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Gareth Reynolds

Gareth Reynolds

Released Wednesday, 22nd May 2024
Good episode? Give it some love!
Gareth Reynolds

Gareth Reynolds

Gareth Reynolds

Gareth Reynolds

Wednesday, 22nd May 2024
Good episode? Give it some love!
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Episode Transcript

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0:00

The replay need to be

0:02

published. Leading

0:07

we many. To

0:09

choose do you may have. Now

0:12

made it weird when they meet whole.

0:15

What's Happening? Weirdos! I am so

0:17

very glad you're here! This.

0:19

Is Gareth Reynolds? He's so funny.

0:22

And we have. The. Absolute

0:24

best time together. Ever

0:27

recorded. We'll. Have so

0:29

much and we actually made a shirt

0:31

from this episode. You can see it

0:34

on Pete Holmes Outcome: You'll know inherit.

0:36

I'm pretty sure we say we have

0:38

to make that a shirt and we

0:40

laughed about it probably seventy five times.

0:43

So if you want that shirt. Go

0:46

To P Dogs That com. We haven't done

0:48

a shirt and really long time. The Gareth

0:50

is just that funny. We had to do

0:52

it. I haven't left this hard in a

0:55

long time and I'm so glad you're here

0:57

to share! Go To Gareth Reynolds! Dot Com

0:59

you can watch but two of his

1:01

specials at least one is called Go

1:03

Refs which is him just doing crowd

1:06

work and one is called England Weed

1:08

and the rest at Gareth Reynolds that

1:10

com or you can go type Gareth

1:13

Reynolds and to you tube. He also

1:15

some tour dates coming up looks like

1:17

he's going to be in Australia. well

1:19

Melbourne more perk, wrong accent that he's

1:22

going to be in Tennessee Nashville, Huntsville,

1:24

Alabama he's all over Atlanta, Georgia. Go

1:26

to Go To Gareth Reynolds That com.

1:28

And see this man! Life is

1:30

so funny! such a delight! And

1:32

check out his podcasts as well.

1:34

He does here to help with

1:36

Jake our buddy Jake Johnson and

1:38

he also does the dollop. He's

1:41

wonderful. He's here! I'm so glad

1:43

you guys are as well! Ladies

1:45

and gentlemen, Gareth Reynolds. Get.

1:48

Into it. Here. We go. Have

1:52

you noticed? Can

1:56

you believe. Seven.

1:58

hundred plus i was Is this

2:01

the first? Yes. This is the first time

2:03

I've been wearing... Is

2:05

this a uniform? So

2:08

you're the first person to open the attachment. Yeah!

2:10

What to wear at the X-Men.

2:12

Yeah! That's crazy! No one opened it. No one

2:14

opened it. Oh yeah! I respect your shit. You're

2:16

just really different though. Well you're not a very

2:19

tall, so like look... Put your arm out. And

2:22

just hold me. No, but like see it go see.

2:24

Yeah, yeah. That's an experience I've

2:26

never had as a human. That's very

2:28

strange. You know what I mean? If I

2:31

were to be here, would I be... I would say

2:33

that would bother me. Of course it would. But imagine

2:35

if you've just been doing it for 45 years. You

2:37

haven't been. You've been this your whole life? Yeah, I

2:39

was born. When I was born they were just like,

2:42

and the baby keeps coming. She's nuts. And

2:44

I was like a real... He's

2:47

got bits too. He's got a scent list.

2:50

I came out feet first for the bit. Whee!

2:55

Oh man. Yeah, that would be... You're too

2:57

tall. TT. But it's worked well

2:59

for you. TT the Bears. You grew up

3:01

in... Well you went to college in Boston,

3:03

so you know TT the Bears. Stop doing

3:05

this. Alright. Emerson? Aw,

3:08

Pete! I understand you were born

3:10

in Wisconsin and you haven't been... Stop it! ...

3:13

to be a jetpacker statue. He's good. Hey, you didn't... How's

3:16

your mom, Pam? I understand. What the fuck?

3:19

He's off book! Pandemic, you... No,

3:21

don't bring up pandemics. Don't do it.

3:23

You're good. You are good. What

3:26

is the thing that if someone brings up you

3:28

know they're a true fan? That's a real question.

3:30

If someone comes up... Oh boy. Who

3:33

cares they know about how can we help? Is that

3:35

what you and Jake's pod is called? No, but that's

3:37

a tell that they're not a huge fan. That

3:40

is the giveaway that they're not a huge fan. Oh,

3:42

okay. What is it called? You were on it. We're

3:44

here to help. Yes. Romduff has

3:46

a book called How Can I Help? And you

3:48

mentioned Romduff here. I'm doing the Romduff pod. He's

3:50

been insulting. I'm blaming

3:52

Romduff. He'll be insulting. The ultimate

3:55

excuse. I... Let

3:59

me tell you the weirdest thing. thing that at

4:01

a show, an American

4:04

show of stand-ups,

4:07

I think I was

4:09

featuring, because I was one of those ones where

4:11

I was just very used to being anonymous, and

4:14

someone came up to me and

4:17

goes, did

4:19

you ever host a kid's fire safety video?

4:22

And I was like, what? And they're like, we're teachers.

4:25

And every year, and I was

4:27

like, yes. I was like, the

4:29

greatest game challenge. And I hosted

4:31

like a, in Boston,

4:34

you know, I would get like certain weird gigs

4:37

through Cast big

5:13

And every year At

5:17

school and you were a real celebrity so

5:19

to them They were like and getting recognized

5:21

for that was like I've Aside

5:24

from the Emmy I had never been recognized for

5:26

that can I do you have an Emmy? No?

5:29

Can I am manifesting? Oh

5:31

that's what we do on you're here to haha help You're

5:34

here to haunt you're here to haunt, but you're

5:36

here to haunt. You don't get out of the

5:38

fire properly Yeah, if you don't get

5:40

if you're very good. How can we hunt

5:42

is your spin-off? It's great your Halloween episode

5:46

How can we hunt we're here to hunt I can't remember

5:48

here to hunt that's okay. We're here to hunt yep I

5:50

did it and then we do a clown one. We're here

5:53

to honk We're

5:56

here to hump is the porn one

5:58

the porn one or just you

6:00

guys. We really could have quite a universe. A

6:03

spider verse? Were you here to Holmes? Were here

6:05

to Holmes was my episode. Yeah. Holmes Sweet Holmes.

6:07

Yeah. Very British name. Yeah it is. I just

6:09

listened to your album. Oh let

6:11

me say right up. Go ahead. Ah

6:14

ah ah ah. Beautiful. Yes. Love

6:17

the... Fabric. Yes. Good choice. Thank

6:19

you. Thank you Jeffrey.

6:21

Oh yeah. Got a

6:23

Robin Williams in there. He can't Robin. Oh

6:26

yes. Oh. Beautiful fabric. Fabric

6:28

of a space. If I were on fabric. Revitalize

6:31

me. I'm an old chair. No wait. I'm fine.

6:34

Uphold Street. Uphold Street. Silent

6:37

H. I

6:41

did After Midnight yesterday. Oh congrats. And this

6:43

is the outfit. Okay. The kind of guy

6:45

that'll just wear an outfit all week. I

6:47

get it. And

6:49

this... I like this outfit. I like it too.

6:52

A lot. Enough to own it. I haven't been

6:54

off. I'm

6:56

friends you're Joey. Yeah right. Yeah. Why

6:59

can't you be friends? I don't love it but it is

7:01

true. Yeah.

7:04

No. Your episodes. Well

7:06

I like that better. Because Lord.

7:08

I mean let's be honest. Joey. You

7:11

know. Very few people

7:13

are like yeah his character on Friends. No

7:15

there was another show. What is it like...

7:18

Wait it was his character from Friends wasn't

7:20

it? Yeah. What is that like? That's like

7:22

something. Cause a hit show is like a

7:24

magical date. Yes. It like something works. Or

7:27

like in... Like a... You

7:29

know you meet in Cuba. Yeah. And you

7:31

have red wine. And you're dancing with a

7:33

stranger. And then you have sex in a

7:35

lighthouse. Yeah. And you're just like what the

7:37

fuck. And a spin off is

7:39

that guy. The spin off is like... Antonio comes

7:41

back. Yeah right. And he's like let's go back

7:43

to the lighthouse. It's very bright in here isn't

7:45

it? Boy. How

7:47

old are you again? My

7:50

crotch has been itching since the last time

7:52

you were here Antonio. That's when it all

7:54

becomes so obvious what he's trying to do.

7:56

Yeah. Maybe we go back to the red

7:59

wine place. Confidence to try to

8:01

return to the well again. That's it. That's

8:03

it, too. Yeah, there are all these things

8:05

Biologically and also just like televisionally. Yeah

8:08

better at play Yeah culture and and

8:10

like when you just try to like

8:12

ring the bell again, no one

8:14

likes it. No, it's I'm trying

8:16

to I guess Fraser really is

8:20

The I couldn't be a bigger Fraser fan and they

8:22

rebooted it and I was like hmm never

8:24

never saw a moment No

8:26

me either. Why would you if they but

8:28

they were like look we did it

8:31

We can reboot for the confidence to go

8:33

again Makes sense because they

8:36

were Antonio showed up and had another

8:38

lighthouse dalliance Wait, help me

8:40

out you know, they did here's to Fraser,

8:42

but that's not a way it is what

8:44

that's another Antonio lighthouse Yeah, yes. Yeah, they'd

8:46

fucked you Yeah, they had a different outfit

8:48

and maybe you know, maybe it was by

8:51

the beach instead of the lighthouse But as

8:53

soon as you're like, I don't know about

8:55

this. They're like, how about John Mahoney? I

9:01

kick nanny and then they slowly turned the

9:03

volume down on her psychic man. Yes in

9:05

care for that. That is a fun realize

9:08

that that was a thing See

9:11

the name. She's not taking a kite kick. Yeah

9:15

Kicking a psychic sidekick. Yeah, that's probably

9:17

why they had a sidekick stop it.

9:19

I kick you said I'd kick a

9:21

side I do a lot

9:23

of Frasier stuff. Do you know Frasier and stand

9:25

up? I do a lot of fire safety and

9:28

a lot of Frasier I Was also

9:30

gonna say so at after midnight. Yeah,

9:32

me and Gillian Jacobs both wore this outfit

9:35

So there's a lady version of that and

9:37

they made me change and they gave me like a

9:40

version of this But it was almost like army fatigues

9:42

and I really felt like that for you. I didn't

9:44

like it either I felt like I was traveling back

9:46

in time to warn Sarah Connor that a robot I

9:48

was after like, what year? 12th

9:53

so Thursday wait that so you

9:55

wore this on the show and

9:57

no they they change I changed

10:00

You had this was sort of burning a

10:02

hole in your outfit pocket. Honestly, you know what

10:04

it was ironed. It wasn't

10:06

ironed Interesting it was on a hook with

10:08

like 30 coats little glimpse

10:10

into my wow a lot of go-to

10:12

on there Just it looks like I

10:15

don't know what it looks like. It looks like a mysterious You

10:19

and then yeah, it's like a meat locker, but

10:21

all the meats on one and those are your

10:23

clothes. I Like

10:25

that for you class it's like a meat locker, but all

10:27

the meats on one But uh, you know what in the

10:29

further I get into it. It's not like a meat locker

10:31

to be quite honest. It's a Pete locker We

10:34

got it Emdemics

10:37

save where where we go? Oh, so they made

10:39

a mouth. So this outfit is hot. Where were

10:41

we going though? We were somewhere. Well, I don't

10:43

know other than we oh, I

10:46

was gonna say uh-huh. Who cares

10:48

Okay, the the famous so weird

10:50

so to you to those guys

10:53

That fire safety video. Mm-hmm was a

10:55

legit thrill. I'm yeah, I think with

10:58

moments like that Where it's famous to

11:00

a very small. Yeah, people. Yes, urban

11:02

outfitters. Uh-huh. Have it square Oh,

11:05

you've been there. Yeah sack of shit.

11:07

Oh, geez. Oh wait, you're

11:09

Boston Pete. Yeah. Sorry. What is the cows?

11:11

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you go to town knows.

11:13

Yeah, I don't have the we that are

11:16

looking very yeah The issue

11:18

of we magazine we had hardcore

11:20

pornography at out of town news

11:23

They had a hardcore pornography. It's out of

11:25

town. So Those

11:27

are you're like, wow, I'm really you

11:29

don't look familiar. Yeah, I Remember

11:32

a guy flipping through a hardcore porn mag

11:34

at out of town news and they would

11:37

remember in porno mags This is gross, but I

11:39

remember sometimes. Yeah, I don't even know the question

11:43

Whatever it is, but go ahead I do I have a

11:45

lot of porno man. Oh, yeah Oh,

11:48

yeah, but they'd bleep it like

11:50

it would be a hardcore magazine But there'd

11:53

be some splaying and they'd be like a

11:55

black Dauber the over the

11:57

regime like this is too much

12:00

Like it was bleeped. Does that put in a hole

12:02

over a hole seems sort of it just

12:05

looks like she was eternally cosmic

12:07

Yeah, right. Yeah, whoa. I'm more

12:09

intrigued Well, is that

12:11

God's gonna make me Milky Way? Sorry

12:19

Did you grow up in the great tradition of someone

12:21

having a bag of porno mags in the woods I

12:24

definitely remember the leave behinds in the woods. Oh, that's

12:26

what they're called. Yep. I Camerons

12:28

why didn't have a stack. Yeah the old cameras. Yeah,

12:31

I didn't have a there's a sweet stack of cameras Using

12:34

hardcore fundamental Christian terminology

12:36

to explain woodland pornography

12:39

There's a Kirk Cameron in the woods. It'll make you Actually

12:43

Kirk Cameron First

12:49

he is risen and then the second time

12:51

this must have worked on after midnight. This

12:53

would have worked Okay, good. That would matter

12:57

Still pitch if we were

12:59

in England, they'd love this don't they love their

13:01

word or shit. Oh, yeah, they love it They're

13:03

like leafy green. She keeps pitching at you. Oh

13:06

right when you think he's doing it comes from

13:08

all Yeah,

13:10

good on you good on your Pete. That's

13:13

a good one Pete God,

13:15

I fucking lodged in me His

13:17

sleeves won't touch his fucking wrists. You

13:20

know that those here I Think

13:23

I'm gonna have a term

13:25

for that. Yeah long and

13:27

airy. He's raggled long

13:29

and airy sounds like Richard scary. Yeah Anything

13:34

I think I meant Richard gory Which

13:37

Richard scary Richard gory so you'd say mystery

13:39

of the TV show that open with drawings

13:42

from Richard gory, right? He's got mystery

13:44

arms. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah lanky

13:47

poles Where

13:49

are we? I think Burbank. I'm

13:51

not sure No,

13:53

you were about I was gonna say at Urban

13:55

Outfitters. There's a photo of the guy you what

13:58

well I did I did grow up near woods and

14:00

there was always porn in the woods. That's where

14:02

we were. The porn stack people, I remember

14:06

probably from my early adolescence and being

14:09

like, it was the version of like

14:11

when a grown man ate ice cream, you were like,

14:13

I'm going to eat ice cream when I'm old. That's

14:15

all I'm going to eat. When I was like a

14:17

stack of porn. Why aren't they? Yes. I

14:19

was like, that will be how I live. I will

14:21

live among playboys and porn. I thought I

14:24

would have like a room. Wall

14:27

to wall. Yeah. I

14:30

was like, even if my wants change, I

14:32

will hold on to this want because it's

14:34

important. Out of respect for me. Out of

14:36

respect for me. Free past you. Yes. No,

14:39

that's very similar. When you're a kid, you're like, I

14:41

used to be like, why don't old people wear Metallica

14:43

t-shirts? I was like, when I'm 90, I'm going to

14:45

wear a Metallica t-shirt. Yeah. Now I feel like you

14:47

might see that. I feel like we're the generation that

14:49

when we're really fuck old, we will

14:51

be like flaming lips. Yeah,

14:54

probably. That actually kind of makes me sad.

14:56

Put on a sweater. Yeah. I

15:00

mean, I'm not a good, I really in my

15:02

day to day dress, it's bad. But we're wearing

15:04

the same outfit. I know, but it's like I'm

15:06

at a thing. Oh, this is

15:08

a thing. This is a thing. So I'm

15:11

excited to be here and I'm respectful. Yeah.

15:13

Of the thing. And I'm aware that some of this will end

15:15

up on Instagram. If I can take

15:18

the outfit roasting out of the equation, then we

15:20

can just get to like, he's working a few

15:22

episodes. I had a few episodes where my belly

15:24

was showing and that was. But

15:26

you're in pretty good shape. PGS? Yeah,

15:29

you are. I rated PGS.

15:31

You like the backwards Gary Busey.

15:34

BGB? Yeah. Yeah.

15:39

What does that mean on the backwards Gary Busey? You

15:41

know, he does those, you ever seen him do

15:44

his acronyms where he'll be like, oh yeah, he'll

15:46

go the other way. Yeah. Where

15:48

he'll be like, he goes backwards. Yeah. No,

15:50

he calls out the acronym and then he says it.

15:53

You'd be like, you're like at a matchbook candy store

15:56

and NBC's ass. You know, he

15:58

does that and sometimes they're off. You're

16:00

like, whatever, he's close, though. That's like

16:02

an eight-lettered acronym. Yeah, there's a certain,

16:04

people aren't gonna pay attention past that

16:07

third letter. I like singing since you've

16:09

been gone in acronyms, which is SYBG.

16:11

That's pretty good. ICB, FTFT. Like KC?

16:14

Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Yeah.

16:17

So the stack of porno mag was

16:19

a dream. And, oh, the

16:21

fact that we're not wearing flaming lips

16:23

t-shirts and the roasting in my belly.

16:25

Yeah. And we're back. Yeah. I

16:27

didn't mind. I mean, I'm not a comment reader.

16:29

Are you a comment reader? No, less and less.

16:32

But you see some. Some sneak

16:34

through. I've had a few that have been,

16:36

you know. Harrowing? Yeah.

16:38

That have really taken a toll. And you get

16:41

better at that as you go on. But there

16:43

have been a couple where I'm like, I've also

16:45

had people on Twitter, like,

16:48

because Twitter comments are normally

16:50

more about what you said

16:52

versus, you know,

16:54

a clip or something. Ear appearance. Yeah,

16:56

so. But I've had some people take

16:59

a screenshot of a bad comment and

17:02

gone, why did this guy say that?

17:04

And I'm like, why did you pass

17:06

that information along? I just did a

17:08

corporate show and it was rough.

17:10

Yeah, of course. That didn't need to be said.

17:13

Yeah. But you know, you know how

17:15

you gauge the bar and you're like, I stayed true.

17:17

Yes. And I got laughed. Yep. And

17:20

I did my job. Trusted the process. I didn't

17:22

turn on them. Right. I was dirty

17:24

though. It was interesting that the show was like, you can be

17:26

dirty because they're all fucking, everybody's heard me talk about the show

17:28

a million. It was what it was.

17:31

They were drinking all day. Yeah, right. Show was

17:33

at 1030. Terrible. They

17:35

were drinking all day. Terrible. And they're like

17:38

very rich men. Yep. And I go

17:40

out, it was the kind of show where they're like,

17:42

Lara Bites opened and she said that she was sober

17:44

and someone screamed quitter. It was that kind of show.

17:46

So I go up, I'm in total fight flight. That

17:49

is a really ridiculous thing. I

17:51

know, quitter! I was like,

17:53

yikes. Funny. I get it

17:55

on like a t-shirt. Yeah. We can choose

17:57

to not read it. Yeah. person

18:00

in recovery that she's a quitter. She didn't

18:02

do the, she didn't follow through. Okay. Exactly.

