0:00

You made it weird, you made

0:02

it weird, you made it weird,

0:05

oh yeah. You made it weird,

0:07

you made it weird, yes you

0:09

did. You made it weird, oh

0:11

yeah. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

0:15

What's happening weirdos? So glad you guys

0:17

are here. This is Michael Rosenbaum, who

0:19

is the host of the incredible podcast

0:22

Inside of You, on which I was

0:24

a guest. He's also had Keanu Reeves,

0:27

J.K. Simmons. He's had some really, really

0:30

heavy hitters. It's always fun, it's pop

0:32

culture, it's interesting, it's introspective. As

0:34

you're about to hear, it's mostly because

0:37

Michael. He's a really, really interesting, deep,

0:39

and wonderful, and fun friend. He also,

0:41

you may know him as Lex Luthor

0:43

from the series Smallville. TV

0:46

Guide included him on the list of the

0:48

60 nastiest villains of all time. And

0:50

no, he did not ask me to say that. I

0:52

just thought that was worth sharing up top. So

0:55

check out Inside of You, enjoy this conversation. Hope

0:58

to see you guys at a show May the 4th. I'm

1:00

here in LA for the Netflix is

1:02

a Joke Fest. Coming to Chicago, coming

1:04

to Houston, Pennsylvania. It's

1:07

all on peteholmes.com. Hope to

1:09

see you guys out there on the road. In the

1:11

meantime, enjoy this chat. Get into

1:13

it. That's for you. And

1:16

also, magic mind. Have you ever had magic

1:18

mind? Drink that.

1:21

Then you'll enjoy this. Yeah,

1:25

but it's frozen. Frozen bomb. That's

1:28

what my friends used to call me. Get

1:30

on the mic. I'm mad at you. Get

1:33

on the mic. My friends used to call

1:35

me frozen bomb. How are you going to

1:37

start with what's clearly a delightful, wonderful

1:40

anecdote? Well, are

1:43

we filming? Yeah. My

1:46

mom used to cook frozen pizzas all

1:48

the time for dinner. She

1:51

was a terrible cook. So shouldn't she have been frozen

1:53

bomb? Well, my friends were always like frozen bomb. Yeah,

1:55

his mom makes frozen pizzas all the time

1:57

for his meals. Can I just say...

2:00

sort of embarrassing. The 80s, 90s.

2:03

Yeah. It

2:06

was a rough time. It was rough. I

2:09

remember I'm

2:11

not proud of this. Oh, we didn't plug that in.

2:14

Does that matter, Katie? No, we're

2:17

still talking. This is still the

2:19

pod. Am I behind you now? What

2:21

are you doing? I just remember that

2:25

in the 90s, when I was in junior high, there

2:28

was a kid, oh, God, I hate the

2:31

story. Well, then don't tell it. No,

2:33

I just want to be on the record that I

2:35

don't like it, that I'm going to tell it. Oh,

2:38

it's okay. You're setting it up like you don't... As

2:40

long as you show remorse. Well, I hope I do.

2:42

Well, that's what we could do. Rob to you by

2:44

Magic Mind. Say it to your camera. Magic

2:47

Mind. Drink it. I'm

2:51

humorless. Shake it. Shake it real good. So

2:54

anyway, what I was going to say was there was a friend

2:56

of ours who, you know, my school

2:58

was in Cambridge. And do you

3:01

want to know what's in it? No shellfish. I'll

3:06

die after shellfish. Really? Mm hmm.

3:08

Frozen bomb? Frozen bomb.

3:10

I don't know if I'd die, but it would not

3:12

be good. He'd puff up like a puffer fish. Yeah.

3:16

Anyway, this kid lived in a condo. Who

3:18

cares? But at the time, we

3:20

just didn't know what that was. Most of the kids lived

3:22

in, I guess, houses. That's

3:24

not even true. But he lived

3:26

in a condo. Now that I'm a grown

3:28

man, I'm like, he lived in a dope

3:30

ass condo. Yeah. But it wasn't what he

3:32

told on TV. Right. On TV, you saw

3:35

a little lawn and a house

3:37

and a driveway. Now as a

3:39

grown man, I'm like, he was in

3:41

Cambridge, Massachusetts in a nice building. Got

3:44

in in the late 80s. They

3:47

got a steal, probably tripled in

3:49

value. But as a kid, I was like, we

3:52

used to joke that he lived in a

3:54

cave. We're like, he lives in a cave. Meanwhile,

3:56

some of those kids that were in on that on

3:58

this horrible cave riff. Also lived in

4:01

condos. It was just they

4:03

were just happy they weren't getting it. Right? Are you sure

4:05

they were condos? Instead

4:07

of apartments? Yeah. Yeah, I just think

4:09

they remember being like this isn't quite

4:12

I don't know. How can you tell we used to

4:14

call them duplexes? Yeah, there

4:16

you go. You know where I grew up It was

4:18

like the dozer twins lived in a duplex a couple

4:21

blocks away and they were just you know It was

4:23

like in a party cat dozer.

4:25

Oh, they were Amy and Robin dozer.

4:27

There were these hot sisters And

4:30

somehow don't ask me. I mean we can get

4:32

into it, but I made out

4:35

with them It was the

4:37

first time I ever kissed a girl, but

4:39

it was a humiliating story, but continue your

4:41

Cambridge story Yeah, I will because I know

4:43

how to host a podcast What

4:46

happened? What so my

4:48

friend Danny cutter and I were outside

4:50

Danny Danny old Danny and you know,

4:52

it's funny it becomes friends with him

4:55

We had just moved in in 1980 and

4:57

I I was sitting there depressed

4:59

on my My porch

5:02

and my dad was mowing the lawn He had one

5:04

of these mowers that didn't have

5:06

the bag attached to just shit and rocks

5:08

and stuff would fly into his face Yeah,

5:12

he was I was he get a grass catcher

5:14

dad. Get a bag get a bag get a

5:16

bag daddy goes What's wrong with you? I go.

5:18

I don't have any friends. He's like

5:22

Well, why don't you just knock on every door in the neighborhood and

5:24

see if they have a kid your age who's 10 years old

5:26

He wants you to go Jehovah's Witness. That's exactly what

5:28

I did. I knocked on every door. Hi. My name

5:31

is Michael I'm 10. Do you have a kid I

5:33

could play with? No door closed door closed door closed

5:35

and then one door Opened and

5:37

it was mrs. Cutter and she had great

5:40

boobs I remember that because

5:42

you know this little horn dog monster that she

5:44

was well into her life Well, no, I didn't

5:46

I didn't I didn't think about her

5:48

boobs then but one day Well, I became friends with

5:50

Danny. I Walked by

5:52

the bedroom and she was putting on her bra

5:55

and I saw her boobs and I was she's

5:57

at Michael Michael And then I

5:59

and I never forgot those boobs. They

6:01

were just slightly panned. The

6:03

boobs themselves? What is

6:06

she going to topless bar? No, they weren't

6:08

really panned. She was just, she got a

6:10

darker complexion. And they were very

6:12

pleasant and plump. And

6:14

I've dreamt about those boobs for

6:17

years. It's very true. Well, can

6:19

I say unexpected boobs? Unexpected

6:22

boobs. Unexpected boobs. If you get a side

6:24

breath when it's unexpected, that's enough to keep

6:26

you going. I was walking right down over

6:29

here on Vermont. And

6:31

there was a place that did burlesque. What's funny

6:33

is you could go in. I don't think there

6:35

was even a cover. I could go in and

6:38

see boobs. That's what

6:40

burlesque is. It sort of is. It's

6:42

like, but it's kind of funny. So you feel like

6:44

less geezy. It's like, yeah, it's a joke. It's fun.

6:47

It's a joke. In your mind, you're like, hmm. Like

6:49

the guy in the, in the nineties, it was like,

6:51

let's watch this porno. It's hilarious. Like that

6:53

kid. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's so funny.

6:55

I still remember Tyler Mack

6:58

was like, and then they start doing it and

7:01

the sound she makes is hilarious. And then he

7:03

puts it on him. Like, I can't watch porn

7:05

with other guys. Me neither. I remember one kid

7:07

put porn on and I was just like, fun,

7:09

comfortable. I'm out. I can't do that.

7:11

And he was just there and she

7:13

was making a weird sound. And I

7:15

was just like, how is this what

7:17

you wanted to do? Yeah. And it's

7:19

not funny. It's to quote Dr.

7:22

Gary, fed my therapist. It's very erotic.

7:24

Yeah. And I don't want to be

7:26

here. A bunch of guys getting aroused

7:28

together in a room. It's not for

7:30

me. Not for me anyway. Danny. Wait,

7:32

wait, wait. There was something I was

7:34

telling you. Oh, we're not going to

7:36

forget you and your boobs. Well, wait, the bride, the

7:38

bride, the bride, the bride. So when you saw the,

7:40

I could have gone in the

7:42

front and seen the boobs, but instead I

7:44

was walking by and I looked up to

7:47

the second story and that's where they were

7:49

changing. These are women that get naked for

7:51

their job, but I saw accidental boobs on

7:53

the sidewalk. Boobs. I still think about them.

7:55

See, it's when you're not supposed to see

7:57

something. You're not supposed to see behind the

7:59

curve. Can I actually exactly and can

8:01

I bring a little

8:03

neuroscience in this? Yes, please

8:06

Dopamine the way it works is if you're

8:08

expecting Dopamine like if I

8:10

say Michael do you want to go get an ice cream with me? You

8:13

actually start releasing these predicting dopamine feelings, which

8:15

actually kind of evens out the whole experience

8:17

I'm gonna get ice cream I'm gonna get

8:19

ice cream then you eat it and it's

8:22

like I knew I was gonna get ice

8:24

cream and it's not as Much of a

8:26

thrill surprise boobs is the way dopamine works

8:28

at its best is when it's a surprise

8:31

So you do a show or you do a

8:33

scene and you thought it was gonna be bad

8:35

and it was great Then you get a huge

8:37

hit that surprise. Well, yeah same thing It's like

8:39

if you're if you're doing stand-up Yes, and

8:41

you go out there and you're expecting not

8:43

a big crowd on Tuesday and it's past

8:45

I'm telling you you're like, whoa One

8:48

of the best nights in my career Was

8:51

in Tempe, Arizona And it was New

8:53

Year's weekend and both my opener and

8:55

I are like it's the night before

8:57

New Year's Who's gonna be there? Yeah

9:00

sold out. Okay fine, but they're gonna

9:02

be terrible best crowd of the tour

9:04

And I was like we were like

9:07

you ever get you ever feel so good

9:09

It's embarrassing like you kind of have to

9:11

like pretend you're normal like hello Like we

9:13

felt so good because our brains were prepping

9:16

for You sat on

9:18

your porch and your dad tells you

9:20

to knock on door feeling but then

9:22

we got you saw some some naturally

9:24

tan boobs with I

9:27

say jibs cuz they're jiggling not cuz

9:29

they're Jewish boobs and cutter Jan

9:33

Dead she died. Oh, no. Yeah. Well,

9:35

we're see that just completely turned it

9:38

around or are we honoring? We're

9:40

honoring her and her but lovely bosoms We

9:43

are part of it. Yeah, it's okay. Do you

9:45

like the word bosom? I

9:47

don't mind it Like I

9:49

don't like bosom buddies. Oh,

9:52

they're bosom buddies. What do we nursing on

9:54

each teach? What is your is

9:57

that what it is? I don't know these bosom

9:59

buddies What's your

10:01

favorite word to describe

10:04

breasts? She has great

10:06

breasts, great boobs,

10:09

tits, bosoms. Where's

10:12

Jugs on this list? Jugs. You know what

10:14

I call my wife's? What? Cheggers.

10:17

Cheggers. I go, I love your

10:19

Cheggers, baby. Nice Cheggers. I

10:22

like it, but I'll say it in earnest, which

10:24

is weird. I'll go like, you have the best

10:27

Cheggers in the business. We have these, we watch

10:29

horror movies. I have horror movie nights at my

10:31

house for all my horror movie buddies. And we

10:33

watch them and for some reason,

10:35

we get all giggly and fun when we see

10:37

boobs and some old, especially the older horror movies,

10:39

you see a lot of boobs. Yeah, the cheapest.

10:42

And we're like, I'm like, oh my God, this

10:45

movie just jumped up to a B or

10:47

whatever. We have a, but like, if you

10:49

see a, if you see a

10:51

boob. When I was a kid and I'd watch,

10:53

there was like a college TV

10:55

station. So kind of like pirate radio, but

10:57

it was a TV station. And they just

10:59

air movies. And there are certain movies where

11:01

you can't cut around the nudity. You

11:04

know, once I learned this, like his background

11:06

nudity. Like it's a part, it's like Tom

11:08

Hanks, the frat house movie, party

11:10

house, I think it's called. Something like that. Something

11:12

like that. Doesn't matter. There's a

11:14

scene where the cops bust in and there's

11:16

hundreds of extras. And a lot of them

11:18

are topless. What are you gonna just not

11:20

show that scene? Continuity! Yeah. So

11:22

guess who's seeing, you know,

11:24

little standard definition. Slumber party

11:26

massacre. There's just a

11:28

scene. It's so random. It's like a shower

11:31

scene. We're sounding like such pigs, but we're

11:33

kids. We're watching these. And it's

11:35

just a dolly and naked butts. And

11:37

then a girl turns around and it's

11:39

her boobs. And then she turns back

11:42

and now we tilt down. And then

11:44

we tilt up. We see boos. We

11:46

go to the next, and there's no

11:48

reason. They're just, the camera's just checking

11:51

them out. This camera operator was hired

11:53

for a reason. I picture

11:55

him. He's got a Hawaiian shirt, nothing underneath it.

