0:01

I had

0:05

to

0:08

hit

0:10

record and I'm out of breath. Okay,

0:15

yeah, I caught my breath. I'm

0:18

ready. Welcome to the last,

0:22

very last, very final Christmas

0:24

episode of this podcast. Yep. War

0:27

on Christmas is over, folks. Mark's

0:29

had it. He's sick of doing this. War

0:31

is hard. Tyler, this is where you should

0:33

insert like guns firing off in the distance,

0:36

like a Vietnam montage. You know what I

0:38

mean? Like, we fought this war

0:40

long and hard. How many years have we done

0:42

this? It's been so long since I've been home

0:44

to see my family, have dinner together. We

0:47

have been doing this for a very long time. This

0:49

is our sixth Christmas episode,

0:52

but we skipped at least

0:54

one year in there somewhere. Yeah, what year did we

0:56

skip? First one. I was just trying to figure out

0:58

when we started. I think the first one would have been

1:00

2017. But

1:03

that's just when it came out. I can't

1:05

remember what month of the year we started

1:07

releasing episodes. Whatever, it doesn't really matter.

1:10

Anyways, there are a lot of reasons that

1:12

we're going to stop doing Christmas episodes. But

1:14

the main one is

1:17

we've obviously already won the war

1:19

on Christmas. It's still going to

1:21

take a while for, especially the

1:23

losing side, to realize that. Accepting

1:26

defeat is a difficult thing.

1:29

It may take a generation

1:32

before they fully accept the fact that

1:35

we won. You always wish

1:37

that people would accept the truth sooner,

1:39

that they would be adults about

1:41

losing. But

1:44

a lot of people just can't take the loss. So

1:46

I think they're going to try their hardest to pretend that

1:48

they didn't. It's even worse than that. They're going

1:50

to dig their heels in further and

1:53

try to ramp everything they're already doing up

1:55

way more. So that's

1:57

why, as we've discussed

1:59

in previous episodes, the Christmas creep

2:01

phenomenon will continue and it will

2:03

continue to begin earlier and earlier

2:05

every year. For instance, this

2:08

year I saw Chris Isaac

2:10

announce a Christmas album and

2:12

tour on September 11th. Way

2:16

too early. In fact, the tour

2:18

is even called the almost or

2:20

it's almost Christmas tour. That's obscene,

2:22

dude. Like he, even in the

2:24

marketing of his Christmas thing, he

2:26

has to realize,

2:29

accept, and then lean in to the fact

2:31

that he is starting this shit way too

2:33

early. He's not doing

2:35

that because it's gonna

2:38

be great. He's doing it to try to get ahead

2:40

of everyone else who's doing a Christmas thing. It's an

2:42

act of desperation. I consider an

2:44

act of terrorism, actually just straight

2:46

up. And to announce it on September 11th of

2:48

all days. Of all days, I don't know. I

2:50

am pretty sure, I don't know. That's when I

2:53

saw it was on September 11th. It was around

2:55

that time. I don't know when it was announced,

2:57

please. It's close enough

3:00

that we should just acknowledge the fact that it was in

3:02

very poor taste to

3:04

inflict your terroristic views

3:06

of what Christmas needs to be

3:08

in September. You are

3:11

definitely gonna get us auto flagged

3:13

by YouTube's fucking hate content algorithm.

3:15

Terrorist like 25 times in 20

3:17

seconds. Listen,

3:19

you put Christmas decorations up in September.

3:21

Talk about Christmas in any way, shape,

3:24

or form in September. I

3:27

consider you to be not a friend of

3:30

the general public. That's fair. Good

3:32

people around the country. While

3:34

it is disappointing for Chris Isaac to

3:36

be on the wrong side of history,

3:39

it shouldn't come as much of a

3:41

surprise because this Christmas album is the

3:43

second one he's made. The first one

3:45

came out in 2004. I

3:48

can only assume his career must not

3:50

be in great shape if he is

3:53

dipping back into this well. How

3:55

long has it been? 10 years? We can get away with

3:57

another one, right? Yeah, but that's... You

4:00

know, it's the ship

4:02

is about sales when you're

4:04

on your second Christmas album. If you're putting

4:06

out a second Christmas album, that is you're

4:09

in the coffin and they're tapping the final nail.

4:12

Here's what I wanna know. Who- It's

4:14

over. Who are the psychopaths who

4:16

would not buy a ticket to

4:18

just go see Chris Isaac on

4:20

a regular tour, but then did

4:22

buy tickets. Obviously more of them

4:25

did buy tickets to see him do his Christmas

4:27

tour 10 years ago to the point where he

4:29

is now doing another one. He's

4:31

not like, let's go back and repeat the

4:33

least successful gambit that I ever tried. Let's

4:35

go back and repeat the shit that worked.

4:37

This sucks. Everything sucks right now. I

4:40

need to make some money. How do I do

4:42

it? Let's go back to the last thing that

4:44

worked the best is I've got to assume what's

4:46

happening here. It definitely 100% worked. It

4:49

made a bunch of money and that is why they're

4:51

doing it again. So what kind of assholes wouldn't

4:53

go see Chris Isaac, but then it's wait.

4:56

Is Chris Isaac on a Christmas tour? Count

4:59

me in, I'll be there. But like, is

5:01

it his show or

5:04

is it just Christmas songs the whole

5:06

time or does he mix

5:08

in his own hits? Does

5:10

he sit in front of a fucking Christmas

5:13

tree with his acoustic guitar? Like, what are

5:15

we talking about here? What is the show?

5:17

This is not on my notes, so forgive

5:19

any inaccuracies, but I do remember this from

5:21

looking into it real fast. His first Christmas

5:23

album, I believe, was mostly standards with a

5:25

few Chris Isaac originals that he had writing

5:27

credit on thrown in. But that would have

5:30

been like 2004 before

5:32

everyone figured out exactly how screwed

5:34

everything was about to get on

5:37

this one. And this is a theme

5:39

that is common to

5:42

certainly the Justin Bieber episode and

5:44

probably every single Christmas episode we've

5:46

ever done, this exact theme would

5:48

have come up. On

5:50

this Christmas album, he recorded

5:52

a few standards that he does not

5:55

have songwriting credit on and then most

5:57

of the album, Chris Isaac

5:59

original. whether he even has credit

6:01

on. That is, I believe, the

6:03

state of things, is that he

6:06

is trying to shoehorn a

6:09

bunch of composition credits onto a

6:12

Christmas album. I

6:14

just think it's a weird juxtaposition, go,

6:16

All I Want for Christmas, or Jingle

6:19

Bells. I'm trying to think of like, what shitty

6:21

Christmas songs he's gonna cover. Winter Wonderland was on

6:23

there. What, Wicked Games? At what point does he

6:25

play Wicked Games? Where does he

6:27

fit that into the set, is what I wanna know.

6:30

I can tell you where he fits it

6:33

in, actually. I checked the venues on Chris

6:35

Isaac's upcoming almost Christmas tour, and

6:37

things look pretty rough. The

6:39

place he's playing in Nashville

6:42

is called Brown County Music Center,

6:44

and I've never even heard of,

6:46

oh, that is

6:48

in Nashville, Indiana, my bad. There's

6:50

not a date in Nashville, Tennessee

6:52

on the upcoming Chris Isaac Christmas

6:55

tour. Yeah. When you're

6:57

playing ancillary markets, the reason

6:59

why bands do that is because there's literally nothing else

7:01

to do with these. Oh yeah, people are buying tickets.

7:03

Yes, of course, because there's, what are you gonna do

7:06

on a Tuesday fucking night? You're gonna go to see

7:08

Chris Isaac. In the grocery store, there's a little, like

7:10

where you go get your money orders, area behind a

7:12

desk, you can also probably buy concert tickets there. People

7:14

go up and go, what's the tickets on this date,

7:17

and just buy a ticket for whatever it is? Oh,

7:20

is one thing happening tonight? Let's go see

7:22

that. Oh shit, there's something to do with

7:24

a mildly famous musician, let's fucking go. It's

7:26

Christmas themed, even better. Betty, get your good

7:28

shoes on. Jeez. The

7:31

other thing about Christmas music, when

7:34

you're talking about sales figures on

7:36

Christmas music, you're almost definitely talking

7:38

about physical units. If you've

7:41

got enough of a ghost of a

7:43

career hanging around to manage to put

7:45

a Christmas album on the radar of

7:47

gift buying grandparents, those are gonna

7:50

be physical sales. P-pop's not wrapping an

7:52

iTunes gift card, he's gonna get you

7:54

a CD. Yes, you're getting

7:56

the physical thing, bow show. So even if

7:58

your Christmas album that you... you put

8:00

out, sells a fraction of whatever would

8:02

have happened with a regular hit song

8:05

on streaming, you're still gonna make way more money

8:07

than Spotify is gonna pay you. Yeah. Dude,

8:10

I, that was just at Grimy's the

8:12

other day. Shout out Grimy's, great record store in

8:14

Nashville if you're into music. Gross.

8:17

Great store though. That's why it's called Grimy's actually.

8:19

It's super grimy. People are buying

8:21

the new Taylor Swift album because I was like, of

8:23

course, he re-released it on vinyl so everyone has to

8:25

go buy it. I was like, there's two things that I

8:27

kind of predict are gonna happen. I think that the

8:30

Mariah Carey song, All I Want For

8:32

Christmas Is You is gonna actually hit

8:34

the lowest point in probably the

8:36

last decade this year. And so

8:38

what will happen next year when we don't do this

8:40

episode is she's gonna re-record it or

8:43

they're gonna remix it or something's gonna happen

8:46

next year. Not this year. I think

8:48

this year it's probably still gonna stay on it, but

8:50

at some point they're gonna have to re-boost it into

8:52

the fucking stratosphere and they'll do that by re-recording it

8:54

and she'll have some famous

8:56

person on their- Taylor Swift. Yeah,

8:59

yeah, somebody that, oh

9:01

my god, and then it will be in

9:03

this like I said again for another Thor

9:05

Dead. The only kryptonite to

9:08

our success would be

9:10

if Taylor Swift put out a Christmas

9:12

album and it was on vinyl in

9:14

the shape of a snowflake

9:16

or something like that. At

9:19

this point, really she's the only person that could

9:21

save Christmas. So I'm

9:23

hoping that she doesn't. The

9:25

power that she seems to

9:27

hold is like what Mariah Carey's song

9:30

was previously. Well, yeah, and it's also

9:32

part of her backstory growing up on

9:34

a Christmas tree farm. So if

9:37

the Christmas troops rally, she's certainly

9:39

in the conversation about who will

9:41

be the leader, who will be

9:43

the general on that side. If

9:46

that happens, that would probably be the

9:48

only time we would probably have to do a follow-up episode.

9:51

If she gets back in the fight, it might be worth getting

9:53

back in the fight. So helmets are going back on. Right

9:55

now we're just against Republicans and it's not fun.

9:58

It's not a fair fight. fight

10:00

and it's not true. The

10:03

other thing that the losing side in this

10:05

war is going to continue doing at least

10:08

for a while is continue

10:10

to make more new Christmas

10:12

movies and specials. Last year,

10:14

the estimate at the time

10:16

we recorded last year's Christmas episode was

10:18

there would be around 140 new Christmas

10:22

movies or specials across all of the

10:24

various TV channels and streaming services and

10:26

everything. That kind of thing is going

10:28

to continue to happen. There is

10:31

a headline from Entertainment

10:33

Weekly this October that reads the

10:35

headline is, quote, how to watch

10:37

all 113 new

10:39

Christmas movies this year. That's just

10:41

movies. So I think if you

10:43

add specials in, it's going to

10:46

be the same or more as

10:48

there was last year. This is

10:50

still happening, but it's clearly coming

10:52

from a place of corporate financial

10:54

desperation. There's a, sure. And the

10:57

thing is, is none

10:59

of these are different or interesting or

11:01

unique. It's like always

11:03

the same. It's more than

11:06

the already generic rom-com. We all know

11:09

the arc of an entire of a

11:11

rom-com that comes out 20 times a

11:13

year. Christmas stuff is even more generic.

11:15

120 stories.

11:17

And if you were to analyze them, it would be like,

11:20

oh shit, they're literally the exact

11:22

same story. If you're making 140

11:25

of these things, they're all being made

11:27

at approximately the same time. Everyone in

11:29

LA isn't like coordinating their schedules to

11:31

make sure that there's enough good actors

11:33

around for these Christmas things. The

11:36

quality of writer, the photographer, this is like

11:38

chat TV TV. They're going to get, man,

11:40

you're talking, they're going to open mics and

11:42

casting these. There are people who accidentally ended

11:45

up in one of these Christmas movies. Yeah.

11:47

Like they just went to Trader Joe's or

11:49

some shit and then got the job. They

11:51

were like, oh, you've never written a movie

11:54

before. You've never been in a movie before.

11:56

I have got a job for you. There's

11:58

no scene or to

12:00

be made that this is happening from

12:03

a place of there just being that

12:05

much demand. The market demands this much

12:07

Christmas movies and we're simply meeting that

12:09

level of demand. Yeah, no way. I

12:12

don't think there's a single person who

12:14

physically could sit down and watch all

12:16

150 of the brand

12:18

new Christmas movies. The only way that happens

12:20

is if it's someone doing it in order

12:22

to make a stupid cutesy YouTube video like

12:25

the kind you're all about to have

12:27

to watch when the war on Christmas

12:29

becomes a mainstream thing. From

12:32

when this is being recorded in Christmas, there isn't

12:34

even 100 days. We're

12:37

less than 100 days even to Christmas. If you

12:39

and I were to watch all

12:41

of the movies, we would have to watch

12:43

like two every day. Not

12:45

even know if even then we would be able to

12:47

get through it all. That's not possible.

12:50

There aren't enough lonely sad people in the

12:52

world to watch all these things. They

12:55

don't make that much of this bullshit

12:58

in order to meet demand from the market.