18:05

So after the show, I already told the

18:07

story, but I was being dirty and I

18:09

was being, I'm going to be in this

18:11

guy's defense who walked out, a guy walked

18:13

out. Sure. And was kind of like, spoiler.

18:15

He didn't say shame on you, but he

18:17

essentially was like shame on you. Yeah. Basically.

18:19

Yeah. I'm quitting. I'm

18:22

out of here. I'm a quitter. He

18:24

was black. He seemed blackout drunk

18:26

and he was like, shame on you.

18:28

And he left. In his defense,

18:30

I was being very dirty.

18:32

Not, not super dirty, but for me, dirt.

18:34

Finding the, yeah. I was, you

18:36

know what it was is like people were like kind

18:38

of heckling. Yeah. Right. Like, why would you say that?

18:41

You think someone's going to come over and suck your

18:43

dick or just leave me alone. I'm just trying to

18:45

do my job. Like, kind of like, pretty bad. Well,

18:48

yeah, but you're going to the level

18:50

where you will win, which is smart.

18:52

Exactly. Honestly,

18:55

like I would love to be cool and

18:57

be like, I get it, man. This isn't

18:59

an ideal situation, but I talked a lot

19:01

afterwards when you're in fight flight. Oh, yeah.

19:03

It's 100% reactive mind. Yeah.

19:06

So someone, what it was was I took a

19:08

sip of water and someone goes, how's that water?

19:10

Wow. That is a crazy, crazy thing. I

19:13

said, do you know how much courage it takes to come up here

19:15

and try and entertain you guys? What do you think is going to

19:17

happen? Someone's going to come over and suck your dick because you yelled

19:19

at, so then this guy walks out. That's okay.

19:22

I didn't like that he made a show of it. Yeah,

19:24

right. Never great. The next day, the guy

19:26

who booked me, he's like, hey, thanks so much.

19:29

It was great. He was so sweet. He

19:31

was like, everyone enjoyed it except this guy.

19:33

And he sent me a screen grab of

19:36

the email that that guy who walked out

19:38

sent him. And I, Garrett,

19:41

immediately I close it because I don't want

19:43

to read that. Yep. But then I go,

19:45

what if this is real? Yeah. What if

19:47

in the email it says, I'll be waiting

19:49

for him in the lobby? That's

19:52

where my mind goes. I'm like, what

19:54

if there's burden in this might be

19:56

battle plans? Yeah. Okay. So I Read

19:58

it and of course there wasn't. The

20:00

thing I needed the now and they're put their

20:02

with a whole lotta like. I.

20:04

Remember like this idiot made fun a god

20:06

you know why is I would have been

20:08

I was like. Is anyone here rich

20:10

and miserable? because they're already do They were

20:12

inclined to the top of the ladder and

20:14

go oh no. Jesus was right yeah I

20:16

got it. was of by or you could

20:18

say yes of course he. He didn't like

20:20

that he thought I was making fun of

20:23

God when really you are my making fun

20:25

of them as well I appear. yeah I

20:27

have boys. how long were you up there?

20:29

I. Tried to be like I do forty five because I

20:32

brought him opener and they were like you need to do

20:34

an hour and then they were like. Jim. Breuer

20:36

did about thirty than he told stories. Whitney

20:38

Cummings bailed on her said like be kept

20:40

telling me everyone who bailed with adjusted groundwork

20:42

and I was like but you won't let

20:44

me just do forty five like wouldn't that

20:47

be better? Yeah no due to the our

20:49

says is an hour was a very long

20:51

our yeah well you do. You do those

20:53

types of thing not a lot no I've

20:55

never seen out by. I mean I would

20:57

love to do them yeah as I hear

20:59

that shatters pretty sweet but not funny that

21:01

as I'm sitting on this I am like

21:03

thank you Ricky thank you for having well

21:05

it. Is that? But I think I've done

21:08

like I've my writing partner and I who

21:10

was also my sketch partner Evan Man or

21:12

back in the day we got booked to

21:14

do and I don't even know how the

21:16

hell this happened. But we got booked to

21:19

do a show in the Bahamas for this

21:21

company called Paychecks which is like a huge

21:23

paycheck com Pacino Guess you know the as

21:25

as you get through the world York by

21:27

others so the Harris is a magnates. Wow

21:30

Who knew that there is like a paycheck.

21:32

You. Know guess but I'm good. I reject and

21:34

say the guy that lives in my that lived

21:36

in my house before we bought it. He.

21:39

Was in the can set a business

21:42

lab and I said ray and said

21:44

any time you see confetti in a

21:46

movie, that's me in a movie. So

21:48

there's Paycheck moguls. There's confetti mogul. Double

21:50

confetti mogul Beats. A

21:55

said you do to did it allude to

21:57

do.is not a joke sorry to me. Weep.

22:00

That at my wedding. My. God.

22:04

Ah so Paycheck moguls I game a

22:06

little obsessed with. I am a little

22:08

obsessed with the idea of the confetti

22:10

mans I know obviously well I'm saying

22:12

it without saying is like a famous

22:14

comedian is living in the i'm not

22:16

saying I'm know like and Jo Koy.

22:19

Have. Died on a

22:21

way through show and of yeah I do the Irvine

22:23

Improv in there like joke what was his here he

22:26

so that twenty eight so line and I'm like I

22:28

struggled to sell was like I told the guy yeah

22:30

fuck make i well I I so we'd so we

22:32

go there we do this show and they like they

22:34

want us there for like three days and they want

22:36

us like. It. Is very

22:39

much a corporate events So we were

22:41

having fun of the Bahamas we were.

22:43

It's what's called the sandals yeah it's

22:45

like a sandals but it's like oh

22:47

thongs songs that is a brilliant and

22:49

we're advise british sandals where he has

22:51

a lot moles and ah add so

22:53

we were there like doing some some

22:55

stuff all week but then it came

22:57

time for the shell response has the

22:59

company talent show now we like our

23:01

hours and people yes know you were

23:03

and so and and I seek it

23:05

was like that the people were going

23:07

to do stand up. So was like a

23:09

company said of show, so we were like, "I

23:11

had not done stand up at this point, I

23:13

was pilates mid to late twenties and. We.

23:15

Were like. We. Just needed certain beds

23:18

and we had some sketch bits that would

23:20

work of these but it was for thousand

23:22

people and when we got there you know

23:24

it was a real fucking events. And.

23:27

The woman was like we we were gonna

23:29

book the be fifty twos and then we

23:31

went with you and we were both like

23:33

What? Like that

23:35

is a couple whose. Why? Would

23:38

those the two finalists? Through and

23:40

we were both like the be as he just

23:42

as the show is approaching we we're dreading it.

23:44

Oh we knew it was gonna suck. We were

23:46

working on our bits that day. And.

23:49

and we were both going this is did it

23:51

is it was great to have another person in

23:53

it where are you can say is it worth

23:55

having the other breezes gotta be rather it's a

23:57

good how to be bet it's better because we

23:59

were like I'll hold you yeah

24:01

this nightmare right and it was

24:03

a nightmare yeah, and and

24:06

so they told us they had to be funny B-52s

24:08

all right well yeah I

24:10

mean you know I mean I was like

24:12

that's good first of all I was like they're definitely this

24:14

was a budgetary decision Without

24:16

question Oh taking you over the

24:19

two yes absolutely us over the yeah, yeah

24:22

And and so and so we start we

24:24

had the opening joke we had was something

24:26

we'd done on stage before where he

24:30

just slapped me a ridiculous amount of time in

24:32

the face in the face and It's

24:36

one of those ones that starts off a little funny

24:39

And then by probably the eighth slap is

24:41

kind of not funny, but by slap 15

24:43

is funny Yeah, and I would kind of

24:45

call it like I would go enough, but

24:48

it was like so we were like that's a winner so

24:51

we we decided we'd do a couple

24:53

little company jokes and then

24:55

we'd get into the slap one and And

24:57

by slap eight it wasn't funny, but

24:59

normally it was funny by slap 13

25:03

It was not funny as expected, but then

25:05

by like slap 18. It wasn't getting funny

25:08

It was like getting worse every slap

25:11

and so my face is starting to hurt But

25:13

I'm also like at some point this has to

25:15

start like part of the pun hitting like some

25:17

point some people will cave And be like there

25:19

is comedy in here Even if

25:21

they're like it's horrifying, but it's also wow this

25:24

guy is break It's like the this guy's like

25:26

David Blaine face like how is he doing it?

25:29

He's got blade face, and I mean

25:31

I'm not kidding. We probably went to like

25:33

slap 25 before I was like this We're

25:35

not winning here, and I called it I

25:37

was like enough and but wait

25:39

did you have a safe word like no joke

25:42

do you have like a real well? I the

25:44

point the thing was that at some point during

25:46

the slapping I go on I stopped it So

25:49

I it was in my control to at some

25:51

point be like enough He's just gonna keep teeing

25:53

off on me until I call it

25:56

and there's sweet There Was like we

25:58

would slow him down a little. So

26:00

it he will really saw on it. And.

26:03

I mean I when I hit is one of your

26:05

try to talk or something or you like While I

26:07

just think these find people that. Deserve

26:09

a really good so what? I what are you? I

26:11

think it was that I don't remember but I think

26:13

it was just that I think I told them to

26:15

slap me in the face. I

26:17

think that was what it. While I was

26:20

like slap me and affect me to get

26:22

I'm not saying we were for Mr. Cheryl

26:24

I as I I think this is hilarious.

26:26

So we get the like twenty five that

26:28

twenty five love and and nobody. It's somehow

26:31

the silence is the only thing getting louder.

26:33

And. And so it is bad and

26:35

we stop or whatever and then you know,

26:37

bring up the first person to do stand

26:40

up and we were offstage. We're like holy

26:42

shit and we knew we had. Five

26:44

has a on the seven segments. yeah

26:47

of this I get out some this.

26:49

I've hosted A Word shows where they're

26:51

like indices stand up every three people

26:53

and yeah, you just don't understand. Still

26:55

said it's it was what as you

26:57

if you're doing six sets. Xix.

27:00

Bit yeah yeah, but like going up. Oh

27:02

yes, yes. So when I did that I

27:04

was a you need six openers. Yeah.

27:06

Like rabbits. The weirdest thing to like

27:08

were Geo at the beginning. Complete bullet

27:10

and they're laughing. So Zola, you can

27:12

come back and it's like up It's

27:15

a wonderful boy asks know how to

27:17

hurt us is not a savvy enough

27:19

crowd. Environments so you

27:21

can go up and be like. Someone

27:24

yells out of my is a. High

27:28

services as I said little are after

27:30

that. Shows like one of the weird

27:32

things about comedy as if you get

27:34

good at at you're rewarded by doing

27:36

it places it doesn't belong. That.

27:38

Is set say poignant point be there's enough

27:40

where it really is true there are. You

27:42

know I think that a lot of times

27:44

when you see like you know I mean

27:46

have gone on the road and I'm like

27:48

open for people who are doing like stadiums

27:50

and you're like this is tough. And.

27:53

a medium it's specials when you see him

27:55

go and madison square and well it's different

27:57

is entirely the either know fit that they

27:59

idea of like You know like when you

28:01

go to a sound loaded. I wouldn't know I just

28:03

mean I haven't done a status piece. I

28:05

quit Yeah,

28:08

no, I you know like I love you like

28:11

low ceilings you like the think about it Oh,

28:13

yeah, exactly in line with what I'm saying is

28:15

like you're the bet one of the best standups

28:17

in the world now I do it weird. Oh,

28:20

sorry. I'm sorry. I misunderstood how that I do

28:22

love you Don't

28:26

do this no But

28:30

doing it let's do it in an airplane

28:32

hangar. Yeah, I Think

28:34

about I started watching that Steve Martin documentary and like,

28:37

you know, he gets so huge He's doing the Hollywood

28:39

Bowl and I'm stuff and I'm like, no

28:41

wonder you fucking hated it. Yeah, no

28:43

wonder you hated it Yeah, what a

28:46

perfect venue. Yeah, I I

28:48

think that it really is like you You

28:50

know, that's why there are those clubs you go to

28:53

those clubs and you're like, yeah, this is like everyone

28:55

agrees This is a top five club in the country

28:57

lunch line Comedy works. Yeah,

28:59

I can Madison. Yeah, just what

29:01

are all three of those are

29:04

if they existed in nature They'd be cave. Yes.

29:06

Yeah, and then they're like, what if we did

29:08

it in a field? Yeah, why

29:10

because the one ring has you?

29:12

Yeah, it's a Sauron grabbed you

29:14

and yeah Subtitles

29:18

on you could sell out

29:20

the bowl don't slap. Yeah

29:23

Yeah, yeah, like yeah, I Feel

29:26

very passionately about this. I understand making

29:29

money money plays and maybe you just want the

29:31

most amount of people to be able to see

29:33

you Someone

29:36

what's that I have those shoes. I'm really

29:38

yeah Should we hold should

29:40

we do a stop and you can go doing? Oh,

29:42

I mean is that I know you

29:44

man Well, you could be very identical. I'm wearing

29:46

my sleeping sleepy bags. Good Lord. Well, thank

29:49

you for doing this Look at my big

29:51

jump. I discovered this was my fetish. I

29:54

Love an ankle rub. Yeah. Yeah, these are funny you

29:56

they're not they don't have great ankle support. So don't

29:59

go on a hike in them Well, you know, yeah,

30:01

I would I don't need to hear that disclaimer. I

30:03

wouldn't um, I'm not trying to be rude slap me

30:06

But that's that is why to your point like when

30:08

a man walks out in an environment

30:10

that is not teed up for it

30:12

Then yeah, it's obvious But the email

30:15

is again a thing where I think

30:17

people think that because you do this sort of

30:19

stuff you maybe are Made of

30:22

stone and to some extent you really can take

30:24

a lot of shit Yeah, but there are still

30:26

the ones that sneak through the comments We talked

30:28

about it. I'm we're here to help this guy.

30:30

I did a

30:32

joke years ago and this

30:34

guy commented that I was like a

30:36

fat Aaron Paul and It

30:40

it was so right That

30:42

it hurts so much and then

30:44

I mentioned it. I'm we're here to help and

30:47

now that's almost Rebirthed

30:49

to a point where I've like had to

30:51

purge myself of any emotion when it comes

30:53

to it because Now people

30:55

at my shows will show up with shirts that

30:57

say fat Aaron Paul and I'm like, okay, we're

30:59

back and And it's just

31:01

like yeah It's like a flippin man said

31:03

and I rent I this

31:05

was back in the day when I would read

31:08

comments Yeah, and I saw it and

31:10

I just I was like ah Yeah

31:14

Fat Aaron Paul though Little an

31:16

Aaron Paul what that's still an Aaron Paul in

31:18

the family. Aaron Paul. Yeah, it's like a clumps

31:20

I'm like the one where you're like, hey, he's

31:22

not the best-looking brother There's Aaron, but hey, he's

31:24

at the table Yeah,

31:29

but isn't it a gift I mean lesbian

31:31

Val Kilmer is my go Is

31:34

my go-to even at that

31:37

corporate show where I'm you know Struggling,

31:39

uh-huh, and I said I

31:42

look like lesbian Val Kilmer winner they go

31:44

not I got another one so fat Aaron

31:46

Paul is a gift. All right ready for

31:48

this one. I'm from Milwaukee Yeah, yeah weird-looking

31:51

Jeffrey Dahmer Weird-looking

31:53

Jeffrey Dahmer as opposed to the dreamy

31:55

Jeffrey as opposed to yeah the regular

31:57

Dahmer who is fucking insane was eating

32:00

I guess I don't know enough about

32:02

Jeffrey Dahmer. I don't I would have

32:04

said Ed Norton I've gotten like bargain

32:07

at Norton before like what was it

32:09

bargain bin at Norton? Yeah, like a

32:11

discounted Ed Norton. There's like there's always

32:13

in the microwave. Yeah, I don't need

32:16

that Melty Ed Norton. Yeah, I Don't

32:20

need you to be adding your own spice Melty

32:22

Ed Norton men Rose Ed Norton. Yeah Unfuckable

32:25

Ed Norton Unsuccessful

32:29

Ed Norton. Yeah, these

32:31

are gifts. You know you tell that story in your

32:34

album. What is it? Alarm

32:36

ago of a lime a guaff. Yeah, I'm

32:38

a guaff. Yeah, I'm a guaff that

32:40

really wrote your nickname How old are you

32:42

at that time? It started when

32:45

I was probably like 13 or 14 I

32:48

was one of the first times I got high and And

32:51

yeah, it was like a don't tap on the glass. We

32:54

were stoned. We were in front of a little store smoking

32:57

weed and I was laughing hysterically

32:59

and I kind of tapped this closed

33:01

store window and This

33:03

one guy goes don't Gareth you llama

33:05

guaff and I go don't call me

33:08

a lime a guaff and everyone's just laughing And I

33:10

really for years thought I just

33:12

had amazing timing. I was like I just

33:14

timed how I said I'm just funny. You

33:17

know Yeah,

33:19

yeah, that's I should go to parties when I

33:22

go to England and like You

33:24

know my friends would be like llama guaff and I'd

33:26

be like I went back, baby But still I was

33:28

like man I nailed that joke and

33:30

then it was like but I always was like in the

33:32

back of my mind I was like I just I

33:35

really added nothing to I just said don't call

33:37

me the thing he called me Yeah, and then

33:39

at the party this one guy was like oh

33:42

Llama guaff and I was like and he was there

33:44

that night so I go why did

33:46

that stick do you think yeah? And he was like

33:48

cuz you hit the window and Richard said don't Gareth

33:50

the alarm will go off And you

33:52

said don't call me a llama guaff and I

33:54

went that's an interesting bit of insight into this

33:57

moment Isn't it that makes a

33:59

lot more sense? So right. My

34:02

Magwop's not a term. Okay.

34:06

Okay. Okay. That is

34:08

interesting. Everyone who listens

34:10

to the show knows, I'm going to say, at that

34:12

same age, they called me Pet F. No,

34:15

no, they called me Biter Chef. They tried

34:17

to shave the word Pete in the back of

34:19

my head. Sure. And she, I've

34:22

told this before, but Jasmine, Justine,

34:24

my hairdresser. Also my mom's

34:27

hairdresser. Wow. I was like,

34:29

can you write Pete in the back of my head because

34:31

like vanilla ice and all this stuff. And she's like, I'm

34:33

done. I'm done. I nailed it.

34:35

Like she had never done anything like that before in her

34:37

life. Then she turns me around

34:39

and I'm like, I think you forgot the second

34:41

E. Like she just wrote, Pet. That's

34:46

amazing. It centered. It was

34:49

perfect. If I said right,

34:51

pet. Oh boy. Pet is the

34:53

word. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. No, it's not.

34:55

Yeah, they made me do this in an

34:57

orgy. No, you would end up on like

34:59

a right wing Facebook. Like, see? This

35:02

is why you can't do drag time story

35:04

time. Look at him. Look at

35:06

pet. This is the

35:08

guy we have entertaining our children. Pet. Pet

35:13

Holmes. Pet Holmes. So I

35:15

asked her to squeeze in the second E, obviously.

35:18

We had a real moment of parry. Which is what you go with. She

35:20

just hung with the off-center. She did a little carrot with the

35:22

E. Oh, I'll draw it. I'm excited.

35:26

Yeah, that is. This is my head. We have

35:28

to have the... Boy, if ever there's a time

35:30

to really... That's like when a surgeon's like, the right

35:32

arm, right? Like, just do the last... Yes!

35:36

Let's be extra safe. Wow,

35:39

it really is. So this is pet. That's

35:42

what she revealed. I was like, we did it. And

35:45

then I was like, that's not it. Oh, don't worry. Don't worry. And I swear

35:47

to God this is what she did. Oh

35:54

my God! So she didn't...

35:56

She couldn't get the definition to have

35:58

the bottom. Look like it had pet

36:01

our. And you know

36:03

what? As I'm saying this I'm realizing how

36:05

right they were to com a bad ass.

