0:01

The Usainote Podcast. Hey

0:09

everybody, welcome back to the Usainote Podcast,

0:11

episode 190, round

0:14

of applause, please. That's

0:17

nice, that's nice. I like the

0:19

dogs. Okay,

0:22

alright, alright, we're gonna

0:24

get it, okay, okay, alright, thank you. We're gonna get evicted. That

0:27

will, this will be our last episode in this

0:30

building, because we're going to get evicted. Hey everybody,

0:32

welcome back to the Usainote Podcast, episode 119. If

0:35

you're new here, if you haven't already, look below your subscribe button

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and hit the press button. You're wrong. If you look

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ahead and fill that out, get your good karma.

0:47

Phoenix, Vegas, you were great. Fantastic,

0:49

not gonna lie to you, we haven't done it yet.

0:51

It's pre-recorded, we're on tour. But

0:54

I'm sure y'all are fantastic, every city we've done on

0:56

tour has been amazing. We've had the best time of

0:58

our lives this summer doing this summer tour, and

1:00

we are so grateful to everybody that has come to

1:02

a show, spent your money, spent your time, and shared

1:05

a night with us. We

1:07

love you, we have one more

1:09

show left, Houston, Texas. We're

1:12

bringing it to Houston, Texas to end the

1:14

summer tour out, House of Blues. I believe

1:16

it's sold out. Let's have

1:18

a damn party. Let's have

1:20

a celebration to enjoy this summer tour the

1:22

first time as a crew we've ever been

1:24

on tour. We've had the best

1:26

time ever, we love you guys so much. Remember,

1:30

join the Facebook, the Patreon, the

1:32

Twitch, the Discord, the Snapchat. We

1:35

are so grateful for you guys, we love you, we love

1:37

you, we love you, we will miss you after

1:39

this tour, but we

1:41

got some new surprises coming for you, we're after

1:44

tourians, we're going back to work, we're

1:46

bringing new things to you, and things will never

1:48

be the same. Now, to the rest of

1:50

the episode. In

2:00

the studio! Are you not

2:02

happy to be here? I am. They were saying some

2:04

hateful things. They were saying it's like Philly all over

2:06

again. Yeah, it's like Philly part 2, but it's in

2:08

my own city and my own dude. I like your

2:10

outfit today. Thank you. I like yours. Well,

2:14

that's a given. You have

2:16

a crop top with vans and some nice jeans. The only

2:18

thing is, I'm wearing the crop top. Normally

2:21

I pair the crop top with a good undie. You

2:23

do. What do you got today? Show them that dooch.

2:26

You want to see the dooch? I want to see the dooch. I

2:28

got the... RBXs. Kenny

2:30

X. I got the TJ Maxx specials. Hey,

2:33

they're soft. Microfiber is at 87% on those.

2:36

Is that a fact? Is that a fact?

2:38

Absolutely not. Is it polyester? Probably so. Makes

2:41

the tip of my penis burn a little bit. You need to

2:43

get checked. You need medication. Oh no. Oh

2:45

yes. Oh good morning. Oh yes. You

2:48

ever had a scare? Does it curve? I could

2:50

catch a bass. Stop. You're not

2:52

a fisherman. Have you ever had a scare? No.

2:55

In terms of sexual relations? No, no, no. You

2:58

want my answer? I was talking about like... You want me

3:00

to bust it open? Give you a real answer? I'd love

3:02

it when you bust it open. Bust that cat... Cameron, how

3:04

you doing bubba? How's tour going for you? I'm doing good.

3:06

The tour... Man, you can attest to it too.

3:09

The tour's been so much fun. Hey man! Jesus.

3:12

I'm attesting. Okay. Can I get an amen, brother?

3:14

It might be racist coming from you. Alright bro.

3:16

You ever been to a black church? I

3:18

have. Who was it? And one time I

3:20

went and it was the first time there, I was

3:22

the only white guy there. They said, do we have

3:24

any new... Do we have any new... Do we have

3:26

any new members of the congregation today standing up? I

3:29

don't like the accent. I'm sorry. I'm not quite sure

3:31

if that's okay. Do we have any new brothers and

3:33

sisters here this morning? Praising God! Yes, son!

3:36

I went, hell yeah! Oh, oh! It's

3:38

me! I

3:41

was wearing a pink polo. Only white guys stood

3:43

up tall, lanky, no facial hair, young pink polo.

3:45

Was it Easter? So many people looked at me

3:47

like... Was it Easter? No. It

3:49

was regular Sunday. You were wearing... I think it

3:51

was like August. Okay, this black church you visited...

3:53

It was fantastic. Did it have AC? It

3:56

had AC. Now you didn't go to a good old... I was sitting in

3:58

the pew for three and a half hours. How

4:00

long was the duration was equivalent to

4:02

me checking off almost three weeks of

4:04

my normal church? I

4:06

learned a lot. You're like why song so many

4:08

hands. You said why are there drums? Yeah, I

4:11

go wait Why is that guy in that cool

4:13

little robe? There's

4:18

always a sister Williams in the church

4:21

always sister Williams sister Johnson you can't

4:23

say My family's William

4:25

is that right that Are

4:31

they not are they what yes harden

4:33

was my mom's maiden name? What is

4:35

it? Williams? But

4:39

you're enjoying towards Olivia's Johnson, so Y'all

4:42

not related if you were I would have

4:44

questions married not related. We're now we're related

4:46

through marital status You are

4:48

not related when you're married one. You're

4:50

not related. We are conjoined you're not

4:52

related. We're one You're

4:55

not here to the family so I am

4:57

related. You're not related to the family I

4:59

I am literally the actual the actual title

5:01

of me is son in law

5:03

What is the son is a son related

5:06

to his mother by law? I am now

5:08

a son you buy a law my brother

5:10

your meaning. I am related that is my

5:12

family Then you're not related when

5:14

you get married you are now related to

5:16

your significant of this family Literally through y'all

5:18

if you are a lady your kid who

5:20

come out three eyes, okay? See now that's

5:22

a deep. That's a dark point you got

5:24

there We're not we didn't come out of

5:26

the same womb so you're not related via

5:28

law I am now related so we're related

5:30

son in law brother in law So you're

5:32

really cousin in law we're related then how

5:34

we just as much as you and Liz

5:36

family are related No, we're not there's no

5:38

law that says we're there's law there is

5:40

legislation that says I'm related to Tony Johnson

5:42

So I could go sign a Kristen Pella

5:44

tear so I can sign a paper and

5:46

be related to you That's so that's not

5:48

real. That's law isn't that weird law

5:50

government like making you relate or like government

5:53

making you married I don't believe in that

5:55

still don't have I don't this whole rules

5:57

thing. I do mean it's in

5:59

general rules or strange. I understand ten

6:01

commandments like it came there was a hello drink

6:03

the bread it was a he was on a

6:05

mountain with a big stone right but ever after

6:07

that it's like governments democracy

6:09

kind of needed though no 100

6:11

needed but it's like how did

6:14

it begin how did

6:16

it slavery yes but there was a king and he

6:18

just started making things and you had to do it

6:20

or you get isn't

6:22

that crazy okay i

6:24

saw a cop at a laundry mat and i was

6:26

like if you weren't on duty you

6:29

could tell me what to do if

6:31

you were on duty you could tell me what to do and

6:33

now we're pushing quarters in the same machine right

6:35

here no i actually don't believe that either though

6:37

just because the cops on duty i don't think

6:39

you have to you do have to listen to

6:41

it i don't know i think that is a

6:43

lot well you don't know you'll be like are

6:45

you kidding me i go get off my car

6:47

jack wagon you're like you know my dad is

6:50

i go speeding my ass where's the laser i

6:52

don't like him either you know i'm gonna see

6:54

your ass what's your badge number no i'm saying

6:56

you don't have to listen to what he says

6:58

if there's not problem like yes you do no

7:00

you don't bro he's not i do the cop

7:02

no i sure do it's a smart thing but

7:04

legally if you are not in trouble you've not

7:06

broken any law two different lives you're

7:09

making this you are making this different

7:11

for no reason i'm saying if

7:13

you and a copper to laundry mat and he goes

7:15

get on your hands and knees i'll be all righty

7:17

it's but you don't have to why not because i'd

7:19

say for what like why you can you

7:21

can too i can't

7:23

get on your hands i'd be

7:26

like i love when you tell me to do that though and

7:28

i'm like back to the king people

7:31

yes i had this thought the other day and it's

7:35

i'm like go talk to me it's kind of speak to

7:37

me it's kind of dark so i'm gonna use language that

7:39

won't have to be exiled

7:41

demonetization good morning to you thank you

7:43

for the money the first person to

7:45

unalive someone else right savage confusion

7:48

had to be a little bit had to

7:51

he's getting mad at the guy he starts punching him

7:53

the dude never wakes up he's just like he's

7:55

like ray

8:00

like Ray Ray

8:02

just never woke up back that

8:04

guy's he is confused that is

8:06

a great horse person to just

8:08

manhandle someone to unaliveness

8:11

he had to have gone home crying shout do

8:13

you know what but is it maybe an instinctual

8:15

thing no but you know I'm alive in the

8:17

first the first death via man ever that is

8:20

pure confusion it had to be you you you

8:22

wrestle off and you tussle but then one time

8:24

the guy never wins that might be never another

8:26

it had to be a weekend at Bernie's situation

8:28

like he had to realize that he did something

8:30

bad and that man's not waking up so he

8:33

put sunglasses on him put him in the back

8:35

of the Corolla and took him around places I

8:37

got a lot of kids in here no I

8:39

was confused

8:43

for a second we get a burnies I would do that with you

8:45

wouldn't that be scary though just

8:47

think about nowadays think about you're fighting someone that

8:49

one hit lands perfect and it's just it's done

8:51

that's why I don't fight that's scary I don't

8:53

believe in street it's too much to lose not

8:55

the game way too much tour

8:58

fantastic back going on tour I didn't

9:00

ask you that you said how was

9:02

your week I've never said that I

9:05

never said that oh I never

9:07

asked you all three of your death death I

9:12

see about tour you said how's your week but the

9:14

house tour going put money on it how

9:16

much any number in the world say I put

9:20

more money on there like a different like it

9:22

like I don't have as much as you do

9:24

that's not true it's oh my goodness it's no

9:26

it's not no it's not you'd

9:28

literally have no idea we oh my

9:30

god but I do oh my god are

9:33

you insane he don't yes I do

9:35

anyway that's scalp and change the topic

9:38

anyway show him your hair no show me

9:40

he'll get there you look like a

9:42

small/power forward for the New Orleans pelicans

9:44

that's what you look like isn't

9:47

it crazy what I

9:50

don't know tour

9:53

right we

9:55

had a show in where did

9:57

we just come from Chicago Chicago we had a

10:00

show in Chicago right and

10:02

I I look at every time we

10:05

get off stage I go immediately to

10:07

Instagram and I look at all the

10:09

tags you need it is sometimes I'm

10:11

like dog great shit you're like yeah

10:13

bro I'm like no

10:16

use me for an intermission you came in you said the

10:18

fact that you're on your phone right now yeah

10:21

I'm gonna save you all but there's

10:23

a part I went backstage I said

10:25

the fact that you are scrolling through

10:27

medias that are social right now is

10:29

insane I'm like damn LeBron I'm pacing

10:31

fart and shit drinking a little Miller

10:34

but at that point I'm like that's whenever I calm down

10:36

is that that part of the show but I

10:39

always were in sync we were in sync as hell

10:41

that was great that was there's a compilation of us

10:43

being in sync is it really bye bye bye just

10:45

a timberlake

10:48

he had a party pack in

10:50

his system right it's not your

10:52

fault Jen I'm sure

10:55

I want to take

10:57

you down to

10:59

the end of

11:02

the road not quite

11:04

sure about that too it's not real

11:06

song just a timberlake oh god he

11:08

had everything and oh percolator he if he

11:11

he could have got and

11:14

he would be alive he would have

11:16

blood his blood would

11:19

have been creamy and white that

11:22

oh what is wrong with you

11:24

you are a cameron Domer

11:26

can't win Domer I was trying to

11:29

make a joke on substances his own

11:31

sauces his blood would be mixed

11:34

with white substance there's so much in his you

11:37

know what I'm done it's okay no I was

11:39

trying to get you know okay it's okay I

11:41

hope he's okay and I'm glad he didn't hurt

11:43

anybody did you call an uber did you see

11:45

the first clip of him out when

11:48

he performed uh-uh what do

11:50

you do he just still has it all in

11:52

him he just got arrested for that shit yeah

11:54

got released immediately went and performed he was like

11:58

like oh really oh yeah he was tweaked

12:00

bro That's nice. No, it's not. Well,

12:02

I hope he's okay. Yeah. We didn't hurt nobody.