13:00

They dump it on everyone to try to

13:02

capture whatever they can of

13:04

whatever market does still exist. They're

13:07

not doing this because it's fucking printing money

13:09

over there. They start advertising this Christmas bullshit

13:11

earlier every year, not because that's when the

13:14

customers are just ready for it. They wanna

13:16

see it. They're ready to see it. It's

13:18

because all of these assholes wanna be the

13:20

first one to get their Christmas shit in

13:23

front of the fewer and fewer people every

13:25

year who are gonna fall for one or

13:27

two Christmas things before they tap out. At

13:29

this point, probably in October, people are gonna

13:32

be sick of Christmas stuff already. They're

13:34

just fighting over the scraps. That's why they're

13:36

dumping as much of it as they can into

13:38

the world. If one of these things fucks

13:40

around and becomes a meme, a hit meme

13:42

for one day on the front page of Reddit,

13:45

one of these movies is gonna get watched

13:47

by thousands, maybe

13:49

millions of people. To

13:51

them, that strategy is worth it. I

13:54

randomly stumbled upon this movie on Netflix

13:56

and it is so funny, ha ha

13:58

ha. But then the same day. Everyone

14:00

finds out that Meghan Markle was in a really

14:02

shitty made for a TV Christmas movie like 15

14:04

years ago And so they all go watch The

14:06

Princess instead of your new thing and you're just

14:08

screwed If

14:11

she really wasn't a Christmas movie, I don't know about it.

14:13

I just used her as an example I was like damn

14:16

dude, you know Meghan Markle I didn't know I had

14:18

no idea But this is the

14:20

same short-sighted mentality all of these insects have

14:22

about everything just take as much as you

14:24

can while you can get it Even if

14:27

your method of taking it is going to

14:29

guarantee that no one gets to take anything

14:31

in the future It's the same attitude all

14:33

these giant conglomerates have about global warming man

14:36

Recognizing that the way that they do business

14:38

is actually going to destroy the planet therefore

14:41

their ability to do business They just don't change

14:43

anything and do as much business as they can

14:45

until it's all over. They just don't give a

14:48

fuck pre us

14:51

taking this war to the masses The

14:53

war on Christmas to be clear the

14:56

war on Christmas YouTube AI reviewer Free

14:59

us taking on this this

15:02

burden in this battle that we've been a part of I

15:04

would have thought that at some point down the road five

15:07

years that Christmas was gonna

15:09

be 365 days a fucking year. We're

15:12

pre-loading Christmas in February for

15:14

next Christmas That's

15:16

where I figured we were headed this year

15:18

because we've done such a good job, but

15:20

winning this battle I have yet to hear

15:22

a Christmas song Wow. I

15:25

haven't seen a Christmas tree I've

15:27

seen my neighbors threatened to put up their

15:29

Christmas trees to which I you know,

15:31

I wouldn't threaten them back It's not my thing. I didn't

15:34

egg their house in Halloween That was

15:36

I didn't even know in their mailbox. I said don't

15:38

you dare I didn't do that, but

15:41

they didn't put them up yet And so

15:43

I think that's it. That's really a good inkling of

15:45

how far we've moved the needle from 364

15:49

days of Christmas. Yeah, I think it's a reflection

15:51

of how many more people are on the right side of this

15:53

thing now How many of us

15:55

are willing to go stand in our yards our front

15:57

yards? Yeah 1201 a.m on

16:00

November 1st and let everyone know, like you're

16:02

not making this change right now, I'm out

16:04

here, we're not doing it that early. Not

16:07

today, Satan, not today, keep that tree away.

16:09

According to a study from the UK, nearly

16:11

300,000 trees have to die just to supply

16:16

the number of Christmas cards purchased in America

16:19

every year. That's not the trees we're cutting

16:21

down to hang up, the corpses that were

16:23

hanging up in our living rooms. This is

16:25

the trees just turned into the paper for

16:27

the Christmas cards in the United States

16:30

alone. 300,000 trees every year. Then

16:34

there's the actual trees themselves. Eight

16:36

million cut down every

16:39

year just in the UK for

16:42

us to hang their corpses in our

16:44

living rooms. 230

16:46

tons of Christmas leftovers are thrown away

16:49

in the UK every year, that is

16:51

food. 230 tons

16:53

of food thrown in the trash

16:55

every year because of Christmas feasts

16:57

that could have fed someone and

16:59

didn't. These studies are

17:02

a few years old and I have

17:04

to imagine the post COVID numbers on

17:06

the environmental stuff in particular are way

17:08

worse now. Packaging

17:10

and fuel from online shopping

17:13

and shipping all of the

17:15

presents. Every house

17:17

in America that still leans

17:20

into this holiday has

17:23

multiple bags, garbage bags full of paper

17:25

and plastic. Mark

17:28

and Tyler, what are we supposed to do?

17:30

Not celebrate Christmas? That is exactly our point.

17:32

You got there so quick and I'm so

17:34

proud of you. Thank you, yes, you're right.

17:37

There's a movie called Hellraiser, just watch it.

17:39

It's a great movie. There's a movie called

17:41

Halloween. You know what, it's December 23rd, you

17:43

watch it anyways. There's other things

17:45

to do. Every Christmas

17:47

is an actual nightmare for the

17:49

global ecosystem and the massive corporations

17:52

who spend billions of dollars forcing

17:54

Christmas to happen earlier and earlier

17:56

every year are very aware of

17:58

that and they're not. stopping and

18:00

they're not gonna stop until global

18:02

warming forces us all to live underground like

18:04

mole people. And then they'll still

18:07

be trying to figure out how to sell something

18:09

to you. They'll be like, look, no plastic this

18:11

time. Promise. Look, all of this is

18:13

biodegradable. All of it just can go

18:15

back to the ground. You know what else is

18:18

biodegradable? Fucking you. And

18:20

maybe all of this looks good on

18:22

paper for shareholders and the stuff that

18:24

doesn't work. You can use

18:26

it as a tax write-off or whatever.

18:28

But all they're ultimately accomplishing culturally, culturally,

18:31

the conversation that this is forcing us

18:33

all to have is how many more

18:35

of us every year feel

18:37

comfortable admitting that we don't like Christmas

18:39

and it needs to stop. Dude, think

18:41

about how, it's the most

18:44

common thing that you hear is the

18:46

holidays are so stressful. Everyone

18:48

is just always stressed around Christmas. They're always stressed.

18:50

What are we gonna do? I gotta buy this.

18:52

I gotta buy that. We gotta go to this

18:55

party. We gotta go to this party. We're family

18:57

over. I don't like this family member. I don't

18:59

blah, blah, blah. Nobody

19:01

is fucking happy. Everyone

19:03

is going, God damn, that sucked. And

19:05

I'm dreading next Christmas already and it's

19:07

December 26th. If

19:10

we would just get over this final

19:13

hurdle, which is we're

19:15

already pushing the boundaries of when they

19:17

start blasting their shitty music, but

19:20

maybe we can just dissolve the other

19:22

stressful pieces in the process. Most

19:25

people would rather stay home. Most

19:28

people would say, oh, I just get the

19:30

day off. That sounds great. I

19:32

don't have to go to my uncle's

19:34

house who's gonna get drunk and talk about

19:36

something I don't want to talk about. Fuck

19:38

yes. Sounds great. I'm

19:41

staying home. The simple fact is there

19:43

are more things happening every single year

19:45

that cause more people to start questioning

19:47

Christmas or fully come out and admit

19:50

they hate it. COVID

19:52

shutdowns in particular. Once that

19:54

gave millions of people an excuse to

19:56

bail on the formal

19:58

Christmas get together. Bail

20:01

on out of state travel, bail on

20:03

everything that Mark was just talking about. Once

20:05

the government basically gives everyone permission to

20:07

do that, you just can't put that

20:09

toothpaste back in the tube, man. However

20:12

many people there are in the world

20:14

who now realize they hate

20:16

everything to do with Christmas, you give

20:18

them one year where the government basically

20:20

tells them they need to stay home

20:22

on Christmas, aka the only thing they've

20:24

ever really wanted to do, you cannot

20:27

expect those people to return to the

20:29

Grinnen Barrett routine. Every

20:32

year after that, they have seen the

20:34

promised land and it is good. Oh

20:37

man, sorry I can't

20:39

come over. Government

20:41

said it was a bad idea. Sequelty

20:44

they were like, fuck yes,

20:46

I can stay home and I

20:48

can pretend that I really wish I was

20:50

at so and so's house. Heart

20:53

emoji every picture that people send to

20:55

you. Yeah, sure. Wish

20:57

I was there. Everyone's going

20:59

to FaceTime at three o'clock and they're like, oh

21:01

no, my battery died in my phone. Could

21:04

that experience be why some dude in the

21:06

year 2021 after living through that went to

21:10

the Fox News Building in New York City and

21:14

set their 50 foot tall Christmas

21:16

tree on fucking fire? I

21:18

don't know. I would not presume to speak

21:20

to his intentions. All I'm saying is that

21:23

one thing happened and then the next thing

21:25

happened. That's right. That's all

21:27

I'm saying. I'm just pointing out after

21:29

all of us got told to stay home

21:31

instead of doing Christmas like regular, a couple

21:33

of years later they started

21:35

doing Christmas like regular and a guy

21:38

burned Fox News Christmas tree down. Are

21:40

these things related? I'm asking questions. Just

21:43

asking questions. I don't know him.

21:46

I don't know his name. I'm going to

21:48

assume maybe he had a taste of the good life

21:51

and just said, fuck this, I'm not going

21:53

back. This year, of course, the

21:55

thing on top of all of that, the thing that's

21:58

going to make it easier for all the one. gonna

22:00

be Grinch's out there to just

22:02

say fuck it, cancel Christmas is

22:04

of course the economy. AI

22:06

technology is already replaced... You thought I was gonna

22:09

say the war? No Americans actually give a fuck

22:11

about this war. It affects none of you. This

22:13

is just another thing for all of

22:17

you to argue about. It's the fucking

22:19

economy. AI tech is already

22:21

replacing a ton of human

22:23

workers. It's more every month.

22:25

It shows no signs of slowing down. If

22:28

you don't know someone who's lost their job

22:30

to AI, wait. Give

22:32

it six months if that. Matter of time. Including

22:35

Santa Claus at some point. AI

22:37

Santa. It would be robot Santa. Santa bots. Santa

22:40

chatbot. Yep. That's right.

22:42

God damn, it's coming. It probably already here. It

22:44

probably already exists. I don't want

22:47

to give him any more ideas. No seriously.

22:49

Corporations are still raising prices on their products

22:51

for no other reason than they can. The

22:54

cost of a Christmas tree went up an average

22:56

of 10% across this

22:58

nation in 2022 and guess how

23:00

much it went up by this

23:02

year? 10%. Another 10%. They're

23:04

gonna keep doing this. They are for sure gonna

23:07

keep... It's not like they're selling out of Christmas

23:09

trees every year. This isn't

23:11

about market demand. It's just fucking

23:13

price gouging. It's extortion. Whoever's

23:16

gonna pay it will pay it. Sure. So you

23:18

gotta become one of the more and more people

23:20

every year who stopped paying it. Just let them

23:22

know. I don't know. This may not actually math

23:25

out but if you raise your prices by

23:27

20%, if you

23:29

lose 5% in your sales, you're still making more money.

23:31

So 5% of people that

23:33

buy Christmas trees, oh they're too expensive. They shouldn't

23:35

buy one. It doesn't matter because you're charging 20%

23:37

more. To all the people who will. Right. That

23:39

will. Next year you can raise another 10% and

23:41

those keep buying fucking Christmas trees. This is

23:44

what the losing side of this battle is

23:46

still doing and gonna keep doing but they're

23:48

only doing it because they're already losing the

23:50

battle and the longer they do it, the

23:52

closer it gets to a situation where they've

23:54

just fully lost it. What

23:57

happens next from here is a total

23:59

sea change. Every content

24:01

creator out there who is

24:03

actively chasing friends for what

24:05

they cover They're gonna

24:07

start making these cutesy YouTube videos pretending

24:09

that they always hated Christmas This

24:12

podcast was just so far ahead of the curve

24:14

on that There's no reason for us to stay

24:16

in the same place while everyone else

24:18

has a crowd in here Yeah, we

24:20

won and it's tacky to try to

24:22

keep a fight going after you have

24:24

clearly won the fight I agree with

24:26

some weird small-minded shit Yeah, I

24:29

think there's something to knowing when

24:31

you won and when to walk away in

24:33

that because you just realize They're

24:35

just gonna keep going and they'll slowly die off

24:37

which is better Than stomping

24:40

them into the actual ground and then people

24:42

are like, oh you took it too far

24:44

some mercy Yeah, you show some mercy and

24:46

it's like, okay. Look at they're nice about

24:48

it You go too far with it and

24:50

then start people like no, they were wrong

24:52

Christmas is great. And then there's a big

24:54

resurgence We are knowing

24:56

when to say when like

24:59

if when America got into World War two

25:01

If after we won that war for all

25:03

of the good guys What we did next

25:05

was like make sure that McDonald's became a

25:07

part of their culture Too and

25:10

if we had done that then obviously everyone every other

25:12

country around the world would have ended up hating us

25:14

So yeah, that's why you don't that's why that's why

25:16

you don't do that Right in the words of Neil

25:18

Diamond, you got to know when to walk away I

25:21

thought that this year would be good to go

25:23

back and dig into the specifics on something that

25:26

has been a recurring theme Year to year, which

25:28

is how much of what we

25:30

think of as modern Christmas traditions are really

25:32

just some shit we stole from pagans Sure.

25:36

Well, I mean there is that one verse

25:38

in the Bible where it talks about Jesus gave

25:41

where the the wise man gave Jesus a

25:43

Christmas tree, I Remember

25:45

that so the Christmas tree itself

25:47

probably was you know? Christian

25:50

say I gave him a game boy. That

25:52

was like a later Interpretation

25:54

or just explained to him that a

25:56

game boy was gonna happen someday, right?