11:58

Great shot, Mick. Moustache, dark

12:00

mustache, cigarette, always dangling, bald but

12:02

long in the back. That's who's

12:04

shooting this movie. Yeah. Do

12:07

you remember in the 80s, it was pervy

12:09

to have cameras? Do you

12:11

remember like the feeling, like picture a guy in

12:13

a vest filled with film, but he's not working

12:15

for a newspaper. He's just kind of at the

12:17

beach. It's just a perv. Yeah, just

12:19

a perv. It was okay to put those pervs

12:21

in there. Pervs were out. Pervs

12:24

were just out snapping. Pervy. Telephoto

12:26

lenses. And I knew this was true because if you

12:28

read, I liked video production even as a kid, and

12:30

if you read those, they always had the grossest abs.

12:32

It was always like, are you a perv? Like

12:35

do you want to be pervy? Yeah, you're

12:38

right. And then now everyone is constantly taking

12:40

photos all the time everywhere. But in the

12:42

80s and 90s, it was just guys with

12:44

dark, dark mustaches, cigarettes, and a fisherman's butt.

12:47

And those mustaches are coming back now. You

12:49

sure are. The thing is, I

12:51

can't grow one. It doesn't look right on me. Really?

12:54

It's not good in a mustache, but you think it's too... Is

12:57

that a fad? Is it going to go away again? When

12:59

I see these things circling back, I'm

13:01

just like, there's nothing. We're

13:04

out. We're out of ideas. Like AI

13:06

was... Nothing with movies. Computers... Not

13:09

AI, but computers were saying, they crunched the

13:11

numbers and they're like, music

13:14

is a finite resource and you're going

13:16

to be out of new melodies by

13:18

a certain year. Like they predicted the

13:20

year would run out. That's how I

13:22

feel about fashion. I see kids... I

13:25

sound like an oldie, but who cares? I

13:27

see kids these days and they're dressed like I dressed in

13:29

1995. The

13:31

baggy flannel. I don't like 90s. You're wearing cargo

13:34

pants. Yeah, but I don't like 90s. I

13:36

don't like the high jeans. H.J.S.

13:40

I always do that. I

13:43

was like, ooh, S.B.'s. What's

13:46

that? Side breasts. S.B.'s. I

13:49

always say the letters like it makes it better. S.S.B.s. Surprise

13:51

side breasts. My friend John named, John

13:53

Heater, Napoleon Dynamite, who I... Yeah, which

13:55

you hooked up... Yeah, because he's such

13:58

a funny guy, but like... I

14:00

kinda got it from him and his

14:02

friends, but like he's in the SMU. Secret

14:05

Mormon underwear. Yes, I did talk about that.

14:07

Not the MCU, he's in the SMU. But

14:10

like I said, you know, he'll be like, oh

14:12

my god. He'll

14:14

say things but he won't swear. You

14:17

know, he'll be like, yes. Did

14:19

you see her, did

14:21

you see her boobies? He totally showed her bees. Oh

14:24

man. Oh man, boobs? I saw her

14:26

a-hole. I saw her boob. I saw her bees.

14:28

Did you see her pH?

14:31

No. She showed her

14:33

pH, then she showed her pH. Dude,

14:35

this is LDS Latter-day Saint Dirty Talk.

14:37

Oh man, your tees are so bouncy.

14:41

Show me that, sweet sweetie. And

14:43

if you're real good, show me that pee. Oh,

14:46

I'm gonna J. I'm gonna J. I'm

14:48

gonna J-O-so-um. I'm J-O-so-um. I'm

14:51

J-O-so-um. I'm J-O-so-um. I'm J-O-so-um.

14:53

I'm J-O-so-um. I'm J-O-so-um. I'm

14:56

J-O-so-um. I'm J-O-so-um. I'm J-O-so-um. Much?

15:00

I'm J-O-so-um. You won't say

15:02

much now? Now we're just

15:04

in letters. I-S-M. Or

15:06

an acronym. It's so much. He yelled towards

15:08

the end. He does, but now I start

15:11

to do that. I go, oh man,

15:14

that's flippin'. Yeah. Girl.

15:17

Can I say something hot? We're gonna get back to you kissing

15:19

those twins. Oh my God, I forgot about those. The sisters.

15:22

I think it's really funny to say- The dozers.

15:24

You know how my life is funny? There's

15:26

certain things. This

15:28

is top of the list for me. It's

15:31

frickin' freezing in here, Mr. Bigglesworth. Is

15:33

a very surprising, delightful way to say

15:36

it's cold. For me. It's

15:39

frickin' freezing in here. From lots of hours. What

15:41

did you see, Mr. What? Mr. Bigglesworth. Mr. Bigglesworth.

15:43

But you can just say it's frickin' freezing in

15:45

here. I think it's funny. It's frickin' freezing in

15:47

here. It's frickin' freezing in here. It's funnier. Yeah.

15:50

My favorite one, Casey Affleck, Good Will Hunting, for

15:52

the TV edit. The

15:55

line is, keep fuckin' with me, watch

15:57

what happens, for the TV edit.

16:00

They have him doing all they go

16:02

no keep antagonizing me watch what happens

16:04

guess which one's in the movie Antagonize

16:07

it cuz that's that's frickin funny. That's

16:09

50 times Keep

16:11

antagonizing me watch what happens in the Boston

16:14

accent. I haven't seen that in so long

16:16

gwh. Do you remember a lot? Good

16:19

one Definitely

16:23

touch your teeth Put

16:27

your F around my tea why is your torso

16:29

an H? Why is your

16:31

tip so hot? No heater

16:34

no heavy no ha Dude

16:44

I was miles from getting up Hard

16:49

but I didn't get it when you're doing that

16:51

I was like veiny like I was still way

16:54

off When you

16:56

don't have it you don't have it when you

16:58

don't have it you don't have it when you

17:00

don't have it You don't have it. Oh you've

17:02

gotten us so many great guests for this show

17:04

Jay Alexander Jason Alexander He

17:07

was a love Jason Alex you got it You know

17:10

you haven't got me any guys sure I've

17:12

tried you have tried. I've tried you really

17:14

have tried I emailed Chris Evans. You're the

17:16

only guest you don't bar. You don't bother

17:18

Chris. I bet can you still bother him?

17:21

No, I feel bad that I bothered him you only

17:23

bothered him once and he Appropriately just

17:26

kind of let it slide he never responded. I

17:29

don't I don't like this shots fired tone.

17:31

We're taking he's Captain America He

17:33

cannot reply to my hey. Do you want

17:35

to do my buddy? He's so funny. It's

17:37

a great podcast Come on.

17:40

They do me a flavor Captain America

17:42

Chris I Salute

17:44

you Chris. You're you're great

17:48

I thought you're gonna be like fuck you dude do my podcast

17:50

LC no you've gotten us so many guests.

17:53

That's how hard I look I like you

17:55

I think you're super funny and talented and

17:57

you're a kind man, and I have no

18:00

problem. NP? Asking

18:02

friends. AF. I know, but

18:04

you have a lot of cool ass friends, dude. Well,

18:06

you know, I don't know. I mean, we tried to

18:08

get- I know a lot of people now from doing

18:10

the podcast so long, but I wouldn't say I'm friends

18:12

with everybody. I'm like, have I saw them all?

18:14

You know what I mean? Oh, no. Acquaintances

18:17

that I like. Let's upgrade that. I like to think

18:19

of it as allies? Sure.

18:22

Teammates. I

18:24

got a lot of teammates. You know, I

18:26

got a lot of friendlies. Friendlies. Friendlies.

18:30

Chris Evans and I aren't friends, but

18:32

he's a friendly. You know, like Billy

18:34

Dee Williams. He's a

18:36

kind man, and he goes, oh yeah, Michael.

18:38

Billy Dee did the podcast. He just is

18:40

on it. It went viral. He was an

18:42

amazing guest. He came over the house. He's

18:44

86 years old. And I'm like, did

18:48

you audition for Star Wars? He goes, no,

18:50

no, I didn't. And

18:53

at the very end, I was geeking out

18:55

a little bit, but we talked about everything

18:57

life and like- Did

18:59

you? Yes. Did you? I

19:02

did. He was like, let me tell

19:04

you, he's like, he's like, he goes, women, they

19:06

love me. They would pass out. No,

19:09

no, seriously, women would faint when they saw

19:11

me. Billy Dee? Oh yeah.

19:13

And at the very end of the

19:15

podcast, I go, will you sign my

19:17

Lando Calrissian statue? He goes, I'd

19:20

be happy to. I'm sorry, CA?

19:23

It says agency CAA because

19:25

that's class act action. He was

19:28

class act. Class act. What

19:30

surprised you about, what's the dude who plays

19:32

Reacher's name? We tried to get him on this

19:34

pod. Alan Rickson. He's really blowing up. He's

19:36

doing a guy Ritchie movie. He's coming out and

19:39

he's doing a lot of stuff. No, he's

19:41

great. He's the sweetest guy. I tried. No,

19:44

I know. We all tried. The

19:46

rest of the podcast is just- But he also gave me,

19:48

I emailed his people. Oh yeah, yeah,

19:50

yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is my clothes. Katie?

19:54

I've got into an ice cream cone. That's

19:58

too close. Who

20:00

did it like this? Someone did a whole episode like

20:02

this. How about this? In

20:04

a world, no creatures, millions

20:06

of years of evolution, without

20:09

change, without fear, without

20:11

logic. It is as though God created

20:13

the devil and gave him...jaws. See

20:17

it before you go swimming. How's

20:20

that? That was excellent. Thank you. Was

20:22

that the real copy? That was something like that, yeah. I

20:24

never left the house as a kid. I

20:26

know, I could tell from being at

20:29

your house. Okay, let's get to your

20:31

love of pop culture after you finish

20:33

the story about the two kisses. Look,

20:35

I became friends with this guy Danny

20:38

Cutter, whose mom had nice boobs, Jan.

20:40

His late mother. One time in the

20:42

summer, we're hanging out and Julie Montgomery

20:44

lived up the street, goes, hey, me,

20:47

Amy Dozer and Robin Dozer, the

20:50

twins, are going to this...there's this

20:52

house that is for

20:54

sale and there's no one in there and we're

20:57

just going to hang out and drink. And it

20:59

was like, I wasn't a drinker

21:01

or whatever. I was a kid. I was

21:03

probably 10? 10, maybe? You were

21:05

10 when you started the story, yeah. Maybe 9 or

21:07

10, something like that. I remember it was 1980, 81.

21:11

I think it was 8. But

21:14

we went to this house and I remember I was

21:16

in my swimming trunks still. They were still wet, which

21:18

was probably good because it blended in with whatever else

21:20

was wet. No,

21:22

I was too young for that. I started puberty

21:24

delay. Anyway, I'm in there and... You mean a self-jizz?

21:27

Yeah, but I was blanks then. I didn't even know

21:29

what was going on. I had no hair on my balls

21:31

until I was like 40 or 15. You jaded before

21:33

you were blowing jade? I never jade at that age.

21:35

I never jade blanks. I never

21:37

jade until I was probably 15 and then I was

21:39

15 or 16. I

21:42

didn't start puberty delayed. That's

21:44

when I started S'ing L's. Shooting

21:47

loads? Yes. We're

21:50

going to play it's like $25,000 pyramid. Very good at it. Are

21:53

you? Very good at it.

21:55

All right, so we went to this A.H.