12:04

You don't know that. Well, I

12:06

don't know he did. Exactly. So

12:08

right now, I think he didn't. Guilty until proven innocent.

12:10

That's a horrible way to live life. I'm good. But...

12:12

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Now on to the rest of the episode. The You

13:47

Should Know Podcast. Tor.

13:50

God Jesus. Bless me. Go Chicago. I look at

13:53

the videos. I look at the videos. People tag

13:55

us in after it's not like all that. I

13:57

like their perspective. How did we look? is my

13:59

outfit look as good as I think. I

14:02

have an issue and I want to address it. And

14:05

I've seen it, I've seen people talk

14:07

about it, and I saw

14:09

it for myself whenever I was tagging these videos. I'm

14:13

not balding, okay? Let

14:15

me, let's put that out there. I

14:20

am not balding on the top of my

14:22

head. No, I'm not. I

14:25

saw some videos. I saw some videos.

14:27

My question is, how'd they even get an aerial view

14:29

of your dome? No, it's because I bend over a

14:31

lot in the show, in the projector I'm looking up,

14:33

and then when I'm like, oh,

14:36

man. Oh my God, what if it was

14:38

like a balding. Bro, have you seen the videos? No. You

14:40

can see my scalp. Dude,

14:43

it pisses me off. It's because my hair

14:45

is so long right now. And right

14:47

before the show, I wet it, and so

14:49

it all drips down, and it just lays

14:51

down, and it just parts the red C

14:53

in the middle. And

14:55

it looks like I got a donut in the

14:57

middle of my head. They can see what you're

14:59

thinking. And I've been so self-conscious that there's thousands

15:02

of people now that have videos on their phone

15:04

of me looking like I'm bald. Let's get a

15:06

preview. Look, I have so much hair. So much

15:08

hair. There's no bald spot. No bald spot. A

15:11

lot of hair. A lot of hair. A lot of

15:13

hair. It's for a reason. You'll see after a tour.

15:16

Good morning to you. Good morning to you. Good morning

15:18

to you. You know what? How was your week? How

15:20

did you like Chicago? I love Chicago. Let's flip that

15:22

coin and flip it back on you. So many little

15:24

kids selling chocolate on the streets of Chicago. How many

15:26

AAU teams do you have, Chicago? Every

15:28

single block. Chocolate for my team, chocolate for

15:30

the jerseys? I'm like, damn. I'm like, I

15:32

got a local 64-team tournament going on. And

15:36

I'm used to that. I've had it so many times.

15:39

And I'll just be like, oh, I got it on

15:41

me, whatever, whatever. It sucks when they

15:43

know who y'all are. We're going inside

15:45

of a store and they're like, y'all

15:47

them podcasts. I know y'all can bless

15:49

us. I was like, ah.

15:51

I said, ah, I got to go in here. My

15:55

dumb ass. I said, I don't have cash. Oh, we take

15:57

Zell cash. I said, damn it. And

16:00

okay in one thing in Chicago, right? I've never been

16:02

never heard of it. I've heard of it hottest shit.

16:05

Oh my god Why thought it

16:07

was cold that has to be the global warming? Yeah,

16:10

like they're not to get political Yeah, or

16:12

partial. I'm thinking they turned up the microwave

16:14

heat some guy in power hit that knob

16:16

a couple degrees too much 320

16:18

watts is what's regular. We're at 450 preheat bacon up and right

16:20

before you put that pretzels in you know what I mean What

16:31

The pretzels yeah in the oven

16:33

yeah, which means they're dough

16:37

Oops, you're having to cook it oops potato

16:39

chips. You don't put in the oven you

16:41

drop it in grease You drop

16:43

it and you fry them and you make the chip

16:45

Okay, a pretzel is dough dough is what you put

16:47

in the oven to bake something to its fullest form.

16:50

Oh, oh my god Guess what back? Oh,

16:52

guess what? Are there multiple different types of

16:54

pretzels? Oh, are there not you put chips

16:56

in oven? Answer that no Did

16:59

you put the little golden the golden rolls in

17:01

oven do you do that? What the golden rolls

17:04

there's a golden lunch in there like you know

17:06

in the in the variety pack the golden rolls

17:08

It's called rolled gold. I'm dyslexic. All right, that's

17:10

a pretzel. It's already been made. That's what I'm

17:12

talking about It's already those are chips. We're

17:15

not doing this. We're not doing this. Just go just let me

17:17

finish my damn story go We're in

17:19

Chicago. Yes, we landed. I didn't

17:22

know there was an ocean in Chicago. There's

17:24

not big Lake Big

17:28

Lake it's not an ocean Literally

17:30

the Lake of Michigan. I have been in a

17:32

few lakes in my life. Yes, they're brown and

17:34

I can see the end Yes,

17:37

that was a ocean Lake

17:39

Michigan. What's the difference between a lake and

17:41

an ocean? You're

17:44

kidding or dead ass because if the if the

17:46

lake that was in Chicago is a lake I

17:48

don't know what a lake in an ocean is

17:50

a lake is completely enclosed by land Isn't

17:53

everything enclosed by land? Are

17:55

you are you with me right now technically

17:57

everything is my way no all

18:00

of lands enclosed by water how

18:02

if the earth is doing a real the

18:05

earth is 70% water how in the hell would

18:07

you say the 30% is enclosing the 70 the

18:10

70s enclosing the 30s yes or no when we're

18:12

in Chicago did you see the other part of

18:15

the land on that ocean lake it's

18:17

a big ass lake no ocean it's

18:19

a lake did it run

18:22

out to something to Canada

18:24

exactly more land lake where's

18:27

the cut off what

18:29

are you saying I don't know the difference how is

18:31

that yes or no whenever you want a lake shut

18:33

up so I don't know how do you walk past

18:36

the lake before yes what it's not like you're

18:39

saying smell no tell me what did the

18:42

lake smell like at your hometown nasty dirty

18:44

fish ugly sand what in bottle cap and

18:46

what did that the lake in Michigan or

18:48

the lake what did the lake in Chicago

18:51

smell like beautiful breezes ocean amazing people exactly

18:53

eagles exactly there is a seal if there

18:55

is both it's a big lake how

18:59

it is oh my god don't say anything else don't speak

19:01

as a matter of fact zip your lip there

19:04

you go though the way it yeah throw that key lake

19:06

is enclosed by land I

19:09

heard that okay everything is paid

19:12

right now so go to go to the Gulf of Mexico

19:14

go to Corby go to Corby's Christie it's not enclosed by

19:16

land go to Corby's Chris not enclosed by land listen to

19:19

me go to Corby's it's not

19:21

okay say you're in the Gulf of Mexico right where

19:23

in Texas you go to Mexico yes you were to

19:25

get in the ocean and you were to go sideways

19:28

all the way you'd run into

19:30

Florida that's technically close by land that is

19:32

not enclosed by land you'd run into more

19:35

land in close with the difference running into

19:37

more land in the close by low in

19:39

something to be enclosed in something in

19:42

closing it so there there's no escape there is no

19:44

escape there will always be land no matter you can

19:46

go ever you can go a quarter of an inch

19:48

in every direction all the way you're always gonna run

19:50

into land the ocean you can

19:52

swim you will eventually pull up on other

19:55

land you're not enclosed by the land there's

19:57

private oceans isn't there there's private beaches private

19:59

ocean Private beach hit me private ocean is

20:01

private ocean. I'm sorry you can't afford to

20:04

go there. I've been to a couple hmm

20:06

Okay, tax bracket joke, okay? Private

20:09

oh there's private beaches exactly connected to

20:11

ocean okay exactly and you're using clothes

20:13

private beaches are enclosed The

20:16

beach is enclosed in the ocean No,

20:19

how is that not the ocean if it's a beach?

20:23

Lakes a beach yes all right All

20:26

right, you're you're you're so stupid That's

20:28

why your long-ass van shoelaces is dangling

20:30

and it makes me honestly. I'm starting

20:32

to feel bad for you How

20:38

do you feel better before it is beyond

20:40

everything is enclosed okay? If you have a

20:42

circle if you have a circle right a

20:45

literal circle, that's let's I know what a circle is Let me

20:47

say I don't know at this point. I don't know what you

20:49

know anything Yes, it's made of

20:51

steel, and it's a hundred feet tall You're

20:54

a human being sitting inside there can you get out of

20:56

it if I go up if you climb

20:58

shut up? Can you get out

21:00

of it? Yes if I can if I

21:02

can yeah, there's no doors no windows, and

21:04

it's it's it's a circle Okay, no okay.

21:07

That is enclosed. That's what lakes are so

21:09

imagine that's are open imagine. That's it shut

21:11

up My god

21:13

imagine that steals just land the lake is

21:15

you inside yes You can swim around you

21:17

can hang out. You're always going to hit

21:20

land ocean Ocean

21:22

you will always touch. It's

21:25

not enclosed. What's the difference between a lake

21:27

and a pool then? What

21:31

what's the difference between a lake in a pool one's

21:33

a pool. What's the difference you put in

21:35

your backyard? What's the difference Charlie? What's the

21:38

difference in your golden retriever? Just

21:40

jump in it feel good about himself. What's the difference between

21:42

a lake and a pool if they're both enclosed They're both

21:44

water both man-made First

21:46

off not all lakes are man-made How

21:49

do you that you try to get there a lot

21:51

of rain natural formation of the land? It's gonna hold

21:54

fill is under the is under the

21:56

soil right now is there water what?

22:00

If it was just naturally there like if we dig deep

22:02

enough are we gonna hit water? Yeah What

22:05

about the mantle? Oh? What

22:07

kind of shovel do you have

22:09

what shovel do you have to where

22:12

you're gonna tap on Earth's crust? Are

22:15

you nuts wait? What are you going finding

22:17

Atlantis? I've seen in science class they had

22:19

the globe with the different layers and it

22:21

had surface that is mud Miles

22:24

and miles below the surface so how

22:26

close is the water? Do you know

22:28

Mary on a trench never met

22:30

her? Sounds like a lovely

22:32

lady though. It's the deepest point

22:34

that we have discovered in the ocean Oh, no several

22:36

miles down, and it's so many

22:39

more miles before you touch a mantle.

22:41

You're not listening to me I'm saying we dig right

22:43

now. We dig right now. You said we're gonna

22:46

hit water eventually so is that above the mantle?

22:51

You're not ever gonna touch the

22:53

mantle with it I'm saying if

22:55

we could brother you can't brother

22:58

you can't partner So

23:00

you can't do it enough of the pool shit lake

23:02

shit lake never answered my question. Oh my god Cuz

23:04

I want a pool okay. What do you mean? What's

23:06

the difference? What's the difference? They're both in clothes for

23:08

fun? It's like 20 feet. I can't you can make

23:11

a lake for fun So there's a man-made lake a

23:13

pool are you is a man-made like a pool? No,

23:15

it's a like why cuz it's huge

23:17

the dis I've seen big-ass pools I've

23:19

seen out as big as a lake Schlitterbahn is

23:21

bigger than some schlitterbahn's entire amusement park. It's a

23:24

pool Yes or no,

23:26

you deserve I won. I win when shit you can't

23:28

tell me the difference with a pool in a lake

23:30

You tell me the difference there is none. There's not

23:32

that's what I'm saying. There is none. Let's go to

23:35

pool, Louisville That's what

23:37

I'm saying just because if the name is different.

23:39

What is the difference between them answer my question

23:42

answer my question Shut

23:44

off shut off not shut up shut off. Okay.

23:46

I'm another question about the earth. Oh my god

23:48

because we were flying right and I was very

23:50

confused We're

23:52

flying on a plane above the clouds. Yes. We're

23:54

high my teeth hurt. Yes Your

23:57

breath was kicking your breath

23:59

was Rancin we're gonna talk about the

24:01

fat flight, but I Was

24:04

looking at a globe? Digitally on the on

24:07

the on the on the on the googles. I was

24:09

looking at a globe on the googles 360

24:12

3d yes, and I saw

24:14

on top right you could see North America

24:17

Asia Australia all the continents

24:20

right mm-hmm I Have

24:23

a question you know I have

24:25

a quicker question. What are all seven continents?

