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I recall. You

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last time we were in Denver, we... We

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flew too close to the sun. We

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that was a trip. Literally. So

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baby! God.

2:02

Forbid the Corpse Car contains

2:04

graphic and explicit content that

2:06

may not be suitable for

2:08

some listeners. Listener discretion is

2:10

advised. Ah,

2:31

Flying time gals. Sack

2:33

of us some shit you've seen and

2:35

your news feeds. or maybe Seth? you

2:37

haven't and that and. Robbery Diana

2:40

Ross. Yes, Also

2:42

some of the worst things that

2:44

you've ever done. And today we

2:46

are welcoming a very very very

2:48

special guests. For. First line

2:51

Lucy ssssss and I will

2:53

banda and are very very

2:55

special guest. Today is. The.

2:58

Incomparable. The

3:00

talented. The. Is

3:02

hey Hi Rez I wrote a

3:05

set at the time say. Well

3:10

guy. And all of

3:12

the third. And or happy that you're here. We're.

3:15

Honored. For.

3:17

Girls to say that he

3:19

does some good axes settled

3:22

with desert liable if anything

3:24

they look at. With

3:26

you Adam Enjoyable access. Yeah,

3:29

goods a strong word. Excellent. I I

3:31

know exactly where I was when. I

3:34

heard the or Irish Crimes episode

3:36

or no. No, no. It's

3:38

like year Nine Eleven, so. Where

3:41

were you with this way of his

3:43

I I was doing a of we

3:45

were doing and I season. I was

3:47

doing a sex scene in a garden

3:50

or four am and it was so

3:52

have. Withstood. The our voices and your

3:54

your by at we have little tangent.

3:56

So like not sexy are sitting with you know

3:58

little change. In. Their own food. The heater and

4:00

you're all in those can incite thing codes

4:02

and. Nothing. Really underneath it and

4:05

just the headphones and on this is this

4:07

okay this is my game have like a

4:09

modest see Merck and on. And you're listening

4:11

to us, you irish? I

4:14

know of a be shown

4:16

it. Here is a family.

4:18

Really? you can Oh My.

4:20

God. I need to see it. Out

4:24

and is a tech sales and

4:26

he has his own wire Men

4:29

ah so hashtag show us Charlie's

4:31

Merkin incident is reading lot your

4:33

Am am your mother? See market

4:36

nirvana seem. To

4:39

the people with penises get like

4:41

a a boner preventer. see yeah

4:43

of it's a lot of difference.

4:45

Bits and Bobs says the whole

4:48

bag of tricks from point a

4:50

computer. Or

4:52

yeah, that the link but they're called barriers. the

4:55

money and so like, you know, Lotta,

4:57

They keep them from getting a wreck

4:59

since or to such a sampler. I've

5:03

never experienced it myself. Coming in,

5:05

I would have to imagine that

5:08

it does happen. And

5:10

that who It might

5:12

be challenging to get.

5:14

An erection when you're under a bunch

5:16

of lights with like sixty people in

5:19

a room. Wandering. You

5:21

simulate sex. Yes,

5:23

Yes, it's why it's

5:25

air. Yeah, It probably not

5:28

getting like the of kind of fake kitten horned

5:30

up. As I did you

5:32

have to go so that places and see no. Save.

5:35

Off the existential crisis your

5:37

hobby or had nothing of

5:40

my jobs. I mean that

5:42

sometimes actual organic and consensual

5:44

sex. You. Need to do the

5:46

same thing. Trophy it is a trauma is that.

5:52

I'm running away and I gotta pay.

5:54

What else is going? What

5:56

do I need from the grocery store of so

5:58

much library or higher? Yeah, that's

6:02

like me 15 minutes in where I'm

6:04

like, oh Jesus. 15

6:06

minutes Jesus, Anandova. Long.

6:09

Good girl. Long. Yeah, good job. Anyway.

6:13

Anyway. Good God. Already

6:16

this is incredible. Thank you for being

6:18

here. I was also reminded of the

6:20

those two people in love actually who

6:23

are like, yeah, like the body doubles.

6:25

They're just having casual like first date

6:27

conversation while like. So. So

6:30

cute. Fucking love everything. All right. All

6:33

right. Well, Charlie, we're so

6:35

excited to have you here. I cannot wait

6:38

for you to read Coven Confessions in

6:40

your authentic Irish accent. They're

6:42

going to be very cute. And

6:46

even though I'm sure the content will not

6:48

be very cute, we haven't seen them either.

6:51

Okay. Our producer pulls them for us. So we're

6:53

all in this together. Right. I

6:56

got my partner to print them out for me.

6:59

So I haven't seen them either. But yeah,

7:01

we'll see how that goes. She's like a

7:04

read from the hard copy. Yep. She's

7:06

she's old school analog. She's

7:08

analog. That's what that's what

7:10

we call it. That's right. Well, should

7:12

we dive right in with some crazy

7:14

headlines from Amanda? Yeah, I

7:17

have some I've got a weird batch. I

7:19

don't know what the theme is. I don't know if there

7:21

is one, but I say that I feel like every month

7:24

and then we. Discover

7:26

one. So I'll just dive in.

7:29

This first one just feels very

7:31

much like something I would do

7:33

if I showed up

7:35

at Lucy's house and I

7:38

rang the doorbell and she didn't answer.

7:41

And you also have a really nice

7:43

front porch. And this also happened in

7:45

Iowa. So I just feel like it's

7:47

it's very Amanda coded and we're

7:50

very aligned. Okay. And

7:52

this headline. Okay. There is a

7:54

photo of her mugshot on the drive,

7:56

which is also very Amanda coded. So

7:59

Feel free. That take a peek at

8:01

it seeking get a nice visual if if

8:03

you'd like. I'm flattered that you assume that

8:05

I have a functioning doorbell because I don't

8:07

I would knock if you're if you didn't

8:09

hear if you didn't he as of the

8:11

ring I would knock and that I would

8:13

do this. Okay woman accused of lighting fire.

8:16

On porch after no answer at

8:18

friend's house so I have my

8:20

book or experience. Are you fucking

8:22

door to? Don't. Use the doorbell

8:24

then I will not. I know that's

8:26

a up and I probably taxes and

8:29

probably called. I'm like that Firebirds later

8:31

on of I and or our we

8:33

are so important that she needed to

8:36

get through that door. That. Is

8:38

a good question that I really hope

8:40

we get an answer sealed out of

8:42

dummies. Oh My. God. I would Never.

8:44

Wear the thought is lazy for the

8:47

fuck is my fave. This is out

8:49

of Burlington, Iowa. How far from you

8:51

is that is Morales in. I. Mean

8:53

I've heard of that value that are

8:55

up. One of burlington woman was arrested

8:57

after police say she lit items on

9:00

fire on a stranger's. Board Slaughter was

9:02

her friend's house. Boobs. Oh.

9:04

It's a one hundred and forty four miles from

9:06

here are. That's pretty far if you

9:08

walked As a society. where do you

9:11

cigarettes but it's a like nations. A.

9:13

Three days and eight hours to walk.

9:15

But. Physicists it

9:17

is and it's allies are in

9:19

your hands. He says decide on

9:21

a side a little under a

9:23

terrorist seen lamb the as Michelle

9:26

Young. Forty six faces charges of

9:28

reckless use of fires last explosives

9:30

less destructive does bases. A

9:32

serious misdemeanor and possession of drug

9:34

paraphernalia. You don't say a simple misdemeanor.

9:37

a judge said bond and five thousand

9:39

dollars. she has a preliminary hearing

9:41

of. This has been from March, but

9:43

because I don't a. Visit.

9:46

From May it's from March of

9:48

sorry I behind day and really

9:50

get over it. According to an

9:52

arrest affidavit filed Des Moines County

9:54

Court, Burlington Fire and Police responded

9:56

at four thirty. Eight. Pm to the twenty

9:59

two hundred block of. Vineyard Street for

10:01

a pork fire. The. Homeowner said

10:03

her home. Security cameras captured a woman on

10:05

the porch who lit something on fire.

10:07

The homeowner said smoke was also visible

10:09

in the footage. Officers. Found

10:11

the woman identified as young who immediately admitted

10:13

to started the fire. What officers ask her

10:16

what she was doing? Young.

10:18

Told officers see believe the humble onto

10:20

her friend She said she also saw

10:22

a sign that said which is welcome

10:24

at because she was the which she

10:27

lets them items on fire. Ah ssssss

10:29

and I love. This woman so bots

10:31

mom it is and we were dating.

10:35

And I mean. It. Isn't which

10:37

is welcome are doing is.

10:40

A ritual? maybe? I don't know. Young.

10:43

Added she was not gonna hurt

10:45

anyone or let the fire get

10:47

out of control. Everybody fucking Relax.

10:49

Assess Assess assess as I said

10:51

which is welcome at all hundred

10:53

employees. She did not. Know Ms.

10:55

Young. Young were taken

10:58

to the police department. Isn't but was it

11:00

I've Now she says sit around vineyards

11:02

three Okay Charlie, you totally called. This

11:04

was literally lurking. She'd. Been around

11:07

vineyards three for about two hours

11:09

walking. And picking up miscellaneous. Items the

11:11

items include apart tail light tinfoil

11:13

bark and a yellow long flags

11:15

years definitely doing a ritual. She's.

11:18

Far as again are best served cold,

11:20

immersive, Gets his get and are called reed beds

11:22

for. Higher name Cari by a allies sit

11:24

or that says audibly the sounds like.

11:26

Me when I'm drunk walking around Excelsior. Yes,

11:29

totally at a traffic cause

11:31

undertone api silverware role as

11:33

over of silverware roll a

11:35

play in my Spanx. Around a

11:37

pipe that I found as an alleyway that lose

11:39

his mom thought fell from a plane. He

11:42

didn't move. On a fucking zal a

11:45

ticket. Oh yeah, but I didn't take the

11:47

keys are just the ticket assign. Anyway

11:49

though is the biggest thing you've brought. Ah

11:51

my! My sister and I once roles a

11:53

car tire that we didn't take off. of

11:56

a car with mounted on the side of the road

11:58

and then of we left it with about at

12:00

a bar we went into and he kept an eye

12:02

on it and then it was waiting for us when

12:05

we left. I also took

12:07

a shower caddy like one of those tension

12:10

rod shower caddies that's really tall and

12:12

I used it like a like a what

12:14

is that like a like a scepter.

12:16

Yeah we do a lot of stuff

12:19

I do a lot of like dumpster dry

12:21

diving street pickup when I've

12:23

had a few. I'm not like

12:25

breaking into people's houses if you leave

12:27

it outside it's fair game. Well what

12:29

about that huge magnum of wine from

12:31

Olive Garden? That was my cousin with

12:33

my encouragement. Is there wine in mass

12:35

or is it real? There is.

12:38

Yeah at least the one we took for

12:40

rural Pennsylvania. I wouldn't

12:42

have thought so. Yeah I mean the

12:44

wines not good but it is there.

12:48

It's alcohol. It is

12:50

alcohol that it happened to me. Yeah

12:53

so it did happen to me.

12:55

Yeah no you're right I'm a criminal.

12:57

Anyway she said

12:59

again that she believed the home belonged to her friend

13:01

and that she knocked three times but did not get

13:04

a response like that fire girl. Young

13:08

said she sat down on a chair on

13:10

the porch and smoked a cigarette she knocked

13:12

again. She

13:14

didn't get an answer she lit the item she

13:16

had with her hot fire. This is me.

13:19

She says she also put

13:21

clothing in the fire. I

13:25

don't know what happened to her I

13:27

think she's amazing. I hope

13:29

next time she knocks on someone's

13:31

door they answer or they

13:33

accept the ritual that she will then conduct

13:37

on your porch. Yeah

13:39

that's like kind of sounds

13:41

like a curse. I mean Free Miss

13:44

Young that's all I'm saying.

