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regulations. Play responsibly. Why

1:10

won't you date me? Why won't you

1:12

date me? Why won't you date

1:15

me? Please tell

1:17

me why. Oh

1:26

baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't

1:28

You Date Me, a podcast where me and Nicole Byer was

1:30

trying to figure out why I'm still single, but nobody

1:33

really fucking knows and it's been sad.

1:36

Anyway, my guest

1:38

today is a comedian, actress, and

1:40

activist who wrote and co-produced the

1:42

new iCarly reboot. She hosts the

1:45

podcast Let Me Fix It and

1:47

the new show Black History for

1:49

Real now streaming on One Tree.

1:52

I'm so excited she's here today. It's

1:54

Francesca Ramsey! Yay! Thanks

1:58

for having me, Queen of Pod. I

2:00

don't know how you keep all of these

2:02

podcasts clear. Literally when I got my second

2:04

or my third podcast job, I was like,

2:07

am I Nicole Byer? Because now I have

2:09

too many shows. I don't know how you

2:11

do it. You know, it is interesting.

2:15

It's just like, it's a real feat of scheduling. Like

2:18

when I used to do everything in person,

2:20

that was much harder than it

2:22

is now. Yeah, shout out

2:25

to being able to remote record. I

2:27

mean, it really makes a big difference. So

2:31

let's just like get into it.

2:33

I know you are once

2:35

married. Yes, I'm a divorcee.

2:38

Diverse? What

2:40

made you fall in love with your former partner? And

2:43

how long were you together? Oh,

2:45

okay. So I was married for six years, but

2:47

I was with my ex for 13 years. Holy

2:50

shit. Wild, I know. Like that's almost

2:52

all of my twenties and a big

2:54

chunk of my thirties. We

2:57

went to high school together. We weren't friends in

2:59

high school, but we had a lot of mutual

3:01

friends. And I think

3:03

that was the thing that like really bonded us

3:05

when we like first reconnected, is that like we

3:07

really liked each other as people. All

3:10

of this is being said in the past tense. Ugh.

3:16

I love that distinction. This is the

3:18

past tense. Feelings are different

3:21

now. Shout out to therapy.

3:23

Well, here's what's really funny, Nicole. You asked me to

3:25

be on the show. I think it was like literally

3:27

I had been divorced for like not even a month.

3:29

For 30 seconds. I was like, come on the show,

3:31

talk about it. You were like, do it. And I

3:33

was like, I don't think I'm ready. You were

3:35

like, oh my gosh. It is so good. It

3:37

is so good. And I was like, Nicole, that's

3:39

my Nicole Vyer impression. I was like, I like

3:42

it. It was very good. I

3:44

was like, I'm not ready for this. And

3:46

then the last time we tried to do this

3:48

was the week the pandemic started. Do you remember?

3:50

We were like, yes. I don't know. There's

3:53

like a virus or something. Maybe we

3:55

should postpone. Maybe

3:58

we shouldn't do that. Yeah,

4:01

so you're getting like the very Therapized version

4:03

of me that you know can

4:05

be very mature when talking about

4:07

my ex-husband and my relationship And

4:10

and we really did have a solid

4:12

friendship at the beginning But I think

4:15

what I now realize is somebody that

4:17

like, you know, I'm dating but not

4:19

very seriously Is that like you have

4:21

to really know? You

4:23

and your partner have to be very aligned on what

4:25

you want and where you're going and the reality is

4:27

that that can change Over the course of a

4:29

relationship and I'm just not the

4:31

same person I was at 23 when we

4:34

started dating and that doesn't mean

4:36

that you know He's a bad person or

4:38

the relationship was bad. It just like wasn't

4:40

the right thing for us anymore Now

4:43

that makes sense Who proposed

4:45

to who he proposed to

4:47

me? Here's the thing. Do you have

4:49

you heard this whole stigma around women proposing?

4:52

I don't have any yet like significant feelings

4:54

about it, but people will be like get

4:56

off your knees, bitch love

4:59

yourself I

5:02

have why well, I don't get

5:04

it I don't get it

5:06

either cuz I'm like if she is so moved

5:08

to Propose to

5:10

this this person like why

5:12

not and people eat

5:15

it people are so mean Oh,

5:17

I I've seen so many memes

5:19

that are like if my friend invited

5:21

me to a party and then they Proposed

5:23

to their man. I would slap her in

5:26

the face. I'm like, okay If

5:30

I propose to someone and they slapped me in

5:32

the face, I'd be like wait what that's

5:34

not how What I

5:36

just be so fucking confused The

5:39

man you're proposing to is like have some

5:41

self-respect It's

5:43

like I thought I was I thought I was pushing

5:45

the needle a little bit being a little progressive Do

5:49

you okay you've been single since? Twenty

5:53

nine twenty nineteen. Yeah, how

5:55

has it been being

5:57

a single hormon through a pandemic?

6:00

A newly single woman through a

6:02

pandemic, and I'm sure you didn't do

6:04

dating apps before this. No,

6:06

I had, I never did dating apps. It was so

6:08

wild. Like I got divorced in 2019, and

6:11

then I had like a solid seven

6:13

months of HODM before the world shut

6:15

down. That's

6:18

nice that you had it. You

6:20

know, I was in those streets, and

6:23

I'm so curious. I know that you've been

6:25

on dating apps, and I was like, I couldn't believe that

6:27

you were on dating apps, because I would

6:29

get recognized sometimes. My accounts

6:31

were getting banned for like catfishing and shit,

6:33

and I was like, no, this is really

6:35

me. It was very strange. So

6:39

dating during the pandemic was interesting.

6:41

I dated a guy

6:44

for like eight-ish months, and I think that's the last

6:46

time you and I caught up, like personally,

6:48

like you and me, and I think you went to like dinner

6:50

or something, and I was still dating him. And

6:53

that was good, and then, you know, I

6:55

dated like on and off. I

6:58

deleted my dating apps a

7:00

year and a half ago. I just

7:02

feel like it's so hard to

7:05

get to know someone via text, and I would

7:07

rather meet in person, and

7:09

my hope is that you've come through my

7:11

friends, which is kind of like a natural filter,

7:14

because I've got some weirdos

7:17

via dating apps. Sure. And

7:20

enough, like I got one that kind of, not scared

7:23

me, but made me be like, I don't want to

7:25

do this again, or she like followed me on Instagram,

7:28

and then I really thought we were connecting, but

7:31

she just followed me on Instagram, so she was like

7:33

saying she liked all the same things as me. Wait,

7:36

how did you figure out that she was just

7:39

saying she liked the same things as you

7:41

and didn't genuinely like them? Well,

7:43

I mean, to be fair, she might have

7:45

genuinely liked them. What was a red flag

7:47

to me is that when I saw that

7:49

she was following me on Instagram, and I

7:51

mentioned it to her, I was like, oh,

7:53

I saw you're following me on Instagram, and

7:56

she was like, oh, I don't even remember. I was like,

7:58

oh. He

8:01

was really strange. That was weird. And

8:03

then on our second date, she

8:06

brought relationship cards on the date where it was

8:08

like these very intense

8:10

questions about like sex

8:13

and boundaries and

8:15

goals and like look into my eyes

8:17

and tell me like three things you think

8:20

that you know would change my life. And I

8:22

was like, bitch, I don't even know your last name.

