0:16

Welcome to my

0:18

world Birch. Oh

0:21

okay, so easy a hat tip to

0:23

these nader strange land because I think

0:26

they loved that line as much as

0:28

you dead. This.

0:31

Movie with this movie presupposes that

0:33

you could with a lot of

0:35

film. Shoot I was like oh

0:37

here's another question I have. Do.

0:39

You think that when they were editing and they saw

0:41

it the second time, they were like. Pack.

0:45

Right after the when. There's. Not a

0:47

lot of Freddie versus Jason and who on

0:49

a good. Hunter to that. I think there's

0:51

a lot of for heat vs. Jason. There's

0:54

a lot of juice and works for Friday which

0:56

I guess we'll have not been as good of

0:58

a to it now. Jason gets hired as an

1:00

independent contractor that we really should have been a

1:02

w to employ based on his hours. And weight

1:04

as listen. One thing that you find a

1:06

when you. Google Freddie versus

1:08

Jason You is. Why?

1:11

Not, you know. it's like the other questions people

1:13

ask. Sure, why did Freddie in season five is?

1:16

A God it is just with like

1:18

Freddy fucks to sit. Consensually.

1:22

Consensual? Yeah, yeah, Reasons not

1:24

real under. She since

1:26

looks like shit in that he isn't

1:28

a dubious he's ever lock him. There's

1:31

a movie where he street of looks

1:33

like do get yeah New York City

1:35

Yeah Jason takes New York City Manhattan.

1:37

Which is insane because this made the most

1:39

money have any movie and the franchise. Oh

1:41

I'm sure both franchises this is the highest

1:44

grossing film of all of them. It's was

1:46

an incredible box office success. The What. It

1:48

is peak time for a bad horror

1:50

movies. It's two thousand and three thousand

1:52

and three. The Trace: Everything is trash.

1:55

Yeah, We're going to war in Afghanistan.

1:57

And Iraq for no reason. When

2:00

know I was out there protesting? we stop Zoc Goddamn.

2:02

More. Children

2:07

seem really proved a cigarette on the as

2:09

desert and stuff that got a more just

2:11

like we did in the Middle East in

2:13

our time is nothing else. You will also

2:15

know learn how shitty for come down to

2:17

earth exactly what it is. Yeah there's. A

2:19

clip from me on like Tdk news

2:21

circa two thousand and three talking about

2:23

police brutality breaking up the protests off

2:25

here, my whole family setting? really? yeah,

2:27

my brother as exciting and the war.

2:30

And as for testing the more on his I

2:32

still feel is right to do not want a

2:34

family member to die in a senseless war. Wow

2:40

that's slightly the mean a thing I've ever

2:42

sat on the so thanks and thanks. A

2:44

lot of mean thing. Also teach you up

2:47

for the that as Asia sunsets would friends

2:49

of food. Oh I'm Alan I'm Katie is

2:51

is where and be over doing that again.

2:55

Would have you gotten this far into it

2:57

up so that you either had to dump

2:59

lewd or find on spotify Yes when yourself

3:01

you're looking for Freddie Prinze Jr album and

3:04

us with with get the Sweet as he

3:06

of musical theater know Mississauga hot fudge because

3:08

he does me too I hope he does.

3:10

Maybe he's like Shaq to be had a

3:12

couple vs on things I I've. Headlines

3:15

about Shaq lately I don't know why.

3:17

My surroundings I'm interested. In Sacks

3:19

Subsists Week ever since we

3:22

did that one fucking Wrestler

3:24

movie. Ah, Beset with

3:26

Kane yes see no evil to that

3:29

us google for so he like wrestling

3:31

here says news were wrestling with to

3:33

the accident agnes Athena that Elsa using

3:35

yelled make full of it sounds. As

3:39

a window into things about real Ripley.

3:42

That he was rules she does or or. Air.

3:45

They know that Sir David on a boiler.

3:47

You. To be viewed on a boiler Come to this movie.

3:51

Is. It a boiler. What is that bag? Or yes if

3:53

your the boiler room it's a boy. as a boy

3:55

a large oil or to this movie. My.

3:57

First notice I'm eating soup the the mean of hill.

4:00

Notes are hidden. oh. Know. That's a so

4:02

cast activity. Splendid it to your you

4:04

get away with the and announce. A

4:07

Fool Us Mrs Episode Five Hundred. Or

4:09

something for together. I did like

4:11

the be the over the new

4:13

line cinema logo you Gotta Freddie

4:16

music staying followed immediately by ha

4:18

ha ha toss us off to

4:20

as a skewed. That

4:23

new line cinema garbage. Because that's all. the

4:25

only. City. I feel like those putting

4:27

out the real garbage at at time. It

4:29

was. it was the a Twenty Four imitates.

4:31

Yes it was it's it was elevated Harvard

4:33

to them during. The

4:37

Reign the stereo is in this movie

4:39

new he's not sits on go the

4:41

whole that could not possibly v through

4:43

his jumper and I was like we'd

4:45

ever read a character named jumper know

4:47

but Rate does have ups. Sir Joseph

4:49

met Op's yes his own isn't known

4:51

as number so we'd meet Freddie in

4:53

his basement but it's pre burned for

4:56

it. He. As difficult to believe that

4:58

us out killer and pedophile would have

5:00

such nice teeth belittling us. Looks

5:03

great! So yeah, yeah. And

5:07

that's another overlap with strange land. I

5:09

didn't think about that. We let a

5:11

make a plus. Robert England is in

5:13

Strays land. He's leading the parents against

5:15

a captain duty or whatever the guys

5:17

may. Have seen how the and

5:19

yes, you're right, yes you're right that

5:22

in this scene he's giving us his

5:24

inner monologue. Years. It was the children

5:26

the gave me my power. He. Did

5:28

South Fridays are easy but Frederick

5:30

Kruger is like, you know what?

5:34

I'm. Actually the neverending story of

5:36

People sub ballistic missile system exists

5:38

as. You just have to say his name. Was

5:41

it's beyond say to

5:44

assess assess his. His

5:46

sister twisted never ending story. On

5:48

Man who have that movie so much knows

5:50

The kid who wish to do that are

5:52

so ah Skyn of her. As I said

5:54

the Trauma Horse. The

5:56

nothing he is. About

5:58

the nothing. It's really. just like your

6:01

middle-aged malaise, isn't it? I

6:04

feel like then nothing has come for me too. I'm

6:06

empty. Yeah, Jillian! Plus a

6:09

banger of a theme. I'm

6:12

the child like, I'm priss myself. Oh

6:16

yeah. Not in appearance, just in like being a

6:18

fucking baby about everything. I'm being like, I don't

6:20

wanna! I

6:22

just remember her having like a very like adorable

6:25

like pixie lisp the whole time. She

6:27

looked like a cancer patient, if I

6:30

recall. I haven't seen the movie

6:32

since I was a child, but I remember thinking, oh she's sick. Plus

6:34

she's dying because they stopped believing in

6:36

fantasy. Right, like Frederick Kruger. The kids

6:39

are just playing video games and for

6:41

something. For something, or like hanging out

6:43

in old bookstores. We gotta talk

6:45

about that movie in that movie's episode. So

6:48

Frederick Kruger is reminiscing about how no one

6:50

remembers him and how he used to be

6:52

a good murderer. He killed dozens

6:54

of children? Like upwards

6:56

of 24 children? Yeah. Okay Frederick

6:58

Kruger. And we're getting

7:00

a lot of footage from the Dream Warriors? Yes,

7:03

the first one in Dream Warriors and then all the bad

7:05

ones. Yeah, well mostly part

7:07

two. Mostly, what was that? My dollar actually just

7:09

came out. Nicely. That's a

7:11

little Pittsburgh for you too, mostly. Nicely. And

7:14

then like a lot of just like that one

7:16

dude from part two like staring at stuff and

7:18

I was like Freddy. Remind me what part what

7:20

happens in part two? Part

7:23

two was like the weird like queer

7:25

coded one with the kid who's like

7:27

he's turning into

7:29

Freddy throughout the movie. Dude, have we done

7:32

it on this show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, all

7:34

right. All right. Look, we've done a lot of

7:36

Freddies. This is like our fifth

7:38

Freddy I think. Yeah. No, six.

7:41

Because we've done one, two, three. New

7:43

nightmare. New nightmares. And then the

7:45

one with about the pregnant girl. Yeah, five I think. That was

7:47

five, yeah. And this one. Yeah. That's

7:50

too many Freddies. Too many Freddies. After

7:53

they killed me, I became something much, much

7:55

worse. All right, dude. Yes, Freddy, we know,

7:57

we know, Fred. Know what's coming to this

7:59

movie. Not knowing who you are

8:01

right? Or maybe they're only Friday

8:03

the thirteenth? Sam Simon. I

8:06

searched the bowels of hell for someone

8:08

who will make them remember in the

8:10

music i assume hockey mask. And

8:13

win or lose sooner. Now

8:16

Nord were indeed.com zip recruiter

8:18

So goes the Jason and

8:20

Do simply because So little

8:22

dude Roman. When one season and up

8:25

To lately I've been. Using

8:27

something space. Or

8:29

there's that and what it is. it's

8:31

five that ends with him dragging the

8:33

mask down. The Or Drug

8:36

as it did love with Freddie dragging Jason's

8:38

masked down into hell they're from and maybe

8:40

than X. One of the movies ends with

8:42

like Freddie or Jason's mask on the ground

8:44

and Freddie reaches up our own rhetoric for

8:46

for trigger who Now I have no memory

8:49

of that. Genuinely no memory of this

8:51

is like the Kelly Ripa thing he dreamed

8:53

that. Maybe. Yes, I

8:56

said three kids assess, assess assess. So

8:58

so so he's gonna hire Jason. Citizen

9:00

has to go back to Crystal Lake

9:02

and kills them. Leave your guts or

9:04

webs up to go into the water

9:07

with the boyfriends. Not their cities

9:09

right off of that. Think.

9:11

If I'm living the bell closer to me

9:13

you know problems are so far as a

9:15

switch my foot because I don't bother to

9:17

use my hands anymore as noticed that you

9:19

had been searching through books and with the

9:21

table cool assists and saw form of a

9:23

friend like Alan. Oh,

9:26

you know I'm just a mere

9:28

reflecting. You're awesome! This best saw.

9:30

That civil eighty six it it's out cause her

9:32

a man. He doesn't say things that are a

9:35

fuck you that slinky L Rise. Up

9:37

from the water was. A

9:39

add a substantive just as a

9:42

T V. it's all to the

9:44

zebra mussels or beautiful hers are.

