would just smack his hand. Yeah.

31:45

Good times. Better times. Easier

31:47

times than 90s. Oh yeah.

31:50

Come on. I paid for my

31:52

L'Alleblous ticket in change. That's the most

31:55

old name. That's the old man thing you've said

31:57

since you said whatever old man thing about. That's

32:00

lean in Golovka. No,

32:03

something after that. Oh, this song by

32:05

X, uh... XTC. Well,

32:08

you're really lean into being 50. I'm happy

32:11

for you. I am what I am. We are all what

32:13

we are. True. And

32:15

what Illyis is, is getting fucked by

32:17

the mud woman. Horny for

32:20

sloppy, fatty-faced mud woman. I mean,

32:23

she's a beautiful woman, but covered

32:25

in mud and meat drippings.

32:28

Just... Oh, God. She

32:31

makes him close his eyes, and then

32:33

she's backing away, and she screams. She

32:37

walks into part of the cave and is like, he,

32:39

he, he, touch my breast. Sure. Like he... And

32:42

then she pokes his dingus. Yeah. And

32:45

then she's like, touch my breast again and close your eyes. And

32:48

then she backs away and then he opens her eyes and

32:50

she's been scalping. Well, so he

32:52

closes his eyes. We're seeing him. She

32:55

screams. I was like, she fell

32:57

off a fucking cliff. Dumb

32:59

idiot fell off a cliff. Fell off a fucking

33:02

cliff. How do we survive as a species? No,

33:04

but that's not it. Someone has

33:06

scalped her while he's working on a chub,

33:08

you know? So sad. I

33:10

love when we see him

33:13

open his eyes and then the camera switches

33:15

to inside of his head and you see

33:17

like a faux eyelid open on the camera.

33:19

So fucking arty. Thank you, Fultry. So arty.

33:22

Because when you open your eyes, you see

33:24

them, right? You see your eyelids? You

33:28

don't. Your brain doesn't do that.

33:30

Your brains don't do that, Lucio. And

33:33

you think for a moment, this might be the end of Mace because

33:35

he's all busted up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And

33:38

you see him looking at some children and

33:40

I think it occurs to him in that moment that

33:42

those are his kids. They're all dead.

33:44

They're all dead. We

33:46

would be remiss if we forgot the way that the

33:49

greasy mud lady woke up. Elias. Elias.

33:51

By blowing on his eyelids. Oh,

33:54

that's so fucked up. She was lightly blowing

33:56

on his eyelids. I feel like if someone does that to

33:58

you, you should just go at them with the eye. all the

34:00

force of your forehead. Just headbutt them

34:02

into tomorrow. Just

34:06

yeet them into the sun, as those kids say.

34:08

As those kids say.

34:11

So those are his kids. And do you think their

34:14

mom was like, oh, here

34:16

comes your weird dad again, like every time he

34:19

shows up. At least he showed up with some

34:21

greasy meats. Yeah, that's good. I'm going to rub

34:23

them all over me. And at this point, he

34:25

cares quite a bit for Ilius. He's

34:27

like calling his name and ugh.

34:30

Luckily, some

34:33

friends come back to show him where

34:35

Ilius is. Some bird friends. Yeah, I

34:38

just started spelling it B-U-R-D-S. I

34:40

like that. Birds. Birds. Because they weren't

34:42

birds. No, they're not like birds.

34:45

They're birds. Birds. And

34:48

they're like, ahh, hah, it's over here. So

34:52

he's trying to track down Ilius,

34:54

who has been kidnapped by the

34:56

BDSM warriors and the monster men.

34:58

Yeah, and they spit him and are carrying him away.

35:00

There are definitely easier ways of carrying a limp

35:03

body than this. And

35:06

then I wrote, it's so Vaseliney, I can't even

35:08

enjoy the thigh lights, because you can't see anything.

35:10

No definition. No

35:12

definition. When

35:15

you see the Ilius with out

35:17

of face, for a second, you're

35:19

like, is it just blurry? Is it just that blurry?

35:22

Oh, it sucks so bad. So

35:25

they tie him to a stake because they need to rest.

35:27

Yeah, they're tired. They've been working a

35:30

lot for Aacron, who is trying to

35:32

prevent him from killing her. I

35:36

guess. So Mace sneaks down.

35:39

He's made some sandball bombs. Oh,

35:42

I thought he was making a little sandwich when he started doing

35:44

it. I was like, I thought he was just making some little

35:46

snacks. I know. I can't fathom what

35:49

it was. He just like balls up some

35:51

like thing with a thing and

35:53

puts a leaf around it. Yeah, it's like he's making

35:55

and packing a sandwich. And

35:58

then he throws those into fire. to

36:00

make them explode. And he

36:02

freezes friend. And then he's like

36:04

go get the bow. You'd think he would have

36:06

gotten the bow before this kid. It's not his

36:09

bow though. But they also punch a

36:11

man's helm into his head which I liked

36:13

so much. You're like that probably

36:15

wasn't supposed to happen right? I mean

36:17

I don't think it was supposed to dent like

36:19

that but the fact that much blood came out

36:21

of it, very fun. Every

36:25

wound causes the most blood you've ever seen.