21:58

Alcoholic house. abandoned

22:00

house and we sat

22:03

in the basement and we one

22:05

thing led to another we were playing spin the bottle and no

22:09

it was truth or dare sorry it was truth

22:11

or dare and and someone said they go

22:14

I dare Danny to

22:16

kiss Amy Dozer and he kissed her

22:19

I dare and then Danny kissed the other girl

22:22

and then I kissed one and I didn't know

22:24

what I was doing I'm telling you I was

22:28

just so scared but h as

22:30

are hard as a rock yes

22:32

and he looked at

22:34

the cage Katie's not even listening to this GLT

22:36

don't look to Katie don't look at Katie so

22:38

I was kissing them and you

22:44

know and then Danny was kissing end of

22:47

the night fast-forward we're walking

22:49

up the street back home and

22:52

both Dozer twins are holding Danny's hand they

22:54

were twins yeah those are twins they were

22:56

twins sorry they were twins the dozer twins

22:59

and they were both holding Danny's hands

23:02

both of them and Julie

23:05

was there and I was

23:07

in the back by myself

23:09

and they were like Danny's such a good kisser

23:11

he you're such a good kisser and

23:13

I was just like oh my god that

23:15

was my first experience and I remember

23:17

Julie Montgomery walked back and she goes hey

23:19

you're good too you're fine Julie you're

23:22

the queen but I but she was she

23:24

was kind of yeah being patronizing

23:27

or whatever or like you know sort

23:29

of she did and I just I

23:33

remember walking home by myself

23:35

going I'm such a loser

23:37

and that's what I remember the dozer twins

23:39

buddy I'm gonna join you in the shame sauna

23:41

all right SS don't say SS there's certain acronym

23:43

I was the shortest kid in my school through

23:46

high school what go ahead yeah I'm

23:49

sorry yeah little Rosie and then I grew

23:51

after high school little frozen bird eight inches

23:53

after high school yeah you did whoa

24:01

That's not pleasant. I hated every moment of

24:03

that tapping. My first,

24:06

it was at camp, there

24:09

was, it's funny the games we play to

24:11

like have these life experiences. You're playing Truth

24:13

or Dare. My camp was

24:15

just like, there were a lot of British counselors. I've

24:17

told the story before, I'll keep it brief. And

24:20

we found out that French kissing in the British

24:22

culture was called snogging. Snogging? Did

24:24

you snogga? You

24:27

guys were right snogging, did you? Is that what

24:29

they said? Right after you gave

24:31

her a shag, first you snog, then you

24:33

shag, then you be your elf. That's a

24:35

bit backwards. Ale to the chief. No,

24:38

that's us. Long live the

24:40

queen. We have

24:42

ale to the chief. They have. Yeah.

24:44

You got it. The queen is dead.

24:47

Wait, what? The queen died? This is

24:49

me fighting. Yeah. This is me

24:51

fighting. But go ahead. Snogging. It just

24:53

became like a thing. I don't know

24:55

how these, I don't know how these

24:57

currencies start, but people are like, people

24:59

are snogging. There's just snogging going around.

25:01

And here I am like 11 years

25:03

old and I'm like, I'm wet and

25:05

fucking red, just red and

25:07

wet and jiggly and wearing probably like

25:09

a silken shirt, like a little accountant.

25:11

And I'm just going around probably fucking

25:14

rubber bands on my braces and

25:16

a weird high and tight haircut. And I'm

25:18

just fucking goof. You were nowhere near snogging.

25:21

I'm not snoggable. Now I'm highly snoggable.

25:23

Yeah. Get my wife's chuggers in the

25:25

mix. We're snogging. Oh yeah. So

25:28

anyway, I'm going around. Yes, those C's. But

25:31

I would, nice. I

25:33

was camp cool. So camp was the only

25:35

place that I got to be cool. Found

25:37

out snogging was happening. I kind of put

25:39

it out on the street or

25:41

the dirt path as it were at this

25:43

low fight camp that I was down for

25:45

a snog. I wanted to snog because people

25:47

were snogging. And Crystal, I

25:49

still remember her name. She was a little

25:51

bit older. I'm sitting in the common area.

25:54

Speaking about watching porn together. I'm just sitting

25:56

on a couch and she told me at some

25:58

point she's like, I'm going to come up and I'm going to snog. You

26:00

won't know when it's coming. Thank you. In

26:03

my mind, she was the most beautiful girl

26:06

in the world. Really? Yeah.

26:09

Crystal what? I don't know her. I

26:11

don't know her. Crystal Geyser. Yeah, she owns

26:13

the water company. Crystal Geyser. I mean, she

26:15

was...the way that I remember her

26:18

was mysterious. Okay.

26:20

Smokey. Interesting. And

26:22

probably shaped my whole, you know,

26:25

identity in that way. You

26:28

know what I mean? Yeah. I guess I'm hesitating

26:30

to say this because we are talking about maybe

26:32

we were older, like 16 to be honest. That's

26:36

kind of older. Yeah. You hadn't

26:38

snogged? I hadn't snogged yet. Yeah.

26:41

I'm very bad at remembering what she was. I was bad at

26:43

snogging. No, this is the point of my

26:45

story. You were

26:47

ashamed that you felt bad at kissing.

26:50

Crystal comes up, sits on my lap, and

26:53

I remember she gave out a little, like a

26:55

growl, and she snogged me. And

26:57

I didn't know what to do. So

26:59

I'm just sitting there, and I go, right?

27:02

I just thought that's what snogging was. Get

27:04

the tongue in there. And

27:06

then she pulls away, and as she pulls away, she

27:08

goes, I didn't know you were just going to stick

27:10

your tongue in my mouth. And

27:12

she was like, who are you saying that to, Crystal?

27:15

So I felt shame. Bad

27:18

kiss. B-K-S. Bad

27:20

kiss, shame. It could honestly,

27:22

those things devastate you as

27:24

a child. Those little things that

27:26

you're embarrassed by. I

27:28

didn't start puberty-related, as I told you. And sometimes people

27:31

will play basketball, and they play shirts or skins. And

27:33

I go, I'll take the zero. I'm just not going

27:35

to play. Because I had no hair in my arms.

27:37

I remember Mike Curry was the hairiest kid around. Hair,

27:39

tons of hair under his arms at like 12. Wait,

27:42

you wanted hair? He's like, yeah, he goes, Rosenbaum, why

27:44

don't you have any hair under your arms? You're 14.

27:47

I'm like, oh, I'm a swimmer. What? Oh,

27:50

we shave it. I remember hearing that.

27:53

And so swimmers shaved their bodies. So

27:56

I just said, oh, I swim. So it's

27:59

aerodynamic. I'm dead

28:01

that you said you prepped You

28:05

are like where they should I remember at

28:08

like 14 or 15. I remember Hearing

28:12

that swimmers they shave their bodies or whatever. So

28:14

I go well, I'm on so I'm looking for

28:16

the on swim team So that's why I shave

28:20

Wow Yes, can I

28:22

say? shirts

28:24

versus skins What is

28:26

this Guantanamo Bay? Have you ever heard of that?

28:29

Yeah, because I'm the chunky stuff

28:31

you're the hairless and I

28:34

was puny Little

28:36

dude the puny hairless community has nothing

28:38

on the gawky chunk stuff community We

28:40

don't we don't recognize your plight I

28:43

would have loved to be small and hairless

28:45

instead of a sure don't got

28:48

that don't question Were you that heavy don't go

28:50

were you happy? It doesn't I'm gonna tell you

28:52

a little something about heaviness If

28:54

you're the heaviest You're that

28:56

heavy. It doesn't matter you were the heavy

28:58

heavy just praise that there's another heavy. Did

29:01

you cry? Did

29:03

you oh, yeah, I

29:05

would honestly pray to God to start puberty.

29:07

Give me hairs on my arms Give

29:10

me something give me a bigger weiner Something

29:13

and then everything worked out big

29:16

but it took time big wing big

29:18

wing big wing W's big wing or anger.

29:21

I'm just comfortable. Yeah, I'm comfortable. I don't I

29:23

don't look at it as a I don't I

29:25

don't see No complaints. Yeah, I'm

29:27

not like Symbol

29:30

like okay. So here I

29:32

I guess I remember very distinctly

29:34

playing shirt very vivid memory And

29:37

I remember it from two perspectives meaning

29:39

it's D Personalized which

29:42

is weird right? I'm chunk I'm

29:44

sweating in ways that they're not and there's this

29:46

little guy and he's good with the ball and

29:49

I get over him I put my hand up

29:51

and I remember I'm and then there's like a

29:53

like a lava lamp ask And

29:56

then the kid was like he I

29:58

love this kid he goes I

30:01

hate being short is what he said.

30:03

I don't even guy in the elevator

30:05

droopy dog going down No,

30:07

I was just so happy that

30:10

he saw me as tall first

30:13

Chunk style second and I

30:15

love that kid because the whole game is

30:17

how you remember that I'm not counting points

30:19

I'm just counting how many people are kind

30:21

of being groovy and that kid was

30:23

the groovish is where people kind to you in the

30:26

90s well As

30:28

the heavy kid, I didn't get it that bad That's

30:31

good. You probably can kick somebody's ass your

30:33

tall guy. That's what they say

30:35

about us tall How tall were you in

30:38

high school? I was about this

30:40

height six threes. How tall are you in like going

30:42

into high school? Yeah,

30:44

I think I hit my growth spurt right

30:46

on classic Norman Rockwell schedule between eighth and

30:48

ninth grade. It's like Oh,

30:51

yeah, nobody wanted a message. What are you six for? I'm

30:54

now I'm six six now. Oh, so

30:56

nobody could nobody was in a mess with you. They

30:58

say that but I'll tell you from

31:00

a tall it just You

31:03

know what you watch those movies and there's the job like

31:05

Ant-Man and he's like Yes

31:12

And the little guys are like And

31:15

also I just wasn't tough or anything I

31:17

do wonder like I lived in a bad neighborhood in New

31:19

York And I think my height maybe helped me there because

31:21

people were people were getting jumped a lot really and I

31:24

remember that Was the only time that I was like, oh

31:26

I'm glad I'm tall and

31:28

I don't want I should live seventh a seventh in a

31:30

Seventh in a yeah, I'll have that city in the 60s.

31:32

I Lived on

31:34

something a though you did. Yeah when I was You

31:38

know trying to be an actor after college is

31:40

living in New York City. Nice right near where

31:42

Gigi Allen used to Is

31:44

that true? That's true. You when did you

31:46

move to New York City? Uh, right after

31:48

college. I was Probably was 1995.

31:50

So you got some hair. I Had

31:55

puberty hit it still skinny had long hair.

31:57

I had messed up teeth because I I

31:59

got punched in the face once in high

32:01

school and my teeth were

32:04

like, Time out. Yeah. What

32:06

happened? You really want to know?

32:08

You got punched in the face and there

32:10

was this. Well, I played, I played

32:13

hockey, but I wasn't, I was short and

32:15

like not, you know, not a big, tough

32:17

kid, but there was this

32:19

other kid named, I

32:21

won't say his name, but,

32:23

uh, he was,

32:26

he did not like me and my

32:28

dad kind of didn't like his

32:30

father and, and his father

32:33

knew it or whatever. And my dad

32:36

called him some, some name or something.

32:38

And so we're at a basketball game,

32:40

South Spencer, and I'm with my friend,

32:42

Tom. No, my friend, Pat and CJ,

32:44

and we're at the game and all

32:47

of a sudden, um, I'm

32:49

behind this kid a little ways and the

32:51

kid turns around and goes, your dad needs

32:53

to shut his mouth and

32:56

I go, I go, why don't you

32:58

shut your mouth? I'm trying to launch a game here. And

33:01

people started laughing. Oh, you got

33:03

to laugh. And then he said something. He goes,

33:05

yeah, you want me to kick your ass? I go, well, there's

33:07

a guy. I remember just going, like, I go right here in

33:09

the middle of the game, you know,

33:11

and I just started little buddy hack it

33:14

over here. And I was just like, I

33:16

realized, wow, my comebacks are funny. They might

33:18

not be right now, but they were funny

33:20

then. And if you're

33:22

even trying to come back back, I was, I

33:24

was doing great, but that's the only way I

33:26

could defend myself. And I realized it at a

33:28

young age. And this guy

33:31

goes, he goes, I'm going to

33:33

kick your ass after the game. I'm going to kick your

33:35

ass. And he was a bigger kid and

33:37

we wouldn't you in your day planner? Yeah.