13:46

Which is welcome. Which is

13:48

welcome. Okay this next

13:50

one is just pure

13:52

chaos and I'm fucking living for

13:55

it. It's kind of one of those like is

13:57

this an ad lib? I don't know. I

14:00

lost 125 pounds and decided to get a divorce. Woman

14:05

who changed her life after she

14:07

saw a Bigfoot is suing California

14:09

after national park officials say it

14:11

was just a bear. What

14:14

the fuck? Go

14:16

back to after the divorce. Read the rest

14:18

again. I'll just take it from the

14:20

top. I

14:22

lost 125 pounds and decided to get a divorce. Woman

14:27

who changed her life after she saw

14:29

a Bigfoot is suing California after national

14:32

park officials say it was just a

14:34

bear. That's

14:39

an airtight lawsuit. I don't

14:41

care about anything in this

14:44

article because that headline is

14:46

so good that like the

14:49

article won't matter. Are

14:51

you sure there wasn't a break and it's

14:53

just two headlines? More like

14:55

an ad and then a headline. Okay,

14:58

so it's quote, I lost 125 pounds and decided

15:00

to get a divorce. colon.

15:05

Woman who changed her life after she

15:07

saw a Bigfoot

15:10

is suing all caps California after

15:13

national park officials say it was

15:15

just a bear. Also, this is

15:17

from the Daily Mail. Of

15:20

course this is the headline. I'm

15:22

obsessed with it. I'm so excited.

15:26

I'm so excited. Woman. Okay.

15:29

Also, there's a photo on the drive

15:31

of quote unquote, the Bigfoot, which is

15:34

just nothing. It's just

15:36

a dark wooded area.

15:38

There's nothing in the photo

15:42

at all. So I don't know.

15:45

Whatever she took to see that

15:47

Bigfoot, I would like some because

15:50

I'm not seeing a goddamn thing

15:52

in that picture. I

15:55

can't. So woman who swear

15:58

she saw a videoed Bigfoot. suing

16:00

the state of California to recognize her sighting

16:02

after national park officials told her she had

16:04

seen a bear. Claudia

16:07

Ackley, 46, sued the California Department

16:09

of Fish and Wildlife to get

16:11

it to recognize Bigfoot, the

16:14

enormous humanoid creature allegedly seen

16:16

by thousands of eyewitnesses as an

16:18

actual species. Her

16:21

first court hearing is set for Monday in San

16:23

Bernardino. However, a spokesman for

16:25

the department would not comment on

16:27

ongoing litigation. This conspiracy runs deep,

16:30

you guys. Yeah.

16:32

Last March, Ackley was

16:34

out for a hike with her two daughters, 14 and

16:37

11, near Lake Arrowhead, California.

16:39

She says they were at a trailhead with their dog

16:41

when one of her daughters saw something that made her

16:43

freeze at her tracks. Claudia

16:46

says she saw an alpha

16:48

male Sasquatch looking... I'm

16:54

gonna fucking shit my pants. Looking

16:56

at her from behind a tree. Apparently one

16:58

of her daughters had been taking a video

17:00

at the time. In the

17:02

video, Ackley's daughter says, I swear to

17:04

god, mom, Ackley

17:07

is adamant. I swear to god on

17:09

my life. We ran into a Sasquatch.

17:13

You guys, okay, in the article they

17:16

zoom in on the photo of the

17:18

alleged Sasquatch. I'm upload... It's nothing.

17:21

It's nothing. I'm so

17:23

confused. Pixelated nothingness, isn't

17:25

it? It's absolute flight.

17:28

I shadow. It's a shadow.

17:30

It looks like a tree.

17:33

I don't... Am I crazy? Is

17:36

there a... I don't know. Listeners can weigh

17:39

in. Tell me, please lord, tell me if

17:41

you see the Sasquatch. I don't fucking see.

17:43

I don't. She

17:45

called the State Department of Fish and Wildlife,

17:48

which sent out an investigator. She showed the

17:50

video to the investigator who said she saw

17:52

a bear. Ackley rejected that

17:54

saying, my daughters have seen bears.

17:56

They're not scared by bears. Lisa.

18:00

It isn't the first time she seen the

18:02

preacher the first time in Washington State during

18:04

a big. Foot Truck arranged as a vacation

18:06

with her then husband in Twenty Four the

18:08

birth of a thought they were going to

18:10

get to the made sales with and I

18:12

were like. It at the up

18:14

she saw what he thought was a small

18:16

five foot tall big foot in the trees

18:18

and locked eyes with it. See

18:21

even made a plaster mold a little

18:23

legit footprint. My quote, they're supposed

18:25

to be there to protect the public,

18:28

they're not doing their jobs. She says

18:30

if I could save one life, it

18:32

will be worth it. I realized at

18:34

that point I'm looking at the creature

18:36

and there's so much of life that

18:38

we don't know. Life is so beautiful

18:40

and I'm wasting my years. She says

18:42

a loss, a hundred, twenty five thousand,

18:45

decided to get a divorce, etc. It

18:47

out of a the same spot it

18:49

dreams and live my life. Holy said.

18:51

Know what does she want? Hurry up.

18:54

And in the first time Sauce Ask. Cause

18:57

she was She was marriage that are

18:59

two daughters. What? This? Aside and change

19:01

your life that see. The. See

19:03

last, one hundred and five pounds and

19:05

then I'll apparently another two hundred. Pounds

19:07

by divorcing her husband. And

19:10

now she's chasing her dreams and earth

19:12

ask lots. Of course he needs that

19:15

recognized by the fish and Wildlife. As

19:19

ask lots Michael Shermer, an author professor

19:21

and publisher says for actually to win

19:23

in courts is going to need more

19:25

than just eyewitnesses. Quote. You get

19:28

through the state of California to protect

19:30

the species as he can't prove the

19:32

species exists. He said. That.

19:34

Applies to everything from a snail to. A big

19:36

foot you can't just show up at a. Conference and say

19:38

I saw this incredible thing at three am

19:40

on a camping trip. Can I name s

19:43

know you have to have a body other

19:45

observers as the way people talk to people

19:47

about these things is to respect them even

19:49

if you don't necessarily respect. Their beliefs.

19:52

Well first of all, you have to listen to

19:54

them. He says you have to show respect, ask

19:56

questions, asked them, what it would take to change

19:58

their minds. Do you. As

20:02

for Bigfoot, he says, quote, there's no

20:04

conspiracy. Biologists would love to find another

20:06

bipedal primate. It would be the find

20:09

of the century. However, Ackley is determined

20:11

to prove it's true. Quote,

20:13

if you think you intimidate me after being face to

20:16

face with an 800 pound

20:18

creature, well, you don't. I,

20:22

this lady, I love her. This

20:24

lady and Marjorie Taylor Greene

20:27

should run for the PTA. Oh,

20:32

I don't know. I don't know why. But yeah,

20:34

anyway, that's how the article ends. I

20:36

was still ongoing. I mean, I believe her.

20:38

Do they have Bigfoot in

20:41

Ireland? Big feet, big feet.

20:43

No, they're very small leprechauns and fairies,

20:45

as you well know. This

20:47

is true. I don't fuck with fairy

20:49

rings. They're from I don't

20:51

either. Just on the off. I

20:54

mean, I played way too much. Dungeons

20:56

and Dragons and gotten caught in way too

20:58

many evil fairy rings in tabletop

21:00

role playing to ever fuck with that shit in real

21:03

life. I'm not doing it. It's all worth it.

21:05

No, they're so delicate. You

21:07

don't want to disturb the mushrooms. I

21:09

also don't want to be trapped by

21:12

fey creatures in like an in between

21:14

netherworld for eternity. Yeah, for

21:16

like a week. That would be cool. Yeah.

21:18

Arrest by. Yeah, but eternity is a bit

21:20

much. Okay, so this

21:22

next one is not a

21:25

headline, but a listener and fellow Redditor sent

21:27

it to me and I just predict a

21:29

very similar crossroads when one of us

21:31

dies, Lucy. So I wanted to

21:34

get this straightened out now. So we're all

21:36

on the same page. Okay. Excellent. And I

21:38

want your opinion. Oh, would I

21:40

be both of your opinions? Would I

21:42

be the asshole if I play the song that

21:44

my mom chose for her funeral, knowing

21:46

it might offend some attendees? My

21:51

mom recently passed away and our family,

21:53

primarily me, are making the arrangements for

21:55

the upcoming funeral. My mom always

21:57

had a really excellent sense of humor. And before she

21:59

passed. She told not only me but

22:01

all of the palliative care staff at the

22:03

hospital that the song that she wanted played

22:06

at her funeral Was ding-dong the witch is

22:08

dead from the Wizard of Oz. I

22:13

managed to at least talk her out

22:15

of the soundtrack version sung by the

22:18

munchkins and got her to agree to

22:20

a classier jazz version by Ella Fitzgerald

22:26

It's classier. I love her so much.

22:28

How bored was Ella Fitzgerald that she

22:30

decided one day just to record that

22:32

particular song? That's so deep. Ella Fitzgerald

22:34

was never bored. That girl was getting her

22:36

bag. Like she did so many amazing

22:38

covers, but yeah, that's a weird one But

22:41

I love that it exists I

22:43

want to hear it. I know right? Now I agree

22:46

with my mom that this would be a really funny

22:48

thing to play at a funeral And would showcase her sense

22:50

of humor to a T However, i'm

22:52

also very aware that not everyone that's going

22:54

to come to the funeral is going to take the

22:56

joke in the same spirit And I

22:59

think that some of the more religious

23:01

friends and family members might be extra

23:03

upset because there's a certain repeated line

23:05

That implies she's going to hell Plus

23:09

we're explicitly having a non-religious service

23:11

and one of said family members

23:13

has already expressed disappointment with that

23:15

So on the one hand, I think it's

23:17

my mom's funeral and I should respect her

23:19

wishes above anyone else's opinions But on the

23:21

other hand, I realize that funerals are for

23:23

the living and it's pretty disrespectful to do

23:25

something That's going to upset those actually in

23:27

attendance when obviously my mom isn't going to know either

23:30

way or the other Would I be the

23:32

asshole if I still play the song my mom picked? And

23:35

then she said if it matters My alternate choice would

23:37

be landslide by flea wood mac which was her

23:39

favorite song and that we all listened to in

23:41

the hospital Together after she passed which is also

23:43

really lovely What would

23:45

you do? Yeah

23:55

You know that you have a demented daughter that

23:57

hates her mother I think that it would be

24:00

really cute. I hope, I mean, I

24:02

hope she did it. But like, I

24:06

mean, also, I don't know if they

24:08

did this, but we

24:10

I've made a slideshow for my dad's

24:13

funeral. And we always love the the

24:16

spirit, the song Spirit in the Sky. So I

24:18

just put that as the

24:20

background for it. And

24:22

some people might think that that is

24:25

a little bit of like a weird funeral selection,

24:27

but I hope she did it. Yeah,

24:29

great. Yeah, because that's fucking awesome. I say

24:31

fuck them if they can't take a joke.

24:33

I agree. Like get a fucking sense of

24:35

humor. You're at a funeral like, come on.

24:38

We're brightening this up. Yeah, for

24:40

real. For real. All

24:42

right, I have two more here for you.

24:44

This is just adorable. You know,

24:46

I love my animal news. And

24:48

this is a good PSA that like,

24:50

if you get too inebriated, don't

24:54

try to drive or in this case

24:56

fly. Too drunk

24:59

to fly, intoxicated vultures rescued

25:01

in Connecticut fed food for

25:04

hangover. Oh, my God. And

25:06

they're so cute. There's

25:08

a picture. Two vultures rescued

25:11

in Connecticut were believed to be dying. Turns

25:13

out they were just drunk. Oh,

25:16

they are cute. So cute. I thought they

25:18

were chickens. They don't

25:20

look like huge vultures. But I also don't

25:22

know the size of that animal carrier that

25:25

it's in. So it could be a lot

25:27

bigger. Wow. Yeah. Then I'm,

25:30

you know, picturing like how many

25:32

are menacing. They're big. If

25:35

that's like a dog crate, then that's a

25:37

huge fucking bird. Yeah. I

25:40

think that is a dog crate. I'm gonna be honest.