25:58

Yeah, you're like It's about to suck, but

26:00

it's gonna make it all worth it. Someday they're gonna

26:03

have video games in their hands and it's gonna be

26:05

fucking great. One of the things

26:07

that has always sucked about Christmas is that

26:09

it doesn't make any sense. Nothing

26:11

about any of this makes any sense. The reasons

26:13

that we say we're doing this stuff do not

26:16

equal the stuff that we're actually doing.

26:18

Nothing about this makes sense. I believe

26:20

in the third episode is when this really came

26:23

up for several

26:25

hundreds of years prior to

26:28

the entire Christianity takeover thing, Roman

26:30

society was fucking excellent at throwing

26:33

massive parties. One of the biggest

26:35

parties the Romans threw every year

26:37

lasted like a week in December

26:40

and it was called Saturnalia. The

26:43

specific tone of Saturnalia was

26:45

basically fuck all of the

26:47

regular rules of society. The fact that we're

26:49

even alive right now is pretty awesome, especially

26:52

considering we live in a society where everyone's

26:54

walking around with swords and you can just

26:56

get stabbed whenever at any time. Pretty remarkable

26:58

that we've lived through that for this long

27:01

in our life to experience any of this.

27:03

So let's get wasted for

27:05

days and

27:07

just have as much fun as we can have. You

27:10

might think, okay, well, sure, but didn't

27:12

all of the rich Romans, the wealthy

27:15

Romans, didn't they act like that all

27:17

the time? Yeah, basically.

27:19

But the unusual thing about Saturnalia,

27:22

this party was not exclusively

27:24

for rich people. One of the things

27:27

the Romans thought it was fun to

27:29

do during Saturnalia was reverse roles and

27:31

have all of the masters serve a

27:33

feast to the slaves. Things

27:35

like that. It was also common for everyone

27:38

to pick one person, only one person, and

27:40

give them a very small gift, like a

27:42

wreath or something that you probably made yourself,

27:45

not went and bought for them. And

27:47

that's nice, that's a nice thing to do. You

27:51

know what sucks about traditions is if

27:53

you go through history, there's so many things that people

27:55

used to do and we no longer do. Why

27:58

did this one die? and Christmas

28:01

live on. A

28:03

week of partying and nobody works when everyone just

28:05

hangs out and parties. Your boss

28:07

is making sure you're having a good time. Yeah,

28:10

everyone's just having a great time for a

28:12

full week where everyone's just expected to eat

28:15

food and hang out and maybe

28:17

give somebody something that you made

28:19

specifically for them. Why

28:22

didn't that tradition live on? That

28:24

sounds great. That sounds super fun and

28:26

not stressful. It's just like a party.

28:29

This is the tradition that should have won. This

28:32

is not the tradition that won, but it should have

28:34

won. One of

28:36

the reasons that Saturnalia, this December

28:38

party, was such a huge deal

28:40

for Romans is that it was

28:43

also in part a celebration of

28:45

the time of year around what

28:47

we would now call the Winter

28:49

Solstice, which nearly every agricultural society

28:51

to ever exist in the Northern

28:53

Hemisphere has celebrated the coming and

28:56

going of for thousands of years

28:58

prior to Christianity. It

29:00

kind of makes sense that they would

29:02

celebrate this because they were agricultural societies

29:04

who they may not have understood everything,

29:06

but they at least understood the fact

29:08

that the seasons of the year exist,

29:12

what that means for farming. The

29:15

religions that they then came up with

29:17

based on that perspective

29:21

of the world were what

29:23

you would basically call a fertility cult, one

29:25

kind of fertility cult or another. This

29:28

is what Saturnalia was all about.

29:30

This is what all these Winter

29:32

Solstice celebrations were all about,

29:34

the continuation of life after

29:36

winter, because after winter comes spring,

29:39

it is a celebration of the

29:41

cyclical nature of existence. That's

29:44

why pagans hung up evergreen plants

29:46

to celebrate the Winter Solstice. These

29:49

traditions should all sound somewhat familiar. Some

29:51

version of these traditions is what we

29:53

are all still fucking doing. It's

29:55

what people were doing for thousands of years prior.

29:58

They cherry picked. some things, but

30:00

they cherry picked all the wrong things.

30:03

We wouldn't even have this episode if Christmas

30:06

was, hey guys, it's Christmas, woo, everyone

30:08

gets the week off, we're getting fucked

30:10

up this week, we would

30:12

be like, hell yeah, it's Christmas, let's go. You

30:15

really, now you don't need all of the

30:17

agricultural reasons to celebrate. Right, yeah, that's like

30:20

not really a thing for a majority of

30:22

people. But the people who started celebrating this,

30:24

were celebrating the fact that the shortest days

30:26

of the year were

30:28

happening and it not to be over. At

30:30

which point the days would get longer, which

30:32

makes it possible to plant and harvest crops

30:34

because there's more of the sun, AKA

30:37

the giant fucking ball of fire in

30:39

the sky that brings daytime back every

30:41

morning, which is pretty high on the

30:43

list of things that it makes actual

30:45

sense to worship. If you're gonna worship

30:47

something, that shit makes a lot of

30:49

sense. Well, it is quite literally what

30:52

gives you life. It's there, it's

30:54

there, you can see it every day. Without

30:56

it, you die. Yeah, and you can't explain

30:58

it. So that's pretty high on the list

31:01

of things that

31:03

it makes sense to worship. If you're gonna worship

31:06

something, and if there's not a guy with an

31:08

army who says he will murder you if you

31:10

keep worshiping the sun. Makes sense

31:12

to worship a giant ball of fire in

31:14

the sky, it only stands to reason, it

31:16

would make sense to worship a smaller fire

31:18

down here on earth. And

31:21

that is one of the things

31:23

that Vikings were doing the entire

31:25

time they celebrated their winter solstice.

31:27

Their winter solstice party was called

31:30

Yule, which is where they would burn a

31:32

special Yule log for good luck or whatever.

31:34

So if you've ever wondered what the fuck

31:36

a Yule log is, because it's in so

31:38

many Christmas songs, that's it. Most

31:41

people don't know what the fuck it is.

31:43

Burning the Yule log is pagan as shit. The

31:46

dude who lit the Fox News

31:48

Christmas tree on fire was more

31:50

conservative than anyone who's ever said

31:52

a word on Fox News. He

31:54

was celebrating the winter holiday in

31:56

the most traditional way possible, lighting

31:58

a fucking tree. on fire. Yeah, he

32:00

was burning the log. He just happened to

32:03

be in front of Fox News' building. Some

32:05

of these traditions are great. The

32:08

reason why we can't have nice things is

32:11

because about 300 years after Jesus died, once

32:15

the rulers of all these pagan areas decided

32:17

it was important for everyone to become a

32:20

Christian, they just renamed

32:22

all of the best pagan parties

32:24

and started acting as if these

32:26

centuries old traditions somehow – yeah,

32:29

this is all Christian stuff now. Yeah, this

32:31

is mine now. This is mine now. Again,

32:33

they cherry-picked, but they took the worst shit.

32:36

For anyone thinking, but Tyler, you

32:38

just referred to both the Romans

32:40

and the Vikings as pagans. I

32:42

don't know much about history, but

32:45

those were pretty different people, right?

32:47

You're correct. Early Christians

32:49

used the word pagan to

32:51

mean – Non-Christian. Anyone who

32:54

is not a Christian. Anyone

32:57

who did not fit their worldview was an

33:00

outsider. If you've ever wondered why Christmas seems

33:02

to be this grab bag of shit from

33:05

so many different places mixed

33:07

up into this pot of

33:09

nonsense, this is why. This is because

33:11

this is how they saw the world.

33:14

It's us and literally everyone else.

33:16

What's popular anywhere? Let's just throw it

33:18

all into this thing and

33:21

then kill anyone who doesn't agree. That

33:23

we're right. Which is why. It's

33:26

okay to let go. Just

33:29

know that when you just finally

33:31

let go of it, you're just letting

33:33

go of some bullshit. This

33:35

whole mentality of let's just steal whatever

33:37

the most popular party is and start

33:39

saying it's a Christian party is the

33:41

same thing that we have talked about

33:43

in every Christmas episode – songs

33:46

that are not Christmas songs. A

33:49

song about a completely different holiday or

33:51

a song about the season of winter or a

33:54

song about how horny Leonard Cohen is, but he

33:56

says the word hallelujah and talks about the Lord

33:58

so it must be a Christian song. therefore a

34:00

Christmas song, all of these songs

34:02

that are not Christmas songs become

34:04

Christmas songs, it's the same

34:07

mentality that started this. That is the

34:09

most Christmas thing that you could possibly

34:11

do is take some shit

34:14

that has nothing to do with your

34:16

holiday or religion and anyone who disagrees

34:18

with you, they're wrong. This

34:20

is the way it's always been, you're wrong. Is

34:23

Baby Is Cold Outside really a

34:25

Christmas song? It's a song about

34:27

it being cold outside. People

34:29

willfully pretend that they're Christmas

34:31

songs. Here's an example

34:34

of one that we've not talked about before which

34:36

I think is perhaps the most mind-blowing one. When

34:38

You Wish Upon a Star from the

34:40

Walt Disney movie Pinocchio, that's just a song

34:42

about making a wish on a star, right?

34:45

There's nothing in the lyrics that says that

34:48

song takes place in winter. It doesn't mention

34:50

the season at all. In fact, nothing about

34:52

the lyrics of the song implies that it

34:54

even happens at night. There's even a line

34:56

in there about your wish coming true and

34:59

quote like a bolt out of the blue.

35:02

Blue is the color of the daytime

35:04

sky, not the nighttime sky. If

35:07

this song is happening in the

35:09

daytime and he's wishing on a

35:11

star, he's wishing on the fucking

35:13

sun. He's praying to the sun,

35:15

making this yet another example, a

35:18

pagan sun worship song. That song

35:20

came out at the end of

35:22

the 1930s and

35:24

within like 20 years, by the 1950s,

35:28

almost everyone overseas had turned it all

35:30

the way into a Christmas song. If

35:33

you're in England right now, back me up,

35:35

let people know. Let people know how insane

35:37

it is. Everyone over there

35:39

treats When You Wish Upon a Star as a

35:41

Christmas song. Yeah, that's why. It makes no sense,

35:44

man. No, that's wild. Also,

35:46

shouldn't Christians think that wishing upon a

35:48

star is literally fucking blasphemous? Yeah, 100%.

35:51

Is that witchcraft? A witchcraft, yeah, sure,

35:53

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on?

35:55

No wishing. More like witching,

35:57

am I right? That's right, hang them, motherfucker.

36:00

Hang them? Well, I'm just

36:02

saying that's what they used to do to witches. No,

36:04

no, no. I was thinking we could dunk them in

36:06

a fucking pond. Yes, they drowned them. Yeah.

36:10

Oh, she floated. She wasn't a witch. I

36:14

thought it was some backwards shit. Like

36:16

if you are a witch, you do

36:18

float. Yeah. Which means they're

36:20

going to kill you a different way. But then if you don't

36:22

float, oh, she wasn't a witch. You

36:24

drowned. Which was proof that you weren't a

36:27

witch. If you float and it proves

36:29

you are a witch, they're going to kill you a different

36:31

way. So no matter what, don't get suspected of being a

36:33

witch. The entire

36:35

concept of any holiday tree,

36:37

any variety of holiday tree

36:39

is some pagan shit. That

36:42

may predate written language of any kind.

36:44

There's no way to know because this

36:46

is, again, just a bunch of fertility

36:48

cult stuff that predates written language. And

36:50

if you can't figure out why a

36:52

fertility cult would ritualistically jazz up a

36:54

tree every winter and worship it, I

36:57

can't help you, but your doctor might

36:59

have a pill that can. It's

37:01

almost like it was the most important thing that

37:03

humans did for an entire millennia. Thank

37:06

God, because that's why we're here. But yeah,

37:09

there's a reason why it was the focus. What

37:11

the fuck else are you going to do

37:13

in the wintertime when you can't farm? Yeah,

37:15

fuck. See how all of this like fits

37:17

together, all of these agricultural societies coming up

37:20

with all of these things, get

37:22

drunk for a week, which you can't fucking

37:24

do when it's harvest time. You can't have

37:26

a week long party, et cetera, et cetera.

37:29

Farming season over. It's fucking

37:31

season. How many people were

37:33

just amped when they got

37:35

the fucking you a log out or

37:37

the tree and put some decorations on like, yes,

37:41

I think that that is that relationship

37:43

to the seasons is in our

37:45

DNA, which is the only reason

37:48

it's even possible for these motherfuckers

37:50

to be as successful as they

37:52

were at exploiting that feeling for

37:55

profit and for all these capital.

37:57

You're saying that like they're activating.

38:00

this like, oh hell yeah, this is a part of time

38:02

when everyone fucked. This is a time when my great,

38:05

great times 3000th grandfather

38:09

made my family tree happen. There is, and

38:11

now that you say that, there is a

38:13

thing that I have actually experienced myself where

38:15

like I'll be working and if it's cold

38:17

outside, I just know,

38:19

oh, I can't go do all

38:21

these things that I could do outside.

38:23

And it's like a relief. So

38:26

there probably was a massive relief. Oh

38:30

cool, I don't

38:32

have to worry about, you know,

38:34

picking potatoes for a while. You

38:36

know what I mean? I can focus on banging my

38:38

wife. Sounds great. So

38:40

excited. Yeah, I think they're exploiting

38:43

us on a cellular level. Yeah. Because it's

38:45

like our biological imperative, you have to be

38:47

happy and horny at the time of year.

38:50

They're taking horniness and making it about Christmas.