33:41

Think of the comebacks. You get like, I'm going to kick your

33:43

ass after that. So it's like, set a reminder. But

33:46

you betray that you're from the future. You're going to set

33:48

a reminder on your iPhone. And everyone looks at you like,

33:51

oh no, I'm from the future. Or I'll set

33:53

an alarm from my ass so it knows to

33:55

be kicked by your foot after, you know, there

33:57

you go. Right. The nineties. Yeah. And then I,

33:59

we started to drive. home Pat was

34:01

driving and he goes somebody's

34:03

tailgating us he's like tailing us not tailgating

34:05

wait don't you forget you had an ass

34:07

kicking on well we let we left a

34:10

little bit earlier something I remember we left

34:12

and we didn't think much of it was

34:14

later in the game like so and so

34:16

it's so and so yeah it's

34:19

Rhodes let's just call him Rhodes not

34:22

a Rhodes Scholar I'm gonna yeah well anyway

34:25

he's and he goes Pat's like

34:27

what do you want me to do and I don't know what

34:29

got into me I go pull

34:32

over in the McDonald's parking lot I

34:35

don't I don't know to this day why I did that

34:37

there's billions and billions served and a few fights yeah

34:40

and I said pull over he goes are you serious

34:42

I'm like yeah pull over I'm like

34:44

that nerd and days confused I'm just gonna kick

34:46

his ass and he gets laid out you remember

34:48

Adam Goldberg the actor anyway I love that movie

34:51

so we go to McDonald's when parking lot and the guy comes

34:54

out and goes man you need to learn shut your mouth Rosenbaum

34:56

and I go I go I go I go

34:58

I start mouthing them again

35:00

and he's like you know I go all right

35:02

you know are you gonna hit me or you

35:04

know are we gonna like keep talking about this

35:07

how long did you schedule for this meeting I

35:09

was just like going you know shut up love

35:11

I was just trying to stick up for myself

35:13

and not act like a wimp in front all

35:15

these people and I turned

35:18

my head to turn to say something and

35:20

he just went boom wait when you turned

35:22

away yes he

35:25

punched me and I just

35:27

remember I got a little numb and there

35:29

was a little blood and he came at me and

35:31

I just grabbed him so he wouldn't hit me again

35:33

and I kind of threw

35:36

him in like both of us into

35:38

the McDonald's door and it shattered the

35:40

McDonald's glass door and

35:43

bada bada bada bada bada

35:45

bada and

35:48

that's what and in a McFlurry of

35:50

glass and the minute lying everywhere yes

35:54

that's what happened and all

35:57

of a sudden it was like you know we were all there

35:59

and the manager comes out everybody gets

36:01

in their cars and I

36:04

go home and I've got this my teeth are

36:06

kind of like wait wait. What does the manager

36:08

say don't worry about it? No, he started to

36:11

come out and he's like, you know, and we

36:13

just took off and I

36:15

went home Typical parents I

36:17

go so and so Rhodes punched me in

36:19

the face and my dad's like

36:22

Didn't give a shit just was like Oh Barely

36:25

looked down from the hustler magazine. He was

36:27

casually reading in the living room No, he's

36:29

with my mom. He just he's never paid

36:31

much attention to me So I went up

36:33

to my room and I put some ice

36:35

on my face and the next day I

36:37

went to school And I remember in the

36:39

cafeteria. I walk in I had a little

36:42

a little bit of a puffy lip nothing bad

36:44

and Rhodes

36:48

Walks into the cafeteria and sits down at

36:50

the table and he's got a cast on

36:52

his hand He's got

36:54

like this from husband. Yes, so

36:57

he's injured from yours Steel

37:00

jaw. Yes, and

37:02

I was like and and people at the table

37:04

started start making fun of him It was like

37:07

who won that fight dude And they started like,

37:09

you know laughing sort of Adam and he was

37:11

like, you know a popular kid and everything and

37:13

I was just like, oh my god and later

37:15

that day I Swear

37:17

to God. I'll never forget it. It's

37:20

like out of a movie it's the end

37:22

of the period and I

37:25

go to the bathroom and I'm

37:28

taking a piss and who walks in the

37:30

bathroom. No one else is in there roads

37:32

and Rhodes is in there

37:34

and he goes up to the urinal. He goes

37:39

Gotta learn to shut your fucking mouth man That's

37:42

his one line. Yeah, and I just looked at him

37:44

and I go You

37:46

started it And

37:50

we both pee together And

37:53

then sound of and urine

37:55

and then that was it

37:57

you were golden I mean never

38:00

went after me again, but like. We

38:03

just had someone on the podcast, do you remember

38:05

who it was? I'll never forget that. Like after

38:07

you fight, you're kind of like, you become friends?

38:09

No, we weren't friends. Johnny Knoxville was like, after

38:12

you would get in a fight. No, we were

38:14

never friends. I think there was more of like,

38:16

he never bothered me again. And

38:18

it happened again, this one kid named

38:21

Davey Barnes, I used to come out

38:23

of my health class and my

38:25

books. And as I was walking, he'd go,

38:27

boom, and hit my books and knock them

38:29

out. And I remember,

38:31

he did it a couple of times, it

38:33

just fell off my boner from health class.

38:36

And I remember one time, again,

38:39

bigger kid, and I just

38:41

lost it one day. And

38:44

I think I was thinking about it the whole class, if

38:46

he does this again, here's what I'm going to do, here's

38:48

what I'm going to do. And I built myself up. That's

38:50

what happens when you establish a pattern. You're bullying in the

38:52

same style. Maybe somebody's going to

38:54

set a bully trap. Yeah, and he did

38:56

it. And I go, I

38:58

go, motherfucker, you do that one more guy, I swear

39:00

to God, I'm going to kick your fucking ass, man.

39:03

Don't ever knock my, and I screamed at him. He's

39:07

like, whoa, whoa, dude. And

39:12

laughed and kind of walked, never bothered me again

39:15

though. I fucking love you. Never

39:17

bothered me again. I knew I would get beat up.

39:19

I wasn't a big kid, but I did stick up

39:21

for myself. You know, can

39:23

I, at times, here's a pitch. Yeah,

39:26

it's fucked up. You

39:28

ready? Take

39:31

the book on the top, put some text

39:33

through the cover, so there's a spiky front,

39:35

and then let them do it. Let

39:38

them do it. Rewind. Fuck

39:40

you, dude. Fuck you, Barnes. You

39:43

did it to yourself. F you, DB. F you. Davey

39:46

Barnes. Davey Barnes is the

39:48

name. Every

39:52

name you have used thus far. I

39:54

gotta use that one of my scripts, Davey Barnes.

39:57

You feel like, when did you

39:59

lose your verge? I think I

40:01

was about 18 and I met Actually,

40:04

I was 17 and we

40:06

were I was in this musical I

40:09

was actually 17 towards. Yeah

40:12

the end of 17 and I

40:14

was doing the play the musical grease and

40:18

This sophomore girl more the sophomore

40:20

girl. She was she was cute

40:22

and We just kind

40:24

of hit it off and she goes I'm a virgin

40:26

or whatever and I she was I haven't had sex

40:28

and I go Yeah, I haven't either she goes well

40:32

We had a pack Yeah, and

40:34

we eventually had sex and here's the

40:36

here's the Hummer you put it Well,

40:40

you put it on your calendar No,

40:42

but we just talked about it and talked

40:44

about it and finally at the end of

40:46

the year We finally did it where in

40:49

her room? I her brother

40:51

was in the other room her parents were gone

40:53

and her brothers in the room and I remember

40:57

it was just like Just

41:00

remember being on the floor And

41:02

I remember trying to put this condom

41:04

or rubber we talked called it this

41:07

rubber on the parland and I remember it was

41:09

hard to get it in and Weiner

41:13

into the car your condom Dweener

41:15

into the vagina the weiner into

41:17

the yep into the vagina the

41:20

W into the V and The

41:23

D into the R first which

41:25

sidebar W more like double V Who's

41:28

drawing it like a whataburger? It's

41:30

a double V. Oh A

41:33

W is the only letter named after

41:36

another letter. It's a double you it's a

41:38

double you right But no one draws it

41:40

like a fucking what a bird know it

41:42

or a wally world right double V Yeah,

41:44

it is I say

41:46

double V when I do the alphabet. I never

41:48

even think about double you double V X Y

41:51

and Z I also call Y V on a

41:53

still, you know, I can still remember my linking

41:55

verbs Hmm, there

41:57

was a teacher that you inviting me to linkedin right now

42:00

No, no, LinkedIn. You know what I never knew what LinkedIn

42:02

was? I remember I thought it was I sort

42:04

of got for the first Year, I came up on my

42:06

emails. It was what's the link is

42:09

it? I thought it was linked Lynn. What's

42:11

the link again? I thought it

42:13

was a lowercase ln kid Lincoln

42:15

Lincoln. Why are you inviting me to join

42:17

your Networking tree on Linklin?

42:19

Yeah, what is what is that? I still

42:21

have never been on like it's Facebook for

42:23

people in khakis That

42:26

Walk on carpet. Maybe it is. Yeah,

42:29

what was I saying about LinkedIn? You were

42:31

losing your virginity with the brother nearby, which I was

42:33

a little uncomfortable Oh, yeah, no, no, and let me

42:35

just went out and I should hear the funny thing

42:37

about that So it's so my buddy years

42:43

later He

42:48

He ends up marrying her and

42:52

I'm back in town and he's

42:54

like oh Rosie big after oh, yeah, how

42:56

about this one movie you did it was

42:58

shit and she goes Oh, yeah, kick it

43:00

at old school, man. How that was a

43:02

good one and I go. Yeah Oh,

43:07

you know what I said How

43:11

did I taste How

43:13

did I taste wait, that's not what I

43:15

said that wouldn't work I said something like

43:18

that I said Oh

43:21

What was I had to remember what I said? What

43:23

it what was it can't be worse than how did

43:26

I taste? No, it wasn't that

43:29

Doesn't make sense with your wife. No, it was

43:31

better than that. Hold on. Let me think of

43:33

it It

43:37

was like oh How

43:39

our sloppy seconds I

43:42

can't handle that story. I know what did

43:44

he say? He just goes And

43:50

everybody laughed it was just we were jokers, I mean

43:52

it was nothing to it But he did he did

43:54

Mary and I remember she didn't marry because

43:56

he found out about this. No, he

43:59

married her but before Before that, she was dating

44:01

someone else and I came home and this is only

44:03

like not that long before,

44:06

but I hadn't seen her

44:08

since those moments in school.

44:11

And I remember she

44:13

came up to me with her,

44:15

at the time, boyfriend, or no,

44:17

husband, she was married before, and

44:19

she says, this

44:23

is Michael, this is my first. And he

44:25

was just so uncomfortable. It wasn't even funny.

44:27

He was like, ah, hey man. I was

44:30

on a show. I just wanted to. And I

44:32

tried to downplay it all, like no, no, it

44:34

was so long ago. We were teenagers, we were

44:36

kids. Yeah, and she's like, it was good though.

44:38

And I'm like, oh God, here we go. It

44:42

was uncomfortable. It was uncomfortable.

44:44

I had been in those moments where it's

44:46

just like, just like, why

44:48

are you saying this? Why are you doing

44:50

that? Who would do that to you? This

44:53

is my first. Don't do that to him.

44:55

I also was terrible. Yeah. Trying

44:57

to acknowledge, there's so much going on here in that

45:00

like, I don't know,

45:02

I just want to acknowledge with some awareness

45:04

the idea of male ownership, female sexuality, like

45:06

use good sloppy seconds and just say, we're

45:08

not doing that anymore. Well, it was one

45:10

of those things where he just was hammering

45:12

me and I just felt like, yeah, it

45:15

was the only thing I could come up

45:17

with. It was bad, but it was awesome.

45:19

If you know the guy, you would

45:22

have said that. Everyone would vouch. Everyone would vouch.

45:24

It works, because he's like the

45:26

guy that will make fun of everybody constantly.

45:28

And all of a sudden, boom, he's like,

45:31

you got him, man. He shut up. You

45:33

got him. And that's what they said, Rose. They call

45:35

me Rose. You're like, Rose, that was

45:38

hilarious. You moved to 7th and A. 7th

45:40

and A in New York. And where

45:43

did you get your, where did you,

45:45

I sound like Jim Niek, where did

45:47

you get your passion for acting? First

45:49

of all, the balls, the courage. 7th

45:52

and A, I lived in a one bedroom. I had

45:54

bunk beds with my friend, Matt. And

45:57

I remember someone died on a our

46:00

floor. Oh no. And they and

46:02

I walked in one day we both walked

46:04

into the apartment and then I go oh

46:06

my god good lord good

46:08

lord what is that that's something like

46:10

sour milk or something what is that

46:13

and he goes dude someone died and

46:15

sure enough four doors down this guy had

46:17

been decaying rotting four

46:19

doors down. So

46:21

close to it. And we and it smelled for

46:24

months and I remember we put wait after they

46:26

got rid of him I hope. Yes but they

46:28

got we had towels under the door so it

46:30

didn't seep in I mean it was the worst

46:33

and once you smell dead body you'll never forget

46:35

it. You'll never eat a dead

46:37

body again I'll tell you that. No no but

46:39

we would torture our friends so like my friend

46:41

Dave would come over and he'd

46:43

buzz in I go hey dude elevator's

46:48

broken gotta take the stairs and

46:52

then you'd hear him yelling oh my god

46:54

what is going on who

46:57

died in here? 4a down the

46:59

down the hallway died and

47:02

it was we would do that to everybody

47:04

who came in delivery guys whatever just so

47:06

they could please let that guy have been

47:08

a ghost so he could see you using

47:10

his aroma. He would have loved it but

47:13

at least I'm bringing joy. Have you ever smelled a

47:15

dead body? No. Let me tell you

47:17

something you never want to

47:19

and when you do you'll never forget it.