36:07

I mean I literally had a label, I

36:10

really taken over it, I shaved my head,

36:12

says yeah. But also let's be honest, the

36:14

Jasmine was a jasmine to seem to stay

36:16

in. I it really is. and look it's

36:18

pressure. That's a pressure moment. This is a

36:21

very specific requests but there's you get one.

36:23

Take it. This is like this is the

36:25

big explosion onset. That is right, let's just

36:27

rights. Yeah, that's me. Sorrow? Yeah, let's double.

36:30

Check and see, sort of. You.

36:32

Know. I knew it. Yeah, it's not

36:34

too late to bring it back. I'd say do

36:36

it Yeah I peed in the bag my be

36:38

fun. Read the know our

36:40

eyes has never been hotter yes but they

36:42

also call me biter chefs everybody knows as

36:44

because when we learned the shaft of the

36:47

piano yeah and then they call me butter

36:49

chef. So anyway up lima glass thank you

36:51

know as a manager asking the right so

36:53

I'm about as continue. Live.

36:55

Of us here said Aaron Paul the

36:58

book lima gloves here. And

37:03

we're so excited us of our our

37:05

you have I have the line of

37:07

Love where you to go Where you

37:09

go Books that era Paul live a

37:11

glove Join me. Out

37:14

a successful fab. Reserve that Aaron Paul line

37:16

of last five years of worse app is

37:18

also.sap I know I can we are You

37:20

felt I could see that to back to

37:23

that porn and the would you know pete

37:25

lead this is the only so long ago

37:27

awful do and there's a reason. I

37:31

respect as. I also

37:33

not that I cite your album is

37:35

incredible. It's all a England. We'd England

37:37

weed and the rest England weed in

37:39

the rest. Yeah. Thank. You and

37:41

I said there's a lot, but well. To.

37:43

Be fair, a lot of times I'll put on

37:46

some of these stuff. To. To

37:48

get a taste the up. And I

37:50

was no thing as I write. and I

37:52

loved Alex. I'm at every moment you're really

37:54

really talented of P Smiley and the mom.

37:57

well thank a great at the crowd

37:59

it's yeah There's a change up. Yeah, not

38:01

easy to do with the crowding. No,

38:03

it's no that means a lot truly

38:05

and I won't I won't You know, I'm

38:07

not gonna throw us into a 69 while you're biting

38:10

the shaft But it means a

38:12

lot because truly you are just tell me when

38:14

your lima going off That's

38:22

good too because I have

38:25

loved your work for so Murray

38:30

I Really

38:33

appreciate it but to stay on

38:35

you better that's better. It's better.

38:37

It's better I

38:42

Don't want to go beat by beat but there

38:44

are some topics that you cover in the record

38:46

that are worth circling back also Available

38:49

on YouTube. Oh, is it a visual?

38:51

Yeah. Oh, I didn't know yeah. Oh wonderful. Yeah, so you

38:53

can go in Wish

38:55

I had The

38:57

the you shared bath water. Yeah,

38:59

really? Yeah, what are they doing?

39:01

Is this like to was

39:04

England? So it's not depression era like what

39:06

in my tell the people okay, so so

39:08

essentially, you know, I the lead-in

39:10

is something along the lines of You

39:13

know when you grow up thinking something's normal and

39:16

then you get older and you go boy That

39:18

is not like a universal thing that is specific

39:21

to my family There was as I

39:23

kind of opened it up when I went on tour

39:25

to ask people about things There was this guy revealed

39:27

that his family invented a

39:29

birthday chicken, which he thought was

39:32

normal When

39:35

you said birthday chicken on the record, I

39:38

just started dying laughing Absurd

39:41

especially when a comedian who does crowd

39:43

work is telling you a story about

39:45

previous crowd work You just know it's

39:47

gonna be fantastic and this guy was

39:49

raised to believe that he got gifts

39:51

from his friends and family and one

39:53

gift What do you say from

39:56

a magical foul? Yeah from some mythical magical

39:58

foul called the birthday chicken And so, and

40:01

his family like, and so yes, to your point,

40:03

there was a show where I'm like, does anyone

40:05

have anything like that? And this guy, as I

40:07

say on the, it's true, he just goes, I

40:10

got one birthday chicken. And everyone was like, what?

40:13

What does that mean? And he was like, when he was a kid, he had

40:16

a birthday chicken. And so he grew up, his whole,

40:18

even when he knew it was fake, like

40:20

when his parents were like, there's no Santa and all this

40:23

stuff, there's no birthday chicken. They still

40:25

did a birthday chicken gift. Like you get a stocking

40:27

on Chris, you know what I mean? Like it continued.

40:29

He was like, he was like, you keep doing the

40:31

birthday chicken thing. We all, the cat's out of the

40:33

bag. It's not real, but we still do the thing

40:36

we're all doing. And he goes to college and

40:38

one of his roommates, he gives his roommate a

40:40

gift regular, and then he gives him one from

40:43

the birthday chicken. And then he

40:45

explains that it's from the birthday chicken and everyone's like, what

40:47

are you talking about? And he's like the birthday, and that

40:49

was when he had that moment. No one told him.

40:51

No one told him. He made it all the way there.

40:55

So we're going to get to your tub

40:57

one, but as I'm listening to this, one

40:59

of the joyful things just about your act

41:01

in general is like these

41:04

topics you want to participate. Like

41:06

it made me realize when I was in college,

41:08

I went from high school to college. So

41:11

I'm 18 years old and I'm

41:13

packing for college. And

41:15

my grandma had made me

41:18

a pillow the size of a couch

41:20

cushion, like an enormous pillow covered

41:23

in white fur with

41:26

a tail, two

41:28

little button eyes and a

41:30

bow, like a Hello Kitty bow. It

41:32

was a white cat. We called it the cat pillow, like

41:35

the birthday chicken. And that's

41:37

fine. It was a great pillow when you

41:39

were reading in bed, you'd leave on the

41:41

cat pillow. But I'm

41:43

packing for college. Look

41:46

I look back and go, why did they let me get married when I

41:48

was 22? Why didn't they pull me

41:50

aside? But more so, why didn't someone say

41:52

don't take the cat pillow to college? Because

41:54

I unpacked it and it was

41:56

on my bed in college. That's

41:59

my birthday chicken. My roommate is still... Oh,

42:01

it's a crazy decision. It's an insane...

42:05

It's also colleges where you

42:07

go to maybe reinvent, where

42:10

you get another crack, you can shake the

42:12

etch-a-sketch, you're new. What's funny that you say

42:14

that. You're pet-ass. Whatever you wanna be, you

42:16

can be. What's really funny

42:18

is I remember, I

42:20

swear to you, I remember the

42:23

moment where I decided to

42:25

pack the cat pillow. So you did...

42:27

And it was a message

42:30

to my mother, like, I'm not gonna

42:33

change too much. I'm

42:35

Peter Pan. I will

42:37

always have the

42:39

cat pillow. I'm the same guy. And

42:42

then you get to college. And then, yeah.

42:44

It might be why you got married at 22. There

42:46

is a physical ripple effect. I think that

42:49

was the same style of decision. Yeah, right,

42:51

right. It was like, I'm still a good,

42:53

sweet boy, I got a cat pillow. Aw,

42:56

please. My pillow made an appearance at my

42:58

honeymoon. Oh, wow, that's a value. Do

43:01

it on the cat pillow. Favor

43:03

the eyes, yeah. Oh,

43:08

man. Moving the tail to the side.

43:10

That is so endearingly adorable. Yes, so

43:12

yours was. So mine was that, at

43:15

one point, I realized when I got older that

43:18

it was really strange that when I would go

43:20

to England, so my parents are both English immigrants

43:22

and I spent a lot of time in England.

43:25

All my extended family's there and I would always go

43:27

there for the holidays. So it would

43:29

be like Christmas vacation. It was

43:31

like the whole family came in. Go ahead, Pete,

43:34

over there, Pat up. Yeah,

43:37

I don't wanna interrupt, but we're not gonna forget

43:39

the story. Okay. We're not. Okay. I

43:42

want you, it's

43:44

weird that we left from

43:46

England, came here,

43:48

and then we

43:50

don't let English people come here. Like

43:54

they're immigrants. It's like, wait a minute.

43:56

This is, I know. Hold up, let

43:58

me see. You know, you. You

44:00

know sometimes when you wish like I had this after

44:02

I recorded my special There's a bit I didn't end

44:04

up putting in there that I still work on I'm

44:06

like thank God I did There's so much meat on

44:08

them. That is a great That

44:10

is a great joke that would have fit right

44:13

in there. Yeah It's

44:17

absurd it's like there's those

44:19

English people Red Carmen

44:21

them yes, no they had to fill

44:23

out paperwork. They were had a little

44:25

hassle. Where are you from? Jolly

44:31

old England never heard of them.

44:33

We're English That is a very

44:36

astute point and note and

44:38

one that yes, it is very true We should

44:40

have but they should be very easy

44:43

been grandfather going back to England that should be

44:45

hard You

44:47

can't go back. It's absurd that I can

44:49

go to England. Yes. Yes go back well

44:51

well well When

44:54

they're taking your picture anything you like to say

44:56

to the manic customs, maybe you've made a

44:58

mistake Hey, miss it. Are you miss it? Yeah,

45:06

that's that gonna work out yeah, right

45:08

all right Yeah,

45:11

as you democracy then all right Well,

45:15

you know we ever got rid of the Queen yet

45:18

you feel all right about that don't want to hurt

45:20

your feelings Yeah, all right.

45:22

Yeah He's

45:24

come back everyone the prodigal

45:27

son's returned All

45:29

right, mate. He missed our heavy one pound

45:31

call. He misses the coins and the cream

45:39

Straightness TV thinks he's the big boy now

45:41

come on in pet F Let's

45:44

see if those straight teeth can steal by the

45:46

cucumber sandwich. Yeah, you able to rip through a

45:48

shank You best

45:50

be able to boy you want a day gamble?

45:56

You put 10 quid and you've got no clue what's

45:58

happening and you still lose as that sounds Is

46:00

that what we've experienced? Come on then, get

46:02

in here. Look at him, tail

46:05

between his cat-pillar legs. Look at

46:07

that little boy back. Look,

46:10

I'm going to say it, I'm glad I interrupted. I'm

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All right, everybody, back to the show. I also

50:53

realized you got a little bale in you. Good

50:56

for you. Yeah. Is

50:59

it that important that we move the light now?

51:02

Remember the first time you saw

51:04

him talk? I didn't know he

51:06

was English until probably halfway through

51:08

his career. I don't want to be

51:10

disrespectful to our motherland. But

51:12

what a letdown. It was shocking.

51:15

When you're like Batman's an import. He's being Batman.

51:17

He's like, I don't know. We need to figure

51:19

it out. And then you hear him talk finally.

51:21

I love the comics. Well, look, I mean, obviously,

51:23

yeah, you know, you've got a more Batman. He's

51:26

a bit different than the other Batman. What

51:29

the fuck? What? Is there a clip of a

51:31

movie? There's no Batman in England. Look,

51:34

our cops have guns and then there's Batman who

51:36

doesn't have a gun. If your cops

51:38

don't have guns, your Batman has to have

51:40

less than no gun. Which means British Batman

51:42

has to have his arms tied behind his

51:44

back. He's just got Batman. He's like, I

51:46

don't hit. All right, of course. Give the

51:48

children sweets. That'll fool you, Joker. I don't

51:51

whistle. I don't blow a

51:53

whistle. It's my code. I

51:55

don't. I don't wish you had to be.

51:57

You have to be British. It's my code.

52:00

Because my parents were with Soddat British,

52:05

British Batman I'm fighting a

52:07

war on natural causes That's

52:09

what took mum and dad out Every

52:12

year I return to their grave This is a

52:14

unique story That's my

52:16

origin I was an orphan of regular

52:18

means You know, in

52:20

the mid-forties Yeah, mid-forties They died,

52:22

they fell, they didn't sleep Bit of a struggle

52:25

at the end for mum But you know, she

52:27

went Now

52:30

I'm out against Medicaid Or whatever they

52:33

have Yeah Whatever they have People

52:35

need to get blood tests every year To

52:38

silent killer The battle of wage That's my Joker

52:40

That's it And it's no joke And by the

52:42

way, there's no Joker over here He

52:45

goes to Saturday morning show He's well-loved

52:47

actually Yeah, bit of a clown

52:49

honestly Not bad Don't

52:52

hate him Look, there's some friction

52:55

I don't love being one-on-one with the guy But

52:58

yeah, crime-wise He's not doing much I mean,

53:00

he steals a lolly every now and then

53:02

The Joker just hosts a kid's show Good

53:04

morning He's pretty good, honestly

53:06

My kids love it, yeah What

53:09

can I say? I'm a fan From away British

53:13

people have a lot more, like, to be

53:16

honest Yeah, to be fair Full disclosure Yeah

53:18

Well-towed Frankly It's like nothing's really being said

53:20

They're just saying yes or no Yeah Like,

53:22

do you want this? Well, truth be told

53:24

Wouldn't mind a bit of a Wouldn't

53:27

mind a bit of a trophy, would I? Honestly,

53:29

toffee'd be all right I

53:34

droop That's

53:36

great I droop Aw, that's

53:38

great In America, you want a

53:40

toffee? Yeah! British

53:42

Well, truth be told You know, honey, stay at home,

53:45

mate Give me the whole bag Well,

53:47

toffee can swim in Frankly If you can spare it, I'd

53:49

have one, yeah? Don't want to put

53:51

you out That is a diabetic Englishman Yeah If

53:53

he doesn't get sugar, he's going to pass out

53:55

He's like, you know, wouldn't mind a toffee Honestly,

53:57

take it or leave it But if you The

54:00

around about several exposure I won't show. His.

54:03

Neighbor headed up this moment has enough

54:05

for everybody. I suppose I do it.

54:07

I know that is huge Avert this

54:09

man is diet soda kids have a

54:11

grab those been I opposed to grab

54:13

a joke. had to have you not.

54:15

As far as an American comes in

54:17

on a jazzy as it is a

54:19

member flat well as me doubt that

54:21

smooth as the item on I was

54:23

not integrate museum of Art equipment that

54:25

my frankly i'm gonna leave the river

54:27

provides to be quotas. That's it for

54:29

me. that was such a funny part.

54:31

where your grandma's kept the hair. From

54:33

the hair car with as someone elses

54:36

grow that's another guy's okay but when

54:38

you were doing the grandma dying and

54:40

they wanna know why she was keeping

54:42

my hair as you keep going I

54:45

don't doing your bit know but it

54:47

killed me. Easy are a number of

54:49

it's. Like

54:52

know as as leaving as a great

54:54

so funny you can be so funny

54:56

my buys I thought about that even

54:58

outside like the i just like leaving

55:00

a treasure map where there's no trash

55:02

like. You can you do have an

55:05

opportunity to leave by two hundred dollars?

55:07

joke? Yeah in a safety deposit box?

55:09

Yes, it's your only chance. It is

55:11

a great last laugh or like weird

55:13

final words, weird final word or like

55:15

the Irish guy who got buried and

55:17

he put like a voice box in

55:19

his coffin where he's gone like I'm

55:22

actually alright. Still gonna marry me and

55:24

the whole families around like oh god.

55:26

That. Is good. Know these didn't Leslie Nielsen

55:29

die? How did he not do that?

55:31

But I don't know. The classic gal?

55:33

Yes, let me out. Where

55:35

we didn't let the Zuckerberg produces funeral or

55:37

the Suckers as a yeah yeah he. I

55:39

mean that would be a classic yes. Are.

55:42

There was a guy I tried to do a bit about.

55:44

this. There. Was a guy who is so

55:46

phrase you know. The reason we had wakes was

55:48

to see if the person was really. Deb adds

55:50

that tracks we must be perfect that yes because

55:53

back then of god we don't know. I like

55:55

a muted pulse. Romeo and Juliet as is about

55:57

of a person who had a muted pulse. Oh.

56:00

Wow. Yeah, he's dead. Yeah,

56:02

no, it's a ladder use

56:04

to dead. Now you're really

56:06

dead. He's revived. Guys.

56:09

Got tired of like aggressively telling

56:11

you about Lake rookie of it.

56:13

Usually I scattered food Those he

56:15

says there's a. Subsidy

56:18

Dead by says Paul say to

56:20

themselves out doesn't I say why?

56:22

Except. Know that I

56:24

capulets agon Advice: smoked again.

56:28

And. Again,

56:31

would have Zero Zero. The merciless. Opposes

56:34

yeah there's no way was show forget

56:36

how were with the grammar her oh

56:38

yea I am leaving as a oh

56:40

the bet well as he got buried

56:42

with the phone. I always

56:44

use I get install a phone and if I

56:47

wake up in my coffin. I'll pick

56:49

up the phone and causes that's a good one

56:51

and then i all day and w i like

56:53

that the what the old and wh we had

56:55

the phone at the restaurant in a row attend

56:57

of you they oh he's the order by picking

56:59

up a phone at the booth yes can I

57:01

say. Love. That yes as

57:03

about isles I was like were doing business.

57:05

we need to our dogs. And

57:08

for God's sake gets a brew Beer floats over here.

57:10

We're tired. Yeah, it was like

57:12

the best. The brown cloud broken basic

57:14

as is else exists when it's allies

57:16

with a new May as well as

57:18

gets a module. He dies and you

57:20

got audited said why you're drawing Ah

57:22

silly Fbi that note silly that dismays

57:24

as a going to solve itself I

57:26

gotta go time. As crazy as my

57:28

busy time kids want to be busy

57:30

yes I swapped. I tried to do

57:33

a bit about this to where I

57:35

was like. When. You're like late

57:37

for a flight Like them as I'll be

57:39

leaving. Mouse involves I can users and I'm

57:41

like I got I can't I gotta go

57:43

I gotta I gotta go sit in the

57:46

sky I'm on a plane. yeah it leaves

57:48

Elite and I'm like your stress but like

57:50

doting mother. do you love and yes is

57:52

like I can Now I'm on the A

57:54

lab and you have notes for on the

57:56

Eleven and Francisco baby I was how rather

57:59

than we can't. How great is A

58:01

to when you have that to some

58:03

extent and then you're on a plane

58:05

and then it's pure nothing. Where

58:07

you're like they're they're I don't like flying.

58:10

And I try to do it less and

58:12

less. but like I'm I'm going Australian a

58:14

couple weeks and applies Brutal Yes, but you

58:16

are fully like. That's it. That's.

58:19

As. I'm. A man it piece.

58:21

To some extent I couldn't agree more.

58:23

I don't want cell service on the

58:25

plane that the higher the railing, the

58:27

why fi on their totally agree and

58:29

rep and through tax and like it's

58:31

actually nice when you land to our

58:33

view on some stuff. Ever been on

58:36

a six hour flight? turn off airplane

58:38

mode know text as actually gutting? It's

58:40

gutting. And. You're going like

58:42

sky is The. Was. A not

58:44

connecting day I promised my Buddhists how

58:46

about this I want I got to

58:48

be eso es oh my god I

58:50

was gonna hear the word satellite know

58:53

G has come on I left my

58:55

voted home was believe in phone alone

58:57

phone alone reverted I killed a man

58:59

with a paid staff for no reason

59:01

in his house you feel the what

59:03

a man with a paint can. Die.

59:06

Alone every brags. His

59:09

mortal oh yes the bricks there

59:11

was is throwing bricks services from

59:13

the top of a brownstone and

59:15

like your slap beds hitting the

59:17

curly Ryan styles type over and

59:19

over and over face of emerging

59:21

like there was a and there

59:23

was i forget who did it

59:25

ice at one point read an

59:28

actual doctor going through every one

59:30

of the. The The. Things he

59:32

did. Oh my God. and he was like

59:34

again. cranial fracture. We're talking about a man.