36:27

Except when there are just two monster

36:29

men each one holding one of Mace's

36:31

thighs just like sort of clutching at

36:33

the outside of his thigh. I'm gnawing

36:35

on him. Don't move. That's the funniest

36:37

fight scene I've ever seen in my entire

36:39

life. I love how shitty

36:42

he is at filming fight scenes. The

36:44

camera is always way too close to

36:46

what's happening. You need a more

36:48

of a far perspective. You don't want to

36:50

be right in the middle of a fight.

36:52

No. I

36:55

have a note that just says another

36:58

beautifully shot fight scene. Oh it's terrible.

37:00

And so then I assume this is Fargo. Gets

37:03

cooked like, slow cooked like a

37:05

smoked brisket. Right because O'Kron

37:07

is like you failed me so get

37:09

onto this hot rock. Hot rock. And

37:13

then she's like you know what only one person gonna be able to

37:15

help me. I'm gonna need Zora the

37:17

Explorer. Zora. So O'Kron is a woman,

37:19

Zora is a man. Don't get twisted.

37:24

So where does Zora come from, Kay?

37:28

Oh the dog that you were so excited

37:30

about morphs into Zora. What? That was,

37:32

whoa, I did not see that happen

37:35

with my eyes. Are you sure? The

37:37

dog was Zora the whole time? Yeah

37:39

that's why at the end of the movie

37:41

Zora and O'Kron are running away together in dog

37:43

form. Oh my

37:46

god. I

37:50

feel like that should change things. It

37:52

doesn't. No, it does change things exactly.

37:54

I must have blinked. But I do

37:56

love how shook you are by it.

37:58

I am shook. And Zora. is

38:00

wearing head to toe rattan on

38:04

her. Yes, it's a

38:06

metal stitched together body, like

38:08

stitched together little like brackets

38:10

almost. Yeah, it's like woven

38:13

as well. Yeah,

38:15

I mean the actor clearly cannot move inside

38:17

this thing. It must weigh a thousand pounds.

38:20

And also has a full metal face. Uh-huh,

38:22

uh-huh. Okay. So she

38:24

has to do more snake-sterbaiting to get

38:26

him to change from a dog into

38:28

a Zora. Right, and then he will

38:30

do her bidding for her body

38:32

and her soul forever. Yeah, but she

38:34

offers herself to him. Yeah, her dog, yeah,

38:37

what's her dog? And you think about fucking

38:39

her dog. She's fucking her dog, that's illegal and

38:41

gross. Yeah, but not in like the known age. Like

38:43

people weren't fucking dogs all the time back then. That's not

38:45

great. They were gonna call it the dog bone age, but

38:48

then they were like, hmm, let's make it this little cleaner

38:50

for kids, right? They gotta learn about it in school. They

38:54

gotta learn about that in school. The

38:56

dog bone age. The dog bone age. So

39:00

they make a

39:02

raft. Oh,

39:05

sorry. By they, I mean

39:07

Mason Diddy, Mason Ilya. They're

39:10

bad boys for life. That's

39:13

what sucks by the way. Sucks, sucks.

39:16

Anyway. Mason's something

39:18

about Aucron where he's like, I

39:21

don't bother her, she doesn't

39:23

bother me like they had a bad breakup or

39:25

something. They're just neighbors that do

39:27

not get along. Exactly. She

39:31

borrowed my cheesecake pan, she never gave it

39:33

back, nastered about it, she said, I don't

39:35

know what you're talking about. So fucking shitty.

39:38

And Ilya says like, oh, maybe I should

39:40

go check it out. And Mason's like, well,

39:43

you haven't really asked, but I'll take you as far

39:45

as I can. What? Just

39:48

fucking get it over with, guys. Yeah, I

39:50

wish they had kissed. Oh yeah, it's a

39:52

little smoochy. Well, I wrote right here. I hope these

39:54

two kiss at some point. They don't. So

39:58

he's asking these questions and they're building. a

40:00

raft. And then they

40:02

promptly walk away from the raft.

40:04

Uh-huh. Yeah. I didn't

40:06

need the raft. And then they're

40:08

like, fine, let's go make Okron pay. Yeah.

40:12

There's

40:15

all these cartoon arrows that come out

40:17

of nowhere. And I thought, do you

40:19

think Lucio was proud of this? Yes.

40:22

Okay. He never watched any of his movies. It's

40:25

literally just like animated lines

40:27

going across the screen. I think they're just

40:29

scratching the film. Yeah, scribbles. Yeah, it's a

40:31

skippy scribbles. Yeah. And

40:34

like, and the mace

40:36

knows to get down and he's like, birds

40:39

are flying to the water. What does it mean?

40:41

It's not good. What? What?