47:21

Yeah it's in your brain now. It

47:24

is if I smell something I know what that

47:26

is if they're like oh that's that's an animal

47:28

I go no no no

47:31

no no that's a dead body. There's a

47:33

distinct difference between a decaying dead animal carcass

47:36

and the human. You're three clicks away from being a

47:38

detective. Yes I am. When I

47:40

was in Uganda there was a bathroom that

47:43

was just a trough big big dugout

47:45

hole and then there were holes in

47:47

the ground and pooped in it. The

47:50

hot prank on this trip was to steal someone's

47:52

camera and take a picture down the hole which

47:55

I think I did with my own camera

47:57

because I remember that soupy nightmare in my

48:00

film. My apologies to the CVS and

48:02

Lexington that had to develop that but

48:05

I remember everyone was like it smells real

48:07

bad it smells real bad and I was

48:09

like get over it. I walked in the

48:11

night almost yacked like there's some smells you

48:14

forget smell is sort of the king. I'm the

48:16

smell guy too. There are things you can see

48:18

that are horrible. Is seeing something

48:20

horrible worse? Because smelling something horrible will make

48:23

you puke. You know I am

48:25

a breath guy like. Haviya tells someone they don't

48:27

have good breath. Let me tell you something. I

48:30

went on a date. Tell them how do you

48:32

tell them I want to know and I'm going

48:34

on the record you meet me and I have

48:36

bad breath you tell me. You

48:38

fucking look at me. You know what I

48:40

will and I do that sometimes. I'll just

48:43

go. I'll just to my friends I go

48:45

whoa dude you gotta get a breath in

48:47

that's fucking much yeah I do that. This

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52:45

right, back to the episode. Here's the thing, there was some

52:47

guy that I know but it's

52:49

a weird situation. We know

52:51

each other and I saw

52:53

him at this venue last

52:56

week and he walked up to me and it

52:59

was jaw-droppingly

53:02

bad. It was

53:05

JDB, man. JDP,

53:10

bro. I

53:13

wanted to tell him with everything I got

53:15

but it smelled so bad that I couldn't

53:17

get myself. I was like,

53:20

hey, you should take yourself a breath

53:22

mint or a dental appointment. It's

53:26

not good. The second one is going to

53:28

get some certs or maybe see a professional

53:31

that can scrape that. You

53:33

have to take something that kills gingivitis immediately. There's

53:35

a gas station across the street, chucks in gasoline,

53:37

that's so worse and then light it. Yeah,

53:40

spit it out so there's just a residue, then light it.

53:42

You know how it'll just go, it'll

53:44

burn off? It'll kill whatever it is. Something

53:47

worse than bad breath

53:52

or ding dong

53:54

odor Or vagine.

54:00

Gen Vi daily or doesn't Matty? Oh

54:02

P B O Pp other other people's

54:04

throat. Every though other people I still

54:07

don't know what it means, it up

54:09

and miss out on Forty Five. I

54:11

don't automate. Other

54:14

people's privates, other people's

54:16

possessions, Is our doesn't

54:18

know any other people T W S

54:20

Y o other people's pussies. Them

54:23

with spell at smooth but. Why?

54:25

Would you mean other people's put it like your

54:27

own? Only. The only

54:29

has explain it's a ticket from a famous

54:32

to have a that how no I don't

54:34

know but but but breath To me if

54:36

I'm out with a girl I don't care

54:38

how cool she is, how awesome she is,

54:41

how beautiful she is, how intelligent she has

54:43

ever breaths really bad. It's such a turn

54:45

off that sometimes I okay maybe it was

54:47

just this once and you go yeah but

54:49

if it's bad the second time. For.

54:52

To at a three if on the second date,

54:54

it still smells like number two. Here's where you're

54:56

picking up on a to Fairmont thing. I'll.

54:59

Give you an example of us pheromone tenure as

55:01

yeah I think it is using some breath People

55:03

don't notice that other people do. I

55:06

think of all flavors of smells.

55:09

Are. Bad to some and yum the

55:11

others for real food Everyone my family

55:13

and they have the homes type of

55:15

bad breath and like this is like

55:17

it's like have dogs p on everything

55:19

they smell and they are that burn.

55:23

In I mean snacks and and p mail

55:25

sometimes they check the center folder. okay my

55:27

of people in my family if my brother

55:29

for example has bad breath which he doesn't

55:31

but if he does if he goes a

55:33

couple days are smell home and I'll be

55:35

like God at death. So. It's like

55:37

it's as it's a mark. It's a primal.

55:40

Mammals. Say I've since though

55:42

my rights law saying and there's good

55:45

hygiene and brushing her tongue and brushing

55:47

religiously and also die it like you

55:49

know if you're on that is to

55:52

does this vegetarian diet and. There's.

55:54

Been some big turn on others dairy. bad

55:56

breath for sure. but there's nothing I like

55:58

more than for us. Chris Like

56:01

a sprite. Like a well carbonated sprite.

56:03

Like a cold spring by Chris. Been

56:05

refreshing. I'm sorry that your brother a

56:07

fucking spry oh my god your breath

56:10

as at a cold. Feet

56:12

Spray is your breath being marketed to

56:14

the hip hop community because that smells

56:16

like Sprite Boston common for a Sprite

56:18

Steve Everyone the nineties. They were like

56:20

we're taking a swing and they got

56:22

crisscross, a mare and a fucking worked

56:25

Whatever your hip hop song they say

56:27

Sprite I'm like It worked on the

56:29

Me getting Bigger and Bigger than Begin

56:31

amount data on the bigger the bigger

56:33

than me going to make it a

56:35

mutt Desert The Making Me Mickey Mickey

56:37

To make Money Micky Micky Micky Micky

56:39

Micky Micky Micky To begin Mack Daddy

56:41

I get. Out of money going to begin to make it a

56:43

bigger than that. Has not make it make

56:46

it into a given amount of data

56:48

on the negative, negative, negative, negative. That's

56:50

it. I wasn't as good as your.

56:52

Trust them. I get a job. yeah

56:54

yeah other people's private. I prefer when

56:56

you're funny. Story sounds so that ban

56:58

was planned. remember a decade that grub

57:00

be out where they com crisscross crisscrossing

57:02

to what the gentleman in the backwards

57:04

clothing that's was gonna say. So they

57:06

were backwards pants and stuff right? A

57:08

yeah so easy. The I had this

57:10

are an eagle have a friend his

57:12

name is Thomas Gaddis Now he put.

57:14

On the football team now he's going.

57:16

It gets mad me when I tell

57:18

the story. all the get his boys

57:20

did dialogue gaddis but he hung out

57:22

with a lot of the the black

57:24

football players bf and so he was

57:26

kind a hip and cool when he

57:28

took the ass off. His first name's

57:30

thomas. Now. A few fanatically.

57:34

Say or spell the word Thomas without

57:36

an ass. It's some all.

57:38

That. Sama right? So he named himself

57:41

the Mall. Instead. Of. Thomas

57:43

to be cooler. to be cooler and

57:45

he would where that is the man

57:47

who sometimes where the backwards pants I'm

57:49

supposed to cause for some summer some

57:51

all. Some. All summer

57:54

so fat. Him to marry

57:56

got stuck. You mean that chemists of a mall?

57:58

So here here it is. So

58:00

one night season that he's in the dorm

58:03

and this girl's drunk and looking for hims

58:05

his drug and it's like you like to

58:07

start yards or two in the morning the

58:09

football dump them. ah. Ah,

58:13

Ah, and there's big black T

58:15

W know. Alexander's the mouse close

58:18

bitch. Get advocate. For

58:21

mall's close to might have

58:23

some all the more from

58:25

all birds get outta here

58:27

that have a true story

58:29

and he goes dude I

58:31

didn't do that because it

58:33

was hips I said the

58:35

market it's a greek name.

58:37

Oh. By guides Shut it you know

58:39

try to be the elevator. I love

58:42

the my good looking cool dude the

58:44

I knew a Christopher that went by

58:46

tougher than I didn't care for that.

58:48

Oh there's not hofer toe from a

58:50

tougher tougher. And was like you

58:53

mean like your tougher than me to for

58:55

kind of a weird thing to right it's

58:57

I loved over Biloxi other way I think

58:59

about it is but tall for till for

59:01

toppers to like. Tougher.

59:04

As he's like the half back in the

59:06

football team, tougher I'd offer. Career dragged his

59:09

beer tougher at his house. had to ride

59:11

the bike to get the T V to

59:13

work. And I remember even

59:15

being a kid, being like. Wow. Your

59:18

parents are involved. Like.

59:20

They're noticing that your elo though he and you care

59:22

about it and so they were like you're gonna have

59:25

to ride the bike to watch the tv and I

59:27

was like well that's an with he said your dad

59:29

doesn't Is that why you became a zesty boy. Because

59:32

you're Dead. You

59:34

know, like a razzle dazzle. Like

59:36

a delight. A performer. On

59:38

ah Christmas and my my father is

59:41

ignore you just the right amount to

59:43

make you go live out show you

59:45

Yeah. Man

59:47

A and percent among appreciate x

59:50

lose their my Body. It.

59:52

Has taken the kind of looks like me when

59:54

I was like flew for their picture. Which.

59:57

Way that gasoline. Is

59:59

a right. Neither. The next see

1:00:01

Martin this big one on the right. The

1:00:03

pink once. Yeah. I'm from. Coal mine.

1:00:08

I just sort of sitting for like our i had a

1:00:10

want to say okay. See

1:00:17

that this is you. Know.

1:00:20

But if you look at pictures of Lex

1:00:22

Luthor of when I played on Smallville, kind

1:00:24

of glad you to piss off the wall.

1:00:29

But anyway, just reminded me I was

1:00:31

like oh my God. a kennel to

1:00:33

me. I just want everyone to know

1:00:35

you're talking about. am glad you did

1:00:37

that. And also, canvas places aren't supposed

1:00:39

to let you print other people's drawings.

1:00:41

but that was back. When was the

1:00:43

Wild Were? And who is that who

1:00:45

made that? Know who isn't on the

1:00:47

Ryan Gosling? That's Ryan Gosling The Movie

1:00:49

Dress Already. Know that and somebody. I wish

1:00:51

I knew somebody made that incredible things like that

1:00:54

arsenal and can print on a canvas. Nowadays you

1:00:56

go on a canvas printing site know be like

1:00:58

deal on this and that's how it should be.

1:01:00

but this was a back when wasn't. If we're

1:01:02

just like we're going on the other way because

1:01:05

we want your twenty dollar. Interesting? Yeah, so anyway

1:01:07

I'm on. My daughter ignored your daddy to U

1:01:09

C B. C. E

1:01:11

do you feel Me: no no

1:01:14

Sadie to or hugs. See

1:01:17

that he came home with a

1:01:19

broken jaw. Basically new dad didn't

1:01:21

even my dad was. My.

1:01:25

I must summon up my brother

1:01:27

were all. These all

1:01:30

comes at optional family and you know

1:01:32

it's so whatever. There's pros and cons.

1:01:36

But my brother one night is not an

1:01:38

actor, is not a writer. He just wrote.

1:01:41

Everything he remembers about. Us

1:01:44

as a family. And

1:01:46

I won't elaborate on who he

1:01:48

was talking to a specific moment,

1:01:50

But when he got to me,

1:01:54

He. Said And then there was Michael. It.

1:01:57

Was like he wasn't there. Nobody.

1:01:59

Paid any. Hence into him at all. And

1:02:02

here's the saying. It

1:02:05

made me cry. And here's the

1:02:07

thing. I didn't cry because

1:02:09

it was true. I. Cried

1:02:12

because someone validated it.

1:02:15

Everything that I felt. Yes it's that

1:02:17

he acknowledge something that no one has

1:02:19

ever acknowledged in the family. It was

1:02:21

true that was operating cried, I cried

1:02:23

because somebody saw you, Because somebody saw

1:02:25

me and as we're I don't know

1:02:27

why got emotional but it made me

1:02:29

emotional and I know what s my

1:02:31

i'm deeply to be seen. Yeah yeah

1:02:33

to have your pain mirrored the and

1:02:35

understood yell no one on a few

1:02:37

might get as I think I was

1:02:40

like. Sort. Of a rambunctious I had

1:02:42

a D H d Nobody knew nobody knew how

1:02:44

to deal with me at in know. I

1:02:47

know and have patience with me. Know what?

1:02:49

I didn't know? I was colorblind why was

1:02:51

in high school I was in biology class

1:02:53

and Mr or ones like our turn to

1:02:56

Page One Twenty seven. If you see if

1:02:58

you don't see a sailboat in a number

1:03:00

seven and these circles your colorblind come see

1:03:02

me. Up to class and I go to

1:03:04

Scrub Dusky Right out was her name. Nickel

1:03:06

tusks. Michael

1:03:09

Rosen bombs colorblind a few. Pets

1:03:11

The mall's close. This

1:03:13

mall's close be it's

1:03:15

I'm also colorblind. Or. U

1:03:17

S. but I'd. But. You have

1:03:20

it bad and no no no he the I kit

1:03:22

known and I can't differentiate a lot of colors. I

1:03:24

just choose not to say you're talking on a year.

1:03:26

when is your brethren. So people

1:03:28

think we read everything. I

1:03:30

am. I get confused right? Grenier? Yes! and

1:03:33

what is the traffic light? The bottom white

1:03:35

look to you. Oh. Interesting. The

1:03:37

bottom line. Is

1:03:39

that the Greenland as the green wood is a

1:03:41

look like to do a grenier green blue. White.

1:03:45

it's a hundred percent white why doesn't look

1:03:47

green at all when you're a kid you

1:03:49

go red light white light well now you

1:03:51

know obviously by because and people would say

1:03:53

rule cause the sky web video the skies

1:03:55

blue what are your genes or most teams

1:03:57

are blue what color is the grass library

1:04:00

knows the grass is green. I'll give you one. Oh

1:04:02

boy, it's light, go ahead. You

1:04:05

could tell me that this

1:04:07

is a very dark red.