24:27

Okay? What are all seven North America? South

24:31

America Australia Asia

24:36

England Germany

24:42

No, it's one of those European little shits. What's

24:44

it called? What's Europe Europe

24:46

Europe? Antarctica

25:00

Oh And

25:06

What if I said so far North America

25:08

South America Africa there you go my

25:11

ancestors took you about a minute and a half Are

25:15

with America South America Europe? Have

25:23

a question about the globe Are

25:27

is there something on top of us so

25:29

like if you were to go into space right and you were

25:31

to shoot down earth yes Is

25:33

the land popped up a little bit off of

25:35

the globe like are we like a 3d on

25:37

the globe on the globe? Are we 3d are

25:39

we flat on the globe like you have to

25:41

go into the globe and then touch us? And

25:44

so that's the atmosphere is what you'd have to

25:46

break through first you'd feel that yes

25:48

So it's almost like a little portal you'd be like I know if

25:50

you could think I That

25:55

was an accident what that was sexual in

25:57

an accident what did you just

25:59

do? Speaking of our beautiful green earth. Oh

26:03

god don't do it again. Yes, you'd break through the

26:05

atmosphere, but in terms of

26:07

our world and how far you could

26:09

go up before you're in outer space,

26:11

we are very smooth. So our atmosphere

26:13

is very clear. We are very smooth. A lot

26:16

of wind decks on the atmosphere. You could see through

26:18

the atmosphere. Yes, depending on what part you're

26:20

at. But I'm talking when you go all the way

26:22

up to space, you're like thousands, you're like hundreds of

26:24

miles up at that point. The highest peak on earth

26:27

is roughly five miles. A lot of this shit doesn't

26:29

make sense to me. I'm thinking the water would fall

26:31

out. Gravity. That's

26:33

what they say, isn't it? Yeah, gravity. Big question.

26:35

Okay, thank you. I was trying to debate. I

26:37

really had a question about that. I was like,

26:40

where are we? Earth. No,

26:42

I get that. You honest to god, I think I'm going to

26:44

buy you a course. A

26:47

geography course. I will never look

26:50

at it, think about it, touch it. See, that's bullshit.

26:52

You don't want to get better. No. You

26:54

don't want to cure yourself. No. You

26:56

have no aspirations. I don't want your Western medicine teachings.

26:58

I don't want that. I just want to easierize education.

27:00

This episode of the Ishit Lateem Podcast is brought to you

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by friends at Shopify. When

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28:06

on to the rest of

28:08

the episode but

28:10

the airplane yeah

28:16

we went on an airplane right me and Cam

28:18

and it was our first nighttime flight as adults

28:20

oh my god so we had the bright idea

28:23

let's have our first adult beverage in the

28:26

sky we've heard heard

28:29

a lot boy was it true

28:31

the quickest drunk I have ever been in

28:33

my life saying what is the what's the

28:35

science behind that I think it's cuz your

28:37

brains a little tight brains tight ears are

28:40

certainly clawed yeah it's like every like what

28:42

every I don't know it's

28:44

got to be like you cuz you're so many thousand feet

28:46

in the air yeah altitude's thinner that the liquor goes straight

28:48

to you and it's not I realized

28:51

a couple things while we drink on that flight

28:53

it was fun first one maybe I have an

28:55

alcohol problem because the

28:57

stewardess came to me and she said

28:59

another one and I said oh

29:02

baby we're warming up yeah I

29:05

didn't know and she was like are

29:07

y'all driving after this and I said oh

29:09

I'm not playing in the sea after I

29:11

go I'm in the sky man give me

29:14

the Jack Daniels and then the second thing

29:16

I thought of maybe

29:18

me drinking on a plane isn't

29:20

the best idea I had

29:23

the biggest false sense of confidence

29:26

in the world I turned into

29:28

Liam Neeson I said

29:30

if a her try something

29:32

on this plane I will

29:34

open this exit door and

29:36

throw them out bro he was tapped he was

29:39

tapping me telling me this he said dude no

29:41

I will literally somebody up

29:44

listen to your podcast guy what are you

29:46

doing there's like this you're looking for trouble

29:48

he was like fucking around he said that

29:50

guy moved too quick over there hey excuse

29:52

me man he clicked the call attend a

29:55

butch ski what's that guy's name I said

29:57

yeah I was like you have a white

29:59

light Of everybody yeah, what's his

30:01

where's he going? He have a connecting flight,

30:03

and I started off in that bag I started

30:05

thinking of what would happen. Oh

30:08

my god if somebody did something and I had

30:10

this false sense of confidence Oh my god, what

30:12

would you do? I'd have a backtrack in my

30:15

head of a song okay first off Way

30:19

before we get into that psycho behavior

30:22

this is all to not be insensitive. This

30:24

is simply a Scenario say

30:26

we're on that plane. Yeah, you and me

30:28

worth about three drinks in yeah altitudes crazy

30:30

So it's hitting D. Mm-hmm and

30:32

all of a sudden There's an insurgent

30:35

on the plane always mine dude

30:37

face mine. Oh my god

30:39

if I'm drunk on an airplane. He's Mine,

30:41

the name is Clark. Yeah, what

30:44

are you doing? Insurgents on the plane he

30:46

pops up make some noise it's him and his boy.

30:49

Oh yeah crew. Oh my god. Oh my god Okay,

30:51

let's hear it first thing I do is I tied

30:53

the shit out of my shoes, right? You

30:56

we need stability on that plane It's

30:59

a little especially if there's turbulence going over

31:01

a mountain good. God you need to tie

31:03

those boots up top not My god another

31:05

thing quick sidebar. He doesn't wear shoes on

31:07

the fly. No no I don't And

31:12

you know I don't I wear the same socks I

31:14

wear the same socks for a week straight There's always a

31:16

small stench when he pops them off and then how in my

31:19

breath is bad And so I I'm

31:22

drunk right on the plane and surgeons are there

31:24

playing insurgents They're trying to take over the flight

31:26

tie my shoes up like I'm going into combat

31:28

Vietnam trench warfare And

31:30

then when I'm drunk I liked depending on

31:32

what the vibe is I always if something's

31:35

about to happen I put a song in

31:37

my head just the vibe matter at this

31:39

but oh it does Survival oh it does.

31:41

I'll go I started play in my head.

31:43

I was thinking about this. I guess you

31:45

wonder I've been a

31:47

search to find the love

31:49

within Because that makes

31:51

me feel like I'm gonna kill you sexy

31:55

You're going to remember my sweet nectar

31:57

healing mixtape. I guess Imagine

32:02

that you don't have a gun though am I am I

32:04

okay? You don't have a gun You actually don't have a

32:06

blade you know anything sharp. What would have nothing but a

32:08

plastic cup of ice Where do we always sit? Where do

32:10

I sit? Where do I sit? Oh, you're gonna pop the

32:12

aircraft open. Yeah, we always And

32:16

so I'll be like this I guess you wonder Okay,

32:22

I guess you wonder I guess

32:25

you wonder where I've been Searching

32:33

for why we did come

32:35

over Some

32:40

of me exit door Kick

32:43

that shit out and then I

32:45

see your seat you're buckled in no, I'm up

32:48

at this point. So you're dead No, no, no,

32:50

no, no, no, no. I'm drunk. I have limitless

32:52

power You have an unbelievable

32:54

amount of core and leg strength and not

32:56

only do I kick them out of the

32:58

plane, right? The winds going I'm

33:01

sitting over there. Yeah, I'm standing over the exit

33:03

door watching them die You just I'm looking them

33:05

earth. So you just saved 300 people

33:07

your shirts popping up your dudes showing Yeah,

33:09

so a lot of females are starting to

33:12

record your hero You wave through

33:14

your hair once like this and the whole time I'm

33:16

in the background Guess

33:18

I wonder where I'm flapping like

33:20

this and then I close the

33:22

exit door. I turn around

33:24

everybody cheers. I Go

33:26

who wants a drink? And

33:30

then I'm the hero They're

33:35

watching God work, oh That's

33:39

that could be a film a bad

33:41

I'm telling you I my confidence drunk

33:43

on aircraft is that it was insane

33:45

I am Jose Mazalas

33:53

Who's Jose Mazalas thought about

33:55

a baseball player Jose

33:58

now that's a How's the

34:00

aldiron? How's a- Jose Calderon

34:02

and his head is like

34:05

this What's a calzone? A

34:07

calzone's food Yeah A calzone's

34:09

food Yeah, good morning What's

34:12

the last month of the year? December

34:17

How's it last month? Cause on January

34:19

it's a new year But it never

34:21

really ends It's just always gone

34:24

It's always gone Are you on

34:26

ketamine? No, but I'm saying

34:29

It's like a circle Circles don't end They're just

34:31

a circle Okay Let

34:33

me break something down to you, buddy Alright I

34:36

agree, I understand No, no, no But do you hear

34:38

me? How many months are in a year? First

34:40

off, they're lying to us No, but I answered my question

34:42

Supposed to be 13 months of 28 days I-

34:46

The Gregorian calendar There was

34:48

a kid that I met I told this story but he

34:51

was born on a leap year and he terrified me Cause

34:53

I always looked at him like a f***ing alien And I

34:55

was like, I don't like him He was like, I'm sick

34:57

And I was like, shut up I hated that kid And

34:59

he used to put gum in his in

35:02

his mouthpiece during Pop Warner I

35:04

tried it one time That shit would have yanked my

35:06

teeth out I had a horrible grill Yeah, it took

35:08

my filling out Oh my god, I had all silver

35:10

everywhere I looked like Jaws It was bad You looked

35:13

like Paul Wall Dude, I- Okay

35:15

This shit was black No Is that a

35:17

bad thing? My te- On

35:19

teeth, yeah, it's bad Cavities So,

35:22

it would be December Because if you're saying the last

35:24

month of the year that means you're tracking time How

35:27

it is tracked by months But didn't you say

35:29

that time is different to everybody? I

35:31

say seconds are There's not a second

35:33

that is the same for anybody But it's- You can't track seconds

35:35

and hours and minutes You can't But what

35:38

all is a year? A year is just months of

35:40

days Which is of hours Of

35:42

minutes of seconds No, I get you So

35:44

is time real? No So

35:46

there's no last month No, but if

35:48

you're going off of If you're going off the

35:50

Western medicine time of time and taking talk So

35:53

then that has to be- Charlie D'Amelio Okay So that has to

35:55

go all the way down to seconds Huh? All

35:57

a year is is a bunch of seconds It's about

35:59

20 Have you even thought about that

36:01

all a year is is a shit ton of seconds

36:04

Are you ever scared when you wake up? Absolutely

36:06

no panic attack this morning. I

36:08

was awake because because of that. I was like

36:10

what are we doing? What is that called again?

36:13

Sonder somber? I'm not sure no that Saunders when

36:15

you think it of other people And you're like

36:17

are y'all real their own life. You know what

36:19

I mean and Back

36:21

to the plane back to the plane I Think

36:25

we should make more arrests on aircraft Why

36:28

some people belong in jail hundred percent

36:30

and you would have gone to the

36:32

warden if I didn't stop you Me

36:35

yes, the liquor was hidden What

36:38

happens when the liquor's hidden? You

36:40

start to open up a little bit start to

36:42

get a little loose cam got loose right

36:44

there in the rectum region Cam

36:47

turns to me The bathroom

36:49

is right there. I actually whispered this to he goes

36:51

he got a man He goes would

36:54

it Would it be bad? I

36:56

was like what you think would it be bad

36:58

if I like? Wingo take a

37:00

shit on the plane. I said

37:02

cam if you do that I Will

37:05

call What's the person

37:07

on the plane fire marshal? Was

37:10

the person on the plane the sheriff the law? No

37:12

the person on the plane that has the badge the guy that

37:14

wears like a clip like he has like a clip It's

37:18

probably watching like the rookie Yeah,

37:20

you know those on every plane. Yeah, you never

37:22

know you never know But

37:25

it's only in that's like over certain hours Definitely

37:28

the one we took the one we were on yeah,

37:30

we were on a Liam mason play. Yeah Yeah, that

37:32

was our first time was 343. Yeah hella people if

37:34

you shit on a plane you deserve death I did

37:36

shit on the plane so kill me now you you

37:38

shit on a plane before that plane I shit no

37:40

you did not when I caught up and

37:42

went to the bathroom. I took a shit. No you can not Peyton

37:45

I told you I literally whispered in your ear that

37:47

not even that part I turned over I said hey

37:50

I'm gonna do two first on this flight first adult

37:52

beverage in the sky first poop And then I said

37:54

don't do it you said I'm just gonna pee my

37:56

mom's was I gotta take everything you say to the

37:58

core Of me I had to I'm a grown man.