40:45

So ducks are problematic. Oh

40:48

yeah, you see a duck in the water, you

40:50

get down. You get down. Drive off the road

40:52

wherever you are. Eventually

40:56

they don't get hit by any of the

40:58

arrows until... There's 3,000 of them. So it's

41:00

wild. Ilias stands up and catches one in

41:02

the leg. Right. And then they bring

41:04

the raft into play because I thought he was giving

41:07

Ilias a fucking funeral. I was like, oh God, he

41:09

died so fast. Oh

41:13

my God. And why the arrows are flying, there's the

41:18

closed captioning just says, monster chuckles.

41:22

I had turned it off by then. I had given

41:24

up. My God, do you think we're making

41:26

this up? Does this help if we're making this up?

41:29

Roll for an issue. Monster

41:31

chuckles. So

41:35

immediately Ilias is like, I'm

41:37

done for. I'm poisoned. It's over. It is

41:40

a gross boil though. Folchy.

41:42

I love you so much. I mean, when

41:44

the boils pop, it's like the

41:46

grossest thing since Maggot-phone. Oh

41:49

yeah, it looks like garbage water, like out of the back

41:51

of a garbage truck is pouring out of them. Yeah,

41:53

it looks like it smells. Oh

41:55

God, they answered the Maggot-phone. They

41:58

had to. He made them. He

42:00

made them do that Oozing

42:04

cuz Fulchy, it's all she

42:06

yeah And then when we

42:09

see him again, he's covered in ants which are not

42:11

generally harmful creatures You don't want them like in your

42:13

pants ready, but they're not gonna get you. You don't

42:15

want them in your pants They don't go after wounds

42:17

as far as I know do they I

42:19

don't I mean a little help eat you I

42:21

think afterwards No, I think they're just out there

42:23

for crumbs. I think they just like bread crumbs.

42:26

Oh the most adorable of me I think they're

42:28

actually very cute So

42:30

he's covered in ants because Mace

42:33

has been like hey, there's a valley right over there. I

42:35

just got to run over that valley I got to get

42:37

a plant the magical plant and I'm gonna go get

42:39

that plant I'm gonna bring it right back to you, right? This

42:41

is basically What is

42:44

it Kings foil that Aragorn has to find

42:46

to put in Frodo's wound after

42:48

he's been stabbed on Weathertop? Anyway,

42:51

does that happen? Yeah, I'm gonna be like

42:53

eight times. Yeah, when he gets stabbed by the

42:55

morgle blade They have to go find the thing that

42:58

Sam Weissings is a weed Ethel

43:00

bass or something and then they have

43:03

to put he like chews it up and then poor

43:05

puts it on the wound Sure, why they're by the

43:07

trolls they find it whatever

43:09

then we go. It's mr. Bilbo's

43:11

trolls what trolls The

43:15

trolls from the Hobbit that Bilbo or the Gandalf

43:17

turned to stone And so

43:19

at one point while they're traveling they see the

43:21

trolls that they've been turned just I think I'm

43:23

always so high When I watch that movie Well,

43:27

they lord of the thing. Yeah I'm

43:36

actually very stupid much like Ilias.

43:38

I'm quite stupid he When

43:42

he's going to the other Valley he has

43:44

to go through a body bog Okay,

43:47

so there's a week some zombies who were just napping

43:49

in the shallow water The

43:52

zombies are wearing the same mud as the

43:54

lady friends. I just don't know and they're

43:57

all wearing masks as well, which is weird There's

44:00

a heavy mask budget in this movie. Sure.

44:03

I don't know why. Yeah. Think about it.

44:05

Because it's all the same actors just wearing

44:07

different clothes. Oh, yeah, probably. So

44:10

he has to fight all the zombies. But

44:12

he's got them. He's got a poking stick. He's, I mean,

44:14

Mace is nothing if not resourceful. Mm-hmm.

44:16

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, what

44:18

the fuck. Ilias wakes up and

44:21

he says, he sees Mace standing over

44:23

him and he's like, Mace, I really need you. And

44:26

Mace is like, you got it, and goes to crush

44:28

him with a rock. But then also, Mace has come

44:30

to rescue him and Mace is fighting Mace like a

44:32

mirror match. And I just thought

44:34

this would be so much more impactful if

44:36

I was entirely sure that both of them

44:38

were Mace, but it's hard to tell because it's so

44:40

blurry. It

44:43

points the fight shot like

44:46

in shadow of the two Maces.

44:49

They both have all the same weapons, so

44:51

it's like double nunchucking. Yeah. It's

44:53

so funny. And they flip each other like

44:55

15 times. They do. And

44:58

then other Mace turns back into Zora.

45:00

Yeah. Who then can no longer move because they're

45:02

wearing 8,000 pounds of metal. It's

45:05

fine. They could disappear. Disappear. And go,

45:07

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

45:09

ha. As they disappear. Can't believe that

45:11

dog was Zora. Monster truck like. Wait, can

45:13

we talk about one thing? Yeah. What?

45:17

Zora was the dog? Zora

45:20

had been turned into a dog? Or

45:22

does the dog become? Is

45:26

the dog the portal by which

45:29

Zora can come to this plane? See,

45:31

I wasn't even thinking about it like that. I was

45:33

thinking, did she adopt a dog and then turn it

45:35

into a warrior? Or did she know the warrior and

45:38

turn him into a dog? Does

45:40

the warrior do it of his own volition?