8:24

Like what? And then when I told

8:26

her like, hey, this is a little intense

8:28

and weird. I was

8:30

like, this is a lot for me. And

8:33

then she was like, no, no, no, I'm sorry.

8:35

I came on so strong. Like, I really want us

8:37

to figure this out. And she kept like pushing me

8:39

to give her more insight into why

8:41

I wanted to end things. And

8:44

so I said, you know, like, I'm being

8:46

totally honest, the relationship cards was

8:48

definitely a strike. But like you following me

8:50

on Instagram and then kind of like not

8:52

being honest about it was weird. And

8:55

her response was along the lines of I've

8:57

lived in L.A. my whole life and I've been around

8:59

a lot of famous people and I'm like not even

9:02

phased by fame and like you're not even

9:04

that big of a deal. Okay.

9:08

Wait, that's that's so

9:10

wild that you didn't you didn't

9:12

say anything about your career or anything

9:14

about a person. No, no.

9:17

Nicole. And I tried

9:19

so hard to end things like nicely. I was like,

9:21

you seem really lovely. I just don't really know if

9:23

this is going to be a fit. And she was

9:25

the one that kept being like, no, no,

9:27

no. Can we get on the phone and

9:29

talk about this? And I was like, this is two dates,

9:33

two dates. And like,

9:35

and like the relationship cards were so

9:37

weird. And like, I

9:39

remember this was close to the holidays. And I

9:41

mentioned that my mom was coming to visit for

9:43

the holidays. And she said,

9:46

Oh, what are you guys going to do? I said,

9:48

Mom, not really sure. And she goes, well, you know,

9:50

my family has like a big, like

9:52

Christmas party. You should know. And

9:56

I was like, you're inviting me and my

9:58

mother to a Christmas. party?

10:00

I don't. After two

10:02

days! It was truly

10:05

like the most lesbian

10:07

stereotype ever. Just like full

10:09

U-hauling. More than a U-haul,

10:12

that's, she wants to combine

10:14

families. That's wild. She

10:17

was like, please put me as your next

10:19

of kin. I'm also

10:22

on the kidney donor transplant list. It

10:24

was just so, it was really intense.

10:26

But I found her, I met her

10:28

through Hinge. And

10:31

I was just like, I just put a bad taste

10:33

in my mouth. I mean, I

10:35

could imagine. Yeah, I started

10:38

this year. I stopped paying for the app.

10:40

And then yesterday I truly opened

10:43

Tinder and started to cry. And

10:45

I was like, you know, what are

10:47

we doing? If it's making a

10:50

sad and eliciting this, like I literally

10:52

had to get in the shower. I was like, well,

10:54

my face is wet. Might as well wet the rest

10:56

of my body. And I just

10:58

think you're too fake. I think you

11:00

personally, Nicole, are too famous for dating

11:03

apps. You don't think that? Nope.

11:05

Sure don't. I, my demographic is not

11:07

men. And I tend to date men

11:09

who like women for the most

11:13

part. I

11:15

do explore. I don't consider myself straight

11:17

in 2024. If you're straight, you're

11:21

embarrassing. Wait, how do you meet

11:23

people in person? You mentioned that a while ago. How are

11:25

you meeting these people in person? I don't know how to

11:27

start. I've

11:30

like, mostly it's been like meeting people

11:32

through friends. I will say I went

11:34

to a queer speed dating at the

11:37

end of the year and I did meet a

11:39

girl. We have yet to have a first date.

11:41

We've been like trying to coordinate our schedules, which

11:43

is, you know, the whole nother thing. It's

11:46

like you try to set a date and then

11:48

suddenly it's been three months of being like, sorry,

11:50

I can't do that. I'm going out of town

11:52

now. Sorry, I can't do this date. Blah, blah,

11:54

blah. I did get set up

11:56

by a friend once and

11:59

I went on three. very lovely dates with

12:01

a woman who after

12:03

third date sent me a message and said like,

12:05

if this is too soon, she had gone through like

12:07

a bad breakup and she was like, I don't think

12:09

I'm ready, which was, you know,

12:11

a bummer. But also like the mature version

12:13

of me was like, Oh, no, I want

12:15

you more. Like you're so good at

12:18

communicating. But here's the thing.

12:20

If you're not ready to date, why are you dating?

12:23

Mama, why are you date? Why are you out

12:25

here? I've like gone on dates with people and

12:27

like it's progressed. And they're like, I don't know

12:29

if I want a relationship. And I'm like, then

12:32

why are you on the app? Why

12:34

are you dating? Why are you having fun?

12:36

And then you made a mistake of liking

12:38

me? What is this? Okay, I

12:41

can't say for certain that this was this girl's

12:43

specific thing. But I have encountered this

12:45

before. And I think what happens

12:47

is somebody is recovering from

12:49

a breakup. And they just need the ego boost

12:51

of like, I'm still fuckable. So they go on

12:54

the apps and they're like, who will fuck me?

12:56

And then they're like, Oh, shit, we match now.

12:58

I guess I have to go through with this.

13:00

And then they realize I'm still

13:02

not over this last person. And

13:05

you know, whatever. And again, like,

13:07

this is a therized version of me. I

13:09

get it. We're all human. But it is

13:11

really annoying when you're like, Oh, I really

13:13

like this person. And for me,

13:16

I'm like, I'm busy. I

13:18

moved around my schedule for you. And

13:20

I could have made my ass at home.

13:25

Before the pandemic,

13:27

I truly would

13:29

like fly back from places I would like leave

13:32

at 5am. So I could get

13:34

there by like, six so I

13:36

could take a shower. So I could go on

13:38

a date with somebody. Oh, I know. I

13:41

know. I shitty. And I

13:44

like when people are like, you just have to put yourself

13:46

out there. You just have to work and I was like,

13:48

I'm moving mountains. I've moved.

13:51

I've moved maybe I

13:53

just I I'll fly back for one

13:55

day to go see somebody and then

13:57

leave again. And I'm like, I feel

13:59

like I'm doing the work why is

14:01

none of this working out I

14:04

mean the last person I met in person was

14:06

a man riding his bike when I was walking

14:08

my dog yesterday and I was wearing... Did he

14:10

holler at you? So okay he

14:12

was an older man very old

14:15

like so old and

14:18

I was walking my dog and he was still riding a

14:20

bike which means limber

14:22

calcium pills you know

14:24

working on the fitness.

14:26

I had not come

14:29

for him. I love this. Okay.

14:31

We made eye contact and I was wearing like

14:34

a belly shirt or whatever and like leggings and

14:36

we made eye contact and I like nodded my

14:39

head as black people do to other black people and

14:41

white people don't really do it all and he

14:43

didn't nod his head and I was like okay weird and then

14:45

he rang his bell at me and

14:47

I went hi and then he just rang

14:49

his bell at me and I was like

14:52

what is that and then

14:54

I like turned around and looked at him and he was like breaking

14:56

his neck on this bike to look

14:58

at me and I was like well I

15:00

mean age ain't number

15:03

number you want to come talk to

15:05

me? Okay was he... Here's what I'm

15:07

saying like just because you're

15:09

an older man doesn't mean you're not still attractive

15:11

I mean some dudes it's like you're good looking

15:13

you're good looking to it you go in the grave

15:15

was he good looking? Well

15:19

you had you hesitated no he wasn't.