38:00

I went in there and it was right when

38:02

she said we're expecting I

38:06

spread my legs. They're like gripping like the toilet paper

38:08

container into the side of the wall I was like

38:10

I was moving and shit. I just read Yeah,

38:13

see that's what I was wondering cuz I thought you were just

38:15

going to go pee. No, I took a shit It's

38:18

not some shit got funky on that plane Yeah,

38:20

but then that woman went right after me and

38:22

I was like, I was like, oh, there's no

38:24

fan. There's no spray Yeah, you went to the

38:26

bathroom right when there's turbans as soon as he

38:28

locked that bathroom door There's

38:30

piss everywhere, but now I know this I was

38:32

I was sitting down pooping out of my butthole.

38:34

That's a thing Men

38:37

that sit down to pee. I didn't know this

38:39

was such a popular thing. I

38:41

love it in my own house I love it.

38:43

So many men have told me yeah, I sit

38:45

down to pee in my own house I've never

38:47

thought about that one. It's like it's uh, it's

38:49

like a it's like a personal like Meditation

38:52

I see I don't like it cuz I hate when my

38:54

dick gets in the water. So that's why Oh Yet

38:59

again Some

39:02

of us don't have that luxury. Oh,

39:04

you've never accidentally flushed and your

39:06

belly going down the plumbing You're

39:09

sitting there. Oh, no, I've never flushed

39:11

my dick down the drain dog. Sorry

39:14

about you Blessed be thy

39:16

name your that region is unbelievable If

39:18

you flush your genitalia down the toilet,

39:21

I'm pretty sure I felt Michael Angel

39:23

take a grab Oh Leonardo's

39:27

like pizza master split I said

39:30

What is that? Attack. No, bro. I

39:32

can't I can't sit down to pee cuz my

39:34

butthole opens too much on the toilet if I

39:36

sit down point Oh, it's like a second-level insurance

39:38

like you always sit down if something needs to

39:40

come out. You're already ready No, I don't like

39:42

spending too much time in the bathroom cuz my

39:44

bathroom is nasty, bro But have you ever farted

39:46

standing in the urinal and it's a close call

39:49

Sometimes yeah, but it's not enough to store. I have to

39:51

sit down every time I pee but sometimes for me I'll

39:53

be pissing. I go for a

39:55

fart. It's like and I go oh, oh,

39:57

but then I have to abort and go to a toilet

40:00

You talk to me too much when you pee. That's a

40:02

problem I have with you. I have good conversation when we

40:04

pee. You know me probably more than most people in this

40:06

world. Talk to me way too much

40:08

when Johnson's out. My Johnson's right

40:10

there with you. We're Johnson twins. Well,

40:13

I'm not

40:16

gonna lie to you. Every time Cam, he

40:18

goes right to the stall next to me. I think he

40:21

has alternative motives. I am. I think,

40:23

yes, thank you. I

40:25

go to the stall first. No, no, not the stall. You go

40:27

to the urinal right next to me. You go

40:29

to the urinal right next to me. Because I'm a grown ass man. I'm

40:31

not afraid of anything. Yeah, but there's 18 urinals. Don't

40:34

take the one next to me. Are we in an AMC? There's

40:36

18 urinals. We're in a

40:39

big ass airport. Yes, there's 18 urinals. And how

40:41

many of them are used? No, every time you

40:43

go, you go next to me. I go first,

40:45

like 90% of the time. All right, I was

40:47

saying this to say, every time he

40:49

pulls his pants down, it's like an LED

40:52

light. Comes like, he has fluorescent cock. I

40:54

pull my pants. Fluorescent.

40:56

With the cam pieces, pants going on there.

40:58

I pull my pants down like I'm in

41:00

the seventh grade. Cam, I've walked past. My

41:02

ass is out when I'm pissing him. I've

41:04

walked past Cam using a urinal. And he's

41:06

had his pants on his ankles. On

41:09

my ankles with my... He's

41:31

like, bro, booty butt ass naked.

41:33

I see my dog's back of his

41:35

thighs and the small

41:37

of his back. I'm like, what's happening? Oh

41:41

my god. Could you imagine the shake after that with my

41:43

close to that? I'm like... Yeah,

41:49

this shit's going to... Oh.

41:52

Oh. Dog, if I ever saw that... Oh,

41:56

I didn't even tell you. If I ever saw that.

41:58

Oh my god. Oh my god. I have

42:00

a mean joke I can say. It's not even

42:02

a joke but it's a fact. Oh my, I

42:04

never, oh my God I'm sorry, I never told

42:06

y'all. When we were Chicago waiting, when

42:08

we were Chicago waiting, a dude was shitting next to me.

42:10

Remember how I left to go take a poop? Oh

42:13

my God, how did I not tell y'all? When a dude

42:15

was shitting next to me, he gagged on his own smell.

42:17

I swear to God, we were sitting there and I'm on

42:19

my phone, right, and it's quiet as can be. He's not

42:21

on his, if he's on his phone, he's not watching anything

42:23

out loud. And all of a sudden, it was one of

42:25

those nasty, it was like, like a nasty one. And then

42:27

like 20 seconds go by, and

42:30

he literally went, and I

42:32

was like, oh my God. I wiped so

42:34

quick and got out of there. Bro, I

42:36

was, I took a public poop for

42:38

the first time since like middle school. And it was

42:40

whenever we were coming back from Chicago here, and

42:43

I had to, did

42:45

you see I was gone for a long time when I

42:47

was on the food court? It's because I went through the

42:49

whole airport trying to find the most vacant bathroom because I

42:51

don't like peeing or pooping next to people. I'm

42:54

so vulnerable and I make a lot of noises. My shit

42:56

beat boxes, dog. First, that's disgusting.

42:58

Second, it's human nature. No, but then

43:00

the rhythm of somebody else's shit throws me

43:02

off. Like if I hear them squirting, rhythm,

43:05

if I hear them squirt, I close up.

43:08

I can't be open when the man next to me

43:10

is open. Dog, I'm like just added to the fridge.

43:12

Add it to the smell. Someone's

43:14

like, I'm like, all right, bastard, you wanna play?

43:18

I'm sitting there going round for round with

43:20

guys. And I'm done shaking hands now. After

43:22

traveling so much. Oh my God, fist bump.

43:25

Every, every bathroom I go to now, hey,

43:28

females, men do not wash their hands

43:31

at all. So many of them. They don't. So many of

43:33

them just leave. Especially if, okay, a lot of guys don't

43:35

do it after they pee, whatever. A

43:38

lot of guys don't do it after they shit. There's

43:40

a pilot that's bullshit. Took his shit next to me.

43:42

I saw, I finished before him. I washed, I was

43:44

washing my hands. I see him just get up and

43:46

go. He was like, I said, don't nod me. Go,

43:49

uh, pilot, pilot, he should be arrested.

43:52

That's the You Should Know podcast. This

43:56

episode of You Should Know podcast is brought

43:58

to you by our friends at booking.com. booking.com

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on booking.com. Now, to the rest

44:58

of the episode. The

45:00

You Should Know podcast. You

45:03

know what else is strange? What? I've

45:05

never seen a baby picture of Cam, and I'm

45:07

starting to get questions. I've

45:11

known this man and his family for the better part

45:13

of eight years. I've

45:16

never seen him as an infant, and I

45:18

have questions. I

45:21

was big. I was so

45:23

scary. I've been here. You've never seen me

45:25

as a baby. Your house, your sister's house,

45:28

your whole family, pretty much everybody in your family have

45:30

been around them, their houses. They were trying to hide

45:33

in there. Not a single baby

45:35

picture of this man exists. And I

45:37

have questions. I gotta find you. Where

45:39

are you from? Bro, I

45:42

was a scary baby. I was big

45:44

as shit. Yeah, I know that. I was

45:46

almost 10, I was nine pounds, eight ounces,

45:49

two weeks early. I would've

45:51

been like 12 pounds if I came out when I

45:53

was supposed to. Because I had this thought, I was

45:55

laying in my bed, I might've had a substance in

45:57

me or two, I was watching a movie eating food,

45:59

right? Okay. And my mind was going. He

46:01

said he was born at five. And that's what

46:03

I was saying. I was like, who is my

46:06

best friend? Like, do

46:08

I genuinely know him? Because

46:10

where is he from? What if I told you I killed

46:12

a frog with a hoe in the back of a garden

46:15

one time? What was her name? Didn't name the frog. No,

46:17

the hoe. Oh,

46:37

that was a sad memory, though. The hoe?

46:39

She broke your heart? No, hoe. It was

46:41

just garden equipment. You just made me think of

46:43

that. Yeah, no. I ran over a turtle one time. F***

46:45

up the alignment on my jeep. That

46:48

turtle was straw. No,

46:53

but Cam's a lab baby. No.

46:56

Biggest shit, yes. I need to find a

46:58

picture for you. OK, honestly, what have you

47:00

found out, right? Genuine question, what have you

47:02

found out I was a lab baby? Like,

47:04

not real lab babies they make now. But

47:07

like, you were literally made in a tube.

47:09

I was made at 12 years old. That

47:11

would explain a f***ing lot. That would explain

47:13

so, so much. Oh

47:16

my god. Would you still be my friend? I'd have to.

47:18

But you can't. No, I'd have to. Because at this point,

47:20

I believe you have powers to end us all if you

47:22

wanted to. I told you this information, but I said, when I tell

47:24

you this, you cannot ask me a question.

47:26

You can't ask me a question, or I'll have to kill you. Would

47:29

you still be my friend? Yeah. But you would

47:31

ask me questions. My ADHD would be buzzing off the charts.

47:33

I feel like that would ruin our friendship. No,

47:36

that's going to ruin our friendship. Keep that shit

47:38

inside. French inhaled a burp? It

47:40

gets you higher than Wiz Khalifa on 420,

47:42

Snoop Dogg's relatives. What is a French inhale?

47:44

You never French inhaled a burp? You

47:47

blow out and suck back through your nose.

47:49

That's called a French inhale. Google something. You

47:51

know propaganda, don't you? Yeah, Ching-Chang Chong. Now

47:53

that sounded crazy. Oh! Oh!

47:55

No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no,

47:57

no, no. Oh! Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

48:00

Oh no no no no no no no

48:02

no no no Oh! Ching-Chang Chong The

48:05

guy that smokes weed a lot, Ching-Chang Chong That's... I'm saying

48:07

it again! That's his name! It's

48:09

Ching-Chang Chong Oh, well then cut

48:11

it out Cut it out? You

48:14

know what I meant I came from a place

48:16

of no- Hey Ezekiel Elliott, just relax a bit

48:18

You're right Yeah You're right I don't like my

48:20

nipples being touched Do I share that

48:22

publicly or no? You just did You ever got them?

48:26

I've never had my invisible nipples

48:28

come- Yes! See? I've

48:30

never had my nipple placed Hey, it is You

48:33

ever had a Q-tip? Yes Times 10 No

48:35

shot I look like I look like

48:38

Ruby I'm

48:40

shaking like a damn dog Really?

