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cantina chicken menu now. Why

2:00

won't you date me? Why won't

2:02

you date me? Why won't you

2:04

date me? Please,

2:08

tell me why. Oh

2:16

baby, welcome to another video. I want

2:18

you to get your third-party meet-up available.

2:20

You can go away and you can

2:22

go single. Even though you can throw out

2:24

all of my clothes and say, I don't

2:26

know, uh-oh, accident. My guest today is a

2:28

relationship therapist who's featured on this season of

2:31

90 Days, Beyonce, Love and Paradise. And

2:34

I feel like I've talked about it a lot on this show. I love

2:37

me some 90 days. It's

2:40

Alex Rashawn! Hey

2:43

there! Okay, Alex, how did you end

2:46

up on my favorite television show, 90

2:49

Days, Beyonce, and one of its many spin-offs,

2:51

Love and Paradise? Well,

2:53

I met Lovely Adriana Snow a

2:55

year and a half ago. And as

2:57

we were talking, I was like, hey,

3:01

just for shits and giggles, do

3:03

you want to, you know, apply

3:05

for this show? And he was just like,

3:07

sure, let's do it. And so we

3:09

just kind of, you know, applied, went through the process, and

3:12

now here we are. Wait, how easy

3:14

was it? You truly make it sound like

3:16

it's the easiest thing in the world. It

3:20

really wasn't that easy, okay? It was a

3:22

whole process where we had to like talk

3:24

to one cast member, or I guess

3:26

a producer or somebody, one

3:28

person, tell them our story,

3:31

and then we had to go and talk to another

3:34

person. And they'd be like, so tell me about y'all's

3:36

relationship again. I'm

3:38

just like, I just told y'all this a

3:40

couple of months ago, you know?

3:43

And so we had to tell our story again

3:45

to another person, and then

3:47

was the Zoom interview. And

3:49

so that is with some other people.

3:53

And so it

3:55

was me and like two other my friends. So

3:57

I had a friend that they interviewed.

4:00

to see if we will be a good fit for

4:02

a show. And then they had another one of my

4:04

friends that they interviewed. And then

4:06

I think they also interviewed a

4:08

couple of Adriana's friends as well.

4:10

I think we wanted to see

4:12

if we had enough drama for the show. No,

4:16

I get that because it is

4:18

drama. So,

4:21

and then after that, I guess they

4:23

approved us. And then once they approved

4:25

us, then we went to the next

4:28

level of actually talking to a

4:30

couple of the executive producers on the show. And

4:33

then it just kind of went from there. Have

4:37

you dated internationally before or is

4:39

Adriana the first? Tell

4:42

me about it. He is

4:44

my first international man. He

4:47

is just like, when I first met him, I was just like,

4:50

Oh my gosh, I was like,

4:52

tell me about the thirst was real. It was, it

4:54

was real. It was real girl. I was there. I

4:58

love that. I mean, he is very handsome.

5:02

So, okay, you're a love

5:04

and relationship expert. When

5:07

you said on the show, okay, did this like when you watched

5:09

it back, were you like, Oh no, I said that because you

5:11

were like, I'm 30. Time is

5:14

running out. And I was

5:16

like, girl, I'm past 30.

5:18

Is my time done? I

5:20

think it

5:22

is one of those things where

5:24

I feel like that an age

5:26

well, because

5:29

I'm just like, no, I

5:32

don't think that like I'm 31 now. And

5:34

I'm just like, no, I still think I have

5:36

time. Like I'm still trying to figure

5:38

stuff out myself. So yeah, I probably

5:41

should have said that one. I was

5:45

just like, Oh no, but you have

5:47

so much. You have until you're dead,

5:50

which is a whole lifetime to find

5:52

love. Yeah.

5:54

And love yourself as well. Yes.

5:57

Were you on dating apps

5:59

prior? meeting Adriana or were

6:01

you meeting people in person? A little

6:04

bit of both. I think

6:07

there's a point in time where I was

6:09

like so tired of dating apps. I'm like,

6:11

y'all are not real on here. Okay. Y'all

6:13

know. And so I got off

6:16

the dating apps for a little bit and then

6:19

I started doing in person. But of course,

6:21

when I went to Italy, I was

6:23

like, nah, I got to get back on the dating apps.

6:25

I got to see who's here. I

6:27

was off the apps for a little bit this year.

6:29

In the beginning of the year, I was like, new

6:31

year, new me. We're going to meet people in person.

6:33

And then that ended up being

6:36

very bad. I

6:38

went out with a friend. We didn't get any

6:40

bites. So then I was like, let me hop

6:42

right back on these fucking apps. And honestly, it's

6:44

going much better. I think now that I've taken

6:47

a break, I think my mindset is

6:49

a little bit better. And I'm like, it's not

6:51

the end all be all. If

6:53

I meet someone, I meet someone. I'm just

6:55

having fun. There

6:58

we go. There we go. That's what it's

7:00

all about. It's about having fun. Yeah. I'm

7:02

this dating journey. I

7:04

mean, it's tough. And that's what

7:06

it is. It's a real journey.

7:09

What do you think the most

7:11

surprising cultural differences that you found

7:13

while dating an Italian man? Well,

7:16

I don't know if all Italian men are like

7:19

this, but I was going to speak

7:21

for him though. It's the more, um,

7:25

I need a, you need a cater to me.

7:27

I need to cook me breakfast, lunch and

7:30

dinner. I need to have my coffee three

7:32

times. I need you to clean. No,

7:34

I'm a working girl. I can't be doing

7:37

that. I can't be caring to you.