9:46

Perky. supreme the other times there

9:49

but add a snake swimming for me

9:51

as a nobel nine and my in

9:53

a body of water you're not familiar

9:55

with i feel like thus assists grabbing

9:57

your butt hole exactly yeah don't want

9:59

that Snapping turtle coming up and bun you

10:01

on the butthole? No, thank you. No, thank you. My

10:04

butthole is too precious. She keeps

10:06

looking around being scared. Cause there's

10:08

Jason noises. Okay. Okay. All right. Cause I kept

10:11

thinking like what is it that's scaring her because all

10:13

I hear is the score, but the score

10:15

is the Jason noise that she's

10:17

hearing. Wait, the victims hear the Jason noises.

10:19

No, there's no other reason for her to be

10:21

scared other than like, why am I

10:23

naked in this lake by myself? I don't even seem

10:25

to enjoy swimming. No, she doesn't. Like she doesn't

10:27

even want to be in there. So she

10:29

gets out, puts her shirt back on

10:32

and buttons it up to just under her titties while

10:34

wet. Oh

10:38

man. I have

10:41

a note that says this movie just has the

10:43

Genesee qua of the early 2000. Oh,

10:46

it's got its stank all over it. Just like, oh

10:48

man, this is just bad. This is

10:50

a bad like period for horror movies. Nothing good came

10:53

out in the early 2000s or I would argue between

10:55

2000 and 2010, maybe

10:58

2000 like 20. Right.

11:02

There's got to be some good stuff. Oh

11:04

yeah, for sure. I'm just Josh. I'm not

11:06

really the early 2000s were a bleak time.

11:08

Salah period for horror movies. Like they just

11:10

did not think that people they

11:13

didn't think it mattered. If you put a cogent story

11:15

together to make a movie or that

11:18

it had to look good. If you

11:20

just occasionally put things into slow-mo for

11:22

no fucking reason. Yeah, it doesn't

11:24

look good. It's not a cool

11:26

scene. I'm glad that the movie

11:28

we just agreed to do next week is from 2002. Hell

11:32

yeah. Maybe it'll prove

11:34

us wrong. That was by special request

11:36

of you though. Yeah. You're excited about

11:38

that one. Yeah. Stick around to the end to find

11:40

out what that movie is. You're not going to be

11:42

excited. Don't worry. So

11:45

Jason kills the woman who swims in

11:47

the lake and then she turns into

11:49

his mom or something. So

11:52

she's backed up against a tree

11:54

and he machete her basically to

11:56

and through the tree. Right. His

11:58

hair looks worse than ever. The

12:01

fact that he has a fucking Jason

12:03

mullet, which you know is a scullet

12:05

because there's no hair on top. Yeah

12:08

It's rough. It's a rough. It's a rough look for

12:10

him. It's a rough look. It looks like a big

12:12

Steely Dan fan Yes, he does take that Steely Dan

12:15

fan. I kind of like Steely Dan I think everybody

12:17

likes Steely Dan. No, I'm not a fan. You don't

12:19

like Steely Dan My

12:21

favorite quote from Steve Valbini who passed

12:23

away the other day. RIP. R.I.P. Steve

12:25

Valbini is I'm the type of punk

12:27

that still hates Steely Dan How

12:31

special of you? What a pick

12:33

me. Chronicator. Chronicator. Yeah. Yeah, so

12:36

and I appreciate that so I'll second

12:38

his Don't worry. We retweeted

12:40

it So,

12:44

yes, the woman that he stabs with the

12:46

titties turns into like other camp counselors Her

12:49

saying things like we all deserve to

12:51

be punished Because what

12:53

this movie presupposes is maybe you're

12:55

not both listening and watching it We're

12:59

that Jason So we

13:01

find out that this is Jason's dream Freddy

13:03

has infected Jason because he's dead and

13:06

dreaming right right. Okay, so right so his

13:08

mom shows up It's a different lady. Yeah, because

13:10

what's her name? Betsy Palmer's like no, you can't

13:12

possibly pay me enough to do this But

13:15

she still has the cable net turtleneck Mm-hmm.

13:18

She's like three feet shorter than Betsy

13:20

Palmer. She says you can't die.

13:22

You can never die. Yeah, like babies

13:24

kids Like what

13:27

baby as kids it's a reference from a thousand

13:29

years ago. Just keep on cruising Okay, mommy

13:31

has something she wants you to do to

13:33

go to Elm Street. The children have been

13:36

very bad on Elm Street Hear

13:39

my voice and live again to which I wrote.

13:41

Oh for fuck's sake. Is there

13:43

such a thing as less than a first pass?

13:46

Um Yeah, I don't know Wrote

13:50

it half asleep. I don't know This

13:53

movie was written in a fugue state

13:56

It really must have been because it feels like

13:58

someone if you've ever accidentally put The screen

14:00

reader on on your tv and as

14:02

like man walks into Rome looks at

14:04

woman woman says you know like it's

14:06

not some. Your mom Melbourne as so

14:09

it's the new Metal kicks and I

14:11

had two thousand and three. And there's

14:13

eyelids. the scene of seeing his organs

14:15

regrow inside of his rib cage and

14:17

so those que some sense. Yeah, And

14:20

he's back. The man behind the mask, sir.

14:25

Oh My. God. What we learned

14:27

that Earth Freddy's is. Actually

14:29

Jason's mom. Right

14:31

into season has been dreaming.

14:35

About he doesn't like a third. Race User

14:37

directories of Terrorists that as the

14:40

judge jury and we're all them

14:42

to these articles This. You

14:45

know his life experiences, A narrow

14:47

yeah yeah yeah yeah. but other than

14:49

that trip to fit hadn't and or to

14:51

space that if if if. Necessary.

14:53

or I have been to Manhattan. I've been

14:55

a spare. I know, how dare you.

14:57

Goal is like know you're a proper. Tenant

15:00

easily appalling. Ever go to Spain? Coffee have

15:02

not been for me anyway. Such a

15:04

dream for you. Please enjoy but I

15:06

have no desire to leave deserve. So

15:08

we get i'm Mary Such till of the

15:10

Three Stooges. Reading is very sunny and again

15:13

delivered by. Patron. Saint of

15:15

this podcast Sankyo Canadian chapter. Katharine.

15:18

Isabelle, I was gonna ask if she has

15:20

achieved patron same status and I hope so

15:22

I think we love her and everything with

15:24

the inner. He. Succumbs on a

15:26

yacht? Or yeah, yeah. He's great

15:28

in I was watching this has

15:30

reminded how good she is and

15:32

sandals the television program Pleases in

15:34

Hannibal sees the sister of the

15:36

One Brother and like the later

15:38

seasons. Thirty checks

15:40

out right around the time maybe she started?

15:43

Yeah, and dressing like these? like. Beautiful.

15:45

Like Victorian looking gal yes I

15:47

remember as you're super to a

15:49

measly. Fuckin insanely

15:51

beautiful. His before madhya. In

15:54

this movie she plays good for Japan

15:56

boy who says things like i only

15:58

smoke when I drink. And her friend says,

16:00

but you're always drinking. And she goes, yeah, well, I'll work on

16:03

that next. And I thought, fuck, are you me? Are

16:05

you me? I love that when I

16:08

did like, I paused it at this point. And

16:13

Amazon will show you who's in the movie. And

16:15

it's like, Kelly Rowland. I know, fuck, Kelly Rowland.

16:18

Catherine Isabelle. And then some new metal song. He

16:20

didn't even bother telling me who the other white

16:22

girl was in the scene. Which is

16:24

funny because Monica Kena was like,

16:26

a few years earlier, really

16:29

being pushed by teen magazines as like the

16:31

next big thing. I can see that. But

16:33

she never was as far as I can

16:35

tell. She was reminding me of the

16:37

woman who

16:39

starred in Chasing Amy. Joey

16:42

Lauren Adams? Yeah, yeah, she was giving me like

16:44

that kind of vibe a little bit. Yeah, yeah,

16:46

she's got a pair of baby boys. Yeah, maybe like

16:48

a little Renee Zellweger-ish thing. I can see.

16:51

Can you give a baby? Yeah, yeah. But

16:53

yeah, fucking Kelly Rowland is there. Yeah, Kelly fucking

16:56

Rowland. Kelly fucking Rowland. I

16:58

was literally talking about her earlier that day,

17:00

not knowing she was in this movie because

17:02

Rob didn't remember the Dilemma video where she's

17:04

texting Nellie on an Excel spreadsheet. You

17:06

know what I'm talking about? I do

17:08

not. In the video for Dilemma,

17:10

she sends an angry text message

17:12

to Nellie on her

17:15

like T-Mobile sidekick too or whatever.

17:18

But it's literally just an Excel spreadsheet

17:20

that she's writing across the cells in.

17:22

And like later, Nellie was interviewed about

17:24

it. Pretty recently, and he

17:27

was like, yeah, that was just a

17:29

new technology of the time. No, Nellie.

17:31

It was not. No one has

17:33

ever sent a text message using Excel. I

17:37

mean, if you're Nellie,

17:39

just try to bullshit your way out of every

17:41

situation. I think that's what you do. Often

17:45

Dilemma from the record, Nellieville. Is

17:49

Kelly Rowland the one that fell down that

17:52

the other two Destiny's children just walk by?

17:55

There's like some live footage. I think it's

17:57

the other one. Who's name? Michelle. Yes. Beyonce,

18:00

Kelly and Michelle, and then I'm not sure who this

18:02

fourth one is that you refer to. There

18:04

are only three Destiny's children. There's definitely a fourth one

18:07

at some point. I don't know. I know three Destiny's

18:09

children. And there's like stage, there's footage from them walking

18:11

onto stage and one of them drops. The

18:13

other two look at her and

18:15

then just keep walking and singing. Wow. Well,

18:18

the song's already on. These

18:21

words are going to sing of their themselves, so

18:23

we have to look like we're still doing it.

18:25

Exactly. So these

18:28

ladies who it seems improbable that they'd

18:30

be friends. None of them

18:32

even really seem to like each other. And

18:34

why would they? And they seem

18:36

to be of like wildly disparaging ages as

18:39

well. They're not though, because I thought the same and

18:41

I looked it up and Monica Kina is like maybe two

18:43

years older than Kelly Rowland

18:45

and Catherine Isabelle who are like

18:47

the same age. Okay. Or maybe, well two of them

18:49

are the same age and one is off by like two years. Gotcha. But

18:53

yeah, Kelly Rowland has always looked old. She

18:55

has an old face. Sure. Sure. Yeah.

18:57

Monica Kina is your baby. Well,

19:02

Catherine Isabelle has a very round face, which

19:04

gives her a very childlike appearance as well.

19:07

Yeah. And she's also wearing pigtails through a lot of this film.

19:09

Yeah. Yeah. Gibb.

19:11

Gibb. That's her old name,

19:13

Gibb. So the

19:16

lights are flickering while they're hanging

19:18

out and there's a thunderstorm going

19:20

on. And we see Jason

19:23

is standing outside and watching these nerds

19:25

show up with beers. She

19:27

flicks a cig into Jason's face, if I recall correctly.