38:52

Christmas and winter always went hand in hand

38:54

and they are exploiting that for the

38:57

means of the capitalist Christmas. But

38:59

this is also why so many Christmas

39:01

songs or songs that were written to

39:03

be winter songs and we now think

39:05

of them as Christmas songs are so

39:07

fucking horny. Do you think it is

39:09

a coincidence how many modern quote unquote

39:11

Christmas songs are about being horny under

39:13

a tree? The song Oh

39:15

Christmas tree wasn't even called that until

39:17

the 19th century. Hundreds

39:19

of years earlier, it was called

39:22

Oh, Tannenbaum, which just means fur

39:24

tree. It means winter tree, the

39:26

tree that stays alive in the

39:29

winter because for thousands of years,

39:31

pagans used to worship the tree

39:33

that stayed alive in the winter

39:35

because it reminded them of a

39:37

hard dick. On some level,

39:39

they understood that that's why everything happens

39:41

is hard dicks and wet pussies is

39:43

what brought us to where we are.

39:46

That's what all these horny Christmas songs

39:48

are about. It's not Christmas at all.

39:50

No, it's just horniness. Sex

39:53

celebrating, celebrating sex in the

39:55

woods. No matter

39:58

how many people tried to

40:00

erase this stuff from our history, it

40:02

will not leave our DNA, it's in

40:04

us. It's just baked in. But again,

40:06

we could have just leaned

40:08

into the partying for a full week. It's

40:10

like, guys, we're gonna get drunk and fuck

40:12

for a full week, that's just what we

40:14

do. I think everyone would be stoked with

40:16

that. That sounds like a much better celebration

40:18

to me. It's truly remarkable

40:21

how many signs have remained hidden

40:26

just under the surface once you start looking at

40:28

Christmas stuff this way. These traditions

40:30

that existed thousands of years ago are

40:32

still around in so many songs that

40:34

we're all gonna have to hear this

40:36

year and no one's gonna realize where

40:38

they come from. The song Deck the

40:40

Halls comes from a way

40:43

older Welsh folk song that

40:45

was literally about that Viking

40:47

Yule holiday. It's a Welsh

40:49

song, they found out about this

40:51

party from the Vikings, they were like, fuck yeah,

40:53

that's what we're doing. We do that

40:55

now in the winter. The modern

40:57

lyrics of that song still say the

41:00

word Yule a bunch, that's why. The

41:02

original lyrics used to start right

41:04

off with a talk about the softness

41:06

of a fair one's bosom that is

41:09

a horny winter song, not a Christmas

41:11

song. Santa Baby, modern Christmas song, started

41:13

straight off by mentioning a tree. Later,

41:16

she asked Santa to come and trim

41:18

her Christmas tree. Might've

41:20

been a metaphor. All I

41:22

want for Christmas is you strongly suggest

41:24

that Mariah wants to get fucked under

41:26

a Christmas tree. Telly Clarkson's

41:29

song underneath the tree does away with

41:31

the implication and just comes right out

41:33

and says it. We're fucking under the

41:35

Christmas tree. He wants to get railed under a tree

41:38

because that's what people have been doing

41:40

for thousands of years. Rocking

41:42

around the Christmas tree should be pretty easy

41:44

to figure out since the word rocking used

41:46

to be slang for fucking. Jingle

41:49

Bell Rock doesn't even mention a tree,

41:51

but it's pretty much the same thing.

41:53

Add in what's

41:56

the stuff that people kiss under, whatever you

41:58

give people. Missed you. We've

42:00

talked about that in the past. That's a

42:02

fertility ritual. Yeah, excuses to start making out

42:04

and making out leads to more. That mistletoe

42:07

tradition, I remember that being pretty fucked up.

42:09

I don't remember the specifics of it. If

42:11

you're a new listener and this is the first Christmas

42:13

episode that you've listened to, you

42:16

should go back and listen to all of our

42:18

episodes, but definitely go back and listen to all

42:20

the Christmas episodes, especially if you want to put

42:22

together your murder board of why we need to

42:25

end this holiday. Pretty sure we went

42:27

deep on the mistletoe tradition one year and

42:29

there was a lot of stuff there that no one ever thinks about. Another

42:32

thing that we've talked about a lot

42:34

is how much money the composers of

42:37

the, what would

42:39

you even call it, Christmas song, Pantheon, how

42:41

much money did they will always make off

42:43

of these songs until the copyrights expire on

42:46

that? I was going to say, until it's

42:48

in the public domain. That's terrible. The

42:50

song Jingle Bell Rock, as stupid as those lyrics are,

42:52

and they really are stupid, according

42:55

to the singer of the song, Bobby Helms, and

42:57

the guitar player on the recording session, Hank

43:00

Garland, the original lyrics were even worse. They

43:03

were so bad that those two guys

43:05

rewrote the lyrics entirely and never got

43:07

credit for it. Can you imagine

43:09

thinking that you're just recording some

43:12

Christmas album bullshit filler

43:16

that you don't even care if you get credited

43:18

on, then it becomes one of the most played

43:20

songs in history and you don't get credit, therefore

43:22

you don't get paid. That would,

43:24

I mean, that has to like haunt these

43:27

guys' families. Yes. That's

43:30

something that we stressed about at Christmas time. Bet they

43:32

don't like Christmas time. No, they definitely

43:34

are on our team, 100%. Just

43:38

generational wealth for many

43:40

generations. Just a few extra 100,000 square feet

43:42

you could have had on your home. No

43:45

biggie. No big deal. No biggie. We

43:49

do have a final surprise for everyone. A while

43:52

back in a couple outros on a couple

43:54

episodes, I asked listeners

43:56

to send voice messages in. All I'd

43:58

told them was, Everyone

44:00

was that we would make an episode where we'd

44:03

play some of those messages and respond to them.

44:05

What I didn't say is we were gonna do

44:07

that on our Christmas episode right now. I

44:10

just didn't want all of the messages to be

44:12

about Christmas stuff. Seems like that

44:14

would be real depressing, probably make everyone

44:16

think about some depressing shit earlier than

44:19

Chris Isaac's second Christmas album tour was

44:21

gonna make them think about it. I

44:24

just wanted to see the kind of messages people would

44:26

send in if they were just told that they had

44:28

the option to do it. And

44:31

before we get started, I should point out, I

44:34

did recommend anyone not super comfortable with public speaking

44:36

or anything like that may wanna write down their

44:38

message to record it instead of just winging it

44:41

and stressing themselves out. I

44:44

think some of the people that you're gonna hear and

44:47

wonder if they're wasted, did some

44:49

of you send us drunk messages?

44:52

Some of them that you're gonna hear,

44:54

it's probably just reading their message into

44:56

a phone. Also, I don't know how

44:58

successful my attempts are going to be.

45:00

I'm going to try to clean up

45:02

the audio on all of these, but

45:04

a few of them are pretty glitchy

45:07

and I may not be able to fix them.

45:09

The thing actually real quick that I do like

45:11

about these is we get basically emails that say

45:13

the same thing, but this is in the people's

45:15

voices to where you can hear a tone of

45:17

voice too. Or email that just says,

45:20

fuck you, I hate you, die in a fire. I

45:22

don't know if they're joking. Yeah, they might like us. Somebody

45:24

might like us. They might be laughing the whole time and

45:27

they're saying it in their head, but

45:30

the voicemail thing is kind of cool. It's

45:32

a little different. So do you want me to just play these

45:34

in order? Yeah, do. Start at one.

45:37

Do you want me to read the name of what you named it? No. Okay.

45:41

Don't do that. Hey guys, love what you

45:43

do. Curious as to what band it

45:45

is that either of you can't stand that the other

45:47

one loves. Like

45:50

what band do I like that you don't like?

45:52

I bet I have more bands that I like

45:54

that you hate than the other one around. There's

45:57

not too many bands I hate, hate. There's

46:00

definitely lots of music I don't like. I

46:02

listen to jazz, so I like straight up. Anything

46:05

jazz is a hard pass. I don't care what

46:07

it is. Yeah, that's an entire

46:09

genre that I can just immediately say no chance.

46:12

I have more albums by Miles Davis

46:14

than any other solo artist in any

46:16

genre of music. Yeah, jazz just immediately

46:18

makes me want my skin crawl. So

46:21

anything jazz related would be atrocious. I

46:23

can't think of anything that you like,

46:26

love or like where I would be like, I

46:28

hate it. But not that I know

46:30

of at least. I mean, yeah,

46:32

that's a tough one. But I guess that's

46:34

the best we can do on an answer like

46:37

that. Probably a lot more open-minded than many folk

46:39

would assume. Yeah, yeah,

46:41

yeah. What you think about what we

46:43

think is may not always be 100%

46:46

accurate to what we do. All right, next one. It's

46:50

embarrassing. You actually don't like anything. It's

46:53

embarrassing you criticize everything. It's

46:55

embarrassing that you built a whole platform and not

46:57

liking things instead of liking things. Guess

46:59

I'm fucking crazy. I don't know what the general point is of your

47:02

fucking podcast, but it's shit. It's

47:04

fucking shit. You should be ashamed. Fucking

47:07

praise whoever's

47:10

making beautiful art. That's what the world should be like. And

47:12

you shouldn't be in existence whatsoever.

47:16

That guy seems fun. Dude, first of

47:18

all, get a new microphone or something.

47:20

It's not like a computer talking for a

47:23

minute. Okay, so my favorite thing, aside from

47:25

that guy being completely hypocritical, my

47:28

favorite thing is his whole message was that he

47:30

is mad that all we can do is shit

47:32

on stuff when what we should really be doing is

47:34

praising things. But he tries to think

47:36

of an example and can't come up with one

47:39

single thing. He's like, instead what you should be

47:41

doing is saying, you

47:43

should say nice things about

47:46

who. The artists who are doing good

47:48

things, of which there are many,

47:50

and I could have come up

47:53

with some, but now I can't. Okay,

47:55

dude. Nailed it. Also, this is... Arguably

48:00

our art we write this stuff

48:02

with us our expression

48:05

to the world is this

48:07

podcast So shouldn't he be

48:09

by his ideal? Actually

48:11

singing our praises to our art.

48:13

He's what we're saying. He is

48:15

not consistent in his worldview Yeah,

48:17

the least he said that we

48:19

shouldn't exist That's like we

48:21

shouldn't exist Obviously, we're not

48:24

doing what he thinks we're doing But even

48:26

if we were doing the thing that he

48:28

believes just hating on music that we don't

48:30

like that's what this show is We just

48:32

hate on music that we don't like hmm.

48:34

He thinks that should be worth the death

48:36

penalty While him hating

48:38

on a podcast. He doesn't like

48:41

a righteous position I assume we

48:43

shouldn't exist because we don't like some of

48:45

what I assume would be his favorite music

48:47

And I also what you say, so

48:50

this is an email that we've gotten a million

48:52

times, you know But that's the first time that

48:54

I've ever heard a recording of someone saying it

48:56

and the tone of voice He's saying it with

48:59

it's great because it demonstrates

49:01

how those

49:03

who Take a

49:06

surface level look at this show and decide

49:08

they know what it is have

49:10

a tendency of outing themselves as Actually

49:13

being the people who really are in

49:15

a negative headspace and really are just

49:18

looking for things to hate Without

49:20

taking the time to find out if it even

49:22

is the thing that they want to hate. Yeah,

49:24

pretty great I mean, thanks

49:27

for taking the time for sending that

49:29

message Alright next one I

49:45

Think she's my favorite that is possibly it

49:47

sounded like maybe she was still in the

49:49

gym It sounded like she

49:51

might have been in the bathroom stall a little

49:53

when she recorded that which I'm hoping that she

49:55

was Thank you For

49:59

letting us know Oh, she was

50:01

listening to the Guns N' Roses at the gym.

50:03

Can you play that again? Yeah, yeah, here, play

50:05

it again here. Hi,

50:08

Mark and Taylor. I was listening

50:10

to Guns N' Roses at the gym. Thanks,

50:14

guys. That's

50:16

great. I love that. So the first

50:18

time I thought that there was, she was going to

50:20

say some more. So I was listening and waiting. Nope,

50:24

that's it. That's kind of a great message though. Just

50:27

kind of straightened to the point. But

50:29

to her that she was at the gym, you

50:31

know, that's just a great message. Like, I

50:33

feel good. It's a feel-gooder. I hope more

50:35

of these are like that. All right,

50:37

next one. So

50:41

when does Mark release his

50:43

first single? I

50:46

guess that's because of how often we sing

50:48

on his thing. But that was just you

50:50

specifically. Yeah. I would love to

50:52

know what that was in reference to. What

50:55

was the song I was singing? I

50:57

do feel like our singing is an

51:00

underappreciated aspect of the show. Yeah.

51:03

I think a lot of people like our singing a lot

51:06

more than the haters

51:10

would assume. I think the haters just

51:12

realized we're probably singing better than their

51:15

favorite band was singing. The same exact stuff. That'd be

51:17

frustrating. That's what I like to think. Oh,

51:20

shitty sounds better than the fucking guy. Just

51:22

C-red. All right, next.

51:27

Hey, what's up, Brad Dorff and Mark

51:29

Hoppus. I

51:32

just want to say thank you for this amazing

51:34

podcast. I think it's stupid that a lot of

51:36

people get offended for this podcast. I

51:38

feel like if you're a true fan of these bands, you'd

51:41

be able to take the shit that they throw.

51:44

Like they repeated, there's no perfect band.

51:47

I love a lot of these bands that they cover and I laugh my

51:49

ass off. I think people should grow up there. Thank

51:51

you so much for this free podcast and I'll

51:55

go fuck yourself. That

51:58

was great. That guy sounds like

52:00

what I imagine the best fan

52:03

that we could have. Yeah. This is

52:05

after listening to, I

52:07

like to think that he's listened to at least

52:09

20 episodes of our podcast and

52:11

is like, Oh, I get it. He

52:14

called us. People might not know who he said.