7:39

It looks like that. So I think

7:41

that's really like the cultural difference that I

7:43

know. And I have for sure. So

7:45

he has a thing.

7:47

His thing is, I

7:50

want three sounds. And you're like, I simply

7:52

don't want it. Is that, was that like

7:54

a thing he was like constantly asking for?

7:56

Like, would you go out to dinner and

7:58

he'd be like, at the

8:01

server. They could be answered.

8:03

He could not get enough of this. I'm just

8:05

like every day. I'm so confused by this. Why

8:08

is the thing? So yeah,

8:10

no, he definitely, he

8:13

likes to bring it up all the time.

8:15

Even like when we go out, we went

8:17

out in Italy one time and he was like,

8:19

this girl came up to me real cute. And

8:22

she was just like, Oh my gosh, you're just

8:24

so cute. Dancing, I'm partying with the girl. And

8:26

he was sitting there having a good old time.

8:29

We about to take girl home. And I'm just

8:31

like, really? Can I not have a good time?

8:33

So anytime you like met a woman having

8:36

fun with a woman, he was like, great.

8:38

Three sometime we're doing it. Yeah.

8:41

Every single time. I truly

8:43

don't think I've ever met a

8:45

person so thirsty for a threesome.

8:47

It's so wild. Yeah,

8:50

you could go the whole ocean. And

8:52

he still be wanting water. Like, come

8:55

on now. Did

8:57

it make you feel like you weren't

9:00

enough at times where you were like,

9:02

why do you want a third person? Why

9:04

do you need somebody up in here? Yeah, no,

9:07

like, that is a conversation we had. And

9:11

I was just like the issue I'm having with

9:13

this, because honestly, you know, the threesome is a

9:16

threesome thing, whatever. That is something I really don't want.

9:18

But I don't think I will be so

9:20

like, what's

9:22

the word? Like, I don't think I would be like, so irritated

9:24

about it if you didn't bring it up all the

9:26

time. You know, so like, one,

9:29

like one conversation we had, I was just

9:31

like, you know, I feel like

9:34

I'm enough for you. And like,

9:36

why do you feel like you need another

9:38

girl when I'm here? If I'm not enough

9:40

for you? He's like, you are enough. I

9:42

just want, you know, another girl that you're

9:44

not answering questions or not

9:46

because clearly I've not enough for you. So

9:49

yeah, we definitely have that conversation. And I

9:51

still don't think I am, to

9:53

be honest. Oh, no, that's such

9:55

an awful thing to, to feel. So

9:57

okay, if someone came to you. because

10:01

you're a loving relationship and family

10:03

therapist and someone presented

10:05

the problem to you, what would you say

10:07

to them? Don't

10:11

be like me, no. It's

10:17

funny to say that, because that actually did have some on

10:19

its head, came up to me, asked me about

10:21

that. So

10:23

basically I would be like, you know, you are

10:26

enough. Like if you can handle it, you

10:28

know, go with it. If you absolutely cannot handle

10:30

it, then don't do it. And

10:33

so that's usually my advice to people, is like, you

10:35

know, you got two options. You

10:37

have to choose one. I

10:40

mean, that makes sense. That's just,

10:42

sometimes it's like, you know

10:44

what, in your head you just need someone like outside

10:46

of it to say it. So you're like, okay, I

10:49

know what decision I have to make. While

10:53

dating in like the US, did

10:55

you, like how was dating in the

10:58

US for you? Like, are you an early bloomer,

11:00

a late bloomer? I'm a late bloomer. It's

11:03

been crazy, okay. There's a reason why I

11:05

went over and started dating me in Italian.

11:07

Cause I needed something different. Wait, what was going

11:09

on over here? Well,

11:12

let's see. The

11:15

first guy I started dating after college, he

11:18

liked to wear women's underwear. Okay.

11:22

I mean, if you're into it, you're into it.

11:25

If you're not, that might be not fun. Like

11:27

after we'd been talking for like months, he

11:29

was like, Alex, I have

11:32

this thing. And I'm like, what

11:34

is this thing? He was like, I

11:36

have a box. I was like, what is this box? Why

11:39

are you being so secretive? He's

11:42

just like, basically, you know, I'm into this day and

11:44

the day and the night to wear women's underwear. And

11:46

I'm like, oh, all right,

11:48

that's cool. I don't know what we

11:50

do with that information. I mean, well,

11:52

did you ever try it? Were you

11:54

ever like, okay, let's wear matching panties.

11:58

And have a nice time. We'll

12:00

see who looks better in this

12:02

song. You

12:05

know what, like us together,

12:07

no, I didn't do that, but

12:09

we became really good friends. So

12:12

afterwards I was like, look, I

12:14

saw these really cute underwear. You

12:16

want to, you know, like, have

12:18

matching underwear. And he's like, sure, let's go do it.

12:21

So, you know, I was in New York one day

12:23

and I was just like, yeah, you know, let's actually

12:25

go and find this underwear that I was talking about.