19:30

She does. And her boyfriend yells

19:32

at her for smoking. She goes, they're menthols. Like

19:35

that makes it okay. Well, it makes her breath not

19:38

smell. A

19:40

hundred percent not true. Decidedly. Her

19:42

boyfriend also says... He

19:45

sucks. And so does his

19:47

friend. Yeah. Who Kelly Rowland

19:49

is pushing. Kelly Rowland's character

19:51

is Kelly Rowland. Yes, that's all

19:54

she is in my notes. And Lori

19:56

is the one whose house they are at, who was

19:58

the woman whose name I did not know. Hey

20:00

Laurie! So still, Iran is really

20:02

pushing Laurie. To hook up with this fall?

20:04

Yeah, Why didn't see to

20:06

do it if she likes and summer

20:09

me and and she says there's nothing

20:11

about how a guy disappeared. On

20:13

Laurie. Ghost. At her earlier when

20:15

she was fourteen. I'm still. He runs as

20:17

you were fucking fourteen, sub debt over

20:19

at which is fantastic. But this

20:22

was really high school sushi babies. sixteen?

20:25

Well I guess is eighteen because we're told. Us. For

20:27

years later, right? All right, rare moment.

20:29

Although took me awhile to put it together. That was a guy

20:31

they're talking about in the beginning. Because I forgot they were

20:34

talking about the guy in the beginning. So. What is a

20:36

Cease and Ritter was a So wild card

20:38

is to serve in the movie. You've seen

20:40

in this movie. Something weird is happening

20:42

with his. Mouth. Cancer He doesn't

20:44

look, doesn't look anything like his father.

20:47

Nearly. Really does. It is restrained

20:49

chests. Time to leave the convent. Laurie.

20:52

Gift. Fox I got a good as his.

20:56

Soup Laurie has. Unrequited,

20:59

Love because of where front steps. And.

21:03

See. Has a dead man who

21:05

has one arm doubling up on shit for

21:07

arma. Yes, and nobody cares nearly

21:10

one bad. For her and it's you know

21:12

and sad for her or looks as though

21:14

the boy that she was the hook up

21:16

with as flicks for great living room and

21:18

as really great songs way as a man.

21:21

Club. Yodel. Talk about that anymore with why

21:23

people are talking about that incessantly anymore

21:25

as a one hundred percent or two

21:27

thousand and three things reliable. Me

21:29

like Went to Pure One Imports and picked

21:31

up a little pamphlet about a Nl. so.

21:33

Don't know. Damn Iii.

21:36

Wheezy. Katharine Isabelle Something or boyfriends

21:38

near I guess I was. It was.

21:40

A success. I always feel that way

21:42

and will be going on like Basil our. How I

21:44

think it's usually get how it's it's

21:47

it. Was giving me Uncle Becker advice

21:49

because he's a fuck fuck yeah that's.

21:51

Why I'll Men don't think they're. Supposed to

21:53

do that. As. a

21:56

yeah don't want to yell too much

21:58

kissinger didn't notice how disappointed you It's

22:03

best we don't call attention to it. What

22:07

are you doing? Nothing. Yeah,

22:09

I haven't noticed this as we see folks

22:11

having boring sex. Babe, you know I don't like to

22:14

be touched after. Babe, he's as babe

22:16

as an insult like so many people I

22:18

know. I love it. Babe. Babe,

22:21

I said no. Oh my god.

22:24

So you could tell the fight's starting. Yeah.

22:26

Oh my god. So she's

22:30

like fine, I'll go take a

22:32

shower then. Yeah. And we get this

22:34

overhead boob shot and I'm like I don't think those

22:36

are her boobs. I think those are somebody else's boobs.

22:38

No, Catherine Isabelle has very small titties. Yeah, these

22:40

were the giant titties. Giant, giant

22:42

titties, yeah. Which you

22:45

know there was a note from the studio that was like oh

22:47

we're gonna need bigger ones? Yeah, these are not gonna cut it.

22:50

Also Lori is wearing the pushiest

22:52

of push-up bras I've ever

22:54

seen. Sure. It was in

22:56

January 2003 but like you can see the outline

22:58

of it just like shoving her poor titties in

23:00

the air. It's a bummer. Like

23:03

it's got iron girders on it. Yes,

23:05

she's like I can't breathe. I can't

23:08

see you, let me push these down.

23:10

So Jason cruises on in. Yeah. And

23:13

stabs the guy. Jason kills fuckboy. The note

23:15

I have. Who does not let go

23:17

of his beard even while being stabbed. Proud of him.

23:20

And then folds him backwards and why does the bed

23:22

do this? Is it a sofa bed? Sofobeds

23:25

don't do that. Is

23:28

it a Murphy? Like what is this bed? Murphy beds don't

23:30

do that, I don't know. It's like a bed from a

23:32

hotel when you're like we need an extra bed and they're

23:34

like here's this folding one that no one's ever seen before.

23:36

Yeah, I guess so. But I was like

23:38

I'm pretty sure they went to her

23:40

parents room. Why would

23:42

this bed be in that room? Maybe the mom killed

23:44

herself because she didn't want to sleep on Bendy bed

23:47

anymore. It

23:49

is a nice look though, him bent

23:51

backwards. Sure, with fake legs up here. Yeah,

23:55

so that his head is like touching his

23:57

calves. I liked it. His

24:00

name is Trey. His name is Trey. And

24:02

she comes out of the

24:05

shower, steps in his blood, and she has

24:07

such a good horror movie screen. She's so

24:09

fantastic. Real scream

24:11

queen, if you will. Yeah. So

24:13

they all run out of the

24:15

house into a conveniently placed cop.

24:18

I fucking adored this scene. Tell

24:21

me about this scene. They run

24:23

up to the cop, whose name is Stub. Stubbs.

24:25

Stubbs. Stubbs. And

24:28

the cop says, do you need assistance?

24:31

And Catherine Isabelle says, what the

24:33

fuck do you think? She's

24:36

naked except for a bloody sheet wrapped

24:38

around her body. Yeah, she's fantastic. I

24:40

was like, yo, that is the best

24:42

writing this movie has seen thus far.

24:44

And sadly, we'll see. And

24:47

good night to the writer. That's

24:51

a wrap on the writer. Thank you so much for

24:53

coming today, Jimmy. So

24:55

the cops all show up. It's even

24:57

the same damn house, 1428 Elm. It's

25:00

got to be Freddy Krueger. He's

25:03

sort of borrowing from the Halloween book of

25:05

tricks, like with the same house and the,

25:07

yeah. And not even bothering to

25:10

mention John Saxon, former police officer

25:12

in this town. John Saxon.

25:15

I was going to say, I recently watched Enter the Dragon,

25:17

but I watched it for this job. They

25:19

already knew. And he's just a smoking hot

25:21

in that movie. I

25:24

love that you find him smoking hot. You don't

25:26

think he's smoking hot? No, he's not my thing.

25:30

I think he's fantastic. I

25:33

think he and Michael Ironside look almost

25:35

identical. I strongly disagree with that. What?

25:38

No, no, I don't think so. I understand

25:40

that I'm incorrect, but in my mind, I just

25:42

pop them in the same hole. Put all that

25:44

chest hair. Sure. I

25:47

believe, as I said in the episode, I'll take Black Belt Jones

25:49

over many days of the week. Anyway,

25:52

so enough about who I want to fuck. Let's

25:55

go back to this movie. They asked

25:57

me questions about my dreams. Fine.

26:00

I mean, ACAB

26:02

and everything. Sure. But

26:04

these cops are particularly shit. Right.

26:07

They suspect that it's Freddy Krueger,

26:09

but they can't let any

26:11

of the kids know about it because

26:14

they have eradicated the knowledge of Freddy

26:16

Krueger. Right. Except they know

26:18

about Freddy Krueger. What? And they go

26:20

to sleep and dream, right? Or do

26:22

they take hypnose? Yeah, it's

26:25

almost like the conceit

26:27

of this film doesn't actually

26:30

work once the film starts

26:32

going. Yeah. Yeah.

26:36

Unless they just take hypnose, and

26:38

don't dream. They don't. They're definitely

26:40

not doing that. No, you're probably right. You're

26:42

probably right about that. So

26:46

she immediately falls asleep in the police station. So

26:48

yes, she puts her head down on the table,

26:50

and then she just is like, it was Freddy. She

26:52

just remembered it out of nowhere. And I was

26:54

like, wow, is that what happens in young, healthy brains?

26:56

But that's not what's happening. She's asleep. And

27:00

she's walking through the police station. There's a little

27:02

girl with no eyes, blah, blah, blah. There's

27:05

a bunch of missing kid posters that when she walks by,

27:07

they turn to look at her. This is fucking

27:09

Harry Potter? What is going on around

27:11

here? This is pre-Harry Potter, right? Sure.

27:14

Yeah. I kind of liked it.

27:16

Yeah, did you? I did. I

27:19

thought it was very silly and much like a

27:21

lot of this movie, very music video. Yeah, maybe

27:23

that's why I like it. I do love music

27:25

video. Sure. I

27:28

could see Axl Rose walking by a board

27:30

of missing children that are all turning to

27:32

him. Yeah, dude, or even solo file him,

27:35

like a runaway train. Never

27:37

coming back. Wrong way on a one-way track. What?

27:41

That guy's hair is ridiculous. Still,

27:45

he went out with Winona Ryder. I didn't, so who am

27:47

I to say? No, that's true. You've never

27:49

fucked Winona Ryder, as far as you

27:51

know. So

27:55

there's like vanishing blood that's leading her

27:58

down the hallway and the little Girls

28:00

like hi, I'm an exposition dead girl

28:02

pretty Kruger. He kills people you may

28:04

have recalled me from the opening scene

28:07

He especially enjoys little girls You're

28:10

a former little girl. You're a grown-ass

28:12

woman with a body of a grown-ass

28:14

woman. So I don't know And

28:18

then suddenly she's home warn your friends warn

28:20

everyone but first There's

28:23

like little girls jumping rope and they're

28:25

singing the song. Yeah, it's still fucking

28:28

sucks. That's all sucks you

28:30

know The one you

28:32

ready is coming for you. I feel

28:34

like that's before a first draft to 56

28:38

grab a crucifix like he's at the Empire a

28:41

crucifix has never done anything to Freddy Kruger never stopped

28:43

anything Seven

28:45

eight put it back down. You're not gonna need it Maybe

28:49

just don't go to a different

28:52

state You're

28:55

all you should just get off Elm Street,

28:57

I think Yeah, like leave you alone town

28:59

over. Oh God So

29:03

this is skip to Blake's dad Blake

29:05

is the Feng Shui boy. Is this

29:08

the scene we did for? I feel

29:10

like you're familiar. Yeah, this is familiar

29:13

And when I've turned this on on Amazon Prime,

29:15

it was at the end of this scene I

29:17

was like really you remember that from that

29:19

long ago way to go bezos guys

29:22

So Blake

29:25

is his dad That

29:28

was a yell at him. It's just like hey,

29:30

I gotta say something my fucking friend died dad

29:35

Kid's head green. Did you notice his head was

29:37

green? No, like his hair or his actual head

29:39

or head There was like a big green splotch

29:41

on it Well,

29:45

you're supposed to be watching your sister, yeah Parenting

29:49

101 yell at your kid when their best

29:51

friend was just murdered. Sure. I mean, that's what you

29:53

do. Yeah Yeah, so dad goes inside.