52:16

He said, what's up

52:18

Brad Dorif and Mark Hoppus. Everyone

52:20

who's a Mark Hoppus, Brad Dorif, if you look him

52:23

up, you've seen him in a movie. The dude is

52:25

in like 600 movies, including the

52:27

Lord of the Rings movies and he's

52:29

doc on the deadwood TV show. I

52:33

can't ever tell which, which

52:36

one of us they're talking about. Like people

52:38

try to like make fun of us. The message is all

52:40

the time and they'll refer us to us as this one

52:43

or that one. And I'll leave the description. I can't ever

52:45

tell which one of us, there's one time where they said

52:47

they referred to one of us having a receding hairline and

52:49

I was like, looking at a, neither

52:52

one of us has a receding hairline. No,

52:54

no. I guess if you think

52:56

that we're 25, which some people

52:58

do, which I guess, thank you for

53:01

looking at us and believing for some

53:03

reason that we're Gen Zers or

53:05

something like that. Thanks. I

53:07

guess. I do like that dude cracked himself up

53:10

when he said it though. He goes, he goes,

53:12

what's up Brad Dorif and Mark Hoppus and

53:15

left to kill himself. Killer sign up. Fuck

53:17

you. Thank you. That's fantastic. That's,

53:20

that is a great message.

53:23

Great message. This

53:25

podcast sucks and I don't like either of you very

53:27

much and I can't wait for it to come back.

53:31

Oh, that was kind of sweet. That must've been when we were on

53:33

a break. Oh, true. Yeah. Maybe

53:35

we were, we were taking some time off. Oh wait,

53:37

we have another one from that same person. This is

53:40

Emily. Yeah. That Emily again. Emily, she

53:42

was more than one. The biggest

53:44

Pearl Jam fan I've ever met was a

53:47

guy who sent me a bunch of boot

53:49

legs and wrote a song about me that I never

53:51

got to hear. And then I found

53:53

out he was lying about being married. Oh, That's

54:00

insane. Holy

54:03

shit. First of

54:05

all, you've set you a bunch of

54:07

bootlegs. God damn. It's gotta

54:10

be like the bootleg concert series.

54:12

We talked about it. We definitely

54:14

did. Yeah. If you

54:16

haven't listened to Pearl Jam episode, one of the

54:19

things we talked about was how they sold all

54:21

the official bootleg recordings of their concerts to their

54:23

fans. And how if you don't know a Pearl

54:25

Jam fan, there are a lot more of them

54:27

out there than you may assume.

54:30

And they have a

54:32

lot of these bootleg recordings.

54:34

She said the end of

54:36

that was she said that she found out

54:38

the guy was lying to her about being

54:40

married, but she didn't say how

54:43

there are multiple ways that you could lie

54:45

about being married with. He probably

54:47

most people would assume that he was lying

54:50

about not being married. Yeah. Like I'm not

54:52

married. That's why I'm spending so much time

54:54

trying to Mac on you with my original

54:56

songs that I wrote about you. Also, she

54:58

never got to hear the song. I wish

55:00

she got to hear the song because then

55:02

she could have Googled the lyrics to find

55:04

out which song the dude fucking plagiarized. He

55:07

wrote a song about it. It was almost certainly what happened. Or

55:10

was he not married

55:12

but pretending to be like an unhappily married

55:15

man? Cause she said he was lying to

55:17

me about being married. Yeah. He didn't say

55:19

lying to me about not being married. So

55:21

was he pretending to be like unhappily married?

55:23

And that was his move to try

55:26

to Mac on her with Pearl Jam bootlegs.

55:28

I would also just quickly

55:31

to point out that like typically when

55:34

men are pursuing a woman and they trying

55:36

to impress them with something like, you know,

55:38

literally like apes being like, look, I pick

55:41

you Apple. This is

55:43

it. Like this is the crown jewel

55:45

of this guy's life is

55:47

I have all these Pearl

55:49

Jam bootlegs is like a offering

55:52

to her of like, look how

55:54

fucking cool I am. Dodged

55:57

a bullet. I'm so confident in

55:59

a. that will

56:01

not appeal to Emily's pagan

56:03

winter solstice DNA. I

56:06

don't think you're gonna light any Yule logs

56:08

on fire with that, move buddy. It's already

56:10

bad enough with the classic, I made you

56:12

a mix tape, but imagine it's like, oh

56:15

no, I didn't make you a mix tape.

56:17

Here's all these sweet Pearl Jam bootlegs. Did

56:19

you ever wanna hear Pearl Jam songs sound

56:22

even worse? Yeah, these are all on actual

56:24

tape. Oh my God.

56:27

What girl was like, oh God, I can't

56:29

wait to fuck this guy after getting that.

56:32

I'm glad that that didn't work out

56:34

for that. No shit, ladies, red flag.

56:36

If he's sending you bootlegs of any

56:38

band, let alone Pearl Jam or Fish

56:40

or God forbid Fish, Jesus. Yeah, literally

56:42

any bootleg. That is a red bomb

56:45

going off, you need to run away. We

56:48

have a message from Alexandra. So

56:52

a while back in your queen

56:54

episode, y'all compared

56:57

queen concerts to a

56:59

Nazi rally, which

57:02

is pretty fucking cringe to say, but

57:05

aside from the point, I

57:08

think it's more

57:11

comparable to like a kindergarten classroom, you

57:14

know, like Freddy's in front of all,

57:16

like the little kindergartners and he's being

57:19

like, repeat after me, children.

57:22

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

57:24

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and

57:30

that children is how we pronounce

57:32

avocado. What? Yikes.

57:37

That comment really upset a lot of

57:39

people. Nazi rally

57:41

thing, I was so upset about that.

57:45

They wouldn't have been mad if it

57:47

was absurd. If it was an absurd

57:49

nonsense thing, if I said I heard

57:51

that Freddy Mercury likes to have sex

57:53

with lobster shells after going to lobster

57:55

night at the local buffet, no one

57:57

would get mad about that because it's

57:59

absurd. If we compared all Queens

58:01

fans to kindergartners who were just singing

58:04

along people get pissed about that too I

58:06

don't want to play it again in the

58:08

episode But I would encourage people to go

58:10

back and listen to that again They say

58:12

crickets in the background really is also a

58:14

highlight aside from the point Here's

58:17

the thing that we get a lot that I Doubt

58:20

most people would assume happens. We get a lot of

58:22

people who like are Trying

58:25

to do what we do basically their

58:27

audition to host this show. Yeah that

58:29

felt like sure Well, you're

58:31

fired if you're gonna say someone's joke sucks

58:33

and then try to tell a better joke You might

58:35

want to make sure you have an actual joke in

58:37

the chamber that Avocado punchline.

58:39

No, I know actually I liked I

58:42

liked the kindergartner part like leading a

58:44

bunch Okay, that part was great the

58:46

punchline saw I think we made that

58:48

joke in the episode too though The

58:50

Nazi rally thing I was there for

58:52

sure a whole joke. Yeah, obviously wasn't

58:54

the whole episode Yeah, I think we

58:56

made the like kindergarten class set

58:58

up in that episode too I'd have to go back and listen

59:00

to it I think they just added the

59:02

avocado line the avocado part was a piss poor

59:05

ending the anger that

59:07

you induce is mind-numbing Is that

59:09

Jim Gaffigan? I scroll

59:11

through all the bands that you list

59:14

and I say, okay, I agree How

59:17

the hell do they not like this but

59:19

see you win You

59:22

win because as I start

59:24

getting all sassy and like

59:26

a bitchy little diva I

59:28

realized that you have pulled me in and I

59:31

listened to the episode and I get

59:34

even angrier and I'm debating a recording

59:39

So I would like to say the

59:41

hell with you guys but

59:45

Congratulations, you pieces of dog

59:48

dirt. Okay. Bye.

59:50

I Actually

59:54

can't the best I can't tell how

59:56

serious he is I'm

1:00:00

crying, that's so funny. I can't tell if he's

1:00:02

actually mad or not. It's so

1:00:04

good though. He's mad

1:00:06

because when he said he was debating

1:00:09

an audio recording, I was like, that

1:00:11

is funny. Because I just imagine so

1:00:13

many people listening to this arguing,

1:00:15

yelling at us through their stereos.

1:00:17

So I should point out, I

1:00:19

did ask people to send us

1:00:21

in messages, but this feature has

1:00:23

been available to listeners ever since

1:00:25

we switched to Anchor like

1:00:28

three years ago at this point.

1:00:31

So when we go in to listen to these

1:00:33

messages, there's not a date on any of them.

1:00:35

So I have no idea when these were sent

1:00:38

in. That dude may not be responding to my

1:00:40

request. That could have just been

1:00:42

one person who like scrolled our episodes and

1:00:44

sent that message in. I don't know

1:00:46

when that came in. That could be new, it could be old. He

1:00:48

could be so serious. Or he could have

1:00:50

just been joking. That dude's got a good

1:00:52

voice for radio stuff though. I was like,

1:00:54

that was actually my first thought. If someone

1:00:57

knows that guy, if that

1:00:59

guy actually does hate us and you know

1:01:01

him based on his voice, we don't know.

1:01:04

Tell him to start a podcast. Hey,

1:01:07

from one Tyler to another, you just

1:01:09

fucked me up so bad. I

1:01:12

cannot stop listening to Limp Bizkit.

1:01:15

It's amazing. There you go.

1:01:18

Yeah, that's great. I love

1:01:20

that we, from the beginning, this

1:01:23

is another thing that's kind of caught on in

1:01:25

online mainstream the past few years

1:01:28

is this critical reevaluation of Limp

1:01:30

Bizkit and New Metal in general.

1:01:32

This podcast planted that flag early.

1:01:35

And I am glad that everyone

1:01:38

who heard us say those things with

1:01:40

an open mind didn't just assume that

1:01:42

we were kidding and

1:01:44

went and listened and discovered some new

1:01:46

music that they enjoyed. I think the point

1:01:48

that I always remake to be pulled is that

1:01:50

Limp Bizkit's never been sued for ripping

1:01:52

somebody else off. It's only two chords

1:01:54

and I'm like, cool, who else did that? Did

1:01:57

anybody else do that exact thing before? Oh, nobody

1:01:59

did. because it's actually original and different and

1:02:01

unique. But hey, shout out

1:02:03

to Tyler for A, having a name,

1:02:06

and B, being a Limb Bizkit fan. What's

1:02:09

up, Mark and Tyler? This is Garrett

1:02:12

Cash. I got two things I want

1:02:14

to tell you about in this message.

1:02:16

The first is that my wife decided

1:02:18

to conduct an experiment after she listened

1:02:20

to your Sugar Ross, Cigar Roast, whatever

1:02:22

episode. She played the music for

1:02:24

our kids in the car to see if they

1:02:26

would go to sleep. And sure enough, worked like

1:02:29

a charm. No more need be said.

1:02:31

Second of all, there is a

1:02:33

phenomenal billboard here in Central Florida that

1:02:36

is from a company called Biospine. That's

1:02:38

some kind of back pain relief company.

1:02:41

And their spokesman is quote

1:02:43

unquote Journey Drummer. That's

1:02:45

it. The quotes on the billboard

1:02:48

say, I chose Biospine, in quotes,

1:02:50

Journey Drummer. And going back

1:02:52

to your Journey episode, where you said that

1:02:54

nobody cares. He's in this band besides Steve

1:02:56

Perry. I just laughed as soon as I

1:02:58

saw that. Journey Drummer. That's

1:03:01

an awesome message. The

1:03:03

science experiment of putting your children to

1:03:05

sleep, which is fantastic

1:03:07

and proving our point. Music is

1:03:09

sleep too. And then really

1:03:12

the Journey Drummer part is awesome.

1:03:14

So I'm pretty sure that was

1:03:16

Garrett Cash, who hosts the internet

1:03:18

radio show called Dollar Country. He

1:03:20

buys these bargain bin country singles,

1:03:22

like little 45s. And

1:03:25

he plays them for everyone. And if you like

1:03:27

country music, you should check that out. We

1:03:30

looked into this. That billboard is real. It

1:03:33

is real. Everyone should do an image

1:03:35

search for Biospine Journey Drummer so you

1:03:37

can see it too. We

1:03:40

should just put it on our website too. Definitely.

1:03:42

Maybe not. We'll wait till you hear everything else I'm

1:03:44

about to say. So

1:03:47

there's actually a lot going on here. The

1:03:49

guy on the billboard is named Dean

1:03:51

Castrovono. And you have never heard of

1:03:53

him, which is why the billboard calls

1:03:55

him Journey Drummer. I just can't get

1:03:58

over that. It's so fucking tough. Journey

1:04:00

Drummer. Just pause the episode and go look it

1:04:02

up right now. It's so insane when you actually

1:04:05

see it with your eyes. You're like, oh my

1:04:07

God, it really does say that. Just search BioSpine

1:04:09

Journey Drummer and you'll find it. This

1:04:12

guy, Dean Castravano, has been a session

1:04:14

and touring guy for all kinds of

1:04:16

other acts like Ozzy Osbourne, Bad English,

1:04:18

Fear Factory, Social Distortion, Courtney Love's Hole,

1:04:21

which should be the name of that

1:04:23

band from now on. This guy

1:04:25

only became the drummer of Journey in 1998 when

1:04:29

Steve Perry left Journey. So this

1:04:32

BioSpine company, I have no idea what they do. They

1:04:34

have very bad taste in spokespeople. It's the only thing

1:04:36

I know about them. They're

1:04:39

making a billboard. They look at this

1:04:41

guy's entire resume and instead of being

1:04:43

like this drummer who's worked with all

1:04:46

these people, they decide that

1:04:48

not only the most impressive thing, but

1:04:50

the only thing worth mentioning on the

1:04:52

billboard that he's done is be in

1:04:54

the band that is technically still called

1:04:57

Journey, but Steve Perry is not in

1:04:59

it. If he wasn't

1:05:01

in the band anymore, it would still, what

1:05:04

happens when he leaves? What happens

1:05:06

when he's not the drummer of Journey? Also,

1:05:08

it says Journey Drummer, right? It

1:05:10

doesn't say Journeys as in the

1:05:13

journey. Journey Drummer. Yeah,

1:05:15

Journey Drummer. That doesn't even

1:05:17

make sense. Drummer of Journey would make

1:05:19

more sense. Yeah, the drummer of Journey,

1:05:21

Journey's Drummer, it could be anybody.