25:42

Yeah. Anyways, wildlife rehabilitators, a

25:44

place called Hope in a post

25:46

on social media said that the

25:48

two vultures nicknamed the dynamic duo

25:50

were found unable to balance or

25:52

stand They were literally

25:55

drunk. The facility said unable to

25:57

balance stand kept passing out our

26:00

eyes actively dying we ran every

26:02

test and in the end they were just too

26:05

drunk to fly. Drunk? Poor

26:07

babies. Where? How? Officials

26:09

say the vultures became drunk after

26:11

dumpster diving. The facility said

26:14

that their staff members and those at the

26:16

Watertown Animal Control suspected the worst and were

26:18

confused about what was happening with the two

26:20

birds until the details of their story fell

26:22

into place and it was eventually deduced that

26:24

the vultures were simply intoxicated and not

26:26

dying. Quote these two, the dynamic

26:28

duo, celebrated a day early for

26:30

the eclipse by dumpster diving and

26:32

getting themselves into something that was fermented

26:34

enough to cause severe intoxication. Like that

26:37

squirrel! Yeah. Oh yeah the drunk squirrels.

26:40

Eating old berries or old apples or

26:42

whatever. Apples. Yeah that stuff will ferment

26:45

as it's like going bad they just got it

26:47

in that sweet spot. I love it. The two

26:49

birds were given plenty of fluids and tucked

26:51

in overnight so they could recover from their

26:53

hangover. This is how I want

26:57

to be treated every time I overindulge. Tucked

27:00

in and then the next day they were given a

27:02

big breakfast to regain their health before they could be

27:04

released back into the wild. Thankfully they

27:06

returned home today before our center could be

27:08

labeled a detox facility. Video

27:14

footage shared by the center showed the

27:16

two vultures hopping and flying off the

27:18

minute they were released into the open.

27:20

They were later captured perching together on

27:22

top of a tree. They trauma bonded.

27:24

Besties! Cute! Well they went out together.

27:27

They went out together and now they're

27:29

just homies for life. A place

27:31

called Hope in their post also advised people

27:33

to be careful when discarding garbage because cocktail

27:36

fruit that ends up in a dumpster can

27:38

end up intoxicating wildlife if the dumpster

27:40

is not kept closed. Oh.

27:43

Drunk vultures are not easy patience they

27:45

added. Yeah I

27:47

bet that would be terrifying.

27:51

I can't. A place called Hope

27:53

is a nonprofit organization entirely run by

27:55

volunteers on donation that care for injured

27:57

orphan sick or non-releasable birds of prey.

28:00

such as hawks, falcons, harriers, kites, eagles, and

28:02

owls. So they were the right people to

28:04

call. They knew exactly what to do. And

28:07

now those little rascally

28:09

vultures are recovered and

28:11

back out to wreak havoc

28:14

on another day. You

28:16

know, I'm kind of surprised when I

28:18

had the possum situation. Remember

28:20

that? What was your possum situation? So

28:22

it was the first time that Cory

28:24

and I got a babysitter for June,

28:26

and so we were gonna like go

28:28

out and have dinner and we'd like had a couple

28:30

drinks and like we had, we were out for like

28:33

25 minutes and

28:35

I get a call from my neighbor. Well,

28:38

before we left the house, I saw a possum

28:40

in the road and it was

28:42

just kind of like hanging out, like not

28:44

really running or it was in the daytime

28:46

and it was just kind of walking slow.

28:49

And I was like, oh, that possum's

28:51

probably dying. And Cory

28:53

was like, well, if it's still there, when we

28:55

get home, I'll get the shovel or whatever. Oh

28:57

God, okay. And so like

29:00

20 minutes late, I just was not thinking

29:02

about it intentionally because it was kind of

29:04

pathetic. And my neighbor calls and was like,

29:07

there's a possum in my yard. I have

29:09

to take it to a rehabilitation center. Can

29:13

Cory come out and help me trap it? And

29:15

I was like, Cory? We're on

29:17

a date. Drunk right now. But,

29:21

oh yes. He

29:23

can't. She was crying, my neighbor.

29:26

So I was like, I can't not.

29:29

So we came home and Cory got

29:31

oven mitts and I got a big

29:33

rubber tote. That's right. And

29:35

he just picked it up. And

29:38

that's how sick it was. And my neighbor's was

29:40

crying on the phone with this place. And she's

29:42

like, it's in Ames, which is

29:44

like 40 minutes away. They

29:46

close in five minutes, but they're gonna stay

29:48

open for me. I'm gonna drive it up

29:50

to Ames. I was like, whoa, how you're

29:52

committed. So we picked

29:54

it up and it's like, making

29:57

that gross possum with our

29:59

weird open. and mouths. Yeah, I'm

30:01

smiling at him. Well, it wasn't

30:04

drunk. Spoiler, it ended up dying

30:06

that night at the rehabilitation center,

30:08

but she had a warm blanket.

30:11

She was good. At least she didn't

30:13

get torn apart by like neighborhood cats, you know,

30:15

that was what I was trying to avoid. Yeah,

30:17

I mean, it certainly could have been worse. I'm

30:21

glad you dug deep

30:23

and found your compassion to help a

30:25

little bit. Throw

30:27

those omits away. I have a picture of it.

30:29

Yeah, you do have a picture of it. Definitely

30:31

make sure that we have that for the blog. But

30:34

anyway, I am going to

30:36

leave us on the drunk

30:38

vultures. That is my

30:41

segment of crazy headlines for

30:43

this month. And I want to thank all

30:45

of the people who submitted and remind folks

30:47

that you can go to our website,

30:49

windingcrimepodcast.com and onto the contact us

30:52

tab. You can send us these headlines,

30:54

just use that drop down menu to pick funny

30:56

headlines so we know where it's going. But

30:59

before we get Charlie

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all revved up for her coven

31:03

confessions, we're going to take a quick break

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right, Charlie. Are

36:48

you ready to read our coven

36:51

confessions? No. We're

36:53

not either. Trick question. You're not. I'm so excited.

36:55

I'm guessing it's going to be a poo one

36:57

for sure. There has to be. I feel it.

36:59

I'm feeling it. It feels poopy. It feels poopy

37:02

to me. But it is worth

37:04

noting that whatever confessions

37:06

are in your

37:08

smattering today, our

37:11

producer Andrea, she pulls

37:13

them specifically to appeal or

37:15

be connected to the guest

37:17

that's reading them. So

37:20

if there are any hidden messages in

37:22

here that you start to

37:24

feel like are popping up, they were probably. And

37:27

I'm just like, has she called my friends to

37:29

dish up during? Oh, no,

37:31

no, we don't want to say you've ever done. No.

37:35

Oh my God. What if you just. You

37:40

think you're cold reading from strangers and it's

37:42

just your friends put together all this shit on

37:44

you and make you. Kind of unnecessary with

37:46

a married man. Okay. Written

37:51

in the first person. Your agent is

37:53

like, shut this episode down. Fucking

37:56

play about us. Alright,

38:01

take it away darling. Okay, girls, here

38:03

we go. Common

38:05

Confessions. Me too. Okay,

38:07

okay. The Foreigner. The

38:10

film I did

38:13

many years ago with Jackie Chan of all

38:15

people. Oh, Jackie Chan. Jackie

38:18

Chan. I didn't get to fight him

38:20

unfortunately. Okay, long time listener

38:22

and first time confessor. My

38:25

confession may or may not unlock a

38:28

new fear for Amanda. Oh, great.

38:33

In 2017, I graduated from my college

38:35

and got my diploma. Well done. After

38:38

graduation, I was offered the opportunity

38:40

to obtain a bachelor's degree in

38:43

Ireland. Of

38:45

course, I had to take this since I've always

38:47

wanted to live abroad. However, I

38:50

also suffered from moderate kind

38:52

of severe anxiety, which

38:54

made everything challenging. Felt. Oh,

38:56

I feel it. Unfortunately, my panic worsened

38:58

as the year went on. I wonder

39:00

what college you were in. Yeah, Charlie's

39:03

like, get in my DM. I want

39:05

the tea. Please let

39:07

me know what was going on in 2017. Okay,

39:09

the day before the first of my

39:12

final exams, I woke up feeling off.

39:14

My one roommate was Irish and she'd

39:16

already finished her program. So she had

39:18

moved out and my other roommate was

39:20

rare. I rarely saw. So

39:23

I was alone feeling increasingly weird.

39:26

I thought I was having a panic attack. A panic

39:28

attack. So I thought I would text my mom. Good

39:31

idea. This was when I knew something

39:33

was wrong. Okay, she's in Ireland. I'm guessing she's

39:35

American but we'll find it. It

39:37

took me 30 minutes because at this point,

39:39

I didn't even know what time it was.

39:43

Mom, something is wrong. I feel

39:45

like I'm losing my mind. She immediately

39:47

called. Imagine getting your texts like that.

39:49

She immediately called me even though it

39:51

was 5am back home. Good mom.

39:54

After trying to talk to me. Yeah, such a good man. She

39:57

realized I wasn't making sense. say

40:00

a word, you're there. But for the

40:02

most part, I was talking like I was hammered.

40:05

My poor mum made the decision

40:07

to hang up and phone my school. I

40:10

was in the EO for 36 hours

40:12

at this point. Way of getting out

40:15

of your exams. So intense. I

40:19

could no longer communicate and was very confused

40:21

about everything. Oh my god. They finally did

40:24

an MRI. And it turns out that I...

40:26

Oh my god. It turns out that

40:29

I had a fucking stroke. Oh

40:32

my god. I

40:34

should have also told you guys I was only 24

40:36

years old. No

40:40

one, oh my god, would have even guessed

40:42

that that's what happened to me. Holy shit.

40:45

I was in hospital for 19 days. Here's

40:47

my confession. Oh my god. This

40:49

is my

40:52

confession. This is it. This is

40:55

my confession. Wow. 24 year old stroke

40:57

victim in hospital for 19 days. Here's

40:59

my confession. Two days in the hospital,

41:01

they want to find out what caused

41:03

the stroke. So they sent me for

41:05

a test called bubble test. This

41:07

is when they inject microscopic bubbles into your

41:09

veins to see if there are any holes

41:12

in your heart. It is very common. And

41:14

they use an ultrasound to view all of

41:17

their swab. Okay. They did this three times.

41:19

The first one was me doing nothing. The

41:22

second one was me coughing. But

41:24

the third test was me tensing up

41:26

all of my muscles in my chest

41:28

and legs. And that's when they detected

41:30

she shed herself now. No, she

41:32

didn't. That's when they detected that I had a

41:34

hole in my heart. Did she

41:36

masturbate herself into a stroke

41:38

the night before? That's bygos.

41:41

tensing up your muscles. We'll find out. I

41:45

was immediately horrified. Because

41:48

I believe that I knew what had

41:50

caused this exclamation mark. The

41:52

morning I woke up feeling off, I

41:54

had woken up even earlier than that

41:56

with some anxiety. And since I was

41:58

in bed, I knew

42:01

way. Ssssss! And

42:03

to off my anxiety, I

42:05

grabbed my third grader unsuccessful

42:07

taxes. By

42:09

get on a natural oxytocin

42:11

for release. Oh. So.

42:14

Who am? I haven't? Or a dozen I

42:17

get tensed up just like that. her chest.

42:19

It's not official, but it is just a

42:21

theory. I. Think I may

42:24

have origin is myself of into

42:26

the through ah. That's

42:29

the coolest way to have a stroke

42:31

though I know know it's it's it's

42:33

still didn't have any or thousand before

42:35

that which is kind of like not

42:37

that great to gala a family. Sometimes

42:39

team that are you at a low.

42:43

Budget: Oh humid. Flying solo to

42:45

get the job done while know

42:47

man, lazy sepsis Couldn't that? No.

42:49

Man could end up. No man could

42:51

as. Addicted. Never could never have

42:53

a dick Whistle My god this is

42:55

the new with the last. I just.