15:23

No not really. But like kind

15:25

of like Christopher Lloyd in Back

15:29

to the Future. No no.

15:31

That's bad.

15:34

That's terrible.

15:38

But I was like at least you have that wispy white hair that I

15:40

could like hold on to you eat me out. No

15:42

no no no absolutely not. Well

15:44

I mean well you tell me

15:47

how did it go? Well he didn't stop his

15:49

bike so I was like I guess I'm not

15:51

worth it and then I was... Oh okay. Then

15:53

I got sad. And I was

15:55

like maybe he was like maybe he's like you know

15:57

that bitch from Wipeout? I

16:02

see no glitch on my TV! We're Ringling Ling! We're

16:05

Ringling Ling! That

16:08

was what it was. You were

16:10

misinterpreting the bell rings. I guess so.

16:15

I don't know. I just, I keep thinking,

16:17

I'm like, maybe I'll start going to like

16:19

a specific bar once a week and like

16:22

get to know the bartenders and tell them

16:24

I'm on the prowl so they can like

16:26

play matchmaking. Is that like a, am

16:28

I like living in a movie? Yeah,

16:31

I mean I think, here's the thing

16:33

that's difficult for you and I, I

16:35

think when it comes to, through friends, especially

16:38

if you want to date straight men, we

16:40

know a lot of gays. I know. And

16:44

everybody in our circle, a

16:46

lot of people in our circle are like married

16:48

and have kids, because they don't really know single

16:50

people. They don't know anybody. They don't know any

16:52

single people. You need to go to like mixer

16:56

specific type things, like

16:58

things that are made for dating

17:00

specifically. You know that other people

17:02

that are single, because unfortunately what

17:04

ends up happening is you meet

17:06

people at parties and then they

17:09

mention that they have a partner and you're like,

17:11

great, like finally somebody that I'm actually

17:13

interested in. Or they're just, you know,

17:16

you don't have the same preferences.

17:19

Again, I've asked friends and I've had

17:21

people connecting with people and I think

17:23

because I'm like a late

17:26

stage queer that is like appealing

17:28

to some folks, like as soon

17:30

as you'll find out that I was like

17:32

no long night dinner. I'm like, stage queer!

17:36

Like people will be like, wait a second, you date women? And

17:38

then they're like, I can see the gears turning. They're like,

17:41

oh, I have so many people I would recommend for

17:43

you. And I'm like, okay, yeah, let's go. You know,

17:45

I feel like dating women might

17:47

just be easier. There just seems

17:49

to be more quality women. I

17:51

will say it's not easier. It's

17:53

not easier. It's easier in different

17:56

ways. Like you don't play the

17:58

same in my experience. feel

18:00

like a lot of cishet men play those

18:02

games where like they don't want to let

18:04

you know that they like you, like they

18:06

don't want to seem too eager. It's like

18:08

always hard to get a hold on like,

18:10

you're like, I've been fucking this person for

18:12

a month. Do they like me? I don't

18:14

know. It's like very

18:17

strange. Whereas like, in my experience,

18:19

women on the opposite end of

18:21

the spectrum where they are like in

18:23

it to win it. And

18:25

that can be for me like because

18:28

I'm divorced and I don't

18:30

really see myself getting married again. I

18:32

don't want to live with another partner

18:34

anytime soon. For a lot of women I found

18:36

that that's like a deal breaker where they're like,

18:38

interesting. Why am I doing this? And I'm like,

18:40

oh, just have fun. I'm like, I want to

18:42

get married. I want to have a baby. I

18:45

don't want to get married.

18:50

I've like, I used to want

18:52

to get married. I used to want to have

18:54

like a big wedding where I'd made all my

18:56

male friends dress in drag and have a dumb

18:58

big time. But now

19:01

I'm just like, man, I don't need a

19:03

wedding. I just need a partner who's like,

19:05

we're in this together. And I definitely don't

19:07

want a child. And I feel

19:09

like a lot of people I've

19:11

dated are like, no, no, I definitely want a

19:13

kid. And I'm like, for what you

19:15

want? Yeah, you can't just leave whenever you

19:17

want. Why do you want a kid? Why?

19:19

Why do you want this thing that tethers

19:22

you? You

19:24

know, I'm it's so funny, because,

19:26

like, you know, I always think about

19:29

the fact that people oftentimes have kids

19:31

with people that are terrible potential parents. And

19:33

I always would think like, Oh, why do

19:35

people do that? And then I think back

19:37

to like, when my marriage was dissolving, my

19:39

hormones were like, maybe you should have a baby.

19:42

I know, I

19:44

know, I know. I literally was like,

19:47

bargaining with my ex-husband. I was

19:49

like, maybe, maybe a kid. Again,

19:51

thank God I didn't do it.

19:54

But my, my maternal instinct, like

19:56

the clock literally started ticking. And

19:59

I think that that It happens to a lot of people that

20:01

they reach a certain age and

20:03

the societal pressure, but then also your

20:05

hormones start telling you, I remember

20:07

being on the train and

20:10

seeing a baby and crying

20:12

and just being like, a baby.

20:16

I mean, that happens to me, but I

20:19

don't, there is some logical thing in my

20:21

brain that stops it from going any

20:23

further than that. I'll see a baby and

20:25

I'll be like, and if I know the person, I'll

20:27

be like, hello, I just need to

20:29

hold your baby. I've made friend dates,

20:32

were purely just to go to their house to

20:34

hold their baby and I make it very clear.

20:36

I'm like, I miss you, I haven't seen you

20:38

in a while, but I just wanna hold your

20:40

baby. And then I get what I

20:42

need from that baby and I'm good for a couple

20:44

months. And then

20:46

I was dating someone for

20:49

a little bit and they would talk about

20:51

having a baby with me and like how

20:53

good of a mom I was gonna be.

20:55

And we had stopped using condoms at

20:58

that point. So I was like, it

21:00

would be great to have a baby.

21:02

So then immediately went out and got birth

21:04

control, like got a rod shoved in my arm.

21:06

I was like, I can't have it. Like

21:09

something in my brain goes, yes. Okay, how

21:11

do we stop it? You know

21:13

what I mean? Like when I heard that plan B had

21:15

a weight limit, I was like, well, how do I, what

21:17

do I get? So I like went and found Ella

21:20

and do I do two? Do

21:23

I do two, three, four? How many

21:25

boxes of plan B does one need?

21:28

But yeah, like there's just something in my

21:30

brain that like will not let it get

21:32

past a hormonal thing. I'm

21:34

like in my house with

21:36

my wallpaper? No. I

21:39

know, I know. I have

21:41

fully committed to like, I'm in

21:43

my stepmom era. Like I

21:45

love the idea of being like, you

21:47

know, present in a kid's life and

21:50

get to do all the cool things. Like, yeah, you

21:52

can borrow my leather jacket. Like, you know, a

21:55

gee, leather jacket. I don't for

21:58

whatever reason. That's

22:00

what I immediately went to. No,

22:02

I'm dating someone with like a 15 year old.