1:05:24

What this is, is someone who thinks that

1:05:26

you don't need to hire a marketing person, is

1:05:28

just trying to do the job themselves. There

1:05:31

was a period of time when that guy was

1:05:33

not in Journey and I would assume it's one

1:05:35

of the reasons why they don't just use his

1:05:37

name, which is that if you search his name,

1:05:40

you're gonna find out about the time that he

1:05:42

was arrested for brutally assaulting a woman in the

1:05:44

year 2015 and

1:05:47

got kicked out of Journey and

1:05:49

then got convicted on only like

1:05:51

six of the 15 charges. So

1:05:54

then a few years later, they let

1:05:56

him be back in Journey again. So,

1:05:59

oof, yeah. Florida what the

1:06:01

fuck seriously Just

1:06:04

wanted to say that I found all the

1:06:06

three marvelous trees do your albums on Spotify

1:06:08

so fuck you Anyway,

1:06:15

thanks for the episode. Thanks for the podcast. You guys are

1:06:17

cool What

1:06:20

are you finding the marvelous three? I'm glad he

1:06:22

found those albums by marvelous three I don't remember

1:06:24

what episode that was in I do remember going

1:06:26

to look up marvelous three and them not being

1:06:28

on Spotify So they definitely were not on Spotify

1:06:31

Whenever we made that episode that I said that in

1:06:33

yeah That's cool that

1:06:35

marvelous three got added to Spotify And I'm

1:06:38

also glad that a response that people

1:06:40

have to this podcast is to go listen to

1:06:42

the music that we talk about That's a really

1:06:44

cool. Yeah thing I know for a fact a

1:06:46

lot of people who work at Spotify do listen

1:06:48

to the show so I wouldn't be surprised if

1:06:50

one Of them heard that and

1:06:52

then shit we better. Yeah. Yeah made

1:06:55

it happen Bush Walker and ask him

1:06:57

why his music's not on here Bro,

1:07:00

I come up on your shit and you're like and

1:07:02

I'm like, okay I'm gonna give you a chance to

1:07:04

say something and the first thing you say is they're

1:07:07

sexless. I'm like, okay This is your kicker, bro. This

1:07:09

is your kicker This is what you're coming up with

1:07:11

first that just tells me you ain't got nothing else

1:07:13

to say the rest of your fucking minutes If that's

1:07:16

the best you can come up with me with Anyways,

1:07:19

make an episode about how your podcast sucks.

1:07:22

Yo, they sounded like every drunk college

1:07:24

girl Video

1:07:26

you've ever seen of a drunk college girl

1:07:28

in a fight at a bar in an

1:07:31

argument at a bar Motor

1:07:33

mouth, you know not making any kind of

1:07:35

sense. What was she talking about? Okay, that

1:07:37

has to be the talking heads episode because

1:07:39

I like I mean, I remember everything I

1:07:42

say in every episode But I usually remember

1:07:44

the avenue that we take in yeah, and

1:07:46

I remember saying that was like the most

1:07:48

sexless band in history Okay, true. Yeah

1:07:50

for sure. Yeah, but I don't

1:07:52

know what that person meant by kicker. They kept saying

1:07:55

that's your kicker That's your kicker over that was what

1:07:57

we like we're emphasizing or something. Do you think they

1:07:59

meant like? kick off like a football game,

1:08:01

like that's the start? I don't know, like

1:08:04

yeah. Thing is, we've mentioned a handful of

1:08:06

bands are music to not fuck to. Which

1:08:09

is a solid joke every single time.

1:08:11

It also is true. It's

1:08:13

true, every single time. So

1:08:15

far I'm pretty happy about the type

1:08:17

of person who seems to dislike our show

1:08:19

the most. The people who have had the

1:08:22

strongest negative reactions seem to

1:08:24

be deeply unlikable. Yeah, I'm

1:08:27

glad that that person doesn't like us. That's

1:08:29

all you had to say was that. It

1:08:31

also definitely wasn't. It sounds like they listened

1:08:33

to 60 Seconds and shut it off. That sounds

1:08:36

like somebody who did not listen to the whole episode. So

1:08:39

my dad is a huge center of tool.

1:08:41

And for some reason he's under the impression

1:08:43

that I like tool as well. Because

1:08:47

of this, he always invites me

1:08:50

to go to their concerts with him whenever

1:08:52

they tour and come near us. Hell no.

1:08:55

So the most recent time that they toured, he

1:08:57

invited Bookme and my boyfriend because

1:08:59

he knows my boyfriend likes metal. My boyfriend's

1:09:01

actually never listened to Tool before. So we

1:09:03

decided he was just gonna go in blind.

1:09:06

And within three songs I

1:09:08

look over and he's like

1:09:10

nodding off and like falling asleep

1:09:13

during their set. So

1:09:15

let this be proof that Tool

1:09:17

is the most fucking

1:09:19

boring band in the world. That's

1:09:23

awesome. Tool and Sugar, it sounds like Tool and

1:09:25

Sugar Rose ought to do a tour together. It's

1:09:28

a very funny story. I will say I

1:09:30

do think that we should

1:09:33

be supporting older, I

1:09:36

assume white dudes having interests

1:09:39

that don't involve hurting someone

1:09:41

else. So shout out

1:09:43

for that dude for having

1:09:46

music and concerts as an

1:09:48

interest. It does suck

1:09:50

that he doesn't seem aware that nobody wants to

1:09:52

go to the Tool concert. Also like kind of

1:09:54

like. But he could find someone who does wanna

1:09:56

go to the Tool concert with him. I appreciate

1:09:58

like wanting to take. I'm assuming your

1:10:01

daughter to this show with her boyfriend.

1:10:03

That's a relatively expensive night out. School

1:10:06

tickets are not cheap. Even if you sit in the

1:10:08

nosebleed, you're looking at at least $300 for three tickets.

1:10:11

He can find a show that his daughter and her boyfriend

1:10:13

want to go to. I like to think that someday when

1:10:15

my kids are old enough to go to a concert that

1:10:18

I would be like, do you like

1:10:20

Band X before I spend $300 on tickets?

1:10:24

Oh, you don't? Oh, then I am going

1:10:26

to go ahead and not invite you to

1:10:28

come to the show, you know? I think

1:10:31

a really good rule of thumb is if

1:10:33

you're talking about family, it's not just like

1:10:35

your friend group, but family. The

1:10:37

youngest person picks what show you're gonna go

1:10:39

see. If they're over 13 years

1:10:41

old, they get to pick what show. If you want them

1:10:43

to have a good time, otherwise they're just not gonna have

1:10:45

a good time. This is true for

1:10:48

all fans of all music, for

1:10:50

sure, on a spectrum though. And Tool

1:10:52

fans are extremely this way, which

1:10:55

is everyone would like Tool

1:10:57

if they only listened to X

1:11:00

song from Tool. They

1:11:02

genuinely believe wholeheartedly that

1:11:05

Tool is the greatest band or one

1:11:07

of the greatest bands to ever live.

1:11:09

And if you don't like Tool, it's

1:11:11

only because you haven't listened to this

1:11:13

song yet. My guess is,

1:11:15

actually, if she said, I

1:11:17

don't like Tool and my boyfriend doesn't,

1:11:19

either he would say, oh, you just

1:11:22

haven't seen them yet, or

1:11:24

you haven't heard this song yet, then

1:11:27

you would like it. So he probably still would have

1:11:29

bought the tickets no matter what they said is my

1:11:31

guess. Hi guys, in your Christmas

1:11:34

episodes, you

1:11:37

criticize the use of sleigh bells, and

1:11:40

even though it's not a Christmas song, is

1:11:42

the only acceptable use so far in

1:11:45

the song, I Wanna Be Your Dog by

1:11:47

the Stooges. Let me know what

1:11:49

you think. Great podcast. All

1:11:51

right, I'm sure this has come up somewhere

1:11:53

on the podcast before. If not, I'll say,

1:11:57

if I just randomly think of a bit for a band, like if

1:11:59

a band I'm listening to, listening to and I have an

1:12:01

idea for something to say if we ever do an

1:12:03

episode on them. If it's a band that I'm reasonably

1:12:05

sure we will do an episode on them, I'll just

1:12:07

go ahead and make a note for that band, get

1:12:09

it started and put the bit in there. I

1:12:12

do already have a bit for

1:12:14

the inevitable Seuj's episode not

1:12:17

about how it's okay to use sleigh bells in I

1:12:19

Wanna Be Your Dog, but about how I Wanna Be

1:12:21

Your Dog is a Christmas song. It

1:12:24

is a Christmas song. It actually would have

1:12:26

fit into this episode. I was planning on

1:12:28

doing it. Thanks Robert

1:12:31

for spoiling this for everyone. I was

1:12:33

gonna do it in throwback to the

1:12:35

pagan roots of the holiday. The lyrics

1:12:37

are basically about wanting to regress to

1:12:39

a primal animalistic state, I Wanna Be

1:12:41

Your Dog. There's that self

1:12:44

sacrificial line about laying his heart

1:12:46

on the burning sands. Paganistic,

1:12:48

I think it's fair to say I Wanna Be Your

1:12:50

Dog is a Christmas song. It's

1:12:53

not an acceptable use of sleigh bells outside of a

1:12:55

Christmas song. I think it's just a straight up Christmas

1:12:57

song. For Christmas, Iggy Pop wants

1:12:59

to be your dog. That's

1:13:01

what he's asking Santa for. See

1:13:04

look at Robert coming in with a great question.

1:13:07

If I ever get sick, Robert can fill my

1:13:09

spot on the show. Hey Tyler,

1:13:11

hey Mark. Hope you guys are doing well. My

1:13:14

name's Michael, I'm in Philadelphia. So

1:13:17

I was curious if you two have ever

1:13:19

considered doing an episode on how much Cheryl

1:13:21

Crow sucks. There's I

1:13:24

guess two backstories to it. So

1:13:26

there's this one bar here in Philly where

1:13:28

these regulars, I guess you could

1:13:30

say like hipster types, use the

1:13:32

jukebox and decide to play like

1:13:35

Cheryl Crow as long as on a regular basis.

1:13:39

I'm sure you can do some research into how

1:13:41

much Cheryl Crow sucks. But

1:13:43

a related backstory is that at the same

1:13:45

bar, there was this one time a few

1:13:48

weeks ago where somebody using

1:13:50

the touch team's app jukebox decided to

1:13:52

troll people by playing at least

1:13:55

five or six Taylor Swift songs in a row, I

1:13:57

know. If

1:14:00

this message makes it onto your

1:14:02

podcast, let me

1:14:04

and everyone know what you think. All right, thank you.

1:14:06

Have a good one. Well,

1:14:09

first of all, I think he needs to

1:14:11

find a new bar to hang out with.

1:14:13

Jesus, Chris, what's a fucking psychopath hang out

1:14:15

there? Blasting Sheryl Crow and Taylor Swift. Might

1:14:18

be time to find a new place to

1:14:20

hang out. I'm not sure

1:14:24

what's happening in this scenario is what

1:14:26

this guy thinks is happening. So it

1:14:28

sounds like he believes that

1:14:30

hipsters as a prank are

1:14:32

playing Sheryl Crow and Taylor Swift

1:14:35

on the jukebox. He may

1:14:37

be not interpreting what's actually happening correctly.

1:14:39

Those are two artists where people you

1:14:41

might think of as hipsters will fucking

1:14:44

argue with you. Yeah,

1:14:47

that's great. But what if this guy's just

1:14:49

hanging out in a bar where people like

1:14:51

Sheryl Crow and Taylor Swift? He's like, oh,

1:14:53

these fucking ironic assholes and everyone else is

1:14:55

just having a great time. These

1:14:58

jokesters playing these songs and really the super fans that

1:15:00

hang out at the bar that he hangs out with

1:15:02

all the time. I mean, yeah, of

1:15:04

course you would loudly do an episode about Sheryl

1:15:06

Crow, but yeah, my advice

1:15:09

would be to find a new bar to hang out

1:15:11

with because you're hanging out with a bunch of dorks.

1:15:14

And also he said he was in Philly,

1:15:16

Philadelphia. So yeah, there's gotta be a million

1:15:18

great bars to hang out

1:15:20

with. Well, my thing is if that happened in

1:15:22

a bar where most of the people weren't happy

1:15:24

about it, it seems like the dudes that did it

1:15:26

would find out real fucking fast, yeah. Hey,

1:15:29

so I knew you guys did

1:15:31

your tool and your Slipknot

1:15:33

episodes a while ago, but

1:15:35

I was just wanting to say that

1:15:37

I showed my drummer those episodes on

1:15:40

the way to practice one time. I

1:15:42

remember. And watching him get angry like

1:15:44

that was one of the most funny

1:15:46

things in the world. And he even

1:15:48

drummed better afterwards. So maybe

1:15:51

he could do like Gojiura next or

1:15:53

something like that just because I wanna

1:15:55

see that reaction again, but

1:15:58

keep up the good work. and thank

1:16:01

you for telling me all the shit that my favorite

1:16:03

bands have done, and thank

1:16:05

you for giving me something to listen to at

1:16:07

work when I don't want to work.

1:16:10

Hell yeah. That's awesome. That's

1:16:12

my favorite one so far. I love that, that's

1:16:14

great. He said, well okay, so first of all,

1:16:16

a lot of these messages are referencing Tool, which

1:16:19

is kinda surprising that keeps coming up as a

1:16:21

thing. He said, we made

1:16:23

his drummer so mad that his drummer played

1:16:25

better. Yeah. We're

1:16:29

doing a real service. We

1:16:31

motivate musicians to do a better job.