12:27

And we actually did this. And so, you

12:29

know, I love that. I think that's

12:32

really sweet. I am also like I

12:34

am a person who like, listen,

12:36

I don't kink, shame, whatever the fuck you like,

12:38

that's what you like. But that doesn't also mean

12:40

that like I have to be into it. I'm

12:42

just not going to shame you. But

12:44

like, I'll try anything once. Do you know what

12:46

I mean? I'm like, it

12:49

might freak me out a little bit, but like I'm

12:52

willing to try it. And then it's like during

12:54

something I'm like, you know what? No, thank you. No, thank

12:56

you. No, thank you. I'm very happy to go. I said

12:58

I had too much faith in myself to

13:00

go through with this. I got I got a retreat. What

13:04

kind of advice do you have? Wait, do

13:06

you have any other like bad

13:09

dating stories that sent you overseas

13:11

looking for someone? Girl,

13:14

because that was just a little bit

13:16

of a snippet of my

13:19

life. So

13:21

there is this

13:23

one guy today and he

13:26

basically I mean, like he

13:28

was cool or whatever. Like he used

13:30

to like throw parties and stuff. And so one

13:33

day was like, hey, we're going to take a

13:35

road trip to L.A. and just

13:37

stop. Yeah, I'm from Texas. So

13:40

Texas, L.A. And that's a long drive. But we

13:42

want to make it a thing and stop at

13:44

all these places. How long were you dating before

13:46

you said I'm going to go on a road

13:48

trip with this person? It's

13:50

been like four months or five. Okay,

13:53

that's a decent amount of time. You know them. You

13:55

spend time with them. Yeah,

13:57

so I think I could be comfortable enough

13:59

to. go on this long ass road trip

14:01

with you. So we were

14:03

on the road trip and so

14:05

the plan was once we

14:08

got to Vegas, we was going to like explore

14:11

Vegas, drop the rental car off

14:13

and then like take the megabus.

14:15

So that's exactly what we did. We took the megabus

14:17

all the way what we tried

14:20

to anyways. So we took, we got on the

14:22

megabus. So apparently when you

14:24

know the megabus they

14:26

like stopped at like different cities.

14:28

They had the bags up out. You know what

14:33

I'm talking about? Yeah, it sinks out. And so we

14:36

went and we were like Riverside, I think,

14:38

or was it called, I

14:40

can't think of that city, but

14:42

I'm pretty sure like Riverside and like they were taking

14:44

all the bags off the bus and he was like,

14:47

Oh my God, someone's going to steal my bag. And

14:49

I was like, no one's thinking about your bag. Just

14:51

stay at the bus. And

14:53

then he's like, no, I'm going to go outside and I'm seeing

14:55

someone stole my bag. I was like, who in

14:58

the world? Like, and there's someone did, who cares? And

15:00

so he basically goes out the car or goes out

15:02

the bus, starts yelling at the

15:04

bus driver because he thinks that the

15:06

bus driver stole his bag. And I

15:08

was like, you have got to be

15:10

kidding me. I'm sitting inside the bus.

15:12

Like, do I sit in this bus

15:15

or do I go outside and try

15:17

to do something about it? So

15:19

I'm sitting here in the bus, like, let me go

15:21

outside. Let me go figure this out. And

15:23

then so like I go outside, the bus was

15:25

like, you know what, both of y'all can stay

15:27

outside. And I was like, what? So we kicked

15:29

off the bus. Oh my God.

15:32

I was like, you

15:34

have got to be kidding me. And

15:36

then so the bus driver, this is

15:38

summertime. So it was like summertime. So

15:40

the California is like a hundred and

15:43

something degrees outside and he locks everybody

15:45

in the bus. No

15:47

AC, nothing. And so if

15:49

people started getting upset and

15:52

started like banging on the windows, they

15:54

went out to the door. It was

15:56

like trying to kick the door out.

15:58

Like it was crazy. And I'm

16:00

sitting here outside the bus, like, you have got to be

16:02

kidding me. You got him yelling. There's

16:04

the people inside, like, kicking down, trying to

16:07

kick down the door and, like, banging on

16:09

the window. And you got this bus

16:11

driver. I don't know what he's doing. So he goes in,

16:13

and then he tries to, like, I

16:15

guess, turn the bus back on so everybody

16:18

can have the AC. But when

16:20

he was doing that, like, everybody, like,

16:22

sworn to him and started, like, cursing

16:24

him out. And I was like, dude,

16:26

get your ass. We, like, snuck

16:29

into the back of the bus so we can get back in the

16:31

bus. Because I was just like, I am

16:33

not about to get stuck in this city that I don't

16:35

even know. And then after that, I was like,

16:37

no, you got to go. And honestly, after

16:39

that, I stopped dating in America. So

16:43

how soon after the bus riot

16:45

did you, like, break up with

16:47

it? Like, was it after you

16:50

made it to your destination, or

16:52

did you, like, think about it? And you're like, maybe I'll

16:54

break up with him? Or, yeah, how

16:56

did it end? Immediately

16:59

after, girl, I was like, no. I

17:03

can't do this. You got to go.

17:05

Yeah. I mean, a man

17:07

inciting a riot, I would be like, yeah,

17:09

I can't be with you. You're too much.

17:13

You're doing a lot, you know? So,

17:18

like, as a relationship

17:20

and love and family

17:22

therapist, what is that advice, like,

17:24

what's some advice that you would give some single people?

17:29

Love being single. Love

17:32

being single? How does one do that? Like,

17:35

doing the things that you want to do. Because

17:38

if you do the things that you want to

17:40

do, most likely you won't probably find somebody in

17:42

that space that you love doing. So

17:45

if there's travel, you might find somebody, you know,

17:47

that you like traveling. If it's bowling,

17:50

you might find somebody that, you know,

17:52

you like bowling. Just love being

17:55

you at the moment, so when that

17:57

person comes, then it'll just be easy.

18:00

You know, it'd just be easy for you

18:02

to like, you know, attract, I mean, to like be with

18:04

that person and sit with that person and love that person

18:06

and have like a healthy relationship. Mm-hmm.