22:05

You know what I mean? Oh, okay, okay. And

22:08

they're talking about college and I'm there to be

22:10

like, yeah, you can change majors, like whatever, you

22:12

know? And I'm the person that when

22:14

their parent is being shitty, I

22:17

can give them like the true like perspective.

22:19

I can be like, listen, I know

22:21

you don't wanna hear this, but your mom is right.

22:23

Like I feel like that's who I'm supposed to be.

22:25

Or, you know, I'm like, hey, I know y'all are

22:27

drinking in here, give me the keys. That's

22:31

like where I feel like I will be beneficial to a

22:33

kid. I don't want to do

22:35

like all the hard shit. And I don't

22:37

actually wanna like, you know, deal with a

22:39

baby and like the

22:41

hormonal changes. And, oh, you

22:43

know the other thing that also solidified it for me? I

22:45

had a Bigfoot, I wear a size 11. When

22:48

I heard that your feet can get bigger. Your

22:51

foot can get bigger during pregnancy? I was like,

22:53

no, no, no. We're at

22:55

the end, I'm an 11 too, sometimes a fucking 12. Oh,

22:58

no, no, no. I

23:01

have curated my closet, I have a

23:03

great collection of 11s. I'm

23:05

not going to 12, I'm not doing

23:08

it. That's horrifying. 12s are

23:10

hard, they're hard to fucking find, cute shoes

23:12

and a 12. And yeah, I

23:14

know I have an order 12 and it's

23:16

debilitating sometimes. That's

23:19

wild. But I just,

23:21

here's the thing, I love babies. Once

23:24

it starts talking, throw it in the

23:26

trash. Oh no, I like, I

23:29

was about to say the talking stage and I was like,

23:31

that's the rest of their life. No,

23:36

I like when they get to the stage where

23:38

they have like a personality and they can tell

23:40

you. And also they can wipe their own ass,

23:43

that's what I'm really about. I don't want to

23:45

do that other stuff. And

23:48

this is no shade to parents, love y'all

23:50

down. I'm shading you, I don't give

23:52

a, you made a weird choice. No,

23:56

well, when I was thinking about having a kid

23:59

I think the thing... I was really excited

24:01

about was being able

24:03

to like see a little person that like

24:05

looks like me and has like my personality

24:07

traits. But then I hear from all my

24:10

friends that your kids come out with all the

24:12

traits that you like hate in your partner. Like

24:14

they'll just do all the annoying shit that's

24:16

like, oh, you're fucking bothered. That's

24:20

very funny. I think one

24:24

of my gay friends is going to need eggs and

24:26

I think that's what I'm going to do. I'm

24:29

going to give my eggs to somebody so I

24:31

can like see a little me, play

24:33

with a little me and then be like, little me,

24:35

get out of my life. Yeah,

24:37

I think that's the best of both worlds. I

24:39

love that for you. Right. I think

24:42

that would be really fun. Yeah. I, I,

24:44

not that you needed my approval, but I think

24:46

you should. Thank you so much for your approval.

24:48

Real quick. We have to

24:50

take a break. No,

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Me. We're

27:36

back! Okay,

27:38

so you have been asking

27:41

friends for like, you know, recommendations

27:43

on who you should date and whatnot.

27:45

Recommendations? Oh my God. Who

27:47

am I? I'd like to see

27:49

a resume, three references. I

27:53

feel like every time I ask friends, they're

27:55

like, I have a couple of friends,

27:57

but they're all trash. I asked Michelle Buteau, when When

28:00

I was in Amsterdam, I was like, tell

28:03

Hice that I'm looking, he's

28:05

got friends here, let's make it

28:07

happen. And what did she say? She was like,

28:09

I'll try. And then suddenly we're back in the

28:11

States and nothing happened. I was like, girl, you

28:13

didn't try that hard. Yeah,

28:16

I mean, I think with Michelle, you're going

28:19

to encounter the same thing of a lot

28:21

of people who are married and have kids.

28:23

I think all of Hice's friends, again, it's

28:25

just the stage of life we're at. If

28:28

we were in college, we

28:30

would know more single people, but everybody's wifed

28:33

up, hubbyed up, kid up. That one

28:36

didn't work, but you did keep it. No, I

28:38

got it. I liked it. Keep

28:40

it? Yeah, it's just, God, it's like almost 40.

28:44

I'm almost 40. I just turned 40, girl. Congratulations.

28:47

Thank you. It's wonderful over here, but

28:49

yeah, you do start feeling like, holy

28:52

shit, I'm like a full blown

28:54

adult. Yeah, I can't. Yeah,

28:57

you can't be like, oh my God, 30

28:59

and flirty. You're

29:01

like 40 and

29:04

fighting. My

29:09

best friend calls this the back 40, as

29:11

in like this is the we're

29:13

in the home stretch. Do

29:18

you manifest relationship shit? Oh,

29:22

that's a good question. No, I

29:25

mean, right now I'm in such

29:27

a, because I

29:29

was married and I was in a monogamous

29:31

relationship for so long, I'm very

29:33

much in my non-monogamy era where

29:35

I'm open to dating multiple people

29:37

at one time. My ideal situation would

29:40

be to date. But, wait, real quick, sorry

29:42

to interrupt. How do you keep

29:44

everybody, how do you keep track of everybody if you're

29:46

dating multiple people at once? I don't. Calendar.

29:49

Oh. Calendar. For me, I

29:52

really only usually date like two

29:54

people at a time, maybe three. Two

29:57

is like my max. So

30:00

for that reason, I think one of the

30:02

things I love about Naminogamy is it's

30:04

very much like accepting people for who

30:06

they are and where they are in

30:08

their lives. Like you're not trying to

30:10

make anybody anything that they're not because you're

30:12

just like, oh, you're the partner

30:14

that likes X, Y and Z. Cool. My other

30:16

partner likes this thing. And that's what I get

30:18

from them. So for that

30:20

reason, I'm not really like, I want a

30:23

partner that's like this. If I

30:25

meet somebody and I like them, I'm like, cool,

30:27

I'm into this. And if there are things I

30:29

don't like love, I'm like, that's fine. Okay.

30:32

Like you're not my everything. I

30:34

see you like once a week, twice a

30:36

week. And that's it. And I'll get

30:38

those things from somebody else at another time.

30:42

I feel like you're evolved and it's really annoying.

30:47

Because I don't. It could be fair. It

30:49

took me a long time to get here. It

30:51

took me a long time to get here. I

30:53

was not always this person. But I also think it

30:57

just fits my lifestyle, my personality.

30:59

And I especially, you know,

31:01

one thing that my ex-husband and I

31:03

like bumped heads on is like the

31:06

weekend would come up and I'd be like,

31:08

what are you doing this weekend? And he'd be like, what?

31:10

What are we doing? And I was like, oh, no, I

31:12

have plans. I'm doing this. Like

31:16

I just always had such an active

31:19

life. And I know that for

31:21

a lot of people, when you get married, like

31:24

your life is supposed to be about like you

31:26

and your partner at all times. And that just

31:28

wasn't that just wasn't me. And

31:31

so like I realized like, oh, I don't

31:33

really like that's very much

31:35

a traditional monogamy thing. Like we're in

31:37

a relationship. So now like all of

31:39

our friends become friends and like we do

31:42

everything together. And like we and

31:44

for me, I'm like, I don't need like

31:46

I can have my own

31:48

day by myself. Like I want

31:50

to sit quietly reading a book or like doing

31:52

crafts or, you know, whatever it is, I don't

31:54

need to be attached to the hip to someone.