1:16:33

We're doing a genuine service to society

1:16:35

and to musicians everywhere, challenging them to

1:16:37

be better. Someone's gotta hold them to

1:16:40

the standards, man. That's right. No one

1:16:42

else is gonna do it, but no,

1:16:44

sorry buddy, we're probably not gonna do

1:16:46

an episode on Gojira because only drummers

1:16:48

know who that is. You could tell

1:16:50

your drummer I said that. Yeah, that

1:16:52

dude's probably taller than me and he's

1:16:54

French, so I'm not trying to pick

1:16:56

a fight on Gojira, maybe if more

1:16:58

than 30 people gave a shit. So,

1:17:01

I don't know a lot of the bands you

1:17:03

guys cover and shit, but when I'm listening to

1:17:06

the show, I'm just

1:17:08

going off of y'all's description and stuff. And

1:17:11

it's fucking hilarious. Like, sometimes

1:17:14

when your

1:17:16

descriptions are so heinous, my

1:17:20

curiosity gets the better of me. I'm like, okay, I have to

1:17:22

look at this shit now. And

1:17:24

in the process, it fucks up my

1:17:27

Spotify algorithm, which is what

1:17:29

I get for using Spotify, but I'm gonna

1:17:31

accept this. So, when

1:17:33

y'all did the Sigur Rose,

1:17:35

Sigur Rose episode point, Tyler

1:17:39

was mimicking the vocals of

1:17:41

that band. When I finally

1:17:43

looked it up and heard that

1:17:46

it was exactly what Tyler was doing,

1:17:48

like he wasn't even exaggerating, I was

1:17:50

losing my shit. It was so fucking

1:17:52

funny. Definitely worth it. So,

1:17:54

thanks for that, Tyler and Mark. You

1:17:56

guys are the best. Brad show. That's

1:17:58

hilarious. That's the last part. Yeah,

1:18:02

we weren't joking. When we

1:18:04

sing, we oftentimes are straight

1:18:06

mimicking, especially when you're singing

1:18:08

that stuff. So that's one

1:18:10

of the comments that we always get is

1:18:12

that these guys must be jealous musicians on the

1:18:15

show or whatever. I think that happens because

1:18:17

they see an episode where we're singing on

1:18:19

it or whatever and they assume that the only

1:18:21

reason we would sing in public is because

1:18:23

we're desperate for people to listen to us sing,

1:18:25

which is sad that they would even think

1:18:27

that. We

1:18:29

don't sing on this show because we want to be

1:18:31

singers. We sing on the show to point

1:18:34

out how ridiculous it is that people

1:18:36

worship the singers of the bands that

1:18:38

we're talking about. When two guys on

1:18:40

a podcast can sound exactly the same,

1:18:43

usually while also improvising lyrics on the

1:18:45

spot. It's all part

1:18:47

of the joke about how

1:18:49

we should not view vocalists

1:18:52

in bands as superhuman beings.

1:18:54

We could definitely very easily

1:18:56

do a Sugar Rose song.

1:18:58

If we actually recorded with like,

1:19:01

we have our very high quality

1:19:03

mics already. So all we would have to

1:19:05

do is put it into a processor and we could easily put that

1:19:07

shit out. We could actually probably

1:19:09

turn our existing recording from that episode into a song.

1:19:11

The point is never we could do that to listen

1:19:13

to us do it. The point is anyone can do

1:19:15

it and to prove it, we will do it right

1:19:18

now. Just

1:19:20

curious. It seems, I don't know, this is

1:19:22

really cynical, but it seems like y'all hate

1:19:24

everything. Yeah, I don't lie. It's

1:19:26

not a criticism. I mean, feel

1:19:29

free to hate or like whatever you do. I'm

1:19:31

just curious what some of the stuff y'all actually like is.

1:19:35

I mean, we do talk about music. I

1:19:38

only listen to Metallica and Slayer. Yeah. Hold

1:19:40

on. I always wanted to do this. How

1:19:43

does this thing work? Okay.

1:19:45

My favorite... Oh wait, turn that off.

1:19:48

Turn this off. Wait. Leave this part

1:19:50

in. Okay, ready? Do they

1:19:52

just keep laughing? My

1:20:03

favorite band is, and then I really

1:20:05

listen to all the time.

1:20:09

If I'm being honest, probably my

1:20:11

favorite, my top 10

1:20:13

bands are, and

1:20:19

yeah, there you go. I hope you listen to them

1:20:21

all and enjoy it.

1:20:23

One of my favorite things is when someone,

1:20:26

it usually happens on Reddit

1:20:28

when people are having a back and forth

1:20:30

conversation about the show, the

1:20:32

argument will become which episodes we

1:20:36

actually don't like the band, and which episodes we do

1:20:38

actually like the band. People are so

1:20:40

certain that they can tell when it's one way

1:20:42

or the other, and it's always wrong.

1:20:45

I promise you, you can't. It's always wrong. You

1:20:48

cannot tell because I am 100% able

1:20:50

to separate my taste. Also,

1:20:57

I don't know. If

1:21:00

there's nothing else for me personally that I wish

1:21:02

people would take away from this podcast is you

1:21:05

don't need anybody's permission to like whatever

1:21:07

the fuck you like. You

1:21:09

don't need anyone's permission to

1:21:11

like it. If you

1:21:13

love Creed, then fuck yeah, listen to

1:21:16

Creed. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

1:21:18

If someone says, oh, you're an idiot

1:21:20

for liking it, who gives a shit?

1:21:23

That's the ultimate thing. If

1:21:26

you want to know the bands that I

1:21:28

personally listen to, but just know that some

1:21:30

of them have been covered in this podcast,

1:21:32

a good chunk of them actually. There are

1:21:34

a lot of episodes that wouldn't exist if

1:21:36

we didn't actually like the band. Yeah. Here's

1:21:39

a little secret. It's easier to do the

1:21:41

episodes on the bands you like because you

1:21:43

know all of their music already. Yo,

1:21:46

you guys should do a Sir Mix

1:21:49

a lot on next episode of the

1:21:51

week. That'd

1:21:53

be really cool. Thank you.

1:21:56

Bye. Yo, is that kid

1:21:58

okay? I don't know. I'm

1:22:00

not doing so much. I, what a bizarre episode. Off the

1:22:02

top of my head, I know three Sur mix a lot songs.

1:22:04

Baby Got Back, my Hoop D and Put Him on the Glass.

1:22:08

I would be willing to bet nearly nobody remembers any

1:22:11

other song besides Baby Got Back. And

1:22:14

they don't know that that's even the title of it.

1:22:16

Perhaps we might do a one hit wonders episode someday.

1:22:19

Maybe we would mention them in another episode, but

1:22:22

doing a whole episode on Sur Mix a Lot

1:22:24

would be weird. Also, it's a

1:22:26

really good episode. Also, a song

1:22:28

called Put Him on the Glass. Are you kidding

1:22:30

me? I don't know. It's kind of hard to shit talk that. I

1:22:32

want to know what this kid's life is like. Why

1:22:36

would he copy like that? Second of all, why does he think

1:22:38

this Sur Mix a Lot is a big enough deal to

1:22:41

warrant an episode on the show? He

1:22:43

didn't sound old enough to even know who Sur Mix a

1:22:46

Lot was. And that wasn't like a Sur Mix a Lot

1:22:48

song in the background. It's like a video game or something.

1:22:50

Yeah, he sounded like he was ripping hits out of an

1:22:52

aluminum can pipe. Yes. In

1:22:55

my homemade Pepsi can bong. Oh, man.

1:22:57

And dude, I want to lick Fred

1:22:59

Durst's fate. That's it?

1:23:01

Yeah. That guy's not okay. If

1:23:04

you recognize that man's voice, you need to check on

1:23:07

him. I wish we had a direct line to

1:23:09

Fred Durst because I would love to send him that note and

1:23:12

maybe he'd hit you up. I would not

1:23:14

want to be responsible for linking those two up. It could

1:23:16

be a love of a joke. I would. I

1:23:19

would. I would. I would.

1:23:22

You would. You would. You

1:23:25

would. I would. I would. That's

1:23:27

it. That's it dude. That's

1:23:29

the whole message. So this guy is a possibly

1:23:32

a, I

1:23:34

believe this person to be a secret sugar rose fan was, or

1:23:38

is currently a cigarette rose fan. And I'll tell you why

1:23:40

that was. We're gonna go a little bit deeper,

1:23:42

but we're in a little bit of a future. So I

1:23:44

don't know. We're gonna get a little bit of a

1:23:46

future. Oh, okay. We're in a future. Oh no.

1:23:49

It's with that. And I'll tell you why I

1:23:52

did not know that it was possibly named different

1:23:54

things. That's someone who hangs out

1:23:57

with sugar rose fans. he's

1:24:00

a fan himself. Just trying to be edgy by

1:24:02

calling it the vagina. If it sounded like another

1:24:04

person auditioning for our

1:24:06

job. Yeah. We're not

1:24:09

using your joke. Anyone who's ever heard this show

1:24:11

and thought I could do that, or like me

1:24:13

and my friends could do that, I

1:24:15

would encourage you to give it a shot. Just see

1:24:17

if you can do that. I tell everyone that. That

1:24:19

person cannot. It's so easy to sit around and talk

1:24:21

shit about bands. Okay, then do it. All

1:24:24

right, now that you guys have done

1:24:26

Alice in Chains and Nirvana and Pearl

1:24:29

Jam, when are you gonna finish

1:24:31

off the big four of grunge and do his sound

1:24:33

garden note? And

1:24:36

by the way, the only one I agree with

1:24:38

is Pearl Jam. They fucking suck. They're terrible. I

1:24:40

like those other three. Peace. So

1:24:43

he likes Nirvana and Alice in Chains and

1:24:46

his sound garden, but not Pearl

1:24:48

Jam. All right, dude, if you

1:24:51

wanna have your terrible taste in music

1:24:53

broken down to that granular of a

1:24:55

level, all those bands

1:24:57

are terrible. I think by the time

1:24:59

this episode comes out, the sound garden

1:25:01

episode will have been released. So consider

1:25:03

me personally shitting on your taste in

1:25:05

grunge music only, apparently. Yeah. A preview

1:25:07

of that, or a postscript, if you've

1:25:09

already listened to the episode, I guess.

1:25:12

I'd like to say that we recorded

1:25:14

that before this recommendation. I'm surprised at

1:25:16

how many of these messages are about

1:25:18

90s bands. Multiple ones

1:25:20

on Sigur Rose, but also Tool and

1:25:22

Grunge seems to be a recurring theme.

1:25:24

It's usually the bands from the 1970s

1:25:26

that, oh,

1:25:29

you know what it is? I bet the 90s music

1:25:31

people are the ones who keep listening to the show.

1:25:34

70s bands get the big reaction, but it's people who

1:25:36

just are actually mad and they don't keep listening. I

1:25:39

think it was this one. We can listen, it's fine.

1:25:41

That one, yeah. Hey,

1:25:44

so I wanna know if you guys were

1:25:46

going to create the worst super group in

1:25:48

the world, who would you put in it?

1:25:50

If you had a vocalist, two guitarist, a

1:25:53

bassist, and a drummer. The

1:25:55

worst super group in the world. There's a

1:25:57

lot of angles you could attack that from.

1:26:00

Members of Tool, Rush, what

1:26:03

if you added Sugar Roast in there? Overplayed

1:26:06

music but sad at the same time. I

1:26:08

would want to make the members hate each

1:26:10

other. Definitely Nick Cave and a

1:26:12

member of the Red Hot Chili Peppers in

1:26:15

the same band. Okay. Because Nick

1:26:17

Cave famously hates Red Hot Chili Peppers. Oh

1:26:19

God. Nick Cave and the Red

1:26:21

Hot Chili Peppers in the same band. Bill

1:26:24

Collins is a drummer. Oh

1:26:26

shit. One of the Gallagher brothers on guitar.

1:26:28

No Gallagher on guitar. This is making me

1:26:30

nauseous. Nick

1:26:32

Cave as the singer of the band. Yeah,

1:26:34

play singing. Because Nick Cave singing is gonna

1:26:36

drive everyone out fucking crazy because they're all

1:26:39

better singers than him. Sure. Bill

1:26:41

Collins on drum, no Gallagher rhythm guitar. Nick

1:26:43

Cave singing bass. Ugh,

1:26:47

flea? I can't even think of a bass player's name.

1:26:50

Flea? Yeah,

1:26:53

like from Red Hot Chili Peppers, flea? Well

1:26:55

I was singing like John Paul Jones but

1:26:57

he might fuck around and accidentally take over

1:26:59

and make the music good despite everything else

1:27:01

that's happening. He might actually make it all

1:27:03

right. Oh, Paul McCartney. I

1:27:05

bass player. That's great. I

1:27:08

think you should have two bass players. Paul McCartney.

1:27:10

Instead of a lead guitar player. Let's play pool.