29:55

Yeah in Elm Street here in the

29:58

tropics. There's like a big tropical plant

30:00

to play where is Elm Street? Yeah,

30:03

well I mean there's an Elm Street in every

30:05

town, that's why it's terrifying, right? Oh.

30:09

A pedophile on every Elm

30:11

Street, I guess. A

30:14

murdered, burned pedophile. When I ran for president, it

30:16

was a chicken in every pot. Yeah. A

30:18

pedophile on every Elm Street. And who's not going to

30:20

vote for that? I know Drake would. Are

30:24

we wading into the beef? I'm

30:26

Team Kendrick all day long. I mean, I only know

30:28

of it what you explained to me earlier this week.

30:32

That sounds like he dropped not like us, very good.

30:35

Okay. I enjoyed it very much.

30:37

I just, it stresses me out. Oh

30:39

sure, yeah, no it's a total bummer, but it was like

30:41

a distraction from the actual bummers in the world, so that

30:43

was nice. Why is something going on? Huh?

30:48

What's this now? We

30:50

get a bloody goat, we get a Freddy shadow, all

30:52

the hits, you know. Yeah,

30:54

yeah. We get a

30:56

CGI Freddy shadow that looks like shit. And

31:00

in my notes, I was like, oh, I saw this in a

31:02

previous movie, and then I was like, no, I've seen this

31:04

scene before. You fucking stupid, welcome to

31:07

my world, bitch. Dude

31:14

wakes up, is this Blake? Yeah.

31:16

Blake wakes up and he goes, okay, I'm all

31:19

right. Because this movie should be

31:21

subtitled. Everyone say what you're thinking. At all

31:23

times, because we can't figure it out because you can't

31:25

act or hit of a white paper bag. No, you

31:27

can't. And then his dad's

31:29

sitting next to him, and then his dad's head falls

31:32

off? Yeah, because Jason chopped his dad's head

31:34

off. And then Jason takes care of business. Yeah,

31:36

that was fun, I liked that. Yeah, me too. I liked

31:38

that dad's head falling off. Oh, I love a dad's head

31:40

falling off. Oh yeah, all day long. All day long. Cut

31:45

two, Jason Ritter in

31:47

a mental hospital. Yes, with his

31:49

sidekick. Yeah. Some guy.

31:51

Let's name him Froggy. We're going to call

31:53

him Froggy. He had

31:55

Froggy vibes, he was only leaping around everywhere. I have

31:57

to leap quite a bit. I feel like you could see.

32:00

into his nostrils too. Oh sure, yeah.

32:02

That's froggy. There,

32:05

everyone in the mental

32:08

institution besides the two of them is just walking

32:10

around rubbing themselves at all times. Is that right?

32:13

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Well, May is masturbation

32:15

month. So we watch

32:17

this in May. Right. So yeah.

32:20

June is jerking it. Mitchell is

32:22

jacking it. August

32:25

is attacking it.

32:29

I had it reported to me recently that

32:32

a friend saw a license plate and the

32:34

license plate was I N O F A P. I

32:39

know FAP. That person probably drives like

32:41

such an asshole. That person's

32:43

probably like the light turns green and you don't

32:45

go right away. fucking

32:50

asshole. I

32:54

think you should leave sketch where he has

32:56

a honk of your horny bumper sticker. So some

32:58

guy starts like honking

33:00

at him and following him home and

33:02

sitting outside of his house honking. And

33:05

then he's like, what? He's like, I thought you could

33:07

help. I

33:13

know FAP. Just, just

33:15

put it out there that you're fucking

33:17

sex best. Yeah. I

33:19

mean, do what you want to

33:22

do, but don't put it on your license plate. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

33:24

Yeah. So, uh, uh,

33:26

the, the boys get out of the

33:29

mental hospital through some shenanigans. They're having

33:31

like the shittiest conversation. Like one

33:33

of them says to the other,

33:35

we're institutionalized. And it's like, everyone

33:37

say now what you're looking at.

33:39

It's literally the screen reader. One

33:42

of them just to start singing the suicidal

33:44

tendencies, long institutionalized. Oh, there you go. We

33:47

learned that four years ago, Jason Ritter, whose character

33:50

is Will. Sure. He's

33:52

only Jason Ritter in my. Jason Ritter

33:54

saw Lori's dad kill her mom.

33:56

Yes. And I was like, is

33:58

this a thing I should know from. another movie.

34:01

I thought that as well and I don't

34:03

know the answer. Yeah. I don't I don't think

34:07

so because the when it's revealed

34:09

later in this movie what actually happened we're I think

34:11

we're meant to be surprised or at least I

34:13

don't know she's surprised. So

34:17

the kid froggy as I'll call

34:19

him does a pressed ham on the window

34:22

of like the chief security pill put her

34:24

out her guy. Yes. And like

34:27

through that he gets dosed

34:29

to knock him out but he also manages

34:31

to steal the guy's keys and badge to

34:33

get out. Yes. They have to do

34:36

this because they saw a

34:38

news report on the TV that there

34:41

had been a murder at Lori's house. Yeah.

34:43

Yeah. So Jason Reuter's like that's my

34:45

girlfriend I gotta go save her. And

34:47

boy does he

34:49

ever. Boy does he ever. I did

34:51

like the idea of running away with your friend

34:53

who has been given knock him out drugs. Yeah

34:56

it's not a great plan but somehow it works.

34:58

And also they do not lay low. Cut

35:04

to Lori's dad putting drugs

35:06

in her OJ. Yes. She's

35:09

like I'm just gonna go to

35:11

school today. Like wasn't your friend

35:13

murdered last night? Yeah. Her

35:16

dad is we we are meant to believe that

35:18

her dad might be a bad guy because Will

35:20

told us that he saw him

35:22

kill her mom. Yes. But her dad's also

35:25

behaving like a bad guy. Yes. And

35:27

we also find out that she has no

35:29

earthly idea what his job is. Yeah

35:32

that's weird right? That's fucking weird. That's

35:34

fucking weird. Yeah. He's also just like

35:37

I don't know. I don't know.

35:39

He's he's he's getting really close to

35:41

her when he talks. Yeah I was like oh

35:43

are these are you trying to roofie your own

35:46

daughter? This will be sucks. She

35:50

gets to school and finds out that Blake is dead too. It's 2003 they

35:53

did not text or call. In 2003

35:55

I was certainly texting and calling. I was getting on

35:57

a fucking Excel spreadsheet and side kicking people. Exactly. Why

35:59

didn't Kelly roll? and pull up her, the cells

36:01

that she needed to write in. Oh,

36:04

it stuck on a calculation. I don't remember what

36:06

the, oh no. No, put a apostrophe at the

36:08

front, it'll be fine. So

36:10

the friends are all reunited in high school. And

36:14

there's a Columbine reference, and I was like,

36:16

hmm, a little close. It's there, what'd they

36:18

say? Just like something about this reminding

36:21

them of Columbine or something. Five years before.

36:24

Four years, yeah. Ay

36:27

yi yi. We meet Linderman.

36:30

Linderman. Linderman. Kelly's

36:33

so mean to him, Kelly Rowland. Yeah, because she

36:35

likes him. I can't. She

36:37

likes him. She says that they don't have time for data dork

36:39

right now. And I thought that was kind of funny. So

36:43

she's like, hey, I'm 30 and I have

36:45

to go somewhere else right now. I

36:48

know, she's 22 or whatever, but like.

36:50

She does seem mature. Yeah. Probably

36:53

because she's been on stage and she was a tiny child.

36:55

She's seen some shit. Because she's like, say

36:57

my name, say my name. Say

37:01

baby, I love you if you ain't running gay.

37:03

It's on a fucking earworm. That is a banger.

37:05

Yeah, oh yeah, no doubt, no doubt. Hard

37:09

agree. Yeah. So

37:12

we run into Jason Ritter and Froggy

37:14

in the hallway. They show up

37:16

to the high school. They escaped from a

37:18

mental institution and went to high school.

37:21

Yeah. Everyone's watching.

37:25

Laurie passes out. Yeah.

37:28

And then is like infirmed in the

37:30

nurse's office for an indeterminate amount of

37:32

time. Well, Kelly Roland reads a magazine

37:35

with titty surgery pictures. Well,

37:38

she's dreaming. The magazine has a

37:40

titty surgery dream that she's having.

37:42

I guess, because she's been talking about getting a

37:44

nose job. Freddie leaps out of the

37:46

magazine and grabs her nose. And what does he say?

37:49

Got your nose. Fucking hell, Freddie.

37:52

Seriously, right now? Hi, I'm

37:54

First Pass Freddie. Oh, it sucks. Ha ha ha ha ha ha

37:56

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

37:58

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Meanwhile,

38:00

the escapees have run

38:03

to the library. Oh no,

38:05

the cops show up. And the kids

38:08

are like, okay, bye, and just run away and

38:10

the cops do not getch them. They go to

38:12

the library. They're using a microfiche, which I feel

38:14

like the library and had to help them set

38:16

up. They are not laying low. You

38:21

know what I miss? Card catalogs.

38:23

Oh yeah. I miss the Dewey

38:26

Decimal System. I could

38:28

take that to leave that, but I love a card

38:30

catalog. It's the whole fucking basis of the card catalog.

38:32

But I just love that. I

38:34

love a hyper-specific piece of furniture.

38:37

And the card catalog is the pen.

38:40

It's the ultimate. It really is. That's great.

38:42

Pull out that thing, start flipping through those cards.

38:45

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or that, to

38:48

go to the Muter Museum in Philadelphia,

38:50

and they have the chest of drawers. That's

38:53

just the tiny specimen drawers, and you pull

38:55

out everything. We full out of people's esophaguses.

38:58

Oh no, that's a nail. That's

39:00

like 200 safety pins. Who

39:03

did that? I don't know. That's

39:05

bad. So after

39:07

they go and look at the microfiche, I don't

39:10

remember what they learned there. Maybe you do. No.

39:15

They're then in this insane

39:18

fuck van. The titty van.