45:43

Do he become dog? Does he like to be a

45:45

dog? I don't know. I think I'd like

45:47

to be a dog. Do you? Yeah,

45:49

I mean, you don't have to go to work. You

45:52

go out for walkies. You sometimes get to

45:54

ride in the car. You think mailmen are

45:56

terrifying. You don't have to worry about getting

45:58

your own food. I just. It just

46:00

gets put there every day around the same time.

46:03

You do get yelled at a lot because you do dumb shit all

46:05

the time. I mean, that's light. That's me now,

46:07

though. The look you

46:09

gave me when I didn't know what the trolls were from

46:12

Lord of the Rings. Like I feel you didn't yell at

46:14

me, but I felt your disappointment. It's

46:16

because I've read the fucking books 12 times

46:18

and I am not a

46:20

good person because of it. I

46:22

don't think that's necessarily true, but you would be a

46:24

great dog. Oh, I would be

46:27

a fantastic dog. I know. I

46:29

would be a giant dog. I wanted to be a

46:31

lap dog. I would just nap. Your feet would never

46:33

be cold if I were around. Yeah.

46:36

Good times. Good times. Shitting in the backyard.

46:39

Oh, man. And then somebody else

46:41

has to clean it up. And just being like, I don't know. I

46:43

did what I was told. Yeah. Yeah.

46:47

Fuck, my life sucks. Not at all. I

46:51

have to shit in a toilet. I have

46:53

to figure out where food comes from. You're

46:55

more than welcome to shit in my backyard. I

46:59

could probably shit in your backyard without anyone seeing me, huh? Ah,

47:02

Finn. Your neighbor

47:04

next door is pretty old. I'll

47:06

just put some Vaseline on the lens. It'll be fine. They

47:10

might already be in some stage of glock almost,

47:12

and they've already had their own. What I'm saying.

47:15

At this point, Elias is like, I don't remember if I

47:17

had a mission. I think I'm just going to head out.

47:21

Yeah. He's like, well, I don't want to be a coward,

47:23

but I am going to leave. Yeah, I don't want to be

47:25

a coward, but I am because

47:27

I'm not exactly sure why I'm here

47:29

anyway. Yeah, I felt that. I

47:31

felt that. I mean, I often just want to leave

47:34

things. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Like

47:36

when you're in a show and you're like, I don't want to be

47:38

here anymore. Yeah. The most liberating thing was

47:40

realizing like, oh, I can just leave. You can just leave.

47:42

Yeah. When you like start fantasizing

47:44

about your couch or your bathtub and you're like, I could

47:46

just be in my couch or bathtub. Yeah. Yeah.

47:50

Put the couch in the bathtub. It's my stuff. You

47:52

could if you wanted. Yeah. Very

47:54

cool couch. Tiny couch. Tiny couch.

47:58

Is the bathtub on the couch and it's the hot tub? tubs?

48:03

No, it's a very wet couch. Stinky

48:05

mildewy couch. Elias

48:09

is like, Yo, dog, take my bow. You

48:11

know, you've been great to me. You are

48:13

the man around here, not me. And Mesa's

48:15

like, I can't take your bow. That's your

48:17

thing. Your dad God gave it

48:20

to you. So he's like,

48:22

Wait a second. Why don't you come home

48:24

with me? We have long haired beasts that take

48:26

care of our fields for us. What

48:28

does that mean? Horses. Who are

48:30

the long haired beasts? Horses,

48:33

I think. Alternately,

48:35

just more Fargo's. Yeah,

48:38

it's a living. Yeah. So

48:41

a man

48:44

gets on a boat, which I think they formed out

48:46

of the raft that he made me. Yeah, so

48:48

Mesa's like, I can't go there because I'll always feel

48:51

like an outsider. But it's like, frankly, your part of

48:53

the world seems like it sucks. But

48:55

it's it's my part of the world, right?

48:58

I mean, I guess that's how I feel about Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh

49:01

don't suck. Not all the time. No, no.

49:03

And then Ilias just comes back. He's like, I'm

49:05

not afraid. I've come back. Well, first, he's

49:08

going to go and get involved

49:10

with the frog zombie men. Right.

49:13

Now there's rock zombies. Yeah. There's

49:15

a reason. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

49:18

Is that Rock Officer? Yeah. I hate

49:20

the B-52. You made this about

49:22

me. I know. What are you guys

49:24

doing? Just being stoked.

49:26

Just relax. High as shit.

49:28

Just chill. What cocaine

49:30

can bring into the world?

49:33

The B-52s. I guess so. So

49:37

we meet the Rock Lobsters and

49:39

they're just hanging out there like, and these

49:41

guys talk. Yeah, they talk, but their

49:43

mouths don't fucking move. No one's. No one's. God

49:45

damn it, Lucio. But

49:47

you can see their mouths inside of their mouths moving,

49:50

which is great. Yeah, they have the

49:52

tiniest little bit of vibration, I would

49:54

say. And they're just like,

49:56

where is your friend? We need your

49:58

friend. So they also work. for Aucron?