59:36

As you know throughout this is a man

59:38

who won't remember. his family is dead, Man

59:41

ran by now a falls through the ground.

59:44

And lands square on his back on of

59:46

hungry basement Yes and an and then he

59:48

spits out feather like. I'm

59:51

like it because this is skulls

59:53

fourth degree burns his bags at

59:56

Rub Rub Brush. I recall very

59:58

vividly being around that. The and

1:00:00

there was a kid jazz crosby running

1:00:02

at full speed and I just thought

1:00:05

it would be hilarious to trip them.

1:00:07

and I did. and chairs one flying

1:00:09

and of course he wounded himself. great

1:00:11

lakes skimming everything that ban ah and

1:00:14

then he cried and I felt. Horrible.

1:00:17

Yeah, and also like. Then.

1:00:19

What was all that about? And strange?

1:00:23

That's. Nuts with. I thought

1:00:25

I was Kevin Mchale area like jazz

1:00:27

in my mind he would threat he

1:00:29

would trip the up. Fall.

1:00:32

The Up then everyone would hoist me

1:00:34

on their shoulders and go Now have

1:00:36

Pad F fires up if I did

1:00:38

out. If we love you both both

1:00:40

name. I

1:00:42

was so confused and betrayed gas of in

1:00:44

a now we all learned while a lot

1:00:47

of us moved to Hollywood the learn that

1:00:49

it's a lot of fakery but you never

1:00:51

yeah you get the is. Like. The episode

1:00:53

of Family Guy was too eager to the tell

1:00:55

it of is set to do see Them Now

1:00:57

I regularly really like that would I say actually

1:00:59

meaning like it worked on me. emotional and right

1:01:02

that he visits. But. A sad the Teletubbies

1:01:04

and he sees them like smoking with their heads

1:01:06

off and of my Us yeah. Ah,

1:01:09

there is no birthday chicken is

1:01:11

there's there's no birthday chicken shit

1:01:13

and were batted. We're back to

1:01:16

brought bathtub with so okay so

1:01:18

that birthday chicken right? And then

1:01:20

my family. When. I would

1:01:22

go to England. They. Would.

1:01:25

Make us share bathwater and I'm

1:01:27

and read dead and. I'm.

1:01:30

And at one end and if I'm

1:01:32

not talking about like hey, they took

1:01:34

a bath, you guys go which is

1:01:36

gross but it was genuinely like. Six.

1:01:39

Seven people deep. And because my cousin and

1:01:41

I were the same age but young, too

1:01:43

young to know that this was crazy, by

1:01:45

the time we got to it it was

1:01:47

crazy. They would give us like they would

1:01:49

let us warm it up a little bit

1:01:51

like you'd get a repair. But.

1:01:53

Then. You'd. Be going in there.

1:01:55

and I mean I vividly remember of course

1:01:58

you do to like this trauma. Yeah, The

1:02:00

As I vividly remember that as an

1:02:02

article the absolute that ever other get

1:02:04

like a few blocks goal and being

1:02:06

like does which you know like grown.

1:02:08

Man hairs and honestly there were

1:02:10

times I think like. Women:

1:02:12

Would go and before his and they would like save their

1:02:14

legs and like. So you are dealing

1:02:16

with but identity I didn't know. Any

1:02:18

better. And. I use a pool

1:02:20

scammer before the substance of a water on

1:02:22

same what and the water was so so

1:02:25

be murky at that point that it did

1:02:27

look like a which is called her and

1:02:29

by then. And. And.

1:02:31

It was fucking horrible. But then.

1:02:34

I. Was telling my mother. Once I started

1:02:37

doing that joke on stage I was telling

1:02:39

my mother about it and see was oddly

1:02:41

defensive and then told me that what would

1:02:43

happen when see a me mama? there's nothing

1:02:45

like that eighteen twenty. She told me that

1:02:48

when she would go to her aunt's place.

1:02:50

There. Would be bathwater that would be like

1:02:53

two or three days old. And.

1:02:55

Then they would get into so seems like

1:02:57

you kids had it's great. That

1:02:59

was same day. And I was like what's

1:03:01

the flock those are You get a good like three.

1:03:04

It. Just makes no sense because. To

1:03:07

your flight water your points. It

1:03:09

was totally possible to refill. sure

1:03:12

he may be you a leave

1:03:14

an hour in between. But

1:03:16

this. Is not like you could

1:03:18

have definitely had refilled. Water and

1:03:21

where they just saving water. They

1:03:23

grew up very poor so I

1:03:25

think they're go to was always.

1:03:28

You. Know conserve which is we all should

1:03:30

be doing but to some. This.

1:03:33

A way to do at the Totem Feals

1:03:35

Old Timey which is the bucket method Yes,

1:03:37

get him the tab and are like using

1:03:39

one bucket of water. That's. What we

1:03:41

did in well but it and gundam it was and I

1:03:43

remember those years for you. If

1:03:46

of very much is like. It.

1:03:49

Is like it is like the English. It is. A

1:03:51

monarchy. The first two people get

1:03:53

the perfect bath. And

1:03:55

then the poppers. The rest of us. The

1:03:57

peasant A groundlings. yes, we are down there.

1:04:00

Dunking. As quickly as possible and not

1:04:02

putting our faces under because you come out

1:04:05

with like someone elses. but you know shadow.

1:04:08

Why? Did you say is what are the best lines of

1:04:10

the our. Where. You say? What?

1:04:13

Do you look through the window ledge

1:04:15

or later and ah I'm I think

1:04:17

it's like like that a group filled

1:04:19

orphan looking at a crowd is my

1:04:21

own of my own felt oh me

1:04:23

oh no they'll be as I don't

1:04:25

like Babs kids. it's your own finesse

1:04:27

and I'm there with addresses Rose Yeah

1:04:29

to see the asthma when I was

1:04:31

a kid your own filth was like

1:04:33

you know you'd be lucky if you've

1:04:35

yeah you'd look through a window at

1:04:37

like people eating at Christmas Ham and

1:04:39

you be us may have sales almighty

1:04:41

some dice may on sale. Yeah. Yeah

1:04:44

ah yes, day for. Bail

1:04:48

came back. Dot

1:04:50

for you know that at me

1:04:52

own self? Yeah, know they are

1:04:54

That Ira and I rub. Distinctly

1:04:57

remember. It. Taking years for

1:04:59

me? Maybe at in of the. The birthday

1:05:01

take a moment but I did some

1:05:03

point. Go here is that doesn't happen.

1:05:06

Yes I'm trying to the I know

1:05:08

my family had more. My.

1:05:10

Mind and I'm not trying to sit on them. was just

1:05:12

like. How quiet and and

1:05:14

said was but there are a guy

1:05:17

to normal again. I was watching that

1:05:19

Steve Martin documentary as I say watch

1:05:21

silence at our dinner table. Yeah was

1:05:23

like. Yeah. That was like a

1:05:25

let's get through this kind of quiet

1:05:28

was it was risky to toss it

1:05:30

again with for compassion but for people

1:05:32

that is really struggled via communicating since

1:05:34

those I go better to just be

1:05:36

like. As his be. Mrs.

1:05:38

Can we get through the things? that? that? I mean.

1:05:41

Like as I was, I had an older brother,

1:05:43

but I still very much was like a latchkey

1:05:45

kids are. yet there's tons of time alone with

1:05:48

my thoughts. Yeah, to use. That.

1:05:50

Muslims either. My brother revenue you know had

1:05:52

I was is going to relate and that

1:05:54

I sort of felt like an only child.

1:05:56

Yeah, my brother would confirm that he's like

1:05:58

we're close now is I am. The area

1:06:00

were going around. Yeah I feel like I

1:06:02

was an what's the age difference Only two

1:06:04

year Yes he my brother I were twelve

1:06:06

twelve twelve years So he was like. Easy

1:06:09

though, no real deal eyes and I was

1:06:11

like there cause lag hours and you know

1:06:13

like it so so that was part of

1:06:16

it. but yes I. Think it did it.

1:06:18

It made you. A kind

1:06:20

of was like torture is as a child in

1:06:22

a weird way but of make your your wheels

1:06:24

were always turning our minutes say I would look

1:06:26

we're going to. If you join me,

1:06:28

we're both gonna sell my gold. Forty's good. I'm

1:06:31

just like. I'm good.

1:06:34

For. Them. Yeah,

1:06:36

brave with. Get.

1:06:38

Tape recorders and make radio shows and I

1:06:40

would you stop motion with the family camcorder.

1:06:42

yep I'd I'd get a smoke bomb and

1:06:45

put it in my G I Joe is

1:06:47

it was like an event because I only

1:06:49

have one smoke both still and had film

1:06:51

as a new were odds that like we

1:06:53

got one day out exactly calibre, lack, Hits.

1:06:56

Your marks. From. The time

1:06:58

I know you guys are ne'er do wells but

1:07:00

this is alive by. oh yes it's a gonna

1:07:02

do and there's a lot. we have one take.

1:07:05

Okay, But

1:07:07

yeah you had no to win rights

1:07:09

and then I guess like now. I

1:07:11

definitely also. I wonder if you

1:07:14

did Lights I Devlin? make sure to

1:07:16

have boredom Tevez? Yes, yes. I think

1:07:18

it's one of the great. We.

1:07:20

Could be on with those motivational you tube channels

1:07:22

right now here because I think As and the

1:07:24

I can see the thumbnail already. The

1:07:27

life hack of boredom for it. So

1:07:29

know if I go on Tuesday I'm

1:07:31

going to turn my phone off and

1:07:33

not work on anything. That.

1:07:35

Is the glorious envelope thought back of

1:07:38

envelope writing now day? Because when you

1:07:40

tell your brain you don't have to

1:07:42

work, the unconscious gets to run free

1:07:45

us and like you think you're doing

1:07:47

nothing. But. Like how many times have

1:07:49

you been playing a video game or watching a movie

1:07:51

or going on a walk or something and you pause

1:07:53

it and you write down the sec. Yeah, and I'm

1:07:55

like. It's. Such a

1:07:58

pleasure. but we are! Yeah, To

1:08:00

be grinding it. Like. Rise and

1:08:02

Grind is as I I've always seen

1:08:04

Rise and Griner like lead. slow. Yeah

1:08:07

good. Like get him out, get in

1:08:09

a rhythm. be natural that makes sense

1:08:11

Like spine the space that exists in

1:08:13

the universe that you just com esse

1:08:16

seep into and naturally come out the

1:08:18

other as not. Rise and Grass rising

1:08:20

right is those ago that networks you

1:08:23

know down and there's like one dared

1:08:25

say i'm a black cat was some

1:08:27

guess who cooks that is like Eddie

1:08:30

like capital and you're doing rain. Yes

1:08:32

our all those were thank you know

1:08:34

but I think there is very much

1:08:36

that that idea like I have that

1:08:38

in the night a lot to me

1:08:40

to where I will my brain will

1:08:42

start to solve a puzzle where I'm

1:08:44

like not now but then you're also

1:08:46

likes Okay yeah and you will go.

1:08:48

That's a good idea you know or

1:08:50

even you do? You have some. Some.

1:08:53

Clarity and I think like those moments

1:08:55

are so even not rushing. Up

1:08:58

at. Like a bit and stand up

1:09:00

like there is like something to the idea

1:09:03

of I haven't done in the couple months.

1:09:05

Yeah, lemme see how my brain works on

1:09:07

it now. For men patients moving on from

1:09:09

a bit it's pretty good and then returning

1:09:12

and gun. oh now I know it better

1:09:14

or I leveraged realize this is it's like

1:09:16

that. the volume making it a volume business.

1:09:19

Yes like Taylor says, new record is really

1:09:21

great. When it came out so quickly I

1:09:23

was little concern as that we shouldn't be

1:09:25

turning the around so quickly. but she seems

1:09:28

to be like obviously. She's like a

1:09:30

phantom. Yeah, I'm here, but like for

1:09:32

me? Yeah. You

1:09:34

have an hour. In

1:09:36

only Me. But is it time to

1:09:38

record it? Totally. You know I

1:09:41

think I remember my manager at the time

1:09:43

asking me like how long see thought it

1:09:45

would take me for my next hour of

1:09:47

like you know for fi and I'm like

1:09:49

oh my god i I don't know yeah

1:09:51

i have sniffle couple of rice you know

1:09:53

goes back to like the stadium of this

1:09:55

This is a problem of success is when

1:09:57

people want that next thing that exists as

1:09:59

the. Yeah, fifteen years to make

1:10:01

your first album And yeah, near to make

1:10:03

your second. Yes, But like, I. Don't.

1:10:06

I'm. I'm a big like who's making these

1:10:08

rules That's like a big thing for me.

1:10:10

Yeah when when podcast go I well it's

1:10:13

been an hour. we should add them where

1:10:15

I made that. Rules are like why have

1:10:17

an hour I should filaments. Who. Like

1:10:19

who Got to you And don't you see

1:10:21

all the stories where it gets ruined? That's

1:10:24

what they mean when they're like. money and

1:10:26

power ruins everything. Because if you are. And.

1:10:28

To get it tailored suit is

1:10:31

doing great but she has to

1:10:33

be on guard that like three

1:10:35

hundred people work for at all

1:10:37

of them get big that turkey's

1:10:39

if she does a little razzle

1:10:42

dazzle. And he she's probably a

1:10:44

very I'm imagining. a lot of artists

1:10:46

that I admire are very boundary people

1:10:48

that are just like I know you'd

1:10:50

like me to just pump out the

1:10:52

Fucking Shamrock shake, but we're not selling

1:10:54

hot dogs here. Well. I think

1:10:56

that also and we are by the way

1:10:58

so to use promo codes we are you

1:11:00

of weird sign in or N W I

1:11:03

pick up your and have you found someone

1:11:05

code weird say we need more chili dogs

1:11:07

as maze and gonna finish itself ah you

1:11:09

know so much more thing says the more

1:11:11

these as they would it was radio as

1:11:13

I call this number and say hot ninety

1:11:15

three of the phrases pay the now it

1:11:18

is like prove goes grocery laid off associate

1:11:20

mood me with your website purchase. Manning

1:11:23

made me like I'm grateful for everybody

1:11:25

we have but when it's in the

1:11:27

copy that ago and it when there's

1:11:29

the online survey please say well I

1:11:31

view I always feel like William Our

1:11:34

and with up with an old bizarre

1:11:36

as far as it's it's raining on

1:11:38

me and would you tell them Well

1:11:40

he said just replace a five star

1:11:42

smashed the like button. Plays.

1:11:45

For. Not I got. Car

1:11:47

Drive by the odds of. A

1:11:51

lot of you can leave a

1:11:53

comment an early on I tunes

1:11:55

and running out. Of

1:11:57

self is why put a little i myself as a Brooklinen.

1:12:00

Bravo Gold Weird. And. Will he said.

1:12:03

He. Retired did you play as

1:12:05

helpful advice and off your

1:12:07

closing the door slag. Off.

1:12:13

Ah, I didn't. Have

1:12:16

The Sky Williams I. Thought

1:12:20

at thirty forward. Apple reconfigured our

1:12:23

doubts. That was. Oh

1:12:27

no, is that your first? some.

1:12:30

Assess as Isabel I'm home

1:12:33

and we had your. Eye

1:12:36

of the Love and for an

1:12:38

hour and nobody I really busy.

1:12:40

Oh I've precision but I do

1:12:42

think it is like that. those.

1:12:45

Those. That to your point it

1:12:47

is really weird when you are rushed

1:12:49

into you have to do this shit

1:12:51

as fast as possible us because well

1:12:54

that's the risk Yeah and and I

1:12:56

think you know with with England Weed

1:12:58

and the rest I had a different

1:13:00

idea of what I wanted to do

1:13:02

two different times during it's and so

1:13:05

some of the material was actually pretty

1:13:07

rushed and like. You. Know, even when

1:13:09

I was done with it was like yeah, that stuff like. Wasn't.

1:13:12

Where. It could have gotten. It's

1:13:15

weird because you stand up is never going to be

1:13:17

done even when you go. I'm. Gonna

1:13:19

do a joke that I haven't done a

1:13:21

while. You the oil the their I had

1:13:23

or there's a better line there. I had

1:13:25

where I films. I. Thought this

1:13:27

was like brilliant but I filmed my last

1:13:29

special and then I continued touring it for

1:13:32

like three four months as yeah while I

1:13:34

was reign as an old is using a

1:13:36

new stuff Grace. Is a great strategy?

1:13:38

Yes, but. Your. Do it like that.

1:13:40

That is the The problem is you're still

1:13:43

doing the old jokes and there was a

1:13:45

line where ago or. So. Ago.

1:13:48

Some. People believe God created the universe. I guess

1:13:50

some people believe nothing created the universe and I

1:13:52

go. I. Started going way to

1:13:54

opt out of the conversation which is made me

1:13:56

laugh at I was like that you like fag

1:13:58

a I came home and. What it was.

1:14:00

but it wasn't in the special. Yeah, Zach

1:14:02

Nine out. Tons and tons and tons of

1:14:05

little tweak. Yeah these micro seasonings that often

1:14:07

when I'm watching a special and is just

1:14:09

not hitting with me. And by the way

1:14:11

I did not feel that way about your

1:14:13

as a tool. Thank by when I'm watching

1:14:15

a special I'm just like oh it just

1:14:18

didn't They didn't bury the kimchi, you know

1:14:20

me and like a degenerate oil time. Yeah,

1:14:22

need to sleep. A I need to be

1:14:24

woken up out of at how many times

1:14:26

a day at a text myself? Probably thirty

1:14:28

times. That's an exaggeration, but. Like a lot.

1:14:31

I text myself constantly. Most the my

1:14:33

emails are to myself. yeah and the

1:14:35

subject is the same. It's that like

1:14:37

so I can find all the notes

1:14:39

and stuff and that's. I

1:14:41

mean with we've covered the topic before, but I'm

1:14:43

just really struck with how much of the creative

1:14:45

process is unconscious and how much we act have

1:14:47

to be. Humbled. To at and

1:14:49

the way to be humble Do it. Is

1:14:52

to give it the time. Down. At one?

1:14:54

Yes. And that's why the arrogance of

1:14:56

pushing through and being like it's done.

1:14:59

It's ready in a fast timeline and sometimes

1:15:01

it works. I mean some people can do

1:15:03

it. Sounds like I'm like you know, sub

1:15:05

tweeting certain people I'm not like. every now

1:15:07

I send people they put out new album

1:15:09

what hours and I'm like nearly far Taylor

1:15:11

Swift point I'm in. You know there is

1:15:13

like they're. It's also I think if you. You.

1:15:16

Know as you have that. Level of

1:15:18

success. You. Know you're not

1:15:21

grinding things out in front of strangers

1:15:23

enough. Yeah and there is a real

1:15:25

there there is a real ability to

1:15:27

say you know they are that minutes

1:15:29

of so great about stand up as

1:15:31

you like Yeah it's me like this

1:15:33

is their right, like whatever it is

1:15:35

and if you if every game is

1:15:37

a home game yeah you know it's

1:15:39

just a maybe not the advantage that

1:15:41

it seems like in the long term

1:15:43

of the material that's what in a

1:15:45

Seinfeld says that and comedian it's like

1:15:47

you get thirty seconds. Yeah right. Yup.

1:15:49

Went. When writers I'd recommend it really and

1:15:51

you watch him bomb And this guy have

1:15:54

but tier Steve Martin. Ah point early like

1:15:56

to see of R R Martin. Steve R

1:15:58

R Martin. The idea that he. A

1:16:00

rabid dragons now idea I

1:16:02

yeah it's is or your

1:16:04

head professional fantasy business ago

1:16:06

selling his ah the good

1:16:08

he. To walk

1:16:10

away from it when you're at

1:16:13

that level is subtle toner to

1:16:15

what the industry and the business

1:16:17

would push you into. Yes, you

1:16:19

know, to. It's crazy. Well that's

1:16:21

why is everyone listen to the shown of

1:16:23

noses? A big topic for me. Yeah, Steve

1:16:25

Martin. One he wakes and you're helping me

1:16:27

realize for the first time you walk in

1:16:29

with that are more He was. Rescinded

1:16:32

on the. Know

1:16:34

is that Know that he sort of

1:16:36

was a victim of. You.