31:57

And it's taken me time to realize like, oh, that's

31:59

just. That's just who I am

32:01

and I'm gonna stop trying to like fit into

32:03

that box because I just end up disappointing partners.

32:06

They're like, you don't text me enough. And

32:08

I'm like, yeah, I have work. Like

32:11

I can't text all day. But

32:13

like, for some people when

32:15

you get in a relationship, like that's what it

32:17

is. It's like, we must text every

32:19

morning. We must. How are you? Good

32:22

morning, beautiful. And like, I'm just not like

32:24

that. Interesting. I do like a good

32:26

morning text because it means

32:29

you thought of me in the morning. I

32:31

just think it's a nice way to start the

32:33

day. And then I think like a afternoon.

32:36

How's your day going is lovely. And then

32:38

like a nice good night. I

32:41

don't subscribe to like,

32:43

we do everything together. And

32:45

I don't subscribe to like melding friend

32:47

groups. I'm like, one from

32:50

here, two from here, or like, these people

32:52

will be great at this. And

32:55

I don't subscribe to like doing everything

32:57

together. Like I would like

32:59

my partner to have their own friends.

33:02

And it's like Friday night, what are we doing?

33:04

Well, I'm going to go over here and watch

33:06

Drag Race. And I'm going to go over here and

33:08

play Dungeons and Dragons. And then

33:10

maybe y'all come home together or you know,

33:13

have a one day of the weekend that's

33:15

just you and your partner day. I love

33:17

that. But yeah, but I've realized

33:19

that for some people that's

33:21

just too radical for them.

33:24

And I don't know, I just have

33:26

it kind of accepted like, oh, this is where I'm at

33:28

in my life. And like, if I'm

33:31

not partnered long term, I'm

33:33

okay with that. Like, I

33:35

would really just love like a little notation

33:38

where I could be like, oh, I like want to get laid.

33:40

Who's in the Rolodex? And then, you

33:43

know what I mean? I

33:45

would love that. Francesca, I feel

33:48

like you're in such a good

33:50

place relationship wise

33:52

and like love wise. And I'm very

33:54

jealous. I'm also in therapy.

33:57

Oh my God. So I brought this book. I can't remember

33:59

the name. of it. But I was doing this book called

34:01

Calling in the One and then I got mad about it

34:03

because I was like, why the fuck do I have to

34:05

do a book and other people don't? So then I stopped

34:08

doing it. Other people are doing it? No, I know. But

34:10

like they didn't make one book just for you. Can

34:14

you imagine pitching to your publisher? You're like, I

34:16

have a book idea, but it's only for Nicole,

34:18

for Nicole buyer. And we just have to print

34:20

a million copies, but not sell it to anyone

34:23

but Nicole buyer. But, um, no,

34:25

I know other people are doing it, but like

34:27

if there's 100 people, 50 of those

34:29

people haven't done this book and are in relationship. And

34:32

then 50 people have done it and two of

34:34

them are in relationship. So I'm like, why am I

34:36

doing this fucking book? But then I

34:38

found this other book that was like dating in

34:40

the Tinder age. And then it was another workbook

34:42

that I had to do. And it just put

34:44

me in such a bad mood. I was like,

34:46

I've already done so much fucking work on myself.

34:49

Let me put my work into, into action.

34:53

Um, so have you read books or

34:55

anything? No, you probably haven't fucking Christ.

34:57

You're just out here being like,

34:59

here's my vibe. And everyone's like, wow,

35:03

I felt like an aider. No,

35:05

no, no, no. I, I,

35:07

I love this level of

35:09

transparency. I know I don't

35:11

really like self help books.

35:13

That's not really my thing.

35:15

Um, but, but again, you

35:17

know, I think if, I think if

35:20

you had gone through a really hard

35:22

divorce, you'd be in a very different place

35:24

than you are right now. And so

35:26

a large part of where

35:28

I'm at comes from the fact that

35:31

I was married for a long time.

35:33

My divorce was really hard. This is

35:35

my first time living alone as an

35:37

adult and I really, really enjoy it. And, and

35:40

I'm really focused on my career. I

35:42

feel like I'm in a really good

35:44

space creatively and professionally, and I want

35:46

to like focus on that and I

35:48

don't want to spread myself too thin.

35:50

So like, if I am dating someone,

35:52

like I have some prospects, I'm very upfront

35:54

about the fact that I'm like, I'm a

35:56

once a week kind of bitch right now.

35:58

And sometimes It might

36:00

be once every two weeks because I lost shit

36:03

going on and I'm very much like what's

36:05

your February look like? What's your mark? Like I'm

36:07

like planning a month out So

36:10

and I'm not and I don't do last-minute like if

36:13

you say like hey, what are you up to tonight?

36:15

I'm like not hanging out with you. I have a

36:17

thing to do like I that

36:19

night I

36:21

don't work that way. I Don't

36:25

it's very very rare

36:27

that if you hit me up day of But

36:30

I'll say yes because sometimes even if I

36:32

don't have plans my plan is to have

36:34

no plan That's what I'm

36:36

doing tonight is nothing. I don't want to

36:38

go out tonight. Um So

36:41

again try to you know again, this is

36:43

a very therapist don't compare yourself to where

36:45

I'm at that this is this is a

36:47

hardened Callous

36:50

divorcee And

36:54

it and I wasn't if you had if

36:56

we had done this in 2019

36:59

like right off my divorce like I would have

37:01

cried the whole time. I literally was like I cannot

37:03

do it. I was so Like

37:06

angry. I was seeing red. I remember my

37:08

ex-husband's name is Patrick and I remember I was taking a

37:10

flight and I was in

37:12

first class and there was a little card on my

37:15

seat that was like your Steward is

37:17

Patrick and I went ah And

37:19

I like ripped up the card. I I

37:22

Freaked the fuck out just seeing my

37:25

ex's name I was that

37:27

angry and that was me for like a

37:29

long chunk of time Like I just couldn't

37:32

I just couldn't wrap my mind

37:34

around like the way things had fallen apart and

37:37

and I really had to just like make peace with the

37:40

fact that like I needed to close that chapter and And

37:43

so like my perspective on dating now is shaped

37:45

by the fact that I'm like Yeah,

37:48

I might just be single

37:51

for the rest of

37:53

like the conceivable future and just like You

37:55

know go on a date here and

37:57

there and and just keep it so

38:00

for the next for the next foreseeable

38:02

future and I'm totally okay with that.

38:05

That's nice. I

38:07

don't know if I'll get there without having

38:09

some sort of like full-length relationship where like

38:11

if both people are really in it because

38:15

I'm always like what could it be what

38:17

will it be like? Yeah.

38:20

Real quick we have to

38:22

take a break. Warning

38:31

things are about to

38:33

get intense like when

38:35

you stare into the eyes

38:38

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38:40

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40:40

our listeners at babble.com/date

40:42

me. Get 55% off

40:45

at babble.com/date me. Spell

40:47

babbel.com/date me. Rules and

40:50

restrictions may apply. Okay,

40:53

this might be too personal, so you don't have to answer

40:55

it. No, go for it. Go for it.