50:00

Yes, of course. Okay. And

50:02

their whole thing is they just hang out in the nooks

50:05

and crannies on the beach, waiting

50:07

for people. And like the big

50:09

rocks. And they're covered in cobweb?

50:11

Cobwebs and they're, well, I think they're meant to

50:13

be like a chameleon

50:15

blending in with their surroundings. Sure.

50:18

So they're just like covered in white paint and cobweb.

50:21

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yes, you

50:23

do. And they all like have terrible posture because

50:25

they're pretending to be rocks. Yeah. Sucks. And

50:27

there's so many of them. So many of them. I

50:30

don't know how to get this many extras. I do not know.

50:32

But if you want to point out that we are educating people

50:34

because someone recently sent us a message that

50:37

they did not know about these spiderwebs

50:39

and cobwebs thing, or spiderwebs

50:41

are active, spiderwebs and cobwebs have been

50:44

abandoned. See, I learned that and then forgot

50:46

it. Yeah. Thank you for reminding me.

50:48

But we didn't know that. Somebody told us that, right? No, but

50:50

then we educated the world with the information that we got. Oh,

50:52

okay, great. That's the each one teach one. We're passing it

50:54

along. Okay. Yeah. Just

50:57

like when you taught people about bees having sex. Don't

51:00

you remember reading a whole thing about bees sex and how

51:03

the bees explode? Or their testicles

51:05

explode, I think. Something, yeah. I vaguely remember

51:07

that. It was a very long time ago.

51:09

Yeah, I think it was probably the Wicker Man remake.

51:11

Yes, I think so. But

51:14

we're educators. We're great. We're doing this for you.

51:17

This is a public service. Yes,

51:19

and it is. Yes. But

51:23

you're right. But yes, Ilias comes back

51:25

and pulls back his bow and lasers

51:27

all the zombies. One laser arrow can

51:29

shoot 15 men. It can

51:31

split, I think? Okay, all right. This

51:33

had real like late night TV. Get

51:37

this arrow that can shoot 15 of

51:39

your opponent. It's a real like thanks Obama ad.

51:42

Are you sick of bows only firing one laser?

51:45

I do like when Ilias turns around and he's like,

51:47

he has to hear the overly reverb

51:49

and blown out voice of his father.

51:53

Ilias, you must do this thing

51:55

to do this thing. Do the

51:57

thing, do the thing. But

51:59

there's an. I never can answer as to

52:02

why. No, no. And

52:04

Mace has been strapped up on this X. He's

52:06

like crucified on this X. Right, the rock zombies

52:08

have done this. Yeah, and so they push him

52:10

off into the water and he hits the bottom

52:13

of the ocean. He's got to come like that?

52:15

I was so worried about this actual actor human

52:17

being. Yeah, this seemed dangerous. How's

52:19

he get free, Katie? Fucking

52:22

dolphins? Dolphins. Fucking dolphins. I was like, oh

52:24

my God, is that a dolphin that just slammed by? Oh no,

52:26

it sure fucking is. And

52:28

the fake dolphin heads are chewing on

52:30

his ropes. Why do they do that? Because he's only

52:32

a friend to animals. Yeah, yeah, yeah, friend to animals.

52:35

All right, all right. They're like, Reginald, we've come

52:37

for you. My

52:41

next note just says, sorry, I zoned out. I

52:43

feel like I'm watching this movie without my glasses.

52:45

So I don't know what happens next. Do

52:48

you know why Mace washed up

52:50

on shore? No. Because he didn't

52:52

want to take a shower on the boat. He

52:55

washed. No, I get it. This

53:00

is a 50. He's going to be like, this is a 50. He's going

53:02

to be like. He didn't follow Cassidy before he's 50. I can't. You

53:05

know what? Alan has aged out

53:07

of this podcast much like Minnudo. Minnudo.

53:11

I'm going to be auditioning very young men for your

53:13

replacement. Do you have

53:15

a chest there? No? Good. Sit

53:18

down. Sit down. Tell me a joke. I don't get

53:20

that either. Get out. So

53:25

now these two fuckleheads had all of their

53:27

adventures together to take out

53:29

Ochron. Oh

53:32

my god. And

53:34

at some point, Elias gets drug under the

53:36

earth. Some

53:38

guys grab him and pull him underground.

53:40

And we never see these attackers. They're

53:42

just eyes and claws in the dark.

53:44

Right. Right. Is this where we see the bats? Yes.

53:47

OK. I know bats are very cool,

53:49

but I'm very scared of them. Oh, are you? Yeah.

53:53

Have you ever looked at a fucking bat? Bats

53:55

and possums, two things that I'm like, ugh, get

53:57

away from me. But also eat all those mosquitoes.

54:00

And thank you so much. Thank you. You want

54:02

some rotten fruit? Here you go. So

54:05

he attacks some bats with his nunchucks and

54:07

then they become his bat friends, I think.