42:57

Walked you broke your full metal my

42:59

I'm I'm same You and a strong

43:02

a. A So Fucking

43:04

A sale of how is

43:06

Your First outside. Of

43:09

Atlanta Nelson Other Hand of

43:11

Stairs My God. I

43:14

was. Ok, let's put this

43:16

garland for misery. Wow. Anyway, passport

43:18

to present day. I heard

43:20

a procedure to close the whole up

43:23

in my heart synthesis and and now

43:25

or doesn't free it without causing panic

43:27

and Mm gauge to one of my

43:29

closest lifelong friends and unfortunately I told

43:32

him about my theory. The poor man

43:34

that's continuously checks. Or mean I would

43:36

after that chestnut. detect to ensure i'm

43:39

okay amazing and by or i

43:41

might have caused assume sharma for

43:43

him that honestly it normalizes hacking

43:45

on your partner after sex to

43:47

make sure their own cancer care

43:49

as you can that's a good

43:51

after care whether whether your partners

43:53

in front of a stroke or

43:55

not as such i found that

43:57

the and i bet he like

43:59

mildly of When she's like him

44:01

from yeah, I'm fine. I

44:03

barely can great you didn't

44:05

have a stroke super I'm

44:11

grand the like European

44:13

version of I'm fine. It's

44:16

fine. Yeah. Yeah the way you say it

44:19

Yeah, I'm gonna Yeah,

44:22

yeah. Are you sure are you sure

44:24

babe? Yeah, I'm grand your face

44:26

looks a little Yeah, tell

44:28

your face that That

44:31

was a doozy. Oh, how did

44:33

you guess that I just

44:36

first of all? Legs

44:38

and chest tensing up. Yeah.

44:41

Hmm Yeah, I

44:43

need the legs. Have you ever gotten cramps? Yeah,

44:45

I'm cramp That's one

44:47

way to pull yourself right out of the

44:50

mood a big

44:52

Charlie or Very real.

44:54

Oh No

45:05

poop though, not yet. There's plenty more

45:07

to go. That was the first one. I also

45:09

like that Andrea titled it the foreigner

45:11

the foreigner That's

45:15

good, okay, this next title

45:17

is while

45:19

in Amsterdam Oh applicable

45:24

Yes, I've just moved back

45:26

to master down there for a couple of months, okay

45:29

real quick My partner is

45:32

my gateway gay and I love a weekly

45:34

routine for us to listen to your new

45:36

episodes after I come home I

45:38

pride myself on making the same exact jokes

45:41

as Amanda just seconds before she

45:43

does great minds think alike So

45:46

you're also unwell and groan

45:51

Anyway on to the story I

45:53

had just moved to Boston for a job and

45:55

I met my current partner. This is the

45:58

first year. I had a big boy job in with

46:01

a nice salary. So I immediately

46:03

began planning my first international trip.

46:06

Fun. We decided on Amsterdam, Paris

46:08

and London. That is... Damn! That's

46:10

a great trip. Green. That

46:13

is good. That is good. Okay. I'd

46:15

always been a straight edge good boy in high school

46:17

and college. So this is my time to

46:20

shine and throw caution to the wind. The

46:22

wild child in May decided that since we

46:24

were in Amsterdam, this would be the perfect

46:26

time to have my first experience with

46:28

weed. Oh, cute! Amanda! First

46:31

time though? But

46:33

first, yeah. I mean, rockin'

46:35

the Amsterdam coffee shops for

46:37

your first time is... Yeah.

46:40

My husband and I went to Amsterdam in

46:43

2019, pre-pandemic, and

46:45

I was much less of a

46:48

pothead then, but he already kind of was.

46:50

And we got some

46:53

edibles and pre-rolls and things from the

46:55

coffee shop, and it was unlike anything

46:57

I had ever smoked before. It was

47:00

so good. It was like some of

47:02

the best weed I'd ever had, but

47:04

a little goes a long way on that

47:07

shit. Yeah. And I think

47:09

when you ask, when you intentionally ask for like,

47:11

oh, you know, I'm just new to the... they

47:13

fuck you up. They pulled me

47:15

a space cake! Yeah. A

47:17

big ass space cake. It

47:20

was like a two-hander. It took

47:23

us a week to eat it, because we

47:25

had only like a bite at it. It

47:27

took us a whole week. We were there.

47:29

You just went to the airport? Yeah. Wait,

47:32

yeah. The night before we left, we were

47:34

like, this thing's gotta fucking go. We can't

47:36

fly back with it. So... Anyway,

47:39

continue. I feel her pain, or

47:41

his pain, this person's pain, their pain. I feel

47:43

it. I feel it for you. There's

47:45

a few paragraphs here, so it's gonna get messy.

47:48

Oh, man. Okay. The wild child in

47:50

me decided that since we were in Amsterdam, this would

47:52

be a perfect time to have my first experience with

47:54

wheat. We went to a coffee shop

47:57

and asked for something chill, but that wouldn't be

47:59

too much of A... Of a downer, we

48:01

took the shop owners' suggestion and little.

48:03

I. Had no concept of have

48:06

to marijuana summer. And

48:08

so I just have to wait until I

48:11

started to feel something. Oh and of

48:13

oh right in the big you think

48:15

it could not other around. Jesus Christ

48:17

I just passed. Away settled like a

48:19

cigarette. know life sell some things.

48:21

One moment everything was fine and

48:23

the next I looked my partner

48:25

and he was this high death

48:27

cry to suffer as I got

48:29

my my unless only on who

48:31

hangs know know what a fucking

48:34

terrifying much of. Everything.

48:36

Else would be normal when i looked away

48:38

from has so they several back and for

48:41

it takes. And game shows

48:43

with this is the citizens

48:45

of course you'd world took

48:47

old. Ladies him never

48:49

hazardous ssssss. Since.

48:54

This. Isn't on for about forty five

48:56

seconds before the entire left side of

48:58

my body felt like it had. Turned

49:00

to stone. Oh boy. Mobile.

49:03

Now. As this feeling krentz

49:05

across my body. oh my god. I

49:08

said what is what was answer for

49:10

his name here I can't feel my

49:12

body. Little did I know. What

49:15

actually came out was barely a mumble. The

49:17

beaches my face along with the rest, my

49:20

body was powerless. Oh My. God. Or I

49:22

just is. My. Fave as you read this

49:24

like. Oh Anna

49:27

had. My party told me

49:29

and I just need to write our just need

49:31

a ride aid So I settled in for an

49:33

hour or so of staring out the wall. I

49:35

made the mistake of looking away from one spot

49:37

on the wolves and then when I look back

49:40

at so I saw two little girls dressed up

49:42

as. A

49:44

little girl, Dressed have a son made

49:46

tale of tired trying to the war

49:48

with a teddy bear would have some

49:50

memory giggling which know they do right.

49:52

Nice trip however Europe though so was

49:55

it real or was that all these

49:57

things as might. Have been real decide is a

49:59

of the room. Yeah, was it like dipped

50:01

in some weird shit? Okay. Okay,

50:04

they were giggling no big deal. However, they

50:06

started tugging back and forth on the teddy

50:08

bear faster and faster as their giggling became

50:10

progressively deeper and more demonic. Heck. Now remember,

50:13

I couldn't move, so I sat there motionless

50:15

with sheer horror in my eyes. I again

50:17

thought I was speaking, but it was only

50:19

one string of, only a string of horrified

50:22

grunts to my partner. That

50:24

must have been terrifying to win. So scary.

50:26

But this, you know, this experience sounds like

50:28

when you're in a dream and you're trying

50:30

to run or you're trying to scream and like you

50:33

can't. It's like a night terror

50:35

almost. Yeah. That's how this story is

50:37

like she's experienced or he's experiencing that.

50:40

Yeah. While away. Mm hmm. Good. I've had

50:42

that, you know, when you're crying and you're

50:44

sitting, you wait yourself up from crying and

50:46

yes, in your sleep, you're going, you're like

50:48

bawling and it's like, you know, the proper

50:50

cry, but really you're waking up to, yeah.

50:54

Yes. We're not totally far

50:56

down. When

51:03

I took oxy and I woke

51:05

up whispering, I'm going to kill you

51:07

while in bed with my husband, because

51:12

I was fighting the pale man. No more oxy.

51:14

The rospiest whisper as well. It

51:18

was, I asked him if he heard it and he said

51:20

he did it, but like, maybe he's just trying to protect

51:22

himself. But it's so good.

51:28

Three in the morning. You're so terrifying.

51:30

I'm terrifying. I don't know how we're coming

51:32

up on a year of marriage. I can't

51:35

believe he has not gotten this annulled. You

51:38

need to get one of those watches or

51:40

those apps that records you when

51:43

you're snoring or talking. Oh, wow.

51:45

No. Isn't it like record? That's

51:47

okay. I don't want to hear that. I don't want

51:49

to know. I don't

51:51

want to know. I don't want to know. Okay.

51:54

So we're back to

51:56

this horribly paralyzed victim

51:59

here. Okay. He went on to get

52:01

one of the shop owners, okay, so the partner went

52:03

on to get one of the shop owners who came

52:05

over, saw me and only said, you're not okay. And

52:08

not as in capitals. Oh my God. He

52:10

hurried to the front of the shop and got me

52:12

a cup of sugar water to

52:14

help. Shouldn't it work? Water.

52:17

I mean, what she's experiencing or he,

52:19

I keep saying she because I'm applying

52:21

myself to this exact person. I've

52:24

had medical emergencies. I'm

52:26

a type one diabetic. So I have

52:28

had medical emergencies where my blood sugar

52:30

has gone really low and I'm not

52:32

coherent. I feel like I'm paralyzed

52:35

in my body or that I'm like

52:37

covered in heavy sand, sweating, not able

52:39

to like four words and like

52:43

audio hallucinations, visual hallucinations, all

52:45

this stuff happens with

52:47

like extreme low blood sugar

52:49

to the point where I've like woken

52:51

up and Bill had called 911 and

52:53

there were like EMTs shoving like glucose

52:55

liquid in my mouth. Wow. That happened right

52:57

before a live stream once. Yeah,

53:00

we were. Yeah. I mean, it didn't get

53:02

that bad, but I know low right before

53:04

we went live for a show, but, uh,

53:07

it's like these symptoms sound like. Yeah.

53:10

Extreme low blood sugar. So I, it's actually

53:12

really interesting that you say they ran and

53:15

grab sugar water because just getting that

53:17

carbohydrate and even just drinking the

53:19

two, those combination of two things, like starts

53:21

to regulate your nervous system. So you could start to

53:23

just like, yeah, get your shit together, but damn.

53:26

Good. PSA. Yeah. Sugar water

53:28

guys. Okay. I stepped on it for

53:30

a while and then we were moved to the front of

53:32

the shop to get some air as we were walking to

53:34

the front. I had a sudden urge to vomit around

53:38

to the trash can. Thank God there was a trash

53:40

can. But that

53:42

wasn't what it looked like to me. Think

53:44

about a plasma guns you see in

53:46

space alien movies or video games coming

53:48

out of my mouth. I looked up

53:50

in disbelief to the entire coffee shop.

53:53

Did y'all see that? Did

53:55

you see that? Yeah.

53:58

Is it you say that? So

54:01

this person did say did

54:03

you see that? Yeah,

54:05

she yells. The entire shock. Did you see

54:08

that? Of course I thought I threw up.

54:10

Did you see that? I was like, mm-hmm.

54:13

Yeah. What are you fucking saying? Uh-huh. So,

54:15

you shirted? Did you? To

54:18

make things worse, one

54:20

of the bartenders from the

54:22

sex club was walking in

54:25

the door and

54:28

said, hey, I remember you. Oh, honey. No. Oh,

54:31

no. Hey, I remember me. Oh,

54:33

honey. I can never return to Amsterdam. No.

54:36

You can't. The worst. This is the worst.

54:38

That's what she's just, like, jacked-out vomiting as

54:40

well. Makes you pee your pants. So I'm

54:42

sure he pissed himself. Yes, totally. Yeah. Oh,

54:45

no way those pants. No, no way.

54:47

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

54:50

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

54:52

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

54:54

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

54:56

sorry. No way those panties are dry.

55:00

No. No. What

55:02

a fucking first experience with weed.

55:06

Oh, great. And I've never smoked since. I

55:09

honestly would understand

55:11

if they haven't smoked since because

55:14

that's bock fucking wild.

55:17

That's the scariest shit I've ever heard in

55:19

my life. That is really scary. That experience

55:22

is, like, why I won't do acid. Why,

55:24

like, mushrooms are basically the top for me.

55:26

It's like as far as I'm going to

55:28

go anymore. Too old for this shit. Yeah.