48:43

Oh my god, it's a tickle spot Like a

48:45

hand pinch or like a mouth suck

48:47

Hey, it's personal Gimme-

48:49

just say that or the latter I'm

48:51

not next to no this kind of guy I'm a

48:53

rhythm player However you want to go get it Come on now You

48:56

know what I mean? You get a nipple on a head I'm like go get you

48:58

some of that nectar Go get you some

49:01

of that calcium out of there If you were lactating I

49:03

would absolutely put you down I

49:05

would absolutely end your life If

49:08

I found out that you were creating milk inside

49:10

of your body You ever

49:12

tried? Did I ever try

49:14

to lactate? You ever? Okay, when you're- I'm sitting there

49:16

pinching my own nipple Hoping something comes out You need

49:18

help When you first- When you

49:20

first found out about lactation as

49:22

a child Never You never squeezed

49:25

real hard? No

49:27

no no no Straight blank looks That's weird

49:30

Pierce why would you say that? Oh no, oh no Pierce Don't let him

49:32

put that on the jacket I feel like Pierce gets nasty

49:34

in his room I feel like Pierce is

49:36

on the- He's like hold on let me throw

49:39

this curve ball real quick He sets that down

49:42

I feel like if you put a black light in Pierce's

49:44

room You're gonna find some- There's

49:46

all sorts of liquids Everywhere,

49:48

everywhere There's gonna be shit

49:50

in the corner of his room Shit on the

49:53

doorknobs Some crazy

49:55

fluorescent rag under the bed Oh

49:58

my- No his room's wicked Oh

50:01

God okay, if you had if

50:03

you had to be in a house in Harry Potter which one would it be? Slither

50:06

in I knew it. No. I

50:09

like Hufflepuff. I don't know

50:11

what any other shit needs. I'm literally saying things

50:13

I don't know what I'm talking about Basically,

50:17

I'm not even gonna put the other two because you don't

50:19

respect the franchise enough Who is the one that looked like

50:21

Chris Angel mind freak? I want to be in his house

50:23

what the guy's name He's a Slytherin

50:25

the guy that had the boss. He's through He

50:28

was a Slytherin I believe he did

50:30

something bad no he did something really good, but it

50:32

was perceived as really bad I'm talking about in real

50:35

life Chris Angel or Snape Chris

50:37

Angel he looks rough now by

50:39

the way the Luxor is a shit hotel looks oh

50:41

my god He looks rough. Did you see him at

50:44

the UFC fight? No? No? He's

50:46

older, but he looks old as hell. You know

50:48

y'all age like bananas that okay. Yo that coke

50:50

did not do him good He did cocaine Chris

50:53

Angel did the levitating over

50:55

buildings you think he was on a

50:58

smoothie. He was on an eight ball

51:00

of coke Don't

51:03

put coke on Chris Angel's jacket. You don't think

51:05

he did no. I don't know so

51:08

I'm not gonna say that are you kidding me You

51:10

think Chris Angel did some ball? Did

51:12

some blow his nickname was blow at

51:15

that point Chris Angel are you

51:17

kidding me? I didn't think so You're

51:20

you are then you're a very you like to see

51:22

the good in people. I bought his book. You're out

51:24

of no you Yeah, yeah, you know me

51:27

and Julian from roaring mall spot guys talked about this I

51:29

bought magic books and I remember we

51:31

had a you like parties at my house and like

51:33

everybody was from the hood on my Team so it

51:35

was like their dads or uncles of pappies shit like

51:37

that and I was like y'all I never seen no

51:39

magic like this and so I'd go to my book

51:41

I find the favorite trick and they'd be drunk as

51:43

hell in the backyard And I'd go be like let me

51:45

do some magic for you, and they'd be like we gotta

51:47

fucking entertain this kid I guess and

51:50

I'd do magic for him and they always seemed impressed,

51:52

but as I got older they hated me that night

51:55

Obviously you're still black, but you were like

51:57

the token like white suburban kid like trying

52:00

to do They're like, man, like, oh

52:02

my god. You

52:05

were not a backyard magician studying through books. I

52:07

swear to you. What did you not do? Honestly.

52:09

I think that's why I'm such a good person.

52:12

Have you ever done anything with your hands? Like,

52:14

oh. You'd

52:20

have to go to therapy if I told you that one. Like

52:24

physical labor. You smell my hand

52:26

at 1am. You're gonna regret that

52:28

one. Oh.

52:36

You know, in a weird, in a

52:38

weird reverse society, right, without

52:41

anything being, being a little

52:43

zest, a little questionable, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

52:45

I'm here with the zest. I almost want

52:47

to see you at 1am,

52:49

but with certain parts blurred, if you

52:51

know what I'm saying. You

52:53

want to see what I do? I want to see what the like,

52:55

because I think at this point I'm convinced you

52:57

talk to yourself. I really am. Oh, yeah. I'm

53:00

convinced you have full blown conversations. Oh my God. I'm

53:02

convinced there's an unbelievable amount of food in your bed, not

53:04

in rappers. I'm a damn raccoon. I sat on your couch

53:07

the other day. I literally heard a, I

53:09

looked, it was like a quarter brick of ramen. Like

53:11

just sitting there. I swear to God. I swear to

53:13

God. I was looking forward to. I knew

53:15

there was food in your bed. I know you're naked. That's why I wanted

53:17

to be blurred. I don't want to see the dooch. But

53:20

I just want to see how you operate when

53:22

no one else is around, because that shit has

53:24

to be scary. I'm untamed fox. Do

53:29

your Googles. That's me. I

53:33

know you're a dairy. I'm

53:37

fast. I'm wild. And I am nasty.

53:41

I am efficient. My

53:44

room smells like peanut butter, jelly and lust. Because

53:55

after we get done recording, I think

53:57

my parents are ashamed they had me. But like, you

53:59

know what I mean? Like they gotta watch this with

54:01

their friends. It's

54:03

a comedy. And then

54:05

I think of your family. Oh,

54:07

my mom's probably crying on the couch.

54:09

And I looked at your brother in

54:11

the eyes after our show. He

54:14

didn't respect it. Yes, he does. Yes, he

54:16

does. He was like, you are a strange

54:18

guy. He was like, I do things

54:21

to help society. Oh

54:23

my god. Yeah, I apologize. I just tell jokes, man. It's

54:25

just jokes. I'm going to make people laugh. I

54:28

was like, PB and J must. I

54:31

ran through eight uncrustables in one

54:34

night. Are you kidding me?

54:36

Oh my god. Oh my god. It's

54:38

like 2,000 calories of PB and

54:40

J. I smelled like a second grade classroom.

54:44

Did you feel anything?

54:46

Oh, I let it go. Some constipation? No. My

54:49

mattress feels wet. Your mattress is good

54:51

mattress. That shit always feels wet and cold. Very good

54:53

mattress. Wet and cold is my favorite combo. No.

54:57

You got to stop. Get off this high horse. OK,

54:59

my fault. Yours? I rode a horse

55:01

before. Talk about that. Chafed the

55:03

inside of my legs. Had a rash. Ooh. Should've

55:07

saw my t-shirt. Blistered. My

55:09

god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

55:11

My worst chafing. My worst

55:13

chafing experience ever. Went to Six Flags.

55:15

I got on the Aquaman. Got absolutely

55:18

soaked, but it was the second ride

55:20

I rode all day long. I walked

55:22

around for six hours soaking wet. My

55:25

shit was chapped. It was awful pain. And

55:27

it was so bad. This is where I

55:29

got this real story. I rode back home

55:31

in the back of my mom's Ford Explorer

55:33

butt naked because I couldn't take the pain.

55:39

I was butt naked. Butt naked

55:41

with my feet on the window in a fetal position

55:43

with my ass cracked pointed to my mom. Yo.

55:49

Were the windows tinted? Oh

55:51

my god. Just got that little white boy that's just

55:53

naked. It was fishbowl. I

55:57

think that's a criminal activity. Another

55:59

time it was so bad. Cold so early in the morning

56:01

at Black Friday shopping that I was feeling like I had

56:03

hypothermia I asked my mom to go

56:05

back in the car I fell asleep in the back of

56:07

the Ford Explorer bundled up in blankets. I woke up like

56:09

three hours later It was too cold

56:11

for me. I was too young. I was a big

56:14

job day I would have hated you bro. You were

56:16

soft When I first when

56:18

I first found out how to ride a bike I

56:20

ran into a desk that was sitting on the side

56:22

of the road for pickup flipped over it snapped the

56:24

broomstick it hurt my head Yes

56:27

or no, who's a bigger loser mirror you as a kid

56:30

You okay? I don't know. I don't

56:32

know I don't know I was adventurous

56:37

I ran a goat out a dust admirers

56:39

he brought miss that bitch. I faked a

56:41

leg As late

56:43

for the Patriots Oh

56:49

my god, even a more embarrassing when I

56:51

feel day I was racing a girl lost

56:54

the race Like I was losing at the

56:56

quarter stretch. So I faked a slip I

57:02

Know exactly we would have never been friends in our

57:04

kid years Tell me about

57:06

it. I would have been friends with a

57:08

Troy Paul Amala with a tail and suspenders

57:10

I was still also making out with women.

57:12

I was like that kid does drugs that

57:14

kid is a druggie He

57:17

swapped spit with other six-year-olds. He's wearing

57:19

suspenders, and he does terrorists paper mache

57:21

art druggie Drug

57:25

my pastime was tech decks and Lord of

57:27

the Rings video games your pastime is YouTube

57:30

videos and paper mache terrorists. Oh God

57:34

god, what's another one? Oh? She

57:37

was really that was really fun. Oh my

57:39

god. I was really fun. I thought never

57:41

mind don't say Don't

57:44

say it. No one had to go. I don't want

57:46

to do that to CJ I

57:56

Did you do Yeah,

58:00

oh that might have been on the page regardless

58:02

I used to go save my grandparents for like

58:04

a week at a time in the summer and

58:06

I got these new dinosaur pajamas Yeah, they were

58:09

green and black. Okay, so I was in them

58:11

right? Yeah, the lights were cut off in my

58:13

grandparents house So my my my

58:15

poppy he was out at work and me

58:17

mall She was in the computer room, but I

58:19

was playing with my toys like like

58:22

the backside of the couch like right onto it

58:24

So it's really dark right my grandma's like half

58:26

blind She walks out of the thing.

58:28

I don't hear I Just sitting there

58:30

playing I lunge back. She trips and follows over my

58:32

leg I know I did that to her

58:34

right so I get up I can

58:36

soul turn everything my grandpa comes home five hours later

58:38

I said she tripped over the vacuum Wait,

58:41

wait, wait, you left her laying there for

58:43

five hours. No, no, no, no, I

58:45

got her up immediately I got her up intended to her

58:47

immediately, but I was like six and I didn't want to

58:50

get an ass whooping I don't want any trouble. So I

58:52

lied and I said she tripped over the vacuum. So then

58:54

I moved the vacuum No,

58:57

no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

58:59

no, no, I got me more Saved

59:02

her life. Yes got her up,

59:05

but I lied about the the cause Yeah, okay

59:07

time I put that kid I put the neighbor

59:09

kid in a headlock a master lock. Yeah, and

59:11

I was You

59:19

do I'm telling you a white boy said different kind of fun Master

59:22

why so locked into the character in

59:24

the moment? He was Like

59:39

Yeah, get him right cuz we were like what's

59:41

wrong with you bro wrestling But then I literally

59:44

thought I was Chris Masters and I just went

59:46

the master lock and I was Commentating my own

59:48

move as if I was JR you're more. Oh

59:50

my god. It's the master lock You

59:53

should know podcast All

59:56

right, we're back we're back all right, sorry we have

59:58

to cut that out you ever played super monkey ball

1:00:02

stop are you asking me that for a specific

1:00:04

reason stop it what league is that in that

1:00:06

he heard that support stop it it was a

1:00:08

game we were young fun as hell basically you're

1:00:10

a monkey or an ape or a chimp and

1:00:12

you're in a ball right and you're going through

1:00:14

these courses and you can't fall off so fun

1:00:17

what about Doritos crash course on Xbox 360

1:00:19

mm-hmm god you didn't live played the floor

1:00:21

is lava the hell if you didn't play

1:00:23

the floor is lava did you cheat in

1:00:25

the floor is lava no I just grabbed

1:00:27

my favorite girl that's how

1:00:29

that was our flirting like we would go like what

1:00:31

did you just like oh that sounded kind of crazy

1:00:34

what did you just say I just grabbed you

1:00:36

know what is

1:00:39

there something in your eye I don't know it's burning welcome

1:00:45

back so we'd go like

1:00:47

we had a friend hangouts right it'll be girl it would be

1:00:49

girls and boys you're squinting fix

1:00:52

your eye and everybody had their crush there

1:00:54

like that was the point like we liked

1:00:56

each other something's

1:00:59

wrong no something's not going right in this left

1:01:01

eye no I know it burns no no no

1:01:04

no no it burns okay go and so

1:01:06

we boys and girls yeah yeah yeah maybe

1:01:09

not all ages yeah yeah I just realized

1:01:11

you're a real person like

1:01:13

that isn't that crazy I've been so

1:01:15

sorry am I hot you might be something

1:01:17

that eyes it's so we played

1:01:19

the floor is lava and and

1:01:23

we like jump on the couches

1:01:25

right man I had my tail

1:01:27

right now I was gnarly I

1:01:30

was like this right imagine this 12 years

1:01:33

old with a tail going super

1:01:35

skinny jeans with no draw saw just

1:01:49

a mean ass right oh my god

1:01:51

you probably had seven yeast infections by

1:01:53

the seventh grade it's

1:01:56

all right I was like oh my god

1:01:58

you're taking I

1:02:08

can't I cannot imagine I cannot imagine did

1:02:10

you do that for athletics. No

1:02:12

no no no no no no no no no no no.

1:02:14

This is like a weekend. Yeah a weekend, I want more

1:02:17

draws. My balls had all kinds of scars and

1:02:19

scrapes on them because they were getting caught in a zippers, a Levi

1:02:21

Jean, it was like a 2020 size Jean right?