1:04:09

No, that's black. That's correct. You could

1:04:12

also tell me that your shirt, which

1:04:14

is also black, is a very dark,

1:04:16

earthy green. Well, I know

1:04:18

it's black, but I also know it's black, but

1:04:20

I can look at it and if you were like, no Pete,

1:04:22

it's green, I'd just be like, of course it is. That's

1:04:25

what happens to me. People will say... But then my

1:04:27

brain will just go, that's green. Yeah. Sometimes

1:04:30

yellow greens or blue greens or

1:04:33

red-blue. Sometimes I just can't like, I

1:04:35

can't do it. Like if somebody said,

1:04:37

the car that hit you, what color

1:04:39

was it? Yeah. I go, to me,

1:04:42

could have been blue, could have been gray.

1:04:44

I don't think it was purple because there

1:04:46

aren't purple cars unless Prince was driving. Which

1:04:48

he didn't drive himself, did he? No. No.

1:04:50

And he's long dead.

1:04:52

Is he long dead? 10 years. Yeah, that's

1:04:55

long dead. Probably 10 years, I think. So

1:04:58

you were saying people always say

1:05:00

to me, are we dispelling some

1:05:02

common colorblind misconceptions? Yeah, well, it's

1:05:04

just... When

1:05:07

I take those tests, if I take any of those tests,

1:05:10

I'll go, what do you guys see in there?

1:05:12

They're like a three. I go, I see absolutely

1:05:14

nothing. Me too. So many times. I

1:05:17

can take tests right now and I'll show you, we'll

1:05:19

go through it. Yeah. And you could just see, no,

1:05:21

I don't... What do you see? I can kind of

1:05:23

make out something there. Is it a two? And magic

1:05:25

eyes aren't for us. You know those magic

1:05:27

eye things? What are those? A picture

1:05:31

emerges, you look at it and move it

1:05:33

away from your face slowly. Oh yeah. Those

1:05:35

are for the color inane. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:05:37

I'm colorblind, baby. People say, I'm so sorry.

1:05:39

I'm like, no, it doesn't really, you know.

1:05:41

But I wear colorblind glasses. I have colorblind

1:05:45

glasses. That's my dick. Hold on, that's

1:05:47

my rock-hard dick. If I

1:05:49

was rock-hard during your show...

1:05:51

Sometimes, if you're in a different time zone, sometimes you'll

1:05:53

get a boner in the middle of the day. Really?

1:05:56

Yeah. I can't believe I got hard

1:05:58

on Pete Holmes' show. Dude, you do. Don't

1:06:00

show fear where you hard saw saw

1:06:02

a magic without his majesty. Are you

1:06:04

really only five guys were every guess

1:06:06

is certified rock hard officer to fly

1:06:09

Rod our brought here by magic my

1:06:11

said as he he gives a V

1:06:13

to go go magic cards you keep

1:06:15

giving it's a my give it a

1:06:17

modern mammals. As

1:06:20

my favorites him to your to take some. We.

1:06:23

Know you're overseas and putra this stuff

1:06:26

and said is a healthy. It's.

1:06:28

Like as it's a similar. In

1:06:31

Ab shampoo how is not made out of olive oil

1:06:33

is our you mean. That take a

1:06:35

bunch Madison one of america me back over

1:06:37

iphone early. I'm gonna take one and if

1:06:39

I really don't mind as it helps balding.

1:06:42

Know. It's not like that it makes it

1:06:44

so yeah it looks like he didn't wash

1:06:46

your hair evenly that a like clean that

1:06:48

you're giving it back. Know resorts i rather

1:06:50

yoga without are. You

1:06:53

your dad, you weren't their

1:06:55

arms off My brother said.

1:06:59

My room to relate to what you're saying

1:07:01

My brother said. I

1:07:03

remember feeling bad for you.

1:07:05

Because. You've been putting on a show since

1:07:08

you're like me to nine years old and airshow

1:07:10

and when he said i felt bad for you.

1:07:13

It wasn't. Just. That you

1:07:15

I knew that I was putting on

1:07:17

a show. It's had somebody sought some

1:07:19

just related. You know it's funny about

1:07:21

that is this sounds really sad not

1:07:23

to bring the audience down by. I

1:07:26

think. I.

1:07:31

Hid. Behind.

1:07:35

This. This. Mask of

1:07:37

trying to make people laugh.

1:07:39

entertaining them my whole life

1:07:41

from a young age. Arm

1:07:43

because I knew being me

1:07:45

wasn't cool. It wasn't So.

1:07:48

I used to have a call my I

1:07:50

guess surrogate parents were my friends' parents for

1:07:52

kind of my parents. I guess some template

1:07:55

stay a week David I'd Omens House. And

1:07:58

his off. As. They did

1:08:00

your mom care that you're staying here every

1:08:02

night? Or mike know she isn't her? And

1:08:05

she wouldn't call. Wow I just you

1:08:07

know sometimes i cause I'm say a

1:08:09

David again Oda ah. The. Shepherds.

1:08:12

The. Cutters the com archos.

1:08:14

I would always be there and I'm

1:08:17

a lot of times the parents. They

1:08:19

paid attention to me and you know

1:08:21

they'd talk to me and they thought

1:08:23

I was funny Cs and ah my

1:08:26

relate hard. I just felt like I

1:08:28

was. Kind of a

1:08:30

burden in a way. I felt like I

1:08:32

wasn't just itself. Like maybe I wasn't. Just.

1:08:36

Adam people want me to be

1:08:38

around without saying. That won't

1:08:40

tell my mom said up. To

1:08:42

my father in front of me or my little

1:08:44

brother's I have become a bows Eric and he

1:08:46

says i'm just come on Mark everybody knows Eric's

1:08:49

your favorite. A grand front

1:08:51

of me like I'm right here.

1:08:53

Wow, so there was stuff like

1:08:55

that, but. I.

1:08:57

Think I grew up. And.

1:09:02

It wasn't until the last x amount of years

1:09:04

with everywhere I go I was in the mirror

1:09:06

one day. By ten years

1:09:08

ago or something I said. Have

1:09:11

you ever done this? I looked in the mirror. He

1:09:13

looked in the mirror. Clearly

1:09:15

I haven't have you ever talk to yourself while

1:09:17

looking the mirror. Of course the ever said. Who.

1:09:21

The fuck are you. Know. I think

1:09:23

they. Say. Well. At that time

1:09:25

I said who the fuck are you

1:09:27

I really, I don't you know Lionel

1:09:29

fucking the lamps, I don't know line

1:09:31

and I so I and I talked

1:09:34

to my therapist bad and and we

1:09:36

figured it out but it was just

1:09:38

hiding behind this persona. hiding bots, just

1:09:40

entertainment. Be love, be adored, be touted,

1:09:42

be vests and just cover all that

1:09:44

hurt up and Jurgen of and that's

1:09:46

how you'll survive. Yeah and it is

1:09:48

a surviving method of course. an odd

1:09:50

way I have done that. I've had

1:09:52

bad things to myself and. The I think

1:09:54

I'm and now. I didn't wait

1:09:57

if I try not to do sound. i

1:09:59

try to correct myself And I try to you

1:10:01

know say my gratitude and be just grateful for what

1:10:03

I have and what's crazy is in the mirror It

1:10:05

really works the other way to be like look at

1:10:07

you. I'm proud of you just stuff like that. Yeah

1:10:10

Who cares if it's embarrassing this whole fucking

1:10:13

thing is embarrassing. You know, I

1:10:15

mean this podcast. Yeah, you

1:10:17

embarrassed right now You've been doing this for

1:10:19

a while. I know you rock hard. I'm semi.

1:10:21

Yeah, and that makes me feel bad Well,

1:10:24

it shouldn't because some people can't get hard. I tried to

1:10:26

do a joke about the H about

1:10:30

I was like it's a weird topic, but I was

1:10:32

like I'm glad one of the reasons it's nice. I

1:10:35

don't know how to say it. I Was

1:10:37

like I feel for the gay male community because

1:10:40

I've lost my erection with a woman and that's

1:10:42

a terrible thing But imagine you

1:10:44

imagine losing your erection with another guy and he

1:10:46

has an erection my

1:10:48

god And

1:10:51

you're just like Their

1:10:55

rock-hard it's like a before and after

1:10:58

Yeah on this I I have a very specific question

1:11:00

when I went to your house It's

1:11:04

it's a little like a Re-parenting

1:11:08

wonderland Yeah, it's

1:11:10

almost like I'm Willy Wonka. Would you care

1:11:12

to comment? Yeah, you know exactly what I mean.

1:11:14

You got your Indiana Jones Well, hang on

1:11:16

screening room. I already go into defense mechanism,

1:11:18

but I'm not a fact But you're not and

1:11:20

that's what I'm just about to say, but

1:11:22

you're not attacked. I'm not I'm saying Isn't

1:11:24

it beautiful that you say to little Rosie? I've

1:11:27

got you now. What do you like? You

1:11:29

want a movie room? You want Napoleon Dynamite

1:11:31

to come over in your acronyms? Do

1:11:33

you want to have a podcast where people celebrate you

1:11:35

for who you are and love and crave? More

1:11:38

and more more about who you are Look

1:11:41

making your wounds useful is one of the keys

1:11:43

of life and you did it But also I'm

1:11:45

seeing so there is a way

1:11:47

I could roast you and be like Oh, what do you really want

1:11:50

going your house is full of toys? But

1:11:52

I'm like, isn't that beautiful that you're giving

1:11:54

yourself permission and

1:11:57

the and what you what you're unconscious

1:12:00

symbolic child

1:12:02

self would receive his love.

1:12:05

Yeah. Here's a signed Lando

1:12:07

Calrissian. Yeah. He's fucking nuts.

1:12:09

What's the opposite of being invisible as a

1:12:11

child? Interviewing Lando

1:12:15

Calrissian? Would

1:12:17

you say that's a pretty good self?

1:12:19

Yeah. For this particular type of work?

1:12:21

Heck yeah, I had Keanu Reeves at the house. Whoa.

1:12:24

Yeah, man. He looked at my Dracula

1:12:26

poster and went, hey, how was it Matt? And

1:12:29

I go, yes you are. I can't believe I

1:12:31

have that there. That's always been there by the

1:12:33

way. And he's like, I remember I gave Francis

1:12:35

Ford Coppola mushrooms on his birthday. And

1:12:38

I go, good start to the interview. Kei

1:12:41

Reeves did the pod? He did. Kei

1:12:44

Reeves? Kei Reeves. We

1:12:46

did a movie called Sweet November years

1:12:48

ago. Edit that out. Huh? Edit that

1:12:50

out. What? I'm not here

1:12:52

to plug your bullshit. What? It

1:12:54

was 100% JK. You just said you did

1:12:56

a movie called Sweet Whatever and I said edit that

1:12:58

out. Oh, oh, oh, I was like I was. standard,

1:13:01

standard. And by the way, nobody knows that movie. But

1:13:03

every day I was in drag and every day I'd go, good

1:13:06

morning Keanu. Keanu. I

1:13:09

called him Keanu and he goes, hello, how are

1:13:11

you today? Hello, good to see you. Keanu Reeves

1:13:13

always revs into what he's saying. Hello. He

1:13:17

did this scene where I'm, I'm Francis, wants

1:13:19

mushrooms. Wait a minute. Yeah.

1:13:22

Yeah. I remember I

1:13:24

was carrying, I was playing gay, but

1:13:26

carrying Charlize Theron naked into a bathroom.

1:13:29

And I remember the scene we're walking in and

1:13:32

Keanu's character comes in and goes, Sarah,

1:13:36

I know doctors. Fuck. Shit.

1:13:40

And the director Pat O'Connor's like, cut. Keanu,

1:13:42

is everything okay? He's like, yeah, no, I

1:13:44

just, let's do it again. End

1:13:47

action. Sarah,

1:13:51

I know doctors. Fuck. Shit,

1:13:54

he punches the wall. And he's

1:13:56

like, cut. Keanu, and do you want to

1:13:58

take a minute? He goes, no, no. I got

1:14:00

this, I got this, just roll

1:14:02

camera. And action.

1:14:06

Sarah, I

1:14:09

know doctors. Yeah,

1:14:11

that was it, that was good. And

1:14:14

I remember Charlize and I just went. Hi

1:14:19

Charlize. It was just a

1:14:21

funny moment. It was just all his difference. But it

1:14:23

was a difference and I loved his work ethic and

1:14:26

he got really, he's really hard on himself and he

1:14:28

was beautiful and he's wonderful to work with. I have

1:14:30

so much video of him and me fucking around. You

1:14:32

and K. Reeves. Yeah, me and K. Reeves. Not

1:14:35

that I want it debunked, but every

1:14:37

once in a while you see those posts

1:14:40

on Facebook that are like, Keanu Reeves gave

1:14:42

his house to his makeup

1:14:44

person on The Matrix with all this

1:14:46

stuff inside, including his passports. And his

1:14:48

wife. As a thank you. Yes. And

1:14:51

like, I wanna believe, I read it, Facebook

1:14:54

knows I love a good Keanu is the

1:14:56

best post. You gotta chill. No,

1:14:58

it was multiplying. There's

1:15:00

another you somewhere? And I'm losing control. Do

1:15:03

you not know what I'm talking about? No. Do

1:15:05

you? Don't look to Katie. Listen to me.