55:31

I'm too anxious. I'm too scared to do acid. I'm way

55:33

too fucking scared to do acid. All

55:36

I can say is don't do it while you're

55:38

on your period. I don't want to do it

55:40

ever. Painting a tampon is not great. I just

55:42

know I'm going to self-sabotage myself so much. Oh,

55:45

my God. Oh, my God. Yeah. How

55:48

many tampons did you put in your side, Giselle? Well,

55:50

just one was all I could handle because

55:52

I want to...well, pulling it out was the

55:54

worst part. I was like, ahhhh. I

55:57

feel everything. Yeah. It was

55:59

so weird. Oh

56:01

my god. Yeah.

56:03

Yeah. I had a friend who

56:05

puts a few inside herself. Oh yeah. But she

56:08

was just very drunk. Oh.

56:10

Just forgetting. No, it's more of like a, it's

56:12

more of like a hyper awareness. She

56:15

has a heavy flow and a wide set

56:17

vagina. Maybe she needed two or three. Maybe

56:20

she did. You don't fucking

56:22

know how she lived her life. I

56:24

mean, what is a jumbo tampon if

56:26

not three or four light

56:29

ones? Little ones that are just roped

56:32

together. Yeah. Whatever. A

56:35

little train. So it's a what? It's a

56:37

double jumbo. What? It's a

56:39

dub jumbo. It's a dub jub. It's a DJ.

56:41

Sick. I've

56:44

completely forgotten what the fuck we were

56:46

talking about. What's happening? Don't get my

56:48

acid on your period. Oh right. But

56:50

not in it. She's scared. Okay. This

56:54

one's titled Not So Happy Valley. It's

56:57

another show I did a couple years.

56:59

I finished last year. Happy

57:01

Valley should have been the

57:03

masturbation one. That would have

57:05

worked too. It's a very Happy Valley.

57:08

Very. I fucking

57:10

loved Happy Valley. Sarah

57:13

Lang sure is just amazing, isn't she?

57:16

She's just amazing. Okay. Please

57:19

keep anonymous. Done. Okay.

57:22

It's gonna be a good one. Couldn't

57:25

even think of a surname. A bowl of

57:27

a name. All of the anonymous men in

57:29

these are just Alan from here on out.

57:31

Okay, Alan. Okay, Alan. We'll keep you

57:33

anonymous. I'm a graduate

57:36

student tutor at Oxford and would never

57:38

hear the end of it if, end

57:41

of it from my undergrads. Okay. But

57:43

feel free to read this in a, feel

57:46

free to read this in a sweaty

57:48

and English accent as your heart desires.

57:50

I am here for it. Feel

57:53

free, Charlie. I'm here for today. Get sweaty.

57:55

Get sweaty. No, I'm

57:58

getting sweaty. thing

58:00

he's saying by 20 English accent I guess he's

58:02

saying like I was working

58:04

a very tough job as a

58:06

librarian at London School while I

58:08

was working out the direction I

58:10

wanted to go in it sounds

58:12

dreamy but it really wasn't I'm

58:14

just gonna continue. Your accent is

58:16

pretty good but can I recommend...

58:21

I just want to recommend a little

58:23

like cockney like a little technique like

58:25

oi oi I'm

58:28

going down to the trolley

58:30

to get some bangers and

58:32

mash. What? You wouldn't

58:37

get that in... do you want to

58:39

take over this one actually Amanda? This is gonna

58:43

be good. No they

58:45

hurt my throat so bad. I'm not

58:47

cut out for this. You know my

58:49

fair lady. She's got a hole in her heart. Honestly

58:52

if I had a stroke on this

58:55

episode there'd be such fucking good content.

58:57

You have my consent to keep going.

59:01

We'll just play Ella

59:03

Fitzgerald's rendition of The Wind

59:05

is Dead and keep going. John, make

59:08

me look good. John, clean up

59:10

my audio. It'll be fine. Thanks

59:12

John. Okay

59:16

okay a librarian in at London

59:18

School while I was working at the direction I wanted to

59:21

go in it sounds dreamy but it really wasn't.

59:23

Needless to say I got a bit depressed

59:26

and so I used to take weekend trips

59:29

to get a sense of freedom and

59:31

fresh air. One weekend I decided

59:33

to go and hike along the River Ooz which

59:36

held some significance for me.

59:39

The River Ooz? What

59:41

does it do? How is that spelled?

59:44

O-U-S-E. Okay.

59:50

That's no in fairness they just

59:53

wrote ooz in fanatics beside it.

59:55

I would have definitely said ouz.

59:58

Yeah yeah that's what What reads like

1:00:00

ous? Like house in costume. It's house without

1:00:02

an H, yeah. Ouch. Better than ooze. Come

1:00:06

on down to my ouze. Yeah,

1:00:08

but I do like the river

1:00:10

ooze is poetic. Which is

1:00:12

welcome at my ouze. My

1:00:16

ouze on the river ooze. OK.

1:00:20

One of my favorite writers,

1:00:23

Virginia Woolf, died

1:00:25

by suicide by drowning along that river.

1:00:27

Oh, god. Holy

1:00:30

shi- She just walked in and found herself.

1:00:32

Yeah, with rocks in her pockets, right? I

1:00:34

think so. That's badass.

1:00:37

Sometimes death is a mercy. Sometimes.

1:00:40

You get it, girl. Do what you gotta do.

1:00:42

It's a good river, I suppose, for that. OK. And

1:00:46

while this may sound nuts, I

1:00:48

thought that my far less depressed,

1:00:50

but ultimately still sad and stagnant

1:00:52

feeling self might benefit from going

1:00:55

on pilgrimage. To remind myself life wasn't

1:00:58

all that bad. And to

1:01:00

enjoy the beautiful scenery as well. I

1:01:02

also wanted to show a bit of posthumous

1:01:04

respect. Woolf had an

1:01:07

awful time with what was clearly bipolar.

1:01:10

And there was no lithium for it. So she

1:01:12

had to go through a hell of

1:01:14

a lot. All the while writing

1:01:16

some of the best stuff I've ever read.

1:01:18

And that includes a description of writing thinking

1:01:20

as pooping. You think you're done,

1:01:22

but then more just keeps coming out. I've

1:01:27

never heard that. Oh, God.

1:01:30

She was obviously saying it to shock.

1:01:32

And I love her for it all the more.

1:01:35

If I had only known how

1:01:38

closely I would come to associate

1:01:40

her with my own bowel based

1:01:42

adventures. Oh, my Lord. Here we

1:01:44

go. Poop for Charlie. Now you're getting pooped. Here

1:01:46

we go. Girl, what's happening?

1:01:49

Thank you, Alan. Welcome to Gack,

1:01:51

where you get shit on.

1:01:54

This is it. My

1:01:57

walk starts at a little time. I

1:02:00

found the river and I began to walk

1:02:03

along it. The route takes me down the

1:02:05

valley along the towpath and is set to

1:02:07

end at a second little station where trains

1:02:09

come every hour or so and which this

1:02:11

is my way back to town. So

1:02:14

far so peachy. I have my

1:02:16

lunch with me along with a bag of low

1:02:18

sugar chocolate treats which now I think of

1:02:20

it must have contained some

1:02:23

sugar replacement that

1:02:25

set the whole thing off. Yep I

1:02:27

chomped and stomped happily

1:02:30

along humming whimsical tunes and

1:02:33

thinking life was rather wonderful after all.

1:02:37

I get nearly to the end of the

1:02:39

walk and suddenly disaster. It's

1:02:41

bad. You know that something's

1:02:43

happening. It's so good.

1:02:46

You know the saying where you are

1:02:48

absolutely fine and then suddenly something drops

1:02:50

and you

1:02:53

have about 30 seconds before you need

1:02:55

to do an absolutely colossal poo. Yes.

1:02:58

Yes we all know that feeling. My bell

1:03:00

grumbled and a very large

1:03:04

brown troup moved down river

1:03:07

making a threatened sound. I

1:03:11

knew I couldn't reach the station before it

1:03:13

burst forth. Why would you be running towards

1:03:15

the station run away? So

1:03:18

I looked around wildly for a bush

1:03:20

or shelter and nothing. The

1:03:23

truck was open to the valley and

1:03:25

there were no trees or gaps where

1:03:27

I could hide. I wobbled onwards

1:03:29

towards the bridge and

1:03:31

trucked to the station. Little

1:03:35

tortured toots escaping me. Where

1:03:37

you like hope it's going to be the

1:03:39

fart that just like ends your stomach ache.

1:03:42

It stops this whole thing. It's like oh

1:03:44

I just needed to fart really bad but like

1:03:46

in Deep Down you know it's not

1:03:49

over. You know that the worst

1:03:51

is yet to come. Yeah that was a precursor.

1:03:53

That's bad. I was praying to

1:03:56

all the pottygods to spare me. Then

1:03:58

just as I was walking the up towards the

1:04:01

station, I saw my chance. There

1:04:03

was a road over the bridge where

1:04:05

occasional cars passed and a

1:04:07

field of wheat opposite the station. We

1:04:10

is not going to help. It's gonna

1:04:13

make it worse. Okay, it

1:04:15

was across from the station

1:04:17

building. It was tiny, just a strip

1:04:19

of platform in the middle of nowhere.

1:04:21

Okay. Oh, no. In the corner of

1:04:23

the wheat field was a

1:04:26

small clearing where I could hide behind the

1:04:28

fringes. Okay. Okay. I

1:04:30

looked both ways to check no other hikers were

1:04:32

coming and that nobody was

1:04:35

on the platform. Then waddled, sprinted

1:04:37

into that field and squatted just

1:04:39

in time. Oh, thanks. Oh,

1:04:42

okay. I can only say that Virginia's

1:04:44

analogy was right. What came out of

1:04:46

me just kept on coming. And

1:04:49

it was hot and

1:04:51

horribly squishy. Oh. The

1:04:54

resulting pile looked a bit

1:04:56

like something a very

1:04:58

large, sick animal would produce.

1:05:05

Hiker subbles upon that like reports

1:05:08

it to a wildlife center. Yeah,

1:05:10

there's a giant cow somewhere in here.

1:05:13

There's something out here that's not right.

1:05:15

This is finally our proof of Bigfoot.

1:05:17

Bigfoot. Bigfoot. Oh,

1:05:19

God. I

1:05:23

then realized well, of course, I badly

1:05:25

needed to wipe what had no tissues.

1:05:27

The horror. The

1:05:30

only solution was to clench my

1:05:33

buttocks together hard to stop my

1:05:35

any residue escape. No, I'll pull up

1:05:37

my pants. No, don't do any of

1:05:40

this. Pull up my pants before

1:05:42

anyone walked past and get to the train on time.

1:05:45

Wouldn't you just take your knickers off? Yeah.

1:05:48

Yes. Sacrifice the knickers. Yeah.

1:05:50

Yeah. Sacrifice the socks. Yeah,

1:05:52

something. You remove a something

1:05:54

a level two essential item.

1:05:57

I sacrifice my bra. Yeah,

1:06:00

I wouldn't. And her

1:06:02

attention. Yes! I have plenty of

1:06:05

those! I was wawing. I

1:06:08

wasn't sacrificed by weed. Weave.

1:06:12

Oh, okay. It

1:06:14

was one stop and I stood all the

1:06:17

way as to not dirty my jeans. Hoping

1:06:19

and praying no one would smell me.

1:06:21

Honey, it didn't work. That

1:06:24

didn't work. Okay, I

1:06:26

then made a beeline for the main station

1:06:28

bathroom. White removed my underwear into a carrier

1:06:30

bag in my rucksack for washing later, scrubbed

1:06:33

my hands about three times, and

1:06:35

then caught my train home with a sigh of relief

1:06:37

in every sense of the word. I

1:06:39

only hope that nobody found

1:06:41

my stinky, Stelled sausage. Stelled

1:06:44

sausage? If

1:06:49

they did, I thought it was the

1:06:51

dogs. I'm so sorry about anyone who might

1:06:53

have eaten bread from that week, but

1:06:56

I'd like to say Virginia would offend a funny. I

1:06:58

forgot about the week! That is

1:07:00

a really good one. I

1:07:02

thought she was going to shit in

1:07:04

the river ooze and just desecrate Virginia's

1:07:06

memory. And then notice that some

1:07:08

people are canoeing by or swimming

1:07:10

on the shoreline. Swimming. No!