18:09

I mean, I went to the Sonic the

18:12

Hedgehog Seemed Cafe in Chino

18:14

Hills, California. That's something

18:16

I love, but I certainly did not meet

18:18

anyone to date there. You

18:21

don't know that girl. Oh, I

18:23

know. I saw all the people inside the

18:26

Sonic the Hedgehog Speed Cafe. Everybody

18:28

was very dateable and also a lot of

18:30

children. So that takes them right out of

18:33

the dating pool. I'm

18:35

truly just looking for someone to watch

18:37

the Knuckle Six-Part Event with me on

18:40

Paramount Plus, which is not an ad.

18:42

I just love Sonic the

18:44

Hedgehog so much. I started it and I'm

18:46

like, it would be nice to finish it

18:48

with a partner. Alex,

18:51

what are you looking for in a

18:53

partner? I want a partner who does

18:55

dumb shit with me, who likes me,

18:57

who's nice to me, who loves me,

18:59

who's game to do silly things with

19:02

me. Yeah, I think

19:04

that's... I don't know. But let's get

19:06

sold. It changes. It changes

19:08

per day. What's on yours? I

19:11

want somebody that can be adventurous, but

19:14

I love a man that can just

19:16

be like, oh, let's go somewhere. Let's go

19:18

out. Let's go to this

19:20

club. Let's go to this country or

19:22

whatever. That's the type of man I

19:25

want. And a man

19:27

that is confident in himself. That's

19:30

what I like. That's about business. I like that.

19:33

What's the most adventurous thing you've done? I've

19:36

done a lot. I

19:40

guess the most adventurous I

19:42

have done is probably... I

19:46

went to Mika Knows by myself. And

19:49

while I was at Mika Knows, I went

19:51

to this beach club. Lindsey

19:54

Lohan's Beach Club? Which

19:56

one is that? I don't know

19:59

the name of it, but I know Lindsey... beforehand had

20:01

a beach club in Mykonos and I was in Mykonos

20:03

and they still had the signs up which I think

20:05

is very funny. Depending on

20:07

the year you went it was

20:09

open or closed. Oh this was like

20:11

two years ago so was it open then? Oh

20:14

I think it was closed because I was in Mykonos

20:16

last year and there was a sign still up for

20:19

it but they were like, oh it

20:21

closed. Say lovey. So

20:23

there was this one beach club I went to and

20:26

I met

20:28

this guy and this

20:30

girl from Australia so the guy was actually

20:32

Italian too. Nice to

20:34

see him. The

20:38

guy was Italian and he

20:41

was a soccer player and then I met

20:44

this girl she's Australian and

20:46

I was hanging out with her and we were having a

20:48

good time and he comes up to me and I was

20:51

like, I want to talk to you about what? And

20:53

then the girl, I wasn't trying to talk to him

20:55

so I was just like I'm by myself I need to

20:57

be safe. I'm not trying to do all

20:59

that and then so

21:02

the girl was like, oh no you need to talk

21:04

to him he's cute and I was like he is

21:06

kind of cute and I'm

21:09

in Mykonos. So I think I'm

21:11

going to talk to him. So yeah

21:16

I found out he was a soccer player. Went

21:18

to his house so me and

21:20

the girl went to his house

21:22

and we had a blast. Did

21:25

you have a threesome? No.

21:30

I was like, oh no get Adriana in

21:32

the house. It could

21:34

have turned out that way too but

21:37

I was a little selfish in this

21:39

occasion because this guy was actually

21:41

really cute. And so

21:43

yeah we, I mean talking

21:45

about we didn't have skinny dudes but we

21:47

had like bra and panties you

21:50

know pool. I mean

21:53

we had such a good time with

21:55

this man. I'm just sitting here like

21:57

oh my gosh. Like I'm by

21:59

myself. myself and I'm over here doing

22:02

this. I'm like what

22:04

in the world? I was like what is that?

22:06

What am I doing? And so yeah

22:08

so we had that wonderful night and then

22:10

like the next day we kind of just

22:12

we went to another island and I

22:15

was just like why am I why am I

22:17

over here hanging out with these random people? I

22:20

don't even know y'all. I'm

22:23

over here island hopping like this

22:25

is crazy. So yeah like that

22:27

has to be so far like

22:29

my most adventurous time.

22:33

The wildest thing I ever did overseas, I don't

22:35

know if I told this story on the podcast.

22:37

I've been doing it for so fucking long. I

22:39

don't know anymore but I was in Barcelona.

22:43

I was with my

22:45

friend and I had

22:47

gotten robbed. Someone took my whole

22:49

purse and they spent $900 on

22:51

a family dinner or food and I was like

22:54

well you know can't knock it. That's what I

22:56

would do if you know if I

22:58

stole someone's whole ass purse at dinner time

23:01

I'd go get me dinner. And

23:03

then she was leaving the next day

23:05

and I was staying there for I

23:07

think two extra days by myself. She

23:09

had a job or something so she

23:12

left me a bunch of cash. I

23:14

went and bought like a little teeny tiny rinky dink

23:16

purse and then I like walked around

23:18

had a nice time and then I went

23:20

to this club called Jamboree. I'll never forget

23:23

it. Wait was it Jamboree?

23:25

I think so. I don't know but

23:27

I went I was by myself. I

23:29

met this couple and they were very

23:31

nice. They only spoke Spanish. I didn't

23:33

speak Spanish. They didn't speak English and

23:35

I think we did Molly. I don't

23:37

know but we like took I was

23:39

rolling. I was on something and we

23:41

just took care of each other all

23:43

night and we kept saying love. And

23:46

it was delightful. I had the best

23:49

time. I don't know how I made it

23:51

back to the Airbnb okay but I did.

