0:17

Welcome back to Growing Older

0:19

Together, Season One.

0:22

Echoes of the Past, Visions

0:24

of Tomorrow. I'm Lourdes.

0:27

Have you ever had a memory that just

0:29

won't leave you alone? Today's

0:32

episode titled, When the

0:34

Past Knocks, is all

0:36

about those times. I'm talking about

0:38

when old memories pop up

0:40

out of nowhere and catch us

0:42

off guard. It's often

0:44

in ways we'd rather not face. In

0:47

this episode I'm gonna talk about

0:50

those not so great times.

0:53

Times when memories bring back feelings

0:55

of worry, frustration, or

0:57

even anger. We'll

0:59

explore why this happens. and

1:02

what we can do about it. My

1:05

mom, she turned 95 this

1:07

month. And helping her every

1:10

morning has been tough because

1:12

she's very weak. And even

1:14

though she uses a walker, it's difficult

1:17

for her to walk and do other things

1:19

that she used to do by herself. My

1:22

dad is turning 91 this year and

1:24

he does a lot around the house, but

1:27

he struggles with stress. Often

1:29

yelling or slamming things. It's

1:33

difficult for me when I see him like that.

1:35

It takes me back to past arguments

1:38

that we never settled. It

1:40

always ends up with anger and frustration

1:43

on both sides. It

1:45

usually ends up with my dad saying sorry

1:48

and then we hug, even though we still

1:50

feel upset. It's a continuous

1:52

cycle. But these apologies

1:55

are reminders of the love

1:57

that still exists among us. My

2:00

mom has always told my brothers and

2:02

sisters in Spanish, Ignoralo,

2:05

meaning to ignore him or ya sabes

2:08

como es, nomas ignoralo, reminding

2:11

us, you know how he is. Just

2:13

ignore him. Her words

2:16

have become a key reminder for

2:18

me helping me stay

2:20

calm. Last

2:22

year, when I started taking care of

2:24

my mom in the mornings, I decided

2:27

to change my reaction towards

2:29

my dad. Focusing

2:32

not on our past conflicts,

2:35

but on who we are now

2:37

and the care that we share

2:40

for my mom. Looking

2:42

at things differently has helped me

2:44

appreciate the moments of tenderness

2:47

between them. Like when

2:49

he speaks softly to her or

2:51

helps her out without hesitation. I've

2:55

also been using a breathing exercise

2:57

called 4 7 8 to

2:59

control my emotions, a

3:01

practice that I've been doing for a few years.

3:04

It challenges me sometimes, but

3:07

it brings a lot of relief. This

3:09

journey of personal growth has

3:12

helped me deal with things better and

3:14

made me closer to both of my

3:16

parents. Sometimes,

3:20

a simple smell can bring

3:22

up a memory. For example,

3:24

a scary moment, all of a sudden

3:27

your mood changes. But,

3:29

if we know why we feel this

3:31

way, it can help us control

3:33

our reactions better. When

3:36

the past comes knocking, it can

3:38

stir up all sorts of feelings,

3:41

like joy, sadness, anxiety,

3:44

anger. These emotions

3:47

can easily change how we act

3:49

or think. What

3:51

can you do when memories

3:53

confront you? First,

3:56

notice and acknowledge those memories.

4:00

Being aware can help you

4:02

control your reactions.

4:04

For me, doing my 4 7 8

4:08

breathing exercises and

4:10

also telling myself positive things

4:12

have really helped me get through it. I

4:15

breathe in with my nose for four seconds,

4:18

hold my breath for seven seconds,

4:21

and breathe out with my mouth

4:23

for eight seconds. If

4:25

you know what sets you off, then

4:28

plan ahead. Do something

4:30

different. For example, take

4:32

some deep breaths. Talk

4:34

to yourself in a better way. Realize

4:38

that the only one that is in

4:40

control of you is

4:42

you. No one can

4:45

control your reactions but

4:47

yourself. When

4:50

you're feeling upset or worried, take

4:52

a little time to breathe and think

4:55

it over. Quiet

4:57

time and being aware can really

4:59

help. Writing

5:01

down how you feel or record yourself

5:03

on your phone. Talking

5:05

to friends or family can also

5:07

help you see what happens

5:10

over and over. And

5:12

then you can find ways to make

5:15

things better. Think

5:17

about the memories that set off your feelings.

5:20

Knowing how they affect you can

5:22

help you deal with them better. Think

5:25

about a recent memory that came

5:28

to your mind. What was

5:30

it and how did it make

5:32

you feel? In next

5:34

week's episode, Echoes of Resilience,

5:37

I'll discuss transforming past

5:40

trauma into present strength.

5:43

I hope this episode helped you learn a little

5:46

bit about yourself and others. Your

5:49

stories are important. Whether

5:51

it's a small step like choosing

5:53

to get out of bed on a tough day, or

5:56

any other way you've found to make things a little

5:58

better for yourself, I want to hear

6:00

about it. You can keep it anonymous

6:03

or just use a first name or nickname, whatever

6:06

makes you comfortable. Let's

6:08

shine a light on those small

6:10

but significant victories together.

6:14

You can share your stories with me in English

6:16

or Spanish. Or join

6:18

me on the show as a guest to tell your story

6:21

and let your voice be heard.

6:24

I am very excited that some

6:27

of you will be on the show sharing your

6:29

stories. My contact

6:31

information is listed at the bottom of the show

6:33

notes. You can email me.

6:36

message me on Instagram and LinkedIn

6:39

or visit my website for more information

6:41

and resources. Thank

6:43

you for joining me today. If

6:46

you enjoyed it, please consider

6:48

sharing it with a friend. To

6:51

close, here's a quote by

6:53

William Johnson. The

6:55

world we see that seems

6:58

so insane is a result

7:00

of a belief system that is

7:02

not working. To

7:05

perceive the world differently, we

7:07

must be willing to change

7:09

our belief system. Let

7:11

the past slip away, expand

7:14

our sense of now, and dissolve

7:16

the fear in our minds.

7:19

I like it a lot. Okay,

7:22

that's it for today. Until next

7:24

week. Let's grow older

7:26

and wiser together.