1:07:15

Having a picnic on its banks. You

1:07:18

know, the kids are all there with necks looking

1:07:20

for tadpoles. That's

1:07:22

probably what my answer would be. If

1:07:24

I was walking next to a river, if

1:07:27

the weather permitted, I'd be dropping trout and

1:07:29

wading in. Then you can clean yourself

1:07:31

up a little after. Your

1:07:33

clothes are safe on the shore, they're dry, they're clean.

1:07:36

You might as well. That rolling

1:07:38

water, oozing water against your butt

1:07:40

cheeks. What if someone was like, She's

1:07:42

trying to pull over Virginia and like

1:07:44

dives in and pulls you out. No,

1:07:46

I'm just shitting, I'm fine. You're mid

1:07:48

crap. Mentally stable, I promise.

1:07:50

I'm fine. I'm just

1:07:52

shitting. The last one, girls. All

1:07:55

right. Cold obsession. Oh,

1:07:57

also fitting. Okay, another show I did.

1:08:00

Yeah, very good. Very good This

1:08:06

confession is oh Amanda

1:08:09

I feel targeted this confession

1:08:11

is specifically for Amanda

1:08:13

so oh Okay,

1:08:15

it might not be the worst thing I've

1:08:18

done, but it's not great and I need

1:08:20

to complain about it all Confession

1:08:23

I'm scared. I've done more for less. Let's do this

1:08:26

When I was a little nerdy kid

1:08:29

I spent a lot of time at

1:08:31

the public library libraries and

1:08:33

sometimes I'd really latch on

1:08:35

to a topic and it would consume

1:08:37

me. Mm-hmm one of those are perfect fashion,

1:08:39

baby. Yeah Was

1:08:42

aggressively researching? pink

1:08:44

dolphins No, oh

1:08:46

those fleshy fuckers the River of

1:08:48

the pink River dolphins. Yeah, they're

1:08:51

so foul looking Didn't they

1:08:53

what was that? What was it again? The you

1:08:56

were talking about the pink dolphins they were like

1:08:58

throwing in a eel around the room. Oh, yeah,

1:09:00

I'm like fucking it Oh, yeah, they were like

1:09:02

the math Yeah,

1:09:04

they were masturbating with it

1:09:07

dolphins are whack. Yeah, they're

1:09:09

corny corny focus. Okay. They're

1:09:11

not right Only

1:09:18

more of them would have strokes I Had

1:09:22

a lot of PowerPoint that were just information

1:09:24

I found out why I Found

1:09:26

on wiki about pink dolphins with

1:09:29

accompanying photos From Google

1:09:31

images. I drew dolphins on everything

1:09:33

and would color them pink I

1:09:35

knew so much about them, but somehow missed

1:09:38

the terrible stuff confirmation bias And

1:09:44

I completely forgot about that period of my life until

1:09:46

I was just casually listening to the podcast And Amanda

1:09:49

started talking about pink dolphins All

1:09:53

reaction It

1:09:55

was flashbacks immediately to my long-lost obsession

1:09:58

and now that I know the

1:10:00

truth I feel weird about it.

1:10:02

Yeah! You know

1:10:05

what? You should feel weird

1:10:07

about it. Yeah.

1:10:10

Shame by proxy. Yep. Shame by proxy.

1:10:12

Let your shame flow through you, babe.

1:10:18

Like the river is. Like the river

1:10:20

is. Home of your favorite dolphins. Wow.

1:10:24

Oh, that's funny. Well done.

1:10:26

That was amazing. Those were

1:10:29

beautiful. That was so much fun.

1:10:31

You did an excellent job. Oh

1:10:33

my gosh. I love it.

1:10:35

Well, we've got a little bit

1:10:37

more in store for us today with Lucy's

1:10:39

Corner Corner, but first let's take

1:10:41

a quick break and hear a word from our sponsors.

1:10:43

Let's do it. The weather's hot,

1:10:45

people. It's hot and muggy outside

1:10:48

and you want to be wearing

1:10:50

as few clothes as possible. Negative

1:10:52

clothes. Negative. You want to

1:10:54

turn your skin inside out. But

1:10:56

since that's not possible and

1:10:59

maybe your flesh hasn't seen the

1:11:01

light of day since like last

1:11:03

September. Yeah. Oh, maybe

1:11:06

that's just me.

1:11:09

Shaving has definitely come back

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Totally. To the point where I just wasn't

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shaving them because it wasn't worth it. it

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1:12:43

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1:14:11

for corner, corner. I

1:14:13

have a... I've got a smattering.

1:14:16

I think, um, theme-wise,

1:14:18

it would be like nature.

1:14:21

Except for this first one. Okay.

1:14:24

I mean, yeah. Okay, here we go.

1:14:26

Uh, this one was sent in by Aubrey,

1:14:28

and the title is, Woman

1:14:30

Charged with Second-degree Murder

1:14:32

After Gruesome Incident. Oh,

1:14:35

okay. A 32-year-old woman has been

1:14:37

arrested and charged with second-degree murder

1:14:39

after a stabbing on Tuesday evening.

1:14:42

This happened in Colorado, and this

1:14:44

was just like a week and

1:14:46

a half ago. Oh, wow, okay.

1:14:49

Grand Junction police responded to the

1:14:51

Woodspring Suites just before 9 p.m.

1:14:53

on Tuesday for a call about

1:14:55

an unresponsive male. Oh. According

1:14:58

to the police department, the man was found

1:15:00

with a suspected knife wound and was pronounced

1:15:02

dead at the scene. Mm. Shunting

1:15:06

Guo, is this woman's

1:15:08

name, was arrested and booked into the

1:15:10

Mesa County Detention Facility. According

1:15:13

to the arrest affidavit, Guo told police she

1:15:15

and the man had been in a romantic

1:15:17

relationship. Mm. She thought

1:15:19

she was pregnant and was arguing with the

1:15:22

man over whether or not he was

1:15:25

the father of the child. Uh-oh. During

1:15:28

the argument, according to police, Guo said

1:15:30

she stabbed the man in the leg.

1:15:32

So the affidavit says, quote, she said

1:15:34

she was trying not to kill him,

1:15:36

but admitted to stabbing him because she

1:15:38

was, quote, so angry. Okay. And

1:15:42

just as a little extra

1:15:45

comment, she also told police she cut off

1:15:47

the man's penis. Oh. Guo

1:15:51

told police the man didn't appear to be

1:15:54

in pain, so she went to the city market

1:15:57

nearby and bought rubbing alcohol and

1:15:59

a antibiotics and beer,

1:16:01

but forgot to buy

1:16:03

bandages. She

1:16:08

got beer. Okay. According

1:16:10

to the affidavit, Guo told the police at one

1:16:13

point during the day the man told her he

1:16:15

was cold and might die. He was

1:16:18

in complete shock. Yeah. Oh

1:16:21

my God. He gave the man

1:16:23

some ibuprofen, a propel water, and

1:16:26

quote, greens, but soon after

1:16:28

his eyes went dull. Yeah, he

1:16:30

doesn't have a hangover. He's bleeding to

1:16:32

death. Yeah. The Mesa County

1:16:34

coroner's office is responsible for releasing the identity

1:16:37

of the deceased as well as the cause

1:16:39

and manner of death. And she is being

1:16:41

held at the Mesa County Detention Facility on

1:16:43

a million dollar cash bond. Wow.

1:16:47

There's more to this. She stabbed

1:16:49

him in the leg, cut off his

1:16:51

dick, went to the grocery store, ostensibly

1:16:53

to buy things to help him, came

1:16:56

back with rubbing alcohol and beer. Yeah.

1:17:00

Yeah, that's so. Did you

1:17:02

say something at the beginning that kind of alluded to

1:17:04

maybe she wasn't even pregnant claims?

1:17:06

It just says she believed she

1:17:09

was pregnant. She believed. According

1:17:11

to her drain. She was pregnant. Okay.

1:17:13

Again, this just happened. Yeah, so we

1:17:15

might not know for a little

1:17:17

while. So he bled out. Wow.

1:17:21

Isn't that wild? That's awful.

1:17:25

She's like, here's some broccoli and a

1:17:27

propel. I mean, he bled out. I

1:17:31

mean, it feels

1:17:33

intentional. You know,

1:17:35

yeah, I mean, she murdered him. She

1:17:37

literally murdered him. Yeah. Yeah.

1:17:41

So I'm really excited to hear

1:17:43

updates on that one because that's weird.

1:17:46

Yeah. Okay. All right.

1:17:49

So here's another headline. This one

1:17:51

is out of Jacksonville, Florida, and it

1:17:53

is substantially weirder. Also

1:17:55

just happened recently. Police

1:17:58

were investigating Thursday morning after human trafficking. remains

1:18:00

were found buried in the backyard

1:18:02

of a Jacksonville home, according to

1:18:04

the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office. So

1:18:07

the owner of the home, located on

1:18:09

Sunny Acres Drive in the Magnolia Gardens

1:18:11

neighborhood, said he discovered, quote, toes

1:18:14

sticking out of the ground as he

1:18:17

was doing some yard work, according to a

1:18:19

woman who was helping the owner with the

1:18:21

yard work. That's like literally

1:18:24

a story in scary stories to tell in

1:18:26

the dark. Mm hmm. Where

1:18:28

is my toe? The toes.

1:18:31

It just kind of sounds like bad Halloween

1:18:34

decorations. Do you know what I mean? Like toes sticking

1:18:36

out of the ground. Yep. So

1:18:38

funny that you say that in

1:18:40

your yard. Yeah. Funny that you

1:18:43

say this because Amanda texted me

1:18:45

earlier today. We had been talking

1:18:47

about what dips were making for

1:18:49

our live stream on Saturday. Yes.

1:18:52

Mm hmm. And I

1:18:54

think I've just been looking at so many dips that

1:18:56

I'm in like food magazine,

1:18:58

like demo mode.

1:19:01

And she said, are you doing the one

1:19:03

with the toes sticking out of the ground?

1:19:06

I thought she was referring to a dip.

1:19:09

A dip? Like, Oh, And

1:19:12

I said, no, I'm doing something else. Like,

1:19:14

oh, okay. Well, if you want that story for Gack,

1:19:16

I was like, oh,

1:19:20

I thought we were talking about dips.

1:19:22

And she's like, no, bitch. When

1:19:25

you did, in that microsecond, you know, of

1:19:27

like figuring trying to make sense of it,

1:19:30

what kind of dip did you think so

1:19:32

that was? Okay, so what base like kind

1:19:34

of what kind of male. So

1:19:37

there are there are dips. Like

1:19:40

Halloween. I did a whole I've

1:19:42

done I've had to like research

1:19:45

and put together so many Halloween

1:19:47

themed snack content

1:19:50

that there are definitely dips with like, like

1:19:53

those thicker, they put sliced

1:19:56

almonds on the nails.

1:20:00

those are sticking out of your dip. And

1:20:03

the dip is like a cheese based, so it's like

1:20:05

a little bit thicker. So

1:20:08

hold the pretzels, it's like a cheese based dip and

1:20:10

then you could put a little

1:20:12

tombstone, like a decorative tombstone at

1:20:14

the top of it. And it looks like-

1:20:16

Or like a brown hummus, so it looks like

1:20:18

dirt. So

1:20:21

good. You might have to do something

1:20:23

for Saturday night. We might. Although no

1:20:25

one will understand my dish. No,

1:20:27

because this isn't coming out for like a month as

1:20:29

you record this. But I love it. Well,

1:20:33

for a Halloween livestream, I'll make the toes

1:20:36

sticking out of the dirt. Definitely, yes,

1:20:38

love that. My Jacksonville

1:20:40

dip. Okay,

1:20:42

so the woman who didn't want to

1:20:45

be identified told the news station, quote,

1:20:47

we were working inside the house and then the owner

1:20:49

came to us and said, hey, there

1:20:52

is something here, we have to call 911. I

1:20:55

said, okay, I was shook. Yeah.