39:20

What is this van's deal? It

39:24

is for anyone who didn't watch this movie. Let's

39:26

describe it. Is

39:29

it like 70s fuckmobil with full

39:31

on airbrushed scene on the side

39:33

of it? The scene is a

39:36

shirtless woman shooting an arrow

39:38

at something? Let's say

39:40

a big cat. A big cat. That seems a breath of

39:43

air. It's a gas panther. It

39:45

has two lights,

39:47

like fucking black lights. It's

39:51

not casual to be hanging out in a titty van

39:53

with a black light on. No. It's

39:57

insane. Color. Back

40:00

to hype, there's a conversation that happens.

40:02

Who cares? Who cares? There's something about

40:04

a plague. Kids are going to be falling asleep.

40:07

What? What? Kids are

40:09

going to be falling asleep every day, sir. Jason

40:12

Ritter's dialogue in this movie is entirely to catch

40:15

you up because you've stopped paying attention in this

40:17

movie. Yeah. He's like, look, it's

40:19

me, a competent actor, and I will tell you

40:21

what you've missed. Actually, I think

40:23

all the acting in this is fairly complicated. Yeah, it's fine. They're

40:26

not given much to work with. No. They're

40:29

doing a good job with what they got. Yeah, yeah. I

40:31

take back my earlier can't act their way out of a

40:33

wet paper bag. Can't direct their

40:35

way out of a wet paper bag. I

40:37

think that's correct. We learned that there's going

40:39

to be a party at a corn maze

40:41

with this Jason Muse looking motherfucker handing out

40:43

invitations. It does look like a cool rave.

40:45

Yeah. Yeah. Who

40:47

doesn't love a cool rave? I only like shitty raves. At

40:50

this rave, they have a polar water thing

40:52

of beer that they're using to beer bong.

40:54

Yeah. That doesn't make any sense.

40:56

They don't abuse Linderman by forcing him to

40:59

beer bong. Poor Linderman. Yeah. And

41:01

it doesn't go in his mouth. It just goes all over his body.

41:03

All over his body. While Lori is seated on

41:05

the hood of a car dancing with

41:07

her upper body like you

41:09

do. Just feeling the music. Yeah, I

41:11

guess so. Just feeling it, Katie. I guess so. You never

41:14

just felt it? I mean, I guess at a rave. Where

41:18

else to feel? And Linderman

41:20

immediately goes up to Kia, who

41:22

is Kelly Rolla character. Oh,

41:25

Kia. And

41:27

she's like, he's

41:29

obviously into Lori. So

41:32

when Jason Ritter shows up at the rave,

41:35

Lori feels bad for Linderman. And it's like, oh,

41:37

come dance with me so you don't feel bad

41:40

for seeing those two together. I was

41:42

like, why do you suddenly care about this man? Oh,

41:44

because he strikes back at her. He's

41:49

like, if you didn't hate yourself so much, maybe you'd be able

41:51

to see beyond that. And then she respects him.

41:54

Oh, that's what it is. And someone says

41:56

intestines in the scene also. Is that

41:58

what? Oh, yeah.

42:01

I think this is a stoner guy that somehow just

42:03

comes along for no reason. Is

42:05

that the Jason Muze looking motherfucker? I think so,

42:07

yeah. Yeah. His name is like,

42:11

Forgborg or something. It's

42:13

written down. Forgborg.

42:16

Forgborg. Oh, Freeborg.

42:18

Freeborg. Freebird. Yeah, I knew

42:20

it was something funny. Yeah. Freebird,

42:22

Freeberg. It's like he, you're like,

42:24

wow, look at this minor character and then he's going

42:26

to be with you for the next act. Why?

42:30

For no fucking reason.

42:32

Yeah. And so. So

42:36

Will and Lori are having this conversation. Yeah.

42:39

He's about to say to her, I thought I saw your dad

42:41

kill your mom. Yeah. Like he's about

42:43

to say it. And Kelly Rowland walks up and she's like,

42:46

it's time to dance. And they're

42:48

like, okay, all right. I'm like,

42:50

yeah, obbs. And

42:53

then we see Catherine

42:57

Isabelle and she sees this

42:59

really weird, her former lover's

43:01

like head floating around in

43:04

the corn. Ghost corn. Yeah.

43:07

And he's like, come follow me into the woods.

43:09

And she's like, okay. Don't make me kill you

43:11

twice. Come on, give. So

43:13

she follows him and I have a note. It's like,

43:16

I bet that's Freddy or Jason. It's gotta be. Yeah.

43:19

Yeah. So she's like, oh, I'm gonna

43:21

bring that out. So she goes into a silo and then

43:24

the silo becomes the boiler room.

43:28

And there's a Freddy face in the middle or something.

43:30

You know what I mean? Freddy

43:33

loves bending things that shouldn't be bended.

43:35

I mean, I think he thinks that's very creepy.

43:38

Yeah. But Fred, if

43:41

you do it every movie, it stops being

43:43

creepy. Yeah. Oh,

43:46

wait. I do see that

43:48

Ray Mysterio was in this. He

43:50

was a stunt double for a scene in the boiler room. Oh,

43:53

okay. Okay. Yeah. Was

43:55

he the stunt double for jumper or does

43:57

he just... Oh, when she

43:59

falls... falls down, I bet that's him. Oh,

44:02

probably. Yeah. All right, Rey Mysterio,

44:04

how did you end up here? WWE,

44:09

pay people better. Yeah.

44:14

I actually do not know if he ever wrestled

44:16

for the WWE. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Well,

44:18

we find out that Catherine

44:21

Isabel is asleep and this guy

44:23

with light up glow sticks

44:25

all over him comes up and starts sexually

44:28

assaulting her. This guy fucking sucks. Yeah, and

44:30

I was like, okay, well, this is a

44:32

good use of Jason. Yeah, Jason is

44:34

here. Oh no, I'm sure he'll be totally fucking unfair.

44:38

Because he kills the sexual assaulter and

44:40

her. How dare you kill Gibb? And

44:43

how dare he kill Gibb? Because it was supposed to

44:45

be Freddie's kill. Yeah, so she's dead

44:47

all of a sudden in the boiler

44:49

room and sprays Freddie with blood.

44:51

Yeah. And Freddie's like,

44:54

how dare you, bitch.

44:56

Yeah. We

44:59

cut to these guys, these fucking guys holding

45:02

joints for each other. You don't have to hold a joint for

45:04

your friend. They have fingers. One of

45:06

them says, this ever clear is kicking my ass.

45:10

Just so when he throws alcohol on

45:12

Freddie, or on Jason, you understand why

45:14

it goes up the way it does.

45:16

I mean, that's quick thinking on this

45:18

guy's part. But yeah, Jason is

45:20

standing behind them and he turns around and he says,

45:22

check out this fucking guy, which actually

45:25

is also the best writing in this movie. Because

45:27

you know, I love the phrase, this fucking guy.

45:29

Come on, fucking guy. Come on, fucking guy. And

45:32

also they're like, what are you doing?

45:35

Would you really act like this to

45:37

a man who's 11 fucking feet tall?

45:39

Holding a machete? No, you don't. He's

45:42

got a wispy mullet? No. Oh

45:46

man. But he turns the one guy's

45:48

neck clear around, which I liked. It

45:50

looked like shitty doo doo. It

45:52

did not look good. I like a head

45:55

twist around to the back. No,

45:57

it doesn't look great. But it is a nice fire walk that he...

46:00

does here. I like the above

46:02

shot when he's lighting the entire cornfield

46:04

on fire as he walks through it.

46:07

Because the chubby

46:09

jock sprays him down with Everclear

46:11

and then lights him on fire.

46:13

Yeah. Yeah. Throws

46:15

the flaming machete into a person

46:18

mid-party. And this is all on

46:20

slow-mo. Yeah, for no fun. There's

46:22

glow stick slow-mo and then there's

46:24

the fire throw slow-mo. And like,

46:26

no, we got it. Thank you.

46:29

Movie. Yeah. So now

46:31

he's just murdering indiscriminately. Sure.

46:34

But that's not right. But that's like a

46:36

Freddy thing too. I guess so, yeah. Yeah.

46:38

And then the stoner guy

46:40

says, dude, that goalie was pissed about something,

46:42

which I thought should have been the tagline of every

46:44

Friday the 13th movie. So they get away

46:52

in the sex van. Yeah, of

46:54

course they do. And now

46:56

Jason Muse is with them and Linderman. Yes.

47:01

They've got Linderman and Jason

47:03

Muse. And then also a

47:05

Misfits Air freshener. Did you call that?

47:08

Yes, I did. Yes, I did. There's also

47:10

something spray painted across the hood of the,

47:12

or maybe airbrushed across the hood of the

47:14

van. I could not figure out what it

47:16

was. The closest I think is Reaper, but

47:19

I'm not sure if it says Reaper. That tracks.

47:21

Yeah. Yeah. And this is

47:23

where he tells her that he saw

47:25

his dad killed her mom. Right. And

47:27

then her dad comes out and he's like, get out of that

47:29

titty van. Like, yeah, of course you don't want your kid riding

47:32

around in that thing. She

47:34

says to him, did mom die in a car

47:36

accident? And he goes, yes, of course she did.

47:38

And she goes, prove it. This

47:42

is when I unhit her

47:44

with the car. Dig her

47:46

up. Show me the tire

47:48

marks. This is

47:50

what I saw the insane underwire in her

47:52

bra or like the fortifications that are pushing

47:55

her bra. Yeah. Cause there's a couple of

47:57

like overhead shots of her when she's walking up a flight of stairs and

47:59

you're like, Oh my God. Oh my god. There's

48:01

so much padding. And when she says prove it, it's

48:03

shot from like dad's perspective so you're getting the undergirding

48:05

of her bra. It's banana time. It's so much push

48:07

up. So this is where it

48:10

turns out that he works at Weston Hills, which

48:12

he didn't know. Which is the mental institution

48:15

that Jason Ritter and Froggy escaped from. Right.

48:18

And he reaches into his like robe pocket and he's

48:20

like, hey, I take a sleeping pill. He's like, if

48:22

you cure this in your robe pocket because you're a

48:24

GP, I don't know what's happening here. And

48:27

she's like, I don't even know where

48:30

you work. I'm like, now we're going to have

48:32

this conversation. Seriously. It sounds like you don't know much about him

48:34

at all. And

48:38

at some point she sneaks out of

48:40

the house while it's raining again. Very

48:42

rainy in this town. Well, Elm Street.

48:44

Yeah. Yeah. And

48:46

dad fails to spot hidden when he goes outside to

48:48

look for her because she's standing kind of exposed on

48:50

the other side of a tree. I didn't get a

48:52

white shirt in the dark if I recall. And

48:57

then somebody delivers the

49:00

line, you can't trust any of the

49:02

adults. Yeah. I love that. And

49:04

I was like, that's wise words. I remember thinking you can't

49:06

trust anyone over the age of 30. Sure.