23:53

Girl the

23:56

Molly would do it to you okay. I

23:58

know I love it. I was like be I'm never

24:00

going to be a friend. I've never been safer.

24:02

I love Barcelona. I forgive the man

24:05

who robbed me or woman. I don't

24:07

want to take

24:09

a nice lady thief

24:11

out of the picture. What

24:14

advice do you have for

24:16

like traveling abroad or just

24:18

like in the States alone?

24:20

Yeah, that's a good question because really I

24:22

feel like be safe. That's all

24:24

I got for you. Be safe.

24:26

You know, always make sure

24:29

you check your

24:31

surroundings and listen to your intuition too

24:33

because if your gut is telling you

24:35

that something ain't right, it's

24:37

probably not what you need to be supposed to be wrong.

24:40

Yeah, I think that's good. But have fun though. Have

24:43

fun. Have fun, but

24:45

dress that dang gut. Okay.

24:47

Yeah. Alex, real quick,

24:49

you gotta take a break. Did

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traveling, I'm going to Europe,

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and guess what I'm doing?

26:20

I'm ordering food, I'm asking

26:23

for directions, and I'm flirting

26:25

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oh, we're back. Okay,

26:58

Alex, so I know you don't want to do threesomes,

27:01

but if Adriana

27:04

was like, okay, let's throw a

27:06

man in the mix, would you be game if it

27:08

was two men? Look,

27:10

you know

27:13

what? Yes, you know, we had

27:17

this conversation before, it was two guys,

27:19

I don't think I would mind too

27:21

much, to be honest, but again,

27:26

not excessively, because that's really the problem.

27:29

You're doing too much, but if we've

27:31

been talking for a while and you just happened

27:33

to bring it up, or I just have, I

27:37

won't be too mad at it. Okay,

27:40

and you said on the show that you've

27:42

done threesomes with women before, and

27:45

you're like, not for me anymore.

27:47

So how did you navigate that,

27:49

like your sexuality? Well,

27:51

I mean, hang on, I did a

27:53

lot, okay? I dated a man who

27:56

we did threesomes together, so we

27:58

will travel. to

28:00

different places. I lived in Texas. He lived in New

28:03

Orleans and we'll travel to like

28:05

Atlanta. We'll travel to LA. We'll travel,

28:07

I think we went to New York

28:09

one time and we would do threesomes.

28:11

That is what we did and it

28:13

was a great time. I mean we

28:16

we had amazing time. I think after

28:18

a while I was like, oh I'm

28:20

gonna try to get out of this. I'm

28:23

gonna do some more. Okay

28:25

so you're going out with this

28:27

person. You're flying around the country.

28:29

How do you approach someone for

28:31

a threesome? Normally so we

28:34

will go out to a bar or whatever and

28:36

it would be me. He wouldn't do

28:38

it. So I would go out and

28:41

be like, oh my gosh, hey girl, like

28:43

blah blah blah. I'll just start talking to

28:45

women and then

28:47

all of a sudden you know, you know

28:50

when you're at the bar and you've been drinking and

28:54

you can tell when someone is flirting with you.

28:56

No. And so it's really like

28:59

a vibe thing. Uh-huh. So

29:02

it's just like, oh like, you

29:04

know, flirting with this girl. But it has

29:06

to be like natural. It's not

29:08

one of those things I'm going into like

29:11

intentionally like this is what I'm doing. This

29:13

is something that is happening naturally.

29:16

That when we go out I

29:18

just happen to find a girl and

29:20

we just click very well and then

29:22

you know we have a threesome. Like I just, for

29:24

me personally, I just never had an issue with finding

29:26

a girl in threesome. He has

29:29

a threesome thing. So

29:31

would you say you had a hundred

29:33

percent success rate or did you ever

29:35

have a girl be like, get out of here.

29:37

No, I don't want this. No,

29:41

so personally no. Like you know it's so funny bringing this

29:43

up. I was like, I never thought of it that way.

29:45

But no, like I never had a girl ever.

29:48

Wow. Must feel

29:51

nice. Do

29:54

you think you were doing it because like you

29:56

enjoyed it or were you like more so because

29:58

this man wanted

30:00

it or were you like no no this is fun for

30:02

me too? So

30:05

initially it was fun for me too but

30:07

I think after a while when I'm like

30:10

oh you know I kind of actually want

30:12

to slow stuff down settle

30:14

down as when I was like okay

30:16

maybe I want to do it more for

30:18

him and then maybe more so

30:20

yeah it was initially it didn't

30:22

start off that way but after

30:25

after a while so yeah yeah

30:27

I'm definitely doing it for him.

30:29

Have you ever thought of

30:32

telling Adriana that you would do it

30:34

on special occasions or

30:36

quarterly once a quarter? Would

30:40

you ever do that or you're just like I simply

30:43

don't want to? I think so

30:45

yeah because see I

30:47

start thought about doing out because really

30:50

in my mind I'm like you know if you are

30:52

for me you're gonna be for me and

30:54

if it happens it happens but I can't put

30:56

that out on the table because then he's gonna

30:59

expect it all the time so

31:01

that's why I'm just like no this is no no no

31:04

no we're not doing this so I

31:07

wanted to bring it a little bit but I'm like nah

31:10

I'm doing that because once I do that

31:12

it's over he's gonna continue to talk about it and

31:14

I don't know. It's

31:16

a whole if you give a mouse a cookie it'll

31:19

want a glass of milk. I remember reading that book

31:21

as a child and I was like well what's wrong

31:23

with that and then my mother was like yeah

31:25

but like you have to be content with the things that you have you

31:27

can't just keep asking for things but I was like yeah

31:30

but if you're gonna give me a cookie I want milk and

31:32

if I want milk I'm gonna need a napkin and

31:34

she was like Nicole and I was like I'll never

31:36

learn um what is the

31:38

thing that people come to you and

31:41

like talk to you about in therapy sessions

31:44

like what's like the biggest thing what are

31:46

the therapy trends of 2024? Relationships

31:51

hands down whether it be platonic or romantic.