40:58

When you were married, did you ever imagine what

41:00

your life would be like without him? And

41:04

how do you love someone so much and

41:06

then never speak to them again? Yeah, I

41:08

mean, I never, I mean, I

41:11

think the only people that think about

41:14

the potential of a marriage ending are

41:16

people who've been married before. Like you're

41:18

on your second marriage and

41:20

or you're rich. People that are

41:22

rich go into marriages thinking, if this goes

41:25

south, you're not getting all my fucking money.

41:27

So we need to pre-up, right? So like

41:29

I went in like bright eyed and bushy

41:31

tailed like, yeah, we're doing this. As

41:35

for like not talking to each other, like listen,

41:38

our relationship did not

41:40

end on good terms. I

41:44

had to pay my ex-husband a settlement, a

41:46

pretty hefty settlement, and I

41:48

was really mad about it. And I told him

41:50

point blank, I will pay you this money, but

41:52

then I'll never talk to you again. And he

41:54

was like, no, you don't mean that. I said,

41:56

no, I do. I really, I

41:58

won't write you this. check. And

42:02

again, I'm at a place now where like,

42:04

I often joke my divorce was expensive because

42:06

it was worth it. I needed

42:08

to do it. I needed to do it. I was

42:12

really mad about it for a long

42:14

time. And now I'm like, you know,

42:16

I just I needed to do it

42:18

to move on and like, I made

42:20

the money back pretty quickly. And yeah,

42:23

you know, for

42:25

me, I was like, if this is going to make

42:27

you feel better about our relationship ending, then this is

42:29

what I need to do to get

42:31

this off the get this off my shoulders.

42:33

And so for me, that's why it was easy

42:35

for me to be like, no, I'm not gonna talk to you again. I was

42:38

like, this is the trade off you made. Did

42:40

he reach out to you at all? Or

42:42

no, no, he's reached out to like mutual friends,

42:45

which is kind of weird. But

42:48

no, he has not reached out to me. He

42:51

has told people that we're still friendly, which I

42:53

think is strange. I guess

42:56

he has to save face. You

42:59

know, whatever. I hope they're probably like hearing

43:01

the podcast like, no,

43:04

we're not friends. And

43:07

again, I'm at a place where like, I'm

43:09

not I'm not angry about it anymore. I'm

43:11

just like, that was just part of my

43:13

story. And I just just had

43:15

to do it. And I'm not the first person

43:17

to pay a settlement. I'm not the last. Like

43:19

when I heard that, like Kelly Clarkson had to

43:21

pay a settlement. I don't have Kelly Clarkson

43:25

money. But I was

43:27

like, Mary

43:30

J. Blige, you know,

43:32

and and then I was like, you

43:34

know, Wendy Williams had a whole

43:37

thing with her, her husband

43:39

and people were like, why don't they just get divorced? And

43:41

I thought they're not getting a divorce. And

43:47

if you've been around a long time, the amount

43:49

of money that you're entitled to go up

43:51

and up and up and the longer your

43:54

the longer your divorce stretches on this is what I

43:56

learned when I was getting divorced. The

43:59

average divorce take. Anywhere from

44:01

two to three years while the

44:03

money that's accumulated in that time

44:05

goes into the pot, low angle

44:07

funds. So if you started them

44:09

dino you start of the divorce

44:11

paper work at this amount of

44:13

money and then two years later

44:15

you got more money. Your.

44:18

Soon to be ex partner can say I'm

44:20

entitled to that sasso I own. It was

44:22

time. For me onside kicks were a

44:25

spiraling and my since it was it's

44:27

genuinely like so bougie my account

44:29

some my lawyer and my agents guy

44:31

on the phone and they were like

44:34

for doctor you just gotta do

44:36

this and i was like no i

44:38

wanna fight him and they really

44:40

don't. Fight this cousin

44:42

as Mrs. Longer. And then, yet

44:44

he was right. or. The Pandemic. It was wrong

44:46

and an Iq. And and if we had

44:49

waited all the court shut down because I

44:51

was trying to get divorced or a pandemic

44:53

of people were like stuff with each other

44:56

and he would have dragged on and on

44:58

and on and on. So again, it was

45:00

hard. And. This is why again when

45:02

you say you don't wanna get married and my

45:04

heart and like younger and co you got too

45:06

much money do a law requires an exhibit Married.

45:09

I would definitely do a pre nup. But I

45:11

also. Simply. If.

45:13

We both have health insurance and like were

45:15

okay. That way I don't see a need

45:17

for it like I don't see a need

45:19

for us to tire finances. Yeah, it's really

45:22

for emergencies like goddamn something happened to

45:24

one of you And you wanna make

45:26

sure that your partner can like make

45:28

decisions on your behalf and wow you

45:30

in the hospital that when you have

45:32

a year like all your stuff is

45:34

in your estate. And then you have an

45:36

executor of years states as executor of your sight

45:38

of essentially like your next the can like. That's

45:40

what I would do. Yeah, the yeah, I'm

45:43

not. I'm not trying to let anybody have

45:45

any amount of money. But. Then I'm laying

45:47

on the flip side: if I marry some of the ton of money,

45:49

I don't want to bring up a mummy. I. Think

45:54

I. You know I've never had money. My

45:56

parents don't have money so I never thought

45:58

about a pre nup. And I now know

46:01

that your prenup can have all sorts of stuff in it.

46:03

And I only know this now because I've gotten a

46:05

divorce. It doesn't have to solely be about finances.

46:08

But I could imagine that it's

46:10

really hard to say to somebody like, super

46:13

excited about us getting married. P.S.

46:15

Can you sign this paperwork just

46:17

in case it doesn't work out? Like, I

46:20

think that that might be a deal breaker for some

46:22

people. And maybe that's the reason to say it, to

46:25

see, like, are you really, you know, because

46:27

why are you in this? If

46:29

you think it's really going to work out, then you should

46:31

be OK with signing a prenup. You should. You'll have no

46:33

worries because we're going to be together forever. So this is

46:35

never going to come up. But it's

46:37

like if we do get divorced, I also

46:39

would have a prenup because it's like if

46:42

I was with somebody and we

46:44

decided to have children and if

46:47

they decided to not work and

46:50

they're the primary caretaker of our

46:53

children, then I'm like, OK, you

46:55

are entitled to some sort of I

46:57

will keep up your lifestyle to a

46:59

certain extent, especially if I'm the sole provider

47:02

for these people. But then it's like

47:04

there's no kids involved and you chose to not

47:06

work. And I was fine with it. But now

47:08

we're not together. You're not entitled to anything because

47:10

you chose that. I said, all

47:13

right. But like, we're not

47:15

together. I love that fairy tale. But the

47:17

reality, I know, I know. Yeah,

47:20

that is not that's

47:22

not how the government sees it. You

47:24

mentioned Wendy Williams. And this is

47:26

coming out in March. We're recording this in January.