49:09

And now I'm 40. You're

49:11

not trustworthy anymore. No, fuck no. Not especially not

49:13

the kids. Was it Sesame

49:15

Street that had the never trust

49:17

anybody over three feet tall? What?

49:20

No. So

49:23

they go to look big. So she gets

49:25

back in the van with Will, which

49:28

now there's cruising around town in this titty

49:30

van. Someone would see them. Yeah.

49:33

They go to Froggy's house. He's there. He's

49:35

an escapee. Wouldn't

49:37

they look for him there? Yeah. Okay.

49:41

His bathroom is the bathroom of my dream. Biggest

49:43

fucking bathroom I've ever seen. You could do cartwheels in it.

49:45

So big. Although is it nightmare

49:47

sized or is it just that big? That's what

49:49

I was wondering too. Is this the actual bathroom

49:52

or is this just the bathroom that Freddie needs?

49:54

It's like you walk in here like that toilet's

49:56

so far away. It's

49:59

actually a slog. to get up and wash my

50:01

hands after I pooped. Oh my God, I'll just rest up

50:03

here for a minute. But it was

50:05

so, oh man. I've never seen a bathroom that

50:07

big in my whole life. Jealous. I would literally

50:09

do cartwheels in it. You spend so much time

50:11

in the bathroom, aren't they just a little bit

50:13

bigger? My bathroom is the size of most

50:16

people's closets. Yeah. Yeah. My

50:19

bathroom's a real piece of shit. No, you're

50:21

just pretty big. No, no, the toilet is

50:23

set at the weirdest angle to the wall

50:25

that you have to sit, it's soft. You have

50:27

to sit at like a 15 degree angle one

50:29

way. Yeah. Yeah. You guys don't need to

50:31

know this. No, but that's when I

50:34

eat the treats that you always leave in the bathroom for me.

50:37

The orange flavored ones. They're

50:39

cod vitamin C chewable. They're

50:42

so good, I love this candy. There's calcium ones down there

50:44

too. I never see the can, where are they? I'm nice

50:46

and chunky. I'm the same chuff. All right, well I'll have

50:48

some extra treats tonight. You're

50:51

like the only thing keeping me getting scurvy. Once

50:55

a week I eat two of those things at

50:57

the jar. I love it when you come back upstairs and

50:59

you're like, I have some of your bathroom candy. Don't

51:02

keep candy in your bathroom if you don't want me to eat it.

51:05

Anyway, what frog he needs is meth. He

51:08

needs methamphetamines. No doses copywritten, so

51:10

we're using wake aid. Wake aid.

51:14

He closes the bathroom mirror. Oh, Freddy's in the

51:16

mirror behind him. No one saw that

51:18

coming. Shocked, fucking shocked. He

51:21

sees his brother in the bathtub. And

51:23

then I thought, was his brother in

51:25

a previous movie? Again, I don't

51:28

know. I don't know. I feel like that we

51:30

should know, but I don't. And

51:32

then Freddy's like, look, I'm gonna kill

51:34

you. Before I do, this is

51:36

what I've got going on. For everybody

51:38

who's been watching this movie, you

51:41

probably fell asleep. You know there's no Freddy.

51:43

It's okay, you out there in the real world,

51:45

you could sleep. Yes, that's fine. But yeah, so

51:48

I've hired Jason and he is doing my bidding

51:50

for me until I can become like corporeal and

51:52

kill people again. Right. That's just not happening for

51:54

me yet, but you know, like I'm gonna kill

51:57

you now. Is this where the dead brother

51:59

is saying it? in like a lip sync that looks

52:01

really terrible. Yeah. Okay, yeah,

52:03

yeah, yeah. Up there with the Pope's Exorcist lipstick.

52:05

Oh, nothing will ever be so bad. Hey, Pope's

52:07

Exorcist 2 is officially confirmed. Oh man, you

52:10

know there's another movie that's just called Exorcist,

52:13

starring Russell

52:15

Crowe as an exorcist and it's not in

52:17

the Pope's Exorcist universe. Why have we not

52:19

done the Ruppo Crowe? It hasn't come out

52:21

yet. Oh my God. Do you think

52:24

Russell Crowe will begin to believe himself in actual exorcists?

52:26

Yes. Yes. I think

52:28

he has like Steven

52:30

Seagal-y enough vibes that he'll believe his own

52:32

hype. I love that for him. So

52:37

Freddie is like yelling

52:40

in Mark's face and Mark has shit

52:42

on his face. Like it looks like

52:44

actual poop. Oh, okay. And

52:46

I'm like, when did this happen? When did

52:48

you poop on your face? But

52:51

then Freddie lights him on fire while his

52:54

friends are watching, but Freddie's not there because he's in

52:56

a dream and all that. And his back is

52:58

on fire. And then he like

53:00

turns to the window where he gets slashed

53:02

across the face. And then

53:04

he turns back around. And what's on his back?

53:08

What's on his back? What's on his back?

53:12

His back says Freddie's back,

53:15

which in my world means Freddie now

53:17

owns that back. That's why Freddie, exactly.

53:21

Exactly. Fred, you

53:23

should have thought about this more. So

53:26

I mean, like, if you're the kind

53:28

of quippy person who tries to make puns all

53:30

the time, you're gonna have a lot of misses. Sure.

53:33

And Freddie is, like, he and

53:35

I share a school of comedy. Just

53:38

throw Gatling Gun style out there. And

53:40

some of it's gonna hit a target.

53:43

Some of it's gonna hit, yeah. Yeah,

53:45

it's top

53:47

tier stupid. It's top tier stupid. Speaking

53:50

of top tier stupid, Stubbs the cop. He

53:53

finds all of these newspaper clippings

53:56

about Jason and it's just, this is the moment in

53:58

which you realize that they exist. in the same real

54:01

universe, which is fucking insane.

54:03

It's so fucking insane. Like

54:06

it's in all the newspapers, both of them. We've

54:08

seen newspaper clippings about both of them. It's

54:12

really funny because Freddy is the

54:14

thrust of this film. I

54:16

just remember what they found in the library.

54:19

What was that? No news articles about Freddy

54:21

Krieger because... It's been wiped

54:23

for the record. It's been wiped, yes, go on.

54:25

Freddy is the thrust of the movie up until this point. Yeah.

54:28

So Jason's been killing people. But he

54:30

has no motivation. It's the hand of Freddy.

54:33

Exactly, he's the hand of Freddy. And so I feel

54:35

like Stubbs is there to be like, is

54:37

it Jason movie too? Is

54:40

it Jason movie too? Yeah. It's

54:44

not just a Freddy. Hi, I'm Stubbs, this is Jason

54:46

movie too. It's a Jason movie too. And all the

54:48

cops are like, no, it's not. It's a

54:50

Freddy movie and we've had four years of

54:53

peace. So

54:59

Jason Ritter immediately was like, oh, I

55:02

bet Freddy has this plan to

55:05

use Jason to kill people

55:07

because he can't do it, but he wants people to know

55:09

that he's real again so he can come back into the

55:11

world. Yes, he's like, it makes sense in a

55:13

way. And that explains the premise of the

55:15

film, the elevator pitch. And you're like,

55:17

no, it doesn't. No. Jason

55:19

Ritter. No. And then

55:21

Monica Keene goes, Freddy died by fire. And died

55:24

by water. How can we use that? I

55:26

don't know. There you go. Do your fifth

55:28

element. I'd

55:30

like to apologize for some of the things

55:32

I said about you not making any goddamn

55:34

sense. I apologize for nothing. Then

55:39

I guess

55:41

this is happening in Laurie's dreams,

55:44

but someone says we should offer Freddy a

55:46

sacrifice. Yeah. Yeah. And

55:48

then we need a virgin and they

55:50

all turn to Linderman. And he's like,

55:52

it counts if you pay for it.

55:55

That's so fucking weird. Is that comedy

55:57

beef? Yeah. Yeah. Sex

55:59

work is funny. Oh, so

56:01

all the rules that people have for losing your

56:04

virginity and what it is and all that stuff,

56:06

like that means so much to teams. I know.

56:09

It's like so asinine. It's really fun for me to claim that

56:11

I'm still a virgin because I can say that. Like,

56:14

you can say whatever you want. Yeah, it's

56:16

no rules. I'm a virgin. It's like the Outback's

56:18

big elf. Yeah, throw your peanut shells on the

56:20

floor. I'm a virgin. So he's asleep and... No,

56:23

he's asleep. This is Lori's dream. Oh, this is

56:25

Lori's dream. I'm a virgin. Yeah. Because

56:30

there's a like give daddy a kiss thing where

56:32

he gets his tongue all out. Yeah. Yeah.

56:36

After the actor playing her father starts tonguing her and

56:38

you're like, can I not? Can

56:41

this not be a thing that I have to watch? Not for me.

56:43

Yeah, it's gross. And then Freddie, of course,

56:45

he loves tonguing people. And he says

56:48

like your eyes say no, no, but my

56:50

mouth says yes, yes. And

56:52

he's like, Freddie, don't. I

56:54

mean, I know. Yes, you are a

56:56

sexist. We all know this. This is

56:58

your literal backstory. We get it. But

57:01

can you clean it up a little bit, Fred?

57:04

I don't know why I'm offended. Like I'm watching

57:06

a movie about a pedophile murderer who's been

57:08

burned who's killing people in their dreams. And

57:10

I'm like, ew. It got to be

57:12

on children's lunchboxes. It was a very

57:14

popular Halloween kind of costume. I remember

57:16

kids in my elementary school dressing up as Freddie

57:19

Krueger. I murdered pedophile. John

57:24

Saxon killed him. You

57:26

just like show up at

57:28

school and I'm like, I'm Albert Fish. No.

57:34

Shomping on a leg. Shove

57:36

the nails in your groin. So

57:41

Laurie comes back with his

57:44

ear. His maggot ear. Which she throws

57:46

on the floor, turns into a pile of worms and the cops

57:48

like, oh, shit. And I was very surprised in that moment that

57:50

he didn't just shoot it. Oh,

57:54

my God. And then someone yells,

57:56

everything is possible. Jesus.

57:59

What a cool. motivational poster this movie turned

58:01

into. Everything is possible. God, you

58:03

just don't get it. It says

58:05

Jason Muse. Oh,

58:08

right. The Jason Muse type. He should have

58:10

gone three scenes ago, you know? What is

58:12

he doing here? Well, they

58:15

have to go to the hospital

58:17

or power plant or

58:19

something. Where? Because they're going to

58:21

get hypnose though. Right, because you

58:23

take that without dreaming because Jason

58:25

Ritter was like, oh

58:27

yeah, you take that and not

58:30

dream. Hypnosel,

58:32

suppress your dreams sounds like a

58:34

guide for millennial living. Doesn't

58:40

it? You won't have to worry

58:43

about buying a house. No, suppress it. Oh man. Yeah.