54:09

It's like he has to beat them into being his

54:11

friends. Yeah. I don't get that exactly. I

54:14

don't know. I don't know. But then

54:16

Ilias is beheaded. He finds his beheaded

54:19

and armed body. I was shocked by

54:21

Ilias's beheading because we didn't see it.

54:24

No. His arms

54:26

are taking off and his head. It's

54:28

so funny. Yeah. And

54:30

it's fucking Ochron's yelling around about like,

54:32

I will open his temple of secrets

54:35

and devour him. But like, you don't

54:37

even have a mouth. She's

54:39

so high. She's just... I pity her.

54:45

So, his

54:48

head materializes into her

54:50

hands. Right. It's so

54:52

funny. It's very funny. And then she sets it down and we're

54:54

like, no, you can tell that that's the actress with a table

54:56

on top of it. No, no. She

54:58

set him down. And

55:00

he awakes. And

55:03

she's like, slate his body, but not his

55:05

soul. God damn it, Zora. Just

55:07

do this one fucking thing right. Zora

55:13

cannot do this one fucking thing right. So

55:16

Mace comes from revenge. He's avengeing his

55:18

lover friend. The man who taught him how

55:20

to love and accept love. Yes.

55:22

Yeah. Everyone he's ever loved has been murdered

55:24

by these people. Which is one person. Or maybe

55:26

his kids. I don't think he loves

55:28

those kids. No, no. I really don't

55:31

think he realized they were his kids until right then. He

55:33

was like, I'll fuck. That one looks like me. Oh,

55:35

it's named Mace. Fuck. Mace Jr. What

55:38

does that mean? So

55:42

Mace sticks out his hand. What

55:44

flies to him, Katie? The bow. The

55:47

bow. And

55:49

then what does he do? He

55:53

shoots a bunch of lasers. He shoots a bunch of lasers.

55:58

The bow blows her mask off. It's

56:00

this plan, I'm like, there's three minutes left in

56:02

this movie. Something has to give. And

56:05

it's not going to be me. No. And

56:08

they set fire to Elias and then

56:10

rub the ashes all over. Sure.

56:13

Yeah. He's been knowing his body with his friend's ashes.

56:15

Like you do? As you do. Can we

56:17

have that happen at my funeral too? Well, I was going to ask if you

56:19

would do that for me. Well, no, cause I'll already

56:21

be dead. We've established this. No. Alan, who

56:24

is going to make my

56:26

elaborate funeral happen if you're dead? So

56:31

he shoots her in the mask and

56:33

her mask shoots off and she's like

56:35

a mad ball. Yeah.

56:38

I don't know what the fuck is happening.

56:40

And she starts going,

56:44

she talked totally normal with the mask on.

56:46

Yeah. Maybe the mask was what allowed her

56:48

to speak. Kind of voice modulator in it.

56:51

Yeah. And, um,

56:54

so he shoots her and she falls down. Two shots

56:56

to the bow. That's all it takes. All it takes.

56:58

And then she turns into a dog and runs outside.

57:01

Yeah. A wolf, a dog, that dog, a wolf.

57:03

I don't know. Wolf dog. Wolf dog. And she

57:05

meets up with Zora who has returned to his

57:07

dog form. So yeah, I just written like, okay, so

57:09

now you and your dog are equals. Not so sure

57:12

about the snake though, but I didn't realize it was

57:14

Zora. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So

57:16

if you see a dog rubbing a

57:19

snake all over themselves, that's awkward. Um,

57:22

and then the craziest part of the movie

57:24

happens. What's the craziest part of the movie?

57:26

Freeze frame credits. The first line of the

57:28

credit says any reference to persons or events

57:31

is purely coincidental to whom was that a

57:33

concern? Who was like, Oh man, this happened

57:35

to my sister. What? Oh,

57:39

my mom was not drunk. Next

57:43

to me. Holy

57:46

shit. What?

57:48

How many fuzzy bone

57:51

nunchucks are you going to give this movie? I,

57:53

this is madness. I

57:55

feel like five years ago, this movie would

57:58

have made me super angry. I'm

58:00

just like, what? I

58:02

would watch it a hundred times. As I

58:04

told you, I wrote on a bus for

58:06

eight hours to watch this movie in a

58:09

theater to see a print of this film,

58:11

but I had to see it in its

58:13

original format. How did it look on the

58:15

big screen? Any better? Fucking blurry as shit.

58:17

No better. I just, I feel like a lot

58:19

of the premise of this show and what, what charmed

58:22

people in the early years was how angry I would

58:24

get at the stuff you made me watch. And I

58:26

just feel like I can't muster it anymore where I'm

58:28

like, ha. I

58:31

broke you. That's what we call stock homes in

58:33

trouble. Yeah. This will probably

58:35

be a research paper someday

58:37

about the time I got broken. This

58:40

is two BDSM men,

58:43

two Wolfmen and

58:46

a sexy snake. Oh, so the full party

58:48

back. The full party back. Okay. Okay. All

58:50

right. And also those new little Caesars tiny

58:53

pieces that they were advertising. It's those two.