1:02:26

Skinny. Super blue. And my

1:02:28

mom would like starch the jeans

1:02:30

too, some bitches were like. I

1:02:32

am surprised your mom didn't whoop your ass. She

1:02:34

didn't know what I was doing. Oh my god, give

1:02:37

him a whooping now. And then so I would be

1:02:39

like chasing the girl I like on the couch

1:02:41

and then my ass crack was out. And

1:02:45

I always had lower back hair ever since I was six. Only

1:02:56

case of gingivitis. Oh my god. I look

1:02:58

like the boogie man. I was like. Oh

1:03:00

please keep going. Oh bloody gums. Bloody gums,

1:03:03

assgum. Bloody gums, gingivitis. Your hair is crazy.

1:03:06

You wear suspenders, Levi jeans,

1:03:08

your ass cracks out, your

1:03:10

balls are chafing, you had bloody

1:03:20

gums and shit breath running

1:03:22

around like that. How did

1:03:24

you ever ever get a girl? Cause

1:03:26

I was honest, I was fun. I'd

1:03:28

be like we can sing, you be Gabriella, I'll be Troy,

1:03:30

you are the music in me. And she just goes, what's

1:03:32

that smell? Holy shit.

1:03:35

Holy shit. It's hot. It's hot. Okay,

1:03:39

one more thing and we'll get out of here. Your

1:03:43

fucking pants are big dog. Why

1:03:46

are they so big? Oh

1:03:48

my god. Your

1:03:50

pants are huge. Stand up

1:03:52

again. Pull

1:03:55

them up to your actual waistline and show them

1:03:57

how much real estate you have. Go forward. What

1:04:00

are you on genia Craig? Why are

1:04:03

your pants so big? Stop

1:04:05

stop stop What

1:04:08

size are those? My

1:04:10

ass 34

1:04:17

wow Did

1:04:20

you get that whiff? Didn't smell the

1:04:22

best Yo sometimes my ass sweats is

1:04:24

like blood pennies That smell

1:04:26

like a tikito crisper from a switch That smells like

1:04:28

Jerusalem Here we go Can I not

1:04:30

say that? No Okay Um

1:04:33

so it's hot right? It's very hot

1:04:35

It's hot Hot as hell And we were

1:04:38

in Chicago right? Yes It

1:04:40

was hot as hell in my hotel room and I

1:04:42

asked Well let me preface

1:04:44

this the correct way We get into

1:04:46

the hotel room in Chicago it is hot as hell I

1:04:49

called the front desk because the AC wasn't working Correct

1:04:52

And I said hey can y'all do something

1:04:54

about this AC? I am burning up I am

1:04:56

getting a 10 in my hotel room shouldn't happen

1:04:58

Correct Shouldn't happen She goes

1:05:00

the best thing we can do right now God bless you

1:05:03

never do it again Okay You're saved

1:05:05

Not for long The rocks just come in God

1:05:10

I called

1:05:15

and she said the best thing I can do for

1:05:17

you right now is bring a fan I

1:05:20

got to thinking immediately I was like that will help But

1:05:23

then my brain started going Not

1:05:28

too sure how fans

1:05:30

work Let me I

1:05:33

know it sounds crazy Oh my god

1:05:35

If you put a fan right? Just

1:05:38

a fan Just a fan right?

1:05:40

It's just blades going like this That's a fan If

1:05:42

you put a fan in a hot ass room Yeah

1:05:44

And point it towards you How

1:05:47

does moving around a bunch of hot air make

1:05:50

you cold? Okay quick test

1:05:52

Take your hand Put it

1:05:54

in front of your face Go like this You can't

1:05:56

see me Not John Cena This

1:05:58

You feel that coolness? Yes. That's

1:06:01

called air. I know I

1:06:03

get it. But say you're in a fan,

1:06:05

does that quicker, more powerful, more cold? So

1:06:07

I'm trying to understand the science of it.

1:06:11

If you just move a bunch of hot air

1:06:13

quickly, how does it make you cold? If

1:06:15

we were outside and it was 110 degrees and

1:06:18

you did this, it's going to be cool. You're

1:06:20

not answering my question. It's going to

1:06:22

piss me off. It's the speed at which it's

1:06:24

moving. It's pushing it to you quick. Your

1:06:28

fan's not injected with

1:06:30

water. It's moving something

1:06:32

quick. It's cold. You

1:06:34

ever put ice in

1:06:37

a drink? That's

1:06:42

something me from last night is selling you. You

1:06:45

ever put ice in a drink? Yes. Shake it

1:06:47

up. It gets colder. Movement aids

1:06:49

cold. So if you were to put a fan in

1:06:51

a sauna, if you were to put a fan in

1:06:53

a sauna, would

1:06:58

you be cool? How does

1:07:00

that work? You're in a little room of

1:07:03

heat. You wouldn't be cool, but the spot that

1:07:05

the fan's in would be cooler. How does that

1:07:07

work, though? Because the speed of the fan

1:07:09

is pushing the air. Say something more smart and

1:07:12

detailed than that. Why do you need to know

1:07:14

the intricacies

1:07:17

of the rules and laws of physics?

1:07:19

Why are you so content with just

1:07:21

life happening to you? Do you know

1:07:23

that fans work? Yes. What

1:07:26

the fuck does it matter, then? What does

1:07:28

it matter? You got

1:07:30

shares of stock in fans? No. A

1:07:32

research project? I'm interested. If the fan turns on

1:07:35

and you get cold, point blank period.

1:07:37

I understand. I'm interested in how that works. Interested is,

1:07:39

let me be open about this. You're like a lawyer

1:07:41

for fans. That's what I'm asking. I'm asking. No, he's

1:07:43

not doing that. How does it work? That's what I'm

1:07:46

saying. How does it work? You're not answering. You're saying

1:07:48

it just happens. Because it's

1:07:51

a fan. I get it. It's a fan. How

1:07:53

did you push around a bunch of hot shit?

1:07:55

Does it become cold? How does that happen? How

1:07:57

do you like your release? Planes

1:08:00

fly, but you don't question that every time you get

1:08:02

on it. Oh, I sure do. Oh you

1:08:05

do it internally Oh my god. I'm like how can the pilot

1:08:07

see right now? How does he know where we're at? There's no

1:08:09

roams Happen and they

1:08:11

work just cuz you're beautiful little

1:08:13

brain. See you're just saying just go with it

1:08:15

I'm trying to get into life Into

1:08:18

life. I'm trying to figure out my

1:08:20

best explanation the fan. It's moving so

1:08:22

quick that maybe when air moves quick.

1:08:25

It is cooler How

1:08:27

the are you gonna ask me

1:08:29

but then I say it and you say no Explain

1:08:32

that one because if you say no with

1:08:34

that much oozing confidence That means you know

1:08:36

how it works, but you don't because you

1:08:38

said if it moves fast My

1:08:40

though there's fans that if you

1:08:42

put on one speed it'll go was it

1:08:45

a guy with a palm tree just fan

1:08:47

in you That has four different speeds on

1:08:49

it numbskull in the if

1:08:51

you put it on one you're still gonna get colder

1:08:53

But it's moving slow. How does that work slow word

1:08:55

than the fastest you think it's like this I've

1:08:58

seen fans go that fast That's

1:09:00

slow. You mean you've seen a fan go like

1:09:02

this. Yes Bro,

1:09:05

sorry. I didn't grow up in a castle

1:09:08

Sorry, I grew up in a chalet. Sorry,

1:09:10

my middle school didn't have iPads in carnival

1:09:12

games at my field day We didn't sorry.

1:09:14

I didn't wear an ass guy in a

1:09:16

bow tie and call my principal chancellors I

1:09:19

Sorry, brother. I had

1:09:21

to grow up on squared pizza in chocolate

1:09:24

milk. I'm just to the fan I'm just

1:09:26

saying I'm just not okay with just accepting

1:09:28

certain shit then you do your own research

1:09:30

you go go to fan school That's what

1:09:32

the podcast is for go to go to

1:09:34

go get a clipboard and go to Lasko

1:09:37

wherever their headquarters is last go. It's the

1:09:39

fans No, sir, you don't want that you

1:09:41

stand up the little circular go visit them

1:09:43

and shadow them for a day Maybe

1:09:46

they can have the master of ceremony the master of

1:09:48

fan tell you do you think we rate it rains

1:09:50

enough to have that many water bottles That's

1:09:58

a good-ass question Think how

1:10:00

many goddamn water bottles there are. Bro, think

1:10:02

how much water there is on Earth, Peyton.

1:10:04

I get you. A lot of ocean. Half

1:10:07

of that's contaminated polluted. Can't use that.

1:10:09

Lakes, contaminated polluted. Can't use that. That's

1:10:12

why there's filters. The

1:10:14

water that's rained from the clouds

1:10:17

is not necessarily good to drink either. There's

1:10:20

millions? They put it through filters! There's- okay.

1:10:22

Do you think they have a factory where

1:10:24

they open the water bottles and let the

1:10:26

rain go directly in? Water legally has to

1:10:29

be free. Everywhere you go. It has to

1:10:31

be. That's a law. In every building, it

1:10:33

has to be- What? In every business, water

1:10:35

has to be free. It

1:10:37

has to be. You can't charge for water. You

1:10:39

can, but you have to have free water there too.

1:10:41

You have to. It's legal. You have

1:10:44

to. You have to have a water faucet or supply free

1:10:46

water. I just didn't even know about water. I love

1:10:48

water. And I have questions, right? Okay.

1:10:50

Every building has water in it. Water bottles. Shit

1:10:52

ton of water bottles at the 7-Eleven. Shit ton

1:10:55

of water bottles at the YMCA. Shit ton of

1:10:57

water bottles in this office building. Shit ton of

1:10:59

water bottles at every Walmart. Everywhere.

1:11:01

Gas stations. Water is

1:11:03

everywhere. And we're in one little ass city.

1:11:05

That's millions and millions and millions of gallons

1:11:07

of water in this city. Shit's

1:11:12

not adding up to me! Bro,

1:11:14

this is the same- Do we just have water

1:11:16

buckets in the ocean? Do we have like people

1:11:18

just grab water all day and filter it out?

1:11:20

We have so much water. You can't even comprehend

1:11:22

how much water there is on Earth. You- you

1:11:24

see, that's such a cop-out f****** answer. What

1:11:28

do you want from me? What the

1:11:30

f*** do you want from me? If

1:11:32

that's a cop-out- What do you want me to

1:11:34

tell you in this exact moment? If that's a

1:11:36

cop-out answer. You want me to tell you the

1:11:38

whole process? We have too much goddamn water bottles

1:11:40

on this Earth, bro. Are

1:11:43

you mad at it? Is

1:11:45

it a problem? What are we

1:11:47

drinking, frog piss? No! Actually,

1:11:49

it's said that every single- almost all the

1:11:51

water we've drank contains a little bit of

1:11:54

dinosaur pee. Oh, you're gonna kill me.