58:49

Okay, so they're in the hospital. We cut to a

58:53

room full of kids in

58:55

hospital beds, in like

58:57

comas and Jason Ritter's like, these

59:00

are the ones that wouldn't stop dreaming. Your

59:02

dad did this. How does he know? How

59:04

does he suddenly know this? He is a

59:06

brain genius. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. He reads the

59:08

medical records and he's like, your dad did

59:10

this. All of this going

59:14

back and forth with the scene of Freeburg,

59:16

whose name we did not know was Freeburg until Stubbs starts

59:19

screaming, Freeburg. What

59:22

happens to Freeburg? First of all, I

59:25

very much wish that this was played by Jack Black. Second

59:29

of all, there's a little lizard creature

59:31

that he sees smoking at

59:34

hookah. It's a caterpillar. Okay.

59:38

Cool story, brah. It's

59:40

the caterpillar from Alice in

59:42

Wonderland who smokes the hookah.

59:44

Okay. I don't know much

59:46

about that. But it comes

59:50

out and smokes the hookah at him. Yeah.

59:52

And then he follows it.

59:56

And he's now in the room with the coma patients,

59:58

but now they're all staring at him. I like that

1:00:00

they're suddenly all sitting up and whispering with pads

1:00:02

taped over their eyes. I thought that was a

1:00:04

nice touch. Yeah, yeah. But the movie wants them

1:00:06

to move in unison, which they're not quite doing

1:00:08

because there's pads taped over their eyes, and they

1:00:10

were only gonna shoot it once. Why

1:00:13

would that inhibit them? I don't understand, Katie. Why would that

1:00:15

be a problem? Why can't they nail it? Why

1:00:17

would these children not be able to

1:00:19

do that? It's very fucking funny. You

1:00:22

can see them, I feel like you can

1:00:24

imagine the set that day where they were like, okay,

1:00:26

we're gonna do it. Fuck, we're gonna do it again. Fuck.

1:00:29

Or, you know what, that's fine. That's

1:00:31

fine. It's close enough. So

1:00:34

while this is happening, and

1:00:36

one of the kids has no eyes because he

1:00:38

has bloody red pads. Right. Which

1:00:41

is like, is that Freddy's thing? I don't remember that

1:00:43

thing. I have Holly. Also, like,

1:00:45

where better to store the Hypnocil than in

1:00:47

the Hypnocil OD room? Like the room

1:00:50

of children who have OD'd on Hypnocil? Yeah, yeah,

1:00:52

that's pretty stored. Alright, okay. Alright,

1:00:54

got it. But then the Freddy caterpillar jumps

1:00:56

down from the ceiling and eats his face

1:00:58

or something. Probably.

1:01:01

Well, doesn't

1:01:03

Jason show up? Jason shows up and kills

1:01:05

the cop. Kills tubs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:01:08

Kills tubs. And Lindbergh has a great scream,

1:01:10

or Linderman. Linderman has a great scream. Yeah. I

1:01:13

wrote down here, facing down Jason

1:01:15

as Freeberg, L-O-L-O-L. Well,

1:01:17

cause, oh no, he doesn't eat his face.

1:01:20

He like, possesses Freeberg. Okay. So that he

1:01:22

can have a body in this world. Right,

1:01:24

to fight Jason, to take out his aggressions

1:01:26

on Jason. And I don't, what is the

1:01:28

drug that he puts in the hypodermics? Yeah.

1:01:31

And some drugs. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

1:01:34

So he's gonna eject into Jason to nullify him.

1:01:37

Maybe Hypnocil? Maybe. He

1:01:40

says, these are my children, Jason. And

1:01:43

he like, stabs him with

1:01:45

syringes and someone gets bisected and then

1:01:47

someone doesn't get shot by Linderman and I don't

1:01:49

even know. Yeah,

1:01:51

no, that's all good. So

1:01:54

it can't be Hypnocil because it knocks Jason out

1:01:56

and then he's having a nightmare where his mother's

1:01:59

been... berating him and I thought my god this

1:02:01

is actually very sad because like who among us

1:02:03

hasn't had the nightmare of a parent berating him This

1:02:06

is the scariest part of the movie Aww

1:02:09

We could I just- The true car is your parents The

1:02:12

nightmares of your parents The

1:02:15

true nightmare is your youth And

1:02:18

then Freddy quotes Alice Cooper and says

1:02:20

welcome to my nightmare That's

1:02:23

so he says welcome to my blank three times

1:02:25

in this movie? No, he

1:02:27

says it twice because welcome to my world

1:02:29

bitch is said to him by someone else

1:02:31

later He

1:02:35

Jason cuts off his arm and Freddy

1:02:37

screams not my arm And

1:02:41

then has his arm right back. He grows two new ones

1:02:43

and then he does a jerk-off motion Did

1:02:46

you notice that? I think it

1:02:48

was a jerk-off motion Um

1:02:52

Then Freddy oh he

1:02:55

gets he like Jason

1:02:57

like reverts to being a small child

1:02:59

again. Is this before or after he mushes him

1:03:01

with some sort of tank from the ceiling? No,

1:03:08

yes before that he mushes him yeah Yeah, and

1:03:10

it's also just kind of weird that Freddy doesn't

1:03:12

know that Jason is immortal like he selected him

1:03:14

But he hasn't done his fucking research Hey,

1:03:18

Dave was he in hell? He's like, well, who's

1:03:20

this now? No,

1:03:24

right cuz he so so Jason is a small

1:03:26

child and it's suddenly the TLC waterfalls video And

1:03:29

I don't know why Freddy sticks

1:03:31

his little pointy finger inside of Jason's brain

1:03:33

and they were like Synapses

1:03:35

that's right. That looks like an like late

1:03:37

90s early 2000s music video as well So

1:03:42

weird and so it seems like the teens

1:03:44

are on Team Jason Yeah,

1:03:46

cuz Laurie like takes Hypnoseal or something

1:03:48

she takes some drug to go

1:03:51

in there and she lays down next to

1:03:53

fucking Jason to do this like cuz I

1:03:55

guess Dream proximity or something.

1:03:57

I am unclear. Oh my god

1:04:00

I'm unclear This

1:04:02

movie Probably know

1:04:04

this is I bet she's and has a lot of

1:04:07

mental trauma think about his life underwater

1:04:10

for 20 or 30 years 20

1:04:13

or 30 years after being bullied as a child

1:04:15

with his overbearing mother and then he had to

1:04:17

go to space I Don't

1:04:21

know You come

1:04:23

out of that unscathed. I've come out

1:04:25

of way less Skate

1:04:29

I mean think about like stuff that you've done that

1:04:31

you reflect on you're like that. I probably shouldn't have

1:04:33

done that Oh, yeah, Jesus like I probably should the

1:04:35

bag those co-eds against the tree to sleeping What

1:04:41

do I mean by one last titty shot for

1:04:43

that lady The

1:04:46

titty lady at the beginning comes back again for

1:04:48

some reason just to show her titties The

1:04:52

Cote has not been filled now. What do

1:04:54

I mean by Freddie makes a bad coming

1:04:56

joke? Oh He

1:04:59

says Someone

1:05:02

says you're not coming and he says the bitch

1:05:05

is dead on her feet instead of right because

1:05:07

we get the woman from the beginning He's

1:05:09

he's fucking her corpse. Yes Don't

1:05:12

point at me when you say he's fucking her corpse. No,

1:05:14

I was just like yes. Yes He's

1:05:17

fucking her corpse So

1:05:21

we're swinging a mess. Yeah, he's like I I can't

1:05:24

help it if she's a dead fuck or something

1:05:26

Which is dead on her feet instead of just

1:05:28

being like actually I am which

1:05:30

is funnier There

1:05:34

are yeah, but but oh my god, so

1:05:36

this is Laurie at camp Crystal Lake with

1:05:38

Jason as a child I think you get

1:05:41

bullied. Yeah, and That's

1:05:43

right. He's bullied into the lake and

1:05:45

she turns around all those campcasters like

1:05:47

fucking on the porch. That's right They're

1:05:49

all just dry humping and then when she

1:05:52

sees his face, she screams like what the

1:05:54

fuck Laurie here here to save him Jason

1:05:58

is gurgling In the

1:06:00

in the back of the van because they have his

1:06:02

body and he's dreaming he's having a nightmare Even

1:06:05

though I think it's Laurie's nightmare But I do

1:06:07

think there's some ability to get into other people's

1:06:09

dreams in this universe. So we'll let that go but

1:06:14

There's they have to give them mouth to mouth. Uh-huh

1:06:16

and Linderman's like I can't

1:06:18

I have asthma and Kelly Rowland's like I don't

1:06:21

want to and Jason Ritter turns around goes

1:06:23

Kia He has asthma fucking

1:06:26

Brock to me Oh

1:06:30

my god He's

1:06:32

so good Oh

1:06:36

my god, you know who else had asthma Hall of

1:06:38

Famer Jerome Bettis He

1:06:40

still ran for the touchdown in his hometown of Detroit

1:06:44

Got that one for the thumb You

1:06:46

see you don't even have to do mouth to mouth anymore. You just

1:06:48

do the you just push. Oh really

1:06:50

just the compression Yeah, okay. That's a

1:06:53

hot tip for you Hot tip.

1:06:55

Yeah pro tip. I

1:06:57

don't know if that's yeah, I mean look it up With

1:07:01

all advice from your friends at werewolf I'm doing look

1:07:03

it up There's a big van

1:07:05

crash. I don't remember why uh-oh

1:07:09

Linderman fires the gun in the van cuz

1:07:12

Freddy wakes or Jason wakes up He gets

1:07:14

skier. Yeah, cuz they're pulling Jason's mask off

1:07:16

But it's stuck to his face so they're

1:07:18

ripping his face off while they're doing it

1:07:20

and like he's spurtin and squirting It's very

1:07:22

yucky and I'll do that. Yeah. Yeah. Is

1:07:25

this where Freddy comes up out of the water like a

1:07:27

majestic fucking orca? Okay,

1:07:29

reaching the surf. It's like

1:07:32

hovering above her And

1:07:40

then there's like a weird reveal where we're looking

1:07:42

at the roof of one of the Cabins

1:07:44

at the camp and there's a sign

1:07:47

on that says Camp Crystal Lake and it's like yeah,

1:07:49

we knew we knew that we saw that sign Already

1:07:51

and we also have no this franchise. No joy Joy

1:07:56

So this is when we get the

1:07:58

the FEJ the titular frame Freddy versus

1:08:00

Jason fighting happens. Is

1:08:03

this, okay, yes, yes, got

1:08:05

it. So they're fighting. I

1:08:08

guess so. And I can't properly express

1:08:10

how boring it is. I

1:08:12

mean, it's like an action movie if

1:08:14

an action movie was terrible. Yeah. Yeah.