1:20:59

I didn't see any photos, but I

1:21:01

think there are photos out there of

1:21:03

what appeared to be a human foot

1:21:05

sticking out of the ground. So the

1:21:07

woman said of the toes, quote, they

1:21:09

were all black and stuff, but I

1:21:11

guess that was from decomposing. I

1:21:14

just hope everything gets solved. My reaction

1:21:16

to this is just craziness. I

1:21:18

would never expect this, especially at a house that

1:21:20

I am working at. Honey has,

1:21:22

yeah. They were doing renovations at the

1:21:25

rent, it was a rental property. No.

1:21:28

Jesus. So quote,

1:21:30

me and my son, we both was here

1:21:32

and we were just looking around trying to

1:21:34

see what else we need to do to

1:21:36

the house. We put new windows and new

1:21:38

kitchen and bathroom, just trying to make it

1:21:40

right for the next homeowner. Oh.

1:21:43

This is the homeowner speaking. I want to offer

1:21:45

my condolences to the young person or to the

1:21:47

person they found at my property. No family should

1:21:49

have to go through that at all. That's the first

1:21:51

thing I want to say. No family should have to

1:21:53

go through that. I don't know who it is. I

1:21:55

don't know what the situation is. So

1:21:58

authorities are investigating. basically

1:22:01

this person has another

1:22:04

neighbor had lived in the neighborhood for seven

1:22:06

years and she's shocked by the news. Quote,

1:22:08

this is a quiet neighborhood so this is

1:22:10

something that rarely happens. I still feel safe

1:22:12

here and we all know each other and

1:22:14

we're like family. Yeah, but

1:22:16

you're usually murdered by people that you know

1:22:18

and are like family. So wake

1:22:20

up sheeple. So now it's up

1:22:23

to the medical examiner's office to

1:22:25

determine who the person was and

1:22:27

exactly how they died. Quote,

1:22:29

the body tells you everything about the

1:22:31

case and in this particular case when

1:22:33

it's a buried body, there's usually some

1:22:35

extensive level of decomposition. Lucy,

1:22:38

you would know this, wouldn't you? Like what

1:22:40

point or does it just depend

1:22:42

on the soil? But what point do you

1:22:45

just have like blackens? That sounds like bog

1:22:47

kind of. Yeah, well

1:22:50

any kind of decomposition depends so heavily

1:22:52

on the environment that it's in. So

1:22:54

if you're buried, it depends on like

1:22:56

the type of soil, how much oxygen

1:22:58

is in there, how much like water

1:23:01

is in there. Yeah, it's Florida so

1:23:03

it could be pretty wet. Yeah.

1:23:06

Soil which could have sped up some

1:23:08

of the decomp. Mm hmm. But

1:23:11

I guess your body gets black. I mean, it's

1:23:14

not just skeleton. Mm

1:23:16

hmm. Yeah. I'm just couldn't have been

1:23:18

that old. Toes, Jackson's up.

1:23:21

Sorry, I'm looking for it. It's

1:23:24

like bog lands, like in Ireland, there's like,

1:23:26

you know, there's like, you

1:23:28

could be centuries old, but it's like

1:23:30

you're preserved and weird. Yeah. It

1:23:33

just depends on what they're black, like they're

1:23:35

just like black. Skin. Yeah.

1:23:38

Yeah. Okay, I did, I found a picture.

1:23:41

Oh, did you? It's

1:23:43

not the greatest picture. You can't really tell. It's

1:23:45

just like a pile of dirt. Mm

1:23:47

hmm. You really can't tell. It's sort of

1:23:50

like the lady who saw the Sasquatch. It's

1:23:53

just not much of the photo. It's a pixel. Yeah.

1:23:56

It's it looks like it's been shaded. It looks like

1:23:58

it's just in like loose black dirt. So

1:24:01

this guy is saying it's a very meticulous

1:24:03

process. It may take days before

1:24:05

they actually get to the point where they render

1:24:07

a decision that gives the investigators who this is.

1:24:11

Investigators want that quicker because once again when you

1:24:13

start that murder investigation to figure out who somebody

1:24:15

is, that's the first piece of the puzzle. Who

1:24:19

are you and who wanted to kill you? Yeah. The

1:24:22

neighbors are upset. They just want to know what's

1:24:24

going on. And this just happened recently too. So

1:24:26

another one to stay updated on. That's

1:24:30

creepy. Toes. So creepy. Toes

1:24:33

are the first thing you see. It's

1:24:36

like that there are those mushrooms that

1:24:38

are called dead man's toe or whatever

1:24:41

because they're like

1:24:43

silvery purple almost. And they look like

1:24:45

they have nails. They look like they

1:24:47

have nails. They look like toes

1:24:49

growing out of rotting

1:24:51

tree stumps and earth. They're

1:24:54

so creepy. Yeah. Are

1:24:57

they wild? Literally the first picture that's

1:25:00

come up is like under

1:25:02

a piece of bark. It's like

1:25:04

something landed on someone's butt. The

1:25:08

fungi is the fucking

1:25:10

coolest. It's the weirdest,

1:25:12

most alien creep show shit on

1:25:15

our planet. People think

1:25:17

it's literally alien. I believe that. I

1:25:19

believe that. Yeah, I think so. That's

1:25:21

yeah, incredible. Yeah. Anyway,

1:25:24

dead man's toe. So

1:25:27

that's kind of a really nice segue into my

1:25:29

next story. This one was sent in

1:25:31

by Krista H. Another creepy

1:25:34

yet natural nature. Oh, okay.

1:25:38

Theme. Yeah. Great.

1:25:40

Love it. The title

1:25:42

of this one is family

1:25:45

members infected with brain worms

1:25:47

after eating undercooked bear meat.

1:25:51

Two things that are really hot on TikTok right

1:25:54

now just coming into one headline.

1:25:56

Bears, brain worms. We've got

1:25:58

RFK. rather run into

1:26:00

RFK or a bear in the

1:26:03

woods. Either way, you're getting brain worms.

1:26:06

Oh, I'm getting brain worms. Either way, you're

1:26:08

getting fucking brain worms. Wasn't one of your

1:26:10

things about bear meat, Amanda? No,

1:26:13

the lady who thought she saw

1:26:15

a Sasquatch was told it was

1:26:17

likely just a bear. Well,

1:26:20

maybe this was a Sasquatch, and maybe this is why

1:26:22

this happened. A number

1:26:24

of family members who shared a meal of

1:26:26

bear meat that one of the family members

1:26:29

had harvested earlier were

1:26:31

subsequently infected with brain worms, according to

1:26:33

a new report from the CDC. I

1:26:36

want a T-shirt that says,

1:26:39

Sasquatch gave me brain worms. Would

1:26:43

go back. Would go back. And

1:26:46

I don't want to give any context

1:26:48

for it at all. Sasquatch

1:26:50

gave me brain worms. And then on the back.

1:26:52

Exclamations. Would go back. Wake

1:26:56

up, sheeple. I saw Sasquatch and

1:26:58

all I got was brain worms. Brain worms. Okay,

1:27:03

so this happened in July of 2022. The

1:27:06

Minnesota Department of Health was flagged

1:27:08

that a 29-year-old man had been

1:27:10

hospitalized multiple times over a two

1:27:12

and a half week period with

1:27:15

symptoms including fever, severe muscle soreness,

1:27:17

swelling around the eyes, and various

1:27:20

other maladies. Stop eating

1:27:22

bear meat, bro. I

1:27:25

mean, if you kill a bear, the

1:27:28

problem was that it was undercooked. We'll get

1:27:30

to it. There you go. Following his second

1:27:32

hospitalization, the man told doctors he had days

1:27:35

earlier attended a family gathering in South Dakota.

1:27:38

Well, there's the first one there. That's where our family gatherings

1:27:41

are. That one of the meals they shared included

1:27:44

kebabs made from black bear meat that

1:27:46

had been harvested by one of the

1:27:48

family members in Northern Saskatchewan. Honestly,

1:27:51

I'd try it if I trusted to cook. Like,

1:27:53

if your dad made it, I'd try it because

1:27:55

I wouldn't be. My concern would

1:27:57

be, am I going to like the taste and texture

1:27:59

of it? this not am I gonna get

1:28:01

brain worms because it's undercooked like your dad

1:28:04

knows how to cook the game that he

1:28:06

kills honestly this could easily be

1:28:08

about my family because we live

1:28:10

in Minnesota my dad goes bear

1:28:12

hunting in Canada we have family

1:28:14

reunions in South Dakota and I've

1:28:16

probably had bear meat on a

1:28:18

kabob this that's

1:28:22

your common confession I can't say I've never

1:28:24

had bear meat I'm

1:28:27

swollen are your eyes oh shit get

1:28:29

close to the camera there no

1:28:32

they're still sunken

1:28:34

properly they're way

1:28:36

back where they normally are they're

1:28:38

way back your eyes start

1:28:41

popping just keep an eye crazy

1:28:44

eye I love when you do that when

1:28:46

you whip your head and just

1:28:49

give the crazy eye

1:28:52

it's so intense like the drunker

1:28:54

you get the harder you whip oh

1:28:56

yeah okay so this bear meat had

1:28:58

been in a

1:29:04

freezer for a month and a half before being

1:29:06

thawed out for the meal so it had been

1:29:08

frozen yeah but

1:29:10

the CDC reported that because the

1:29:12

meat itself was darker in color

1:29:15

it was initially inadvertently served rare

1:29:17

very undercooked because the meat

1:29:20

the meat is dark that's

1:29:23

you got to use your steak your

1:29:25

meat thermometer yeah I have all

1:29:27

that you cannot eyeball curious you

1:29:30

can't eyeball chicken for God's sake

1:29:32

like I get so

1:29:34

nervous cooking meat like from a

1:29:36

raw state I always use my

1:29:38

thermometer yeah I mean we

1:29:40

rarely cook meat in our house to be honest

1:29:42

because it's just like I it kind of grosses

1:29:44

me out we're like a chicken some

1:29:47

fish and a lot of plant-based products

1:29:49

at home yeah we're pesky

1:29:51

yeah I get nervous cooking fish yeah

1:29:53

even doing salmon I'm like I'm

1:29:56

just pulling it apart

1:29:59

completely The first time I

1:30:01

cooked salmon, the white protein

1:30:03

juices started coming out and I

1:30:05

was like, what the fuck is

1:30:07

this? I had to

1:30:09

Google it. I just throw this

1:30:11

away. It was... I'd

1:30:14

never seen it. Anyway. I love salmon.

1:30:17

So hungry. Anyway, back to these

1:30:20

brain worms. So

1:30:24

family members began eating the kebabs, but

1:30:26

noted that the meat tasted underdone, so

1:30:28

they put all the kebabs back on

1:30:30

the grill, recooked them, and then

1:30:32

served it again. But the ones who

1:30:34

had tried it already, it was too

1:30:36

late. Well, nine family members, largely

1:30:39

from Minnesota, but also from South Dakota

1:30:41

and Arizona, ate the meal, though some

1:30:43

of them only ate the vegetables off

1:30:45

the kebabs, which had been cooked

1:30:48

and served alongside the bare meat. This

1:30:50

is so fucking Min... Yeah, this is so fucking Minnesotan.

1:30:52

Like, we don't really like it, but we're not... We're

1:30:54

gonna just politely nibble on

1:30:57

it. Yep. They

1:30:59

all got fucking worms. We're not gonna

1:31:01

say worms. Yeah, your politeness gave you worms,

1:31:03

you fucking idiots. Yeah, your politeness... Yeah.

1:31:06

I'm surprised anyone spoke up that

1:31:08

it might have been underdone. That's...

1:31:10

Honestly. That's ballsy. Now

1:31:12

I want another shirt that says politeness gave

1:31:14

me brain worms. So

1:31:19

just the Minnesota state of outline. I want

1:31:21

to start a whole line of XYZ

1:31:24

gave... Blank gave me brain worms. Shirts.

1:31:27

Bonfire, baby. Get at me,

1:31:29

bonfire. Let's collab. And

1:31:32

by let's collab, I mean I need to go upload

1:31:34

a design. Yeah. Damn,

1:31:36

guys. By let's collab, you'd

1:31:39

need something from me.