1:27:12

Yes. And Les Cable. Only

1:27:14

because Les Cable can't control himself and he's gonna be doing

1:27:17

Slop at the... Paul McCartney would get so fucking mad at

1:27:19

him. Exactly. This band would last

1:27:21

three minutes. It wouldn't even put out a

1:27:23

song. They would literally kill each other in

1:27:25

the studio. Because Les Cable would be

1:27:27

doing like Slop at a Bass Man and

1:27:29

Paul McCartney would be like, I'm going to actually kill you. Yeah, there

1:27:31

you go. There you go. Perfect. Dude,

1:27:34

I wish it would happen. Hey guys. Been a

1:27:36

big fan of the podcast for a while. You know, you

1:27:39

shit all over a lot of my favorite bands and I

1:27:41

thoroughly enjoyed it. Lot of really

1:27:43

fair criticisms can be made about a

1:27:45

lot of them. Red Hot Chili Peppers

1:27:47

for example. Absolute advertisement for Anthony Kedis's

1:27:49

Penis as well as California. That's fucking

1:27:51

hilarious stuff. Was excited for

1:27:53

the Pearl Jam episode. Like that band. You know, a lot

1:27:55

of low hanging fruit. Easy for two guys who have never

1:27:58

recorded anything meaningful in their lives. Just sit around and. bash

1:28:00

on them. And then two minutes

1:28:02

into the episode, you said, it's great that

1:28:04

Pearl Jam gave us Creed, but abhorrent that

1:28:06

they gave us John Mayer. As

1:28:09

musicians, can you really find more value in

1:28:11

what Creed has output to the world than

1:28:13

John Mayer? Because John Mayer has made

1:28:15

a lot of kids want to pick up a guitar and

1:28:17

he made it cool again. And Creed

1:28:20

fucking sucks, dude. Where's your Creed episode? Make a

1:28:22

goddamn Creed episode for God's sake. You can shit

1:28:24

all over the Pearl. You can shit on great

1:28:26

bands all day long. You fucking like Creed? The

1:28:29

fuck you guys listen to in your spare time.

1:28:31

Jesus fucking Christ. Creed,

1:28:34

that guy really likes Pearl Jam, Red

1:28:36

Hot Chili Peppers and John Mayer. It

1:28:38

doesn't make any sense. Also,

1:28:41

there's actually a solid

1:28:44

argument to be made that Creed

1:28:47

and Tremonti's playing of guitar

1:28:49

probably influenced a lot more people to

1:28:51

pick up a guitar than John Mayer. That's not

1:28:53

an argument at all. It's hilarious that he chose

1:28:56

that tack on that argument. I don't know how

1:28:58

old that guy is, but nine out of 10

1:29:01

young people who walked into a guitar store in the

1:29:03

1990s were there because

1:29:05

of Mark Tremonti specifically and

1:29:07

exclusively. The only guitar

1:29:09

they wanted to play was

1:29:11

Mark Tremonti signature PRS with

1:29:14

the dove inlays on the

1:29:16

fretboard. Hands down the most

1:29:18

popular custom guitar model of

1:29:20

its era. And there's no chance that

1:29:24

John Mayer has ever resulted in

1:29:26

even a fraction of those guitar

1:29:28

sales. That's a crazy argument to

1:29:30

just decide is your argument.

1:29:32

Lay at the altar of a kid, a

1:29:34

teenager and say, Do you want to play

1:29:37

your Bonnie as a Wonderland or do you

1:29:39

want to play Can You Take Me Higher?

1:29:41

You know what I mean? Like not a

1:29:43

question. This is like every kid is this

1:29:45

is way cooler. Creed is way fucking cooler

1:29:47

than John Mayer, the dork guitar player. Holy

1:29:52

crap. I love

1:29:55

dream theater. And

1:29:57

this was the first Podcast

1:30:00

that I actually listened to from you

1:30:02

guys and you were dead on right

1:30:05

That was hysterical Thank

1:30:08

you guys. I'm gonna keep listening Cool.

1:30:10

All right dream theater is

1:30:13

the specific kind of band where we get the

1:30:15

comments that are always okay I normally love this

1:30:17

podcast and I was really excited for this episode

1:30:19

But then I was disappointed because I like dream

1:30:21

theater and I feel like the guys just didn't

1:30:23

do a good job with this one Yeah, and

1:30:25

I'm always like are you sure we didn't do

1:30:27

a good job? Are you sure you're just not

1:30:29

certain that you won the argument that you're having

1:30:31

in your head against the

1:30:34

episode? There's a female

1:30:36

I'm assuming Girl like

1:30:38

there's a female dream theater fan.

1:30:40

I am in shock right now

1:30:43

that that was the most unexpected Mess

1:30:46

yeah, that's why I laughed That

1:30:48

is by far the most unexpected

1:30:51

message in the history of this

1:30:53

podcast If you told me

1:30:55

we're gonna have a female send in a voice

1:30:57

memo about being a dream theater fan I'm like,

1:30:59

no way This

1:31:03

is you are a you are a unicorn I

1:31:06

wish you nothing but love and peace If

1:31:09

you guys go to an avenge

1:31:12

sevenfold concert Make

1:31:15

sure to wear true

1:31:17

religion jeans and affliction

1:31:19

t-shirt I Love

1:31:23

it when they crack themselves up like they say something

1:31:26

hard at their own thing funny And

1:31:31

I would do that although but I would have to

1:31:33

buy said things and I don't want to spend money

1:31:35

I think we're gonna go to when I'm yeah, we

1:31:37

talked about it. Okay, but that is

1:31:39

a funny joke I would absolutely try to

1:31:41

blend in at that concert. I'm not showing

1:31:43

up just regular Tyler Yeah, sevenfold concert I

1:31:46

guess technically we could probably write it off

1:31:48

that we were getting dressed for this occasion

1:31:50

in by true religion jeans and an affliction

1:31:52

Sure in a bandana to fit in or

1:31:54

something. It would have made for

1:31:56

funny content. Maybe if they Tour

1:31:59

again, we will do that that. Quick

1:32:01

question about touring bands

1:32:03

and Ticketmaster and everyone controlling

1:32:06

the calendar. Oh, serious

1:32:08

question. Did

1:32:10

Ticketmaster, AXS, and Like

1:32:13

also control when

1:32:15

a band tours, like a

1:32:17

mid-level band, or even an

1:32:19

upper-level band, who their opening

1:32:21

act is going to be?

1:32:24

Does the band get

1:32:26

to decide that, or is

1:32:28

that decided by Forces

1:32:31

Unknown? Thank

1:32:33

you for a great episode. You're welcome, Steven. I

1:32:35

cut you off there. As

1:32:37

a band, more than likely, you're going to have some

1:32:39

ideas of who you want to tour with. At the

1:32:41

end of the day, your management team and the people

1:32:43

that are actually going to put money on the line,

1:32:45

which is Live Nation slash Ticketmaster,

1:32:48

they're all going to have input. Because the

1:32:50

reason being is if they're going to pay

1:32:53

you, say, $10,000 a night, they want to

1:32:55

make sure that X number of tickets are

1:32:57

sold every night, therefore, if you

1:32:59

want to take out this really cool random artist,

1:33:01

because you really like what they do, but they're

1:33:03

worth zero tickets, but they need to sell more

1:33:05

tickets, there's going to be

1:33:08

definitely pressure applied to your band

1:33:10

to take out a certain artist

1:33:13

that is worth more tickets. If

1:33:15

you are big enough, you could take

1:33:17

it out, whoever you want to take out, because you're going to sell

1:33:19

the tickets yourself. Specifically, playing Live

1:33:21

Nation venues or Live Nation's buying the whole

1:33:23

tour, I would say their influence

1:33:25

goes up. If they're just playing

1:33:28

generic clubs around the country, some Live Nation,

1:33:30

some not, I would say their influence would

1:33:32

go down. There's just a ton

1:33:34

of variables. As Mark said, if someone is

1:33:36

offering a significant level of tour support, they

1:33:38

are hoping to get something out of it.

1:33:41

Whatever entity that is, maybe they

1:33:44

ask if they can put this band on

1:33:46

support. Then there's a difference between tour support

1:33:48

and local support. There's the band

1:33:51

that goes with the headliner band everywhere, and then

1:33:53

there's the local band that gets on the bill,

1:33:55

how do they get that gig, etc. There's also

1:33:57

just a... reality

1:34:00

of how does the band find out

1:34:02

about new music that's going on? Do

1:34:04

they only find out about new bands

1:34:06

because their manager shows them the

1:34:08

new bands that the management agency is working with

1:34:10

or the booking agent shows them the new bands

1:34:13

that they're working with, et cetera, et cetera. Some

1:34:15

bands don't give a fuck. Old guys who've been

1:34:17

in it forever. They find out who their opener

1:34:19

is when you do like they don't even give

1:34:21

a fuck. If it's a big band and they

1:34:23

care a lot, then they can totally make some

1:34:25

shit happen for a young, unknown band. Yeah. I

1:34:27

mean, if you're big enough, you

1:34:30

dictate the rules because at that level, Live

1:34:32

Nation wants your business and your management company

1:34:34

is going to be like, yes, what do

1:34:36

you want King? You're making us billions of

1:34:38

dollars. It's not like the Live Nation is

1:34:40

out here like forcing bands on to tour.

1:34:42

No, that's not. And if Live Nation is

1:34:44

buying the whole tour, I would assume that

1:34:46

their influence goes up because they have

1:34:48

money on the line and a lot of

1:34:50

risks. And that would be part of the

1:34:52

negotiation though. But of course, when the headliner

1:34:54

is taking whatever money they're getting, part of

1:34:56

them taking the money is knowing Live Nation

1:34:59

has a say or this many votes or

1:35:01

whatever, genuinely dictating it. I've,

1:35:03

I doubt it. I've not heard of

1:35:05

that. No. Okay.

1:35:07

I just want to know like what, what

1:35:10

bands you guys actually like because

1:35:13

you're kind of running out

1:35:15

of options. You've made so

1:35:18

many different podcasts. I literally

1:35:21

give me some band recommendations because

1:35:24

all of my favorite bands, you said fucked.

1:35:29

And I'm very disappointed.

1:35:35

Well, Isabel, it sounds like

1:35:37

you are disappointed with the

1:35:40

mainstream music

1:35:43

journalism industry because that's

1:35:45

kind of the whole point of the show. I

1:35:47

don't know. It's, I doubt that person doesn't sound

1:35:49

like they actually have listened to the show if

1:35:51

they're asking for recommendations of what to listen to.

1:35:54

Maybe she's only listening to a handful of episodes.

1:35:56

It seems like maybe a message that came in

1:35:58

a long time ago from someone. someone who was

1:36:00

just browsing episode titles or something. So I don't know

1:36:02

that they're gonna hear this. But

1:36:04

I would imagine that that same question is

1:36:06

at the root of a lot of responses

1:36:08

the podcast gets. It's like, oh, how

1:36:11

can you guys shoot on every band that

1:36:13

I've ever heard of? You literally hate

1:36:15

all music. What's wild to me about that

1:36:18

even idea is like, we

1:36:20

have, I mean, we have over 100 episodes.

1:36:23

We might have to do some battery swapping. We

1:36:25

have over 100 episodes. There is like

1:36:27

thousands, tens of thousands of bands. Jesus,

1:36:30

like we've barely scratched the surface

1:36:32

of all the bands. For people

1:36:34

who are just sitting there like

1:36:36

consuming the Rolling Stone

1:36:39

magazine narrative of music

1:36:41

history, we've covered a lot

1:36:43

of what they know about music

1:36:46

wise and a lot of them consider themselves

1:36:48

to be like real big music

1:36:50

fans, you know, even though they're just listening to

1:36:52

bands who have T-shirts for sale and Target and

1:36:54

Walmart and the mall and whatever, they

1:36:56

like the music that they do know about. And

1:36:59

so they think they're a big music person. And

1:37:01

then when someone comes along to shit on all

1:37:03

that, because it's not

1:37:05

even close to the whole story, it

1:37:07

kind of fucks up everything they think they know.

1:37:10

I understand the sentiment, but also if your

1:37:13

response to finding out there's more music

1:37:16

than you know about isn't to go

1:37:18

and look into that music and listen to it

1:37:21

and learn more and learn more about music and

1:37:23

find out what you actually like that you don't

1:37:25

already know about, I would suggest that you probably

1:37:27

don't give as much of a shit

1:37:29

about music as you seem to think. If

1:37:31

your only response is, well, I don't have time to

1:37:34

go listen to all that music and who are you

1:37:36

to say that I like bad music because I only

1:37:38

like what I know about, I think

1:37:40

you just don't get to make the music that you like that

1:37:42

big of aspect of your

1:37:44

personality. If you're not prepared to spend

1:37:47

the time to go find out what

1:37:49

all is out there. And the

1:37:51

reason why I don't think that Isabelle has listened

1:37:53

to the show much, or at least didn't when

1:37:55

she left that message, is

1:37:58

we recommend bands. to

1:38:00

check out in almost every single episode of

1:38:02

the show. So two recommendations for

1:38:04

his about A, you can listen to

1:38:06

first and foremost, you can listen to whatever the fuck you wanna

1:38:08

listen to regardless of what we say.

1:38:12

But B, in that you just have to acknowledge

1:38:14

your favorite man sucks. I mean, we say it

1:38:16

every single episode. You're

1:38:19

incorrect. Okay. You're

1:38:23

incorrect. In general or

1:38:25

is there a specific thing they wanted

1:38:27

us to say? You're incorrect. Okay. What's

1:38:32

up Mark and Tyler, big fan of the podcast. Fuck,

1:38:34

I don't even know how many of these I've done

1:38:36

at this point, but. Keep

1:38:39

it simple. I love Metallica growing

1:38:41

up. My dad introduced them to me.

1:38:45

And I think I drove him nuts

1:38:47

because I think I liked Metallica

1:38:49

way more than he could have possibly

1:38:51

anticipated. And I can remember being in

1:38:54

a car with him and him just begging me

1:38:56

to play something different, play a different band, a

1:38:58

different song, anything. But

1:39:01

the episodes you guys did on Metallica, top

1:39:04

tier comedy, information,

1:39:06

just my goodness. And

1:39:10

I rewatched that episode especially very often.

1:39:14

But listening to you guys overall has

1:39:16

gotten me out of some really negative

1:39:18

head spaces and helped me

1:39:20

to disassociate from all these shitty

1:39:22

over-hyped bands. And yeah,

1:39:24

I'm really excited for more shit that

1:39:26

you guys do. And see ya. It's

1:39:30

actually kind of a sweet message. Yeah, I thought it

1:39:32

was kind of cool. Yeah, it's sort of a microcosm

1:39:35

of a lot of things that we