47:29

I miss Wendy specifically for this

47:31

Megan Thee Stallion Nicki Minaj shoot

47:34

because her she would have so

47:36

much to say. It

47:38

would be a hot topic for like a week

47:40

straight. And I just like I

47:42

need someone to go and tell Wendy we

47:45

need her back and that we can shoot

47:47

on her terms in

47:50

her living room if she wants. I just

47:52

I need it. Yeah,

47:54

I. She would have so much to

47:56

say. I I have decided right in

47:58

this moment that I as. as a

48:00

big-footed woman, I am reclaiming Bigfoot. Can't use

48:03

that as a flirt against me. I

48:05

have a Bigfoot. I got a Bigfoot too. And

48:08

I got a good foot. I twisted my ankle

48:10

and it broke. So I

48:12

know what Meg is going through. I'm

48:14

not minimizing getting shot, I'm just kidding.

48:17

You know, but as a big-footed woman, I

48:21

know that people try to come for us.

48:23

Yes, I've got a Steve Madden box strapped

48:25

to the top of my car, because I

48:27

have a big fucking foot. And

48:30

it won't fit in my little mini-Cooper.

48:33

If I ever saw somebody with

48:35

a big-ass Steve Madden shoe box

48:37

strapped to the roof of their

48:39

car, I would honk and follow

48:41

them and be like, you're iconic,

48:43

you're fucking iconic. If

48:46

you're in the Los Angeles area and you

48:48

see a green mini-Cooper with a shoe box at

48:50

the top, that's Francesca. That's

48:52

me. Francesca,

48:54

we do have to wrap things

48:56

up, but do you have any

48:59

advice for the girlies out there who

49:02

are just sad and single?

49:04

Or maybe not sad

49:06

and single, but like not feeling the

49:09

best? Yeah, I

49:11

hear you. I

49:13

mean, I'm of the mind that like you're allowed

49:15

to have bad days. And I think

49:17

that if you're not feeling great, it's

49:19

not worth it to try and rush yourself through

49:21

the feelings, because they're just gonna pop up at

49:24

another time. You

49:26

have to let yourself feel it. You have

49:28

to go through it and do like the

49:30

restorative stuff that's gonna make you feel better.

49:32

Order from your favorite restaurant, watch a movie,

49:37

spend time with your friends, invite your friends

49:39

over to kind of like have a little

49:41

cry session and order dinner and do all

49:43

that cute stuff. Like you're allowed to wallow,

49:45

give yourself a day, and

49:47

then tomorrow you will tackle whatever's in

49:49

front of you and move forward. But

49:52

unfortunately you cannot rush, you

49:54

can't rush the healing process. And I say that

49:56

as somebody that tried. I tried

49:59

really, really hard. When I was going through my divorce

50:01

every day, I was like, I have things to do. And

50:03

it just doesn't work that way. I

50:09

wish we spoke more during your divorce because you

50:11

sound very funny. Ripping up cards that

50:13

say the name Patrick grumbling.

50:15

I got things to do. I'm not

50:17

paying this man. It's

50:19

honestly iconic. And it's like

50:22

it's like a Tyler Perry movie in the making. I

50:26

mean, if you are in. I mean,

50:28

listen, we we are basically neighbors.

50:30

You live like right down the street from me. I'm up

50:33

for a role play session. I'll be

50:35

divorced or mid divorce. Fran, I'll come

50:37

over and I'll be like, listen

50:40

to what he did now. It's

50:42

like, Nicole, what did you do today? Oh, Franny

50:44

came over and screamed at me. And

50:47

you like we played. I asked for it. We

50:50

played mid divorce. That's what it's called. Can

50:53

we play mid divorce? Fran, can you

50:55

talk to me about your dead dog?

50:58

And what you and Pat are fighting over? Yeah,

51:01

sure. I'll tell you all about it.

51:03

Dead dog. Oh, my

51:05

God, I didn't tell you this. Literally the day

51:07

that my ex-husband was moving out. OK,

51:10

one dog we had to put to sleep. And

51:12

then the other one we gave away because

51:15

we were like, we couldn't keep him. And

51:17

we donated him. He was a Boston Terrier

51:19

to a woman that like took care of

51:21

elderly Boston Terriers. We like drove

51:23

out to New Jersey. We rented a car. It

51:25

was like we're in a fucking rom com. Like

51:28

drove out there, gave him away to her like

51:30

in a cheesecake factory parking lot. And then the

51:32

next day she called us and she was like

51:34

crying. And I was like, what is she crying

51:37

about? She was like, Phil, he was in the

51:39

backyard. He just fell over and died. He

51:41

like it was like he knew he was like, oh,

51:43

you guys are done. I'm out. Oh, my God. He

51:47

was in the backyard and he fell

51:49

over. He just fell over

51:52

and died. He just fell over and died.

51:54

Totally healthy. I mean, he was an elderly dog. I think it

51:56

was like 14 years old. Yeah,

52:00

and the other one, she had been having lots of

52:02

health problems, and it was like literally right when we

52:04

said like, this is over. She

52:07

was like, all right, I'm out. And

52:09

I genuinely feel like they knew. They

52:12

just they could tell they could feel

52:14

it. And I in reality, I felt

52:16

like we knew the marriage was

52:18

over for a while, but like the dogs were kind of

52:20

keeping us together because they were like our kids. How

52:23

wait, how long did you know that

52:25

it was over before it was like officially

52:27

over? I

52:31

would say I would say that

52:33

last year, it had been

52:35

bad for a minute, but like, in

52:38

2018, I wrote a book and I was working on

52:40

a show for Comedy Central. And so I was traveling

52:42

a lot. And I was kind

52:44

of using work as a way to

52:46

like avoid the realities of like my

52:48

marriage not being great. Because I was

52:50

I was like, bye, I was speaking,

52:52

bye, book stuff. I gotta go. Like,

52:54

I was just never home. And

52:56

then like, I would be home and I would be there

52:59

for two seconds. And then it was like, if we were having

53:01

a fight, I'd be like, I can't deal with this. I like

53:03

I have, I have, you know, I think it's set tomorrow. I'm

53:05

going to get a bed. Like, I just wasn't facing

53:08

the facts of what was going on. So

53:11

it was probably like a

53:13

year and a half. And then and

53:16

then again, I do feel like with

53:18

the dogs, it was

53:20

like, oh, well, if we break up, like who gets

53:22

who gets which dog? We can't split them up.

53:24

And like, you know, it's

53:26

really hard taking care of dogs in New

53:28

York. But like when you have a partner, you can

53:30

kind of split the duties. And I was like, oh,

53:33

God, this is going to be so hard. And

53:35

then again, like RIP Kaya and Phil. But

53:37

like, as soon as they were out, I

53:40

was like, this is great. I'm slipping on

53:42

to nothing. Nothing's ever mean to this man.

53:45

Yeah. So it was it was

53:48

genuinely like a Lifetime

53:50

movie, a Tyler Perry movie. I was I

53:52

was living it. It was a mess, a

53:55

hot mess. Well, I

53:57

love it. Franny, we've come to the end. Um,

54:00

would you date me? I asked all my

54:02

guests this. Oh,

54:04

wow. I don't know. You know what?