1:31:41

Okay. Doctors ultimately diagnosed

1:31:43

the 29-year-old man with

1:31:46

trichin... Trichin... Trichin... Trichin...

1:31:48

Trichin... Trichin... Trichin... Trichinolysis.

1:31:51

Okay. I got there. A

1:31:53

round worm, which is rare in humans and

1:31:55

usually acquired through the consumption of wild game.

1:31:58

Once in a human host... The larva

1:32:01

can then move through the

1:32:03

body to muscle tissue and

1:32:05

organs, including the brain. Oh.

1:32:07

Great. So. It got into

1:32:09

there's some make and they just with old

1:32:12

their way up to the brain us y.

1:32:15

Ou money than. Exam and

1:32:18

during brown trout. Hey.

1:32:21

What It is one of the feelings

1:32:24

that yeah, what a way Because impersonations

1:32:26

like the i mean that says the

1:32:28

larva and they're very very small. There's

1:32:30

a picture on the larva on the

1:32:32

drive now, but I were to my

1:32:35

as scope. I'm not looking to that

1:32:37

think so they are providing landings of

1:32:39

actual words are glimmers A I don't

1:32:41

know yeah. Size. Other family members

1:32:44

were diagnosed with these freeze resistant worms

1:32:46

of so that was key. Member

1:32:48

was frozen for a month and a half. The

1:32:51

name survived in the meat including a

1:32:53

twelve year old girl and to other

1:32:55

family members who had only even the

1:32:57

vegetables that civil crossed into emanated video.

1:33:00

many the they are me. All

1:33:02

in all, three family members were

1:33:04

hospitalized and were treated with our

1:33:06

benders. All which the Mayo Clinic

1:33:09

says keeps the worms from absorbing

1:33:11

sugar so that the worm loses

1:33:13

energy and dies skies. It also

1:33:15

keeps you from getting. Colds and

1:33:17

it's super were. Work

1:33:20

really well. It's this is the words of

1:33:22

Version of the Worm or out I deserve

1:33:24

whatever at the fat jokes for the ones

1:33:27

you have to explain. Yeah, My neighbor came

1:33:29

for her to. Get. A really

1:33:31

nailed that a nail that the Cdc

1:33:33

advised that the only sure way to

1:33:36

kill trick in Nola parasites is to

1:33:38

adequately cook the meat it resides in.

1:33:40

To. Internal temperature of at least

1:33:43

a hundred and sixty five

1:33:45

degrees Fahrenheit. He reiterated their warning

1:33:47

that it can cross contaminate other

1:33:49

foods like the sucking vegetables. Ah,

1:33:52

The. cdc says estimates of how

1:33:54

prevalent trick in our parasites are

1:33:57

among while animals range widely but

1:33:59

it's thought that up to one

1:34:01

quarter of black bears in Canada

1:34:03

and Alaska might be infected. That's

1:34:05

a lot. I'm

1:34:08

surprised you haven't heard more of them then. Yeah.

1:34:11

I guess most people cook their

1:34:13

bear meat to temp. Brain

1:34:16

worms made national news earlier this year

1:34:18

after presidential helpful Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

1:34:20

disclosed that a parasitic worm he had

1:34:23

contracted years ago, quote, ate a portion

1:34:25

of his brain causing

1:34:27

potential cognitive issues.

1:34:30

Yeah. So, Charlie, how

1:34:32

much of this news is getting over there to you?

1:34:35

Yeah, I heard about that.

1:34:38

Okay, I'm glad. It's so

1:34:40

embarrassing here. I'm so embarrassed.

1:34:42

I'm so embarrassed. I'm

1:34:44

living in the UK. It's a shit storm here. I

1:34:47

know. You mean you're not going to like, is this

1:34:49

a Tory party? You're not like a big Tory

1:34:51

party fan? Oh, Jesus. No,

1:34:54

no. And post Brexit and leaving

1:34:56

the EU. Something unique about

1:34:59

Charlie is that she was

1:35:01

super supportive of Brexit. She

1:35:04

loves Brexit. That

1:35:08

was a joke. Who's that fucking goon with

1:35:10

the bad hair? The Trump. Boris

1:35:13

Johnson. Yes. Boris. Yeah.

1:35:16

But it's the same with Trump. It's

1:35:19

not like the comic gets through. Everyone's

1:35:21

like, oh. He

1:35:23

was like a clown. And then

1:35:26

it just became so powerful

1:35:28

and just insane. But yeah. So

1:35:30

now we're all the clowns. He's

1:35:33

around. He's around. So,

1:35:35

kinds of people never fully

1:35:37

disappear. No. No

1:35:39

matter how much money they have, no matter how much power, they're

1:35:41

just, they want to be a

1:35:43

topic. Okay, last

1:35:45

thing. Symptoms of brainworm infection, I

1:35:49

think you inquired about, include

1:35:51

nausea, vomiting, headaches and seizures.

1:35:54

Okay. However, some people who contract

1:35:56

the worms may also see no

1:35:58

symptoms at all. Great. And

1:36:00

usually these parasites get quote walled off

1:36:03

by your immune system and they get

1:36:05

calcified So usually your body just sort

1:36:07

of takes care of it, but yuck

1:36:09

apparently not always So what how do

1:36:11

they leave your body will they leave

1:36:13

your body or do they stay your

1:36:15

body? Just shit them out? Yeah, good

1:36:17

man. Have a little calcium worm bits.

1:36:20

But again that the larva anyway is

1:36:22

my Microscopic. Yeah, you wouldn't

1:36:24

even see it. I don't know how big

1:36:26

the worms are Not not

1:36:28

worried about that Kennedy's worm big

1:36:31

enough deep part of his brain also

1:36:33

how big was Kennedy's worm It's

1:36:41

a sentence that should

1:36:43

not go into any script how big was Kennedy's

1:36:45

worm Good

1:36:49

conversation started for an awkward

1:36:51

person So genuine like you were

1:37:01

I can tell you Okay,

1:37:05

so in most cases someone eats food contaminated

1:37:07

with the eggs the eggs hatch and Quote

1:37:10

sort of migrate through the body ending up in

1:37:12

the muscles or in the brain The

1:37:15

immune system then attacks the parasites

1:37:17

and forms cysts around them that

1:37:19

range in size from a couple

1:37:21

millimeters to a couple centimeters You're

1:37:25

gonna see with the naked eye so that's too

1:37:27

big. Yeah. Yeah Yeah,

1:37:31

oh they can grow up to six

1:37:33

point two centimeters long, which is no

1:37:35

one a half inches. Oh

1:37:37

my god That's

1:37:39

so big females are darker brown to

1:37:42

red to black in color and up

1:37:44

to three and a half inches long

1:37:47

Cool. They're thread like oh So

1:37:51

there's male and feet. I thought they were like the same

1:37:54

Like both sex now barely none.

1:37:56

These were some worms are sort of like,

1:37:59

you know Yeah, non gendered

1:38:01

but yeah, yeah, adult male worms

1:38:03

are greenish yellow in color. But

1:38:05

so the females are like sexy

1:38:07

red and black and longer. Stunning

1:38:11

my long regime. Mm hmm. I

1:38:13

hate it. Okay. This

1:38:15

man I love worms. I know

1:38:18

you do. So cool. Okay. Last

1:38:21

but not least. Do

1:38:23

you remember when we talked

1:38:26

about walnut? The crane? Yes.

1:38:29

Who like partnered with her zookeeper?

1:38:32

Yes. Mm hmm. Walnut? No.

1:38:35

What's that? Was that

1:38:37

a funny headline? I feel like I covered

1:38:39

that. I think so. Yeah. She

1:38:42

imprinted on her keeper. On

1:38:45

her zookeeper. So there's this crane at a

1:38:47

zoo. Yeah, she's like

1:38:49

fell in love with this

1:38:52

specific zookeeper and they're like together.

1:38:54

They like like like sexually but

1:38:56

in a beblico not like

1:38:59

physically but like they know

1:39:01

each other but like maybe. Well,

1:39:04

kind of but anyway, because this

1:39:06

is my obituary area. No, did

1:39:09

she die? Which one died? White

1:39:11

naped crane dies at the Smithsonian

1:39:13

National Zoo and Conservation Biology Institute.

1:39:15

This was sent in from Sarah.

1:39:17

Thank you, Sarah. I teared up

1:39:19

when I was reading this. Oh

1:39:21

no. Staff at the

1:39:23

Smithsonian National Zoo and Conservation Biology

1:39:26

Institute's campus in Front Royal, Virginia

1:39:28

are mourning the loss of walnut,

1:39:30

a white naped crane who became

1:39:32

an internet sensation for choosing one

1:39:34

of her keepers as her mate.

1:39:36

Oh. At 42 years

1:39:39

old, walnut

1:39:42

was considered geriatric for her

1:39:45

species. Walnut. Good

1:39:47

for you, honey. Wow.

1:39:50

She far surpassed the median life expectancy

1:39:52

for white naped cranes in human care

1:39:54

which is 15 years. She

1:39:56

got to 42. That's in. incredible.

1:40:02

Yeah. 15 years is the

1:40:04

average life expectancy is the median. So

1:40:06

it's the middle. And obviously in

1:40:08

the wild where like, they're not

1:40:11

protected would also well know that

1:40:13

it's for specifically for cranes in human care. The

1:40:16

median is 15. Oh,

1:40:18

okay. But still, I mean, damn, she

1:40:21

old. Oh, my god. On

1:40:23

the morning of January 2. This is of

1:40:25

2024. Keepers noticed

1:40:27

walnut did not eat or drink. To

1:40:29

improve her behavior. The veterinarians administered

1:40:32

fluids and antibiotics while they evaluated

1:40:34

her blood work. Keepers

1:40:37

presented walnut with her diet and

1:40:39

favored food items such as frozen

1:40:41

sod, mice, peanuts and mealworms

1:40:43

to improve her appetite and encourage her

1:40:45

to eat again with

1:40:47

the worms. Warm theme.

1:40:50

Unfortunately, she continued to decline and was

1:40:52

transported to the hospital where she died

1:40:55

naturally with the animal care team by

1:40:57

her side. Oh, my god. What

1:40:59

a way to go after a long and

1:41:01

beautiful life. A

1:41:07

necropsy revealed renal failure as her

1:41:10

cause of death. Oh, white nape

1:41:12

cranes are considered vulnerable by the

1:41:15

International Union for Conservation of Nature.

1:41:17

Today, less than 5300 remain

1:41:20

in their native habitats in

1:41:22

Mongolia, Siberia, Korea, Japan and

1:41:24

China. Due to having habitat

1:41:26

loss, pollution, nest

1:41:28

predation and poaching. Oh,

1:41:31

they are beautiful. They are beautiful.

1:41:34

Leave them alone. In the early

1:41:36

1980s, walnuts parents were taken from the

1:41:38

wild illegally and brought to the United

1:41:41

States. They were later rescued

1:41:43

by the International Crane Foundation in

1:41:45

Wisconsin. The crane

1:41:48

foundation. Walnut hatched in Wisconsin

1:41:50

in summer of 1981 and was named after

1:41:52

a local

1:41:54

restaurant's popular walnut pie.

1:41:56

That is so Wisconsin.

1:41:59

Totally. Because

1:42:01

she was hand raised by

1:42:03

people, Walnut imprinted with her

1:42:05

caretakers. As

1:42:07

the offspring of two wild caught cranes,

1:42:10

Walnut's genes were not represented in US

1:42:12

zoos. This made her

1:42:14

the most genetically valuable crane in the North

1:42:16

American population at the time. Wow. The

1:42:19

Association of Zoos and Aquarium Species

1:42:22

Survival Plan, or the SSP. Ooh.

1:42:25

Scientists... those

1:42:27

scientists are what? So

1:42:34

fucking stupid. Anyway, keep going.

1:42:38

Scientists... those scientists determined which animals

1:42:40

to breed by considering their genetic

1:42:43

makeup, nutritional and social needs, temperament

1:42:45

and overall health. This made

1:42:48

several breeding recommendations for Walnut. However,

1:42:51

because she was imprinted on humans,

1:42:53

she showed no interest in breeding

1:42:55

and even attacked potential

1:42:57

mates. Good for her! She

1:42:59

has a type and that type is