1:16:38

Know I think he probably select the Plato

1:16:41

getting pushed through the starship. yeah and like

1:16:43

at a certain what's because I always go

1:16:45

like why didn't see change But I think

1:16:47

that's what's happening now is comedians have more

1:16:49

opportunities to shape their lives and make it

1:16:51

look a little bit more like what they

1:16:53

want said ninety Todd Barry doing rock than

1:16:55

yours You know, like that's that's an off

1:16:58

the past like what's I don't have to

1:17:00

add still doing this but there was a

1:17:02

time when he was like i don't wanna

1:17:04

do. This. Club where like it's

1:17:06

like a mailing list and they they

1:17:08

might not understand what he's doing or

1:17:10

whatever. So. I'm going to

1:17:12

go here and I can draw my own. Says

1:17:15

there's more control now and I I just saw

1:17:17

this opportunity. I.

1:17:19

Don't know. I still feel that when I was watching the

1:17:21

documentary I think he was. You were at the. Mcat,

1:17:24

why not get. But.

1:17:26

It's a martyr thing when I get five

1:17:28

friends and do like a of yeah, right

1:17:30

yeah, gather like you could have hosted and

1:17:32

nine yeah and he could have gone out

1:17:34

right. Friends Done in a smaller venue. Less

1:17:37

money suggests mcguire. Less money, fewer clients. Yeah,

1:17:39

those are perfidious. Yeah, nobody likes that, but

1:17:41

he could have done it. Well

1:17:43

yeah I did eating quit you can reshape

1:17:46

a yeah I think like you are you

1:17:48

know it is. It's so weird how it

1:17:50

as all geared now to like. You.

1:17:53

Know the secret sauce is so different than

1:17:55

what I ate at. Not to say that

1:17:57

I think any time you look back at

1:17:59

an air. You will go, yeah, there were people

1:18:02

who were maybe popular for reasons that

1:18:04

were not like pound for pound How

1:18:06

is the material? But now there is

1:18:08

such a cult of personality around stuff

1:18:10

that it just has changed completely and

1:18:12

it's like for me like when I

1:18:15

moved to LA like You

1:18:17

still were trying to get people to come to your

1:18:19

live shows like sketch shows and you'd have a list

1:18:21

of people And that was it and you

1:18:23

know, you were gutted when the people didn't show

1:18:25

up to now when it's like well How do

1:18:28

you what's your brand? How do you bring people

1:18:30

into your life? You know, I'm like the fuck

1:18:32

are you talking? Yeah, it's so vastly different that

1:18:36

It does feel like you have to kind of be in a

1:18:38

rush But I think if you're

1:18:40

you know trying to actually put out good

1:18:42

shit, which does matter you can't

1:18:44

rush that Yeah, yeah do it in that

1:18:46

in that kind of time constraint way you

1:18:48

did live sketch Oh, yeah, cuz

1:18:51

that doesn't really happen as much anymore. I remember no

1:18:53

yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah,

1:18:55

even then it felt a little Off

1:18:59

the path like well, I used to sing

1:19:01

stand I definitely found I didn't I didn't

1:19:03

start doing stand-up until you probably

1:19:05

like I mean not like it's a small

1:19:08

amount of time but like 13 or 14 years

1:19:10

ago probably headlining for like seven

1:19:12

years and I waited until I

1:19:14

was like 30 to really get into it because To

1:19:17

the point I was making before about having someone slap me and

1:19:20

there was like there was there was

1:19:22

a group There was another person to talk

1:19:24

to you. Yeah sketch or group improv. I

1:19:26

was like I felt a lot of

1:19:28

comfort in Celebrating the

1:19:30

wins with other people but also commiserating

1:19:32

the losses with others better and and

1:19:34

I really had that for so long

1:19:36

that when I Finally was

1:19:38

like damn it. I got to start doing stand-up cuz

1:19:41

you know nobody goes to see live improv It

1:19:44

was really hard. I really really struggled with

1:19:46

it's lonely the loneliness Yeah, you are really

1:19:49

bombing and especially when you when you start

1:19:51

and you are You

1:19:53

know, and I know you I think you I

1:19:56

clicked pretty quick when it came it

1:19:58

took me a minute to be able to from

1:20:00

the sketch stuff and

1:20:02

understanding how to write for myself and what

1:20:05

worked it took me a minute before I

1:20:07

stopped bombing and that time when I was

1:20:09

bombing was really tough I mean I was

1:20:11

really feeling it and like you

1:20:14

know so it really took a lot for me

1:20:16

to be like here in LA what was your

1:20:18

early stand-up like what wasn't working and what did

1:20:20

you figure out well I you know I really

1:20:22

I I moved to New York to work on

1:20:25

a show and you

1:20:28

know I and mancations no

1:20:30

actually writes before

1:20:33

mancations I think but good stuff obviously

1:20:35

we're taking he knows his stuff don't

1:20:37

think I'm overlooking that but

1:20:41

I had an MTV show oh

1:20:43

yes called philosophy yeah that's right

1:20:46

philosophy philosophy you're welcome that one yeah good

1:20:49

well nobody did and that's the problem but

1:20:51

what I was there it was just like

1:20:53

a you know panel show of like stupid

1:20:55

shit from the internet okay it was like

1:20:57

we pitched a show to MTV

1:21:01

and we pitched it to a person

1:21:03

who really liked us and she was like that

1:21:05

won't work but a version of this would work

1:21:07

and she kind of developed us in the direction

1:21:09

of a pickle so I went to New York

1:21:11

to shoot that for like half a year and

1:21:14

I'd become friends with a couple comics like

1:21:16

Kevin Barnett at the time and Chris DiStefano

1:21:18

and they were like we can get

1:21:21

you on shows so then I kind of felt

1:21:23

that level of you know comfort

1:21:25

to going the shows with someone which I

1:21:27

didn't have before yes and then it was

1:21:29

a life hack is a couple of allies

1:21:31

and that was what I had for the

1:21:33

first time and and as far as why

1:21:35

I was bombing I mean I think a

1:21:37

combination of I wasn't representing

1:21:39

my humor properly because

1:21:42

of nerves and then I think

1:21:44

I would just I didn't I wasn't talking about

1:21:46

myself I was definitely starting with

1:21:48

like more of the

1:21:51

attempted observational stuff and that combined

1:21:53

with nerves what I

1:21:55

was thinking of doing was always a shorter version

1:21:58

on stage and I didn't give it the breath

1:22:01

it needed or I didn't follow it the extra

1:22:03

beat or and so it wasn't

1:22:05

until I started talking about my father when

1:22:07

I started going okay this is easier because this is

1:22:09

true there's already a road map

1:22:11

for this bit I can make it

1:22:13

funnier but there's already kind of the

1:22:15

road map so to start off with

1:22:17

it was very difficult you know I don't

1:22:20

remember dad stuff on the no so

1:22:22

my album what is called Riddlewood

1:22:24

disease the first thing I put out and that

1:22:26

has a lot about my dad's accent because he

1:22:28

split his life between England and Wisconsin and he

1:22:31

sounds like a blood diamond traitor versus like

1:22:34

you know his accent is insane like it was

1:22:36

I mean he's got a booming voice and

1:22:39

he's he like kind of moves through vowels

1:22:41

quickly so like I would always say my

1:22:43

name Gareth he would say like and

1:22:46

that just became I was like well he's really like

1:22:48

mailing in on my name but he told you know

1:22:50

he's gonna a bit like this and we'll find the

1:22:52

blood diamond and we'll get you know and like so

1:22:54

we have to find the blood diamond we would meet

1:22:56

again and and so

1:22:58

his voice so so the second I start talking about

1:23:01

his voice in this bit the first but I really

1:23:03

did was about how when he would

1:23:05

leave me voicemails he would tell me the time in

1:23:07

Wisconsin and the time in LA and then

1:23:09

you know I take him on a you know magical

1:23:12

journey with being in space

1:23:14

and leaving me voicemails and that sort of stuff

1:23:16

but once I started doing that I was like

1:23:18

okay now I have the five to ten minute

1:23:20

buffer what was funny about you yes

1:23:23

if there is one piece of technology that has

1:23:26

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1:23:28

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1:23:30

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1:23:32

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1:23:34

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1:23:36

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1:23:47

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1:24:19

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1:24:21

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1:24:24

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1:24:26

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1:27:10

All right, everybody, bike on

1:27:12

the road. Are you

1:27:14

like me and that I just didn't? It's like

1:27:16

your bed. It's like the bathtub bed or the

1:27:18

cat pillow bed or the birthday chicken is like,

1:27:22

I feel like art is figuring

1:27:24

out what is ordinary to

1:27:26

me but it's really strange to everyone else.

1:27:29

Yeah, totally. And I think it was. The

1:27:32

second I started talking about things that

1:27:36

felt kind of unique, that seemed

1:27:38

normal, then you started to go,

1:27:40

okay, this is kind of how you start doing

1:27:43

well at shows to get that comfort. What was the

1:27:45

first bit that you had? And I'm only asking this

1:27:47

as an interest question not to put you on the

1:27:49

spot. That you were like, I think I've done it.

1:27:51

I've crossed over. Oh, the first. What

1:27:53

did you think I was asking? Well, I thought you were gonna ask

1:27:55

the first bit I tried to say. Oh, no, no. The first

1:27:57

bit I tried to say was about family feud and it was horrible.

1:28:00

Um, what was it? I

1:28:02

think he- I think he- Hahaha!

1:28:06

I think it was... The

1:28:08

moment- I don't even know, like it's kind of

1:28:10

funny, but I don't think- It's certainly not the

1:28:12

thing you want to just- Hahaha! It'd be like,

1:28:14

family feuds weird, right? Um, how

1:28:17

when someone gives a bad answer, and the family's

1:28:19

like, Good answer! Good- like when you're like, jeez,

1:28:21

Uncle Chad really shit the bed here, but

1:28:23

you're like, Come on! Show me bike wheel! Chad's

1:28:26

right! That could be something you, you know, You

1:28:28

brushed your teeth with! Come on

1:28:30

Chad, you know, good answer! Good answer! Um,

1:28:32

that was the first thing. I'll tell you,

1:28:34

what I did, Family Feud, they tell you

1:28:36

to do that, obviously. Oh, that's right! I

1:28:38

forgot you did Family Feud! I know, it's

1:28:40

so crazy. But they were like, no matter

1:28:42

what, say a good answer. Now,

1:28:45

will you confirm for me something that I believe to

1:28:47

be true about Family Feud? As I've watched through every

1:28:49

host. Oh, yeah, I've stuck around. They

1:28:52

do a separate shot of you

1:28:54

circling up to steal, right?

1:28:57

An insert, you mean? Yes. Like, they have you

1:28:59

redo it? Well, they say to you

1:29:01

like, alright, we're gonna redo- that is- or

1:29:03

you do it live in the moment. It's

1:29:05

live in the moment. Wow, that's shocking. I

1:29:08

always thought that was a pickup. It's not a

1:29:10

pickup. Wow. Oh no, Steve

1:29:12

Harvey's not sticking around for pickup. Steve

1:29:16

Harvey was like, by the why

1:29:18

and goodbye was in his car. Which

1:29:21

is, I mean, respect. Of course.

1:29:24

The guy's cranking him out. Cranking. And

1:29:26

that was the end of a very long day and

1:29:28

Steve Harvey was a pro. I was gonna say they

1:29:30

probably do five a day or something. It wasn't- I

1:29:32

could tell it wasn't fun anymore. Look,

1:29:35

I never did anything like that, but the times

1:29:37

that I get like, it's not cute anymore. Like,

1:29:39

even when I did After Midnight yesterday, you know,

1:29:41

you get a sense. Like, is Taylor tired? Or

1:29:45

is it like- Yeah. Because when

1:29:47

I did the first time, it was very new. Yeah. And now

1:29:49

I'm like, oh, you've done 50 episodes. So they're

1:29:51

doing- so people are coming back for their second appearance

1:29:53

already. Exactly. Yeah. And some of us are

1:29:55

not going- that's interesting. I didn't know they were doing repeats. Have

1:30:00

you done it? No, no, no,

1:30:02

but it's great that they're you know that

1:30:04

there's this there's a very clear stable of

1:30:11

You know what I could do I could show up in my Pete

1:30:13

disguise I Beat

1:30:15

you up like you like you do when you beat

1:30:18

up the janitor and where they are great at it.

1:30:20

No baloney I'll tell

1:30:22

oh well, that'd be great. But no, I but I think yeah I

1:30:32

Was like it's Gareth Reynolds We're

1:30:36

gonna do I do slap stuff slapstick that's

1:30:38

what we she's a big slap Slapstick

1:30:42

slapstick. Yeah, very good

1:30:44

our opener slapstick Okay,

1:30:47

so what we're saying Oh family feud so Luke

1:30:49

can I tell you my one family feud thing

1:30:51

sure if I could redo it Yeah, listen to

1:30:54

the most ordinary person because Val

1:30:56

and I are the question that we lost

1:30:59

When I say ordinary, I mean the most in

1:31:01

touch. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, not show business jerk

1:31:03

Yeah, cuz they were like

1:31:05

the question was yes. Yeah, right

1:31:07

exactly. I'm like a Tesla charging

1:31:10

station Show

1:31:12

me first-class disposable slippers

1:31:19

Swag bag swag bag cheese

1:31:21

plate her dessert Show

1:31:25

me some oh, yeah Wine

1:31:28

chiller Dedicated

1:31:30

wine fridge hiking

1:31:33

human or a walk-in humid or

1:31:42

The most out of that is Fucking

1:31:44

oh god, that's ready for TV. They've

1:31:46

the wealthy's Well,

1:31:49

they thought family view. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

1:31:51

that was a butler without attitude Uber

1:31:55

helicopters Malibu

1:31:59

mudslides Weekly

1:32:02

haircut so it never looks like you just

1:32:04

got a haircut? Thai

1:32:07

food for lunch in the writer's room. Everybody

1:32:11

hates that. Your assistant's bonus! Oh, come

1:32:13

on! Who are you interviewing? Yeah,

1:32:16

okay, go ahead. What was it? Well, they

1:32:19

said, what is something women will do in a group?

1:32:29

But not alone

1:32:32

or something like that. And I think

1:32:35

my mother-in-law, who again, I'm saying this in

1:32:37

a good way, is the most in touch

1:32:39

with reality. She was always right. And

1:32:41

I was going for the most

1:32:44

logical, the most like, gotta be

1:32:46

this. I think I said, oh,

1:32:49

actually this kind of goes against our

1:32:51

riffs, because I said dance. Like

1:32:54

go out dancing. And

1:32:56

the answer was a spa day. So

1:32:59

it was kind of a fancy, but my mother-in-law was

1:33:01

saying spa day, like get your

1:33:03

nails done spa day sort of thing. Was that ever?

1:33:05

I thought that was too fancy. Was that ever in

1:33:07

the thing where everyone, because that's another thing I love

1:33:09

is when everyone's pitching up. Oh, that's

1:33:12

what it was. So she was picking up a

1:33:14

few of those. That's awkward. She was going spa

1:33:16

day. And you're going, I think that's dance. I

1:33:19

played it wrong. I was answering what

1:33:21

I would have answered if I were a

1:33:23

woman. But I'm not. And

1:33:26

I don't know what I'm talking about. And we

1:33:28

had a middle-aged

1:33:31

woman. Yeah. No,

1:33:33

that's the perfect like. And that's who they're

1:33:35

serving. That's what I do. Hold on. Pete

1:33:37

got this. Shut up. Shut

1:33:40

the fuck up. Uber helicopter. Eagle

1:33:42

egg omelet, Steve. Something you won't

1:33:44

do alone, but you'll do in

1:33:46

a group. I don't know. Release

1:33:49

one of your servants and hunt

1:33:51

them? Cold plunging. A

1:33:54

dedicated cold plunge. That's plugged

1:33:57

in year round at 30.

1:34:00

39 degrees, Steve! Hunting

1:34:02

your servants! Hunting your

1:34:04

servants is the deadliest game! Polishing

1:34:07

a crossbow! Show

1:34:10

me forgetting your butler's birthday!

1:34:13

Fox sheets! Good

1:34:16

God! Who did you talk to?

1:34:21

I don't know, being a poor! This

1:34:24

is ridiculous. Pete's given up. Pete's

1:34:27

done, I feel. Is there monocle falling

1:34:29

into your teacup? Oh God!

1:34:32

Monogram pajamas! A

1:34:34

cane you don't need! Decorative cane!

1:34:39

Slippers waiting for you on the floor

1:34:41

by your bed but you didn't put

1:34:43

them there? The

1:34:46

newspaper waiting in front of your door! This

1:34:48

is our first ever word count. It has

1:34:50

to be under five. Let me

1:34:53

look at the board! It's

1:34:55

not that big, guys. Something you

1:34:57

might get at the ballpark. An invitation

1:34:59

to the owner's box! Out

1:35:04

of touch celebrities doing family food.

1:35:06

I should have listened to my

1:35:09

mother-in-law. Okay,

1:35:12

so that was the first bit of the bomb.

1:35:14

Because I fucking forgot everything I'd written down. I

1:35:16

went to school for theater so I was like,

1:35:19

I tried to memorize it and then I got up

1:35:21

there and the nerves removed all the words. And I

1:35:23

eventually was like, hey, Louis Anderson! Oh

1:35:25

boy! But

1:35:28

I forgot Louis did it. Yeah!

1:35:30

It was a weird era. Yeah!

1:35:33

He wasn't the best at it. I'm a huge fan

1:35:35

but he wasn't the best at that. I love Louis.

1:35:37

You know, it's interesting because there's always... Look,

1:35:42

I'm not saying, oh, I don't know

1:35:44

how to do this in 2024. Reupholstered!

1:35:47

I don't want to get pre-canceled. I'm

1:35:49

just saying, family feud traditionally,

1:35:52

the host is a flirtatious kind of

1:35:54

sex symbol. And I'm not saying Louis

1:35:56

couldn't have done that. Yes. But

1:35:59

what I'm saying is... saying is Steve Harvey

1:36:01

does he was straight-up flirting with

1:36:03

my mother-in-law great host and So

1:36:06

were all the greats. I

1:36:08

mean maybe well Richard. I'm Richard. Khan was

1:36:10

also sort of sexless. No shot. Yeah here

1:36:12

now No

1:36:15

shots fired a car. That's fired. Come on.

1:36:18

The only thing you're making hard is that

1:36:20

hammer? Guy

1:36:25

not known for his sex

1:36:27

appeal. No But

1:36:30

but so then the first the first bit

1:36:32

that actually got some kind of traction I

1:36:34

think probably was The

1:36:36

dad joke bit that was the

1:36:38

first like it started so simple

1:36:40

and then I built and then

1:36:42

again It was when I left I stopped doing it

1:36:45

for like six or seven years Yes, and

1:36:47

then I eventually got you know had other bits

1:36:49

and I thought well I'll go back to and

1:36:51

I made it very absurd you attribute that to

1:36:53

any this is a leading question For

1:36:56

me I needed to do some growing and

1:36:58

some healing with my family before I felt

1:37:00

comfortable. I Not even

1:37:02

comfortable Assured in my

1:37:04

own independence enough to be like I think

1:37:07

my parents are fucking weird But

1:37:09

I couldn't do that when I was still on the

1:37:12

I felt okay I thought I mean I

1:37:14

my father was new I thought he was

1:37:16

a silly man But was

1:37:18

a great man so and I think his

1:37:20

also his love of comedy Made

1:37:23

me feel like he he doesn't

1:37:25

mind that it's about him So

1:37:28

what were what was your well? We talked about

1:37:30

this a little bit, but what were your like

1:37:32

first hits like when you started going

1:37:34

there's something here Yeah, what was the first

1:37:36

one? I was very generous for you to

1:37:39

turn this around on me, and I refused No, I

1:37:41

just talked for 45 minutes Of

1:37:43

the lights actually family Hello,

1:37:47

hello, kill his my cake my shirt

1:37:50

He needs his shirt back Now

1:37:53

I'll do it real quick the first bit that I was

1:37:55

like oh, I'm on to something was it's

1:37:57

very Seinfeld But I go do you think the phrase

1:37:59

spilled? beans originated in a situation

1:38:01

actually involving beans. Now if you

1:38:05

can go back to 2001. I

1:38:08

listen. Headberg. Yep. Like

1:38:10

this is the zeitgeist. That was like,

1:38:12

I'm not saying it was edgy. No.