31:55

Oh what is the most what's

31:57

like the biggest problem in platonic

31:59

relationships? My,

32:02

my, it's like, it's like, oh, my

32:04

friend, I'm outgrowing my friends. I need

32:06

to find new ones. Oh,

32:09

damn. Wow. And

32:12

then what is the biggest problem in

32:14

romantic relationships? It's

32:17

more like a, I'm one a man. I'm

32:19

tired of being single. So

32:21

I even have a client that's actually thinking

32:23

about doing three songs with her, with her

32:25

boyfriend right now. So I'm just like, hey,

32:28

you know. That's what

32:30

you want. I mean, I'm truly

32:33

lamenting to my therapist every

32:35

Monday at 1 p.m. about

32:37

how single I am. And

32:40

she's always like, you know, it takes a little

32:42

bit of time. There's somebody for everybody. And the

32:44

other, the other week I was just like, what

32:46

if there isn't for me? She was like, Nicole,

32:49

you got to just stop. You have

32:51

to stop with like extreme statements. And

32:54

I said, ma'am, I have been

32:56

single long enough that it feels

32:58

fucking extreme. OK. Oh,

33:02

it's wild how single I've been. Alex,

33:04

are you a serial monogamous? I

33:06

wish I was. I wish I

33:08

could serialize being in something. Or

33:11

do you take long breaks? Long

33:13

breaks, honey. I was point time, I was

33:15

single for like four years until

33:17

I met Adriana. Oh,

33:21

four years. Were you getting a degree? Yes,

33:23

I was. Yes. Oh,

33:25

OK. I was making a joke, but it

33:27

is funny that you were. I

33:29

really was. But

33:31

you're talking about making a degree and being single.

33:34

That too, OK, I was really just,

33:37

well, I guess it depends on what you mean

33:39

about single, because

33:42

I mean, I had dudes, I just weren't dating

33:44

them. No, I get it. Some

33:47

people have a really nice life where they get

33:49

to hook up with people in between people. That's

33:51

not my life. God

33:53

does not sprinkle any crumbs for

33:56

me. I only get

33:58

whole fucking things or nothing. at

34:00

all. It's either a drought or like the

34:02

water is flowing and I don't know why.

34:04

The universe is mean. I was

34:07

gonna say, now I gotta be your therapist.

34:09

Come on with the extreme thoughts now, girl.

34:12

Yeah, here I go again. Oh my

34:14

God. This is just who I am.

34:16

I'm an extremist. Okay, Alex, you seem to

34:19

be good at catching dick. How

34:22

do I do that? How do I catch a

34:24

dick? Girl, you've got to put it

34:26

in your mouth. I know

34:28

that. I can do that. I'll

34:32

crawl around and fucking go in, yum, yum,

34:34

yum, yum, yum. But like in the world

34:36

when the dick's not out, when we're fully

34:39

clothed and I'm like in a bar, like

34:41

what do I say to like pick up

34:43

a man? I mean, what do you normally

34:45

say? Hi, or

34:47

nothing? And then how they

34:49

react? Um, I feel

34:52

like anytime I talk to a guy,

34:54

he's like my girlfriend or like my

34:56

wife or get out of here,

34:58

you stupid bitch. And I'm kidding. No one's ever said that to me.

35:01

Um, but I feel like I always talk

35:03

to people who are like in relationships. It's

35:05

truly wild, but like also they could be

35:07

lying. Maybe they don't like me. I don't

35:09

know. Maybe I'm not saying the right thing.

35:11

Alex, how? Girl,

35:13

it's a girl. Okay. First of all,

35:16

if they are, if they are lying

35:18

to you, you can screw them. Okay.

35:21

And just go on to the next one. I said,

35:23

put it in your mouth. I admit that

35:26

in like in literal terms and also like

35:28

rhetorically, you know, you've got

35:30

to talk to people. Keep talking.

35:34

Oh my God. It's so exhausting to just keep talking.

35:36

I talk for a living. I'm not going to talk

35:38

to these fucking people at the bar. I

35:40

went to the bar. So I told this story before, but I went to the

35:42

bar with my friend, and we sent a group of

35:46

guys shots and then

35:48

they didn't say thank you. And they didn't reciprocate.

35:50

And I was like, I don't know. I don't

35:52

know. I like, I simply, I don't

35:55

know if the decorum has

35:57

left dating or like people are

35:59

getting a router. all know. Well

36:02

what I have to say to add is,

36:04

is not you it's them. Okay.

36:07

Alright. Who's

36:10

gonna turn down some shots? No

36:12

no they took them they just didn't reciprocate they didn't

36:14

give us shots or anything and they didn't say thank

36:16

you. Oh yeah so this is rude you don't want

36:19

them to talk to people in your life anyways. No

36:22

you're right so I guess it was the universe

36:24

being like they're bad. Okay Alex

36:29

how many days should you

36:31

wait before sleeping with someone?