58:55

They look so gross. I would eat the

58:57

fuck out of the high as shit. Yeah.

58:59

No, I would eat though. It

59:01

looks like a little crick after this and we're

59:03

getting little Caesars and then I'm going to go

59:05

home and poop and go to bed. Is that

59:08

okay? Yeah. I'm just going to snake. All

59:11

right. I'll drop the

59:13

pieces off cold and

59:15

ready. What about you?

59:19

This movie is a goddamn gem. I

59:24

worry that you think it's actually good. No, no,

59:27

I understand that it

59:29

is phenomenally enjoyable. I laugh the entire

59:31

time I watch the comedy for sure.

59:34

It is so silly in the

59:36

best ways of just

59:38

like, fultry with the governor off. It's

59:43

like, well, make it look dreamlike. We'll put Vaseline on the lens

59:45

and they're like, okay, I guess for the whole thing. No

59:49

more, more Vaseline, but you

59:51

won't be able to see the actors. I

59:53

said more Vaseline. So

59:55

I'm going to give it six empty jars

59:57

of Vaseline. Yeah. It's

1:00:01

free on Amazon Prime, it's on

1:00:03

Tubi. Do yourselves

1:00:05

a favor. If

1:00:08

you indulge, indulge before you watch

1:00:10

this. Please don't watch this sober.

1:00:12

It's a promise from me to you, you don't

1:00:14

want it. Or just

1:00:16

get a fucking family-sized bag

1:00:19

of Twizzlers and just go ham

1:00:21

on it. Oh yeah. And

1:00:23

be mildly sugar insane by the end of this

1:00:25

movie. You know what I really like is

1:00:27

a Twizzlers nib. Oh yeah. I've

1:00:29

always thought that nibs sounds like some sort

1:00:32

of weird Rachel Flair. Oh

1:00:34

God. I

1:00:37

guess too. I don't know. It's

1:00:39

like South Koreans or something. I don't know.

1:00:41

Thai people. People

1:00:45

from Wyoming? I

1:00:48

don't know. Katie.

1:00:53

Alan. Can I read you an email that we got?

1:00:55

I would love that. I think you might love

1:00:57

this email. Okay. I'm just putting it out there.

1:01:00

I'm not making any

1:01:02

judgments about you. Is your fucking phone

1:01:04

on? And then no. It's fine. Everything's

1:01:06

fine. Nothing is fine here. Be a

1:01:08

professional. Katie. Alan. This

1:01:12

is from Jake M. Hi Jake M. The

1:01:14

heading to the female line of

1:01:16

duty. Hey you all.

1:01:19

I'm sorry. Hey y'all. Hey y'all.

1:01:21

This is Jake from the UK. Don't

1:01:24

say y'all. Hey y'all. That's

1:01:26

not your word. Just leave it out of our conversations

1:01:28

Jake. I grew up close enough to the

1:01:30

basic Dickson line. I could say y'all. It's not that

1:01:32

close. It's been five miles of it. Oh

1:01:35

damn. Yeah. Tell her

1:01:37

it sucks. I'm

1:01:40

that guy who listens to podcasts

1:01:42

and never writes in because usually

1:01:44

someone else will comment confirms my

1:01:46

thoughts and corrections. Smiley face emoji.

1:01:48

You know what Jake? You should feel

1:01:51

strong in your own voice and you should say the things you feel like

1:01:53

you should say. Yeah. That's

1:01:55

all. If it's shitty then just keep it to yourself. I

1:01:58

already have a good feeling about Jake. Yeah, oh

1:02:00

yeah. Oh yeah. But listen, he

1:02:03

listened to the Scarecrow episode. You're

1:02:06

still saying no one wants the Line

1:02:08

of Duty podcast. I mean it's true.

1:02:10

And I love Line of Duty. Oh

1:02:12

Jake. One of the best

1:02:15

British crop traumas I've seen so

1:02:17

you all will at least have

1:02:19

one listener. Thank you Jake. Thanks

1:02:22

for the free funny and my favorite thing

1:02:24

I've ever heard anyone say is when Alan

1:02:27

said on Marveling at Marvel's Marvels. What's this

1:02:29

now? Is this the

1:02:31

Line of Duty podcast? Did

1:02:33

he look up at the sun and the sun

1:02:35

winked and gave him a thumbs up? No

1:02:38

idea. I

1:02:40

assume this is your Marvel-less Miss Maisel

1:02:42

podcast. Still

1:02:45

makes me laugh now. Love

1:02:48

you guys. Oh I love you Jake. Thank

1:02:50

you Jake. Thank you Jake and I'm glad we will have one listener because I

1:02:53

would do it for nobody but knowing that Jake is listening is

1:02:55

enough to make us do it. We're doing it this summer. Oh

1:02:57

yeah. I was supposed to do

1:02:59

maybe like two episodes per episode. I think it makes

1:03:01

sense. Yeah. I'm just about done

1:03:03

my rewatch of it so I'm so stoked to get back

1:03:05

into it again. I watched the

1:03:07

first episode in the airport but I

1:03:09

was like half blackout drunk so I

1:03:12

need to do it again. Just to brown out? I

1:03:14

was to brown out. Yeah my flight was really delayed.