1:15:08

Hmm? I've got the chills. They're

1:15:11

multiplying. And

1:15:14

I'm losing control. For

1:15:16

the power, you're

1:15:18

supplying. It's

1:15:20

electrifying. You better shape

1:15:22

up. Is this Rocky Horror? No,

1:15:25

it's fucking, you guys should be hammering for

1:15:27

this. It's Grease. Yeah, I'm not

1:15:29

a Grease guy. I got the chills. Not

1:15:33

me. You never liked Grease? Cut to me

1:15:35

in the audience, no chills. You don't like

1:15:37

musicals? No, I like some

1:15:39

musicals. I used to be a

1:15:41

guy that said I didn't like musicals. I don't

1:15:43

like, actually I'm

1:15:45

gonna cut to the conclusion. I'm sort of jealous

1:15:48

of people that like got to enjoy. People

1:15:51

that got to enjoy that sort of stuff. I

1:15:53

was raised very cynical and dark. My brother and

1:15:55

I would just be like. So

1:15:58

Now I have like a jealousy that you love Grease. The Bow

1:16:00

loves Greece and I'm just so like I feel like

1:16:02

I'm out smoke and in the back. I

1:16:04

really don't jealous of people that like. That's right,

1:16:06

I think you'd like Greece. I bet I would.

1:16:09

I've heard the new one is great.

1:16:11

So where where we your repainting yourself?

1:16:13

What? Nuance. There's

1:16:16

a new a new Greece so that's

1:16:18

a fucking west side story. Oh, you.

1:16:21

Give the shady I both are like what the

1:16:23

fuck is it All those rings? Same Greece all

1:16:25

or ever. Go ahead, go ahead. All.

1:16:28

Those are the same to Mae West side

1:16:30

greasy Story time. Schubert a dupe Cynical, I

1:16:32

love this girl. I pop the my collar

1:16:34

and I rolled my own cigarette whilst leaning

1:16:37

on a corvette. oh I gotta get in

1:16:39

a fight on the night I'm supposed to

1:16:41

marry her, tie our heads together with knives.

1:16:43

oh the barbary shaking his face and the

1:16:46

cop as is Billy goats. we're gonna get

1:16:48

in a lotta travels. What if we dad's

1:16:50

What if we did, What if we that

1:16:52

stuff from a roof do another roof school

1:16:55

my hair of the end. Fuck all C

1:16:57

P H. Over here. Cynical.

1:16:59

Be nonsense. Yeah, But really, I'm watching you

1:17:01

guys having a ball and I'm like that.

1:17:03

must. Be nice. Guys. This episode

1:17:06

is brought to us by our friends at

1:17:08

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everybody back to the show Grease is

1:20:41

where it all started for me, baby Has

1:20:44

the first play I did man musical. Yeah

1:20:46

musical and I worry that I was Vince

1:20:48

Von Tain Then kick him to stacks of

1:20:51

Wednesday at the house a wax W AXX

1:20:54

cruising time 1046

1:20:56

sharpshooters pick hit of the week a brand new and shoot

1:20:58

up the charts like a rocket by the velvee rays going

1:21:00

out to Ronnie And she'll the new kids down mom school

1:21:02

store especially the little Don whatever make it he make it

1:21:04

he make it he make it He Mac and I remember

1:21:08

I you know why why that changed my life

1:21:10

because I Didn't

1:21:12

have the biggest part But it was a

1:21:14

funny and I funny part and I the

1:21:16

audience When I heard the laughter and

1:21:19

the applause at the end of the show I

1:21:22

Was I had chills? Yeah multiplying

1:21:24

and I after the next day Chris

1:21:27

Pro the captain of the football team walks

1:21:30

by me and goes You're

1:21:32

really funny in that play last night and then walked off

1:21:34

and I go And that

1:21:36

changed my life gasp. Yeah found

1:21:38

your survival technique I was like

1:21:40

wow not being me is the way to go

1:21:43

Yeah, that's that's and then

1:21:45

he found therapy and stuff. Are you how

1:21:48

you doing took me a long time doing

1:21:50

I'm doing I'm doing okay. I'm

1:21:52

I am I really am I Nobody

1:21:55

doubted it No, but I think it's a

1:21:57

process and I. I

1:22:00

self sabotage and I do things that I

1:22:02

know again to do and ships. Just.

1:22:05

Is we do Broader term says

1:22:07

sort of like a job. In

1:22:10

Alex sometimes I'll just helped, I'll start

1:22:12

haven't cigarettes and like what he does.

1:22:16

And then I'm like, you know? You

1:22:18

mean, are you take that as an indication that they're

1:22:20

still part of you that thinks you're unworthy of love?

1:22:23

Yes, Yes sure I you

1:22:25

know it's the it but I get it. But

1:22:27

I you know what it is for me. a

1:22:29

whole box. oreos or whatever you know to me

1:22:31

that and I do that too. I believe it.

1:22:33

and I know I'm lucky that I ate a

1:22:36

guy. don't tab metabolism but like I got him

1:22:38

a flower realism ickes. I

1:22:40

can't just have one

1:22:42

bag of popcorn. At

1:22:45

my house to does not even about the

1:22:47

popcorn right. I just have to keep eating

1:22:49

shaping something, keeping going. What's next? What's next

1:22:51

to the front of me is what annexed

1:22:53

by bike What he stopped that buddy. One.

1:22:57

Thing I've noticed a the way I know I'm

1:22:59

having a binge as I say how much is

1:23:01

enough and the voice says that very clearly. never.

1:23:04

The. Answer is never. That's how I know. I'm

1:23:06

in a spiral and I need to stop. Going.

1:23:09

To put this you eating a bag of

1:23:11

the sassy a relic pistachios that are flavored

1:23:13

to like them or it. Musicals.

1:23:16

Pistachios, Yeah,

1:23:18

one of them is a delightful

1:23:20

taste on my tongue and one

1:23:22

of them is John Travolta being

1:23:24

ah geez oh they asked around

1:23:26

like what Corvette needs new oil

1:23:29

and smoothly the better shape of.

1:23:32

The user so read about sit next.

1:23:36

To hopes of this is fine

1:23:39

and movies. Me:

1:23:42

why maybe my twinkle toes It's

1:23:44

a super do to to do.

1:23:47

Scuba Motors. over the bronx

1:23:49

marvin hamlisch know what is this season

1:23:51

crime i also want to go on

1:23:54

the records i know i'm wrong i

1:23:56

know i'm wrong vice when a medium

1:23:58

bag a stash Cracked,

1:24:00

you can't grow a sash, remember? Me neither. Yeah.

1:24:04

If it's a flavored pistachio, meaning some of them

1:24:06

have more flavor than others, so it doesn't have

1:24:08

to be positioned. Eat one

1:24:10

and it's like 10 times the

1:24:13

juice. Do you know what

1:24:15

I'm talking about, Katie? One

1:24:17

of them got more powder or whatever it

1:24:19

is. Right. It's this

1:24:21

rush. Now I'm just eating looking for that one. I'm like

1:24:23

a rat in a fucking case. Ah,

1:24:25

the chase. The chase. I'm like, I

1:24:28

can't believe I'm not into gambling. I

1:24:30

got that brain. See, I think, you

1:24:33

know what's funny is I'm not a

1:24:35

drinker and I have a brother

1:24:37

that's a big drinker. Right. Yeah.

1:24:40

Who's the favorite now? How did you remember that? Oh,

1:24:43

I think I mentioned his name earlier. Well, you said

1:24:45

remember, so yeah. Oh, yeah. But

1:24:47

I don't drink because I don't

1:24:50

like how it makes me feel. I just feel like

1:24:52

crap after, so I rarely

1:24:54

drink. So I'm surprised

1:24:56

that my vice is like, I need

1:24:58

to smoke. I need to eat. I

1:25:00

need to, you know, more popcorn, more

1:25:03

popcorn, more when I'm comfortable, when I'm

1:25:05

comfortable and that's when it happens. Yeah.

1:25:08

Two things for you. Let's see what

1:25:10

we can do. One, when you're eating,

1:25:13

blood goes to your stomach, so you're probably thinking less.

1:25:15

It's like changing the operating system of your

1:25:18

body. Digesting, even

1:25:20

overeating can be

1:25:22

preferable to overthinking that feeling.

1:25:25

Two, nicotine, I actually

1:25:27

quit. Did I tell you I quit? Yeah, we talked about

1:25:29

that. What were you doing, smoking? Gum.

1:25:32

I just like that. Yeah, I picked nikorette

1:25:35

mints, but only two milligrams.

1:25:37

Nice. See, I'm such an

1:25:39

ag. I was up to the six milligram gum and I'd have

1:25:41

10 pieces of it a day. That's a

1:25:43

lot. I'd probably have these two milligrams, probably 15

1:25:46

a day. All right. But it's only two

1:25:48

milligrams. But still. I'm glad you're on

1:25:50

the nicotine by itself. Yeah. I'm

1:25:52

surprised that doesn't help you with the smoking. Maybe there's

1:25:54

something else going on. No, no, it's been four days.

1:25:57

Without a cig? Yeah, I mean it's not much, but

1:25:59

it's... Don't make a that broke where it a

1:26:01

little bad that's great good for you but ah i was is

1:26:03

that I'm not a be more they did he. Want.

1:26:06

Nicotine helps to build a d and as as

1:26:08

there's a specific allure. To. The Xinhua Trophic

1:26:10

him as a stimulant helps you focus. So.

1:26:13

This might be an eighty d self medication issue.

1:26:16

Meeting. I'm not asking you to get on

1:26:18

adderall are some empty threats wide hey happening?

1:26:21

Is. No, maybe I can say what's

1:26:23

actually happening. But. When people have a

1:26:25

D D and they take something like

1:26:27

nicotine is can oppose them into what

1:26:29

they're doing. Ah yes and he on

1:26:31

that someone who smokes like three four

1:26:33

packs a week of rules like map

1:26:36

and my my like have a pack

1:26:38

and a half a week or something

1:26:40

A wasn't a lot is to keep

1:26:42

their Vo career going strong. A deep

1:26:44

down body serves Gator Read it is

1:26:46

Ellen he is the Thursday is the

1:26:48

voice of a guy, was never gone

1:26:50

for a jog, a reader member the

1:26:52

guy selling data rates d. C

1:26:54

Come into my man den and

1:26:56

sit in a beanbag chair watch

1:26:59

these athletes shoot hoops and drink.

1:27:01

Gatorade Aus member that guy I

1:27:03

got the grades was he has

1:27:05

brought here by Gatorade. Get Rain

1:27:07

is Thursday. So much more that

1:27:09

ice up Someone made that I

1:27:11

was younger. But in all those

1:27:13

guys are the voices of there's

1:27:15

a guy Bob Murphy I loved

1:27:17

me. Go. His

1:27:19

greatest amount Ziggy Just you listen to

1:27:21

me like Og as like a beautiful

1:27:23

day for a bowl game. sands filing

1:27:26

an officer were amps and then he'd

1:27:28

say like a this game brought you

1:27:30

buy toilet drives A good dream to

1:27:33

wow it's honeydew season look over I'm

1:27:35

driving a Toyota that was good. Now

1:27:37

is honey to seize on He do

1:27:40

this and honey do that. My uncle

1:27:42

met him once and bumpy bumped into

1:27:44

him. He goes oh my God Mr.