36:33

Hmm that's subjective because

36:36

I mean I've met people who have

36:39

sex with their man the first day and

36:41

they are happily married okay and

36:43

then you know I've met people who have

36:45

waited and they are still single

36:48

so like that right there I

36:50

just that's a very

36:52

like subjective question cuz I don't

36:54

even know cuz it really it really does the

36:56

pain that's what Google said I

36:59

was trying to figure it out cuz I

37:01

was like what I'm doing is not fucking

37:03

working so I Google it and Google was

37:05

like hey different for everybody and I was

37:07

like this sucks I would like

37:09

a definitive answer because I simply don't know but

37:13

that's life though life is just

37:15

like great like we

37:17

never know we never know what's gonna come the

37:19

next day so you gotta

37:22

roll with this so roll with the punches real

37:25

quick we have to take another break

37:34

watch Queenie the new original

37:36

series on Hulu who is

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Queenie she's in her 20s

37:41

she lives in London she's

37:43

facing all her first first

37:45

major heartbreak first shitty apartment

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and soul sucking job first

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therapy session to work through

37:52

days and many issues

37:56

can she turn her quarter-life crisis

37:58

into a revolution maybe Will

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she make some questionable decisions along the way?

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Definitely! The new series, Cleaning,

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show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know,

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there's always something that I really need

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38:20

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38:29

and small, and when we keep them bottled up,

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39:17

Okay, here's another question. When you first start dating

39:19

somebody, how often are you supposed to text them?

39:23

Um, any time you want to, and if they

39:25

don't text back, then fuck. Okay, I Googled that

39:27

too, and they were like, however much you think.

39:30

And I was like, what do you mean? I'm

39:32

Googling this because I don't fucking know! I don't

39:34

know if it's too much. I don't know if

39:36

it's too little. Have

39:40

you seen Baby Reindeer? I

39:42

started it yesterday! It's

39:44

wild. It doesn't get better. It's

39:46

a wild ride. But this lady, I'm

39:48

not ruining anything. She sends like a bunch of emails

39:51

and texts, and I was like, oh my god, am

39:53

I Baby Reindeer? Am I this lady who's just like,

39:55

got a text, got a text, got a text? Because

39:57

I'm always texting people, and I love texting. And I

39:59

was like, Is it too

40:01

much? Am I- is it me? Is it

40:03

sent from my iPhone? Is it me? Oh my

40:05

god. It hit every once in a while. If

40:08

the person like you, he gonna text you back.

40:10

For sure. Okay. I'm bad

40:13

at hints. I'm bad at like intuition. I'm

40:15

bad at like- like someone could

40:17

literally be like, I like you and then

40:19

I'll Google. If they say they like you,

40:21

does it mean they actually like you? Because

40:23

I'm like, I don't know. I simply don't

40:25

know. I'm always doubting things. Girl,

40:29

well, don't doubt yourself then. Don't

40:31

doubt it. The first

40:33

person I told that I love them, I Googled,

40:36

how do you say I love you? And

40:38

then it didn't

40:40

say this on uh,

40:43

wikihow.com. But then

40:45

I wrote down everything I wanted to

40:47

say and then read it

40:49

to them. And you would be like,

40:51

oh my god, that's so cute. Did that happen when you were

40:54

12? This happened last year. I was 30, I

40:56

don't know, I'm 52 now. I was 51 years old and reading a

40:58

little letter to a man. Wait,

41:07

what did he say after that? He

41:10

did laugh because it was funny.

41:13

I cannot write anything sincere. I lack

41:16

vulnerability. So it was very funny, but

41:18

I did say all the things I

41:20

needed to say. And then

41:22

he said it back eventually, but it did take a little bit

41:24

of time. I was like, are you sure you don't want me?

41:28

But yeah, I like, I truly

41:31

doubt myself and I'm like, but like how, because

41:33

I don't understand relationships. I don't know how people

41:35

do it. Well, I mean,

41:37

I guess it depends because everything is a relationship.