1:38:15

But it's what we wanted. Yep. We

1:38:17

wanted like kind of. Part of the thing that's so strange is

1:38:19

how it changed. Yeah,

1:38:22

like you're saying, the now

1:38:24

comedy is like, shock us. Yeah,

1:38:26

that's the worst. Yeah. I

1:38:28

think I. I also think.

1:38:30

The crowd screams. Say it.

1:38:33

I have a joke where I imply the C

1:38:35

word, but I don't say it. Uh-huh. And

1:38:38

crowds, and I'm not mad at it. It's just a change.

1:38:40

Yeah. They scream, say it. As

1:38:42

if I wouldn't say it. I'm like, no.

1:38:44

Now I have a line where I go, no, the

1:38:47

joke is you guys thinking it. Yeah. Like

1:38:49

I have a save line. Yeah. But that's

1:38:51

become comedy. I'm not even mad at it. It's just interesting that it

1:38:53

was a spill the beans joke

1:38:55

was hot. And now it's like. Say

1:38:58

the C word. Yeah. Yeah.

1:39:01

Well, I think like when you think

1:39:03

about the way that you are trying

1:39:05

to drive people to watch your stuff,

1:39:07

you, you, it

1:39:09

is like you have to make it seem shocking.

1:39:11

You have to like, the thumbnail culture

1:39:14

is insane where it's just like, you won't

1:39:16

believe what man said. Like. You just

1:39:18

nailed it though. I actually think one of

1:39:20

the keys to longevity.

1:39:23

I just keep doubting

1:39:25

myself. I hate no words. Is

1:39:28

not mirroring what's happening in

1:39:31

the culture, like in the

1:39:33

taste of the day. Yeah.

1:39:36

It's making what you're doing

1:39:38

and have always been doing seem

1:39:41

like it's what the culture wants.

1:39:43

Yeah. But you've always been doing the

1:39:45

same thing, but I'm definitely doing that. Like comedy is more like,

1:39:48

oh, yeah, I'm still doing it. I'll just

1:39:51

like lean or present it a little bit

1:39:53

more like too hot for TV. Yeah. But

1:39:56

it's the same kind of stuff. No, it is.

1:39:58

I think it's, it's. It's really, well,

1:40:00

it's also weird to write, like,

1:40:03

I think to get someone to watch an hour of

1:40:06

your stuff now is so much

1:40:08

weirder. Yeah. Like, don't you? Like, I

1:40:11

think that it's like... Would you like

1:40:13

to scroll just me for an hour?

1:40:16

Like, that's what it feels like. Yeah. What

1:40:18

if Instagram was locked, your algorithm was just

1:40:20

me. Yeah. And every time you scrolled, it

1:40:22

was still me. Yeah. Being like, the other

1:40:24

thing about the post office. Like, that's kind

1:40:26

of how it feels. Yeah, I know. It

1:40:29

really does. I mean, it's like, I

1:40:32

don't know. I think I definitely

1:40:34

don't write towards

1:40:36

it as much, but you're very aware

1:40:38

of it. Yeah. And it is... But

1:40:40

it's funny, it is what you're doing.

1:40:42

I think your album, it's

1:40:46

almost like we listen to it differently. Yeah.

1:40:48

And you're going like, all birthday chicken.

1:40:51

Like, I love birds. I'm not shitting

1:40:53

on birds. I know,

1:40:55

guy that had a fucking birthday chicken. And now, oh,

1:40:57

now it's very of the day. What if that guy

1:40:59

was real? What if... Merry the

1:41:01

birthday chick, he shows up, he's

1:41:03

clucking. That guy

1:41:06

would get murdered so fast. That

1:41:08

guy would get murdered on the way to the house.

1:41:10

That guy wouldn't even make it to the kid's party at

1:41:12

this point. Party. I

1:41:16

just watched Vanity Fair, Bill Burr, reviewing

1:41:18

impressions of him. And they had emailed

1:41:21

me to approve a clip of

1:41:23

me, but I wasn't in the video. I watched

1:41:25

the video to see if I was in the

1:41:27

video. And I was like, what did he say?

1:41:29

What was he like, this one sucks, don't include

1:41:31

this one. This one's fucking blows. That's so funny.

1:41:34

Like, it's not even funny. So you approved it.

1:41:36

Get it out of here. Nah. Yeah. I passed

1:41:38

on him. Bill cut it. Yeah. That

1:41:40

one's just disrespectful. I

1:41:43

don't like it. But some of them were

1:41:45

so good. I mean, most of them were so

1:41:47

good. It's like Trump. It's like if it's not

1:41:49

top tier. No, I...

1:41:51

Well, by the way, when you...

1:41:53

Biden way. Biden way, which is

1:41:56

very... That's my LA. Biden's way. Biden's

1:41:58

way. steps to a

1:42:00

natural death. One. Biden

1:42:03

is living the end of Kill Bill 2, isn't he? I

1:42:06

could take five steps, guy. That's

1:42:09

it. I got five left. Dolly

1:42:11

man. Here he is. Hannibal Lecter made it to the state.

1:42:14

He did the lectern. Lecture? Lecture made

1:42:16

it to the lectern. I'll have ice cream on the lectern.

1:42:18

I have 25 of these left. So if there's a tax cut.

1:42:20

He's on what we call a move count. And

1:42:23

that is fine, and we all feel fine about it. No

1:42:30

doubt. What an absurd time. I know.

1:42:33

Third time. I know. And you

1:42:35

can't, it's just, I don't know. Kind of got to shut up a little bit,

1:42:37

right? I just walk away. I know. Somebody, I did,

1:42:39

the podcast never seen it and the host was telling me, he

1:42:41

was like, when it comes to politics, just say, and my views

1:42:43

are probably the same. I'm

1:42:46

not going to be able to say it, but I'm

1:42:48

going to be able to say it. They're

1:42:53

probably what you think they are based on looking

1:42:55

at me. That's pretty good. Isn't that good? Yeah.

1:42:58

I was like, I like that. Yeah.

1:43:00

Well, I mean, even like in the

1:43:02

special, I tried to like give

1:43:05

a point, but then I'm like, I think everyone's making that

1:43:07

point now. The point that, you

1:43:09

know, really doesn't seem like

1:43:11

the solutions are coming fast and

1:43:13

furious, our direction. And to some

1:43:16

extent, there's a bit of futility in the whole thing,

1:43:18

you know? I

1:43:21

compare America to late stage Elvis, you

1:43:23

know, where you're kind of like, Jesus Christ. Can

1:43:25

you get on stage tonight? Like, he's full of pills. He

1:43:29

just ate a ham and banana

1:43:31

sandwich. You are so right. And

1:43:33

why is the bloated, overdone,

1:43:36

over successful, like he got to

1:43:38

the altitude where he doesn't even

1:43:40

have to try anymore. It's

1:43:43

like a, we needed that image. Like what

1:43:46

a gift. The glasses. Yeah.

1:43:49

The glasses. Oh, man. The

1:43:51

sideburn. Well, it's also like as someone,

1:43:53

like when I, I'm sure both

1:43:55

of us, when you grow up, you

1:43:57

only knew that Elvis. Yeah. Like

1:44:00

when you actually go back you're like holy

1:44:02

shit. Can I say it's like our dads?

1:44:04

Yes We only knew very trying on the

1:44:07

toilet Elvis. Yes, and then you see a

1:44:09

photo of your young handsome dad And you're

1:44:11

like me. Oh, no That's

1:44:14

what I did with my I was like, oh Christ.

1:44:16

I looked I saw a picture of my dad at my age

1:44:19

now And I was like, oh no God

1:44:23

it's coming My

1:44:25

right now no shit talk was a little shit

1:44:27

talk, but my father-in-law always says to my brother-in-law

1:44:30

He's like when I was your age. I looked

1:44:32

like you You

1:44:35

should just blow dust Before

1:44:40

they knew a fat Aaron Paul was I was him.

1:44:43

Oh, no, there's just no way that

1:44:46

that's what What happened to our

1:44:48

dads is just like I I

1:44:50

don't know how my dad eats. I Don't

1:44:52

know how he eats I'm

1:44:55

gonna make a guess here. Okay Okay,

1:44:58

I guess I'll do the same If

1:45:01

you did a gas station and they have those

1:45:03

hosts. Oh, yeah in the wax You

1:45:12

know it would be so

1:45:14

interesting to do a study Like

1:45:19

are able to come back with some

1:45:21

sort of fact-finding on how Cuz

1:45:24

I don't think I remember Like

1:45:26

how am I I would love to I would guess

1:45:28

my father and I eat the same Which

1:45:30

is what like like my girlfriend

1:45:32

pointed out. She's like you wolf your food down

1:45:35

I do I eat it like and I was like, what are you

1:45:37

talking about? Yeah, and I bet you my dad

1:45:39

wolf sit down too. Oh, I'm sure I bet

1:45:41

it's I got that wolf in from but I don't

1:45:43

know. I don't remember being like dad. What's the rut?

1:45:45

I just now know that like like people will see

1:45:47

me be like buddy you Yeah,

1:45:50

you know rush. Yeah Let's

1:45:52

get out of here. Whatever. Are you late for a flight?

1:45:54

Oh, no What

1:45:56

are we doing? What is the point? You just

1:45:58

found out you're late for a job interview I'm

1:46:01

sorry, I'm hungry. Let's

1:46:04

go. Well, come on,

1:46:06

they got other people who want to be

1:46:09

here. Can I say a couple things? One,

1:46:11

I think my dad would eat a hostess

1:46:13

apple pie. And be like, it's apple. It's

1:46:16

like an apple. Life. And he would eat it.

1:46:18

And the American flag would flap behind him. I

1:46:22

also, Val and I love my

1:46:24

wife so much, you know Val, love

1:46:26

food so much that we're

1:46:28

actually distrustful of people.

1:46:31

Like we have two friends, we love

1:46:33

these friends. We love these friends. They're

1:46:35

unbelievable. Unbelievable friends. But

1:46:37

they don't eat. Like we'll

1:46:39

all have a burrito. Val

1:46:42

and I's burrito is gone like cone

1:46:44

head. Yep. Yep. The way you're supposed

1:46:46

to eat. Yes. You're

1:46:48

talking to Fat Aaron Paul, buddy. Come on. Unfappened.

1:46:51

Yeah. Fat Aaron

1:46:53

Paul, I know you know. Breaking fat. Yeah.

1:46:57

Breaking bread. Yeah, breaking bread.

1:46:59

I love you on breaking

1:47:01

bread. That's great. And

1:47:07

we're just in like an RV. And I'm like, I don't

1:47:09

know. These eyes are rolls are a little. Magnets

1:47:12

on the fridge, bitch. I

1:47:15

don't know. Remember when he said, man. I've

1:47:17

been trying to think of math at food. Blue.

1:47:22

Blue, I see. Anyway,

1:47:26

the two friends. So we'll eat the burrito cone head

1:47:28

style. And they will eat it.

1:47:33

They'll eat it like someone who

1:47:35

has a very serious terminal disease

1:47:37

that's making them nauseous. They'll

1:47:40

be like, they put

1:47:42

it down and take like a seven

1:47:44

minute break before bite number two. It's

1:47:47

crazy. And I actually get mad. Yeah.

1:47:50

Where I'm like. I'm mad. You're going to

1:47:52

eat it. Are they? And they do.

1:47:54

They do. OK. Because I'm in time. Sometimes

1:47:56

there's a good portion left. But I'm just

1:47:58

like, stop. What is this? editorial I Here's

1:48:01

what I don't like that for a couple of

1:48:03

reasons one because I do then I do know

1:48:05

that now that I have this complex I'm like

1:48:07

I did it again Yeah,

1:48:10

like I wolfed it down But what I don't

1:48:12

like about the fast eat with someone like that

1:48:14

is you ever have them do the thing where

1:48:16

they'll like Wrap half their burrito away

1:48:18

and save it for later basically going to you

1:48:20

like look fat air pull I

1:48:22

know you wolfed it this to us is

1:48:25

two meals But it's okay that

1:48:27

you cone-headed like that happens in

1:48:29

my life where I and I will genuinely be like

1:48:31

you call me fat That's what I'm

1:48:33

saying. You think I'm a fat piece of shit here.

1:48:35

You want to hear my defensive voice? Yeah, my protector

1:48:37

goes like you don't know how to live. Yeah. Yeah,

1:48:40

you don't know how to You

1:48:43

don't know joy You

1:48:45

don't know flavor much of this has been

1:48:47

told to them. None of them. Yes, it's

1:48:49

all in there That's what

1:48:51

I do too I still like having a

1:48:54

Meek sip from a pink tab

1:48:57

can I think my father

1:48:59

all but took me by the hand and

1:49:01

was like that's not living Yeah, as he

1:49:03

put his head under a cheese dispenser. They're

1:49:06

not even that way but like You

1:49:09

know Julia child said the the the

1:49:12

best people some quote like this is like the

1:49:14

most fun people Love to eat

1:49:17

I would like to hear you do that as

1:49:19

with your Oh Is

1:49:26

the best fat people love to

1:49:28

eat You

1:49:37

can go ahead and take yourself to go hi

1:49:41

See, I don't know what it is that I knew you

1:49:44

had a great one. I did that's a first I

1:49:47

do we did that I had that at a live dollop

1:49:49

show once where L I was all this other like I

1:49:51

have an Elmo There's sometimes

1:49:53

they just live inside. Yeah,

1:49:56

nothing makes me sadder the

1:49:59

first try impression And I'm not agreeing.

1:50:01

I don't think my Julia child was that great.

1:50:03

I think for as far as a first-timer tea

1:50:06

Come on. Yeah, come on. Come

1:50:08

on first try Pete No,

1:50:11

but when I do a great one and

1:50:13

it comes out perfectly Yeah, and then you

1:50:15

try to do it later and it just

1:50:17

does it's a heartbreaker that happens a heartbreaker

1:50:19

But we had Jonathan Kaidan and he taught

1:50:21

me how to do Giamatti, which is well,

1:50:23

well, well Always well, well,

1:50:25

pretty good. Yeah, only pretty good. Well, no, I

1:50:28

mean a pretty good tactic. Okay, Pete, please Thank

1:50:30

you. No, no, no, I'm just looking for honest

1:50:32

people. You have a lot of good impression You

1:50:35

have a lot of good impressions. Thanks man. A lot

1:50:37

of good impressions. A lot of good impressions. Julia child

1:50:39

among them But yeah, I've had

1:50:41

that where you all of a sudden like oh

1:50:43

my lord Yeah, a future and then you go

1:50:46

back you're like where with what? Yeah, where was

1:50:48

it spotlight was on? Yeah, that's me There's

1:50:50

some movie where they're opening the box and nothing's

1:50:52

in it. Mmm What's

1:50:55

that one called? You saw it So

1:50:59

it's pretty bad actually reminds me back

1:51:01

of Jake's movie at the end. There's

1:51:03

something in Jake's movie Yeah, we're at

1:51:05

the end. It's like was it real? Yeah

1:51:07

like that. Yeah, just trying to plug his movie

1:51:09

Yeah, Jake. What if you didn't like it? What

1:51:11

if you didn't like it great movie? Well, I

1:51:13

did like it thankfully and I'm not in it.

1:51:15

Did you go to Emerson? Yeah, and that's his

1:51:18

thing, isn't it? No, oh, what do you mean?

1:51:20

So right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm confused. I had

1:51:22

a dentalist. No. Yeah Well again happens again, but

1:51:24

no anyway, my original point was you're not gonna

1:51:26

look like your dad. There's no way I don't

1:51:28

know your dad will but he's eating cupcakes in

1:51:30

a way that you're not I guarantee I think

1:51:33

I will Let me ask you this.

1:51:35

Are you ready? Yeah, you're wrong. Yeah, you ever have a

1:51:38

kale chip? You ever have one? Yeah, you ever eaten one?

1:51:40

Yeah, you're not gonna look like a dead. It

1:51:42

is true when I you know, what keen why is yes

1:51:45

I actually enjoy it. You think your dad

1:51:47

now? I know he doesn't do you

1:51:49

think your dad knows? There's more than one

1:51:51

color of pepper. No. Well, maybe but never

1:51:53

hasn't taste at all. Yeah Yeah,

1:51:55

my dad capsaicin to my father. He'd be like

1:51:57

a ship flipped. Yeah. No, there's

1:52:00

There's no, there's, uh, there's

1:52:02

no way. Are you aware that there's a proper amount

1:52:04

of water to drink in a day? Yes. You're

1:52:06

not going to look like you've done. Yes. Do

1:52:09

you ever go for a walk just because you're like, I haven't

1:52:11

moved enough today? Are you the health Jeff Foxworthy? Is

1:52:14

that what's happening? If you

1:52:16

have ever, at the

1:52:18

end of the day, said, you

1:52:20

know what, I haven't moved very much,

1:52:22

and you go for a

1:52:24

brisk walk, you're

1:52:26

not going to look like

1:52:28

your father. If you recognize

1:52:31

the difference between broccoli and

1:52:33

broccolini, you ain't going

1:52:35

to look like your father. If you had

1:52:37

soup out of a bread bowl, but

1:52:39

not eating the bread bowl, you're

1:52:42

not going to look like your father. If

1:52:44

you recognize dinner should come

1:52:47

two hours at minimum before

1:52:49

bed, you're not going to look

1:52:51

like your father. If you know

1:52:54

hot lemon water is a great

1:52:56

way to jumpstart your digestive system.

1:53:00

If you believe Hershey is only

1:53:03

a city. If

1:53:07

you know Hershey first and foremost

1:53:09

as a place in Pennsylvania. As

1:53:11

a town. You

1:53:13

are not going to look

1:53:16

like your father could die.

1:53:22

If you have squash and it's not

1:53:24

Thanksgiving, you're not going

1:53:26

to look like your father. Oh

1:53:29

my god. That's heaven. You're definitely

1:53:31

not though. I mean, there's just- Well, I, you

1:53:33

know, not that there's anything wrong. These

1:53:36

are people that have taken the fucking safety off.