1:27:46

Murphy I'm a huge fan. Ears. You're

1:27:49

the best! Announce every new to me

1:27:51

as who that is! So very kind

1:27:53

of you. who

1:27:59

whose Very kind of very

1:28:02

Wow, I had a voice that just

1:28:04

resonated like that. So you self-sabotage by

1:28:06

smoky Yeah, my

1:28:09

smoking or eating a lot of junk

1:28:11

food at night relationally because you're like

1:28:13

I feel like your mom but uh No

1:28:17

partner Oh,

1:28:19

you're wondering if you're gonna break big news on

1:28:21

this podcast right now no Actually,

1:28:24

here it is I

1:28:30

am double man, you know Let's

1:28:33

just say you know, I'm dating You

1:28:36

know, I'll have relationships That

1:28:39

last yeah, go ahead. They'll ask, you know, sometimes

1:28:41

a year sometimes two years. Sometimes they've been three

1:28:43

years But

1:28:47

you know who's ending these relationships Unfortunately

1:28:53

I am Because

1:28:56

I but you know, I'm always You

1:28:59

know, I'm friends with your

1:29:01

ex all my exes I you know, I feel like

1:29:03

I'm well, I don't I'm not a yeller I

1:29:06

I'm giving I'm loving but are you

1:29:08

an abrupt out of nowhere break-upper? No,

1:29:14

they know it's no I'm not I'm not

1:29:17

abrupt I'm very I'm honest to it to

1:29:19

a fault so they know hey This is

1:29:21

rocky, you know, I'm like, hey, I'm you

1:29:23

know I just want

1:29:25

to let you know that like I'm not Looking

1:29:28

to get serious right

1:29:30

now. Uh-huh, you know or I've

1:29:32

said, you know I really I think

1:29:35

I just don't want to be in a relationship right

1:29:37

now. Yeah, that was really good But like you were

1:29:40

breaking up with me and I yeah expected your honest

1:29:42

and you know And it's not

1:29:44

everybody has to be by the way Well,

1:29:47

I've seen a lot of like look My

1:29:51

sister has been divorced four times. Oh, well, my

1:29:53

mom's in her third marriage Although she's been married

1:29:55

for like 20 years now You

1:29:57

know, my dad's divorced, you know twice

1:30:01

and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that but

1:30:04

you know you look at the numbers

1:30:06

and it's like 60 something

1:30:08

percent end in divorce and

1:30:11

then you think it's just to

1:30:14

me I'm a one and done. I want

1:30:16

to meet the one that I'm like I

1:30:18

really want to spend this is it. I want

1:30:20

something to really hit me and go I can't

1:30:23

live without this girl. I can't live

1:30:25

without her. I want to be with her. I need

1:30:27

to be with her and I

1:30:30

want to spend the rest of my life with her and so I'm

1:30:32

not crying by the way I'm just itching my eye. That's

1:30:35

the clip by the way and we're going to cut out the part

1:30:37

where you say thank you and we're going to make it slow mo.

1:30:40

I just want to find the one. Then

1:30:47

it cuts to you doing the Travolta making

1:30:49

fun of Grease. Oh baby we can solve

1:30:51

this with combs. Combs

1:30:56

roll up the scuff. All right.

1:30:59

No but like look for me is I

1:31:01

want to be in a relationship. I seriously

1:31:04

want to be with someone. I'm working

1:31:06

on myself a lot and I'm really

1:31:08

trying to like I think I stand

1:31:10

things longer than I should now where

1:31:12

when I was younger I would just

1:31:14

go oh that's I'm out. Like now

1:31:17

I'm not out. Now I'm like hey

1:31:19

let's put this on hold here. Let's

1:31:21

think about this. This isn't a reason

1:31:23

to let's and and when you

1:31:25

let things kind of go and and aren't

1:31:28

abrupt with your decision making. Yeah.

1:31:31

You know sometimes but sometimes

1:31:34

you stay in it too long. Yeah. So

1:31:36

it's both. It's either. Well both are injustices

1:31:39

aren't they? Right. How many

1:31:41

times have you wanted to leave your wife? 0.0. How

1:31:45

many times do you want to leave you? 0.0. Never. What? What are you fucking

1:31:49

nuts? You guys are massively in love. We talking

1:31:51

about Pete and Val right now? Pete

1:31:54

and Val are perfect. Does she ever does

1:31:56

she ever get mad at you? Does she ever yell at you? What?

1:32:00

Sorry, we talked about Pete and Val right now. Yeah No,

1:32:03

bro You guys are in

1:32:05

love as much as in love you could be I'll

1:32:07

give you an example I'm trying to think of

1:32:10

sometimes on the Friday day I do feel like

1:32:12

you do love I mean I could tell by

1:32:14

the way you've talked about her I appreciate that

1:32:16

and and I I'm annoyed with myself that that

1:32:19

there could be a relationship like that

1:32:21

But we really are very well suited to one another

1:32:24

The way that we have a fight The

1:32:28

danger in val and I's relationship and she knows

1:32:30

as we talk about this all the time is

1:32:32

that she won't tell me her feelings If they're

1:32:34

inconvenient, so if she is having an issue with

1:32:36

me I have to sort of tease

1:32:38

it out of her and I do it's always a

1:32:40

problem Yeah, that can be a problem Especially if you

1:32:43

don't do at the end and then it lingers on

1:32:45

and there's a sense of resentment or something That's building

1:32:47

that could have been taken care of right? That's why

1:32:49

Alan did button we talk about

1:32:51

this all the time He says

1:32:53

a very healthy question in relationships is to

1:32:56

chills Is it too cold in

1:32:58

here? No, I would just multiply And

1:33:01

then we get out there with dice roll

1:33:04

the dice in the corner of the bodega. All right,

1:33:06

but what happens with? oh,

1:33:09

I'll I Have

1:33:11

to joke about it I go like there

1:33:14

was a time she was very sad and I knew that

1:33:16

and then I invited a kid and

1:33:18

their parents over and Then

1:33:20

while everyone was there I just went in my office

1:33:22

and like did some work so that's a

1:33:24

fight I pulled a boner right like I that's a mistake and

1:33:27

Later I had to say to her because I got the

1:33:29

sense that it was wrong But she's not gonna yell at

1:33:32

me and she's not gonna shame me or anything like that

1:33:34

But we have to clear the air Alan de Botton

1:33:36

says the question in the relationship you should ask Takes

1:33:39

a lot of vulnerability is to say have

1:33:41

I done anything this week rational or not

1:33:43

that annoyed you and and

1:33:46

the key is It

1:33:48

can be irrational like it doesn't

1:33:50

have to be like something that was annoying It can

1:33:52

just be like it hurt your

1:33:54

child's self. So in that way, I'll say to

1:33:56

Val. I'll go like Boy,

1:33:58

I was a jackass for I

1:34:00

invited Eric and Niko over and

1:34:02

I knew you were depressed and

1:34:04

I'll know how mad or how

1:34:06

much hurt she was by how

1:34:09

hard she corrects me and if

1:34:11

she goes no you weren't a jackass I'll

1:34:13

know we're good but if she goes like no

1:34:15

I'm like ah I was a

1:34:17

buffoon you're fine I was a buffoon right

1:34:19

and then I'll say that and I'll get

1:34:21

it on the record I was a buffoon

1:34:23

and then I'll apologize so there takes some

1:34:25

banegal banegal funnegal yeah you know I'm

1:34:28

different I'm not I

1:34:30

try not to be passive-aggressive with

1:34:32

anything right PA but

1:34:34

I'm very like when I call

1:34:36

I call it how I see it

1:34:39

yeah so for instance if you know

1:34:41

I'm a relationship with

1:34:44

somebody and I'm like I'm like

1:34:46

you're so loud can

1:34:48

you just number down a little bit you know

1:34:50

I'll just joke like that I'll say something like

1:34:53

that or that lies out with me by the

1:34:55

way she'll look Kool-Aid man yeah that just means

1:34:57

I'm being the Kool-Aid man yeah we all know what that

1:34:59

means or I'll say you know like be

1:35:02

a little nicer you can be

1:35:04

a little nicer yeah be a

1:35:06

little so bossy here you know

1:35:11

but I've had people say you that was that

1:35:13

was rude and I go oh my god I'm

1:35:15

so sorry was it when I'm correct

1:35:18

or no about something it was something yeah but

1:35:20

I like when people kind of correct me but

1:35:23

even if you don't see

1:35:25

it if somebody goes you're being really go you could

1:35:27

sit there and good one of two ways you go what are

1:35:29

you talking about I wasn't being rude I can

1:35:31

I go I'm

1:35:34

sorry you saw it that way I didn't mean to

1:35:36

be rude yeah you know and that could end it

1:35:38

in a nice way yeah but um but

1:35:40

I'm not combative I'm not like I

1:35:42

don't want to be combative I wanna

1:35:44

you know but I think I'm also

1:35:46

looking for who cares what

1:35:50

no it doesn't matter what I'm looking

1:35:52

for I think what I'm looking for I'll find

1:35:54

when I'm ready for it hmm I was curious what

1:35:56

you're looking for I Think

1:35:58

I need a I think. Luckily,

1:36:00

there's no perfect person out there.

1:36:03

a lot. I'm not one or

1:36:05

more. yeah, my perfect yes, But.

1:36:08

I want someone who. Has

1:36:10

that. Too. Smart.

1:36:13

Yep! Who. I'm

1:36:15

really attracted to guess, but also

1:36:17

has that. Girl. The

1:36:19

side that like. Can. Be kids

1:36:21

with me and we could go do stupid

1:36:24

things are Willie wonka way, like in my

1:36:26

Willie Wonka way and like has that natural.

1:36:30

Soft. Way about them. You.

1:36:32

Want someone who's damage or wound

1:36:34

mirrors yours? I'm

1:36:37

putting words in your mouth, but most people are. Is.

1:36:40

Asserting. His

1:36:42

geico. Fit

1:36:46

that's kind of sweet. What I'm saying

1:36:48

is valid. I growing up religious vow

1:36:50

and I having similar dynamics of their

1:36:52

families officer stuff again Allen Day buttons

1:36:54

and wish I knew how a said

1:36:56

it's like spelled Elaine do bottle He

1:36:58

talks about like when you're on a

1:37:01

date and he died. There just wasn't

1:37:03

that spark he sang. What you're actually

1:37:05

saying is I didn't see the potential

1:37:07

for this person to hurt me in

1:37:09

the way that I need to be

1:37:11

hurt. Scary. I'll. Unpack that a little

1:37:13

bit fast. I'm enough like Sal's

1:37:15

parent that damaged her the most

1:37:17

so she can do that work.

1:37:20

Psychologically. With me in a

1:37:22

safe way but that makes me interesting to

1:37:24

her the fact that I am a blowhard

1:37:26

that I can be cool aid man that

1:37:28

I can be their lives us but I'm

1:37:30

also say some also person that will say

1:37:32

I was a cool a man I was

1:37:34

too much. You're right that's healing her past

1:37:36

traumas. so when we're talking about spark as

1:37:38

much as sexuality as of it's like. How.

1:37:41

Are our wounds gonna reconcile themselves in this relationship

1:37:43

and he could be on a date with somebody?

1:37:45

You is funny with girly Ali since to when

1:37:48

you say it's I want them to play with

1:37:50

names you like I want someone who was also

1:37:52

robbed of their childhood diseases a guess another professionals

1:37:54

but when wounds line up. You. Could heal

1:37:56

them together. It's funny you

1:37:59

say that because. I've heard so many.

1:38:02

Different. Things about that

1:38:04

were don't. Go.

1:38:06

Out with someone who is like you

1:38:08

don't go out was somewhat. Now it's

1:38:10

different. Like I don't want to date

1:38:12

someone who has the same energy the

1:38:15

same either us or retention. The negative

1:38:17

Enough This this sort of via i

1:38:19

know what you're saying and but ah

1:38:21

still say that I'll say you know.

1:38:23

You want somebody who has a big family.

1:38:26

You want somebody you had a good

1:38:28

childhood. You want somebody who has patients

1:38:30

with you as you want somebody who's

1:38:33

the all the things he didn't get.

1:38:35

Those are the things you want and

1:38:37

in a woman or a person and

1:38:40

so you know if someone doesn't have

1:38:42

patience with me is someone if I,

1:38:44

I, I think. I

1:38:46

said this to. An

1:38:49

ex girlfriend once I said. You.

1:38:51

Know. I.

1:38:53

Think about when I'm playing music

1:38:55

and if I do another oblige

1:38:57

show. And I get up. And

1:39:00

the only person that I'd be really

1:39:02

nervous about playing in front of. His.

1:39:05

You. May.

1:39:07

Pete Holmes. Know. Is that

1:39:09

proverbially aggro? Yeah. And.

1:39:13

I. Wasn't. It was just

1:39:15

like and I figured out why. And

1:39:18

I told her I said I didn't make

1:39:21

a suit. She says she said why. And

1:39:24

I said because I think. That.

1:39:28

Is he see me? Fail. You

1:39:30

ever see me? Sox? You'll.

1:39:32

Go away Ill you'll you'll you'll

1:39:34

leave. Yeah.

1:39:36

Rosy. Eyed,

1:39:39

I feel you so hard right now.

1:39:41

I feel you being so hard right

1:39:43

now. I'm just saying like. The

1:39:46

love the you need is that good.

1:39:48

Good. unconditional. I'm gonna say this I've

1:39:50

said a million times: I: it's not

1:39:52

even embarrassing anymore. The first time with

1:39:55

her was embarrassing as Ice or my

1:39:57

daughter's five when ten years she'll tell

1:39:59

have. Awareness of what her dad doesn't like? What of

1:40:01

in ten years or not doing anything cool. I.

1:40:05

And my wife cause you'll be her dad. Like.

1:40:07

What the fuck are you talking about and you

1:40:09

it sound like I'm relating? We. Both

1:40:12

need that. Sort of like

1:40:14

what he talking about. Your

1:40:16

my person am curfew stunk

1:40:18

I needed. Guarantee you need

1:40:21

someone does something that loves

1:40:23

it transcends your persona, effects,

1:40:25

personality. Comes. From Persona

1:40:27

was comes from Mask. This is

1:40:29

where James Finley taught me and

1:40:31

in a relationship or finding someone

1:40:33

that we can trust to slowly

1:40:35

take our masks off and look

1:40:37

at each other nakedly. And. Say

1:40:40

I see who you really are, That's okay

1:40:42