41:41

You know, you got a relationship with your

41:43

work, you know, relationship with your friends. Well,

41:47

I know my friends love me and those are my

41:50

friends. And if I feel

41:52

like they're falling off or whatever, I go, what's

41:54

going on? And we have a conversation about it. But

41:56

you can't do that with people you're dating in

41:58

the beginning. because then

42:01

you scare them away and you're supposed

42:03

to like let them chase you and

42:05

I have a hard time with that

42:07

because gotta go fast I'm Sonic but

42:09

yeah like

42:15

you can't like you can't be in it

42:17

like in a month and then be like

42:19

what are we because then you're moving too fast

42:21

and I know that it's hard everything

42:23

hard I mean

42:26

it's really not the heart cuz you gotta be yourself

42:28

honey that's it so if you want to say I

42:30

love you to the first to the person on the

42:32

second date you see that on the

42:35

second date Alex this is bad as

42:37

life this is maybe the worst advice anyone's

42:39

ever said to me don't on the

42:41

second date oh my

42:43

god do you want to do yes

42:46

if that's if you want to do if you want

42:48

to say I love you on the second day then

42:51

that's it say what the

42:53

chess girl and

42:55

if you don't if he did not reciprocate

42:58

then meet him a mom I'll go get

43:00

somebody else oh my god I

43:03

can't even imagine on the second day being

43:05

like I love you although I have thought

43:07

about it I certainly have been like my

43:09

love this reason I love him so much

43:11

I did tell

43:13

this guy rather early on I was like can we

43:15

just like be exclusive and he was like I don't

43:17

know if I believe in monogamy I don't know I'm

43:20

seeing other people but and then he got married and

43:22

I was like so you do believe in monogamy but

43:24

also they might be open I don't know but I

43:27

don't think so and I was like wow I

43:29

feel like do yeah

43:32

well these things all this upfront and

43:35

I guess that's the whole point I'm trying to

43:38

get as late as you honest upfront with everything

43:40

you want then and if

43:42

they don't reciprocate then that's gonna be on them

43:44

I guess you're right

43:46

oh boy Alex I'm

43:49

a mess what

43:51

other advice Alex can you

43:54

give us single people so

43:56

you're like talk be honest

43:58

what else Um,

44:01

and really just be yourself. Like,

44:03

that's really the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

44:05

the, the, the, the, the, being yourself. Okay. Doing

44:09

the thing you like to do. I

44:11

do like this advice. I once had a therapist come

44:13

on this show and tell me that I was too

44:16

much and I needed to tame

44:18

myself down a little bit. That

44:20

was like an earlier episode. I did

44:22

not like him. He was bad. That's

44:25

not good advice. Not good advice at all.

44:28

That was so mean. And

44:30

then I later saw him on a show. It

44:33

was the most insane premise I've ever seen for a show.

44:35

So it was a couple that

44:37

talked about their sex life and he was

44:39

one of the therapists that they talked to.

44:42

I think there was three therapists and then

44:44

they give them sex advice and

44:46

then they go into this room on

44:49

the stage while mic'd and

44:51

literally have sex in the room while

44:54

they, while

44:57

they like talk about what they should and shouldn't

44:59

be doing. I didn't like him. He was so

45:01

rude. He told me I was too much. I

45:03

said, sir, you guys go home anyway. Okay. I

45:06

like this advice. I think it's good. Well

45:10

Alex, we've come to the

45:12

end. Is there anything you want to promote?

45:16

Well, you guys can

45:18

follow me at Alex. We're Sean. A

45:21

L E X R O S H O N.

45:24

I am a therapist so you can find

45:26

me on different

45:28

platforms like Psychology Today and watch

45:33

the show. 90 day Fiance loves

45:35

their parents. I make sure y'all watch

45:37

and see the ending. Yes,

45:40

it airs on TLC, but you can

45:42

also watch it on Max. Oh,

45:45

also before you go, I asked

45:47

most of my guests, I would say 99% and I've forgotten a

45:51

couple of times because I'm a Looney Doon. Would

45:53

you date me? Oh, fun. You

45:56

have a good time, girl. We'll go

45:58

everywhere. Anywhere together. I

46:00

put that story in Barcelona girl, and I

46:03

was like, ooh, that sounds like a good

46:05

time. Oh, I'll take drugs from anyone.

46:11

If you open a handout, I will take

46:13

your drugs. I was in, where was

46:15

it? It wasn't Colombia. Oh my God.

46:18

Peru? No. It

46:20

was, wait, shit. I can't remember where I

46:22

went. Costa Rica. And I

46:24

ran into a friend, and she literally had Molly on her

46:27

hand and had me lick it off. And I was like,

46:29

yah. Anyway, I'm always having fun. Thank you for being here,

46:31

Alex. Thank you for having me. Thank you. And

46:37

if you like this episode of Why Won't

46:39

You Date Me, you can like it, you

46:41

can rate it, you can subscribe, you can

46:44

give me five stars on Apple Podcasts. And

46:46

if you write me something nasty hitting on

46:48

me to Why Won't You Date

46:50

Me podcast at gmail.com, I

46:52

will read us. Okay.

46:55

These people, you guys, short. But

46:58

I'm going to read a very long one. Okay.

47:01

Nicole, you have repeatedly said that what

47:03

you wanted most was a dick so

47:05

large that it would

47:07

be a genuine challenge. Yes. I

47:10

will take up this challenge and travel the whip

47:12

and breath of the whole world in

47:14

search of the biggest dicks humanity has to

47:16

offer. Once I have gathered

47:18

this hung host, I will lead them

47:21

to you and we will place ourselves

47:23

at your pleasure. After you have inspected

47:25

our ranks and find our equipment sufficient

47:28

for your purposes, we will take up

47:31

your challenge in earnest. We will

47:33

spend three days and three

47:35

nights administering to your every

47:37

sexual limb. No position, practice,

47:39

orifice or kink will be

47:41

overlooked. Our exertion will destroy

47:43

furniture and we will consume

47:45

every snip of poppers and

47:48

every gallon of lube in

47:50

a 10-mile radius. Only

47:52

after 72 continuous hours of intercourse, finding

47:54

yourself drenched in a mix of sweat,

47:57

semen, and fluid of dubious origin will

47:59

you find... your challenge fulfilled. At

48:01

this point, you will orgasm with

48:03

a previously unknown intensity. Your screams

48:05

of pleasure will be heard for

48:07

miles, causing wild animals to flee

48:09

in terror. Your muscles will

48:12

contract with enough force to cause earthquakes,

48:14

and you will squirt with such ferocity

48:16

that an entire new river will

48:19

issue force from your loins. The earthquake

48:21

will unfortunately cause much destruction, and the

48:23

whole world will be brought to its

48:25

knees. As civilization crumbles, it will become

48:27

all too clear that this is indeed

48:29

the end and the beginning. Those

48:31

few of us who remain will gather

48:33

around you and take comfort in your

48:36

radiance, and low as the sun rises

48:38

on a new era cleanse of evil,

48:40

we shall in one voice say, Nailed

48:42

it! That's funny. Uh, okay,

48:44

thank you. Bye-bye! Why

48:50

Won't You Date Me? This Nicole Byer is

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produced by me, Mar. It's executive Chris

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