1:11:57

Dinosaur pee? If you think about it. Dinosaur

1:11:59

pee? died about a hundred years thousand

1:12:02

years ago they never existed first of

1:12:04

all starting to get there too I actually think it

1:12:06

was dragons I don't

1:12:08

I'm not a dragon guy I'm not gonna

1:12:10

lie to you dragons mentioned like 20 times

1:12:13

in the holy word dragons pictures of dragons

1:12:15

throughout all different walks of life throughout thousands

1:12:17

of year gaps through all different civilizations dragging

1:12:19

these nuts on your forehead you

1:12:26

like tapes and CDs CDs

1:12:32

what CDs wait

1:12:35

okay said it wrong tape this penis here

1:12:37

for it so you can see these nuts

1:12:40

that's gruesome I had a friend who had

1:12:43

outdoor furniture in his house you

1:12:49

know how uncomfortable that visit just

1:12:51

getting yarn and you're for that indoor furniture

1:12:53

in the backyard there's a full-blown like leather

1:12:55

couch just sitting in his yard no pool

1:12:58

nothing no not sort of guy I went

1:13:00

to is I can't say his name in

1:13:02

in high school I went to my friend's

1:13:04

house right body cuz it was a cheaper

1:13:07

option huh I said probably bought it cuz

1:13:09

it was cheaper off you know but there's

1:13:11

a cabana in your living room dog like

1:13:14

everything in his house made a

1:13:16

yarn in poles oh my god

1:13:18

I saw a

1:13:20

gift that I'm gonna get you and I'm

1:13:22

gonna tell you right now a gift a

1:13:24

gift it's called the barista the barista the

1:13:26

barista or the Bereasian okay something of that God

1:13:29

bless you it's like a it's like the other

1:13:31

gift I bought you that you literally never

1:13:33

use the cure cure ick oh yeah no

1:13:35

yeah exactly it's you stole my my neutral

1:13:37

bullet oh my no

1:13:39

not doing that or not doing that regardless it's like

1:13:41

the cure ick it's like the cure ick but

1:13:44

for liquor you literally

1:13:46

comes with four glasses four like glass containers

1:13:48

you pour one of like whiskey one of

1:13:51

vodka one of like rum and one of

1:13:53

tequila you put

1:13:55

the nozzle on them plug it into the system pull

1:13:58

the sticker off there's a screen Pick the

1:14:00

drink you want it comes with pods. It's ours

1:14:02

you put it in the top close it you

1:14:05

can click normal light or

1:14:07

strong You can hit

1:14:09

strong peach margarita Yeah,

1:14:11

save your money. I would never use that but

1:14:13

it's cool though. I Had a

1:14:15

stint in my life when I wanted to be a bartender Right

1:14:18

and so it was on 21. I

1:14:21

went to the liquor store I just bought a bunch

1:14:23

of shit and I didn't know that there was an

1:14:25

art to bartending So I was throwing a bunch of

1:14:27

shit in there threw up Had

1:14:30

my first crown when I was eight years old what

1:14:32

it's an accident Chugged it thought

1:14:34

it was that go? That's what and

1:14:37

that's when my life got and that is

1:14:39

and that explains it all right there You're

1:14:41

so whiskey since you were eight. Let's

1:14:43

get CJ on the pod. Let's get CJ on here We

1:14:50

got editor CJ

1:14:52

on the pie

1:14:54

Thank you, thank you. This is the first time

1:14:56

you've been Sorry, make that

1:14:58

thing clap. Can we make that thing clap

1:15:00

make that thing clap? Can we make that

1:15:02

thing come to CJ make them calves clap

1:15:04

make them calves clap make them make them

1:15:06

make them calves clap Make them cash Once

1:15:10

again, I said be here. Mr. Juice and

1:15:12

Jan bitches and couple lady friends Cowan Benjamin's

1:15:21

Sitting on the couch. I got my boy

1:15:23

CJ. He is here to go hard He

1:15:25

is not here to play and we reppin

1:15:27

every day reppin every single way Week

1:15:34

Tell you we I

1:15:38

got singing little zesty boys sitting to

1:15:40

my right way backwards hat on and

1:15:42

yeah, it's a fright Yeah, he scares

1:15:44

me the shit out of my soul

1:15:52

You've seen my patreon CJ when you lose

1:15:54

your virginity When

1:15:58

he moved in with me and

1:16:01

that is no no no

1:16:04

I think they're crossing

1:16:08

that's a wicked that's I was that's

1:16:10

I apologize 13 out just kidding you're

1:16:13

a bit of kidding yeah we're gonna wear that's not

1:16:15

gonna be in there but here we go what's

1:16:18

up bubby hey how's it going it's

1:16:20

going to know what I know what that's bullshit I'm

1:16:22

gonna ask you one personal question then we're gonna get

1:16:24

into it when did you find God no that

1:16:27

too personal here we go how

1:16:30

has your first over

1:16:32

a full month about six seven weeks now

1:16:34

living here with the whole crew how has

1:16:36

it been he lives with me if you

1:16:38

don't know yeah I live with pee it's

1:16:40

pretty pretty nice it's like having a messy

1:16:42

roommate do you eat enough I

1:16:45

have to beg him to take me

1:16:47

to eat because he's always on his

1:16:49

phone scrolling scrolling scrolling oh it's alright

1:16:52

it's not true you get those modes

1:16:54

you just start scrolling for an hour

1:16:57

I'm starving quick

1:17:00

question be if you don't mind

1:17:02

could you get on your phone go to that settings

1:17:05

pull that old screen time let's see what your

1:17:07

screen time don't a regular amount why yes come

1:17:11

on don't lie okay it's not bad no no

1:17:14

you're the average yeah we have the week not

1:17:16

average oh oh we could have a weekly so

1:17:18

my mind is you click on see all in

1:17:20

website and then you can go okay oh week

1:17:25

so my my daily average is three

1:17:27

hours 27 minutes oh

1:17:30

okay it's not bad not bad so I hear

1:17:32

a couple games couple checks the socials well

1:17:35

can I break it down no let's just hear

1:17:37

the number first and let's have a hundred sonata

1:17:39

it says total where it says total screen time

1:17:41

let's just yeah sure 15 hours

1:17:43

and 26 minutes

1:17:48

nah you're kidding me is that is that true the

1:17:50

15 hours and 26 minutes my

1:17:53

daily average is seven hours and 43 minutes how

1:17:55

much on on tiktok and insular social

1:17:57

social is 11 hours and 53 minutes.

1:18:00

That's my job. TikTok is five

1:18:02

hours. Instagram is three and a

1:18:04

half hours. Twitter is two and

1:18:06

a half hours. Safari is one

1:18:09

and a half hours. Doesn't take. Oh my

1:18:11

God. Oh my God. Oh my God. That

1:18:13

proves my point though. Yeah. He needs go

1:18:16

nutrients. I'm not his dad. He's gonna get

1:18:18

food. That's

1:18:20

why I offered to take him to

1:18:22

the grocery store that it would you want

1:18:24

to do instead? I was

1:18:26

working. Work harder. I don't know.

1:18:28

You just don't care

1:18:30

about me. It's okay. I got cam.

1:18:32

See, I feed you enough. All right.

1:18:34

No, all he wants is a cookie

1:18:37

tote for McDonald's. Hey, if you've ever

1:18:39

had a cookie tote or McDonald's, you

1:18:41

would understand my point. Does he eat

1:18:43

on the road? No, exactly. So why

1:18:45

would it change whenever I'm used to

1:18:47

it at home? You don't feed me

1:18:49

in the morning. You probably destroyed it

1:18:51

one meal a day. I'll wake up

1:18:53

at 8 a.m. I'll hear some ruffling

1:18:55

downstairs and I hear him opening a

1:18:57

diet coke. He is a sick. He

1:18:59

goes, that's all we have. CJ, you're like, I

1:19:01

need my caffeination. No, I say P can

1:19:04

I have a drink and you say no, it's not time. It's

1:19:07

not time is. And

1:19:09

I go, how much longer? And CJ makes me sit

1:19:11

on my hands when I piss him off. That's

1:19:14

no, it's opposite. He

1:19:16

makes you see it. Punishes me. No,

1:19:19

no, not like that.

1:19:21

No, no, not again.

1:19:25

No, dude, my balls are loose right

1:19:27

now. Mine stink. Mine stink. Here

1:19:29

we go. What do you, why is he here?

1:19:31

So I realized

1:19:34

something, right? Okay. Me and CJ are linked on

1:19:36

a different level that you're not. And

1:19:38

I want to test that. Okay. Me and CJ

1:19:40

found out that we have a telekinetic power

1:19:44

that you don't possess. Was there

1:19:46

a meeting I missed? So I want to prove it to you with

1:19:49

a simple game. I just want to see if

1:19:51

you can lock into that power and tap in. What's

1:19:53

the, who, how do I win the game? Who knows

1:19:55

cam better? No, no, here we go.

1:19:57

As you see here, regular nine

1:20:01

squares okay he's gonna

1:20:03

turn around okay and not look any

1:20:05

square you pick he knows

1:20:08

what it is without looking so

1:20:10

wait he's I'm at the board

1:20:12

no I'm gonna hold the board okay you're gonna

1:20:14

show and choose a square okay he is going

1:20:16

to be able to pick it without ever seeing

1:20:18

every single David Blaine like am I

1:20:21

learning something about our editor here no we're telekinetic

1:20:23

and you're not and this is gonna prove so

1:20:25

you can pick it to no no why are

1:20:27

you involved in this at all I'm not looking

1:20:29

he's watching what you pick but we have a

1:20:31

telekinetic power so I can know I

1:20:34

can I can answer it through brain oh

1:20:36

yes oh like Brokeback Mountain Cowboys

1:20:42

Cowboys was that

1:20:44

Jake Gyllenhaal in that movie huh

1:20:47

great actor like here we

1:20:49

go okay so I'm gonna pick a thing I'm gonna

1:20:51

pick a I'm gonna pick up I'm gonna pick up

1:20:53

I'm gonna pick a square my god I'm gonna pick

1:20:55

a square you're gonna point the board to him he's

1:20:58

gonna know what square I pick yeah okay way right

1:21:00

there okay close my eyes just for security set on

1:21:02

your hands no hold your breath

1:21:05

here you go see days turn show CJ's looking

1:21:07

away get right here so they can still see

1:21:09

you right there eyes completely closed turn completely away

1:21:11

he's good right there okay wait

1:21:14

turn it this way you can't say anything no no why

1:21:16

can't I hold it hold it right there why can I

1:21:18

hold it hold it right here okay final

1:21:23

answer yes that one okay yep

1:21:25

CJ look yes you can look CJ okay

1:21:28

okay will you close your eyes well

1:21:31

I'm gonna close I have to ask him okay I'm watching

1:21:34

y'all watch okay is it this one

1:21:36

no this one no

1:21:40

this one no that

1:21:43

one yeah okay

1:21:47

okay no no wait

1:21:55

a minute that's kind of cool cuz I was

1:21:57

kind of cool wait hold on Okay,

1:22:00

next one. Pick any square.

1:22:07

Okay. Ow! That's

1:22:09

my knee! That's my

1:22:11

knee! Alright, here we go. Let's go. I'm ready.

1:22:13

I'm ready. CJ, you're good. Yes, sir. Second board. Second

1:22:15

pick. CJ, if you do this, I'm calling the police.

1:22:17

Is it this one? No. Is

1:22:20

it this one? No. That

1:22:23

one? Nah.

1:22:27

This one? Nah. Is

1:22:31

it this one? Yeah.

1:22:35

Oh, wow! Wait

1:22:37

a minute. Let's try. I want

1:22:39

to try it. Two for two? Alright. You try it. I'm two for two,

1:22:41

right? Yeah, wait. I closed my eyes. Yeah, so you're

1:22:44

gonna look away and then we'll just flip it. So who's gonna

1:22:46

pick me? Yeah, you're gonna pick a square. Okay. Wait, I think

1:22:48

I get it. I got you. Okay. Okay, wait. Okay. Wait,

1:22:51

kiss. What? Okay, yeah, no way. Okay, here we go.

1:22:53

Okay, look away close. Don't cheat at all. I'm not.

1:22:55

CJ, pick a square for them to see. Are y'all,

1:22:57

wait, are y'all f***ing witches? Do

1:22:59

I have to burn you? Close your eyes. Close them

1:23:02

now. Is Salem witch trials? Isn't that crazy they did

1:23:04

that? Okay.

1:23:07

Got it. You can look, sir. Okay.

1:23:11

Okay. You ready? No. Try

1:23:14

to lock in. All it is is me telling him without

1:23:16

saying anything. Okay.

1:23:18

It's like a feeling. Okay. I've

1:23:21

been basically screaming what square it is on the inside

1:23:23

of my head this whole time. Okay, okay, let's do

1:23:25

it. Okay, ready? Yeah. Is it this one? No. Is

1:23:28

it this one? No. Is

1:23:31

it that one? No.

1:23:35

Is it this one? No. Is

1:23:37

it this one? No. There's

1:23:40

only three boxes left. Is it

1:23:42

this one? No. Is it this one? No.

1:23:45

Is it this one? I literally just went through all

1:23:47

night. No, you didn't do the top left. Is it this one? Yes.

1:23:50

No. Wrong. Go

1:23:52

again. Okay. Go again,

1:23:54

back to CJ. You want another try? Yeah, y'all

1:23:56

do it again. Go to my eyes. Close your eyes

1:23:59

again. Close your eyes again. I like this game! Go,

1:24:01

go, go! Wait, okay, hold on. Go. You

1:24:04

trying to seduce me? What are you doing? Pick a square!

1:24:08

I feel a hand on my leg, I'm screaming. Okay.

1:24:12

Alright, CJ. Okay, I'm gonna lock in

1:24:14

here. Okay. You

1:24:17

ready? Don't look at him. I

1:24:20

won't even look at him. Okay. Is it this one? No.