54:06

I like you as a friend so much that I wouldn't want

54:08

to fuck up our friendship. I feel like

54:11

you would be fun to date. I feel like you'd

54:13

be fun in bed. I feel like, but I feel

54:15

like you'd be like, yeah, like you'd

54:18

be making like weird voices and sounds. You'd

54:20

be like, you are my boss. And

54:22

I'm like, okay, like, yeah,

54:25

it would be like barrels of laughs. But

54:27

then I would worry that if things like

54:29

didn't work out, that then we couldn't be

54:31

friends anymore. And I wouldn't want that. That's

54:34

a well thought out answer. Oh,

54:36

yeah. I you know what? I try to be

54:38

a thoughtful ass bitch. You really

54:40

are. Do you have anything

54:43

you want to promote? Um,

54:45

well, my podcast, Let Me Fix It with my

54:47

bestie, Delaun, which we would love to have you

54:50

as a guest. Yes, please have me. You would

54:52

be so great. Every

54:54

Wednesday, that show comes out and I'm hosting

54:56

a new show for one tree called Black

54:59

History for Real, which is about little known

55:01

black history figures. It's been so interesting. I've

55:03

learned so much. Yes. Do you know black

55:05

people created hockey? Ice hockey?

55:07

No, I did. Ah, uh huh.

55:11

Wow. I cannot give you Columbus.

55:13

That is they really have changed

55:16

the image of hockey. Uh

55:18

huh. I hear. I think in

55:20

Nova Scotia. Really? I

55:23

didn't even know we were in Canada like that. OK,

55:26

the all black league that invented

55:28

hockey as we know it in

55:30

1895. A

55:33

group of black Canadian intellectuals and churchmen of

55:35

the time looked at the sport and saw

55:37

the same thing. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

55:40

Oh, my God. Well, Nicole, you're now officially

55:42

a producer on Black History for Real. As

55:46

if you need another podcast, but you win

55:48

the credits, girl. Now, sorry. Wait,

55:51

I want to find more things. Potato

55:53

chips. I knew that one. I didn't

55:55

know that. Well, you know that the

55:57

plate, the Playboy Bunny outfit

55:59

was. designed by a black woman? No,

56:01

but honestly it makes sense. It fucking hits

56:03

even today. Yeah, sure does.

56:06

A clothing dryer, the traffic

56:08

light, the automatic gear shift,

56:10

the mailbox. Ooh,

56:14

elevator doors, folding

56:16

chairs. Now that's my favorite

56:18

one. Folding chairs because

56:21

of the- Because of the folding chair

56:23

thing with the guys. Which

56:25

is real full circle, I love it.

56:28

Ooh, a gas heating furnace. Somebody

56:30

said, aren't you cold? I've been invented

56:33

it. Wow, this is wild.

56:35

Okay, we gotta get out of here. I

56:37

could go on all day. This has been

56:39

delightful. Thank you so much for doing this.

56:41

Oh, thank you so much for having me.

56:44

This was really fun. Years in the fucking

56:46

making. Yeah, it truly

56:48

has been, but you know what? Good

56:50

things take time. Good things

56:52

take time like me getting into

56:54

a relationship. That was nice. Oh!

56:57

Yes, yes. Honestly, I do feel

56:59

like 2024 is my year because

57:03

I've got a lot of things

57:05

bubbling, but I also just

57:07

feel like I've done a lot of work on

57:09

myself and I think I'm a better communicator. And

57:12

I think I'm just gonna be really magical

57:14

for a special somebody. And I think they're

57:16

gonna meet me and they're gonna be like,

57:18

oh my God, I can't handle how amazing

57:20

and weird she is. I'm very strange. I

57:22

love that you're, I really appreciate you saying

57:24

that. And I think you're right. I think

57:26

you're at a place that you can genuinely

57:28

say that and mean it and not just,

57:31

you know, blow in hot air. And I think that that's

57:33

like exactly where you need to be. I know

57:35

it's so stereotypical to be like, when you're ready,

57:37

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but like mentally, you

57:40

have to be in that space. And you are, and I

57:42

do think 2024, I keep, my

57:44

friend said this to me that 2024 is

57:46

gonna be the year that we thought 2020 was supposed to

57:49

be. Ah, I

57:51

like that. I think so. I

57:53

think that I really, really thought 2020 was gonna be it. Everybody

57:56

did. It's like we just graduated from high

57:58

school. We just spent four years. years in high

58:00

school and now we're all playing that vitamin C

58:02

song. When

58:05

we go on together,

58:08

little cancer, I

58:11

don't know the words. But I

58:13

get the sentiment. I

58:16

just, I went to dinner

58:18

last night and I was trying wine and

58:21

the server was like, do you like it? And

58:24

I was like, no. Sometimes

58:27

I forget to be a human being in

58:29

public and I can't wait

58:31

for my partner to be like, oh, that's

58:34

my muffet. You know what I mean? Like

58:36

just to embrace the weird stupid shit that

58:38

I do. All right, Fran, we

58:40

gotta get out of here. If you like this

58:42

episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can

58:44

like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe, you

58:46

can give me five stars on Apple Podcasts. If you

58:48

write me something dirty at whywon'tyoudatemepodcastatgmail.com,

58:52

I will read it. This

58:54

lovely person said, hey, Nicole,

58:56

gonna keep this short and

58:58

sweet. Let's get each other

59:00

super wet, then play on a slip and

59:02

slide that's lubed up by our love goo.

59:05

Ew. If

59:07

we eat lots of fruit beforehand, it

59:10

should hopefully make it smell not too

59:12

gross. LOL. Love you and

59:14

the team and whoever your guest is this

59:16

episode. Okay, that

59:19

was short and sweet and kind of gross, but

59:21

not terrible. Well that's

59:23

it. Bye-bye. Bye.

59:28

Why Won't You Date Me with Nicole Byer

59:30

is produced by me, Marn. It's

59:33

executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao,

59:35

and Jeff Ross at Team Coco with

59:38

talent bookings by Paula Davis, Gina

59:40

Batista, and Maddie Ogden. Got

59:43

a question, crazy dating story, or a

59:45

dirty message for Nicole? Write

59:47

it to whywon'tyoudatemepodcastatgmail.com for a chance to

59:49

have a teacher on a future show.

59:52

Thanks for listening. We'll see you

59:54

next week with a brand new

59:56

episode. Bye-bye. Time

1:00:09

for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. Wake

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and seize this breakfast steal before it's gone. Offer

1:00:30

valid one time daily March 11th through April

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7th, 2024 at Participating McDonald's. Must

1:00:34

opt into rewards. A

1:00:37

full rich love exists in

1:00:39

all of us and wearing

1:00:41

a locket can help symbolize

1:00:43

that. Be love. With a

1:00:45

locket charm from Pandora, the

1:00:47

locket opens and closes. Keep

1:00:50

something precious inside and keep it close

1:00:52

to your heart always. By

1:00:54

the locket is the engraved

1:00:57

message, today, tomorrow, always, reminding

1:00:59

you love isn't everything

1:01:02

you do. The back is blank for

1:01:04

your own engraving. Engraving

1:01:06

is available online and in selected

1:01:08

stores. Plus, Pandora's new infinity chain

1:01:11

design is the perfect partner for

1:01:13

the new locket dangled charms. Find

1:01:15

jewelry perfect for any style with

1:01:18

each piece expertly crafted and hadn't

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finished in genuine metals. Shop at

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a store near you or online

1:01:24

at pandora.net!