1:03:18

The text I was getting made less and

1:03:20

less sense as they were going along. Sorry

1:03:23

about that. I loved it. Oh

1:03:27

man Steve R. not so bad at his

1:03:29

job from the jump. I know. It's all

1:03:31

his fault. Okay we gotta save this goal.

1:03:34

Thank you Jake. Thank you for

1:03:36

writing in. Thank you for listening. Thank you for wanting us

1:03:38

to do another show because we're doing it. Yeah

1:03:40

it's gonna happen. Yeah nice one mate. Somebody was

1:03:43

like do a test episode. It's like fuck a

1:03:45

test episode. Test where are we doing? A test

1:03:47

six season. Yeah. We'll do what happens

1:03:49

if they're gonna do a seventh you know. Is

1:03:52

this a rain? Oh

1:03:54

yeah I think so. Holy gosh. This might be that

1:03:56

flooding we heard about. Oh fuck. Katie.

1:04:00

We're gonna do a movie next week. You excited for it? Um,

1:04:02

I don't know much about it, but I know a lot of people

1:04:04

have asked for it. Yeah, and I saw that it's on

1:04:06

shutter now. What are we doing? Drag

1:04:09

me to hell. Drag Alan to

1:04:11

hell. Yes. That's what I wrote

1:04:13

it down in as my notes. Why

1:04:16

was I so mad at him? I would never do such

1:04:18

a thing. Alan belongs in

1:04:20

heaven alongside all the other angels. I

1:04:24

am driving around upstate New York with Paul

1:04:26

the other Paul walkers. Why

1:04:28

are you driving? Because we

1:04:30

have to drive around on

1:04:32

the farm. Why do you

1:04:34

have to drive? Because Paul

1:04:37

walkers? Exactly. Brian can't

1:04:39

walk anywhere. No, Brian drives.

1:04:43

For people who are not Patrons, they're like,

1:04:45

why are they always talking about how

1:04:47

dead Paul Walker is? We

1:04:49

know he's dead. It's sad. It was like a

1:04:51

life cut short. Yeah, but also not

1:04:54

a great dude. Not a great dude.

1:04:56

Yeah, but like young, young, young, young,

1:04:58

young ladies. Yeah, not great. Yeah.

1:05:01

And also Vin Diesel's a shithead so we never

1:05:03

have to do another Fast and Furious. Barely The

1:05:05

Rock is too, so. Yeah.

1:05:08

Yeah. There you go. But what

1:05:10

about John Cena? We'll find another John

1:05:12

Cena movie. Or

1:05:15

just another Ludacris film. I love

1:05:18

Ludacris. Yeah.

1:05:20

I would watch the Ludacris, Tyrese,

1:05:22

and the lady from Game of Thrones spin-off. I'm sorry that I

1:05:25

don't remember her name. Maybe from Game of Thrones. They're

1:05:27

like the threesome of comedy. She's on Game

1:05:30

of Thrones? Yeah, she is the Khaleesi's

1:05:32

number two. You know what?

1:05:34

I don't know. Okay. That's been a

1:05:36

long time for me. And I was only watching

1:05:38

like one season or two seasons. Oh, so you

1:05:41

may never have met her. Yeah. Because

1:05:43

she was in... She's a very modern looking woman.

1:05:46

Sure. I mean, it was a

1:05:48

fantasy show where they dressed people up to look older.

1:05:53

Jon Snow doesn't just wear that stuff all

1:05:55

the time. Just like, fuck off. All right.

1:05:57

Let's set this down. Come

1:06:00

back for Drag Me To Hell! Unbelievable.

1:06:06

Do you like how I turned into the internet? You

1:06:09

were like, God, you're a fucking moron.

1:06:12

The internet so often loves to tell me. Great.

1:06:15

Oh, man. Kill it. I

1:06:18

love you so much. I love you too. Drag

1:06:20

Me To Hell. Be a Patron if you want to be

1:06:22

a Patron or Patreon, Wear a Wero Ambulance. Go buy

1:06:25

t-shirts on T-Public. Just have a rad day. Go be

1:06:27

rad to each other. Yeah. Enter

1:06:29

yourself. You deserve it. Yeah, go snake-sturbate.

1:06:32

Oh, boy. I wouldn't... I don't think

1:06:34

that's right. That snake can't consent. It's true. That's

1:06:37

snake rape, in my opinion. They probably

1:06:39

wouldn't do that anyway. That's non-consensual snake sexual contact. I don't... I

1:06:42

cannot believe you're defending this. It's just a look at your fault, gee. You

1:06:44

had a great idea. Go snake-sturbate. That

1:06:47

helped me. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going

1:06:49

to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going

1:06:51

to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm

1:07:31

not going to

1:07:35

do that. I'm

1:07:39

not going to

1:07:41

do that. I'm

1:07:47

not going to do

1:07:50

that. I'm

1:07:53

not going to

1:07:55

do that. you