1:24:25

Is it this one? Uh,

1:24:27

no. Wait, I forgot which one I picked. Oh, no, I didn't. Here we go.

1:24:31

Is it this one? Nah,

1:24:33

he looked at me too quick. It's definitely not that one. This

1:24:35

one? No. Is

1:24:38

it this one? Yeah. Wait,

1:24:41

no, I don't get it! No, wait a minute! Wait.

1:24:44

Wait. I didn't even

1:24:46

look at him. Wait, can y'all

1:24:48

do a reverse? Yes. Okay, you... Okay,

1:24:51

so I'll pick you, close your eyes. You close your

1:24:53

eyes. Y'all switch. Y'all

1:24:56

switch spots. No, just sit. I'm right here. Yeah, we're good. Okay.

1:25:00

Okay. Last one. If y'all get

1:25:02

this right, I'm calling the police. Okay. You ready? I

1:25:04

can't see the board. My

1:25:06

bad. Ow! God! Oh! My

1:25:09

bad. Shit! Turn it this way. Sorry.

1:25:11

Keep it. Like there. Okay. You

1:25:14

ready? Yes. Wait, which one did I pick? See?

1:25:16

Don't tell him out loud. Wait. Do it

1:25:18

again. Do it. I forgot it. Oh, my God. Take it

1:25:20

again. Be a professional. Got it? Yes. All right. Yes, yes,

1:25:22

yes, yes. All right. Can I open? Yes. Watch out. The

1:25:24

board's right in front of your face. Okay. Is it that

1:25:26

one? No. That

1:25:31

one? Bottom right? No.

1:25:33

How about dead middle? No. That

1:25:39

one? No. But

1:25:41

close. That one? Yeah.

1:25:46

That one. It's that one. Let's

1:25:48

go. That was right. Give

1:25:50

me some nugs. Okay.

1:25:53

Can I guess how y'all do it? I'm

1:26:00

thinking what are y'all saying, isn't it? No. Yes

1:26:02

it is. No, I'm sorry. Yes it is, because

1:26:04

it's not, I won't say a single word. It's

1:26:06

telekinetic. I'm telekinetic. Wait, go get Pierce, you do

1:26:08

it. He knows how to do it too? Pierce,

1:26:11

come on. Pierce, sit over here. Pierce can sit

1:26:14

right there. Well, we gotta get

1:26:16

it on the screen. Wait, somebody, you'll make room for him. We

1:26:19

got, this is our to piss me the fuck off.

1:26:22

So Pierce's eyes are turned the other way. All

1:26:24

right, here we go. You want me to turn two? You

1:26:26

wanna do double? Yeah, let's do a double. Okay, here

1:26:28

you go. You gotcha. If

1:26:30

y'all do double, I'm beating the shit out of somebody. No,

1:26:33

no, no, no, no, this is stupid. Pick a square. Locked

1:26:40

in? Locked in. Okay, boys, look.

1:26:43

I'm, I'm, you ready? Are

1:26:46

you all ready? Yes. Pierce, you ready?

1:26:48

Look at the board the whole time. Is it this

1:26:51

one? No.

1:26:55

This one? No. That

1:26:58

one. This

1:27:01

one? No. That

1:27:05

one? Yeah. No, what

1:27:07

the fuck? No, come on, no, time out. Hey,

1:27:10

just to disprove you, I won't say a single word.

1:27:12

We'll do one more double. I won't even speak. Wait,

1:27:14

can you do it? Can y'all guess off the first

1:27:16

guess? Can they just guess it? Huh? Can

1:27:19

they just guess it? No. That's not the

1:27:21

game. Without him saying anything or

1:27:23

having y'all guess. But I have to have them guess.

1:27:27

All right, if they know which one it is. He doesn't have to

1:27:29

say a word. Yeah, I don't have to say anything. Go,

1:27:31

go, go. Okay, without y'all saying anything. Close, I literally won't speak.

1:27:35

Put, put, put, put those hands over there. Okay,

1:27:42

this one? Yes. Locked in. Yes.

1:27:45

Okay. I'm not gonna speak. Okay.

1:27:48

Matter of fact, I'm gonna keep eye contact with you the whole time.

1:27:50

Okay, and don't say anything. I won't say a single word, I won't

1:27:52

look at him. No, because this is starting to piss me off and

1:27:54

I feel like back whenever I didn't get picked for dodgeball. I won't

1:27:56

say a single word, I won't look at him. Okay. But

1:27:59

y'all have to say. Yes or no? Yes. No.

1:28:01

Okay? Yeah. Okay. Understood. Yes. Okay.

1:28:03

Here we go. Good morning. Here we go.

1:28:05

Yeah. Aye aye. No.

1:28:11

No. No.

1:28:15

Nah. Nah.

1:28:19

No. Mm-mm.

1:28:26

No. Nope. Yeah.

1:28:30

Bingo. No, doc, what

1:28:32

the f***? Wait, no. Okay. No,

1:28:35

no, no, no, no, no, no. It's a

1:28:37

power that we possess. I told you. It's some white people's shit,

1:28:39

huh? It is some white people's shit. I'm

1:28:41

not agreeing with that. Wait,

1:28:43

no, no, no. You want to try one more time?

1:28:45

You want to play? Yeah. I want to play. Okay,

1:28:47

turn around. Close your eyes. Both

1:28:49

Pierce and CJ collectively. Will y'all tell me how?

1:28:52

Pick a box. In

1:28:55

the comments, if you're getting this. Okay.

1:28:58

Alright, we're locked in. Wait. T,

1:29:00

we're locked in. Okay. Were you cheating? No.

1:29:02

I saw your hands. I was thinking about, I

1:29:04

was thinking about baseball. What? My

1:29:08

mind goes to dark places when I close them.

1:29:10

Here we go. Okay. You ready? Yeah.

1:29:12

Did this one. No. No.

1:29:18

You're doing it different. He

1:29:20

didn't say anything. But you're doing it different. No, I'm not.

1:29:22

Because sometimes you use your middle finger with them. What?

1:29:25

What the f***? Tell me what finger you want me to use.

1:29:27

But you have a thing. You're marking it by the fingers. No.

1:29:30

Yes you do. Yes you do. Yes you do. Yes you

1:29:32

do. You sound like a- You're marking it by the fingers.

1:29:34

You're marketing by the fingers. You're marking it by the fingers.

1:29:36

Okay. So whenever it's my turn, you always use your hand

1:29:39

in this finger. And then whenever you're doing it with them,

1:29:41

you use all these. I saw it. Okay, redo. Close

1:29:43

your eyes. Yeah, redo. I'll use my middle finger the whole time. Do

1:29:45

it this- no, no, no. You do it the same way you do

1:29:48

it them. You're trying to leave me out. You want

1:29:50

us to? Sir, you're gonna be arrested

1:29:52

if you keep this up. Yes. Please stop screaming. Close

1:29:54

your eyes. Reminds me of home. Close your eyes. Pick

1:29:57

an answer. That was deep, CJ. Sorry. by

1:30:00

his home. Pick one. He screams at me all the

1:30:02

time. Pick one guys. Okay.

1:30:07

Exact same way. If you do the exact same way

1:30:09

I'll be able to get it. Exact same way. Okay. You ready?

1:30:12

Yes. Is it this one? No. No.

1:30:16

No. Is

1:30:20

it this one? No. Is

1:30:22

it this one? No. Is

1:30:25

it that one? No. Is

1:30:27

it that one? Yes. I got it right.

1:30:31

Let's go. I told you if you do the exact same

1:30:33

way I'll be able to get it. How is it? I

1:30:36

look. I saw

1:30:38

him cheating. You did you look at the hole

1:30:40

in the top of your hat? You're

1:30:43

a cheater? I know. I don't like what I'm

1:30:45

not involved. He had too much confidence. I knew he

1:30:47

cheated or something. No. No. I've got it in the

1:30:49

middle. Get out of that middle boy. Yeah. You cheated.

1:30:52

Can you explain how you do it? Do you want

1:30:54

to know how? Yes. You really want to know? Yes.

1:30:56

So. On the boxes. Okay.

1:30:58

So I'm looking away right? He's looking away. Yeah. You

1:31:01

pick a box. You pick whatever box. Pick a box

1:31:03

right now. This one? Mm hmm.

1:31:05

Okay. So when he

1:31:07

relooks. Now I look. All

1:31:09

you do the first box I ever say. Mm hmm.

1:31:12

Is to the left of it. What? No.

1:31:14

What if it's this one? Jack Wagon? I

1:31:16

thought you would pick that one first. No.

1:31:19

You pick this box. Yes. I did pick that

1:31:21

box. So now he knows because I already said

1:31:23

that. Yes. Yes. The first box I ever choose

1:31:25

and say is it this one? Mm hmm. I

1:31:27

put my finger on the box that it is.

1:31:29

What does that mean? So this one box? Yeah.

1:31:31

Becomes the entire playing field. So there's nine spots.

1:31:33

Think, think, think, think, think, think, think,

1:31:36

think, think. You pick this one.

1:31:38

Yeah. So I just know is it this one? He

1:31:41

goes no. So now he knows it's the middle left. What

1:31:43

if it what if I pick the one up there? This

1:31:45

one? Yeah. No, no. What if I pick that one? This

1:31:48

one? I go is it this one right here? No.

1:31:52

Oh, that's like algebra. You pick dead middle. I go is

1:31:54

it this one? No. Oh,

1:31:56

that wasn't in my magic book. Yeah, you skipped a

1:31:59

couple classes dropouts. He's giving a lot of classes. Yeah.

1:32:02

Criss Angel, my ass. CJ wipes forward. Put

1:32:04

that out there, so. Just

1:32:07

put that out there. You want to make

1:32:09

fun of me? CJ wipes forward, going towards the balls in

1:32:11

the penis. Put that out there. Put them on a

1:32:13

list if you need to. So,

1:32:18

not too fun when the rabbits

1:32:20

got the gun, huh? He's

1:32:25

not denying it. Yes.

1:32:28

The tip of CJ's pee pee is

1:32:30

brown. Oh my god. No, bro. No.

1:32:32

No, you want to talk about me?

1:32:34

No. Oh my god. CJ

1:32:36

has collateral every time he wipes. No, I

1:32:39

don't. Want to make fun of me? Tell

1:32:42

me a lie. You're a liar. I

1:32:45

was so unconfident. Hey.

1:32:49

Teach his own. All right, thank you, CJ. I see

1:32:51

the vision. For coming on. Thank you, Pierce, for coming

1:32:53

on. Thank you. And thank

1:32:56

you to everybody that came back.

1:32:58

Episode 119, Fantastic One. We

1:33:00

love you. Phoenix and Vegas. This was

1:33:02

shot before y'all, but we already know

1:33:04

you showed up and showed out. Turned

1:33:07

up. Two fantastic shows in Houston, Texas,

1:33:09

July 11th. You are the only show

1:33:11

remaining. It's damn near sold out. I

1:33:13

think there's like six tickets left. But

1:33:16

as of right now, by the time you see

1:33:18

this, it'll be sold out. So I'm sorry. Houston,

1:33:20

you are the last trip. You got to show

1:33:22

up. We got to turn up in the beautiful

1:33:24

city of Houston. But regardless of all of that,

1:33:26

confuse the casuals. Get your good karma with this

1:33:29

week's secret code. What

1:33:34

is PHP? Peyton

1:33:36

has parasites. The power. Oh,

1:33:38

well, both are true. Peyton has power, because

1:33:41

you finally figured it out, and then you

1:33:43

told us that he wipes forward. Anyway, Peyton

1:33:45

has power. PHP, leave it everywhere. Leave

1:33:47

it on all the socials. Leave it

1:33:49

on the Instagram, on the TikToks. Go

1:33:51

put it in the Koala Club. Everything

1:33:53

you need, all the information and directions

1:33:55

you need are linked below in the

1:33:57

description. We absolutely love you. Immediately following

1:33:59

this Houston show, big announcement for everybody.

1:34:02

Yes. We've been working

1:34:04

our ass off this whole tour,

1:34:06

podcast touring and then extra stuff.

1:34:08

Y'all see it soon. It's gonna be so fun.

1:34:11

We love you guys. Stay locked in. We're on

1:34:13

the road to 1 million subscribers. Tell your friends,

1:34:15

family, grandma, and your enemies about it. She's

1:34:18

not, she's, she's, she's, she's not going through something. She's

1:34:20

cheating on you. Remember, one out of 10 co-op bears

1:34:22

don't make you end up doing it. You gotta do

1:34:24

it. Christmas and we'll see you. Hello? Next time. No.