1:53:38

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, for sure. Without

1:53:40

question. I don't know your dad. I'm just saying

1:53:42

all of them. Well, I think to some extent

1:53:45

living out here, that is almost, to

1:53:47

your family feud point, you start to go, oh,

1:53:50

vegetables. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't be

1:53:52

good. Yeah, yeah. And I enjoy

1:53:54

them. For my dad, peas are

1:53:56

a butter delivery system. It's

1:53:59

like- much butter can we get

1:54:01

on real you guys spit out the peas

1:54:03

like sunflower seed shells the

1:54:08

bad part

1:54:10

butter delivery

1:54:12

he's in it for

1:54:14

the butter yeah I know we're

1:54:16

coastal elites yeah my dad is

1:54:19

coastal but you know and

1:54:21

in his circle he is sort of

1:54:23

like the healthy yeah fancy boy

1:54:25

yeah then he comes out here has no clue

1:54:28

yeah one time and I really love

1:54:30

my dad but I was cutting an avocado as if

1:54:33

this is a horrible story and I just you know

1:54:35

you hold an avocado in your hand then you put

1:54:37

the knife in and my dad goes like

1:54:39

Jesus Pita cuz he doesn't know there's

1:54:41

a pit and

1:54:43

that is why I'm

1:54:46

not gonna look like my father oh

1:54:55

my god let's

1:54:57

bring it in all right boy

1:55:00

I've laughed so much well you're a pleasure I

1:55:02

know that you're a first time I'm the first

1:55:05

time we met up I was

1:55:07

like oh my god we're all right now

1:55:09

I know and we should be friends well

1:55:11

we are but yeah we should be going

1:55:13

over here always I feel like you're always

1:55:15

touring and I am you don't ever twist

1:55:18

in your belly when I say that no

1:55:20

no no I hate people say that no

1:55:22

no no I fully recognize that my reality

1:55:24

is on the road and true but

1:55:27

yeah this you drive to LAX I

1:55:29

you know I fly less and less oh

1:55:32

you drive I drive a big white weird

1:55:34

van pretty much everywhere to my shows I've

1:55:36

stopped I've had so many bad incidents flying

1:55:39

that I am just like I don't I try

1:55:41

it's not people think it sounds insane yeah and

1:55:43

it does but I pretty much

1:55:45

right now do one-nighters my

1:55:48

agents oh I loved the great

1:55:50

TJ Mark Walter he will book me on runs

1:55:53

and I drive to all of them and I bang the shows

1:55:55

out in like two or three weeks and then I get to

1:55:57

come home for like a week and then I go off and

1:55:59

kind Do some version of again

1:56:01

that my podcast tours too. So it's like

1:56:03

I'm gone pretty much you are gonna all

1:56:05

the time So it's not really I wouldn't

1:56:08

know I think that no, well, I

1:56:11

I think To your point

1:56:13

as well, like, you know, like I'm in the phase.

1:56:15

We're like, yeah, I gotta go grind it out a

1:56:17

little bit more But no, it's not us. I'm never

1:56:19

home and when I'm home Well, that's true But it's

1:56:21

also not true because I remember when we did who

1:56:24

here is helping who who here is helping who?

1:56:26

Yep Yep, that's when you

1:56:28

pick up the A&W phone. That's what the answer was I

1:56:33

love this job so much. Here's helping. Oh Sure,

1:56:36

I'll bring that to you. But just be clear you're

1:56:38

helping me. Yeah, we're here to help Here

1:56:41

to help. It's no disrespect Jake.

1:56:43

Jake Johnson Gareth Reynolds. We're here to help

1:56:46

Jake Johansson close Jack Johnson

1:56:48

better Hawaiian guitar hero and fatter and

1:56:50

Paul and fat Aaron Paul have a

1:56:52

podcast called Who can

1:56:54

we help? We're here to help who's

1:56:57

that we're here to help go

1:56:59

ahead Help. Yep. Yep. Go ahead When

1:57:05

we did it I said How

1:57:07

much bread do you guys pull in and I'm not trying

1:57:10

to be go shoot? We have a not sponsor I'm not

1:57:12

gonna say whom that's what you're talking about. What's that? We

1:57:14

have a bread sponsor. Oh, do you? Yeah But

1:57:17

I was like, this is a popular show you must

1:57:19

be doing okay ish from the pod and then Jake

1:57:21

was like Yeah, and

1:57:23

I was like the Gareth touring all the time

1:57:25

and he kind of alluded to you maybe having

1:57:27

a little of the Leno disease Where

1:57:30

you're like, I'm never gonna cars. Oh,

1:57:33

no, not car hilarious

1:57:35

denim Sponsorship

1:57:40

with Doritos, that's awkward What

1:57:44

that I Mean

1:57:50

how many people remember that time

1:57:52

look Richard Lewis boat away and

1:57:57

Time when if you did a commercial

1:58:00

No, it's not. I never watch commercials

1:58:02

and you'll be watching and you're like,

1:58:04

oh my God, Jack Nicholson is hawking

1:58:07

like fucking apnea machines. Who

1:58:09

cares? But there was a time

1:58:11

that if you did a commercial, that was you

1:58:13

and it was you forever. And Leno did those

1:58:15

in like 1989. Yeah,

1:58:18

he's like, I mean, what are these? Crunchy da crispy? Is it a little

1:58:20

cheddar cheesy? I don't know. Yeah, it was like that.

1:58:22

He's like, cool ranch? What is that? Just a chill farmer? Come

1:58:25

on, that's crazy. Not Joe Cheese. Who's

1:58:27

cheese is it? I'll tell you who's cheese it is. Yeah,

1:58:29

it was like that. And I don't

1:58:31

know they were rolling. They just gave him

1:58:33

the bag. Wow. Triangles.

1:58:36

Who knew I wanted to use triangles? I didn't have

1:58:38

any idea that I would be a sosceles man. I

1:58:46

tell you, put sauce on these. I saw the leaves. Not

1:58:48

your cheese. That's quite a flavor. I'll be checking

1:58:50

the back of the bag here. There's got to

1:58:52

be a catch. Somebody put sauce on these. I

1:58:54

saw the leaves. Somebody

1:58:57

put some sauce on these. He finished eating and he

1:58:59

goes, I saw all these. That's

1:59:03

where the flavor came from. I

1:59:05

saw all these and the bag's done. Don't mind

1:59:08

if I put them in. By the way, what kind of triangles are these? Equilateral?

1:59:20

Are they? I saw all these triangles. I

1:59:24

mean, I'm definitely not right trying.

1:59:26

I'm going to say they are. I don't

1:59:28

think they are. I think they are.

1:59:31

I think they're I saw. Yeah. Are

1:59:34

you googling? What kind of triangles? This is

1:59:36

going to be where Google's going to be like, nobody's ever asked

1:59:39

this. Just

1:59:41

so you know, this is we're not

1:59:43

a 404 page. Not a lot of

1:59:45

searching. We can really enjoy your bath.

1:59:47

Not too many sober people. A sleepy

1:59:51

Tuesday. Are you googling? Are you

1:59:53

Jay Leno? Is it a

1:59:55

Reddit thread? Of course. Well,

2:00:00

it's okay. Well as long as we're both right

2:00:02

there. I saw some that's right I

2:00:06

put that on me and that's the chef. He I saw all these

2:00:09

That's crazy But

2:00:14

wait to answer your question which Katie can't

2:00:16

do because now she's on Really

2:00:21

Why are you disappointed? Why

2:00:23

do you sound like I'm saying? I don't

2:00:26

know how okay firm it all right But

2:00:29

it sounds like you wanted peace I

2:00:31

thought I thought all these

2:00:33

I thought police Everybody was done. He put a little

2:00:35

paintbrush and not your teeth on him and they go

2:00:37

I don't know. I mean I thought all these So

2:00:42

that's done it's what I'm concerned it's a

2:00:44

delicious triangle triangle What

2:00:50

I like about what you're doing and I don't

2:00:53

know if you mean it is that

2:00:55

Jay Leno doesn't know What is a lot

2:00:57

of that is what I'm doing Jay

2:01:00

Leno is saying that the chef says I saw

2:01:02

solvies and then when he looks at him and

2:01:04

notices their triangles He doesn't make the connection that

2:01:06

they are I saw solvies. Yes, that is what

2:01:08

I'm going What

2:01:19

are they equal edibles what

2:01:22

kind of how many kinds of triangles are there two,

2:01:24

right? I

2:01:26

know I'll tell you I've never said

2:01:28

the one that's got a weird name. I can't remember what kind it is

2:01:32

Sounds like a Greek God. It's just

2:01:34

lispy Mark Norman. That's what it is

2:01:36

that I have definitely over I think

2:01:39

I've over done the list. No, I'm

2:01:41

not eating. Oh, yeah, he's eating A

2:01:44

little bit of that makes it harder to say the essence

2:01:48

Doritos I've

2:01:50

got a th at the end Three

2:01:53

dots Doritos, what

2:01:55

are those? We're

2:02:01

just gonna release this episode every week for

2:02:05

the rest of the show. I

2:02:07

really can't wait to see week two's ratings. And

2:02:10

the sponsors will be like, hey

2:02:12

Pete, email is back. Make

2:02:15

it soon. Can

2:02:17

we talk? Well

2:02:20

that kind of brings us back to

2:02:22

the, I'm wondering if your, Jay Leno

2:02:24

famously doesn't know. Oh. Doesn't

2:02:28

coast. Are you like a real

2:02:30

workhorse? You're like, yes. You have two hit

2:02:32

podcasts. Yeah, I

2:02:35

think that. And you're like, I don't

2:02:37

go out every week. I just

2:02:39

think that I, I would say

2:02:41

I still,

2:02:43

and it might, this could be to what

2:02:45

you're talking about, this compulsion could be, this

2:02:47

could be a long yes. But

2:02:50

to me, I go, I go, it's all worth

2:02:52

thinking about. I

2:02:56

don't want to let it go either. It's all I want to do. We're

2:02:58

going to need to move forward. It's all I want to do

2:03:00

too. I want to keep, that's all I

2:03:03

want to do. So let's just call it

2:03:05

out. It is what it is. It's

2:03:08

got it. Everyone needs

2:03:10

to know we will

2:03:12

cover other subjects, but

2:03:14

it will be at our behalf. Yes. It

2:03:17

is merely because there is a format, you know

2:03:19

what I mean? We have to keep to the

2:03:21

format. Life is time. Time moves. We must. If

2:03:25

you think for one second, then when I go,

2:03:27

oh, I had a big

2:03:29

work ethic. Every

2:03:32

part of me wants to U-turn the

2:03:34

semi truck, like the dark knight, flip

2:03:36

it over and just go, I

2:03:38

saw it. I saw it. When he's done

2:03:40

with them, that's just a shit, they should be a little

2:03:42

shit for every bag. And that's what he says. Hey, are

2:03:44

they done? Yeah, of course they are. I saw all these.

2:03:48

What do you call these things? Squares? What

2:03:50

do they call? You don't just

2:03:53

know. Rhombuses. He doesn't know

2:03:55

that. Someone cut

2:03:57

a rhombus in half. What do you call that?

2:04:02

He's never heard the term I say!

2:04:05

No, that's what the chef said, that's not a triangle. Triangle?

2:04:08

No, T-R-I-that's a triangle.

2:04:12

By the way, you want to try a new angle? Try one

2:04:14

of these. Cool Ranch. That's

2:04:16

a new triangle. Go for it. Tri-angle!

2:04:19

Tri-angles? What?

2:04:21

I'm up on stage, I'm trying angles! Meet

2:04:25

Doritos backstage, he saws all of them. But,

2:04:30

okay. But... Well,

2:04:35

I would be curious of your take on this, too,

2:04:37

because I definitely go... I go, it's all

2:04:40

we want to do. I might honestly be showing

2:04:42

up to shows as Jay Leno, just doing Doritos

2:04:44

stuff. I literally

2:04:46

might. I'm with you. I'm with you in the

2:04:49

room now. What do you... I

2:04:55

really... I'm trying to break

2:04:57

my stand up into a

2:04:59

thing that... You

2:05:02

know, like, that cracks like a

2:05:04

chip. I'd

2:05:12

love to meet the chef. You

2:05:15

gotta shake that guy's hand. This

2:05:18

one doesn't have a lot of stuff on it. I don't know why I would,

2:05:20

and I thought all these. All right. Good

2:05:23

for you. But

2:05:27

how do you, Pete? Because you, yourself,

2:05:29

are a very successful man. I've

2:05:32

gotta say, the fact that there is upper lip sweat

2:05:34

is awesome. That's how

2:05:36

I know we're really... we're coming. That's

2:05:39

why I grow the facial hair. Why

2:05:41

is the AC on 73? I

2:05:48

keep going just because I want to have

2:05:50

like... In my career, I've had

2:05:52

times where I'm like, oh, I'm doing good.

2:05:55

And then I take my foot off the... and then that thing goes

2:05:57

away, and then I go, I got nothing. Which is why I went

2:05:59

into... Like when you're talking about mancations,

2:06:01

which was my travel show. Yeah, we did one

2:06:03

season They fucked it all up and

2:06:06

then I was like, oh this thing that I'm like, oh this

2:06:08

will do a hundred episodes of this We did 13 of and

2:06:10

that was it. Yeah, and so I was like kind of left

2:06:12

high and dry so I think I have this compulsion to Make

2:06:16

sure that there's always something

2:06:19

coming and and I

2:06:21

do think to a fault maybe But

2:06:24

I also am like I want to record my next hour once

2:06:26

I have my next hour recorded You know then I could take

2:06:28

a little bit of but then I'll be back at but then

2:06:30

I'm writing like we you know There's all

2:06:32

these things going on and I think it

2:06:34

is partially just because you're like in this

2:06:36

business you can You

2:06:39

can lose those things and then you can don't

2:06:41

do it. Don't would you do it? So we're

2:06:43

both do it Okay,

2:06:51

you gotta answer now Yeah,

2:06:58

I Love

2:07:00

another shot Do you have

2:07:02

any new stuff now? It's still pretty much the I saw the

2:07:04

least bit. Well, it's funny, but it's

2:07:07

like We're

2:07:09

in the slapstick zone. Oh, yeah, we're it

2:07:12

stops me. Yeah, honey and then it returns.

2:07:14

I think we get the return Ideally, we

2:07:16

get the return we get the return. I

2:07:18

think we get the return. I'm so with

2:07:20

you What's what's funny is I won't

2:07:22

mention who it is, but there's a comedian I know and

2:07:25

we're both like Spiritually minded and all that

2:07:27

sort of stuff So we're always kind of like trying

2:07:29

not to take show business too seriously And

2:07:31

then let's just say like then that person

2:07:34

has a new thing and it hits Yeah,

2:07:36

and then you call them on the phone

2:07:38

and now all of a sudden maybe they

2:07:40

don't want to move to Greece Yeah, and

2:07:42

just kind of whittle. Mm-hmm and like The

2:07:45

the trope of the cowboy who's like

2:07:47

let's it's in red red dead to

2:07:50

one more job and then we'll move to

2:07:52

Cuba Yeah, we know that it's like why

2:07:54

do we know that that's like mythically true?

2:07:56

Yeah, so it's actually I'm checking myself

2:07:58

after I've wrecked myself as is

2:08:00

my way, is I'm like, Garret, why don't

2:08:02

you calm down? And I'm

2:08:05

like, I'm also not calm.

2:08:07

Well, what you have different

2:08:09

than I have is you have more stuff

2:08:12

in town. And I'm not,

2:08:14

I want to get, my goal is to

2:08:16

half the gigs for twice the money. And

2:08:19

I'm in the process where I'm still

2:08:22

kind of trying to cultivate that. And,

2:08:24

but that is what I want. Still be busy. Still,

2:08:27

you know, probably be like I could, you

2:08:29

know, not do as, but if I

2:08:32

can do it at home, that's

2:08:34

really what I want. And you know what?

2:08:37

I'm older than you. No.

2:08:40

Aren't I? Not much. I'm

2:08:42

44. Tell your

2:08:45

face. Stop it. Well,

2:08:50

who cares? I do. I know,

2:08:52

but. No, I'm just kidding. I

2:08:54

just feel, I don't want to go into it. I

2:08:56

don't have advice for you. I'm just saying, I think

2:08:59

it's noble to be doing whatever

2:09:01

we're doing with some sort of end game.

2:09:04

Like my goal is I'd

2:09:06

like to sell more shows,

2:09:10

make more shows. And I'm like, I think

2:09:12

that would get me to this level where

2:09:14

we could maybe change the podcast in this

2:09:17

way and change my life in that way.

2:09:19

And, but it's always in the service

2:09:22

of more time. Yeah. At

2:09:24

home. With my

2:09:27

family. Yeah. And

2:09:29

more, just more control because

2:09:32

like, I get very worked up about the

2:09:34

I Love Lucy movie, the one with Nicole

2:09:36

Kim. And she's like, I just want a

2:09:38

family and a simple life. And I'm like,

2:09:40

shut the fuck up. No, you don't. Like,

2:09:43

no, you don't. Or you could do that.

2:09:45

And that's what makes that movie so compelling

2:09:47

is we're all I love Lucy's. And just

2:09:49

like the candy conveyor belt, we're like, but

2:09:51

it keeps coming. Meaning Tolkien was right. No

2:09:53

one can handle money or power. So

2:09:56

we'd all do well to know

2:09:58

that we're doing a pretty hard time. drug and

2:10:00

to at least be

2:10:03

conscious of it. When we're doing it, be conscious

2:10:05

of it and also be grateful for it. It's

2:10:08

not a bad drug. It's

2:10:10

just a strange addiction. I just enjoy it too

2:10:12

in a way. Enjoy it? Yeah.

2:10:16

I think that all the time. Like

2:10:19

I said, I'm driving in a van. There's

2:10:21

certainly moments when I'm like, but when I

2:10:23

go and do shows. You love it. I

2:10:26

love it. I still love doing shows.

2:10:28

Me too. I appreciate doing

2:10:30

it. You know what I mean? I'm so

2:10:32

grateful for it. Like I said, sorry, I

2:10:35

just did it yesterday though. I was doing

2:10:37

After Midnight yesterday and I'm doing a Netflix

2:10:39

show today, like a live cooking

2:10:41

show. Oh, that's great. And

2:10:43

yeah, these are great things. You've workshopped the Julia Childs.

2:10:46

We're ready. Well, I could

2:10:48

step in just for a moment. I

2:10:51

do believe that you could actually make it.

2:10:53

I crashed the set as I saw Celine's

2:10:55

Jay Leno. Jesus. I

2:10:59

thought security's got me. I thought about it.

2:11:01

Can I just say it's been a good,

2:11:04

I feel like seven years since I've been

2:11:06

like, we have to make a t-shirt. You

2:11:08

have to make I saw Celine's, I saw

2:11:10

Sawbean. Just

2:11:14

for me. Like would sell too. Me

2:11:17

and you. God damn it.

2:11:19

Life can be so fun. Yeah. But

2:11:22

I'm really grateful to and oh, when I was

2:11:24

doing After Midnight, I was like doing something before

2:11:26

each of those things. And it was

2:11:28

like a zero on the

2:11:30

nerves. And I was like,

2:11:33

that's an incredible, that's the

2:11:35

precious jewel that I am the

2:11:37

most grateful for is any ability

2:11:39

to normalize kind of a strange

2:11:41

life. And I won't

2:11:43

think about that show, not a brag.

2:11:46

It's an appreciation until I get there. And

2:11:49

I didn't think about this podcast until I got here.

2:11:51

I mean, I listened to the record on the way in,

2:11:53

but I know you and whatever. What I'm saying is like,

2:11:56

that's the thing I'm most grateful for. Yes.