1:08:17

It's just, it's got shitty nu

1:08:19

metal soundtrack. It's got

1:08:21

Freddy thrown, or Jason throwing Freddy around

1:08:24

like a rag doll. It's got the

1:08:26

like wire foo thing happening, but in

1:08:28

a very, very bad way. More like wire poo.

1:08:30

More like wire poo, yeah. Linderman

1:08:33

gets hurt. And

1:08:35

so Kia gets

1:08:37

him out of there after he gets hurt.

1:08:39

They've been tossed around like rag dolls as

1:08:41

well. That's right. He like gets impaled on

1:08:43

some metal spike or something. That's right. He

1:08:46

has an American flag for some

1:08:48

reason. Does he? Yeah, for some reason.

1:08:50

He's a hero. Yeah. He lives, yeah,

1:08:52

it's fine. But he doesn't. Well,

1:08:55

for a moment he doesn't. Yeah. He's

1:08:57

like, you gotta go and save yourself.

1:08:59

I'll be fine. Right. And then they

1:09:02

show him leaving against a tree and

1:09:04

there's just fountains of blood pouring out

1:09:06

of him. Yeah. Oh

1:09:09

man. Yeah, this is also the

1:09:11

first welcome to my world bitch because he's

1:09:13

fighting Laurie. And he says, I've

1:09:15

always had a thing for the whores that

1:09:17

live in this house. Yeah. Freddy,

1:09:20

slow your roll. I

1:09:22

mean, it'd be weird if he was kind. It'd be

1:09:24

weird if he was kind, right? Someone's

1:09:27

hand is on fire and I just wrote, I feel like

1:09:29

I've lost this plot. Yeah,

1:09:31

right around the time that Freddy goes

1:09:33

to fight Kelly Rowland and says, I've

1:09:35

always liked dark meat. Oh yeah, that's

1:09:37

gross. Yeah. This whole scene is very

1:09:40

gross. And then she calls him an F-bomb. Oh,

1:09:42

that's right. Yeah. Our hero, Kelly

1:09:44

Rowland. I mean, it's 2003, it's late for that. It's

1:09:47

a little late. It's late for that. No, it's a

1:09:49

lot late for that. You're not the kids in Monster

1:09:51

Squad. No. They don't even get a pass.

1:09:53

We should have known better. She's

1:09:57

implying that Freddy has a tiny dick and Jason has

1:09:59

a- big one but then Jason kills Destiny's

1:10:01

Child, Kellen E. Roland, like don't talk

1:10:04

about my dick. What? That's,

1:10:07

you heard me. Don't tell

1:10:10

my friends manhood. Yeah. Jason

1:10:13

kills, Kelly Roland of Destiny's Child's

1:10:15

fame. And what?

1:10:18

Not of Nelly's song fame? I mean she features

1:10:20

on it. And

1:10:24

then it's back to these fucking dickheads fighting

1:10:26

again. Yep. And there's, I don't

1:10:28

know, two or three hundred tanks of gas

1:10:30

here for some reason? Why would they have

1:10:32

all those? Look, they're at a construction site, right?

1:10:34

Yeah. Why would they need all of

1:10:36

those for regular construction? How many acetylene torches do they have?

1:10:39

I don't know. Are they building this on the moon and

1:10:41

they need oxygen? So

1:10:44

Freddie figures out that he can shoot

1:10:46

them at Jason. Meanwhile

1:10:50

Laurie figures out that Freddie turned

1:10:52

himself into her dad and killed

1:10:54

her mom. Yeah. And

1:10:57

then, how could my dad's just a regular creep and a bad guy

1:10:59

who OD's children in a mental institution? Okay.

1:11:02

I tried to drug my OJ. Yeah.

1:11:06

And then... Oh, there's these pointy metal

1:11:08

poles that probably should have been secured

1:11:10

and stored more securely. There's

1:11:14

this Rube Goldberg fight of like dropping

1:11:16

things that are going to swing for

1:11:18

a while before they hit anybody. Yeah.

1:11:21

And then there's the pushing the cart

1:11:24

down but it gets stuck and Freddie's

1:11:26

like, oh, shucker ducks. Yeah.

1:11:28

And she's spraying fuel or something

1:11:30

from a fuel sprayer? Yeah.

1:11:33

She's laying down a hose like

1:11:35

sheen of gasoline and everything. Right.

1:11:38

And Freddie cuts off Jason's fingers and I thought, God, why didn't no

1:11:40

one ever think of that before? He might be immortal, but if you

1:11:42

cut off all of his fingers, he's pretty useless.

1:11:45

But it is hilarious because later he grabs

1:11:47

Freddie with that hand. He sure does. He

1:11:50

sure does. Oh my God. And

1:11:52

so she lights everything on fire. And

1:11:55

everything is spraying. There's spraying blood

1:11:57

and there's steam everywhere because winter is the

1:11:59

cheap season. to rent this lake house with the docks.

1:12:04

And she's bay watching with some torches,

1:12:07

like... I

1:12:10

don't know. And then Freddy

1:12:13

gets stabbed through his chest with his

1:12:15

own arm that Jason has ripped off

1:12:18

with a fingerless hand. Well,

1:12:21

does he has the machete? Yes. Yeah. Freddy

1:12:24

has the machete. They've swapped weapons here. Yeah.

1:12:26

He's coming after the kids with the machete.

1:12:29

Yes. And then, yes, Jason

1:12:31

gets him with his glove. Right. And then he

1:12:33

drops to his knees and

1:12:35

our hero, Lori, picks up the machete

1:12:37

and says the best line in this movie.

1:12:41

That goalie was really pissed off about something? Welcome

1:12:43

to my world, bitch. And

1:12:45

beheads him. And beheads him. And

1:12:48

then Jason sinks and he's like, Thanks,

1:12:50

faggot, faggot, faggot, faggot, shh, it was fun! And there

1:12:52

was a machete in too, and I thought, that's dumb.

1:12:55

You should keep that. And

1:12:57

suddenly it's daytime. And what

1:12:59

happens in the daytime? Is that when Jason

1:13:02

comes out of the water carrying Freddy's decapitated

1:13:04

head? And Freddy fucking winks? He winks. What

1:13:07

the fuck? He winks. Not the

1:13:09

one that stinks, but this movie

1:13:11

stinks. Can I read you

1:13:13

my last note? Please. Bro. Can

1:13:16

I read you my last note? Yeah. Wow.

1:13:18

Terrible. Terrible. Felled with a

1:13:20

U. Terrible. Terrible. Katie.

1:13:24

Alan. I'm talking about this movie for almost an

1:13:26

hour and 20 minutes. Oh my God. It is

1:13:28

terrible. But it's

1:13:30

better than some of the other movies in both of their

1:13:32

franchises. Sure. Which is a shame.

1:13:35

I'll watch this over the one we did for your

1:13:37

birth announcement, or your pregnancy announcement any day of the

1:13:39

week. Just because you hate babies. No.

1:13:41

In the countries I love babies. I don't like saying that. There's

1:13:44

so many pictures of me holding babies and looking delighted. Aww. This

1:13:47

movie's terrible. It's a three. Oh

1:13:49

wow. What do you think? You think it's worth...

1:13:51

Actually, I'm going to give it a four because I

1:13:53

think the acting is good. Okay. And

1:13:56

there's some people I like in it, like Kelly

1:13:58

Rowland and Catherine Isabelle. Yeah. For

1:14:00

sure. I'm gonna give it to you welcome to my world

1:14:05

It deserves to welcome to my nightmare

1:14:07

as well and half a welcome

1:14:09

to my nightmare Remember

1:14:12

how you thought we wouldn't have anything to say about this We

1:14:16

had everything to say about you feel talking

1:14:18

about it Katie Allen. We have the best

1:14:21

listeners. Of course we do They're so kind

1:14:23

base so are can I play this voicemail

1:14:25

that we got where someone sings us a

1:14:27

song? Okay. Hi Alan Hi

1:14:30

Katie. I wrote a

1:14:32

little song for y'all and I would like

1:14:34

to play it because y'all are amazing. I

1:14:36

love you so much Y'all

1:15:00

are amazing. I love you so much

1:15:20

Alright guys, I hope you like it.

1:15:22

It was so dorky so cheesy,

1:15:24

but I love y'all. Bye

1:15:27

Person who wrote us that song yeah, but doesn't tell

1:15:29

us their names. What is your name? What

1:15:32

is your name? What are the lyrics to

1:15:34

the song and I

1:15:36

can't tell you how much it touched me that you wrote a song Especially

1:15:40

to the tune of a Dolly Parton jam. Yeah, cuz then

1:15:42

you get Jolene stuck in your head as well I

1:15:45

get that song stuck in my head all the time fad and

1:15:47

cum baby cum baby baby cum cum I

1:15:51

love the the meme of Dolly

1:15:54

Parton from best little whorehouse in Texas a

1:15:56

picture of her from that movie and it

1:15:58

just says what the fuck What the fuck

1:16:00

did Jolene look like? Great

1:16:03

question. Jolene, who the hell?

1:16:08

Thank you so much for that. That's so sweet. And get in

1:16:10

touch and let us know... Both your name and

1:16:12

the lyrics. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:16:14

Because I don't know if it's just my

1:16:16

ego, but I can only make out when you're saying our

1:16:18

name. That's the problem Alan has, actually, is he only hears

1:16:21

when I say his name. She said my

1:16:23

name and then a bunch of other stuff. I don't know what

1:16:25

it was. You're like, yeah, dude. Hey,

1:16:28

let's wrap this up. You want to do another movie from the

1:16:30

early 2000s next week and maybe it'll be better? Cool.

1:16:32

Let's reveal that thing that we teased

1:16:34

an hour ago. That's called foreshadowing. Yeah.

1:16:38

We're doing a movie because I was flipping through Amazon

1:16:40

Prime and it's finally there and

1:16:42

I want to do it. It's called fear.com and it's

1:16:44

got Steven Dorff. Oh

1:16:46

man. Fuck you. Fuck

1:16:48

all of you. I do this to you. I

1:16:50

do this at you. This

1:16:54

is a big middle finger to everyone in our

1:16:56

audience. This is us getting back at you for

1:16:58

us making decisions that landed us here. Yeah.

1:17:01

Why would you let me do that? Thank

1:17:04

you so much, everyone. You know what to do.

1:17:06

There's been like 500 of these. Yes. It

1:17:08

goes into a different one. That's where to the

1:17:10

end and that'll tell you, okay? I'm tired. Thanks

1:17:13

for listening to another episode of Werewolf Ambulance. You're all the best.

1:17:16

You guys really are, though. Sorry I'm sticking

1:17:18

my middle finger in the area. Bye. I'm

1:17:21

not. Fuck you. Thank

1:17:52

you. you