This day is your part of your story, your fate. It may not be the climax of your adventure, but maybe it is? It all depends on how you view your story and how closely you look at it?!

This motherhood is part of your journey, dharma- your fate; this house, this partner, this job and these children are all perfectly scripted into your life,  right now you are exactly where you are supposed to be, but what now? Well that is up to you.

You are the Hero in your story and some days it may feel as though you are the hero walking out on the battlefield, and even though you refuse to take any part in the madness, that is your life. On Those days you must dig deep and muster up all strength you have to take on this day this mission.

Even though these ideas hope to take the battle out of everyday mothering, sometimes it feels like a war. It's never a war against our children, not ever! They are irreplaceably precious and perfect in every-way exactly the way they are, but its motherhood in 2019 that is our battle. Nowadays, motherhood is literally and medically too much, postnatal depression rates and anxiety are at an all-time high and expectations seem to suck the joy out of the most amazing times in our life as a mother.

As our story’s Hero dauntingly looks over the armies that have come to fight him, I am reminded of my own fragile state that was the day 4 baby blues after my first child. My limbs grew weak, my mouth dry, my body shook, and my hair stood on end, as the love hormones wore off, the sleep deprivation sets in and I was left feeling as though I was being swallowed up, but I could not drown, no, that would be too easy. I was now solely responsible for this perfect, tiny, helpless life that I had birthed. There are no "how to's' or rather too many "how to's  "and all these emotions flood in and it felt as though I was up against the biggest battle of my life.  And even though my battle is trying to cope with the emotions that want to drown me, my the natural instinct was and is to ensure my child survives and thrives.

But it is not only my emotions, it's also a lack of sleep, my own traumas, expectations, the what I thought it would be likes, and the comments people make. It's the attempted helpful advice from others, all of the books I have read, the FB posts I've seen, the fluffy duck commercials, and a big part of it is the life I have lost, my solo life, my old identity that I thought made me ME, I was drowning in the uncertainty and the fear of the future.

Even though mothering its the most natural thing in the world it seems impossible the raising of a child, to feed, nourish, educate, walk, encourage, discipline, excite, engage, direct, re-direct all against the worlds "evils" and wrong paths or choices and just like our hero I think "I can't do this, I don't want to do this, its too hard ". Where is my old life? Is mothering all worth this? The venerability! The overexposure! Someone once likened having a child to removing your heart from your chest and giving it two legs to walk around the world, without the protection of your rib cage or your sensible brain. In these first few weeks that is exactly how I felt. If anyone bumped my heart-baby, I would surely bleed out and die.

But they say easy things aren't worth doing and maybe that's one of the reasons you love your children so much even before you have met them, you have already invested so much into this little being. I couldn't imagine not having that connection (like so many mothers said they had to build and that it wasn't love at first sight and the guilt that followed them for it). I guess I was lucky I fell l so dangerously in love with both my children the second I saw them because it was that loving bond that dragged me out of bed for the 20th time in the past 40 minutes, for the 5th night in a row at 2.20 am.