2:11:59

And go and do shows. and

2:12:01

not be nervous. When I think back on when

2:12:03

I was starting, and

2:12:05

I'd be dry heaving before shows, doing

2:12:07

10 minutes as the MC and I'm

2:12:10

dry heaving, I really felt like something

2:12:12

was trying to kill me. That's when

2:12:14

it gets so addictive. Because

2:12:16

you've pushed through. Yeah, when you've, I mean, that's

2:12:18

what I've always said to, there

2:12:21

is the thing of you find your voice and how to write

2:12:23

for yourself, but you know that

2:12:25

you'll get there once you've broken

2:12:28

through the part where it's bad

2:12:30

and it's hard to do. And

2:12:32

it's hard, you're not representing what

2:12:36

you want to say. And when you get to

2:12:38

the point where you're like, oh, I make discoveries

2:12:40

on stage, that's where you're like,

2:12:42

oh shit, now this is like a science. And

2:12:45

you've taken out the grind to

2:12:47

a certain extent. When we were young, I remember

2:12:49

meeting with, we tried to make it fun and

2:12:51

go to a bar and Kumail and I, we

2:12:53

did it once. We met to write

2:12:56

together and you're just like, we

2:12:59

both stink, we can't even do this. You

2:13:02

just ended up drinking and fucking off. And

2:13:05

now to be like, ah, it's

2:13:07

just, I'm with you,

2:13:09

it's funny, in my asking, there

2:13:11

is a selfish part where I'm like, I'd love to have

2:13:13

you around more. And I

2:13:15

feel like you're on your way, dialing that in,

2:13:17

getting those levels just right. Yeah,

2:13:21

I mean, I think as you probably

2:13:23

know as well, it's so hard to

2:13:25

know where you're at with your own

2:13:27

career to some extent. Well,

2:13:29

I think maybe that's what I'm getting at. Is

2:13:31

I'm looking at your career and I think maybe this

2:13:34

might surprise you as I'm like, two

2:13:36

really big shows, that's

2:13:38

huge. Yeah, I'm like,

2:13:40

so there's a tipping point thing. But

2:13:42

I still think, and I appreciate that

2:13:45

and I'm very, very thankful for that

2:13:47

without question. I mean, those are, all

2:13:49

the things I do are things that

2:13:51

I do. I

2:13:53

have my booking agent who's the

2:13:56

helper, but then outside of that,

2:13:58

there's not a tremendous amount of like. Hey,

2:14:00

do you want to do this? I don't

2:14:02

get those and those are the things where

2:14:04

I really am like Yeah, once I start

2:14:06

getting those like again, I mean I've sold

2:14:08

like shows and stuff, but I don't have

2:14:11

someone going Hey, they want you to do

2:14:13

that. Yeah, I kind of waiting for that

2:14:15

weird anointment in a way Here's what I

2:14:17

okay just a little bit. Yeah, I'm so

2:14:19

much older than you Stupid

2:14:26

a show Such

2:14:30

rare error. I

2:14:32

just want to say that what you're

2:14:35

talking about This is self-serving, but it's

2:14:37

actually to make you feel good. Okay,

2:14:39

somebody was like It's

2:14:41

just like a thing Oh Pete's Batman. Mm-hmm. But

2:14:44

when we were doing those videos, I was like Frustrated

2:14:47

a little bit. Yeah, no one knows that's

2:14:49

me right. So I have a very remarkable

2:14:54

Tipping point where I'm like, when will

2:14:56

people go that's Pete and

2:14:59

it happened. Yeah, and it happened Imperceptively

2:15:03

just doing exactly what you're doing. Yeah, that's an

2:15:05

absurd right specific way of me saying I'll

2:15:08

give you the advice Conan gave me O'Brien.

2:15:12

Oh, okay. Not the barbarian. Oh, good

2:15:14

Lord stab him It's

2:15:17

really not applicable to this audition. I don't

2:15:19

know if that's a good note No

2:15:22

one finds this funny, okay, but you might

2:15:25

yeah, there's I rewatch Conan the barbarian. Okay,

2:15:27

I was stoned Sure, I thought I didn't

2:15:29

end up enjoying it But I made it

2:15:31

to his origin story Right and they find

2:15:33

this brute and they train him and they

2:15:36

make him push like a log, you know

2:15:38

Yeah the leg in a circle and look

2:15:40

at his strength and his muscles and they

2:15:42

keep him in a cage and it gets

2:15:44

Problematic because they open the cage and they

2:15:47

throw a woman a naked woman into the

2:15:49

cage I know we grew up in

2:15:51

the 80s and there was just a time when that was just

2:15:53

like Page

2:15:56

nine tits and then we keep moving story story

2:15:58

story They were

2:16:00

the most gratuitous naked boobs ever.

2:16:03

And also just the setup that he's

2:16:05

a beast. Talk about like a perverse

2:16:07

male animal fantasy that they give him

2:16:09

his food and they give him his

2:16:11

women. But like, I'm

2:16:14

thinking this is gonna be a save the cat moment, cause they,

2:16:17

I don't know if they push the naked woman.

2:16:19

Okay, so I've, I

2:16:23

don't think the cat gets saved. I

2:16:26

don't remember there being a push. I know, dark

2:16:29

topic noted. We're just talking

2:16:32

about Conan the Barbarian. I'm

2:16:34

reporting the news. Right, yeah, right.

2:16:36

She's encouraged

2:16:39

into the cage. And

2:16:43

then Conan, cause you're like, this is

2:16:45

Schwarzenegger. This is, this became

2:16:47

a politician. Can't be, he can't just be

2:16:49

having sex with this

2:16:52

situation. So he gets up

2:16:54

and he puts a blanket around her. And I'm like,

2:16:56

there it is. There's the save the cat

2:16:58

moment. Then he leads her over to the

2:17:00

bed. No, no, no, the cat. They're down.

2:17:03

The cat. Takes

2:17:06

the blanket off of her. Oh

2:17:10

my God. What? You

2:17:13

think, like I'm looking

2:17:15

at it with a modern eye. Of course

2:17:17

you can't have the hero of the movie

2:17:19

in this situation, but they're like, what if

2:17:21

he warms her on the way to the

2:17:23

bed? Yeah, the director's like, all right, fine.

2:17:25

We'll cut it. Throw

2:17:27

a blanket over her shoulders. Arnold, really

2:17:30

pound when it

2:17:32

goes. Yeah, yeah, hold on. They can bring it in a

2:17:34

banky or something. All right, we're

2:17:36

rolling guys. Maybe

2:17:39

if I put a blanket on

2:17:41

her shoulders, I'll look more likable.

2:17:44

I mean, either way, yeah, fine. Do

2:17:46

it, do one for you. Let's just say, Ian, it

2:17:49

was the one take. Yeah. Oh

2:17:51

my God. You're cold. I just think

2:17:53

maybe if I'm concerned about her, about

2:17:56

how cold she is, and

2:17:58

then we make passes up. Yes,

2:18:00

okay. All right fine one bit the blanket there

2:18:02

you are so cold now

2:18:05

woman I just met Good

2:18:10

I hate it. I don't hate that. I don't

2:18:12

know why we'll drop the audio Woman

2:18:18

I just met we fuck they've

2:18:21

dropped the audio. Okay, you can lip read

2:18:24

Anyway, I didn't mean to code instead There's

2:18:28

a show businesses like 3,000

2:18:31

musicians in the same room and he's like all you

2:18:33

can do is just keep hitting your triangle and

2:18:36

he's like but don't change instruments and Don't

2:18:38

try to keep up with everybody or the

2:18:41

guy over here with a bassoon and he's

2:18:43

playing the drums Yeah, just keep hitting your

2:18:45

triangle and eventually because of the consistency The

2:18:48

sound will emerge from the cacophony and you'll go

2:18:50

what is that? I've been hearing that sound It's

2:18:53

it's the same advice and I'm not giving you this advice.

2:18:55

No, I Good Jim Gavigan said

2:18:57

be undeniable. But the way we do that is

2:18:59

like you just keep It's

2:19:01

not grinding. Do you keep following

2:19:03

your bless? He can't all in what's funny to

2:19:06

you and you keep doing it It's also Bill

2:19:08

Burr's advice keep your head down was what he

2:19:10

said to me He's like keep your head down

2:19:12

and then for me the marker was eventually and

2:19:14

I don't remember when or why it happened But

2:19:16

at some point people went that's Pete. Yeah, this

2:19:18

Pete it is interesting. I think

2:19:20

I think that's I feel like yeah I mean, I

2:19:22

feel like To

2:19:24

some extent I feel very lucky

2:19:27

To be able to be in the zone where

2:19:30

I can I feel confidence in the triangle Yes,

2:19:33

but you know, I would like for

2:19:35

someone to be like wow, that's consistently good But

2:19:37

I yeah to get to that point where you

2:19:40

have that I mean to me like

2:19:42

that is a win You know without question. I

2:19:44

feel lucky for all the things that you cited

2:19:46

and Yeah, but

2:19:48

I think you're very close for what it's worth. Well, that's

2:19:50

you know And then it's

2:19:53

then what I would take from my previous

2:19:55

thing that that Meaning my

2:19:57

line of questioning was like and then how do we

2:20:00

Yes. Prune it. What

2:20:02

it is, is a cake on top of a cake.

2:20:04

It's an incredible cake that you get to be a

2:20:07

comedian. And then a lot of people, I don't

2:20:09

think build the second cake, which is like, how

2:20:11

do I have this cake be just a part

2:20:13

of my life? And there'll be a second cake,

2:20:16

which is living and enjoying

2:20:18

a balanced life. And that's true

2:20:20

for any pursuit and any hobby

2:20:22

or passion. When you throw so

2:20:24

much at a thing for so

2:20:26

long, then... And

2:20:28

I think to your point earlier too, when you're

2:20:30

surrounded by everyone else kind of competing at

2:20:33

that thing, it does

2:20:35

become hard. But

2:20:38

I definitely am like one more and then I

2:20:41

want to go to Cuba. But you're right, it'll

2:20:43

probably end up being a lesser version. But I

2:20:45

think the version I have now is totally insane

2:20:48

to some extent. Double the money for half the shows?

2:20:50

Well, I mean, that's what I want. But right now,

2:20:52

it's double the shows

2:20:54

for half the money in my plan. So

2:20:56

to get there, I do go,

2:20:58

well, yeah, there is a real grind to what

2:21:01

I'm doing now. But I do think when I

2:21:03

get to that point, I'll be like, okay. And

2:21:06

again, I still think, unfortunately, no matter what

2:21:08

I do, my legacy has

2:21:10

been on this show and it

2:21:13

is I SAWS ALL THESE. I

2:21:17

don't think it gets better for me, to be honest.

2:21:19

I don't think I have. I think I saw SAWS

2:21:21

ALL THESE, WHO'S ON FIRST? I

2:21:24

don't know if there's coming back from that to be. Doritos!

2:21:28

I SAWS ALL THESE, I SAWS ALL THESE. I

2:21:30

think it's over. I think

2:21:33

that's a big shirt thing. I think that's it. Doritos,

2:21:35

I SAWS ALL THESE. I was going to say, I

2:21:37

was going to say, I think you want him like

2:21:39

either in a chef hat or something like that on

2:21:41

the bag or something. We're

2:21:45

going to make it. Yeah, I think I think I have

2:21:48

to. We're definitely making it. I have to. I SAWS ALL

2:21:50

THESE, I SAWS ALL THESE. I can't. It'll be.

2:21:52

It's like that's an email where people will

2:21:54

be like, boy, he's replying quick. He's

2:21:57

really weighing in fast and furious.

2:22:03

Thank you for the thank you. You are

2:22:05

a pleasure. I appreciate it all.

2:22:07

Yeah, we're gonna be pals. We are we are

2:22:09

pals and we'll switch outfits after this and we'll

2:22:11

switch outfits. No, no, no, no,

2:22:13

no notice. Can

2:22:16

you remember I mean it seems

2:22:19

silly on this podcast we laughed I

2:22:21

laughed harder than I've laughed in a very long time. That

2:22:23

sounds sad in a very

2:22:26

long time. But like you have

2:22:28

a great hardest laugh story. That's usually the

2:22:30

last question we have. Yeah, it

2:22:33

is. Well, I know and it's

2:22:36

a weird one because okay, so this

2:22:40

this will take you into my

2:22:42

mind a little bit. I used to work at a

2:22:44

place called Comedy Sports in Milwaukee. What's

2:22:47

that? With a Z. Yep, obviously.

2:22:49

That's how you know it's comedy. Yeah, the Z was like,

2:22:51

Hey, I'm hanging on to the other letters. Yeah,

2:22:54

of course. You gotta push it.

2:22:56

Yeah. I'm hanging on to the

2:22:58

back. Yeah, and I ended that was where I

2:23:00

discovered improv and it really was like

2:23:02

a revelatory place for me. But when

2:23:05

I first started working there, I worked

2:23:07

there as a ballet Parker. So

2:23:09

I was on the parking lot in a tutu and

2:23:11

I would direct people to a parking

2:23:13

spot. So I started doing that at like 16. And

2:23:16

it was like my favorite. I like got

2:23:18

tips. I worked there were two

2:23:21

shows Friday and Saturday. So I worked two shows

2:23:23

and I and, you know, girls

2:23:25

my age would be like, like giving me their number

2:23:27

and all this shit. So it was like, it's

2:23:30

I kind of started off in a really great

2:23:32

I was like, boy, a lot of comedy is

2:23:34

easy. You're like a waitress on a roller skates.

2:23:36

Yes. And it was the right amount of spectacle

2:23:38

for people to kind of like you. But it

2:23:41

was, you know, you could be charming enough to

2:23:43

not be annoying. It was all

2:23:45

very teed up for your ask. Yes.

2:23:47

Did every comedy sports is a franchise?

2:23:49

Yes. Is this mandated?

2:23:52

I believe it to be. I

2:23:54

believe it to be one of the one

2:23:56

of the things the Milwaukee. Oh, really? So

2:24:00

that's where, so I was, you know, original. I'd

2:24:02

love to be the heavy white guy with a

2:24:04

beard and an IPA who came

2:24:06

up with that idea. Oh yeah. It's like,

2:24:09

get this at every location. And

2:24:11

it's one of those things too where you're kind

2:24:13

of like, that won't work, that's too stupid and

2:24:15

boy did it. Wow. Wow. So

2:24:18

I would get tips. I had a little tip box thing and

2:24:20

people would tip. So I would be getting, again,

2:24:22

I mean I was like 16, 17. So

2:24:25

I'd be getting like, you know, 60,

2:24:27

80 bucks a night in tips, which was crazy.

2:24:29

And paid? And paid, an hourly, yeah.

2:24:32

Wow. And there was a couple

2:24:34

guys I worked with who were buddies, they

2:24:36

were like in the kitchen cooking or whatever

2:24:38

my age. And

2:24:41

one night one of the guys just said,

2:24:43

he just goes, man,

2:24:46

someday I'd really like to piss my pants.

2:24:49

And I just go, you get all my tips if you

2:24:51

do. And he goes, oh, so

2:24:54

we talked for maybe two minutes in the

2:24:56

kitchen and we, the guy, the main

2:24:59

cook guy's like, hold on, let me get these pizzas

2:25:01

ready. And we go to the parking lot

2:25:04

and he stands there with his hands on

2:25:06

his hips and he just, he's

2:25:09

like, he can't, it's like, you know, stage fright.

2:25:12

Yeah. Hold on. Wait.

2:25:16

And then he goes, okay. Everything

2:25:18

inside of you says don't do this. Every part, it's

2:25:20

great. Right now we're both running the don't pee your

2:25:22

pants program. Well, even if you try to like pee

2:25:25

in the ocean, your body's like, it's not allowed. I

2:25:27

really appreciate that. There's someone who peed in the ocean

2:25:29

recently. Yeah. Your body is a moment

2:25:31

where your body's like, no, we're negotiating waves right now. We'll

2:25:35

let some in, but that's it. I'll take a sip.

2:25:37

Yeah. I'll just do it. I have a bit

2:25:40

of a wet whistle. Yeah.

2:25:47

So he's standing there and, and I,

2:25:49

it's, it's funny because of that,

2:25:51

but it's also funny because he says he's

2:25:53

peeing and it takes 10 seconds for us

2:25:55

to see that he's peeing because of the

2:25:57

fabric and stuff. and

2:26:00

he starts to pee and he fully

2:26:02

pees his pants at work and

2:26:05

myself and the cook, I mean, I truly

2:26:07

was like, I'm gonna pee. We laughed

2:26:09

so hard. Oh my god. And it,

2:26:11

and I, I've laughed hard in

2:26:13

my life, obviously. I mean, honestly, the, the Jay

2:26:16

Leno's, we've laughed hard on this part, but this

2:26:18

was like, I couldn't get up. I

2:26:21

was a teenager, he was peeing his pants.

2:26:23

It, it was, I think, probably

2:26:25

the hardest my full body had ever

2:26:28

exerted laughter and then the

2:26:31

dark reality hit that we were at work

2:26:33

and he didn't like, he wasn't like a stunt

2:26:35

pisser, like he had to go back in and the guy

2:26:38

who ran the place, Dick Chudnow, he

2:26:40

sees him, I apologize, Chudnow,

2:26:42

like demanding it. Oh. And

2:26:45

it's true, that was the thing. And he came

2:26:48

over and he saw him and he

2:26:50

goes, what the fuck? And he's like, did you

2:26:52

pee your pants? And he was like, well, yeah.

2:26:54

And he goes, he was furious, obviously. It's

2:26:56

a business with a kitchen. And

2:26:58

he goes, get in the back, go take a shower, because

2:27:00

they had showers there, the shower,

2:27:02

it changes clothes. And that kept getting

2:27:04

funniest. The night we're on it just

2:27:07

kept aging funnier

2:27:09

and funnier that this guy did it for like

2:27:11

55 dollars. Oh my god. That, I always think,

2:27:13

is maybe the hardest I ever left. You know

2:27:15

what I've really been struck with as you were

2:27:18

telling that story is how I just have a

2:27:20

very, like I really

2:27:22

feel very confident that I know what it would

2:27:24

feel like to pee my pants. Like I know

2:27:26

what it felt like. Yeah. It's kind of like

2:27:28

the, there's a moment where it's like cave-like and

2:27:30

it's dripping and then it's now, aftermath. And then

2:27:32

it gets cold. Yes. But I haven't been in

2:27:34

my pants. I don't know if I've ever peed

2:27:37

my pants, certainly as a child, but like. Yeah,

2:27:39

I don't think, I think, I think you're right.

2:27:41

I think it's like, it's, you're reading a

2:27:43

review of what it would be like, vastly different

2:27:46

to do it. Chris

2:27:48

Thayer, my friend, has a bit about being so

2:27:50

stoned. He wasn't sure if he peed his pants,

2:27:52

which is so funny. You know, it's so funny

2:27:54

because. If you told me I peed my pants,

2:27:57

and you were very certain, I'd be like. When

2:28:00

I used to take, I still will take mushrooms,

2:28:02

but when I used first start, that was the

2:28:04

thing I always went through. Did I pee

2:28:06

my pants? Always. Yeah. I would be out there

2:28:08

like, I know those trees are just, and people

2:28:10

would be like, are you okay? But yeah, for

2:28:12

sure. But I was always like, did I pee?

2:28:14

Yeah. Like, there was some sense in me that

2:28:16

was worried. Yes, oh God. Well,

2:28:19

I've loved every moment. Likewise, Pete. We're gonna read,

2:28:21

it's up to you, you can read it. Do

2:28:23

you wanna read the review? We're trying to get

2:28:25

people, this is from Sue Denham. Sure. You can

2:28:27

read it. Yeah, I did that to Levi's in

2:28:30

the 80s. The zipper caught

2:28:32

my junk. Okay. Oh,

2:28:35

the reason we're reading this review, please give

2:28:37

us a five star and review on iTunes.

2:28:39

It really helps the show. Promo code. Please,

2:28:42

promo code. Smash the like. We

2:28:44

Made It Weird has been an oasis for

2:28:47

me these past few years, starting with the

2:28:49

pandemic. A wonderful place to feel like I'm

2:28:51

having coffee with two sweet, loving, creative, funny

2:28:53

friends, noodling over life's big questions. My

2:28:56

father is in hospice now, and this

2:28:58

episode was just what I needed. Thank

2:29:00

you. Beautiful. Lovely. Well, thank

2:29:02

you, Sue Denham. Well, thank

2:29:05

you. Thank you. Thank

2:29:07

you. Would you say keep it

2:29:10

crispy? It's how we side off. The guest says keep

2:29:12

it crispy. Here we go, ready? Keep

2:29:14

it crispy. As

2:29:16

let him? Hey, treat

2:29:19

it like a Dorito that's not been in the sun or

2:29:21

water. Keep it crispy.

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